Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #207 Well Hello, Dolly!

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

It's not been a good week for poor old Matt. There's a doll in his daughter's life that's causing him all sorts of grief. Plus he opens up about being verbally assaulted by a child at pickup AND why he can't stand people who insist on spoiling his kids. Meanwhile Ash thinks he's getting trolled by his family before Matt starts trolling him about his Sizzler order. Oh and did we mention Sizzler's coming back! It's the good breaking news we've all been needing! And the boys answer more of your Doter Dilemmas: How often should dads be allowed to work out at the gym? Pass the parcel etiquette See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You look great. Thank you. I wish I could say the same. You look amazing. Give me a haircut. The amount of people who are like, you look like shit on social media. So mean. Aren't they?

I never get any of those messages. I'm trying. Because you've got a shaved head. The old filter? I look exactly the same. So what does that tell you? Back to two doting dads. I'm Maddie J.

And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable. I think I'm getting sick again. Again? I forgot to take

I got halfway through my antibiotics, the penicillin. And then I forgot. Is it Keflex? It's penicillin. Yeah, but that's the type of penicillin. That's so I'm alleged to. I'm not sure.

I get a horrible rash in a migraine. So I've got halfway through and I was like, I'll be fine. And then the next day, today I woke up with a tickle. I woke up the first swallow. I went, oh, God. The first swallow.

It's the... It's back. Just quickly. Go on. Last week I was telling you, I gave a little shout out to a mum I saw. Remember walking with the pram? She had a couple of kids. Oh, yeah.

She was like, she was pushing like 20 kids, a whole class. I saw her again today. So last week, she had twin someone in the back and another kid today. She had five kids. Hers? Yeah, it must have been. They all look the same. She's procreating at the speed of light.

Wow. Did she look like she hated life with five kids? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know that we did that breaking news where it was like, you're more kids. you age quicker.

She's old. There's a mom who I often cross paths with. She's on one side of the road. I'm on the other. And I swear she's got like four or five kids. And from across the road, I was like, holy shit, you got a lot of kids. She was like, I know.

Oh my God, you said that? Which ones are yours? I was like, bye. Yeah, I saw her same spot and I was like. I think you should ignore. Someone who has more than three kids, that deserves an acknowledgement. That deserves like a, like, well done.

Good on you. It's like, if you're benching 100 kilos, you can go up and be like, that's a lot of weight. That's different, though, because you don't want to be like, oh, congratulations. You got five and they're like, I only wanted three. And then we had an accident turned out to be twins. And then they're upset about it. I'd be like, you don't want to reignite that flame.

Yeah, but I'll be like, well done. Like years of therapy, you've just opened it back up. It's like, oh, thanks for reminding me. That's what you get. When you have that many kids, you're going to have some level of attention. It's a lot of kids, isn't it? It's too many. It's a lot of mouth.

It's too many. I saw a TikTok the other day and this guy was like, I'm back at home with all 18 of my siblings and we have 40 grandkids. I threw my phone across the room. I was like, that's fucking ridiculous. That's a cult. That is religion. You're right.

That is religion. Okay, I tell you right now, for religions who have so many rules around sex, fuck they have a lot of kids. Don't they just? Jesus Christ. It's like when you're starved, you're starved of something and then you get a little taste of it. We fucking. Hey, housekeeping.

Oh, yeah. Housekeeping. Say it again slowly. Housekeeping. Very exciting news that we would like to welcome officially to the podcast of two doting dads. Please give a warm welcome to producer Victoria. Yes. Producer Vic, producer Vic.

She's nodding with producer Vic. Yeah, she's going with producer Vic. Yes. I was going to go to the full name. But it's a little name. It is great to have you here. It's nice to be on a shorter name basis. She did break a tripod this morning.

That's written warning number one. And she's looking at me. Vic, no! That'll break us financially. If you start breaking things, so we have an amazing, talented individual who is now wrangling us. And it's just a delight. It helps that she's a mum too, because then she's just like, boys, come on.

It's like, oh, yes, man. And I'm like, Vic, can he go to the bathroom? And she's like, for God's sake, come on, quick. If you hear anyone cackling in the background, that is Vic. That is Vic. And also, if you see someone commenting on the Facebook group, she's not just a really over keen fan of the podcast. Donna.

Her and Donna are going neck and neck. I love Donna. That was not negative. Donna, I love you so much. Yeah, we love you, Donna. And she's been quiet. Donna's backed off. Why?

Well, because of this. No, well, I just said it. Yeah. Donna, if you're listening to this. We miss you. We miss you. Come, bring it back. Bring it right back, baby.

Bring it right back. Maybe she's busy. She did have a newborn. Yes. Congratulations. That was like a year ago. Wasn't it? Come back, Donna.

Anyway, back to Victoria. Yes, welcome Victoria. Thank you for joining us and stop breaking our equipment. A lot of people, Ash, messaged about the washing machine, the white goods. Oh, the dishwasher. The saga of the dishwasher, which there is a solution, apparently, according to the Facebook group and the helpful dotas in there. There's an app.

Shout out to Talia. Talia, that's it. There's an app that you can turn it off? I haven't tried it yet. You didn't read the message, did you? No. Sorry. How many people need to read the message?

Let's be honest. It said red. I thought someone else has got this under control. Turns out. No one does. Okay. This is what I'm thinking. Come on.

There's an app. Yep. That's it. That's all I've got. Yeah. And it allows you to turn it off. Can you turn it down? I don't mind a little jingle.

Just very loud. It'd be good if there was some kind of like variation, similar to a Nokia phone where you can go through and like select ringtone. Or you can make your own. And it's like you can check. Do you remember that where it was like you can go through and make your own ringtone based off like the, it'd be like C sharp. Boop, boop, boop.

Do you not have that? Never did that. Never once. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. Because you could go online and find how to make your favorite song ringtone with the Nokia phone. I have a Nokia 3310 at home and bringing it in.

Can't wait to listen to your ringtone. It's going to be the ringtone of the dishwasher. Breaking news. You've got breaking news. Breaking news. What are you got for me? I've been holding on to this. This is actually, this is late.

The time of hearing this, it's not breaking. It is breaking of this week. Yeah, so if you don't know, we probably regard this. A week in ahead. A week in advance. So very hard with breaking up. breaking news. It's breaking to us now, but when you get it, it's

old. It's near impossible. Can people stop breaking the fucking studio? It's a fake plan. It'd be fine. God damn it. Sizzler. You remember Sizzler?

Don't you dare. It's coming back. It's coming back. Praise the Lord! Oh my goodness. Such a good concept. You buy a main meal and you get unlimited salad bar.

That is fucking amazing. And dessert? All they're missing is like unlimited carb station where it's just like potato. I remember a waiter at Sizzler once told me how you make the cheesy bread. He was like, you just butter and put pumas and cheese on, then you just like pan fry it, that down. Too hard. I was like, it was like I had the recipe for Coca-Cola.

I was like, oh, my fucking God. And it's, well, it's not the same though. When you cook something at home, it's not the same. It's not the same. They've got something there. I think it's just the, you know how we were talking about the house, your house has a smell, every house has a smell. It's like, sizzler has its own smell that goes into the cooking.

I remember when I grew up in the suburb of Kenmore, Queensland, there was a sizzler, and on Fridays, there was a queue around the corner to get in. Like, it was heaving. That's like peak when pizza huddle you can eat closed down and sizzler was still around. So everyone's like, what do we do now? Where do we get the endless amounts of food from? Like, what was life like back then? It must have been the best.

Very boring. It's like when you're scrolling through TikTok and you see those nostalgia videos of like, this is what was around in the 2000s and Sizzla pops up and you're like, oh yeah. How did they ever go out of business? Close down in 2020. And apparently, rumor has it, one of the hotels near mascot, Sydney, they're going to put one in there in the hotel. In the hotel itself. Apparently.

It's genius. Apparently. And then they have plans to roll them out. Will it do well? I think, I don't know if the younger generation will. enjoy it as much as we did. I think it'll be a case of us as parents going, we're going to sizzler kids. Check this out. And then we're all just disappointed at the end of it. I always had the salad bar. All I ate was the bolognaise and the ice cream and the apple pie afterwards. You should

be able to go in and go like, I just want the bolognaise and the bread and the ice cream option. Thank you. And it's like a little bit cheaper. I mean, I think I tried a bit of ham once. And I was like, nah, back to the bolognais. Yeah, because you were like, okay, I'll get the sirloin. and then you get the salad bar. Say that again? You can order a main. I know you can. What would you order?

Sirline. Oh, well. Must be nice. Is that even an expensive cut of steak? You're over here eating seafood marinar. Not back then. I'm just looking for a bit of beef. I was there with a single mother, five kids.

Sirline in my fucking dreams. Actually, five kids. Serloin, Jesus. Is that even an expensive cut of steak? Absolutely it is. Jeez. It would have been nice growing up. growing up in the Wicks household where we went to Sizzler for fucking sirloin.

I've been to your house. I've been to your house. You're eating lamb. We'd go home via helicopter. You're eating lamb at your house these days. These days, not about when I was a kid, we had nothing when I was a kid. Nothing. You're running out of breath.

Oh my God. Don't you get, I'm getting hungry now. Anyway, do you know what's in this building? I just realized. What? Meat and Livestock Australia. So if you want to sell one, just nip upstairs. They've probably got cows walking around up there.

Just an assumption. Just really quickly, Ash, have you ever been, like, verbally assaulted by a young child? Every day of my life. Okay, good. Why did that make you so happy? I was picking up the kids the other day. This is when Lola was finishing at 2.30. Marley finished at three.

So we would hang around. We played at the playground at school for half an hour, waiting for Mali to finish. There was a couple of the kids who also had older siblings as well. So, you know, all playing in the playground. and we're playing at one of the little, like, cafe holes in the playground. This kid was looking at me quite inquisitively. And I was like, looking at him and I was like, hello. And he was like, he did a brush of teeth.

I was like, wow. Excuse me? And he was like, yeah, real yellow. And I was like, what? What do you mean? That's exactly what I mean. He just straight up out of nowhere. Yeah, looked at my teeth and was just like, ew.

Kids are just brutally honest. So brutal. I didn't know what to do. I was like, do I get angry? Your teeth aren't yellow. Thank you. Yours are pretty white. Mine are yellow.

No, yours are great. No one can get a soldier ready. And if any kid says otherwise, sick him. Yeah. I was taken aback. And like, Mali got picked up and was like, what's wrong, Dad? And I was like, nothing. Get on the bike.

We're going home. Just insulted by a child. I couldn't believe it. You poor thing. Well, for the record, I think your teeth are white. White of mine. Hey, you know what's been popping off lately is the Instagram page, Two Doting Dads. Yes, and you did have a clever idea.

Thank you. Which is a competition. It's competition. What do they win? We don't know yet. We love doing that. We have some merch. What about like...

What about a broken tripod? What about Tony May? Who's that? Oh, Tony, the jewelry. That's my wife's label. That she's had for 13 years. Oh, my wife has a label. 13 years?

Congratulations. That's longer than Sizzler lasted originally. I could ask her for a voucher. Yeah. So the competition will be, and we'll post this on the Instagram, but we're currently at 98.3. Something like that, yeah. 98.4.

As you said, that sentence will win up. And we want to know if people can try and guess with a comment on a post on Instagram when we will hit 100,000 followers. Yeah, I like it. Thank you. Can I guess? Sure.

Sure. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard. We could have a big spike. I think it would be the 27th of this month. Yeah. That's a pretty good guess, actually.

I'm going to go into March. I'm going to go the first week of March. I'm going to go second of March. Well, if you want to get your entry in, all you have to do is go to our Instagram page, comment what date you think. We'll hit 100,000. And then when we do hit 100,000,

you've got to keep an eye on the numbers because then you have to screenshot your entry because we're not going to go find it. Let's be honest. You've got a screenshot it. Whoever gets it to us first, so if multiple people gets the same day, but you send it to us first with a screener.

Then you win. It's first in best dress. Wow. The mechanics for this competition are foolproof. Thank you. We don't know what the prize is. We'll figure it out. Maybe some sirloins. A couple of surloins?

Just a cow. A mitra. We'll go up to meat and lifestyle. You've won a calf. We'll jump out of housekeeping. We're out. But I want to also just something you said during housekeeping, which was, have you ever been verbally assaulted by a child?

Yes. I'm not being verbally assaulted. I'm being trolled by my own children and my wife. A couple of weeks ago I told a story about seeing the book of Mormon and that I don't... Didn't enjoy it? Yeah, I didn't enjoy it. I don't like musicals.

I'm like, you know what? Not for me. But my wife and kids have decided to get into a high school musical. Oh, yeah, Zach Ephron. Is it good? I hate musicals. What do you think? Can I ask?

I haven't seen it, but is there a scene where they're playing basketball and then they're like the basketball games... Is the beat? Oh, fuck off. Get your head in the game. Oh, fuck. You forget how many stars are in that. That's like they cut, you know, they butter their bread there and then they took off into stardom.

Name me one more. Vanessa Hudson? Obviously, Zach Efron, who he looks completely different. If you're going to tell me something like... I didn't put that much thought into this. A statement like that. Okay. You got to back in it.

I'm going to quickly look then. You forget how many superstars. Just know my face. I don't, okay, I didn't even know who Alan Rickman was. I thought it was an actual dog. You forget just how many. It was jam-packed full of people who have gone on to great, musical cars.

Name me one other. Zach Ephraim, Vanessa Hudson. I said that. Ashley French. She's a bit controversial, though, I think. What else? Who we got here? Who we got?

No one else. Not one other person. You were standing by that statement? No, actually, I'm going to, I'm going to backtrack on that. Retract it? I don't know any of these people. Maybe it's just the two, I don't know. Where did I think there was more?

Maybe there were extras in it? I don't know. Sorry. Anyway, there's a lot of them. There's one, there's two. I didn't want to pull you into retracting that statement. There's a lot of singing and dancing going on in my house at the moment because of high school musical. And honestly, I think they're trolling me.

I'm in the house. It's either one, two or three high school musical going on for no reason or we get in the car. And now it's in the playlist. April used to be a dancer, didn't she? But she was a child. Well, I'm just saying that as someone who grew up in the dance world... She's got terrible rhythm. I think she's quite good.

I've seen her like to a drunk and like, whoop-woo. Oh, yeah, she's a great drunk dancer. Yeah, she's very good. I do have footage of that. Send it to us. Squatted to us. She'd hate that. But she's like, I feel like she would be into it.

She's into it, yeah. But I'm not. And I think they know I'm not. And I was like, oh, I can't stand musicals. And all of a sudden my house is just one big fucking musical. Get into it, bro. Stop swimming against the tide. Give in.

I'm stubborn. Very stubborn. I'm an old stubborn man. I'm not going to change your ways. No, but I'm just waiting for them to get La La Land or going. It's a bit like... The Greatest Showman. Cracker.

What's the song? A Million Dreams? Come on, bro. Actually, I do like it when Marley sings that. Thank you. It's like Taylor Swift. I used to not like Taylor Swift. And I was big on the light.

What's the big deal? Not a huge fan. Similar scenario. I'd come home and Marley was watching like the two-hour concert on YouTube on the TV and we would have it in the car every day and then all of a sudden I just thought you know what I'm just going to enjoy this no I'm standing up the parents everywhere when I stopped fighting it life was better just give in no it was like cake oh it's bend over and give in and let that musical flow freely through your body and next week I come in and I'm in one of

their basketball uniforms I'd love that get your head in the game all I'm doing is musical high school musical quotes for the whole episode you like music I do love music I do love music So why don't you like music? But I like my music music and my movies, movies, even though I can't watch a movie. I like, I don't like it when people just bust into song and dance. It's so cringe. But also as well, that head in the game, I can just imagine, like, back when that came out and the teenagers been like, this is so fucking cool. It's badass.

It's badass. It's badass. I'm going to play basketball and sing. No, you're not. That's not cool. Just saying. Oscar loves it. But I keep catching Macy, which is cute.

I keep catching Macy singing too. it on like if she's like watching it on by herself and I'll be like hear this little voice and I walk in like the status goes stick to the status walking in and she's like because they know you hate it you like shut up yeah that's what I'm like shut up I'm saying that shit in my house if anyone's happy in this house I'll kick you out I'm gonna play you a sound a noise if you will and I want you to tell me if you know what this is it's like this is like secret sound on radio if you're listening at home right now play along and try and guess what it is.

Yeah, we won't know because you'll just be you listening. Tell me if you can figure out what this sound is. Laura's top drawer. That's a breast pump, baby. It's a Mandela breast pump. Wow. Remember Chris Hemsworth, that's his first ever job, used to clean the nipple things.

We weren't allowed to tell that story. Thanks, far amount. We interviewed Chris Hemsworth, and he told us that his very first job was cleaning breast pumps. and then afterwards the publicist was like delete everything. We still got that. We know, we don't. What?

Oh, we do, maybe? We do. Let's release it. I know. It was like, we can't release it because they might not give us any work anymore, but they never did. Chris has a fetish for breasts, and he's afraid of it coming out. You've heard it here first. We started his rumor.

Chris's got a breast fetish. We are now at the tail end of breastfeeding, and the only time that... I had a horrible joke there. Don't do it. The only time that Poppy will take the breast milk is if it's in a bottle and it's been pumped by Laura. And it's weird. That noise every evening after dinner, that is the soothing sounds that I met with. Eh.

Eh. Eh. You know somewhere in your house there's a boob out. You're like, become this detective. It's like, where's the boop? Just follow the sound. I kind of want to put it on my own nipple. to it.

I don't have it here, but... I've done it. Nah, mate up. Is it a rental? Did you buy one? No, we bought one. Oh, must be nice. We used to have one of the just the little sucky ones.

Yeah. Shit. Yeah, they don't really... Man, that thing, like, when Laura first started using it, like, she was getting so much milk out. Just sucked the life out of you, wasn't it? I was like, wow. She's like, look at this.

And I was like, ooh. Suck started a motorcycle, that thing. And then she got to work and I'd be like, looking at it, The vacuum cleaner's like, how dare you? How dare you cheat on me with this thing? But I get it. It's got different functions. I can't compete.

Poppy's now on the formula. And it's a sad moment, I think, for any partner who has to then, like, all of a sudden step up to the plate at nighttime with the feeds, with the formula. Which I'm happy to do. Those breast pump things, they are a hot property on the second handmark. I'll tell you right now. Are they? Yeah, we should definitely.

It's what, like, men rocking up being like, you got that breast pump? Don't wash it. Yeah, what are you going to do it when you finish with it? Man's like, what? Finish with what? When I'm finished with what with it. But I, um, I'm kind of, if I'm a little bit tired,

it's because, you know, I've been doing the night feeds, Ash, with Poppy. So I'm just, you know, I'm just, you're just in the trenches. I'm just in the trenches, bro. Yes. And look, any, anyone that's going through this phase, good, good on you. Keep on keeping on, I reckon, because it's, fuck, that was tough. Thank you.

That was the toughest part, I think, because, like, bedtime routine, like, say, whatever, 6, 37 o'clock, whatever, the anxiety kicks in. I know. And it's like, how long are they going to sleep for? I don't know. Because I know that she'll wake up at midnight for a feed. And, like, last night I went to bed at 11. And then it was 1110, 1120.

And I was like, I know that I'm getting up pretty soon. And then I find, like, I got to sleep maybe like 1145. And I was up at 12. And I was like, damn it. Quick bowel nap. Up and back. How long does she feed for? Yes, it depends.

Last night she was a bit fussy. But normally, I'd say, she's pretty good. Five, ten minutes, I think. I mean, there's been one time where I was like... Oh, yeah. And Laura's like, don't fall asleep while you're feeding her. And I'm like, I wasn't. Definitely, that.

It's, as it just breast milk or formula now? Well, Laura gets home, does the pump. She'll then have that breast milk to go to bed. But then I think the formula is better. It fills her up more, I think. And through the night, we then, if there's some breast milk left over, it'll go to puppy. Me.

I'll have a quick meal with some bailies. We're on the formula. On the formula. On the formula. On the formula. On the formula each night. My kids just wasted all the formula because they just, they wanted it. They had it once.

And then, like, after that, they just wouldn't take it again. So it's waste all this formula. They just didn't get, they just didn't hook onto it. I don't know why. What age? I can't really remember, but I remember just having tins and tins of it. It was at the time when people were hoarding tins. too. So I fell into the category of

I'm hoarding tins. I know people are like you're the problem. Yeah, you go down the aisle and there was none in there and then you'd see a current affair and it'd just be some ladies like smuggling it out. Poppy only likes Bellamy's and I try to give it like another brand and she was like, what the hell is this? What is Belomys?

Bellamy's this, hmm. The chef's kiss. It's the sirloin of the... Speaking of wasting things, my eldest Oscar, who is six and a half, Just at that age where wastes everything. Yeah.

Like one bite of something wastes. And I put my foot in it and he absolutely schooled me. He got me good, which I didn't really let happen very often. Because usually what I'll say, I'm like, mate, laptops don't grow on trees or something. If you break something, it's like, it doesn't grow on trees. Anyway, he's really into drawing. And I stupidly said paper doesn't grow on trees. Oh, you're a goose.

And I just came out And as soon as it came out His little ears perked up And he was like Even Macy perked up And was like You fucked up now And Oscar was like

Guess what? Yes it does I was like Damn it! You motherfucker Got me good With that one Anyway

Ruin the whole day Because I had sent him to his room Yeah And I know I actually played it off Like I baited him on purpose Because I didn't want to admit defeat

But he's technically he schooled me good. It's annoying when you're getting out, like outbeaten, outsmarted by six-year-old. And I was like, hey, you're going to bed now. But can I just say, it is so annoying. We've got like a little drawing pad, a sketchbook, if you will. And the kids will do like a one line on it and they're like, next. And I'm like, hey, you've got so much free paper. Just like stay on that page.

And they're like, no, I want a fresh one. And I'm like, far out, man. Especially in A4. It's got two sides. There's two sides in this piece of paper. I know. And they don't want to go on, why don't you want to do the double side? I can see the drawing through and I don't like it.

Paper. No respect. No respect for paper. Kids have no respect for paper. I went outside. So we were on a second story, right? Okay. I went outside to go to my car because I had parked on the street for some reason.

I just did. And I walked out and there's all these paper airplanes all over the grass out of the front. And I was like, no. I look up, there's a balcony, and I'm like, Oscar, anyway, I picked him up, walk back upstairs, I was like, what is this? And he was like, well, I couldn't get him. I was like, there's stairs, bro,

so he would just throw it once, go and get another piece of paper, do another shit aeropl-not even good airplanes. How embarrassing? Why do boys love paper planes so much? I don't know, but they're a hazard. They're pointy. Yeah, man.

Like the other day came out of the laundry and an airplane came at me. I felt like I was in World War III. It's because you send him to his room. I was like, they're here, they're invading. But, yeah, he does love a paper airplane, but he does love to waste the paper and then leave it all over the fucking ground. Nightmare.

Do you know what my girls love is dolls? Your Macy's into dolls. Both my girls. Mermaids, mainly. I love. Also unicorns, big on the unicorns. I know. We had Lola's birthday party a couple of weeks ago.

Great party. Before you get into that, go on. Unicorn mermaids. Macy made me get a unicorn mermaid, but we didn't put the horn on yet. A unicorn mermaid tattoo. So you're going to have a unicorn on a head? That's going to be a bit strange. Macy's decided.

For anyone who wants to look at that beautiful tattoo, just go to the YouTube. Yeah, it's there. Go to the YouTube. You can see us in flesh. In the flesh. The full episode. And Ash is in a bicep. We'll be there.

Great segue. With a mermaid. So my girls love dolls. Love dolls. Lola had a birthday party. five. Wow. A couple of weeks ago.

Thank you. Thank you. They grow up so fast. And we don't do the unboxing, unwrapping of the presents at the party. We do it at home. She's allowed to have one gift. That's pretty standard, isn't it?

You wouldn't do it in front of people. No, no, do it at home. It's too much of a mess. Imagine standing around watching some kid open up a bunch of things. Yeah, do it at home. Do it at home. And so I'm not sure who gave her this toy, but there's one doll in particular that she was playing with.

And I was like, what the hell is that? And she was like, this is my doll. And I was like, where did you get that from? She goes, for my birthday. And I was like, I didn't take it off then and there. I was like, I'll wake till she goes to sleep. And I'm going to get rid of that doll, confiscate it, never to be seen again.

What more? I didn't clock it at it first. It was Laura who looked at it closely and was like, hang on a second. This ain't on. Yeah, she's got a pretty good radar too for that sort of stuff. I'm going to show you the doll. Oh, love show and tell. Have a look at this.

It looks like a brats doll. Maybe a Brad's doll. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so she has very long hair. The hair's not really the problem though. So undressed... She's got no feet.

Is that the problem? Not the problem. I just think a toy for a five-year-old child I don't think should be as sexualized as it is. The reason I'm uncomfortable, when you undress this doll, it has lingerie painted on and it's in the shape of a very skimpy underwear, They're almost like G-string-like. And also these thigh-hide boots with a huge heel, which is lipstick,

and a full face of makeup with these really over-excentuated features. Like her lips are massive. And I don't want my five-year-old playing with a doll that has these adult-like features. Yeah, it might be sending a bit of a wrong message. I just think that's not on. I don't think we need to be giving five-year-olds this. I think a five-year-old should be playing with kid-like. like toys. This is too adult like for a kid. If my kid sees that kind of underwear and she goes,

well, why am I wearing this full brief? Someone with the dollhouse. And also they're now getting into makeup and she's like, well, I want to put eye shadow on. I want to put mascara on. At five years old, you shouldn't be thinking about those types of things. I don't reckon. I don't think so. Yeah, I agree with you. Barbie, for example. Let's just use Barbie as an example. Would you prefer always with nothing whatsoever? Yeah, I think nothing. It's a tricky one because it's like the top. type of doll it is, which is, I think it's brats, right? That's what that reminds me of. It's sort of that's been the aesthetic of that. Like, take the body out of that man. It's just the head, right? That's the aesthetic of brats that sets them apart. But at the same time, I get what you're saying, where you're like, you don't want your little girl going, I want my eyes to be like, because that's the expectation, society's expectation.

Exactly. It's a little bit grown up for a five-year-old. What age group would that be appropriate for, do you think? I don't, I don't think, I don't think any kind of any. kids should be playing with dolls that look like that. Yeah. I think it sets a, it might set the expectation that they need. Am I, am I, am I, am I, I don't think you're prude. I think, I think, like, I just think creating a doll for a five-year-old that has lingerie painted on, a full face of makeup, really enlarged lips, I think it just misses the mark. I think you can allow kids to play with toys that are childlike and not projecting these adult-like standards for beauty and fashion. Well said. And just speaking,

of kids playing with things. I fucking found Oscar cutting up a can with a pair of scissors. Go on. And I was like, how did you not cut yourself? He's that good with scissors? No, I was like, bro, so sharp. Anyway.

What was he making? Something stupid. Like, I don't know what he was making, but one, scissors, two, can. Watching my kids, my girls with scissors is... Actually, just quickly. age do you think kids should have scissors? I think six.

Six? And if they cut themselves, it's all part of the learning experience. Supervised, unsupervised. You've got to let them hurt themselves, right? I think. But watching Lola is just... I would prefer to avoid having to go to hospital. She's trying to hold the paper.

Millimetres. Do you know what I did? I got a banana out. I put it on a chopping board. And what was left of that can, I went whack, and cut the banana in half. I said, imagine that's your finger. What did he say? He went white.

I was like, now come here! I missed a thing before. We were talking about formula and milk and stuff like that. My father-in-law, Frank, Popper. Shout out to Frank. He's turned into a... I'm going to call him a dealer. What's he got?

April the other day got into his car with Macy. Macy gets in the back seat, obviously. Frank did him up. And then out of his jacket comes a chocolate. milk bottle that he's from home that he's heated up and brought with him for Macy because she's obsessed with milk in a baby bottle still and he's the reason he's giving okay at home at his place fine if that's no one way is it though no if they don't if they get home they haven't eaten their dinner but anyway frank does so much don't you reckon that like you need it you can you can set

the rules and he needs to abide by them yes you can say frank we stop the bottle it'd be like if you said hey we stopped the dummy it's like crack. Right? It's like when Lola was trying to quit the dummy and if we said, hey, Nana, just make sure we're out. If you have Lola, keep the dummies away because we're trying to make her drop that habit.

And if Nana wasn't giving it to her secretly, I'd be filthy. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, man. No, dude. Put your foot down. No, because he does like three of the school pickups a week. He does so much for us, which I really appreciate. He can do that and still respect your boundaries and the rules that you're enforcing as a parent. Yeah, I know. But anyway. I'll call them. Call them now.

No. I don't want it. No, April will be so off me if I, if I, if I, if I, April will be really off me if I said something because he does so much for her. She's like, you didn't talk about Frank on the podcast, did you? No. But I thought it was funny. Like at home at his house, if she wants a nice bottle of milk to, you know, keep her occupied. No. Anyway, no. But in the car, bro. And he was apparently he was like, dilded it out like. That's just, that's just arrogant from Frank. That's showing. off. That's what that is. That's asking.

Asking to be caught. He wants to be caught. Yeah, he's like, this has got out of control. Not even I can control this. But I'm like, I didn't help. I'm like, why won't you eat your dinner? And I found out he's had like three bottles of milk. Oh my God. I'm going to get in so much trouble.

Oh, my God. That is, that's child abuse. Wow. Also, Frank, hope you well. Yeah, actually. Keep on doing what you're doing because we need you. What is with? I can't stand people who think it's cute and funny to spoil my kids.

Some people will come over. It doesn't matter what time it is. And they're like, I brought donuts for the kids. And I'm like, that's cool. We'll have to have that after dinner because it's now 4.30. And I don't want them having three donuts before they have dinner. It's a grandparent. And they're like, God, come on.

And I'm like, I fucking said what I said and I meant it. That's my nan, bro. Oh, my God. If we go over there with the kids and she'll be like, if they've eaten their lunch, then it's like, okay, well, she can have a little. It's fine. You're in Antouse, whatever. But then she was like, what about a Fredo?

What about a Kit Kat? What about a Tim Tan? What about a biscuit? Or like, Jess. And I'm like, they can't have any more sugar. And she's like, why not? Come on. Let them enjoy life.

Let them enjoy life. Let them enjoy it. I'll leave him here with you. Like far out. I get him in the car and they're like, oh my God. Then all of a sudden they're just assholes because the sugar's worn off. It's like when you're at a friend's barbecue and it's like 8 o'clock. And they're like, I just stay for a little bit longer.

And you're like, You don't have to deal with them tomorrow. Yeah. I'm the one who has to deal with the repercussions. Tonight's not that much of an issue. Sure, half an hour here. But tomorrow, do you want to come to my house? Do you want to deal with my kids in the morning when I'm trying to get them out of bed and feed them in the morning?

No, you fucking don't. Just shut up! It's 9 o'clock at 9. They're like... Sorry, Vic. It's 9 o'clock at 9. They're like, just stay a bit longer. It's like, okay, so my kid's going to fall asleep in the car.

I have to try and try. You're essentially creating a knock-on effect of so many issues. Just let me take my kid home in an appropriate hour. I'm emotionally unstable as it is. I know. Funny story about a barbecue that I had when I was a kid. It was like an end-of-year soccer barbecue, a bunch of kids. And they had this little dog.

Let's call it a Jack Russell, Alan Rickman. Let's call it Alan Rickman. And this little dog was being fed left, right and centered by kids. Sossages. Just whatever. You know, kids are not going to. They're like, oh, a doggy. The owner said, please.

Have a Dorito. Yeah, please don't feed the dog. And you think kids aren't going to respect that. They're going to do whatever they do. Put the dog away. Anyway, it got. fed by so many kids, the dog died. Essentially, its stomach exploded.

God, you've got to put the dog away. You've got to, yeah. You've got to, yeah. I said, I started this with, funny story about a barbecue, a dog died. Was it? Yeah. It actually, its stomach actually blew up. Yeah.

Anyway. Where is this episode gone? Do you think that'll stay in the podcast? Oh, no. Who knows? Before we get into the dilemma, we did dilemmas last week. We talked about letting your kids win. Yep.

Well, Oscar is known in our household for cheating. We've been playing Uno right before bed. And, you know, regardless of whoever wins or whatever, I'm finding rogue cards. Are you? That's cheeky. And also as well, when he's losing, and I'm wondering why it's hitting him so hard. Poor kid, he's cheating and still losing. He storms off to bed and April is such an empath.

And also her father's daughter, the milk. guy. She's like, have some milk. She's like, have some chocolate milk. I got it from Papa's house. Anyway, that's the dilemma. How do you stop Papa from giving fucking milk? This kid's just coming to his house and he's just dealing out milk. He's doing it out of the back of his car. Augustus Glump? Is that the kid from

chocolate factory? Falls in the chocolate? Yeah, yeah. That's my kids. They're going to roll them out, yeah. But he's storming off to his room and going to bed and having to soak him. Cards are falling out of his pocket. As he's running away, it's like cards following him. And April's like, oh, poor people. No, no, no, no, April. He has to learn how to lose, especially if he's cheating and still losing. Cheat and win all you want, boy. What an idiot. Oh, God. Let's do Dota's

Lema, Matt. Yeah, and actually we have some very exciting news. You know we love a little jingle, a little intro here, two doting dads, and hot off the press. Oh, ow, it's very hot. It is. Let's play this. Now you need us more than ever. Know that we still have each other. You can send us your doting dilemma. You can send us your doting dilemma. Ella, Ella, Ella, eh, eh, eh, eh.

So this is from Shanae. Is that right? No. Cheyenne. I don't know how to pronounce that. Shai'in. Stop giving us your names because I can't. I butcher them every time.

Cheyenne. I'm going to go. Shah-E-N-A. Shah-H-H-E. There you go. From the Facebook group. It's spelled C-H-E-Y-E-E-G. Well, I know what the dilemma this week is.

It's how to pronounce this person's name. From Cheyenne. I don't know. In the Facebook group, oh, God. Pass the parcel etiquette. I'm doing past the parcel for my daughter's party this year. There will be lollies in each layer, then one special present. I'd love to hear from parents who do pass the parcel.

Do you opt for the birthday child to receive the present or one of the children who have attended? Matt, I want to preface this by saying, I have never organised the past parcel, and that's it. What about Oscar's party? I didn't organise it. Okay. I was on crowd control. We can't pass the parcel at Lola's birthday party for this reason.

Okay. I think when you've got kids who are only four or five, unless everyone, and people are going to come for me, I know that, okay? I know that I'm doing nothing to make these children of the next generation resilient. I appreciate that, but I believe that every kid needs to get a little toy. When did Pass the Pass will become woke? That's what I want to know. I just think everyone needs, because if you have four kids out of 12 who are left with nothing, they're like, but why?

It's the participation award. But they don't understand if they're eight and ten year old, sure. That's my first rule. What would be the little gift? What do you think it would be? Like a little thing of like blowing bubble, liquid. Or a little lollipop.

Yeah, just like a little lollip. And I think the major prize, I think, should not go. A new car! I don't think they should go to the kid whose birthday it is. That needs to go to a non-birthday child. Then how do you choose that kid? I think you go to then just... Then you actually play...

That's when the real game starts. You're like, oh! No. How long would you let it go round and around for? Because kids are desperate. Desperate little shits. Five rounds. Frounded round.

I would just sit there for ages for my own entertainment and it'll be like until, do you know what? It should turn into like a gaming like Survivor who can last the longest? Who can sit there the longest while I do this? And then whoever doesn't get the shits with it and stays wins the prize. And that is why you don't operate or organise the pass-the-past-the-past. And they bring their torch up and I put it out and I leave. So I reckon give every kid a toy. I said that in a Facebook group and people were like, come on.

Yeah, I'm with the people on the Facebook group. It's not wrapping the kids in cotton wool. I know. You made it woke. I know. So I said that to Laura. She panicked so much that she was like, I'm just not doing past the parcel. I'm scrapping it.

What about this? Pass the parcel with no major prize. So then everyone just gets something and then you're like, game over. Sure. Yeah? Yeah. Every kid has a lollipop. Boom.

Next question. This one is from Jess. Easy pronounce. Got the easy name. Yes. And she's emailed in and asked, how often should dads be going to the gym? My husband has recently been on an intense health kick.

I'm talking counting calories, weighing himself almost daily, taking photos for progress, and also hiring a PT. Now, whilst I'm proud of him for getting fitter, losing over 13 kilos. Wow, congratulations. And huge congratulations. And also finding a passion, it's taking its toll on our family life. We have a three and a half year old,

and one due in July, we both work full-time, though his hours are slightly longer than mine, and he has an hour commute each way. But he still maintains that he needs to go to the gym four times every week, three during the week and once in the weekend. But that means going straight from work to the gym and then getting home at 8.30 p.m. Way past the little one's bedtime. If he is able to finish on time, he can make it home by bath and bedtime. But if he doesn't go, he ends up having to go twice on the weekend to make up for his sessions, which honestly kills me a little bit. With number two on the way, I'm worried that, one, he isn't spending enough time with our first child, but two, that his new routine will take a big hit when Bub comes and he will not be able to cope very well.

I just want an opinion. Surely even just going three times a week is not a big ask. Or am I being the bad guy? Fuck. Bit of a minefield. It is great that anyone wants to get fit and healthy. And I know personally how much better I am with my own headspace if I've gone to the gym a few times during the week.

Where it gets really complicated is when the gym is being prioritised over everything else. I think I'm all for getting fit and healthy, but when it makes one parent feel like they are doing it alone, that's when it's too much. By all means, like you said, if he wants to continue up four sessions a week, which I don't think is that overkill. There's seven days in a week. I think that maybe he just needs to just have a quick look at his calendar

and make it work around the family. A bit better. But also as well, there needs to be from Jess's point of view. There also needs to be, essentially, they just need to communicate. At the end of the day, right now, she's like, look, I'm worried that when the second child comes, you're going to take a quick shot to your routine and it might, it might disrupt you in a way. Like, we need to have this conversation to go, all right, well,

I'm fine with you doing your work out. It makes you feel better. You feel like a better person. You're a better parent. But it needs to work around the family, though. It can't be, that is prime fucking time. Like, we're talking five to eight o'clock in the afternoon is which you're, essentially you're bypassing witching hour, the bath, the bed routine, dinner.

There's so much in that space. But by all means, don't give up your, your session. if it makes you be a better person, a bear a parent, but you need to find a spot where it works for the family. Maybe two of those sessions you do it in your lunch break at work. I don't know what kind of work he does, but you can imagine that he could go at lunchtime, stay back a little bit later,

so he's still getting home to help with the child. But at risk of sounding very cliche here, oh God, when people talk like this, I'm like, shut up, but now I'm one of them. Those early years go so bloody quick. Yeah. They really do. I look at Marley now, who's about to turn seven in grade one, and I'm like, oh my gosh,

like my little girl, the way used to put in a nappy and read her stories at bedtime, like those days are numbered. And I think it's so easy when it's so hard and you're in the trenches of giving those moments a miss. But I think they are so imperative for not only making you a better parent because the more you do it, the better you understand your kids, you learn little tricks and tips, but also it's so important to build those relationships in those moments. moments with your children when you're a part of the morning or the nighttime routine. So when you're

away for all of that, I think it's at the detriment to your relationship with your kids. Yeah, I think there'd be someone that you work with that wishes they could be home doing that, doing the bath and doing the dinner. I remember even just the other day, I was looking for an old photo through my phone and it came up with Oscar with food all over his face as a two-year-old. And I wasn't there because I had a nine to five, which unfortunately I had to be able to provide because April was off. but it hit me because I missed that and I'd forgotten. And then when I looked back, I went, oh, fuck, that, you know. I know there are so many nights where I'm trying to rush the kids into bed.

I want them to be asleep because I want to get my time back with just by myself, me and Laura. But it is so nice when you do have those nice moments. You read them a story. You have a little cuddle in bed. You give them a kiss good night. I think they're the parts that you don't want to miss out on. Yeah.

I mean, I would say as well, as long as it's equal, like if you're in a relationship where you want to work out seven times a week, as long as your partner has equal opportunity to also do the same. And I say that, but with Laura, I have to sneak in my gym sessions. I have to hide them from her. Wow. Because she just works too much and she can never go. She's out the door at 6.30 in the morning. She gets home, put the kids to bed. She then works again until like 10 o'clock at night.

So am I hearing this about you would hide them so that she doesn't feel bad? Is that she works so much? She does so much that she would get to do like one gym session a week at the moment, like hardly anything. Do you hide them so she doesn't feel guilty? She's not doing enough? No, because then she'll be like, if so, when I go to the gym, I'll like jump in the ocean real quick and get home. So I've wet hair. Sometimes I won't jump in the ocean, so it doesn't look like I've been to them.

Because then she gets upset. If she knows I've been to the gym three or four times in the week and she hasn't gone once, that level of imbalance will make her a little bit eggy. And also, I think, just accentuate the fact that she knows she hasn't been to the gym so it makes her even more frustrated at herself. Right, that sort of was... But then she takes it out of me.

You poor thing. I know, so she's like, oh, your biceps look good, and I'm like, huh? Genetics. Okay, well, here we go. April goes to the gym six times a week. Yeah. Six times a week.

Wow! Mate, she gets up at 4 o'clock every morning. She gets back and she comes in, sometimes the kids aren't even up yet. I'm not up yet. What a woman. I know. We did have a little discussion.

It wasn't a fight because obviously the five days during the week, the routine's pretty monotonous and the same, right? Especially in the morning. Everyone gets up, does their thing, gets ready for school and work and goes on, right? But then Saturday, Sunday, the variables in those days, usually like she would have Saturday morning would be a slightly later class. Would impede on people being awake, impedes on family day. And then it sort of gets to the time when she might get. back and it's a bit too late for me to go, oh, can I quickly go do something before? By that time, it's 10 o'clock. We've missed all the parking at the beach or whatever. We've missed half the

morning. The kids are ratty. Whatever. And I said to April, I was like, hey, maybe like on that Saturday, don't just assume that you're sweet to go to the gym. Maybe I want to do something, you know, like, and it was like, she was like, oh, okay, but that was because we communicated, it didn't turn into a fight. But if this guy is like, okay, well, I've got another child. coming. My life is going to be really hectic. I want to get this in now and then get to when I've got to. And then it's real tricky because he's trying to better himself at the same time. He can't prioritize that over your family. There was times when we were, April and I were going through. It was like, okay, well, that's not a good time to go because X, Y and Z. There's 24 hours

in a day. You might have to go. And I used to go, I used to put Oscar to sleep and I would be in my wetsuit. What? A full wetsuit in winter because as soon as I put him down and he went to sleep, the transition was fine. What if the doorbell rang and he had to answer the door and they're like, why the fuck are you wearing a wetsuit? Do you know how many times that he hasn't gone to sleep and I've just, I haven't been able

to go for his stuff, but I was ready. That's how I was like, okay, well, this is, what's more important to me was this to give April some reprieve. Yeah. And once he was asleep and settled, I knew I had 40 minutes, because he would only sleep 40 minutes to run out the back of my house to the beach. It didn't matter what the surf looked like. Paddle out.

Okay, if there was days that I would paddle out, not get a single wave, turn around and paddle back in. The change of scenery, getting in the water, made all the difference. Yeah. And every would say, once the kids are in bed, you do whatever you fucking like. And that could be go to the pub if I wanted to. But what was important is that transition was smooth. And if it didn't, my plans got fucked up.

And it was, it is what it is, right? But I don't know what the personality this guy's like. whether if the goalpost move, it would throw him right out. But I would say, if I'm going to give any advice, which I shouldn't, just have the conversation and say, what does it look like for you when we've got a newborn? What does that look like? Because at the moment, in an ideal world, I'd like you to be here. On these moments of these times, on these days.

Because it's only for a short time. And I would assume that he's not going to the gym that time of the day to avoid them, but you need to have that conversation. Because you never know what people are thinking mentally or what they might think, oh well she hasn't pulled me up on it so it must be fine because you haven't pulled him up on it so maybe have the conversation that's what i would do well said ash well said that's what i would expect and do you know what i expect a review on this podcast episode we've had a couple i'd like more if i'm honest you can either write a comment on spotify or on apple podcast

give us a review a couple of stars it's just it's a nice thing it's a considerate thing to do or join us on social media instagram ticot ticot facebook book, YouTube. I did have one person who's, I think they've been listening since day one and they're like, finally, I thought, after all these years of begging, I thought I'd give you a review. And I was like, it's working. The begging. Only took me three years pleading at the end of every episode, but I finally got one.

Imagine if you didn't beg, we'd have nuts. I know, yeah, right? If you imagine. Yeah, so on social media and. Let's go, I'm hungry. Yeah, me too. We spoke food. I know.

Sizzler. I've been thinking about. Sizzler, got me going. Let's get out of here for you. Bye. Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present

and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.