Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #187 Laura's hot-take on life with Poppy

Episode Date: November 30, 2025

Laura's back with Poppy in tow and she's dishing all the dirt on how Matt's doing as a third-time-dad.  Hint: he's bringing all the positive vibes (just don't ask him to cook with Poppy strapped to him). Laura opens up about Poppy's healing nature and how their girls are adapting as a family of five (including Lola's surprise hot-take on her baby sister). And she answers the big question.. does she feel complete with three or could there be room for one more in their lives?! The answer even has Ash doing a double take!  Plus how they make time for each other now they're lives are busier than ever. This episode gives you the perfect peek inside this crazy beautiful time in their lives, it's one you won't want to miss.  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads      See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Look at practice. Sleeping baby. Like, did you have to give the hardest clap of your entire life? I went pretty soft, I thought. Well, she's weight now, so this is going to be a disaster. Well done. Well, done. We're currently trying to record a podcast with a sleeping baby who's restless.

No, she's not sleeping again. And Ash is like, let me just give the go ahead with this giant drum set that I've got here. I was like, boom. You did good. It was great. It was an impressive clap. How dare you. Poppy just wanted to wake up and see what was going on.

I didn't know this was going to, I didn't know I was going to walk in to be ganged up on here. Right. I didn't, I didn't know you're going to try and wake up my sleeping newborn. I don't know. Honestly, it's been a long time since I've had a newborn in my house. I'm not really used to it. You can take her any time. No, I'm cool.

Welcome back to Tuditing. dad's and one doading mum. I am Maddie J. I'm Ash. I'm Laura. And I'm poppy. And poppy's here too. I'm Ash. That is actually how she speaks. She's a child prodigy. Oh, is she's a genius. Yeah. She's speaking already. Seven weeks old. Laura, you're messing up the introduction. Oh, so sorry. Sorry. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable. And if you come for advice, Laura, what do you do? You don't stay here. You go away. She's very good. Very good. You've been listening. You go listen to Hamish's dad podcast.

Don't you dare. You shut your mouth We'll edit that part out We will be the first thing we edit out I think we might have to start again Look we are a little bit late Apologies Laura you were ready Half an hour ago

Yeah that's how bad That's okay It does seem like things are a little bit disorganised I think I'm just a ring in I don't actually think I don't actually think this is the planned interview I think that No offended I feel offended

Well I mean I was only asked about an hour ago so I'm guessing it wasn't planned. We have been planning this since the birth of poppy. Yeah, this has been a long, I tell you right now, the background work on this episode. Someone called in sick. Actually, I understand. You do want to put too much pressure on me

when I was in my postpartum phase, you know, and now that I'm feeling better, you were like, okay, today's the day. Yeah, that's it. I get that. Laura, it's great to have you back on the podcast. It is. Guys, I've missed you. Thank you for having me.

The last time we recorded together was when I was still pregnant, and I did listen to that back. and it was just about 20 minutes of chaos. We all spoke on the top of each other. Yeah, I don't know we... I love that, Zaysh had a couple of drinks before we recorded. What's new? I'm tanked right now.

People like the chaos. People do like chaos. Because that's what it's like. And now that you've got three, I suppose it's chaotic all the time. Well, welcome back. We actually currently have, so I've got puppy strap to me. Lola is upstairs watching an iPad. She has gastro.

Nana's got her in the room. We've tied Nana in the room with a child with the gastro. because they're both being percolating. But Busters also started vomiting for some weird reason. Is that why he's outside? And then this morning Buster vomited. I was like, mate. And he was under the table and he just goes,

Oh my God. And you let me walk in this sickly household. My goodness. I came in and the dog's outside looking real sad, looking to me going, you'll let me in. I'm like, I don't know why you're out there, bro. But I'm not getting involved. The last thing I think I can handle at this point in my life

is the dog shitting on the carpet. So I was like, you can Buster, we love you, but you're outside. I can't put the kids outside when they're out. of gastro, but you are, buddy. Sorry, Ash, to bring you into this hell hole of a German festered home. Laura, I need to ask you something straight off the bat because you mentioned something on Life Uncutt recently where you said after you had a third child, you felt like it would

be a sense of completion. You're done. Oh, yeah, I didn't have that. Sorry. Yeah, no, no. Has that changed? I didn't get that feeling. Ash's made.

I'm confused here with this question. This line of question. we're not having any more kids no no no you're cool i'm too old actually that's not true i shouldn't say i'm too old i'm not 40 yet i'm not too old lots of people have kids in their 40s i feel too old in my body now that i'm already parenting three children that's what and i feel as though my body hasn't recovered as well this time so that's why when i say too old i mean in terms of myself not in terms of an actual age good cover it sounds true it's true though because if i yeah if i'd started later i would still want three kids but now that i had three kids i'm like the thought of

doing four. It's like, fuck. It reminds me of when like a famous rugby player retires and they're like, I want to keep playing, but the body won't allow me. That's exactly what it is. It's exactly what it is. You don't have to medically retire from giving birth to children. The knees can't take anymore. I know. Yeah, yeah. My knees can't, my knees. They're never going to be the same. I walk down the stairs now and they hurt, but that's also because I still have her strapped me. I'm like constantly lugging around an additional six kilos of a child because she lives strapped to my body still. So we can say there's no.

No other kids coming. So, okay, after Poppy was born, and I had a couple of days in the hospital, I messaged Matt on like day two, I think it was, or day three. And I said to him, I was like, I reckon I could go again. Oh, my God. Right now. I could go again right now. Bring the epidural in.

I was like, I think I could go again. And Matt wrote back and said, I am booking in that vasectomy. So he hasn't yet, though. Not yet. Not yet. Okay. Well, I've got a question for you then. Hit me.

From one vasectomy. to a potential other vasectomy owner. Are you 100% on this Vasek? Yeah. We call it Vasek in the community. On the Vasecki. I didn't feel like I was done after two. I felt like I still had some fuel left in the tank.

But now... Obviously. I now, the thought of doing a fourth, I couldn't. I couldn't. You would. You said that about the third. Look, I mean...

No, I think if someone had a gun to my head and said, you've got to raise a fourth child, I could do it. Oh, yeah. Can I throw an idea out there? Hit me. Can I... Wear a condom. Don't do that.

Doesn't feel as good. Can I throw an idea out there? Yes. Can you get a vasectomy and we will document the whole journey? Ash has been trying to fill my dick and balls for so long now. Well, I'm experienced in this field. You're more experienced in the baby making field? That is number one of my list for 2026.

That's my New Year's resolution. Can I come along for the journey, please? Yes. There's a part of me that, okay, and maybe this isn't a normal reaction. There's a part of me that feels offended that that's like his number one thing that he wants to get done. I'm like, tell me how much you're hating this. I think, yeah, it has been, it's been a tricky, a tricky couple of months,

a couple of weeks, sorry. Yeah, you're aging this child already. Sorry. What part has been tricky for you? Someone actually wrote in, they did ask, how are you enjoying doing the pickup? And has Laura been tuning in? Is that the thing that's been the trickiest? is the fact that you've been doing the radio show.

No, I think it's just a combination of Nana being sick, then having the pick up every afternoon. You know, I'm flat out. You look great. No, I don't. People keep telling me on my stories. And they're like, you look tired.

No offense. Matt's offended because yesterday he put up some stories and one person of his 300,000 followers. Like 10. 10 people were like, Hey, bro, just letting you know, you look fucking tired. Oh, you don't. I don't think you do. I do.

I disagree. Look, I want to validate all your feelings, and I know it's been very tough. I actually, I genuinely feel like this has been the easiest version of adding a child to the mix that I could have ever hoped for and expected. So, like, maybe, but I also do think that as a woman and as the mother, you do a lot more mental preparation before the baby arrives. How dare you? Well, no, you do. I don't even think you realize that she was arriving until the week she was here. Like, oh, okay.

I'm just going to turn my mic off. I feel like this is going to end in war. I did, I did like a lot of thinking through, okay, how is my life going to change? Like, what impact is this going to have? How am I going to navigate and negotiate through work? What does maternity leave look like? Is there maternity leave for me?

Like, there was a lot going on prior to her arriving. And I think I had absolutely, and I said this on Life on Cut, but I completely had prepared myself for the worst version of what life was going to be like. I thought I would be miserable. I will accept that I'm going to be miserable for a couple of weeks or months. I'll be so sleep deprived. I won't be able to function properly. And then it will get good, right?

Because, like, of course I wanted a third, but I knew that the newborn phase was going to be really hard. And you just don't know, too. And you don't know. And it has been the best version that I could have ever hoped for for that. So that's why I think sometimes when you say, oh, it's been really tricky. Like, I almost feel defensive and offended

because I'm like, it has been the least version of tricky. And she sleeps, she only wakes up twice a night. Like, she's so good that I, I feel like a therapy session. more than anything right now you're right you are on the yeah you're on the clock i think like this is the least tricky part of it yeah it's all the other things the logistics around it especially with poor nana poor thing and she's been so sick yeah and then the dog shitting on the floor the other day and also there is this kind of like change that happens at the start where like the load of the organization for mully and lola falls on mat so it's like that addition it becomes like

matt's priority and i'm doing like you know 100% of poppy at the moment so it's a shift in how you manage the household that happens at this phase. That leads me into a question I've got for you, which someone has for you, which is how are you finding as new mum and having to spend so much time with Poppy spreading your love to your other children? And Matt.

It's hard. It's hard because they're always on you, right? Poppy, not me. I put Matt in the art of course, and I just carry him around now. Although I did not, I straddled me last night. I struttled Laura on the couch. Like a giant baby.

Yeah, which is nice. You just wanted some love. Yeah, it was cute. It was cute. He was straddled over me for a cuddle. And I was like, this is a... Nana was like, oh, fuck is going on these weirdos. I've just come out of hospital and you were straddling each other on there.

I wish that we were joking. But no, Nana was just like in the kitchen pottering around. Can I get you guys anything? Come to you. Condoms. She comes out. How do you, how do you find at the moment, dividing Laura amongst three kids and a husband? It is the hardest part of this.

period, I think, because like a normal day for me, I wake up in the morning. I have Poppy, so, like, try and quickly have a shower while she's sleeping. Matt does the girls get, does their breakfast and everything else. And then Poppy comes to work with me and she's on me all day. And then I come home and I do the dinner and everything with the girls, like every evening I sit with them and I do their dinner and I do their books and then I do their bath and then I read their books and I get them to bed. So I still have the evenings which are like 100% with them, but often it's with them and Poppy's strapped to me. And then I, I don't get a second to myself until 8.30 at night time, nine o'clock sometimes.

And so by the time that rolls around, the last thing I want to do is then be like, and then you come here, sweetheart, and let me cater to your needs as well, because I haven't had any chance to do anything for me in that period either. So it's hard. And we did this dance when Lola was little, you know, because as a mum, you kind of always have the newborn. And so, like, it's not like there's time to go and do anything that's for yourself or that's, that's like independent of having kids with you.

In terms of managing the time with Marley and Lola, I think the fact that we had a big age gap has been really helpful because they're so excited about having Poppy. There's not the same level of a jealousy that I think they would have been. And like even Lola, we had to do this post of the other day and she had to write down like what was her favorite thing in the world. Lola Bear, what's your favorite thing in the whole world? Holding puppy.

Oh, that's awesome. So she's not feeling jealous. She definitely has moments where she wants more of me independently, but she is so excited to be with Poppy. I thought she would be way more jealous than what she is. I kind of thought that too. I haven't seen her in a while and I saw her today and she's like, she's a little girl now, right? Yeah, she's changed so much. And also, I think it's this year, particularly since Matt went and did I'm a celebrity,

this year has been like a really big transitional year for her because she used to be 100% me. And now she's quite happy to have the both of us in each. cool parts. So at night time, I think that that's probably the trickiest thing is she used to always get into our bed. And now she can't get into our bed because if she, if it's Matt on one side, Lola in the middle, me and then Poppy, like, Poppy's going to get turfed out of the bed or rolled on too. So it's just not a safe environment. So Matt often gets up and he now goes and sleeps in Lola's bed. And, and that's, you know, she's like, oh, right, if I have to put up with one parent, come on in, dad, you'll, you'll fucking do. It's like someone's starving and they're only eating the

rotten fruit because there's nothing else. That's all this left. I'm the rotten fruit. You're not. No, but I think it's been good for your relationship and I think between us we manage them well. Like there's always one parent to fill the cup. Yeah, that's always good. Do you feel like at this stage with so much attention on Poppy, do you have any guilt or anxiety about how much time and affection you can give to the other two? No. No. I would if I wasn't able to do like the night times are really important. Like from the time that they come home from school, like, I'm clocked on the girls and I'm, I'm doing

everything with them. I think if I wasn't able to do that and I had to like be doing more things with Poppy, then I think I would feel like there was a real gap. But I don't get from them this sense of like really big emotions and they're missing out on anything at the moment. Like I think that we've got a relatively good balance considering that we have a seven week old baby. Like no one's doing it perfect at this point. It's an impossibility. But I think this is our third rodeo now. And so we're doing it as well. as what we could possibly do it is kind of how I'm, it's kind of like how I'm approaching this.

It also would help that thankfully she's a sleeper, right? She sleeps all the time, like she's asleep now. Makes a big difference because then you can like, if you're continuously, if you don't have a sleeper, you've got an angry baby or something's happening, you've got to spend way more time with them, trying to get them to sleep so that you might miss and you might be way more tired than you probably are right now.

And be way more, yeah, not even just tired, but like so much more anxious. I think one of the big things, I keep saying this to everyone about having number three, is like, it is all the love and no anxiety. Like, she's making noise at night time and waking us up. And I'm not like, what's that noise? Is she dying?

Is she breathing? Has she vomited? Like, I know exactly what the noises are now. So I can, I know when I can sleep through it. I know when I have to do something about it. I know when I can just shove a dummy in. I just don't feel stressed out by her. And I think that that has been the most healing version of adding another kid to the mix.

Because with Lola, I felt so stressed all the time. And I felt so anxious. And that just bled into everything. and I had way more guilt when Lola came along because I felt like I had to be 100% on Lola and Matt was 100% on Mali and it created this separation and that hasn't happened this time at all, I don't think.

Yeah, I remember like even now, like the cry of a baby makes me so anxious. Yeah! Right? Like you mentioned like the little noises. I just remember like just being awake all the time because of just the little noises I was worried about. But like...

It's so different this time. But we have, and I hate to say, for anyone who's in the trenches with a newborn but like she is a unicorn child like she does not we know she's a unicorn child because we've had the exact opposite of that so like you know for the first five weeks i could just put her in her little wrap pop her in her cot and she put herself to sleep now i can't i have to like put her in a little wrap give her a feed rock her for a couple minutes and then i put like it's correct it's actually crazy it will make some people feel furious oh yeah because i don't yeah and i know that had i been in the place where i was with lola

and someone said, I just wrap her in a little muslin wrap and put her in the cot. I'd have been like, I just want to punch in the face. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. So, like, I'm very conscious of how obnoxious it sounds. If we were breeding, like, dogs right now, you would get the... Well, not with the perspective to be coming.

You would get the temperament of Poppy, and you would use that as the base model. Yeah. Yeah, like, she is the reason why people would want to have a fourth, and then you would not have this again, and you would be like, that was a terrible idea. This is nature fucking with us right now. Yeah. I don't know, like both of my... Come, oh, yeah.

Do it at the end. Both of mine were like, I mean, Macy was much better, but I still remember, like, having to rock her for so long. And maybe I was doing it wrong, I don't know. But, like, I recall, like, I had COVID, that's right. And I had Macy at six weeks old, and I was, like, on my deathbed with COVID. And you just, and there's no reprieve. Like, there's no, you have to do it, right?

I was like this. And I remember my eyeballs being so hot. Because I had, my fever was through the rest. roof and I was like looking at April we're isolated we're isolated with a two year old at the time it was absolute just gives me the shivers every time I think about you know you're having a hard time when you've got hot eyeballs oh it was like I had two two of the sun attached to the front of my face and I was like rocking doing squats yeah but man like having a newborn is hard like it is it is hard adding a new kid to any equation is going to be hard and it's going to

have, like, it's going to have its challenging moments. I do feel, though, I don't know if it's, you have to kind of make more of a focus when you do have that free time and giving the quality time to the other two. But I do feel a sense of being stretched, like on the weekends where I'm thinking, oh, I've got to grab poppy off you just so you get a bit of a break. And then Marley and Lola would normally have time to go down the park or that time is taken away. So I think it does take a bit of an adjustment trying to settle in with, how you divide your time amongst all three.

Yeah, of course. But I also think in terms of that, there's always going to be an adjustment. And like with the whole guilt concept, like I refuse to feel guilty. We are doing the best job that we can do. The kids are so well looked after. They are happy.

They are, you know, one of them's upstairs watching an iPad right now. No, they are so cared for and loved. And they are in a house with their dad and two parents who always make time for them and prioritize them. And so I kind of, I guess maybe with this time around, I was like, I'm not going to feel guilty about this. Like, it is what it is.

We're doing the best that we can possibly do. If I thought we weren't doing the best that we could do and actually we were being shitty, then, yeah, of course, feel guilty. But I really wanted to enjoy this because I know this is the last time we're going to do it. And so I don't want to spend this entire period feeling stressed out that I'm actually going to end up with a child in therapy one day. Because, I mean, potentially they're going to end up in therapy anyway. They should at least once. It's where, you know, it's character building. I know. I've got a question actually that just sprung to mind. Do you think it's beneficial at going for a third, for example, you're already pregnant. Let's just say you're already pregnant with your third.

Matt will drop dead. Do you think it's worth setting for the girls that you already have, setting the expectation of what's going to happen in terms of we might not have as much park time or we might not have as, do you think it's worth setting that expectation or just seeing how it goes and then having to deal with, oh, they can't go to the park now because poppies might be a bit sick or something and someone's been pulled away. I don't think we did that.

I don't think we really prepared them. I mean, we have the book. You're going to be a big sister book and we read that to Lola, especially Lola, because Marley understand she's been through it once before. But we kind of more were focused on like there's going to be a baby in the house and babies cry a lot and babies need lots of attention. But I don't think we were very specific around that means that you're not going to get there. And also, I don't think you want to scare a kid about what's coming

because I think if you can lean into the fact that you're including them, they're excited about a baby coming. It's not going to be at the deficit of my relationship with you, but like it's going to add to this relationship we're going to have together. I think that that was the mentality I had about it. And also, like, including the kids, not to parentify them, and I'm really careful about how I say this, but, like, they're old enough that they want to be involved. So get nappies.

They get, they get, they get wipes. Like, they, you know, I'm like, do you want to change your nappy? And they're like, oh, that's disgusting. But, like, I'm asking them. But I'll do it. You know, I think it's being really conscious as well. Like, there are definitely days where I'm super tired and I would love to stay in bed in the morning.

And Lola comes in and I'm like, it's okay, sweetie, get in the bed. Like, I could easily. say like, no, mommy needs to go back to sleep, but I'm really conscious that, like, that's an important thing for her. And so I'll make that sacrifice of my sleep in order for her to know that she's always welcoming out bed. It could make the big difference how the rest of her day pans out. It also makes a massive difference to her relationship with Poppy. And I want them. I was really jealous of my brother when he was born. So there's an eight-year age difference between me and my brother and different dads. And it wasn't an easy household at the time.

and I was so deeply jealous of my brother for most of my childhood and it affected my relationship with him hugely and I would be really mean to him and I just didn't have the capacity or the understanding that the reason that I was the way I was was because actually I was jealous and I wasn't getting what I needed from my mum at the time because she was a single mom three kids like it was really hard she did her best but um I got a lot for my grandparents but I was spending so much time with them and my mom wasn't able to split her time amongst a three of us evenly and that manifested in me really really like not wanting to be around my brother which I now look back and I'm like that's such a sad thing and I hate that that happened and so I think

if anything I'm hyper conscious about the relationship that the girls are going to have with each other sure yeah you just see like every family has their own dynamic right and like as you grow older I remember my like friends that I had with siblings and like a really young sibling and it was like how do you not let it get to the point? where it's sort of like the three of them are at each other or all of a sudden they're against each other for attention it's like such a fine line to walk where it's like I've got to be here but then I also want to be there for you and it's not it's not the baby's fault necessarily that I'm spending more time here it's just something I have to do have you noticed this is a question

for Matt like Mali and Lola have started fighting a little bit more than what they normally do really yeah they're not they're they don't fight let's break that down Mali and Lola don't normally fight they're actually they really love each other like they and they they're kind of like that sweet relationship where they're like, you're my best friend before they go to bed, which is just the cutest thing ever. But in the last, and I think it's just been like a frustrating weekend that they've had. But over the weekend, Mali, like, she like threw a few, like, soccer punches at Lola when she was like angry about something.

She just wasn't able to regulate and smacked a sister, which is really unlike her. So I think that they're the moments where you start to see, oh, okay, one kid's not getting enough. Like we're not intervening enough. We're not giving her enough attention that makes her feel like. like she is being understood, so therefore she's lashing out because no one's fixing the problem for her or helping her fix it. Yeah, or giving her the tools to fix it.

Totally. Because you're right, they're still not 100% regulating. And they're always going to fight at some point, like the kids, you know. I think it's peaks and troughs. I think depending on like sports, always a big one, depending on, you know, when there's certain events on, kids will get more attention. And I think at the moment, Poppy obviously as a newborn was getting majority of the attention, as she should.

I think Marley, given that she's had this end of year dance for some. She's now got these auditions for a new dance group. So she's had so much attention because she's doing rehearsals. We're stage parents now. And that's actually a stage mom. Thank you. Stage dad. He's a stage mom.

She's, Marley's also had those projects as well that she's had to get done. So she's getting a lot of attention. And I feel like I'm very aware that Lola hasn't had something that we've had to really focus on. Obviously, school starting and those orientation days have been great that she's had that attention. But I'm like, oh, we've got to give it to Lola as well to try and make it more even. Yeah, wait until there's a birthday.

the good thing is the first birthday is lollas is lollas and also like her year next year is such a big year like she starts school next year so like there are big things that are coming but it's always like you think about the middle chart it's so hard being a middle chart i say this because i was a middle child thank you but it's really hard because you always have a big sibling who is usually better at everything you know like they're better at sport because they're bigger they're better at dancing or singing or spelling or whatever it is because they've just done it first they've done every experience first and then you always have like the little one who needs more because they're little so there is this like weird gap of being it's very resilient building like I think that

there's lots of benefits that come from being the middle child but it's also really humbling when you're small and you're like I'm not fucking good at anything yeah I think you have to kind of get maybe this was something that was good for me when I was a kid my sister and I got into really different sports because she was just great at everything she did and so she like ended up competing to be in the Olympics for gymnastics. Like how the fuck do you like level up to that, right? And she was like so compliant at school. And compliance is kind of like what's prioritized in school.

If you're a compliant kid, the teachers love you. I was not compliant. I was talked a lot and asked a lot of questions and was kind of annoying, I think. And probably have undiagnosed ADHD. So my teachers hated me. So I got into swimming. And it was like that was something that I got to be good at that she wasn't and that she didn't do. And so it gave me a sense of like.

at least I had something that was like, that's my thing. Yeah, that's actually clever. And that's what Rolla needs. So pick something that the parents like to go to. Yeah, karate. We're going to get Lola into karate. Like the pub. Yeah.

Yeah, she's really good at coming to the pub with me. Your oldest sister can't do that. Puppie loves a margarita. She's having a great time. Parati, jiu-jitsu. She does like going out for dinner. Lola does love. Yeah, she's going to love a Mahi.

Yeah, she's always like, should we just go out for dinner? Yeah, she's like, oh, your cooking sucks. Let's get out of it. She goes every morning. Should we go out of breakfast? Like, she's such a social kid. But, yes, karate. I'll enrollola.

Jiu-jitsu? Sure. No, the kimonos are too expensive. How dare you? We've got three mouths to feed. Maybe you just don't have seafood maranara once or twice a week. Ashrek and seafood marinera is a rich people's dish. Are we having it twice a week?

When did that happen? Well, you like, prawns with everything. Laura's like, put prawns on it. You can't go anywhere. He's like, what's your seafood? Like, sorry, on land animals. not good enough for you. No, I like things from the sea.

See or the air. See or the air. Thank you. Do you have eagle on the menu? Yeah, because Cass has such like beautiful, blinky eyes. You don't want to eat those. It's all right to eat a prawn.

They're fucking delicious. And every vegan listener has just turned off. A lot of parents with three kids have all said a similar thing in that. The third was an accident. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a mistake. An accident.

They're too bit of things. If this was family view, that would be the second. talking about the hardest transition from zero to one one to two two to three they say that the one to two is a tricky one and that two to three is is not the hardest what do you feel about that one to two was a hundred percent my hardest yeah i mean you were also on dancing with the stars so you were never home so any chance i have to bring that up it really unbelievable no that was really the hardest was a great season though it was you were really good you guys you guys I'm going to fight when I leave.

I'm going to wrestle. But hopefully Nana can come downstairs and watch. One to two, I actually think that that question does not depend on the amount of kids that you're adding. And I say this now because of the experience of having three very different children, I think it depends on the temperament of the child and your anxious capacity, you know, like how much it stresses you out. Mali was like, we always were like, oh, Molly is a unicorn.

But now that I look back, I'm like, yeah, she was. She was a really good baby. But she wasn't a unicorn baby. like we still had to do the rocking every night. Like she was nine months old and we were still standing by her cot, rocking for half an hour to get her to sleep and then doing that awkward transition. But she wasn't a big crier, so it was kind of easy.

Trying to get your arm out? Just the slide? And you're like, look at the bangles and Laura. Oh, and I don't take things off. She's like, I'm not taking my jewelry off for no one. I like smack her in the head. I'm like, are you a kid? And then for us, like, obviously like having a tricky temperament

because Lola had colic, sorry I did just bang her in the head then. That was not intended. She just seems fine to me. Stop kissing me, Laura, like that. Do I have to say that was Laura was kissing the baby? Sorry, I was kissing Poppy because she stirred. Let them think what they want to think. What was I saying?

Yeah, so I think for me, one to two, absolutely, and for the exact reasons that we've talked about, and that was that it was really tricky with Lola as a baby. Yeah, I think like, there was a stage there I didn't want a second because of all the anxiety and the frustration. and the frustration and everything that came off the back of the first one. So I guess, like, it is going to depend on who you ask, right? So you could have someone who have five kids and it's like, what, like your mum?

Who was the hardest? The fifth one or the third one? It's always going to be different, right? And I can't say it enough. Like, this has been for me the easiest transition, but it's because it comes with experience as well. Like, I've now done it three times. I knew exactly what I was in for.

I know what postpartum looks like. I know what I need for support. I know what to tell Matt that I need, you know, whereas like the first time, round and even the second time round because the second time round is such a new experience because you're trying to cater to another baby and we had two babies they were both in nappies just with very different whereas this time it's just so it has been so so so different what am i doing right what am i doing wrong right now you are very good this time around like very very good that was no this is genuinely so marley's had this like dance audition at school right oh yeah yeah yeah

get into a dance group that's apparently selective. Spice girls. And I didn't have the capacity to learn the dance and teach her the dance, right? So like we got given a video screening of it, a teacher teaching the dance. And Matt learnt the entire dance and taught it to her. So Matt and Mali have been in the kitchen every day doing the dance and learning the dance. And like that's, I just think it's- We'll film it and put it on social. Oh yeah. Yeah, good content. Great content. I want to see it. But it's like really, that for me, I'm like how nice it is that she has a dad who doesn't even question, like, that he has to step up in those moments because she needs someone to do it.

And I can't physically teach her a dance at the moment. And I think things like, rather than it being about like, oh, you made the dinner or you did the washing or it's more so being. I'm waiting for it. Yeah. He's up here going, this would be good. Come on. Give it to me.

For me, it's a couple of things. So it's obviously the doing more around like for the other kids. kids and like around the house and the organizing of everything but also it's also like i need to be around people who are positive about stuff like so like if matt was like well this is really hard all the time yeah that would be really hard it rubs off on you yeah but he's so positive like you know even on the days i think you are yeah which is also so i'm just getting the negative size so i don't know yeah because you make his live arm he's like listen here I think you're really positive

And I think that like you're so good with the kids You're so positive with the kids Like you're you're the one the first one that's like Alright let's go let's get out of the house Let's go to the park Like I feel like nothing feels like a big deal And because it doesn't feel like it's a big deal to you It doesn't feel heavy

So I'm able to kind of get on with life and do everything And I don't know it just feels fun still in the house The house doesn't feel like a heavy and hard place to come home to You would absolutely hate me Right Because I'm like, oh, I just want to sit here all day. But like sometimes, sometimes when you're in that newborn bubble, like, kind of feels like the joy has been sucked out of the house

because everyone's so tired, right? And so you're just kind of like getting through everything. It's nice to have someone to go get up, get everyone up. Yeah, and be like positive about the day. And sometimes when you're not the person who can bring that kind of like 90% that, you know, like I am tired and there are days where I don't have that energy. And so you need the other person. to be the person who sets the tone of like things are good we're going to do stuff and life is

great you know and if you don't want to that's fine i'll go down the shops and get coffee and like matt's a really good tone set it in the house i think is that one's yeah i didn't know that yeah you are that's very nice bit of saying well what can i be better at um why you're just why you're getting a list out of your pocketbook i think the one thing that i struggle with sometimes is what i said at the start not having any time when the baby's not on me and And I have to do a lot of the stuff, regardless with her on me. Like, I'll cook dinner and she'll be strapped to me. Or I will go for a walk and that's my exercise, but she's strapped to me.

I couldn't chop a sweet potato with her on me. I was like, take her off. And like, so sometimes I have to hold it in when I'm a bit like, you can do that with her in the carrier, you know? So like last night Matt was like cooking steaks and he was like, oh, can you take her? Because I don't want any oil to splash on her, totally reasonable. And I'm like, I cook dinners with her. You just put a muslin wrap. And I was like, I'm not going to have that fight, but I'll have it now.

It's not a head. Also, Laura, it's not a competition. I remember when I had the baby on me, I was so petrified all the time of something happening. And sometimes I would be like, finish my sausage roll and look down and be like, get rid of the flakes of pastry off my child. Or I'd be like, I'd have a coffee. I'd be like. But you know what? It's such a double-edged sword because if Matt was cooking steaks over the other. with spitting oil, I would be angry at him and be stressed out that he's going to hurt the baby. But then when he says, oh, can you take her? Because I've got to cook the stakes. I'm like, well, I could fucking cook the stakes. So, like, he can't win. And I know that now. Whereas, like, if this was first round kid, I would be irrationally mad. I wouldn't know that. That's why I felt the way. But I would just feel all those feelings at once. Whereas now I'm like, okay, Laura,

you're going to take coffee back. And you know that there is no situation in this way he can win. So don't pick a fart. The only thing that I think sometimes I would like, like love more of is to be able to be like she's fed take her i'm i'm leaving the house now i'm going for a walk by myself without a child you know like that i think i would love to have like an hour to myself but we are still seven weeks in you know it's such early days you've got plenty of time to do that yeah you can get your life back eventually get it back eventually yeah i just remember when i did have a child on me it felt like i was in the hot seat for something to happen yeah you know what i But that's also how you feel as the mum, because we're, we're, like, wired differently now.

Like, we're wired to protect. And so whenever Matt has her for a prolonged period of time, I'm always like, I'm going through the mental list of things that could go wrong. And I actually feel better when she's on me because I feel less anxious. So that's what I mean by, like, it's kind of a double-edged sword because sometimes I'm, like, I want you to take her. But then when he has her, I don't feel at ease because I don't have her on me. And I think, like, that's all the hormones that we have to do.

deal with, which is just so, you know, conflicting all the time. But it's, yeah, I think that third time round, I'm dealing with it a bit better. After the weekend where we were pretty much indoors the whole time, you do get a level of like anxiety and frustration though when you're holding Poppy because you've got her in your arms and you can still, you can walk around, you can do things, but you can't quite give attention to anything for more than like five or 10 seconds because she gets upset. So it's really frustrating. You know, you can like have a bite of a sandwich. You can't write an email. You can't do what you want to do. So when you have her on you for like three hours, it's so nice to then have a break. And I think that's something

I need to be more aware of is how much time you have with her constantly latched on to you. And my situation is very different. Like I'm back at work at full capacity. So like I'm back recording podcasting. I'm back running Tony May. But I have to do all of my work with her on me. So when Matt's like, oh, can you hold her? Because I've got to write an email. I'm like, I will stab you. I will stab you. I shouldn't say that. That's very bad. But I like, this is one of those instances. And that's really tricky because, like, that is not, it's not normal to go back to work with a seven-week-old baby. I do that to myself. So, yeah. That's tough, man. I, and I know that obviously, I'm the one in the hot seat, but interested to know, like, how do you feel about

adding the third? Like, what were your reservations and how has this leveled up in terms of what your expectations were? It's funny because I think the expectations that you have all of a sudden just become completely forgotten when you're in the trenches and you're like, oh, you know, you're trying to remember what life was like with just two kids. Yeah. And that is really hard to have those flashback moments. It's all just like life now is just feels like it's forever being with three in the mix. I think I was nervous just about how we would adjust to juggling everything.

But people are crazy in that. You can put like another piece of the puzzle in the mix and you just, it settles and you just find time. Like it's just, I don't know we've kind of made it work. I think coming off the back of that period of, you know, mom being sick and then taking on the pickup, which has just been an added bit of responsibility and finishing the renovation as well. That's all kind of just, it's all been this like bottleneck for the last couple of months.

I think we're doing okay. I think part of the reason why we're doing okay and not like not just the Pascharigo because we're on the podcast, but I think there's lots of times where I think myself, holy fuck, Laura is doing so well. Like, you know, with the nighttime feeds, you just take into being a parent like an absolute pro like i oh third time no and i and i like muscle memory i'm assuming i was like still it took me seven years probably don't tell you enough i have those little three hour blocks not even three hours it's like two hours where i have poppy on me and and i'm thinking like oh god i need a break

and then i have to remind myself that you're doing this every single day so i i i'm in awe like total awe of how well you're doing and i think that's why you talk about setting the tone and i look at you as being someone who's kind of being like this is great we're going to enjoy this and it's going to be not easy, but we're going to get through it. And I look to you for how we attack each day each week. I think we both do it. I think we're also conscious, like, we have such an ability to impact each other's mood around it. And like, I think because I was so petrified that this was going to be awful. I really was scared. And I think I just had, I just ruminated in my brain about it so much that I was like, you're going to be in the trenches. It's going to be so, so hard.

there's going to be zero joy like will your relationship even survive i think i don't know why i don't know why i was so negative about it you know what i think is but it took over my thoughts for a while and so when she came out and i was like oh my god i do love you as much as i love my other kids there was more space for more love this is actually amazing and there is like we still love each other and we can still have fun and yeah we're tired and all that stuff but like it's been so healing for me i think in a lot of ways do you know what i think is a tough moment of the day well i don't know if you feel the same way. Oh, God.

But I reckon... You're like, it's 10.30 at night when I'm like, hey, the doctor gave you the all clear. And I'm like, I'm tired now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think what is a hard moment of the day is we were in that muscle memory of once you get the kids, Miley and Lola, down into bed and they're asleep, then we get time together. And at the moment, we're in a phase of we get them down and then we've got dinner to cook.

We've got poppy to job. It's not over. Yeah, that's it. Because newborns go to sleep at 9 o'clock. So, like, we've got a 7, a 9 and an 11. So there's just no time in between now. Yeah, and I know that feeling you're saying like, because obviously I'm in that position where it's like once they're in bed,

it's kind of like you finish your game of football, right? You finish your whole day of full-time whistle. Full-time whistle telling you like, all right, it's time to. Crack a big, clock off. It's time to fill my cup up again. But then you're getting to the point now because you're so deep in the things. of it right now. Yet it's not over. You're like, goodnight girls, love you. We've got a third quarter. Back to my night shift job now. You know, you're moonlighting your second job. Yeah,

it's gone into overs. I wonder if it's the same for you, Matt. Like, I know you love her. I know that I'm not, I don't want to speak for you. But like, I feel utterly obsessed with her. Like, I am so in love with her and I feel so deeply in love with her in the same way that I love my other kids. And I thought that that was going to take a while for that to develop. And I do reckon out a lot of its hormones but then they're just so fucking cute like everything she does I'm like Matt come look at her like five seconds in I'm like yep

got that she's like watch her for longer that's such a man's mentality bro like I'm like I need like tiny bits of cuteness and I'm like sick I literally like gaze at her and he's like I've had enough and I'm like staring to her eyes kiss her on the face and he's like what are you doing I've had my fix I want to like climb inside her mouth she's so cute but I can't

I'm finding for me that the always do my kids get the more cute i think they are yeah you know what i mean like i was never a big baby guy i read this once a dad talking about his experience of um fatherhood and he was like i remember my son being born and i didn't have the flood of love that everyone talks about you know and he's like i really walked out of the hospital thinking fuck we've ruined our life which is a very extreme reaction he took the words right out of my mouth seriously that was that was my first experience as being a dad is that I, and I've openly said it before on podcast and wherever else I've said it. There was a stage there where I hated him.

Wow. You just felt like there was nothing. I hated what he did to us. and he said, but I fell in love with my children when I got to know them. he's like, as I got to know my kids. I, my love for them grew in a way that I wasn't expecting. I fell in love with my children. And I feel that as a dad. Yeah. And I didn't feel that as a mom. I don't think I necessarily. had like the flood the very fit i think i kind of was i was like a deer in the headlights the very first time but the the love came super quick whereas this time there was no deer in the headlights i was just like oh straight away come here smother that weird mucus stuff all over me i

yeah you're so beautiful and that also comes down to your muscle memory too yeah because at the first time everyone's like shit the first initial like i was like stunts yeah the first initial thing is like what do i i remember when um obviously it was an emergency CC section and I had Oscar while April was getting looked after and I was like at one point I was like what am I fucking doing it's like shell shock and then my my mother-in-law walks in and I was like please just have this child because I don't know I was just in shock really and then yeah like like matt was saying as well it wasn't I wasn't in love with this kid immediately like yes he was a nightmare but like as they're getting older I'm finding that I'm way more in love with them as I'm

getting to know them way more like macy like all of a sudden she's hit four last week and she's like a little girl won't stop sending me photos of macy she's the cutest fucking thing in the world there might be um like there'll definitely be people who relate to this and and have had those feelings and then there'll be people who had this such instant love that they can't even fathom it being the opposite and i think when you've experienced the opposite if you're in it that's a very frightening feeling of like, oh my God, this is not what I expected. But there's something, and I think it's really brave of you to share that, Ash, because it's not what people are expected to say about parenting.

And I think that there's something really healing for those who have experienced it to know, oh, okay, well, I'm not broken and, like, it's going to get better. Like, it doesn't stay in this version of, like, stress forever. Yeah. You grow out of it. This actually leads me to my next question. What is your favorite age so far? I don't have a favorite age.

No, I don't have a favorite age. I love the kids at every age. And every age, I think it's my favorite age until the next age comes along. Like right now, I would say newborn, four and six. Do you have a favorite family member? Buster. No.

Favorite child? Yeah, Buster. No, I don't have a favorite child. I always say the dog too when someone asks me. You can't have a favorite child. It's not real. You have different types. Which one's being easier on the day?

You always say that. But also, you have favorite things you like about each of them. You know what I mean? Our kids are so different. Each one of them is so different. and I'm just obsessed with all of them. When it comes to the responsibilities that you and I take on, how have we gotten to where we are?

How do you answer this one? What is the question? I'm confused. How have we gotten to the point? Sorry, wait, is the question? How did we get here? How have we got into the... There was a casting call for the bachelor.

Everyone shut up. How have we gotten to the point now currently in terms of who does what with responsibilities of parenting? I'm with you now. I'm with you. I'm with you. It evolves and it constantly evolves because when the kids are little and when they're newborns and babies, I'm doing the lion's share. There is no argument there. Like, I'm doing 99.9% for Poppy. And then that means that you've picked up mornings for the kids, but you haven't always done mornings for the kids. My work got busier, so I needed to be so. I think it's just a constant, it's a constant

conversation. And, you know, on the times when I need more help and therefore Matt needs to do more over X or Y with the kids and then vice versa. We kind of fill the holes where the holes need to be filled. How would you describe that? I do think it's always changing though. I feel like I'm the admin guy. So a lot of the admin stuff, I just have,

it's kind of falling into my lap. Yeah, but if you're good at it. This is one of our things we argue about. You are the admin guy. I know. I'm not surprised over here again. But it depends on the admin, right? So admin that Matt never had to even look at

was all the admin I had to do for a newborn baby. He didn't even know it existed. I don't even know what that. Does that exist? Yeah, to book hospitals, book every ob's appointment. There was so much admin that was in charge of the insurance. Well, they didn't get heaven. There is so much admin that goes into having a baby and a on baby and registering the baby and doing all of the vaxes and everything else. Like I have done every single step of this admin. And so therefore I'm like, you can register the car. I've got to register a baby. So like I do think that, you know, as much as you have picked up a lot of their life

and house admin in the last nine months I feel like I've been doing a shit ton of admin just having a baby for sure and I feel like as you've been pulled into more and more work kind of just being pulled into more and more of the responsibilities with the girls yeah yeah in different ways but then like it could change like next next week it could change like that's the thing when you say it evolves like there could be something else that your attention needs to go off to do something and then you'll pick up something that he's had to put down temporary dancing with the stars all Stars. Dancing with Stars.

Well, and I mean, you know, you went and did I'm a celebrity for six weeks this year, and I did 100% of everything. So, I mean, it's ebbs and flows. It depends on what's happening in each other's lives. Poppy, Pearl. Where did that come from? I just liked the name Poppy. We were throwing names around, and it was one that, like, stuck to the wall that we

both liked. And then Pearl is my dad's. So every middle name that we have for our kids is, like a family name. So Ellis is from Matt's mom. May is from my. my grandparents on my mom's side and Pearl is my dad's mom's name, but she died when he was really little. So, yeah, I messaged him and I was like, would you be okay if we use the name Pearl? And he was really stoked about it. He messaged his brother, who is his only still living

brother. And I think it was a really nice, like sentimental moment for them that Pearl still exists in the family. And I really like alliteration. Poppy Pearl, Molly Mae. So it was perfect. Is that what that is, Poppy Pearl? Little Lola. Laura, you've been fantastic. You've been a great guest. Get the hell out of here. How much do I owe you for this therapy session? Oh, look, you're probably having a baby. You've hit the Medicare limit. So you'll get it all back.

I get a rebate. Okay. Oh, you'll get like 85%. Poppy's been great. She's, yeah, she's a star. Like, she's a class act when it comes to podcasting. You've got to get out of here. Thank you so much for jumping on the podcast.

It is just a pleasure to have you on here. Poppy, be quiet. She's just saying thank you as well. Yeah, she's like, thank you. If you want to ask people to maybe review. Can I say thank you first? Thank you. Ash,

carry on. Thank you. Thank you. If you guys love the episode, go Apple Podcasts, leave a review, subscribe, go on to YouTube,

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Bye. Bye. Bye. and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigle Land.