Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #264 The Birds & The Bees

Episode Date: September 27, 2026

This week the guys are flying solo without Vic, which means only one thing - another loose episode.  The guys ask parents the one thing they’d love more of and without getting too political they think the solution is coffee. Meanwhile Ash has some breaking news from Latvia & Matt has a hack for fixing his faulty freezer But they're here to solve come more Doter Dilemmas and this week they tackle the tough topic of unfair dismissal when it comes to paid parental leave. Remember, you can sign the petition here  to help lobby the government for more paid parental leave. Plus the guys tackle the age-old parenting dilemma: when the hell do you actually talk to your kids about the birds and the bees? All in all, another chaotic housekeeping episode, just with significantly more farting. ______________________________________________________________________________ If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's another bit of movement upstairs. Someone's having sex upstairs. Business time. Yeah. It's business. We don't know what is upstairs. It's business down. We have to just give a warning.

Yeah, baby. It's business down. To the listeners because Vic is not here. So anything could happen. So up late with Maddie and Ash. Who knows what we'll talk about? Take your pants off. We're kind of sitting in the studio naked.

Pour yourself a cup of tea. Welcome back to two dotting dads. I am Maddie J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And if you come for advice, definitely not in this episode.

No, this is a housekeeping episode. So there could be a nugget or two, but not from us. Not from us. Ash, I've got something that you're going to love right here. This was sent in on the Facebook group. And there is a new type of bedding available. Okay. That is right up your alley.

Oh yeah. What do we got? Your family, I think, would be the king and queens of this game. Uno bed sheets from Spotlight. Very good. Yeah. What's the RRP on that? That's an ad to this one.

I'm sure it's very reasonable. If it's from Spotlight, one of my favorite stores. We'd be very reasonable. And I think, look, we had a bit of a meltdown over Uno last night. So, it's a bit raw. I mean, I cried myself to sleep. Who lost? No.

Oscar April came Barnstorming home Last game We did double points And Oscar had already Just had a meltdown From losing game two

And I was like Please This in game one Let him win game three Please And then April Just smoked Everyone

And just walked around The house And what What are gonna do about it? It's oil rules Punching people But uh Tonight's a new

It's a fresh day For Uno Whoever wins Get the Uno bedsheets I can't give it to one And not the other You know the rules. You know the rules.

Didn't you put a photo up about new bed sheets at your place? And you were sending it in a group chat with April. And she was like, no fucking chance, bro. Oh. What was it? What kind of bed sheets was it? The Red Bull was. Red Bull Racing.

I was like, I sent a message to us saying, can we get these? And she was like, absolutely not. I was like, do you hate me? Why do you hate me? Yeah, why do you? I can't do anything. I mean, we couldn't have the Uno ones on ours. But the kids would love that.

Ash, this is, this podcast is getting very political. Yeah, where did this come from? Okay, bear with me here. This is not for you. This is for the listener. Okay, okay. Okay, so you take five. Oh, my God.

Okay, there is encouragement right now, encouragement for parents to share their experience of early parenthood and to give more info on what they need in terms of more support. So it was part of the Albanese Labor government's new Senate select committee on women's health. They do an inquiry to look at how Australia can improve women's health care with a focus on pregnancy, postpartum care, maternal mental health. And so people, like, have experts, give their ideas and like, what do you need?

And then parents be like, hey, well, this is what I needed. And I didn't have it. So maybe you guys can look at it and make it available afterwards. Gotcha. So they're crowdsourcing their work. They're crowdsourcing. Well, it's like a yearly review. You don't just want the expert.

You want people with the experience. Yeah. To give what they need. Okay. Well, show notes. I'm guessing there's more information. I'm going to put the link. Okay.

You guessed it in the show notes. If there was one thing that you needed more of yourself. Show notes. Definitely need more of those. I'll submit that. I'm sure they'll be very confused. Ooh. You need one thing.

What do you want more of? Time. Yes. Also, also a very good suggestion. Thank you. Right up there with the show notes. Oh, that's better than the show notes. Yeah.

What did I really need? Oh, where does it end? A lot of my God, I don't know. It's probably an April question. What does she really need? What did you need? I want to what you needed. You have one thing.

One thing only. What would make? A face quiet? Oh. I feel like I'm on the spot. What did you need? I want more of those towels from the hospital. From the hospital.

That's how I want to. And I want to get more swaddles. More towels. And I think, okay, do you know what? This is what I want. All right? When you're taking your kid to get vaccinated, I just want the GP. They do great work.

I want the GP to be on time. That's what I want. That's what would make life easier. Never going to happen. They're like in the government's not. Sorry, too hard. I just think even when I've made an appointment first thing in the morning. Because obviously at the end of the day, Ash, they're running late over time.

Lots of many different appointments. It's easy to happen. But then what's your excuse? when you've got an 8 o'clock appointment or 9 o'clock appointment and you've just opened up. How are you late then? Yeah, it's like they just set the standard.

I think parents should get free coffee from McDonald's as soon as they give birth. Or something similar, like a similar restaurant? I don't know. Just threw McDonald's out there as an example. Just actually, no. Like a pension card for parents. A parents card for coffee.

Right. Yeah. Oh. Vic's not here. Damn it. We have the best ideas when you're not here. We could be like, what did I miss? We're like, oh, we can't remember?

She's going to end at this day. She'll hear it. I think, yeah, like a parent coffee card. A parent card. And it's applicable at any cafe. Or just an array of discounts at different places. A coupon book. A parent's coupon book.

Very good. From the government. It'd be like, one free vote for labor. So when you get your pregnancy parent pack, you give them birth, and they give you like a little bag, little satchel bag. And in that, like, oh, don't lose the car. the parent card, because it's free coffee.

Yes. Or even discounted coffee, $2 coffee. From, come on. Don't wind it back. Okay, free. Put it back on small business. Yeah,

let's really run them into the ground. Put it back into the petrol stations. Yes. The petrol stations have to give free coffee. Yep, if you've got a baby seat and a, like a baby seat detector, we're getting a bit,

way too into, don't do that with your ear. Sorry. For those listening, Matt can do this thing with his ear where he kind of collapsed with his eardrum. Oh. Living right along. It's like April with a big toe clicks.

It's such an ick. I can hear it from the lounge room. Speaking of April. Speaking of, let's give April a call. She might be asleep. Let's try it because she's had a big couple of days. Living the dream, April.

She's like if you'd be asleep in front of reality TV right now. What would she be watching right now, Housewives? Nah, I reckon. Let's give her a quick call. Find out what's going on in the touch football world. First game this week? Second it was. Second.

Did they win the first game? Wooden spoon. Okay, she's definitely asleep. Right now she's like, who the fuck is calling me? Hello? You're awake. Just. Is that the ageless athlete?

Oh, it is. We are calling today to see how you're going with touch football. Like, I know, but Matt is curious how the ageless athletes are going. Your boots look good. Look, and that's where it stops. Oh, don't we see? So howling yourself? I've seen you with, I've seen you with balls in your hand.

Nice. Good fun. But can I just say both games so far have been against 15, 16 year old high school girls. What? So they're out to like, what's the saying? Yeah. They want glory. They want glory.

Have you entered the wrong competition? Why are they so young? Yeah. Like, what did I sign up for? But no, apparently like it's mixed women's all ages. But there is a team called Bad Mums So there's another Mums Group out there

We just haven't played them yet Oh bad moms They'd be teen moms They sound naughty They're like we're 16 And got three kids each But no it's a lot of fun It is

Give us an update What was the score The game just gone I know you don't like to talk about it Because it was a bit of a trollop And Okay Did you have you scored a try yet?

No I saw I did say And credit to you, April, I did see first game. Zach was down there. It took a video. Zach is a professional coach. Is he there scouting? What's he up to?

No, he just wanted to see the girls run around because he's wife and the team. Oh, cute. And there was a, there is a little video of April scooting the ball and running across field. So, yeah, I'm pretty. A couple line breaks. I'm pretty impressed. Oh, thanks, babe. And I'm proud.

And I'm proud. I'm very proud. I'm also very proud. We have one athlete in the family. Yes. Yeah. The name is April. Mum Leet.

Good luck. Oscar. Oscar wants to be our coach. Put him on the field. What do we got? Mixed. Mixed ages or mixed genders? He wanted to like so badly be subbed in. I know.

On Monday night, bless him. So when do you come up against the other mum team? Because we would maybe want to rally get behind you a little bit here. Yeah, I have to let you know. And we don't really find out like there's not a drawer until like a few days before. Ah, okay. All right. What we'll do is we'll touch base with you again when I'm at home because we live together.

and we'll keep tabs on it. We want to make sure we document your first win. Yeah. All right. Keep up the great work. Okay. Bye bye-bye. Bye-bye.

What was the score? 7-0. Which in rugby league terms, it's nearly 60. It's like what? Yeah, but you can't be first in the bloody teenagers. I know. I don't think it's very fair. Ash,

I've got something which you may not know this. A couple of weeks ago, we talked about poppy. She's almost turning one. She had... That went fast. Didn't it just. I believe she had conjunctiveitis. That's right. Went to the pharmacy. Guy said, we don't do eyedrops for infants. Got to be two years old.

He can give you a little wipy thing. Like a wipe? Yeah. Here's a wipe. It was like a pH balance wipe or it had some kind of fancy name where it wasn't just any old wipe. To like help clear the gun. Clear the gun.

Because it is horrible. Horrible. Waking up. And they're just like glued shut. Even like as an adult ever happened, you're like, oh my God, I'm blood. I can't imagine Poppy waking up. He doesn't know any different. So confused.

So she'd be like, is it dark or is my blood? What the fuck it's going on? And then all of a sudden she's like, oh my God, the light. And I just feel it. Peel them open in the shower. Awful stuff. But someone in the Facebook group, Facebook's going off. And he says, we found when our little ones had it, talking about conjunctivitis,

It was tit liquid boob milk, which does the trick. Squared it straight on there, fixed within a day or two. Tit liquid for the win when it's available for you. Tid liquid. Tit liquid. Okay. Scientific name for that would be breast milk. Tit liquid.

Just a straight up nip lick. So there you go. Obviously difficult for us. Great for chili in the eyes too. Is it tit liquid? Tit liquid. Any sort of utter liquid. Come is also.

Comes great. I doused myself in oat milk. And I got chili in my eye. I was long life milk. I had April going back and forth of the pantry. I was like, give me another bottle stuck! Surely oat milk's not doing nothing. Nah, high in calories.

Thank you. Thank you, Brent. Who sends it in? I've got another thing here, Matt. What's a question, actually, from a Dota in the Facebook group? Dimity. Thank you, Dimity. Hi, Dimitie.

For those of you who are confused, housekeeping is all. all about you guys. So that's why we're reading from people. So, Dimini, how long did you spend in the hospital after having a baby? I had my son in a public rural hospital. Oh, God, good luck. Oh, did a vet deliver it, did they? Take it out.

Take it out. Take it out. We love rural. We love rural doctors. I had my son in a public rural hospital. Mudgee, beautiful part of the world. Lovely part of the world. Shout out to all medical workers in rural Australia.

Ah, it's too late. Keep it up. I can't crawl back now. I want to list out there. If I turn out, they're like, oh, please, I've cut my arm. No, fuck you. I've cut it off.

And we're told to stay as long as I needed. I decided to stay until my milk came in, which was three days. That's not taking the piss. All up five days from when I was first induced. Do you get kicked out early in bigger hospitals? I would say, yeah. Well, let's start with you.

Let's start. Dimmony is asking, Matt. Matt first. When I gave birth, I remember for Marley, he was our first, we had a bit of a crappy setup. Great public hospital. Shout out to Randwick, women's, amazing work. The hospital was just women in general and Randwick. Both. Well said. Shout out to all hospitals and all women. Well, there's a couple out there. Anyway. So we had a room, luckily, where it was a private room in the public system, we like weaseled our way into that room. Must be nice.

Thank you. I can't really talk about it because you'll get to mine in the moment. And then, you know, I had a god awful bed. Thank you. Thank you. And it was a pretty like, it was a bed though. It was a pretty brutal experience. You know, Laura, I'm sure she doesn't mind me saying.

He had an episiotomy. So they had to make a couple of incisions. And I remember the morning after we had one night, the morning after she was like, well, let's get out of here. Laura, I was. Yeah. I've got emails to get to. I've got to be at Tony May at 5.

And so she, we got home pretty quick. But I guess it's easy with your first one because coming home is great. Different with Lola because you're coming home to another child. And that was probably the biggest regret that Laura says is trying to get home too quick into a household with another small baby who doesn't understand when you're also trying to recover. Right. And then how did you go with Poppy? So Poppy, we went private.

It's the private baby She's getting the best It's just weird Because normally the third baby Gets Changing the tide No Change of the tide

It's the change of the tide It's the change of the tide Yes the third child Now gets spoiled Instead of forgotten But we decided that Laura decided that she was going to stay in there I think she had four nights

And I was like This place is lovely They have like the lady walks past And she's like Oh do you want afternoon snacks I got tea biscuits It's like being in a hotel Like being

obviously there is the traumatic part prior which is getting bored their delivery suites this is the hotel part it's like it's a hotel where you get beaten up before checking in well put we did both private and it was at the martyr

what's the matter like what's the matter with you nothing there is nothing a matter with the mara it is like being in a hotel I was like I can get used of this room service you can get Roomserv. And they were like, they give Laura a meal.

And they were like, oh, do you want to, do you want one? And I was like, I'm sure we got charged for it all. But I was like, yes. Yeah. They were delicious. When we checked out, though, like, sir, how do you want to fix his house? I'm like, we just had a baby. How dare you?

Okay. We are tired. So I think both times, like four or five nights from what I remember, the first we had a family room. Yeah. So in the hospital, there is one corner room. And we got, we got put in that room. Because the first night... You whizzled your way in there?

No. No, the first night... Give me the penhouse. We were in the shit house, actually. We were in Gen Pop because they were over full. So many babies that day. Lots of babies. So we ended up in Gen Pop in a room.

Still a nice room. Still fine. But one night down there where it's not overly child friendly. There's people hustling and bustling up and down still because it's a hospital, right? And people are sick. Well said. And I'm not going to be like,

oh, shut up. Stop dying. I've got a child. Could you die? quieter? Yeah, it's like, uh-huh. That's better.

Thank you. Thank you very much. Going down to the cancer ward and you're like, guys? Guys, do you mind? Do you want to give it down? Look, the lung cancer ward's real noisy. Sorry. Sorry.

I don't know if we can keep that in, but we will. So then we got moved up into the corner room, which was a big double bed. Yeah, but he's the fucking kicker. What? It inclines. You know how they sit mum up to feed?

So guess who gets inclined at the same time? So I'm asleep like this. Fuck knows what time it is in the morning. April, do you mind? No, it's not her. It's the beautiful midwives who do an amazing job. And honestly, I shouldn't be complaining, but I'm going to. It is a big double recliner bed.

okay great for the oldies at home if they get out of the bed at the same time all the grandparents right now like i love them i bloody love that but so i'm like asleep and then the fucking light comes on it's like the the lights in the studio here it's like i mean i'm down the fucking produce aisle in cold i'm like oh sure oh and then and i'm like up with april like seriously And I was like, shut up. I'm like, I know that fair. Fair, but the double inclined bed. People would be complaining about the, the armchair that they sleep in.

Sleep on an inclined bed. Am I right? Am I right? Like three every two hours. And your corner room, which is like 50 square meters. I know. And the jacuzzi was so small. The sauna was lovely though.

I forgot about the double incline bed until just now. I never knew you had that experience. I don't, well, you're hearing it for the first time. But I do remember the lights are extra bright. And then have you ever been to the nursery where they keep them? The baby, that is. The nursery, huh? So, like, I'm talking newborn nursery where it's like, okay, well,

mum needs a rest because she's just pushed. I do remember, actually, I do remember one of the rooms with Mali in the public system. And it's just bright light. Like all these babies are asleep. And it's like, I could never sleep in that. Even if I was a baby, I'd be like toss in a turn, I think. I don't know. But that's what it's like when they're coming to feet,

it was like high beams like, and like they're ringing in the ear. I don't want to tell them how to do their job. But just try to turn the lights off. Just can't you. Dim them? Can't you breastfeed in the dogs? I don't want to get in trouble by the moms of this world. Actually, before we end on that note, real quick.

If you, as a listener listening right now and you have a fun story about staying in the hospital long or something that happened. Actually, or if you got kicked out. Oh, yes. If you're getting chicken winged out of the hospital and they're like, get out of here. Yeah, it's just like, ah, that guy. It's like, a succulent Chinese meal. It's getting kicked out of a hospital. I have to say, happy birthday to puppy.

Oh, yeah. What, uh, September. 24. Okay. It is wild, isn't it? How different your first child's first birthday is. versus the latter one. Well, he got the private hospital, so.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, she had the, suck it up. She came out in like, yeah, she was like, ah, reclining bends. That's, it's all up from here. No, it's not. No, it's not. All your clothes are hand-me-downs.

I was thinking back to when Marley had her first birthday, and we invited everyone over. So exciting. Yeah, I think we had little bickies that were like, Marley. Really? Yeah. You do go a little bit all out when it's the first. It's a bit OTT.

And then Lola, Not so much. Poppy will like, we'll just go to the RSL. You've got a birthday altogether. You're like, oh, Joe. Do you know what's Poppy's birthday today? So happy birthday to little Poppy. Yes, happy birthday, Poppy.

Now, we've got a message here. Well, it's a message to you because it's addressed to you from someone by the name of Haley. Haley, yeah. Look, she's got, Haley, I appreciate the message. Okay. A lot of people, we talked about the freezer, the issue with the freezer. My freezer has the draw. The draw, the double draw.

Oh, yeah, it's the draw to open. The draw, no door. or is it door then draw. It's draw into a drawer in the freezer. Yes. Draw meets drawer. No doors. Terrible.

And that's the problem. Terrible. We're missing the door then draw. You need, freezers need a door, right? Like ours. Door, draw, draw, two ice drawers. So doors to draw's situation, I think. Well, well done on that decision.

It was an accident. You were April. That's what ended up with. You're lucky. It was the only fridge that fit. And just count your blessings, Ash. Thank you. You don't really think about these things until.

you get to this age where you like. Yeah. And now you face with what I have, which is a fucking fridge freezer that always breaks down. You've got to defrost it. But Haley says she's, I'm assuming she's got to draw, draw.

She gets the hair dryer and it speeds up the process. So you put the hair dryer and it defrost. So there's a little vent and frosts over freezes. Can't suck the air in ash. The hair dryer comes on. Ah, to melt it. To melt it. I have one of those little bar fridges

with the little freezer corner, you know, those things? Yeah, like in the hotel room. Yeah, anyway, you know, you think that's useless. They're never cold enough, you think that. Dude, I had one one time. I had a beer bottle in there, and it literally surrounded the beer bottle in ice. Yeah, freezers do that, yeah.

Yeah, but it's a fridge freezer. And I think it's no way it can be that cold. Never underestimate the fridge freezer. So, yeah. That's what I always say. This is a podcast all about fridge fridge fridge. Yeah, if you're just a word of warning to all the parents out there. Another thing I've got here is something I want to read you.

Because we don't have Vic in the same. studio today, I thought, I better do my own news, breaking news. So we've got a news theme. Good evening. Good evening. This one is more like an FYI. I'm not sure for those out there. Or I guess maybe if there are any men who are single and they listen to the pod and

they go, I really want to find someone to have a kid with. And looking for cash. And go on. Women in Latvia are willing to pay 3,000. dollars a month to rent men due to a shortage of men. How much 3,000 a month? Yeah, that's pretty good. Is that Latvian dollars?

Should I check the conversion? Yeah, what's that like 50 cents? Latvian to a UD. Latvia is a lovely country. It's a euro. Perfect. They're in euros? Bro, that's only five grand.

Sorry, April. I'm going. I'm going. That's only five grand a month. That's good. That's good money. That is outstanding money There's a shortage of Latvian men

Yeah What do you think? Why? What's happened? It's a trick. It's a trick. Don't be fooled. Yeah, it just says shortage of men

Due to shortage of men. That'll do it. All right, well, there you go. You've been informed. Is Vick's breaking news segment at risk of being taken over? Absolutely not. No.

Mine are always stupid. You're a smart boy. Thank you. What have we got next? It's time for this. Now you need us more than ever. that we still have each other You can send us your doting dilemma

You can send us your doting dilemma Ella Ella This segment is where our doters Send in any problems They may or may not be having Why would you send in a problem You may not be having?

I don't know But we try Letting you know that I do not have a problem With my fridge Thank you Thank you Great We don't try and fix the problem

We just talk about We don't have any genuine solutions. We do fix. It's what we do here. We fix people's lives, Ash. Don't expose us to being responsible. No, because then people will be like, we feel like, well, we don't fix it.

Then no one's going to send in the problem. We don't have the problems. We don't have the segment. I feel like if we talk about it, then people mail in with a fix. And then they're on the chopping block when it gets tits up. Well, sometimes they mail in. Okay. All right.

Do you want to start? That's quite a one. From and on. My husband and I just welcomed our first baby in March. Congratulations. Yes. And on. A lovely name.

Beautiful name. A non-junio. My husband has been at the same company for 26 years in brackets. That's a great innings. One of the largest employers in Australia. Ooh. Who would it be? What was?

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Working his way from Trolley Boy to regional manager of 11 locations. That is a, that's the Australian dream right there. He asked to take three months parental leave and was told, yes. Then three days before his last day, he was told his. role was terminated. A few weeks later, he was out of the company after 26 years. So we decided to take off in a caravan and do a lap of Australia while we were having the time. Our bub is six months next week and having both of us off for his first whole year at least has been amazing. Don't

get me wrong. The situation has turned out to be great for us to be able to do all this, but still absolutely shocking for his company to do that. I kept thinking if this was mum, I don't think they would have ever have dared to have done that. So why is it okay to do it for dads? I just think, like, I've had a lot of jobs, as you know, okay? Just a couple. What was the job you mentioned yesterday that I didn't know about? I don't know, but I definitely, this one I haven't told you about where I would, I only lasted

one day. No, you're the fucking Blacktown staff manager. No, no, it was the Blacktown City Council. I used to look after all the contractors in every council. In what region? New South Wales and North Queensland. Like, just. I know.

I was just good with people. Bad with it. bad with everything else. But I have worked in a lot of businesses, and I'll say they don't give a fuck about you. Yeah. Like, full stop. Like, they don't care. Like, that is horrible, but no one in that company lost sleep over this.

No. No. So, I mean, I get what you're saying. Actually, you're a HR expert. Not expert. I've got some knowledge. Yeah, you don't like the pressure of the expert title. The thing is, right, there are so many grey areas and loopholes within human research.

sources. Little favor the business. But for anyone who doesn't know, Ash worked in HR for how many years, Ash? A couple, a few years, for a four years. Wow. So can you find, if someone says, I want to take Matt leave? Absolutely not. You cannot fire that person. But what's happened here is that the position has been made redundant by the sounds of thing. But he's a like, he's a manager of 11 locations. Doesn't matter. I guess they could say, they could be absorbed by someone else. That's the thing. Internal policy favors the internal, which is the business. All right. But fair, work would favor the worker. So in that instance, if, I mean, silver lining for them, great, and they would have got

paid out by the sounds of things. 26 years are pretty decent. I'm not sure. It's just an assumption. And if not, I'm sorry about that. But I'm glad that it worked out for you, but there are families out there it doesn't work out for. But the only thing I can say to do, if you feel like you've been unfairly treated, fair

work will side with the worker 90% of the time. Do you have to pay fair, how does it fair work? They're just there. They're there to help you. Yeah. It's government funders. It's government owned. It's government run.

It's a New South Wales Fair Work. Have you ever used Fair Work? I haven't used it personally. I haven't had to use it for me personally. My sister, she owns a small business, and she has had to go up against them for something. And it's easier to just settle it. Than it is to have the battle.

Because they'll side with the work. So for example, here's an example, right? A casual worker. Okay, my sister caught her red-handed, stealing. on camera. Right. She was let go. She's a casual.

There's not no more you think you'd have to do with that. She went to fair work and said, I was unfairly dismissed, right? Because I didn't know I was being recorded, even though the premises is all under surveillance. And I missed out on a month's worth of work now, and I would like to be paid that. It's much easier for the business to just pay that

than to go through the legal process. The frickin nerve. Because, I mean, it could be different now. And I don't want to sit here and say, that's a standard. This is 100% correct. what's coming out of my mouth, but my experience with seeing it in and around previous jobs that you have rights as a worker, but not within the company you work for.

Because they don't, they will do what's been. Like, do you really think that, let's just say this is worse. Let's just say that, right? And it's like, do you think they're ever going to do anything that doesn't benefit them financially? No. So why do, why do people think, oh, you know, we're a family. This is a family. Like, we're a family here.

trust me the people in that family would murder dad real quick like just right this chat got dark very quickly so i mean but the silver lining is the silver lining is i remember when covid happened and work was completely dried up and i was like what do i do now the silver lining being being able to spend that time without the distraction of work to just enjoy time with newborn yeah amazing amazing in this instance, but like... And the fact that you've taken, you've done the Australian dream, the caravan trip. You definitely took advantage of a shit situation. There it is.

Where I think like some people aren't, aren't going to have that. So if you're in this position and this happens to you, of course, sorry. But also like, you can't sit. Not all of them are going to be a silver lining where you get to, yes, you'll get to spend more time, but then people live paycheck to paycheck. And fuck the big guy. Take him to court. Yeah, go to fair work.

Just say, hey, this is what's happened. But they would have, they would have gone through their. illegals, but you'll be really shocked with how dumb hiring managers are, how fucking dumb they are. Like, so, like, I used to have some of them ring me up and go, I don't like working with this person anymore. I'm like, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that because straight away, you have no grounds to fire this person because you don't like them. You got bad breath.

It doesn't work like that. And they're like, I don't care how it works. It's like, okay, well, let's expose this business to a lawsuit. I feel like I'm getting a little taste of corporate ash. And it will circle back to that. And it's nice. Just on the, on that, I kept thinking it was a, oh, oh, yeah. The last sentence of that one was, would it be the same if it was for mum?

Probably not because it's way more they've got government-funded maternity leave that they are able to tap into. So probably would have been, the business would have benefited from that instead of making them redundant. Yeah, but I swear I've heard of situations where mom was going to take Matt leave, giving birth, and then she's lost their job because it got swallowed up. There's a couple of instances where I've seen it happen where it's like, someone's taken Matt leave.

And they've decided that they're not coming back. It's like Sarah Arbo from Today Show. Yeah. She took Matt leave. Had a baby? Gone. Gone. But that's the thing.

Sometimes, I remember it would be we would have people take their Matt leave and then it would be they just wouldn't come back because they had decided. Yeah. Once they're out, they're like, but some came back. But I think like when you're in that transition of, in that transition of maternity leave and stuff like that and you don't have ears in the building, there's always that. uncertain of whether you still got a job, even though legally you do. But I do recall a lot of times there would be a lot of people just wouldn't come back.

They would find other interests and something they want to do instead of being corporate working sucks. Exactly right. It's like fuck. But anyway, I would say any expecting parent out there, learn what you're entitled to is the biggest thing. And then also exercise your right to include fair work. You're giving advice.

I like it. Next question. Next question or next dilemma. Also, sorry, just on the back of that, Matt, before we go. Reminder, there is a link in our bio to sign a position. A position? For a position, a new role for you. A petition.

There is a link in our bio for a petition for what, Matt? For the parenthood, they're an organisation that is advocating for longer paid parental leave for both mum and for dad as well. So get behind it. It's a great cause and hopefully we'll change the nation. One employer at a time. All right. This one's from Chloe. Do other parents feel guilty leaving their?

child with their partner to do something for themselves. Even when you know they're completely safe and happy, do you find yourself feeling guilty for taking time for yourself? And then rushing whatever you're doing because you feel like you should be getting home. Like you're physically away, but mentally still at home the whole time. For context, our child is 18 years old.

Just kidding. 18 months. I just wanted to see you. You went like, like, check. That's okay. For context, our child is 18 months old. Is this. just the season of parenting I'm in.

Ah, I don't, I, I, I know exactly that feeling because, like, both April and I are really good at being like, hey, we need to do, like, April goes to the gym. And then when she gets home to the gym, we're like, we're always, as a family, like, how was it? You know, like, to let her know that we are happy that she's doing what, you know. So I think, first of all, go easy on yourself because you're fucking parenting 24-7. If you want to take an hour at, take the hour. 100% parent guild is great sometimes and that when you really can't be asked and there's moments where you're exhausted a bit of parent guilt kind of gets you back on the horse especially if it needs to be done whatever it is yeah you're like oh right oh fucking i'll go to the park then exactly it's like if you've been inside all day because it's raining or whatever and you you sort of already have no motivation as a family you kind of like it's rain and then surprise the sun comes out and the kids are going mental and you're like and the parent guilt's like get up you're not getting up because you want it

Yeah. You're getting up because you're like, so it's great for a little help and motivation when you need it. But at the same time, it can also be so detrimental. And I think it's so important for any parent to know that you can take time to do something for yourself, not for the kids.

Just do it to fill your own cup up. Yeah, it's important that you have your own thing. Because as a parent, your kids, all of a sudden, everything that's yours is not yours anymore. Like, especially for mom, your body's not yours anymore because you're using it to feed. your child, you're picking up after him, you're wiping bums, you're doing all these things. It's not about you, but you still need to have, I think you still need to have your thing.

So whatever that might be. So if you're like, I'm going to say it again, I'm like, go for a walk. Like it's such an easy, simple thing, right, but you need something that's your. I think everyone does. Mum, dad, need something that's yours to be able to go, okay, and then I'm back. Because Laura won't take time off on the weekend to go to the gym. She's always, Laura's always saying, I wish I had more time to go to the gym. She doesn't have time Monday to Friday.

And I'm like, just go on the weekend. And she's like, no, because then that's the time for the kids. Like we try as best as we can to clear this schedule on weekends. And that's just purely for us and the kids, quality family time that you're building. I feel like if you're not, if you don't have that, if you're like, it's for the kids. Immediately your brain is then like on the negative note where it's like, well, it's all for someone else and not for me. You know what I mean? Like I get you might really, you're going to enjoy that whole weekend.

But you need, I feel like you need. I feel like you need that time. And sometimes, like, we'll come home. And I, one time I was working on the weekend, I came home Saturday afternoon. And I was like, so, did anyone miss me? And they're like, shut up. We're watching TV. I was like, okay, great.

Okay, great. So those moments where I was like, gosh, those kids, I wonder how they're doing without me probably crying in the corner right now. Dude, the other night, we were coming home from Aladala. And I was like, well, it was getting to like seven o'clock by the time I was going to walk in the door. It was like, quarter past seven. I was like, I felt like, oh, fuck, I've been gone at school.

later than I thought I would be. The kids are struggling without me. All this thing. I walk in and fucking no one was even there. Where were they? I'm like, where? They've laughed. They've bloody left me.

I knew it would happen. I know they all went to watch April Play Touch. Believe it or not, they've survived without me. So I just do yourself a favor. Take half an hour or an hour to do something you love. Because the people who love you would want that. Fucking write that down. That down, Vic.

Damn it! I keep looking over there I'm like When Vic listens to this episode I will remember you She's like wow What did the boys smoke before that record Would you like to know

She's like they've got all their clothes on Yeah I can sense it One more from a non Oh Hey Vic's not here so we can fart as much I've been farting all time Have you?

Or record yeah I haven't noticed I'm very relaxed It's just like Anyway so Okay. Anon. From Anon.

At what age do you talk to the kids about the birds and the bees, especially for boys who are constantly touching their willies? Anon or an owl? It's not your best. No, man. This is a good one because Oscar cannot keep his hands off it. So much so I'm like, you got to pee, bro? I feel like that's all kids, man.

Yeah, it's, I don't think it's time to have the, chat. I think it's more... If you're not in private, it's probably best not to play with your private parts. Right? Write that down.

Write that down too, Vic. Oh, wait, you're not here. Sorry, we told you not to be. Yeah. We didn't fire Vic. No, her desk is empty. Because she's editing right now. She is at home editing.

Shout out to Vic. But Dan's at home and the kids are at school. Vic, they'll be doing much editing. Put the computer down. Enjoy yourself. You've been it. Let's know. There's no.

There's no. There you go. I want to be a wet one. Oh, the pork out. Sorry, Pete. Okay. All right. Yeah, because Oscar will not, and I'm always like, hey, dude, do you got a wee?

And sometimes it's like, oh, yeah. Because he's like, majority of the time, he's playing and excited, having too good at a time. And, you know, kids piss themselves. But you could see he's like, sometimes he's like, I'm like, go peas. He's like, yeah, okay. Like, and then goes off to do it. Sometimes when the kids are doing a task that they really enjoy when they were younger and are like, what do you do? And I'm like, what are you doing?

They're like, ah, I just piss myself. And I'm like, why do you go? to the toilet like well I was really enjoying the task this fucking puzzle yeah dad you need to get a load of this Lego tell you right now it's so good I just shit myself did you want to stop I couldn't I couldn't oh and miss out on this I tell you I was staying within the lines I was in the lines and I was like you know what this could use a bit of piss and then just carry on it was just so good I couldn't stop but other times I'm like hey do you need to whee's like no it's like oh

It's actually itchy. And I was like, okay, fine. But then the other day, I was like, hey, dude, get your hand off your dick. Okay, get it off. We're all hanging around, whatever. And he's like, yeah, but it's really squishy. I was like, you've got me there. But I guess you must have at least with April being pregnant with Macy,

you would have just kind of said, like, not as a formal sit down, Oscar, this is how there's a baby in mummy's tummy. Let the boy watch. But you would have just been like, oh, there's a baby in mummy's tummy, right? Yeah. I'm trying to remember how we explained it. Not to have a tack of the boomers because we do have a few boomer listeners and we love them and we enjoyed their company always.

Always? Was it? Yes. Yes, always. But was it ever like a legitimate story when they were saying, oh, yes, Storks bringing the babies? Oh, because it's a movie. Is that the movie?

It's actually a documentary. Or were boomers legit and like, this all fixed the, this is the answer to the question? I don't know. Is it kind of like an old saying? Like, just to just to get. get out of the conversation. Like, it's such a, it's such a throwaway. Oh, you know, they're, you know, like.

But we would always say to the kids, like, Marley always understood that Laura had the baby, not me, easy mistake to make. And the baby was going to come out of mummy's vagina. Like, that was always just, that's here. Yeah, I think. But they've never, they never wanted to know more, like, Marley seven. She's never been like, well, hang on a sec. How to get in there.

How did it get in there? Yeah. I think it was the same with Avery. It was like, oh, daddy, uh, babies in mummy's tummy. And then, yeah. And it was never any more inquisitive to how. really happened because remember that he also had the cabbage patch babies which threw another lot of confusion in amongst first you got the stalks and you got the cabbage patches and it's like

at the age that our kids are at I don't think it's really required now until it might be more in that 10 11 12 region really yeah I think at this stage like we're just talking about the basics I think when marley's probably I think when she's about like 8 9 10 then we're we're talking a bit more honestly about the next phase of her life, which is puberty. And then I think when the, in the early teenage years, I think that's when you start to, I don't know. I'm not there yet. I guess like, I guess there's going to be, it's not always just up to the parent because

at some point at school, one of the kids is going to be like, I'll fucking walk in on dad mounting mum. Yeah. And eventually I got the, I got the, I got, he's like, guys, gather around and get this. You know, and like, I remember, there's going to be the first time you find out and you're like, I remember. I remember there was a, I think it was grade three, and they were using the term stiffy. And I was like, what does that mean?

And they were like, you don't know what it means? And I was like, what is this word? And I remember being in the car and I was like, Mom, what's this stiffy? And she's like, I'm not telling you. And then my older brother, I was like, would someone please explain. Just a confused little boy. What does it mean? And no one would tell me.

And I was like, fucking out. I was like, couldn't get the answer from anyone. But these days, it's wild that they've only just only now introduce the age restrictions on porn. Like, you know when the internet came out? We're just like, well, I guess I'll just watch some hardcore porn then. Why not? Whatever you want, really. It's all there.

Kids, if you're listening. How we bloody made it through life. I know. I don't actually. You've made a very good point. You've made a very good point that it's only just become age restricted. Have you gone through the age restriction process of any adult sign? No. I have.

And I'm willing to talk about it. That's all we've got time for. Damn it. Damn, we will talk about that the next time though. Actually, because our kids are young. If you've got older children and you've had the discussion, like, fucking how'd you do it? Yeah, I think we're not at that stage yet until someone gets inquisitive within the house. I guess I wouldn't just go, like, set it in the diary, talk about sex.

So if you've got kids that are older than ours, so older than seven. Teenagers. Say teenagers. Yeah. Or even if they're adults and you have a funny story. worry about it. How old were they when you had that proper conversation? And how did it go down? Oh yeah. If it went well, great. Tell us. If it was awful, perfect. I just remember when I was like 12 or 13, we used to have this school called St. Augustine's near us, but we called it San Orgasms.

And I said that to my mum once and she was like, do you want to know what an orgasm is? I was like, no. For 30 minutes she explained to me, tried to explain to me what a fucking orgasm was. So that's love. That's how I know about the person to be. That's how I know about it. Because my sister, shout out to Kate, friend of the pod, she found a video in mum's wardrobe, which was someone giving birth and someone is narrating essentially what is happening. Why did your mum have that video? Because it was an educational video. Imagine finding that video and it's you.

I think the person. And you're like, you're like, oh, what's this video? And it's just like, your mum, you're like, mum? And then she's just pushing you out. Right? Right? That'd be weird. That'd be weird.

But I remember one time, I can't remember how odd I was, but we watched it. We watched this woman give birth. And I was like, oh my goodness me. I am so glad I'm not a woman. And I don't know how you guys do it. Props. And we'll end this episode on a shout out to the mums. Yes.

But one other question I've got, the dodis. What did you find in your mum's cupboard? Can I tell you what I found? Yeah. It was a birthday card. But on the front of it was like, happy birthday. I can't wait to give you your Japanese blowjob. And all it was, he opened it up,

and it was a picture of a man, and it was a cartoon, and the female character on there was actually blowing through the man's asshole to give him an erection. Wow. Anyway, it was confiscated very quickly. But what did you find in your mum's wardrobe?

If you've enjoyed this episode, please, leave us a review, subscribe, and follow some social media. 290 dads, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook or YouTube. Or you can send us an email, Hello at 2Dodendads.com or 2Dodendads.com the website.

Well said. And we'll see you guys on Monday. No, Wednesday. There we go. Wednesday, yes. And well done to us for getting the episode done without Vic. Yes. It's probably our best episode yet.

Well, there's probably a lot of the news. See you guys on Wednesday. See you. Bye. Thank you. Two doting dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders,

past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.