Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #261 Fast Dates, Fajitas & Flight Dramas

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

This week Ash is back from what he can only describe as the most disastrous holiday he’s ever been on. But there was one silver lining - he and April had their fastest date ever… you genuinely won’t believe how fast. Naturally, this leads the guys into an unexpected obsession with fajitas. Meanwhile, Matt is coming to terms with the fact his little girl is growing up and has already outgrown something he never expected. Plus, the guys have discovered a teacher’s error - could this be the first time a teacher has ever got something wrong? And we know the guys swear… a lot, but it seems their questionable language is starting to rub off on some of our youngest listeners. Don’t forget to sign the petition for paid parental leave for dads here. You can buy a copy of Damian Kookaburra here.  And if you want to check out the linear clock a Doter designed, take a look here. ______________________________________________________________________________ If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I have a very important update for you on the Wix household. It's, I've just, I'm busting to tell someone. April. Yep. My beautiful wife, who was on the last week's episode. Yes. She's been very busy with lots of different activities. So I want to know which one, which one.

Update on all or just one? Just one for now. Yeah, okay, yeah, okay. Drip feed me the updates. April has a new bicycle. A new what? Bicycle. Oh, they said basketball.

I was like, she's playing basketball? She can do it all. Fucking hell. LeBron. I'm Maddie J and I'm Ash This is a podcast All about parenting

It is the good It is the bad And the relatable And we don't give advice No we don't And I know what you're thinking Listen's out there Like so fucking what

So what As a bike You're not understanding this My wife has never Learned how to ride a bike Oh I did briefly teach her Have you ever Pulled Frank

Her dad aside And said That's child abuse What you've done here Raising her in this world It's like keeping you're locked in the basement. I don't know how to do things in the Johnson household,

but I like to keep my in-laws on side. Fair. Okay? I need him. Have you ever like Christmas one time after when you were drinking gone, do you know what, Frank? Do you know what? Frank?

Do you feel guilty? No, no, no. I know you're there. Shut up. You never have. Never had the inkling. Nah, look, it's just not. The juice isn't worth of the squeeze,

which is a famous saying from Matthew Johnson. So she never, never, just for the record, was never taught as a kid growing up. Never taught as a kid. I, she has with me on a big grassy field once, gave her a go on a bike. And I know that she can do it. She's just anxious about it all. But the kids are really into their bikes at the moment. Oscar's just upgraded to a bigger bike.

He's getting quick. He's getting adventurous. And he wants his mom to join him. And she really wants to join him. So I took her to the bike shop. Okay, we measured her up for the correct bicycle. We got ice cream. We got ice cream.

She was well behaved. Special trade, bicycle. I got one too because I needed a new bike as well. Did you, for April's bike choice, did you let her decide or did you get someone over to say, hey, look, she needs, yeah, okay. Yeah, look, Macy came along with her. So I was distracted with the baskets for Macy, you know, the baskets. They love the baskets. They love the basket.

No, do you know what they really is loving? And she wants for her birthday. Streamers. No. Like the Dolly bike seat. So it's like a baby seat for kids. Yeah, she was like, as she walked in there, she was like, look at that.

They are obsessed, aren't they? Do you know they don't make bike baskets for boys? Wow. Let's, look, we're already balls deep in one petition. We could start another one. Well, I thought that's a bit slack for the boys. Because the boys were... Because Louis wanted one.

Yeah, like, Louis's like, where am I going to put with dinosaurs? Yeah, he's like, really sorry, we've only got those girls ones. I'm like, I mean... Where are we going to put the whole, my hot wheels cars? We're going to be all my important things. Lego. You could have like a... a little like a briefcase thing of majig it's a briefcase he's got to hold it on the side like a

businessman yeah boys can have baskets too this bike comes with two briefcases uh no it's one of those you know when you see um like bike riders that have been riding a real long distance they got the satchel over the back it's like a camel yeah there look boys are more utility bikes girls are more like streamers and the thing So I will be teaching April how to ride a bike. Oh, I cannot wait for that content. And I will be filming it. She doesn't know I'm going to film it.

I'm sure she's like... She's not stupid. Yeah, I'm sure she's going to be like... I never said that. What do you mean the camera's coming? You're there with the like tripod film crew? Yeah, I like a home cam camcorder. We're doing a documentary.

Yeah, yeah, the whole home cam. I'll get my nan's home camcorder the side flip open. So when did you buy the bike? Before we went away and they delivered it when we're away. Oh, Frank built it. Nah Your dad Poppy Boom

I think I have a photo actually I wonder if Frank is secretly like Damn it You're gonna be hell jealous Like because if he's It's all from the Wicks The Wicks The Wicks are coming in

And Pioneers Saving the day You are a long line of bicycle riders We are We are we are Well you witnessed it in Canberra Because I beat you in that balancing thing Um

I wasn't even trying big I was barely even He wanted to do it again That's April's new bike That's a boy's bike No it's not That's a boys bike. No, it's a unisex bike, thank you very much.

Just like those baskets should be. So now you're for the basket. Equal rights for the bikes. I'm saying, people. I'm all about bike equality. Also, just quickly, actually, a few people have said, who's that woman talking? And if you're wondering.

That's Vic. And Vic, we've been trying to get this episode on the way for ages, but Vic's been dragging a heels. So Vic, say hello to the Dotas. Hello. I know she's truly held back then. when I said you've been dragging your heels. Most of the time we...

I don't know if she listened. Most of the time... I did, but I was writing notes. Oh, most of the time, Matt and I are very... Oh, hey, well, we're very prompt, you and I. We're like, we're going to start at this time, but Vic really slows us down. So... Multiple trips out to get coffees, drinks.

Oh, my God, that's you guys. She got some eyeliner, eye shadow? That was it from the shops. I don't know. I'm just, yeah, I'll be... We were meant to start this episode an hour ago. Ash is running a tight schedule today. I run a tight schedule around here.

So I am type A, your type B. So Vic, producer Vic is here. That is who you hear often cackling in the background. Vicky or Victoria. Or V, V, depending on it. V City. That's pretty good. That's new.

Write it down. You're welcome. Great bike, lovely colour. Seats very high on this. She hasn't sat on it yet. Okay. My dad's like, she's seven foot, yeah. I got a bike seat extender for you.

Why? We should have a competition. Who can learn to ride first? Marley or April? Write that down and I mean it. That'd be so good. Do we go to separate camps and then come back for like a who's going to a bike race? Yes.

Isn't there the BMM? That's too much. We're going to get them on jumps. I've got the heel kickers. April and Marley are both in hospital. We're like, oh damn. There's a circuit bike. track along the beach there but it's like on an oval and you can stand in the middle and watch

your kid go right around i need to gosh that is honestly this is the motivation that i need are we talking time trial or we're talking to her she's a growing woman and then we're talking about a seven-year-old child yeah but we're it's and also like the weaving through coat we could set up a bunch of challenges and they go head to head we can have yeah obstacle course yeah and they could like we could put oil on the pavement nice nice bring louie down bring louis down yeah he's He's just learned, right? He's just learned, yeah. But he won't be able to bring any of his toys because there's no basket for boys.

Yet. Yes. We should bring one out. But boys are more backpack people. But yeah, yeah, well said. Well said. Not to generalise. Basket.

Are you going to do the old towel under the armpits? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to do the whole bit. Under April's armpits. Yeah. There's going to be good gear. Let me know.

I go. I will. Also, you need to put her on a balance bike first. Definitely. Nah, straight in the deep end. Sure. She's 36, nearly. 35.

Sorry, Bob. But yes, Spike is incoming. Now, also, while we're sitting in this little housekeeping session, we had a DM. So I mentioned a while back about linear clocks. Linear being... So circular is the current clock. But with people who are neurodiversion and ADHD, the circular clock...

Confusing? Doesn't really hold you accountable for your time. Is that the correct way to say that? Yeah, because it doesn't end. It's hard to see... Well said. You need to have the finish line. Yeah.

Yeah. So for me, I see a clock and I'm like, if it goes past the 12, it's going to keep going. So it doesn't really matter. But if I see an ending, I'm like, fuck, I've got to get what I need to do. So anyway, so this particular Dota heard me talking about the idea of this. And they have created an app. Oh. Okay.

A linear clock app, a first version of it, which I should quickly show you. And we'll leave a link in our show notes for any other Dotas to jump on and have a look. but essentially what you do, Matt, is you break your day down. I like that. You break your day down on this app from your morning routine, like anything that needs to be done. Wake up to go to sleep. And the linear clock shows you at what part of the day you're at.

And you can leave little prompts of like what you usually do during that time of the day. Like for mine, I've got work because this is work, apparently. You've got here masturbate at 12.30. Yeah, that's 24 hours. That's it. That's at audibles for any moment. Oh no, it's masturbate for the fourth time. Okay.

That's a type, it's meant to be 14th. Yeah. 14th time. But it's only... Careful of your testicles, though. Remember what happened? Well, they've actually been stitched to the walls of my testicles, so it's a fucking free-for-all over here.

Good to know. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to pick. Can't tell if you're joking or not. Not joking. But yes, so you can go through and you can change it. It is the first stage of this. I provided what I thought was some feedback, which is a widget could potentially be built.

But of course, these things cost money, take time. But we'll leave a link. So currently now I'm in work stage. It's got 55 minutes left. We're 55 minutes to get this out of the door. Well, that's plenty of time. You think that. You think that?

I didn't have time to watch that last video. Which video? The one you stopped me watching. Yeah, because I thought the video will turn into. You are right. Vic will slow us down again. Yeah, Vic is very, she's like an anchor. How dare.

She's like a backpack full of sand. Vic, you're doing great work. I know. We kid. We kid. We kid. We kid. We kid.

But we've just put it. I don't know if you're serving the calendar. There's a performance review meeting for after this. That's a new linear clock. And thank you to that Dota who damned me. Thank you. Your name alludes me. But that's okay.

It doesn't mean I've forgotten about you because here I am talking about it. Ash, I can't tell if I'm meant to read this line or you're meant to read this line. It's a question. Vic, tell me if I'm wrong. the fastest date night you ever had from sit down to paying the bill. Yeah, that's from me to you. That's my question to you because April and I, we just got away for a few days, which we'll talk about in a second, it was a disaster.

But we were talking about, we obviously went to a lot of nice places to eat and how quickly you're served and it got us thinking about what our quickest date night was. How it has ever been? So my question, and I do know when mine was, but I wanted to ask you. I don't know. To be honest, God, like the last couple of date nights, I cannot even recall. And I'm talking seated, eaten, paid the bill,

you walk out and realize what time it is. Nothing spectacular. I think we've always tried to like, because whenever we've had a date night, we've had someone booked in as a babysitter. So like regardless of how quickly the meal comes out and how quickly we eat it, we like have to make sure that we like...

You sit in the car and doomscroll. So nothing under an hour. Nothing under an hour. Okay, I'm going to run two different types of date nights behind. Please. Yeah. First one was just a single course. Like it's a let's go have dinner. Not like an occasion, just like a random. And it was a fajita place in Manly. Sat down, eight paid 20 minutes.

Whoa. What did you order? It's a fajita place. Lovely. We used to gather all the time. So they just do fajitas. Yeah. Nothing but for heaters. Yeah. Do you like fajitas? But this one, this is a his. Do you like fajitas? I love a good fajita. I've never seen you eat a fajita.

Oh, I don't eat them in the office. You only eat a night. You only eat fajitas on deck night. Yeah. Would you recommend? I'm going to have fajitas tonight. I'll take a photo for you. Please.

Give you a proof. Debunk you saying you've never seen me eat it. Be fajitas. I'll take anything. I'll take it all. You're not one of each. You're not partial to a particular. No, no, I think like as long as it's good, I'll eat any meat.

Fahitas for you, Vic. What's the difference between a fajita and a burrito? That's a great. Well, I thought you were going to say taco. Oh. That's more of a quote. Barito is a circular. The girthy.

The heater is a flat. Yeah, but a taco and a fajita, I don't know. I really don't know. Good question. Interesting. I was going to say it's because you build it yourself. Do what? Yeah, they bring you the fajita, the ramps, the, there's a lot of, there's also like some sauteed

capsiccan and onion. Oh, it's like a pig and mix. Interesting that if you're going to do Mexican, you just make sure the burritos included in the mix with the tacos. Like, it's like a Chinese restaurant. They're doing like honey chicken or like Mongolian lamb. If you only made one dish, think of how accurate that you could be. without wasting money.

Think about this. If you're like, okay, we only do your chicken and beef fajitas here. People come in, they eat chicken and beef fajitas. That's on the menu, but then you've got a sides menu the way you make your money, where you make your money on the sides and the alcohol and the margaritas. But it's so easy for you to come in because we only have one thing and you know it's good and we're going to give it to you every time, right? That's just your opinion.

But like it's nice to also not have to think about the choice of what you're going to eat, right? If you're like, we're going for fajitas, that's what we're getting. And it's also as well, because it is a mixed and match and you're together. It's part of the eating, the eating ritual of the fajita. Both of you are dipping into the same plate. Yeah, it's like it would come out. It would have all the ingredients and then a nice little box of, we're getting hung up on details. We are.

Sorry. This is my job usually to get hung up on. No, I'm the questions guy. Okay. Now, when was it launched? This was, well, in Mexico, believe it or not. Now, here's one, an occasion date night where I'm talking like, it's like an anniversary and it's like a, we go somewhere a bit more like not as casual, okay?

The quickest? I'm talking three courses, dessert out the door. Have a guess how quick we did that. And April can back me up on this. Please don't tell me it's under an hour. 45 minutes. And April and I love that. We're like, now it's a competition in our house.

house. It's like, was that close? Because we went to a Mexican restaurant in Changu. I don't know if you've ever heard of Changu. It's essentially a suburb in Sydney or Australia now. We went to a Mexican restaurant there. 25 minutes. It was a course and dessert. Most people would be like trying to stretch out their dates. You're just trying to shorten them. Yeah, it's so funny. It's really funny. Trying to get back in. Yeah, I'm a fucking eyes. But 40, yeah, 45 minutes, it was three courses and dessert. Anyway, that's my chat. Little update on Lola, she had, Vic just so you're aware, she had a phantom illness that would kick in 9pm every night, would end up screaming from her room and we couldn't find out

what was wrong with her. In her sleep? In her sleep. Well, like, maybe just having night terrors. For those playing at home, ear infection. Everything ends up being an ear infection, eh? Yeah. Why is that? Must kick in at night or something because Louis had the same thing, same time. Yep. when you're laying down. But she could never, we were like, what's wrong with you?

And she was just like, ah! It's like the body receives an infection. And then she's like, just send it to the ears. Like she couldn't, she could never tell us that it was her ear. She was like,

it's my tummy. It's my legs. It's my knee. We're like, what is wrong with you? I think Louis said it was his jaw. Like, something in the head.

It's confusing. It's so close to the pain so close to your brain, right? Yeah. It's your pain receptors. So it's sort of like, so close. And it's like,

my whole head hurts. It's like, it's, I haven't had an ear infection since I was a kid, but like, I know that they're bad. Right. Poor thing. That illness is now being put to bed. For now. Yeah. Although fucking didn't know this.

Didn't know this. You cannot get eye drops for children under the age of two. Poppy. Yeah. Conjunctiveitis. Conjunctivitis. And then, and they just say, oh, you've got to have just these little wipes. And then when it gets bad enough, you then go, the doctors, they give you the antibiotics.

So we'll just like, but she fucking go like, gunkers. streaming out the eyes. I know and you go to sleep and wake up and it's the worst. Oh my God. Just coming into her room and she's like like a mummy that's been stitched. I'm blind!

I know like having it as an adult and you're like, oh my God, this is it. This is it. And then you're like slowly, like you're like, how strong of my eyelids? Just explain what you're doing there. I'm just trying to, I don't know, closing my eyes.

Pretending that I was blind. I'm walking around. Let me feel your face. April, come here. But when your kids got conjunctiveitis, you're like, oh man, my eyes are richy. I know. It's like when someone has headlights and you're like. Like a tiny bit of sleep in my eye and I'm like, this is it.

It's the beginning. I'm going to go down. It's not going to land. Speaking about bedtime. All right. Bedtime story. I would say who of our favourite football players? Damien Cook, Cookie, very good guy.

Really good guy. And AJ, which is Alex Johnston. Who is currently the leading tri-scorer in the NRL. Yes. And congratulations to Damien who's just finished his career. in the NRL this year. Is he retiring? Yes, yes.

Great career, New South Wales, Australia, the whole bit. And they've written a book. It's called Damien Cook-Caburra. Very clever. Okay, we'll leave it in our show notes as well. Gee, the show-notes going to be long this episode. But great read. Have you read it?

Me, not yet. What teams are they in? Cookies are for St George. St George, but he has a lot of games for the Rabidows. And AJ has, it's all Ravitoes, isn't it? He's gone to P&G next year, or year after next. And a stellar bloke, both of them. So, great.

Hey, you over there. Hello. I hate you. I'm not sure if you saw. We have been influencing some people that we shouldn't be influencing. And I'm not taking the blame for it because I don't control the radios in Vicks House or the podcast platforms. It often alternates between if I'm the swearer or you're the swearer. I know.

And in this case, neither one of us are innocent. What word did you say, Ash says? He says fuck I'm proud And what does Matt say Chicken Chicken? But they're not words

You should say are they No No I love how he's like What did Ash say Fuck That is Vick's beautiful daughter How old is Lily?

She's three and a half My demographic audience After you were saying How you wanted to start recording Macy's voice I was like I should start talking with Lily So I started taking little videos with her

And she what did she have to say, fuck. She was working next to me and I was like, what am I doing? And she's like, you're working. I'm like, what do I do? And she's like, I don't fucking know. She's like, tinkering. Correct.

But then she goes for Matt and Ash. And I was like, yeah. And then she goes, Ash says fuck. But Louis also listens and he's like, every time you guys swear, I shouldn't listen to it in the car, but I do. Yeah, you should. Yeah. And he's like, oh.

Yeah. Got him. I know. Literally every time he's like, I want to say. say fun. We were having lunch with some friends there, like, avid listeners and she was like, I've had to stop listening when the kids are in the car. It's like, because you're just outlandish

at the moment. We're also on YouTube, we get, shout out to the YouTube watches. Hello? The one of you that's watching. Because we're flagged as being, not inappropriate. We're flagged as being explicit. Sounds about right. We are not, we're not that bad.

Fuck them. If your kids are in the carway listening, I'm fucking sorry, yeah. Sorry. All right. We did try at one point. I'm not changing who I am for anybody. The episode,

we like got five minutes and we're like, this is awful. I know. Oh, well. Sorry to your children, Vic. That's okay. No,

look, honestly, they're going to learn those words. They might as well learn them from me. And I'm proud of that. Amen. Tell me what I do here, Ash. You know that there has been the speaking competition

at school for Mali. Oh, this is the more kids need more hollows. That was for Lola. And then Marley's speech was on the two. Ferry needs to up her rates. That's right. Persuasive speaking. She's very theatrical, isn't it?

And Lola's not into it. She doesn't love it. Like, really had to kind of force her into it. I know, I know I sound very biased here. Marley just loves it. Love, learn the script, two minute speech. Learn off by heart. Yeah, because I mean, some people love, like thrive on that stuff.

And some people don't. And she will, and also like, she listens to a song once or twice. And then she's just got the word. Those other words, yeah. It just clicks for her. She's got something. And so they then do, each class does every child in the class, does their speaking. They then pick one winner from each class.

They do it at an all school assembly. Wow. The pressure they put on these kids, though. It's a lot. But they do need it. It's a lot. And once again, once again, I don't know what to think. Once again, I know I sound like that dick of a parent who was like, my daughter was

amazing. You sound exactly like that too. He's so gifted. Listen to her. What's the video of her speaking? I don't brag about Oscar. She's very good. She's,

I've seen some of the other kids. They're fucking useless. Not so gifted. Okay, yeah. You, you, that are pathetic. Nice try.

And she did her speech and I picked her off and I was like, how'd you go? Because she's been rehearsing non-stop and she was like, oh good. She's like,

Dad, just crushed it. And some of the other kids were like, Marley, holy shit. What a, what a speech. How good.

And then to Mali's teacher, I was like, how did she do? And the teacher was like, not so good. She was like, wow, blown away. Wow. Blown away by Mali. When she gone on tour? And then, so then they have a couple of days where the teachers, Mali has two teachers.

They deliberate. And then they decide. And then they announce who the winner is. Uh-oh. Didn't win. Robbed. Didn't win. Did we need to go down to that school.

Well, I was like, what do you? Who won? What do you? And Laura was like, well, you got to try harder next year. And I was like, but I don't know how much hard. as she could fucking try. Remember, there's no losses only. There's lessons.

But what's the lesson then? The lesson is there is that you need to be better. You can try as hard as you can and you still might lose. Yeah. She's also live. Okay, I was like, do I speak to the teacher? No. Do I say, hey, can I just so I know what she needs to work at,

just tell me where she needs to improve. I'm not there like questioning being like, you fucking, you fucking rob my child. She's seven. And I will hold it against you. I know she is. I think. Do you have any intel on who won? The person who won, her name is Michelle.

Fake name. Fake name. I want to give away her identity. Her real name will be in the show notes. And do we know how or why she won? Is there any? No, no, no, no. So that's, I mean.

I think it's like fair for you to ask for some feedback. Yeah. Even if you frame it, like, obviously Marley was so excited. She loves this stuff, but she obviously wants to get better at the things she love. What is it that was missing? it's hard to tell me why she didn't win i was just like what's wrong with you man pins down teacher you're right seven seven so it's you know it's like no he nor that i think it's okay to ask for feedback though like to be like hey she she was really pumped why do you hate my child

yeah do you hate us no it just like you like you want to help her continue to love it and the only ways you're going to continue to love it if she's like okay well i want to work to this point and you can't be at the top but like what is this person is this person's like you can't be at the top but like what is this person have that Marley didn't. But then I'm like... Yeah, don't be our sideline dad. Yeah, be a front line dad. Where you go head first and say, hey, we'd love some feedback because Marley wants to

continue this beautiful thing called public speaking. Then I was even like, even asking for feedback, am I one of those parents? I think it's how you frame it. I love talking to the teacher any chance I get. Can I ask? Do you do that like at pick up? You do, yeah. Not every day because I've got to really hold myself back.

Sure you do, Vic. Yeah, geez, the teachers must really love you too. I was like, it's coming quick. I don't even know the teacher's name. You guys are like, I love cornering them and asking them quick. And they go home and they're like, oh, fucking Vic's out of again. No, I genuinely don't. And to be honest, I'm so busy.

Dan does a lot of pickups now. Or he does. Yeah, they're happy too. But I love Intel on my child. Yeah, you want to be a fly on the wall. I love hearing feedback because we don't get photos like we did in daycare. So we're like, what happened? all day.

Like April's the same. She'd be like, oh, she would want feedback. But I'm like, hey, be careful how you frame it. Because also as well, he's got to pick up and learn things on his own. You can't go to Mommy and be like, Mommy, can you ask what I did wrong? It's like, oh, look, I didn't get there this time. Next time I'll do a little bit more research on my topic or.

Yeah, I would definitely encourage her. Or jazz hands or something other than. You could encourage her to speak to her teacher about what she can improve. Yeah, that's probably not about show. Yeah, I think that's best. Paul Lola at the morning of her speech, she was like, I don't feel too well. I'm like, I'm not buying that shit.

You don't go on to school. It's beautiful. No, that's nerves. She's not feeling well. She was really sick. You know, when like... Was it your infection. You know, sometimes when you look at your kids and you're like, oh, yo, you look sick.

Yeah. Macy's so... It's usually the pale kids. Macy. I picked up Lola and she just, her eyes were half open. And she's like, Daddy, is that you? And I was like, ooh. And then I was like, did you do your speech today?

And she's like, yeah. And I said, what did they say? And she goes, I need to speak up louder. I was like, oh, sorry about that. Poor thing. But like you were saying, she's not that into that. Like, she'll be into other things, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's not. Like, I haven't talked for a living now, but like I never public, I hated public speaking. Because it was just this. Public speaking kids, no. That were the weird ones. You get some palm cards that were like adult-sized palm cards. So essentially, it must have give me an A4 piece of paper. and it'd be like, good morning, class 1F.

Look up, eye contact. For those of you who don't know me, everyone should know me because we're in the same class. My name is Ashton Wicks. And it's like, oh, for God's sake. But because I didn't want to do it, I would just string out the sentences for so long. And furthermore, to the previous sentence that I said in the earlier part of this speech, just to get to the word and time count. Marley was like, what was you've ever subject to school dad?

And I was like, oh, it's drama. And she was like, what's drama? I was like, well, you just pretend to be someone else. And she was like, oh, what? That's a lesson? And I was like, yeah, she was like, Don't get too good at it, though. Breaking news, Vic.

Could this be the worst tantrum a parent has ever experienced? A flight has been cancelled and passengers left stranded because a child refused to sit down and fasten their seat belt. The Canadian flight was headed for the runway when a parent and cabin crew failed to secure the child in their seat with a seat belt. The plane was forced to return to the gate. so the parent and child could be removed with their luggage. Unfortunately for the rest of the passengers,

they also had to make alternate arrangements. Oh my gosh. And this was a midnight flight. Oh my gosh. How old is this child? They don't know exactly how old. It was a toddler. It's a fucking child, guys.

Are we for real? Like, are we for real that we're letting a child control a whole flyer because someone doesn't want to say, listen here, fucker, sit down and put your seatbelt on. Once again, we don't condone swearing on this podcast. Beat that out. I'll leave it in there. Actually, make that louder. Put it on repeat. Yeah, fucker, fucker, fucker. No, but like, come on. Yeah, doesn't say how credit to that kid put up one hell of a five. That, yeah, that's a resilient child. Get them into wrestling. But like, that kid's going to be a wrestler. If I'm the parent, if I'm the parent of that kid,

I feel, you, unfortunately, you've failed. I wonder if maybe, I don't want to be that guy. Maybe the captain was just like a non-parent. So he was like, Pulling around. Yeah. But like that poor parent. Said the child had been standing in their seat. Yeah, but like this is what I'm saying. We're saying poor parent here.

But at what situation, the kid does not listening to that parent. How did that kid get to the point of being that disobedient? Well, surely they would have, it costs a lot of money to like turn those flights around to like not take up. And then every, so every single person that flight has to have a terrible time now. But they should have, they should. I'm sure it would have been people of flying like, can I have a crack? Yeah. Just strapping them in back, didn't you?

I would have love to have a crack at that. Give me a go. I would have dad voiced the shit out of that. We love kids on this podcast. I told you that, so Macy, like, we were in these villas, right, in Bali. And Macy was being real cheeky. And I was like, it was bedtime. She was standing in her cot.

And I was like, sit down. Like proper. Scared the shit out of her. The next day, Mike was like, I heard you at the other end. And even my kids sat down. All the kids, all the kids in the suburb. Yeah. Sat down at once.

I just think that's not on. I'm sure they must have tried. I'm sure they must have. They obviously didn't try hard enough. Like I'm getting a kid to sit down. I would one way or another. It reminded me of though. Remember how hard it is to get kids in their seatbelts in the car?

It's like a cat. Not in my house. I'm telling you right now, I'm not putting up with that. I'm not putting up with it. And I'll get us there. Now my kids put their seatbelts on themselves. There needs to be like Nash Wicks at every airport. So if Charles won't sit down, they're like, we'll call the ash.

The ash, we'll come on the plane. I get the resorts. I don't want to sit down, but it shouldn't have to cause that many people problems. There's something there that needs to be addressed from the parent. Sorry. I mean, I blame the airline. What do you mean blame? Let's just sit down.

If they sat down, it would have fixed the problem. Am I wrong? Why am I the odd one out here? How dare you? How dare you? Shut up. Why am I the odd one out here when it's like the airline, I don't think the airline did what they had to do.

Hypothetical. Let's like, it hung up in this. But if the parent was like, I'm like, I'm getting them sitting down and the captain's like, no, too dangerous. We're turning it around. And the parent's like, no, no, no, no, chill, chill, chill, chill. That's the airline. That's, for sure.

If you don't give them enough time, but you're talking about a kid that's standing on a seat. I've had that, though, where my kids have like stood up. Depends how long they're standing up for. Yeah. And my kids have been like, if I was a seat, but I'm doing my thing. Sit down. So one of the passengers has said the child wasn't being brassy or uncomfortable, but looked scared. He was hiding under the seat.

if they got forced into being strapped in, they just kind of slid out underneath. Oh, fuck. That's clever. So he was like a little Houdini. All right. So here we go. I could have used that detail because there's difference.

No, there's a difference here. You said the word scared. Okay, if the kid is scared and legitimately scared and you see this trauma involved here and turning it around, then I think like, it's, without being there, it's hard to be like comment on that. But I would say, I don't know. I reckon this parent hasn't prepared their child.

enough. You know how Jenner always says like if you prepare them blah blah like they need to know information ahead of time so if you had said we're gonna go on a plane and you're gonna wear a seatbelt and you're gonna do this and you're gonna do that. Imagine being a kid and being like where the fuck are we and the plane's like shaking and you're like oh yeah and all of a sudden you look at the window and you're in the sky they're like oh you didn't wake up there did you I forgot to tell Billy that we're on a plane yeah by the way Billy was sitting on a plane you know how we walk through an airport walk past two thousand planes and then

walked onto this plane, we're on a plane now. Imagine that was his first, he'll never fly again. But you said, you said there, that person commented saying they weren't braddy. See, this is where my head goes, this kid was being an asshole. But you're saying they weren't Brady, they were legitimately scared. In that instance, you're right, they're not prepared

enough. But come on. Like, someone's just sit the kid down or like, why did everyone else have to change their track? I think I'm just getting it. What was that duct tape photo? You show the guy who was apprehended on a flight. He was literally duct tape. You just You just need more duct tape on planes.

I think it might have been a woman that looked like a man. Speaking to airplane trips, Matt, I have just returned from what was set out to be a quite a nice trip, quite an obscure trip for us. No kids. Sumatra, the Tigers. To Samatra. Seeing the Tigers.

On a surf trip. It was only going to be like five days, six days. Quick trip. Lovely quick trip. A little recharge of the batteries. I flew my parents in to take care of the kids and April's dad also to take care of the kids. We set off on our journey. No hiccups to Malaysia first.

Get to Malaysia. Love Malaysia. Spend the night of Malaysia. We're flying out to a place called Medan the next day at 8.30. Work up in the morning, checked in everything. Flight's delayed 30 minutes. No problems. That's okay.

No big deal. We did have a connecting flight at the side, but that's not going to hinder us that delay. Then I get delayed till 2.30 in the afternoon. How much more of delays that? Like, what, six hours? Oh, okay. Now, a little bit worried there. Would have missed the connecting flight altogether.

Okay. So I've gone up. There was another flight that was earlier that wasn't delayed yet that was 10.30. I said, hey, can you chuck us on there? I have a connecting flight. I was the first to the counter. And she said, yeah, there is actually two spots here. I was like, great.

Thank heavens. So sorted that out. That got delayed to a midday. Still not as bad as the first fly. Okay. A lot of delays. But I would have missed the connecting flight until I spoke to someone, a friend of mine who owns the surfers resort were going to.

He was like, the flight that you're connected to is delayed every time. He said it's Indonesia, it's always going to be delayed. And yeah. And it's like, oh, okay, so he says, he's like, there's a good chance you'll make it. But if not, unfortunately, there's a date, the only flight of this island every second day. So I was like, fuck, if I'm going to miss that, what are my other options? I booked a Cessna. You booked it?

Yep, 12-seater. Honey bags. No. Wow. I wasn't, I wasn't person. But on private flight. By private Cessna. It's held together with duct tape.

Love how you had to try to have a jab at Vic before. And now she's like, let's dance, motherfucker. I know. Let's go. Because I don't want to be mean. Oh, bullshit. Anyway, so I booked this Cessna. It's a 12-seater that goes the next day.

So I was like, sweet, we're covered. The whole plane. No, two seats. Sorry. Two seats. Why would I need a whole plane? You said you booked a Cessna. Yeah, I booked it.

It's what the type of planes is. I didn't know that. And it's not through like your typical. You don't have to yell. Okay. Anyway, so I booked this Cessna. And then we're going to two seats on a Cessna, on a 12-seat of Cessna.

God forbid. Anyway. Those planes go down real easy. Don't they just? I'll never find out. So we're going to get on this first flight. All of a sudden, all the flights to Medan canceled. Sugar.

There's been 30 hours at this point. Where are you at this point? I'm still in KL Airport. I haven't left. I was like Tom Hanks in Terminal. I was like... That's a good airport, though. If you're going to be stuck at a little.

I was... Is it? No. Yeah, there's lots to do there. I got stuck at KLA Airfield once, actually. It must have been in the different part of the airport. You're like at the bus stop. There was hungry jacks.

You must have been at like Terminal 4. I don't know. Terminal 3, there's like an indoor playground. So we sat there and at this point we're stuck with two options. Trying to stay positive. One option is we stay in KL another night, fly, then stay in a maddena night, get to where we're going, be able to spend one day turn around and come back. Because the same distance there, there's going to be a big shock, is the same distance back.

I don't believe it. So we sort of went, all right, what are we going to do? Let's pivoted and detour. So pivoted, detoured, ended up in Changu. Lovely little suburb in Bali that's full of fitness freaks. And marcher, asa, and everyone's talking about protein. So April was in her element. I was about saying April would love it.

April, I've never seen her so happy. I was so disappointed. And she was like, did you say Changu? So anyway, we moved to Changu. Now, you just, can I just say, credit to Ash, the pivoting with. April in mind. Because you could have gone to a place in Bali,

which would have been better suited for yourself and surfing. I could have gone anywhere in Indonesia other than north because of this volcano. So the volcano went off the day before. Great. But there was a lot of ash in the sky. It's just not worth it. Ash wasn't in the sky. Ash was still on the ground.

There he is. Thank you. So get to Changu, 36 hours to get to Bali, which is usually a five and a half hour flight. Yeah. Get there. First day, threw my back out. How'd you do that?

Shaggin? No, I was surfing. He's winking. Followed by a shaggin. No, it wasn't. Guys, come on. This is a family show? It's not, go.

Anyway, so that's happened. Then April's got Barley Belly. Mind you, took us three days to get to a holiday that we got to spend one day at before I was injured and April was spewing a guts up. So we were pretty much stuck in the hotel room a whole day. then we had to fly back home the next day. We're like, all right, we had one flight that I used for points on the way home from Jakarta that we kept that was business class.

Because I was like, we're treating ourselves with it. I've been earned all these points with Qantas. We're flying all the way to Jakarta to then fly home to enjoy this. Both flights on the way to the airport canceled. Oh no, wait. One was delayed 24 hours. And I had to get back for Canber for the Canberra thing. So at this point, I've spent four days in airports.

one day in a hotel room where April was spewing up every hour and I was flat on my back and one day where we actually had lunch with someone and I got to surf in on this trip all to just land back in Australia on no sleep. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm very thankful with the position that I'm able to have these holidays. Goes without saying. And I put the spin on it to go to Chang'u to try and make it better.

But it was just one of those trips that was destined. to fail from the outset, which sucks. So bad. At least the bar is low. So the next trip you take is going to be a great one. I've never had so many flight issues. Not one flight, no,

one flight that we booked we got, which was the first flight. The rest of them were flights that I booked minutes before getting on it. And it was like, what the fuck is in the air? Do you know what? That cessnut could have been going down.

So right now, no, they made it successfully. Damn it. The airline called me. They're like, were you on the plane? Did we lose two passengers before? I was like, no, I cancelled it.

And they're like, oh yeah, yeah. At least you weren't with the kids. That's the silver lining here. And that's the thing. When it was all going down, I thought there's families out here this happens to. Because I know. Imagine if you were the kids. Dude, I remember one time April and I before having kids were at the airport

flying to my parents' house on the day before Christmas seat, so the 23rd. And they cancelled our fly. And April was like, oh, how painful. and then I look over and there's families everywhere. And both April and I in that instant were like, look, it could be so much worse. So in this instance, we were like, this could be so much worse, but it's not. So suck it up. I had a rant.

And once I had the rant, I felt better about it. And also like, you had sex. Yes, it threw your back out, but you threw my back out. And then the rest of the sex trip was ruined by Barley Belly. Okay. How did she get Barley Belly? I don't know. And I feel sorry for her because she's the most.

conscious about it. I'm out here fucking gargling the water and she's just like goes past like a piece of water and she's like, blah. I saw you trying to teach her to dive. Yes. I mean, that's a fun part. That's like a great part. I actually wasn't trying to teach her. I walked out of the hotel room and there she was. She was like, well, Paul was empty. I thought there was a chance. And it took me so long to convince her to let me post that video

because the first one I actually snuck up on her. Everyone's like, what a rig. Yeah, yeah, she looks great. Fans are loving it. She looks unbelievable. She's making us all look bad. Yeah. She does work hard for it though. She deserves it.

She deserves it. She deserves it. I don't. Just really quickly, two very quick stories. If I made before we go, Mali, loses a bloody water bottle. Loses everything, to be honest. Yeah.

Just like jumpers, hats. Kids are shit. I like that. Like, where's your lunchbox? And she's like, how the fuck would I know? And I'm like, you brought it to school. And she's like, what's all the questions, man? Don't accuse me.

You packed it. We had library this morning. I was like, where are your library book? And she was like, that's the library. I don't know. She's like, I told you they're on the stairs. And I was like, when? And she's like, I don't know the other day.

And I'm like, just loses everything. She's just useless. So anyway, it keeps losing water bottles. I go to the pharmacy to get some medicine. What do I see there? A water bottle. A water bottle. And I think to myself, you know what I'm going to do.

And I get Marley a brand new water bottle because she likes to have a water bottle. She loves being a possession of a water bottle, even though it's not for long. Did you get someone else a water bottle to? The whole family. Oh! Lola, Lola. I bought Mali and Lola. I thought I was going to catch you out there, but you've got me. You're one step ahead.

Can I show you the water bottle? Yes, please. What is the issue with this? Okay. Am I allowed to touch it? Please, touch away. Okay, so it's a pink, Tinkerbell fairy looking. It's actually a beautiful little solid.

It's a camelback, I believe. Food grade, stained steel. Thank you. Nothing about the best of my family. There's only water in it. You don't have food in this. there. I suppose you could put soup in there. Smoothie.

Smoothie. BPA-free, insulated. Now, I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with it. It's got a nice handle. Great handle. Little flick top. It's a sipper, not a tipper. Mm-hmm. Sipper. Okay. Looking for something that's wrong with it.

So I bring this home, I put it on the table and I'm like, waiting for my God, Dad, you're so amazing. This is why you're a dad of the year. Yeah. And she's like, what is this? And I'm like, it's a new water bottle. And she's like, oh, no. God's sake.

For God's sake. One job. This guy. This guy only has one job and is to get, look after me. And I'm like, what's the problem? And she's like, fairies? What? You think?

How old do you think I am? Seven? This is embarrassing. What? And I was like, what do you mean? It's embarrassing? I was like, but it's beautiful. It's pink and it's fairies.

And fairies are different colors. There's a blue one. There's a green one. There's a yellow one. And she's like, I'm not a fucking child. I'm not a baby. You're seven. I don't be laughed at at at school.

Oh, you've gone into embarrassing dad face. Oh, my gosh. Already. It's too early. It's too early. It's too early for you to be that. Fairies are out. Ferries are out.

She's like, you got anything with lipstick. I bet she likes the tooth fairy. Yes. Get her on that. It's like if you think fairies are out, that means the tooth fairy's not coming anymore. That's why you didn't win your speech. You need to believe the fairies.

Okay. Oh my God. We're at the stage now where my daughter's like, she doesn't want fairies. And I'm like, shit. So she thinks she's growing up, growing up too fast? And I was like, you will fucking enjoy these fairies and drink your water. Did Lola like it?

Loved it. Now she's got two drink bottles, isn't she? That's the cuss. It's like where I get like, I get that people grow out of phases and stuff like that. She's not like that far past fairy stages. Well, she's not, I wouldn't even think she would be. And I'm like, Oscar loves fairies. Relax, bro.

I was like, you're seven. Exactly. What did you want on her? She's very mature. Very mature. She just wants it bare bones like plain. Yeah, literally. We have plain ones and then they can decorate them with stickers.

There you go. As long as they're not fairy stickers. Yeah. You should troll her now. fairies. Just fairy stickers everywhere. You know, you're going to pat her on the back and put a fairy stick. Tell her like she's offended the fairies.

Oh yeah. Psychological damage. Yes. Let's produce some trauma. Also really quickly, before we go, before we go, if I may, if I may, Ash, not to put you on the spot here. Doesn't Oscar do spelling at school. Yeah, I've seen it being part of his homework, so I'm assuming that.

It happens. Yeah. We have a spelling list. What's a spelling list? So the kids on a Tuesday get a list of words, like say 10 words. They have to then going to learn those 10 words for the week. The following Monday Tuesday, they do a spelling test. And it's just like, you know, there's nothing.

You're not playing for anything. It's just they do a spelling test once a week. That's clever. And quite often because the kids, mildly often, they lose the spelling sheet. And so the parents in the group try to always like, hey, does anyone have this week spelling words? The pressure that, the pressure that school puts on parents is unbelievable. It's too much.

It's too much. Someone said the other day, like, you don't really finish school for like 36 years because you send your kid and you pretty much do all the fucking. And we're grade one and I'm already struggling with the homework. God help me when it's high school. Boarding school sounded pretty good. Well, so we've got the spelling words. Tell me, again, put you on the spot.

Tell me if you can see what is wrong with this list of words. Soft G, a giant general, fragile, magic, spelling morphology. What the fuck that mean? Suffix ship, friendship, membership, citizenship, partnership. Super speller extension, championship. Generexas. Someone spelled something wrong on the spelling sheet. If I'm not mistaken, and let me get this out, if I'm not mistaken,

and I'm going to be very accusatory right here, a teacher. Oh yeah. Has got a spelling mistake wrong on the homework spelling sheet. Guilty. We've got one of them. Let's get her. What? I looked at it and I was like

I was too nervous to say this. Justice for all! I was too nervous to say anything. I was like, ah, in my head I was like, pretty sure generous is spelled wrong there because I spelt it. How many times did you triple check?

And I was like... How many times did you triple check? And I was going to message me like... To my eyes? And then another parent was like, pretty sure generous is spelled wrong. Chat, GBT. And I was like,

I know. And then all the parents were like, let's get the teacher. That's me? I'm going, this is justice. This is one for us. We marched to the school with pitchforks, being like, death to the teacher! We should get T-shirts that say, this is not how to spell generous.

How did they spell it? I'm glad you asked. Spell it out to us, guys. How would you spell, whoa, whoa. How would you spell generous? You are very smart. G-E-N-E-R-U-S. Correct, in the newsread of voice too.

So double points. Well done. G-E-N-R-E-R-U-S. I'll take a typo. Typo. No. No? Don't you dare.

Teachers, we got a fired. We got her fired. Now you'd be like, oh, that was generous of you? We all collectively petitioned to get a removed from the school. Might have had something to do with the fact that she didn't pick Molly for the speaking competition. You think it's a November petition you're signing, but it's not. That's, yeah, look, what I would do if I was you and I'm this sort of petty is next

time you get the opposite opportunity to drop the word generous in a sentence with this teacher, they say, this is so generous of you. She's like, I think Matt's having a stroke. And I'm like, that'll learn you. Yeah, see, this is so general rarous of you. Should have been honest. Yeah. It's like when your parents...

How can you trust her to pick a winner of a speech? If she can't even spell. Yeah, it's not very generous of her, is it? Wow. We're making sure these teachers are held accountable. Don't you worry. But also, we thank you for all the work you do. Amazing. Amazing.

It's the system. It's the system we're really going after. Backbone of society. It's the system we're really going after. Are we going with typo just to say our kids from being kicked out of the this school. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah. Yeah, finally, before we do go, this time is for real. We get teasing that we're leaving. My wife has... My wife? My wife. April is, um, she actually hates it when I just call her my wife. So my wife,

my wife, my beautiful wife, April. Well said. Uh, who would, not mine. She has started a casual, social sports team with a bunch of other moms. Which I think is great. What's the sport? It is touch football. She didn't realize how fast-paced. of this. So she's working on stamina. But also as well, April is so competitive. Unbelievable.

She's a good runner. She's a great runner. She had a punch on with my best friend over beer pong once. And she said to me last night, I'm not competitive. I'm like, mate, I had to pry you off this poor man because you were just beating the shit out of him. But she had a first training last night.

How'd you go? Great. A few names were tossed out for the team. And they landed on the ageless athletes. I think's pretty cool she didn't want to be vulgar I was like be more vulgar like don't touch this

careful yeah actually don't touch that's great very good right I like I was worried I was worried for a second I was like

what was I going to say I was like Vic just yeah so she's super excited also she was like really nervous then last night she had her first training

they were doing like all the drills and stuff like that they played a guess she's got a try at the end she came up she was pumped she's got to try she got a try in the training match

of Okay. Sorry. Hang a sec. Let's digest this. Hang on. Big got real sad. Are you upset that you didn't get invited to the touch team?

Because you know who's in there? Brooke. Brooke Hammond is part of the team? She'd be so good. She's a gun. She's an athlete. She's an athlete. I'm not very good.

I would bring the team down. I would say none of them are very good. Oh. Can I ask? Is it a mixed comp? No. Okay. It's just the gals.

Because that's dangerous. So we're going to get down there. I may or may not have offered to sponsor the team. What are they asking? No, nothing, no, no, that I'll get her some T-shirts. But anyway, I will, I'm going to go to the first game. When is the game? They start next Monday.

Oh, what a night. Yeah. I mean, she's got out of bath and bed routine, right, didn't she? That's great. What was her goal? Because she said she wanted to challenge herself. What did she say again? I can't remember.

I think when I was at your place and she was like, I just wanted to like push myself and put myself out of my comfort zone. And I'm like, that's, It's pretty good. It's great. It's great because when you get to like your late 30s, she's mid 30s, sorry, I apologize. I tell you who's real proud of her, Oscar. So she got home.

The kids were in bed when she got home, but they're awake. They're just gone into bed. And Oscar's got to see out his door, he's got to go to the bottom end of the bunk and look out. And April sat down and he was like, what number are you? And she's like, we don't have any numbers. Did you score? Did you do this? Who was there?

just so into it which is great and um she was like i kept rolling my ankles so this week i'm going to go and i'll try and get some content paper up rolling her ankles no no no no no she needs proper boots because it's night time on grass she didn't wear boots on the train well it was just the first initial training and she knew that she needed boots but she was like oh we'll get some so this week i'm going to go boot fitting with her oh she's like just wear dads i'm like she looks like a fucking clown she's like wear mine it was like no one can fit you or she didn't quite understand Guys, that is adorable. So I'm going to update you seeing how they're going.

So there's a season. We'll keep close tabs on that. I'll give you the... What are they called? The ageless beauties? What are they called? The mirls. No, the ageless athletes.

The ageless athletes. It's hard. It's hard. It doesn't. It doesn't. The ageless athletes. It makes me think of old people, weirdly. Yeah.

The geriatrics. They're geriatrics. We're so good. We're ageless. Yeah, well, I don't know. Yeah. We'll keep updated. You can be updated.

Yeah, please. But I'm super proud of her. As am I. Well done, April. And if you've enjoyed this episode, we would love it. If you gave us a review, subscribe, talk to us. Please. Humorous.

Say something. Yes, or you can join us on socials. 22nd and Dad's Instagram, TikTok, Facebook is thriving. Come and join the chat. And YouTube. Not thriving so much. But hello, one user that listens to us on YouTube. The YouTubers have really come out of the woodwork on the Facebook page.

Do you what? There is nothing that makes people arc up. more than the fear of it being taken away. Yeah. Not that it was strategic. We will take this podcast away completely. Unless you review. Well done.

Sign the petition. Next week is Chok. Our French shock. This Chok chats. His name is Jake. So that'll be coming out on Monday. So tune in for that. Love that.

And we'll get out of here. I've got a sore throat now from talking. Yeah. Okay. Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the. connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present

and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.