Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #224 Did we just double our workload!?

Episode Date: May 10, 2026

We're back so soon! Not what you were expecting!?  You've been asking and now we're FINALLY delivering - two eps a week every Monday and Wednesday. In today's new ep we dive head first into housekeeping and boy is there a lot of it (because we all know you secretly love it)! Ash reveals a pathetic injury he got while parenting this week. While Matt is wondering if he'll ever be remembered for his who he really is!? And there's a new phrase in their kids vocabulary that is driving them nuts! Perhaps the double full moon is to blame - either way, we're all going loosey goosey! If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I keep seeing this lady in my neighborhood. She's an elderly lady. She's maybe, late 70s maybe. Good age. Great age. Golden years. Someone's like, anyway, she must run like a little dog walking business. Yeah.

At 77. Yeah. 77 specific. She has no control over those dogs. Help. Being mauled by them. So running each way. You know, in the, you know in Stepbrothers and that guy, the blind guy has the dog?

and the dog is just completely out. It's like that with a bunch of little dogs. Oh, it's so funny. And they're all on a belt. Oh, God. And they're all like in different directions. And one's pooping and then she's dragging one along. Surely she can retire.

She doesn't need to. She's like, that's a hard business for an old person. Because at first I thought, she's got all these dogs. There must be her dogs. But then I see it with different dogs. I'm like, oh, she must have her.

That's a young person's game. Totally. And like one pull in the wrong direction. Those hips. I know what she would have thought. She would have thought. I'm great with dogs. And I feel like doing something.

Also, good for you for wanting to do something. Good incidental exercise. But maybe learn how to tame the dogs. It's so funny. Have you offered to help her? Fuck no. She's getting paid. To To Doating Dads, I'm Maddie J.

And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable. Now, as you know, we don't give advice. But what we do do do do. is housekeeping.

And it's Monday. And it's a Monday. Wow. What is happening? What is happening? This is the first of the new episodes, the housekeeping episodes, because you greedy bastards kept asking for more. They can't get enough.

Give us more. I know. We've been fending you off for years. I really trying to double my workload, aren't they? Guys, please. Come on. This is meant to be a hobby. I have a family.

I meant to be a present father. Thank you for getting me out of the house. Children right now are like, Mommy, where's dad? He's talking to his followers. The Dotas need him. They need him more than you. But why?

But here we are. Like, hopefully this continues. It's always my biggest fear. Because we put this off for a little while of like saying yes to more work. And then come up in, both of us going, Why do we do this? Well, I can't do this. Vic, tell the followers we're canceling the Monday episodes.

This whole podcast was like that. It was like a month. It was like, God, this is hard work. Here we are. Three or so years later. So how long will this? go for? Yeah, I'll figure it out.

We're not quite sure. The first little dot point here I've got PSA, full moon, Vic. Yes. I am interested in the moon. Because I saw it on the weekend and it was big. Yeah. I thought the parents out there needed a bit of PSA this week because I don't know about your kids,

but my kids go absolutely mental whenever there's a full moon. Like a werewolf. Yeah, literally. And then last night I saw there was a full moon and a friend of mine said there's going to be two this month. Two full moons? Two full moons. May I be done for a second?

How often do we get a full moon? It's cyclical. Go on. There's a cycle to the moon. Yes. To a moon. I'm immune. I'm immune to the moon.

The cyclical. It's cyclical. So it goes tiny little slither. Yeah. Slightly bigger slither. It's once a month. Once a month? Do we really care?

Yes. The were... The were... A full moon occurs every 29.5 three days. So it was a month. That's exactly what I said. That was going to be the next word. with that I'm out.

29.35 days. So we're going to have a moon every like 15 days to make it twice in a month. A full moon? Well, it could be the start of the 29th day and then the first day of the next cycle falling in the same month. Does this affect periods? Very good question. It shouldn't because that's...

Good to know. Let's just say it does. It shouldn't, but let's just say it does. But basically there's going to be one at the start of the month and then one at the end of of the month and the second moon is called a blue moon, which is very infrequent. And so it happens every three years or so, which is why the phrase, once in a blue moon, came about. I love those kind of facts.

That's a, that's a nano fact. I'm going to tell her that. And she's going to, she already know. I bet you. Yeah, she just pretends that she needs. Oh, yeah, I knew that. I'll pull the dog walker over and be like, do you know, there's going to be two minutes? Oh, God, the dogs are going to go crazy.

You're already fucking crazy. Yeah. Crazy than the kids. Wasn't there? I was speaking to someone. the weekend. Who knows about moons and astrology? Yeah. Right. Correct. Horoscope. He said the moon's bad for if you're a torus. What, this current moon?

Apparently. The animal itself? I don't know. I don't know enough. But apparently the moon. I don't do star signs. My kids are crazy at the moment, but they're always crazy. I reckon they just, we just find a reason to like to find the craziness. I feel like it probably has not had to do with any of that. I know. They're always up to something. But are we inflicting more anxiety of the parents of this country and world. Yeah, go on. But it's good to know. It's good to have. Information is power.

Knowledge is power. Very true. Very true. Now I know. The main thing you want to remember is parents, if your kids are going crazy this month, it's the moons. There's two bloody moons. Yeah, let's blame the moons. Vicky, thank you so much. How dare you? Just for those listening, Vic Hates been called Vicky.

We've just worked that out about five minutes ago. And now Matt is so excited. Sorry. Oh God, I'm back in high school. Studio. Sure, you had a little measure up this morning. I wasn't able to make it. I was late, which is unlike me.

Jing us lie ever. Anyway, you were, you're busy doing something else. That's fair enough. We don't need two people to measure up. And we had Vic's partner, Dan, there. Lovely fella. Didn't know who was a Kiwi. Shocked me.

He was like, oh, what could I be, bro? Anyway, yeah, we've measured up. We're going to put some walls in. We're going to get the construction going, which we will update and ask for the, listeners input as we go along. And if you're wondering, gosh, what does a studio look like for these guys and Vic, we will do a little walk-through video and give you an update on the plans on our socials? We will, yeah. Yeah, once we have plans. We have a couple of ideas. We have rough drawings.

We have rough drawings. Just a quick question. Please. Speaking about drawings. Does your kid do this too where if they're drawing a picture? You're not allowed to see it until it's done? No, they want my input. No. Oh, God. Oscar. Fucking hell. strange boy. What do you mean? He's doing a picture and he's like, if I can, don't fucking copy mine. And if I accidentally see it, he's like, takes off down the fucking hallway. What's he drawing? Just anything. Like what? I think this morning I caught him just drawing a lizard. What do, what do boys draw? Dicks. Okay. Louis doesn't do that. What does Louis draw? What's he drawing these days? Boobies. Any anatomy. He likes to draw animals and people. The other day he drew his

teacher and then wanted to give it to her and he's like, I need sticky tape. so she can put it on the wall in the classroom. Oh, cute. See, I'll still go draw anything, right? It doesn't have to be anything specific. And he'll just like melt down if I've seen it. And I sit here this morning, I'm like, I'm going to love it.

Regardless if I've seen it before it's done or it's done, unless it's shit. But it's just so you know, it doesn't matter. It doesn't need to be a surprise every time. So anyway, just want to dance. I'd rather that because I, mate, when it's six in the morning and the girls are like, draw with me.

What colour? And I'm going, fuck, I just need a coffee so bad. If they were like, don't look at it. Give me half an hour. I'd go, oh, heaven. You're like, consider yourself lucky. Well, it's not that. I don't know that I'm not meant to look.

So I'm walking past where he's drawing. But he's drawing in the middle of, it might as well, like, be right in the middle of the room. Like, how can I not see it? He's probably thinking how many times I have to fucking tell this guy. He hasn't told me once. Stop looking at my drawing. Go into another room then.

Go into another room and do your drawing. I did some drawing with them. Like I sat down into drawing with them. What are you drawing? I drew, I'll have to show you, actually. It's pretty good. It's cubes on all different angles linking together with some more depth and different colors. It was like geometric.

Anyway, I did that. What's that about? Oscar flipped out because it was so good. And he's had a... I can't please him. Anyway, just thought I'd ask you the question, because that's what I dealt with this morning. A little update on Marley's birthday party. Can confirm Laura has changed the date.

So we will be here in the country for her actual birthday. Change the days of the birthday or the trip? So the trip is changed. People were, gosh. Up in arms. The doders were divided. People were like, how do you lie to a child? And I'm like...

I lie to my kid every day. Every day. It's a hobby. It should be based on honesty, integrity. I'm like, no, like, it's based on love. I lie to you because I love you. The more I lie to you, the more I love you. Simple.

I love you. That's a lie. It means I love you. The amount of FIFO, well, the amount of people who are in a relationship with someone who works FIFO are there in FIFO themselves. And also, like, Boxing Day sales or the price of chocolate eggs after Easter. Financially, it works out way more beneficial if you do everything after, yeah. That's a money save. That's a hack. That's a hack. That's a money saving trick. Because Easter eggs, they're selling them down at Kmart near my place for a dollar or a pop. And usually it was like 15 bucks.

At the end of the day, it's always a hack. just chocolate. Can I add? Please. One Dota said that her kid had always dreamed of a beach party, but their birthday was in winter. So they changed the birthday so that the party was in summer, and the kid had the best birthday ever, didn't have a clue that it was a different season. I was like, as a winter baby, I would have loved that as a kid. I'm a winter baby too.

Where are you? I mean, fuck. Oh, God. God. Sorry. How many years? Jesus. How many years?

Vic. He wouldn't know mine, but do you know his? You're June 20. It's August. You're June 20. Holy crap, that's good. You just told me this morning. I know, but still, to remember that.

You're August. Correct. Once a month, this conversation happened. I know, it's very funny. Well, we don't need to talk about this with the Doders listening. You know what? Maybe you'd care if I lied about it and changed it. Maybe you'd start to care.

Maybe I'll just change my birthday to yours. Because you're so self-absor. Anyway, moving on. I just think that's a great idea because Marley, I asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday party. Marley wants a water park location for her birthday. As a present. Just a whole park.

We're going to fit it. Which house? Shut up. Okay. She wants to go to a water park. In June. That's the problem. Do she know it's June?

Well, she doesn't, because kids don't know, like, seasons. Are they indoor ones? The Olympic Park is a big indoor one now. Hey, I don't do public pools, but. You could go. Yeah, I don't want to. That's too hard. And also, I would feel the amount of responsibility to have that many kids.

You're a great swimmer. I'm a good swimmer, but I've, you know, you've probably seen the video of Poppy covered in Nivio cream on my Instagram. I had it for 30 minutes. And that was a state. I'd end up losing a child. It wouldn't be a drop and go sitch. You couldn't do that as a drop. That is a definite, it's got to be ratioed.

Thank you. Yeah. But like also indoor pool with a bunch of kids. imagine the decibels in that. You're talking about you have a headache now. You would have a fucking headache at the end of that. Could you do her birthday in Bali because there's an amazing water park over there

and then it's just... It's dangerous. Yeah, but she's really into inviting her friends. And I guess I could just invite her to have friends. I guess I could just fly them all over on the jet. I love my mom, Nana, Nana Ellie. She is just the work she does. around the house, you know, I cannot thank her enough.

We wouldn't be able to operate as a unit, as a family, without her help. However, this morning, this morning. And thankfully, she shouldn't listen to the podcast, otherwise she'd have a real problem and we'd have a lot of therapy. I just give her updates. I'd call her and I updated what we spoke about because we're like this. You would do that. This morning, I was getting the kids ready for school and I was looking on the floor and I was

like, the fuck is the fucking blue, like these little blue marks all over the floor. went into the bathroom, there's blue marks in there, like little like, you know, five centimeter, like a little, like a little paint brush. Someone's just gone through and like painted throughout. And I was thinking like, maybe it was Buster. Buster's gotten, we've got the chart, the get ready chart in the morning. The kids have to have like, have the breakfast, get the uniform on and with each task, they'd mark off.

They've completed it. Is the pen blue. And the pen is blue. But it was a real strange smudge on the floor. And I was like, look, everyone right now. Now, just stop what you're doing. Everyone freeze. And it's a bit like when someone stepped in shit.

Everyone has to line up, like, suspects. And I'm like, I'm just, I checked, before I did that, I checked my foot. It wasn't me. So I was like, great. Yeah, you don't want to call that meeting. And be like, oh, fuck. It's a man. And I was like, Marley, foot please.

Cool, you're clear. Lola, clear. Poppy, good. Thank fuck. Just nivia cream. Yeah, yeah, fine. Carry on. Skin is radiant.

Moving on. And then I was like, Nana. Nana. She's a bit deaf, so I was like, Nana! She's like, what, what is it? I said, check your foot. She's got a fucking blue ink.

Oh, I don't know how she's, I think she stepped on the pen whilst making a sandwich for the kids' lunch boxes, and she's just got an ink, like it's just built up. And her foot's like a sponge. It's just absorbed all this ink, and she's now, like, smeared it all throughout the house.

She got a shoe on? She's bare foot. She didn't feel it? He had no idea. She's got a bad foot. She's leaving a foot. footprint everywhere. And I was like, you know, Mr. Deeds, how he can't

feel his foot? Is it like, Nana? She's got nerve problems in her foot. Yeah. Can't feel it. I know, like, I'm not going to have it. Because I was like, for fuck sake, Nana. And then she's like, what, what is it? And she's like, pacing up and down. Be like, ah, she's smearing it more and more and more. I was like, stop moving.

Leaving a trail. Give me, like, you know how they, like, the horses have their like, their shoes change? I was like, had it from behind. Had it just grinding her foot back. I had it. had it locked in. I was like, Stop wriggling. That's a fucking cleaner.

What was it? What's it? Like, was it permanent? Oh, no. No. I was like, I don't. What's the exact? Molecule makeup of that ink.

This is a German ink. I'm getting old, Matthew. I've worked it out. Well, I know that. Okay. But I'm getting older. By the day, technically, as soon as you're born, you're dying. That's how I put it.

But I'm getting closer. I've been doing a lot of work on the house, mainly on the floor. And the floor means a lot of... Is it finished? No. No. I had to it's not finished

I had to repaint the bedroom for another reason but never run that took that took a whole day trust me but we're nearly finished we're nearly there but with the floor

there's a lot of bending over to be done and I'd been doing really well because I knew I knew that I was going to be doing that and I knew that my lower back sometimes as you know

can throw it out quite a bit but I actually threw it out at under seven soccer training instead because I tried to show off a little bit yeah because you used to play

semi professional soccer semi-amature professional. For the barely bears. Wrong on so many. What's my birthday again? I'm wrong on so many levels. Perfect in my eyes. Pop quiz.

Anyway, I went down to training. There's a couple other dads down there, as we do on a Thursday night, and kids all doing their thing. And I was like, you know what, I might as well take this opportunity, this hour on a Thursday while the kids are doing their training to have a kick around myself, you know, get the heart rate up. You're a great dad. Thank you. By the way.

Get the heart rate up, you know? Not with the team on my own. I don't need that noise. No, it was just, you know, I help it out here and there where I can when they need me. They're like, Ash, stop it. We don't need you. We don't want you to help out. I'm like, damn it.

I've even bought boots. Did you? Yeah, so me and Oscar can have a kick around, you know what I mean? Oh, that is. That is a good dad. Thank you. That is fucking great. Yeah.

I love that. Yeah, blisters, killing me. Back, killing me, knees, ankles, the whole thing. It's killing me. Anyway, so I'm like, yeah, look at me go, showing off a little bit. Went to do a big kick, right footer. Didn't even get halfway through the back swing. And I was like, I hadn't want.

Who warms up? Like, let's be honest. That's lame. Who stretches? Vic was telling me about a stretching class. 45 minute stretching class. Mine's like a 45 second stretching class. I'm like, down, done.

Anyway, so on the back swing, coming through, boom. Right hand side, lower back. It's like I've been shot at war. Touch your subject. Sorry. It's like I've been shot at a... Ah, fuck it. At war.

Okay? I was in battle. The heat of battle. Crack and shot, I will say. Did it go in? Top corner. Top corner. But that was two weeks ago.

I've been hobbling around on this back for two weeks. Go to physio. No, what are they going to do? I think physios are a bit of a scam. Just take my money. Yeah. Vix has given you a look. Why do you think physios are a scam?

We've been through this. Yeah. They're just back. They're just muscle salesmen. You just, you know, like you go in there, they have a quick chat, give you a little rub, tell you to, like, touch your toes. And then they're cool, we'll see in another three weeks. That'll be 200 bucks. Yeah, it's so much money.

Like, fix me. Fix me now. They're like, all they do is send you home with homework? Yes. Sorry to all the physios out there, but it's fucking true. Honestly, the work you guys do in your profession is just outstanding. For who? Like, workers comp, maybe.

I don't know. For people who need it. Me mainly. Did Oscar, more importantly, when you took this shot, did Oscar, your son? Didn't even say it. Oh. One of the other dads saw it and he was like, that was great. And then I'm...

So how many dads rock up with football boots on? One. You. Yeah. Anyway, I masked it. I masked my pain and at this point I'm like warmed up a little bit so I can get through. But then later on after the kids are going to bed and I hobbled into the bedroom. I was like, what fuck's wrong with you?

I'm like, oh, God. Sport-related injury, you wouldn't understand. She was like, you don't play sport. You just watch your kid play sport. And I was like, oh yeah, I was... I was kicking the ball with one of the other dad. She was like, oh, here we go. He's showing off.

So, yeah, I've been hobbling around because I threw my back out at under seven soccer training. And that's what you get for trying to be an involved dad. Right? You're like getting punished for showing up, being present. Life's not fair. I know. It's like they just knock me down to my prime. I'm like, you know, I'm out here.

I'll get out there. I'll be that active dad. You might as well just sit on the couch. I'm not going to get hurt. I reckon it would be so common. That? Dad's just thinking they're still like in their heyday. Well, we talked about, this might open up the dialogue again to the listeners.

What's your pathetic injury? Remember we did that? I love it. Because I had a pathetic injury. This is going to be a little bit vulgar, Vic. I'm sorry. Ash, vulgar? What?

Okay. Can I tell the story or are we going to be disgusted? Are we going to look at me differently afterwards? Never. Maybe. We're already close. When April and I lived in an apartment a few years back, I think. And we had one of those bathtub shower comments.

combinations. You know what I'm talking about? Dangerous. They can get quite slippery. Yeah. I don't know if I want to tell this story now, actually, but I've started. Have a thing about it. Nana, we have a slip mat that Nana, it's suction onto the and so it's like an octopus, the little suction cap. So after she's finished, I've got to like, I know the ones, yeah. And then I've got to like hang it out and dry it and then, all right, I don't do it. Nana does it herself. Look, mine might be a bit disgusting.

Did you break your penis? No. It is penis related though. That's all right. I was home alone. Okay. Let me just preface the story with that. I was home alone.

The mood has struck, Victoria. Vicky. And I have ejaculated into the bathtub pre-shower. And then I've stepped into the shower, slipped on it, threw my back out. Yes. and then I had to go to work the next day. Covering and come. Come it and come.

And I remember hobbling around and someone was like, oh, I was like, yeah, you know. How did you do it? Oh, you know, no, no one ever knew that story. And that was the story. I just bladed it off. Oh, I was doing some work around the house. I was doing some work around the house, all right?

On yourself. Slaming on the, thank you, Vic. I was doing some self-improvement. Anyway, so I've stepped in and, you know, when, like, you slip on a, When you slip on a banana peel like in like a cartoon. That's what it was like. Ash up.

Legs in the air. Wack. Downstairs would have been like, oh, that's come related. You're laying in your own bodily fluids. Literally. And then how do you clean that off? You're like, oh! Well, I'm like, it won't come off.

I still feel dirty. Actually, I feel clean that that story's out in the open now. I feel better about myself. So that's fresh for you guys. That must have been really frustrating that you were the, cause of that injury. Oh, I was beside myself. I cried in the bottom of the bath, covered in calm. Did April just find you like this? She doesn't even know. She doesn't even know this story. That's how you usually masturbate anyway, so no different.

I usually cry before. Yeah. It's different. Anyway, Vic, you've got, now you reveal something about yourself to make me feel better. Vic, what have you got for us? You got a little note in here. You got an update. Oh, well, look, it's not breaking news because we are. I'm going to keep breaking news to the normal Wednesday app. But I was on my drive into work today, and I heard Maddie J get called out on not only any podcast. It's one I love listening to every week,

but it's actually Australia's number one podcast. What's it called? Mama Mia out loud. Never heard of it. You got called out or shouted out? Reference. You got reference. Go on.

In terms of parenting and making dadding look cool for the next gen. Guilty! Yeah, I thought it was a pretty good shout, actually. So I thought we had a pretty good shout, actually. So I thought we'd have a listen. I think it's probably really good news that young men are all thinking they want to be dads. And I think that's because dadding looks a lot more fun

than it used to. Millennial dads spend three times more time with their children than their grandfathers would have done. And think of the Hamish Blakes and think of the guys who are out there making dadding look really fun. What's his name? Matt. Maddie Jack.

Yeah, Maddie J. Like we're always saying how we need more good male role models. What's his name? What's his name? Matt, what's his name? Matt, what's his name? You know, you know,

you know, bloody guy, what's his name? What's his name? Yeah, Hamish, like, he's so amazing.

I don't have a little fuckwee Yeah, yeah, what's that guy and he's, you know, he's going to crying on social media.

What's his name? Yeah, also releases a podcast every week about dads. What's his name? Hamish has like one, two seasons

of a podcast with his mates about dads. And then it's just like, what's that what's the guy that's not important. You know,

Frank, Frankie Jay. He's in a good job. At least you got, at least you got to mention. What's a man going to do over here? Nah, that's all right. I thought it was very cool.

And I would agree as a mum and that you guys are making dads look cool. And you're making it look good. I would also argue that point, though. Especially what we cut down from the podcast. It's always like, and then the fucking kids were crying over an ice cream, the little shit. Yeah, but the cool thing is, Matt, that we're there to see it.

Yes, thanks to our forefathers, the grandads, who have just done a great job at setting the bar so incredibly low. Yeah, they're like, hey, tell you what we should do. Let's put the bar here lower. Lower! Put it lower! They were so low that they weren't even in the room when the child was born. I know. We were at the pub.

And she gave birth when I was wet in the head. It was great. It was really hard for me. Anyway, and I was hung over for the next week. So, anyway, it's not hard to beat, is it? I suppose. Three times is like, what's that? It's like, better than nothing.

My kid once a week is three times more. Thank you. Mama Mia out loud for the beautiful reference. Yeah, Maddie Hoot. What's his name again? Maddie Hoot? They said it was Matt. Someone was like, Maddie J.

So, okay. Is it Claire? Claire, Steve. Shout out to Claire. To what's her name? To what's her name? What's her sister's name? What's her name?

What's her name? Claire. She's great. She's great. They're all great. They are all fantastic. Just on that, like, cool dadding. I've heard the new

dad shoe, and I'm going to throw myself under the bus here because you guys pointed it out the other day. The new dad shoe is the vans. Is it? Yeah. Someone was like the new dad shoe. Velcro? I don't have Velcro band. I actually was...

I was looking... I was... And not because you wore them. I was looking for a check pair of vans. Slip-Owold. Why don't you just move into my house and sleep in my fucking bed? I was looking at the original videos of us. When we were looking at doing the video, the Mother's Day video,

I got some videos of Laura at the same time looked at old videos of us from when we first started when I didn't have a mustache. And I thought, maybe it's time. Maybe it's time to, like, differentiate myself. I don't even notice it because it's just part of you now. Thank you. I think it's time. Time for change. Are you sacking me?

You didn't get a mention on that podcast. You're out of here. Move on. Move on. Move on. Hey, this afternoon is a very exciting day because first time of school of this year, we scale back all the activities for the kids. We were like, let's just strip it right back to bare bones.

And the girls, I've been trying to understand. I want them to be passionate about something. So Molly still has dance. It's in the morning. But Lola at the moment, she doesn't have any activity. We tried soccer last year. Didn't do that well. And I was trying to get a feel for what they wanted to do.

And they've decided we've landed on gymnastics. Didn't they do gymnastics before? They did do it before they were at school. I used to do gymnastics with them. That's right. It was easy because you could just do it like in the afternoon. It's just like an activity for a day. Yeah.

And I loved it because on the days that I was with them, it's just, you know, we would do that in the afternoon. It sucks up a couple hours. They loved it. But we put a pause on gymnastics. Gymnastics is about to start. They got a class with a cousin. So my sister can drop. Shaz.

Shaz McGaz. Sister does a drop off. I did the pickup. Just heaven. Although I may have like, I may have like, left the pretty last minute. I've been trying to text the owner of the gym to be like, can we get in?

Yeah, please. I'm Maddie, what's his name? Can we get in? I'm from Frankie J. Let me in. You know, Hamies Blake? Kind of like him. The teamer version.

Oh, wow. Good thing you're Microsoft then. I don't know how many times you expect me to laugh at myself, Vic. I thought it was very funny. Ali Barba of Maddie Jay. Oh, look, you've heard his feelings. But it's going to be great because Marley's, You're not the Timu vision.

Well, according to you, I am, five minutes ago. What's lower than that? I'm just kidding. Timu, yeah. But it's great because Marley will finally, finally, after so many months of struggling in the backyard, indoors even, car wheels. I forgot about the cartwheels. Yep. Can you car wheels?

Please. Come on. Remember he's like a legend at it apparently. According to him. I did gymnastics for like four years. Yeah, just asked me. I did it for one year when I was like, six. as well. How old were you when you do it?

We'll do a handstand competition after this. Can you do, like, can you, I don't need to compete with you because I know I can't do it. What do you want to see? I want to see a flip. Flip, I can't do a flip, but I can do a flip. What? Actually, have you seen the guy who could, the highest back flip?

I don't want to see it. Oh man. I don't want to see it. Anyway, go on. Cartwheels. I can't cartwheel. Yeah, so she's still, to this day, has not been able to master the cartwheel. Well, good timing then, because we got a Dota who rode in actually.

and she said, it was Brit. She said, I was just listening to your January episode, a little bit late, where you spoke about trying to teach your daughter a cartwheel. I felt compelled to send you a quick little voice note about how you might be able to help her as I used to be a gym coach. Feel free to share this on the pod if you like either way. I hope it helps you. Love the pod, guys.

I'm not a parent, but I am a teacher and love hearing your stories. Love that. Also, sorry, it took long to reply to you. January. Yeah, right. No, I think she was listening to it late. I honestly think that I forget, I feel like it's gone so fast that it's like February now. It's May.

It's May. It's May. It's not. Oh, God, don't start that. All right. Take a listen to this. Hey, Maddie J. Hey, Ash.

I was just listening to your episode from January where you were talking about trying to teach your daughter a cartwheel. And as an ex-gym coach, I would say the best piece of advice that I could give you is to use a masking tape and draw out a circle on the floor. And you were 100% right, Maddie, in saying hand, hand, foot, foot, because that shows them how they should be using their bodies in using both hands first and then feet after. And it's okay if she's jumping two feet at the same time, because that does come before the second part. But by doing the circle, it means that they don't need to try and get their legs up straight, straight away, which is the really challenging part. So if they stand on the circle facing inwards, then they put their hands next to them on the circle,

and then they jump their feet to the other side of that circle. It's a little bit easier to navigate that shape building. And then what you can do is as they're getting it by going hand, hand, foot, foot, you can make the circle bigger and bigger and bigger until it ends up being a line. And then hopefully that will help her. So good luck. Thank you. Well done on the training so far.

It's a recording. Thank you. You didn't call in. And you're like, yep, thank you. Yep. Can you say, what's that last? You're trying to hurry around. Pip, beep, beep, beep, beep, pip, pip, pip, pip.

I didn't understand any of that. As a gymnast, someone who's very familiar with the training techniques required the cartwheels, I understood that. I will use that method at home. So thank you. Appreciate it. I can't wait to see the results. To be honest, I would try a cartwheel and I'd bung both shoulders.

My back would be fucked again. I'm not even going to try. I could do a roly-poly on a nice soft mat. If it loses. I'm really good at lying down. I'm great at that. You're seduce me. You're just trying to seduce me with your cartwheels.

Matthew, it is time for Perrant. It's been so long. So many segments. Let's dig out the intro song, Vic. Whoa. I want to be freer to say what I feel. Man, I feel like a parent. Hey!

Ash, I'm going to start with a personal, if that's okay. And it's just really crept into the vocabulary of my kids. And it's really starting to annoy me a lot. Go. A lot. I don't know if your kids do this. But any time I've got to say, hey, guys, we're now stopping this activity and we're doing this as an example. hey, it's now time to like brush your teeth.

Okay, so stop what you're doing right now. Stop coloring in. Brush your teeth. Let's go. Just one second. Just one second. Every single time. Or it's, I just got a, I just got to.

I just got to brush your fucking teeth. And that's where I end up every time. I always, I always get like, what they watch Bluey is like they're really into Bluey right now, loving Bluey. And so I always say, I always give them. them like a warning and say, oh, turn it off. Like the encore, right? It's like the person saying, that's it.

The concert's finished. And you're like, give us one more. One more song. And they come out and do the encore. I'm like, kids, Bluie's over. And they're like, one more episode. And I go, okay, last one though, your little treat. Just quietly.

I'm off, bluey. But anyway, moving on. How dare you? You'll know what. You'll follow that why. And then episode finishes. Okay. Now it's time that we go upstairs.

It's off to bed. One second. One second for what? It's infuriating. What do you fucking have to do? They don't even know how long a second is. Just, just, just fucking listen to me and do what you're told. It's so, yeah, it is infuriating when it's like,

I've already told you 10 times and I've given you the benefit of the doubt, and then it's one second. Or I've just got to do, I've just got, you, you, you, go. Did you wipe your bottom off to going on the toilet? One second, just no! No! Wipe this shit off your bum!

Ask them how long a second is. How long do you think a second is? They won't have a clue. They've picked it up from probably me. I know. I'm like, oh, it drives me nuts. I'm just like, I've asked you to do something, do it.

Just just, just. Anyway, fair rant. Thank you. Fair rant, pear rant. All right. This one's from Jess. I've got a per rant about RSVPing to invitations. Do people just not RSV to anything anymore? Guilty. Especially

kids party. Am I holding a party for two kids that are RSPPIT or the other 20 that haven't, but we'll rock up anyway. What is the etiquette? Are we chasing people via text or something to see if they're coming, or do we just leave and hope people haven't forgotten and rock up? Can I just put my hand up here and apologize to all of the birthday parties that I've attended because I am very guilty of going, oh, how lovely on Saturday 13th.

The birthday party will be there for sure in my head. and then I'm like, I'll RSVP in a second. And you forget. And then I forget. And then the day of the party, I'm like, oh, by the way, we're coming. Is that all right? They're like, we're going to have to cancel the party. The Johnson's are coming.

Yeah, I need to be better. And I'll admit, I'm not perfect. Shock, horror. I know. I have no idea there's any parties happening whatsoever until the day before. And I was like, Mace has got a party tomorrow. Am I taking her or you taking her? She's done all the hard work.

If someone's like, someone says having a party, I'm like, oh, great. It's out of my mind. I haven't registered it. anymore. Probably need to step up a bit more, bro. I might need to. I agree.

Yeah, I am the one who has to do all the RSVPing, and I feel like I've got so much in my brain. I'm like, why can't he do some of this? I don't know. They've just stopped telling me. People have stopped telling me about their parties, because they're like, if you tell Ash, no one's coming. You know, it's just...

Well, I'm just saying, at least I'm honest. Perfect Matt over there. Yeah, he's just like, well, I, or you just told me that you do the same thing a second to go. And I here I am thinking this is a safe space, And when I say I do the same thing, you're like, well, you're just a fucking shit bloke. You know, everyone fucking hate you. Your kids hate you.

They're missing out on parties. No one's missed a party. No one's missed a present because of my wife. And she's great at that. That's one of her strengths. At least the floorboards are done. Well. Not entirely.

There's a few spots. Obvious spots too. Not even like, oh, behind the wardrobe over there, there's a spot in the middle of the fucking living room. That's literally a bare concrete. It's like this week. Okay, this one's from Taylor. Taylor, thank you so much for writing in. Has anyone ever received their family photos back?

Oh, fuck, I've got a book in my family photos. Jesus. Oh, you really need to step up a bit, eh? I was waiting and you didn't take... How many family photos have you booked in? How many family photos have you booked in? Heaps, Vic, can you book me in for April of family? By the way, Vic does great family photos.

If you know what photos taken. Sorry, school photos. for me. I agree does that too. She's at home. She's at home. She's not working at the moment. She's having a nice little time off.

Doing that sort of stuff. She loves it. What? Fuck! Who's going to do it then? I can't do it. I have ADHD. It's a disorder.

Don't use that to enable bad behavior, bro. Shut up and read it. Has anyone ever received their family photos back and thought, oh, what a magical time that was. Because for me, it's not. It's as if the day was doomed as soon as I said. Okay, guys, we have family photos today. Let's have some fun time.

Not only was the lead-up, a shit show. My son decided that today was the day to grow a full-blown teenage attitude and lose his smile. My 10-month-old wouldn't keep anything in her hair. And my husband and I argued through gritted teeth the entire time. Can't wait to see the happy family rolled out onto my walls with all the smiles we could muster and pretend like the day wasn't something.

out of a parent horror show. This is a good one for Vic, actually, Vic. Because you do a lot of family photos. Yeah. Like, what's the combination? What's the mixture of... What's the ratio of divorce post-family show? What's the mixture of like, everyone really happy to be there?

And obviously, everyone, the mood is tense. Look, Frank. Just fucking smile with the kids. Look Frankie J. Just smile. I reckon most families turn up very stressed and have been fighting the whole way in. Because even when I get my own photos, like, it is really hard getting to like a beach, for example, on time with the kids dressed, hair done

nicely, your partner helping. Sounds like my worst nightmare. I can see it when they're coming like down to the beach. I can just see it on their faces. It's been a stressful time to get there. And I get it. And so my job then is to calm them and like help them shake it off. And most of my clients do say that was so fun.

It didn't even feel like we're on a photo shoot and like, yes, we were rushing or yes, we were late. But that kind of doesn't matter. Like, we have an hour, but you only need, like, a short time to get those really good photos. Because, like, years down the track, you'll forget about the arguments and you'll look at that photo. No, me, ma'am. I'll hold on to that shit. And you'll go, oh, look at the kids so young and happy.

And I go, remember when you just have this to me? Honestly, no offense, Vic, doing a family portrait down the beach sounds like my worst night, man. But if it does sound great. But if that's your jam. You can book in with Vic. I'm not going to yucky y'am. If that's what you're into, then book with Vic. You can find her on.

Victoria Owensphotography.com.com. She had that loaded up, didn't she? Challenge accepted. Oh, God. I'm going to make you love it. No, no, because you'll just make my wife do it and then she'll make me do it. And then trust me, that won't end well for you. I'm like, we'll be in a record and we'll do a two-hour recording.

I'm like, edit it now. I reckon one out of ten dads actually want to do the photo shoot. Okay. But I would say nine-night. Yeah, I've always wanted photos. There's your one right there. But then they all walk out of it and say, actually, that wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Because the photos that I take, you're not looking at a camera smiling.

You're just playing with your kids. And I'm getting the photos of... I don't want to play with my kids. Something that I isn't comfortable doing. It's not having it smiling, just being a person. Jolly. Being jolly. I love you.

Shut up. You're so mean. But I get it. I don't know. I don't ooze want to be photographed. Like, I would much rather you... People comment right now a lot about how good you're looking.

Well, I look great all the time. But I, on camera, like, filming, film me, I'm all about. What's going on here? I don't know. You're really getting under his... You're really getting under the skin. I just giving you a compliment.

I just said, everyone's saying you look good. Yeah, but then you gestured to be like, that'll get me in the good books. You fucking idiots. I don't believe a word that comes out of your mouth, right? People, I mean that. But on video, but I don't mind being, if someone's like, we're going to video this.

Fine. But as soon as someone's like, oh, we're going to do a photo shoot, I'm like, I lose my soul. Literally my brain, my brain's like, fuck this. Like, seriously. Like, school, actually, can I tell you a funny story about school photos? Please. And just keeping in mind, this is my teenage years.

And our teenagers are the worst, as we know. And it was the years where it was like you would all sneak out and drink and stuff like that away from anyway. We had an ongoing thing where you would shave someone's eyebrow. who have passed out first. So a friend of mine, Callum, his name is, let's go, let's call him Callum, because he is Callum, he had really bushy eyebrows. And he passed out first one night, and it was the weekend before the school photos. And one of the boys shaved off one of his eyebrows.

Anyway, he was a good sport about it. But then his mum realized that school photo, and his mom was really upset about it, and made him draw an eyebrow on with a permanent marker. So his school photos for that whole year, and his school ID was normal eyebrow and a permanent Mark, and it was thick too. It was thick. It was so good. Anyway, he embraced it in the end, but it's a

very funny story. That's just teenage cruelty at its best. It was the mum that hated it more than him. Totally. If someone did that to my son, I would be devastating. You shaved it? No. He must have really been having a good sleep. He was having a very deep sleep.

What did you use? Like a little Bick razor? Yeah, it was just like a chic? Was it chic? He had quite thick eyebrows. It just took a bit of a little. It took a while. It was like, hedge trimmer. Hey, Ash, my good friend, best friend, you could say. Someone who has never looked more handsome than what he does right now.

Always a pleasure. Knock me down for an hour straight and then the last two seconds. Be like, and you're a great guy. Goodbye. This is like my relationship with Nana. I'm like, get out of the fucking way. God, you told me that story 12 times already. And then it gets like nighttime.

And I'm like, good night. I love you, mummy. People are going to start talking. They're going to start talking about you. No, they're not. Yeah, they are. They're going to be like... What's his name?

Yeah, Frankie J. He's not a very nice guy, is he? That's our episode done. And if you've enjoyed this episode, haven't had a review in a while. I'm not going to lie on Apple Podcast. Have we? No.

I don't do it for reviews, man. I just do it for the love of the game. I just chat for the love of the game. Talking to you guys out there. So, you know what? If you love the game as much as me, go and leave a review and subscribe. Or they can find us on social.

socials we're at, man. T-Doting, Dads, Instagram, TikTok. There's a Facebook group as well, which is just, it is one hell of a place to be. See what I did there? What did you do? I bring the listener back in. You did, you did. You're very good.

You're great at what you do. Thank you. Keep going. And we will get out of here and see you guys on Wednesday. They won't see us, they'll hear us. But great. Yes. Well, well, set.

Thank you. Some of them will see it. On social. All 50 of you. Bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians

of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's today.

This episode was recorded on Gatigle Land.