Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #208 A Cursed House, Mum Rage & Matt's Apology to Laura

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

It's tough times for Matt at the moment - his white goods are dropping like flies and he's in the dog house with Laura - but he swears it's not his fault! The guys deep dive into mum rage and Ash has a cracking story about April - his ceiling fan has never looked the same since. And can you give the tooth fairy an IOU if you've got no coins? The boys battle it out over whether we need to keep the magic up for our kids.  Plus the boys look at more of the childhood movies that left us all traumatised.  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Good morning. Sorry. How rude. Sorry. Are you though? I just had Ken Lee just messaged me. Oh, stop everything. Well...

Who the fuck is Ken Lee? I don't know. He's not the doctor from the actor, Ken Lee. No, it's... But it says deadline and policy update what to watch for in your RDTI claim. What the fuck is that? Sorry.

There's a time for admin. There's a time for... There's always time for admin. You have a story, but can I just do the open and then you can tell me with your little story. Oh, you want to use that? Yeah. Okay.

Let's go then. Fine. Welcome back to Two Doding Dads. I'm Maddie J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad.

And the relatable. And we don't give advice. Ash, what's your story? My story is I accidentally offended a mum this morning. And I wasn't my intention, but I did. And I'm going to tell you how I did that. Go on. School pickup?

It was a drop off. Drop off. It was actually. preschool. It was for Macy. Anyway, this mum had both of her kids there. One had a backpack on. Okay, because he was obviously being dropped off. The other one was slightly smaller,

but he had matching shirt and shorts, dinosaur, which I really liked. You know where I'm going with this. No. You don't? No idea. I was like, oh, they're cute jammies. And she was like, they're not pajamas. And I was like, okay. Why would you... Do they look like pajamas?

Yeah, they look like pajamas. I've been honest. Don't you think that's also like, it's also like a dig at the parent of like... That's what I mean. I didn't mean it that way. Because I, look, honestly, jama's outside. Not a problem with me. Don't have a problem. You wear your pajamas wherever you're fucking alive.

So for me, and then I was like, and I sort of backtracking, I was like, I just love dinosaurs. That's a cute outfit for someone with special needs. Oh, yeah. Well, no. That's essentially what you're saying. I was friendly. I wasn't like, oh, that's cute. But also you should get your kids dressed.

No. Why wouldn't you just, uh, well, you just. that's a lovely outfit. Why would you... Because as a parent, you'd be like, fuck you. I get my kids dressed. Thank you very much.

I didn't know any of it was going out of my mouth. I'm honest. By the time it happened, I was like, and then I was like, to the kid, I was like, do you know, that's my... I had like a stegosaurus on it. Probably my least favorite dinosaur. What?

But I lied. Whoa. Hang on a second. I lied. Stegosaurus. That's my favorite dinosaur. trying to smooth it over. So you lied.

I really put my foot in it today. For the record, what would you like to see printed on some clothing? What dinosaur tickles your fancy? T-Rex? Nah, too aggressive. Velociraptor. A raptor. Raptor.

Raptor. Wow. Probably something more woke than that. Like a vegetarian dinosaur just to keep everyone happy. Like what? Give me something. Deglidopas. A diplodocus?

That's it. What is that? Diplodocus, the long necks. Yeah. I don't know. This is a podcast all about dinosaurs. Anyway, I would just want to say sorry to that, mum. Did you cover your tracks?

Did you apologize? I got the fuck out of there. I just push Macy over the fence. I'm like, I'm out of here. Hey, this is now going to be housekeeping. Just want to let people know that maybe I got a little bit excited, a little bit trigger happy with the jingles. And I suggested that we were,

We put together a jingle for this segment of housekeeping. And Ash was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, hang on a fuck in a second. We're just putting jingles in every two seconds in this podcast. I saw that post and I was like, we didn't discuss this. For the record, Blink 182, small things. It was a suggestion. Housekeeping is bigger than small things, Matthew.

Okay. Well, that's, yeah. It's pretty much the whole show now. And then, Ash, if it wasn't for Ash, you would have just heard our rendition of Blink 182. but Asha said no Just kidding, here it is, no So just want to let that be known To the good people, the dotas if you will

I think it's safe to have no jingle for this one That's fine, that's fine That's fine Every episode is going to be all music It's turning into a musical Oh Sorry, yeah Actually that's why you're against it

Because you hate musicals I feel like we do housekeeping first So it will go into our show start Too soon there he is. Too soon. Too soon. You want to talk about Nokia's, my bro? No, we don't. Sorry. Oh. Yeah. We've can't it. We'll retouch that next.

I just didn't get a chance. I just have another chance. Okay. That's fine. That's fine. I'm really sorry. Next week, everyone, tune in for the Nokia chat. Moving on. I wanted to know about the Nokia. You will. That's okay. In good time. In good time, my child.

Next week, we talk about the Nokia. It'll be like the business meta suite all over. It's like, you've done it yet? Yeah, I'll do it today. Ash has had one admin task to create what is called a meta business account. I have a disability. It's called ADHD. It's actually, it's a disorder. And if you really want to poke that and...

I have it too. I don't technically... You're one of them. Well, I'm not yet diagnosed. I want to get diagnosed just so I can be like, see, see, I also, I can sympathize with you and what you deal with. April always says, oh, it's just my ADHD. She's undiagnosed. And I said, that's offensive.

That is, sorry. That's offensive. Let me apologize on behalf of all the people like me and April. It's disorderist. I'm a bit sick at the moment, by the way. Shout out to Shannon. You're going to fucking just ignore the fact that? She's a mum.

She reached out to her. She just got diagnosed and it's her 30 nights. It's not about Shannon. It's about me being sick. Happy birthday and congratulations on having a disorder. When did you speak to Shannon? She just messaged me. Where?

Instagram. And you wrote back? Yeah. That's not like you at all. I know. She's a lucky lady. Anyway, ADHD related. Happy birthday, Shannon.

Yes, 39. Okay, I have to tell you about the fact that I think my house is cursed. Which one? I walked into that, didn't you? Well, the fourth mansion's a little bit cursed. I actually, I actually bumped into someone and, sorry, this is really bad. He said, how's the house? And I said, I said, which one?

And he was like, oh, the one you've just renovated. And I was like, which one? I was joking. I was joking. The Bondi House is... Go on. White goods. Oh, bloody white.

White goods. We just lost last week. The dishwasher. Well, it heard us talking about all the other dishwashers and it was like, I'm out of here. I don't know if it was the fact that I kept opening at mid-cycle that over time, I don't know if it has... It was a very old dishwasher. The dishwasher was at least like 12 years old. That's a long time.

Very old. That is old. It was on its last week. They just give up, don't I? And I was like, to get 12 years out of a dishwasher, I'm happy with that. You should be very happy with that. I would say, that's an outstanding inning. When it finally went, I said, rest easy.

Yeah, it's like when a really, really old person dies and then they're like, how old were they? Like, oh, no, I didn't. Oh, good innings. Yeah. Same thing. Thank you. It's like, great innings. But on the other end of the spectrum, the fridge just died.

The one at the Bondi house? That's new. It's five months old. Oh, that's the one with the, you had the problem with the plumbing. It's like losing a puppy, you know. How old was the dog that got hit by the car? It was only one. I would say it's somewhat sadder than losing a puppy.

It's more of a headache, that's for sure. Yeah. I'm doing okay for those who are wondering. But it is, it's a real pain in the ass. What happened to it? I don't know. I think it was Laura. Wow.

Okay. What did she do? What, okay, what about, it just stopped working? Wow. It's got to be some sort of, the next to be investigation. I said to her, so she was like, it's broken. The freezer's not working. And I was like, well, hang on a second.

You've got it so, she's just so unorganized. And she had a bottle like that is like a little cooler. Oh, yeah. And it was like jammed in the door so the door wasn't shut properly. So it had been running overnight with the door or the freezer, a jar. Yeah, one of the key factors to a fridge or freezer is the door needs to be shut. You know it. You know it.

Thank you. It's like years of my childhood, of my mom yelling at me for not closing. Keep it. Keep it. Yeah. Keep it closed. That's just. So then off the back of that, I don't, I don't know if it's strained the fridge.

I had my milk in my cereal on Monday morning and I thought, it was Sunday. It was like, that's weird. It's not very cold. And taste kind of tangy. And then I finished it. And then the next hour, I was like, this is serious. Nothing's getting cold. Oh.

I know. So you think that the engine has been worked to death? I'm no expert here, Ash. I'd love to know. I'd love to get an answer. But the other issue is, and once again, I know a lot of people are dealing with some serious issues right now. So mine, in comparison, is very small.

I understand that. But I finally got hold of the brand. And I said, look, five-month-old fridge. Gone. And? And they said, we can send a technician in two weeks. Two weeks? That's what I said.

I said, you know, I have three children. one of whom Elida Bitten said it's two months old because it's more dramatic. Yeah. How old is probably? Five months. Oh,

wow, that went far. Fuck. Where did that last five months go? I don't know, bro. I'm fucking staying awake every night with a fucking screaming child. So I can tell you it's not going quick on my end

just for the record. Fair enough. Sorry. So at the moment we're living out of Eskis. Oh, okay. Can we go back to two weeks really quick? Yeah, yeah, please.

What have they got on? I don't know. They wouldn't tell me. I said, how many technicians do you have? And they said, that's none of your business. You obviously said, I don't think I won. And, yeah, so currently surviving on rations out of the esk, it was like camping. And we're washing everything by hand as well.

It's fucked. And ice is not cheap. Ice is very expensive, except. They do a bundle deal. They do a bundle deal. I don't need four bags. You do clearly. But they get me every time.

He's like, you pay two bucks more. You get an extra bag. Yeah. And I'm like, I'll do it. I came home with a fucking car full of ice. You got ice to spare. Laura's like, why so much ice? You broke the fridge.

And do you know what else happened? Oh, God. The Meredith cheese. What's that? I knew you wouldn't know. Is that a jab because I'm poor? Yes. Oh, wow.

No, no, I just, you wouldn't, I feel like, not to generalize, but mum's listening right now, be like, yes, the Meredith coach cheese. I don't know what that is. Oh, the goats. Okay, right. Okay. I was like, Meredith? Who the, that's my mother-in-law.

Like, she's giving you cheese and not me? What the fuck is that about? We could use the cheese. We're poor. You're talking about one of your houses is cursed. Enough about the houses. So the Meredith Goathe cheese is... My diversified portfolio is cursed.

Is in a jar of oil. And Laura's put that into the Eski. This morning, she got the milk out and was like, fuck, milk is covered in oil. And then she pulled out the Meredith cheese, which is now just the cheese, no oil. Because it had leaked out into the Eski. and then she goes, your fucking mum did this.

She goes, she can never get the lids on because of her arthritis. Then Laura went to work and then mum was like, where's all the oil come from? And I said, the mirror of the cheese. And she goes, fucking Laura. They're against each other. We're all attacking each other right now. I know. I thought a fridge would bring down the Johnson household.

Oh, I know. And the dishwasher. Oh, my God. Anyway. Speaking of poverty, Oskillost a tooth. Not... Okay, that sounded bad. Did you...

Was it you? No, sorry, friend of mine. Okay. Friend of mine child swallowed the two. Oh, that's odd. What's the policy here? Do you go through the shit? No.

That thing's gone. My mum once did that. She also cut your foreskin off, remember? When you were like seven. She's an animal. God! Don't go anywhere around. She'll chop something of yours off.

My brother forced her. He shat in a like a container, a takeaway container. and for like the next three shits, she went through it to try and find the tooth that he's swallowed. Still couldn't find it. He's metabolized it. Yeah.

It's become a part of him again. How did Oscar? Oscar, it's his second tooth. Okay. He's on two already. Yeah. Just a quick warning, Matt, that if there are kids in the car, whoever is listening to these,

don't worry about the swearing, but we're about to talk about the tooth fairy. The magical tooth fairy. Let's get into that. Sorry, what? Sorry, take that back. Take that back. And next we'll be talking about Santa Claus and I can't wait to get into him.

And the kids are like, oh, why is he in the tooth fairy? Oh my goodness. Corder's surprise this one. It was lose. And I tell you right now, you don't want to lose the tooth close to bedtime. Why? Because it's a lack of, who has coins these days, bro? I've got to pretend to be there.

So we didn't have any coins. Yeah, what'd you do? Mainly because Oscar has found all the coins in the house and hidden them for himself. It's for some point. like a doomsday prepper. Where do you even, if you get a servo, get some ice. Sorry. Well done.

How do I get a coin? I was stumped. I devised a plan, though, to get a coin. I was meant to get one from Mike because tradies have coins. Yeah. I don't know why. Does Dan have coins? Yeah.

Dan's a tradie and Dan is Vic's partner. Anyway, I devised a plan because we didn't have any coins and it was like seven o'clock at night. And the kids were like about to get, And Oscar's there like rubbing his hands going, yes. Yeah. And I was like to April, I'm like, should I just say, Two Threat doesn't work on a Sunday? Because that's just an easy way out.

And April was like, no, it's the magic. I'm like, okay, I get it. She's like. She's on holidays, bro. She doesn't do Sundays. Not the northern beaches. No, that's what I was thinking. No one crosses the Spit Bridge on a Sunday.

He'd understand that. That's a last thing I'd want to do. He'd be like, oh, fair. Yeah. I understand. Yeah. I'll see her on Monday. Yeah. She'll clock in.

She'll be there. She's already doing nights. Poor thing. Let I have a day off. I said, I'm going to go do the showers. You come up with how we do this. I devised a plan. No coins in the house.

I absolutely raided that. I tried to even turn the dog into like a sniffer dog. I'm like, smell one of Oscar's coins that he's hoarding. Find more of these. Did you find anything? Sometimes when you do a spring clean, you find things that you thought you lost. I found a poker chip from the Star Casino. Oh, how much?

Ten bucks. That's great. I know. Give them that. Right? Did you? No. Okay.

I wasn't allowed to. So I was like, okay, he doesn't know what a casino is. I love how you've got more poker chips in the house than you do coins. I know. Also, I found a Westfield gift card and I was like, we could do this. Yeah, it's great. No, I was like, okay, my plan was this. I found the poker chip and I was like, 10 bucks is a bit steep.

I'm setting myself up to fail with that. So I need to somehow, I thought maybe I could remove the writing on it and then put what I want on there. But no, I couldn't do that because it was a proper casino chip. And they're like, I don't want, otherwise I could just change it to $1,000 and be like, I want to cash this, right? So I found these little black stickers to cover it up. So it just looked like a chip, like a, like a poker chip with no value. And I thought, this is genius.

This is how I thought it would play out in my head. The Tooth Fairy would give him this with a little note saying what a good boy he's been and you're growing up and bloody blah, blah, blah, blah. Exchange this with your parents for a nominated amount of money. I hadn't got that far because I'd shut it down real quick. She wasn't into it. No. It's very elaborate, just fucking get some coins, man.

I know. Well, April ended up going to her dad's house. Ash is there forging coins. I like making my own coins. Out of frying pans. Like, just go to the servo and get some money out, man. I thought the plan was foolproof. Just get some money out. And then I said, what about a $50 gift? And she was like, no.

You have a servo three minutes down the road from your house. It's Sunday night, bro. I'm trying to rewind. It's a 7-11 one. They're always open. Well, what am I going to smoke? Go in there and go, can I get a dollar out? No, get $20 out of the ATM. They're not getting 20 bucks. And say, hey, I just want, can I have a $10 note, a $5 note and a couple of coins? I feel like...

What do you feel like, bro? I feel like we need to move on from the coins. There needs to be, like, maybe like an F-POS machine. But I said this to my mate Mike and he was like, yeah, yeah, we don't have any coins either. Like, I just write IOUs. Genius. No, that's not genius. I'm into that.

That's fucking pathetic. Anyway. Mike, hope you well. Don't mean to attack you. pathetic. You can't. The magic of the tooth fairy and you... You sound like April.

They wake up to a fucking scrap bit of paper saying, hey, sorry. The tooth fairy's got gambling problems. She's like, can't pay you tonight. Sorry about that. Sunday is the tooth fairy's nominated gambling day. You know,

you know, I'm good for it. Give her a break. Don't judge her. Give me a week or two. I'll get some money together. That's... I've got a big bet coming up. That sounds like a proper gambler.

Race four at Randwick. Don't worry. It's a sure thing. The horse is called the Easter Bunny Anyway, that's what I'm dealing with April went and got a dollar But I wanted my plan to unfold What did you give them in the end?

You'd cheat You'd fucking buy it Excuse me I didn't have any coins So I went to all four of my houses To try and find coins Jesus, man We're living over here

We're living week to week over here, Matt One thing I forgot to do this morning Marley has dance class And she has to get to the school at 7.30. That's ridiculous. And she has to go in her dance uniform. Her other uniform is then put in her bag. And at that hour of the morning, it's hard as well because Laura gets her partly dressed. And then I come in, I thought that she was wearing undies under her leotard. Turns out she's not. So I dropped off Lola this morning. And then I saw some of Mali's friends. And I said,

oh, where's, where's Mali? They said, oh, she's crying in the hall. And I was like, oh, what happened? She's got no undies. I know And then there was other kids there And I was like Oh what's wrong with you Susie And she's like my dad I forgot my shoes

Easily you felt better You're like oh fine There was so many kids who were like One had no top on Like one had no like hair tie It was just it was carnage Yeah there was a parent with no kid Yeah

My kids love wearing no underpants to school I kept catching them I was like just free ball it The scorts have a built in like little shorts Yeah, it's a score. That's why I was late this morning because I had to go back to the school

and in a brown paper bag deliver undies to the office. That's way more embarrassing. I'm like, no one knows. They were like, what are you dropping off? And I was like, what are you dropping off? It was a big bag. It was a big bag.

I should do that to able to work with a bag of lingerie. You forgot this. For you. But she, and then she fucking forgot her hat. She lost a hat. Again. Oh, God.

Again, it's like, Jesus Christ. How many hats? How many hats is that? Five hats so far. Wow, that is good gear. Hey, talking about school hats and losing them, we got some advice from Dota's who listen in. And we've got one here from Sarah. She says, Maddie, you need a hat clip for the girl's bag. Issue is Sarah.

I hate to attack you here. I appreciate the advice. Thank you for messaging in. Like a carabina. But the thing is, like, it's not... Like a rock climbing family? Well, it doesn't... She loses, she takes the hat off.

The hat's not getting anywhere near the bag. She needs a leg rope. Thank you. Thank you. This one's from Natalie. Natalie works in a primary school and says it would solve so many dramas if we leave kids' hat at school the whole term. They could leave it in their pigeonholes and they don't get lost going to and from home. At daycare, the good old days of daycare, the hats always stay at daycare.

Never lost it. Never once lost it. The hats are always there. Natalie? No offence, Sarah. Natalie, great advice. Yeah, but also schools are much bigger than a preschool. The area of a primary school, there's a lot more places for it to get lost.

And also, I feel like the kids are also stealing hats. Everyone's losing hats. The hats are being hought out to the children. Oh, I always used to just take someone else's hat. I'm part of the problem. And even one of the teachers said, just got a lost property. Just taking a lot of hat. Yeah, exactly.

And I was like, no, there's a system in place. That's why we named the hats. You throw the system out. Okay. And move on. Matt, breaking news. Thank you. This one's not a joke.

This one's serious. I'm bringing the serious source today. I hit you with it. A new study, Matt, lifts the lid on what they call mum rage. Go on. In Australian families. An Aussie mum exposes the shocking truth that she says affects almost every mother. Okay.

So they surveyed hundreds of women to prove this, okay? And I'll give you some stats around anger in mother. A motherhood. An overwhelming, 97% of mum's experience anger in motherhood. I feel like everyone just experiences anger at some point. You can't tell me that people are out there just not angry. I'm actually worried about that 3%. Three percent of people out there that reckon they don't ever get angry. That's garbage. The 3% are lying. They're the dangerous ones. They're the ones who are bottling it up. A third, okay, of those, have a weekly episode of downright rage.

But only 20% have ever confided in another mother and just 6% were warned properly that they might feel like this after kids. What kind of warning do you need? It's just like that's, you know, like... This, you're going to get angry at some point. You've been warned. I think for people to say, I was never told I would be angry. It's like someone saying, I was never warned by anyone who was a professional, that

medical staff member that you're going to be really fucking exhausted. Yeah. But other parents have warned me. Do we need to be told that? Vic, you're a mum, producer Vic. Can you just come on the mic for a second? The hot seat. Vic, do you, or have you ever experienced mum rage?

Yes. And when I see... Men. Every day. When I saw this article, I jumped on it because I was like, oh, I just want to see what the stats are because I've experienced it. And for me, it was shocking to feel because it's a feeling I've never had in my body before. And I think maybe guys might have rage sometimes in their lives. I don't know, testosterone or whatnot.

Do you remember the last time you had a little ragey episode and what triggered it? Yeah, it's always when I'm solo parenting. So when Dan's around, you can kind of share the load a little bit. But if it's just me and I've got two kids coming at me and it's like two against one and they're just like coming and coming and coming, something flicks, like a switch flicks. And I just see red. and I'm in this like red rage and nothing can get me out of it. Nothing my kids can say can get me out of this rage.

And I'm now at a point where I'm like, I know it's settled in, but I have to remove myself from the kids so I can just like get it out of my body. And that involves. Go on. Slamming doors. Maybe punching a pillow or like throwing something into the sink. Like just getting like some sort of like feeling out of my body. It's like the rage rooms.

What are those rooms called? We should go on a break. We should go to a rage room. And you might need to jump on the... We should go to a rage room. I agree. For parents. Write it down.

But then the thing is, as soon as it's out, you're like, shit, like that was really awful. And you're filled with shame. And you're like, fuck, I can't believe I was like that in front of my kid. And I think because it's a feeling we've never felt before in our bodies, yeah, we feel shame. So we don't talk about it. And so when I saw this article, I was like, there's like 35% or something of people who are getting this rage and even chatting to my friends they're all the same like we're all feeling it we're

just not talking about it you're right i'm not surprised when you talk about solo parenting being the trigger because yesterday morning is a morning that laura's at the door at 630 so i'm doing the kids by myself and it was a morning where just every step of the process like you got to eat your breakfast every mouthful was me like begging for my kids to eat and then i'd turn around look back and they were in like an arts and crafts box with glue and i was like what the fuck are you you doing? And then brushing the teeth, putting your shirt on. And I was like, come on, you've got to put your shirt on. And I thought to myself, like, you got this, Matt, you're doing really well. And then finally, when I was saying, put your helmets on for the bike to ride

to school. I turned around and Marley was on the scooter going down the hill. And I was like, just flipped the fuck out, grabbed her and was like, get on the bike and put your helmet on. And you just, you snap, which you feel like a really shit parent. Once you come down out of that, anger you're like oh fuck yeah it's a it's a shit feeling for sure what makes me feel less shit is i know that i kind of assume that every parent is doing the same thing well let me tell you a story go on okay this is not me this is my soft gentle kind wife oh who april to be fair i have been with april for 15 years i think she has yelled at me once wow like she's not a yeller is that because you're so perfect yes or because april is it april is

so patient. Yes. Combination of the two. You are a great guy, by the way. Thank you. Thank you. You don't know me behind closed doors. I'm my loose unit.

No. So she's quite reserved. She usually leaves the rage to me, you know, or I'll do the same thing as Vick. I'll just slam a door or something to make me feel better, even though it's probably not a good look, if that makes sense. Because in the moment, you're like, and then you're like, oh, fuck, I probably shouldn't have ripped the door of its hinges at home.

That was probably a bad option. Yeah. But recall one morning, April is an early riser. She goes to the gym, good on her. And then she's back as the kids are sort of getting up, depending on what time they get up. This particular morning, they were up pretty early. I think we're all up pretty early.

I think, like April left and we just, it was still dark or something. But we were up, having breakfast. But the kids were just one of those days like that, where everything was a nightmare. They were teasing each other. And April comes home from the gym, full of endorphins,

Which is great, which is what you want. You don't want to walk into your husband just at his wits end. At 6 o'clock in the morning, no one wants this, okay? And I do feel sorry for my neighbours because they would have heard me have a fucking episode at that time. They've got older kids, so they get it. And then April just must have flicked a switch. And she's first thing first, she was like, I think she realized how angry she was going to be and was like, to the kids, go to your room.

and go on we've got this cane coffee table yeah okay it's never good when you start with the story with furniture

and like breaking down the materials yeah yeah it's made out of cane it's made out so it's not overly heavy but it's not that light she's picked it up

and she's thrown it into the ceiling fan and I was like I'm in the kitchen I didn't do enough shoulders at the gym and she's just like I think she didn't realize

how her own strength and that's anyway Let's fuck the ceiling fan up. That's the first thing. And then she's walked into the bedroom, fit of rage. And I think she tried to kick a pillow, but she's so clumsy that she's kicked a wall. And her foot's gone through the gyprock wall.

And obviously, I'm not saying this. And you're like, do I step in until I stop? I'm like one foot out the door here. I'm getting out of here before I'm next. Will the apartment still be there when I come back? And I was like, After the foot was stuck in the wall, help me.

And then the shoe got stuck because the shoe foot came out of the shoe. I think at that point you realized, hang on a minute, I've gone a bit too far. And I was like, I don't think you go far enough. I was looking around for things that, like, the kids loved that I hated. So I was like, get that. Get that thing. Just sick them.

Get them. Put the dog in front of it? To table's defense, like, table's defense, she snapped out of it really quick and realized. and was like, oh, fuck, like, the kids came out of the bedroom, and you can imagine how fascinated they were that the bloody ceiling van spinning around with a coffee table stuck to it. The cane coffee table. Macy had a real attachment to that coffee table.

April's wedged in the jip-rock still. Amazing was like, that's where I eat my berries. And then they look over into our bedroom, and there's a hole in the wall with a shoe sticking out of it. And the kids were so fascinated with that. And April was, you could see that she was ashamed of what she, which I think like, you've got to express your feelings somehow. If that's how it felt right in the moment, I'm fine with it.

And I just said, well, fine, I'll fix it. No. I said, I'm not adding any fuel to this fire. I said, babe, don't worry about it. It's easy fix. It's an easy fix for a guy like me. Eagown. Now we joke about it a lot.

Obviously, I can tell this story because we joke about it. No one was on a soccer field. No, because she missed the pillow. The thing is, like, trying to explain that. I think my parents came over, like, the day after, and they don't live in the area. Where's the coffee table? Yeah, I was like, look up. And then they walked in, mom walks into our room.

And I think mom was the first one. She was like, what happened to the wall? And I was like, you're not going to stay high to the kids or anything? Or high to me? You're just straight in. What happened to the wall? And I was like, oh, April. accidentally kicked the wall.

And mum was like, yeah. I was like, no, she put the shit out of it. So the mun rage is real. And I, look, honestly, let it out. Don't be ashamed of it. Because I'm fucking doing it. The dad crash out is such a joke online. But I think, like, that's how we've overcome, like, the stigma of it.

We've made fun of it. So I'm like, now April, like, anytime April gets a little bit angry, I'm like, ah. I put the coffee table in the other room. Like, if I can see, she's getting upset with something, and she gets overstimulated. Take the valuables. Yeah.

Move the vases. I'm like, I'm like, oh, get this coffee table out of the way. I just leave things I know she can't pick up, but she's getting stronger. Okay, running out of things to get out of the room. As long as there's nothing like, no white goods. No white goods.

You're not grabbing the TV. The fridge is flying across. Anyway. Yeah, but maybe it's the fact that, yeah, men with testosterone, it's not uncommon for them to lose their temper. in comparison, but also men talking about getting angry at the kids. And I'm not saying it's a great thing to do because, you know, it'd be a better world

of none of us ever got angry. But just the way things are with the stress of life and the kids when you're on your own, like it's bound to happen. But maybe men are not as ashamed of talking about it like women are. I think it's completely healthy to express all of your emotion. And that includes the ones that we think are bad. Anger is not bad. It's depending on where it's directed.

Am I? Yes, keep going. Yes, yes, yes. Am I a philosopher? I love it. I've been so aroused. Do you want me to get angry? Wear your glasses.

Put your glasses on. Oh, damn it. They're in my bag. Damn it. They're broken. April, break them. Thank you. Sorry, April.

I know. No, like I said, I think it's very healthy to crash out. If it makes you feel better, I think it's just where the anger is directed. And that actually leads me to a question for you to think about. And the listener to think about, what is your parenting crash out phrase? Everyone's got one. April's is a real simple one, which I think a lot of mums have because they think it just rolls off nicely.

It's usually done with the mouth open, but the teeth shut. Gone? Fuck's sake. Oh, that's mine. That's just, what is it about fuck sake? It's been passed down from generation to generation. I told you about the Fiji story with the pool noodle. Those who are new, my son was quite young.

I think he was two. He picks up this pool noodle at the kids' pool at this all-inclusive resort in Fiji, picks it up, puts it onto the side of the pool, like a horn, if you will, and he screams into it, fuck sake! And everyone went, what? And the way he said it, I just looked at April and I was like, that's you.

That's you in the car. What's your crash out word? I've got a few I run between. Like a smorgasbord. Today on Tuesday, I feel like... Yeah, the classic for me, if you hear it from me, it's a crash out. It's like, oh, you're fucking cockhead. Like something like that.

To you yourself? Yeah, just whoever will listen. Like a... Like a self-reflective. And it was like, watch yourself, nothing. Hey, I think, I think. Fuck, this is a long, guys. I think that's housekeeping.

Can we just go to a segment? Before we go on a segment. Yep. I need to apologize to my wife. For which time? At the moment, there's one thing that I'm doing badly at the moment. And we know that Poppy, five months, she's now pretty much off the boob entirely. She'll have like a couple of boobs throughout the week.

and they're always, when it happens, always like that, and I'd be the last one, she's on the bottle, which is great because it means that I'm far more helpful. Well, I should be far more helpful. But I'm being a bad partner. No, you're not. I mean, I am. Okay, go.

I can own up, I can admit that right now, I'm not pulling my weight. And it's not my fault, though. Okay, go on. I'm a very heavy sleeper. I know. A very heavy sleeper. I can sleep through anything.

And also, I'm pretty good at getting back to sleep. And at the moment, and this is behavior that I'm not aware of, I'm just being told by my wife. So Poppy at the moment's waking up between like three to five times in the night. A lot, yeah. Regressions. And remember the fridge and the dishwasher, bro? We're battling.

Good thing she drinks warm milk. Yeah. I would say. So Laura will go, hey Matt. I need a bottle. And I go, yeah, back asleep. This reminds me of when you stole my pillow and I was like, give it back and you're already asleep. And I go, yeah.

And then she waits and she goes, hey, Matt, I go, yeah. She goes, you got to get the bottle. I go, oh, yeah, yeah. Back asleep. Oh, God. Boom. Instantly. And then four times later, she's like shaking me.

She's like, get the bottle. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. okay okay and then the other night I got up I stood over her and she's there and then we have a little a little like white noise machine which has a light she was reaching out to give me the bottle and I just stood there and I fell back asleep standing up and she's like grab the bottle and I was like and she's like grab the fucking bottle and I was like don't have to swear of me And she's like, fucking hell. You know it's a good sleep when you don't know where you are or what you're doing.

It's only when I'm there at the sink pouring the water in, then I'm like, where am I? The boiling hot water? What's happened? And my wife, poor Laura, is having to deal with that multiple times. She's got to the point where she makes a bottle of self now. Oh, man. I can just picture. It's the most confusing time.

It's unconfused. I know. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to understand. Were you ever a sleepwalker? No, but I sleep talk quite a lot. I know. But my dad was a sleepwalker real bad.

Like, used to walk to the train station. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Granted, this is my grandmother telling this story. A little embellishment. A bit of mayo on top. Yeah. But like, I have woken up in the middle of the night with April telling me to do something like,

take the dog out or whatever. And I'm like, what are you? What do you want about, woman? What are you talking about? We don't have a dog. well, we do. But like it's, for some reason your brain just hasn't woken up yet, but everything else has. It's trying.

I used to have a friend that used to pull the refrigerator out and get him behind it. In their sleep? Yeah. That's like, shout out to Josh. That is ridiculous. Isn't it just? That's ridiculous. Maybe you can train yourself to sleep, get milk.

And then you won't have to hear any of it. Just like lying down in bed, bro. Just like being on the blanket. Nice and cozy. You sleep with your elbows out too, so no one can attack you. I'm a belly sleeper. Yeah, so is painful. Hey.

What happens when you get an erection? I'll levitate. It's not that big. Go on, man. It's a strong muscle. Can I just snake in real quick? Yeah. Can I, do you mind?

No, no, I would never mind. Thank you so much. Anyway, that's what we have time for. That joke is so old. I know, it's so good though. It's so old. I was nearly going to do it to Vic before when she got on the mic. I was like, anyway, that's cool story, Vic.

But I knew how much. it meant to you. First time. I know. And she's met with that. I know. Next time. This is from Emma, who was sent in an ick.

I know you love your icks. I love yikes. Just quietly. If you want to see Ash's feet, go to his Instagram. He didn't ick about getting sandy feet in the car. Clapping them together. Yeah. Just the people gagging over your feet.

What the fuck is wrong with the... Not to knock that. You know, I just think if you like feet, that's fine. I like feet. I've never had so much engagement. I might have to start a foot finder. I'm just leaving money on the table by not doing it. It could really push this podcast along.

I think do it. I think do it. But from Emma, she says, my ick is where my husband says any childlike language to me, not our kids. For example, I have a sore tummy. And recently, oh, look at that cute little bunny rabbit. Yeah, yeah. I think that's adorable.

No, I do it. When the kids are there, you like, oh, give mummy a cut. You always use it in like, what, the second person? person they call that. And then when I use it when they're not there, she's like, you know, like, depending on the tone, I think. I'm like, hey, mommy. You don't talk to the kids like that. Yes. But if you're like, oh my God, you know, oh, Tom Tom. You're so Tom Tom Tom. I may be hungry. That's an ink. Is it? I think if you add the little baby talk to it, it's like, yeah, like it's a bit of an ink. But if you have an

Nick, please. Share it with us. Also talking like that to your kids in public. I know. Bubba. The cringe button needs to come out. I'm always like, oh, shut up, you're pathetic. We should shut it down. Ash, we have the new jingle. Yeah, this is week two I've been told of the new jingle.

Let's do it. Let's play it. Okay. Now you need us more than ever. Know that we still have each other. You can send us your doting dilemma. You can send us short doding dilemma. Dilemma

Ella, Ella, Ella, L, E, E, E, D. Josh, this is from L, L, L. Not L-E, but L. Just E-L-E? E-D-E, so you can spell it the same way forwards or backwards. For those.

Very clever. Like Bob. Like Bob, there you go. She says, hey guys, I'm a new listener and absolutely love the podcast. Leave that as a bloody review, Elle, would you? Yeah, copy-paste. I may be one of the 38 who joined the Facebook page

after the dishwasher episode. Maybe that was the great influx of followers. Remember we had 38 followers in like an hour? Oh, it's just people who love LG. Maybe. It's, I don't know. Anyways, just wanted to ask a question, which may be a topic of interest for the pod. She says, what is the general rule for leaving your kids in the car when you have to pay for fuel? Is it okay to just quickly run in and out to pay or would you have to take your child with you? There's a few factors here. Factor away. Okay. So, first of all, you have to factor in climate. Yeah, obviously

if it's a raging hot summers day. Yeah, you lock that car and put the windows up and leave them in there. No. That's bad parenting. Wow. That's newsworthy parenting that one. Yeah, so climate.

Also, how far away the pump is from where you pay. Because if you go to like one of those truck stop ones, like if you're on a freeway, you're essentially putting your kids at risk because you're further away and there's truckers there. And the truckers are the ones you've got to watch here for. They are.

No, not the truckers, but you know, the highway people, as I call them. We're going to upset someone with this one. I love the truckers. They keep this nation going. They keep using that one? I don't believe it. It's the rule.

The people in rural areas. Let's not start with the rural. I know. But the big highway ones, like the one on the way down to Canberra where you park like 500 metres away from the way. Yeah. You can't keep the line of sight to the car. Well said.

I think, depends also how small or big the child is. If it's a teenager, they're fine. But Oscar, for some reason, he has to come in, has to. Why? Good question. I always go to a petrol station that's literally a 10 step, and he's looking at me the whole time, and I'm like paying. They must think I'm fucking crazy, because I'm like, beep. And Oscar's like, the truckers will get me.

Yeah, well, I said to him, what, like, what brought this on? Yeah. He was trying to get to the route. Yes. And he was like, what time? Some teenagers walk past me. Did they? I was like, and what?

You're like, nothing. That was it. That was it. He just walked past. I'm like, free country, bro. People can walk past you. Like, nothing's going to happen. And I keep telling you, and I'm like, you understand that you are the most important

thing I own. Nothing's going to come between. Like, I'll get between whatever you and whatever it is. But he's just got it so hell that someone's going to take him. Yeah. And I'm like, no one wants to take a kid because you cost more money, if anything. Yeah, well said. And like, no one wants to take on extra burdens or responsibilities.

I have a solution for the problem, though. I never fill up the car with the kids. I try and avoid that as much as possible. I reckon it's just like the rigmarole. It's not worth it. Of trying to get the kids out of the car. And then they're in there. And that front counter at the petrol station, it's just like...

It's a salesman's a dream. It's like... Point of sale. That's where you want to be. It's just there's skittles. There's chocolate. There's kind of surprises. I tried to bribe them to stay in the car.

I'm like, I'll get you something if you stay here. You could get taken. It's worth a risk Is there a law? Surely there's a law. I'm sure there is. I think it's fine. I think it's fine.

Provided it's a cool day. Yeah, and also as well, I would just, if the surroundings are a bit sketchy, leave them in there. Then you take them. Well said, well said, Ash. Matt, we did a little dilemma the other week about movies in the childhood that left you traumatized.

And the response has been our overwhelm. People were like, you forgot about this movie. And I was like, Whoa, relax, Steve. Matt, these are some of the movies that traumatized our listeners as children. E.T. The couple of moments in there, when he's being tested. When he's sick.

Yes, he's sick. When he's unwell. And also when he goes home. Yeah. Sad. There's sort of things that you just like, just remember forever. Sadness. I remember my brother, my older brother, weeping behind the couch for that movie.

And I was probably a little too young to really understand the significance of that farewell when he's going back in the UFO back to his homeland. But I remember, I was like, wow, that's the movie that broke my brother. Neverending story. Actually, you haven't seen this one. But it is, it is an amazing, beautiful tale. However, there is some very traumatic scenes in there, particularly one where a horse is stuck in like quicksand or mud and this beautiful white stallion.

unfortunately dies and he can't save it. It's a lot. There's a lot of death in these movies. Look, yeah, it's, I mean, we shouldn't shy away from the realities of life. But it's a cartoon. But when you're five years old,

you probably wait a couple more years. I know, and I think, like, back then they didn't hide it. Like, they were like, kill him! And it's like, whoa, hang on a minute, guys. Yeah. Ugh, not for me. One that came up a lot, Matilda.

mainly because of one particular character, which is Trunch Bowl. Mitch Trunchball. There's a few things. Swinging of the hair. Very strong. I would say that's not allowed. She is very strong.

I mean, that little girl with the piggy tails getting flung over in the playground of the school. Yeah, what was the thing she had with nails in? Or was that again? Oh, the choky. She's really letting her outside hobbies roll into her work. Was she really into BDSM, this girl? It was horrific. It's a little room that was like full of.

nails and you put the kids in there. It's like, oh my God. Nails. And I watched that before I went to school. I was like, is it going to be Mr. Trunchbill? Will there be a little choky? Will I see a child get flung over the school fence by her hair? Do you reckon the aim was to get children to like think that, okay, well,

we've got to be on our best behaviour when we go to school and stuff like that. Do you think there was any, although they were just like, nah, let's just make a real fucked up character. They just rolled out. Roll darl was like, let's just fucking, let's just turn the dial up on this evil villain. Is Roll Dale a woman or a man? How dare you? I don't know.

Roll Darle? Who? I don't. Author. I know, author, that's it. It's a man. Yeah? And what a man.

Roll darl. I didn't, I've never known. It was a genuine question. No, that's fine. Why are you yelling at me about it? I apologize. What else you got? Matilda, like, honestly, there's a lot of comments on a lot of, I feel like I've missed out on all

of these movies. Fantasia. Go on. You seen that one? No. It's a Disney film. It sounds fantastic. And it's a little bit psychedelic.

Like, Mickey Mouse is there. And these broomsticks aren't multiplying. The broomsticks turn on Mickey Mouse. It's a lot to comprehend. It doesn't make any sense. These innate objects start attacking Mickey Mouse. For what reason? It's like a trip.

It's like a trip out. It's, yeah. I think Mickey Mouse has had psychedelics. I'm going to have a gummy and watch most of these videos. Watch Fantasia. Okay. It'll blow your socks off. Is it the attacking that's strong?

Well, because the broomsticks are multiplying. There's so many. I will tell you right now, like, and kids, their imagination, they would see your local broom in your house and be like, holy fuck. Yeah. Scary stuff. Yeah.

I recall as a kid, I can't remember what movie it was. It was definitely a dinosaur movie that I was like, it traumatized me to the fact that I remember we went camping like that year and they were doing road works near there. And there was a bunch of the diggers. And I thought they were dinosaurs. so I wouldn't come out of the tent a whole week,

it didn't come out of the tent. Because of the Diggers. A final one, which was in the comments a few times, Edward's his hands. No brainer. You see a man walking around with scissors his hands.

You're going to be fucking scared. It's a lot. Is it a kid's movie? Well, not really, but it's very scary. I accidentally watched Twister as a kid. That fucking scared of shit. That's not a kid's film.

That was an accident. Do you know what is traumatizing? Actually, this has got to be top of the list. Can I just correct myself and put this one right up to number one spot? Charlie and the chocolate factory. The ridge? The OG. Oh my God, these kids just one by one.

Also, he's a bit creepy. And like when they go under that bridge on the boat, and everything starts flipping out and you get the little workers and what the fuck is going on. Yeah, but there's all that. And then there's Willy Wonka with Charlie going, you lose! Like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's a child. And this is, we're talking about lollies. Yeah. Chill out, man. And Arthur Slugworth. He turned out to be a good guy. Yes. Still, like, bro, just... But that gives you the false, the opposite.

Very confusing. I'm confused. Very confusing. Good thing, they're just movies and they're not real. Thank you, Ash. Also... Willie Wonka, believe it or not, was not a documentary. Hey, we should... We should go. We should get out of here. There's a lot. This was pretty much just a housekeeping episode. No, we had...

There was a few moments. Should we still a jingle? I need you right now, not you, Ash. The listener... to leave a review. Surprise, surprise. We're going to end the episode with me. Begging.

Begging. It's working. For a review. It's really working. If that's okay. It's okay. It's what I need. Okay.

Right now. Because we... What the fuck are they not reviewing for? I don't know. They leave the comments in the Facebook group and I'm like, why do that? Maybe it's you. What do you mean? I knew that would throw you off the scent of what are they doing.

I don't know. I don't know what I meant by that. You're happy to compliment in the Facebook group, which is just going off right. now. I just like, go on. Sorry, I'm done. I'm finished.

Please. Oh, you can join us on socials, which is also booming. Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube for weekly episodes. And yeah, bye. See you guys later. See you. Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.