Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #210 An Awards Night Fight & A Risky Seal Show

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

The guys are lucky they can bring you the pod this week after a near brawl with podcast rivals at a recent awards night. The boys live to tell the tale AND there's footage of how it all went down - you won't believe who started it! Plus Ash is unlocking core memories with Oscar lately and it's CUTE AF! While Matt's recent outing to the zoo uncovered his secret spite for Laura's plans to go wrong. And the guys answer more of your Doter Dilemmas: Do your kids have to invite kids to their party that invited them to theirs? Going from 1 to 2 kids - how hard is it really?!   If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Something did happen to me this morning. No, your openers are way too long. That's... Openers are like a quick little like... In your world, maybe. You're like... I've got a little opener. When I was seven.

Well, I was born on a Saturday night in 19. What do you got? This better be fucking good. Just start the show. No, what do you got? Just start the show. Come back to two-yoding dads. I'm Maddie J.

And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable. Now we never... Give advice. Never.

Not once. My sister had a go on me if you're yelling too much in the last episode. Don't you listen to her? I know, but she's my sister. I don't listen to mine. What have you got for me? You got a story. Yeah, so this morning, I recently got some fresh ink, as you know.

So those wondering, that means a tattoo. Do not talk to our listeners like that. He didn't. Well, I think some people might be like, he got new pens. I did as well. For the printer? I actually need ink for the printer. Me too.

Who doesn't? Who's pre? The most expensive liquid in the world. Fucking O. It's like, oh, man, I should feel my car with it. Where does the fucking, where does the ink come from? Where do they get off? As soon as America finds out, they'll invade it.

I know. Everyone bomb the printers. What do you got? You got ink. I got ink. So with ink comes aftercare, right? Which is Savalon. I use, like, or Bepanthon.

Some people use. Oh, what? Bepanthon. The fuck is that. It's just an antiseptic cream so you don't get an infection. It's the, The adult and mature way to look after a tattoo. So if you cut yourself, you would use that?

You could use it, yeah. You could use it on an open wound. Perpanthen. Bepanth. Bepanth. Bepanth. But I use Savlon. Similar, but different.

But this morning, as you know, April is leaving early because she's going to the city, so I'm doing the whole routine in the morning, which I'm not really used to doing it every day. What parenting? That's mean? I'll let that one slide because... Because? What else I'm supposed to do it? I'll let that like that.

Anyway, I'm like, okay, brush my teeth. Go in, brush my teeth, and I left the bathroom with the toothbrush. And I'm brushing and trying to get the kids organized at the same time. And I realize this toothpaste tastes really funny. Oh, no. It was fucking Savlon, wasn't it? I'll tell you what. If there were any infections in my mouth, they're gone.

Not anymore. I was like, what the, what? And then I've quickly realized. I love how it takes you a second. Like, we're running so slow these days. I was like, come on, kids, what's this? What the fuck? It had a weird texture to it?

I thought you were going to tell me that you have to make Oscar put cream on your back? I've done that too. Is he doing that? Is he like, oh, Dad, do I have to? April makes her squirm, so. So do you make her put the cream on you back before she goes to work? No, I can reach. You can do your own back.

Yeah, in certain sections. But it's lower back, so you can go like that. I am yet to have a situation, I'd say in the last, four years where I've asked for Laura to do the sunscreen on my back and she hasn't gone, oh, oh, yeah. It's like I've asked her to fucking climb Mount Everest. Like, it's just, you're sitting there. It's going to take two minutes and you're welcome that you get to touch my back.

I know, what about all the times I had to fake tan your back, babes? Like, seriously, like, I don't do that. You don't do that? It's the best. No, it's not. It's not. You're fake tanning April? I did.

That's love. Thank you. I yeah. How often? I also get to squeeze her butt cheeks to do when I do it. What do you mean? That's like payment. Oh, you're just rubbing your butt. She's like, Ash, have you finished?

Her ass is just black. It's real brown. It's real good, baby. Is it even? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, it's even. One side's a bit, yeah. That's one of the trade-offs.

It's one of the trade-offs. Housekeeping. Housekeeping, yes. How's keeping. Matt, the last couple of weeks you complained about being, A bit under the weather. Are you rubbing something under the table? No.

Is my feet? Your feet. I'll just see myself out then. What was I say? Oh, you had strep. I had strep's gone. Strep's gone. Strep's gone.

But you mentioned about your antibiotics usage. I felt like he gave me too many to begin with, the pharmacist. Well, there's been an outcry of people concerned. We say outcry. Well, someone messaged us. But there was enough people. It's good that one person, man. One concern.

Was it my mind? Mum. How'd you know? It's funny how it's like a fully grown man complaint or complains about something and all the moms are like, I know how to fix that. So there's two messages actually. I'll read them to you. Imagine how many moms are going to message being like, Ash, make sure you check about your toothpaste before you brush your teeth next time. I know. Yeah. You shouldn't do that. It's poisonous. This one's from Amy Lee. Or is it Amy? Or is it Lee? Or is it Lauren? Which one is it? Is it hyphen? Is Lee the middle name? It's like Amy Lee is the first name, hyphen.

Yeah, they just call it Amy. Amy. Amy Lee. Amy Lee. Emily. Is it Emily? It's Emily. Let me get through this.

All right. This is from Amy Lee. This one looks like to be from Facebook. I wouldn't know because I'm going to check it. I'm a nurse who works at the emergency. Don't say that. Don't say that. Well, people are used to win now.

Pretend like you're there all the time. If you've ever grown up with an absent father, it's what it's like in the Facebook group. Yeah. Ash said months ago that he was going to get some milk. I never came back. I'm a nurse who works in the emergency department and I literally... Shout out to the nurses. Can I get through this?

Shout out to the nurses. Amy, I'm really sorry. I'm just trying to get through this today. Let me congratulate. You read it then. No, let me congratulate the nurses. Let me thank the nurses of this country. They are the back one.

Not those rural nurses, though. No, even them. The veterinary nurses. I'm going to these fucking cords everywhere. Hello. Can you read it? I'm not going to get through it. I'm a nurse.

Well done to the nurses. Who worked in an emergency department, one of the best ones. And I literally ran to join the group after listening to the episode where Maddie says he doubled up on the penicillin this morning. No! Exclamation marks. That is a one-way ticket to kidney issues. Just take the dose for an extra day. Don't ever double up.

Also, your kids can absolutely. still catch strep throat through touching your hands like Ash said, see? So I advise to hand sanitise after, especially because untreated strep in kids can cause scarlet fever. Oh, God. Sorry to sound preachy. Way to bring the mood down, Amy. April had scarlet fever at one stage.

What is scarlet fever? I don't know, but I feel sorry for whoever they named it after because I like it's so bad, we're going to name something after it. Yeah. I'm sorry, your daughter Scarlet has died. Oh my God. But we've named the ill. this after a scarlet fever.

How'd you get it? Their parents had strep throat. What I'm taking from this whole situation is that? There's more. Oh, sorry. This one's in the Instagram DMs from Philippa. Hey, Philippa. Hey, I'm guessing you've had about 500 messages.

No, we've had one other. Saying this already. But stopping antibiotics early because you feel better is basically how we help breed antibiotic resistant bacteria. Okay, the toughest bugs survive, regroup and come back stronger. So it's my fault the world's got disease, is it? You are patient zero. Look, thank you.

Thank you very much. I, Philippa, thank you for that advice. If you'd have just done the right thing, poor Scarlett, it'd still be alive. Okay? It's a Scarlett's family, I apologize. Anyway, so you're feeling good now. That's the main thing. So regardless of what they've said, it worked.

Whatever you did, it worked. Either that or I'm just I've got the strep throat germs laying dormant in me right now You just suppressed it And my children are all so fucking sick And I don't even know about it And I'm going to get scarlet fever

I'm all going to die That's the spirit But thanks for messaging in It's great to hear from the fans Yes it is good to hear from them Ash I'm just going to toot Toot the horn Toot away big guy

The two doting dad's horn We've had Some crazy numbers On the social media For people who are not in social media They may not care For us, it's our business. It's a big deal.

This is all we have. I know. We had 9.2 million views. We had 9.4 million views. It's actually gone up to 9.6. We had 9.6 million views. Only the issue is. They're good.

But those motherfuckers, can't listen to the real good stuff. You get nearly a whole hour of this every week. They're like, nah, it's one of them. to look at you for one second. But speaking of social media, we had the AIMCO Awards recently. Oh, yes. Now, we were actually nominated for the awards. Ash doesn't care for awards like I do.

It's my ego. I need to be praised by our peers. Ash is confident enough that he doesn't need that. If you praise me, I'm fine. I can carry on for the rest of the year. So it's also one of those things where we got nominated, which is a great effort. We knew we weren't going to win

because we were up against some very strong talent. A powerhouse. Tony and Ryan. Tony and Ryan. Which we've had Ryan on before. Lovely. Lovely people. Don't go listen to them.

Don't do it. They're very good. They're very good. We knew they were going to win. They're just, they're fucking the top of the food chain. And that also sucks. They're such nice people.

Sunks the nice people. And also, when it came to the night of the awards, like, you know, I was there trying to fucking get a suit on and, like, it was pissing down with rain. to come from the northern beaches, which is a long way. When it's raining, the traffic in Sydney is just terrible. So both of us, we were getting dragged to this award show. And also shout out to the AMCO Awards, because I love you guys.

Oh, my God. Love you. We got there, and surprise, surprise, we didn't win. No. We didn't win. Tony and Ryan, who were sitting in front of us, they won. Also, Tony's on the, I mean, Ryan's on the board. He's on the board.

He's suspicious. He's very, very suspicious. We want an investigation. I want one. And we said, because it was like the very end of the awards, we were like, as soon as they announced the podcast, it was the end for us. We were like, we'll get out of here. We then went to say goodbye.

You'd already said congratulations. I went to say congratulations. I may have snapped. Yeah, look, I did joke mid-show that if we'd lose, we should cause a scene. And I was a joke. And I was like, yeah, I know, I'll be fine. You know, I'll say congratulations, whatever. It's not that big of a deal for me.

And then I went to say congratulations. and before I could even get the words out, you came barreling over the top. I don't know what came over me. And all I remember is looking at you with this face that I was shocked and proud at the same time. It was a weird emotion I had.

And you're like, fuck you, Tony and Ryan! And the whole theatre went silent. And thankfully, they're funny. And Tony's turned around and she's gone, well, you know what? Fuck you! And then two cameras came over. And they're still presenting the next award.

I think people in the auditorium stopped and looked at us. Now, you're going to love this. No. You're going to love this. No. You, you dastardly bastard. You've hit this from me. I have the footage.

I wonder why you weren't responding? Because I said, did you get the footage? And then you were like, you ignored me. And then yesterday on the call, you were like, I'm still trying to get that footage. I'm like, get it. Damn it, man. It's very dark.

It's very dark. I don't care. It's very dark. And it doesn't go for that long. It goes for 16 seconds. That's long enough for me. But it's 15 seconds of chaos. Can't wait.

Fuck him. Oh my God. It's better than I imagined. It's loud. That is loud. I was there going, I wonder if anyone really, heard what was happening.

Wow. I don't know if you can hear it at the end. Tony's like, you're a fucking loser. Well, I remember he's walking out and then someone was like, well, you get him next to you guys, like we were serious? Oh, it was good stuff.

It was a good way to end the night. I'll send you that footage. I want it bad. You can relive that moment. Should we do a public apology? We should. Okay. What's wrong with having a little giggle?

Like, I went in to go congratulate them and I was like, the sensible one somehow? And within a second, it just turned. I kind of wish I threw some fists. You, Neil? I thought you were going to. I was going to. I was thinking about it. I was looking at Ryan and I was like, hit him.

His chin was right there and I was like, oh. Oh, that was good. So, yeah, so we didn't win the award. Yeah, we did win Best Blow Up though. Will we nominate ourselves next year? Probably not. No. Probably not.

I think that's it for us. I don't think we're welcome back after that, Matthew. Yeah, it's our last ever award show. We went out with a real bang. We should have stolen the stage. We should have stolen the stage. Also, I wish we stole the award. Anyway, we had a giveaway, Ash.

We did. An ambitious one at that. Fuck! So originally we were going to do an award for who could guess when we're going to hit 100,000 followers. But... Just the numbers. I know.

Like, the universe knew the universe knew. the day before that giveaway was going to come out in the episode, we'd already hit it. We skyrocketed to 99. And I thought we agreed that it was going to be 101,000. And then I thought, I thought that 101 would happen too quick. And then Vic suggested 105. Wow, Victoria. And I was like, well, Vic wants to put a foot down.

I'm not going to get in the way of Vic in this giveaway. I thought, this is how I thought it went down. I thought you were like, on a high. We're going to win a award. We're going to get $105,000 in like one day. This is amazing. Last week was a great week. Yeah, yeah. This week. The wheels are falling off. We've just stalled. We've only grown a third. We thought we would be here announcing the winner. We're only at $101,000. So four more weeks. Yeah, I think. I think. So, yeah, you can still enter. You have to do it try and guess what day we'll hit $105,000 on

Instagram. And we'll keep tabs of it for sure. But the longer it goes on, the better I know. Laura was like, do you need that voucher? And I was like, not yet. Can you just extend the expiration date on it, please? Oh, so sorry about that. That's all right. Keep it running. Keep the joke running. I always say. So, housekeeping, past the parcel. We've had again an outcry. Just one. Just one message. If we ever get like five messages, we're going to be like, what the fuck is going on? We're going to have to do a whole other episode, just on those five answers. How New Zealand does

their pass-past parcel is very different to us, Matthew, okay? One of our listeners, Elise, says, past the parcel in New Zealand is one prize in the middle only, or a lolly in each layer, and then a final prize of 10 different, 10 different toys that can be handed out to all the kids' players. That's genius. There was one boomer when we posted that video,

and they were like, oh, bloody millennials, ruin past the parcel. Okay. If a boomer's going to come with us with things we've ruined, Be prepared for me to come back with you with everything that you've ruined. The housing market, cost of living. We could be here all fucking day. It's very much...

Okay, we ruined parts to parcel. Your list is stacking up. Anyway, don't get me started on boomers. Mum. Hey, you know we have that new jingle, Doting Dilemma. Yes. We've used the hit song, Umbrella by Rihanna. Rihanna?

Rihanna. Rihanna. People are a little upset because... In the echo of dilemma, I'll play the original song. Yeah. Yeah. Umbrella, Ella, Ella. What's a wrong?

Where our song that we have done, we both kind of just, we didn't even discuss it. It just happened naturally, but we just, we, the echo of dilemma turned into Ella instead of Emma. I'm going to sit here and say, it's unique. Okay. All right. And I like it. You've got to be different. You've got to separate yourself.

Okay. Although we could be in trouble legally. I think we've changed. I don't think Sony music is coming for us. Rihanna is though. You don't want to get on a bad side. Married to ASAP Rocky. Yeah, we don't want that.

That's news to me. Congratulations. Is that new? It's very old. Still, congratulations. Are we going to fix it? No. I love how we both are equally committed.

You saw what happened to Tony and Ryan. So Lola has just started Solitz. Bola on Solitz. She's like 15. Oh, fucking hell. Did I write Lola? Yeah. You did that the other day too.

I keep referring to Poppy as Lola. Everyone forgets about that. God. I remember when I was growing up, but my mum, I was on a five. And she'd be like, David, Tom, Adam. And I'd be like, it's Matt, you fucking do you do it? I know. My mom was the same.

My mom was the same. She only had two kids. And now I'm like, Poppy, Pearl, Susan, Christine, Meredith. Cheese? Um, Poppy, sorry, I correct myself, Poppy. Yes. Five months, which to me, I always think that you don't start solids till at least 12 months. Mm.

But I'm no expert. Apparently, it is five months. You just have a parenting podcast, but I'm not an expert. Laura was like there with the mashed sweet potato. And I was like, who's that for? And she's like, me. And I was like, giving it to Poppy now, they're trying to kill our child? And she's like, no, five months.

you start giving them solids. So yeah. Really? I know, right? You can start from four months. You can start from four. Vicks just yelled out and said four months apparently. Keep it down.

So yeah, and she, mate, she, whenever we're eating in front of poppy, she was there just like, just gagging for it. Just like, every mouthful, she was like, ah, and then we gave it to her. And she made. Smash it?

Loved it. Also, the downside of solids. The downside of solids. The shit. The shit is pungent. It's thick. It's like moose. Especially because it's like already pureed.

How much more pured could it be? Yeah, it's just like... Somehow your asshole can puree it even further. Did she pull out any nutrients from it? It's just coming out different colour. If they could put the puree power of a child's asshole into an appliance? Come out as... We would really have something.

So for anyone wondering, anyone who's playing along at home, solid's going well. Thank you very much. Just reminded me of this video that I think Abrams got of Oscar first having solids and it was a bit of broccoli and he's so disgusted in it. And like, it's coming closer towards me and he's like, I have to find it. Yeah, he's bracing for impact of a piece of broccoli. Like, for God's sake, man.

Oh, when do you actually, this might be a question for Vic because we obviously don't know when you start feeding kids things. When do you test them on the peanut butter? Well, we actually did that. Oh, you did that? Yeah. Oh, just a tiny bit. A tiny little bit.

So far, so good. That's good. Like a minuscule. Yeah, I feel sorry for that. She's half a fucking tub. It's like yesy too. Joking, joking. Emma and Amy Lee.

Is it Emma? The nurses? Amy Lee. Amy Lee. Amy Lee, I think it's one person. Amy Lee right now, if you're listening in the emergency ward, do not come run to the Facebook group. Amy Lee and Lauren.

Whoever's listening, we don't know. So we went to the zoo on the weekend. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with a good zoo trip. You love a zoo trip. Wouldn't you go on your zoo? trips, they're obviously like premeditated. You know, you're like...

I didn't just show up at the zoo. Oh, we're at the zoo. Of course. But, okay, fair, fair. But we're talking like, when do you plan the zoo trip? Like on a Tuesday, when I get offered it for free? When do we plan it? Well, it's usually for like a birthday or something, so it's planned.

I woke up on Sunday. And, you know, as I normally do, I was eating my wheat bicks. I was enjoying a leisure of, morning, the kids were doing some coloring in. Laura, come storming down the stairs, walks into the living room, looks at me on the couch, looks at the kids playing nicely, and she goes, Take your pants off.

I wish. And she goes, guys, we're going to the zoo. And I was like, what the... I would have said no immediately. It's the equivalent of saying, like, pack up, we're moving house. Like, what, hang on a second. These sort of things that you plan. This needs a lot of planning.

Also, it's a bold move saying it in front of the kids as well because once you do that, there's no turning back. Because the kids are like, locked in. Did she give it with the same gust? I was like, maybe we should just go to the park. Like, we're going to the park today. You can't just be like, we're going to the zoo today.

Does it have a room for us? I don't know. Yeah, I was like, but it's a Sunday. Do the animals know we're coming? Yeah. I was like, it's a Sunday. Yeah. So's very busy.

It was muggy as far. It was so muggy. And she's like, look. at the weather, decided that we can't go to the beach, parks a bit, like we're in the park a thousand times. I'm over it. Let's mix it up, let's go to the zoo. And for those wondering, Taronga Zoo from Bondi,

we're talking like 40 minute drive. What about the ferry? And make the trip more complicated? You shut the fuck up. Yeah, but it's also waste time with, like, the kids can be, look out. And if one of them gets really naughty, push it off.

Do you know, I just, it's too much. Or you're threatened to push them. Sorry. With three kids. If we didn't have Poppy, not to blame her. If we didn't have Poppy, I would have gone the ferry. But we drove. We drove there.

Yeah. We drove there. It's very hilly. It's very hilly. And I was kind of wanting it to go pear-shaped so I could look at Lauren and be like, look at you've done. Yeah, we spoke about these. Is this secret spot you've got? They're planned?

You're like, please go wrong. Please go wrong. It's toxic. I get it. I push Lola down the stairs and she landed flat footed. I was like, damn it. Like a cat. And it was a good day.

Seal show? So. Oh, yeah. So two seal shows. There's just two on a Sunday. They all did an encore. There's the 11 o'clock, which we would, no chance. For a split second, we're like, can we get there for 11 o'clock?

And I was like, that's madness. Yeah, that is. It was already like quarter to 10. I was like, come on. Laura was still in a fucking PJs. And there's a two o'clock. And I was like, we'll just, we'll meander around, check out the direction. But two o'clock, that's like everyone wanted the seal show.

The whole zoo wanted the seal show. I'm pretty sure they could get rid of the rest of the animals. They're like, what do you mean, I'm out of a job? Yes, yes, lions, you've been made redundant. Everyone's looking at the lions being like, an hour to the seal show. Do zebras also turn into glue? Was that just horses? I didn't see the zebras.

They were selling a lot of glue at the zoo. Suspicious. Suspicious. But, mate, I was getting a little bit nervous because I don't like lining up for things. I don't. That makes me sound like a dick. No, I don't like.

No one likes... You can't tell me people like lining up. Thank you. Thank you. There's line enthusiasts being like, how dare you insult me! I feel like British people like lining up. They do.

They give that vibe. All right, mate, let's go line up. Lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lines, lines. Wait, that sounded like... To the toilet! And so we were half an hour out from the seal show. and Laura was like, we're doing it, we're lining up.

And I was like, for God's sake. 30 minutes. And in the heat, there's no shade. And she was like, you take Poppy. I'm going to line up with the girls. And I was like, perfect. This is where it all starts to unravel. Yeah.

And you're like, perfect. I was like, when I come back, these kids better be flipping out. Came back and they were happy as Larry. Damn it. And we got great seats. Oh, it's all working out for her, isn't it? Fourth row. Great.

Just outside the splash zone. Just outside, I kind of wanted to get wet. I know my seal shows. Have you been to the splash sign? Where'd you go to the night one? Yeah. There's a night seal show? Yeah, they do a mermaid one.

You're a seal show whore. Yeah, can I say they did a mermaid show, which Macy really loved. What? And so they had... Who's the mermaid? I must have been a staff member. But that, that tail looked heavy. She was like, I dived it.

Dived it. Dove in. Sunk. And I was like... And then eventually when she got up the momentum, the gusto, she came back to the top. But because it's fine, you can see it. You can see it.

Interesting choice. Interesting choice of costume. Wow. Jesus, you've done it all. I think I've got footage of it somewhere. Show me. And like, she was a big mermaid. How dare you.

Yeah. Just saying, good for her. She only sunk. We love mermaid. It's all shapes and sizes. Yeah. They probably needed a certain. strength of woman to get the flipper going.

To the tail. The tail. Waterlogged. It's like trying to kick with a pile of bricks attached to your legs. She didn't even jump from that high. She hit the bottom immediately. She jumped? She jumped or she slid?

A combination. Maybe she slipped. Maybe she wasn't supposed to be in there. Now I feel like I watched the crime. Poor thing. Anyway, moving on. So, yeah, we saw the seal show. The music is.

Ah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. for you, for me. I cried. I cried. I was like, what the fuck is going on?

I know. It's very, um, it's moving. Very moving. It is. Very moving. And then after Seal show, we called it quits. Yeah, it's everything else after that is shit. That bloody, that little gift shop at the end.

They get you. That gets you. Lola. Lola was like, I need this pink necklace with a koala on it. And I was like, no, you don't. And then you're like, look a seal. You're like, ugh. You just love the seal show.

She was like, she was like grabbing me like, I fucking need this. Let me have the necklace. She's the middle child. She's like, I need it. She had like four stashed in her pockets. I was so close to just go just walk out of here. I don't care at this stage. I don't think they can't really either.

I was like, I can't afford this. I don't have the money. And she was like, yeah, you, I can do. I know you, dude. Get your card out. He's just like, this guy. Yeah. Shut up.

Chiefscape. I was like, oh, just, can we just, please, just agree that, I got, Taronga Zoo, I love you. Me too. I love you, guys. I love you done with the animals. Great. Toy shop. Come on.

Last ditch effort. Come on, we don't need that. But the good news is, Matthew, all the money from that goes to conservation. Does it really? Does it? Yeah. Are you fucking with me? No.

Look it up. I didn't, I would have bought the necklace then. Yeah, I want to buy five of them. Whoops. I had no idea. To be honest, every time I go to Surongazoo, love you, Tomizu, my legs hurt. Oh, yeah.

Immediately. It's like, you haven't even done anything yet. Wait until you've got to walk back up. But it was great being amongst my people. The whole place was just parents and prams. Yeah, I wonder how many of them were like. I was like, leave a review. I was like, leave a review.

You're going to dance. You had the seal show. You're like, I need a review for me. for you from you hang on new jingle but it was it was nice obviously at the park you're amongst your people

I'm not religious Let's hope you're amongst you people at the park Depends to which park you're at There's a lovely little park on an island off the coast of America But I really felt I felt like I belonged at the zoo With everyone there's a very

Especially a weekend It just it was You know It's as close as I'll ever get to being in a congregation in a church. Very good. The church of Tarongazoo. On a Sunday.

On a Sunday. I wonder how many of them were pre-planned to be there. How many just went, let's go today! I would love to know. I'm like, people aren't doing it. Surely, surely it's just my crazy wife, who I love so much. Dealey. Who's like, we're going to Africa.

Puck your bags, kids. Let's throw a spanner in this chilled out Sunday. Fucking hell. We had a different idea. What'd you do? Well, this is the week prior. Okay, I went to the supercars with Oscar. What is the supercar?

Supercar is a V8 supercar that goes around a track. Okay? And I thought, let's take Oscar. It's like Bathurst. It's like Bathurst, but in Sydney. And it goes over three days, but we went for one day. And I was like, oh, I'll take, just me and Oscar, you know. I'm really trying to work on that relationship.

Yeah, that's nice. One-on-one time. Yeah, we stayed at a hotel out there. You did? Just the two of you? Just two of us. It was great. Did you share a bed or do you guys?

No, we had two singles. He was excited. Two singles. So excited. The hotel was the most exciting part, according to him. I don't want to leave. Yeah, it was like, I was like the race. It's across the road.

It was great. That stuff is like, that's such core memory stuff. I just core memory the fuck out of that kid. So we took him 40 degrees out of it. So he'll remember that. He'd be like, fucking hell, I was sweating. Anyway, we went at lunchtime.

It goes over all the way till night because there's a bunch of different races on, different categories. Also, humans, I feel like, as a breed, a species, we were like, whatever we invent, we're like, let's fucking race them. Whatever it is. They're like, bringing out the yutes.

They're like, he's a fucking lawnmower. Run that around the truck. Let's just race it. Did they have a lawnmower race? No, but they might as well. Oh, I was like, oh, watch that. everything else. They're just like, we should fucking race it, you know, which I'm not opposed to. I'm just saying. We do. It's weird. Everything. Think of something. We race it. Well, let's put it

this way. We race in the water. We swim. They're like, what we should do with this swimming thing? It's not just survival. Let's fucking race them. Let's race. And we'll get all the nations together. The Olympics, there's just a bunch of hobbies that people are like, we should race this. So same, same deal. So we went, it was really hot. Okay. The Utes came on. It was just like a bunch of tradies getting around in their youths really fast. Four or five wheels fell off.

And Oscar was like, whoa, this is so cool. What really scared the shit out of him was a drag car. Mate, my God, I know they're loud,

right? And you know race cars are loud and you're like, oh man, that's pretty loud for a second. This was unbearable. Like, I was like,

you poor boy, like he had earmuffs on. He did. I bought earmuffs because I was like, oh, I was going to ask and I didn't want to put on the spot. I want to preserve my child's hearing.

We get home, he's like, hi, Mom! Love you! Covered in rubber. I know, covered in, yeah, literally covered in rubber, sunburned, sweaty as fuck. I was chafin, that's for sure. Anyway, the benefit of having the hotel across the room, aircon, great. So we went, watched a couple of the races, couple of qualifying. Went back, we had something to eat, had a bit of rest time, and cooled down and waited

for the last couple of races. We just had general admission tickets. Like, we were just cruising in the... Don't try to make yourself sound like you want to. of the people. I have one of us. And we had GA. We did have GA, Matthew.

But I've been to, you know, F1 and stuff. You've been to the F1. And, you know, security is very tired. We're talking million dollar machines. Supercars? Not so much. You look over at Oscar's driving a car. Literally.

Mate, we went back the next time. We realized that there's a tunnel that goes under the track. No security guard. Nothing. I was like, come on, buddy. Let's go. We're in the paddock. Mate, I'm in the garage of the,

these cars. I'm walking around the back. I was there, I don't know if you saw any of the videos I had, but I'm in part. I watched them all. I'm in parts of the track. There's no spectators. I'm just, I'm just hanging out. Hey! And then I was like, oh, we'll walk up the back to this, this corner. And I'm walking up and Oscar's like, it kind of, it felt like we weren't supposed to be there, which we weren't. I don't think. No one stopped me, I guess. And then we walk up and there's all these cars lined up and they all start up at once. I'm in the middle of this panic and then with a child

and these cars just go within meters from us and Oscar was like this is the coolest fucking thing ever and I was like I really set this kid up to fail because this is not normal like I'm just out here

and also I don't want to get hit by a car and die yeah that too I suppose but yeah it was I felt like we had access all areas got to see Oscar and I were in garage during a pit stop wow oh it was unbelievable and he was like

this is fucking amazing. Did you have to come back and pretend like it was really bad in front of Macy though? Oh yeah. I had to pretend. She was like, how was it? And I was like, what? It was very loud. But then the next day I went back and did a hot lap without him.

He was gutted, but he was too young. But I'd tell you right now, fucking core memory for sure. For you or for Oscar? Me. Nah, he did it for news. You know, do news at school? Yeah, it was great. He got a little Red Bull shirt on.

Oh, those poor kids who had to go on do the news. news that day. They're like, and then I had an ice cream. And he's there like, I won the Bathurst 500. I was part of Big Crew. I will say, though, lots of mullets getting around on kids. Would you say amongst your people? The mullet people? Yeah. No. No. I was like, oh, get away from me. Free! It's, there's, okay, there's the trendy mullet, right, that's getting around. You're Jacob Allorties, for example. Yeah. And then there's the Bogan mullet. The supercar mullets.

Yeah, well said, where it's like, it's literally, that piece of hair that those kids have is the most well-maintained thing that family owned, I reckon. It is pristine. It's been washed, blow-dried. The thing is put, there's not a hair out of place. The rest of whatever they're going on, not so much. I reckon I counted, I had to stop counting because there's 50 mullets on kids.

Wow. Yeah. You got tats. You've got no racist tats. But yes, very good, cool memory. I'm glad I did it. Sober, what I add. Well done.

Well done. Actually, that reminds me we need it at some point. Dive deep into your sober journey because it's still going. Still going, day 85 today. For those playing along at home, still going. Well done. Yes. And if you can stay sober at the supercars, you can stay sober anywhere.

I stayed sober at the AMCO Awards and we nearly got to a five. Hey, Ash, it is time for Now you need us more than ever Know that we still have each other You can send us your dotting dilemma You can send us your dotting dilemma Ella Ella

And sorry to anyone who was upset At the fact that we say Ella instead of Emma We're just staying true to the song Yeah As we do Yeah it's a nod to the original Yes

I'll go first You go first No I'll go first No you go I'll go first This is from Dan He's on the south coast of the UK. Okay.

I wonder if he likes lines. I'm sure he does. What, mate? They don't speak like that. Don't I? Yeah, that's offensive because I'm British. Okay. Okay, so let's just have some respect.

Nothing to brag about. The people of my homeland. Oh, yeah. You lived in London for four years, bro. I have a fucking passport. You have an English passport? I have an English passport. I'm British.

I became British first and Australian second. So the four years were you on working holiday or you're just a resident? No, I was a resident. That is wild. You're welcome. I don't believe you. Okay, all right.

Okay, sorry. Daniel, sorry, Daniel. God, Daniel's like, that's all we got to time on, Daniel? Daniel's like, the fuck is going on, where's my question? This is about me, Daniel, I'm really sorry. Yeah. I lived in London for four years. This is about me.

I put this question in there just so I could talk about my passport. Sorry. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I worked in marketing for four years in London. I'll say... Anyway, welcome to Matt's LinkedIn bio. Oh my God. You better believe that that is bolded in my experience.

You have to look at LinkedIn on a private browser, because it's pretty much porn for you. That's right? Yeah, that's enough. Okay. Moving on. Daniel, sorry. Daniel, love the pod.

Been listening since Epp 1. Wow. I know. Too much time on your hands. As I was expecting my firstborn, which is why he's been listening. Gotcha. Many laughs later. I have now found out we are expecting us second.

Thank you. Yeah, round of applause. Absolutely. Well done. All I've heard is how hard it is to go from having one child to two. As you've both gone through this, my question is, how fucked am I? Well, you went again. You went to three.

Oh, three. Jesus. Look, fucked is the wrong word. Severely fucked. No. It's more logistics, I think, to start off with. I think you've got to get used to. to having two of them.

Well said, Ash. I agree. Well, Daniel, you're welcome. That is ruining stuff. No, it's a jump. It is a jump. Let's not sugarcoat the whole situation. You've got fucking two.

You've got two. You're trying to look after one. Think about Daniel, just think about this. Not to scare you, but at the same time... Be brave. Be brave. Be brave. Be brave. Be brave. Be brave. Be a big brave boy.

Be a big brave boy. But you think about how hard it was with one. And you're trying to do that now again with a little toddler who's like... Doesn't give a fuck. Does not give a fuck. You're like, hey, can you just keep down? Because we're just trying to put the baby to sleep. And they're like, fuck you guys.

I'm making as much noise and I'm having a tantrum because I don't care about anyone. I couldn't have said it better myself. I thought you were going to say it's like having one, but you've got two of them. That's why I thought you were going with that. I should have said that. You should have. I think would have summed that up. But yeah, you're right.

They don't care. If I'm going to give anything, just be prepared for your elders to not give a fuck about how urgent it is what you're doing. And then with any luck, they're helpful. But it depends how old. I mean,

if you got a one that's like, Mali's a bit more helpful this time around with number three. But also I think it depends on the child. Like, man, Lola, Lola came out and was a really tricky baby. Yeah. And they don't understand the eldest. Like, they haven't developed the part of their brain where they're like, other people matter.

You know, like in the nicest possible way. But also I think we are like chameleons, the human race. Can I get deep for a second? Oh, yeah. We're so adaptable. I love lizard theory. I think, you know, you think about how amazing we are as a species. As a lizard.

To survive in such varied environments. You think of like the Antarctic. It doesn't the way don't want to live there, do we? No. You think about, where do the Eskimos live? Alaska! Think about the fact that humans can survive in the Sahara, in Alaska, in Parramatta in New South Wales. Or any other state in America.

Shout out to Parramatta. Love you guys. Wow. So where are you going with this? No, I think... You adapt. You adapt. You camouflage.

Okay, hang on. No, no, no. Can I finish? I finish. I'll finish. I'll finish. We're getting deep. Okay. So I think we can adapt.

It's weird how when you've got two, how quickly that just becomes the norm and you forget about what life was like with one. And it's funny, like going from two to three, I forget what it was like just having two. And when I have two, I'm like, oh, this is great. Whereas, you know, you're going to look back and you think, God, how the hell? We had it so good when we had just one child. Now we have, now we have two. Because everything, let's be honest, gets a little bit harder.

Because all your focus is on the kids. You hope so anyway. You need twice as many hands, twice as much. me, I like your lizard analogy because you can either adapt, and the thing is with chameleons is they change color to hide. You can always hide. Worst case scenario is just like, it's like, Daddy, you're still enough. You'll change color into the wall and they won't see you there.

But I think you'll be fine. I don't think you're fucked. You are fucked, but you'll come out of it. You'll come out of it, a stronger human being. You're going to love hating it. I think with two as as dad, obviously mum and newbub, they're going to be in their own bubble. Your job now is to make sure that that bubble's okay and then also entertain the other one that you had first. And I suppose like you could use it as an opportunity to get to know each other a little bit better.

Yeah, I was like, what's your name again? What? It's Amelia. Marley. Yeah, obviously the time with Marley, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's a, it's a, it's a, a great opportunity to grow that bond. But I think then someone flipped it as well, because that's what I thought. And someone said, you should also make sure that you can step in when you can to make sure

that you're looking after the newborn. So mom still has those little moments with the older child as well. Yeah, I think that was, was that wholesome Sarah that said that? I think that was wholesome Sarah. Yeah. I think that was wholesome Sarah. Because the oldest had this, had this relationship with mom and dad that was all for the oldest.

then all of a sudden you're like, no, you've got to go spend time with dad. You still need to maintain that relationship. And as dad, you can go, hang on a second. Why don't I take the baby while it's fed? It's going to sleep. I can put it to sleep. And you guys hang out. Yeah.

Sometimes Laura does blame. Blames the wrong word. No, it's not. But Miley is cheeky to both myself and to Laura. And Laura's like, oh, she's more cheeky towards me because when we have, I had Lola, I spent so much time with Lola, and it was just you and Mali. And she thinks that's kind of impacted the relationship. She's wrong.

Children pray on the weak. She's identified that you are the weakest species. No, it's not true. I don't know. I made that up. I like it. No, because Laura's going to come after me. She's already ringing.

Next question. Next one is from Lee. Emailed in. What's the etiquette on inviting kids to birthday parties? If your kid was invited to their party, do you have to invite them to your kid's birthday party in return? Especially if it was a paid birthday party experience, do you think you owe them the invite if your kid doesn't want them there? Oh, look, it doesn't just end with childhood here and childhood parties. Think about weddings, right?

You're an adult, you're invited to a wedding and then you get married. Do you have to invite that person? And if you don't, that relationship is fucking over. At least with children, they'll forget about it. I think, oh, fuck, weddings is a good example. Thank you. I'm full of good examples. I think weddings, because I think if you get, if you get invited to a wedding,

I think you've got to reciprocate. I really do. I really do. Yeah, what if you secretly hate them, though? Then don't go to the wedding. But then that's rude. This whole life thing is a big one. Life is hard.

I'll be honest. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It's tough. It's tough out there. I needed to hear that. Lee as well. I, Okay, can I, I've got an interesting scenario.

Okay, like that. So, very, very exciting. When Lola started at a new daycare last year, she came in mid-year. That's right, everyone had formed bonds. And the kids had all been there since like day dot. So Lola was the new kid, also was there with her cousin. So she really just latched onto her cousin. So she didn't form as many friendships.

From inception. So she didn't form as many friendships. And as a result, didn't get many birthday party invitation. Oh, that's sad. Which was sad. And she's such a great girl. She's a great kid. She's personal.

She's funny. She'll beat you up. She will. She will. She will. Give me your fucking lunch money. Where's the invite? But she got invited to her first school birthday party.

And she was so excited. I'm so proud. And it's this unique one because the parent messaged me and was like, just want to manage your expectations here. It's a dinosaur party. It's all boys. But Lola has become friends with this boy. So she is, I think, the only girl going to this dinosaur party.

And so I'm like, oh, interesting. It's like, Lola, she flies on both ends of the spectrum where she loves fucking dinosaurs and tackling people and then loves makeup and being a fairy. And I'm like, if she has a party, does she invite, if it's a girl theme, does she invite the boy and he's the only boy? I think I'd have to out of courtesy. Yeah, you would, for sure. Like, Macy went to a party the other day. she was the only person there from the preschool she goes to.

Wow. I know. She's popular girl. Everyone wants Macy at her part. I never met these people. The person whose birthday is like Lola, new to that school. So she went to this party

that had all the older school friends and Macy. How did she go there? It was tough for her. She had a great time. Did she? Yeah. You've got to invite the kid.

You've got to, out of politeness, Extending invitation. I think extending the invitation's fine. I think you could, it's such a minefield. No, don't give you that sigh. Okay, I think. You can't say that with the sigh.

You've got to say, extend the invitation, boom, full stop. Yeah, because that's harmless. No, because you're saying, extend the invitation, oh, God. Yeah, because a part of me is like. No, so strong. Stay strong. Okay, extend the invitation. Full stop.

No, but. Oh, God. But. What? I'm going back to the point if it's a girl-themed party, right? And it's like, hey, Timmy is invited. It's up to you guys whether you want to come because it's going to be a fairy theme party and he's the only boy.

And if he wants to go, fine, no problem. But just maybe the heads up because, like, you just don't know. You don't know what you're in for. Lola was excited to go as T-Rex. Nice. Nice. An aggressive dinosaur. I like it.

Yeah, you're just going to fuck shit up at that party. Extend the invite. Extend it. End of. I don't like the word, oh. Like, you know how she was like, do you owe them something? You do. Yeah.

I think when you look at the coffee. cost per child. Actually, if we're going to look at this from a financial perspective. CPC, yeah. Cost per child. Yeah. Do you what I did there? Yeah, very, very quick. Thank you. What is that cool when you do to start each word with a letter? It's a called... Contonance. Acronym. Acronym. Very good. It's a consonance.

Come on, bro. That's something, that's a, that's a medication. Amy, Amy Lee's like, don't take it. That's incontinence. Don't take it. You'll die. That's where you shoot yourself. When you look at the cost per child, the CPC, CPC. I think you want it to be, you want it to be even. You don't want to get to the end of the year where the CBC is out of balance. You want to balance the books with the CPC. We can circle back closer at Christmas.

You're loving this chat. You're like, we need a graph. Because that's great R-O-I. We need a graph. We need a pie chart. What else we need? We also need reviews. Yes, let's circle back to review.

We'll circle back to CPC in the next episode. Review per listener. Yes. RP. RPL. I'm good at this. Give me another one. That took me...

Give me another one. Come on. I'm really good at this. Come on. Let's get out of here. I'm hungry. Review, we would love it. Of course.

Got to get the RLP up. Also, just want to say that if we talk about any footage that you can hear, for example, the fight at the Amco Awards, if you want to see what that footage is, go to our YouTube because that's where you will see all the good bits. That's what... The better bits than this. The better bits. Well, just in case you're like, what is that?

I heard the sweat. but I want to see the... I want to see people yelling at each other. We put all of it into the YouTube just as an FYI. A little like a bit of a... It may help people. Otherwise, no.

Oh, sorry. What else we're going to do? You could join us on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok. Yes, please. And you did mention prior. You did mention YouTube. And that's all we have time for. Okay.

Got to get the acronyms going. Bye. Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country. throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.