Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #256 Someone Stop The Parenting Police

Episode Date: August 30, 2026

This week, the guys are recovering from Book Week - the annual tradition of parents spending far too much time and money making costumes their children will wear once before deciding they hate them. Who has the time when there are more parenting dilemmas to deal with?! This week the boys attempt to answer (but not give advice) on: Is it OK to ask another parent not to swear? How do you tell a friend you don’t want your kids playing with their constantly sick kids? Should you buy a present for siblings to avoid birthday disappointment? Plus, the guys weigh in on Oreo-gate and discuss what parents should actually be doing with their kids instead of telling each other off. Because apparently parenting wasn’t already complicated enough. ______________________________________________________________________________ You can grab a copy of Ash's new book The Secret Ingredient here.  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you slap April's bottom when she's bent over? No, more of a put a finger in guy. I do that as well. I do that as well. We do it to each other. I think it's a couple's thing. Secretly, I think Laura likes it. Well, I saw on...

It's like, nope. I saw on the Ricky Lee and Tim show, Nova, on the same network as us, thank you. They were talking about this. And she was talking about how every couple sort of d, if you're walking behind your husband, especially out the stairs, sneaky finger up the bum. Like, just like a little... I kind of like it. Let's start show

It's like yeah Back to Two Dating Dads I'm Maddie J I'm Ash And this is a podcast All about parenting It is the good It is the bad

And the relatable Come for advice Nope Nope Nope nope Nope Nope no No but this is a housekeeping

So you never know What the Dota's gonna dish out And there could be some advice Not from us though A little bit from us Loophole To the Dotas Who are doing housekeeping

Keep up the great work Yes You are Great form on that Vacky Yeah I wonder how What percentage of Dota's are doing the laundry right now, folding the washing? I hope it's towels.

Yes, I see those TikToks where it's like Justin Bieber. It was in his boxes and socks or whatever. An iconic moment of this year. And there was all those videos of people like, I put something on to help me while I'm on the housework and they just stopped staring out if I'm doing any of the housework. Why can't someone do that for us? I actually think we should be doing housework right now.

I did time this morning. What did you do? This morning I made the bed, clean the kitchen before April got back from... What a guy! Wow. Thank you. Thank you very much.

You are incredible. This feels like an acceptance speech. Build him a statue. We have a statue of me at home. It's a plush toy. And you've got one up there. Actually, I need to get your... I was meant to bring your one in.

And also I got some soundproofing I need to bring in. Damn it! Anyway, carry on. Book Week. Housekeeping Book Week. Where are you at? Went to Macy's little... You know how Kinneys have fun names of things like Pizza and Puzzle and Art.

I can't remember the name of this one. It was like books and bureaucrats. It was like, so it was like books and something else. And I was like, you go and they had a little stations where you go and read some books with your kids and then like maybe play a game.

No food, disappointing, but whatever. When did the parade start? No parade there. What? No parade at this particular. That seems like it's like Christmas with their presents. Not as traumatizing. Christmas is about giving too, by the way, Matt.

News to me. Yeah, look, they're ahead of the. the curve. So they're gone with a slightly different, more in, I think it's more parent-inclusive. I got to go with, you got to show me some of a variety. It was sort of like an open day, but with more books. I don't like it. And guess whose book was there? Yours. Yeah, and the two-doney-day books in there as well. Ah, yes. Yeah, we made it. We made it. For those you wondering, I'm talking about two-todend days in The Quest for Free Time. And also the secret ingredient written by yours, truly. Did anyone dress up as Ash Wicks? No one? No. Oh, sorry. Not even Oscar this year,

I don't think. Fuck him. He's going, has actually, this refers to you, Vic. Vic generously gave Oscar a book last week, which was a Rinaldo verse messy book, which is full of details of these two soccer players, which Oscar is a obsessive. So thank you very much. You know my kids very well.

He's going as Ronaldo and taking that book with him. So well done. He's like, can I wear my soccer boots? I'm like, absolutely not. Yeah, he'll churn up those little nipples. He just wants to fuck people up at lunch in the soccer field. That's why. With his boots.

Yeah. Can you wear boots at lunchtime? No, surely not. No way. No, no. One of the mums from the soccer team was at the school during lunch watching them from afar playing soccer and she was like, they are ruthless. There's no rules there, man. It's like a prison yard. Yes.

You know the longest yard? The movie is like that. Life is better with Book Week off my shoulders. I know. Actually, the teachers look great dressed up. They put in a great, I want to say, every kid at school dressed up. And as much as I'm like, fucking Buckwick, they're like, why we fucking need this? I had a pressure.

When the parade started, I was like, yes! It's all worth it. I was loving it. And I was like, woo, go, Marley. I think you see that one kid who didn't dress up. No, everyone did. Everyone did. I love that.

I think in my group chat for both classes, Mali and Lola, I would have had, in the space of a week, 50 messages of like, just reminder. Every book week is coming up. Starts at 9-10, remember? Like, just the barrage. Oh, yeah.

And every parent was like, Must have bookway. Exactly why I removed myself from any group chats. Abras just like loves that stuff. But it worked. It's so like, I fucking hate it when you see one kid who's like, someone's forgot. I feel so sorry for them.

It's like there's only so many lost and found uniform. Like, there was actually one parent who handmade wings of a dragon. That's just showing off, isn't it? And there was like a little lever that the wings expanded behind it. She was wearing it like a backpack and the wings expanded. And I was like, Can you please get some footage of this?

I want to see. That's impressive. Were they how to train a dragon or something? I didn't ask any questions. I was so mesmerized by the mechanics of the wings. Do you think that they used the 3D printer? No, it was all cardboard. Wow.

Yeah, cardboard and straws and like glue. That's impressive. Thank you. So good, good. You're taking credit. Someone at Lily's this morning had wings as well and they were dressed as a bin chicken and they had a bin, like an actual bin around them

and then the wings and then that giant beak. Now you're just showing off. Every parent was like, look at that bin. You got too much fucking time up your sleeve? Yeah. Is that the saying? I mean, yeah. Most parents are just pulling out of the costume box.

It was stressful enough trying to buy a costume of Amazon, which came within 24 hours. Like that was for me, that almost broke me. There was an article, mate. I'm not sure if you saw it. This is from Seven News. This is popped up. Should parents have to make Book Week costumes themselves? That is outrageous.

Yeah. You may as well be asking, should dads be delivering the babies themselves? Yeah, at home. At home. Like seven news. No discredit to, what an amazing. I think they want a Logie. They put a question mark at the end of it so that they're like, whoa, we're just asking you.

We're asking the question. Well, you should look at the comment section. Oh, so it's just a taster of one or two comments. Children should make them during art classes leading up to Bookwick. That's very good. That's good. Or you could get your kids to make them at home on the weekend as an activity. Look at us go.

Should you shut the fuck up right now Well I'm going to stop you right there Vic take that out We do not need more arts and crafts At home for parents Yeah okay And also you suggesting that of all people Sorry me definitely not doing it

What are you doing? That's off brand Very off brand from you I'm trying to be better You're trying to be more inclusive This one's a good Here's a good comment And I like this one Hit me

Should Book Week not exist Yeah I'm asking the question Just asking Because it's not only the costume is also that, hey, can you take time off work to come into school? Very true. And it was full of parents, the one that we went to today.

Yeah, you could tell immediately that everyone was at Bookweek because the economy plummeted. The GPD was down 20% on Bookweek. I know, it's just like, their prime selling hours, V. Do you know who does profit from Bookweek? Books. The book industry is like, finally, it's everything keeping it afloat. Bookopia is like, oh, God, thank God. We're looking at another receivership here.

But Amazon, they must be like, any costume shop. Actually, because they have 100 days where they just like shoehorn any fucking costume to be like, this is an old person to then go straight into bookweek. They are like Jeff Bezos. They know what they're doing. They know exactly what they're doing. They know the strategy behind it. They're preparing for next year's book week now.

But if you're a parent making your own costume, I think credit to you. Like that is very impressive. Not for me. No. I'm going to leave it to the professionals. Well, one mum on this post said, this is a great opportunity to explore your child's imagination and make a costume come to life with mummy and daddy.

Shut up! Who was that? I don't think we should. That's a pet parent. Give me the name. That's a fucking pet parent comment to that, surely. A mother named Mel. Oh, classic Mel. Oh, classic Mel.

I mean, credit to you, Mel. I like your attitude. I really do. It's not for everyone. But it's not for me. Some people like coriander. I don't think, don't. Do the least pressure one unless you really want to do that.

I think like it's a choice. Can I just quickly on Book Week as well? Did you hear about there are certain schools that are banning costumes? Did you hear about this? Where do we enroll? So a Christian school in Queensland, bloody Queensland. Children have been banned from dressing as some of the most recognisable characters in literature on religious grounds, keeping with the Christian values of our school.

I'm not going to say anything about it. They're only allowed to wear one costume and it's a sexy choir. boy. Keeping with the Christian values of our school, we would ask that there be no wizards, witches, weapons, zombies and the like, the school told families. The rule effectively excludes all characters from the Harry Potter series, which are sold more than 600 million copies worldwide. You can dress as anyone from the Bible.

It's like, what? Wow. It's like, it's a bit silly, isn't it? Especially, like, I feel, we're not worshipping wizards and witches. I know, like, all the wizards are like, damn. We're misrepresented, okay. Come, that's outrageous. Oh, yeah.

That is outrageous. I think, like, you can't. It's stamping out, as Ben said the other day, it's stamping out kids' creativity. For sure. I get if they were like. Religion's done that for decades. Like, Harry Potter, we saw the cutest little Hermione and Harry Potter this morning. It's also such an easy one to do.

Like, put a, put a fucking pair of glasses on that kid and Chuck her. If you're going to dress as the devil, I get it. I get it. That's a bit too far, maybe. For some people. Oh, I get it. Well, well said.

Thank you. All right, let's, can we move on from Broadway? Father's Day. Father's Day. Father's Day is coming up. Father's Day is coming up just to remind people. Is it September 5, Ash? Six.

It is the Sunday of that weekend. Is that day? Yes, it's a 6. I get back from my holiday on that day. Ah. Have you put in any requests? for your family to buy something? I don't expect them to buy me anything, no.

I think it's just spend the day with my kids. Shut up. Shut up. What I'd really like. Yeah, there we go. No. No request. Honestly, I forgot.

Yeah, I don't think I really, I mean, I did do a job with my, and I got an espresso machine. Is that worth a payment? It was espresso machine and a pair of cowboy boots. It was lovely. Vic, are you getting Dan anything? No, the kid's getting Dan anything, but Vic's going to obviously facilitate.

I have got him a, personalised hoodie. Oh, the personalised hoodie. They're pretty cool actually. Which I got him last year and he wears it every single week. You have been pushing the hoodie, the personalised hoodie. And I started getting ads for that same brand. And you show you.

Well, I thought it's actually a good merch if Dota's want a hoodie. There you go, guys. We might put it in the show notes. No, probably not better. I think, I think, like, yeah, dads, wear shirts forever. I just think, I know it's cliche. Undies. I just...

I need undies. Yours are white. You need undies every week. The white ones are being phased out. Did I shame you out of it? I'm really sorry if I did it. No, that's okay. They were at the end of their lifespan.

So it's fine. You were like counted the skitties on it. You're like, oh, it's one too many skitties. Whenever I'm wiping my bum, I always think back to the comment you said, I think it was a year ago, Ept 204. You said, do people really wipe their bum clean every single time? Absolutely not, man. No one has that much time in their hand.

On the seventh? They want us to make bookweek costumes. How am I going to do that? But I can't, every time I wipe it, it's the same. It's the same result. By the seventh wife, I'm like, that's close enough. Yeah, it's like, I can see myself have to itch my asshole for the rest of the day. Yeah, I would say get dad a douche.

Hey, YouTube, just quickly, because we're sending up. I love how every point is just quickly on YouTube, 10 minute conversation. It's a bit of a Donald Trump move, but we were like, we're going back on what we had previously said. Okay, just for the dotas out there, when we went to two episodes a week, Matt and I had this conversation, a lengthy conversation one night about,

I would prefer to provide two episodes in audio form. So let's park YouTube then that we did. But somehow we ended up doing more YouTube and more episodes. And now we're saying, we're scrapping the YouTube to shorter form, but then with one leave, like, not even any feedback. Just as we were about to, like, yield, yield, yield, wield. Wheel the axe.

Yeah, wield. Wheel the axe. Far out. There he is. Thank you very much. We were about to delete YouTube altogether, not really, but just, you know, for dramatic effect. And then Vic was like, wait, like running into the room. Like, don't delete it?

We're like, what is it, Vic? And she's like, why don't we just do like a bit of a quicker little skimmy, skim, no frills edit? That's a great idea. And I forgot about that. And I want to say that's an awesome idea. So well done. So just as it was about to get executed, Vickers saved the day.

So if you're... You've given YouTube another life. That's two of its nine lives. Seven more to go. Well, I think also the guest steps, which do seem to be very popular on YouTube, they might go in full some other time. Those 30 people are going to be stoked. But it'll be a no frills version, a very unedited.

Which people I think, I kind of like that? Yeah. Because, although do I? I say a lot of stuff that shouldn't be on. the internet. As long as we take out all the offensive remarks that we make, I'm all for it. Oh no, I'm happy for that to stay. I just don't want to be too sentimental off camera.

Anyway, YouTube. So it's staying. That's it. Moving on. I have a message here from DeVica. Okay, she says, OMFG, it's me. Oh, we did say that. Is it, was it Dejvika? It was when you were talking about Deb, and then you changed Deb's name to Deb Vika. And then she's like, my name is actually that.

She was like, speaking me, hello. She was like, someone's calling me. Yeah. I don't remember sending in a message. This is off the back of Jerica. That's her name. Jerica, I didn't mispronounce that. Who is, it's a, what I like to call, Matt, a rolling joke.

Has no end. And it's about to keep on rolling. It's about to keep on rolling. And then shout out to Deve, Devica. Because it was Deborah and I was like, are you sure that's correct? Derricka or Devra. I can't remember. Devereika, that's it.

She said, yes, I've been called. every possible variation of this low key was flipping out hearing the pod say my name, close to my name, 50 times. Wow. It's funny how the world works, isn't it?

It just, what do you call that? Coincidence? I think it's more than that. I'm not very woo-woo. Right, it's fate. That's a bit too woo-woo for me. But Jerica, Jerica, who is real.

She's the OG. She's the OG. Also, we'll say shout out to Donna, who is the actual OG. Oh, sorry. Donna. Donna was like, when are your fuckers going to say my name?

Yeah, Donna's two IC. She's second in charge of the Dota's. First in charge is us collectively. Donna, we love you. Well, actually it's VX in charge. Yeah, three I see. Anyway. She's a four IC.

But we've got Jerica. I've managed to track down a number. Wait, we've got Jerica? I've got Jericho. Shut up. She's flagging us. Hello. Would that happen to be Jerica?

Is it ever? Yeah! That's amazing. You should be. How are you guys? Good. First of all, Jericho, I just want to say, I'm sorry. Also, thank you.

Any comment that we make is only because we love you. It's fine. There's zero hard feelings. Okay. Can we talk about your name, Jericho? Of course. I have never heard the name Jericho. I've heard Jessica.

Yeah. Jericho is one that I have. It's eluded me until now. Yeah, well, I've only ever met one other. Were you looking in the mirror? It was a really awkward conversation because we kind of had this like, oh, wow. This rumor big enough for the both of us.

Yeah, there's only one, Gerica. Literally. But yeah, so it comes from a book that my mum was reading while she was pregnant with me. Oh, right on Bookweek too. Yeah, exactly. It all just fits in perfectly, doesn't it? Yeah.

I don't really know what the story was about. Okay. It was something about caveman and like... Nice. So I didn't want to delve too deep with. Imagine finding out all these years later that it was just a spelling mistake in that book. No.

I was just like, damn it. Ash, this is a beautiful name which has been... I know, I know, but it's quite unique. I thought you're going to say, imagine if the book was like a bit of a saucy little book. Like 50 jays. That's right. I was going to ask if it was like a cultural, no, it's no affiliation. No, okay.

Nothing. Okay, can I ask your full name, Jerica, if I may? Yeah, so my surname is actually my married name, but obviously it looks like it sores, S-A-W-E-R-S. It's actually pronounced Sears. Syers? Jerica Sears. That is a fucking good name. That's solid.

Yeah. Like, are you a CEO or something? No, I'm a nurse. Oh. Are you the CEO of all the nurses? No. Well, you should be. Look, I'd be happy for the promotion.

Okay, well, if anything's wrong with you, go and see Jerica and put in a good word. I'll get them to call you guys for the reference check. Yeah, please. I wouldn't do that. Out of interest, Jerica, how did you find us? So I've actually been following Ash for a long time. from the towelhead days still going.

Still going strong. I got nothing else. Yeah. Yeah, time for some new gear, right? Oh, yeah. April's going to be real upset. Yeah. No, no.

And then, yeah, I obviously came across the pod just through following Ash and then get on to you, Maddie. And I basically binged your whole podcast in my very early postpartum days. with my eldest son. What's his name? Saved me. That's his hunter. Okay.

So he's nearly two. Can he spell that for us? Yeah, and then I've got another little boy, Luca. Amazing. Congratulations. Thank you for being a Dota. Of course. Please know that any time we say your name, it is only said with love.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I know. I feel the love all the time. It's all right. Oh, awesome. Thank you so much. No, thank you guys. just for, you know, everything that you do, you've do a lot of good.

So keep going, please. Just checking, you're still, are you still listening at this stage? Sure, I am. I'm up to date. Okay, great. Do you prefer, do you prefer the lulls or do you prefer the more serious topics out of interest? I don't know, actually. I love the lulls.

Thank you. I love the lulls. They are what saved me in my first postpartum journey. Oh, wow. What happened? Do you tell? Oh, you know, you know, you. It's just the first-time mum stuff, right?

It's rough. It's like the biggest shock to the system ever. Yeah. It's nice to have a couple of roles. And I had a horrible child that didn't sleep and, you know. I feel that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Dr. Goli episodes really just, you know, bring it all back.

But that's fine. It's good. And have you left this as a review or? I think I have actually. Okay, great, go, go, good, good, good. You're off the hook then. Not to turn this into business call. I know.

He's like, are you happy to commit right now? Is it me the show or something we haven't mentioned yet? No, well, I'm glad we could help out. Yeah, no, it's been great, guys. It's really good. It brings me lots of joy. Well, you're welcome. You deserve it.

And where, if you don't mind, where are you located? What part of the country? I'm just south of Wollongong. Oh, lovely. Shell Harbor? Yeah. Lovely spot. Ash knew that already, by the way.

I never, but I don't know what you're talking about. I'm going to myself a stalker, cool. Yeah, I'm in the bushes. Jerica, I love her to talk to you. Yeah, you too. Enjoy your day, guys. You too, see ya. Bye.

Thanks, hi. Oh, it's nice to put a voice to the day. She's lovely. Isn't she just divine? She's a flat out, Jericho and I love it. Do I, I think I speak on behalf of all of the country when I say people from Wollongong, like what a town. It's all of the earth.

What a suburb. Yeah, it's a great spot. A beautiful spot. Shout out to my Italian artist is also in Wollongong. Shout out. to Laura's family. Kim? Kim, shout to Kim.

Fuck, I'm good. Very good, very good. Matt, I think it's time for this. Now you need us more than ever. Know that we still have each other. You can send us your doting dilemma. You can send us your doding dilemma. Ella, Ella, Ella, eh,

eh, eh. Matt, this is the segment where our beloved dotis, much like Jerica, write in any problems that they have that they would love to. silly dads to talk about. Thoughts? Great. All right. You want to go first. You go first. It is book week and you're a great reader. No, the first one's a short one. You take the first one. Don't undermine me like that. This is remain on. I like your jersey. I like it. Thank you. This is, do you know how long it took this jerseys to come from the UK here? Sorry, big,

Vic, Vic. This is very important. Be, let me be me. This is very important. The do- I wasn't shaking my head at you. Yeah, you were. Okay, this is from anonymous. I appreciate the anonymousness. Wow, I got that out. Is it okay to ask another parent to swear in front of your kids? I was going to say.

My next question was going to be, why? See, this is what I mean, Vic. Okay, it's funny. You let's take a laugh at my expense. She's crying over here. Anyway, that's smat-sur now. No, all right. This is my kid, Marley.

Swear, swear to. Fuck you! This is from Anonymous. Is it okay to ask another parent not to swear in front of your kids? We had some friends and their kids over for dinner the other night. The dad kept dropping F-bombs with our kids there. My husband at one stage interrupted him and asked. I think that is absolutely perfect behaviour.

in your own home. Yeah, I think you can ask if it's excessive and it's quite, and anyone could pick up and hear it. If we're just having a conversation, I'm like, this fucking go out here. Fine. Okay, but also, what are you talking about so secretly? Anyway, I think it's fine as long as it's, it's not like,

hey, can you not fucking swear in front of my kids? Like, if you're like, hey, we're just trying not swear around the kids. Fine, no problems there. Whenever you say any swear word, you're always going to say, oh, sorry. And that's what I do, because I don't. Oh, did it come out? I don't like, look, I'll be try and be as mindful as possible.

But I've been swearing for 36 years. It's really hard. It's my muscle memory. I've already quit drinking. What else do I feel like a cigarette? No. I do notice myself when I accidentally slip out. Have you been told off by another parent before?

Yeah, I got told off. I did tell this story where Macy was quite young and a kid threw a block in a pub, player pen. That's right. And I told him to fuck off. And he went and got his dad who happened to be a massive bikey. And he was like,

he saw me with Macy and how small, saw the blocks everywhere and realized what, come, you know, put two and two together, a mature man, some would say. Not often you find a reasonable bikey.

He was very reasonable. We're catching up after this. And he came over, saw that and said to me, hey, I'm okay with you telling my kid off. That's fine, but just no language.

And I said, look, I'm really sorry. I've got a six-month-old kid here that a block was, it was just a knee-jerk reaction. So I appreciate anyone that would say, I wouldn't take offence to anyone saying,

can you just mind your language? Because I think that's so polite to say, hey, do you mind mind mining your language? If you're going to say it nicely, for sure. If you're going to be a dickhead about it, then I'm going to be a dickhead back. I have been too scared to tell someone to stop swearing. Really?

Oh. Oh, was it at football. Was it me? Don't be scared on it, part. No, I was at the football. And it's hard when you're in a public environment. Yeah, that's not child specific. Football's a tricky one.

Like if you're at the playground where it's like, okay, this is obviously an area for kids, then you can kind of be like, hey man, you know, just watch the swearing, there's lots of kids around. But we're at the football

and people are having a good time and they were Canberra supporters. You know what Canberra people are like? Let's, we're off to camera next week, so let's not. Okay, sorry, I love. Canberians. Where were they from?

Wager, walker. Yeah. And then they were losing the game and they were swearing quite a bit. And my kids were like, wow, dad, they're saying fuck a lot. and I was like, should I, I don't want to. In that environment, it's tricky because you are at a football game

and people are passionate. Yes, it's like. And they were much bigger than me. That too. But like I think, I know when we go to the football and stuff like, Oscar's so used to it anyway, but there's no harm in pre-warning and keep, it's like, look, you're going to hear some passionate people, maybe drop some word, some naughty words.

Let's just ignore them. But if I tell them off, I would approach it as in like, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Shut the fuck up. Sorry, sorry, sorry, so. Could you just mind if you just, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. That's so millennial of you. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry, have a good time, sorry. I opened the door for people and say sorry. It's so millennial of us. But it would be my mum. She would be like, my mum is the perfect staunch that generation where she would be like, do not swear in front of Chilk like that? So when I dropped the F bomb in front of my mum, she's like, do you have to swear so much? My mum did tell me at, she wasn't there, but at a school meeting,

they had the principal, the teachers and the parents. and the principal, very senior old, he was a bit of a swearer, and midway through his speech to the parents, with the teachers in attendance, one of the parents stood up and said, do you mind not swearing there are women present? I was like, whoa. How's the balls on that person?

Yeah, I know. That, wow. Like, oh, like, you know, what a brave man. That kid was expelled. Yeah, I think if it's, if, if, if it's. With no kids present, wow. Yeah, I think if it's, if it's a kid's appropriate environment,

like a playground, have that conversation. But imagine someone... But at the football, you can't really... Imagine the school assembly. A school assembly, and there's no kids there. Mate, swear away. Just bringing it back to the specific dilemma, though.

Oh. Sorry. If you were invited over to a friend's house for dinner and you were swearing, how would you feel if... Just say, you're invited to Matt's house, you're swearing in front of his kids. And Matt says,

Hey, can you stop swearing in front of the kids? You have told me that. But I was on loudspeaker in the car. Oh, yeah, I've been like, oh, sure, yeah. I'm like, fuck it out. But for dinner. Yeah. Like you've been invited into someone else's house.

I think for me personally, I'm mature enough not to be dropping the F bomb and dropping stuff like that in that situation, right? Yeah. But if, I think if it's with the earshot of the kids and they're blatantly and not even trying to be like, oh, shit, sorry. Because it happens. Then I might say, hey, look, the kids can hear. Keep swear away, sailor, but just drop the volume a bit.

I think there's no problem with that. If you want to get offended with that, then you're not welcome in my house. So get the fuck out. There he is. Now, this one is also from Anon. So many nons this week. It's a popular name.

Yeah, I wonder where it's from. Well, I should bring Jerica back up and see. She might know. But it was in the Life Uncutt. I don't know if you've heard of that podcast. Small indie podcast. Yeah. Look, that could really use your support, but don't.

Actually, I wouldn't. It's not that good. Actually, last week's episode, Friday, it's a really good one. There's a guy on there from this podcast. It's an amazing podcast called Two-Doting Dads. Not me. And it's not you.

It's not Vic. It's not Vic. It's Ash. This one kicked off. I want to get your take on it. Oh yeah. Mr. Wicks. Mr. Wicklesworth.

I've got a friend with similar age kids to me. The thing is, over the last two years her kids have made my kids sick multiple times. In brackets, hand, foot and mouth, conjunctivitis, gastro. We catch up and she doesn't say that her kids are unwell, only that they are in the tail end of sickness. Like once the kids are already playing. That's too late. Each time this has happened,

I've had to take multiple days off work to care for my kids. I ran into her unplanned today, and our kids started playing. And after talking for about 10 minutes, she dropped the fact that her child had been very unwell with croup and has been coughing everywhere. She's a fairly close friend, and I do catch up with her regularly.

We just seem to have differing opinions on sick kids. Would you say something and how she can be very sensitive and hurt easily. And I don't want to do that, but also it's not fun having sick kids, especially when a catch-up could just be postponed. Yeah. Look, I think it's polite to say if your kid's sick,

like if you're out about, because the kids go crazy at home, if you're out at the park and you're running to someone, and the kids start playing without you even noticing, and then you go, oh, just so you know, I think that's a mistake. Get back, Billy! Yeah, I would be like,

she's diseased. And they're like, fucking get a stick and speed her down. Quick, run back home. Go back where it's safe. I think it's a bit shitty to just know your kids sick and just let them be out within all the other kids. Especially when it's like,

this person has to take time off work because your kid's sick. It sucks. It's like, look, if my kid got sick because of your kid, if you just said, hey, look, we're a bit unwell. We probably should have, let's do a play date next week. There is nothing wrong with that. whatsoever. I think you being like, oh, you're better of hiding that they were over sick if you're going to do that because you're better of letting them play and not saying anything

and letting him play for 10 minutes ago, oh, by the way, you got bird flu. He's got bird flu. That's what they're supposed to do. There is. What's wrong with some honesty or hide it? I think go both ends, but no, go in the middle. I have been guilty friends of ours, recently had a newborn child and I was like oh I cannot wait to come over with the kids and we can meet your new child and I was like because you know

we've also had this fucking run of gastro in the house but anyway we'll come over tomorrow at 12 o'clock and they were like um no just maybe we give it another week and I was like oh my like I just completely was oblivious just to the fact I just thought we should all be Gastro or kill a baby bro

but also like but I wasn't a very different to me if someone's had a baby I'm like well I'm like, I'm not seeing them for ages. Because I've seen babies before. Oh, I'm sick. What have we got here? Yeah.

What's the weight of it? You could use some gastro and wave it. I don't need the kids. But I wasn't offended. When they were like, hey, is that cool that we just give it a week if you're sick? And I was like, oh my fucking gosh, I'm so sorry. If they're going to be, I'm not trying to take down your newborn child. If they're going to get defensive about that, I think there's more of a deeper problem than just the kid being sick.

If you're going to get upset and offended by someone saying, hey, your kid is sick, I don't want my kids to get sick because it'll bring the whole house down. We're really busy. I can't afford to do that. And it fucking sucks. Like Poppy had a little run where she just was sick after week after week.

And she would get over and then we'll pick it up from someone else. And she was just so snotty. And it just parenting is hard. What makes it harder as a sick child? Yeah. You know, we had to have the cot like propped up on an angle because she was just so much mucus. Every time she'd go to sleep,

she'd be like, but then even like a mucus vac. over them the whole time. Yeah, the mucas sucker. They hate that. The snot sucker. The snot sucker. Oh, how much did?

I still threaten Lily with the snotsucker. Do you still have one? No, but because she's... She thinks you do that. Yeah, yeah. Because she won't blow her nose and I'm like, I'll get the snot sucker. There she is. That's good good.

I think, and even if you are really sensitive, I think surely you would understand if a parent said, I'm so sorry. Yeah. We've just had back-to-back illnesses. Is that cool if we take a rain check? even if you just meeting up the park and she's like oh by the way Billy's got 12 cold soles on his face he'd be like ah he's got a sexually transmitted disease I was going to say if you're getting offended over that what's your

argument there if you're getting offended because you're like the argument for the person who's not sick who doesn't want to come in contact it's so solid it's rock solid I've got to take time off work the kid's got to be home all the time I don't have enough sick leave left anymore because you keep putting your snotty fucking kids near mine, you're not going to come over and look after my. It's so concrete the argument that if that person is going to get really so upset about it that you can wait a week, I think there's something much more, much deeper to hear that that that person needs to address.

And I would say that I would say, look, if your kids sick all the time, fine. And I'm happy to help you out and see you. And I want to see you and I want to be friends. But just be mindful of everyone else. Amen, brother. I also don't. If my kid gets sick off the back of planning. with other families and it's like sometimes your kid is infectious without even being sick.

I'm not the sort of person to be like, your kid made my kid sick. I just my kid's sick now, right? I have seen it before where it's like if people are winged to me once before and it's like that guy's kid made my kid sick. It's like, well, no, that's not fair unless they're actually sick right there. I think you can't, you can't after the fact, start accusing. That sucks. And be like.

That's worse. I reckon that's worse. Your case zero. Exactly. It was you. You are the fucking one. That's going to get you into a real mess. Oh, absolutely.

If I was like, oh, hey, hey, Sean, how are you? You're like, you fucking did it. You did what, Sean? You did this to us. Yeah. And like sometimes I'm like, especially with close friends and our kids play together all the time. They go to school together and they get sick. It just happens, right?

And I'll always go to like, Mike or something. I'll be like, you did this to us. Look at us. And we're close friends, but he's not that sensitive. Do you like my fake names that I've been putting in? Sean, Tim. Well, Sean's actually a friend of mine. So is Tim.

So your friends are like, ah! Yeah, Mike, Sean and Tim, all part of the same class. Literally. Literally, my kid, Mike's kid, Sean's kid and Tim's kid are all in the same class. So... Well, this is awkward.

Hey, fellas. Whoops. This is Danielle's dilemma. Oh, that rolls off the tongue. Dota Javica and Dota. Daniela with a dilemma. Fuck, I'm good. Do siblings get birthday presents too?

My son is turning two and is a dinosaur obsessed. Who isn't dinosaur obsessed at two? I read a dinosaur book this morning. Why do boys love dinosaurs so much? I think just because they're like... Dangerous. They just like Oscar, they just bash everything around the fucking house. If you had a pet dinosaur, that's what will happen.

And the names are fun to pronounce. No, they're not because I can't pronounce any of them. And people make fun of me for that. Diplodocus. Very good. Thank you. What else you got? That's it.

Yeah. Steglosaurus. that right? Stagulls? Chicken. Yeah. That's a chicken dinosaur hybrid. Yeah.

Dinosaur nugget. Your brain. What is going on? I went for a walk this morning. That's it. We'll talk about that on for the Wednesdays here. That's a good shit there too. My study's turning two and he's like, don't waffle.

Deborah's like, answer the question. Come on. Please. I'm sorry. I finished the washing. I'm sorry. I had to take an ADHD. test this morning too, which I'll talk to you about later.

All right. We don't have time for this one anymore. My son is turning to and is dinosaur obsessed and so is his sister who's almost four. I brought him one of those live hatching dinosaur eggs for his birthday and I just know she is going to absolutely lose her mind when she realizes it's not hers. What do you do with presents and siblings at this age? Do I just give in and buy her one too, even though they're bloody expensive? Or is this a good time to try and teach her that it's her brother's birthday and the presents are for him? But also, how do you explain?

This is two. Danielle, it's cheeky one, mate. But also, how do you explain to a three and a half year old thought she was four without any absolute meltdown? Yes, I'm scared of it. my own daughter, aren't we not? Please solve my first world parenting dilemma before I end up with two dinosaur eggs and a significantly less money.

Just go with a significantly less money option by the sounds of things. Just buy, just get a crate of eggs of the dinosaur eggs. One for every kid in the neighbourhood. I have money bags. Yeah, oh yeah. Diversify with your eggs.

Oh, fuck you guys. I've got an egg in every house. There's one in every room. She's just said it's fucking expensive. It's an egg, guys. My house is five bedroom, four bathroom and 12 eggs. You know what you could do? You could do.

Manufacture them yourself. You could just buy some clay and then buy a dinosaur and then just molded in the shape of an egg and let it dry. Right after you've done your book week costume. Okay, here we go. Because I did do this, Macy. She's so sweet. And I hate to upset her. But unfortunately, you've got to have boundaries.

And build resilience. Don't care for that as much. Sorry, Big. I do. Yeah, yes. I apologize. I remember it was Oscar's birthday in June, I remembered, and Macy's in November. And that's the thing.

It's quite a distance. It's not like. Because they're like, when are me? When am I? Yeah, yeah. How many sleeps? And I'm like, yeah. E equals M.C.

163. I'm like, Oscar, you're at school. And they're like, so next week? And you're like, no. Oscar asked me when his birthday was the day after his birthday. Yeah. And I was like. it's a leap year.

He's like, the fuck is that? Anyway, so Macy, I was like, hey, tomorrow, it's Oscar's day. And I was also like, but Oscar loves you, so he wants you to be part of the day.

Okay, you're going to be in charge of giving him the presents that we put out. And she was like, okay, yeah, sweet. And thankfully, Oscar was like,

do you want to open them with me? And that sort of, because, I mean, I think you don't need to get two. I think you can say, look, it might be his egg, but the eggs in the house now. Do you understand that?

Yeah, you'll get a turn. Think of the psychology of the child here. You're going to get a turn and then your birthday's going to come around and you're going to get something else. Like, you're actually winning here. Yeah. And then you can do the same switcheroo

when the other birthday comes and be like, you guys had so much fun with the egg that's now at Vinnie's or in the bin. Now you've got this and you guys are going to get to play together because it's like, yeah. And I would say, if I'm going to give advice, Matt, fuck. I told you it happened.

I told you. I am the big, big fan of getting the kids things that they both can use for their birthday rights. So Macy loves playing with her dollhouse is right. But then Oscar's not a real big fan of that. But the dollhouse also needs a car. There he is. Right.

There is. And, you know, if I buy a Lego car for Oscar to build, he's also building it to go in the garage of Macy's dollhouse. You're outsourcing as well. Very good. I told you. The wheeze. The innings I'm doing over here.

I'm just flat batting shit all over the fucking. I can pitch here. Well done. I get a clap for big. After I sassed her as well. Must have been good. As Jen Muir often says, fuck the kids.

I know. It's actually on the front of a book. She says that quite a lot. Each meltdown is a lesson learned. She says something like that, I believe. Something along those lines. But I know you like to buy two presents. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

That was very accusatory. Whoa. You did once. No, hang on a second. Can you guys just back the fuck off? Back off. And that's what we got time for. You guys, okay.

You admitted to it. Are there two sides of the coin here? I think I did. Can I say, you don't question. Vicks listened back to every single episode. We have not done that. Have you? Yes.

Damn it. No. I would trust this accusation. I think I got her. I can't remember what I had for breakfast. So who knows what I did for the last birthday party? I think I did get, yes, Vic is looking at me. You remembered the birthday, though.

For Macy's birthday, you bought Loll. a present. For Macy's birthday? Sorry, for Mali's birthday. Now your accusation is just not credible. Well, yeah, cracks are in your story. Yeah. In a court of law.

I've got a lot of kids names in my head today. You're unreliable. Vick also didn't have a very good night's sleep. Very fair. I think I bought one gift. So, yeah, you're right. Would you do it again? That's the question.

No, no, no. Whenever I see a meltdown, I'm like, yes, cry. Cry more. Cry. Poked with a stick. Yeah, you're getting stronger, child. Yeah. Oh, that's so good.

I love that, actually. That's a good reframe. Thank you. I think, like, if you want to buy another present... The kids need to learn. Go for it, but you're just delaying the inevitable conversation. And I know that it'd be an easier conversation down the track, but you don't want them...

The trigger response to someone else's birthdays is that they get something to. You're already getting party bags at other people's birthdays, and then you get in present. The birthday becomes insignificant. It's like, for example, this morning with the book thing, I was like, should we drop Oscar off to school before or after I said before,

because it's not about him. It's about Macy. Similar concept. You've got to fight the parent guilt. Stay strong. Stay strong out there. Fight the guilt. Poking with a stick.

That's what I was saying. Put it on a shirt. Okay, Ash, this is just a real quick one. Then I'm going to squeeze into the end of this episode. Squeeze away, my God. This is Oreo, go. This has been in the news. This has been in the news.

Headline news. A mom has sparked a lunchbox war after demanding other school parents ditched the treats to stop her daughter feeling jealous. Who was in the right. We're talking about Oreos here. So she has messaged into the school parent group on WhatsApp and said, hey, everyone, little issue with packing lunches. And the parents are like, of course. Like, what's the problem?

And she said, can we refrain from putting certain items into your lunchbox of your children? They were like, oh, is it like allergies or what is it? And she's like, well, Oreos, because my daughter wants Oreos. And every time she sees your kids with the Oreo, she wants Oreos. And I'm not going to give my child Oreo, so you have to stop putting Oreos in your lunchbox. I think that she needs to set the expectations. with her kid and not everyone else's. Wow.

Parenting guru over here. Jesus Christ. I don't know what you've been doing lately. I don't know. I went for a walk and I did an ADHD test this morning. I do like, I do appreciate the confidence, the nerve of this mum,

sorry, the confidence of this parent to ride in and be like, hey, can you just all adhere to my standards? Yeah, but you're giving yourself a name. Oh, yeah, I know, for sure. I know. But props for asking, fuck it.

It's also like this, right? If you're hanging out with another family, Their rules in their house are different to the rules in my house. So like, for example, with you, you've got the screen rule, right? But other kids come over that don't have that rule. And then maybe when they leave, Marley might go, they get to watch screen time on these days or whatever. And you go, okay, great, that's great for them. But they have their own rules in their house.

Like, they have their own Oreo rules. I've got my own Oreo rules. Don't fucking touch them. Okay? Because they're mine. But, like, I think to ask every parent. If you're going to ask every parent in that thing, I think it's best to make it more inquisitive than saying,

can we not? Maybe be like, what sort of stuff are you guys putting in your lunchboxes? Because I feel like my kid's not eating it, just to suss out and be like, oh, really, I didn't think we were doing that and make it more of a collective issue than just yourself. I think it was the tone of this mom was like,

how dare you put Oreos in and upset my daughter? I love how we're reading people's text tone. That's my favorite thing to do. Yeah, I get it. But like I said, frame it more as inquisitively of what other people are packed. Because it might be the fact that one kid had an Oreo one day, but everyone else has a co-co-pop spa or someone has like this, someone has that.

There was always that kid who had Macas at school. It would be a great life to live if everybody would just adhere to all of your requests. There's so many things I would like everyone to do. Like, can you guys all, can you all just walk your kids to school because I find it hard to find a park in the mornings? Can people stop driving the exact speed limit? Yeah. It's so annoying. Either go under or over.

adhere to me. You know what I mean? I like it. I mean... It would feel good. It's funny. I mean, I'm not in the receiving end of it at all. So from the outside, I'm like, all power to you.

It's like, it's ridiculous. I just think like I'm too self-conscious about writing something like that in case everyone's just talking shit about my mom and my back. Because here we are. You're a good person. Thank you. You're a good person. Not to say this person's not a good person.

I think go with a more inquisitive angle. in your concern, but then also set the expectation of your child. Can you imagine if you said to your partner like, hey, this is fucking ridiculous. We've got to ask everyone else not to pack Oreos. Should I send the message? And the other partner is like, yeah, send it. What's the worst I can happen?

He's not listening anymore. He's tuned out. I'm telling you right now. And it's like, oh, wake up with 1,000 messages. Yeah. What's happened? She's like, what should I write this? Yeah, man, do whatever you want.

It's on like, put his back on. It's on like the Gold Coast Bullets. It's on the Gold Coast Bullets in. It's on the career mail. It's on the adelaide advertiser. And then she'd be like, you said it'd be fine. And he's like, what? I don't remember anything you told me.

Did I say that? Yeah, I always said. I didn't say that. But yeah, look, just set the expectation with your kid. That's it. That's what I say. And furthermore, let's get out of here. If you've got a do-a dilemma, please send it into us.

If it's ridiculous and funny, that's great. But if it's serious and you want a serious answer. More so if you have a funny name. funny names are all about we don't care what the problem is we just want to read your name out yes and if it rhymes and starts the D perfect

bingo but if you enjoy this episode please leave a review subscribe subscribe thank you now you can leave a comment on individual episodes on Spotify or you can leave one overarching

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Wait, YouTube? Yeah, don't mention YouTube, and we'll get out of here. We're going to go. Okay, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea, and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.

This episode was recorded on Gatigle Land.