Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #222 Global Leading Sexologist Juliet Allen

Episode Date: May 3, 2026

We’re kicking off the week with a conversation guaranteed to spark a few chats at home… The guys sit down with globally recognised sexologist Juliet Allen for an honest, eye-opening chat about intimacy, connection, and keeping the spark alive. From dirty talk and wooing their wives, to the uncomfortable question of whether they’re actually doing the bare minimum as partners - nothing is off limits. Juliet shares practical advice on low libido, emotional moments after sex, and how to start those sometimes awkward conversations about mixing things up in the bedroom. Insightful, relatable, and just the right amount of spicy - this one might leave you wanting more… from the episode or from your partner!If you want to get in touch with Juliet or check out her huge catalog of resources, tips and advice - head to her instagram here or her website here If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here on the podcast, Asht and myself, we really pride ourselves on having good relationships. We're fairly in tune with our wives wants and needs. But we do know there is always room for more improvement. Get real! We just want to work out how to have more sex, man. Look, you got me. Come on right now. Honest question, though, Ash.

Honest question, what is your sex life like? At a 10, how would you rate it? That's a 10. It's always a 10. Is it? Yeah. I'm really happy for you. You heard that, babe?

It's 10. And it's not. It's not a 10. Because there always is room for improvement, isn't that right, Matt? So it's a 9.5. Yes. Solid numbers all around. Got to be happy with that.

But Matt, to get it up to that number 10, we have brought in a global leading sexologist this week to talk about sex after kids. That's right. Juliet Allen is a mum of three, and she has somehow found time to get a degree in psychology, a master's in sexology, and become an expert in tantra. She runs workshops, she does mentoring,

She's got a blog, a podcast, a sex toy. I mean, if anyone can help us, it's surely Juliet. Let's do it, Ash. Let's talk about sex. Oh, yeah. Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mom. I am Maddie J. I'm Ash.

And I'm Juliet. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable. Now, every now and then, Juliet, we get someone on who is an expert. And you are that person today. Welcome.

Thank you. Thanks for having me. Now, Matt and I don't give advice. We're not allowed to because we don't have any qualifications in anything whatsoever. But you do and you're allowed to give advice. And that's why you're here. And we also want to find out a little bit about you. We do start this off by asking a very simple question.

Do you recall the most trouble that you got into as a child? Yeah, I do. I was in the back of the car with my brother. We were whipping each other with, do you remember those middle car seats that just went across your waist? Yep. And it got really hot in the sun. And we lived in Queensland. land and when we got in the car, we'd just start like whipping each other with it and it would

just turn into this huge fight and we were driving to SeaWorld and it was a huge deal. Are you younger, older to your brother? I'm two years older than him. Okay, so you should have known better. Yeah. I would have been provoking him for sure. And yeah, we're driving to SeaWorld and Dad was like, stop and there was that typical like, you know, the hand and we're like dodging it.

And he said, if you don't stop, we're not going to Sea World. And we were like, whatever, kept with him. Shut up. Yeah. Just fucking drive, Dad. Yeah. We drove there with SeaWorld in the distance. And Dad just went, see that, we're not going.

Oh my God. Yeah. And to this. I respect that. Oh, so now you're a parent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do I get that sort of courage? I've thought the satisfaction.

Dad must have been like, fuck you. Yeah. You have been doing this all the way from Brisbane. And so, yeah, we didn't go to Seaward, and we still talked to Dad about. about at this day. We're still like, that was not okay. Did you ever get to SeaWorld though at some point? Oh, yeah. But, but. It wasn't the same. I just remember the devastation, you know. When it's, when it's in like almost. You could see it. Yeah. It was there, but.

And you must have been thinking, surely we're going to get to a roundabout or we're going to do a U-turn and just like, all right, I scared you enough. Yeah. But he just drove back to Brisbane? Or did you go just stop the lunch? Just kept driving south. I don't know. I don't know. That's courage. But yeah, yeah. Good on. That is hard. Hard lines. I want to do that. Something along those lines, like, I always do the thing where it's like, oh, we won't go and then we always end up.

You're always going. My wife's like, come on. In the morning, as a treat on the way to school, we go to the cafe and they get a little croissant. And sometimes I'm like, I'm not going to get you a croissant. It's not a croissant. What's it called? Ooh, good a wriggler. Fancy.

What? People who have been listening. It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. To anyone knew a wriggle as a chocolate croissant, which is miniature size. A wriggler. A rigula. A roguer.

Yeah, honestly. Are you going to fucking pay me? It's actually, that's my phone. I brought it up. Yeah. As soon as I started telling that story, I was like, oh God. You are a sexologist. Yes.

Now, I have heard that term before, but I don't actually know what that entails as your responsibility as a profession. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people ask me that, especially if they're like, oh, so what do you do? I'm like, I'm a sexologist. and their eyes are just like, whoa. Oh, okay. Do you ever lie?

Because it's just sometimes like, I can't be fucked to explain. I just say therapist. Yeah, good. And then they go, what type of therapist? Can you help me? Because sometimes then it spirals into, oh, I've got this thing going on. And I'm like, I'm not in the mood. Like, pay me.

But we're best friends. So. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like a sex therapist. So I see people and I support them with their relationships and their sex life. Often it's relationships. that's impacting their sex life. So I do work with people one-on-one.

And then I run like group programs, like courses for, you know, large, well, no, that was my 20s. That exciting time's over. I'm in the thick of parenting and there's no, there's no orgies happening. Shame. Yeah, I know. Yeah. But, yeah, so that distracted me.

Sorry. So, yeah. This will happen a lot in this episode. I'm going to try not to distract you. I can. Okay. Ash's humour is 99.9% sexual innuendo. Yeah.

Oh, we'd get along well. That's my favourite. My favourite thing. Well, I was like, you'll either love each other or hate each other. Oh, no, we'll get along. Okay. Good. How do you become?

You can be extremely crude and I'll love it. Awesome. Thank you. Oh, my God. I think I love you. Sorry, April. How do you become a sexologist? So I studied psychology when I was younger.

And then I became a mom when I was really young. And then I studied yoga. Like I just went through all these different things that I wanted to explore. And then I studied later on a master's in sexology. So it's an actual postgraduate degree. And I wanted to study something that I was really passionate about. And I didn't just want to be a psychologist. And honestly, I went to therapy and I was like,

how can I capitalize on my love of sex? And she was like, you know, you can study sex. I was like, wow. This is the best thing ever. Yeah. And so, yeah, I studied it. And then I went on to learn heaps about tantra. And I traveled heaps and kind of merged sexology and tantra together.

And here I am. Sorry, what's tantra? It's a, oh, God. How long have we got? Yeah. Yeah. What's the umbrella of tantra? So sexology is studying the science of sex.

Okay. So in all honesty, that degree was pretty boring, pretty vanilla. Tandra is more bringing, I guess you could say, for lack of a better word, spirituality into sex. So like deeper presence, deeper connection, taking out goal-oriented sex, bringing in like more breathing and energy. But it's also just a way of being. It's just about like choosing joy in everyday life and bringing more pleasure into life. Gotcha. So not seeing sex as like, and it's not just about sex.

It's a lot greater than that. It sounds great. It does. It does. It's very holistic. The merging of the two is perfect. Okay. I feel like sex is such an important part of everyone's lives.

But it's something that we rarely get any help with. And I always think back to the early days of when I started having sex and for a lot of young people, it was a fucking mess because I didn't have any idea what I was doing. It was terrible. And I was just kind of learning and like. Fumbling your way through it. Yeah. That's it.

And I'm like, fucking finally I'm 40 and I'm speaking to an expert. It took you like 40 years. And often it takes people that long to find. I've got a 72 year old working with me at the moment. Amazing. And she's like, I just want to have a really great orgasm.

That's my goal for working with you. And I was like, fuck here, let's go. Wow. She's like my mum's age. And she's so open and curious, but she's never had the opportunity before now to learn.

Yeah. Okay, wow. Does this story have a happy ending? Yeah. Pun intended? Yes. Recently, she was like, it happened. Yeah.

Wow. Wow. Well, shout it to you. Yeah. So it's never too late. Make you so happy with the work that you're doing when you're helping people. Just have experience more pleasure. Yeah. But not just pleasure in sex. Like I think, you know, I work really holistically and zoom out and don't just go,

oh, do this position and then you're going to have a better orgasm. For me, it's about zooming out and going, like, where can you find more pleasure in life in what you do in the every day? Because that impacts us sexually. For sure. Well, I know you talk about the baseline. and there's a couple of questions that you asked to understand where people are at. I was wondering if we could maybe talk about some of those questions.

So you could figure out where Ash and myself are at. Are we doing the Bami-in-A-Oo? Is that what you're asking? Yeah. Yeah, let's go there. Okay. And if people are listening right now, they can also answer along with the questions. Yeah, these are so simple. Like, you guys are probably thinking I'm going to ask something really.

I'm nervous. I'll be honest. No, it's so simple. But honestly, so many people miss these things. Number one, are you every day kissing your wives? Hello and goodbye when you leave the house? Yes. Yes. Sometimes one and not the other maybe, depending on the circumstance.

But this morning, kiss my wife when I left, and then I yelled at my kid. It was great. Love you. Oh! Do you want just a peck or do you? Full tongue. Yeah. You're very affectionate in public with your, not like, and not like, and not that hasn't.

Well, no, I, sometimes. every now and then I'll just go, you know, I'd be nice to give her a bit of tongue. But then she thinks that I'm trying to have sex with her. And she's like, stop it. Okay. So I would say a peck's okay, but if you can just linger a little longer, doesn't need to involve tongue. But you know that like kiss that's just a bit longer than the like, see ya.

Not the grandma kiss. You know that. Oh, I hate the grandma. Yeah. It's like, open your mouth a tiny bit. Okay. I don't want to kiss my grandma. Yeah.

Okay, that's great. You tick that one. What about a cuddle in the morning when you wake up? No. No. Okay. No. That's something to work on.

Why? My wife gets up at like 4.30 every morning and goes to the gym. Okay. Every morning, I'm talking. Well done. She's a machine. Crops to her. She looks great.

Yeah. I think Laura's schedule, either she's up early for work before me. I'm a bit of a deep sleeper, so I'll wake up and I'll notice that she's already in the shower. Yeah. Or she will sleep in if she doesn't have to work. like weekends, for example, I'll be up six o'clock with the kids and she'll have a little sleep in for an hour and a bit. So we kind of don't really have that lingering time in the bed together in the mornings. Yeah, which is tricky if your parents and I get it, because if the kids just jump in

the bed before you're even awake, then there's no time for sex, eh? But then the cuddles, kind of, you can miss that because one of you's like, all right, let's get up and have breakfast and get on with the day. Yeah. Yeah. But even if your wives are getting up earlier than you, they can still kind of give you that little kiss and cuddle before they get out of bed. Yeah, well, I'll tell her that. I suppose, but I mean. Would you want that? But do you want it?

You don't necessarily need it. I don't know if I would want it. We'll have to find out, try and find out, I guess. Who doesn't want to cuddle in bed? Even just the little, like, go over and a little spoon and just like, love you, baby. And then even if they're asleep, it's like just a moment, a micro moment of connection. Okay, yeah. That if you think about over 10 years, 20 years, makes all the difference.

Because what can happen with couples is they stop these little micro moments. And then they get to like their kids leave home and they're like, oh, fuck. I hate you. Yeah, that was a hectic time. And who are you? And yeah. Okay. All right.

So cuddling in the morning, kiss before you go to work or leave their house and come back. What about at night time? Are you guys snuggling, cuddling? Are you going to bed at the same time? So inconsistent. Yeah. So inconsistent. There's many times where Laura is gassed and she'll go to bed straight after the kids go to sleep and I'll stay up for a little bit longer.

Also other times where it's reversed and I go to bed early. If we're going to bed at the same time, it's probably something we need to get better at is trying to just be on that same. Like if it's nothing critical that I'm doing and I'm just watching TV or scrolling and Laura goes to bed, I should probably be a bit more proactive in joining her in bed. And then we can have like, at a minimum, it's a kiss good night. Yeah. Okay, that's good. At least you're acknowledging each other.

So many couples are just like, one of them just kind of goes to bed and the other one's like, oh, I guess he's gone to bed. Yeah, we're a bit like that. You're like that. Oh, yeah. Like sometimes, like, like it is, it does vary. Yeah. Thanks.

It varies. I mean, for me, I can't sit still. I can't go to bed that early mainly because of my ADHD. But April's up so early. So then she'll go and she'll read. is so good at being routine and I'm the opposite. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, sometimes it'll be the case, like, we'll go to bed together.

But it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not as often as maybe we would both like it to be. Yeah. I don't think necessarily we always need to go to bed together. I think that's a really, like for me, I really enjoy that. I really like going to bed at the same time as Nick. But it depends on what your preference is and also what season you're in. Like, for us, right now in the last two weeks, I've been working later than him. So you've kind of got to go with the flow too and not have like rigid structure.

Like we need to do this, you know, because the sex level is said too. I would just lay awake for hours. Yeah. Oh, that's the worst when you're getting your bed. And you're just like, great, they're asleep and I just want to get up again. But should I get up again? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm up. I can't do it. Yeah. I'm like really shattered. Yeah. Well, at least I would say have that little kiss before they go to bed. Okay. You know, like good night, babe.

Love you. Yeah, we try and do that as much as we can. Yeah. Okay. The next one, do you know each other's love languages? Yep. Hell yeah. Mostly because my wife has a podcast. It talks about it specifically.

Matt's writing it down. Well, I'm pretty sure. I mean, acts of service. Yeah. Act of service. Yeah. Wait, is that hers? That's hers, yeah. That's hers, yeah.

Yeah, what's yours? I think words of affirmation is probably up there, and I think as well, depends. Sometimes I'm a bit tactile. as well. So... What does that mean? Physical touch. Yeah. Okay.

Why did I think arts and crafts when you said tankard? Yeah. It makes sense. It does. When you talk about those micro moments. Yeah. And then when it is something slightly longer than a micro moment, I like that. Yeah.

That makes you feel loved. Yes. Yeah. I don't know what mine is. Actually, for anyone who may have no idea about love languages, can you confirm what they are? So their quality time, acts of service. which is like helping out around the house, you know, all those things. Words of affirmation, gifts and physical touch.

Physical touch. You reckon yours is physical touch. You can do a quiz. Okay. There's a free quiz online. Just Google like Love Languages quiz. Yeah. And you both do it.

Yeah, okay. I know April's is acts of service 100%. Like that gets it going. But for me, yeah, I'm not probably need to do the test, to be honest. Do the test. Get back to me. Good chat. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Because often we love our partner in the way we want to be loved. So if our love language is gifts and we're gifting things to our partner all the time, but it's not landing with them and they're just like, fuck, another gift, like whatever, we need to understand what's going to make them feel loved. So if I came home with flowers, it'd give Laura the it because you'd be like, oh, fuck.

Something else for me to look after. Yeah. And then they're going to fucking die and they're going to stink and then I'm going to clean the bars. Yeah. So that would turn Laura off. Gifts would be, oh, good. Okay. Yeah.

So, but if you cleaned the house, like what's... Oh my God, yeah, for sure. That is, that is number one. Mopping the floors would... Any sort of chore play. Would absolutely just, that's kind of my silver bullet. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, once I've folded my wife's washing and put it on a bed, that really got it going. Yeah. Seriously, I come home and the house is clean and I can see Nick's made the effort and there's like dinner going. He's got the washing out. Oh, I'm just like, oh, this is so... I don't have to do anything. It's more about I don't have to do anything now after a big day at work. Why do you think, and maybe there's some men listening and really, like to dumb it down,

why do you think a lot of people find it so attractive when that work is being done around the house and it's being taken off their plate? Because if they're a working mother, like your wives are both working and parenting, then I'm speaking for mothers. They are, carrying a big mental load and physical load. Like, you know, I've been breastfeeding for five years nonstop, running my business, parenting around the clock. And so if I do a day at work and my partner's at home with the kids and then I get home and I don't have to like do anything,

my nervous system instantly feels more relaxed. And I feel like, oh, he's like made the effort, you know. And then I can eat dinner and put the kids to bed and just feel more. at ease and that's attractive. And I know that's an effort for him because it doesn't come naturally to just make the house feel really clean like I like it. But then I'm like, oh, I feel loved.

He loves me, you know? Like, does that answer your question? Yeah, totally. Doing it proactively as well. Like if you're doing it without being asked, it's like... Oh, that's just even better. Yeah. Yeah.

I think like when April's busy with work and stuff and I'm at home, my goal is that when she walks in, all she has to do is eat dinner. That's so good. Yeah. If possible. If possible. If there's things I need like a two-man job, but, you know, like,

yeah. Majority of the time I'll try. Yeah, even if it's like I'm making the lunches when she walks in for the next day, then it's like I feel like I've done my job. Oh, that's going on here, Shamar. So the job is like 90% done, so when she does walk in. Oh, yeah. You're then just wrapping up the sandwiches, but, oh, hey, honey.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, and I'm like perfectly groomed. Naked. Make it. Make it. I've had an everything shower. It's all good. You know what, though, if people are listening and they're like, oh, okay, but my husband

won't do that for me, then if you're listening and you want your partner to do that, you need to communicate. That's what you want. For sure. Right? Because so many women sit around and he don't want to do it. And it's like, well, have you asked? Have you said, hey, like, if I'm going to be at work all day, my expectation is X, Y, Z.

Can you do that for me? Yeah. You can't make the guy wrong if he's not doing it if you haven't made that request. You can't read your mind. Yeah. I would much rather be told, hey, if you're going to be home and I'm going to get home, I'm going to, you know, after a full day, do you mind making sure it's at a certain level? It's like, I think that's completely fine without it being, escalating into an argument.

Yep. Or resentment. Okay. Are you sharing at least one meal with your wives every day? Yes. No. Okay. Okay.

Every day. Shit. No. No. Sorry, I needed every week. Okay, no. Every day. Yeah, not every day.

I'd say every second day of the week. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, around there. Yeah. Well, the reason I say this is the bare minimum is because it gives couples an opportunity to actually just sit down and be like, how is your day? How are you feeling? You know, because you can just get so caught up in, especially as parents, just parenting and drop-offs and pick-ups and school lunches and all the things. And then we kind of forget to just be present with each other and ask each other how we are. And so, yeah, what I get couples to do

is consciously make the effort to share a meal, I would say once a day, but even if it's every second day, and while you're sharing that meal, ask each other, like, how are you? Because that's just the bare minimum, but it gets missed. Yeah, quite often, like, people would probably have, have that meal in front of the TV. Yeah, or they're scrolling and they're just shoveling food in their mouth. Or they're, like, they've made dinner, they've fed the kids and then like, fuck it, I'll just eat. Like, this happens with us, too.

Nick's just, like, shuffling. And I'm like, babe, just sit down for a moment. He's like, yeah, but they're tired. I need to go to bed. hungry. You know that one. And then you're just like suddenly it's the end of the day. Very true. What do you think is the biggest killer when it comes to the spark in relationships? Our phones are just killing our sex life. Why? Because we're glued to a screen. And instead of looking at our partner in the eye and being present with them, we're literally just looking at a phone

more than we're looking in our partner's eyes. And if we're not bringing presents into everyday life with our partner, the intimacy and connection is eventually over time going to disappear. And so many people are addicted to their phones. It's one of the biggest things that I deal with couples is like this, the scrolling in bed habit and then eating and scrolling and then walking through the door and checking your emails for the 1,000th time. And, you know, we're so connected to work through our phones now. There's just lack of boundaries.

And that's impacting relationships big time. Do you see that, do you hear that complaint from both men and women? Yep. I mean, I work predominantly with women. Yep. So I'm going to hear it more from women. But yeah, guys too. If we're really stress, which most people are, especially with all the phone usage and the fact we bring work home and all that,

our libido naturally decommissions itself. Like our body goes, whoa, there's way too much stress happening here. And I'm going to decommission the libido because this woman, I mean, biologically, I don't want her to procreate anymore because she's not even going to be able to give to the baby. This is like going back to that kind of approach to the libido. So do you think that one of the biggest killers of libido is stress? Yes, absolutely. And most people are stressed. And I think the stress levels are getting higher and higher with the use of phones and the access that we give ourselves to our emails at home and like just little. Even the news. I got, the news stresses me out right now.

You cannot watch the news. Like that's just, if I watch the news, like that's just, if I watch the news, I'm like, heightened. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is full on. So, yeah, when our bodies are stressed, naturally our body will decommission our libido because the body's like, okay, this woman or guy does not have any more time or energy to give to that. And I actually see that for me as a gift, like in the last, my youngest is nearly three and my libido has been a lot lower than usual. But I have been giving so much to my three kids and as a working mother and so passionate about what I do and I give so much time to it that if I was also had the libido that I had prior to and I was wanting to have sex every night, I'd be so depleted. I'd be way, so I'm like, my body is naturally

just like, okay, like let's get you through this phase and then you'll have more energy for that. Yeah. So stress, it's such a big one. That's why, yeah, that's why Laura likes the clean house, because that's what she stresses about more than anything. Definitely. So what boundaries do you have in your house at a curiosity? No phones in the bedroom whatsoever. I say that, but I have, we have a 19-year-old and I always want to be on call for her. So I have-

I'm on call for my nana. Are you actually? That's really sweet. Sometimes she's had a few medical problems. And I'm like, I don't want to have the phone next to me, but then I'm like, oh, if something happens. You don't want it to be that one time when something happens. happens that you put it in the kitchen. That's it. So Nick never has the phone in the bedroom,

but I have it somewhere in the bedroom on loud, and I've got that setting on my phone where only she can call me. So if it's an emergency or her dad, because she's got a different dad to, so I know if there's an emergency, the people who are going to contact me can contact me. So we have no phones in the bedroom, basically never scroll in bed ever, never like bring our phones to bed. And then another thing which the boundaries have been completely crossed recently, so I'm just going to open up to that. But is like, after seven, just put your phones away. You know? It's so hard.

It's so hard. That's when I do my best work. Well, yeah. Yeah, I relate because I'm a bit of a night owl. And when I'm really creative with work, once the kids are asleep, I'm like, oh, that's my time. Oh, I'm just like. I just want a doom scroll with Netflix on in the background. Ash right now is closing his eyes with a look.

I think that's also, honestly, as parents with young kids, once they're in bed, that is like It's magic. Fucking magic. My day begins. It kind of does, though, if you're parenting, like hands-on parenting. And then if they go to bed really late, which our kids don't, because I'm so militant, is the one thing I'm like, it's bedtime motherfuckers, like get to bed. Don't take long because I'm just like craving that time.

But if they do go to bed late, or I fall asleep when I'm putting them to sleep, I'm like, Oh my God, I feel like I lost a whole day. I think that's the trap that we're in at the moment. And obviously we've got three kids. Poppy is now six months. But when Marley and Lola, when they go to bed, we get Poppy down, we have a bite to eat. We clean the kitchen.

We then got an hour or two just to kind of do one last little like skim through emails and work. Once that's done, then it's like pushing 10 o'clock. We're both tired. And I don't know how we can try and bring the spot. back when we're stuck in this cycle. Yeah, it's a tricky one. Well, you've just got to make the effort to spend less time on your screens at night,

and that's just about boundaries or even just having like a set night a week, just start with like, okay, Thursday nights is the night where we get takeaway or whatever, I don't know, or you cook for me, I cook for you, and the phones are off by seven or like away, and that's our night to just watch a movie together. It doesn't mean like that's our night to have sex, but it's like that's our night to just have that quality time together that we're missing at the moment. A lot of people say, like the one rule that I kind of hear thrown around with a lot of couples is like you've got to have a date night.

Is that one of the key criteria to bringing back the spark is having that date night? I would say rewind and first to bring back the spark, you both need to have time by yourselves so that you can, this sounds cliche, but fill your own cup up so that you're coming into the relationship and intimacy and sex, feeling whole and, like, not feeling empty and low energy. And so a lot of couples, they set the date night and then there's all this pressure on the date night, but, like, they're not even having time for a surf or whatever, you know, your hobbies are. And so, yeah, couples actually need more time apart so that they kind of fill in their cup up, then they come together and they're like, oh, now I can be present with you because I'm not,

like, thinking about the fact I missed the surf. That's the story of my life, my partner. it. Yeah, so far you get it. Interesting. I feel like one thing that Laura doesn't do a lot of that I know she really wants to is going to the gym. And I feel like maybe I would have a better chance of that spark coming back if she was having that time to herself to do the things that she would neglect like going to the gym. Absolutely. I know with my partner, if he gets that time out, he comes home and he's so much more present.

It's so much more likely that our sex life is going to thrive if Nick's having time out. And the same for me. Like, I love my work. But if I'm just working and parenting and working in parenting, I'm like depleted. And then I start to feel resentful toward my kids and my partner because everyone's taking from me and I'm not able to like give back to myself.

And then I don't want sex because I'm like, fuck you all. Yeah. I'm tired as fuck. I think worse than trying to force a date night too. It's like trying to force an activity. Like, you're like, okay, well, it's date night, but you haven't had that time to actually fill your own cup up because then you just, you are physically there,

but the rest of it isn't, it just feels forced. Yeah. I don't know if you can answer this question. And if there is no correct answer, that's great as well. I think I know what you're going to ask. What is the right amount of sex to have after you have kids? There's no answer to that. It's so, it's so unique to the woman after,

birthing a child, like every birth, as you guys know, is so different. And what a woman experience is when she birth impacts her sex life afterwards. So if a woman's had a traumatic birth, then it can take her months, even years to heal from that and feel like more open in that area of her body. So the question is about the, did you say the quantity of sex? Yeah. Oh, I mean, there's no right or wrong answer to that. Some couples don't have sex for months. If like a couple of years and then others will have sex straight away. Everyone's different. And like they, I mean, what's the, what's the doctor's advice? What, six to eight weeks or something like that? And that, like you said, that's going to vary depending on the circumstance. Yeah, there's so many

different factors. But yeah, that six week kind of doctor recommendation is just, I think, a load of BS. And it puts so much pressure on women and guys to think like, oh, now we're at this point, let's go. And then there's disappointment. And there's, you know, expectations. that aren't met by both sides. So it goes back to the birth again because obviously a traumatic birth really impacts a woman and a guy if he's there witnessing a traumatic birth. But then that postpartum period, I think that really contributes to how a woman, like how open a woman feels. Because if she's had a baby and she feels really cared for and she can really bond with her baby and have quality time as a family, then her nervous system is more relaxed in general.

and then she's more likely to feel like loved and cared for, and she's more likely to want more intimacy, right? And so it really depends on the woman's experience. Like for me, I've had a beautiful home birth, and I literally wanted sex the day I birth. I'm not exaggerating. It was the most beautiful, like, sexual experience, our birth. But then my third child was a preemie birth,

so I had to birth in hospital, and that was traumatic, not the birth, but the having a premy child. I didn't want sex for months because I was so like closed and so like in survival mode of like I have to keep this kid alive in a NICU, you know what I mean? So I think it really depends on the woman's experience. Okay. At the moment, the type of sex that we're having is very much impacted by the fact that we have a six month old in the room with us. Yeah. So it's quick sex because we're conscious of the fact that we're going to wake up Poppy.

Yeah. But I think after Poppy moves out of our room and we can kind of go back to a bit of normality, I sometimes wonder how Laura and I can become more adventurous with our sex. And it's not just the kind of 10 to 15 minute, like one or two moves. We have our routine. We get there quickly. Yeah. Laura ticks her box.

I tick my box. Yeah. And then we move on. But I'm like, how do we start to experiment a bit more and not just do the same routine every time? Good question, because that's what every couple falls into at some stage. Is this, that routine of like, okay, now we do this, now we do this. Okay, we're done. So just get curious about each other. That's the first thing. It sounds really simple, but it's like, I think we fall into this taking each other for granted in a way of like, or assuming we know

what our partner wants when reality is over the years, it's going to change. So at the start, usually it's more hot and heavy, you're more adventurous. And then this is just in general. and then you have kids and then it goes into like the routine. But then a lot of time people pop out of that baby bubble and they're like, oh, I'm feeling horny again, especially when they stop breastfeeding if they breastfeed. And they may be into something completely different that they were never into before. But because we assume, oh, she likes it this way or he likes it this way and we don't communicate, then we just fall into the boring trap.

And so it's about having conversations, communicating. This is going to sound really stupid to ask. but do you have those conversations like during dinner, do you have them in bed? Is there a moment that you think is best to bring up that topic? Like is it during sex that you should be like, hey, what do you want? Yeah, is it like interview style? Is there a panel of judges? It's a tricky one, hey.

You're like, when do I bring that up? Yeah. Look, I think. By the way, anal. Not. Is that, no, we're not doing it. Okay, great. No, no.

Do you still like a finger in that? it. Okay, good. Enjoy your day. As you're leaving in the car, you're like, anyways. A and later? Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah.

Look, there's no, like, right time. I would say, if it's been a while since you've had that conversation, then you could just be like, hey, babe, I really want to chat to you about something that's really important to me, like, that I've been thinking about and I've kind of been a bit nervous to talk about or whatever. And they're like, oh, yeah, what? And you're like, just sex. Like, I love, so you've got to sandwich it.

You've got to go, I love sex. you. You've got to put a positive and then be like, but I want to talk about like what we could explore differently so that we can have even more intimacy. So you're kind of like communicating in a way that's not being like, you never want sex with me anymore. What's the problem? Because then your partner's going to just go shut down. That's very confrontational, isn't it? That one. And a lot of women do that. They're like, they start off with a negative and then the guy's just like, oh, or a woman's just like, boom. The ice wall comes up. Yeah. So you've got to start with a positive. And then you've got to start with a positive and then don't do it when they're just like just about to jump in the car

and drop the kids to school. That's just, you've got to. Before you go. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So yeah, you can just kind of gently do it or you can say, hey, when's a good time to talk about something that's important? I want to chat to you about it, but I know now's not the right time. I know you're busy. And they may be like, oh yeah, tonight, like let's just chat. So you can set it up that way too. But it's just do what feels right. Like if it is when you're having sex and you're like, hey, you know, I want to explore this, are you open to it? Everyone's so different with how they communicate with sex. And you don't want it to feel forced.

But then also sometimes you just need a practice because it can feel awkward. Talking about practice, one thing that I would like to be better at is dirty talk. Yep. Okay, because it's something that I'm very good talking now. We could practice if you want. Go on, I'll watch.

Are there any phrases, like entry-level dirty talk that I can have as the building blocks to then feel more comfortable in that space. I know Laura likes it, but I just, I wish I had more of a repertoire of things to say. Yeah. A lot of people struggle with Dirty Talk. I feel like it's one of those things where you're either just naturally, it flows and it just comes naturally, or you're just really, really awkward. There's never really an in-between with Dirty Talk.

Because sometimes at the moment my go-to is like, do you like that? I don't laugh at me, Anne. You built that up. You built that up and I really, I was not disappointed with, I would probably do the same thing. If I was, if I was, if I was, that's exactly what I would say. I would say exactly that. That's why I loved. And you had the fucking audacity to laugh.

That's why I love because I thought, well, you're in my head. This is a safe place. I would say something along those lines as well if that was what was going to happen. Okay. So. Okay. Well, that's a good start. That's about the ceiling for me.

Not the start. That's about as far as I would go with that before I'd be like, oh, actually, fucking idiot. Shut up. Okay, you've got to kind of firstly not force it. Yeah. So, and not think, oh, there's going to be certain phrases that I'm going to say, I'm going to say when she's this or, you know, I'm doing this. It's more about being present in your body, noticing what's going on rather than being stuck in your head, which is the key to any great sex. And then saying how you feel.

So it's like, oh, that feels really good. do that more or like I love it when you touch me that way or it's kind of like this this is the starting point right just expressing with your words what's feeling good or what you're enjoying so if you're going down on her and you'll love it you can say that rather than just be loving it you can just say what you're feeling but not forced yeah and so it's just bringing more presence into how you're actually feeling in your body and obviously it can escalate into really filthy dirty talk but that's probably level two for you guys if you're just saying, um,

guilty. Yeah. If you're just saying, do you like that, then, you know, because that's, I think where my mind goes of like,

when I think about dirty talk, I think like level two. You think the worst? Yeah. And I'm like, yeah. Like, hit me harder.

Something like that. What? What? Maybe it was you would be like, we could circle back to that later. Any linked in phrases, and Matt's like, yeah.

Corporate buzzwords. That's what I like. Or a kudos. Oh. Oh, my goodness. What's the ROI on this blood job? Exactly right. Yeah, look, I was going to say something else,

and I lost it when you started speaking about LinkedIn and Dirty Talk. That's all you think about. Definitely bring it down. Oh, yeah, I was going to say, another kind of thing you can do is just bring more sound into sex. These are like the absolute foundations, but it's like bringing more sound, breath and movement into sex. So instead of just being like,

like quiet, allow yourself to express how you're feeling using sound. Because so many of us are just really quiet. Like, we're not taught that sound amplifies pleasure in our body and that it's okay to be louder. It's okay to like express ourselves that way. So do that more because then she will pick up on that and then, you know, I would encourage her to do that more, like just be a little louder. Should we practice? So what's, what's an example? Come on. Give us an example. This is a serious conversation. That was serious.

Honestly, I like that advice because, yeah, I feel like, I mean, from the outside looking in, if you're both silent, it's like, what are you miming or having sex? What's happening here? Yeah. I'm just trying to think. Do you know what the problem was for me? Go on. And for the listeners, I apologize for this level of information. I can't wait for it.

When I would climax, Poppy's in the room. So I would just internalize the emotion, the enjoyment. Okay, like you're holding a sneezing. Thank you. Basically. Or a yawn. Really great. So then other times when we would have sex, Laura would say, oh, you're being really quiet.

Even if Poppy wasn't in the room. And I was like, well, I'm just kind of in this routine now of just really making sex as quiet as can be. Yeah. And I get that because we co-sleep with our nearly three-year-old. So I really understand that kind of dynamic. But reality is with a six-month-old, they've been in the womb so recently. And if you were having sex when she was pregnant, they're literally in your tummy. They've got a front row seat.

They get the front row seat. They hear all the sounds. They feel all the things in their bodies. So for them, it's nothing new. Like kids aren't phased by the sound of orgasm. No one should be, or the sound of pleasure, I should say, because it's not necessarily orgasm. But, like, we're so inhibited when it comes to, like, allowing sound.

but even with kids, like, obviously you're not with a three-year-old going to be like, she's awake, but who cares? Because that's just no. But kids often are so unfazed. They'll just keep sleeping through it. So I'm not encouraging you to be like swinging from the rafters and screaming. But like if you just let a little bit of sound come out, what you'll notice is you'll feel more pleasure in your body, guaranteed,

when you let sound come out. And your wife will hear, like, she'll feel more pleasure because she can hear you experiencing the pleasure. So I get why she's like, why are you so quiet? Because then you're like, what the fuck's going on? Like, is he enjoying this or not? And then in my own head like, just, fuck it. Don't come, don't come, don't come, don't come, don't come.

That's all I'm thinking. I'm like, just say something you're idiot. I'm like, don't come. Say it out loud. That's sexy. When it comes to libido, I think one thing that I've heard often from others is when there's a mismatch for anyone who is struggling with their libido, how can you increase that? Great question, because this is like the biggest challenge couples face when they come,

one of the biggest when they come to me is mismatched libido, which is so normal. It's very common that one person wants more sex than the other, and that's always going to change over time, always. You know, you can't, it won't be a lifetime if he wants more than me. It will change eventually and flip. You've just got to have compassion and empathy for the other person, especially if they're a mother on the topic of mothers and they've just had a baby or even like a year postpartum, like it can take time for libido to come back, especially when you're giving a lot,

like an energy of like, you know, got to serve the kids, got to get the business thriving. There's not much space in the body for like pleasure. And when we're up in our head a lot, there's no space for our body to feel pleasure. So there's a few ways to approach it and you can't just go down one avenue. You've got to cover them all. So the first thing would be looking at your nutrition. and movement in the day, like if you're feeding your body takeaway and shit, your body naturally is going to just go into like stress mode. And then that fucks with our hormones and that our hormones

directly impact our libido. So we need to be prioritizing eating well if we want to have a healthy libido for life. That's important. Moving our body is important because when we move our body, we're moving the energy in our body. And our sexual energy is located at the base of our body, like in our sex centre down at our genitals, but it's kind of like chi or life force energy. We want it to be able to move through the body, but if we're just always just sitting on a couch, eating macas or whatever,

it's just going to get stuck there. And the other thing is if we're always up in our head and not actually consciously choosing things in our life that give us the opportunity to just be more present and feel, then all that energy is stuck up in our head and there's no opportunity for our sexual energy to like move. You know, when you feel turned on

and there's like that buzz in your... Yes. Yeah. You said that so fast. Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. I was thinking back to love languages. Sorry. I'm really, I'm in the zone right now.

Yeah, so if it, you know, when you start to feel turned on, you feel the buzz in your sex centre, but then ultimately, ideally, you want to feel in your whole body. You want to feel turned on in your whole body. You've got to get out of, your head to even access that. So less busyness, less doing, like more just feeling. There's so much

I could speak to in this. Another thing is if we're not processing our emotions, so if we're pushing a lot of shit down, we're not communicating with our partner about what we need, what we desire, you know, back to the traumatic birth. If we're not processing that, then we begin to create like boulders stuck in this energy channel in our body. This is kind of tantric stuff. But so if you think about it, like you have a traumatic birth, push it down, not going to think about that. You have that big argument you're with your partner, he says something mean and you're just like, fuck that, not going to deal with that. You keep pushing it down and we start this one where a kid just taught to like, shut up, keep going with life. But what that does is it creates blockages

in the energy in our body. And so when we want to feel a lot of pleasure and, you know, ideally you want to be feeling like sexual energy moving all through your body and, you know, ideally having like full body orgasms and all the things, if you've just not processing anything and you're just pushing it down, it's blocking that energy. And that's why you're just having really quick, short, sharp orgasms and getting on with life. So you really need to bring like more awareness in, more communication therapy, all the things to like. I have a question. Usually for us, I'm doing the majority, well, I'm doing all the initiating. But sometimes I would like to be wooed. Is there anything that I can do to me? I don't know. I don't want to be like,

hey, why don't you crack on a me once? Like, is there anything I can suggest that I want to be the, not the initiator? I will get her to listen to this podcast episode, I guess. She's going to find out someone. One way around. Yeah. Like, I wanted to feel comfortable. I don't want to feel like she's going to be rejected, one or two, that she can't express that side of herself with me. Yeah. Well, you could communicate to her. Like, if you do want to. to initiate sex with me, which I would love because I find that sexy. And if you do want to, this is what you can do. So you can communicate to her.

If she's feeling confused, like, even if I did initiate, what would I do? And what does he like? You guys need to have the conversation around what you both like. Because it goes back to the love languages thing that I said, like one person, say you like kissing. And so you kiss her and you think, oh, I'm going to initiate sex with her. If I kiss her, she'll want it. That doesn't necessarily mean that's what she wants.

So you need to understand what each other like. So she needs to understand what she needs to do to initiate sex. So you can literally give her a step by step. If you do this, this and this, I'm going to want sex. Are you open to like? That's a lot of steps. I just need one. Yeah.

Well, yeah. Okay. Great. Don't get too close. That's all it would take, honestly. Going back to the question about wanting to get beyond just the quick traditional sex that we're used to as long-term couples. And you say, obviously, it's about exploring.

But if you don't know what you don't know, like I'm just thinking if I had the conversation with Laura and said, hey, let's, you know, is there anything that you want to do more of, anything that you enjoy? If we're both like, well, we don't know what we don't know, how do we explore what we could be missing out on? I'm like, do I just put a finger in my ass? Like, what do I?

You can try. You can go there. Oh, he's been there. How can I find what I might be missing out on sexually? Yeah. Good question because a lot of people don't know the answer to that when they're asked, like, what do you want? And then they're like, he asked me what I want and I don't even know what I want. Like, how do I, how do you know? Well, you can read like erotic novels to get ideas.

Like, this is just practical stuff you can do. I mean, you know, you can watch porn together and get ideas. I mean, I'm not a big advocate of porn, but there's some really great porn that's produced more so by women so that it's not just all about the guy. and it's a little more holistic, but that can give you ideas. Are there any resources that people can go to if they're getting stuck in their sexual exploration? Yeah. Well, they can go to my Instagram, which is at Juliet underscore Allen. And there is literally years worth of content there that I've created for women and men that's educational.

And we'll give you heaps of ideas as to what to explore if you're curious. So that would be one thing. I have a podcast, which is called The Authentic Sex Podcast, and that's been going for years, and there's just like so many free episodes on there. And I've just launched a membership for women exclusively. And so it's a space where women get a workshop with me every month. They get all access to all my foundational courses that I've created. They get a community of women, and that's really important because so many women come to me and they're just like, I can't talk to anyone about this. I don't know anyone who wants to explore these things. So I've

created a space where women can go and be surrounded by other like-minded women and have the conversations, you know, and ask the questions. So that's another resource that women can access. We'll also put these details in the show notes so they're there. We have a couple of listener questions. Yeah, cool. That we want to throw you away before we go. Yes, I'll start. For a long time after sex, after I've had kids, I would suddenly start crying and couldn't stop. Big before cries. Even though I had enjoyed myself, I felt safe. My husband always took care of me.

It doesn't happen as much now. It definitely happens occasionally. What the? This is so common and such a great question. Really? Cool. Such a great question. I cry all the time, usually after sex.

And the reason is it goes back to that thing that I mention about energy in our body when we're having really deeply connected intimate sex. lovemaking, whatever you want to call it, with our partner, and we're moving energy through our body and it's all just like expanding and shifting things, what it actually does, it begins to unblock those boulders that I was talking about. So if there's unresolved like sadness or grief or trauma, whatever, or even just an argument that wasn't resolved, then if you're having really great sex and really connected sex, what it can do is it like energetically is unblocking those boulders. So then you have this release, like a big orgasm, let's say. And then you can feel this

overwhelming sense of, I just need to cry. And it's just energy moving through our body. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're sad. You know, for me, it would happen after, let's say, a couple of months of, like, working hard, but then throw in a couple of arguments with Nick and then throw in, like, one of the kids is sick right now. So we're like trying to hold space for that and we're trying to juggle everything. And then we have sex and it's really connected. And then I'll have an orgasm and then I'll just feel like crying. And so I just let it out and Nick just holds space for that because he knows it's just me like processing. Yeah. So it's a good thing. It's really normal and really good sign. Who knew an orgasm was so therapeutic? Sex is such a great healing modality.

It's like... Yeah. So don't take it personally is what you're saying. No, not at all. It's a great sign. It means this woman feels safe. She feels loved. She feels safe to open. It's a great sign. It's a great sign that she's having great sex. Yeah, I've never made Able cry like that. Well, one thing Laura does, and I hope she doesn't want to be sharing this information, we're all family here to the doters listening, but quite often Laura giggles, like laughs a lot after her orgasm. Yeah, that's so great. I love that. Yeah. And I love that she just giggles. Yeah, she just like, as this happens and she climaxes, and then as a result, she'll think like five or ten seconds, she'll just laugh. Yeah, it's just because she's releasing energy in her body, and that's how her body is responding. It's great.

I didn't know how this was a thing. I've never had that before either. Yeah, okay. Love that. Wow. All right, so the answer is, it's perfectly normal. Perfectly normal. Great sign. I'm learning so much to that. After three vaginal births, I don't feel attractive down there anymore. My husband says he doesn't notice any difference, but I feel very self-conscious that it doesn't look as neat and tidy as it used to and it makes me emotional even typing this, what can I do? Yeah, so common. And like I think any woman who's had vaginal births will relate to that feeling of like things feel different or does it look different? And sometimes it does. The reality is it changes things, right? You guys know that. I know that. But a lot of women do have a lot of insecurities like that. So just firstly,

acknowledging you're not alone. And what I would recommend honestly is just to, seek some support with a therapist and just speak so you have some a safe space where you can really speak about what it's bringing up for you and like what you're worried about because it's not a conversation often that we have with like family or friends or even our husband like I'm worried that I look like this down there so when we can talk more that's really healing so getting some support if it's affecting you that much but then also and it's easier said than done but just remembering that like your body birth three, it's such a miracle, three humans into this world, which is just such a blessing. And our body changes for a reason. Like we're born to do this. And so we've got

to be bringing this gratitude for our bodies and just speak positively to ourselves and be like, thank you, you know, that we brought these gifts into the world. And so that's how I personally have dealt with changes in my body is like, I look at my breast. They're so different. But I'm like, my God, I've breastfed all three babies for such a long time. It's such a great message. What a gift? What do you think husbands in particular can do? I know you mentioned before about holding space, which I've heard that term used before,

but I don't know exactly what that means. Like I remember after our third, Laura felt like it was the hardest to bounce back compared to number one and number two. And I would often try and reiterate, you look beautiful, you look amazing. And she was like, you're just saying that. And so I was like, oh, I don't know what to do here. Should I be holding space? What does that mean?

Good question. Well, you did all the right things by just reassuring her that she does look beautiful. Holding space means allowing her to feel what she's feeling without always having to try to fix it in this instance. So if Laura's saying, like, I just feel shit in my body. Like, it's just so much harder to feel good again. You can be like, I understand and I'm here. And if you want to talk about it more, you can. rather than being like, but babe, you look great, you look great, you look great.

Because then it's like, that is what she wants to hear. So if you didn't do that, you'd probably get in trouble because you didn't. But also it's like you just need to acknowledge it's like, I understand and it's fair enough that you're feeling this way. And not even have to fix anything, but just be like, I love you. You're amazing. You're an amazing mom. Yeah, because our automatic response is to try and fix it right.

And it's like, you're just saying that. It's like, no, I'm not just saying that. But it's like, she's hearing the exact same thing. but like the way you said it where you was like, okay, well, I understand you might be feeling like that and if you want to talk about it more, instead of being like, I'm going to try and fix it right now because that's just the go-to, right?

Like, especially like, I don't know, it might be a man thing where you want to try and fix it immediately. Instead of just, thank you. Instead of just being like, okay, well, that's just what I've said, that's what I see. But if you want to talk about it more, yeah, okay. Yeah, and just giving her a big hug and just being there, like in presence, like instead of being like,

you look beautiful, babe, scroll. Yes. You know, back to work. Just be like, I love you. You're amazing and you know I'm here and you can talk about this anytime. And then give her a big hug and like breathe. And what you said before about you brought in life, which is like amazing. Like don't disregard that.

Don't sweep that under the rug as an achievement because it's fucking wild. It's the wildest thing ever. It's like a miracle. Think of the joy that your kids bring you and occasional pain. Let's be honest. Well said. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it's a miracle what we do as women.

Last one from the listeners. Do sex drives completely disappear? Mid-30s here, sex drive was already low and now is zero. Oldest child was 14. Husband would happily have sex every night. I agree every couple of nights, but could easily go without completely. I do it entirely for my husband, but he is desperate for me to enjoy it and it is affecting our intimate relationship. Yeah, cool. Okay. Well, the first thing is, here is like, I wouldn't recommend anyone, woman or man, to have sex for anyone else. So

don't have sex because you feel like you need to have it for them. Because then it's not going to benefit anyone in the long run. Because if you're having sex and you're tolerating it for that other person, what's going to happen is slowly resentment's going to build up. And then resentment is the killer of relationships. Like the build up of resentment over time is what kills relationships. And so firstly, stop having to stop and deal with what's underneath the layers of this low libido or, you know, this lack of desire. And it could be a multitude of things. It could be like unspoken words from years ago or a lack of communication or not understanding each other's love language. That's a really basic one. Or hormonal stuff. Like I would, you know,

personally go to a naturopath and get my hormones checked and just check, you know, because so much changes as women that can impact our sex drive. So looking at it from all the different angles, if you want it to change. And go to a sex therapist and figure it out, you know, that's what people like me are here for. It's like unpacking it, basically. From a perspective of not knowing enough on the topic, why are hormones so important and what impact can they have? Basically, if your hormones are out of whack, and that definitely happens after giving birth, breastfeeding, perimenopause, and menopause, as a woman, it can affect our libido. And so it's important for us, I feel, to go to, I would say, a naturopath who's very holistic, get them checked. And if they're out

of whack, do the things to get them back in alignment. Well, sir. Yeah. It's really simple. Juliet, I've learned so much in this conversation. You said a word sex centre. I'm going to start referring to myself as the sex centre at home. I held that back for so long. He's been on the tip of his tongue since we started recording. I even PG'd it up. I might start calling my dick the sense in a bit. Well, it is. Thank you.

Nice for you to say so. It is honestly such a pleasure to talk about a topic that I don't talk enough about. Yeah. Yeah, we're honoring you guys. Well, in particular you for like actually speaking about like even saying like I'm not confident with dirty talk. Like not many guys would admit that publicly. And that's probably actually something a lot of guys feel shame about is like

like, I want to do this, but I don't know how, who do I speak to? And here you are speaking to thousands of people. So that takes courage. So, well done, both of you for just being comfortable talking about. Thank you. Thank you. Comfortable. But yeah, like Matt said, we don't, we don't talk about it enough. And usually a lot of the time with men, it's like, you know, the sex talk is so high level, like not, not actually any intricacies whatsoever. Sex is such a sign of, you know, masculinity. Yeah, it can be for that way. Any fault. Yeah.

I think for young men especially, I think it can be so daunting. Oh, for sure. Absolutely. And so many men have so much shame around that. They just can't talk to anyone about what's actually going on for them and what they're challenged with. And it's an important conversation to have. So thank you so much for spending some time with us

and allowing us to open that conversation. You are so welcome. My pleasure. Anytime. Ash, our wives are going to be so happy. So happy. Not that they're not happy now. But they're going to be way happier.

They're going to be 10, 10 happys. Can't wait to 10 happy, 10 out of 10 hapies. I can't wait to put my phone away when I get home and just get down to it. No, honestly mean this one. There are some very simple rules here that I cannot wait to implement into my relationship with Laura. I'm going to moan the house down. Would you say you've got a moanable name, Matt? Oh, Matthew.

And that's all we've got time for. Yeah, is it? Maybe I need to change my name. Does she call you Maddie or Matthew? you during. I think like, just honey. Deeper honey. Do you ever get called daddy in bed?

No, but I would like to. Would you? Yeah. I think that's, no, I'm not going to shame you for that, sorry? You're best not. I apologize. That's daddy to you. What about moaning, two doting dads?

Oh, too. It'd be more than one breath, so I can't do it. If you've enjoyed this episode, please. Don't just moan about it. You can moan about it. You can moan at it. You can moan in the review sections. You can also moan in the Facebook page.

We are also on Instagram and TikTok and YouTube as well, not these episodes. No. You can moan about that and maybe we will. Yeah, you have a lot of moaning to do right now. Let's get out of here. See ya. Bye. Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia

and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.