Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #259 Ash & April - His Sobriety, Her Side Of The Story

Episode Date: September 8, 2026

This might just be one of our most emotional episodes yet. We’ve heard Ash’s sobriety story - the pain, the struggles and the voices in his head but today we hear from the person who was there through all of it: April. From their binge-drinking teenage years, through their 20's and into parenthood, to Ash making the life-changing decision to give alcohol up in his 30's, April has had a front-row seat. She opens up about what she did, what she didn’t do and what she’s learned about supporting someone through addiction without losing themselves in the process. It’s a raw, honest and incredibly vulnerable conversation that gives us a whole new look at their relationship, built on love, trust, honesty and a whole lot of hope. There are some seriously powerful takeaways about marriage, parenting, addiction and what it really means to stand beside someone when life gets hard. We hope you love this one as much as we do. If you need help with addiction you can call Lifeline on 1800 250 015 or you can find resources here. ______________________________________________________________________________ If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is just cool space, but April's here. You've got to say it with my enthusiasm. I was going to say. Yeah, April is here. Yeah. April. We'll get for breakfast. Oats.

Oh, nice. So I actually had two breakfasts. Breakfasts is already. Go on. Yeah. Just lining up for a third. Fuck yeah. Yeah.

I brought some food with me in case I got hungry. Do you did not? Of course I do. I don't leave the house without it. Is that where the funky smell was in the car? We got a bit of chicken, bit of rice? No, no, no. I have grapes, strawberries and a protein bar.

Grapes. Grapes. Interesting. They're very expensive at the moment. Must I add. Yeah, 19 bucks a kilo for a graph. But surely the Rijuana grape is not there. It's just sugar.

Yeah, but that's it. I just like just have in my handbag just in case. I didn't want to get hungry for you guys. I would trade out that grape for like a Kit Kat or something. What about could you trade a grape for an apple? Definitely not. I do not like apples. Why?

They give me headaches. Weirdly. I know. I don't know why. Don't know the science behind it. I know. Yeah, I don't know what? So just flat out no apples.

Flat out no apples. I did you know. I did you know that? No. You never told me this. Did you know that? You never seen me eat apples. I've seen you eat in apples.

Mate, I've seen you eat apples before. You cut them up. You soak them in salt water. Yeah, I do that now, but that's for Oscar. Well, there you go. I'm wrong. So yeah. Yeah.

Everyone right now would be like, oh my God. I've also like, she's one of us. I have headaches with the apples as well. Yeah. If you get headaches. from apples. Let us know. How common is this?

They do say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Not in this case. Doesn't keep the battered all away. When people say that, are you like, wrong? Wrong. Instantly wrong. Absolutely not for me. We drove into work together this morning.

It was cute. Yeah. When was the last time you guys went to work together? Today. Before today. That was like when you guys were. Oh, as in like in the city. When we used to have to go off the bus because April had morning sickness.

Yeah. Yeah. She used to be off on the bus. Yeah. And Ashton would sit there and just make sure I'm okay. Any voms this morning? No vums this morning. We both drove here like, it was silent because we were anxious.

I wasn't. You were. Must be nice. Yeah. I don't know. Guys, this is a really safe place, okay? Just know that whatever, whatever is said. I feel sick.

I know. We are, because you're on holiday, Ash. Wow. Just, you know. Well, I was a holiday, Matt. We're not. Right. Now, when this comes out, where will you be?

In a place called Similu, which is the northern tip. Well, I don't know if it's quite the northern tip, but it's a northern part of Indonesia or Sumatra, if you will. Could be some tigers, you never know, in the wild. But a friend of ours has a surf filler up there. So I'm going to check it out because they put a pool in. So you will be either in the pool or you'll be in the ocean. Big swell coming, so I'm pumped.

There might be tigers. Anna, Typhoon. Yeah. Freak out your wife. She's alright. The tiger thing does scare me. She's sturdy. Are there actually tigers?

Samatra. Somatra Tigers, bro. But like where you're going to be? I'll ask the locals. They'll be like, yeah, we lost Timmy last week. They got a taste for us. Okay, well, like, hopefully you return. They're vegetarian tigers up there.

Yeah, back in one piece. They're vegetarian tigers up there. I heard the first one. He said, Fuck. I'm outnumbered. Yeah, actually, this is like, this is nice. We should probably do an intro, I think.

Oh, yeah, sorry. To two doting dads and one doting mum I am Maddie J I am April's husband And I'm April And this is a podcast all about parenting It is the good, it is the bad And the relatable

And we will not give advice No Actually, just quickly Life Uncut A little struggling independent podcast I've never heard of them Someone said in the Facebook group I'm in there a lot

Okay I spent a lot of time Why don't you respond to one of my fucking text messages Because I'm spruik two doting dads. Someone said, I'm like eight weeks pregnant. Everyone's like, congratulations. And she's like, what podcast would you recommend? And I was just like waiting and like refresh,

refresh. And it was like kick, showing birth stories. Everyone was like, can someone hear that breathing? Yeah. And I said, just waiting for someone to recommend another podcast that I might have hosted. And then someone said, you don't give advice.

Oh. And I said, listen here. Every second Monday, we have experts come in. It's like, fuck you. Did you see the email that someone was like, I've got to get a guest recommendation for a PR agency that's not going to chew your listener's ears off with advice. It was like, what?

Since when have we ever done that? It's like, you clearly don't listen. Who was it? Oh, that's something in the emails. I was going to talk to you about today. I was like, fuck. And then she suggests like someone, I've never heard of it. I'm like, well, I wonder if it's someone good and we're like,

what are you? I've already made an executive decision that I didn't like how you open the email. It's like Barack Obama. And we're like, no. It's actually Michelle. April, it is great to have you here. Thank you. We have had a number of requests for you to join us here in the new studio,

talking about yourself and your beautiful husband. Well said. Thank you. What do you think about the studio, so? I love it. It's so nice to see. I saw it in like a work in progress where it was half painted. But no, it looks really nice.

Very homely, considering it's a studio. It's Matt's couch that really brought it all together in the homeliness. No, I think it's the shelves. The floating shelves work. Where's more shelves than people? There's a lot of shelves. Yeah, I did. I brought in my old couch and my old rug and coffee table.

I did notice it looked like your house. Laura kicked Matt out pretty much. And he took his half the belongings. Actually, if we ever have an argument and I need to have like somewhere to crash, I'm coming here. Bro, I wish we had this when I drank. Yeah. Fuck, I'm like, where are you? I just sleep in my bedroom.

Which one? The one of it. I'm working. I'm working. I'm just in a mic. But I think a lot of people want to hear your version. Obviously, Ash has told his side of the story, which is great. I under oath.

Yeah. And me. I'll tell nothing but the truth. It feels a bit like that. Remind me, I forget how many years when you guys first met, it was 12 years ago? 15 years ago. Okay. We've actually known each other.

for longer than that since we were, how old were you when you were dating my friends? Year seven. That is beautiful. I've also dated some of April's friends just for record. I don't want to seem like a loser in this relationship. When Ash was, let's say, around the ages of like 18, 19, 20, I feel like most young Australian men of that age are drinking a lot. Do you remember what his drinking was like when you were first together in the early years of dating?

Yeah, we met in the era of binge drinking days, literally, like every weekend. The good old day, Michael. Yeah, so like every weekend it was the same thing. Friday, Saturday night, we'd go out drinking until early hours. I really even smoked the odd cigarette. To impress me. To be fair, I never like fully could to do it. That's just like, I love this.

I remember when we were going out and all my mate, I didn't smoke. ever? I would sometimes like try when my mate would sometimes say like you don't know how you're missing out in such a good time. It's having a morning coffee with a cigarette. And I'd be like, that's so good. So when I was drunk, I'd have one. I'd just never, if people were going into the smoking area, I'd be like, can I come?

Yeah, can I come? You just stick like an ashtrake with none of the. Yeah. Just pretend. I just headspin to me like, this is great. Did none of your mates bring back the, um, The barley cigarettes? Oh, the good.

The mint ones, they were good. I could handle those. The ones that crackle and pop and they had like the butt tastes like honey or something. I don't remember that. The goo dangs. And like one cigarette would get passed around to 20 people. Yeah. Everyone's just green.

That's why I have cold salts. Do you remember then as we got a little bit older, we got a little bit more mature, people's like, their drinking starts to taper off. Do you remember at any point where, you thought, oh, maybe Ash is drinking too much still? No, I don't think I realized Ash had a problem drinking until he told me he had a problem drinking. Like, it just was more normal because he's like him and his mates.

Like they all just, they have beers on the weekend or they have beers, you know, Thursday, so it wasn't to me like a problem at that stage. Yeah. It was pretty early doors, I think. Yeah. I think, yeah, over the earlier years, it was just. so still so common. Like I was early 20s. So

you know, what do you do with your mates? Like most of the time you go into the pub like then you, you know, you're leading up to like getting married and stuff and it's all surrounded by alcohol. It just, it didn't, even at that point I didn't think I really had a problem. So I just thought it was normal. So then even right up until

Ash stopped drinking at any point were you thinking were there any particular moments where you thought, oh, he's probably giving it a bit too much of a nudge? I think there was definitely stages where you would try and stop drinking. And I think when you started having those breaks, I really realized how much it affected you. And that's why you needed the break.

And that was kind of like, I feel like you'd have breaks over the past couple of years. Yeah. Yeah. And so that's when it kind of came. Yeah, I feel like, you know, since having kids, it really highlighted it because it was sort of like to suppress and sort of block out

any emotions. And also the, over-stimulation of a child. And then, you know, it definitely highlighted it having Oscar. And then as the years sort of progress from there, it was pretty evident that I was battling with it, but I wasn't in a position to feel like it. I still didn't think it was a problem because we just, I just thought I was just, you know, battling with it. Yeah. At your peak, obviously, you know, there's moments throughout the year, like coming into summer, lends itself perfectly for everyone to drink more, socialize more. At the moments where it was, at,

at its peak, how much were you drinking? Before I quit alcohol was probably, last year, let's just say last year, was it at its worse. I think you mentioned there like summer. I feel like people and me in particular looked at summer as like, it's okay to do drink this much. But it was really those winter months where, when it's hot, it's just like. It's so socially acceptable.

It's just part and parcel, right? And especially like being Australian, we thrive in the sun. And then we're like, throw in a couple of pints in there and woohoo, we're having a great time. But I think for me, last year I was so busy and travelled so much, commuting. I would also just get to where I was working. And if I wasn't doing the work, I was isolating and drinking alone in my hotel room. It sort of got to the point where I was drinking anywhere between 12 and 15 beers a night alone in my office at home.

Wow. And were you aware of that at all, April? Yes, because I'd wake up to all the bottles or cans on the. kitchen bench. It was my pet hate though. I was like, but like in saying that, you did clean them up obviously that day.

But yeah, so I could definitely tell like there were mountains of cans and bottles going through. And I used to hide half of it. Well, I've never told you that actually. No, I was going to say that's the first time I heard that.

I feel like, I don't know if this is the same with other people who drink a lot, but for me, like I look at Ash. And if we had a big night, you could still sleep for a couple minutes, open your eyes, pop out of bed, and you'd be ready to go to church almost.

Vegas Exhibit A. Yeah. Nine days of, I remember we had a little cuddle out the front of the Legion of the stadium the day before the game and you're like, you're doing really well because I was, I think at that point we were like eight days straight of working, drinking, editing ourselves, doing a podcast from another country. Those days were just like so full on for us. But I remember that moment and I was like, fuck, I can't.

Even then I was like, I can't carry on like this forever. Yeah. Because I think people would be listening being like, well, surely you must have been able to tell that like he wasn't the best version of himself. But he was functioning the next day. So even though, you know, he'd be so hungover, he always eventually got out of bed, shower. We'd go do something with the kids. But it's not until I look back now that I realize how different he is at full potential now. And what I thought was like, you know, he was fine. Yeah. Because I guess it's, you know, drinking has always just been a part of. your relationship from when you guys first met to get to that point where you're drinking your most. I'm assuming that was just a real gradual buildup. Yeah, I think those moments that I was

talking about where I try to give myself a break was those moments where I need to stop the buildup. Because you're right, your tolerance gets, you build a tolerance. And then all of a sudden, you're drinking 10 beers and don't even notice it. And then, yeah, I would take those breaks because I was like, I was just physically exhausted. And that's what this one really, really was. This one was like, I sort of had a bit more determination that I wanted to do an extended stint for the kids, really. I was exhausted. Don't get me wrong. I was, you know, so many years of it and lack of sleep over those years and trying to hide it so that it didn't affect the family so much, especially the next day.

But it sort of just got to the point where I said, I need a break or I'm going to explode. And then. And when you say, like, I needed that break. Otherwise, it was going to get to boiling point. Were you communicating that to April or was that just all internalized? There was some communication because April could tell that I was definitely struggling with it. But I don't think she really understood the extent of what my brain was telling me.

And there's been times I've tried to articulate how I'm feeling. We've talked about, you know, it's like losing my best friend. I've had that conversation with her once before because it was so heartbreaking and gut-wrenching to think that this part of, this, it was such a big part of who I am. And like, think about like losing 50% of your personality overnight. Think about that. That's that, it scared me. It made me think like, what am I going to be like?

But I was also very curious too. Like, I was just so very curious to understand what my brain's full potential could be because I had never given myself the opportunity. I used to have a manager, right? I used to this manager that would say to me when we used to sell cars, right? He would say, make sure you exhaust every opportunity. opportunity. And I reflected on that a little while ago last year it was and I was like, I've never actually followed through with that in my personal life. It's like I've never

ever followed through with what's my potential. I never gave myself the opportunity to exhaust my brain power to see if I was a better or worse person. So it just played with me a bit that. Were there any moments, this might be really hard to cast your mind back because my memory is, is moot. He just spoke about your memory. But were there any moments when Ash was drinking a lot where you felt like he was letting you down or the family down? I feel like kind of what you're saying before, like there was build up, build up. I feel like I could see when this was happening. Like there was always a pattern and it would be, I want to say it kind of almost came about. more so when you started the social media career because there'd be so many events and it was all

brand new and you'd literally say yes to every single event and it was a pattern and then I was fine with you going because like this is great this is great opportunity blah blah blah but yeah after so many events and whatnot you'd come crashing and that's when you'd have your little um stop drinking stint and they'd be like okay I'm good again and same thing like it just it was repetitive in a way yeah Did you try and encourage that suggestion of let's have a break? Or what was your approach there? I think very early days I learned I could never tell Ashton what to do. Very, very early days.

I'm fair though. I'm fair. So I think I like I still say it. I'm just like you tell me like I'm here to support you no matter what. You tell me how I can do that for you. So it was never like I don't think I ever. was like, you need to stop drinking. This is ridiculous, I think, which is kind of hard as well because I watch the pattern,

but I think I'd just learnt me getting involved and having a say would just tip in backwards anyway. Did you ever think, like, maybe I should give them an ultimatum, you know, you drink or, you know, if you do that, then this will happen. And did you try and use any of that as a way of encouraging him to take a break? I don't think I ever gave you an ultimatum. I think because you just functioned of it, like you really, would just function. So it was like, if you go out the night before, I was like, just show up the

next day. That's all I asked for you. And I think I said that multiple times. Like, that's fine. You go out, go out to whatever hour in the morning you need. Just show up the next day for me and the kids. Yeah. And he would, but it's not until now I look back. Him showing up is very different to him showing up now. Yeah. In what way? He is just a completely different person. Like his full potential is actually showing up now. As a dad, as a husband, as a partner, as everything. I I didn't realize what we had missed out on for so long until now. Yeah, that breaks my heart. Yeah.

And we've spoken about that where it's, you know, I feel really, really guilty about not, you know, I obviously still have my moments like everyone does. I mean, parenting is really, really fucking hard. But I think I was functioning,

but I wasn't giving all of myself to my kids and their emotions, which I think I just drowned that out so much because I had developed this problem and used it to cope that I was I wasn't so observant and aware of what more I could be doing to enrich these kids' lives and then when I started to exit the room of alcohol, I'm looking at Oscar and Macy so differently.

It's fucking wild. the relationship in such a short time that I've built with both of them, where I want to see them do their absolute best and give, I want to give them everything that I haven't been able to give them because I was selfish and didn't really know the way. Those mornings where you would wake up and you would see all the bottles there after Ash had had a night on the drink, what was your initial reaction when you saw that?

I think it's just like, okay, what sort of Ash am I getting today? because. That sucks. Sorry about that. I'm sorry. Yeah. Because I just know, like it's not, you know, I feel like almost, yeah,

I'd have to walk around a little bit like on eggshells because I don't want to, because you would be, you know, short-tempered and like, yeah, harder with the kids and stuff. So it was, yeah, okay. I feel like I'd mentally prepare for that. I'm sorry. I'd do that. No, that's right.

I'm not perfect. Don't be silly. And then hearing now that that was only the hard. of it because the rest of it was being hidden by Ash. How does that make you feel? Yeah, that's, that's a shock. I am, like, sad that he felt like he needed to hide that. But I'm, don't, like, don't want to dwell on the past.

It's the past. Yeah. I felt like I was just ashamed. I just felt like I was just ashamed that I was sneaking around in my own house, hiding beers, which fucking sucks, man. And like, when my grandfather died, I found a bottle of 75% proof rum next to his bed. And I felt like, I felt so exposed. Do you know what?

I felt like I get it. That's what I felt like. I loved him so much. Thanks to COVID. We never had a funeral. Sorry. He used to drink 30 scoons a day. He was just, I just felt like he saw me.

He used to tell me that you'd want to be here anymore. Because it was just all so hard. Gosh, you can relate to that so much more now. When he died, he died in the hospital. I remember it was during COVID and I saw him and he said to me, we're going down for lunch at the RSL and he said, bring us back a schooner. He knew it was a joke.

It was on his deathbed essentially. I never saw him again. I remember just thinking those words were so fitting that I never, not a day goes by or I don't think about that. And then my therapist said to me, it's great to have those memories, but you're not him. And you have a choice. You have choices if you want to stop.

And he, I don't think he ever, he ever wanted to stop. But he also didn't want to be around. And I think, I thought, okay, well, he wouldn't want me to do that. If someone was to say, I'm trying to like, allow other people to understand. and what it's like being so close and like the inner circle of this relationship. But, you know, someone was to say, when did you realize your kids weren't babies that were kids?

And you're like, well, it just happens a little bit by little bit each day that all of a sudden you're like, you know, when you have a chance to really analyze the situation, to be like, oh my God, it's so vastly different. But I often think, oh, it would be so interesting to look at, like, if old Ash was to walk into the room, you know, and to like see side by side that the difference in the two. because I think back to like, you know, Vegas is an example of like, who was that person.

Like it was still ash. But yeah, it's it's so different to how it is now. Because you know, it wasn't like a big announcement of like, I am sober. You know, it was like I'm taking a break. And so did you, when you were noticing things were getting better, did you have to try and digest the thought of like, well, he might start drinking again? Because it's not like, it's a big announcement of like April from now on, I am sober. And that's a promise.

it was like, I'm going to take a break. So how often were you trying to manage your own expectations to go, well, he might go back? I still manage it. I feel like, you know, there's a part of me that thinks maybe one day. Maybe, I don't know. I think maybe in my head I'm like, maybe one day you'll be that person just has one drink. But I know that's not the case ever for you. So there's still a part of me that's like, oh, maybe one day he will start drinking again.

But maybe he would have learned so much that it'll be different. I think. I don't think it'll ever go back to the ash that was. the heavy drinker if it ever came to it. No. I don't think, yeah. And so were you, for yourself, were you trying to think, well, how can I continue this like good run going? How do I hold on to it? Yeah. How do I help Ash? Yeah. I just, yeah, there's part of me that I'm like, what else can I be doing to show him? Like, I just hope he realizes, I'm sure you do, but like what an amazing transformation. And I just hope that you see that, which I think you do.

I just don't want you to ever lose sight of that. Yeah, it's someone asked me the other day that were like, you know, like same question. Like what is the best thing that April was sort of done to try and help? And I say just understand how I'm feeling. And that's it. She never told me I needed to quit drinking. She never told me you never said really anything,

but I could I could pick up that it wasn't, it wasn't making you happy. I could pick that up. And now I don't want to do it, not just for me. but for you and for the kids, I think so many people have said to me that your kids will thank you so much.

And it's like, I feel like there already are that I don't want to give that up. For anything? You know, we went to an end of year soccer barbecue yesterday where, you know, me and another guy there, but they're sober, but everyone else is, you know,

we're chatting and everyone's having a drink. And I could see he was quite agitated because he's not far as far along in his journey. But I was really content and really, felt really confident the fact that I didn't for once feel like I needed to drink. Not once yesterday. Yeah, I was so impressed by you because I, like before we went and you even said, it was like 12pm to 4 p.m. party, whatever.

And he's like, I think I want to leave like, you know, 3pm. And in my head, I was like, you know, when Ashton calls it, I'll, we'll just leave. Like, whenever you're uncomfortable, we'll leave. Like, 100% I support that. And then the fact like, you know, the time just kept ticking and I looked over and you're just chatting. just being you with a Pepsi Max in your hand. Thank God for Pepsi. This is not sponsored.

Not yet. So it was, yeah, a real proud moment, I think, to see you. Because we haven't done a social situation like that. Not of that, yeah. To that extent. To that extent. But not as many people. And yeah, I think I was just walking around so proud of myself that whole time.

I think this whole thing is I'm way more of a thoughtful person. Oh, you are like the most thoughtful person to ever exist. And now. Like you've always were before, but like now. Yeah, he's a secret empath. Yeah. Oh, it shines. It absolutely shines that trait on you.

It makes me feel good. Yeah. And I feel like it's one of the only, like, it's sort of one of the only times now that I like, not now, but like, it makes me feel good. to help, you know, to be thoughtful of someone else. And it's like, gets me going. When, you know, one of the moms talks to me about her husband and if I can help and I, you know, I come home from that conversation.

I'm like, I'm fucking fired up, dude. Like, for lack of a better word, fuck, gets my dick hard. You know, and I do this thing where I, there's people in my life that I know that need help or even just there's something. and I don't know, I just subconsciously do it where I'll just go through and just, I'll just flick a message to that person. Like, even, it's going to sound so dumb, even the girth master, okay. At the start of the year, he went through a breakup in an industry where there's no real emotion,

but he had an emotional connection with someone. For anyone who doesn't know the ghost master, you can Google. You can piece together. But don't. He is an Australian porn star. Yeah, one of the best. And I remember him saying to me, he goes, I'm really battling with this one.

And just every now and then I'll flicking my message. Just how are you doing? Because he's in America. He's quite isolated. Because I feel like that's my obligation. And that's what I would want sometimes. And the response I get from that is it's another thing that keeps me going. It's like this new muscle that's growing.

Yeah. And I also just like, I don't want to, I don't. For one of a better. Yes. The great analogy. A lot of blood in that muscle. But like, yeah, I'm also teetering on the thing where I'm like, I don't want to preach to people what to do.

I never ever really, I talk about me and then. Because what was your opinion on people who were sober previously? I think I've gained an immense respect for them prior to this already, which helped me for sure. Because I put this decision down to a few other things as well that have stuck with me over the years. Andy Cooks, man, like, how many years ago was that? And that just made me feel like he can, such a cool guy,

who he is, can be that far sober. Like, he's like 10 years sober now. You know, he's a chef. So that's like part of the industry, really. And it's stuck with me so much. And he's been amazing. And then we've spoken about before Ben and Zara, when Ben said one day you'll wake up in the party,

you realize the party's over. That never left my fucking mind. Never left me. It would follow me around. I said it to the other day. I said, mate, it just never left my thought. I thought that I'd do something with this.

You talk about how alcohol was such a huge party personality. Like it was, you know, 50%. And for so many people, it's such an easy enabler. If you're going to like a social environment, have a couple of drinks, makes you a bit more fun. Do you think I'm not as fun as what I used to be? Like the humor is not there.

I know, you're a very funny guy. I'll take that compliment. I was worried about that because I feel like so many people in that situation that I was feel that it's the confidence juice, right? Oh, yeah. And it is, right? A little bit of liquid courage. You don't really realize you're slur and you sound like a fucking idiot.

But I think when I was, it would be the same for a lot of people who are thinking about quitting alcoholies. Am I going to be that same person and fun and stuff and whatever in those moments? The answer is if I can know, for starters. But that's because you're essentially, you would avoid those environments. it's early doors. And I think a lot of people like, once you get over that and you realize like, like for me now, I thought I was funny then. But I'm fucking making myself laugh with just how much brainpower I've got.

Like I said to April the day, I'm like, I wake up and it's a thousand voices talking to me from when I wake up when I go to sleep at all times up here. And I'm so thankful that majority of them are funny and things that I can use in my life. there's always going to be dark times and stuff like that. But I think as I'm progressing in this journey, it's like I'm, I am definitely way wittier. I think I absorb so much more information and use it to my advantage in terms of humor. Yeah.

I definitely prefer my brain now, especially the funny part of it, just because I feel like my observational skills are on a fucking other level. Oh, they've enhanced. every single little thing you just notice like you notice everything before but now you're just so quick i'm just so much sharper you know i still have bad days because obviously i'm still ADHD and meds and there's so many things that can you know a little bit less sleep and contradict all that but at the heart of it like i would say that what i said earlier where it's like i'm exhausting my every opportunity on the potential i feel like my brain's allowing me to do that

do you get nervous at all april not to single out any of our his friends. But obviously you're still in contact with your old social circle. And when Ash goes out to hang out with him, whether it's to go to the football as an example, how much are you sitting there anxious thinking if they're going to be a bad influence? I don't think I've ever thought that. I think Ashton has proved that he is like so strong-willed around like being sober at the moment.

There's definitely friends who've made jokes and I've been there. I'll just have a drink. How do you respond? And I'm like furious, but Ashton laughs at all. It's the same guy. And he's like, he's like our best friend. Yeah. And he knows it's, he knows he's going to get a rise out of it.

But I say to, like, I remember the first time, I was like, oh my God, like how rude. Like behind the guy's back. And Ashley was like, nah, it's fine. Like it actually doesn't get to it. Mike, she's talking about you. And don't get us wrong. We fucking love Mike. And that's another thing too.

Like, I'm really lucky that my friend group and stuff are so understanding. It's funny, like the guys that would have maybe given a little bit of pushback early doors and now like, I'm actually having a break too, you know. 100%. I think you've been a big inspiration for a lot of people. I think one of the most common messages we get is from wives, mostly, about their partners and saying, what can I do? What can I do to help them get on their journey to sobriety? And there's not really an answer, is there?

I was going to say it's such a hard question. to answer, I think for our situation, I still don't know if there's anything I could have done better. And I ask Ashton, like, what can I do? But yeah, like he said before, just be there to listen, be there to support. And yeah, I think our situations may be different because Ashton was never like a bad drunk. He wasn't like aggressive or anything. He'd just drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and go to sleep. Yeah.

Pass out is probably the correct thing for that. it's funny like I was saying people always you know ask that question like what can they do and it is real true everyone's obviously different everyone responds to criticism and suggestions and whatever differently I think if you know your partner well enough you'll know how to help and I think the most important thing is that you communicate how you're feeling and I mean that goes for both parties like April are really able to really good at talking about how I'm feeling in that moment but one of April's strengths is she understands. And that is the most important thing to me

where it's like I might not be feeling okay that day because of whatever reason. And if I can communicate that, April's really good at understanding that that's how I'm feeling. And if I might need it, I might need just a walk or whatever it is to try and make myself feel better without pushing me to do something. She might say,

okay, well, do you feel like doing something for yourself? Or do you feel like, you know, like had a bit of a moment on Saturday and we got back from soccer and April was like,

oh, Sarns up at the park with her kids, I'm going to take the kids up there because she recognized that I wasn't okay and I just probably needed to be alone and work on a couple of things that I needed to work on, you know, around the house to distract myself and get back to that place. And that, you know, those couple of hours, she did that is sort of what I got. I soundproofed a whole room, so there's my head. But in that moment, I was able to tune away from what my thoughts were doing. And I wouldn't have been able to do that if the kids were there because it would have

been focusing on them and then dwelling on what was happening in my head at the same time. So I would say to anyone and I hate, I hate that I can't give the answer to people and they write it to me because once I open that floodgate, it could cause problems. So I would just say that if you're worried about your partner, first of all, depends on what sort of person now, but just understand what they're going through. That's it. And if you don't understand what they're going through, just ask to understand without any judgment or any suggestions. just ask to understand and listen and then give yourself the opportunity to digest it

and then find little ways to help that you aren't going to trigger the opposite effect because that's the thing right April's so right when she was like I know I can't tell I should what to do and I you know because if she if she had pulled you aside and said you need to fucking stop drinking right now like enough's enough you know on a say Sunday morning when you're really hung over and you're struggling just to get out of bed and get the day started if she had said that to you how do you think you would have reacted First of all, it wouldn't have been me that reacted. It would have been the alcohol that would have reacted.

It would have been the hungover. It would have been the snappy, the irritability. And it would have been, it would have been met with probably like mind your own business because I would have been that stubborn and that in that moment. But I think it would have done more harm than good. I think as well. Because that's, I think everyone's instinct, right? For sure.

Is to be like. Give them the ultimatum, do all that stuff. Yeah. I think I hear it so often. and that to the man they'll say well it's the bottle or me which one do you you pick pick one and i think everyone hopes that that is going to be the like the light bulb moment of like fuck oh my gosh like i need that's that's the change that's it exactly it's quite often the opposite yeah it's quite often would do the opposite i would say i also say to the person who who wants to

stop don't make it anyone else's problem because you've got to you've got to make the decision you've got to put the things in place for you to make this change. And it's nice to have people around you to understand and support you and stuff like that, which is awesome. But you ultimately have to make that decision. And then the things you do, again, you don't want to go out and be like, don't drink around me because you're making it someone else's problem. If you're not comfortable in that situation,

then maybe you need a bit more time before you put yourself in that situation. And that's another thing that Andy said to me. he was like when he when he quit alcohol he was a bit snappy and snarly with his with his partner and his brother put him aside and said you are doing amazing things here by changing your life but do not make it someone else's problem my reference point for someone who's been on this journey is entirely you and you only like i don't have anyone else in my life who's done a similar thing and i think how i expected it to play out and this is an analogy that's not food related but i thought it would be like someone who's saying i want to get fit

I'm going to go to the gym and, you know, obviously like the first week of the gym would be hard, but then by the second week you're like, you know, I feel fitter, I feel stronger. I feel better overall. And then it would just from then just be good, right? And I now know that that's not the case because in the last 260, was it, days, there's been moments where it's been great, but there's also been equal to that, lots of really tough moments where you've had to deal with the head noise. Yeah.

Have you been aware of those moments? where Ash has really struggled. Yes, yes. I think because Ash will express like and tell me, you know, what's going on. Well, maybe sometimes, but there's probably times you haven't, but definitely I think you're very good at communicating to me what's going on at the moment. And your body, your whole body language, everything I can tell. And I'll be like, you're right.

So yeah. Yeah. A manager once told me that I'm as transparent as a piece of glass. And it's so true. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like, what's wrong with you today? Because I can tell there's a difference. And like last week was a pretty good example. I was telling you that I was, and I spoke to you about it too, where I felt like I was

going to have a panic attack on the way, yeah. I just wasn't right. Something wasn't right. And I think I got home that afternoon and I sort of, I didn't snap at anyone. I snapped at the situation where in that moment I wanted to drive my car into a tree because I was so sick. I was so sick and of how exhausting this was and how exhausting it was to be in my whole head in those moments, but it's about getting out of that mind frame. And like the last couple of

days, I've been so happy, like, because I've changed a few things. It's just a constant battle. But every time you get a little win, it spurs you on a little bit further. Like, we joked about on the way here that so many people say, so many of your problems can be fixed with a walk. And I would think, yeah, fucking water. Shut up. And then yes, I sent you a picture of a waterfall. Like, I fucking found a waterfall. I was like, wherever you walk to, it looks like northern territory. is like down the road. But immediately I'm like, okay, well, I've dug myself out of this hole, so I can keep going here.

But, you know, there's days where I'm like, have I got another 30 more years of this left to me? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I can't do this. And yeah, it is really, really hard. And for anyone out there that's listening that might be early doors or thinking about it or 200 years into it,

they'll tell you the same thing. Like, you're going to have days where it's, and sucks, ball sack. Yeah. And that's just the best way to describe it. Your day sucks. You put on a brave face so often. And in those moments where you're probably tired and you're home and you're in a comfortable

zone, you sort of can decompress it all. And I'm really thankful that April listens and hears to the point where I don't have, it sort of, it sort of sits there. And then it makes me feel better that I've been able to express it without having to pick up the bottle and carry on. You said before that your manager referred to you as being as transparent as a piece of glass. I actually would argue that. Really?

Really? Because I think back to how you were before you stopped drinking and I was totally oblivious to how much you were struggling. Unless I physically told you. I totally. And I, you know, we would record every single week and I just didn't have any clue how serious it was and like sounds like you didn't either. I would say the same thing. Like I knew it was serious but I learned a lot just from listening to this pod. I learned new things from listening to this pod. So yeah. So when you hear Ash talk about those moments where it was so

tough, how does that make you feel? It's heartbreaking. Um, yeah. I don't know really what else to say, but it is heartbreaking. I am just so proud of him. for like being so open. It takes a lot. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think I would have, I don't think I'd be here if I wasn't, I didn't allow myself to be open about how I was feeling.

Because so many people in that situation hide it from everyone they love. I mean, there's times during the time of this pod where I know that there's times where you pulled me up on it because I haven't pulled my weight on things. And it was like so fair. And even those moments where it was like, I think along the way there, it was also a big part where I didn't want to let you down, you know, where it was like, we went three years without a break doing this. And it was either I make this decision for my family, but there is a big part of that as well, which I didn't want to let you down so much so that like I would hide it from you. and I would put on this brave face so much.

Were you afraid of letting April down? Absolutely. I couldn't imagine if one day April just had had enough of it, my fucking life would be over. It would crumble. And I don't understand. You do and you don't understand how people let it get to that situation where you've got to be offered an ultimatum

and then take the wrong choice because you are being convinced by such a stronger power than just the person standing in front of you. you know like I can hear the words that are coming out of someone's mouth if they disappointed in me and it sucks so bad but what do I do I have a drink and get the fuck over it but do you think it would win that argument 90% of the time do you think you knew how much it would break april's heart yeah I would hate it to get to the point where april's put so much of her life and trust and love me so much for all be for nothing and her having to her

potentially piece things together without me. You know, there was times early on with the kids where I was, just felt like they would be better of without me. But as I progressed as a parent and as a partner and stuff, when I would have those really thoughts, it was them I would think about. I couldn't leave. I couldn't imagine leaving Oscar without me.

I know, I know I'm hard on him. I'm hard but fair because I want the best out of him. and I know his potential for whatever he does. And I look at, I see him and I see me and think, I wish I was given opportunities then to be understood. And I like, I can't imagine him having to do all of this. Even going to school and some asshole pulls his pants down for a joke, I can't imagine him not being able to come home and talk to me about that.

Or have dad to lean on. It kills me. But that's where it was at. I couldn't imagine having April, wake up one day and thinking all of that was for nothing. When you hear April talk about how different you are now, how much of a better husband you are, how much of a better dad you are, it must mean so much. It must just be such a fresh bit of push and motivation for you to keep on going.

Yeah. I think prior to this journey where April might have said something really encouraging towards it might have fallen a bit on deaf ears because it wasn't, didn't, didn't feel like it was me listening but now it's like I just want to do the best I can in every situation I possibly can and that means being a better dad being a better partner being a better business partner the whole thing which I don't think would have ever been possibly if I to continue down that track so to hear her say things like that I think she just hits the right nerve said to me the other day she said you bring so much joy to people but never any joy to

yourself, which is the reality of my brain, the good and the bad, because realistically, it's like your own biggest critic, but I feel like I've got a thousand critics in my head that when she says something like, you bring joy to millions of people every day, and that's why I do it, but I never bring any of your joy to myself, myself. And it can break my art, but it's just my brain, but it makes me feel better when someone says it like that. And same with you. I think I rang you, I was like 90 days in.

And you even said, sometimes I forget to just give you a pat on the back. It just fucking propels me for all day. Because I just never know, especially in this world where I'm what, a few years into doing all this stuff, the journey of everything else that I never know if I'm doing any good.

But surely, yeah, I'm starting to paste it together. You know, and it, it feels really good. Like sometimes when I'm, you know, trying to get asleep because it's really fucking hard to get to sleep all the time. But I think about, like, maybe I can be more than I am for me and for everyone because that would be fucking awesome. It is so amazing to sit here and hear about how good you guys are together.

Because obviously I get a sense of what life is like from our challenge. every week, but then to see it in the flesh and to see how, and again, woo-woo, I feel the energy between you guys. And I know that everyone is guilty of not giving enough credit to someone who is doing a good job, you know, because everyone's busy, everyone's got a thousand things on their plate, especially parents. But there are so many people out there who don't make that change. And the fact that you've done it and you're doing it is just, it is so incredible.

Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. You're so hard on yourself. Oh, I know. And you were the most amazing person. And you were amazing even before, like, before this amazing person. Like, you've always been an amazing person in my eyes.

And just the fact that you were like, just the person you are now, I didn't realize could even get more amazing. Yeah. I love that. I think, like, it makes just me so happy. happy that there was that voice in your head that said enough's enough. Because I know there's so many people out there who just don't have that voice. Yeah. That switch in their own mind will never, never go off.

And if they don't want it, then it's not going to happen. And you wanted it. Yeah. I think, you know, it could have easily been, this is all too hard. Oh, sure. Which it is, it's fucking hard, man. Like, it's so hard. And anyone with a substance problem will tell you.

that it's really hard and I really feel sorry for the people that give up because you know like in those moments you don't think that it can be any better you're so brainwashed by the evil of it and it win like I said it wins nearly every argument you know you go into an argument oh that's the thing every day man every fucking day I would have this argument at four o'clock in the afternoon and I would lose it every day I'd lose that argument and then I would be ashamed to myself. Then I would drink more. I'd hide it.

Wake up the next day and think it's all going to be different again and it wouldn't be. I'd have that argument again. It was fucking exhausting. And everyone that's in that situation has that conversation. And I always say that every pisshead daydream is about being sober. So what was it then? Because I think people would be in a similar situation being like, I can't, I can't win that battle.

That voice is always going to get me. How did you, how did you tackle it head on? How did you get one over? the voice. Reflection. Like I said, I reflected on things that I picked up. You think your granddad? Grandad was one.

Pop was one for sure where it was like, he died at 86 and was an alcoholic and that's a massive inning. But he wasn't happy. That, you know, that get us a schooner is something I hold on to dearly because it reminds me of him. But I think the little things along the way, like the exhaust every opportunity and try and give yourself the best try and try and see what you like at your full potential was something that I was like

I fucking I know I can be funnier than this I know I can be a better person than this so why not give myself the opportunity to be that the party's over just never ever fucking left me I remember him saying that in your living room and in that moment I was like fuck I'm never going to forget that and I and it was like that day is going to come where I feel that I reckon I feel that every day where I'm like the party does the party is over but it just means that a new party gets to start right those sort of things and it fucking feels good to win oh yeah think about like every piece that out there that's watching his footy team lose five in a row badly and then we won and then you win that sixth line when no one ever expected you to win that one

fuck and hell it's a flex man and it's a flex for yourself you know like sometimes i look in the mirror now and i think fuck you're the man and it makes me feel so proud i remember when i first i used to write the day number on the mirror so when i'd have to look at myself i'd have to look at that and what did it say the pursuit of progress that's what said look at you now yeah I'm just like I said I thought it'd be dead long before this day. So you're winning. Yeah. Feels good.

Hopefully we made eight. Mathematically we can. Well, it's been seven months now. Today's 260 days. Wow. Do you remember April when the penny dropped for you to looking at Ash when he was entering that phase of not drinking where you thought, oh, this is a. really different person to the person on you previously?

I don't think it was a specific, I want to say specific, specific. We've been watching too much in between you. I don't think it was a specific penny drop moment. I think like just looking at it holistically right now, like if someone had shown me, told me this is your life if that alcohol wasn't around, I think, I, well, I feel like I can't say I would have done things differently because I don't know what I would have done differently. But I'm just like, I just wouldn't have believed it because I'm like, wow, like, oh my gosh, like just removing that and opening up to something so much bigger and better and

yeah. And then I know how much it's impacted the relationships in a positive way with Mason Oscar, but then for the two of you, how is it improved? Oh, I think like our relationship is literally at its strongest right now. I think everything is just, I don't want to go too woo-woo on. you. I'm all for it. No, no. She's manifested. No, I just very much like, I just try and practice so much gratitude right now because

I'm just so thankful and grateful for everything Ashton's done and how our life is right now. I just think it's beautiful and I'm very grateful. Yeah, I'd say I agree. I think this is like in between the mood swings and stuff just off other things that are going on it's like around our relationship and everything I would say that the happiest I've ever been I'm obsessed with April. Thanks.

And my kids to a point where I never thought I'd be here. Yeah, I thought I'd be dead long before this. That's the reality really. I thought it would all be too hard that it would be much easier if I just wasn't here. but now that I'm here, I don't think I've ever been so proud of myself. Oh, yeah. I don't think I've ever been so emotionally available

and so clear and so precise with my thinking and the way, especially with like Oscar, just the way I get the best out of him. Like I never thought I'd be there to a point where I could turn that kid from being so upset like the other night for losing a game at Uno to turning him around so quickly. just because I'm so clear-minded. Instead of just throwing the fight or flight parenting,

I can stop and think about how I'm going to help this kid get overcome that. And it's like watching him and Macy just thrive and April like, there's happy tears. Ashes said that he feels like you love him more now. How does that make you feel when you hear? hear him say that. Well, that's, that's very hard to hear. I've always admired Ash and he's always been the light to me because he's made me laugh. He gives so much love. And this is, you know, do we talk pre, like, what do we refer to Ash pre days? Like still in that, yeah. The pissette

with a daydream. Before sobriety. Is that the word? Subrity. Subrite. Subrite. Subrite. The specific. It is easier to love someone when they're sober. I, I, I think. Yes. Yeah, yeah, very much. Oh, really? But again, I just didn't realize that our life and the love that we have for each other could be as good as it is now.

Like we were happy. We were so happy. Like, we've been together for such a long time and we've grown up together. And I didn't realize that our relationship could blossom so much and be so great. Yeah, I feel like that part of my brain. is like really flexed that muscle a bit more to I'm using some of the things that we, we thankfully we get to talk to a lot of really great people doing what we do and, you know,

the sexologist, for example. And just the little things that makes such a big fucking difference, man, like April walk into a room and I'll let her know that she's lit up the room, you know? You don't say it that politely. I'm like,

I'm like, look at that. Yeah. But I don't know if it's maybe just, something that's, I'm a bit more aware of it, but it feels like in my kind of circle, there's been a few separations, you know, a few divorces. And I think it's really easy to slip into the narrative of like, oh, fucking hell. Like my partner nagging me constantly.

And it's just an easy fallback as well. But then it's so nice to see two people who have gone through the trials and tribulations of raising young kids to also come out the back end of that and still be more in love now than they were when they, you know, almost when they first met. Yeah, 100% and I just feel so grateful and lucky of our life. Like Ashton is just brought so much joy to us. Yeah, I'm having a good time. Yeah.

I think without being too, yeah, soppy. But yeah, I feel like our home life is fucking leaps and bounds. Just the little things, the little things that we notice and do for each other. that I feel like now is just way more present because we're both on the same page all the time without me having to hide a hangover at the same time. I can give my, I can give my full self to my wife and my kids so that, you know, I want Oscar to grow up and look at me and think, that's, you know, when someone says, how would you define a man? It would be someone who's a leader and also emotionally available and empathy and be able to provide joy, provide it. I want to be all those things

and more so that I can look back and go, right, I'm at the end of this now and I didn't waste any more time that I didn't have to. I think if you asked Oscar who his hero is, it would, without a doubt, be you. Toa Cola. Talk your collar first. Yeah, I always tell Oscar I'm faster than talking. Because he was like, what really? Are you zero?

He's a very good manly player for anyone who's like, who is that? It's also because of obsession. But I know people like really thrive on that little pat on the back. So if you've got someone in your life that's like, they might be battling a little bit or you think like they're going through something like this where they're trying to better themselves in any aspect, a pat on the back is no harm depending on, of course, how that comes across.

And like I do love the little nudge forwards. And I think, yeah, I might not take it in in the moment. but when I'm trying to sleep for hours at night, I take all that stuff in and reflect on it. And that actually helps me get to sleep. So I would say, yeah, if you've got someone in your life that you think could use a little pat on the back,

a little at a boy, don't hold back. Just do it in the way that you know that they'll respond nicely to it. Surely we're all the same. And that if Laura will say, hey, you parented really well today. I'm like, did I? Yeah.

Yeah. Tell me again. Oh, my God. Yeah. That is just. But you don't want it to be like, you parented really. well today and you're like so I don't pair it well every other day you know and it's like it's like

it's like the same thing with these wife videos where I'm like it's like April would give me two shirt options like oh I like that one's like what's wrong with this one it's not bad it's just that it's just that I feel like yeah I feel a little pat on the back it did a really well today or like a like a situation like I feel like I'm trying to be better in the situation like in the moment in the situation with the kids and when they're melting down try a different approach and sometimes I can just tell April's happy with how that went and how I did it. And it was like, yeah, like the other day when he had a meltdown over losing, you know, because we're all human. But I used that manly analogy with him, like a good coach. And he went from hiding away in the bedroom to, to, I want to go

give you mummy a cuddle because I felt like I just ignored her then when she came in and he ran and gave Mommy a cuddle in the kitchen. And I felt like, I felt like I achieved that. And I could tell April's face. She was proud of that moment. I was going to say the kids, yeah, you. You are so good at like, yeah, giving the little, the kids little pet talks or something. Like, you handle those situations so much better than me. Like, I, I like, when I don't know what to say, you're like, leave it with me. And you do. You just go in there and you see you can change their thinking process.

Yeah. And it will just pick them up. Ash always jokes about the fact that he just yells at the kids. That's old me. Very rare. That's old me now, eh? Yeah. I definitely have noticed.

I've got my voice all the time. I think we all raise our voice. Oh, for sure. Situations. I was way more erratic because I just had less patience. I feel like this whole thing as well has given me a little bit more patience. Absolutely. This is going to sound dumb.

Yes, I really noticed it yesterday. I went and played pickleball with Mike in the afternoon. And I feel like whenever we do that with Mike, it's a really good place to unload because we're across the court. We're laughing, whatever. But I remember playing with him. but I was playing a different, I was playing with patience. And that's not me.

I would be like, I'm a fucking win this point now, bro. Right? I'm a win at this first shot, but I was like, I even said to myself subconsciously, I'm going to play the long game here. Mike's like,

who the fuck am I playing? Yeah. It was like, Federer? And, you know, when I left that thinking, okay,

hang in a minute, I didn't, I wasn't erratic in that moment, even as a competitor. I was actually quite level-headed. and knew what I was doing and I was like, I'm like that now with my kids

opposed to just doing the final flight thing where you're like, shut up, you know, and look, don't get me wrong. I love it when Oscar's being a cheeky shit. I'm like, hey,

he's like, hey, I'm like, shut up. And we have a laugh over it. I love that still, but I'm nowhere near as my voice now is at a level with them, which is stern and fair

and not over the top where I feel like it will traumatize them because I feel like my mom is a yeller, which I love her for that because she harbend me up. I think for Oscar, I would like it to be. If you need to use your loud voice in a situation, it's fine, but you've got other options.

My dad voice has improved. Absolutely. If I can scare the neighbours kids with my dad voice, that's great. And I don't even have to raise it. That's amazing. April, I do want to ask you one quick question before you go. Yeah. And this is another question that we get very frequently sent in.

Are you aware of the videos that Ash puts out on social media? I'm well aware because I'm on crowd control with the children going, Shh, Daddy's filming, Shh. They're getting so good. Magic's happening. There's like,

you know when you're like in a live TV audience in this. Yeah, yeah. A pause? Silence. Do you, are you made aware of the concepts before they get filmed? Uh,

some, not always. A lot of them, yeah, I see them firsthand like everyone, no, like whenever, is that firsthand when everyone else is seeing them? Yeah.

And part of me says, I didn't say that. Bullshit, man. The one that's kind of popped off was locking the back door. You know you left the back door unlocked last night. We all could have died. April would be like make sure the house has fought knocks before anyone goes to sleep, which is totally fair.

We live in honestly the safest neighbourhood that could exist. It comes to the concept of not locking the back door because if I've been out onto the balcony or something when she's already gone to bed to bring a washing on something or whatever's out there and shut the door and I forget to lock the sliding door. It's, we could have died. Okay? Did you say that? Yeah, 100%.

I think I've said it multiple times. But it's because I do, I tee myself up and I watch a lot of documentaries. True crime. It's the true crime docos. And you see it. Those, you know, in America, far, far away, but it happens. It does happen. Are you a fan of the videos?

I love them. I love them. I love, yeah, I get so excited. Like when I'm saying, oh, if I haven't seen one, I'd see you, like, recorder. I'm like, oh, what's this one? I love it. And it's, yeah, like you said, I think you're even more funnier now. Yeah, it's crazy.

It's my job. Part of my job is the other job I have. This is my, this is my not shit. You were the fuel for his job. That's it. And April that had said to be, like, we've joke about how many jobs I've had in here. Because quite frankly, I'd just get bored. And I remember April would always, I would always,

As, you know, partners do, we're always complain about how much I hated what I was doing for so long. And she always would say to me, do what you love and you won't work a day in your life. And I love how much April loves how much I love it. If that makes sense. Yeah. It's also bringing another element to our relationship where we get to laugh at each other so much. Yeah. Because when I put on the hair, I am you.

Yeah. The walk, the hair. I am. You're an exaggerated version of me. Let's be clear. Let's be clear. Yeah, okay, man. I remember that first video I did with Andy Cooks at his house and he made me, Jan Pikelets and I whipped the towel out in front of his partner and I put it on.

She was just like, you are her. You are here. You were a different character. It's so good. Yeah. I'm just going to have a shower, okay? I'm not washing my hair, though. And sometimes you'll pull me up and you'd be like, you were just doing your wife.

And I'm like, oh, shit. Because I've observed April for, you know, we're coming up to 10 years married next year, 15 years. together, I think I have observed her little quirks. And you, like we're saying, you're more observant now than ever before. Must be driving you. Would you ever switch your account on social media to public? I've thought about it, but I don't post anything. I'm boring.

No one wants to follow me. Actually, I think the most in-depth conversation we had about it happened a couple of days ago, you would have 100,000 requests, easy. Yeah. It would be unbelievable if she opened it up. but also as well, please do it. No,

she wanted to do it for free stuff. For free stuff. And I said, you know, you've got to work, you've got to, you can't just exist like that. I mean,

Gohan, but I know she will, even before she leaves a comment on any video now, she'll make sure I check it. It's okay. So I can't imagine what it would be like if you were to try and post every day.

I'm like, just leave it to me. Yeah. It's not for the faint of hard. It's hard. It's a tough landscape. It's a roller coaster. I wouldn't want to wish.

upon my worst enemy. I really wouldn't. You wouldn't, no. Just trying to just minimize the competition. I view. Yeah, that's the last thing I need. I was like, don't let her. Don't let her.

Don't let her. Don't let her. Don't let her. April, I want to say thank you for coming into the studio. It's always nice to hear about this topic. I love it because for me, it's such a happy ending, you know, for now. And I'm confident that it's going to continue to be a happy ending. And it's also the difference in Ash in your presence is beautiful.

It really is. You're big old soft. Yeah. You get an erection. But I want to say thank you for not just today, but for supporting Ash through everything. Thank you. And I appreciate being asked to come in. I hope I answered the questions okay.

But I would say firstly, thank you for you did give me the space to work it out. I'm just glad that you didn't give me an ultimatum because I don't know where that would have ended up. And I think like early on in this journey, Matt said, how long is this going to last? I didn't say it in that tone. I may have said those words. But that sits with me a lot because I want to prove him wrong because I want to win that one too. You're out to win. And yeah, I also thank you to you because you give me so much space to thrive instead of just survive.

So thank you. You're welcome. I don't feel like I deserve that, but I'll. No, you do. Take it. I'll write it. I text it to you then. If you have enjoyed this episode, we would love it if you gave us a couple of comments.

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Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodian of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.