Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #182 Lunchbox Notes, Fake Feet, Throwing Out Important Things

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

Matty J's wife, Laura, has been accused of throwing out an expensive bottle that belongs to producer Jess (it has a metal top, mind you!) Should she be blamed for this horrible act, though?  Speaking of throwing out important things. Who in your household has the desire of someone who wants to live in a museum? Ash complains about losing items to the tip.  It's also Grandparents' Day, and Matty J had to step in for Nana, as she has found herself in the hospital again.  The boys also check in with former guest and friend of the show, Hugo Toovey, to hear how he's faring post what we hope will be his last major surgery.  To top off a chaotic week with the kids, Marlie-Mae leaves Daddy a sweet Lunchbox note that brings everyone to tears.  BUY OUR SMELLY T SHIRTS HERE  https://www.twodotingdads.com/category/all-products Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Uh, this is like an out, uh, it's a shout out, really. I want to shout out to the self service checkout lady yesterday afternoon because we couldn't scan the barbecue chicken, so she gave it to me for free. What? Yeah. What? I won't say which supermarket was because I don't want to get her in trouble. She's like, get the CCTV footage out.

She just, wow. And she was with Oscar and she was like, you enjoy that chicken. Did you enjoy it? I enjoyed it. Again, it's hard to get my kids to eat dinner. Welcome back to two-diting dads. I am Maddie J. And I'm Ash.

And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable. And we don't give advice. Because we're... and not very smart. Agreed.

Ash, we have a lot, a lot to get through in this episode. If we can just very quickly, before we started recording, Jess, our producer, was asking a question of a certain water bottle that belonged to her, was left here at the household.

I believe Laura has thrown it out. Let's just collectively blame her. I think she's just, she's so trigger-happy to throw anything out. Like, Cut there is dirty. She's like, put it in the bin, chuck it out. I know.

And Jess, I think Laura has son it out, but there's only one way to confirm this. So I think we should just give Laura a really quick call. She's not going to pick up. I know. I can feel it. Hello. Oh. Laura.

Hello. You sound different. Well, I mean Zara. Oh, what are you getting? Nothing. I'm going to walk out of Zara so I can hear you, though. Hold on. Nice.

It's just Zara. Sorry about that, being very busy. Question. Now, if you cast your mind back to a couple of weeks ago. Oh, here we go. We were cleaning out the house. There was a specific type of water bottle that was here on the kitchen bench. I think it was in like the drainage tray.

It was an A water bottle that was in the drainage tray. It was AG1 water bottle. I think it was glass. Do you have? Yeah, I vaguely remember it. What do we do with that? I think you threw it at because it had like green stuff in it. Oh.

You who, sorry, who threw it out? Matt. Wow. Okay, all right. Didn't you say, didn't you say, what is this? Why is this rotting? And I was like, I've got no idea what it is. And then you were like, throw it away.

Wow. Is that, are we talking about the same drink bottle? I think so. It was Jess's. Oh, shit. You guys need to buy Jess a new drink bottle. Yeah, we're right. We're getting on it.

Good thing you're at the junction. Well, hang on a minute. Don't group me in with you guys. Why was it green? Jess, why was it green? Because it's full of vitamins. It was a vitamins. I just thought it'd been left in the cover for a really long time

and that had like made a juice or something in it. No, it's got tiny little vitamin things in it. We just have a moment to clean. Jess, I really, I appreciate your endeavour to be healthy and I'm so sorry that we, that we, yeah. Well, actually, no, we didn't do anything. That Matt threw it away. I'm very sorry they threw it away.

I think everyone was like, what the fuck is this doing here? Sorry. Everyone was confused. I don't know who it was. We also found like three days after your record day. It wasn't like it was on the record day. We were like, where'd this come from? Can we back up a little bit there, Laura?

You said you guys need to buy Jess a new water bottle. I don't appreciate being grouped into this debacle because I wouldn't do something so absurd. Yeah, but consider that our house is. like your podcasting studio, I feel like you can, you can, you guys, look, if that's the case, I would like some sort of ownership. I would like a percentage of the house, please. I will say, Laura, that that was very quick to blame you, like, too. Oh, I have no doubt.

I think you were the one that was like, wouldn't you, this house is so clouded. We need to get rid of stuff now. And then you were like, get rid of it, put it in the bin. And I was like, whoa, Laura, just slow down for a second, relax. and you're like, too late, it's fucking gone. I'm like, to be fair, I am the clean-out queen. I like to throw things away, Jeff, but I'm not, I am not the culprit. No, no.

I didn't do this. Okay, hey, don't forget to buy yourself a phone cover when you're at the junction. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. I already dropped it on the ground now. I have a scratch on it, damn it. Okay. I love you, right? I love you, love you, love you, I'm sorry, Jess.

Wow. There you go. I don't know who to believe around you. There you go. Why do wives do this? Why do they just throw things out for the sake of throwing? April does two things that irritate me. What does she do?

She throws things out random. No, three things. We could be here all day. We could just add to it. Okay, first of all, she'll just throw things out. They just think, it's clutter, it's in my way, in the bin. And it's like, no, thinking there's no, I don't even own a wallet anymore. Do you know why?

Because it's probably at the tip. I don't think about the repercussions of that, hence for waterball. That's one, two. for some reason, if something is nearly empty and we have a new one, finish it off. I have two jars of veggie mite rock and roll around my house at the moment and I'm like, which one do I use? I don't want to get in trouble.

Except Gin, okay, in April's defence, we've got about three little jars of honey at the moment, a little like squeezy tub things because they're really annoying. Once they're empty, there's a little bit left. You can't get it out. You've got to wash it out. out with hot water, then you've got to resign. It's just, it's, the admin.

Yeah, okay. So, honey's, maybe the, yeah, because it's sticky. It's very sticky. But you can scrape the inside of a veggie my jar. But yeah, Laura, fuck, it's actually me. He does this. Oh, God, go on. Sometimes, like, if it's butter and I finish the butter, I'm like, I'll just put it back

in the fridge and I'll deal with that later. It's like a toilet paper roll. I just hanging like one bit over the top of it. I was like, well, I didn't finish it. And the third thing that she does do, which I know where other people do this. Actually, there's four, but I'm not going to go on. Actually, I might have to group this into one. Please.

It's rearranging the house all things, especially in the kitchen. It's very kitchen related and not telling me. So you know how when you're making something to eat for you, the kids or whatever. Yeah. As soon as something's moved without you knowing, your muscle memory's like, hang on a minute. Dude, the bin, that bin's moved. The bin's moved. It was there. I used to be in the middle of the room. Now it's in the corner. I put a musli bar wrapper on the floor the other day here because I was like,

this is new. Laura was like, it's just a fucking eyesore, isn't it? And I was like, it's a white, it's a white bin. You're lucky it's still out in public because this is the other thing that she would do when she's moving things around. She puts things in the cupboard, like the toaster. Yeah. Where's the toaster gone? If it's being used on a day basis, I think it warrants being left out on the bench. It's earned its place of real estate on the bench, I think, especially if it's on a piece of bench, I'm not going to use anyway. It's more work to put it away. And also there's bloody crumbs everywhere. And you put crumbs from the bench to the floor to the cupboard. So you're really dirtying three areas of your house instead

of the one spot which you can lift it, wipe, put it back down. Boom. And it's a good looking toaster. It's a brevel. You get a nice toaster. You want to show it off. It's a sand colour toaster. I want to show my appliances off, thank you very much. It doesn't get any better than that. I mean, if it was a smeg, sure, maybe that it could stay.

But brevel, surely it's up there, second tier. Yeah, I want people to walk in my house and go, oh, you've got a brevel. I've got the same. Thank you. And it's paying off. It matches the kettle. See? We get it.

Yeah. What is it about that they don't get? I don't live in a museum. But we love our wife so much. Oh, very much. I wouldn't want it any other way. I have to be very, very careful, very careful, not to criticise Laura right now

because she's taken the brunt of the nighttime situation. Oh, yeah. We have a newborn. Wait, what? Five or six weeks old. That's not. That is fresh for the new listeners out there. And that's Matt's third child.

I have to wake up and I'm like, oh gosh, Poppy was awake a lot last night. And Laura goes, yeah, and I know, wasn't she? And I'm like, God. Yeah. And then you leave the room, he's like, asshole. Oh, right. I didn't wake up.

I know you didn't, mate. You're a deep sleeper. Good for you. Ash, you might be wondering about my badge. I did ask you and you just shunned me off. So do explain. What does it say? My special person.

Grandparents Day. It is Grandparents Day. Is it grandparents at your school? Yeah. Is Frank there? No, Frank's actually, I think he's at the doctors this morning. So Mimi is there, which is. Hank's not there?

No, he's gutted too. But they... He goes to a lot of things, to be honest. There's a lot of rules regarding grandparents today. Play it on me. Are you allowed two grandparents? My sister was like, is at the same school. Her kids are a little bit older, but she was like, only one grandparent is allowed

per child. And I was like, oh, that's just causing division within families. Yeah, I was like, surely they can allow it. Especially all four of them alive. Yeah, well, then what do you do? We didn't have any grandparents available today. Yes. So we didn't want Marley to be there empty hand.

or a couple of kids there with no one at their desk. They're always used, isn't it? I was like, I wanted to go over and be like, it's okay. I know. I did that. Fayed interest. Oh, there's a couple of little kids there. But I went as her favorite person.

And then Laura, bloody, came along as well. And I was like, so then she was like, give the badge to her. Now you're my special kind of person. But it was a very exciting morning, about 45 minutes, just doing a couple of little drawings, a bit of reading, made the badge. and I don't want to attack the older generation here, Ash. I don't want to attack them, but I will. Go for it.

As I was coloring in, I was doing a drawing with Miley, we were sitting at a desk, and I would pay attention to some of the other grandparents there, in particular the grandpas, the older males, and what did them trying to interact? It's really awkward. With a young child. He's like, all right, Timmy, what did you want to draw?

And Timmy's like, we can draw pictures. And he's like, okay. And then he's like on his phone. Yeah, why don't you draw a picture from the first world war? I'd like to feel some nostalgia. I have no idea how to interact with kids. No, they don't.

My dad's getting better. Like I know like when I first had kids. And he was, he wasn't very hands on, but like he's looked after them on his own. Like he spent the night while, you know, babysat for us a couple of times on his own without mom. Strategically.

Mum's like, he needs to get better at this. and now he's just flying, loves it. So it is hard for them. But like once they realize, if they just get on their level. Yeah, these grandparents were not there. Yeah, they were level 12. These kids are on ground level.

Yeah. There was a massive disconnect. And Marley's there like, dad, I'm like, no right now. I'm watching the grandparents. Did you get the old? Gee, you're a young grandfather? Yeah, I had to pretend like I was old.

I was like, hello, Marley. Oh, I've shit myself again. I was like, Ash, you here? Am I old? Ash, Ellie couldn't be there on Grandparents Day because, because she's back in hospital. And she's doing good, she's doing good, but she just can't keep any weight on. She's still... Have they got to the back to the problem?

Finally, finally, it's called C-diff. C-div, colostrial distils. Where do they come up with the name? I know, he told me the name of the phone and I was like, can you say that one more time slower? Can you spell it out for me? People struggle to name their kids. How are people out there naming fucking infections and shit? So it shortened to C-diff.

C-diff. And then they shortened it. What's the point? Just make it C-diff. But Thursday, we were together, weren't we? No, we weren't. Ignore me. You would have been recording or something.

And I called Mom and she was really unwell, raced home, and she was like, not with it. She's lost about nine kilos. Fuck. There's not much of... And she's not a big person to begin with. Bag of a bag of... bones. And I'm going to say this name wrong.

What a real insensitive way to put that. Yeah, she's a bag of bones. I know. Sorry. Sorry, Ellie. But a gastroontrologist. Wow. Nailed it.

No, I think you. Really? The gastro ontrologist. And anyway, gastro entrologist. The gastro guy. I was like, hey, mom's not eaten for 24 hours. She's still like has bad, she's going to toilet a lot. And she's like a little bit, you know, slow for one of a better phrase.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, go to ER right now. And I was like, Ellie, pack your bags, we're going to ER. She was like, oh, I'm fine. Of course she did. You're not. Is it him just hanging is washing out first? She's like, I've got to have a shower.

I was like, oh, God. So we raced the ER and I was like, hangary, the triage nurse is going to come out. You're not well, you don't look well, but just, you know, don't perk up for the triage nurse. Because obviously, for people who haven't spent any time in ER, The triage nurse is there to assess how serious the situation is. And if you're fine, you get back of the list. Yeah, it's like, be more serious. And I was like, just like, what you're doing right now?

Like, you know, you can barely talk. Like, just keep this. Can you tie it down a little bit more? Triage nurse comes out and he's like, hello. Oh, God. And I was there like, she hasn't eaten in 24 hours. She's not, she doesn't drink anything. She's shitting herself 24-7.

And she didn't triage nurse wouldn't look at me But we finally then we finally made it inside And the waiting room with ER is quite interesting You're looking at other people You're like, oh, wonder what he's in here for Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly right Where you're like, hmm, do I get too close? I don't want to catch it

But mom had gone into hospital They did the test, they found the C-DF She's on the mend Good, good to hear She will be back fighting fit And also if you know my mum mama she, this is the first time you're hearing about her being in hospital. Apologies, but she's doing fine.

That's good, it's good to hear. I'm glad she's on the mend. I did text her. Yes, you did. So did my parents. What? Yeah, do you don't know that? That's lovely.

My mom's like, oh, I sent her a message. I was like, did you know who it was? And she was like, yeah, she responded. Yeah, it's like, oh, sweet. Susan. It's Susan from Woohoo, whatever. Anyway, very good. I'm glad that she is on the mend.

Are we in housekeeping? Is that what's happening? Let's just preface this, by somewhere along the line there, we fell into housekeeping. It's a fusion. It's a fusion episode. We're just going to fuse it all together. But I have something for you, man. It might interest you, especially now that your wife is, you know, on the men from having a baby,

she's going through spending a lot of nights awake with the baby. She's working hard. She's working really hard. Burning the candle from both ends. Very well said. Now, there's been a breaking new study on Instagram. That's an Instagram article, just so you know. So it's legit.

I don't know how they got this data. Can we start doing research articles and two don'tting dads? It's just completely made up. I love it. We should just do it. No one's questioning it. No one's questioning any of this. And if anything, people are heroing it.

Maybe we could get on the news. That'd be great. It's like, so where did you guys get this stuff? We'll set it up. Here it is. It's a breaking new study. It shows that giving your girlfriend, slash wife, whatever, foot massages makes her love you 23% more.

That's a very specific number. How did they get to that number? How are they gauging the love? The brain trusts over at Instagram, I'm like, what if we got here? What percent should be thinking? Someone's like, yeah, 20 percent. Someone was like, what about 25?

Let's meet them. Let's meet them. 23. 22.5, it's like too many characters, 23%. I mean. Have you tried it? Laura's not really into me touching her feet if I'm being honest.

She still washes them in the bathroom sink, right? Yeah. Okay. Technically along the line somewhere, you're touching them. Do you know what happened on the weekend? We were at the Halloween party, a few dollars down. And at the Halloween party, there was a couple of, like, prop feet and hands that were like cut off, severed. And they were just around the place.

And you're like, oh. And Laura was sitting on a seat, sitting on her foot. And again, I love my wife. It's beautiful. But her feet are very, how you say, they're footing. They're very footy. They're very footy. They're very feety.

Those feet are feeding. They are like they're very, they're sandpaper, rough sandpaper. They can use some work. But again, like my wife. Anyway, Laura's sitting on the seat, sitting on her foot. And someone was like, ooh. And thought it was a Halloween foot. They thought it was a prompt foot.

foot and they were like, oh, and Laura's going, excuse me? And they go, I'm so sorry. It's just so hideous that I thought it was a prop foot. Did you do anything about it when you got home? No. No. No, but Laura, I like feet. Do you?

You're a foot guy. You're a foot guy. You're a foot guy. Pregnity guy. What else you go? Nothing. I'm not. I don't touch April's feet.

No, look. She's the gym all day. She's all the dead lives. April's going to hate me. this, but I'm going to do it. Yes. So her big toe. It clicks. Freaks me out. What do you mean? So she goes

Like this? Yep. Yeah. But like on command. Like tick, ding, dig, ding, ding. Like, is she keeping time or is you keep in rhythm? If we are playing piano, just like. It's like the person in the band with a triangle. It's like, give us a foot click. It's like, oh. So. Not for me.

She's also got a hooktoe. Oh, my God. April, I'm really sorry. We're, fuck. We're going to get cancer. We are fucked. They're not going to like this. They're not going to like this.

At all. Okay, well, let's steer this. That's the end of. What would you, like, just, sorry, just question. If you wanted to increase the love with April, you know, if you want to get close to that 23%. Acts of service. That's her thing.

So no touchy-feely? Not, not really. No. So like, for example, the dream result for me is, which ends in one thing that we know. The horizontal dance? We don't do it horizontally, but thank you. Anyway, moving on. Oh, April's going to hate me. No. So the end goal here is that when the... I love hearing about your sex life. When the bed, when the bed routine is done with the kids... Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. Read the room. When the whole bed routine is done, which is the end of the, it's like, okay, well, yeah. What time is this?

Oh, 7.7.30? Love that. If she comes out of, say, reading the books and the house is, there's nothing for her to do whatsoever, but to shower and enjoy the rest of her night. You're on. Acts of service. You're on. Clean the kitchen.

Oh, the place is spotless. What about your dinner? When are you having your dinner? Oh, like 9 p.m. You have a late night, do you? Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah. couple of gummies in. I'm pretty hungry. Just the way your schedule works in the evening.

That's the perfect evening, if you ask me. But anyway, anyway, is that it for housekeeping? Fusion. What else we got? Oh, yes. Just a quick update on the softboards. For those who have won one, I think there's five people, if they're listening. I'm thinking about you in April. Okay. Think about me more. Especially after you're posting about her a lot at the moment. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Shut up. Anyway, we're in a good space. Soft boards. Soft board.

You know it's not soft. This board. Sorry, what was I saying? Soft boards. Yeah, so I had an update. They'll be arriving in the country mid-November,

and I'll have them shipped out to you. You can say that a lot. No, I've got the actual update. Yeah, people are like, was this made up? No, it's not. They're meant to be.

You never been scammed, have you? Sorry, I hope not. And someone email being like, hey out, congratulations. You've been selected to have your own. It's a prince of Nigeria. No, it's legit and it is happening and I'll keep, once I've got the exact date, then I can organise to send them out to you. They were for summer and summer doesn't start until December.

If anyone looks at a calendar. Anyway, that is the end of housekeeping. Okay. Okay, but I want to, we've thrown our wives under the bus enough. I want to throw my kids under the bus a little bit here. Please. I look between April and I'm going to take responsibility for how this panned out we were just away on the weekend with some friends they how was that weekend I'm about to

tell you if you just wait a sec no I'll tell you about a specific moment the weekend was great okay good weather was it it was it was a bit overcast the first day was a little overcast but it was kind of nice and pleasant because I wasn't too hot anyway so we arrived kids no kids kids kids kids families those two other families there's three families okay and a friend of mine they they they're wider family have a like a shack okay at a place called Swan Bay it's like a row of houses on on a bay obviously but it's not like it's not bustling if that makes sense it's quite small quiet north of Sydney north a couple hours north and it is quite an old house past Newcastle it's yeah it's like and maybe a half hour past Newcastle it's a little

more and the house is really old like it's been passed down pretty much there's been minor tweaks to it but it's it's got the authenticity of an old house okay so like that like old carpet old it's probably asbestos whatever yeah yeah on land sheds in the back like a proper old slight lean yeah if it gets windy fuck it runs on the front like hold it up not that bad not So anyway, I took the family. My family had been there before, but when they were much younger. Macy was probably was in the picture and Oscar was quite young. So none the wiser, some would say.

So I've taken them to this house and we've got there. We got there first and I've gone and I've unlocked the house and my kids get out of the car. And the first thought is, what's this place? And I was like, oh, I didn't really preface that it's not going to be quite as modern as they're used to. Now they've got the new apartment. I know.

And, you know, what it reminded me of, and I'll tell you why it reminded me of this, is, you know, the movie grown-ups by Adam Sandler, and he's... I haven't seen it. So, he's quite, he's like a celebrity in this, in this movie, and his kids are used to a certain type of lifestyle, but they go on holiday to a lakehouse, which is nowhere near the same lifestyle as that. For example... They cut from a silver cloth. Is that what they say? Thank you. Yep.

I think that's right. Sure. I would just say this. but for example the TV has a big box on the back of it Oh no like why is it so fat Boom Yeah

And they're what Why does it not have Netflix Where's YouTube Why is there no Wi-Fi Where's the dishwasher It's Uber it's coming now Literally it's like Can we just order something to eat

I'm like who the fuck at these kids Where are the hoverboards Yeah exactly right And they're like I'm like I'm like the kitchen is like Original kitchen There's no dishwasher

Who's gonna wash the dishes it's like are you me relax kids i'm fucking doing it as per usual yeah like so all of the modern amenities that they're used to this house has none of them right and it was like aircon no way they've just installed ceiling fans that was the entertainment for the day the kids were just like watching the ceiling fan go around but the the the whole vibe of the place is to get away from the modern amenities that's the whole charm of it but it takes i guess a little while to transition into a new environment for the kids. Yeah, and it was like,

I was like, are you fucking guys for real? Like, but then I thought, ah, this is probably my fault, that they're like this. Because, for example, we have a robot vacuum. And my kids were like, wow, must be nice. It was free.

It was like, the rice bubbles, dry rice bubbles, thank God, ended up on the old disgusting carpet in this house. And Oscar was like, oh, the robot will get it. I was like...

Fuckin' hell. And every five minutes, I would come back to one of the kids trying to work out why the TV didn't have Netflix. And I kept saying, we're not here for this. There's yards out the back. Look at Swan Bay. Look at the natural beauty. Yeah, like, like the difference is right. So the guy who owns the house or the family who owns the house, their kid gets there.

And he's like, come on, Oscar, let's go. straight out to the bay they're looking for crabs he knows what's up he knows what's happening and it's like he's like okay so for example sometimes you know when you go to a salt water body of salt water and it can be the salt can make your skin itchy oh jesus yeah it's that is it's a night there was like the end of the world when oscar realized it's made him itchy and also it's not it's like every third like time they're in the salt water makes it itchy not every time so it's like such a roll of the dice i'm like well they're be itchy and then Marley's like,

Ah! It's attacking me! I know. Give me the towel. I know. That's exactly what it was like with Oscar. Fuck sake. He just comes running like I thought something was really wrong.

Like he's been dipped in acid. Yeah. And he's like, what's wrong, buddy? He's like, I'm itchy. My skin is peeling off. I was like, get in the shower. Get the robots. Quickly.

Yes, help me. I was like, go have a shower. I like, you have to wait for the hot water to come on. Oh, God. And he was like, I don't want a shower. I'm like, it'll stop the it. I don't want anything to do with water. I'm like, oh, my God, these kids, what am I raising?

What the fuck am I doing? Where's the PlayStation? Oh, for fuck's sake. Please tell me there's a simulator here for Formula One. I know, literally. And it was like, oh, my God. Do you think that the other parents were looking at you being like, oh, God. I think we got it all out of the way before everyone got there.

Oh, God. the first couple hours? It was in the first couple of minutes, bro. Oh, my God. It was like... Did he come good by the end? Yeah, once they got used to that there's no modern amenities in this house. Oh, man.

Like, it was like, that's right. Well, like, obviously, there's no coffee machine. And not only my kids drink coffee, but they witness us at home using a coffee machine with the knock box and the steam, the whole fucking woo-ha, lauddy-da version. And like, April turns the kettle on. And I was like, what is that? Oh my God. Macy really topped it off.

Would she do? I was like, what do you feel like for dinner? Popcorn chicken. Okay. Okay, sorry, Macy. I hate to burst your bubble here, but... There's no KFC here, Macy. We've just killed a kangaroo.

We're about to eat that on the fire in the backyard. I said, of all the things that we drove past on the way here, did we drive past? KFC. That's your problem, bro. Work that out. Oh, my God. Can we order something?

No. It was just so, like, fuck. It just made me think. Oh, my God. Not the special person, but that explains your post

in the Facebook group. Were you all like? Yeah, I wanted to, and I did, and I mean, I'll read some of them out next week in housekeeping. But it was, it just gave the irk like

they unappreciate what they've got and they were like so disappointed. It was like, Because that's the thing. They were, like, so excited to go on holidays, right? But when they got there, they felt like it was more of a concentration camp than a holiday. Anyway, but I spent the whole time just being like, be more appreciative and all this sort of shit. But then we get home and it's like, back to the normal.

Back to the norm pretty much where it's like. Back to the robots. Oh, my God, the simulator is here. It's still here. I walk in an Oscar's like, hugging him going, I'll never leave you again. The robots like, thank God you're home. Anyway, okay. We mentioned Hugo last week.

Hugo Tovie, a guest on the podcast, good friend of two doting dads, great friend of two dotting dads, had a major surgery a few weeks ago. We're going to give him a quick call just to check in and see how he's going. Hello, mate. How are you? How are you, Hugo? I'm doing okay. Currently in hospital, but... Are you really?

Back in hospital? Did you come out or you were just still there from last time? My mate, mate, I came literally out for a day. and then my bloody had a thing called a bow ilias where bloody got bow goes to sleep and in a lot of pain and that's the bloody rush back in on Saturday and I'll wake it up to be here to yeah to um so just been on gut rest clear fluid since Friday I'll be here till Friday so I'm bloody yeah so your bow went to sleep is it similar to like when your leg goes to sleep kind of literally like often if you push it too much it can um

and maybe I did a bit too much too soon. I've only got two metres of bow. What do you normally have, do you go? What do you normally have, yeah? Eight. Oh, wow. Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, like, so I don't have a large bow.

So you guys will have about, you know, two metres of large bow, and then the average human has about six meters of small bow, and I've only got about two metres of that. So it's, you can really simply live with about a meter, so I've got a meter to play with. We're going to have a bowel off, are you? How much are you got? I'm cutting it fine.

I'll tell you what, I don't want to lose much more, but it's just a bloody sensitive old thing. So I'm now stuck in hospital until Friday and some bloody clear fluids and free fluids, and it's just IV, gut rest. And then once it starts working again, I'll hopefully be out. And, yeah, try and get back to a bit of normality. Which hospital are you in, Hugo?

go. St Vincent's Private in Darlinghurst. I was hoping you'd be Prince of Wales. Yeah. It's a weird hope to have. Sorry, my mum's in Prince of Wales. I was like, I can come give you a visit. Oh, yeah, no, yeah, the old, yeah, two birds with one stone.

How's the rest of your recovery going? Well, mate, it was going really well because I post the surgery, it was a really big success. I recovered really well and then I was you know a new tube out each day and you drain out each day and I was in real good spirits and then I left hospital after 10 days

which was absurd like the surgeon was so stoked with how I was recovering and he said he was happy for me to recover from home so yeah it was going really well until this little hiccups so hoping this is just a just a little outlier

the timing of it is pretty shit because it's my bloody birthday today actually So it's... Oh, happy birthday, mate! Yeah. So it's not an ideal place to spend your birthday, but it was funny. I was saying to Amber, the nurse came in, the food came in this morning on clear fluids,

and I had some jelly. And I was like, oh, well, I've never had birthday breakfast jelly, so I enjoyed that. And then a minute later, the nurse came in and said, happy birthday, so I'll say thank you. And she's like, no, I just have to do your heparinjection, which is like a daily needle stab into your leg, for reducing blood clots.

And I was like, oh, that's exactly what you want. Exactly what you want for your birthday. Jelly and a jab with a massive needle. Oh, no. But then Amber's been in, which is amazing. Teddy will come in a bit later. I'll probably try and have a little hour or so. Go to a playground and try, get some fresh air.

So it's not all bad. You learn to, you know, celebrate the little wins in a day. And today would be no different. So they'll be right. Have you got enough entertainment? Is there anything that we can do to provide some entertainment? I'm pretty good of my mum's actually coming in today which is great she's to yeah spend time with me which is awesome and then I'm just keeping busy paying free on some meds and stuff

being comfortable and you know watching some TV shows and stuff so you know you get you get through the days as best as you can and hopefully I'll be out on Friday have you been listening to much you know two doting dads since you've been in there I must admit I've been pretty nauseous for a big chunk of my, that first sort of 10 days with my bowers waking up. So it's only really this last few days where I've been able to watch some TV and Amber even got me for my birthday, the latest Airpods, Apple Airpods. Oh, perfect to listen to two-doting dads. Perfect to listen to two-doting dads, you know, lying in the hospital bed,

catching up on the episodes I've missed. I saw actually Sarah, I've listened to her episode yet, so I'm definitely looking forward to listening to that. Oh, cool. which, you know, she's been amazing, you know, reaching out and messaging. Oh, nice. We're going to do a little charity cooking collaborationally next year. Oh, cool.

Definitely listen to her episode. If you need any sous chefs. Yes, I saw the little blueberry tart thing, you made. It was actually very good. Hey, Hugo, is this the last major surgery that you think you'll need? Fingers crossed, mate, that's the plan. The plan is now I've got this permanent. this permanent bag and like I said only only a couple meters of bowel left the plan is now to

you know that will keep you going for hopefully the next you know 234 today so hopefully the next bloody 34 years plus but um yeah it's probably I think it's my eighth major open abdominal surgery and you know I've had over you know a dozen or so other surgeries so I'm really hoping yeah you know the significance 34 today And, you know, I'm hoping that I can put it all behind me, move on, improve quality of life. And, yeah, start to enjoy that normality as best as I can, which I've kind of haven't had for a long time. Oh, mate, you're an absolute trooper.

It's unbelievable what you've had to go through. So we're thinking of you. We're glad you're doing better. Big love to yourself, Amber and Teddy. And we hope you enjoy the rest of your day and your birthday in particular. Yeah, no, thank you, Judge. Really appreciate it. Yeah, always love the.

support. Love what you guys are doing. And now I'll definitely get those air pods going and catch up on a few episodes. You don't have to. No, he must. And you can quiz me in two days time. I will, yeah. All right, man. We appreciate you.

And, yes, we're thinking of you, mate. And we'll touch base again and just see how you going. Hopefully the end of the week, you're out. We can see you. Yeah. fingers crossed. Catch up soon, guys. All right, mate.

Full on. It is full on. It is very full on. And, like, oh, man, like he puts on a brave face. He's still got his humor. And, I mean, it's so important that people go get early, get checked, early diagnosis. And Hugo's done that twice. And thankfully, he's been able to save his life twice.

But the battle continues. And, yeah, we're thinking of you, mate. It makes you appreciate how lucky we are. We'll be watching Hugo on social. Like, Hugo underscore 2V and, you know, watching his little boy Teddy come in the hospital. And like, oh, man. It's so tough, man. Yeah.

Really tough. But Hugo, we love you. And please, if you want to jump on to a social, give a message of support because he loves it and it helps so much. We really appreciate it. Ash, there's a very quick story. I know you've been itching to tell a story about Macy and a Seale. Well, now I feel like it's not going to be that good.

No, sorry. I'll just set it up. Don't set it up. And you've told us that it's one of the best stories. Oh, fuck off. Um, we often complain about parenting, okay? Mm-hmm. When I say often...

Every episode. I would say every episode, but it's also important, Ash, to say at times that we do love this job. Yeah. The dad job or the podcast job? The dad job. Of course we love the podcast. Yeah, everyone knows it.

We never complained about the podcast. I always do when you're not around. Sometimes I do a bonus episode and I'm like, Ash is a nightmare. And you're like, don't listen to that one. That's no good. but something happened to me recently that I was like obviously it's hard work it's exhausting it's relentless it's frustrating at times but then these little moments they just completely remove all of that frustration and also like numb the frustration that's to come so at the

moment Marley loves a little note I make her lunch in the morning and in her lunchbox her little like cooler bag I'll write a note and I'll put it in there Sometimes they're really dumb notes, for example, why can't eggs tell each other jokes? Why? Because I'll crack each other up. Very good. She's like, I didn't get that one. And I'll try another one.

I was like, I read a book about glue. I couldn't put it down. Okay. So you just chat cheap a bunch of. I see it. I like it. I do like it. And she doesn't know that either.

She doesn't know that. She doesn't know that. Yeah, okay. And then I wrote her a nice. letter. And how did that go? It went really well. No, what did it say? Well, you got it. I got it here. I said, dear Marley, this is your dad writing this. Just to avoid any confusion. I hope you had a yummy lunch. I'm so lucky to have a smart and brave and funny best friend that is also my daughter. Have a great day at school and I can't wait to see you when I pick you up. Love you to

the moon and back a million times from dad. That is lovely. that is very nice and uh she's responded she was she's responded loving this she goes uh for dad love from marley may two dad it is the fuck i'm gonna cry do you want me to read it uh yeah okay all right two dad let me say for dad this is the same letter to dad it is the best thing in my life to have a dad like you you make me feel safe love you hope you had a fun hope you had fun at work you are crying that is lovely and that's cry worthy i think and also well written from mom who happens to be six that is wild yeah so sometimes as hard as parenting is when you get little moments little bit of affection

everything is forgotten and it makes it all worthwhile there is something that your children can give you that nothing else in the world can. And that's exactly what I'm talking about. It's things like that that people that don't have kids will never understand. That's what I was saying. 100%. Now I feel like I can't tell you my story. You try to beef me up on the story and then you dish out that sort of stuff.

But also, when I get that note, I'm like, oh, that's beautiful. Spelling mistake. Don't put your pajamas on. Get to bed. They're going to be like, brush your teeth. Spelling mistake. She put a C in that making. Anyway, we can come back to my story another time

because I don't feel it's fitting for that. Sorry. No, no, don't know. No, I like that much better. There's no rush on that one. Shall we go into lies? Tell me live. Tell me sweet little life.

Tell me, tell me, tell me lie. I was at the Halloween party with a foot incident with Laura. Oh, yes, yes. The horrific foot that is Laura. I love you. Oh, God. She has beautiful feet. We're at the party and a couple of parents there were like, oh, what do you do?

And I said, oh, I do a podcast. Oh, my badge is full enough. I say, oh, I do a podcast and like, what do you talk about? And I'd say, oh, you know, sometimes we talk about parenting lies. And then one parent was like, oh, she'd have a couple of wines. And she's like, yes. She's like, I've got a lie, I can tell you. Yes.

And she was like, oh, it's a bit of a bad one. There's no, there's no, there's no such thing. And I was like, no, we never judge, you know, we will like. But maybe on this occasion I will. And she goes, oh, look, you know the story, the Gruffalo? Yep. And I was like, yeah, I know. And she goes, well, look, she's like, my daughter's really afraid of the Gruffalo.

And I was like, I get that, you know, it's a scary, scary character. And she's like, God, sometimes when, you know, like, she's being. a bit naughty, I pretend like the gruffalo's coming. And if there's any kind of noise, because they're in an apartment complex, she's like, that's the gruffalo. Oh, that would get them. That's good. And if you're not a slip, gruffalo will come.

It's the same as saying, like, you're not getting anything for Christmas, right? I don't know. She's like, is that causing any long-term, like PTSD? The good thing about that is you'll never know until later on. The fear of being abducted by a huge, grisly animal. It's on par with a bear. Unless she gets a grisly kink. That all makes sense.

So you won't know if it's caused any trauma. She'll even go as far as like, she'll say that she'll go, let me go out and check. And she's like, hang on right there. And she's like, oh, the gruffalo is here. She comes back in and she's like, quick, you got to go to sleep because the gruffalo is here. And if you're awake, he'll get you. Oh, that's good. That's good.

So make them scared of something. And she's petrified of the grufford. Petrified. And I think that's better than like, I think that's better. Like, that, like, the other characters in the world, like Santa and the Easter Bunny, we just let them in. Like, at least with the gruffler, you'd be like, oh, try and keep them out for as long as possible. Get the broomstick? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think that's good. She came out in tomato sauce one time and she was like, gosh, that was a tough battle. They didn't have it. I made that battle. She just walks in, like, limps in. That's good. I like it. With the fake arm.

Anything the scare a child, I'm all about. Well said. I've got one from a listener here as well. Danielle. I've caught my son swearing sneakily, a softly whispered fuck here and shit there. I like that. I've gently told him that Santa has a list and keeps to tell you of how many times kids swear. His face was very worried. I like how he was like whispering it. Yeah, he could just be walking around going, fuck this, fuck that, like my kids. But that's my fault. This dinner, shit. Yeah. Or did you say nothing? I was on the first.

to someone in my car, also the best place to take a phone call is in your car. I'm just going to say it. And the guy that was on the other line was very potty-mouthed, very bad. And my kid is so used to that now that we got out of the car. And I was like, oh, gee, he said a lot of naughty words in there. And he goes, I don't know, I didn't hear it. Doesn't even hear it anymore. That's good.

That's good. Success. That's great. Because now I'm just like, fuck this and fuck that around the house. He's so desensitized to it. So desensitent. And honestly, like, I have always said I will never change who I am

and how I speak. And, like, they understand that they're naughty words. Instead of white noise, you just play it's like, shit, shit, shit, fuck, fuck, shit, fuck. And it's like, oh, even this morning, I was like, no, like, I just add the word fuck into sentences as you do, because it's just like such a habit and that's just who I am.

He doesn't even take any notice anymore. It's perfect. It's work to treat. Macy, on the other hand, Jesus, Frost, body wrap. That's another way. I'm walking and she's like, fuck! Questions?

Okay, I've got a question. I've got a question. I'm going to list a question, but hopefully we'll help the list as you never know. Let me set the scene. Please. I'm at the park with Macy. It's a weekday. I have her on Thursdays.

Macy's my nearly four-year-old. Two more weeks before. And immunizations. April, we'll write that down. I can do the name registry thing for Poppy. She's still no named. Got eight weeks, so... We're still stuck with Poppy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, good, because I don't want to do that gym class. I just, I just look at the paperwork and I'm like, ugh. I don't give a shit about a name. I just don't want to do that gym class. No, you're safe. Thank God. So, I'm at the park with Macy.

It's a pretty quiet day because other kids are at Kindi or whatever, whatever, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, it's a park with a fence around it. Safety first. It's cool to be cautious. So I'm pushing Macy on the swing and the gate is right there, and this car backs up to the grass, and the kid, the toddler gets out of the car, runs across the grass to the gate. And I'm there. The mum's getting things out of the car.

There's, you know, it's a safe spot, safe place. The kid's right there. And I'm looking at this kid who's looking at me thinking, open the fucking game. Come on. And I'm like... Get to it. Yeah.

Yeah. And my question is, to the listener... Do the kids look at us like we're just servants? Most kids do, yeah. So my question to the listener is, do I open the gate or do I ignore... ignore the child and wait for the parent to come over and open the gate and let them in. The reason why I asked this is because I felt bad because I'm quite,

chivalry is not dead with me. I'll open the gate for whoever. You're a very caring, giving person. But at the same time, I'm like, what if I open the gate? And that parent comes over and like, hey, you've just let my kid in. It's not your kid. He's now impaled himself on a slide. Yeah, now he's dead and, you know.

Now what do I do? Yeah. So why a question is, do you open the gate at the end? playgrounds for other children that you don't know that you don't i think if it's coming inside into the enclosure i think that's totally fine yeah i don't think it is also depends how much the no far out it's just easy just to ignore other children isn't it yeah but then i don't want my the parent to come over and be like uh if so what you can't over the gate for us the parent coming inside has got hands full, hands full.

Different, very different store. And sometimes those pop lock doors to get into the playground. You're nearly there. They're hard to open. I think if you're opening it for the parent, I think what you definitely don't want to do, we can all agree that you don't. You're free!

Because sometimes when leaving daycare and a parent, you know, I've got to do the sign out on the iPad, and then Marley, let me say Marley's at school, if Lowell then runs to the gate, leaving and a parent goes, here you go. Oh, yeah. Well, it's gone. Yeah, yeah.

If the kid's trying to get out, then no. That's a definite no-no. Yeah. But then again. But I reckon, but what would, how would, the most important consideration here is how's Macy you going to react? Because if I'm pushing Lollett on the swing and I back off for two pushes, she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck.

What the fuck is, I'm going to say, I push me, you piece of shit. Like push yourself. And so if I walk away, if I leave her, if I desert Lola on the swing to then care for another child, she's going to lose it. Yeah, but also I don't want the parent being like,

what, you're too good to open the gate for us. I don't think. I don't know. You're looking busy. If you're on your phone and you look up at the gate and you see a child there in need

and you go back to the phone, once you're on the swing and you're pushing, that removes you from any type of responsibility to help anybody out. But what if they stopped? they parked there and their intention was to not go to the park but the kids ran to the park gate there are so many levels of this. Imagine that. I'd be like, thanks man. Yeah.

Thanks a lot. We're actually, we're already late. We're going to a fucking birthday party down the road and you've just ruined my whole day, your piece of shit. Exactly right. There's so many different. I just, man, play it safe. Play it safe. Just ignore. Just pretend you didn't see him. If you don't know the child or the parent, I just, I mean, if I know the parent, I just, I mean, if I know the parent I kind of yeah I probably could have been like hey is it okay if they come in but I'm but then you're like you're trying to hit on me

what's going on yeah then there's so many are you like because I'm married right never stopped a man before the think of the outcomes here but what if I did say that and she was like you were such a polite man and I'm and then all of a sudden I got a new best friend

there's so many different I I just don't know what to do so I've I what I did do is I was like all right, the kids right here, okay, the mum's getting her stuff out. I just poke my tongue out at him and then I went back to pushing Macy. That's weird. That's, so I blew him a kiss.

I was like, what are you? He moved on with my life. He thought it was funny. I entertained that kid as well. That's a weird. Please, if you're out there, don't be poking your tongue out at random kids that you don't know. You're going to come across. I pulled a face at him.

Why? Just ignore. Just ignore. I don't want to misgender the child. Oh my God. There's so many elements to this question. Anyway. It's a minefield out there.

It's a minefield. I think you're right with saying we can all agree to not let them out. That sounded bad. I think. That sounded more captives. Just focus on the swing. When you're pushing your kid on the swing, focus on the one task. Pretend you can't see them.

Just walk around like pretend you're blind. Yeah. Oh, God. Anyway. Bring a walking stick with you, the cane, and then you start tapping. Smart. I'm going to do that from now on. If you've enjoyed this episode, please. Leave us a review. Five stars.

Can I just, I need to say something. You need to? The reviews, the reviews are outstanding. Thank you. I don't know if it's people, I don't know if it's people just pumping our tires up. Maybe they're like, oh, the boys will love this. Yeah, we do. We love that.

We love it. But I'm also like, if it's so good, why are you not sharing it with people? Well, they might be. Why are you not giving it to, why are you not like? You shouldn't assume. I'm looking at the numbers, and like, if everyone's loving what we're dishing out, surely, surely you recommend it to a friend, family, another parent. Is this a pyramid scheme?

Yeah, all we need to do is recommend three people, sign them up for two doting dad. Those three people can recommend three people. And then, and then. The doting dad pyramid. Once you recommend them, get them to pay a subscription fee of $50. Okay, no. Wow. Who's getting that money?

I don't see the cent. I would love it. I just like it. If you really do it, if you mean what you say in the review, if you're being honest there, and you're saying this makes you laugh and it improves your day. If we get a review saying so-and-so sent me here to listen to you guys and here's my review.

Whammer. That's what I need. That's what I need from you guys. It's okay. Otherwise, you can find us on socials. At two-doting dads on TikTok, Instagram. There is a Facebook group as well. Two-Doting dads, almost 4,000 members popping off.

going off and YouTube TV and YouTube this is also available in long form video if you want to watch us bumble our way through this then you can do that goodbye and that's it bye bye bye one last message. Before we go, we have to make a special announcement because today is a sad day here at two doting dads. We are bidding farewell to the one and only Jessica Smalley. Yeah, so Jess has been with us for a little while now. Almost two years. Almost two years. And she has steered this ship. She has whipped us into shape. And today is her, well, this week is her last week actually. And we appreciate that everything Jess has done for us. It's not been an easy task coming in here and trying to manage two dads who have been juggling multiple projects, children,

in addition to this podcast. So it has not been a job that has been smooth sailing. What are sailing analogies in this? But Jess has grabbed the anchor. Very good. She has pulled the ropes. I don't know anything else. I don't know anything.

Stop it. But it's, look, it's not easy. It's not easy. And she's been consistent from start to finish and wanting nothing but the best for this podcast, growing us, making our social media as good as it can be launching YouTube. There's been so much that has benefited this podcast and our little baby, which is two doting dads. And for that, we are so thankful for her time, her effort and her energy. So, Jess, we really appreciate it. And she's looking right now at a laptop because we're gushing over her.

I know. And it's always awkward when you get the compliments when you're in the same room. Absolutely. But we also wish Jess the best. I'm sure listens as well with whatever is next, whatever comes next for her. And we'll be championing her. We'll be cheering for her for sure. And don't be shy and feel free to touch base with us.

Whenever you like as your death. Because we love the seven Cs, Jess. And what we would love to do is jump back in a yacht together and keep sailing if that the sailing theme continues for no reason whatsoever thank you Jess

and I know that I speak on behalf of the listeners who have also appreciated your time and effort across socials because you have been a consistent voice to those individuals

especially when I'm not responding someone's responding I said thank you thank you Jess we appreciate it yeah bye that's a train

no it's a oh yeah and she sails off into oh thanks guys thank you Jess two doting dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians

of country throughout Australia and the connections to land sea and community we pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today

this episode was recorded on Gatigle Land and