Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #201 Baby formula and worming chocolate - a winning combo?

Episode Date: January 27, 2026

It's almost the start of the school year so you know what that means? New term, de-worm! Th boys sample a smorgasbord of worming chocolate for your listening pleasure.  But the taste tests don't stop there... to celebrate 201 episodes together the boys take a little quiz to see who knows who the best and the loser has to drink baby formula (although let's just say he enjoyed it a little bit too much). Matt admits he's already failed at all his new years resolutions while Ash reveals he's kept a big one, forcing Matt to retract his comments last week and apologise for ever doubting him. Matt also details some big changes that have been made in their household surrounding Poppy and how it will affect his sleep... and the show! Plus Matt did something on holiday that left Ash baffled and Ash has a hack that can help save you from the endless questions from the kids these school holidays. Join the boys in solidarity as they try to survive the final weeks of school holidays! If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Daddy's got reading glasses. It's too small for your head. That's a horrible thing to say. You look different. I look smart as fuck. I don't know if you do. How dare you? These are for my, they're anti-glare for my computer and my, let's be real.

My phone. Welcome back to two doting dads. I am Maddie J. And I am Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable.

And it's good to be back. I nearly forgot all of that. I know, I just blacked out. First break we've really had in three years. It was nice. The reading glasses. Yep. Are they a permanent fixture?

Yes. Are they legit? This is a hard launch right now. I don't know. Thanks. I just need them to read and leave and survive. Are they the right shape? I've got another pair.

Try the other pair on. Okay. One moment, please. There's a slight more round to them. They're the same. Okay, cool. Let's carry on then. they are pretty comfortable.

Do you need them for record? Because what do you... Too glary when you're looking at me? Your face is too glary. Too much of a star? No, I just thought I would do a hard launch. This is what I'm going to look like from now on. Get used to it, buddy.

A lot's changed. A lot has changed. It's good to be back, I would say. It's great to be back. Should we just kick off for some housekeeping? A little bit of housekeeping. I'm not sure if you remember last year you tricked your kids into being wormed

And then we spoke to a GP and they said, you should worm your kids before every term. Which surprised me because I grew up, I don't think I ever got wormed. Not once. Me either, and I did have worms. But my kids love the worming chocolate. Yes.

So I thought this year we should kick it off right. Yeah. And we should start ourselves off with a little chalk chew ourselves. New term, dewormed. Beautiful. That's it. If you're listening right now, stop what you doing.

Get some worming chocolate from the pharmacy. Try this one because this one, I got a few options. Yeah, this is like a smorgasbord of worming tablets. This one is a chock, a chock chew. You're lovely. So I'll give you one. Oh yeah.

Looks like Ovalteen. Yeah, look, a little bit of advice to the business who created these ones. Make them look a little bit more like chocolate because my kid's going to know that. This one looks like dairy milk. The first one we had, the Vermox, that's quite medicine-y. Not my favorite type of worming chocolate? I've got a few different times that I try. This is, what's this one?

I've got a few different times that I try. Combatron. Am I reading that right? It's hard to read. Contraband. I like, I like the... That's got a bit of mouth feel. Actually, that's pretty good.

That's really good. After dinner, that with a cup of tea. Yeah. And an arrow route. Look at us. Late 30s, both of us now. Thank you for keeping me wormed. Dewormed.

No worry. Dewormed. And also keeping the listeners dewormed. and informed. Anyway, moving on. By the time this comes out, it will be old news.

But yeah, Brooklyn Beckham, I feel like every woman, not to generalize here, but every woman over the age of 30 right now is in shock. I know, all the pre-30 year, I was like, what the fuck are these guys going on about? Laura was like,

did you hear the news? She woke me up. And I was like, watch, like, Brooklyn's posted on Instagram. And I was like... I don't get that. Honestly, I don't really... I know there's like a feud or I don't know.

I don't know. Okay, well, we are probably the wrong people to be talking about this because we don't know enough. But this is from what my sources are telling me, slash my wife. So Brooklyn, the son of David and Victoria, obviously posh spice. Oh, yeah, yeah. You with me? With you? With you?

I always thought the feud was like a bit of a joke. But apparently, apparently, they had unfollowed each other on social media. Oh, God. All right? Yeah. And so there's no way of hiding the feud. because people were like, they unfollowed each other. Is it the publicity this or you think?

That's what I was like, maybe it's just a piss take. Maybe they're just having a laugh and he's like, oh, dad, I'll unfollow you. And he's like, yeah, do it. And everyone, like, around the world. Also, get the fuck out of my house. But apparently he got married recently and apparently Victorian David, according to what Brooklyn has posted, they tried to break up the relationship. And Victoria even then stopped the wedding dress being made.

So, you know, are you? team David and Victoria. I think once you get that sort of famous and that sort of money, just get on with your fucking life. Like, if your son's going to marry someone that you don't like, too fucking bad. All you're going to do is push them away. But then do we listen to Little Brooklyn, who's obviously, I mean, not obviously, sorry, let me rephrase that.

Could be a spoiled little brat. I would say that Victoria, Posh and David, they've hit boom a category here. So you don't listen to them. Because, I mean, there's still. It's part of the same generation that was like a bit red-hot. I mean, yeah. So I think Brooklyn's probably a little bit more woke. And also, I did read one bit of it.

Here he is. I'm usually don't. Here he is. Welcome to the party. What are you got? I care about me. But I read someone's story because they were like, the royal family. Someone called them the royal family.

Yeah, they are the royal. They essentially. Yeah, they're like the most famous couple in history. Yeah. It's like, like people will debate that. I heard that she grinded, bumped and grinded on him at the... Who? Victoria bumped and grinded on Brooklyn at the wedding reception because she wanted to steal the...

She's the mother-in-law from hell, apparently. What? Look, I can... But that's a sort of petty thing boomers do. But being grinded on by your mum? Could you imagine? Oh my God, I'd hate that. Mum, get off.

Especially my mum. Get off me. She's only like four foot ten. You know how I get some... She didn't do grind on my shin. A bit of incest It's weird It's weird

I don't know who to believe I think it also comes down to like boy mums right April's going to be posh Beck in my reckon Yes But have you ever called April Sorry she's in the room listening Grinding on Oscar

I never thought that that sentence Would come out of anyone now Let's move along Yes let's move on from that Best of luck to all of the billionaires That are having dramas I want to give a shout out to Laurel. Laurel in the Facebook group.

That is a beautiful name. Laurel? I do like the name Laurel. It's a beautiful name. She was very honest. I did a little shout out. I was like, hey, we're back this week. And she was like, good.

She goes, I was getting sick of the best of episodes. Oh, we're so sorry. Were they that? I thought they were good. I thought they were. Look, to be honest, we just wanted to keep the wheels turning. I was like, Fair, okay.

Some people do like a best-of. I was talking to... I love a best-of. Mel who owns a surf shop and I walked in there and she was like, I'm really enjoying the best-obs. Because it's the best of. It is the best-of. If we were put the worst-of out,

then maybe that you'd have an argument. But also best-of is subjective. Yes. If we miss your favorite part... Go back and listen to them all and find it. I apologize. So yeah, for Laurel. Other news, Ash, the nanny.

The nanny, we have hired. I'm going to call her Roberta. Lovely name. She starts today. Today is day one. We are day one of the nanny. Welcome.

How was the induction? It was good. It was good. Laura really was in charge. And I did something which I thought was very ideal. Go on. Okay.

Because it's tricky when you're in the house at the same time as the nanny. It's got to be awkward. It's awkward, right? And also awkward because I didn't do the handover. Laura did the handover notes. So then I was just like, hello. You're like the PA taking notes.

I don't know. I didn't know. And so I came down and Lola had like fruit strap type lolly thing. Straight up in the morning. Straight up in the morning. Yeah, right? And Lola said, Dad, can I have this? But I could tell that there was a conversation already.

That was with Roberta. and I didn't know if Roberta said yes or no And so Lola was looking at me like Hey Dale, you know Like what's the deal? I can eat this kind of What's the deal? What's the deal?

And I was like, fuck do I say yes? Do I say no? I don't want to go against Roberta But what do I do here? You'll ask Roberta first probably Well then I obviously didn't want to look like There's any weakness in front of the club? Yeah, straight away then

And Lola's pretty cluey onto She can sense weakness Yeah. She would have gone. This was make or break. Okay. Day one. And I think I handled this pretty well.

Go on, tell me. I said, Roberta's in charge. Smart. Whatever she said is the rules. Okay. That's all I got. They only bring the big problems to you. Is that what you were trying to portray?

So that you're still top dog, but she makes those sort of decisions. Correct. Smart. What happened with the strap? Did she get a strap? I said, bring the strap. with you. You can snack on the strap after you've painted the plaster.

There he's such a good dad. Thank you. You are a good dad, a good parent. Thank you. So just final words on the nanny. Welcome Roberta. Yes. That's my official welcome.

And I can't wait to meet her. Thank you. Okay. Maybe she can look after my kids too for free. I think I'm going to get her to speak Spanish to the kids. Portuguese. Doesn't speak Portuguese. She's Spanish.

Yeah. Do they speak Spanish or Portuguese? Spanish. Well, there's two. There's both, right? What are you saying? There's two different. There's Portuguese and Spanish.

She speaks Spanish. Okay. I'm just talking. Whoa. You've had it for one day. You're defending over me. No, like, it's Spanish. And you're like, oh, but is it Portuguese?

No, it's Spanish. And you're like, well, yeah, but is it. But which one is it? Spain? South America. Got it. Is Spain in Europe? Yes.

Okay, I'm confused now. About what? Just, in people in Spain, do they speak Spanish? What else do they speak? French? but is Spanish I'm confused We need to get

We need a We need a world map I'm so lost Anyway We need a world map By next week I will have had this worked out Okay

Okay So that's why we are here right now Ash In the northern beaches In the Wicks household Yes We missed a milestone Matt Oh fuck

Whose birthday was it Yours? You wouldn't know We missed our 200th episode What are we now 2001 Are we? Oh, fuck.

Because remember we did 202? Oh, no, 102 back in the day because we missed 100. Hey, just quietly. Just quietly. It's April on a work call right now. Are we being too loud? No. And we're the kids, by the way.

Who? Your kids. Sorry. My kids are, they're locked in a cupboard. They'll be fine. Great. They're at various care. So we're 201.

Yeah. Congratulations, sir. Handshake. I thought we would have done more than 200. Unless you've got another podcast You're doing with another dad then The double century The double century

We should do something for it So I thought we could do a little quiz Yes great And I've never tried breast milk before Okay Yeah While I have a few times Against my will

I'm working up and Laura's been Over the top of it Trying to drown you But we were talking about doing a little like game quiz and the loser had to try the breast milk and I'll be honest Laura didn't love the idea and I was like you try to milk her I was just like just give me like half a shot glass and she was like no

it is precious I get it and so she did not did not consent to being milked for the quiz maybe I should ask so we have gotten something just as good. An alternative. Yes. A, I've got in my hand here a shot, a very, very funny looking glass.

I don't know if a glass that big needs a handle. Shaps. I like it. I like it. It's, what is it? Do you know what? Can I let you a little secret? Yeah, go.

I love baby formula. I've never had baby performers. This was growing up, I remember when I was a kid. I used to, I used to have it like Milo. Really? Yeah. It's really good. That's weird.

It's really good. Maybe like... This is, I'm worried about... Well, you like it. Yeah. So maybe instead of doing a quiz, we just cheers to it and both neck it and see what happens. No, we'll do the quiz. Do a quick quiz?

You got any questions? You start, Matt. You got questions. Okay. Question number one, and you are the date guy. They're good with numbers. So you should know this. Question number one, when is Lola's birthday?

The second of... February. Fuck, he's good. What year? What year? She is, she turns five next week. So it would be 2020. Wait, 2021.

Very good. Sorry. Very good. I'll read your question, but I need my reading glass. Oh, there we're here. Which one do you want? I haven't on the end of my nose like that. Like a real old dog.

Okay, we'll straight back at you, big guy. What's Macy's birthday? Fuck. Right. I have no idea. You do have, and I was talking to April about this, you have the worst memory. You're a very switched on guy.

You're very intelligent, I would say. Thank you. But your memory is lacking. And that can be a vitamin you can take for that. I'm trying to think. Just give me the month. Give me the month. November.

Is it? No, May 11th. November 12. Bam. Got it. Did I? Yeah. Of course I did.

What year? 2022. No, 21. Really? Hmm. Same as dollar. Take a sip. It's not as good as I remember.

Put some worming chocolate in there and mix it in, like a little myelah. My guts right now are like, what the fuck is going on? We're back at work, guys. Okay. You're next. What household job made me feel emasculated? Which one? It was definitely the new fridge and the water fountain in the fridge.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Okay.

What does April do for work? She is the PA. Wrong. She's an EA. Right. There's no difference. There is. Okay.

You tell an EA and a PA there. Sounds like the start of a joke. An EA and a PA walk into a bar. I won't mention the company, but they're a software. company. Yes, very, very well done from you. She used to work in early childhood. She did. You're up. Roughly, I'll give you the allowance of like within a couple of months.

Okay. How long did my renovation take? Ooh. Okay, so they accepted your offer on Oscar's birthday that you attended with Mali and Lola at Pitot Arsel that was manly themed, which was in June. You're like that type of person who can remember every single day. So that was June. So it would have had to be imposed then.

I'm going to say 11 months. 12 months. Like I was close. Very good. How many times has Oscar moved house? You sleep down the road and then you were at Franks for a bit. And then you went to the place with the big paddock and now you're here. So it's like three moves essentially.

No, wrong. What? Six. D.Y. Did I know you then? No. No, no, no. I have spoke.

My life didn't count before you were here. D.Y. Yep. Franks. Worrywood. Yeah. Worrywood again. Franks. Eleanor.

Warwick. Seven times. But Franks is a couple times. So you mulled into one. That doesn't care. You were still a mile off. I'm looking forward to this. Oh, my God.

Why do you have an erection? You like it. I like it. It's so weird. You're next. What was the alternate name that Laura and I were considering for Poppy? A penny. Ah, gosh, you are good.

Hey. You do listen to when I talk. I do. I do. I listen tentatively. I'm a listener. People pleaser. I've got to remember so that I can bring it back up.

So you go, oh. Very good. April's a lucky lady. Yeah, she is. I always tell that. Hit me. Name three of my previous jobs before podcasting. Okay.

You worked in a timber yard. Yep. You sold cars. Yes. you were a painter You also washed windows Yeah You worked in HR

Yeah What else that I missed Target Kmart Sold printers Factory hands Did you sell printers Yeah Sorry

Sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry Recruitment Which is hater There's a job that I did do I used to work at a gym

But I was at the gym I was This is kind of embarrassing I have one of those Morph suits That I stand on the road With the sign That is grim.

That was you. I was desperate. Anyway, well done. Well done. Go, you're next. What surgery did my mum have recently? Oh, it was shoulder surgery that seemed to be life-threatening. What was wrong with the shoulder?

She tore the... What did she tear? Did she do it getting something out of the cupboard? I remember. Something high up. It was only a shoulder. Shoulder. Yeah, was shoulder.

What was being reattached? The ligament. Yeah, very good. That's it. That's what I wanted. Oh, okay. There is. Wow.

Nearly Gilda, poor thing. I know. Laughing at my mom, almost passing away. Which is fine now. Well, like, why do that? That's so insensitive. I text her every day when she was in hospital, okay?

I'm allowed to laugh. She's like, can you know, I can't back off? I've got one last one. Go. How many overseas trips did I have last year? Four. You did Vegas twice. Vegas, you did Bali.

You'd buy a couple times. No, I didn't. I feel like you would have done another American trip. Yeah, I did L.A. Before. Yeah, well done. Should we just down the hatchet?

Yeah. She used first. Yum. Two hundred and one. One. Have another one, please. Oh, relax. It's not that bad.

That's fucking disgusting. My taste buds are weird. That's... I just don't like that taste. Like, it's got nothing to it. I would prefer it. It's got a little like a little like tangy kick at the end. Tangy kick.

Mine didn't. What was in mine? I do want to say though to everyone who has listened, some of you have been with us since day one. How? I do not know. But we honestly, we can't tell you how much we appreciate you supporting us. Yes.

Until now, without you guys, we wouldn't have a show. So the fact that we've survived, almost three years, 201 episodes, below is my little mind. I know. It went so fast too.

So thank you, Dota's. Appreciate it. And we got, we'll just keep them coming, I guess. I guess so. Until I stop listening.

Until this relationship deteriorates. Oh my God. That stinks. Are we good? You went five minutes? Nope. Oh my God. You're very gassy.

Thank you. All right. Moving on. We did make a bit of a joke. about some New Year's resolutions that we were going to do. We weren't committing to them. We were suggesting that we would might do them. Well, whenever I suggested one, you were like, you fucking loser?

It was just one, sailing. I was attacked. Okay, so how's the sailing going? Really good. Really, really good. Sorry, that is coming up, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Wow.

Goodness me. Sailing makes me want to do that too. I'm yet to sail. Okay. I'm yet to sail. TBC. Yes. Okay.

I actually don't think I've done any of my... Cartwheel. No, still no good. I promised to do that too. I didn't do that either. What else? New phone rule around the girls. Awful.

Yeah, awful. Over holidays, I think my phone use is increased. I had drinking. I need to apologize. Go on. When you mentioned that you were embarking on this journey, I said...

How long's I going to last? Sorry. Yeah, I know. That was what I said. It's here, man. I rude. I remember. I'm currently 10 days sober right now.

Yeah. Enjoy that. Is that going to last? Oh my God. I apologize. It's today's day 44. Wow. I know.

I actually saw the lovely gentleman working at the cafe. And they said that since you started drinking with them, which was roughly the age of 13 or 14, this is the longest you have ever gone without a drink. It's not. Oh. It's not. I'm nearly there. Eight weeks is the longest I've ever been.

Just ruin my story. Three years ago. They're full of shit. Those guys over at the campaign. Sorry. What do I know? When is the longest? It was eight weeks.

So however many days that is. And that was the year after Macy was born in 2022. Wow. And why did you drink again after that little stint? You were done. You had enough. I just needed like a reset. Like this one was like a, I just had a huge year on the Terps last year.

every two weeks it was like oh i'm going away again and then you go away on these trips you know what it's like it's like they're throwing free food at you free alcohol at you it's just like oh adds and i just felt so unhealthy that's why this time has been really easy because i was ready for it the other times i had forced myself to do it for relationships like with april and my kids and stuff this was it still had a bit to do with that but it was i think i was just ready and i was like and i also didn't do that thing which a lot of people would do and especially like dads and like people and men in their 30s you think were invincible still where you go I'm going to quit drinking and just become this athlete you know you just like start running the first week I just ate the house down my god

well not a scare up of exercise your Oreo intake is unbelievable yes yeah you need to get a sponsorship from them I know I've had to cut down we were away and and ash was like Laura was going to the shops and she put the call out and said, what do we need? And Ash was like seven packets of Oreos. And she was like, ha, ha, ha. No, seriously, what do you want? And you're like, make it eight.

I was not joking whatsoever. She thought I kept was joking. I was like, damn it, man. I need. Hurry up. I need more. Bring them back. And then she came back and she goes to me.

The checkout lady was like, are these on special or something? No. And I ate through every single one of those. Zorias because I wasn't drinking and that's my was my bias that and like I just had a cup of Pepsi Max of the whole time. You love a little like little bickie and a little soft drink. The mouth feel for me. It's the mouth feel and then having something in my hand. But I have done things healthier. Like I'm still kind of eating whatever I want because I'm like I'm not drinking. I'm exercising. I'm definitely doing that. I'm just trying to be a bit more mindful just

because like I was just a loose cannon, which I, look, I kind of like, but then at the same time, it's like, I need to sometimes like just take a moment for myself to be like, all right, you know. So I'm trying to be a little bit more like that. And I walked into my hairdressers the other day, my barber, if you will. And he said, he goes, he just pointed out and he goes, you're on the Zembees? And I was like, for those listening, a Zembeys is Ozambi. And I was like, oh, no, but thank you.

Hello. That's a nice. That was a lovely compliment. And I was like, that's great. And I was like, so I was complimented. And I felt good. Came home. I said that to April.

She was like, no, it's lovely, whatever. And then I went through Macca's drive-through the same night. And I'm at the window. And I've ordered. I'm waiting for my food. And the lady came out and she goes, do you still need that McFlurry? And I was like, yes. First of all, I was like, what?

What did she mean by that? Exactly. And I was like, oh, how dare you? But two people were actually getting my food. She thinks, I think she thought someone had already. given it to me, but I took it as if like, someone just said I was on Ozambica, and now you're saying, but also, which one is it?

Yeah, so I was in the Maccas drive-through. After being complimented about how skinny I was, I thought, I've earned this. Could you imagine that I were actually handing over McFlown? Like, are you sure you want this? That's, that's how she said it. And that's how I took it, but then I... I know what I'm doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyways, I was, I was both complimented and humbled very quickly in the same day. What's your game plan here? I think that's what made it a little bit easier for me. I don't have, because we were talking about it because we did spend time together, which honestly, I had a great time. Just want to let you know. That's weird.

We spent that new year's period together, which I think kind of helped me, actually, that I wasn't with my pisshead mates because you're not overly a pissette. You'll have a drink and enjoy yourself. But you're also mature enough to be like, that's enough. My friend's like, more! Love them, but Jesus.

And we went to a winery on New Year's Day just during the day for lunch, which was lovely, wasn't too hot, it was nice. I'm really giving the details of the story here. And I said, if I'm going to have a drink, I'm going to have one. But then I also said to you at the bar, I said, if I'm going to have one drink, I'm going to have, like, I was worried. I was like, I wanted you to have a drink. Because one is never enough.

I know, then I was like, let's get Ash out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who's having a spell off the drink is at a winery. I know. Everyone is just pissed. Oh, yeah. Like, I was like, oh, I could do it. It's like inviting a crackhead down to like a laying way.

A crackdown. Yeah, yeah. Come over out of our place. It's lovely. You should see what we're done with the place. It was like that. And I was like, I did spend a lot of time trying to be, maybe spend more time with my kids to distract me,

which I probably should do anyway. But I was like, I was actually quite proud. of myself that afternoon when I left and I'd had 15 Coke zeros. And yeah, but there's no, this just made it a little bit easier, I think. I don't have an end goal on it and I don't know when. So we'll just see, I guess. But I follow through with that.

Once again, I apologize for my remarks that I made a little while ago. Spare me on. I'm very proud of you. Thank you. I'm very proud of you. Thank you very much. Lots of people are. Like.

Do you feel? better do you feel indifferent is it is do you notice anything that's changed yeah my brain chemistry is completely off like wait like i don't know what's going on with it like what do you mean i would i'll have days where i'm perfectly fine and then i'll have days where i'm not and i don't can't work it out and people have bad days but i think as in you're not happy or you're anxious every all the above you're right it's like it's sometimes it's like and april will be like what is going on up there and it, I've described it to you before what the inner workings in my brain. It's like doing a monotonous task, okay?

And then all of a sudden, halfway through a song, it'll just come into my head and then go. So, for example, I'll be folding the washing, right? And then all of a sudden, like, Mr. World War, I'm just like, but it'll be like that. But then all of a sudden, it'll be the mood change. But I think it's, I also think it's holidays. Holidays over Christmas. It's the toughest time to do this. It's a weird time.

When you've got kids. Because also you're out of routine. you just like love my kids to death you know I would do anything for them every parent who wants to give their kids shit start the same thing but too much of a good thing well said gets a little bit bad yeah like two or three days

I'm like oh you're such a good thing when you're going through that transition of not drinking and then in the mix you're dealing with the fact that you're out of routine your kids are yelling at you it is a tumultuous time the weather it's hot like a nice 40 degrees one day, it's a cycling the next. And also as well, like...

Brooklyn Beckett is breaking up with his family. What the fuck is going on? It's all happening. I'm a celebrity. He's not live. What? I were boycotting. But yeah, it has been a tricky time.

And it has really, really pushed me to the edge of my patience, my mental health. But I've tried to be more mindful of it. So I'm really looking forward to these kids going back to school. but no, feeling good most of the time, but then I do have moments. Anyway, one of my other resolutions was to learn Portuguese, which I've started. I'm like 30 days deep.

I was, I was like wondering one day when we were together. I was like, where's Ash? And then I looked over and you're like, Abragado, abragado. Abraga, you're like, fucking, I was like, is he having? Is he talking in tongues? It finally happened.

I'll give you an update on that when I feel like I'm comfortable. Give us something in Portuguese. Say something. No, you just did. Obrugata. Give us something. Come on. Bomgia.

There you go. Good morning. That's all I'm giving you. Wow. Wow. You're really making me work for it. I just don't want. I just want to be, I want to be out conversational before I can do it.

So then you're like, whoa! It's happened. Anyway, I'm working on it. Hey, just really quickly, a little update on Poppy. We are now coming up to four months, Ash. And we have made a decision. which is one that I knew was going to come, but I was hoping it would be as late into her life as possible.

Oh God. It's a sad day for me. And I think it's a sad day for all partners who are not the breastfeeding partner. Okay. Laura has made the decision to move to formula. That's quick. Is it? No.

The way that she produces breast milk in case you're wondering. I am wondering, don't you? is she's like unbelievable for the first couple of months. I'm going to have to see it firsthand. I'm sorry. She produces a lot of milk and then it takes. Yeah, she does. I'm sorry.

And then it tapers off pretty quickly. Like she goes from producing heaps of milk to then the supply drops down and then poppy's getting frustrated because she's not getting as much as she needs. Isn't supply also related to the baby too? Like if it's more that it feeds, the more produce. Yeah, Poppy's got a great appetite. And then Laura got a little bit sick while she was away. She got strep throat.

And so she had a bit of time where she was really struggling to eat. So that may have impacted. But with Marley and Lola, she stopped breastfeeding at around about the three-month mark. So I knew that once we got to three months, I was like every day it's a blessing that she still breastfeeds. Oscar was like two. What the fuck? Sorry. I apologize.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, I think Laura was breastfed until she'll three. She was three. That explained it. It's, yeah, okay. So there's a vast landscape. Yes.

Okay. But the reason why I'm upset, and this is very selfish of me in, like, I'll be the first to admit this. So if you're listening going, Matt, you're a dick. Because you like to drink. I am a dick. I get it. You like to drink it.

Because I like to drink my wife's breast milk. No, it means that I was not having to wake up in the middle of the night because Laura was, and this is Laura's decision, not mine. she's like, I would rather you sleep through the breast feeds in the night. Obviously, if I need help, there was times when she was like, I can't settle there. Can you grab her? But she would say, like, you get up first thing in the morning when Marley and Lola wake up. At 6 a.m., I was up with the kids.

Laura would have her sleep in because she was up in the night. But now we're in the bottle. I will be doing the nighttime feeds. After a certain point, surely. Like, it's like, Laura's like, I need to go off to bed now. We were like, we will split it. Yeah. Because I always say, and I've said it before,

two half-rested people do not equal a fully rested person. Well said. Thank you. So like her, like there's nothing you can do if she's breastfeeding in middle or not. And that goes for any dads that are expecting and it's going to be breastfed baby, if that's the case. There's nothing really you can do but get water. Once you've done that, you've ticked the box really.

Make sure that she's comfortable. But a lot of the time it's like, if you're both tired, then who's going to deal with the other kids next day and then also deal with each other. What's, I mean, yeah, we didn't see any point in it. And there are people out there. There's a dad I spoke to. He was like, I know, I get woken up for those breast feeds

and I have to be up as much as she's up. And I was like, what for? But hey, if that works for you? Yeah, I felt like with my first, I had to be that person. For sure. I just felt bad. Yeah. You know, like, and I could, like, I'm a pretty light sleeper anyway,

I'd like to think. And I was like, I'm up anyway. but we were both exhausted instead of someone. And then with Macy, we learned our lesson and thought, okay, well, I slept in the lounge room for nine months. Best nine months of my life. Right. Right now.

I had like my own house without everyone else. It was great. But also I had Oscar to look after. But yeah, I think like split it up now, I guess. So now I'm having a stork to the plate, which is a shame. And also the other transition, which I think a lot of people who have younger children who are like in the early stages within 12 months would know that this is a, a stage, a milestone, if you will, she rolls over.

She rolls. She was rolling a little bit when we were. She's full rolling. So we can no longer, I may be wrong here. If you're listening and you're like, that's not the right thing, Matt. Tell me in a gentle way. But we don't strap her down, both arms. First of all, strap her down.

We went on the rides and we have a sleep suit. Yeah, okay. Sleep suit where we velcro in. Yeah, so you don't do that anymore. So we keep the arms out. So she can, yeah. which the first week of her arms being out. Nightmare.

Like, she was like, what are these? I know, yeah. And they scratch themselves and shit. Oh, yeah, look over and she's like, ripping her eye out. I'm like, don't do that. She's like, why not? Poor thing. So she's, yeah.

Is she going to her own room yet, or? No, that doesn't happen to like 12 months. Dude, Oscar was two weeks. We were out of our room. He was out. He's so noisy. Yeah. She's,

but to be fair, I spent majority of time in his room anyway. Don't judge me on this. but Laura has a Pilates machine in the room that is for Poppy. Oh yeah. And we don't want to lose. She doesn't want to lose the Pilates machine. The reformer, if you were. The reformer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's her room. That's our like nursery. Isn't it funny? Baby number one, you're like this beautiful nursery that's set up with like artwork and cushions and rugs and change table. And for Poppy, it's a fucking reformer Pilates machine. We had this conversation where the room wasn't ready yet.

And I said, I guarantee you after four months, the room's still not ready. Boom. And it's still not. not ready. Does that feel good? Yeah, it does. It makes me feel great. Poppy, very cute.

And I obviously spent a couple days to the down south and I held her once and that was enough. Did you though? You sort of plumped her on me and I was like, I'm more of a bigger kid sort of guy. Like teenagers. But you did something which baffled me.

And I'm late 30s now. I'll admit that. going to own that. And I didn't know that you could do this. And I could be wrong. And I could also be very stupid right now. Very, very, very vulnerable. You open the dishwasher mid-cycle.

And for a second, I held my breath. Yeah. And I thought, you can't do that. It'll all come out. And it didn't. You don't put the dishwasher wrong. I have never opened it up mid-cycle. I'm too scared.

man you've well because I always I always put the dishwasher on and then I go oh god I look at the coffee table and there's a cup there I just think too bad

no I just think it's like left behind it's not like a plane taking off that you know once you press go it's gone I thought it was no you can I mean obviously you want it to be

with I kind of my little rule is within the first 10 minutes you're allowed to reopen and put it in there so it does get clean you don't want to in the last five minutes of the cycle put something in there.

I don't know. How did you know where it was up to? I was in the same room as you. I didn't know. I can tell. I have like a six-se. You've got a thing. Yeah, I can hear it.

I go, that's on rinse. Yeah. I said to April, I was like, you're not going to believe this. And she was like, what? I was like, Matt, open the dishwashing mid-cycle and we both went,

everyone's doing that. But you didn't get a drop on the ground. Of course not. Because they're designed to do that. Full disclosure. Yeah. I bought the same dishwasher. The Fisher and Michael.

Oh, is yours a fisher and pipe? It's hell, gee, isn't it? Fuck! So now I can't open my one. I'm too scared to open it. Oh, you can, bro. After this record, we'll put a cycle on and we'll stop it after five minutes. Okay, all right, I'm excited.

Fuck, screw all this stuff, let's go. Anyway, you blew me away. I've been talking about it since. That was weeks ago. Wow. I get to everyone on the street. I'm like, do you know how Maddie J guy from The Bachelor? He's not from The Bachelor anymore.

For the guy who can open a dishwasher mid-cycle. If you are. someone who works in the dishwashing industry. A dishwasher, if you will. Tell me if I'm ruining the machine. Let me know. I'm pretty sure you've got on that. I'm pretty sure it's an LG you got.

I'm pretty sure it's fun. I'm pretty sure it's an LG. I had to install mine myself. That was another resolution we've missed. What's that? Be less pathetic. No, that's, yeah. That's going terribly.

Speak for yourself, bro. The dishwasher was at the end of the line of a long string of things that happened over this year. year already where I bought paint samples and oh yeah you painted the house yeah sorry so this is how this went down I bought paint samples and then April came home and I painted the whole house that's how that work that should be the test for ADHD give you give them a paint sample and you go just paint a little bit on your wall and if they go and paint the whole house ADHD I literally went one stroke went that's it went back to the shop done house is done and of course I just

did the walls I'm just going to do the wall I'm just going to do the wall okay for now did the walls and then I was like fuck then I was like okay I better do the door frames and the doors yeah okay so I did that and of course naturally did that we need new door handles your door handles oh wow that looked great you did the door handles did all the door handles then naturally I did the door handles so I had to do the cabinet handles to match the door handles so now all the kitchen cabinet handles are also the same color and matching wow then I had to replace all the hooks in the bathroom because they didn't match the cabinets and then I had to look in the laundry and realize that the laundry, nothing in the laundry matched out here. So then I had to

gut the laundry, paint the laundry, and then put new door handle on to match that. And then I realized the dishwasher didn't match the fixtures or the fridge. And then I've done every apartment in the complex so it all matches. We're getting there. So what I had to do is I had to get a new dishwasher. The other one was fine, but I hated it. And I didn't match. So I installed that. And now that's that's where we're at. Now I have a whole toolbox outside. So what you're trying to say is, I'm less pathetic than I was last year. Did you do this all because we had the resolution of not being pathetic? Well, fuck. Why don't you tell me? I've done anything. You did the fence? I did a couple of panels. You have a lawn, bro. I don't have a lawn. I got a couple of fence panels from. Paylings.

Paylings. Pailings. I had a work, like a build is like a chippie's shirt that I wore to Bunnings, which was an embarrassing because I was asking really dumb questions. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I was like, well, excuse me, where are the fence posts? What are you talking about? And I was like, what screws do I use? And I was being spoon fed whilst I was in like steel caps in a fucking work shirt. It's the effort that counts, Matt. And I think you did the, I saw all the paling.

Normally I would go wearing crocs and like an like old surf t-shirt. And I was like, oh God. As I was in the car park, I was like, fuck, look at what I'm wearing. I'm dressed up like a builder going in not knowing anything. And asking non-builder question. I was like, what's this? He's like, it's a hammer. I was like, wow.

So we're working on the pathetic thing then. Yes. Okay, we will be better this year. I've already started. Matt's done a fence. He's got a lawn that he likes and we're good to go. Can I just say, if you have any parenting related questions, please send it to us. Because at the moment, the mailbox, obviously people, everyone's taking a break.

We need them in the mailbox to open them up. That's what I'm trying to say. I would say that's well said. Specific and well said. I have just a little hack to finish on today really quick that I have been using this whole school holidays. Love it. And there's a couple of weeks ago and I will continue to do so. Oscar is at that age where they just continually ask questions and nonstop.

And it's like, I've had enough. I just answer the question, any question he has now with a really simple line that's going to help parents get through the rest of the holidays. Go. So Oscar asked me questions. So ask me a question that Oscar would ask. Hey, Dad, what kind of bird is that? You'll understand when you're older. When else we got?

Why do I need to have worming chocolate? That's funny you'll ask that, Oscar. You'll understand when you're older. So you're just avoiding any kind of interaction. It works a treat. It works a treat. Try it on Marley or Lola. Just see what happens.

Like, especially when it's like, Daddy, why don't you back hurt all the time? You'll understand when you're older. Boom. He's at the point now where he just says, let me go as I'll understand when I'm older. There he is. See a later.

Poor little Oscar. If it's a valid question and this, it's okay. He's such a great boy. He's, you have him then. Take him in here. He's a great boy. He's very intelligent.

In fact, he's picked that up as well. But it's just a little, just to ease a bit of the pressure. I would say, answer the questions until you're sick of it. And then say, you'll understand when you're older. My girls don't ask that many questions to me. I think they know that I'm not that smart. Oscar is at the point where he asks.

Because you retain some much information. That's your problem. You've created this. So much useless information. Ask me useless questions. The kids are like, Dad, when's mom's birthday? I'm like,

I don't know. It's Oscar's at the point where he's starting to ask how long everything takes. And I just said to him that day. I'm like, you don't have no concept of time. So what does it fucking matter? Nor do you have anywhere to be. Actually,

that's on the drive back. The kids were like, how long until we get to McDonald's? You'll understand when you're older. I was like 10 minutes. I'm like, how many seconds is that? And I was like, oh. You'll understand when you're older.

And I was like, it's a thousand. And she was like, okay. How many in a thousand? You'll understand when you're older. See, it works on every level. Very good. Okay. Thank you very much.

Or I'll do the, you've asked a lot of great questions today. And this, I'll get you have one more. And then I just respond with whatever he asks me. You'll understand when you're older. And I'm moving on with my life. Who told you this? I just come up with it all on my own. Very clever.

Hey, Ash, that is, that is time. That is time. If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review. First one of the year, why not kick it off? Be the first. Yes. You're like, he said the R word. Reviews.

I don't know, maybe more excited, drinking baby formula today or that line about reviews? You're perfect after dinner treat. Talking about reviews, a little worm chocky. And some baby formula. Baby film and or breast milk. heat it up or cold? I like it cold. I like it room temperature.

A bit of ice in there. Woo! On the rocks, please. And you can follow us, of course, on social media. Two Doting Dads on TikTok, on Instagram and on YouTube. And there is a Facebook group. There is. It's bursting.

It's growing. Don't ask any questions because you know what the answer will be. Let's go. Let's go out of here. Two doting dads. podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on

Gatigal Land.