Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #212 Relatable Teacher Jim

Episode Date: March 22, 2026

He's known as relatable teacher Jim, but he's also a relatable dad-of-three with so much great advice when it comes to kids, we started taking notes. He's a primary teacher from Victoria who's built a huge online following for his incredibly relatable videos on everything from how to change a nappy to how to bath a baby. You can follow him on instagram or twitter - but for some real nuggets of gold, listen to this episode where he digs deep about how connection is the first place to start when it comes to our kids. If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you remember a couple of weeks, if not months ago, we put a call out and we said, who would you like to have on the podcast for a guest episode? Where did you put that information? I put that on the Facebook group. Oh yeah, definitely didn't see that. Sorry, guys. Well, maybe I put it on the Instagram. I posted it somewhere.

Either way, I didn't see it. And we had a barrage of messages, which were all very lovely, by the way. They were very pleasant. but they all were saying the same thing. Get Jim on the podcast. Yes, Relatable Jim, I believe. That's how we call them. Or Jim Sutherland.

But Relatable Teacher Jim on Instagram and TikTok. Dude, he has like nearly 200,000 followers. He's really more than us. Do you know what I love? I love that back in the day. The people who would get a big following would be people in bikinis, the fitness influence. Guilty?

Guilty. But Jim. Jim's just a teacher He was honestly I should say Hang on Oh wow Whoa

I'm here back you up Jim Take that out I would say he'd be arguably One of the nicest guys I've ever met Oh my God Vic take that out right now That's right he told me Yeah

I would say he was very humble And very relatable That's his whole shtick And I think Being a teacher on top So he's got to teach kids All day And then go home

And look after his own kids What an animal Hell Wouldn't wish that'd For my worst enemy I love the fact that he has been so open about the parts of parenting that he knew nothing about. And now on social media, he is spreading that wisdom.

And now that wisdom will be spread like butter on toast. I thought you're going to say like an STD. But we should probably get into this right now. Like the media through a population of koalas. Let's get into it. Okay. Welcome back to three doting dads. I am Maddie J.

I'm Ash. And I am Jim. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad and the relatable. Now, Jim, we don't give advice, which you would know, because you've just told us before that you've been listening. That one episode. What did you listen to?

What was your favourite part? I've been through the last three, actually, and found them all interesting. Last week was emotional, but it was good. Did you leave a review? I haven't yet. Oh, fucking hell, Jim. So that's Matt's whole thing. It's coming later.

He begs. He begs for reviews. We wouldn't be where we are today without his begging, I will say. But will you leave a review? 100%. Two of it before we carry on. I will show you. We want to see it.

What Matt was trying to say is we don't give advice. However, there's a loophole in the system where our guests, especially a teacher as well. Oh, yes. That's going to be advice, I think. People would love when we have a teacher or something like that. Because they get little bits and information they can take home. Although, he is a rural teacher. Oh, God.

I did drive past a few schools around here and I thought, oh, wow. Like the nice hats and the things like that. We hate them. There's a school around here we're recording in North Sydney and I think whenever they cross the road they have to tip the hat Have you seen that? No, but I did see some girls with some lovely like, Is it Matilda, the movie?

Where they wear those little hats? And I was like, my partner and I were like, We're in a different place. What happens in Ballarat? Do people like spit the tobacco out or how? We have like, you know, the old school classic bucket hat or just the wide brimmer, but like the kids have ripped. You got an ashy cigarette when you cross the road.

Winnie Reds. tucked into the top of it. Sorry, sorry. The context behind the rural thing is that we sledge rural doctors. I called them vets, and they came after us. So now any time we talk about rural, it's like, ah! We love rural locations. Yes.

For the record. I think I went back, though, and I was listening once, and I did hear Victoria, got a bit of a slandering. Oh, what was that us? I feel like, it might have been ash, so... Did I call it Mexico? I felt like once, and I was like, okay, and I was... But Cindy does look quite nice, though, when you compare it to Melbourne, the buildings, how it looks. That's a shir-all.

I get it, but. I mean, I love it here. Don't kick me out. Anyway, let's get it. We start with this with a very simple question. Do you recall the most trouble you got in as a child? So I think I can remember the first time I got in trouble. My parents, they divorced at an early age. And so I was kind of left to my... So a few of us. Yeah, I was left to my own devices. Must be nice. I think I was in grade three.

And so my dad was a working man and I stayed with my dad. Can I just ask, when that happened, did you decide, do you get a call in grade three of who you go with? No. It's like with a dog. They're like, come here, boy. And whoever you go to. I don't know the logistics. And I'm sure my mom is an avid follower of me.

She will be on this podcast. I don't know how it worked. But I ended up with dad, which I suppose is a bit different to how it would work for a lot of families. obviously still wouldn't spend time with mum. But I was left to my own devices a little bit because my dad was a tradesman. He built fences. And so he would work 12 hour days because we didn't have a lot of money. And so, you know, when I got home, it was get on your bike, go for a ride and basically do whatever you wanted.

And so year seven, year eight came around. I think I was about 14, started heading to friends' houses to stay the night. And there was nothing much else to do but drink alcohol. And so we would go to the low. bottle-o and we would literally stand out the front and ask people. Yes. Will you buy us some alcohol? That's good gear.

We buy us a bottle of Jim Beam and we would eventually someone who now I think like, I would not do that for a child. I would. Well, that came out. As someone I used to do the same gym, I would, you'd try and get someone a bit younger. You know, you want to try and get like a 19-year-old. Someone who doesn't really think about the consequences of actions.

You'd be like, yeah, I'll buy a six-pack. A couple of tallies for these youngsters. Someone's older brother or older sibling, like case of throwdowns, a pack of witty blues. That sounds like a bloody good night. To his throwdowns or VB throwdowns. It look like grenades. Like a smaller beer. Bloody Ripper.

Let's get something in there now. We ended up very drunk and I went to the local hungry jacks thinking I was all safe. I blacked out there for a little bit. And anyway, I'm on the way back and my phone starts ringing and it's my dad. And this is like, you know, you've got one of those old school phones. And I'm thinking like, this isn't good. And anyway, it ended up that my sister, who I love dearly, but she went through the drive-thru of Hungry Jacks, very unlikely, saw me,

was like a 14-year-old boy should not be drinking. Called my dad, dob me in. No. No, no. Like, she is, though, she is like a very maternal, lovely lady. And so she wanted to take care of me. She's a snitch. She snitched.

Yeah, she snitched on me. me and the next day when I got home it was like oh this is the first taste of trouble and yeah dad wasn't impressed and that was kind of the first signaling that I'd been a really placid introverted young kid and I think that was a bit of a changing of the guard and led to to many other stories that dad probably wasn't overly impressed with you broke bad as they say I really did yeah do you remember the punishment or was it just no I think that one was like the walk in the house and he gave I mean, the look and was kind of like dickhead, basically. But I was so scared internally.

But obviously it wasn't enough because then I would have been doing it next weekend. Love that. Yeah, I would have been back out there. The Red Bears or something would have been. Not going to the hungry jacks. Just like keeping it to the park. The trick is to go somewhere they won't see you. Well, that was the thing when we were kids.

I don't know what it was like where you guys were. But we would literally like, we're going to meet at a park at 7 o'clock. Oh, yeah. We go to a park and you would just start drinking on a playground. And that was like very different to what it would be like. now. Like, my child is not going to a park. Just before I had kids, we backed onto a park that would turn into that park

where the kids, as soon as the nightfall. You'd hear the chinking of the bottles. Yeah, and they were rowdy as, man. They'd be fight some sort of the thing. But we used to get out on the balcony that backed onto it and throw all the old fruit at them. Oh, gosh. What? I was trying to sleep.

We're talking about earlier people who are helping youngsters get alcohol. And then on the other end of the spectrum, we have people who are throwing... This is a rogue episode. But I think if my child, and I know the time will come, that if they were to drink in a park, deep down, I would feel kind of like, all right. Yeah, me too.

A little bit. Yeah, as long as they were being responsible, but you never were. Do you feel like you're the part of that and your partner would be the opposite side? Well, she's from Wollongong. She'd be like, here's some meth. Oh my goodness, all right. I think April will be the enabler because her mom was the enabler

like you always got a friend at that age that their parents are like I'd much rather you drink here where I can see Of course we have one of them That'll be April yeah She'd be like come on in and drink here Yeah we had one friend's house

That you could go to And it was like if you want to drink You can drink here And it's all cool I won't tell anyone But at least you're safe here And that was like that Let's go to that house every weekend

And so I think a lot of people have that Or the park Park was really good too. And so if there's any fear from your dad of you going down the wrong path, you proved him wrong because you became a teacher, which is very respectable. Yeah, well, you guys probably don't know this, but my dad passed away when I was 25.

And so that's okay. He missed like all of my kids and becoming a teacher and that sort of stuff. So that is something that I do think about sometimes because he got me at a time in my life where I went through a lot of ups and down. And I put myself through those ups and downs, but it jeopardized our relationship a little bit. And so when I was on the back end of that happening, he passed away suddenly, like, without warning. And so that is, like, the one thing that I do go back too often. And I'm like, shit, like, I wish I had to figure it out.

A little bit earlier to kind of showed him, like, hey, I wasn't a bit of a deadbeat. Like, I was always a good kid, but I was a kid and I was just doing whatever I thought was right at the time. And yeah, I go back to that sometimes and be like, man, he just missed it. But yeah, you know, some great things have come from, you know, not from dad passing away, but like the mindset and the attitude I have now for life because of that moment. And I'm grateful to have that. What was it then? What happened that put you on a course to become a teacher?

This is so random. I had a girlfriend when I was like 20 and I have a niece and nephew, my sister's kids. And she was like, you're really good with kids. And at this time, like, I'm working in pubs and bars. I'm partying a lot, not doing a lot. And I thought, oh, that sounds like a job that's respectable. And I was like, well, I'll go to university. And that was literally all it took.

I didn't finish high school. So, like, I got to year 12 and I didn't do my exams. I was like, I don't feel like I'm smart enough. So I just didn't show up. I had to go to university. I had to do like, it was called like the fast pass. You had to do like high school in six months to get into university. Oh, shit.

I failed that. Failed that. Yeah. Then I had to go and do a Bachelor of Arts, and I'm so shocked when I think about this that I kept at it. Yeah. I had to do a Bachelor of Arts, pass those subjects that got me into my teaching degree. Was that hard? No, but it was like about Roman history and like, you know.

The arts one? Yeah. Yeah, it was just random subjects. So, like, Bachelor of Arts covers like a lot of different things. And they said, if you go and do this and you pass these subjects, you basically prove like, hey, you can go to university. And so I did that. It took the very long road. And now I think I've been a teacher for, I think this is my 10th year. Wow. And those are the sorts of things that I try and share online to inspire other people to be like, hey, you know, you don't

have to be a cookie cutter. I'm so smart. I'm going to be a teacher. There are different ways to go about it. I remember I spoke about that if this ever didn't work out for me that I wanted to be a teacher. You have. But I always think about things like that. They never come true. We keep doing more episodes. Once these episodes dry up, that's the driving force with Ash now. No one will hire me now, let's be honest. The meth thing might not have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the meth comments.

I'm raising awareness. Don't go to wool and gong. When you did the Express initially, like six months for high school, was it just fail or was it a miserable fail? No, I think I had to do six, like six subjects, you know, English, math. and I think I ended up failing two. So four of six. So not terrible. I think I put in a good effort to it all.

But then on like the final papers, like for English, I had to write a big essay. And I didn't really know how to do that. Like I'd been working at nightclubs until 5 a.m. in the morning. I wasn't exactly ready to write essays. You weren't Shakespeare. No.

And so, you know, but you learn on the journey. And I got there in the end. And it's the best thing that's happened to me. Like honestly, I love being a teacher. I think it's so good to work with kids and yeah, I love it.

So let's talk about the easiest first day of a new job that you've ever had, which is teaching. And I believe that you had your first child on that day. Yeah, that is correct. So I was about to become a teacher the day before we were in like work meetings and my partner was heavily pregnant and all of a sudden I got a text message. I'm like looking under the table. You know, you're in a meeting with a.

like new people, pretending to be like, oh yeah, I know what I'm doing. And then she's like, you must have been pretty close. Yeah, within a couple of weeks.

Yeah. But, you know, first time, I don't really know what's happening. She messaged me and says, I think my water's broke. And then I said,

are you sure you haven't weeded yourself? Like, I don't know any better. That's a fair question. Yeah. And she's like, no. She's like,

actually, I just did. Yeah. Oh, never mind. She was like, you need to come home. And so we went home,

went to the hospital, ended up having an emergency Caesar that time because the baby, my daughter Sadie, she wouldn't turn. And so went through that and how I was telling you guys, I'm on paternity leave at the moment. I took two days, I think,

paternity leave and I went back to work. And like, I think about that now and I'd regret that, but I knew no better. I'm surprised no one said, hey Jim. What are you doing here, man? Take, like, the people have had the flu and miss more days of work than this. You just had your first kid.

like go home. I don't know if it's teaching, but I've built in a thought process of where you don't take days off. And so I think I was probably thinking that work somehow was more important. 100% it is not. But I think I thought that and I was like, oh my God, I have to get back to this job that I've just secured

because my family needs me to be at that job. Where in hindsight, when I look back now, like my partner needs to be more than anything. And like, I was lucky that we had our baby Lola, who's seven weeks old. we had her in the school holidays right at the start. So I got six weeks at home,

which was awesome and then I still have a month of paternity leave. So this time I'm doing it right. And I went straight to the principal. I'm like, I am taking every single day. Are you still at the same school? Yes. Oh, wow. Okay. Cool. It's changed a lot. Different principals, all that sort of stuff. But yeah, first time I think I took two days. I think I only took... How old were you when Saddie was born? I would have been 28. And so how is Amy your wife when you were saying, I've got to go back to work, babe? I think that she didn't know any better either. Yeah.

She was kind of like, oh, yeah, this is what he has to do. And now as I've gone on and I've learned about the pressures that women face having a baby and postpartum and all that stuff, I think, man, like, we were lucky to get through that time, I think, because, like, she was learning for the first time too. And then all of a sudden I was gone for most of the days. And I think back about that, I'm like, man, I did that wrong. But you don't know any better sometimes. How did you think you adapted to having?

your first kid. You come home from, obviously, you didn't have any time at home really, and you come home. How do you think you adapted? Poorly. Okay. So I don't think I was a great dad. I wasn't a bad dad, but I don't think I was great the first time around. I wasn't very hands-on. I had no experience with babies. Didn't know how they worked, you know, like all of that sort of stuff. And I remember it might have been a month or so in. And I remember just sitting on the couch one day, my partner said to me, is there any chance that you could bath the baby? And it kind of, put a jolt in me and I was like, oh my God, there are things that I can do. Like, I can be helpful. And I remember that being like the turning point of me being like, I need to be more involved.

And it wasn't because I didn't want to be or I was being a lazy dad. It's because I just don't think I knew any better. And so I still remember that moment and me kind of going, right, I need to do more things. And, you know, now third time around, like my motto is like, try to change every nappy, fill the water bottle, basically be the slave essentially to me. make sure that she has everything she needs because it is hard. And I think it's important that more dads understand that. And I don't think a lot of dads do. I look back. And I think a lot of dads of our generation can put the hand up and say, or for my first child, I was making all the mistakes and then learning from them afterwards because I was similar to yourself, Jim, where

I was like, oh, my wife will do this. Like she's, you know, the baby is attached to her 24-7 almost and I'll let her do a thing. But then also, I think I look back now and the disparity, so much greater that the more time you spend away from the bub and more time mom does, she obviously becomes a lot more experienced, knows the cues a bit better. And so all of a sudden mum becomes so much more experience where as a dad you're like, oh, you know, it's like, you know what you're doing. So you continue on. Yeah, I also felt like when you become a first dad, the best way to learn is the experience. Like I did the classes, I did all this stuff. I put so much pressure on myself, but I look back now and I think, it's like starting a new job. You're not

meant to know exactly, you got an idea of what I need to do, but actually doing it is completely different. So new dad's like, I think, if any, are coming up to being a new dad, it's like, just get hands on and do it because you're right, you start picking up on the cues and stuff like that. And all of a sudden, you find that maternal part of your brain somewhere along the line there. I think what you said is the perfect advice for any new dad or a soon-to-be dad is that just get in there and give it a crack. You might do it wrong. You might stuff it up. But being there and having a go is far better than kind of sitting back and going, mum can do all of this. And that's amazing. I think that's probably the mistake that maybe I made. And just getting in there and

learning on the go, that is 100% okay. But just make sure that you're doing that and getting in there. Yeah. That's really important. And I think like not to like I put, I put so much pressure on myself then because I wanted to do as much as April could do other than breastfeed, obviously. But, It was like, I put so much pressure on it that when I didn't get it right, I was like so upset with myself. So I like, whenever, yeah, a new dad asked me or soon to be, I'm like, look, just give yourself a break. Like, you're not going to be able to do it perfectly first time.

And like you were saying, you learn from that first one, right? Well, yeah, it was Laura ended up tapping me on the shoulder and saying, you need to pull your weight here. And I was like, holy shit. It was so hard for her to tell me that you're not, at that time, being a great father. Was it yourself having that reflection going, I need to pull your. my weight more or did your wife Amy say hey Jim this isn't working no it was just that moment where she said and it was like you know I feel like at the time it was probably a little bit of

frustration like can you bath like can you do something and it wasn't her I know that tone it wasn't her having a go at me or anything but I look back now and I'm like hmm I probably wasn't doing anything I would take the baby for a morning walk and then it was like all right off to work I go get home I've started a new job I'm a bit tired not thinking not understanding that staying at home with a baby isn't something that's just, it's hell. It's not leisure time. You're technically, you had two jobs really. When you come home, you're clocking in for your next shift.

Yeah, so I think, you know, her giving me the tap on the shoulder, but it was my own realization of, oh, I'm actually not doing enough here, and I feel like I could be doing more. But I think what you said is important, too, that you can put a lot of pressure on yourself as a dad, and postpartum does affect fathers as well, which is something that a lot of people, it isn't discussed. And so that's important as well to know that dads can struggle.

And I think sometimes for mums to let dad struggle a little bit, as in, you know, when they're getting in there and they're stuffing things up, it's easy to get corrected. But, you know, you've got to learn and have a go. I'm not going to put my wife on the spot here. Yeah, go on. Am I? Yes.

But when we're trying to settle Poppy and it's a little bit tricky after a feed to try and burp, there's a position that she likes to be in full of sleep, and Laura could hear me struggling upstairs. So she would come up and say, I can do it. And it was so tempting to give her the baby and be like, all right, cool. Like I've given it 10 minutes. You now finish it off.

But I had to be like, no. No, yeah. Let me figure this out. And then finally I found a position where I could hold her arms. And I was like, like I found the magic spot. Yeah, and that's it. I've done it. Like, that's what you said is like, often the baby will cry and you're like,

oh, just hand the baby over. But if you take the time to let the baby cry and figure it out, you will find your dad persona, your dad position, and it will start to work for you. And that will set you and your baby up for the future. And you will build that bond and it will get much easier. So that's really important. So if you're going to grade yourself, maybe you're getting like initially, like a C on your parenting. Oh, yeah, easily.

Maybe worse. How is your teaching going? What would you give yourself for teaching? So I look at teachers who are coming into the profession now and I look at myself and I'm like, oh my goodness, these people are miles ahead of where I was. Really? Really? Yeah. So I pride myself as a teacher on building strong relationships with kids and that got me a long way. But the content, you know, like the curriculum side of things, that isn't necessarily like, or it wasn't my strength. And so it has taken me a long time

to build into that and feel like I'm at a place where I feel like I'm smart enough to teach 12 year olds. But if you ask- I reckon you being too hard. on yourself. You've talking to you. I couldn't teach a 12 year old. Let's be, what am I going to teach you? This is 10 years ago though. Like, you know, obviously I knew what to do, but like as you go along, you evolve so much as an educator. But the one thing that I've always hung my hat on is that if you can build a strong relationship with a child and you can make them feel safe, they want to learn from you. And so that got me a long way. And that's important. How do you do that? Like, I'd want to be like, hey, kids, don't fucking worry.

Yeah, like, no. It's so true. When I grew up, I was not very good at school. Like straight up, hated school, school hated me. That's just the way it was. But I recall there was the teachers you'd latch on to that you would build a relationship. We used to have extreme dearly, and he was a professional bodyboarder as well as a teacher. Extreme dearly.

He once jumped off a two-story building to stop a fight, and he was a king. I would learn anything from that guy because he would build the relationship. Yeah, that is impressive. Sorry, I did leave a pause there. Did you ever jump up a two-story building? I haven't yet. There's time. If I'm having a class that I'm struggling with, I might get up on the roof and just jump off.

What's you go to? On a tough student or a tough class, how do you crack in there? This is good. Yeah, go. Just finding something that, you know, they enjoy in their life. I have come across many tough kids across the journey. And you need to dig sometimes a little deeper to find the gold. But if you find something that they enjoy, you can crack through.

So maybe they're a terror in the classroom, but they go outside and they love soccer. Well, I'm going to go outside at break time and I'm playing soccer. Or I'm going to go outside and shoot hoops. Hey, you think you're the fastest kid in the school? Let's go outside. We're racing. You know, little things like that. You know, I had a girl a couple of years ago.

She was very passive and would literally latch onto her mom before we left. And I had to like peel her off. And at the end of that year, her mom said, you've made the biggest impact in who she is as a person and how confident she is in herself. And it was simple things like, hey, you like drawing ponies. Let's draw a pony. Let's find some time, you know. Like, you just need to find little things about them

and show them that you care on a Monday. Hey, how'd your dog go on the weekend? It only takes the smaller things for a kid to go, oh my God, he actually cares about something in my life. And it's the same with our own kids. You know, if you can just build that really good relationship, I believe that you can find a way to work with any child and have a breakthrough.

What's it like to receive feedback like that from a parent? I can imagine it be amazing. It's the greatest thing that you can get in teaching. So sometimes people online are like, oh, you know, you get your teacher gifts at the end of the year. And like if you post a picture of it, it's like, oh, your gifts. And I always talk about the best gift you can get is a handwritten note from a parent. And it says something like last year I got one and it was like, it was very detailed and it was just like, the impact you've made on my child is so immeasurable that we can't thank you enough.

And never has it been about, you know. Cash. And I'll take the gift voucher. Never has it been about you made my son awesome at mathematics or something. It's that, you know, you made my child have a growth mindset. Or you made them feel more positive about themselves. Or, you know, they were more confident and they loved coming to school. And those are the things that when I hear them, I'm like, I am doing a good job.

Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, I want to feel like that. And those are cards like you keep them. I'm just over here going, I've never felt like that. You stack those cards up and you put them away and teaching can drain you some days. And you pull a card out and you're like, damn, this is good. I also think as well, I think back to your dad. I'm like, oh, he must have been so proud to know where you are now,

the impact that you're making on the lives of kids in this country. Yeah. And like it was just 11 years this month since he's passed away. And I posted about that. And I had so many people inbox me who don't know me from online and say, you know, from the person I see online, your dad would be so proud of you. And that means something too, like, because there are times where I'm,

I was so certain that he wouldn't have been. And so it was a bit of a mission to be like, I need to change that narrative. And, you know, my sister has gotten to see that and my mom, which is lovely. But, you know, if I asked my sister, she'd be like, I didn't know if you were going to make it through that period. And so it's nice now to be on the other side where it's like,

you feel like you've done a good job. Yeah. On the back of your dad and, you know, how proud he would be. And just off, like, I was going through some of your videos and I found one there where it was about a kid coming to you with a problem. Like, does it fill your bucket when a kid comes to you and trusts you with coming in and saying, hey, I'm not feeling okay? I think, again, that's like one of the ultimate cues of you doing a good job as a teacher. You know, last year I would have so many kids. Can we just stay inside with you, Mr. S?

We just want to hang out with you. Give me a break. Don't get me wrong. I'm like, good, I'm so overstimulated. But it's again one of those signs. That's why it's a great job. You know, people will talk about how hard teaching is, and, you know, it is some days.

But when you get to connect with a kid and you get to feel like you're a safe person for them and they're not your child, that's a special thing to be able to do. And it feels awesome. It's good. Yeah, when a friend's kid hi-fires me, I'm like, yeah. My kid high-fires and I'm like, yeah.

So I know the feeling. And I've got a bit of a persona. are like, and I don't mean this in like a, oh yeah, I'm great, but walk through the halls and it's like, Mr. S, you know, and it's the high fives and that, I love that. Like, and I, you know, and I think another thing is I don't put myself up and I'm like, I'm a teacher, I'm better than all of you. You know, I make myself super approachable. There's fist bumps, there's high fives. We're going around. We're having a joke. And I think making yourself relatable to children, it's like, oh, like, he kind of gets it. And that again builds that, oh, I can have a chat to him. Like,

He's not some scary older guy. It's like, you know, I'm a kid too. I'm still stuffing around and that's really important. So what's it like saying goodbye to those kids that you've built a really strong bond with at the end of each year? So last year I had taught some of the students that I had in my class for three years. So, and I'm like, three years is a long time to spend with other people's kids. And there were tears. There were, you know, at the start of the school year, we give out our lists of who your teacher's going to be.

And I could remember some of the kids who didn't get in my class cried on that day. They were bawling their eyes out. They went home and told their parents. They were like, we wanted Mr. S. This is the worst day ever. And to me, again, it was sad for them. But for me, I was like, oh, my God. Like, that is so beautiful.

Awkward for the other teachers. She was a new teacher. So I don't know. No, but she was awesome. But the kids didn't know her. Sorry about that. But one of those students came back. year because her brothers, they go to our school. And she was like 100 meters away and

Mr. Ash, she comes running over, gives me a hug. And in that moment, I was like, man, like, this is awesome. Like, kids coming back to school. I'm sure that's not the cool thing to do is come back and give you teacher, your old teacher a big hug. But it was like, this is really cool. And again, it just makes me think that, yeah, we're doing a good job. And if you can build those relationships with kids, it's really special. I thought there's always this disparity between the generations where the older generation looks at the younger generation and goes like, ah, they don't know how good they've got it. They don't work hard enough. What's it like with yourself when you look at the young kids coming through? Are they good kids as a whole? What's

the issues that they're trying to face? Are we screwed for the next generation? What should we look out for? I think they're good kids, but something that I've definitely noticed about kids more recently is that, and I notice this in my own kids, that they're lacking resilience. So they're not willing to get in there and try and try and try and fail because it's scary. And I don't know where that's coming from. I don't know if it's us as parents that we're constantly coddling them and giving them stuff. And I know that. And I heard you say the other week that we spoil our children. And sometimes I think that I've given my own children too much because then it's like, oh, this is easy. You know, I'll leave my plates in my bedroom. Dad will pick it up for me. And

most of the time I probably would have. And I see that in kids now. You know, was it COVID? People talk about that a lot. I'm not sure. I think that us as parents, we're like, oh, we want to do better. But the way that we're doing better is making it so easy for our children that when they come to school, it's like, oh, well, I shouldn't have to try this hard. And that seems to be a big shift that we're having in education is that a lot of kids aren't willing to try as hard because they're afraid to fail. They don't want to feel what it's like to go through failure. And so I think that that is a big problem that we're facing. How do we combat it? I'm not sure. But Yeah, it's something that I look at and I'm like, man, even to put your hand up and get a question

wrong in class, that's really scary for kids. And I get that. But that then goes into other areas of their life. And I really see that with my daughter. And it concerns me as a parent and as a teacher. Yeah, I sort of have that conversation with myself all the time. And we do as well about you want to give your kids everything that you didn't have, but also as well, you want to try and build resilience. You can't really have both. You know, you can provide a better life than you had. Absolutely. but like I'm struggling at the moment with my, yeah, with my son where I feel like, am I giving him too much? I don't know. I want him to, yeah, try, try, try, because, you know, practice is going to be progress for him. And if you fail, you fail, it's fine. But I can totally see where you're

coming from where it's like, I know a lot of parents that won't even let their kids fall over. And it's like, ah, the kid got to fall over at some point, right? And I heard Gary Vee a while back, he was talking about like participation awards in the world. You know, kids are finishing seventh and eighth now and we're like, ah, have a trophy. And while I get that, is that building resiliency in kids or is it saying that no matter what you do, you get a trophy and you've done a great job, I don't know, I think that there's some good in losing, you know, to come forth and go, oh, that hurt. And then it pushes you to go, well, you know what? I'm going to try really hard now and I want to work harder. I think that that's important. I think my school, my final year,

they removed a sports day became like a fun sports day. And then they removed all. like first, second and thirds. And I was like, well, what's the fucking point? Yeah, facts. Well, they're not going to do that at the Olympics. They're like, oh, you know what, this year? Participation. Everybody wins.

And that's the thing. You go to the top level. You know, you don't finish fifth in a basketball tournament. And it's like, oh, you know, here's a fifth place banner. Like, that's not how the world works. And so I understand why we're trying to do that for children because it's lovely. And it makes them feel good. But does it necessarily set them up for success later in life?

I don't think so. I'm assuming that like it's probably going to impact the workforce. I know with my kids I always try to say, hey, you're not always going to win all the time. It's going to be hard sometimes. It's not always going to be easy. But I know there's, you know, there's parents out there that will just preach the narrative of, you know, here you go, have this. If you're upset, have that. Try and fix it with all that without them having to go through it.

And then they're going to get a job. And your boss isn't going to do that to you. Your boss is paid to do the opposite of that. They want to get the best out of you. Like, what's that going to do for the work? Tell you what, not going to happen. Kids next generation taking two days off work and then going back to work after having a kid.

No, it's never going to happen. There we go. You can pull the back in my day. We only had two days off. And I think, like, my paternity leave, I've taken four weeks this time. I don't think I wouldn't have had four weeks off in 10 years of teaching.

I probably, you know, under three weeks. And that's because, you know, again, there's this thing in teaching where it's like, if you miss a day off, it's harder than going to work. sick because you've got to make like subplans and things. And if you don't, the kids don't have a proper setup on the day. And so it's harder to miss a day. Yeah, it makes it, it makes it challenging. You talked about Lola, seven weeks old. Yes. She was a welcome surprise. You have told us that before the record. That is correct. Before she came along, did you and Amy talk about the fact that we are done?

This is it. We have two beautiful kids. We're going to just like pack up that part of our life and move on. 100%. So I think I was definitely done. I was like, two, this is beautiful. Let's leave it at that. I think Amy always was kind of like, you know, when I'd be like, oh, should I get the snip? She tricked you. Ah, she tricked you. You've been tricked. Just, you know, hold on a little bit. And I think Amy has been amazing for me in my journey and teaching me how to just be a better human. And when we got to the point of, you know, should we have another kid or not, I think also she had just started to go back to work. And she had, She had a social life again, and she could go and do things.

And so that for her was really important. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it was just like, bang, that's gone. And you're having a baby. And I think the first day when we found out, it was like, oh, my God, we kind of went into this bubble and we're like, it's exciting. And then we crashed out. And the honesty of it is that we had some really tough days. It wasn't what we had expected.

And you can't tell anybody because the whole 12-week thing, you don't want to tell people. And so it's her and I fighting these battles daily of like, this is a great thing. We've destroyed our lives. Yeah, we've destroyed our lives and we've made a really big mistake. And it felt bad thinking that because I know there's people around the world who just die to have a baby. And then so then all of a sudden you're in this spot of beating up on yourself thinking, well, I shouldn't feel bad for this, but yet I'm in a bit of a bad place. And I think we both went through those spots together. And even telling my daughter, we're like, we're having a baby.

Her face, she went sour, angry, unhappy. And even in that moment, it's like, we made a mistake. Like, we shouldn't be doing this. What was the age difference at that time? Sadie is eight and Moeller is fresh. Yeah, right. Wow. Okay, yeah.

I don't want to put on the spot here, but what was your game plan when you guys were having those special moments, you and your wife? You know, were you just throwing caution to the wind? What are you staring at me for? Well, you know, what were you doing, Jim? And what was, you've done this to yourself? You're not wearing condoms? What position was it, Jim?

No, we were, yeah, we were running the risk. Well, there you go. You know, and it was always like, ah, but once you start to learn about pregnancy, like it's actually quite hard to get somebody pregnant. It'll never happen to me. And then, yeah, we're like, this is never going to happen. I've got a horrible joke, but I won't say it. Go on.

Come on. I can't do it. Go on. Cover your ears. I can't have it. Oh. We'll edit it out. I was going to say they do say things feel better when you leave it in.

It's not your worst. I would have delivered it with much more pizzazz than that. Gus So was coming with it. We took it away from me. You took it away from me, okay? Now we can cut it out. That was fun. No, let's cut that out.

No, but I think it's hard to have a child when you're not expecting one, especially when you get to a phase of life. And I'm grateful that Amy and I were a strong couple and worked on it together. I'm super grateful for that because I think that in the days where she was having a tough time, if I couldn't lift her up and vice versa, you know, there could have been some really, really tough days. But the moment where they passed baby Lola over to us and one, my daughter was desperate for a girl and when we saw it was a girl.

And just that moment when you catch your baby's eye for the first time, because we didn't find out the gender this time, it was just like a wave hit us and we were sitting there thinking, how could we have ever not wanted to have you? Like, you are perfect, you are our baby, and we should have never had a single worry in the world. And of course, that isn't the case, but we kind of just looked each other in that room, and it was like, this is what was meant to happen.

And she has been the best baby. Amy's been the best mum to three so far. And I learned about something called the Law of Lisa Regret. And when I go back to that moment and I think about, you know, if I had to said that to myself, would I rather be going on that journey or would I rather say, no, no baby like bad. Like, I would have chose having the baby. And if I had to have had that mindset, you know, it might have helped me a little bit and maybe

it'll help some other people because it's honestly been the best. And the kids have been amazing and, you know, maybe that will change in the future. But it has been awesome. And as a family of five, we have just been so whole and together. It's like, this is what was meant to happen, honey. Like, it was meant to be this way. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, it's impossible to me.

imagine what life would be like without them in the picture. So true. I had a baby once. Between the two of you, I'm sitting over here. I'm moving on. And I thought I was there. I thought I was there. I've had the snap, so.

You're not tricking me. Yeah, and that's now, that's the next step. Like, four can't happen, especially financially. It's like looking in the mirror right now. I know. Do you know what? Why don't you guys start a podcast? I have listened to a lot of what you've spoken about before.

and I've thought like, wow, we have some similarities. Amy even told me the story because she listened to Laura and she told me the SNIP story about and you were like, what do you mean? Like going to get the SNIP straight away. And so some of that stuff I've been like, oh, these are interesting correlations. But we'll be with you soon. I've got a guy. I've got a guy.

Great. How do you find it? Like, I always think you've got to have so much patience with your kids. And it's like a jar. And as the day progresses, your patience runs out. but when you're teaching, that patience is being funneled out of the jar and then you come home and all of a sudden you've got to try and have that patience all over again with your own kids. How do you juggle that?

It's hard. You know, you get home. You're already depleted. You've been asked thousands of questions in the day. And then your kids are like, Dad, play with me. And you're like, I don't have anything left. And, you know, the easy thing to do is like, like, you know, the easy thing to do is like, like, like, chuck them on the iPad. Let's go do the iPads. But now I'm, you know, we've just set up in our

house. It's like, you come home, do 10 minutes of like homework, like some spelling words. You get half an hour. And that's it now because I've started to notice what I think are some of those effects on my daughter. But because I was coming home so tired, it's like, I want to talk to Amy. How was your day? You know, and that classic when you get home and you're trying to talk to your partner, your kids are barking at you. Your partner gets frustrated. You get frustrated. and just implodes. Like that moment is so brutal some days. So trying to find ways to work around it.

But my biggest parenting hack actually came from my dad. Whenever he came home, he would always make five or ten minutes to play. And I've tried to burn that into my brain and remember, like, I have the capacity to get up for ten minutes. I just need to go and do it. Even, you know,

10 minutes on the trampoline, whatever it is, you just have to find the guts to go and do it. And I signed up to have these children. even though some days that's hard to remember. So I need to get out there and give them that 10 minutes because it was my choice to bring them into this world. And I need to do that. And some days that is way harder than it sounds.

It's so fucking hard. In the mornings, Lola's always up at 6 a.m. And she's like, let's play a game. And it's so easy just to like give her the game. Then I'm on my phone. And I'm like, got to keep giving her attention. I know the connection. Like it might be five minutes for us,

but the connection for them is everything. Yeah. And I've definitely picked up on that. lot, especially with my son. He is very much a dad, watch me. Dad, watch me. Dad, watch me. Yeah, mate. I'm watching you. I'm watching you. And I've started to feel great guilt around that, especially when you're making social media. And so your phone's constantly pinging. It's so easy to just go, oh. And so I'm starting to do things like put my phone in the kitchen when I'm in the lounge room and doing things like that because I don't want him to grow up and be like, man, dad checked his phone a lot.

Yeah. That was no good. I want him to be like, dad always played with me. If my kids say one thing when they get older. That's what I wanted to be. Man, dad always came and played with us. How good was that? Because that's what I remember about my dad. And so I want the same thing. Well, when your kids are all grown up, and maybe it is the answer that you just gave, what would be the one thing you want them to remember about the house they grew up in? I just want them to remember that it was a house of love. So dad loved mum so much. They were always, you know, he was giving her a kiss or he was cuddling her or they call it from Bluey, you know, romance. Oh, dad was doing romance with mom. I want them to remember that

Not too much romance Not too much romance Don't you dare Put this pigeonhole this man Ash was winking at me I know what you're talking about No I want them to just know That they grew up in a house of love

And especially when I can remember at times My parents fighting And when the breakup was kind of coming I don't know the ins and outs But I can still remember some of that And I don't want my kids to ever have to go through that I just want them when they're older like, man, mom and dad, like, they really loved each other and they were always saying,

I love you. And I think Amy and I do a really good job of that. And I think that's super important for a household and for kids to grow up, again, feeling safe and nurtured is to see their parents and that they love each other. And, you know, some days we fight in that, but we try and keep that from the kids. You're always going to have an argument here and there. You know, I think keeping that away from the kids and letting them just see this magical love bubble that never ends is important.

It's hard to imagine Jim not being an outstanding individual. He's definitely a teacher. I feel like I've learned a deep. He's been amazing to talk to you, Jim. And I honestly can't imagine you being anything else and being what you are now, being someone who was having a tough time in life because you just fucking safe, your sound, you're intelligent. You seem very put together as what I'm trying to say.

And thank you so much for coming and spend some time with us. And I mean, we don't get a lot of parents in that have a fresh, fresh new born, especially after having such a break and then also working with kids and going home and that dynamic and what that's like so we appreciate you coming in and spend some time with us. No, thank you so much for having me. I think, you know, like you talked about,

being a good person, the things that you go through in life shape you, my dad passing away, meeting Amy and being with her and then having our first child are the three things that have helped me to try to be the person that you're talking about. And so it's an important message that you can go through tough times in your life and you can have really shitty days and be at Rock Bottom, which I have 100% visited, but there are good times coming and there are good people coming into your life. You just got to wait it out sometimes a little bit.

Well, mate, you've had some great success and I'm sure it's going to keep coming. I would also say thanks to your followers, because when we said, who should we have on? You said, hey, guys, go right on this post. Spam, spank. They came out of nowhere. Yeah, we were being attacked by the followers of Jim. But no, it's an amazing community to have online and for you to be doing well at work, be an amazing partner, dad, plus build that community. It's really amazing. So well done. No, thank you guys. And it was a great honor for you guys to have me on. And yeah, it's been

awesome. Thank you. Thank you. He was definitely one of my favorite guests to have on just because he was so easy to talk to. I think I see myself as a bit of a, a bit of a gym character. Do you? Yeah, like when I drop the kids off at school in the morning, I'm always like, Hello, a high five, fist bumps. You know, I feel like kids light up when they see me. You know, they get me. Okay. You're in amongst one of your own.

Yeah, they're like, oh, this is, he's Lola and Mali's dad. He's cool. Yeah. He's hip. He gets us. I'm just like Jim. They're like, oh, God. Yeah, fuck here he is.

Don't make eye contact. My God, he's coming over. You high five him. Oh, God. I think, like, I look back and I wish I had a teacher like Jim. Yes. I feel like he's very good at understanding kids' emotions and also what makes them tick.

Being a teacher. Yeah, the only teachers I had at school were the ones who got me suspended multiple times. How dare you blame them? But also shout out to all the parents out there who had a surprise bundle of joy, myself included. If you've enjoyed this episode, please do matter of favor and leave 200 reviews. I don't want it anymore. Oh, a new angle. I like it.

I think I'm full. Treating me and keeping keen. Yeah. You're full. I've been starving for so long. But actually, I'm full. I don't think I could handle another review right now. Maybe I want them.

Yeah. Oh, well, please. Maybe it's just fucking do it. No. A different approach. Whoa. Sorry. How the turns have tabled?

Yes, well said. Or you can join us on social is we're at, Matt. Two guiding dads. Facebook. There's a group. We have a page as well now. Do we? Yeah, Vic set it up.

Thanks, Vic. Facebook. No, I said that Facebook? Instagram, TikTok and... You've really lost your way. I'm just like the kids. That's why I'm so cool because I can just talk about social media with them. Maybe you should be a teacher.

One day. Me too. One day. Oh my God, we could teach together. Like a duo. Half the work. Marley has a class where they have two teachers. Yeah, possibly.

Yeah, I'll do Monday to Wednesday. You do Thursday Friday. No. Okay. Bye. Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.

This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.