Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #252 You Wanna Do WHAT To My Baby?!

Episode Date: August 16, 2026

We know the guys say they don’t give advice… but that hasn’t stopped them from giving plenty of it in this episode. It’s Doter Dilemma Monday and the questions are coming in hot - what to do when strangers try to touch your baby, how to navigate friendships when your the first to become a parent and whether babies have any business being in Business Class. Three dilemmas. Several questionable opinions. Absolutely no qualifications. Enjoy! You can grab a copy of Ash's new book The Secret Ingredient here.  ______________________________________________________________________________ If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Okay, got a question for you. Go. Before we started recording, we were talking about shoes. Feet. We're talking about feet. I love a sick. Good set of feet. My algorithm is all feet at the moment.

And I bet it's all bottoms of feet. I saw someone putting their hand through the soles of their feet and it was like loved up. I'm like, this is enough internet for me today. That's not enough for me. Anyway, speaking of luby feet. Do your kids get blisters? Yeah, I think Marley is the blistery girl. So here's a question for you.

You put a band-aid on the blister, right? Just they put a band-aid on the blister. Do you then put like Vaseline or porpo cream on that? Mm-hmm. And then the sock and the shoe? No, no sock. So we're talking sandals. We'll go crocs.

My kids live in crocs at the moment. Okay. So I know, the sock is just, they're so sensory that are just absolutely fucking. For a crock, I get it. It'd send them. What about at school? I got to wear shoes and socks. Once with the band-aid on, they're fine.

They can handle a sock and a shoe. Yeah, okay. What do you do? What's going on in your household? Well, I learned early doors that... From who? Do you want to start the show? Yes, I'm sorry.

Sorry. Back to two dotting dads. I am Maddie J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about... Feet. Feet. Two men, four feet.

That's what it's called. And also parenting, it's the good. Have I said that yet? No. And the feet. And the feet. Talk to me. Yes.

What have you learned? So there's a hack that I... We don't give advice. We don't give advice, but we'll give a hack. Okay. And it's an old soccer boy hack. hack is what you do is you put the Band-Aid on, of course.

You want to keep that shit safe. Maybe kill the germs, something underneath it. Betterding. Yeah, love that. Or the powder, whatever your preference is. It's powder. There's powder.

Powder bedded. Drives it out. And then you go Band-Aid sock and then Vaseline and or pour-pour cream on the sock. On the sock? So the sock does the slipping on the shoe and not the back of the foot.

Before you poo-poo me and shake your head. I would never poo-poo you. It fucking wu-w. works. Wow. Like, I remember when someone told me this when I was a young whippersnapper to do that and I was like,

oh, okay, idiot. And then I did it. I haven't had a blister in 25 years. Is it preventative or is it? Can be both. Have you got new soccer cleats? Yeah,

okay. You can, or if you got new shoes, you're like, fuck, they're going to give me a blister. Put a bit of vaso on the sock. Okay. Let the sock do the slipping. Let the sock take the brunt.

I've always said that. Let the sock do the slipping in the shoe and let the feet do the walking. There he is. There he is. Put that on a t-shirt. Ashwicks, ladies and gentlemen, we could wrap the show right now. Let's just wrap it right up.

Is that it? Yeah. I don't think anyone's going to be disappointed. Let me see what else we've got to talk about. Then I'll decide. Actually, I have to, Vic, I don't want you to be worried here. I don't want you to be concerned.

However, I'm going to be honest right now and let you know that your husband is at home with my mum right now. Yeah. Although it's post shoulder injury. So she's not as strong as she used. to be. Well, but then Dan has a bad knee. So you're a matchmate isn't.

I didn't get any footage of it. But Dan has been at my house for a couple of days now. Last week, a few days back to back. You just lock him up in the basement after. And I didn't have to. No, he's having a good town. Vicks ignoring us. So my mum lives with us in case anyone is unfamiliar.

And if there's one thing that she likes doing, it's just, it's looking after other people. Not herself, but other people. And she offered down a cup of tea on day one And then he accepted Oh, you've set the bar high And then she offered another cup of tea Which he also accepted And also complimented my mum on her tea making

She's Welsh for English So like tea for her is like life Right, it's one of the most important jobs imaginable And so by him saying great cup of tea He's having six cups a day That's an affair And do you know what has happened after that? Then on top of the tea,

She's added in Bickey. Banana bread. Oh, it's close. Very close. I mean, to say to someone like that, that you're good at making a cup of tea is like the highest compliment. And Dan can drink like 10 or 12 cups a day. I'm starting to think that they're like a perfect match.

Also, I'm single now. Enjoy it. Get out there. Maybe not now, but could happen soon. Could. Yeah. He's got two more days at my house and I think that's all he needs. It could be.

Yeah, that's it. I said Tanata, just be careful because he's... You're going to be paying him to drink tea. You sit around and drink tea with your mum. I reckon that's his favourite part of the job. He always comes home and tells me, guess what they gave me today? Not just the Johnsons, but whichever house is at, because there's always an old lady or an old man or someone who loves to wait on him.

And then, do you know what happened on Friday? What? Okay. Normally, on a Friday, there'd be leftovers. On this occasion, it was Chilli Konkani, which I was very excited for. From the Thursday. I was going to have that for my lunch. Come down the stairs.

Who do I see sitting there outside with a cup of tea, a banana bread and a bowl of chili conkani? Are you kidding? Dan. Look out. Both of you need to watch out. And my mum was like, let me with some yogurt on there, a bit of avocado.

Oh my God, it's like a rom-com. And then I look back and they're fucking. It's a rom-com. It is a rom-com waiting to happen. So I've left them to like by themselves. Yeah, we better check in after this to see if everyone's kept their hands to themselves. But he's doing a great job. Okay, great.

Yeah, like I said, post-surgery, she's not as strong as she used to be. She probably is enjoying feeling wanted again. Yeah, well, that's it. If she likes to make sure everyone's okay, having someone else there and be like, tea, he cleans some of the pavers, and it looked good. Absolutely, no question about it. It did look good. But my mum was like, it's the transformation.

Dan, wow, how do you do it? Did he walk her out like this too with her eyes coming up? He was like, ready, one, two, three. He got rid of a couple of leaves. And she was like, I can't believe it's the same house. I know, yeah. You've eliminated all the leaves in the neighbourhood. It's crazy.

You're amazing. Who taught you this day? I can see her be like, who taught you how to do that. So he's doing a great job. Also, did a great job at your house. He did, yes. So when April was away, he came, finished the floors.

There was some skirting that everyone seemed to point out in my videos that needed to be fixed. April said, oh, I'm so glad they're not commenting that anymore. When she was away, I was like, Okay, what can I do for her? Well, she's away. Oh, what can I do for? Oh, probably just a thing she's been asking me to do for ages, which is that.

Got her card details. She came home to a clean household, some fresh skirting boards. Can I just say Brent in the Facebook group was like, those skirting boards are looking much better, mate. I know, they're not actually attached. People were noticing. That was Dan.

I couldn't not notice after you pointed it out. It was the only thing I could look at in this years. If you go back to the previous post, it's like, did you change locations because of the skirting? Because you did a couple of bedrooms. I did a bedroom one so April wouldn't say what I was doing. Like he was away. Anyway, the big hole in the ceiling behind,

April was like, oh my God, I can't watch these videos. No, it was the cord. What's not wrong in the fucking house? But the intercom that we have, because it is technically a unit,

we have an intercom, but it hasn't been plugged in for so long that I've like lost it. And I'm like, I'm not. Do you need it? I'm quite enjoying my life without it, if I'm honest, because it's so loud.

the dog barks. I've tried to turn it down. It's down to its lowest. And then the front gate that it's actually attached to is nice time it's open. I went down there the other day because someone was delivering something and they're like, I'm out the front. I'm like, yeah, okay, the gate's never locked. And also the fence, you've seen the fence where the visitor parking is, it's up to like your knee. You could just step over it. You can step over it. And I was like, okay, I'll come down. and the gate was open. He was standing there. It's like, come within the property. Like, I'm right here. And we're the first door. It's not that hard. But I'm enjoying not. having it.

Yeah. Especially because I eat quite late and it's always Uber Eats. And if they ding the buzzer, fucking kids wake up. Yeah, it's a nightmare. So you have to say delivery notes. I do have it on there. They ignore it. And also what happened is Uber Eats relocated my pickup pin and I can't change it.

So now it's at the back of the building and the driveway goes right around. Bastards. What are you ordering? What's your go-to order? I just mix between a few different things. Goosey. You love Goosey. He's on the list.

The Greek place. That's right up. there at the moment. Those two... You're a big pizza guy. Not all the time because I put on like fucking like six kilos at the start of winter from that sort of shit. You're looking great at the moment. April went away and came back and I'd lost three and a half kilos.

Yeah. Yeah, I was going to say have you lost weight? And you got a beanie. And you got a beanie on today, yeah. It was cold. The wind was cold. The wind was cold this morning and I was like, where I, anyway, fuck, no one wants to hear about this shit. The wind was cold.

This is my general conversations, guys. No one wants to. We're recording this. this for people to enjoy it. No one's enjoying this. They are. They are. Okay, so anyway. So Ash is wearing a red little beanie, not covering the ears. I never cover the ears. And a black t-shirt. I have, I don't have the best hearing at the best of times. Imagine covering my ears. Nightmare. Be a nightmare. Like, what? You're like, Nana. Ash, or she's. I know you don't want to hear the word. Sends a shiver down your spine.

Just think it's taking over. I'm waiting. Do you know what I'm waiting for? Hear me out. These things have cycles. Yes. Okay. Where are we at the cycle? The cycle at the moment is where it's still kind of like, oh, the kids are having a good time until we get the news articles and it's like landfill overtaken by Ushey's. Surely Woolworth has to put out some kind of statement to say that it's made from like recycled bags or like bottle caps or something. There's got to be something. Because Ushey's, I remember, I remember back in the day when Usher's first came out.

The first run. And we would have a couple in their house. The kids would have one or two. It was a beautiful time. Yeah. Right? It was great. We were enjoying it.

Now the currency. Now I fucking open my like undie drawers. Or she's there in the shower. Or she's on the floor. They're all through my bed. They're fucking everywhere in the car. I do my head in. And even the kids are like, we're trying to get rid of the Ushis now.

Did you see any footage of the swap thing? The meet up. Yeah, they had the meetup at Willys, right? They had a Big W. Woolworth. There was one on August 8, which was just gone, one to two. It was heaving. Heaving.

Did you see that. Someone found a dead rat in the... That's the last thing they need right now. I've got a picture of you want to say it? No. I was like, Aeverson to me and I'm like, hmm, good protein. Coles are like, we can't compete with the Ushis.

What have we got? Put the dead rats in there! Literally in the packet. Yeah. Yeah. That's how they're competing against the Ushis. Collect a dead rat. I know, they went the opposite way.

Yeah. Let's just completely tank us. Maybe then the people will come and feel sorry for us. Collect all dead rodents. Get the full set. No, they just got like, Bilby. What other rodents? Cookabara.

Flying Fox? Now, I... Or a sugar glider. I don't want to sound like a legend here, but I got a message from Disney. And they said, do you want... Ushy, Disney. Yeah, because the Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney. Disney, Ushy Disney.

Were they always? Usher Disney, Disney, Disney, Ushy. Okay. They offered me a full set. That's just cheating. I know. I couldn't accept it. I couldn't accept.

I Oscar's like a couple off a full set. But it's what I mean. They're like turned into currency. They leave and breathe these fucking things. There's one that, I don't know which one it is, but there's one that's really hard to get. It's $45,000 apparently is what it's worth right now. To sell for $100 million.

No, that can't be right. A hundred, what? Hang on a second. An ultra-rare Woolworth Disney Ushi originally listed for $32,000 on eBay, is claiming a $100 million sale price at the online auctions closed. Guys, come on. No, that's not true.

The listing for an Ushy, rare bullseye flocked now states sold with a winning bid of AU $100 million. I wonder if that's included in the little pack that Disney were going to send me. Maybe I will accept it. Yeah, surely. Actually, you know what, Disney, send it over. Send us two. Go on.

It's a little donkey. Okay. This is getting out of control. We need to all collectively as humans take one good look at the mirror and go, what are we doing with ourselves? Because this, that's ridiculous. Too far. That's ridiculous. It's gone too far.

It's like the Laboobo. The Luboo thing that came. Like, that was just like, what, like, what do we... I think we're getting dumber. I'm sorry. If you've got $100 million, you should be helping charity or, like, reduce poverty or something. World peace. Thank you.

Someone's like, do you know what? Do you know what, honey? All that money that I've made over the years. I bought an ushy. Let's end world hunger. Hell have you seen this. Ushy. Fuck that.

I'll find it. Exactly. And surely it can't go, I get any more value. What's the purpose of that? The kids were shocking to learn that you could put them on the end of a pencil. That's what they're for. I know. I keep, that's what I keep looking at. I know. And Oscar's like, no, it's not. I'm like, bro, I'm 36. I know. I know a lot, son. I know that what goes in there and it's a pencil. You didn't go to that me. It's chaos.

Don't start accusing me. No, you didn't, I'm asking, it wasn't accusing me. You didn't go to the mean. Don't point at me like that. I thought about it. Will I go to one? Probably. What? Don't look at me like that. Fuck you guys. I can do what I want. Oh no. Oh, no. You buy all means go, but why would you want to? I thought you would just be too much crowds. Oh yeah, that makes me so anxious. You don't like a disorganized queue. We know that about you.

Think of dancing. Think of the memories of that. Yeah. Just take snacks and talk me off the ledge. Take a Sherpa. It'll be a very disorganized cue. It'll be chaos. Okay. Imagine the meltdowns in that queue.

Are you guys trying to go to one and make me not go? He's on to us. We got none, so. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, the only thing I really like about him is using them to get the kids to do things. It is good for that. It is good for that. Moving right along.

But sticking with Big W. Ash, when did we, you just created your own segue. Oh, Woolies. Ah, gotcha. Can you come and acknowledge that?

Speaking with the overarching chain of willies. I thought that was quite clever. Not as good as my, the tooth one was. The tooth one. That one was not my best. Yeah, I had a,

yeah, I had a sore tooth once. I'm not feeling well. And I was like, ah, blah, yeah, yeah.

I can't, I genuinely can't, Well, my two-thirds. Have you got those results back? I haven't been because I've been single parenting. I plan to do it this week. Actually, just before I talk about this message from Maddie Lloyd, it can wait.

April's back. It is good to have April back. I bet it is. That too. I've seen those pickies. It's been a big weekend. Was it? No.

Was it? No, no, we're busy. It is good to have it back just because of heaps of reasons. Ferending is a team sport. It is a team. It's a team, yeah, you need your team. And also, sex is pretty good. Sex is damn good.

But also, yeah, I do feel for, I do feel how single parents do it. It's a lot, I will say. But I guess you would also build up stamina. I was fading towards the end. And I'll tell you on Wednesday why I was, and some of the things that. All right, this is from Maddie Lloyd Ash. I want to give her a quick little shout out because she informed us that. Not only the Big W pre-Sale had sold out for your kids book, but went into Big W

you had managed to get the very last book in store because they have sold out again. Am I doing a podcast with Taylor Swift or Ash Wix? I can't tell. Start of the Eres tour. Honestly, did they check out the back? I haven't been into a big W yet. I've had a few.

First of all, thank you, Maddie. I thank you everyone that has purchased the book. Good feedback so far. Is it flying up the book charts? Is there a book chart? Yeah. Where? What the fuck?

Where have you been? I don't know. I just think these things go out to the ethos and I move on with my life. Pay it. Mansion man. Well, honestly, I forgot that I was even writing it at one stage. I don't know where the book charts are, but we'll find out. I told you the other day I left the house with no shoes on.

Yes. Still, how did I do that? But anyway, the book, thank you, yes. Louis does that. I literally got in the car halfway to pick up a bank with Oscar. I was like, Oscar, you're not going to believe this. He was like, what? I don't have any fucking shoes on.

But anyway, book, Big W, 10 bucks. I don't know where else you can get it. You can get it from Amazon, all this stuff. So thank you. Octopia. But Big W is the cheapest for some reason. But I've had a few photos of people buying it. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

Great result. Do you want to go on to next? Yes, the next one. Matt, this is from a Dota and you are being officially warned. What for? This is from Deb. Hi, Deb. Easy spelling, easy short name.

Very good. Love that. As we often do, shout out to Jerica. Jerica. I think Deb is short for Debrica. Debrica. Could be a bunch of things. Actually, can I just say quickly, if you have a weird name.

Actually, sorry, Jerica, sorry, if you've got a weird name. If you, sorry. How dare you? If you have. Define weird, Matthew. you have interesting spelling of your name. Surprising spelling. Thank you.

Well said. Send us a message, please. Not that, we love the Debs. We love the Debs. We love the Sams. We love the Thames. We thought about changing the B to a different letter. Like Defica.

Yeah, if you are a Defica. We've got Jerica, Defica. Send us a message. Send us a message. Yeah, okay. All right. You were being warned, Matthew. Matt, you scared me. If you're teaching your girls left, right, left,

when crossing the road. Yep. As it's look right, left, right. Look, that's an easy mistake to make. I will be honest. Yeah, because if they're looking left, you're right, they're looking the wrong. Depends which way.

Is it their left or my left? That depends which way you're crossing. Which way am I looking at the children? Okay, I've got to. It depends what country you're in. Yes. There's your defense. There we go.

Thank you. Which, am I looking at the kid directly or am I behind the kid? Is it their left or my left? When we cross the road, I'm upside down. Yes. It's look right, left, right. makes a big difference, does it? Fair?

Fair? Noted. Perhaps that's why they're not good at being your eyes when on the bike. So now she's a very accusative. That's enough out of you, Debika. I've never commented it on a pod before. I know why. I know why.

She probably never do it again. But felt like it was worth saying, well, it was Defica. Love the podcast, though. You guys are hilarious. Okay. Thank you. That is very valid feedback. Right left, right.

I apologize. Yeah, yeah. Because when you go to a different country, like, I do it too where I look the wrong way, especially America, because I just think like, they're just like us, but they're not. And when like in Vegas a few times, I was like, going to step up and then someone's beat to the other side. I'm like, oh! I have been riding the bike in Germany and I was going pretty fast and I went to jump from

the footpath onto the road. Oh. And I looked the wrong way and I jumped onto the road. Luckily there were no cars, but it was only when I was on the road. that I was like, holy fuck, if there was a car there, I would have been... Yeah, it's easy done. It's an easy mistake to make. So right, let me get this straight.

Right, that's right. Right, left, right. Got it. Moving along. A bit of feedback from our Brazilian listeners about kids' parties. Oh no, did I offend the Brazilian community? No, I think Mattias here says, that's such a Brazilian name. Is it?

Yeah. I thought it was like German. But Tayette. Mattis. No, give me a more Brazilian name. Giovanni. Thank you. There he is.

But Mattias says, a party is a party. That's it. Well said Can't argue with that He cannot argue with that at all No it's not just for the kids It's for the whole family and friends And everyone who's meaningful to the child

To come together Laura also says a lot of feedback On the Brazilian parties My partner is Brazilian And make sure you are there For the happy birthday singing As I think that's a requirement Of all children birthday parties

I've never missed it It's bad management If you're not there for the happy birthday And the cake cutting But she says in Portuguese it is epic. April did take Oscar to the Brazilian barbecue slash Portuguese festival

slash last all day party. And I'll remind people what was unique about it? It was like six hours long. Yeah. It was like 10 to 3 or something. Nine to three, I think it was. It was something like, and obviously like they do celebrate in numbers.

Feedback from April? Well, we were told by others. Yes, it's a long party, but you don't have to be there for the whole thing. These are the ideal hours. Is that a test though? It's like you don't have to save the whole thing but we'll know when you leave.

Or not jump up. But April, April took Oscar. They did do the Portuguese happy birthday. April was like the kids pretended to sing it as well because they wanted to fit in. So that's fair. Should we have a listen? I'm not familiar with it.

Also on that, Macy thinks that she can speak Spanish because she reckon she can sing bad bunny. I have a fake language that I speak with my kids. Oh. What's the purpose of a fake language? It's just a bit of fun. Fun, a bit of fun. There's no real communication.

It's like, Durafaka shippa That just sounds Russian He's a bit Russian It's very like And then they speak to me And Laura's not in on it And she tries to rule like

We're like, can you just Bud out We have a conversation here Did you guys hear what she said? Oh And then I was like We kind of like So to brush your teeth

I'd have to say If you're lola I'd say What about gonna brush To do that Wow And to a child It's like

Brush your teeth I'll shoot you They love it They love it Anything to like... It's giving taken. Just to spice up the routine. It's giving taken one.

Like the accent of the... What do they call them? I fucking, anyway, go. I do sometimes wonder, like we're at the park. And I, we sometimes, you know, this fake language that we speak is creeping out of the household into the public realm. And I do wonder if we speak at the park. I'm like, wonder if people think like... I wonder what they're like, uh, from Bosnia?

You're in the Bosnian Daily Mail. One of the Dalting Thads. All right. Here's happy birthday. Portuguese version. Enjoy. Okay. Instantly much better than our version.

That's an ad. Instantly much better than our version I was going to say. If that's not it to the Brazilian and Portuguese community, run with whatever that was. Sorry. Sorry. I was just speaking, we got this shitty, we don't even have any instruments throughout. They've got reverb. That was just.

They've got reverb. That was an ad for some software. Anyway, this is. Jesus. This is the real version. That's still way better. I wonder they're happy. Yeah.

They wonder how long the kick-ons go for. I'll play it out. Hang on. I feel like as a community, we are lazy because that, like, happy birthday for us in English is like, oh, God. Bit flat. Bit flat. That's better. I will say for my next birthday, I want that.

A little bit. High pitch. It's like they've had helium though. The pre-ramble was like, RIMBA! Yeah, it was like to get people. Because if someone was to sing it in full like traditional circumstance, not here,

it's probably like more like more hyping up version. Just before we move on away from happy birthdays, apparently no hip-hip hooray in America. Yeah, they, they don't really sure about it, are they? Like, not sure. They've never been sure.

What's not to be sure about? Is it they don't want to be too gleeful? I don't know. Don't know. If you're American, what happened? Why? Is it just American? Okay, here we go.

Do the Canadians do it? Because I feel like we resonate. We resonate more. They do it and then they give you like, then they just give you the deep to their house or something. Yeah, we love. Do you know what happened last night? Too much sleep. What do you mean?

I fell asleep. Can I just stop you for one second? I don't know if that's the right audience to complain about too much sleep on parenting podcast. No, leave it in. I don't know if we should. The one time, the one time. Are you going to get much sympathy? I don't know, but take it away.

What are you got? No, no, no. That was an external complaint. I am too awake right now. No, I'm not used to go and have bed that early that I woke up this morning. I was like so frazzled. What time did you go to bed? Well, I four and six.

Nice. Before nine. That must have been. I was naked. Woo! All right, right, right, right. Moving on. Should we go to Dodgers?

Now you need us more than ever. know that we still have each other You can send us your doting dilemma You can send us your doting dilemma Ella Ella Amar umbrella Ella All right Matt I'll go first This is from a megan

I know this has probably been A megan or just megan It's A megan A megan Yeah A megan, welcome No A, no A. This is from the megan I know this has probably been ranted about before In fact, I'm sure someone has done this recent

but this happened to me twice today. This can't be good if it happened twice. Why do people feel the need to reach over me or my pram to touch my baby? We've definitely talked about this a few times, but it's definitely worth reminding people. I hate when people reach over, but if they want to reach around, I'm fine with that.

Help! Very good. Because of the hand job. That's a hand job joke. Thank you. It is a hand job. Lots of spit. My initial...

Don't talk about sex jokes around me, big guy. I don't even start it. It's a hobby of mine. My initial knee jerk reaction, she said jerk. Was that in there? I just make that up. No, that's Jesus. My initial knee jerk reaction is to swat the hand away.

Not mine. All right, we didn't get back on track, back on track, back on track. Back on track. This is serious. And Megan's flipping out right now. She's like, I need answers. She does need answers. I know.

We'll get there. We'll get there. It's a real dilemma. Let us talking about jerking off. My initial knee jerk off reaction is to swat the hand away. But today I settled for just the head. Sorry. Sorry, guys.

Sorry, sorry. Don't you apologize. I'm having a great time. But my, but today I settled for no, don't touch her. I don't know you. Thanks. for you? Or did you say it in your head like I do?

Sadly, the second woman managed to grab a foot. Sadly, the second woman managed to grab a foot before I could body block her from my pram. Fucking out. Oh, you're in the walls out here. But in my mind, if I walked up to a stranger and grabbed their foot cheek without knowing, then I'd expect to be swatted or punched away. I know it's a generational thing. Am I being too precious?

No. Do we know if that was an honor or not? I bet you it was. I bet it was actually credit to the nonners. They've heard the message. Lola was approached by a non-a who we didn't know and was like, oh, we go, good you, good-you-go-ch-go-choo. And didn't like it.

Since we out of the non-as, they've been very good. How many non-ers do you come into contact with? A lot, a lot. Big non-a community in Bondi. Okay, good to know. I remember, I remember going back a couple years, we were down at the beach, but we're on a park bench. and you know when you're kind of like packing up

and you're like getting all the kids ready and we bumped into one of Laura's friends who had a baby and a pram so we're sitting there we're chatting, have a lovely time by the beach and she had a beautiful baby in her pram and a lady walked past

and was like oh my God such beautiful children and we're like oh thank you so much and then she then picked up the kid and the pram and was like oh my God like held her and I just assumed they knew each other

yeah I assumed that they were friends and you would And she assumed that we were friends with her. And so then after a couple of minutes, she was like, anyway, like gave the baby back and was like, bye guys, have a good day, walked off. And we're both like, she's your friend? No. Well, that is so fucking weird. Brazen.

Brazen. Imagine just walking into someone's house and being like, oh, that's a nice dinner. I'm going to, for the record, I don't want to touch any babies just so you know. Because it's like, people always, oh, it's a baby. Okay, cool. There's no urge for me to be like, okay. Because I have the urge, because we are friends. Careful.

I have the urge. If you come to my house, I would get enjoyment of you holding my child. It's you. It's you. It's someone I'm not as close to or don't even know. Like, the last thing I want to do is touch your baby. Yeah. I'm more inclined to touch your dog.

You do like that. I'm inclined to touch your penis. Oh my God. I'm more inclined to pat your dog. I think does it stem from that? People are like, like a pat a dog. I'm a pat your baby. I don't know.

Oh, maybe. I mean, I definitely get the urge to touch people's babies, but I put my hands behind. You're the problem. I put my hands behind my back. So then it's like as a little sign to, hey, like, don't get tempted. Yeah? Oh, wow. You've got to physically stop yourself from touching.

Hang on a second. You've got to physically stop yourself from touching babies. No, it's, it sounds terrible. She travels with handcuffs and she's like, Dan, put them on. She's a drooling and like, oh. It's like a physical cue I give to my brain to like not touch because I really want to. And like if my hands are here, I'm just going to want to go like that. You just love kids.

I love babies. I photograph babies. That's true. Yeah, part of your job, I feel like they're paying you to take the photos. There's probably a good chance you're going to touch their baby. That's probably. Well, I settle the baby for them. So that's why I love holding babies.

Oh, you get a kick out of the settling. I just love it. I don't know. He has the worst part. Like, not to sound weird. This is going to sound weird. There's no better thing. Just had to warn everyone before this comes out.

I would never do this to a child who I didn't know the parents. Why are you winking at me? But there is like, it's a bit, it's like the dog thing. You know, if they're like, oh gosh, the dog normally barks and hates men, but it's loving you. It's like the child. If you can like, if a child enjoys your being in your arms or you're able to sue that child, you feel like a god. True.

But again, it needs to be of someone close to me. Of course. Yeah. I'm like, no. Someone's like, oh, they got a baby. I'm like, cool. Hey, baby. I think it's the, I know we have a lot of boomers who listen and they don't like it when I come for them.

So this is not attacking all boomers, but I do think it is an older person thing. Is it? How many men are doing this? It's a grandma thing. It is like, yeah, it's the grandmas. But it's the grandpas that are making comments that they shouldn't. Go on. So when I had Lily, I got told by a grandpa, oh, you should have earrings in her ears or dress her in pink so that we can tell she's a girl.

Wow. And I was like, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was my responsibility to make you feel good about. You said that? No. I was a tired mom. I had the argument again in the shower later on that night and I won. I know when you replay like, oh God, if I had my chance. I'm like in the shower going, who, who, who, who, who, who, who.

That's so true. In the moment, you're like, oh, God, I'll get them pissed tomorrow, well. Because, like, again, that he doesn't mean any bad will by it, but I was just like, get fucked. I know. I know we shit on the boomers, but it's warranted. Once again, a message out there to the whole, to the world. Every few months we've got to put this message out there. We have to. If we don't do it, no one else will.

The government's not paying any... Stop touching other people's kids. There he is, thank you. Stop it. Stop it now. Unless you know the mum and dad, not touching. You're making us all look back. We all get grouped into being humans. Touch a dog.

Touch a dog. Find a dog. If you feel the urge and you can't put your hands behind your back like Vic, find a dog, touch it. If you start sniffing the dog, you've gone too far. Yes. Good. Next one. Okay, this one is from Harrison.

Could be the same Harrison that I was on, I'm a celebrity with. Not sure. He says, hi guys, I'm a first time listener. First time listener. Flag it. Next. Give us something decent. First time listener and a dad with a two-year-old son.

And he's genuinely my world. That's cute. That's nice. I wanted to get some advice around the idea of needing to let go of my former self and how my friends view me. And my life now as a dad. The context in my friend group, I am the only dad,

and while the rest of the group are still going out and doing things, my pre-dad life would have entertained. I'm struggling to fit in with them more so now. And I struggle to communicate with them that my life and priorities have shifted to be towards my son. I know it sounds obvious,

but I feel as though they are not understanding this idea that I've needed to let go of my former self and becoming a dad. I feel nervous about bringing this up with any of them as I don't know how they would react. And although there are other dads in my life through things like daycare, we don't have a strong enough relationship to get deep into how we're going mentally. It's more like conversational topics. It's tough because like it would be, we spoke about isolation and then the fact is that you're the only one in your, let's call them

the OG friend group because they would have been before kids obviously. And now he's got kids. They're obviously got different interests. So they're still your friends. But maybe maybe you just work on those relationships that you're working on with the daycare dads to get to the point where you feel comfortable. And then it's always nice to have a, especially if they're no kid, they're not going to be talking about kids. So it could be nice and refreshing to have two different friend groups. And also, if you're meeting new people and building those relationships, you could find your best friend. It's funny with the relationships that you get from daycare and also from school, it's easy for those to stay really surface level. Because a lot of the interactions, it's just, you know, quick, yeah, drop off, pick up.

You have five, ten minute chat. Maybe you go for like a coffee or an ice cream, maybe. You go for ice cream with another man? No, on Fridays when you pick up. Let's normalize that actually for you. Absolutely. Because in Bondi, there's like a thousand frozen yogurt and ice cream shops. Must be nice.

So it is very nice. We've got some shit cafe in an IGA. So after school, a lot of the kids walk get an ice cream. And you have like a quick like, what are you going on for the weekend? Blah, blah, blah, blah, quick chat. It is so confronting, I think, to be like, yeah, man, I'm really not doing too well. I'm not flying life pretty tough. I don't want to burden anyone with that conversation.

It's really hard. But like you said, I don't think with his existing friends, I don't think he needs to raise it as like, oh, does he raise it? No, they serve a different purpose because it's not their fault. Like, they just have different interests. It's sort of like. But don't you think, I feel. Can I just stop you once? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't you think that rather than kind of thinking, all right, they're not interested, I'm just going to phase him out. should you not say like, hey guys, sometimes I feel like you're not as understanding of my situation, given that I'm the only one with a child and you guys aren't, because they might not even be aware that they're doing it. I would say that friendship groups for a different purpose. You might get other things from that outside of the conversation, but you made a good point with the walking to go get ice cream.

That's probably a good opportunity to start to have those conversations because you're walking side by side. But with his existing friends, if he's unhappy about something, It depends what they've done. If they haven't done anything, if they're just not having conversations about that, then that's, like,

it's hard to say that definitely wrong. But if they're like, hey, let's go play golf for six hours and then get pissed. And that's like, oh, definitely have that conversation.

And then he should be like, hey guys, you know, we're like, I'm kind of struggling because I'm on the outer because I'm the only one who's a dad. Like,

I know, it's so easy for us to sit here and be like, just have the conversation because fuck having those confrontational chats. But he should probably raise it, not in a way of like, you guys don't want to hang out with me anymore.

Why do you guys hate me? Yeah. You're right. You make a good point about the activities. That's probably where you could find it in to have that conversation. Because it'd be like, hey, we're going to go play golf on Saturday. It's like, guys, I want to play golf with you so fucking bad. But unfortunately, I can't take six hours.

Is there anything else we can do? So I think it's a good angle without it being like, no one cares about me. Because you don't want to be able to have a transparent conversation, but at the same time you don't want to come across as like me, me, me, me, me, when you're the one who's decided to become a parent, depending on how people take that. But I say this, and there have been so many times

where I've not taken my own advice. And I've just been in a situation where I've got the kids. I've had friends that have come to Sydney, either from overseas or interstate, for a little trip. And everything that they've suggested has got no involvement with the kids. And I'm like, oh, don't you want to see? It's not much, I can.

You never met my kids yet. Do you not want to meet my kids? And instead of me being like, hey, can we just have a little chance or we can all hang out together and you can meet the kids. I've kind of been like, no, fucker, you go to the pub and I just want to see you. It's tricky. Which I know, I'm just like, I know how hard it is to have these conversations. As well, like that situation, they've come to Sydney there, got that little trip excitement too, right?

And it's like, well, we don't want to do things with kids. It's like, you don't want to be like, oh, can we just do something that's going to suit me? Because then they might think, what's all about you? It's a, fuck sake. It's a tricky conversation. I think don't just let the relationship fade. I don't think it's time to move on. I think it's time to gain some friends for other purposes.

And I do want to give a shout out to, I didn't know this. I don't know if you know this, Ash. But there is Playgroups, New South Wales. I didn't know. I didn't know this was a thing. I think they need to rebrand that. They need to like get the, I mean, they don't have a shitload of money to play with here. It's all run by volunteers.

But if you go to Playgroups, NSW.com.com. I think that's the website. Yeah. Playgroups, New Southwales. Okay, do you, and you register? It's a very good question. I'm glad you asked. Actually, if you just Google playgroups and your state,

you can get on this website and you can find playgroups that you can be a part of with your child. And the ones in Bondi, for example, they have Monday and Fridays and I think it's like four bucks. And they organize all the materials and things that your kids can play with and you meet other parents. There's more dads that are joining them now. And annoyingly right now, Poppy is just a little bit too young because it's a 9 to 11 is the main time on a Friday.

And I was like, fucking great. Then I go, oh, peak nap time. That's nap time. So I can't go. But as soon as she has that middle nap and I can go in the mornings, it's four bucks, you can meet other parents and you can then build on those relationships to gain new friends. What sort of things do they do? So the one in Bondi, they do one, there's a big park.

And they do like build potions. They have these outdoor kitchen sets that you bring. So it's all like playing with nature, playing with mud. Sensory stuff. Really sensory stuff. Yeah. So, um. I remember April,

went to a few of those early doors. I had no idea, but I reckon the hardest window for a parent is from when they're a newborn to when they're about like two or three. Is that dropping them off and meeting other parents unless you're actually actively going out and I know for me without April, for example, I would have just isolated. I don't know why. I just think because like we would go, it's just easier. And like, especially in those, sometimes because you, it's so groundhog, right, those, because you never know, every day's different, you try and stick to a routine, you want to try and, that's so much so that all that sort of stuff goes to the wayside. So it's like, don't ditch you mates, but then if you want to find other people in similar situations, look at something like

that. Then what's going to happen when they have kids? And they'll be like, help us. You're like, fuck up. Matt, I've got a dilemma for you that I've seen online today, actually, which is Ozzie Mum sparks debate after flying business class with one year old son. just flew into Singapore this morning and I want to let you know about an incident we had on the plane where Freddie was a little bit unsettled and crying a bit and this lady took it upon herself to scream across the cabin at the top of her lungs shut up now that same lady stood up and stared me down and I said is everything okay and she said no your baby has been crying and I'm in business class and I said to this lady well you're obviously

Obviously, haven't had kids. Otherwise, you would understand what it's like to have a child. All right. What's your take on that? Who do you think is in the wrong here? Should babies be allowed on business class flights? I mean, there are children in economy class, and they're allowed to be in business class,

according to the airline or whatever it might be. But do you think the person has a right to stand up and say, shut your baby up? Yes. Really? No. So fuck. I'm about to argue with you on that.

I mean, do you know what? It would be disappointing. We can all admit, if you've forked out the money and you've paid for a business class fly, thousands of dollars, and you're like, I'm going to enjoy this.

And you look over and there's a screaming baby. That would suck. Okay, there's no way of sugar-coding that situation. It's a bit shit. Yeah, but it's also one of those things you keep to yourself. Absolutely. Absolutely.

I say that and say that frustration is 100% internalized. You can only control what you can control. We're all out here living in the community. You can't control who and who isn't going to be on a flight. There could have just been a really loud cougher on the plane. Or a snorer. It could be, yeah. How fucking annoying is it when someone's snoring on the plane?

You're like, shut it! I mean, I had a poor kid behind me on the way home from Vietnam who couldn't stop throwing up. I know. Like, a baby can't stop crying just as much as someone can't stop throwing up. It really goes to show how out of touch some, well, of people are. The fact that you are willing to stand up in a bit... You're making more distraction than the fucking baby, you idiot.

You want to get up and cause a scene about a baby crying that cannot control that and a mum trying to do their absolute best to keep them at bay. And your mature way of dealing with it is to stand up and throw your toys out of the cot. You fucking idiot. I would have asked to hold the baby. I'll settle it for you. Vicks are like sitting on her hands, be like, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. Don't do it, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. I would say fucking baby, you fucking dry baby.

I have, this is, I know what you're going to say, Ash, but I once was on a business class flight. Once? Just the one time. Always at the time you were going to go on a business class and leave me behind. That never happened. To threaten you. Didn't you leave Laura behind one? Oh, my. Who did we let Laura behind?

To be, I remember going on a flight. We were doing, we're doing a job in. Europe many years ago when Marley was three months old and as part of that job we were flying business class very lucky so we had a three month old Marley and as we were boarding the plane and Laura and I were kind of like oh do you want to have it for the first take off or not because if anyone is unfamiliar if they're under the age of two they sit on your lap you're like who are you who are you you have this baby and there was another woman who rolled her eyes being like oh at the side of a newborn child and I was also like Marley's fucking great thank you very much She's a great baby.

Yeah, imagine we had Lola here. Love you Lola. But the last thing any parent needs in a world where life is just hard enough dealing with a newborn child to then cop more criticism and pressure from another person who's fucking childless. Who's childish? Must be nice. It's not going to help anyone.

Not going to help anyone. And I think, Vic, I wouldn't do it. But, like, you know, if there was a parent who was absolutely at their wits end with a screaming baby, you know, hey, you know, I can hold it from. I'm a stranger, give us your baby. I'm just going against my advice. Never touch a stranger's baby. I was like, give me that baby.

Unless you're on a plane. International law. No one can prosecute you out there. No, that's terrible advice, Matthew. I think those people are so unaware of what's happening. Put your fucking headphones on and watch a movie. Pull your fucking head in. Order of bloody.

If I was working on that airplane and I saw that, I would kick that lady out of business class one without the baby. I'd be like, guess what? We have an economy seat with your name on it. Yeah, I'm sorry. Saying shut up to someone is so rude. Like, no matter, like, that's not a easy. Unless it's a loved one.

You can't just say, you can't just cancel to shut up out. I love to tell my kids to shut up. It's endearing. Parents, like you guys know, getting on a flight with a child is one of the most stress-inducing moments you ever have with a child. then to have the compounded stress coming from someone else on the other side. Did you say compound?

Like no parent needs that. Like that is so the wrong way to go about it. I was on a flight with Lily when she was a baby and I had her in the bassinet. I had the sleep sounds going and the air hostess had to come and say, hey, can you turn your sleep sounds down because people in the back are complaining about it? And I said, okay, well, I think it reverberates. Can you turn your sleep music down? The engines are getting jealous.

What was your go-to sound? The engines are jealous of the new sleep music flow. It's the ocean mixed with rain. Oh, that's so hard to hear. Right. I put your headphones on. I said to her, okay, well, that's fine. I can turn it down, but if the baby wakes up, she's going to start crying.

So what would they prefer? Sleep sounds or a crying baby? Yeah. Oh, look, I'm so sorry. And I actually said it at that time. These calming noises are really irritating, aren't there, guys? It's like fire out. Yeah.

So I think the answer is babies should be allowed. I mean, this is coming from parents. Babies should be allowed of business class flights. As long as they're well-behaved. It should be discounted. Yeah, actually, yeah, they're already free. They're already free. And the parents should get it free as well.

Ash, my good friend, we will get out of here. We should get out of here, yeah. Because I've Dan's at my house and fucking who knows what he's up to with Nana right now. I heard the tea cups are getting empty. You know what they say? What happens after tea? Oh, my God. In that case, more tea.

How does that make us if my... Oh, wow. Oh, well, yeah, you'd be like step. brother and sister. No, wait, no, that's not right. No, no, that's not right. You and... Dan would be your dad.

Your stepdad and then your... And I would be nothing. Vicks, you'd be like stepmom. Remove, stepmom. And then your kids would be your step siblings. Step siblings. So you'd have seven. Wow.

You'd like go seven siblings and two moms. That would put a spanner in the works, wouldn't it? Oh, yeah. On that note, if you could do this episode, sorry. Please leave us a review. either on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, or you can follow us on social media. TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube for these episodes.

Leave a comment. Give us a follow. Send it to a friend. And we'll see you guys on Wednesday. So yeah. Bye. Two Doting Dance Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.