Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #253 We Almost Burnt The House Down

Episode Date: August 18, 2026

This week, April leaves town and Ash quickly discovers how much she's holding the family operation together after the kids come dangerously close to burning the house down. The guys admit they both use a questionable tactic to get the kids on side - in fact it could even be a parenting hack to use whenever things get desperate. Meanwhile, Matt's battling parent guilt after his day alone with Poppy somehow turned into a struggle just to leave the house. Plus, the guys declare war on ice packs. When did they become the cure for every minor inconvenience? And more of your brilliant parenting lies, thanks to OMO. Because life with kids is messy enough already. You can grab a copy of Ash's new book The Secret Ingredient here.  ______________________________________________________________________________ If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How often would you say that you've accidentally hurt your child? I do this thing with Lola. I have to show you, but I hold her and I swing in front of me, two hands in front of me, and I swing it to the left and I let go. Kind of like, so my right hand pushes down on her leg and then she spins around my arm. Oh, like a flip? Like a flip. And she's holding on like that?

No, she's more so just like, so like my arm is like under her armpit. Oh, okay. And so she like rotates around my hand. It's amazing. It's a bit of gravity. It's dangerous. I'll say that much. There's been a couple of times where I've almost dropped her in her head.

Oh, God. Even she's a bit like, I accidentally punched Oscar in his face. Accidental? Yes, it was a pure accident. Hang on. I do want to make sure Oscar's okay. He's fine.

First. Welcome back to two-diting dads. I am Maddie J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable.

And you would never. ever, ever, ever hear us do one thing on this earth, and that is give advice. Yes, yes. Because Ash is about to tell us how he punched his child in the face. What happened? He's obsessed with footy, as you know, obsessed. So what he does is he runs from his bedroom and jumps, and being that small, it's actually really fun, jumps onto the couch head first with a ball preferably.

Like he's scoring a try, okay? Like he's taught with cola, in other words. He's Lord and Savior. The people are not familiar, winger for Manly? Yeah, he's a centre for Manly, and he's Oscar's favourite person on earth. He goes, to-cola, me. Anyway, so he was doing that, and I sat down where he would usually run from the other room, and I moved the pillow that was there, and I sat where the pillow was,

and I saw him coming, and I was like, oh, and he's seen me, and aimed up for the pillow here, but I didn't know he was aimed for the pillow. I grabbed the pillow to move it so that he could fall onto the couch perfectly. So you're trying to help him. He's trying to help the guy. out. So I've got a, you picture my hand a handful of pillow, perfect timing, he's dived head first into my

fist. Can't make this shit up. Straight into my fist. When you get him on the chin, on the cheek? Straight in the eye. Good. Bufo. And then I was like, it startled him. And then he was like, wasn't sure what to do. And I wasn't sure what to do. And Abrams like, I witnessed

it. It's fine. It was an accident. Just in case he goes to school with a black eye or something. And if anyone from school is listening and you see the poor kid's eye was an accident. Swollen, no swollen. Thankfully it had like a little bruise here for a bit, but not enough to be. Ice pack? Oh yeah.

Get that ice pack. And a band-aid. Ice pack? Can I just quickly shit on ice packs for a second? They melt. They just kids want them so badly until they have them. And they realize they're cold. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. Like any injury, like I do the rough play with the kids. And every now and then, you know, like a. You punch your kid. Straight elbow. It's weird. We're all human.

They forget that I'm like nearly 100 kegs. Oh yeah. If I roll on one of these kids, good night. Like, there's times where I'm like, I go to roll over and I hear this kid go, oh, I'm like, well, mate, you need to make way for me. Get out of my way. Yeah, like the whale from, what's that movie? Shark's Tale. Sharks tale.

Anyway, he's fine. H-I-A? All good. Yeah, ice packs. Fucking hell. You don't want an ice pack and they're like, give me the ice pack and they're like, do I go it off me? Yeah, they're like, don't I'm cold.

No shit, you've got a block of ice like on something that doesn't need a block of ice. Anyway. Idiot. Matt, I don't know if you're aware of this. It's the most important day of the year. Every four years, like the Olympics. So all good things come in four years, apparently. Olympics, World Cups, census.

Oh, fuck. I know. And arguably this is the least entertaining of them. April surely would have done it. Yeah. Oh, that's not confident at all. But also, just for the listeners out there, if you're hearing this, it's too late.

You've missed it. We're so sorry. We should have done it last week as a reminder. I, like, I mean, it's not getting done in my house. I got the letter and the letter went into the pile of like the abyss. The family folder. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Underneath the fruit bowl. So went over there and it was just like the land of the forgotten. I know. It was like, how? There's so many fines in that thing. Yeah, true. But I hide them under things away where it doesn't see him. She was just like.

doesn't go that far into the pile. But census is on the top because apparently it's so fucking important. Nana was like, we must do the census and we're like, shut up, Nana. Don't they have enough information on us? Yeah, what more do you want? You've got it all. Surely you're all tapping into our phones anyway. But there's like the examples of questions.

What are they even asking? I don't know. What are we got, Vic? So there's gender, ancestry, long-term health conditions, job, Australian defence for sexual orientation and national... Wait, whoa, wow, wow, wow. Job. Ugh.

So I actually saw a reel on this yesterday. and you've got to be really specific about your job, especially if you work in the arts and entertainment industry. I don't want them to know anything more about me than they already do. I think it has to do with funding. So they can fucking tax you. No, we need more money. We need help.

More money, more problems, I say, Matt. So it said if you're a freelancer, don't just write freelancer, write freelance writer or freelance. I'm going to write CEO of freelancers. Well, instead of being, I'm a podcaster, because everyone's always like, I'm an artist. Because should we go with artists? Entertainer. Oh, like Cedric.

The entertainer. I'm going to wrap this up. Yeah. Hang on, let us wrap this up. But anyway, censors. Get it done. Well, get it done in four years.

Good luck next time. Yeah. Honestly, I think if you missed it, you dodged a bullet. What are they going to do? They find you. Oh, fuck! Okay, if they know enough amount to find me, then no, I'm not doing it. It's for science.

Fuck. You got me on that. It's for religious reasons. Fuck up! Science, done. Ash, I got a little bit excited and I... I pulled the trigger on a conversation that didn't need to be had, but... Not again.

Marley inquired about... I can't remember what she said. We got on the topic of puberty and periods. I think I may have brought it up myself. Good thing you. We had that. And if you're wondering what we're talking about here, we're talking about episode 242 with Jackie from the nourished cycle.

Go back and listen to it. Give it to your husband. Send it to like 30 people. And I probably needed to do a refresher. before I was like, listen to here, kids, sit down, and I'll tell you all about it. It was during breakfast, and I started talking through

what I remember recalled as the facts, and I looked over at Laura to get just the nod of like approval, like, well done, dad. And it was like, the thing about, you got all the eggs and the eggs come down, and when they come down, nah, they'd be like, they're bloody hurts. I was all being shaken.

I was doing my best. That's all you can do. And Laura was like, Let's make sure we're on the same page before we start going down this route. I got a little bit excited. Okay, do you recall anything that you might have? Well, I was just like, you know,

I was like, the cycle is you got the eggs, they're already in your, and they're coming out. And you're like, technically, though we're in Laura too. I said that. I was like, hang on a second. She's wrapping ahead around that.

And I was like, bit of blood. Da-da-da. Like, I thought I was doing the right thing. I think you were doing the right thing. And sometimes I, no, no, you can say too much that's not needed at that particular moment. I'm learning.

Because they'll pick out the bits that you're like, I probably didn't need to do that yet. They'll pick out those bits of what they'll remember. Like the blood. Yeah. Especially breakfast. She's going to go to school and like just reverberate that. I know.

I was trying to be a good dad. You got to try. I'm trying. You are a good dad. Any other dads out there being shit like me? No, I mean, the thing is you try to, you did the right thing. Well, you actually, you punch you punch your kids. Accidentally.

Don't say it too many times. people in this building. I know the neighbours are like, hello, police. I know, we're surrounded by therapists. They'll be like, I can help. What did Marley say? Ah, she was pretty confused, to be honest. Did she leave more confused? And then Laura was like, write this up. Yeah, right this up. So then I kind of was like, who was more conflicts? I did a little divert. I'm not.

Dever. Divert. Divert, whatever. It's all the same thing. I'm not, obviously, Macy's a lot younger. So I've got time to prepare, but I won't prepare because I I never prepare for anything. So I don't even know how. I remember April was like, actually, April was like, what did you learn? And I was like, I don't know. Like, I do know, but it's obviously I forget so much

that I didn't re-listened. I haven't re-listened yet. Well, when Macy is ready to have that conversation, give me a call. I'll drive over. You'll be an expert. I'll gladly have it with her. You'll be an expert at that day.

I'll just give her the episode. You can work it out from there. There's some amazing news. A friend of the show, Renee Gartner. She's done a little bit of work with the NRL, but I used to do a podcast with her last year for NRL. But she has some amazing news They've been trying for years to have kids

Operations the whole bit It was starting to get them down But good news is she is pregnant and expecting Yes, well done That's exciting news How far along are she? From memory, just a bit over the three-month mark Oh great.

From memory Great. Could be wrong? You know, that's going to go so quick for us. Yeah, for us going to be quick for her, not to know. People, I don't know what it is about pregnancies now I'm literally like, you just announced it yesterday and then the nine month mark,

it for me, it fucking goes so quick. Once it's sort of out of you direct thought, you're like, oh, and then you'll see him again, you're like, whoa!

And I know I can't, I shouldn't say it, but I'm always like, that was quick, right? I know, it's such a, it's like, sometimes I go to say something like that

and I'm like, I'll stop myself and go, oh, you must be exhausted. That's good. Thank you. It's better than, whoa,

you're massive. It goes quick because by the time you tell people it's after that three month mark and then six months late, Like six months goes like that. Yeah. So there you go, Gantz.

It's going to go just like that. Congratulations. And best of luck, I think she's going to be an amazing mom. She's one of the best people. I know, I would say. Excuse me. I said one of. I said one of, guys.

One of. Don't make me change that to be one of. What do we got next? We got some messages, no? Yeah, messages actually, I do want to say a few people messaging on the Facebook group. Samantha Porter said, happy birthday. I also will add to that. and say, happy birthday.

Sophie as well as written happy birthday. Lots of happy birthdays. Everyone's favorite Sea Eagles diehard fan, Northern Beach is Fun Dad and author slash podcaster Ash Wicks. Wow, that's a lovely message from Sophie. I did. I will put my hand up and say, apologies.

I forgot. You did forget this morning. It was your birthday. I'm used to it. We celebrated it last week. Even Vic gave you the present and I thought, that's weird that Vic was late on the birthday present. Yeah, thank you for the biscuits, Vic.

You're trying to give me diabetes. You know, I've just lost a heap of weight and now you're trying to put, you're like, I like it when you're fat. Are there Oreos? Well, I got a whole variety, but after we had that biscuit breaking news about Australia's best biscuit, I've been wanting to have some in the office ever since.

So I got an assorted family pack of the cream biscuits, two types of timetams and the caramel crown, because I believe you brought that up. What's a caramel crown? Well, we'll try it later. Or right now. Okay. This is not sponsored.

Okay. Oh, caramel. Oh, yeah. Caramel crowns. Okay, so it is a layer of gooey caramel covered in melt in your mouth biscuit dipped in smooth real milk chocolate. Have you ever had one? I'll have one later.

Oh, God. I wanted to get your, just have a bite. No, I'm okay. I'm going to have one. It's his birthday. Yeah, actually. You've got to do what he says. He's like, oh, my body's a temple.

It's because... I'm not going to have one. This is why he looks so good. I'm not going to have one though. No, it's because... It's because... It's because... Because then I've got to, I'll have the residue on my mouth and, you know.

Oh, kind of a nibble. Do you want me to call the whamulence? Can you guys stop pressuring me into? Do you want me to call the wambulins? Just put it in your mouth. Just pop it in your mouth, big boy. Mmm, that's delicious. Do you know what that is?

That's a twix. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. That's a twig. I think the twigs is a bit more biscuity. You know what I mean? It's got a bit more crunch in the biscuit. Mm, what's said. Thank you.

Ash, yeah. Another message from Samantha. Can I do last names as well? I won't. I'll do first name. She says, this cannot be real. Loll, Ash, you are not that small. Lowell, double lull.

You double lulled me? To my height? Is that what this is? It's a photo. Oh, fuck. It's a photo of Ash. I am that short. With Ben Knight, who was on Monday's episode.

I am that short, though. That's not Photoshop. Thanks, Vic. I know I forgot to Photoshop. Yeah, tell the listeners. You look very small there. Well, remember the first shoot we did. I had to stand on a sandbag.

That's right. Ben is tall. Thanks for making me feel better, guys. You're 5'11. 5.10. I'm shrinking. Oh, my God. Only 510 and a half.

That's like you're 6.1 and a half. Thank you. Those are people who are 6'1 and a half. Someone did think that maybe the reason you wear hats is for the height. Oh, yeah. You do more height. You do actually get like an extra centimetre with a hats. It wasn't the plan.

What are you hiding under there? Emotion. I shocked I didn't wear a hat in that episode. Yeah, that's why. I like it. You got nice hair. Thank you. Vic, you'd be happy to know that Dan has finished at my house.

He was very well behaved. Nothing untoward was happening between him and Nana. How many teas did he clock up? Oh, mate, this morning was the last morning that Dan was there. And I literally like came down the stairs. He was like, morning! And then Nana was, because I was joking about it on the other podcast. So she was a little bit self-conscious and she was like, give Dan the tea.

And I was like, you give him the tea. You made the tea. You give him the tea. And she was like, I don't know. Who's going to give him the goss? And I was like, just, no, no, go out and give it to him. She was like, oh, no, I'll give it to him. But she was very upset, as you can imagine, that he is gone.

But he did a great job. I'm going to give you a quick look, Ash. She's lost the person that she's taking care of the most. I know. So that is the before working out in the backyard. That's the before. Scroll to the right and the after. Whoa.

Yeah, nice job. Nice and clean. Thank you. Thank you. Very good. He's done a sensational job. So in the backyard, had the old pavers. They were black with mold.

So it cleaned all the papers, feel a little bench that was all like rotted away, pulled that out. Then there was no fucking paves underneath that. So I'm like, can you repave that? And he goes, I can do anything. I can do anything you want anything to do. He's re-rended the wall, painted the walls, also did the curtains upstairs. He's just like...

He can do everything. Like, he is really good. He is, he can do anything. Anything. Like, that's... I fucking dream of having that ability. Like, even... Do a little workshop with him?

Do you know what? He would have had to, years and years of experience. If you had the same experience, you would pick up things. I know, but I, annoyingly, because I was like, I'd help him out like a tiny bit. And then I'd have to go to, come to work. My fingers are sore. I do. I didn't catch my eyes like that.

But I did think, I wish I could shadow him for a full day. He would love that. Really? Yeah. Okay. I would hate that. You're like, what's you doing now? I would love to be taught that stuff.

Okay. Well, you can still do. That could be his next career. Even like... Teaching dads how to do round the house stuff. That's like no one taught me. Yeah, instead of like hire a hobby that come in and do it, they're coming to teach the husband how to do it.

Yeah. It's kind of insulting though. Imagine if your wife was like, hey, I've got Dan coming in who's going to teach you how to do this. It's like, what? But even the other night, I was in bed. As I do, I have my little scroll before I go to sleep. And the video that I was watching was someone giving a tutorial

on the difference between a screwdriver, like a drill, And an impactor, is it called an impactor? An impact drill, yeah. Impact drill. And Laura was like, Go on, what is it? Well, the impact drill like hits it so it goes in further whilst also screwing. That's like a slide.

That's hard talk. Yeah. And Laura was like... This is good gear. Laura was like, what are you doing? And I was like, dreaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Leave a man alone when he's watching something with this much talk.

She was like, in what world we ever use that? And I'm like, that's my dream. You'll never know if you don't buy it. Yeah, my dream is. to one day need to have an impact drill and use it for something. I will. Just get one for like and use it for the things you would just use a screwdriver for. It's like Matt's putting flat packs together.

It's like, for the female listeners, can you explain what talk is? Talk is the revolutions of the revolutions of the drill. It's a bigger engine. Yeah. There's more talk than a regular drill. Matt,

I'm not sure if you saw, but someone who we would aspire to one day have on the pod whenever he visits the country is how-to dad. His name's Jordan. I've met him before. Yeah, I met him at the F1. Very funny. Lovely.

He's a dad. Honestly, like, the only one way to describe him when he's a fucking dad. He is a thoroughbred dad. It's like he was born a dad. He's come out and he's got a couple of kids with him. He's got great legs, flip-flops. He also like done some stuff like training with the all blacks and all sorts of stuff. Yeah.

He's a man. Anyway, he put a little video up, which was a very stark reminder of how, immature people can be. What happened? Kids sport, which we spoke about the other day. Don't get excited about dance. Yeah, but this is with parents abusing each other and the referee and the kids. I thought that was just Americans who did that.

No, it's bled out. I'm spreading. I see. I like, either like a basketball court in America or an NFL kids game. They're very passionate about it. And the passion of the American parents, if you're an American listening to this right now, I think you're great. Within reason.

But doesn't, because my kids don't. Marley just started netball, but we're not really doing sports with his referees. Yeah, so a friend of mine is from Nebraska and he was telling... American. Well, good spot. You know, too? There's like 400 million of them, so they're around. But he was saying early doors with sports like, an American sports like NFL, NBA,

the coaching with these kids is so intense, so early. Like he was saying that one of his friends who played college football, when he was a kid, his dad would lock him in a completely dark room. with a random laser. And what it would do, he would have to, essentially, the laser hits the wall, he would have to make sure he hits that spot, like reaction time.

And we're talking like seven-year-olds. That's this, Mission Impossible? Right. But that's how early they start them for those reactions. That's child abuse. Oh, absolutely. But have you ever watched, like, some of these tag NFL kids play?

They're crazy. So one of these parents are passionate. They're mental. Yeah. But we're like, we're talking casual sport over here. Like, in New Zealand, as far as I know, I think there's netball and some unions. that has been cancelled for kids,

all because of the parents, which I think is not fair. So what was how to dad saying? His video was about that you need to just chill the fuck out. Like, come on, there's a kid sports. Give me look at the video. Gide, New Zealand.

Look, I don't usually swear in my videos, but if you are those parents that like to come along to Saturday morning sports games and swear at the referees, hurl abuse, yell at the kids, just downright shit behavior on the sideline, well you know what you can fuck off my kids netball this weekend no spectators are allowed within the courts because of some dickhead parents i've also seen instances of rugby clubs have canceling all saturday

rugby because of dickhead parents on the sideline um you know who you are you're the people that have some kind of deep down issues that you need to get on top of and you vent it and let it out at young kids volunteer referees some teenage volunteer referees on the weekends that's what gets you going. Saturday morning, oh, fuck, we all, really, beep, beep. So again, if you're those kind of appearance who are ruining it for you right now,

so you can fuck off. He's got a good fuck off, doesn't he? He's got a good way of telling people to fuck off. Also, like, I kind of felt like I was being told off just then. Like, I don't do anything wrong. I really didn't watch my behaviour. Have you been to any sports? Like Oscar, I'm thinking he plays soccer, he plays rugby.

Have you been to any matches on the weekend where someone's had a go at the ref? Yeah, so just, just, Last this weekend, we were playing a home game for us. So the other team, who will remain nameless. They got a floggin, by the way. So there was one of our kids on our team, okay, who, I mean, keep in mind, they're seven, okay? He's quite a bit of a brute.

He's a bit of a brute. He's a bit of a brute. He's a bit of a footy. He loves playing soccer. On the other team, sorry. No, on our team, sorry. On our team. So he's a bit of a brute, which we love because he's just boots the ball.

Like, he's just got a good kick on him, okay? Again, they're seven. Every team's got one kid who's like the kicking kid. Yeah, so he kicked a kid. kid and the ref it was competing for the ball oh because it's soccer it's soccer it's not it's not too i thought it's not beat for a second yeah it's like it's like that's tennis line kids tennis he's like come here let me kick you yeah yeah anyway so he's kicked a kid going for the ball and the ref stopped it was like all right like we can't do that you get a free kick whatever

it's under sevens for god's sake anyway it happened again but not as bad the kid sort of saw him coming and threw himself to the ground as well, right of the sideline in front of everyone. Anyway, the ball's sort of trickled out. Oscar's got it from where it's ended up and shot from the sideline and it's gone in. Amazing goal. Great goal. Anyway, the parent, it must have been of that kid pipes up. And he was like, oh, it fucking ref.

And it was like, the ref was one of our coaches who doesn't take any shit either. He's like, yeah, what? Essentially. And the guy's like, that goal shouldn't count. Like, fuck, fully going at him. And the referee turned around and said, good news, mate. I don't count any of the goals because they're fucking seven.

And we're all standing there. And I was like, literally, I was doing the substitutes next to him. And I was like, oh, that's embarrassing. And then we were like, a game ended shortly after. And I was like, my biggest thing with these kids, because I'm not the coach, I'm the interim coach, I'm the fill in. I'm like, you're shaking hands. regardless of what happens here.

And I'm over-exaggerated that to show how good of a sport we are and how bad of a sport he is. And I was like, like, shake a hand. Everyone's shaking hands. Someone goes shake that guy's hand. And like fully like, and then we just like bypassed out. But thankfully it was diffused by how stupid he is and some common sense from our referee. I've seen footage on social media.

I didn't do it. Parents of opposing teams punching on. Oh yeah. So my mate Benos, congratulations, they said a baby. He coached his son's team last year. He said, you'll never do it again. He was like, it was great. We were, you know, majority of parents were really, really good. But he was like, mate, there's fucking punch ons.

Wow. Yeah, so he had. What is wrong with the world? It's kids sport. I know. I get the passion. I understand the competitiveness. And sometimes it's like.

Although netball's just started. So I don't want to like, that's just. you guys posted on how I go on the sidelines. Like April's pretty aggressive, but she's positively aggressive. She's always, she's all for encouragement, but it sounds like, it's like she's sledging you but nicely. She's like, yeah, you did a good job. Whoa!

But like, you know, majority of parents are fine, but there are, like my mate Ben, I just sent a kid off because this kid was kicking everyone. Anyway, he got kicked by another kid and my mom. mate who was the referee was like that's what happens bro that's what it feels like like you know and the eight year old turn around and said fuck off i have heard there's now signs up at sports games for kids warning parents of their behavior yeah there has been it's not this is not a new thing of course but it's like now everything is so public with social media why would you run that risk that someone's going to take a video of you and put it online i don't know if when i was a kid growing up i don't remember

But any of that at all? Maybe it's just, because it was all having on the sidelines and I was so focused on the field. Yeah. So before we move on, we just want to say, if you're a parent attending kids' sport, please be well-behaved. Be respectful.

Respectful to the kids, the players, the coaching staff, the referees. Goodness me. If the kid was better behaved than you in that situation, take a look at yourself, realistically. Matt, we have been sent a video from a Dota. Tarnie, is it? Ella Grace. Close.

I was so close. Either one of those are sent us a video Oshies on the mind at the moment Oshies are on the mind Oh she's on the mind all over the house Oshies on the mind She should make a song

A jingle, do you guess a jingle? Yes And they're everywhere in my house I can't fucking escape them But someone sent us a solution For those Ushies If you would like to watch the video Oh it's one of those claw games

But it's a miniature version That you put the Ushies in So you can That's actually pretty cool Is that it came up My kids were doing this last night But manually The claw game

That's great. How much did they cost? Actually, from Kmart. It's probably like five bucks. But then a checkout, it adds up to 50. Yeah, you've got to like, yeah, that's it. It'll be like a, you could buy a few of them. But my kids were doing something similar like that, but manually last night.

So am I going to get one of them? No. Manulate with their hand? Yeah. They'll do it. Close your eyes. That's kind of fun. Yeah.

Ash, you may have seen recently I've been feeding my child, Poppy, who was 11 months. And we were told on a previous episode with Jules from the Babel, who's a nutritionist, that babies, with baby lead weaning can have sardines. Oh yeah, yeah. Now I've gone to get the sardines. And just my luck.

Headline and Vic, not to tread on your turf. Supermarket shelves strip bare of sardines as prices soar overnight. Hey, geez, the affordable pantry staple is disappearing at the moment. Staple my asshole. And they're increasing as much as 30%. Oh, the fish are rolling in it. They must have listened to the pod.

They must have. Do you think? Do you think there's a connection there, but apparently the supply issues. There's a world shortage. of sardines. There's just like, you can't get it. My mum's going to be filthy. You can't get any more.

So now it's just, I'm stuck with the chops. I don't like the idea of them calling it a pantry staple. I know. That's a bit, like, flour, sure. Yeah, peanut butter, veggie mites, sardines. Milk, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No. That's a stretch.

I know, I feel like other than feeding your child sardines, the only people who eat them are like my mom. But literally, my mom's like, did you hear? I know my mother's world was like, quick, quick, I'm here. The news. I was like, what is it? She goes, there's a shortage of sardine. We should buy some fishing rods, quick!

Speaking of news, Victoria. Well, I got some happy breaking news this week. Cameron Diaz has welcomed a baby number three at 53. That said, come on. Yeah, little Nautus Madden was born last week, joining two-year-old brother Cardinal. Just one second. Just go back.

We're going to retrace real quickly. We'll wind it back a little bit here. What was that name? Did you say Nortis? Nortis. N-A-U-T-U-S. And the other one is... Two-year-old brother, Cardinal.

And the other one? And six-year-old sister, Radix. Radix Wildflower. Radix, Cardinal and Nortis. That is fucking spicy. Too less, seriously. That is spicy. Nortis is like Nautilus,

Cardinal sin, and Raddix is like a... type of salad. Oh, God. Anyway, this is the bit I find really interesting. Diaz was 47, 51 and now 53 when she welcomed each of her children. So dementia is the reason for those names. All three births made possible through surrogacy. Wow.

That's like good. I mean, I'm sure she's going to have a lot of help given how much money she's got. But goodness me, a newborn at 53, I'm not, nah, not for me. Yeah. Not for me. That's hell. Well, she said after a long fertility journey, it's a pretty special ending. And the star now says, the only pressure for me is now that I have to live to be 107.

Yeah. That's a lot of pressure. Which is sort of a joke, but sort of like, I don't know, like, is that where science is going? I mean, but like when, I mean, sometimes you look at, what was that fucking show with the old grannies, the golden? Golden girls. Do you remember the golden girls? And apparently they were like 40. I know.

Yeah, all the math really, like, literally, age. All my age. They were part of that Hollywood scene at the time where it was like, they would probably just bendering the whole time. Well, no, even someone had a photo of the Sopranos, and they were like, if that was filmed current day, then Tony Soprano would be born in 1990. So we'd be the same age?

You imagine maybe in a mob boss? I'd be older than him. Like, people are looking amazing at the moment. Whatever everyone's doing. Definitely, yeah. Whatever is it. I think we know what everyone's doing. But imagine being your kid's 17,

and she's going to be 70. That's like, you're not going to be around for your grandkids. I was thinking, like, as the oldest parent of the group here. No need to brag about it. I mean, I wish I could. How old were you, Vic, when you go birth to Lily? Yeah, to Lily. Oh, to Lily.

Oh, God. I was 36 when I had Louis and 38 when I had Lily. Wow. But Dan was 40 and 42. Which I actually think is quite normal. Yeah. These days. These days, it's very normal.

But if I had my time, again, I mean, both of us would have loved to have children much earlier because, as you know, it takes everything out of you. My back is constantly sore. I'm so tired all the time and I just keep thinking if I was younger and more energetic, I probably would have more energy from my kids. You wouldn't have the stamina and the maturity that you have now. Yeah, you've got to earn this.

But 53, I mean, not, you know, not for me. No, I think like, not for me. I mean, I'm sure all those kids will have a happy, healthy life, but. Was there a reason why they waited so long or was it just a career and stuff? I think she had a fertility battle. I think they did find it hard. How old's he? He's a bit younger.

20. I think he's a few years younger. Benji from good Charlotte? Joel. And how old are the nannies and the chef? That's the next thing. Look, congratulations, each of their own bit. Honestly, I suppose it's changing.

Everything's changing. How old was Al Pacino? He had a kid recently. 80 something. Yeah, that's a problem. That is a problem. That is a problem. Was that a mistake?

No, that was. That was planned. Yeah, those Hollywood actors. Imagine a planned pregnancy in your 70s. Who knows where will be the next generation? Like, honey, I'm ovulating. People will be 90 and still popping our kids. Yeah, that's crazy.

Well, congratulations and... Get the names changed. Moving on. We're out of housekeeping now. Ash, you teased it last episode, but I want to know how life is for you now that April returned from her beautiful trip in Bali. Oh, much better.

She came back. She was super pumped. She had a great time. What was a tan like? She left more tan. Faked. She faked it. She faked it so much so that she's repelled the sun altogether.

She came back. She looked refreshed. She had a great time. A lot of laugh. So that's what I was hoping for with her and her friends because she hasn't been anywhere without the kids the whole time, really, or without me at least. But she had a great time.

She's back, back into the swing of things, back at the gym immediately. The hardest part about solo parenting has been outnumbered. severely. You know what it's like to be outnumbered. So there's things that, like, I felt like I had a pretty good judge on the whole thing. There were a couple of moments that would beg to differ, I would say.

The first one is early doors. Macy nearly burnt the house down because she was putting things in the heater and there wasn't two of us to supervise that situation. What heater set up have you got? You got the gas here. Hey, first time having gas. It's great. First winter having gas.

It's a game changer. Absolutely. Whole house smells like gas. I love it. But actually, it shouldn't, though, should it? No. That's concerning. Where am I?

Seriously. No wonder she started putting fucking toys. So it's got, it's like your one at home. Yeah. It's got the bottom grill where the air comes out of, okay? And it's not like an open flame or anything like that. But it just pushes the air out and it does get really hot down there. Oh, yeah.

That's the heat sauce, some would say. The kids come out of the bath and they sit there and get changed in front of the heater. See, that's what's the kids do everything in front of the heater now because they're addicted to it. But I turned the heater on. I was like, sweet, no worries. And then all of a sudden I started to smell a bit of plastic burning. I was like, oh, oh, fuck. You've turned into April.

Laura's always like, is it burning? Are you cooking toast? I know. Oh, what was that noise? Burning plastic is such a specific smell. Exactly right, yeah. Really stings the nostrils. I feel like women are really honed into that smell.

My mum's like a bloodhound. Like canaries. Canaries? Yeah, yeah. Good reference. But yeah, I was like, hang on, man, that's plastic. I know my plastic, so I smoked a lot of bongs in my time.

Anyway, it started the bottom, I was like, the bottom of the heater starting to smoke a little bit. I look in there and a little pink cowboy hat from a Barbie doll's been jammed in there. That'll do it. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, I've already acted like the house is burning down.

I got no one there to calm me down. The kids are flipping out. Well, it makes she like that. And I was like, fuck, you're going to burn. And, you know, sometimes you just, things just come out of your mouth. Like, fuck, you got to burn the house down. You got to kill us all, Mason. And then Moses was like, ah!

Like, just like, I was like, fuck it, that was day one. So I've nearly burnt the house down. It's like that episode of Simpsons and Marge leaves for a bit, comes home and they barricaded themselves. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what. April's like, I'm back and the house is all charred. Yeah, that was day one. And then we got over there.

I thought, okay, that's okay. The house is fine. I've got the cowboy hat. I got the fucking chopsticks out and got the cowboy. Of first I was worried, I better not, like, you know, when people just say don't put things in a toaster? I was like, what can I put in there without electrocute myself? Chopsticks.

So I thought, chop sticks, thank you. Bamboo. Some of the finest bamboo. And so that, we got over that. And then I thought, okay, well, the only way I'm going to be able to get these kids to do what I say, and there is without having to battle all the time, is just run a new parenting style I called Sob Story. Go on.

Where every time I needed something done, I would lean on the fact. where I'd be like, oh come on, it's just, it's just dad here. Dad's all alone here. Like, really build up the narrative of how sad I am that I miss mum and I need you to help me. That's good communication. Worked a fucking treat. Yeah.

I would say anyone out there that's facing a single parent or you're a single parent. Make the kids feel guilty. Make them feel guilty. Manipulate them. Did you fake cry? I couldn't bring myself to fake cry. I sometimes do it. That's a real cry, man.

You won't brush it to me. You don't understand the sort of. pressures I have to get you to brush your teeth. Although I actually started crying this morning in front of Louis. And he laughed at me. He started laughing. You tell Louis, if he does that one more time,

I'm coming over there and he's going to get a stern talking to from me. But also like, good to just like change the mood. Yeah, he's just like, it's like, he probably didn't know what to do. Like Oscar, when I'm giving Oscar a decent dressing down, he starts smiling. I'm like, don't you fucking smile at me, boy! He's like, I can't help it! I was like, you forget that at that age you can't continue. control your response.

Just things like that. Like, yeah, what you put. But also sometimes when I'm fighting with Laura, I just like, just to break the eyes, I just kind of give her that look to get it a smile. Oh, yeah. I'm like, hey, we go. We're like, we're there. We all do that.

And April goes, I'm not in a laughing mood. Okay. Then, oh, I'm not in a laughing mood. Neither am I. And then I'm like, I thought you weren't in a loving mood. And then the next thing you're having sex, you're like, yes. Yeah. Yeah, the next thing she's on top.

Anyway, um, did that. That was all going well until the, the last two days where I got in trouble from the kids because I was, you know. You got in trouble. Yeah. The last day before I were getting home, I sent them to school with the wrong lunchboxes. I swapped them over. Yeah, yeah.

See, non-parents out there are like, what's a big deal? That's a big fucking no-no. Straight to jail. Yeah, right to jail. I got a stern talking to from a seven-year-old and then a four-year-old in that afternoon. And I was like, look, guys, I'm really sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure. Matt's been yelling at me at work.

and then April's not yet. The sob story. I won't do it again, I promise. We've run out of chopsticks. And they were like, it's okay, it's fine. Well, it's okay. Don't cry. And then I'm like, I won't do it, do it again.

So the next day, I did it again. Do you ever say, I'm the worst dad ever? Nah, no. Use that line. Oh, really? Oh, God, that'll be. Yeah, I've done that. Yeah.

No, I'm too worried. I'm not so bad. Get a new one. I guess I'm just the worst dad in the world. I'm worried about. doing that because they'll be like, yeah, about time you would admit it. No, no, no, no, no. Trust me. Okay, I'll try that. I mean, it's very toxic and it's, you know,

I'm all about it. What the older generation do whenever you pull them up on anything. I know, my mum. But now I'm like, now I get it while they would say that line. Yeah, just, just manipulate them and turn it around. Yeah, Dad, you forgot the lunchboxes. Well, I'll just pack my stuff up and get out of this house because I'm fucking useless. Is that? Is that what you're saying? That's pretty nice. No, no, no, it's all right. It's fine, it's fine, dad. It was just like I was going to cry. And then I said, okay, I won't do it again.

and I did it again the next day. But this time I did it slightly differently because they're those... On purpose or accidental? This was... I was really trying this time. I was like, I can't do that again because that's embarrassing. Did you only realise at the end of the day when they told you? When I got it out of the school bag and realized that Hawaii is Oscar's lunchbox in Macy's school bag, vice versa.

Did they eat? Oh, like the bits that they would normally eat. So the next morning I'm making lunches. And it's one of those ones where you can take the lid off, wash the lid separately. So the different coloured lids. One's yellow. One is purple. Okay.

Yellow is Oscar, purple is Macy. Thank you. Okay. Got it? And I accidentally, but the handles are meant to correlate with the lead color. Okay. I didn't even think about that. I just put the Lids back on and sent him.

Get home that day. Open up the bag and Oscar's standing there and he goes, yeah. You fucking did it again. You did it. And then he was like, how many fucking times? Looked at me. The purple handle the purple lid. He looked at Macy.

He's fucking idiot. He looked at Macy and goes, How many fucking times? It's hard to find it. a good help. He goes, I wish mum was here. Me too. Now go to your fucking room. I quit the sob story after that. Could he do it? It'd just be a lunchbox full of tiny tetties.

Fuck. Other than that, pretty solid. Actually, one last thing. And this is, you're involved in this. So, Osk had a birthday party on the weekend that April wasn't there. So I've dropped Macy off at Poppas to take him to this indoor soccer. It wasn't an appropriate place for Macy to be with a bunch of boys kicking a ball around. So I went and it wasn't with a group of people that I know. It was with a group of people that Oscar knows. And April has, but she's away.

So someone's got to go. So I'm going to go. And you know how much I fucking hate people. You do. I hate other people. Unless you're a doator, then go up and speak down. I love you. But like I just, I just want to be left alone.

This is why the dotas don't want to come up to you. Oh, sorry. No, in those situations, great. But I don't want to be stuck at a two-hour party with a bunch of people I don't know because I'm like, what do I do with my own? hands. It's a lot. It's like, you know, running on a treadmill. Anyway, so I was there and this guy struck up some small talk with me. And I thought, this is the perfect opportunity to use one of Maddie J's classic jokes. What'd you go for? I went with the, he was like, which,

which kid's yours? And I said, oh, none of them. I'm just here for the spectacle. And he was like, what? I didn't know if I was joking. That's good gear. It is good gear. And I was like, ah, uh, no. No, no, that one over there is mine. And then you set the rest of the time in the cards. Yeah, no, I spent the whole two hours going, that was fucking dumb. That was dumb. No, wrong crowd.

And then in the shower that night, I was like, this is what I should have said. But I didn't say it. But, yeah, it was awkward after that. Anyway, so April's back and we are good. We are back to normal. Well done. Well done. Thank you.

Great dad. Thank you. One of the best. Thank you. The kids are so thankful. She's home. It is a bit. I run a tight ship when she's not there.

She's very lenient with things. and I'm just like, I don't know. Really? I thought you'd be laxy, loosey goosey. Nah, I don't like fuck around.

That's a fair way to say it, right? I don't like the fuff of them, like, I ask you to do something, don't change the subject, just do what I've asked you to do and don't interrupt sometimes. It works, but then also as well as well. Harsh but fair.

Yeah. Let us out. Do you know what's fucking annoying? I got a list of this. things, yeah, but let's add to it. One of the most annoying things about parenting is parenting guilt. Yes. Like, for what purpose does it serve?

I have enough on my plate, enough of my mind, without second-guessing what I'm doing and thinking that I'm doing a shit job. Yeah, it's like, why do you think you're doing it if you're seeing someone doing a better job? No, well, on Fridays, that is my poppy day, my poppy day. And also, she's 11 months now. And she's your third daughter. Okay, good. And I didn't have a version of.

Matt leave when she was first born. I didn't get that. I was always working. Such a hard worker. What a guy. What a guy. But in the blink of an eye, she's now 11 months. Yeah, that went fast.

And the added pressure or the added guilt that is on the shoulders is the thought of, this is the last time ever you will have a newborn child that is yours in your lifetime. Right. So you're like, you want to make the most of it because all of a sudden she's crawling. She's about to start walking. and I'm like, where the fuck did the last 11 months go, like that? And so you've got to try and savor every second. And so the Fridays that I have with her are just me and her.

And I try not to have any work, try and have just my attention, my focus. It's just me and Poppy, no distractions. I can give her a day where it's just, she has me. How many naps she have now on the day? Pretty annoying. That is the annoying part. I'm looking forward to when it's just one nap time. At the moment, she naps from 9.30.

hour and a half. That's pretty good. And then three o'clock, maybe an hour. Okay. It disrupts the day. I'll tell you that much. Wake up! But before you know it, she has her first nap.

And then I'm like, I'll take it to the park. The middle of the day, we'll go out there, we'll go to the park. She loves the swing. And I can really like have some like one or one time. Lock in. Some core memories. Right?

The moment's that I'm going to remember. And then that Friday just gone. Busy at home, emails, phone calls, juggling everything else. Laura was also away. And then before I know it, we're creeping forward to 3 o'clock. And so I'm like, I'm not going to go anywhere because she's going to get pretty tired soon.

And it's cold. It starts to get cold. It's also cold. And then, you know, I put her down. I've got to race to get the kids. Day's gone. Days gone. And then I'm looking back at that day being like, well, my attention's not been on her.

It's been on elsewhere. Everything else going on. And then you just feel overwhelmingly like you're done a shit job. Like you've had a day where you've not been the parent that you wanted to be. And as well, all that week, like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, you're kind of like, I know that Friday's going to be the day for me and Poppy. And then when you have the expectation of you want it to be like this, as we often know, what you think parenting is going to be like is far from.

Yeah, it's not. The expectation, it's like, that's the dream, but then it never really pans out how you wanted to pan. And then on the weekend, because if people listening going, well, just play with it on Saturday, I do as well. but it's just different because I've got both kids. Yeah, yeah. And they want attention too. I remember, like I had like Thursdays with Macy, right?

It's very different, like you're saying, when you've got just one to focus your attention on. Because it's right. It's so easy for someone to say, we'll just play with it tomorrow. Great, yeah, okay. So then what am I going to do when I've got two other girls that you're like, Daddy, we want to go for a bike ride?

But you're like, well, I can't, you know. Oh, it's so annoying. And then all it does is then put more pressure on next Friday because you're like, want to play catch up and make up for what I missed on the last Friday session. I just couldn't shake this feeling of like, this voice in my head of like, you know, a bad dad.

My biggest, my biggest fear in life is not being attacked by sharks or being, either dumb, it doesn't know, I'm being a bit. My biggest fear is being a shit dad. And you're like, and that's great in some circumstances.

But then also it's at my detriment because you're like, you don't want it to weigh on your head and second guess every single, moment of parenting. Yeah, I think one thing that parents do too much, which we shouldn't do, but it's hard to just shake it is overthink that. Yeah. Like you overthink like, am I, like, I know April as well, she always says, are we doing enough with the kids? And I'm like, yeah, because realistically it's like, we're only two people, they're only two people. It's like, getting out once in the middle of the day is, it should be enough. You don't want to set the expectation that you're like constantly doing things all the time. Because, you're, you're

At what point are you all just fucking exhausted? But then it's also those people who have that narrative of like, you know, when the kids are older, you're going to miss these times. You're going to miss the moments where your baby's crawling. You're going to miss those times when there's dirty marks on the window from their handprints. And I'm like, stop fucking saying that. We don't need this added guilt. It's okay to miss that stuff because that could be everyday stuff too.

But I guarantee you in 20 years time, you're not going to be like, fuck, I miss that Friday. That one Friday. I fucking miss that one Friday. But someone did say, like, don't worry about it. I don't remember anything until they're five. Yeah, it's not for them, it's for me. And it's like if the kids haven't been out all day,

like just to, it's a bit different because it's like, just say a weekend. If haven't been out all day because we've had things we've got to do around the house, there's things that need to be done, it's like I don't feel the guilt really as long as they're happy and we've had fun and whatever, because you can have fun at home. You don't have to go out all the time.

Because I'm working from home, man, I just, I need to have that break of scenery. I get so eggy when I've just been. in the house all day at the table from morning tonight and the only time I leave is when I drop the kids off and pick them up like man it's just I don't know if you're the same but I need to have I need to like get out just for that little window yeah otherwise get the shits don't be so hard on yourself I know and like and that's not just you as well but like also every parent out there that has the same because we all have that feeling especially when it's there's such a young child and you're like

okay well now I want to get the groundwork in and you get you get distract. People get distracted. So don't put too much pressure on yourself. Thank you. That's what I would say. But I'm not an expert. Matt, it's another week of one of our favorite segments. It's lies. Tell me lies. Tell me sweet little lies. Tell me lie. Tell me, tell me lie. Ash, this is my favorite segment and it is of course parental lies. Dirty Dad's edition is brought to you by Omo Capsules. Remember when life gives you laundry,

Keep up with capsules. I have been sent a lot of footage of me at the supermarket. Apparently there is a little sticker of me in the laundry aisle when I'm dancing around a clothesline. Not little. Next time you come to my house, you might be shocked that it's on my wall. No. Not yet, it's not.

Tara Pavlovich from The Bachelor. She was there picking up some laundry items and her kids were like, Mommy, who's that guy? She's like, long story. Better buy some MoMo. Do you want to go first, man? All right, this is from Elisa,

double S, Elissa. The best way to spell Elissa, I've always said that. Her lie is. Growing up, my dad told me, Keish was pronounced Quicky. Quicky. I was a smart kid, but it legitimately looked like

it could have been pronounced that way. In brackets, the English language is very weird. I agree. Agreed. So I never questioned it until I was 17. Oh, getting a lot of trouble. And I asked my bloody stepdad if he was having a quickie.

He was equally confused, amused and embarrassed. But I assure you, not as embarrassed as I was when he taught me what it was actually called. What an asshole of a dad. That's definitely one of those lies where they've told them and then forgotten they've told them. And then they've grown up and been like, you're having a quickie over there. It's like, excuse me. For what purpose? Why would you like?

He's just messing with her... Just messing with it and then forgot. That's the worst part. I'll go next. This is Tamara Lee. Not Tamara? Tamra Lee. Like Sarah Lee, but with a Tamara.

Great cakes. Very good cakes. Very good cake. In the freezer roll. But this is about, I know. It's not about cakes. Tamara Lee. We give our children a chewable multivitamin and probiotic gummy every night after

bath time. We call them lollies. We do this. They truly think they are being rewarded and can even use them as bribery. Quick, get in the bath, if you want a lolly. Eat your dinner, if you want a lolly. I need to start doing that.

We've been doing this for years. I need to start. I mean, at the moment, Lola loves the taste of medicine. They love. She's like, the bloody strawberry. To be fair, it's delicious. She's like, oh, growing pains really sore.

And I'm like, is it? She's like, just give it to me. Give it to me now! One day I couldn't find the pan of it. like the adult panadol and I was like fuck this swigging it just swinging the I was like how many mills do I need but it's a man it's damn good

so let's drop that next one all right this one is from Sharon spelt S-H-E-D-R how do you think Ash Y-N Y-N no

Sherine yes Sherine it's a shrine it's a shrine it's a shrine to Sherine Shrine to Lies. The ice cream truck comes around my daughter's neighborhood at 7 p.m. on weekends. Hang on a sec.

Are you sure it's an ice cream truck or not something else? That's a pedophile. I just, that's... He's like, the ice cream is like, oh, get there eventually. Very late for an ice cream truck, don't you think? It's late for the truck,

but perfect time for the dessert. Okay, but wouldn't you do a lunchtime, like when it's... I mean, I'm no ice cream truck expert myself. and not to question Sherine's story. Don't know. Okay. Do they like savings maybe?

Okay, okay. We'll get to the bottom of this. Vic, remind me to look into this. If you told my granddaughter, that's the bedtime song for their suburb and all the kids have to be in bed. It works every time. That's new.

That ice cream truck driver's like, fucking else. Quiet at the moment. I thought she was going to go down that they're all out of ice cream, which is the classic. The classic. That's a classic.

But to go to bed, song is good. I'm going to say that that is the biggest mistake this ice cream type driver has made doing a seven o'clock round. You're ruined business. It's bad for business. We sneak up on them one time. Do it like do a five o'clock. That's true. You can do that too. That I get them. Last one from me. From Daniel, nice and easy. Or Dan, if you will. Ah, is it, is this your partner, Vic? No, it's not. Can I just have the spelling please of Daniel? Yes, it is spelled D for Daniel. Yep. A for annual. Yep.

N for Niel. I for eel. E L. N. Ill for Yel. Okay. Thank you. Continue. Perfect pronunciation. Very good. Thank you.

Whenever the kids are accusing one another of hitting each other, we tell them we have a camera set up that they can't see and we'll go look at the footage unless they tell us what really happened. We're going to the bunker. We're going straight to the bunker for that one? I've done a similar lie. Okay. But in the back of the car, we're going to go.

We've got a seven-seater, and Marley loves to sit at the very back of the car. It's a treat. Get up to mischief back there. And I'm sometimes, I look in the review mirror, and she's jumping around all over the place. And I say, you got your seat butt on? She goes, yeah. And I go, I can check the camera. You don't have it on.

And she's like, how are you watching it? And I'm like, because I got a little monitor down here. And she's like. She's on to me. And I'm like, it's just right here. You can't sit down by my knees. It's all up here. And she's like out of the car.

She's like, show me the monitor. And I said, no, it goes. way when you stop the car. It's automatic. And she's like really quizzing me. I'm there sweating. I know. I had a lot of questioning. You can really extend on them too when it starts to go. But you can always just be like, there's a sensor here that says your seatbelt's not on. Where were you?

Where were your gymnastics pick up last week? You got to go with the camera. It just throws them off. No, I think the fake camera, once you get to seven, it's run its course. Damn it. I know. Ash, we need to pick a winner because one of these lies will win. An Omo Prize pack.

My vote My vote's going for The Tamara Lee With the The chewable vitamins I was going to say the quickie Should we wrestle See who wins

Make it a quickie Okay Very good We're torn Okay Okay Vic you are the deciding vote Who do you want to win the I love the cache

Yes I'm Tamara I'm sorry I tried Elissa congratulations You were getting a Maddie J poster and I don't know what's going. And that is spelled E-L-I-O-S-A. Well, that was Lies. Thanks again to Omo Capsules for sponsoring this segment of parental lies the Dirty Dads Edition. Find it in stores at leading retails and users directed. Always keep out of sight and reach of children. Make up a lie about it. How good's O-M-O? How good's a capsule?

Very good. What does O-M-O stand for? That's a real question. That's good. Next week. How many acronyms is that? Ash, it is time for your favorite part of the show. The end. Goodbye. Goodbye. I'm out of here. You finish it off. So have you enjoyed this episode?

Do not send a review. Oh, reverse psychology. Don't do it. I know you won't do it. I know you won't. You won't fucking do it. You, I bet you won't. I bet you're too busy.

I bet you your friends do it better than you anyway. I bet you don't even care. Yeah, you wouldn't even care. I want to check and I promise you that there's not going to be any more reviews, please do it. But if you want to do it. Either on Spotify, you can do it on Instagram. individual episodes or an Apple podcast and subscribe so all future episodes get delivered directly

into your inbox or you can. Join us on social media, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube or the Facebook group. And remember when you do subscribe, you get all the episodes directly to your inbox, including next week's guest episode, which happens to be Dr. Golly. Oh, look at you, your little pediatrician. A little teaser. I've got a rash. I mean, one of my kids has a rash.

Is it still there? Yeah, look, when I walk, actually, you could. Scrapes together. Get them to look at your hemorrhoids. At the moment, they're with InstMe. So we'll see if they come back out. Lots to look for them to next week. Goodbye.

See you guys. I can crack and joke. I'm not. I'm just living. We must. We must. I'm just over here living my life. This is who I am.

Where are the outtakes? There's none. It's all good. It's all gold. We'll be right back after this. Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal

and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.