Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #174 Baby on the Way, Insurance in Delay

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

Poppy has arrived!  Except, in this podcast universe, she's still in Mum's belly waiting for her father to sort out the hospital insurance...that he forgot to renew. Oh dear.  Ash is back from Bali and took home an additional pet, or some would call a parasite. The best cure is bed (and toilet), but unfortunately, Ash is in the middle of moving house.  Making a return for this week's episode is your Parenting Lies! We've got some good ones.  We also answer your parenting questions:  How do you transition your kid out of pull-ups at night? At what age did you transition your kids to a big bed?  BUY OUR SMELLY T SHIRTS HERE  https://www.twodotingdads.com/category/all-products Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm trying to see you in a different environment. That's a lovely jacket. This one? Where'd you get that? Oh, what, this old thing? It's from London. Have you been to London? Shut up.

Welcome back to Two-Doting Dads. And I'm Maddie J. I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable. And we don't give advice.

And we are somewhere different today. We are somewhere different. It feels weird. I know. We are in my house, which we will talk about a little bit later on in the episode. Because of first, we have to do some important business to get to me. Oh, before we do that, this is a, it's a Nike jacket. I can see.

Nike jacket. Nike SB for skateboarding because I'm a rad dad. Uh, housekeeping, housekeeping. Yes. Housekeeping. What do you got for me here, guy? You start. Big news.

Oh, big news. Okay. Get ready. Sit down. I'm already sitting. Do you want me to stand up and then sit back down? Please. Very exciting announcement to make hot off the press.

Actually, no, it's not hot off the press. We're late to the announcement. We almost announced this last weekend and we got reprimanded because we were like, everyone thinks that we're like little snakes, little weasels in the grass. We are. Sharing news first. Yeah, fuck it. What are you got for me?

Come on, lay on me. What are we talking about? You know, Laura is still pregnant. Yep. About to give, actually, sounded like I was about to announce the birth. Yeah. Poppy's still not out yet, but. By the time this comes out, maybe.

Well, there you go. Maybe. Check socials. But only check two doting dad socials. Not lifeunker. Yeah, fuck. They are. Sorry.

We love life uncut. Laura's radio show is called The Pickup. Yep. Now features the one and only, they're very talented and handsome. Me. Oh, no. Yours truly. You?

Yeah, back on radio. Back on radio, big guy. Yeah, you suit it. You got a head for TV, but a voice for radio. That's two compliments in one. Wait, got a head for TV. Yep. So you look great.

Okay. And your voice is perfect for radio. I feel like it's a bit nasally. But thank you. I'll take it. Mine's nasally. I was just fishing for compliments just then. Oh, yeah.

So I'm going to be filling in. I can't remember when I start. That's the best way to go about a new gig. Just not know. I do know that it starts at 3 o'clock, finishes at 4 Monday to Friday. Very good. Two hours. One hour.

Is it just an hour? What do you mean just an hour? You and Britt? Myself and Britt together. Again, don't know when I start. I've been told many times. And now I'm too afraid. to ask Laura because she's like, if you don't

fucking write this down, I'm not going to fucking speak to you again. So I was like, right? And I've asked the producer too many times. So now you'll have to ask Laura, then be like, when does Matt start his radio show? I will. I'm going to have to. If you could, that's all right. I will. And also, this will have

come out this episode after my show aired on Saturday night, 7.30. If you missed it, it's on every Saturday night now. Straight after the AFL grand final. Do you get to watch it before it goes to where? I must do. I don't know how this works. That's exciting. How do you feel?

Good. I'm going to be on a cruise ship when it comes out. Oh, so you won't even get to watch it with... I get to watch it with my family. I get to watch it with some of the crew because we'll be on the... I'll watch it with your family. On the ship. Yeah, you can do that.

I watch a lot of your TV with your family. I know, I'm due to visit this side of the woods. You're here now. I hate it. No, you bloody love it. I have a message for you. I'm going to steal your phone. If I can just read this really quickly, you're going to love this.

People will think that we're going to love this. such little, but loses because essentially I'm just going to read out a compliment. To me? Yeah. Get out. Someone complimented me? What the fuck? Dude, get this.

Okay, this is from the YouTube. We do now have these episodes in full on YouTube and we get a couple of comments. Just a couple. This is early doors. So we don't get like an influx, just one or two, a peppering of comments. I feel like this is a set up. No, it's not. It's not.

And this is a couple of days ago, it re. It reads, I always found Maddie so attractive. Whoa! But my God! Ash just keeps getting so damn handsome. Wow, did you leave that comment? Aging like fine wines, both of you. That's from Sophie Rose.

Thank you, Sophie. Wow. I don't know what I'm going to... I don't know if I can continue. Take it, take it, dude. Yeah, take that one. on the chin. I will. I will take that one on the chin. That's good. That's good gear. I appreciate that. Nice little pep up to the ego. What do you got for me? Oh, here we go. Question for you. Off the Facebook group. Little bit interaction here we've got. What important calls have you missed because

your kiddos have your phone. So there was, and I'm not sure if you know. An NFL player missed 10 calls from his team because his kid declined them to watch Bluey. Love that. Have you missed anything important? I don't know, probably. I wouldn't know. I didn't catch once Oscar when he was two. He was on my phone watching like Coca-melon or some shit, I don't know. And he was sitting on my lap and we were just like sitting there and I watched a notification

come up and he just went and I was like, it's so intuitive. I know. So if you've got anything, please put it in the Facebook group, anything that you may have missed vital the more devastating the better that's what i want to hear the only thing that it's not not something i've missed it's just something that marley's done is she has figured out how to like she's so good on apple tv and she's like dad i figured out how to rent movies now and i was like oh god what do you mean she's just gone through and just bought like a hundred dollars worth of movies just bought them oh god and like terrible movies as well just rented the same movie

50 time. Yeah, I was like, fuck. I know one time that Macy cleared April's calendar, work calendar. Oh. Thankfully, IT got it back. How? You can time machine on these computers. So you can go back to like the previous backup.

Technology these days. They are a technology business. Wow. Shout out to April. And Matthew, last thing for me, just with the housekeeping, we ran a little competition a little while back for five pro model jam pikelet soft top surfboards. thanks to onboard and catch surf. We did.

Look at you. Surfboards. What's next? Kettles. Toasters. Appliances. That's what we need. We do need appliances.

We gave away five surfboards and we have some winners. We do have some winners. People have been waiting with Beta Brett. I know. They've been contacted, but we thought we'd just announce it here so the happy winners

can celebrate one more time before receiving the board and then they get to celebrate again. All right. The TF up one. Let's go. First one is Ellie. Close. My mom.

Close. Jess Courtney. Congratulations, Jess. Well, it's actually for her dad. Yep. Well done to your dad. Yeah, because he shreds. Kim is for Cook. So this man is the best dad to his groms. He deserves to shred. Then we've also got Sere Sleeved. And then we got Ashley Dicco as well. For Tommy Dicco, which is her dear husband, as she says.

So five boards coming out here to shred this summer. Can't wait. Where do I buy them from? Most surf shops that sell catch surf. years. They are located in Sydney, Byron, and they've got two shops in Bali. Love that. Look at you TV shows, surfboards. What can't you do? Is that housekeeping? That's not

housekeeping. Housekeeping is continuing because I've got a very quick little message to read out to you, my guy. Okay. Another compliment? No more compliments. Sorry, that's all I've got. That's a bad review. I'm limiting it to one compliment per day. I don't want to get a big head. Yeah, Jesus. Could you imagine? Ash, this is

from the Facebook group, which is It's just absolutely popping off right now. Just people are having a great time in there. People go in there. It's a party. It's a party. People go in there all weekend, just hanging out, other parents. Waiting for others to join?

Very hard to get in. The wait list now is growing. So if you do want to get in, I suggest you jump in there right now and join. This one is from Francesca. Okay, she has written in. And she said, things you've never tried that always surprise people. Okay. Some very interesting answers.

I'm not here to judge anyone. Is it that I've never tried or my kids have never tried? Well, this is for parents, okay? So I thought, I'm going to ask you if there's anything your child hasn't tried in just a second. So hold that thought. But some of the people wrote in, and again, not here to judge, but it's just interesting. This is for educational purposes. Jenny, she's never watched a footy game.

Never once. Surely passively, she has. No? Well, I mean, I'm taking this as she's never once. Wow. Willingly, passively, unwillingly, watching. Surely if you're flicking through the channels and a bit of footy,

does that classify? And she just, I don't know. She's like, I get on the whole. I've never watched it before. Literally, Deborah,

never had oysters. Debora. Nicole, never had coffee, beer. Get this. Eggs. Coffee, beer and eggs.

Yeah. That's pretty much my diet. Very good. Thank you. Very good. But I wanted to know, is there anything that your kids have never,

never had, never tried? Tequila. Okay. There's one. Whiskey. macy has actually and i'll tell you why has never had full cream milk interesting that i know of and she is mine and most of her meals and consumption happens around me so why no full cream milk

so when oscar was a baby you had a dairy intolerance so my wife and oscar sort of just came adapted to oat milk that's right and we never really we never really we never went back. I don't know. What about, what about baby chinos? No, they're oat milk. You get oatmeal baby chino? As far as I know, you are a wanker. No, it wasn't me. It's not me. I'm not me. I'm not getting oatmeal baby chino's. That's April? Yeah. I take that back. She's beautiful and perfect. Yeah, so as far as I know, look, honestly, some of those baby chinoes could have been in full cream milk, but I haven't willingly given her. Wow. Yeah, not, not that I would, not, if she asked, I'd give it to her. I'm not withholding. I'm not gatekeeping. Yeah, what's with you and

Keep it all. You don't like full cream meat. I do. I do, but not. I don't drink a lot of milk anyway because I feel like makes me think of gas in. What about you? What about your kids? My kids have never tried going a full day without fucking complaining.

Oh, God. Triggered. Or gone a full night's sleep. Ever? No, probably once or twice. Wow. I think, no, they're. not to make it sound like my kids have experienced

all that life has to offer. I don't know. I'm just, uh, nothing springs to mind, my guy. We'll have a think about it. Anyway, we'll come back next week and talk about it. But is that at the end of housekeeping? I reckon that's the end, dude.

It is. All right. Well, how are you going? Thanks for coming over. It's good to be here. Good to be. Can I just say, I do actually want to say serious moment right now, man to man, friend to friend.

Congratulations. Thank you. It is a huge milestone moment. purchasing your own property, and it's incredible. Thank you. You know, when I met you, you were down and out. That's rich. Yeah.

You know, I was worried about you. I'm not going to lie. Okay. And look at you now. You've done a full 180. Thriving. And it's nice to be back in, can I say the suburb? Worryhood.

Worryhood. I was like, can we reveal that information. Yeah, we can. You're back. This is the stomping ground. It's nice. I know everything seems to be tracking along nicely. I'm just waiting for something to go wrong.

I know, I want to jinx it, but this is, it's such a great place. Yeah, it's looking around, I've been to both bathrooms. You're shit in both bathrooms too. I've done one wee and one poo. Yeah, but you pooed in the onsuit. As soon as you walk in, so Matt walks in and goes, this is lovely. Where's the toilet? There it is in the master bedroom.

I didn't even close the door. And then you had the audacity to leave the fan on. and shut the door. What's wrong with that? Could have cost me thousands. It's a fan. It's the exhaust fan. It's not the heater.

It's all electricity. It's very stinky. Open a window. It was already open. Oh my goodness. I turned the fan on to be considerate. Yeah, righto. Fine.

It's great. It's lovely. I haven't even shown you to the garage yet. That's the best part. I know. I haven't had the grand tour just yet. But no, it's amazing. Well done.

We're happy. The kids are happy. I'm happy. There's a kids playground just there. There's all these. bike paths around, the cafe's back in the picture. But we'll talk about the move itself later on, which is we'll talk about what's going on with you.

Look, Ash, there's no easy way to say this. No easy way to say this. I think it's important at this point just to remind people who may be listening right now that regardless of who the individual is, okay, no one is perfect. Sure. We all make mistakes. Do we?

Okay. Every one of us. Oh, fully. You've made many. What? And as of I, you know, I'm constantly learning because when you make a mistake, it's important that you take something out of that. I stand by all my mistakes.

Oh, yeah. I've made a big mistake. Oh, we're talking about you. All right. Now we're, here we go. Probably my biggest mistake of the year. Of the year. I reckon, yeah.

I'll put it up there. It's a good one. Go on. So when we had Marley. and Lola, my first two children, for anyone wondering, we had them in the public health system, which is great. Yeah, in Australia, it's amazing. The Royal Women's Hospital over at Roundwick, great hospital.

We loved it there. We had a great experience. But for each of those births, we were out of there as quickly as we could. Laura was like, we're good to go, let's wrap this up, I'm packing my bags, I'm going home. She wants to go home, actually. Yeah, she wanted to go home. Like, just super quick. We had about one night, one night, boom, out of there.

Yeah, I was in there for like five nights. But April had C-section. Two C-sections, yeah. Which is understandable. One was an emergency. And then number three, we look back and we go, we're going to do it differently. We're going to make sure that Laura has a bit of time in there, a few nights just to rest up, enjoy some one-on-one time with a newborn.

I'm going to look after the kids at home. Great dad. Yeah. Great dad. Okay. And we're going to do that. We're going to do that private. Okay, yep.

In the private system. Okay, yeah. Okay, why not? Okay, that's the plan. Good plan? Yeah, we did both private, yeah. Thank you, thank you. There's a problem.

Oh, okay, what is it? What have you done? Okay. Hospitals are very expensive. Yeah, they are. Do you know what makes them cheaper? Insurance. Yes.

Oh, no. Two issues. Two issues here. Oh, God. Issue number one, my insurance. insurance bill was due December last year. Okay. Okay.

We're now in September. It's not that far over. That's not. So my insurance has been canceled. Oh, fuck. Yeah. But you're not pregnant. No.

I like what you're doing here. The other issue is admin falls into my job. I'm aware. Yeah. When we got insurance, I had the option. Oh, God. to get bronze, silver or gold, okay? So I've managed to wheezele my way to get the insurance renewed.

The issue is I opted for the bronze, okay? If you cut a leg off, you're covered. Great, great, great, great, great, great. Ambulance trip, you're covered, no problem, fantastic. Just excess, right? Dental work, you're covered. Okay. Okay, but bronze, you're not covered for...

Pregnancies. Presidency stay. Jesus Christ. Oh, pregnancy stay. Well, all pregnancy. Okay. And I was like, well, that's okay. I'll just like to add that in, please.

Yeah, now. When is she expecting? Next week. Oh, my God. Turns out, just a little bit of a lesson for people who may not know this. If you want to change your insurance, you've got to wait 12 months before you can claim it. Right. So, hang in a minute.

You can still claim it, though. No. Oh, you can't. I, Laura would have to wait 12 months until now. She would have to get pregnant again. Yeah. I said, look, can you just hold a little little. longer. How long have I got?

12 months. When it's three. You can give birth the winner's three. Eleven months and 29 days. Oh man. That is a grave mistake. A little bit. A little bit. That's tough. Yeah, she wasn't happy about it. I was just going to ask what did Laura say? What were exact words? I think she took it pretty well. I think she took it pretty well. So now we're kind of trying to figure out what to do

right before the baby comes out. Can you quickly switch back over to the public system? yes oh yeah yeah anytime anytime so if you mean oh my god this is a disaster well because you know it's public so if you have a baby i think it helps so if you just turned up in we're having contraptions contraction yeah they just no no i think there's always a bed spare oh my god oh that's the spirit oh they'll have a bed otherwise what there's always a bed free somewhere there's some chairs

in the waiting room or in the bloody cleaners closet oh my goodness oh my goodness look so this to this this is just

like a PSA a bit of word of advice oh fuck we can't give advice just like this is advice check your insurance

check your insurance if you're going to have a baby make sure you you're covered for staying in hospital I don't even know if I have insurance

because we love insurance in this show yeah right right Ash yeah we do say it we love insurance and we're sorry yeah we had a bit of an oversight that's referring to us don't mention anything okay don't mention anything from old episodes we still get messages about it oh still wait for them to stop so matt we are in this house that you mentioned before

what a house but how did we get here wow house is a stretch what does it all mean it's a unit house is a stretch. It's a townhouse? It's a townhouse. It was a penhouse of the townhouse. It is a penthouse of the townhouse. I do call it, refer to it as the penthouse. But how did we get here?

Yeah, tell me. So as you know, I returned from Bali. Yeah, which trip was this? The one only leisure trip I've had this year. Yeah. Okay, thank you very much. Even though I'm going to cruise this week. Anyway, I returned from there to having to go straight into the move.

Okay, we already knew that. We sort of pre-packed. and threw a lot of stuff out before. Just quickly, do you need any help? Is there anything you want me to do? Too late for that. Thank you for offering. Yeah.

Appreciate it. So we get back. Prior to that, we were throwing things out. We talked about marketplace and how annoying that is. Also, what I think is very funny. April wanted to get rid of a mirror. How do you take a photo of a mirror? The one arm out.

I know. The one harm out. And if you do a little Google and it's like people taking pictures of mirrors so it's so funny. And April's like, what do I do? And then she was like, every angle it's got something I don't want. I'm just like, it's just a mirror. Where is the mirror?

Well, that thing is gone. Do you sell it? Give it away. She's gave it away. But like, like, April. She gave, what do you mean? I don't know, she gave, bro. She gave away a lot of stuff.

But she was a bit overwhelmed because when, as soon as you put up free, it's just like. But, dude, so, brew. What am I saying? Oh, broo. You could put something on for five bucks. Getting no nibbles. Yeah. For free?

Oh, you're getting harassed. I know. April was like, I'm just stressed. I'm like, you wanted to, I was like, it's free. What's the difference if it goes to someone or goes in the bin? For me, no difference. I think it's just knowing that you're not being wasteful. I don't care for that sentence.

It's giving things a second life. I don't care for that sentence. I don't. I honestly do not care. Do not give a fucking rat's ass where the free shit ends. up. As long as it's not just dumped on the street, which we didn't do. It was free or it was a council cleanup or a friend took it or threw it in the fucking rubbish or whatever. But yeah, so we got back straight into moving mode. The only problem is Matt, I seem to on the

way home, pick up what they call a parasite. Oh my God. Did you though? Yeah. I never want to But you know how bad it is when you've got Are you still sick? No, no, I come, I came good like Saturday. You're right. You know what? It's like when you're a bit, you know, when you got barley belly, gastro, whatever those sort of things are, you're just so depleted.

You're weak. You're weak. Try and move in a house. And it's like, I, like, it's like, I've got to. One of the most stressful experiences that anyone can go through in their entire lives. Got to pick up a pillow and I'm like, babe, I need your help. I need some muscle. Yeah, how did April?

Because she's strong. She is She's very strong That's a compliment Oh I know And she's very strong At the moment It's crazy

She's training hard Training the house down I'm hoping that she comes back And I can be like Lift that couch Lips it over your head Squat with it now She's not your circus animal

Did you do it solo Did you have removalists We had so we For all the big stuff Which was a full day Of them So they put it all up there Bring it down

Bring it all in here You didn't have far to go. Was it five minutes? It's five minutes. So it worked out. It's still expensive, but worth every single. Because I could not have done it. We would still be up there.

I was so weak. I was like carrying, I was carrying like I could carry a box. I'm not going to be specific what was in the box. Please go ahead. It was empty. April had to carry a majority of it. But I have been a workhorse since. I've been like fixing things, changing things.

Yeah, who made this table? I may, I'm, I, I'm, I, bang that together. With a drill or screwdriver? Nah, just a classic Allen key set up. Wait, wait until you get a, a drill. I know. I'm worried if I get a drill, I'll change. Look at me.

True. I'm still as pathetic as always. He's like, zizz, zh, zh, zh. So, yeah, there's, but the problem with, with moves as well, there's always a lot of rubbish. No matter how much you prep and throw shit out, there's always rubbish. And I will say that I, I was caught. again. Doing what?

A while back, I told you that I was putting rubbish in the neighbor's bin and they drove in the driveway as I was doing it. When it was on the street or? Yeah, for a second I thought. Yeah, I'm in the kitchen, eating cereal. I'm like, just for what you're doing up. Don't check the bins. Yeah, yeah.

And I got caught and I was like, hey! Anyway. But that's play on. I got caught. Yeah, but people are weird with their bins. People are weird, dude. Like recycling, cardboard. Like the anxiety I get trying to manage the recycling.

a full-time job. Yeah. And I put all the bins on the street. And I put recycling in their bin as they were let their dog out for a wee. And I was face to face with him. And it was like I was selling drugs. Oh, it didn't know what to look. And it was like you were eating out of the bin.

Yeah. I did you shit in there. This was a bit different. So I left it for it to be dark. You put like a balaclavar on? Yeah. No. I left it to be dark.

And I knew my. target, I knew the bin, I knew that that one's going to be half full. Because they're elderly? Yeah. And I don't see him very much. He's lonely. Yeah. And I'm like, that's my next target. I can't go back up to the other one because they'll see me and they'll be like. How late did you leave it? It was dark enough. It was dark. You got to wait till 9 o'clock. That's when you clean up. I'm gummed out and the couch, bro. I'm melting into the couch. I do my best work after 9 o'clock. I'm roaming the streets till midnight.

Yeah, I'm giggling my ass. I'm going to run in the street. Anyway, so I went out there. I opened the bin, okay, and I went to put the rubbish in, and I looked to my right, and there was three people around a car. Anyway, they looked at me. Gotcha! They had a torch and a car.

Fuck off. Hang on. Sorry. No, no, no. Anyway, there. And I've dumped it and put it down and looked at it. looked at them and they looked at me and I've realized they must have locked their keys in their car but they look like they were committing a crime so I went and I went back to what they

were doing and we just went our separate ways and I was like who what I was doing was not illegal same for you because you obviously it was obvious that they were trying to get it again everyone was just looking so suss here I am sneaking rubbish into a bin and they look like they're trying to steal a car on the same street so I want to drove down the street so I want to drove down the street, they would have been like, oh, God, get out of his name all. The crime over here. The crime on the North Beach is unbelievable. Anyway, so I went on my way, and I left it at that, and I thought, this new place

ruins a complex, so someone else takes the bins out, which is... What's that like? You haven't experienced, have you had one bin day yet? We had one last week. I got home from a busy day. Got home, pulled up out the front. The bins are out the front, looking nice. Not out of place at all.

You could set your watch by how. straight it was. And then I was like, I'm just going to have a look at the man's work or woman's work, whoever does it, I don't know. And it's like, all the bins are like perfectly level, nice and I was like, this is living. This is great. Question, is there a pool in this complex? No.

Sorry. Sorry, not to. No, which gladly not because it just hoax your strata up. There he is. Because you've got to maintain the fucking thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I can't wait, Ash. I can't wait. I think when we started working together, you were like, I'm never going to buy a house. That's for idiots. I was forced into this.

By my beautiful loving wife. I mean, wow. April. What do you have to go through? The pain and the agony. But I'm glad we're here now. I'm glad we're here. I'm not working out.

Excuse me? You're having enough money. This is pocket change. I do everything for free. What do you mean? You getting paid for this? What I do like is Oscar, we worked out.

Oscar has moved seven times and he's six. My sister's similar in that they've flipped houses pretty frequently. So every year they've moved house. And their kids were like, hey, mum, we spoke to the other kids at school and none of them have moved house. That's because they're poor. So it's just the norm for him. Yeah.

And Oscar, remember we moved into that last place, which was always going to be temporary because it was a friend's place. It just happened. The timing just worked out nice. I remember like a week or two in, Oscar's like, so when we moved to our next house? And I was like, oh, fuck. And then April was like, it can't be good for him

and the anxiety around all of it with April. What does he think? What does Macy think, more importantly? Macy, she loves it so far. So I guess like... Well done. No, do you know what they really like? And the thing is with their bedroom now

because it's not a rental. I'm like, you can do whatever you want in here. Drawing the walls. Whatever you want to fucking do. Pits in the corner. Don't do either. of those things. I just meant, like, if you go in there,

that she's got a bluey poster. Cherry Evans is on the wall for Oscar. There's a manly flag. There's a Pokemon thing. It's weird. It's weird looking at you right now. It's a homeowner. You're such an adult.

I know. When did I become a fucking adult? I know. Next week, you'll have a bloody jump around your neck, talking about buying a yacht. I just got off my yacht. You were morphing. What am I morphing into?

Just. Upper class A North Shore Yes Yuck Ash Yes Should we go on to pair

Rans? We should Yes Okay It's time for this Whoa I want to be free to say what I feel

Man I feel like a Pairant Hey Anyone who doesn't know What Per Rants are It is just an opportunity

For parents to get Whatever of frustrations they're experiencing for the week off their chest to feel some comfort, some solace? Solace? What'd you say solace? I'm not solace.

Type in S-O-L-I-C-E. Comfort or consolation in time of distress or sad. Well said. Thank you. Actually, now. There you go. My brain does work. Do you want me to go first?

Yeah, please. Go with Ella. Okay, Ella. Thank you for writing in. Why do kids do this? Exclamation mark. Big question mark. Kids are outside playing.

Their dad is out there too. I go inside of the toilet in literally 0.05 seconds, the oldest comes inside, yelling out to me. They want their bike helmet taken off. Like, didn't you pass your dad on the way inside? Also, go back outside. The bike helmet is back on. Why?

I know. I mean, it's normally me. No, I don't talk ill of Laura. It's not only me. I know. I get bypassed a bit from my kids. so they go straight to mum. Or they do that thing where they ask you

and don't get the answer they wanted. And then they go to the next person. The amount of times, I'm so bloody careful with the helmet, but the amount of times I've tried to clip it on Lola. And you get the skin on it. And I get the skin. You know what I'm not liking,

just really quickly off the back of that, is whenever I put some food in my mouth, a kid goes, what was that? None of your fucking business. It's my food. It wasn't my porridge in the morning. Or like, Oscar,

they just have the same. they just can smell dairy milk from three suburbs over. And I'll be like, I'll sneak a bit of chocolate in my mouth and I'll ask her from fucking down the road. Comes home from school. He was like, what's that? Like, it's fucking one o'clock on a Friday. Who smells like dairy milk?

Ash, this one is from Sarah Jane. A little hive. A little hivey. Someone please help me deal with my five-year-old daughter's sass. She constantly gets cleaning up awards at school, but I cannot even bribe her to do it at home. And she makes such a mess with her toys. I just told her if she doesn't clean up her mess,

I'll get the garbage bag and throw away all her toys. She said, Here, Mom, let me get that bag for you. Oh my God. I'm not looking forward to the teen years. Oh, my goodness. Do you know what she's doing at school? What?

With that sass, she's outsourcing and taking all the glory. So I reckon she's going, everyone out, all of her friends, she's manipulated them to do all the cleaning up. And then the teacher's like, oh, who did all this cleaning up? is like, it's me, it was all me, all mine. You've really... I've really nailed the character down.

Your child is a psychopath. I know. The fact that she's gone, oh, I'll help. It's like, it's like, if Matt jumped off the bridge, would you jump off the bridge too? And it's like, oh, yeah, I'd push her. Like, you know what I mean? Dude, it's also, someone once said to me,

you shouldn't make threats that you can't follow through. And at the moment, Marley is similar. She's really pushing the boundaries. And I'm like, if you talk to me one more time like that, we're going home and she's like, fucking sweet. No, we're not. Let's go.

You're bluffer. Yeah, and I'm like, do it! I want to go home, you mean. I know. Macy's the same. Macy's starting to become the sass queen where she'll just sash you back instead of doing what I've asked.

When is Macy going to be here? Will I get to see her? Maybe, maybe. Should we just finished today's episode with some questions? Yeah. Ash, this one is from Danielle. Hi, Danielle.

She asks, your child stop needing to wear pull-ups at night? Did you try anything that helped? Our oldest child needed to use a bed-wedding alarm and succeeded in using it for the recommended two weeks. The youngest is only five and a half years old, but we hope to help move things forward this summer. Okay. So I want to get out of nappies completely. Yeah. From what I remember, and Macy still will wear him at night. How old's Macy? She's going to be four. Yep. But she's... You're on the cusp of going without. She's about to go the night. But all.

day she would go without and she has done for ages. But she hasn't quite nailed the night times what to do at night. Yeah, I mean, it's such potlark. You either get a child, Ash, that I think finds it really easy and they do it themselves. That was like Oscar. Oscar was really like, and I think with boys because they can just whip it out and piss in a bush somewhere that they're like, he just all of a sudden like just took to it. So what did you do with Oscar to go, okay, you're ready to stop wearing pull-ups at night?

I think I recall that he didn't want to wear them anymore and we were like, all right, well, if you don't want to wear them anymore, you've got to go to the toilet before you go to sleep firstly. You're such a good dad. Thank you. And then if you need to we, there's a nightlight in there so you can get up and go. Don't just piss in your bed. That's great advice.

Yeah, thank you. And same with Macy. She's sort of like the first step she just, I just walked in and she was taking a shit. And she was holding a book. And I was like, well, my job is done here.

But she's getting, she's a bit harder at night, I think. Because I think being the second child, we see, always see her as like, oh, little girl,

you know, instead of like, with Oscar, it was like, felt like he was growing up earlier and quicker. But it's, it's more just because he's bigger and she's the little,

the little one of the family. Yeah. It's tricky, I guess. I also don't want to have to be changing sheets. But we committed to this summer being the end of nappies, apparently. Not my call. It is nice. It is nice to go to nappies.

I know. Because it's just for wheeze in bed, but every now and then she'll take a shit. And then I've got to change it. I'm like, I don't miss this. Put on. Like, I'll walk past a room and it's like, pooh. And she's just mouth open. She's like, thumbs up, big guy.

Anyway, that's my, I don't. I don't know. When do you do it for three or four. But I reckon, no, you got to, I think if you, oh, fuck, this is not advice. But if you go a full week with dry nappies. Oh, yeah. And then you can just float the idea and say, hey, kid, here's an idea.

What do you think about not wearing nappies at nighttime? I think kids love the, love progression as much as we love progression. Yeah. Because if you're like, whoa, that's awesome. They're like, oh, yeah, you know. I'm doing well. I'm doing well. What about that lady who was trying to, who was bloody toilet training her

Five week old baby. Who was that? What I sent to? I don't watch. I'm sorry. Oh my God. What was that? What was it?

The comments are the funniest. Five week old? Yeah. Five week old. She's not even American. She's not even American. She's using a nomination communication and she hasn't done a poo in her nappy in the last week. Pretty much I am listening to her cues.

Check your comments. It's the best. So pretty much she goes in the morning between seven and nine. and then in the afternoon between two and four. It'd be so funny that you'd just let one rip right there. Read the comments. And I believe this week she's starting to hold them herself. So she's learning to hold until we're on the toilet.

And then she'll let go once we're there. Check the comments. It's the best. That is not real. It is. That is not real. Read the comments. My five, okay, here are the comments.

My five week old is already starting to drive. She's going to go to license soon. There was one that was like... My 19-year-old cleaned her room today. That's not real. That's not real. That's rage-baiting at its finest. My newborn drove me home from the hospital after being born.

What? Anyway, don't be like that. I mean, is it possible? Apparently, there's a, there's a, There is a subculture that that was the case in early, early generations where they would. Try and potty train then. Yeah. Like it's, there's a word for, I can't remember.

Sorry, I'm not that smart. Anyway, my question. And it has us being like, oh, yeah, she's four and still wear and pull up nappies. Are they looking at us and being like, you guys are pathetic? I don't know, like what, like that baby doesn't know what it's doing. Nah. Your, what they call, and the technical term is called Dululu. She's delusional

And that's the technical Maybe I'm going to potty train our five week Or Laura's going to love this Maybe do it now Why it's in the words Like, don't you dare be coming out of their shit Don't you dare come into this world And shit into a navvy

Don't even think about it I know, yeah All right, I've got one more question Before we let the folks Of the two doding dads universe Go back to their daily lives From Anna, what age Did you transition

Lots of transitions. What age did you transition your kids to a big bed? What did your nighttime routine look like to put them to sleep? Oh, look, we approached it with big bed being like a big moment, right? How old was three? Both kids. Three. I don't even remember you.

And it was a third. We do it. We did it third. I say it like we do it like we, I'm going to do it again, but I've had it a sec to me. I can't do it again. April can do it again if she wants. um at three it was kind of like for your third birthday along with other things it's not their only present i'm like cruel like with third birthday you get a big bed and it was like

and we made it so it was to the so that they were excited about it so because it's a big milestone it is it is but i also wanted them to be excited so they didn't get out of it if i'm like i've got to get you out of that cot if they love it so much i'll put you in a big bed there's no excitement so they'll just like i'll just fucking get out of this thing but like they don't even wrong, they still get out of it and get into my bed every now and then. But like, it was like, you've got a big bed. They come home from school or daycare on their birthday. They'll have a brand new bed with a princess duna cover on it.

And all of a sudden, Macy's like, I'm never getting out of this thing. And I'm like, good. You can make anything a big deal for the kids. Oh, yeah. And they'll believe it. Oh. If you're like, you're so lucky, you're getting broccoli for dinner. And they're like, really?

Oh, well, I am pretty lucky. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. yeah. I know, yeah. That's why we have that segment lies, so you can add them to you, add those little lies because they are stupid.

I don't ever remember, dude. I can't, for me, someone had a go at me on the Sassy Scott video because they were like, all newborns need to eat every three hours. And I was like, do they? I can't remember, I can't remember details. Like, what's going on in your life

that you've got to stop and correct someone to say, hey, Matt, You're an idiot. Yeah, I was like, sorry. I was like, sorry. I'm letting know what date is. But what if it's, what if they're very, like, what if that person probably doesn't have any kids?

They're always just like, well, I'm assuming that that would need it every three hours. But our nighttime routine, and I'm pretty sure this is universal, right? I feel like everyone's on the same routine, okay? Tell me. Don't assume. Lots of different types of parents out there. Okay. So we smack our children.

In the head? Yes. Yeah. And that puts them to sleep pretty well. What we do? To put him to bed, okay? Get this. Write this down.

Are you ready for it? I don't have a pan, but it's fine. Lock it in. Lock it in. Lock it in. 5.45, we're having dinner. Yeah, that's, oh. Okay, okay.

Don't, don't respond. Okay. Just listen. Okay, listen. Absorb. Be a sponge. Just shut up and get on with it. Okay.

We're in the bath time around about 6.30. Yep. Okay. 15 minutes in the bar. We're then upstairs. We're getting changed for bed. seven o'clock roughly read a story sometimes one maybe two right and then that is it what do you read in two-doney dad doesn't the quiz for free time absolutely you know it nothing

and that's it and they're in that's it and they do they because they share a room like my kids they interact after you leave the room much they're marley's pretty chatty and lola's always like shut up we're going to fucking bed yeah yeah yeah because like mine lola's tired dude she's like she wants to go to sleep she knows herself she's like i know me if i don't go to sleep now be cranky as fuck tomorrow and I'm going to have to take it out of my dad. Love getting horizontal. Just out? Yeah.

And then occasionally, occasionally they'll be like, I want some more water. But like, at the moment, we're pretty good. We've moved on from the baths to the showers. Your face then was like, do you not wash your kids? Because I fucking washed my kids. Sorry. But we've moved on to showers because they're quicker. And I saw, I had another video that I was going to show you another time.

The lady who talked about no toys in the bath. No toys in the bath. smart yeah because i you always when they up when they drop the bucket of toys in the bath i'm like i'm going to be here all week the water's cold and they're like oh what a good you know there's toys outside of the bath too but it's i don't like when they're really little and you're like washing them down and there's some toys to keep them engaged fine with but then i didn't even think about not having them in there so now in the shower they get in they wash they brush their teeth they're out they shower we're doing books and i also i can argue the point is

too where it's like because we're not bathing for 15, 20 minutes anymore you can an extra book like we get an extra book time we can lay together I don't like reading books have a gummy and read the book

that's fucking amazing it's so funny I don't condone that but I have a prescription so I can but yeah that's us that's us for another week

perfect beautiful anyway that's barth through team so If you've got any questions... Did that answer her question? Do we ever answer anyone's fucking questions? Yeah, sorry.

I think it's just... It was a serious question from Anna, and I did write to her. I said, don't worry, Anna. We're going to cover this in the next episode. I just think it's nice that we talked about it. Yeah, Anna, I hope you're happy. She's probably like, I'm not happy about this.

Well, too bad. Anyway, if you've enjoyed this episode, please. Send it to someone. Anyone? Send it to Anna. And leave a review. Yes. Five stars.

Little... And you're going on. Well, something, something. And you can catch us on social media. We're at. Two doting ads on Instagram, on TikTok, on their Facebook as well. And YouTube now. And we have YouTube full episodes.

I'd love to know. I'd love to know. When you watch YouTube, do you have it on in the background as you're like doing some cleaning? Or do you sit down and you just watch it? I reckon it. Oh, that's good. There we go. There we go.

That's good. Let's see what they come back with. You're welcome. What would you do? okay this is going to self-indulgent but I did watch back Jess a lovely producer

edited it and I was watching it back and I just watched us I watched myself did you have pants on let's get out of here anyway let's get out of yeah see you guys bye bye

phone I've what's pinned good one I've done it what's it I don't know you can pin your favorite people to the top of a chat I didn't know that yeah just like in the phone book you're in my favorites your number two thank you who's number one April I'll get there don't you worry unless you got on some lingerie is that I'm sorry two doting dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land sea and community we Pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.