Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #216 An "Adults Only" Error

Episode Date: April 7, 2026

Ash went on an adults only holiday and accidentally booked himself into a very questionable hotel. Meanwhile Matt's recovering from a dramatic week after Laura's 40th and the death of his neighbour. Ash is suspicious that both events occurred in the same week. The boys have a LOL about whether or not sausages belong in the lunchbox and Matt's daughter has created a book about their family pet - cute story but let's just say the title needs a bit of work.  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I was having a fantastic morning this morning. It was a great morning. Congratulations. Had eight hours of sleep. Whoa. The kids were up and about. They're like, Daddy, I'll get breakfast. And I was like, fucking, yeah, you will.

About time. And it was just, everything was humming along nicely. Mm-hmm. Until I smelled something. Oh, fuck. Gone. I was like, what is that? Where is that coming from?

Buster has done, poor old guy. He's getting very old now. He's almost 12. Could be 13, not sure. He's done a massive shit in the house on the floor. Just like a regular shit? Like, not like a, I've got the runs and couldn't help yourself? It was like, you know, it was a couple little big nuggets.

It's a big boy, he's 40 kilos Buster. He's a bull arrow, massive dog. And it was just a little few droppings. And I thought to myself, oh, thank God it's just on the floor. Should we start the show before? I'll start. Sorry, yeah, sorry. Finally.

Welcome back to Two Notting Down. I am Maddie J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. This is the bad. And the relatable. And Ash, what don't we do?

We do it all. Except give advice. Thank you very much. Your face. So concerned. You're like, don't. Don't do it.

Ah, fuck it. Sorry. So I thought, luckily, it's just being contained to the wooden floors, which, you know, easy to clean up on the wooden floors. And then Lola wanders over. Oh, God.

And she's like, Ah, ha, ha. Starts kicking her leg And she's stepped in shit onto the rug And then she's now kicking it Because it's all between her toes And on her foot

So shit's just going fucking everywhere Gotta be with one of the worst feelings Is when dog poo goes through your toes And I'm like Stop moving Stop kicking And she's like She just cut his impulse

To just kick her leg And I'm like Fuck so now shit's smushed into the rug And also I was looking around And I started It was like an easy Easter egg hunt, but for shit.

Because then there was a nugget on the couch. I was like, he's obviously... Who's is that? Marley's like, not mine. Nana's like, oh. So there's shit everywhere. So I'm washed Lola's foot. You know, this put us right back.

I would have, yeah, yeah. You know, it really did put a big dint on the schedule. I was running way ahead of time. Busters like April Fools. Gotcha. So I washed Lola, I come back. I then, bless her, nana's then cleaning up the shit. Good for her.

Good for her. She needs the exercise. Look, she's going to start pulling away. Now she's fine. She's recruited. I did say, did you take that bastard for a shit yesterday? And she was like, don't blow me for this. That's a guilty party.

I was pointing me to thing. And then I go upstairs to get Mali's uniform. And you know, oh, gassy boy. Yeah, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, um, you really enjoyed that. Go on. Come on! Because you're like, I just, I try to let it out of the side.

Little release valve. Hints of natural flavor. That's what the same one. Nothing gets past me. You're staring straight at me. And then I'm upstairs and the kids, their room is carpeted. And all of a sudden I just felt this feeling on my foot. I look down and I've got shit all on my foot that didn't realize

that I've been walking through the house. and now I've gotten shit on the carpet upstairs this shit's just everywhere Oh my goodness Dog poo is one of those things It's like, it's never truly gone It's never truly gone It's one of those things

It's like herpes Yeah, yeah yeah yeah It lies dormant Yeah And then all of a sudden it's just like Hazzah, I'm here Like Iggy, my dog Did like a diary of poo on the tiles

Stuck in the ground Forever Toothbrush now April's toothbrush Oh So what's the plan now just sell a house? Put Buster down.

Yeah, that was going to be funny. Yeah, yeah. And he also... He'd be cheaper, though, because he doesn't have all his limbs. It'd be cheaper to put him down. Do you think he would? Yeah, that'd be like, we'll give you a 25% discount because he's only got 75% of his leg.

He'll pass out quicker. Sorry, we would never do that to Buster. No. But he knows when he's done something wrong, and he's all sheepish, and he's like, and he's so big. He can't be sheepish. And it's under the table and he won't look at your...

And you're like, you fucking little fucking... He knows. He knows. He knows. Anyway, welcome back. Welcome back, Ash. Thank you. It's good to be back.

May I just say something? Yeah, okay, here we go. Yes. You know, one of us sitting here right now has just flown to Japan to watch the Formula One. Yeah. You know, what kind of person likes Formula One? I tell you who. Me.

Someone with a lot of money. Whoa. And can I just say, you've come in wearing brand new shoes that you've bought on your Japan trip. Yeah. And just, again, not to put you on the spot, but. What type of seat did you have returning back from Japan, Ash? Go on. Go on.

Okay. Well, let me give you the story. No, no, no, no, no. Let me give the story. This answer. It's a simple question. I... What did you fly, Ash?

Do you know what? What did you fly? You're going to feel really bad when I finished this. You're going to feel really bad. This bullying needs to stop. I'm not bullying. What do you call it then? Questioning.

Interrogating? Pointing out the facts. I did in fact fly Philippine Airlines business, the cheapest that I could find. As a little reward to myself for getting to 115 days of sobriety. Fair, fair. Okay. Because I thought, I've earned this. That was it.

But the rest of the time, I stayed in capsules. It was like $20 a night for me. I stayed in a love hotel, Matthew, which we'll get to. But yeah, business class. And it was lovely. But I had to fly an extra. I got the cheapest one. And instead of being a 10-hour journey, 17 hours.

Worth it. Wow. Well, I'm just saying it must be nice. It was nice. like fly overseas to watch a Formula One race to then return home business class and you're brand new shoes. The shoes is what really got you in it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The shoes is like, that's the last thing in the case. Do you want the shoes? No, no, no, no. I just, I spotted the new shoes. And then you're like, are they women's shoes? Sorry about that. The bullying is relentless. You're lucky we don't have a HR department.

I remember when we first met, you know, you were eating food out of the garbage bin. Like, I know what I'm a fun time guy. I mean, I'm still doing that stuff. And then now you're like, oh God, tell you what's really annoying. getting a super yacht serviced. Oh, God. So expensive. Bit rich.

Hard to keep up. I mean, bit rich, isn't it? No, it's not. It is. I'm not flying business class. I'm here appealing to our listeners with relatable content.

I don't appreciate being attacked. Ash is talking about how expensive Rolexes are. I've earned it, okay? How dare I treat my... I flew economy over. Does that make it any better? No? Continue.

And it was the cheap. as I could possibly do. They pretty much were like lie on the floor. That was my flatbed. May I ask, the highlight and the low light of Japan? I was going to get into this a little later.

Is that okay? Oh, sorry. Yeah, of course. Sorry. Yeah, I've moved it from housekeeping. As it moved to back, okay.

Okay. To the listeners out there, it was in housekeeping, I thought it was more important than that. Because Vick's like, you know what? This is a shitty trip. Because we go to housekeeping.

People have... People have started to notice that housekeeping is getting a little bit loose. We have picked up on those comments. And here's a jingle. We will tighten up housekeeping. Oh, really? How dare they? Laura had a 40th.

She did. She looks great for 40s. She does look great. Really good. Really good. I posted a video where... What happened to you? I'm sick at the moment, bro. Just all the time. And also... Let's stop bullying you to her.

Can we put it to rest? Yeah. Please. Okay. Someone did say, because at the party, people were arriving. And I was like, oh, I'm very... I didn't realize it was a dress-up party? Come on. Damn. Last one. Last one. Last one. That was it.

You're just like the general who's like, let's call peace. And then I'm like, thank you. And I turn around and you just shoot me in the back. Go, sorry. So people are arriving at the party. And I was saying, being polite, I would say, don't hug me. I'm a bit sick. And one person goes, again?

I have a newborn. Yeah, she was like, you were sick last time I was here. That was six months ago. I was like, I'm doing the best I can. Oh, what's wrong now? What's wrong with you now? I got poppy's cough. It's just lingering, isn't that?

Yeah, and then because I worked so hard, I was painting a fucking fence. Oh, I did great technique, by the way. I was going to say that. A lot of people came at me. If you didn't follow my stories, I painted a pine fence. The back fence. The back fence. I'd say seven meters.

I thought it was going to take me like half an hour. It fucking took me like five hours. It's quite coarse, the timber. Very coarse. So it does take time. Spray gun. Yeah, but then you've got to spend, this is a thing. Okay, there's two things here.

You either get stuck into the painting, okay, and there's less prep time, or there's more prep time and you spray it. So either way, you're going to have. It comes out in the wash. Well said. Thank you. Not in the literal wash, because paints really hard to get out of your T-shirt. Correct. So.

Correct. But the party was good. It's one of these things that organizing it, don't tell Laura this. I was like, fucking hell. You know, trying to get the house... Good things doesn't listen to us. Trying to get the house ready for a party. Every, like, non-important item, like, you know, the bowl of just random shit that you have on the bench.

Like, the filing cabinet. Where does that go? Just put it all in Nana's room. Every time I go to your house, everything's using Nana's room. And I was like, hello. I amongst all the shit. And with our babysitter, she said, what time do you want me to stay until? And I said, look, 10 o'clock.

the latest. And she goes, just know I can stay later if you need. And I was like, no, no, no, 10 o'clock will all be wrapped up. And she's like, okay, okay. So Rara is Laura's alter ego. And Rara came out on Saturday night. Nice. And she had a lot to drink. So much so. Laura told me she wasn't going to drink on her birthday. She fucking drank. Lyer. Wow. And she was quite lubricated the back of the house, singing quite loudly, that at midnight they got egged. They got egged by the neighbour. Oh, by the teen, the local teams? And then one of the guests started barking.

I was like, oh my God. And they're just like singing Jewel at the top of the line. And then not to point this out, sorry Laura, she couldn't get out of bed on Sunday, which is very fair. Also great to have that up my back pocket. Oh, yeah. Up you where? Sorry?

Up my sleeve. Down my sleeve and up my bum. I mean, great to have that up my asshole in case I need it. And so then on Monday I was dropping Lola at school and it's he goes, how was Laura's 40th? And then Lola chimes and he goes, yep, she couldn't get out of bed on Sunday. She was in there until 6 p.m. 6 p.m. are the poor thing.

I'm never, I'm never drinking again. I'm like, we all know. Everyone says that on Monday. Yeah. Like I said that for, what, 20 years on Monday? I'm not drinking again and then I'm like, I can smell it. Give me one. But no, it looked fun.

I'm bummed. I missed it. I did message saying, I'm sorry that I missed it. April thought she wasn't invited. I said that she wasn't. So let's run with that. Well, she was, but obviously it would have been. No, she wasn't.

Like, no, they hate you. No, I didn't know. This morning I said, yeah, I was obviously, I'm not going to make you go on your own. She was like, I wouldn't. I'm like, good. Props to her? She did. Yeah, that, oh yeah.

How many people were there? I want to say about, I'm very bad with numbers. Could have been 30, could have been 100. So it would have been quite noisy. Yeah, a bit noisy. Convenient that your neighbour. Rhonda passed away a week before the party. And she is renowned for noise complaints.

How dare you? Well, how dare you? I'm not speculating anything. Speaking ill of those who have passed. I'm not speaking ill of her. You think I've done this? I think this is suspicious. You think I loved her.

I loved her like a family member. Oh, yeah, right. What about when did you go to the kids' ice cream right at bedtime? Was a... That never fucking happened. Yes, it did. It did. Don't, mate, don't try and out memory me.

Tell you what. It's always better than yours. Sorry about that. It's a little bit handy having those extra bins next door. It's all stacking up now. Is that? No, I'm with you. I mean, it's...

Am I a bad person? Are you just going to go in and take our food as well? Let's move on. You did say you called the cops and said, What are they doing with all the food? I was going to clear a fridge out. I bet you were a big guy. I'm a nice guy.

I'm a consider. There's fucking grums everywhere. The cops are just follow it back to your house. You're in Nana's room. And Nana's like, was it fucking me? Very good. Okay, let me ask you this then. Go on.

Originally was Rhonda invited. No. This is stacking up. Oh, my God. Call the police. You murdered her. No, you didn't. It was an accident.

She pooped herself to death. Oh, my God. Ash, you said something a couple of weeks ago. I did. Which has got a lot of people very confused. I say a lot of things. I'm going to be honest. So you're going to have to jog with memory.

You had a good. crack at me for the fact that my children have a cold sausage in their lunchbox and I just for the record want to make sure that all the parents and non-parents who listen who may enjoy a cold barbecued bit of meat the following day, that is 100% completely normal. You've missed this completely. I like a cold sausage the next day, okay? But I just think it traveling to school with a child. Why?

What's the difference? I don't know. If you can eat a sausage, getting the sausage. being the sausage can it only be eaten in the kitchen is like where can you eat the sausage I think once the sausage

is cooked it shouldn't leave where it was cooked it's just eaten it can't travel a cook sausage cannot travel that is just unbelievable that is just unbelievable

that's just the way I feel that's how I feel about what has happened trauma I don't want to talk about it let's get back into my trauma how much time we got I just think

kids need the protein don't get me wrong yeah but like you can have that sausage at home I will say it was a bit weird when I was a kid. My mom used to wrap it in alfoil and squirt tomato sauce and then wrap

the sausage and the sauce together in the alfoil. And that was a bit, I did like the sauce, but it was like, it was like having a bloody dick in your hand. Yeah. Like, did she not to like maybe put next to it? Well, I don't want to sit there with like a smorgasbord with my sausage. Like I must sit here. I've got my barbecue sauce here. I'm like dipping on. That's actually more normal than unwrapping a fully sourced up sausage. I know. And you're just like, Like it's slipping out of your hands. He's like, I'm like,

what the fuck? Sorry, guys, I can't keep hold of a sausage. Kids are there with the veggie mite sandwiches and I'm just there with a big old brunt first. Granted. Carbon fucking sauce.

Where does it end? My mom hated me. So she's like, eat this. You're fucking loser. Yeah, there's some kid chewing on a T-Bone today. He's like,

my mom wrapped it in mushroom sauce. Steak Diane today. God. I just think it's a bit like, I'm just not into it. Fair. But unless Oscar turns around and go, all the other kids got sausages,

I want a saucer. I'm like, you better fucking learn how to cook one then, big one. Big guy. Hey, question. It says here, one of life's greatest achievements. Yeah,

actually, I wanted to ask you about one of life's greatest honors and achievements. As part of that, I want to ask you, yeah. Are your kids named after anyone?

Poppy is because of Laura's, is dad's mother. Okay. Her name was Poppy. Lola Rose is my mum's mother. Okay. And Marley May, no. Vic!

Yeah. You think Marley May is because of Tony May? No, no, no, because Tony May is named after her, the May. The May bit. Is the May bit similar? The May is the same for both, isn't it? They're both named after the same person. Wrong.

Okay. Wrong. Fake news. Fake news. Her middle name is. is my mum's maiden last name. Gotcha. Okay.

Confirming out, I just want to put it out there, Marley May. You put a thought in yours. And Tony May. There's a lot of thought in those names. I'm just saying. What about your kids?

Oscar, he's named after Oscar Langburn. He's a surfer. Macy. It was between Macy or Lucy, and we just stepped on Macy and was like, that'll do. What about middle names? Oh, yeah, I suppose.

Middle names. Like, Macy Elizabeth. April had a older sister who passed away during birth. I'm sorry about that. That's okay. Elizabeth. So they're all Elizabeth. Oscar is William. So yeah, Oscar William Wicks. William is my grandfather.

Oscar William Wicks. And that is a beautiful name. Oh, yeah. So that's the thing. It's the highest honour. And Vic actually has bring something to my attention. Yeah. Vic, did you like to fill us in? Yeah. So I had a photo shoot on the weekend with a client who said that she named her son after you. After me? Maddie J. Yeah. The highest on. This is the highest honor to have someone named after you. Hang on a second, but it's Matt. So she named her son Matthew, but she calls him Maddie. Like, I've known him since he was a baby, and every time I've made, it's Maddie.

And then his middle name is now John. So he's literally Maddie J surname. I'm about to have an orgasm. I knew you would love that. I love it. I know. And it is really a high honour. Can I meet her?

Yeah, well, she's actually right now. Wow. Oh my goodness. Congratulations. That's better than any other award that you can. Are there any more of them out there? Will she find out? I wonder if anyone's named after me. Yeah, actually. Yeah. I'm my mother's maiden name is Ashton, so. But I go by Ash, which she hates.

But no one, I don't think anyone would be named after me yet. The starter petition. Oh, wait. Actually, no, there is. My year six teacher, his name was Mr. Cox. I found out later on that he named. his kid Ashton after me. I was one of his students. I was a shithead though. Yeah.

I got on with him. He was a cool guy. Look at us. Look at us. True. It's better than being knighted, I reckon. 100%. Oh, yeah.

Fuck being knighted. If someone comes up to me and goes, hey, I just want to let you know, and I did this with Oscar Langman, I met him. I was like, hey, and he's quite a young guy. He was a young Gromach kid surfer that had this edit out in Bar. I just really like the name. And he was a stylish, it was great. And I met him at the surf shop.

And I was like, hey. And he was like, fucking. weirded out. And you were like, I love you. I met my child after you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, that's okay. I'm just like the local crazy person. And that's why? I was like laughed. But like, I think it's a high on. So congratulations. Thank you so much. If there's any others out that is a beautiful story. And this has made my day. Thank you so much. No problems. You're welcome. Ash. Yeah. Oh. Present. You're missing out on a lot of crazy business that's going on in the group chat for parents at

school. No, I'm not. Trying to decode information from children. Late last night, one parent writes in the Kendi group chat and says, did you guys get the message from your child about what to bring school tomorrow? And parents are they going, what? What are you talking about? And they're like, I'm trying to figure out, I'm getting like little, I'm trying to decode

the messages from my child, bring something to school that is sentimental. Oh. Okay? And people are like, I actually heard that you're meant to bring a photo to school. And someone's like a kid of photos So you can't send Nana So we have Parents now collectively

Late at night I'm trying to decode Everyone's bringing forward What information What nugget they have from their own child Being like It needs to be something that is like a family heirloom Everyone's like okay

At that to the mix of clues Grabbing it out We don't I'm like wake up Lola I'm like Lola What did what did you teach us say About what you have to bring to school And she goes

I can't remember I'm like Damn it! I don't remember much today. They fucking don't. I could just picture after dinner entertainment, everyone trying to decode something a child has said. But also, I mean, the teachers are hard working,

but like print it out. You can't give a child information, expect me to retain that information, and regurgitate it at the end of school. They need like a notice board that gives you a notification. I need that. In the classroom, they're like, okay, don't forget to tell your parents,

you need to bring a fairly heirloom, bang, notification. And then when Lola comes, like, we've got to take something to school. I was like what? I don't know. Something old. Nana.

It's your time to shine. Woo! So we sent Nana to school this morning. Perfect. And, uh... I'm like, not that old. Sorry, Nana, sorry. Have you ever had that with Oscar's Oscar like, did you ever have like, dad?

I need to bring like something alive tomorrow. An animal, a pet. Does he ever have... Imagine take your pet to school day, like if that was real, like full, full school of pet. They had that in rural schools. Well, there's only like three people who live out there. Yeah. April deals with all that. She's part of the, but I haven't had to decode yet, but I'm looking forward to it.

Dude, the decoding. It'll be Macy that I'll have to decode for, because Oscar's, doesn't shut up. And he's pretty good on detail, too much detail. Macy's like, huh? No? Yeah. What does that mean? Anyway.

Just really quick, if you want to see a funny video, go into the Facebook group. There is dash cam footage. Oh, yes. Of a car crash happening. I think everyone's okay. And we're talking about grey hairs on our bullsack. And the audio in the background of it. The grey hairs right now that they're streaming through.

I've got grey hairs on my ball sack, grey hairs on my chest. The grey is coming thick and fast. Which is being played as this car goes through a red light and crashes at two other cars. Again, not funny if anyone's hurt. Let's hope that everyone is fine. I heard the driver lost their ball sack. No, I hope everyone's fine too. But that was very funny.

She was like, it was so awkward when I had to send in the footage as evidence. So that's out there. That's in a police file somewhere. I love that. We made it. Yes. All we need to do is get someone named after me and we're good at that. Breaking news.

What do we got? What do you got for a few? Okay, well, a new study from leading sports scientists has found parents can burn up to 3,000 calories getting their kids dressed for school. The study of 1,000 families found that the endless, pleading, chasing, shouting and rushing around after kids can increase parents' energy levels comparable to running a marathon. And the more kids you have, Maddie...

Wait, hang on a second. Comparable to running a marathon, you say. So the research says. Oh, sorry. Legitimate researches. Yeah, this is legit from Instagram. And the more kids you have, the more calories you burn with families of three or more burning over 4,000 calories. But for many, the study confirms what parents everywhere already knew.

getting kids ready for school is an endurance sport. Okay. If this was the case, I would be so skinny right now. That's definitely, I'm compare, who? You eat four packs of Oreos every fucking day. Yeah, but then if I burn, wouldn't you have you burned 3,000 calories every morning trying to get your kids to look at me. I've been to the gym in months.

I like the wording there, they were like, families burn 3,000 calories. So that means everyone collectively burns that amount. I love when Ashton Breaking News, he was like, he would just, have the most random facts. And now he's on the other end, he's like, let me attack. Yeah. Honestly, I just want to know where the data came from. Instagram, of course it's legit.

I think your heart rate would spike. My heart rate's definitely elevated. Yeah, but 3,000 calories is a lot. How many would you burn in a day? You would only eat like 2,000 and a half thousand calories if you were bulking, bro. Ask April. This should just be gym classes out there, where there's no machines. All it is is like a child, a random child,

some school uniform, a bowl of breakfast, and a toothbrush. And by half an hour, you're just going to chase around the kid, be like, put your fucking shoes on. Eat your breakfast, brush your teeth. I was something like a 400-meter athletics track. Just running around. You're just going around in circles. I was like, okay, we're going to do three laps of telling him to brush their teeth.

Okay, go. You're just chasing this kid around. Look, I think it's... Great research. Plausible. Well, I just quickly looked because obviously you're questioning my news. Research capabilities. No, not your research. No, no, no.

But it says running at a fast pace for three hours burns 3,000 calories. And I have to say, from the moment my kids wake up until the moment I drop them off, that is about three or four hours. And by the end, I'm fucking tired. Yeah, okay. I get you. It's not 3,000. I'm just going to, may I check my garment? Yes, yes.

Any opportunity to check his garment. Just going to see what Carrily. Well, what's your sleep school? Calorie? Carrily. Calorie. Calorie. Jesus. What's your sleep score? Don't have a sleep score. I got eight hours last night. How much REM? Ooh, very good.

Two hours 50. Any opportunity to talk about. Okay. Looking at the calories so far, I did Laura, was out the door very early. So stress is 26, whatever that means. Ooh, calories burnt so far. Only 1,259. That's quite a lot, though. Thank you. Yeah.

Confirming that is no gym, that is just me getting the kids ready for school. Okay. You got stairs in your house, yeah? Yeah. It must be nice. But going up and down a stairs. I get that. Like, stairs are...

Good incidental. It is a good incidental, yeah. Good stretch too of the calf. Thank you. Vic, thank you as well. Thank you, Vic. You really opened up the parent's eyes to how many calories they can and cannot burn between the hours of waking up and going to school. He's gone full 180, hasn't he?

You can cancel. that membership then. I have already cancelled it. I don't have one. The joke's on you. Japan. Tell me about Japan. Japan was great, man. I went solo. Met a mate over there, Veach, lovely guy. So I mean, him did a little trip together because April's going a little holiday this year on her own without me.

With their girlfriends. It's nice to be asked as well to go on these trips. I didn't ask you because you say yes and then the day before you're like, I can't make it. Oh my God. Or you'd book a hotel for a year in advance. They're like, sir, this is for next year. No, when I got my holiday, I will extend the invitation to yourself.

I can't wait. I can't wait to say no to that. No, I didn't think you would ever want to come. And you also have a newborn. I have a newborn. And I'm respectful of your family situation, whatever that may be. We know what that is. It's pretty public.

You know, married to Laura, who's got a big audience. Thank you. A lot of people listen to her podcast. It's not very good, though. That's shit out. That's really shit ass. Anyway, uh, you'd be excited. Hey, I like it.

Get out. Where do we start? Tokyo? Very busy. I found out it's like 41 million people live in that city. That's a lot. But I'd reckon I didn't see a single child. Are they just sporting as adults? How does it work?

There's no kids. Maybe they're at a school? I don't know. But I felt, you know, like you expect to see, you know, families and stuff. No, like I saw the odd kid here and there. I was very shocked with that. Interesting observation. Yeah, that was observation number one.

Yep. Number two, we did the Fast and the Furious car meet. You know, like in the Tokyo Drip where they all meet in that car. Dude, honestly, the car park itself is so impressive. It's just a truck stop. But you wind down these roads. It's like a Coliseum. And you're like in the middle.

It's crazy. No phone reception. Wow. It's like a dead zone. What you do is you go on like a driving tour where they drive very fast. Is it like an organized? The tour that you do is organized, but the meet happens all the time. Lewis Hamilton was there like two days before I was there in a Ferrari F40.

Wow. Which was crazy. Like, that's crazy. Like, me going there, not so crazy. I was like, who's this guy? But it was like, you get in the car. But you're doing 180, like, 200 Ks an hour on the freeway with all these other Japanese import cars that are like crossing each other. That sounds risky, Ash.

Yeah, there was risky because at one point I realized they didn't have travel insurance. And I was like, you maybe just slow down a little bit. Everyone's like, go fast. We've got great insurance. And I'm like, oh, I've got kids at home. They're like, so do we. So we did that and then we went to... I got a bullet train for the first time

which was a fast but also don't... If you scare easy I saw your video, come on. That was... I've seen better acting on Porn Hub. I don't know what that is. I don't know what Pornhub is. It's been cancelled. I don't know what you're talking about.

You're doing a little like, when you get scared when you go past something on a train. Honestly, like you'll be looking out the window and then these things go 350Ks an hour. They're very fast. Scared the shit out of me every time. For three hours. You don't scare easily.

I do, like little things like that. Yeah. Stayed in a couple of capsule hotels. Try to do a thing a little bit different. We rented a car. You see our car? I saw the car. A little cube.

The thing, I could walk faster. It was seriously so slow. But it was like a lot of fun to be in like a weird little car. We went to the F1. But like, you know how we always talk about when you go on a holiday without kids? It's like, oh yeah, I'm going on a, you know, kid free holiday. I sort of went to the next level of that. Well, I booked a hotel that.

I thought kids weren't allowed in. Okay, so I booked this hotel called an adult only hotel thinking, oh, there's no kids. Great. Charged by the hour? No. But once I did turn up, I realized what I had actually booked, which was a Japanese-style brothel.

Ah! So I was like, thank God there's no kids here. What's different in a brothel hotel than you would get a normal hotel? Just reeked of sex. Nice. Really. So walking, it was nighttime because we went to the race, the race first and checked in after.

And it was in this, on top of this hill, in this really like nowhere town in the middle of Japan. I don't think I saw a single person in the area. There's like two or three hotels that obviously do the same thing, which is you book a room by the hour or by the night or whatever you want to do. But we pull up, it's got like these really skanky. I'm going to use the word skanky a lot here. I've not heard you use skanky before.

I'm going to use it a lot now. They're going to catch up. Skanky awnings, right? with like red lights under it and then you pull in there's an entrance and an exit door that are separate you walk in it was like really old decor like I'm talking like

a swinger like you think swing a daycore they still have shag carpet those freaks if you're a swinger out there good for you look in I'm like where's a reception reception is like curtained off you can't see a thing because there's like a little hole and I was like trying to look in you can't see anyone just a hand comes out of

nowhere like a glory hole I don't I don't know what that is. And I was like, okay, I didn't check in with any documentation or anything like that. They just gave me a key and like, go. And what they do is they must press a button that makes all the lights flicker on to give you directions to where you meant to be going. That's cool. It was creepy because we didn't know that. I mean, that gets you in the mood.

Maybe some others. There might be into light play. I don't know. And did you and Veach, did you guys share a room? Yes. Share a bed. Yeah. Okay.

So we get up there and you open the door. and it's got like the wet room that would be usually take your shoes off, take your jacket off there and go into the room, was actually a service room. So I had little peephole and a side door that if anything you needed during your sexual romp, they would open it up like a prison. Open it up, slide it in, shut it down. Okay.

Walk into this room. There's a love bath. It stank. Like what? It just stunk like cleaning products, sex and cigarettes. And the mattress was about an inch thick. Not that there's a lot of sleeping going on there other than women. me and Veach said it.

There was a stay-in-room vibrator. What? Yeah. Yeah. There was condoms everywhere. The same way that you have like a hairdry? Yeah. There was an in-room vibrator.

Oh my God. Did you use it? I got a massage, yeah. And then... How many nights did you stay there? Two nights. How much sex did you have? Lots.

No. None, thank God. And the only thing on TV was porn. It was a very strange experience. Okay, so there was one point there where I'm sitting there and I'm doom scrolling my phone. and Veech turned the TV on, not knowing it was only porn, turned it on, and I hear this gasp. He goes, that's our room on the TV. They had filmed the porn that was on the TV. That's cool.

But it was already a night after we'd slept, and I was like, oh, my God, I don't think I'm going to be able to stay here. Don't touch anything. And then I'm on this leather couch. I'm like, why am I stuck to it? And it was just like, the most, the strangest place I have ever. ever been. I said to April when we were there, I'm like, you know how I booked that adult's only hotel? I'm like, not what it means. Not what it means

that it's like, no kids allowed. It means people be fucking. Simple mistake. Yeah, and like that thing, you'll be walking down to leave and like go to like out the reception and you'll just see like a prostitute walking with a guy. Love that. And you're just like, morning? Carry on. This guy

booking brothels, flying business class. It was a sex rump field trip. Checking out. trucks, stops. Such a baller. I know, I'm bawling. I'm just out here going. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just with condoms.

Yeah. I'm just flicking out condoms. Cash and condoms. What do you want? I got it. So we did that and then, yeah, I got home yesterday morning. It's great to have you back. It was good, man.

From another holiday that you've taken. That's my first time for the year. First time I've ever flown internationally without having a drink. First trip I've ever done without having a drink the whole time. Congratulations. That's huge. Veach got pretty pissed a few times. That was fun.

Can I ask? What was it like being sober while you watching someone else get drunk? I remember it. But is it enjoyable? No, it's definitely not. But like, it's not like... Was Veach's like, sorry. Don't look at me.

Yeah, he's like, you're all ashamed. I'm like, you should. No, it's like if they're your friend, fine because you've got that. But if it's people that were, that I didn't know that were a little bit pissy, especially like Ozies and stuff over that. You're checking your time? It's just going too long for you, is it? I'm just seeing where we're at.

Shut up. And then, yeah, it can be quite annoying when they get to a certain level. As we all know. Moving on. Matt's fucking looked at his watch three times. He's just trying to piss you up. I know he's trying. And he's succeeding.

And I don't like it. My tummy was rumbling. I could hear it? And I was just, could you? No. And I was just saying what time it was because I'm quite hungry. Oh, he's hungry. So that's Japan.

I'm here. I'm back. I'm in one piece. Didn't have insurance. Didn't need it. That's why I see it. Insurance is a scam anyway. Yeah, anyway, here's an ad from Alliantz.

Yeah. You got criticism. I got criticism, bro. Who would criticize you? No, I copped it. You copped what? I copped it. I copped it.

You know, I mentioned... Where are they? Let me out of them. Well, they're online. I'll get them. You know, I did that podcast inherited. Yeah, I know. The other day.

And it came out. Yeah, I know. And one of the first little cutdowns that they put on social media was a story that I tell about when Marley was born and I admit that I wasn't the best dad. Yeah, be pretty open about that. I'd been open about it. And I told that story, obviously as well, you know, you can only take certain parts of a story when you put it online and didn't have the full context. And a lot of people reacting to that video in the sense that they were like, well, you're a fucking idiot.

You're a piece of shit. It shouldn't have taken your wife to tell you that you weren't pulling your weight. They know you're a man, right? And you're not helping, Ash. Sorry. I just, I'm not sure if anyone has seen that video. And I just want to, for a second. for a second. I'm not making excuses. I just want to give full context in case anyone's

watched that video on the thought. Maybe I haven't listened to the full episode of Inherited. And I think it's important as well to understand the context of the situation of this generation of dads. I'm not here making excuses. I'm just saying that I think there are many dads out there who have no intention of being a bad dad. They're going into fatherhood, wanting to be the best they can be, being a supportive partner and father, I think there are so many blind spots that men aren't aware that they have. And that was my situation. You know, I wanted to be a dad. I couldn't wait to be a dad. And the last thing that I wanted to be in this world was a bad partner or a bad dad. But still, with that mindset, I still dropped the ball. And maybe the fact that I grew up in a

household, and again, not excuses, just context. I grew up in a household where growing up, my mom was a stay-at-home mom. She did all the domestic work around the house. My dad traveled a lot with work. And so that was the environment that I saw. That's how I saw parents behaving. And I think there are so many other dads out there who had a similar scenario. That was what they knew growing up. And I think we're now a generation where so much change is happening, but we still need these men to have a push in the right direction. And it shouldn't take women and partners to be telling their husbands how to parent. But I think what we're trying to do here is make dads be as good as they can be. And if they get a tap on the shoulder and they're told what they can do

to improve being a partner as a dad, I think that's a great thing as long as they're taking that feedback and they're implementing change. You only know what you know, right? Totally. And I'll say it again. As a society, we expect new parents to know exactly what to do all the time, which is ridiculous because if you're to start a brand new job tomorrow, you're not expected to be the absolute best of that job. So for you, the adapting from having no children for 30 years, call it, okay, and then you've got a kid and you might need a little bit of feedback from your significant other. These are some things that you need to prioritize and they're going to help me out more. If they don't say anything, how am I supposed to know, how am I supposed to get better? If I actively, if I'm actively not wanting

to get better, it'd be a very different situation. So then people have responded to that and said, it's just common sense. Is it? And I hear you. I hear the frustration where you, I hear the frustration where like to you, it is common sense. But it may be surprising that for me, in that situation, in those moments, there are things that I just didn't clock, that I didn't know they'll be really important to helping out Laura. And afterwards, in hindsight, I'm like, oh, yeah, cool. I get it.

But I think to have a conversation with your partner, to be able to give them some pointers, some criticism, constructive, I think that is part of being in a healthy relationship. Can the people who said it was common sense? Can they define what common sense actually is? I don't want to talk to them again. It shits me because I don't think it's fair to be it's common sense. Well, not necessarily. Everyone's growing up differently.

Everyone's like common sense things are things that are like so blatantly common. Okay. Every situation is so unique whether it's the couple, the kid, how the birth was, how the kid is, whether the kid actually wants to like responds to you helping in that way, whether your wife wants you to help. that way. Everything is so different. So how the fuck can it be common? Okay, I understand that we do need to get better at it and this generation definitely because like you said, my mum, my dad, they both worked together. But my mum was way more hands on with us just because of that generation.

So I would have grown up visualising that. Now, Oscar's going to visualize that I'm there all the time. So it's going to be different. But the fact is you admit your mistake, you admit in hindsight, when an old mate over here who won't admit anything, any fold. And can I just say, when I say that, you know, I was bad and now I'm better, I don't tell that story expecting to get a huge round of applause and a pat on the back and be like, look how amazing I now am. I'm just explaining to people that, you know, you can be bad at things and you can change and you can get better.

Because ultimately what we all want, and I'm sure you're the same, is we want dads to be doing equal share. And that's what we want here. And I think if you're going to point at someone who did the wrong thing and say, you're a piece of shit, but not offer any constructive feedback, we're not going to encourage any more change. No, because then no one I want to talk about it. And then people will start resenting each other.

Like, I go straight back to you don't know what you don't know. Okay. So, for example, if you were unaware of that you were maybe not picking up your slack in certain areas and instead of Laura saying, hey, vice versa, if she's doing something, you're like, I think I need to help with this. If you're just going to, everyone's going to not talk to each other about it and help each other through it, then you're just going to resent each other. I think like it'd be more common than you think that people don't adapt to the change as quick.

It doesn't mean that you need to be told what to do because even if you didn't get told what to do, two or three weeks might have gone past and you're like, you know what? My brain's adapting to be a dad now and I'll pick up this. I'll start doing it. Like I'm doing things now that I just do it so subconsciously that I'm like, what am I do? All of a sudden I'm just picking shit up off the ground all the time because my brain's adapted to being a dad. But how are you supposed to adapt immediately and then not be told that you need? need to help out in other situations. Like, you're just going to all live in silence. It's just

fucking ridiculous that someone can come out and say, I was shit and we should start to communicate better and stuff like that. And then someone would be like, you shit, you'll always be shit. How does that make any sense? Thanks for your feedback, you fuckface. So anyway, when I woke up and that episode came out and I was like, oh, look a video. And I read the comments. And Laura was like, why are you crying over there, Matt? Oh, this is not nice. We need to all evolve and grow together. and we can't be perfect from the get-go. Yeah, that's what I mean. I guarantee you there's things that Laura looks back on and goes,

oh, actually, I could have done that better the first time around. My wife is perfect. Well, okay, April then. If you can't look back and learn from your mistake, like there's a very big difference if you didn't change and you didn't acknowledge it and you said, I never did anything wrong. But like, it's all of a sudden it's like,

you damned if you do say something, you damned if you don't now. And I think I'm going to speak on behalf of a lot of dads here. And I think about teacher gym. Yeah, Javier. They had similar scenarios where they had moments where they weren't pulling their weight. When we tell these stories of the fact that like we weren't as good as what we are now, we don't expect to be met with like a bouquet of flowers, a trophy and be put on a pedestal and be like,

you're now amazing. Like we don't expect that. All we want to talk about is hopefully encourage other dads to be out there to know that you can get better. Yeah. And you can also ask for help. Like, is there anything else I can do? Like, you can have those conversations. when previously I would think that a lot of the generation would have been like,

I go to work. So, you know, when it's not the case now, like I'm home as much, if not more than April, and I do just as many pickups and drop-offs and make lunches and all this sort of stuff. But it's different. It's different to what it was 10 years ago. Do I say the word pioneer? Should I use that term? Yeah.

Yeah. Should I? Yeah. The criticism. The criticism I love that. Oh, God. Oh, God. No, fuck them.

So one thing of my kids do, Ash, really quickly. Before we go into doting dilemmas, Marley writes a story. When I say a story, she's just like, we'll write a little, like, really quick on a piece of paper, A4, she's in bed, she writes it by herself. And I'm like, come on, Marley, it's now, it's 8.30, you've got to go to bed. It's been late enough. And she's like, dad, can I just, before I go to bed, can I just read you a story that I've written? Oh, nice.

And I was like, of course you can. Okay, sweet. Yeah, I'll entertain that. And I was like, what's your story about? She goes, well, it's called the good pussy. And I'm like, okay. Blesser Cotton Soft. And she's there, and she drew a picture of a beautiful little cat, kitten on the front cover.

She's under like a title page for it. And I'm like, oh, that's a beautiful, um, title you got there. She goes, the story is about a really good pussy. The good pussy likes to play. The good pussy goes out at night. This is a great read. I'm really into this. And I'm like, I don't want to laugh at her because she gets really like self-conscious.

They don't understand the difference between laughing at them and with them. Oscar is very bad at that The good pussy likes it when you pat her Yeah she does I was like Wow I was like She's like I want to bring it to school

I was like don't do that Give it to me I'll look after it Change it to cat Oh the poor thing's so innocent too Oh Sorry I was gonna say something But I won't

Don't say it I was gonna say This one's called the big cock And it's a bruster But whatever Doting Dilemmas Yeah Time for this

Now you need us more than ever Know that we still have each other You can send us your doting dilemma You can send us your doting dilemma Ella Ella Ella This is anonymous But they say hey lads

I live in a small town And our friendships here are very limited I found a group of mums That I click with And we catch up twice a week at a park for a workout while the kids play. Nice. That's lovely.

That's great. But when we catch up, my boy is always on the outer. They run away from him, take his toys away. They literally move to the other side of the tree every time my boy tries to play with them. That's mean. My son is very polite, sweet, reserved little boy, and I've been working so hard with him to build friendships. It absolutely breaks my heart and I often end up playing with my son because I can see the disappointment starting to set in on his face when the behavior is repeated every time.

we catch up. But my problem lies with the other parents. They don't seem to pull the kids up on it, which honestly makes me question whether these are my people. I know that I should probably talk to the other parents, but we aren't that close yet. And I'm also scared of their response. As comments like,

they're such a bruiser and, oh, they'll figure it out, have been thrown around before. Am I overreacting or is this behavior from the other boys bad? Oh. Initially, what are your thoughts? Mother's groups a weird one because you sort of get grouped in. based on your area. So it's sort of like a,

it's like a blind date really. It's hard because you get, sometimes you get shit parents, sometimes you get shit kids. But also as well, like they just throw a bunch of personalities together that have just gone through arguably like one of the most biggest life events ever

and then we're like, yep, you guys be friends, be a group. Sort of like Survivor. Like we got lucky with ours, yes. Did you have any bad eggs,

any bad kids in the group? Kids, no. Parents, we we wiesled them out pretty quickly. Like if you're, You find out, like, what people are like, I can't believe I made the cut. But anyway, still there. It's tricky because, first of all, rural. Not as many people we know that.

Limited options. Limited options. You don't want to be the parent that tells off other kids in front of their parent when their parents just, you want to talk to the parents and say, hey, look, you know, like, but then you don't want to get offsite. It's such a minefield. I don't think there's anything wrong with being vocal in talking about the behavior of a child in a really respectful way.

Like, if they're running away and, like, being rude to the boy, And you have to, like, if you're doing a workout and you have to get up and say, come on, boys. Like, that's not kind. That's not kind behavior. I think in a way which is allowed enough for the other parents to see, I think that's okay to make it obvious. And if then being completely non-responsive, then I think you're like, well, that's a bit shit.

Because I've been in situations where I'm like, kids are struggling, sharing over like, the bubble mix, you know, and you're like, hey, it's okay. Lola's going to have a turn first and then you can play second. And the parents completely ignorant to just be like, oh, fucking let Timmy run wild. So you're saying you leave the full front by saying, hey, kids don't run away from one hoping the other parents jump on board and go, yeah, Timmy, don't do that.

Yeah, I think. Because maybe they're completely unaware of what's happening. And you're just hyper aware of the fact that you're really trying to encourage good behavior in your child. And you were spotting every single thing that happens and unfolds between the kids. Yeah. And then if that doesn't work, what do you do? Then you say, hey, because no one likes to hear that.

that your kids, but she did. Like, no one likes that. I agree. But I think there's been times when my kids behave badly and as much as I love my kids,

I've spotted behavior. Oh, yeah. And I've been like, oh, that's not acceptable. Oh, yeah. I try, to the best of my ability,

yeah, but there are people out there that just don't, that just don't, they're so easy to tune it out. It's like, oh, kids will be kids. Yeah,

I get it, kids will be kids, but like, kids will be kids and then kids will be bullies no good. Like, it's going to happen. Like, it is going to happen. Like,

It happened when we were kids and it's just the way it is. But like, yeah, I think if there's parents around and it's happening and it's visible and they're not doing anything and then a further conversation needs to be had and if they don't like it, then they're not your people. Do you think though maybe the kids need more supervision? Like if they're doing a workout in the park and the kids are being left to their own devices, do you think maybe they need a bit more of pushing the right direction? That's a good point.

We should probably ask someone who's a little bit more responsible than me, which is my wife, April. Will she pick up? Oh, I hope so. She's getting hair done today. Oh, what's she getting done? Shave, full shave. No, no. What do you think?

How will she answer? Hi. Hello. Oh, we just guessed how you would answer the phone. I was like, oh, she'd be like, hi. You're like, oh, oh, I'm. You sound like my pop. So angry.

I'm driving. Your hands free, though, aren't you? Of course. That's good. Hey, I just want to run a scenario by you and just give us your thoughts, okay? Yeah. All right. You, being lumped into a mother's group, okay?

You're in like a rural town, so friendships are limited as it is. And all of the other boys and kids are not actively being mean to Oscar, but they're, you know, leaving him out of things, running away from him and not including him as much. But you're worried because the other parents aren't saying anything, but you also, like I said, it's a small community so you don't want to burn your bridges as well. What do you do? Oh, you have to say something. To who, to the parents?

I'd probably ask you to talk to the parents Fair enough, fair enough But you would agree that you just need to be an adult And have a conversation, do you think? Yes, yeah, yeah, totally. Like, you've got to put your son first. You would hope that the other mums would feel the same. You say, look, if my son was to leave your son out,

how would that make you feel? Definitely. Totally, you'd say something, but I definitely feel like that would be a you job and not a me job because I don't like talking to people. I don't like to talk either. I just have a podcast. I'll do it.

Matt will bring in Matt. Yeah. And if they don't listen, then what do you do? You're going to staunch them for me? Probably. That would be that plan B. Plan A, you need to talk to them, plan B. Let's just skip plan A and go straight to plan B.

And I'll take you out for dinner afterwards. Lovely. Okay. Oh, my God, you guys are so flirty. Oh. Okay, see you, I'm. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Wow. Wow. I think you've got to say something to the parents. There's a polite way to do it and just to say, look, I'm really sad because I see my kid really sad. And if you don't understand that, then put yourself in my shoes.

And I think, I mean, I'm always like the forever people pleaser. If it was me, I'd say, look, I know I might be being sensitive on this topic, but I'm really trying to help Timmy to be more social, to make more friends. And I've just noticed that this keeps happening. Can you just keep an eye on it? As well. As well. As well.

Let's be vigilant. Also, you just said you're a people pleaser. I'm not pleased. When are you going to please me? I'm always pleasing you. You just bully me? I do not. I'm talking to your mum.

That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to say, can you just keep an eye on it? Good luck. She won't shut up. I don't know. I won't get it started. Well, I think we should go, Matt. But first, before we say our goodbyes, I did notice something on Apple podcast.

Someone left a really lovely review. However. I saw it. However. I'm very confused. I'm confused. Do you love us or do you hate us? I get.

You give your mixed signals. Lovely words, one star. What sort of words are you given for a final? Five stars. What did they say again? I'll read it to you. It says, despite being 22 and definitely not a doting pair, and I absolutely love this pod. It always brings me joy on my drive to work.

It makes my gym session slightly less awful. Also, as a babysitter, the stories and the words of wisdom are always helpful. That's lovely. One star. One star. Fuck you guys. Thank you for that. And we know you meant five stars.

And thank you for all the reviews that have been streaming in. You can obviously leave us one. If you're going to leave a nice review, click the five stars. It's because it's very sensitive. The stars are very sensitive. Yeah, let's go with that. The stars are sensitive. Also follow us on social media at

Two Donating Dads, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook group and YouTube for the weekly episode. Well done. And let's get out of here, Ash. Yes, I am hungry. Thank you. Bye. Goodbye.

Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.