Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #228 A Birthday Crisis & Ash's Big Breakup

Episode Date: May 24, 2026

This week the guys are tackling the big questions facing Australia... and it's all centred around a beloved birthday party ritual that seems to have fallen by the wayside. Ash also thanks everyone for their outpour of support for his sobriety journey but there's one Doter letter that leads him down a rabbit hole. Plus Matt digs a little deeper into why Ash still feels like he's going through the biggest break-up of his life. It's another emotional ep so grab the tissues and settle in. If this chat raises any feelings for you - you can see help from: https://reduceyourrisk.org.au/  https://www.lifeline.org.au/ https://www.beyondblue.org.au/  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Quick one for you. Do you yawn when you're cold or do you yawn when you're warm? I yawn when I'm tired. Good answer. Is... No, because whenever I get too cold, I get yawny. Not horny. Sounds similar.

When you're cold? Yeah. What's that about? Not to judge. Judge way, I don't know. Actually, when I yawn the most is if I go to the gym and I start doing some weight, I'm just fucking yawning. CO2.

Can we quickly look that up? Please. And let's see if that's correct. Why do you yawn when you exercise? I believe it has something to do with CO2. Are we all yowing? Feeling cold and yawning excessively often indicates that your body is attempting to regulate its core temperature. As yawning helps cool the brain when it's overheating due to sickness or fatigue.

Wow. There you go. That didn't mention CO2 at all. Welcome back to T-yoting Dads. I'm Maddie J. And I'm at. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good.

It is the bad. And you probably know this, but we don't give advice. No. And if you're new around here, you'll think, okay, wasn't there an episode on Wednesday? You would be correct. I think when we do that video announcing two episodes per week, a few people were genuinely confused. Me included. I don't know if they were like in on the joke or if they were confused.

Everyone's confused right now. Let's clear up the confusion. Yes, please. Every second Monday. No, I can't even. No, go do it. You're on the right track. You're on the right track.

Keep going. Okay. Every week has a Monday. Okay. But alternating, which means month, you go. You've just made it. You're on the right track. In theory, it sounds so easy.

Fuck, I need to pay for my parking. Damn it. In theory, it seems so straightforward. But trying to explain it, not so much. We do Monday episodes, but they were every fortnight with a guest. We've now got another episode. one which slots in those alternating Mondays so we now have an episode every Monday. Also pay for your parking.

Because I have some bad news about parking. Nah, fuck it. I have some bad news about parking. Go on. And I don't want to freak us all out because... No. No. No, they send it digitally now.

Well, yes. So, you know how we've all been like, I've got parking. We get to my cars. And we're like, hip, hip, hooray! There's no tickets. Laura was like, they don't issue tickets in North Sydney. And I was like, what do you mean? Like, they don't, like, they don't find people.

They put you in a little black book somewhere. And then when you least expect it, they're like, here's a thousand dollars. And she goes, because she would fucking get so many Laura when she was recording here. Because we're in an old studio if people aren't familiar. But they don't issue the printed tickets. They just come in the mail. So. Changing my address.

I don't want us to all have a terrible afternoon. Well, we're all, yeah, this could tank us. This could put us under. Because we're also paying the fees of the new studio. We're going to have to record out of the car. Yeah. That's the only solution. Maybe I've got it.

Let's hire a garage. You could drive the car in, record, drive the car out. If you has an idea. Did I take your idea? No, but I was going to say maybe the car has good acoustics. The car does have good acoustics. Too crammed. Also, the amount of ashtharts.

Oh, yeah. What? When did that happen? We were working together on the studio. Still working. The studio is almost done. I will say, I will say, Dan, who is a lovely man. Are you going to shit sandwich, Dan?

No, not at all. And he's, he's, you know, he's, he's very rugged. You watch him, like, work with his hair. I get why you like him. He's rugged. He doesn't cut the timber. He just snaps it like a twig. I noticed that.

And he just like, and it's perfect every time. And I was like, wow, he's so masculine. And then he was like, all right, little boy, do you want to have a go? And I was like, yes, please. And I was like, what can I do? You're like, I'm itchy. And he was like, he was putting in the insulation.

And so it's framework behind the wall in the gaps. Hand-snapped framework. And then he puts in like the, what do you call it? It's insulation. Insulation. What do you call it? The fuzzy stuff. The fuzzy stuff.

And he was just like, he was like, put rip it and tear it and put it in there. And he's like, here you go, little fella. And I was like, That's exactly how he said it too. And I was like, thank you so much. And then after putting in like two squares, I was like, ooh, I'm pretty itchy. We're on the way home. We were walking to their cars.

And I got a whash. I said, that's not from the insulation. I got a rash on my arm. Don't tell Dan I said that. Please don't. I already texted me on time. I was like, this bloody guy, he's got a rash from the fuzzy stuff. He was like, are you okay?

And I was like, I think I need to go hospital. Yeah, I was like, you're crying? And I was like, yeah, it's just a hay fever. You took an antihistamine when he got home, for sure. To the children, I was like, don't touch me. I'm infected. You're a patient zero. I didn't want the baby to get itchy.

Fair enough, fair enough. So, yeah, we're still working on that. I did drop a couple of farties yesterday. Pay for your parking. No, I'm running for it. Come on. I like to live life on the edge, my guy. Oh, God.

I haven't paid for parking in a week. Also, we have to. not waffle this episode because there is a sporting event that Vic needs to get to. Cannot be missed. All right. Let's just, let's power through what we call housekeeping. Every time I glance to my right,

Vic is like. The official timekeeper. Guys. Louis has one hell of a race coming up. Yeah, then she'll go down there and she'll be like, she's just going to go faster. She's just going to run back to Manley. Yeah.

Oh, we're coming, Louis. If you run and like, just calling a bomb threat, they'll shut the whole thing down. You'll have to reschedule it. No, I'm not worried because he's got his. little heart on his hand with the speed line. But Louis's got cross-country today, so I'd love to make that race. Well, my kid came first. I know. I'm trying to beat you.

Damn it. What comes before first? Don't even start. Don't even start. Run backwards. Can I say, though, I told Louis that if he wins, he gets a ribbon, and he's like, oh, is that it? I was like, but it says number one on it.

He doesn't want the blue ribbon. I don't think he's seen one before, so he doesn't quite understand. Maybe he's just not a competitive kid. It was just a good thing because, Oscar, I can't stop him. I spoke to Dan about the number of tries that he scored on the weekend. Oh, go, brag away. He's doing very well. Are they full contact yet?

No. No. Are you worried about full contact? 100%. Such a mum answer. Yeah, my boy, little boy! Even now, because he's in under sixes, and there are definitely moments where he comes off crying.

And it's like, far out, how bad's this going to get when he's actually tackling? Yeah, okay. It might toughen them all up, I. It's good. One of the reasons he was crying at training was he literally ran into the coach's leg. I got a dead leg. I got a cork. They suck.

I was going to play football and he fell over once and then I found him in the disabled toilets. Crying. And he never played again. But we move on. We digress. And this is, if you're wondering what this episode is, this is it. You're in. You're actually halfway through it.

No, this is a housekeeping. That's where we get everything. that we either don't have time for for the regular episode. You've sent us that we want to talk about, but again, we haven't have time for in a regular episode. It's just a lot of things that we don't have time for. Until now. This is a message that came through from Katie.

Before I read you this message, I have to let you know, I'll preface this and say that there is an issue right now. With Australian men, dads, no less, but no one has been addressing the elephant in the room. Men in this country need to step up. Okay. I'm guilty of it. I'm sure you are.

There's a number of things we need to step on. So I'm racking my brain and thinking which one is it? And this is top of the food chain. And I just want to say thank you to Katie for making me aware of what is going on right now in this country. The issue at hand. Okay. So when you say issue at hand, I think this is very serious. This is serious.

This is serious. And every now and then we change gears on the podcast. We have a lull, but then we make it serious. Do we trigger warning anyone for this one? No trigger warning. It's not that quiet serious. Well, I'm just going to go straight into it. She says, what is going on with millennial dads not leading the hip hip, hooray in the

Happy Birthday song at their own child's birthday party? It's definitely the dad's role to come in with a strong hip hip hip times three at every kid's party I've been to in the last two years. The dads are nowhere with the hip hips. What do you think is going on? A couple of things here. I think. This is what I think, and I think only.

Okay? There's a couple things. Let me get to them at some point. First one is, I think maybe that there could have been a bit of shame around it. Not that there should be at all, because I think the hippieper is a great way to finish. Other countries don't quite understand it. It's very Australian, isn't it? Yeah, I remember seeing there was a video online of an American birthday party, and they're like,

Happy birthday to you. And this Aussie kid in the video was like, he was like, hip, hip, and then looked around and was like, what the fuck is going on? Do you know who I think we should blame for this is the older generation of dads? Do you think they were shamed out of it? I just think they're fucking lazy. That too. But I can't blame them for this one because this is what I'm saying.

There's a couple of different things here. I think that maybe we watched our dads do it, right? Yeah. And we were like, oh, I'm never going to do it. that and some actual people didn't grab fatherhood by the horns and get involved. So I kind of think it's probably the years of the previous generation, much like everything else is. But I think...

Just another thing they fucking ruin those boomers. But I don't think it's solely on the dad. I think it's... Some of the mums might have gone, don't, don't be the guy who hip-hip-hip-or-a. I think the mums, they want it. Do that? Look at Vic. There's a couple of things that are now in a dad's remit, okay, which is one, the hip-hip-her-a,

I think. Yeah. you sort of get told that this is now your responsibility. And repeating whatever it is, mum said to the kids to make the point. For example, yeah, go to your room, kids. Go to your room. Ash, I think the dad should lead the charge on disciplining as well.

In its entirety. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I don't know. Yeah. Dad. I hate being the bad guy every time. And that's the problem. And that's the problem.

That's the problem. That makes no sense. If I've got to lead the charge on it You're going to get over that ick It's not an ick I just hate being the bag Why does she get all the fun? She's the mum

Damn it! Okay We're going off track here At your child's recent birthday party Did Dan lead the charge? No And how did that make you feel? It's always me actually

I'm always like hip hip hip Give us one more No HIP Hip HIP I also find myself doing it at other people's parties. Like, I can't help myself if I'm getting a vibe that no one's going to do it. Biggs just doing it at traffic lights.

I'm like, hip-hiff! Come on. At the window looking at birthday parties. Because the little kid's like, is anyone going to hip-hit me? Are they hip-hip, hooray worthy? Always. Every child. I sometimes think three is a lot.

I'll do one, I'll get a second in there. And then I feel it like tapering off. And I'm like, you taper off. But I think, I think you got one. You need one. You need to like, you need to keep that. level of enthusiasm from start to finish and people will follow suit. I think you're right, but you also gauge the audience with the first one.

So you don't want to go too strong. It's going to be people who are like, but you would be like, that's where I think the first one is like, hip, hip, and just see, gauge the audience, then the next one is hip, hip, hip. True. And then it does just naturally taper off. So you've got to dial it up. But then what happens after the third hip hip hip is, and she is a darling of it.

What do we do with that? No, no one does that anymore. That's American. That sounds American. Although, hang on, I'm just going to just take a step back, review what I've just said. And do you think now we're living in a modern world where there's equal responsibility of parents, have we taken away? Do you want the hip, hip, hipperay as a mum?

Or is it like doing the bins where you're like, I don't really want to fucking do that, the dads can do that? Yeah, I think I'd love someone else to do it. Okay, I hear that. Loud and clear. Powerful mind. having this discussion. First of all, that's what I will say on that.

Tackling the big issues. Tackling the big issues here. I think... It is a crisis. I think what should happen is mum gives birth, the doctor says, congratulations, it's a boy, and from now on,

your responsibility is the hip, hip, erase. Yeah, you get like a little... And if you... And responsibility doesn't mean that you just do it and mum doesn't do it. Sometimes you go, hey, maybe this time,

do you want to do the hip... Give you the option. You can have a discussion beforehand. I mean, in terms of... Even the birthday cake, Dan and I, we split it. So he bakes, I decorate. Dan eats it. That's for sure.

That's a dad joke. Sorry. That wasn't specifically at Dan. I'd eat it. Are you fat-shaming, Dan? I would never. I meant, I thought you're going to say we split it. I make it.

Dad eats it. Watch him spiral. Can I just quickly, for those wondering. Call Dan. I'm just fat-shaming. So the original hip-hip was basically a way of getting everyone's attention before a toast or a cheer, which originated in old English culture in the 1800s.

Excuse me. Hi. Hip hip. Vic, edit that out because no one gave a fuck about my point. Honestly, I didn't even know you were reading. I was just like drinking his drink. Vic was like, wow. If I'm honest, I was thinking about cake.

Wow, that's really, there you go. Yeah. I turned into my mother. Fuck. Does she hear, hip, hip, hooray? Well, we had no dad, Ash, so she was forced to. That's okay. She was forced to.

She played both roles very well. Considering tough conditions raising five children. She'd be hip-hip-hipper-raying all year. She's doing five birthdays a year. So if you're a dad listening, just know that you take the hip-hip reins with both hands and you own that. I think, yeah. Don't hold back. Yeah, but then also have the discussion with mum if she wants to do it.

once in a while. Inclusivity. Like, can I have this? Nod from mum? Fuck. That's got to feel good. Run at it, 100 miles an hour. It's like a big sneeze.

That's what it's like, I reckon. If you get that, sometimes Dad's just got to get it out. Do you know what? Now that you're saying that, I actually think it's just nice to have like constant little conversations like this with each other as parents. Like, it keeps you kind of on the same page. I think sometimes you overthink things or you assume things. And if you actually stop and have that conversation, that's going to be better

for everyone in terms of your relationship as well. For sure. Imagine if the hip hips vanished forever. It was illegal. In some countries it probably is. Illegal. Yeah. Let's move on.

Hip, hip, hooray, let's move on. Matt, you had a Dota dilemma the other day about kids saying when you say, hey, put your shoes on. This is just an example. Put your shoes on and they say, just one more saying. Or I just have to do this. It's all sort of similar. Someone had a solution for you. Is it Jen?

Did Jen write in? Jen Muir? The Oracle? I'm surprised you didn't, if I'm honest. Who we got? This is from Nicole. And this is hot off the press, this one, a couple of hours ago. In response to Matt's dilemma and the dreaded one more second.

This better be good. This visual timer is my absolute golden ticket. I set it for five minutes before my son actually needs to stop the activity. So when he says just five more minutes, I say, okay. He thinks he's in control. then the transitions are seamless 98% of the time. So we'll have a visual of it, right? We'll have a visual of it.

Should I have a quick look at the visual, Matt? Oh, shit. I want one of them. Should we order one? That's genius. That's going to get lost in my house. It's like a little stopwatch, but it's like a little like a baking timer, almost.

But more child friendly. I thought it was going to be one of the old school, like, sand dials that you put upside down and like the sand go, so all the days of our lives. The speed music comes on as soon as you turn it over. The sand drips out. Actually, I might get one of those for home. I sometimes when the kids do respond with one more second, I put the alarm clock and I go, put my phone down and I'm like,

when the alarm goes off, that's when time's up. And the kids know how to disable the alarm. So they're just like, all right, like they just put my phone in a cup of water. It's like when we do the iPhone timer for playing with a toy, like you get it for like two minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oscar just fucking stops it. And he's like, I'm still gone. I think we don't know.

Just hack the mainframe. I do the, if they go, one more second, I just go, one, now what? Who was that message from? What was the name again? Nicole. Nicole? Thank you, Nicole. Yes, I actually want one for my ADHD, because I'm great for that too.

Actually, if you have any parenting hacks, send them in. Send them in. I'm obsessed with linear clocks. Just speaking of time, it's really quick. A linear clock is not a circle, it's a line. It's a linear line. Just because a clock is continuous, right, which the ADHD brain goes, well whether I finish this task or not the clock will keep ticking

but with a linear it's like I've got to get this done today it fucking stops and that scares the shit out of it have you have you uh bought one not yet expensive so you should download this episode okay that's uh good i just want to quickly jump back we did an episode which was episode two one one go back it was just an update on my sobriety journey that i have decided to embark upon to become a better person, become a better parent, etc. All that jazz. And you've become a great person.

Is that sincerity? Or like as I'm like, such a fine line. Either way, I'll take it. Yes? Anything else? The old Ash, there's nothing wrong with the old Ash. I love the old Ash. He achieved so much.

But if he ever comes back. God help us all. You never know. You never know. It's hard. It's been a slow metamorphosis into the incredible man you are today. Well said. I was going to say the same thing, but you beat me to it. Yeah, so I did get a big response from that episode. And at the time, I was quite overwhelmed by it all because of the amount of messages. So I don't want people to think that I've ignored you. I see you. You've been seen and I appreciate it. First of all, there were a lot of personal stories that came across that I can't read out because, for personal, obvious reasons, but I just want to know that I've acknowledged it and I see it, I read it and I appreciate it. And for anyone out there that is struggling, please just, I open your mouth and talk to someone. And do not feel that you can't send me a message, because

usually the messages start with, I know you're like, I know you're not going to see this, or something like that, but I try my best to see as much as I can. Does that sound right? Anyway, but I do have one here. I want to read out that at the time, this one, I did respond back and said, hey, do you mind if I read this out? She said yes. And we just haven't got around to it because, again, it was also overwhelming for me. But here we are. I won't put a name to it, the person will know what I'm talking about. I've just finished listening to today's episode, which was then, which is hashtag episode 211. Wow, we've come a long way. Ash, as a daughter of a functional alcoholic father, you sharing your story hit hard. It never felt like my father tried to

stop drinking. We didn't talk about it. We just live with it and it damaged us. My mom never left him and she should have. Now I'm older. I have sympathy for him, but still don't really understand. Why weren't we worth getting better for? Fuck that. Sorry. That line fucking kills me. I understand it's a selfish perspective, but that's how it felt. He never beat his demons and died five years ago at the age of 68.

It wasn't until his funeral where memories were shared that some good memories of dad came back from when I was much younger. They had been clouded by all the bad memories. He wasn't violent, but he was an asshole drunk. I hear how hard it's been for you. I hear your love for your kids. The little girl in me, the daughter in me, is cheering you on with love and pride despite not knowing you.

Your kids are younger so they may never really know the deep impact this choice of sobriety from you will have on their lives. But I can tell you it is life-changing. Keep fighting ash. The line in there, let me reiterate that because this is what really sent this one home. for me, which originally it wasn't the overall arc of this journey. It was, it was sort of like a knock-on benefit. This was for me, there was some of it where I wanted to be better for them, but I didn't really realize the impact until, you know, I'm this far in now, right? Where it was,

why weren't we worth getting better for? I can't imagine my life where I didn't give myself the opportunity to be better for them and then to think back and go they're more than worth getting better for right it's really easy to say about your kids i'll do anything for them i love them unconditionally but to say it and then to physically make that a reality are two separate things i would hate for my kids to down the track if i didn't do anything about it i would hate for them to have that conversation with someone where it was like, I guess we just weren't, we weren't good enough to get better for that would fucking, even if I was dead, it would break my fucking heart again.

Have they noticed or picked up on any change, do you think? It's so obvious. The change is so obvious. It's like, it's so easy to be oblivious about your behavior with things and you're oblivious about how you're, how you are as my, as mine or. as it may seem how major it is for them. Because like, like I say, it's like, I'm their whole world. Right?

It's like, Jen puts it really simply. It's like, they don't want to let you down. Think about like, imagine the person that you don't want to let down, just not making the effort for you. So it kills me to think that for six or so years that I was that guy, that it wasn't. Like, Macy was probably too young, but like Oscar has grown up knowing that his dad would have a beer at nighttime.

has he picked up on the fact that there's not beers in the garage or beers in the fridge? Does he notice that at all? Yeah, I think there was a time there where I was drinking so often that even if I wasn't drinking a beer, he just assumed it was. At the time, it was kind of like a laughaway moment, but you're like, oh yeah, but now I look back and it's just fucking sad. My relationship with Oscar is way better. I think growing up, I felt a beer.

isolated, I felt like now that I'm an adult, anytime I do something I can't do it alone, I've got to do it with someone. And I was always like always felt like that as a kid. And then my therapist said to me, now that you're older and you're like still look for people to do things with you, you've got a

best friend right there. He's right there. And it's him. And now that I'm sober and way more, I feel like I'm way more emotionally intelligent than I was six months ago. Because I'm reflecting. back on who I was.

And now it's like, okay, well, I've got an opportunity to make up for that. And that's where I'm at. How are you finding it? What are we, day 156. How do you feel now versus those other milestones that we've hit of like day 50, day 100? I think I'm the happiest I've ever been, ever in my life. I'm way more assured of myself. I'm way more confident in my abilities.

I'm way more in tune with my kids, obviously. I'm like, I decided to also make the calls to have a break from my meds just because I felt like I was abusing them when I was drinking as a cure for my hangover. Yeah. And then it morphed into where I was just built up a tolerance because of that. Yeah. And then I was starting to get frustrated and moody and I would snap and then have to I'd have to come crawling back so instantly.

And I would snap at April over something so minor and she didn't deserve that. But I wouldn't dwell on it. I'd be like I would pull myself up after and go, this is not you. Go and apologize before it's too late. Is there any reason why you stop cold turkey instead of tapering off? You've known me long enough, know that I'm not going to taper off anything. Ash is someone who is all or nothing. Well, I'm just wondering, like, does that need to have, like, it's a big change when you've

been on meds for how many years now? No, I've only been on, like, I'm still on my antidepressants because the withdrawal from that I've been through and I'm not prepared for that yet. I think in this instance, I just had the morning off once and thought, if I want, if I need them, I can always take them. And one day turned into now, which is nearly two weeks. I'm expecting some sort of drop off somewhere. But also as well, like I've built, I've learnt and I've got more tools than I did before I started.

Yeah. So I can sort of pick up or know what I need now when I was hitting the pierce, using them to get back on to level terms without actually putting in any effort. Yeah. Which I feel like it's, that's the easy way out. But now I'm like, okay, if I get some exercise in a little more. And it's so fucking cliche to be like, get some exercise, get some eat properly. Fresh air.

You get out what you put in full stop. And I've never, ever lived by that one bit. I'm always like, I'm here for a fucking good time and not a long time. That's how I've pictured myself. I've always said to people as a passing joke, if you see me over the age of 65 in a car park, hit me with your car. And that was just how I felt. Why? Because it was like this was fucking exhausting.

And it was like, why would I want to be old and exhausted? I'm exhausted now. As a 20 year old. I'm, yeah, I've had enough now. But my perspective on life is shifting every day. I remember Geraldine, she was in, I'm a celebrity with me. She is diagnosed at ADHD. And she would always have one day off.

Yeah. Normally a Sunday because it was kind of a quiet day. And she would find it like a really tricky day on that day off. that one day where she didn't have a meds. I know you talked about you have a lot of voices, you know, you don't have the clarity in your head. Has that come back at all?

Having so much noise with no meds? So I think when, you did tell me that when you came out of the jungle and I said, I didn't feel like I had the luxury of that because of the kids, right? What I would have hated in that moment was me taking it all week to get by

and then the Sunday where I'm spending the time with my family, I'm not okay. Yeah. And I thought that's actually really selfish of me. and it's like I'm probably better off having a day off. I contemplated having a Monday off. Yeah. Because the kids are back at school.

I could have a do-in-a-day. Yeah. But in this instance, it was the same with alcohol. I felt like I was just ready to have a break. It was way easier. And I feel like I braced myself for that, that hard day. And it didn't come. Great.

And I thought, yeah, great. And I also thought, well, I can't go in thinking, this is all great, because one day I could turn around and bang. and I think I'm way more conscious of my emotions and my feelings now that I can sort of pull myself up before I fall down that trap again of of using the meds for the wrong reasons instead of the right reasons. I've taken those things that I've learnt being on them and been like, okay, well, I'm just going to, I pretty much sleep in my shoes now. If that makes sense to an ADHD where it's like, you take your shoes off. if you're done for the day, I just never take them off anymore.

So I'm never done. I sleep standing up. Well, it's kind of that old thing where it's like, okay, like this morning I didn't have to get up and go for a run. I felt like I've done a lot yesterday. I did this morning. It's like, April was like really encouraging where she's like, if you want to do it, you go and do it if it's going to make you feel better.

And arguably it does. And then I'm like pumping myself full of protein in the mornings now, which is fueling my brain, which I just previously thought, ah, fuck it, you know, I'll take some meds to feel my brain. And it doesn't mean I'm not going to go back on them if I need them. I think when it gets to the point where I'm like, you know, life changes, I feel like life changes for me every week. So it's like, I don't know what I'm going to be like next week. And I might need them, whether they're short acting or long acting. But there's one thing that I do know, which I will touch on when I sort of get a little bit longer further into the journey of sobriety is that I

don't think I'll ever drink again. Wow. It is so fucking crazy. That fucking breaks my heart. Why? Why does it break your heart? It's like losing a best friend. Think about like the one thing you would rely on, bad day, good day, something inconvenient, celebration. I think of everything, right? That one thing has been there since I was 14 years of age. And it's always the one thing that I've been able to, in those moments,

rely on being there and not going to not be there. Yeah. And not have to worry about the trust of it, being there. But when it, it's literally like your best friend dying. That's how I think about it. But then I look at it a little bit differently because I look at what your supposed best friend, what path it was dragging you down. I'm like, that's not your best fucking friend. Yeah, but because I'm the closest person to it, I don't see it. It's like you see, okay, for example, you see your friend in a relationship that you know that the other person's toxic, but they don't

know until they break up and they're like, fuck. That's where I'm at. I'm in this moment here where I'm like, who I thought was my best friend because I'm the closest person to it is actually wrong. And you're right, but it isn't my best friend. You 100%. But what it feels like to me is heartbreak because I see it as it was always, it was always my best friend. But now I'm on the way out, I'm like, you were the worst thing for me.

You were borderline going to tear my family apart, right? All for yourself. So it's like now that I'm on the outside looking in. So how have you mourned losing what you could consider as your best friend? I think the relationships, the real relationships have got me to a point where I'm like, this is way better. This is, these kids and my wife are worth it. And that's not. Is that relationship with alcohol now that it's been a long time,

do you think you'll always view it as being a best friend? Or do you think you'll be able to see it for the truth and the reality that it really was? You know when you outgrow a friend? Yeah, like that. I don't regret the fun and stuff I had and the people I get to meet and the things I got to do and I used it for courage in certain aspects. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's the friend that I've outgrown.

And you do that. That's how I see it. It's amazing to see where you are now. And like it's, I never, in a million years when I met you three years ago, thought that we would be here talking about the fact that you're not going to drink again. I never thought. And like not to say that I didn't think you had it in you, but I just,

it was just such an ingrained part of your personality. Yeah, and that's another thing that I was like so worried about losing. And you hear everyone that goes, does go sober. They're like, you're actually, the things that you think you are while you're using, you're actually that but way 10 times better without it. And it's so true.

Like, walking into the cafe this morning, I saw these four old Italian guys sitting there, and they were talking about porn for all things. And I knew them all. And I did for five minutes as I just sat there and cracked jokes about it. And they had such a good time. And I left there and I thought, I still end that guy.

But without it. And if not, I'm quicker, I'm snappier, like with my responses. I feel like finally, after so many years, my brain's starting to grow back. Yeah. Which is scary too, because then it's like, what, what's it going to start telling me? Yeah. Man, it's so amazing to see. And as a child who grew up pleading with his dad to not drink and being promised time after

time after time that he he would stop drinking and then finding wine in his room and and finding hidden beers in the garage and someone who could never say no to alcohol to see you do it it makes me so happy that you could have gone down a much different path in life. Yeah, it's the way I describe it is like you are just being one big fucking liar when you drink when you're drinking. Yeah. In that, you know, like go out have fun with your mates. whatever, but there's a very big difference between that, and it's quite a slippery slope

before it's, now it's turned you into the most deceitful person. Yeah. Just because, like, you have no reason, you know, why you are just deceiving your closest people and your most loved ones around you. It's not you doing it. But, you know, with your kids now at the age that they're at, it's really, it's easier to hide those lies and the deceitfulness at this age. Yeah. as they get older, it becomes way more aware.

And so what a blessing that you've been able to have this moment now in your life and to change at the age that your kids are at, that it wouldn't have any long-term effect on your relationship with them growing up. Yeah, I'm thankful that I figured it out now because I got some messages that obviously they're personal and people who want me to see them only, is that, you know, their husband or whatever or wife or whatever, whatever it might be, it actually tore their family apart.

And it's like it's someone said to me like the father of my children, he's sober now, but it was just all too late. And it's like it's so sad. Yeah. The number of people who would be in your position, who have come out the other end and choosing their family over alcohol, you were in the minority, for sure, for sure. And what an amazing place for you to be in, not just for you, but for your family. and for us as well.

Yeah, thank you. And I'll keep everyone updated where I'm at and I'm sure that it's been tough now but I'm sure that it's going to have tough moments. We'll just as it comes, I guess. You'll wrap me out by you. No, I'm not going to wrap you up. I just wanted to say,

because I met you just before you stopped drinking and then so I've kind of seen you progress. And as someone who's sort of watched you week by week, every week you're that little bit lighter, that little bit happier. that little bit like there's less weight on your shoulders. And that in itself has been really beautiful to watch. And as that weight keeps lifting off, you're becoming more open.

And I'm getting to know you so much more as well. And so that's a really beautiful thing that I've noticed as well. Yeah. I'm definitely a million times happier. Like I saw this guy like dancing at the bus stop this morning. I openly lulled. And I don't like, April's always said to me, she was like, we're watching something funny.

You never laugh. And it's like I'm amused. But I'm like, fuck, like, I'm mucking around with the kids and stuff like that and having so much fun when I wasn't previously because it was like something else was controlling who I was. But, yeah. Sorry to dump it on you. Again. But, yeah. And again, if I haven't responded to you or whatever, it's not that I'm being rude and I apologize as just so, so many stories just like that one.

So, yeah. I don't ever apologize because, you know, when this stuff comes out, it's so important for yourself to give it oxygen. But also, you know, we see it every time that we do an episode on this topic and it benefits so many people. And so we did have, if you're listening, we didn't plan this. No, I plan to acknowledge the people that I haven't had a chance to get back to and read out that one because I couldn't shake it. and I felt like it needed some air, and then I just pulled on that piece of string, and I needed to get that out.

Yeah, it's like a river. Once it starts flowing, ain't nothing getting in the way. It cuts its own path. Well said. Like a giant cock. Giant stream. Once it grows.

But we promise that next housekeeping episode we'll actually get to the things that we need to. People are like, read my question. Sorry. They're like, here it is. Samantha, they're finally going to get to my question. Are we going to have to do a third episode where it's just dilemmas? People did say the greedy fuckers.

I was like, two episodes a week and they're like, what about Fridays? You never know. You never say never. And like, the one thing this journey has taught me as well is there is physically and mentally nothing that I can't do. So why don't, like, I'm not going to rule out the ever chance of there being a third episode. Okay, sorry to put that on you. But you never. You never know.

No. You never know. You never know. Who's going to edit this, bet? We'll figure that out later. Don't worry about that. But I think like, yeah, okay, there's a lot of stuff that we need to get through. So just bear with us.

But just, yeah, just know if you are waiting for your doting dilemma, your parent hack or your parent to be read out. It will. 90 business days. At some point in 2006, it will happen. Don't promise the year, Matthew. Just keep listening. It's already June, pretty much. Oh, God, six months.

But please, send us all your thoughts. Maybe we'll just write a book with it. But if you've enjoyed this episode, we would love it. If you would follow us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. So the episodes get delivered directly into your inbox. And also, just a couple of words, a little review, a comment, any sign of life from... A sign of life. We're still here.

Yeah, just say, still present. Blink twice if you're still here. Either in the episodes individually on Spotify or you can do it overall on Apple Podcast. Or on socials, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, or share it with a friend, especially if you think anyone that could use, that's another thing too, just quickly, majority of pissheads daydream about being sober. If you're sitting there daydreaming, listen to this about being sober, pull the trigger, put yourself first, put your kids first, put your family first.

It's really important. And thank you, Ash, for opening up. Thank you. Thank you to the Dota's for joining us on these new episodes every second Monday. See ya. Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.

This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.