Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #232 The toy that finally broke us

Episode Date: June 7, 2026

We’re back with another housekeeping ep and the boys are ripping through the to-do list this week — from parenting lies and par-rants to a couple of doter dilemmas thrown in for good measure. The guys unpack the backlash around “new baby on board” commuter badges… and let’s just say they’ve got thoughts. They also launch an investigation into the most spirit-breaking kids toys ever invented - particularly the ones lovingly gifted by certain mothers-in-law.  Matty reflects on his early newborn days and the loneliness that can hit when there’s no dads group or village to lean on. Plus there’s another birthday party etiquette drama and this time Ash has had to call it in to April which lands him in more hot water. As always: plenty of enthusiasm, very little advice. If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Okay, power of nine really quick. Give me two digits. Give me two numbers. Five and seven. Five and seven, okay, is 57. Yep. Now, add those two together, you get five plus seven is 12. Five plus seven, yep.

Yep. Now, you reduce, you go 57 less 12. What does that equal? 57, less 12. 45. 45. Now, you put four and five together. What number does that give you?

Nine. Boom. The power of nine. And you can do it with any number. You are really good with numbers. What were you like in maths? Terrible because my teacher had really short shorts and I would nothing to do with him. Welcome back to two-dating dads.

I am Maddie J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the power of nine. And we won't give advice. Now, this is a Monday episode is a housekeeping episode.

Let's stick to that. In short, It can mean anything. It's a smorgas board of discussions. Or is my grandmother calls it a schnorkers board? I don't know why. But she does. I was never good at maths. Numbers confuse me.

You can do that with any number, any two numbers. And all the way up to... Who taught you this? TikTok. Give me three numbers. Three, three and three. Three, three and three. Oh my God, it's nine.

Oh my God, it's nine. Now, if you reduce nine from three, three and three, What do you end up with? Zero. No? If you reduce, nine from 33. No, now I need to do it. You get 20, you get 324.

Now add 3, 2 and 4 together. What do you get, Vic, make him stop. You get... Yeah, I've moved on. You get 9. All the listeners are out and they go on, pooh! I don't think they are. Okay, whatever.

I think they're like, what is this? What's the parenting content? This is housekeeping. Studio update, Matt. What do you got for me? Okay. We went all out. We blew the budget once again.

I think I was like, it's going to cost 200 bucks. And that's because I didn't realize when I was getting a neon sign quoted, it was for 10 centimeters. So I then got it 65 centimeters. It's about 500 bucks. It's a great investment.

Hope that don't spell it wrong. The ROI on this neon light is phenomenal. It's going to be posted every day on every story. We did say there's the option. That's good gear. That is good gear. Option one. Option two, the good, the bad and the relatable.

We went with the good, the bad, and relatable, didn't me? Yes. Yeah, okay. I think it's a safe bet. Because people were like, what do you, is that even a question, you idiot? I was like, whoa. I know. They really came up here.

I was just like, hey, guys, here's what I'm thinking? What do you reckon? They're all like, do we need to fucking come there and run this business for you? Because you guys are fucking stupid. Actually, that sounds pretty good. If you're offering, if you're offering, if you're offering, we'll hand it over. We'll hand it over, of course. Help us.

Help us. We did need to get furniture, and we did source furniture a little bit of it from Facebook Marketplace. Yes. And I just so happen to be living with the Facebook Marketplace, bully. Bulley? What do you mean? Bro, shelves.

Got some shelves, as you know. Yes. Now, I inquired about these shelves. They were, yes, they're still available. The lovely lady, her name was Margaret. She was very old. May I stop you right there? Yeah.

The floating shelves or a bookshelf? A bookshelf. A bookshelf. Bookshelf. Because you did say shelves. Sorry, bookshelf. Yes. I said, is it available?

Yes, it's $100 for these shelves. I had a look at who was selling them. She's probably 80. Her name's Margaret. Yep. That's how she sounded too. Classic. And April.

Good on Margaret for knowing how to run a Facebook page. Oh, yeah. April didn't give a fuck about how old Margaret was. She's like, offer a 50. I'm like... What was the asking price? 100? I'm like, poor Margaret.

She's on a fixed income. She's on a pension. She was like, I'm getting 100. bucks. No, you're not. April's like, 50. Staunching. 50. I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm not. Was the 50 based on like market value depreciation or was she just like,

halve it? Yeah, halve it. She goes, you're always always going to go in half. I'm like, fuck, and hell. Now, why do we get nothing? The other things I really want is going in half of it. I didn't know this until now. And I was like, okay, no, I'm going to just offer her what it's on there. Just get the deal done. She's in her 80s.

Imagine, like, poor thing going, she's getting on. And then she's like, I would have lived longer if they'd have just given me the full hundred instead of just beating me down to 50. That's like a couple of hot meals at the RISL for Margaret. And like a little game of a keynote.

To be fair, she did live beachfront. But I didn't know this until I went to pick an art. Anyway, April was like, did you make her help you to carry it? I'm like, she's 80. She's like, so? I'm like, jeez, you're ruthless. So anyway, we've got the shelves.

For how much? 100 bucks? I wasn't. It's annoying when that happens. You know when you give it to, you're paying someone and you're like, I want them to be a battler. Like, I want to be helping them out. And when they're like, pretty well to do, like, I had a piece of furniture that I tried to

sell, couldn't sell it on Facebook marketplace. They saw straight through a year, didn't they? And I was like, do you know what? We're moving out of the apartment. And I was like, I'm just going to fucking give it away. Like it was, I think given to us. So we were like, what I could have made. So you were trying to profit on something that was given to you?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Found my, setting traps for me. Got him. And I was like, do you know what? I'm just going to give it away.

Oh, that's the worst thing you can do. And then within like seconds, someone was like, I'll be there. When? The entitlement of people when you're giving something away, though, they're like, say, are you giving something away and you get these messages? It's still available? Is it still available? It's still available?

It's still available. Yeah. And then people are like, can you deliver it to me? Like, well, dude, she rocked up in a Mercedes. And I was like, oh, you. You should be paying for this. You fucker? Yeah, you.

You could deserve this. She was rich. I know, and it's like... Mercedes-I is brand new. We went and picked up these bunk beds from a ritzie suburb on the northern beaches. Pretty far north. I think you can pick up what I'm putting down. Anyway...

Are you picking up big? Yeah, like Palm Beach, Avalon. That sort of area. That sort of... I don't want to, in case they're listening. Whoops. We can lose one or two. They like to hear that, I reckon.

Really? They like to hear that. get to their house to pick up these $200 sort of bunk beds that were well used, I might add, turn up to their brand new house to fucking like half a million dollar cars in the fucking driveway and you're like battling me for $200. That's probably what they have all this sort of stuff. That's it. Yeah.

They're fucking watertight. They're like fish, you know? Northern beaches people. I know. They got a microclimate up there. But also the green colour. I've never seen such an outpouring of opinion. Did we pick the wrong one?

Since like the last election. Oh, really? Maybe we should run for... Don't be ridiculous. Don't be ridiculous. No, come on. Enough of that. But the colours. Did I not say Pharaoh's gem?

I think you'll find it's Pharaoh's gem. That's what I said. Pharaoh's gem. I said that that was slang for testicles back in the old timey days. Pharaoh's gem? Pharaoh. Like the Pharaoh's gem. Like the Pharaoh of Egypt.

Yeah, Pharaoh. Faro. Okay. The Pharaoh. You know, when you want to correct me, Vic, you can do it. Off air. He's in denial. Very good.

Farrow's gems. Pharaoh. Ferro. Because you know how you say, oh, my crown jewels. My Pharaoh's gems. I liked it. You liked it as well. I did like Ferro's gems.

That is, it was option two for those playing at home. That is the colour we have gone with. And it looks phenomenal. It looks very good. The only problem I got with the swatches is that it took how many coats to cover the swatchers are? 24. Fucking hell. You can still see it.

We can have to put a picture over it. A neon sign, if you will. I'll let it be known to everyone listening right now that I organise the moving of a light switch. You did do a very good job of that. It said there's a light switch. You did something. There you go.

Thank you. Thank you. Very well done. So this will be maybe one of the last records, maybe. Yeah, we're getting there. We're getting close. Matt, I don't know if you recall we talked about cloth nappies. A couple of weeks ago, the fact that

Beth, your sister, claimed she was gun to use cloth nappies. The baby came along all of a sudden, cloth naps, where are they? No one knows. No one to be seen. But my parents did use cloth nappies on her apparently. But when they got to me, they were like, fuck around. That was back in the 90s. That was progressive.

I will say. I don't know who these people think they are coming out with this, like, stop trying to pretend like cloth naps are good. They're not good. You ain't fooling no one. I feel like some people just really want to get knuckles deep in shit. Like, you've got to clean it. Like, I just, I don't have time for cloth nests.

Imagine having a bucket full of shitty cloth nappies at the end of each day after already having a shit day. Two things on the cloth nappies. Yes. Apparently, apparently, because we were like, what are you going to do? Like, go to the toilet, then like empty the poo into the toilet to then wash the nappy. And then people were like, well, you've got to do that anyway with normal nappies. I tend to agree and disagree on this one because if it's already quite wet and absorbed by the nappies,

I'm not putting any extra effort in to get that out. Because obviously it's going to go to landfill. But if it's a Macy shit, which we've seen, which are... Python's... Pretty much like that. The water bottle. It's begging to go in the toilet.

Because I'm not going to wrap that. It's like wrapping a present or a pass-the-passel for someone else to open up. Like when my baby's there on the change table, I don't have time to... Yeah. I'm just, I'm working efficiently. But Gemma has said just a little insight into cloth nappies in regards to the poos. If it's solid, it goes straight in the toilet. If it's just milk newborn poop, it gets rinsed in the laundry sink.

And if you're breastfeeding only, it is actually water soluble and can go straight in the wash. Just, oh, look. Also, just an FYI. All solid poo is meant to go in the toilet, even if you use disposable nappies. It's written on the box. I'm not reading the box. Who is reading the box with nappies? And sorry, Gemma, I'm not attacking you.

I have dumped the shit into the toilet before, but if it's a solid, not if it's, if it's any runny whatsoever, I'm not, no. Bag and tag it. Bag and tag it straight in. And sometimes I'll double bag it. So we receive these little messages slash comments on the Facebook group, which is an amazing place to be if you're a parent. Because there's a lot of tips and tricks in there, which we didn't really establish it to be like that. But it seems to have worked out that way, which is lovely. That was always the plan.

Was it? Good thing I wasn't in that meeting. Boring! Those people who are in the Facebook group, they have the official title of being do-toos. I wouldn't know because I'm never in there. You do, once a month. Every now and then I...

Well, that's the thing I keep him wanting more. You're like the divorced father. I'm the dad who went out for milk. Yeah, it comes back once a month. He's like, oh, I've got something. Daddy, we go in the park? No, shut up, Timmy. I like a few things.

I'm like, straight back. And everyone's like, who was that? Is that, Ash? What are you doing here? Panthan. Yes. We did get a big response on Bepantham. People were loving it.

Do you know who didn't respond, though? Probably non-parents. Bepantham themselves. I was like, do you want to sponsor the book? Yeah, that's a free plug they got there. Someone even said like, come on Bepanthin. Give the guys, give them some money. Give me some Bepantham.

Please, we're poor. Please, we're poor after the studio. We had to pay Margaret full price. Actually, we got, speaking of bank accounts. We are poor. That account right now is. Empty. That's the way I like.

I like to be backed into a corner like that. And you're the one who was like, we should pay ourselves some money. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, once. And now we've done that. We got no money. We got to pay him back. Have we paid Dan yet?

Has Dan been? I paid Dan. Oh, fucking that's where it all went. I bet him half. I negotiated. April's like, offer him half. Sitting there in the corner, like, smoking a cigarette. She should come in for all negotiations.

That's her only move, though. After that, they're like, no. She's like, okay, I try. I tried. I'm out. I tried. We actually paid double. All right, I got Bepanthin. Lady of various sorrows. What? That's her Instagram name. Well, usually I mispronounce names, but now I'm just like, what is this? And there was no other name on there.

She says, how Windex is for the family in my big fat Greek wedding. Hang on. The Pantham is for my family. Anything is wrong. I'm told to put Bepan on it. For those of you who don't understand the reference. get it. My big fat Greek wedding, you know the movie? Love it. It was an old movie. The dad of that, he seems to think that Windex can go on any ailment, okay? From Sorriasis to Windex. Windex. What, Windex? Throughout the movie, there's little bits in the movie where he'll, someone

be like, I've got this on my thing, and then he'll come out of nowhere and spray it with Windex. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't remember that in the movie. Are you sure? Yeah. One day he was washing his windscreen with his windex, and he saw something on his hand, and he sprayed it. Anyway, it cleared up immediately, apparently.

But he swears by it. And it's, it's such a dad thing to really fixate. Like, my grandfather used to think metho would fix everything. So whenever I'd hurt myself,

he'd be chasing me around the house with a rag of metho. Go figure he was an alcoholic. Anyway, he's dead. How do you laugh? But that's okay.

That's okay, because he's been dead for a while. Ask me a lot of shit. Literally chased me around the house with a bottle of metho. I remember one time I fell, off my bike. And my nan was such a, such like a caring, she would redress everything every day.

Like, I felt a really bad gravel rash along my side when I was a kid. And he was just like, you know, I could fix this. Come here, son. Speak for me. Speak for you. Rest in peace. Yeah, resting peace. Yeah. Look. This is the last plug I'm going to give Bepanthin because I am paying us. Those fuckers. Not yet. They're not those fuckers. But apparently Laura have. feet. They are like... And that's what we've got time for. They are like sandpaper.

I have never seen something suck up so much moisture. Like the second she puts any type of moisturiser on her feet... I hate she doesn't need a floor towel when she showers. Like scientists need to do some kind of study on her. Like I've never seen a part of the body just forever be so dry. They're porous. It is impossible for moisture to stay there for longer than three seconds. And like sometimes in bed they'll run past me and she,

cuts me open. Past you. My like, track suit bottoms have been shredded. I wake up and I'm like, what happened? And Laura's like, sorry about that.

We're at the zoo yesterday. We saw a lizard. Did it kind of look like that? That's Lord's feet. But someone said, Bepanthin, on the scaly feet. So I'm yet to put it on her feet.

What's with your wife and her feet? How dare you? She puts him, she washes them in the sink like she does with the hand. When is she ever she says that, I just picture her, like her feet rubbing together, like with soap in the middle like that.

the sink like you would with your hands. And now you're like, they're so dry. They can also pick anything up off the floor. Is she a monkey? Hang on a second. Moving right along. That was so quick. What a gear change.

I know. No, we need to be. Anyway, have you seen the global, political global state of the country? We need to be serious. We've fucked around for too long in this episode. We're running an hour behind schedule. Well, that's the point of this episode, isn't it? I apologize.

Okay. Carry on. I want to talk about New South Wales Transport. Okay. You were having a dig about them. I was having a dig in New South Wales revenue. Ah. They threatened me.

With what? I didn't pay a park and fine. They're like, we need to take your license off you. It's like, well, that's not fair because I wasn't in the car when it was parked. So why am I being punished for being in the car?

But when they say, we'll take your license off you, it's like, it's like a parent saying, we'll turn this car right around. Or it's like a school yard where it's like, I'm just taking back home here. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

You're like, So New South Wales revenue Fuck you Fuck you Oh god No no no No no no That's fine

Let's move on to someone else If I New South I thought Transport Yeah fuckas They have released Badges And I think

My only reference point For these types of badges They're the baby on board Badges Is when I was in London Because I once lived in London Four years Is that why you got a slight accent

I like that That is A lot that It's a horrific accent. It's meant to be bad. Do you know why? Because I'm mocking you. Whoa. There's a lot of venom in that. Vic, what the... What are you fucking playing with? What are you doing over there? What are you doing? Are you trying to untangle a chain? Yeah. Bring out there!

So I was just doing a while we're talking. You need some windex. You need some Bepanthon on that thing. I'm listening while I do it. Do your hobbies in your own time. We don't pay you to untangle next. Do your hobbies in your own time. It's like a fidget toy. She's like, I just love untangling things. We finished the episode. We're like, Vic how was that?

She's like, oh, yeah, it was great. We're going to get an episode. Great episode. Meanwhile, she's got a fucking jewelry shop set up in front of her. Is that Tony May over there? Is Laura paying you right now? I know. She's definitely, that's something she'd do as well.

She's packing orders. She's like, look, Vic, while you're over there, just watching that conversation happen. Do you mind making jewelry for us? Is that a Tony May necklace? It's not actually. Well, that's the problem. We wouldn't tangle up like that. Tony may, get all your gold and silver goods at tonymay.com.

Thank you, Laura. We need some advertisers. We do need some money. So it speeds out to Laura. When Laura's like, why is there an invoice from two-doting dads of $4,000? Ash plugged you. He's never bought anything. They should sponsor us, though.

Oh, yeah. There's anyone out there out there like Tony Mary? I'm yet to find them. I love you, baby, so much. I love you. It's such a great brand. That's a great label. I'm looking at you, damn the eyes.

Okay, carry on. You still thought it was transport. That's what we got time for. Are we going to get through this episode? I feel sorry for the listeners. So they have... I feel really sorry for them. That's just mean.

They're having a great time. I can say that, but you can't. My sister did say, she's like, you guys have, like, you've started yelling a lot in the episodes. Sorry. Like, there's a lot of, like, Hey, oh!

We got an old, I can't hear. What are you saying? You and me having our own conversation. I know. Honestly, I forget that all this is. here. We've both got dementia. See you next week. We're going to age gracely. Sorry.

News I thought I was transported. This is my fourth attempt. Okay, so, I lived in London, right? In London, they used to have... I know, you keep fucking reminding it. Baby, because we'll show some interest for once. I'm not interested. You know, I pretend to be into your stories.

You don't pretend you just are. Got me. It's got me. Oh, come on. I think's like, come on hurry out. They have baby on board badges. And I think it makes sense in London because people often wear like big jackets, coats. It's hard to tell when someone is pregnant.

It's cold. It's very cold in London. That's for damn sure. Miserable, some would say. Absolutely. Depressing, in fact. But now, New South Wales Transport have adopted that idea. So if you're pregnant, you can request a badge.

It just says baby on board. Okay, yeah, I like it. So if you are pregnant, you can request a baby on board badge that you wear to then tell the other passengers on the public transport that you are in fact pregnant. And people, Ash, have been mixed in their responses to this. It's for those courteous people who see that, get up and go, hey, here's my seat, because you are with child. The people who think it's a bad thing, they believe, like, we don't have to spoon-feed

people. Like, do we really need a badge to be like, be courteous to me? Like, surely it's just common sense to give your seat up for someone who's pregnant. The people that are saying that, do they have not access to any form of technology and see that everyone needs to be spoon-fed everything all the time because clearly how can someone get upset with courtesy i am pissed off with you matt because you were so courteous there is one doesn't make any sense there is one comment here ash and it says it depends how pregnant they are pregnancy is not an illness no one said it was but it's also uncomfortable for a mum with

she's growing a human so a lot of yelling she's growing a child just growing the baby the babies are being grown in there. It's hard work. The only illness is involved is like morning sickness, right? Morning illness. Actually, so it isn't ill. It's a parasite. Yeah, it is a parasite. Are we wrong?

So actually it is an illness. But still, can't you get up for both? Well, actually, when I look to this, because that really pissed me off that comment. And it came from a woman, but someone wrote underneath, no, but it's a time of altered physiology, lower blood pressure in early pregnancy, plus morning sickness means standing up on public transport is challenging at times. plus relaxin and shifted centre of gravity on later pregnancy can make standing on public transport challenging.

And as someone who has been through it, it's really hard and like it's all consuming. And the one time you actually get to have a rest is when you get off your feet. And if no one's standing up for you on the bus, then what the fuck are you doing. And people are fuckwits. People are fuckwits. But also...

Well said. Thank you. Do you know what the problem is with people? There's fucking too many of them. No, but I do think, I do think, because there is a comment. here and it says, I got off at a seat when I was 36 weeks pregnant, but not at 12 weeks when the likelihood of me passing out was far higher. I was sturdier in the third trimester.

And I think that's the problem. If you're 12 weeks pregnant and you're feeling like shit and you have a jacket on or a coat, you don't look pregnant. No. Let's put this way. All through April's, our first pregnancy with Oscar, we got on the bus together every morning to the city. That is so cute, by the way.

It's super cute. Thank you. 45 minutes. I would make sure that we would get a seat, okay, even if that meant having to drive to an earlier spot, like an earlier pickup spot to get a seat, because her morning sickness was so bad, but she was so committed to her job

and wouldn't take a fucking Uber or wouldn't, she wouldn't let me drive or anything like that. She was too proud. But there's so many times that we would get off the bus because she was so uncomfortable. Imagine adding standing in the mix, okay? Would she ever bring a bag with her? Yes, every time.

And she would spew up 70% of the time. Wow. And I would take the spew bag with me and put it in the bin on the way to my office so that she didn't have to deal with that. What a guy. Thank you. Also, what a woman. Like, women are amazing.

Oh, yeah. But also, very chivalrous of it. I think the, thank you, this is all about me. I think the bare minimum. Okay, I'm going to put this out there right now. I don't care if someone comes to me. If you're a man and you see a pregnant woman get on the bus and you don't get up to give her your seat, you're a fucking idiot.

Full stop. You're not a man. You're not a man. You're a mouse. Where's the cheese? There was one comment though, which I think is fair. It's like, this would be great if everyone actually looked up from their phones. Yeah, that too.

But I just think it's common. It doesn't, you're not actually hurt. Even if you offer it and they say, no, no, no, it's fine. You have gone one step better than the people that don't even have the common courtesy, the decency, or the fucking stones to get up and say, here is my seat. What do you think is going to happen? You're going to sit there comfortable on your listening to whatever it is you're fucking doing on your phone, completely able to stand up for 30 minutes of your life

after probably being sitting on your ass at a desk all day fucking get over yourself. Yeah. Vic, would you ever be in a situation where you were not offered a seat when you were pregnant? The only time that I didn't get offered a seat, it was like that thing where someone's looking down so I'm not afraid to say like, hey, look at my giant belly.

But I think these badges are great because that first trimester is horrific. It's not that bad, is it? It's... Jokey, I'm joking! Oh my God. That was a joke. He's just not a guy who wouldn't offer his seat. Oh, how dear you.

And no one knows you're pregnant. You're not showing, but you feel the most sick that you will and have ever felt in your whole life. And it's not in the morning. It's all fucking day. It's every day of the week. It's relentless. And I remember having to stand on a bus and hold on to that little bloody thing and be waving around. Like, I've already got low blood pressure.

And I just remember being like, don't throw up, don't throw up, don't throw up. And it's awful feeling. option. Let's put it this way. If you're on a bus with a pregnant woman that has experiencing morning sickness and she doesn't have a spare hand to actually catch her vomit, mate, it's going to be worse for you. And I always say to my kids, it is so much easier in life to be nice than it is to not be nice. And being nice and giving your seat up is one, it's going to make someone go, what a nice guy and second, or woman, whatever. And second of all, you're going to feel good about yourself for doing that for someone. So it's so much easier to be

nice. Does that mean you're going to be nicer to me? No. Okay. Oh, that's rich. I think I'm going to go one step further. New South Wales Transport. You've got enough bloody money. There's so many toll roads here in Sydney. We should have specially designed buses that are beds for pregnant women. Just a recliner.

Yeah. Just reclining. And you guys can request. You're like, I'm in the northern beaches. I want to go to the city. And then the bed bus comes. A maternity bus. Yes.

Yeah, I reckon the maternity bus would be great. You could have great chats. Yes. Yes. Tips and hacks. Two doting dads, maternity bus. And the bus driver's topless. You ruined it

You ruined it Last thing you're thinking about When you're pregnant Fair, fair I'm just trying to Give myself a job He just really wants to get his kid off Just really quickly

When my wife Lori may have heard her name Once or twice I've just heard about her feet When it was Christmas time A couple years back Trying to find a car park She had Marley in the car

screaming Finally found a car park In the Pram parks At the Westfield and she was waiting for one. And then as a car came out, another car came the other way. I didn't see Laura or like nab the park. And Laura was like, hey, come on, man.

Like, I was, I was waiting. And she didn't have a kid in the car. And she goes, you don't even have a child. And she goes, you chose to be pregnant. And then didn't give a car park up. I can see what generation that person was from. I can see it. Boomer.

Oh, man. Can't wait until they all die out. Sorry, Mom. Right after he said it costs nothing to be nice. It does cost nothing to be nice. But I think if you can't give up, you see, you've got bigger fucking problems, mate. Ash, it is time for... Tell me lie. Tell me sweet little lies.

Tell me, tell me lie. Hey, actually, this is just a very quick parenting lie. I've missed these. I know, it's been a while. Because someone has to keep talking about the sobriety. I don't know. And you want me to be nice to you. Never.

I love you. Shut up. Okay. So this one is from Danielle. This is the best parenting lie ever. I'll be the judge of that, Danielle. Yeah, that's bold. Very arrogant.

Did she actually write that or did you? Oh my God, no. Okay. I am constantly late to work because my son is so slow getting ready because he doesn't want to go to daycare. Yeah. Feel that. Today I told him when I'm late to work, I have to go to time out. He's never been ready so fast and in the car ready to go.

So mummy doesn't have to go to time out. That is good. That is very good. And I like, if you're not a timeout family, because people parent differently, you can swap that out to be whatever it is that the punishment is at your house. Do you guys have at your schools for your children, do they have like a naughty corner? We have the thinking corner. Yeah.

Soft. I think it's like a thinking or a timeout corner. We have the whipping corner where you get whipped. That was when I went to school. school. Poor old Lola was like, I was there eight times yesterday. I was like, she had nothing else to think about. We've really softened absolutely everything, haven't we, at schools?

Like, a thinking corner is the corner where it's like you're being a little shit, go and think about it. I suppose it works. Yeah. And I kind of like it. Ash, we also have now just moving along very quickly. Do you say two songs? We've got another song coming?

Oh, yeah. Another song, yeah. It's time for this one. Whoa. Yeah, to say what I feel Man, I feel like a parent Hey! Perance, Matt, this is where parents send us

Things they want to get off their chest. It doesn't have to be about parenting, but I suppose it says pair ants, so people just go that way. These are long rants. These are long rants. Ash, take it away, you go first. Am I going to go first with Michael?

I can pronounce that one. What is the go? I love it when they start with something like that. What's the go? What's the go with those skills tests? at every pub right next to the playground. They are like pokies for kids. I'm assuming he means the claw machines.

Yes. And you get there and you tell your kids, they're broken and all good until that one kid somehow gets money and puts it in the machine and then it's on. Bulk carry-ons, especially if you're there for dinner. They're a bit tired and lose their mind when you say no. We have to get a petition out to get them removed from all the pubs, let the kids play in the park,

and the dads have their beer, no carry. on from the kids. P.S. I love the pod. You keep me up on some rough drives home from night shift. Oh, that's great. Thanks, Michael. I agree because the part of the road for me, which has, it's sort of the only indoor playground in the area. So as soon as it does rain and you want to get the kids out for play in the park, but there's no parks open obviously because it's raining. You go there. It's already echo as far. And then you're throwing these machines that are there that the kids just don't even see the park. Tunnel vision. And there's always one kid who, who's allowed to do it, which ruins the...

I think either get rid of them or, as parents, we should agree, only use it if there's literally no one else there. Because once one kid has a go, and one of them's a chocolate one where we are, and we're rock at that. Not only that, but they're also in shopping centres now. Yeah, it's an epidemic. Yeah. They're everywhere.

They're spreading. They are spreading. Before we know it, they'll be in schools. Are they really making that much money off them? I'd love to know. Surely not. There's been times where I've... put in like 20 bucks for a fucking little Mars bar.

Have you? You're part of the problem. I know. Well, that's the thing. I was like, I'll have one go. And the next thing, Laura was like, why he's still there? And I was like, I'll be home late, honey. She's just a full-blown gambling out until the internet. You're like, I'm going to win it all back, babe. In chocolate, man? Yeah, it all counts. Yeah, why is it $4,000 missing from the account?

And I was like, uh-uh, cherry ripe. On the back says, don't sell separately. It was worth it. I know, we've got some at the movies. And it's just, there's a little, like, one, exit one little pathway to leave the movies and there's three machines there and they're all what the machines are like bing bong bing boom bong come over here kids we love you i know flashy lights of music you're fucked anyway we can be here all day winching about those things this one is from rachel

hello rachel is there a secret mother-in-law handbook that says when in doubt by grandkids the largest loudest most aggressively colored toy known to mankind bonus points if it plays music that you cannot turn off like thank you truly the kids love of But of course they do. But if we walk past this in the shops, it would be a hard no from me. I take the tantrum over it. But now these hideous toys are here, sitting in my living room, taunting me, assaulting my senses and violently adding to my daily overstimulation.

I don't want to sound ungrateful. A bit late. I just don't understand why every gift has to look like a carnival exploded in my house. I've got a solution for this. And whenever a parent of mine or a parent of April's or another family member buys any toy that I think immediately will annoy the shit out of me, which is majority of, then it's an at-the-house toy. So you don't insult them to go, we love this.

What we might do is because we've got heaps of our place. It might leave this one here so when they can play with it. And then also you get to enjoy it, not me. That's very good. Thank you. That's very good. It worked with a karaoke machine. It never left the box.

Do you want to know what Lola picked up recently? Have a look at this toy. Oh, you got it. Oh, show and tell. I love that. I told you my sister gave Oscar a kazoo. Oh, God. Oh, that's terrible.

She knew what she was doing. She's better than that. Beth, come on. Cloth, nappies and kazzoos are her. What? Wow. I'm not going to like, I like it. Yeah.

I know. I've never seen Ash's face light up so much. What is it? It does this. Now I hate it. It's beautiful. It is beautiful. So it's a magic wand.

a pink magic wand that has a crown at the top and it's got this little like plastic sphere with a love heart in there and as you press the button it spins the love heart with these neon lights and then it has some beautiful music to go with it and it's always when turn off

it's always when Poppy is just gone to sleep and then Lola finds out that I've been in a place that I've hidden it and it fucking just wakes everyone up so annoying bit phallic at the other end oh come on Ash well it is I call a spade a spade kids are like moths you whip a light on like that

and they're like Especially little girls I know that's magical Who got you that? I don't know I think it was Nana Plutting Nana Yeah

And she lives with you So she has to deal with it Lives in her room now There you go Hey Hash We have one more song Before we go Do we yeah

One more song Now you need us more than ever Know that we still have each other You can send a short doting dilemma You can send a sure dotting dilemma Ella, Ella, Ella, Ella, eh. Deletrella. Okay, this is from Lauren

who was sent in an audio message. May I play it for you please? Absolutely. Thank you, Ashley, someone else is doing the work around here. Hey, Maddie Nash. My name's Lauren and my husband and I are both big fans of the podcast. We're first-time parents to a five-month-old boy,

and the other day my husband sent me a message saying that he feels lonely. Before having our baby, he was, and still is, the one in his boy's group chat, checking in on everyone else, asking how their weeks going and organizing monthly pop catch-ups. His text message said, I'm sad that I don't get to hang out with people like what you have with your mum's group. I'm really happy that you've got that.

Yes, I come to work, but I'm not working with mates. All we talk about is work stuff. None of my mates suggest catching up after work or on the weekends, and they hardly ever reply to messages. It honestly broke my heart reading it. It's especially sad because two of his closest mates already have young kids, and they're all obsessed with my husband. We even created a monthly parenting group via our local community Facebook page in order to meet other couples, which is actually how my mum's group formed.

I don't really know what to do to help him other than set up play dates with the husbands from mum's group. Have either of you experienced this? I know loneliness is something a lot of dads go through after becoming dads. And do you have any suggestions for helping dads build those connections again? Thanks guys. Again, love the podcast. First of all, we're your friends. Okay, that's your first one.

Aw. But, fuck, it's tough, hey. Do we want to remind Ash a time when he once said I have enough friends? I don't need any more. Which time? This is the new improved, Ash. This is, yeah, this is, that was.

It's true, though. I'm just a likable guy, can I say. Look. Okay, can I just remind people, Ash, of your situation. When Oscar was born, you found a unicorn parents group. Oh, It was, yeah, I got friends from outside of that trying to get into this group still. Of course, everything that Ash touches turns to bloody goals.

Just like this podcast. So. And how did you find that mother's group? Parents group, sorry. It was firstborn's mother's group. So based on the community where we were at postcode geographical location, April sort of got grouped in with a bunch of other moms that, thankfully, they just seemed to all get on. There was a couple that were doing their own thing.

There's no malice towards that. But like the core group that continued, they all put in the effort. Like she just said then he's the guy who checks in. So it's kind of like he's trying to put the effort in. But blokes are useless, right? We know that. And like, unless you've got other people that want to put a similar effort in, which, you know, we could have easily been like met with them once or twice and then not put the effort in.

But did you ever feel at any point through your early years of parenting, did you feel lonely? Only when I had to drop Oscar and April off to a mental hospital for that brief time where I was sort of isolated and didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about it, but that's a very different situation. I can see how easily it would be to feel isolated if you are spending majority of your energy is going to go towards your family and your kid. And I can see how it's like sometimes you don't have that outlet. You could feel lonely. I can't say that I felt lonely in that aspect. I could see how hard it would be. What about you? Did you, when you, when you, you had Marley, did you guys have a mother's group? I mean, I can see why they set them up,

but a lot of them don't work. Yeah, it wasn't really Laura's vibe. She wasn't that into it. And she got put with a few other people and they didn't really click. So then it wasn't something that we relied on. But man, I, yeah, I felt lonely as. I really? Yeah, I didn't, there wasn't a lot of friends of mine who were having kids. They were from Queensland originally. They were moving back to the Gold Coast. So I found myself in a situation where a lot of friends have moved into state, all of a sudden, the friends that were still here didn't have kids. And they didn't want to hang out with me because there was a couple of days a week, Thursday Fridays in the early years, I would have Marley, or Mali and Lola.

It was like the daddy daughter day. And I was like, I guess it's just us. Like, it was me and my sister, but I didn't have, there were no guy mates that I could rely on to be on the same page. And my neighbor, I remember, was like, oh, what are you doing on Thursdays? I know you've got the kids. Do you want to come to this community group? And I was like, yeah, I'd love to, sure.

And I was the only dad there. And they were all really lovely, but it was only like really top line. Yeah. Like, I did feel very much like, like, why is he here? Yeah, okay. And it wasn't, it was a different type of friendship. And then the guys that I did hang out with, if ever I'd want to talk about parenting, a lot of the time I would almost see their faces glaze over when I was like,

hey, Marley's got this sleep schedule and it's really tricky. And oh, gosh, she's, you know, dealing with this. right now, I could just tell it was like I was talking about paint drawing. And I think like going back to the episode we did be Tim with boys, same with blokes, a shared purpose, like the walking group, there's a shared purpose there where they've all gone, okay, well, we want to get out, we want to get out of the house, these kids need to get out of the house, we're all dads, there's a shared purpose, let's go and do it. So it might be the fact, like community sport too, I don't know if you play sport or something

like that. I think that when you're talking about community sport, we're in a real change of parenting habits. There's so many dads out there where you can talk about sport, but if he wants to talk about, hey, I'm finding it really tough with my five method, he's not sleeping at the moment. A lot of men, not to generalize here, but a lot of men don't have enough hours clocked up in that department where they can, A, understand what he's going through or be offer any type of advice. So it's hard. I just meant the connection itself. I know, but sometimes you want to feel connected. Like I didn't feel like I ever had guy mates

that I could talk to about parenting outside of you. This was kind of of like the first time where I had another, a man who I could speak to, who would understand the topics that I wanted to talk about specific to parenting. You're right, yeah, because, I mean, that, that group could be, yeah, we could have those who have all the hours clocked up and those who don't. But also, I think a game changer is when you start daycare and you start, and you start school because all, especially pickups and stuff. That's it.

You can start to have play dates. I think it's really hard when you're not in that world yet where you are getting introduced to new parents. I mean, I got lucky as well. Like, it's not that you want to try and like hunt out friends at the park, but we did Laura and I, shout out to Melanenzo, we met them at the park. Yeah. And it just happened that like the kids were kind of playing close to each other and like,

you know, we met. But there were many times at the park where I was like, just want to talk to someone. Yeah. And there's not a child. Yeah. Yeah. It's so tough. I mean, I see you and I feel you and like, yeah, I can imagine it would be.

Because I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have friends that were in similar boat at the time because you're right, you lean on them so much that if you don't have that to lean on, you can only, and I know like his wife would be like, oh, you talk to me about it. It's like, yeah, I want to talk to you about it, but also sometimes you want to talk to someone completely different about it and build a bond and a relationship with someone who's going through the same things as you are all the time on a, you know what I'm trying to say. Talking about team connection and stuff, a lot of parents have to give up team sport once they become parents, so they lose that connection as well.

Because... You become so time poor. Yeah. And if you've got a new, like, mom, you don't want to be like being like, hey, enjoy the baby. I'm just going to go play football. Like, yes, it's great to keep that up, but a lot of dads, I know, do struggle with that. The recent statistics show that the highest prevalence of social disconnection in the core parenting years happens in those first five years.

And that's because you are doing a lot more baby stuff and a lot less socializing. But a big part of it is the fact that our workplaces, it's getting better now, but have it traditionally helped us keep those social connections because all we're doing is looking after a baby and then going to work and then looking after a baby and then going to work. Very true. And it creates this really vicious cycle. The only other time we got is that commute where you give it up your seat for pregnant women. Do you what I do there?

Very good. Very good. A little callback. A little callback. What about Dan? Did Dan have a community of dads that he found? Well, it was through me. So my mother's group was my lifeline.

and I relied on them very heavily for baby milestones, baby behavior, what the fuck's happening with my baby, all those sorts of questions that you're constantly asking, but because Dan's at work, I need someone else to ask. And so luckily, we had a great group of dads who were partnered with these moms. And so then he got to start meeting other dads through that. But he was also like, like, where's the dad's groups? Like, why don't we get a dad's group? Because you get to talk to each other about all this stuff happening to you.

I would like to talk to someone about how I'm feeling. It's probably like with men that old lame, lame culture. That's about lame. You know what I mean? The systems that are set up are prioritising mum's as it should be. And I think it's going to take a little while for there to be enough dad similar to this guy who's like, hey, I want the group as well for it to be formed. And it's annoying that he's at the forefront here of that change.

And it's going to take a while for the systems to catch up. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And I think it's also just, it can also hurt a little bit. it when you're the one who organizes everything and then it's finally your turn for people to help you out and they're falling short. But I also think finding friends, I don't want to underestimate how hard it is to find really good friends.

Like it's like dating, you know, you're trying to find a life partner. Like, if I lose ash, I'm fucked. Yeah, I'll be fine though. But, you know, you've got to, like, not that you want to become disheartened, but there are definitely dads out there that this. dad hasn't met yet, who will become good friends. Because he sounds like an awesome guy, putting an effort, and he wants to find that connection. He's just got to try and find the right people. And it hasn't happened yet, but it will as long as he keeps trying. And we're

your friend. And if all else fails, we will be here every Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday. So yes. One other thing I will add, though, is that when you do become parents, and I don't know if you guys can attest to this, maybe not Ash, but your friendships change after you become a parent. And some of them just fall by the wayside And some of them grow stronger And that's just a part of life And it's a shitty part of life

But you will start to see who are your true friends And who are the ones that are sometimes friends And like full credit to my friend Miles Who's so far away from having kids But he puts in the effort With all of us that have friends He'll just reach out Very arrogant of ass

He's got these great Parent Groups His friends are all amazing Just because everyone hate you That's why he's such an amazing guy Such an amazing guy. Got her on board. That's amazing.

Anything else? You can go back to doing that jewelry stuff. Anything else you got that you're like beating all of us other parents, Ash? What else is there? What else is there that you've lucked out at? Oh, your wife's amazing. It's not luck. I put in the work.

I don't know. If I heard about that, I thought about it. I'm crying. You're just hanging on here, man. I don't, I don't argue that. So being nicer to me is what I'm trying to say. You be nicer to me and I'm trying to you. I just pour my heart out.

It comes across It comes across It's sarcasm, doesn't it? Sometimes. But he's also very genuine. He just has to hold his eyes. Okay, next one. Shannon!

Shannon! Just because it's in capitals doesn't mean you need to shout it. It's my joke. Let me do it. Okay, I don't tell you what to do. Shannon! Kids party etiquette debate.

Oh, here we go. With an upcoming party, I'm curious what people consider normal etiquette these days. We've always provided food and drink for parents too. But with the rising cost of living, kids parties are starting to feel like a luxury.

There's a poll in the Facebook group where 58% said yes to it and 30% said no. And I'm assuming that's to feeding the parents as well, which can we call April really quickly? Because she's currently struggling with this. Please. Throwing Oscar a party.

All right, because he's hellbent on a soccer party. And April was like, I've got all this stuff for the kids, but what about the parents? And she offered in the invitation for it to be a drop and go if you wish. If you want to drop your kids off, that's fine. And I was like, well, you've already done more than enough by offering that. So let's give her a call. I don't know what we decided in the end because I wasn't listening.

Ahoy, hoi. Hey, Ben. Hey, you're just live on Two Doting Dad Radio right now. Quick question. Feeding parents at a party. Where did we land on that? Oh, I just keep me up at night. We haven't landed because it was your job.

What? Oh, now it comes out. When was it my job? To help with something, Dave. Oh, when do you not start a sentence with that? And you're like, it's fine. I can see, I can see this phone call was a mistake. I see this phone call was a mistake and I regret it.

Because you were like, ask for numbers. And I was like, no, I don't want to know because I'll just get something. Because we're not necessarily feeding them. Remember that conversation? Can I step in? Can I step in? That's all we got time for. And just say that I don't think any parent goes.

to a party expecting to be fed. I do. I think if there's a refreshment, a water, amazing. If there's a bit of fairy bread going, I might nibble on that. You two should get a room. But I don't think anyone's like, so, is there a menu? Is there like, where's, where? What's the first course?

Yeah. No one's saying, I'm not going to eat before I go to the kids party because surely there'll be a good spread there. I said we offered kid free drop off. So I think that's enough. Yeah, we said like stay or go. But I do just want like a little platter of something that the parents can pick at. It hasn't been touched by kids.

Yeah, a little cheese plate, if you will. Fairy bread? Fairy bread can be on the cheese plate if we must. Nice. It's a chakoutes. A bit of hot. Shikuts. Shikuts.

A bit of salami. Bit of prosciudeau. Fairy bread. And a camera bear. Double brey. Yeah. Macy. No, Maze you'll get into the double brie.

Yeah. That's true. She hates cheese, but love double brie. Love brie. Yeah. What about, what about coffees? Would you get coffees for the parents? Too much.

I think that's where it gets expensive. Oh, gal. No. What about if we... I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll take the kettle in a jar of Macona. A couple of tea bags. Really giving the good stuff.

Frank will be there with his peppermint tea. He'll have it in his jacket like a dealer. He'll have it from all parts of the world. All right. You've been very helpful. But it's still your job. Just so we're clear. Okay.

I'll see you later. All right. See you later. Bye. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye.

I love you. Cheeseboard it is. Well, Ash, that's all we have. That solves it. We have time for. That's really enjoyable listening to you to talk to April. I think it was my job, but I forgot. So I shouldn't have called her because now I look like an idiot.

No, never. I'm happy to look like an idiot for the entertainment of the listeners. And if you have enjoyed this episode, we would love it. If you would give us a couple of reviews, a few follows, just a couple of little words. Subscribe. So you get it directly in your inbox every week. And also, share it. it. Share it around. Be generous. Here's a challenge. Share it to one friend.

That's all we ask for. And we, you don't need evidence. Just tell us you do it. And that's your homework for the week. And join us on Instagram and TikTok and Facebook and YouTube. All right, let's go. Vic, you got anything to say? Okay. Bye. Bye. Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigle Land.