Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #209 Tanya Hennessy - Seven-Year Fertility Journey

Episode Date: March 8, 2026

We know author & comedian Tanya Hennessy has been open about her struggles to become a mum, but we didn't know she'd been secretly pining to come on the podcast but couldn't because she wasn't a mum yet. Well she's put an end to that because after seven years and seven rounds of IVF she's now enjoying motherhood with her beautiful baby Scottie. Tanya reveals why it's been hard complaining about sleep deprivation when she's been part of the infertility community for so long. Plus the juggle of being a working mum with a stay-at-home dad and the things you definitely shouldn't say to her if you see her in the street.  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When you were trying to get pregnant with Oscar, you and April, and Macy as well, do you remember roughly how long it took each time for April to fall pregnant? It was quick. How many attempts? Best 10 seconds of a life.

And that was for both of them. That's combined. That's combined. That's with some time left over. Sorry, what was question? How long did it take for April to fall pregnant with Oscar and then Macy? I remember April and I decided to start trying

and, you know, I was one of the lucky ones. Thankfully, it was pretty quick. Yeah, I know, us as well. I think it was kind of straight away. And I say lucky ones, because for some people, it is a much longer, more difficult journey. And Tanya, for her, it took almost seven years. Seven years of IVF is a hell of a stretch.

Emotionally physically, I just don't even imagine. Exactly right. But the story has a happy ending. The story does have an happy ending. A miracle child, if you will, We're talking about author and comedian Tanya Hennessey Who's made no secret of her struggles to become a mum But now she does have beautiful little Scotty

And it's amazing to see her become a mum Because I've known Tanya for a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time And I've followed every step of the way, hoping... Like a stalker? I was going to say like a good friend But you have such a way with words Like beautifully put Potato potato.

But it's a little bit of it. It's amazing to see her become a mum. So I can't wait to hear about what life is like now for her and her partner, Tom, now that they've got an eight-week-old. Yeah, I kind of can't wait for her take on what not to say to a new mum. Let's get into it. Welcome back to two doting dads and one dotting mum. I'm Maddie J.

I'm Ash. I'm Tanya. I thought you want to say a fake name. I was hoping. I was going to say Michelle. Yeah. I used to say my name was Michelle at bars when I didn't like guys to tell my friends to get me out of there. Michelle?

At bars? Yeah, like, say there was like some guy. By hitting on me. So a bar is where you go at night. If I drinks, you can dance. Shut the fuck up. Okay. I've not been to one of those in very long time.

Ah. Are you still going to bars and pubs and stuff? No, no. I'm sober. Oh. Yes. Oh, wait. Oh, wait.

This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And relatable. And if you come for advice, we don't do it, Tanya. Oh, my God. Thank God. You don't do it.

We do. I have no advice. We do. We do. We like, let's be fucking honest. We're like, we'll never do it. And then we're always like, and the thing about being a parent is what you need to do more of is. But I'm happy to take it at this point, to be honest.

I'm like, what am I doing? We can, yeah, look, we'll try and give you some helpful tips. Yeah, go on. But I would say helpful loosely. Yeah, that's fair. But we do start these episodes with one simple question, and it is this as follows. Do you recall the most trouble you got in as a child? Yes, I was a little shit.

I can imagine. Yeah. That's what I want to hear. I kidnapped my sister because my parents weren't paying me enough attention. She's here, swarm! I was like, what I, yeah, literally. I was such an asshole. Can you say kidnap?

Run us through. So do you remember Blinky Bill? I don't know if you remember Blinky Bill? Big fan. Yeah, but if there's Gen Z's listening, they're like, who the fuck is that? They're missing out. Yeah, it was a cartoon that was created. It was like an Australian one.

It was about this koala named Blinky Bill, and he used to have like a rucksack. Yeah, like a bandana and a stick. A bandana with a stick. And so I... He was part of, like, he's a gang member. He's a gangbanger. That's how I was thinking. He was more like a family character.

What colour was the bandana? Red. Oh, he's a blood. When else a kid I used to try and do the accent? Do you remember Blinky Beals? I don't remember the accent. What's the accent? Blinky Bill.

Oh my God! Straight away, my head went. I know that. And they were mitzy? Anyway, because I really want to be a voiceover artist. Anyway, that didn't work out. God love me. But I made a rucksack, Blinky Bill vibes, got a stick, red bandana, put some snacks in it.

And I was like, Mom, look how cute I am. And she was painting the house. And she was like, cute, didn't look up. I was like, bitch. Fair, fair. I was like, I've got overalls on. And I was doing the voice. I was like, Mom, it's me, Blinky.

And she was like, yeah, look, we're painting the house, love. And I was like, well, for that, you will pay. And so my sister, I was eight. I know, I know. How old was your sister? Four. Okay. And, oh.

Tricky age when you're eight, when you're, going to figure out life. How did you lure her away? Oh, she was very easily. I was like, you were half a snack. And she was like, kids are stupid. Yeah, yeah. She was like, I'll take a little snack. I'll take half a snack.

And so I was like, oh, my sister, Elena. Alana's like, come with me. I've got a rucksack and a dream. And we could live for at least 15 minutes on what I have. And I took her quite a while away from our house. from our house to the lake. And that was... Oh my God.

Yeah, it was quite a while. It's a 20 minute walk. And when you ate like 20 minutes is three days. That is... Okay. So we went to the lake. That's a track. That's not a walk.

I took the scarf off, laid it down and we had a lot of snack. And I didn't know what else to do. I was like, how long can I keep my sister away before they notice? And then, yeah, the police came. Yeah, a couple hours later. You tie her up? No, I didn't... That's where you went wrong.

I just took her. I didn't like kid. Like, I didn't leave her in a base. I would say you've done her a service because now she won't trust anyone, surely. She's like, you lured me away with this. So for the rest of her life, she's just... I've never thought about how it would have traumatised her. Selfish.

I don't know what I never thought about it from her perspective. You would have thought it was... At the time, they would have just thought it was a picnic. It actually sounds like a delightful picnic. You're so true. She's like one-on-one time with my sister who's deeply selfish. You can gaslight the fuck out of her and be like, I used to take you on these amazing expeditions.

to the lake and we will watch sunsets and have the snacks. Yeah, and then a car would come with bright lights and we'd get taken home. Yeah. What a delight. This is great. The safest convoy home ever. I remember getting home and my mum being like, Tanya, like, why would you do that? And I was like, well, why would you ignore a child in full drag?

Fair. With a blinky bill accent. Why would you take this away from, mum? And it's me splodge. Anyway, I was like, really, I just, I think I had a big problem with the fact that my sister arrived. Like I was just like, I wanted to be an only child so bad. Like, what an assort. What an asshole. What an asshole. I think we all were like that. I used to, my younger brothers. Are you the oldest? I'm in the middle, middle, one or five.

And I hated, hated the younger brothers. They're just, it's tough. It's tough as a kid when you're growing up and you kind of realize you're no longer like the apple of your parents eye anymore. I was the first grandkid and I was the first daughter and so like I was sort of like famous in my family. And then all of a sudden my sister was cuter and it was like, Tanya, who? You know what I mean? It sounds so sad. No, it was, like, it's true.

It's true. I love my sister. Like, I have a brother as well. Like, they're the best. But like, like, as a kid, my brain was like, wait, what? What? And then it was, you know, it was her birthday. So she'd get presents.

And I'd be like, oh, and I'm here with no gifts at McDonald's. Nothing. That is one of the hardest parts of parenting is when it's, it's someone else's birthday. And they're like, this is so fucking unfair. And you're like, You had your birthday two months ago. I'm like, yeah. That's exactly what I was like,

whoever's birthday is they open the presents together. Like, it's a game with them. Because, yeah, it was like, Oscar was like, What's wrong with you, bro? He's like, you don't want a Barbie dollhouse? You're like, you want something. You know, if my friend's kids have birthdays, I take two now. So I take one for the birthday kid

and then like another present, wrap differently and be like, this is for you. Because of my own trauma as a child, which is so deeply cooked. But it's, it's, it's, The boomers listening right now will be like, you're ruining birthdays as well because we're talking about past the past.

And we say, give everyone a gift. Make everyone happy. They're like, they go, you grew up fine. That's what they usually do. Oh, I made a video about that the other day. All I do is make fun of boomers on the internet. Yeah, my dad tried to tell me that I don't have any trauma from my childhood. And I said, my therapist bank account would beg to differ.

He just was like, oh. Millennials are in therapy because boomers won't go. Smart. And the quicker they die. No better. That was going to be the next sentence out of my mouth. I'm joking. I love you, mum, so much.

Tanya, I have to say, and I don't know if you get sick of hearing these words, but I want to say, congrats. Oh, thank you. It's, you know, I've been following for a long time, and we spoke about people who follow along and feel like they know you, and I do know you, but then I also have watched every step of the way. And I'm like, this is amazing. It is.

It is cool. It's kind of like watching a, story unfold in real life, like a film almost, except it's my life and it's, yeah, it's, it's cool because, you know, when I leave the house, people will yell my name or yell Scotty's name, like my baby's name and be like, congrats. And sometimes it's really cool and sometimes it's really terrifying. Like when it's just me, it's fine, but when it's her, I want to, like, mum a lion and, like, be like, I'll fight you. But, like, it is amazing that people care enough to, like, remember your name and remember a baby's name that they've never met or, you know,

like those things are, like no one has time in the world. There's so much content in the world. So for someone to know you is a fucking honour. But yeah, I'm really like stepping into this new part of my life and it's weird and scary and wonderful simultaneously. I'm sure you guys have been there. Hence this podcast. Actually, we don't have any kids. It was ballpark seven years. Your journey to get pregnant. Did you have any time frame in your mind? Of when I'd stop? Yeah. Did you and Tom talk about that? Well, I'd done a lot of therapy speaking of.

If it didn't work, would I be okay? Tom was happier to call it earlier than me. He was like, oh, it's a lot. He's always been a quitter. And I've said that. I've said that about him. Sorry, Tom. Sorry, mate.

That was not me. That was bad. I'm so sorry. He's so fucking lovely. He's so nice. He's so nice. He's like the nicest man. It's so weird.

That's what I always say. Matt, not so much. No, but it's like, Yeah, he is like the kindest, but you've met him a few times. He's so lovely. He's always like on the loggies red carpet. He's like, he's like 10 out of 10. I'm sorry.

And the, God, people are going to hate him. What don't you marry him then? I would marry Tom a second time, I think, to be honest with me. In saying that, having a baby definitely shifts your relationship. Sorry, what were we talking about before that. So, Tom was. Yeah, so Tom was happy. I think Tom was like sort of like after round three.

He was like, I'm out. I'm out. Because he was dealing with me. And it was a lot. How often can you do a round? ignorance. No, no. It's a great question. You could do it every month. Every time you ovulate, you can do it. But my rounds took longer because my eggs took longer to develop. So then it was going to like the eight week or six weeks, seven week. So it was like sort of longer. So

just depends on per person per body. And you need the eggs to be a certain level of maturity, la, la, la. So he was a bit like, I'm happy to be without kids. And I was like, I've got to meet this kid. And I don't like hearing the word no. In across the board, you know, in my career, I think part of the reason I'm so resilient is because I'm allergic to be told, no. If you tell me no, it makes me fight even harder. And so the doctors were like, well, we don't know. And I changed doctors. And I was like, no, fuck you. I will have a baby. And I'm going to do it. And it's going to stay. And I'll do everything to get it. And I'm so glad I did. I really fought for her. And she fought to stay, if that makes sense. Like, against all odds, this embryo

survived the extreme endometriosis that I have. Like, she fought to be here. And like, I look at her, I'm like, you were such a warrior, and you don't even know how fierce you are. Did you have a number in your head of like, we'll get to double digits, ten rounds, and that'll be it? No, I was like, I'll just go until I have to stop. I'll just do enough sponsored content to afford it. I was like, don't you too much. I will sell as many riddling drugs as possible. You're just selling them off to me. You mentioned before with your therapists, were those sessions, do they ever talk about coming to terms with no?

Yeah. Oh, all of it was that. Yeah. And it was sort of like, I think I had come to a point where I would have been okay. So then, now that she's here, I've had to re. So my whole pregnancy, I didn't think I was pregnant. That sounds really weird. I never said, I'm pregnant.

I know that I was very publicly pregnant. I know I was pregnant. However, there's a missing link somewhere there because I still feel like, ah. Because when she came out, I was like, fucking shocked. I was like, what the hell? She's real. She's here. And I, like, you should see the pictures of me when she's shown to me.

C-section, so she's pulled out. I'm like, and Tom was the same. It's like there's a level of dissociation and disconnection and self-protection that sort of is surreal. And I still feel a level of that. I guess you guys probably still feel that like, oh my God, I can't believe I made you when you're here and you're, no. I believe it. He's there.

See, boys are so different. The way men experience it is different. It's really hard to comprehend to be like, oh, my little sperm. Yeah. And Laura Zagg. you and you're like those kind of moments I can't really understand and it blows my mind but I'm like oh well I'm going to change your nap now so I'm going to like move on quickly yeah and I think just through the process of IVF you just like so when they put it in you like the embryo it goes in at the top

very pinprick of a needle right and you're having a conversation it goes in and then nine months later she comes out and it's like that is just such a huge concept to to rationalize and also that I was stuck at embryo phase, like trying to get the embryos to be embryos because my egg quality was really bad. So I could barely get embryos for seven years and then one day it's a baby. Like that is a hard. And so a lot of the first couple of weeks of being a parent have been going undoing all the work I did in therapy and all the work I was like I was telling myself, if she doesn't come, it will be okay. Because I'd known a lot of people to have stillbirths. So there was like, yeah, and still to this day, I'm like, I'm paranoid that like I've got my hand on her chest all the time. I'm like, is she breathing?

Like, it's, yeah, I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that. Yeah, I mean, the early days for sure. I mean, for you and your story with IVF, it's like, yeah, like you said, a Pimpreg now it's a baby and you're like, this big protector is like I could make sure everything's okay. But I think like even when we first had our kids, there was a level of that where you like, there was like this thing where you'd go in to check on if they're napping and then you'd be. like, I'll just check if they're breathing really quick. And then they accidentally wake them up, you know. Yeah, yeah. There is, I get where you're coming from. But yeah, I can't imagine, like, how you put it, you articulated it quite well where it's

like, a prick turned into this. It's such a, you know, like. Yeah, conceptually, it's wild. And that's like, that's the same baby that was kicking me. And that's the baby that, that heartbeat that I heard for the first time, because I've never heard a heartbeat before. You know, you go in all the time and you're hoping for it and you get all the calls. Sorry, it didn't work.

Sorry, didn't work. Sorry, didn't work. And then you're hearing a heartbeat. And it's like, And this heartbeat is now looking at me and smiling at me. You know, it's so surreal. So how many weeks were you when you announced it publicly? 17 or 18.

Like I was quite far along and I still could have kept it a secret for longer because I just, I was so scared of announcing it and not happening. But then I came to a realisation of like, if I don't announce it, it's dystopian. I have to say. Why do you think that? Because it was all in my head and everything was in my head. and everything was in my head. It was too much in my head.

And I felt like I was keeping secrets all the time. Yeah. Because I was really sick as well. And I kept throwing up all the time. And then at work and I was trying to like do public-facing stuff and just like, I couldn't do things because I was, I had the worst morning sickness. How long? Did you have morning sickness for?

Like 20 weeks. I was so long, wow. Yeah. And being funny when you're sick is cooked and not having an excuse. I had bad crap yesterday. I went for a run. My stomach was a bit funny, and I had to pick the kids up from after-school care.

You're so strong, brother. I had a crampist today. And she was like, how are you? And I was like, oh. I'll be better. I just saw tummy. I saw Tom Tom. Yeah.

No, I get it. It's the same, actually. It's basically the same. I feel good today. Good. Thank God. And I was going to check in. For fucking hell.

My final flight just got triggered so hard. I am, of course. Do you need a nap? No, I'm okay. I'm okay. I think one thing that... Say, I could go a nap. Fuck, I miss sleeping.

Go for it. After 40 years of like, you know, just doing your own thing, then to not sleep and not have, you know what I mean? It's like a bit of a, ooh, oh. Do you know what the best is when like they're just having that one midday nap and you can nap with them? Oh, that must be. Yeah. But one thing that I didn't really think about for someone in your situation is that for seven years,

one thing that's really bonded you with a certain community are the people who are trying to have kids but haven't been able to. Yeah. And the fact that you all have a similar situation that brings you guys together, it galvanizes you, and then all of a sudden the magic happens, you are pregnant and then you, in a sense, are no longer part of that community. How was that level of detachment? Oh, man, I felt so guilty. Like, that's another reason maybe why I wanted to conceal the pregnancy for a longer time. because I felt bad. You know, I was like, oh.

But like, no one wants to be in the infatility community. None of us want to be in the endometriosis community. None of us want to be in the cancer community. You know, like none of us want to be in these communities, but they form and galvanize you for a reason. And you need to have people like someone in the media who can speak loudly and advocate for you and change conversations around infertility. So I felt like I was doing some good work, you know,

even though I didn't necessarily want to be the face of infertility. But I felt like I was doing something and changing stuff. But then, yeah, when I became pregnant, I almost felt guilty. But at the same time, I had to keep telling myself, like, this is what we all want. And I did seven years. I paid my dues, you know, and I will always continue to advocate

for people going through that. And I will always have the scars of infertility. It's not like you just have a baby and go, well, on the other side now, nope. What was the reception like when you broke the news to them, well, the amazing news, obviously, that you're pregnant. Do you remember that? Well, it was on the cover of a magazine because, you know, I'm a subtle woman.

That's pretty subtle. It was like the most obscene thing. And I had a lot of hate, actually. What do you? And you don't know. No one ever does it publicly. It's always in the DMs and the emails, which I irritates me more because I'm like, if you're going to have a crack, do it publicly.

Please. When you say hate, what was that feedback? I was more just like, well, now you don't represent us and now, you know, and your content's changed and you're like rubbing it in our face. And I was like, I'm not meaning to do, I promise you, I'm not meaning to rub it in your, I'm just, I've watched every single person in my life go through this. Like, I started and my friend has a fucking seven year old man. And I don't want to be 40 and pregnant. I want to be 33 when I fucking started. I want to have a seven year old now. Like, you know, like I wanted the timeline to be different. And it, you know, and then people are like, you're rubbing it. I'm like, let me have my fucking moment. But I can also comprehend fathom and feel you because you are frustrated and hurt. And I fucking hear you. And the worst. part about it is that you can't reach through the phone and say, I'm sorry. You know what I mean? Because they're angry, and I've been angry too, but, you know, I just remove myself. Like, if someone got pregnant online and I was frustrated, I would just, that's the best part

about social really is that you're in control. You can choose what you see. But I was like, block, I can't, or I'm mute, I can't watch this person's journey yet. I'm not there. Then you just refollow them. Like, it's so unfair. Fuck, we didn't, I mean, to my knowledge, when we announced being pregnant. No one was like, how dare you? How do you rub it in my face? I know. And I was so like, why don't, why do I, like, I've already gone through so much. Why don't, like, I've already gone through so complex? Why can't things not have an

angle and just be what they are for it's what it is? I know. Yeah, because I felt so, I did feel very guilty and I continue to feel like sad and frustrated for other people. And I started, I did a charity thing where, because people are like, I want to give you a baby shower present. And I was like, that's so lovely. If you could, could you donate? to the Quendo help line. The Quendo helpline is like a line that helps people going through infertility. So it's free.

And it's like manned by midwives and nurses and health specialists. So if you're going through infertility and you just need someone to talk to, that line is available. And we don't have a $10,000 and that felt like a really meaningful conversation, but also maybe like the end of that conversation for me

because I need to be able to move forward. For sure. And I feel a bit like, I still feel like, am I allowed to talk? talk about this. Yeah, absolutely you are, for sure. It's very uncomfortable still. And some of the DMs and emails I get up like, yeah, because you mentioned at the start of that. Everyone in these groups, they want to get out of that group in a way. Like, I mean, you essentially advocated for him for so long. Yeah, I can't, I can imagine how hurtful it might feel to get a private

DM saying you're rubbing in my face and all you're trying to do is live your life. And I was like, I promise you, I'm promise you, I'm not. This is not personal. It's just like, I never thought it was going to happen. And I'd done all this work and paid all this money to see this like an internal work to be like, you'll just travel and be a rich aunt. And I was like satisfied. I'm like, I'm going to like wear heaps of like ridiculous clothes. Like I'm going to lean in and I, you know, I was like, I'm going to go live in the Maldives. I get so bored. There's nothing to do there. Literally, I'd be so bored. I'd be writing something straight away. Because all I want to do is is create and make. And you know, I thought having a baby potentially the creation and

the making might subside? Nope. Louder. I want to create more. I want to create differently. And I feel like my creativity is better. Isn't that interesting? I never sort of saw that happening.

I thought my mind would go into mattress and I would just be solely focused on here. And I am. But I've started writing poetry. And I've not written poetry since I was like 21. Damn it. That didn't happen to me. I was getting all these superpowers. Yeah, yeah.

I just got it for alcoholism. Yay. He's like, I can levitate now. We're like, oh, well, my anxiety is great. No, I have that too. I'm levitating with enzymes. Yeah, but it's not great. But it's all right.

I'm writing, like, I'm calling it postpartum poetry. That's good. But yeah, I'm writing it because I'm reading a lot of kids books, right? And I know you guys have written kids books. And I'm writing them being like, when you're reading to a newborn, you're reading to yourself, right? Yes. But wouldn't it be cool if the writing was like in favor of you or trying to help you

and you're speaking it out loud and trying to help yourself through it, if that makes sense. I don't know. It's like talking yourself in the mirror when you're like, come on, and you can rev it up in a way that like you're finding comfort in the words when really the book is for the baby. Yes, but it's really for me. Like, wouldn't it be cool if it's like messages of like you've got this and it's hard,

but you're thriving and you're doing it and it's excellent. Yeah, I like that. So yeah. It's like when I'm watching Reels and I'm like, this is also for the baby. Yeah, me too. It's for both of us. Yeah, my baby loves to doomscroll. She was like, next.

Yeah. All the, like, the loud noises. I'm like, this is for both of us right now. Or the dance, TikTok. You're going to thank me one day. Poppy loves it. Does she? We had both had babies last year.

Like, that's really crazy. They're five months apart. Do you not think that's crazy? I still remember when you told me you were having Mali, which was almost seven years ago. We were working together at TAN. For Ash and for people listening, Tanya and I used to recap The Bachelor.

Yeah. Did I have Mali then? When she was pregnant. Got you. You didn't tell me either. I just turned up and she was there. And she was four. But I think back to those early days when Marley was born.

And obviously, I love her. I love all my children. I love being a dad. But at the same time, being a parent is incredibly hard. And a lot of what I do to my friends, to my family, and especially on the podcast, is I complain. Yeah. I moan about being a parent. That's for sure.

And, thanks you. Sorry what we say. And, you know, sometimes when I am like, oh, fuck, I had this day with one of my kids and it was so hard and it all went ass up. And, you know, afterwards, I'm like, you do feel a bit bad. You have a little bit of parent guilt. But then for someone in your situation where for so long. Oh, I'm terrified of saying anything.

Right. Yeah. But that must be so hard because so much of what parenting is is just complaining to other people about being a parent. It's like one of the small reliefs, reliefs, we have. have. It's a hobby. And you don't have that luxury as much as we do. No. But I consume a lot of it though. Like I'm still witnessing it and experiencing it. But I do feel like I, okay, having a C-section was not the worst thing I've ever. Like people say it's like really painful. It's like,

I've done like so many surgeries to have her. So it's like okay. And then like the fact that she's awake every fucking hour is also okay because I'm not going through fucking IVF. So like I do have a comparative part of it that definitely settles me a little bit if that makes sense. So it's like... Perspective. Yeah, perspective, I guess, because everything is easier than IVF. And I had a question mark over my head that just, oh, that sort of like liminal space of not knowing what's going to happen for seven years. I know what's going to happen tomorrow.

You know, she's going to shit herself. Great. Like, do you know what I mean? But the not knowing was worse. But when you are exhausted because there are going to be nights when... Oh, I am cooked today. But then who do you complain to? It hurts my eyes to look at you.

Why? Not because that's how it's out of rough. It sounds like it's complained to me. I was like, okay. I missed it. Wow. No, like I'm real tired today. Can you openly complain about parenting or do you do not do it at all? Well, I don't know if I, I don't know.

She's not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Like I'm like sort of like, I'm still almost in the newborn bubble still, even though she's definitely not a newborn. Like I'm still like luckily able to stay there. The thing that I find the most challenging. is like the identity shift. That's what I find hard. Like I said before, I was like 40 years of like

just being selfish, deeply selfish to the fact that I was kidnapped my sister because I had no attention. Let's not forget. Let's not forget that wonderful story that definitely makes me seem like a nice person. And then to have a human that relies on you so heavily and, you know, the identity shift of being with a pram. Like just that identity shift is really interesting and hard sometimes to navigate. But I'm sure I'll get to a point where I can, like, vent, if you will. That point is not now. Because the fear, you know, you can't even announce your pregnancy without people being like, how dare you, heaven forbid, you go, fuck, I'm pretty tired today because last night was...

You wanted this! Exactly. Right? Exactly. You paid a lot of money for that. I know I did. But then it's also like, I don't want someone who's going through postpartum listening to this going, well, Tanya's got no problems, I'm an asshole.

No, you're not an asshole. I'm also going through it. Just remember the lens I'm being seen. It's parenting is this weird juxtaposition where you're complaining about something that you have wanted and love so deeply. And I guess for people who haven't experienced it, they're like, it doesn't make any sense. It is such a weird balance of different emotions. I mean, obviously you love your child, but they infuriate you. See, I'm not there.

Yeah. You're in the stage of, okay, well, at the moment, it's a newborn phase, which is a lot of the time it's sleep for a bit. shit, eat, sleep for a bit, shit, eat sleep. And it becomes monotonous. And I think like... That monotony is quite difficult, I will tell you. There you go, there's a complaint. I feel like a bit ground odd day.

I want to talk about Tom for a second. Tom, who I love, a big fan of. Yeah, yeah. You are now? Big fan of Tom. How is he finding the early stages of parenthood? He doesn't have all the friggin' hormones. So he's so, oh, it's annoying how like, I'm like, oh, I'm sweaty and I'm, you know,

I'm going through it. My nip hurts, and he's like, I'm fine. I'm like, fuck off. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, Laura's got a tang at the moment. Oh, I reek. Her armpits, wow. Apparently.

It's so the baby can like connect with you and smell you and nose. And like, that's great. I reek, I need a rexona deal. Everyone's like, she's in the room with us. You can smell her. We're in a three by three meter studio right now with both doors, like, airtight shut. I used to like milk. Horrific.

But no, like, he's so level. Also, you know what he said to me the other day? Or, like, my friend said to him, do you have anxiety? He goes, I had it once. Once! I'm like, I live with it, you bitch. And he's had it once. He's like, he gave it a try and didn't work out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just gave it a trial and went, no to me. I just said no to. Like, we all were like, actually, this is really great. I'm going to keep this. I might keep this. This is wonderful. And then what I might do is I might spend heaps of money suppressing it or putting it down.

Like he doesn't, oh, you know, he's like, you're mental health. he's, well, I don't have mental health. I'm like, that's not. What are you doing? Like, he's so level-headed and chill and like non-neurospicy. It's weird, but so excellent. Like, thank God. If it was the other way around, I would have divorced me a hundred times over,

like I am a pest. So he's been amazing and he's the state-home dad. So I'm promoting my book, Sunny and Storm, please buy it, currently. And he's with Scotty now. So he works for me, well, with me. He's sort of like. married to you. Yeah.

But like, yeah. But like... There is a term for it. Yeah. But like that's the other thing. I've got full-time help, you know, so I feel like if you're listening to this and you're going through postpartum and it's really hard, I have a full-time husband. And it's just us. Two people looking after one baby.

So there is a different level of the way I'm going through it as well. Like a huge privilege that I have him. But we're working together, living together, parenting for the first time together. So sometimes it's not easy. and I want to stab him, especially because he doesn't have mental illness. He doesn't have mental health. Take him to a lake. Pack up that rucksack.

Yeah, we're taking you to the lake. Tom, we're going for a walk. Where too, don't you worry? He'd love it. He wouldn't know it. He's great. He doesn't know. Yeah, he's like, you know. I'm not being kidnapped again.

Yeah, he's like, oh. Now that you are in the depths of parenthood, is anything you miss? Oh my God, sleep. Sometimes I would. Go on. Sometimes I would nap twice a day, just for fun, was depressed. But I was also. feel in the day. You know, when you're a creator, you've got a lot of free time.

I'm really busy, babe. I'm really busy. Sleep for fun. But also, yeah, depression naps are real. But I definitely miss sleep. In saying that I've kind of adjusted and adapted pretty quick. Also, Red Bull has come back into the picture because I obviously trying to conceive. I went keto, so it was off bread. I didn't have any candles. Like I was on natural deodorant, no perfume, like nothing in the microwave. So I was eating so clean, one coffee a day. And now I'm like, Smoking again. No, baby.

Get the vapour. No, I'm not. But I'm definitely smashing the Red Bulls. Like the sugar-free red bulls. Oh my God. Like three a day. I'm going to have a heart attack. But I'm having a great time.

You mentioned your book. Now, we do love Pink Santa. Oh, yes. One of your OGs. Big fan. Kids love it. To this day. I know.

Isn't that fun? Your kids love it. What about yours? Mine are more like at the moment, they want to play Uno. Oh, my God. Fun. They read my book and we're like, Yon Fest.

Let's play Uno. The first book I read Scotty was Pink Easter and she fell asleep and I was like, hurtful. You are two days old though. But that's perfect. So true. I didn't even think about that. Oh my God, I should advertise it like that. You want to put your kids asleep immediately?

Read my book. Oh my God. Ash! I'll send you an invoice. Yes. Can you tell me about Sunny and Storm? Yeah, Sunny Storm's a junior fiction. So it's more for Miley's age.

So like it's very girl-centric. I was going to say, I don't know if Oscar would live for it. It's very... Oh, making. Yeah, good. So it's like about two girls' best friends, and it's really about female friendship. It's based on the book or the movie, Beaches. But basically these kids grow up in rural Australia because I did a lot of radio in rural Australia.

And one thing that I really found interesting, I went to a dairy farm for two days. What for? Just because I wanted to know what happened. Was it also a doctor's office? How dare you bring my IVF up in such a... I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, but I didn't realize that cows have to be pregnant for them to be able to be milk. And I did not know that until I was like 26.

And I was like, that's fascinating. She's pretty hectic as well. I didn't know that until just now. Yeah. And you have to keep milking them regardless of whether or not there's, like to keep the milk coming, right? So even if it's Christmas Day and the Paul's truck doesn't come to collect the milk, they'll just dump it because they need to keep them lactating, like a breastfeeding mother. I'll take that job.

I mean, first of all, you would not want that job. It's full on and they cows reek. But the book is sort of centred in that. regional space because it's fascinating and kids live like that. It's also about kids who invent their own language. But I was a huge fan of Roldahl growing up. He invented 70 words. And I was like, can I invent words? Did you invent one? I invented 34 words. Okay. This book. Oh, okay. So my favorite is antivax. Oh, which means like-antivax. No, I know. It sounds like that. But it's for kids and they won't even think about that. But antivax is like when an animal vacuum something up,

You know, when you drop something and a dog licks it or eats it? Could be confused with any Vax. It means it'll take anything. I'll take any vaccination. Just give it. No. Oh my God. This is called down a bad part.

I'll give you another one. Okay. Yes. Okay. Another one is shrinkles, which is, you know, in the... When your penis gets too small and cold in the water. Oh, my God. In the cold water.

Got it. Out of it. Shrinkles is when, you know, in the back of your car when there's like just gross stuff, like little bits and pieces of food and stuff, that's shrinkles. Because kids invent words that don't exist, right? There you go. I kind of like it more when it's the NW4 skin. You don't have one, so how would you know?

Do you have one? No, why am I getting involved? Well, I have one. Matt had his cut off at six. Six? Yeah. We relive it all the time. This is episode 147, I think it is, is my circumcision.

Wow. Well, we always have a segment on the podcast. We haven't done it for a while, things you shouldn't say to a pregnant woman. I don't know if we've had this segment, things you shouldn't say to someone who's postpartum. Is it a good baby? Have you got a good baby?

Nah, she's on meth. She's got, yeah, she's got a real problem with that, meth. Like, I never know what to say that. I know that they're going, is she sleeping? Is she colicky? I smack her every day. Yeah, I'm like, she's colicky, yes, but she's good to me, and I don't know any other baby. And you know what's your first?

They were like, does she cry a lot? I'm like, couldn't tell you. What's the metric for crying? I don't know. Do you not time it? No. No. See, I'm still in that, like, newborn mum phase.

Even though she's 10 weeks of where I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah. Are we doing the Huckleberry thing? Are we doing... We're doing the whiskey in? Like, what are we? How does your smoke? How does your smoke? It's meth.

Did you want a boy? Oh, yeah. Did you want a boy? You got to go deeper for that. Oh, my God. Are there any other one line that had been said to you by a boomer? Oh, she's very skinny. It's that face, too.

Yeah. They know what they're saying is, wrong. I was like, yeah, she's on baby. OZMPIC, let me, you know. Or they'll go, I'm going to have another one. I'm going to go for a second. You should, you should, and you should have them close together and have it nowish.

You got your period back? You're like, I'm still, I'm in hospital. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So moved past the room, like, when's the next one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's sewing me out. Now, I tell you, if you booketh in six weeks, we could get you another one. Yeah, I'm through the third layer of skin here.

You've spoken about it yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, people, and I think the weird thing about having a second one is I'm like, babes, it took me seven years to have this one. I have this one when I'm 78. Fucking hell. I'm not like bald one. It's a different rule for women.

Also, you know what one thing I love when you're in a shopping center. Like that happens a lot because I like to be in a shopping center. Westfields are very comfortable for me. Amen. I love it. Second home. Yes. I did regional radio, so I had no friends.

So walking around to Westfield was like a place. What you do? What I did? Anyway, I walk around with the baby because she's in the pram, sure. I don't want to hold, seven years, I want to hold that. And also, I want everyone to see, look what I made. This baby was a very expensive. Have a look.

Do you know what I mean? Also, she's super fucking cute. Anyway, we'll walk around. People go, oh my God, how cute, how old? And I go 40. And it takes them a second. Especially the boomers. They're like, oh, fuck.

And then they go, bit old. And I'm like, oh, fuck. They got you up. They're like, the boomers get me in whatever way they can. We always end the episode, Tanya, on one question. And this question is, when Scotty's all grown up, no longer living at home, what is the one thing you? No, that's so sad. Sorry.

Sorry. It's like 10 weeks old. I just don't cry. Yeah. So when your baby's left you, yeah. Take you a little moment. She's just out. She's still got vernics on her and you're asking me when she's grown up.

Sorry. No, I'm kidding. What is the one thing you would want them to remember about the house they grew up in? Oh, that's such a good question. Oh, I just hope she thinks it's fun. I hope she grows up and goes, fuck, it was so fun being a kid. I think that. Do you guys, like, I always go, God, I had a good child.

Yeah, I don't think she'll have any problems with that with you. Yeah, I mean, she's going to know it's going to be fun. Yeah, we do a lot of accent work with her. Not with her, but like, do you know what I pretend. She's a child project. She's going to be Blinky Bill. Scotty's like, who the fuck is this? He's like, hello, Ken.

Yeah, yeah. I do a South African accent. I'm like, good morning, Scotland. It's your mother. How are you, darling? It's a bit Russian. Yeah, you know what? She's into generation or interracial.

She did tell us she's into impressions. Well, I do, I do Tracy, this character, and she knows who I am. Like I've got full acrylic nails, a wig, like a completely different costume. Tracy is a hairdresser. She's a hairdresser, yeah. And I've done her a few times since she's been born. And she just, she doesn't go, oh, my God, who the hell is this woman? She's like, oh, mom's out of it again.

And I've, you know, been boomer mom. And I, you know, dress up for work. And I love that she's so used to it. And I think, oh, man, you're going to have such a good life. Like I hope you are just, I hope you laugh a lot and watch a lot of good stories. And I hope that, yeah, you look back on your childhood and go, fuck, it was fun. I'm going to do that for my kid. You know?

I love that. I just hope she has fun. Thank you so much for spending some time with us in your busy book schedule. Oh my God. I was stoked. Like, I've seen so much of your podcast. I was like, I always want to go on the podcast, but it's a parenting podcast. So it's actually really fucking cool that I get to be on the podcast.

That's why you had a baby. It's so true. That's exactly. It's wrong. It's wrong. No, but, you know, I would watch it and go, oh, man, I want to be on the podcast, but I won't be able to be on until I'm a parent. Oh, thank you.

And I, that's a good compliment. Yeah, who would have thought all those years ago working together on that little recap show that we did? And look at us now as parents. I know. On a parenting podcast. Yeah. Thriving, inverted comments. You seem extremely happy.

Yeah. Which is so fucking nice, Matt. I tell you, I was so sad for seven years. Like, I can't even. However I presented myself, that's not how I was. I was dying. Oh, my God. I honestly, I feel like I can breathe out.

I feel so much better now. She's here and she's well for now. Yeah. Touch wood. You'll always worry about them. Don't worry about it to go away. Always. Like, I am already like geared up for that.

But, well, I guess as much as you can. It's like you don't know until you know, right? Yeah, even Macy just running on the concrete, I'm like, oh, it's going to fall. It's so sad when she falls. Oh, I bet. It's too sad for me. Seriously.

You hurry up, but slow down for me. I know because you're like, I want you to learn, but at the same time. I know. If it's Oscar, I'm like, fall over again as much. Is he, like, one of those kids who just, like, hits his head and just keeps going? He's a Kelpie. I love those kids. Yeah, yeah.

My sister has one of them. Unless mum's there, and then it's a big show. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but Macy, she's just, it's just too cute. Do you feel differently towards your girl than your boy? Oh, yeah. Oh, I love that. 100%.

You parent them different, too. Do you? I don't, it's not that I love one more than the other. I can't even get through those. Excuse me. No, I love them both equally. I love them both equally, but for different reasons. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I mean, you only have girls. You are a girl dad, though. You are a damn good one. You are such a girl, dad. You really are. Well, you deserve all the happiness, and I'm so glad that it's all worked out because... We really needed the guest for this slot.

Yes, I do, say true, say true. Thank you so much. Yes, thank you so much. Oh, my God, thank you. Should we keep in the part about the kidnapping of the sister, or does that need to be edited out? I think it's all right. Everyone was safe in the end.

Maybe that story came out because she's lacking sleep. Maybe she's feeding Scotty right now thinking, did I just tell a story of how I kidnapped my younger sister? She doesn't remember because she's sleep deprived. Yes, that's right. It's borderline criminal, but you're in safe hands here, Tanya. Let's keep it in. There was a safe return of the sister.

I think we're all good. If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review, five stars, if you will, a couple of comments, or they can reach us where, Matthew. Can you please beg just a little bit more if that's okay? I'm not known for my begging. I want like like you're being kidnapped. You beg for me to beg and then maybe I'll beg. Like you're being kidnapped and you're begging for a review.

Review will save your life. To be honest, a kidnap. I could use the rest. Please review us. See us on social media. Instagram. Two doting dads. TikTok.

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throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.