Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #268 Are You My Real Dad?

Episode Date: October 11, 2026

Vic’s away, so naturally the boys have immediately reverted to children. They’re talking snacks, childhood favourites and the finer details of losing their virginity… because that's what happens when they're left unsupervised. Ash also gets a surprisingly wholesome moment when someone he used to coach reaches out to tell him the impact he had on his life. Who knew Ash was capable of inspiring anyone? But there’s a job to do, and it’s Doter Dilemma Day. This week: should teenagers be allowed to use the parents’ room in shopping centres? How do you help a dad who’s lonely? And should a daughter contact her biological dad after discovering who he really is? So, snacks, sex and some genuinely big questions. Basically, another normal day at Two Doting Dads And if you or someone you know needs support with men’s mental health, head to Movember.com ______________________________________________________________________________ If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Wow, that may be the longest fluff we've ever had pre-record. Currently 1.35. So, 11.30, 12. Okay. Three hours we fluffed for. We've been working hard. We did have a meeting. We went through some photos.

Just some photos. But also, not that she's, well, she's not in the room. She's on holidays again. And I don't want to put blame on the person who's not here to defend themselves. Victoria her mic's not even plugged in God what are you doing

she's left us it's a bloody shambles she's left us again oh god it's all falling apart I guess we're better start the episode okay well I can't remember how it starts me either

to two doting dads I'm Maddie J and I'm Ash and this happens to be a podcast all about parenting it is the good it is the bad and the relatable

and you can bet your bottom dollar that we don't give advice Bet your bottom, even your top dollar. Bet your top dollar. Or the bottom dollar. All the middle dollar. Whatever you like. Mid dollar, whatever you like.

Vic, yeah. I mean, I hope she's having a good time. She's always, that seems to be having a good time. She has had some more holidays than anyone I've ever met. I know. Does she deserve them? Yeah. I guess so.

Yes, she does. I guess. But what about us? What about us? You know, we're over here, starved of attention. Well said. Yeah, I hope Louis and Lillian. Dan.

I wonder how Dan is. Yeah, I wonder how. It's probably having a very good time right time. I'm sure he's having a very good time right now. He would be. I just saw a story of him carrying absolutely everything down the beach. So he's doing his fatherly duties. So he'd be covered in sand right now.

And he hates sand. Yeah. We've learned so much about Dan. I know. Hate sand. For anyone wondering, we have tried to get him on the pod. We'll keep trying. Unsuccessful.

Got a great accent. Beautiful accent. And will we get to? on the pod? Who knows? Well, one day we'll trick him into it. Yeah, we'll be like, we'll just need some help with the studio.

And we'll pin him down. Need a little update. I mean, sorry. Okay. We'll pin him down and fart on him. What do you got, big guy? What have I got? Well, should we just run through?

This is a housekeeping episode. And for those of you wondering, especially Emma or Emily, I can't remember what her name was. I think it was Sarah. Greg. This is housekeeping. Yeah.

The entire episode. And it is all about you guys. It's about the things you send us that we want to talk about, not just about our lives. Well, I make it about myself anyway. Well said. And I just want to say to anyone who's joining us, maybe for the first time, Ash, a very warm, doting welcome to you. Yes. Whatever your circumstance.

What does that mean? I don't know. We're not here to judge. I'm not judging. You can be in prison. Whoever you are. Hello. Doesn't matter where you're listening from, it's great to have you here.

If you are a parent in prison, I do want to hear from you. Conjunctual visit. I want to hear about it. Okay. I want to know, Ash, you are a man who likes to snack. If I can say that. May I say that? Yeah, I've had to cut down.

Have you? Fuck, no. I'm fighting a good fight. Do you do the shopping for the snacks for the kids? Or does April normally do that? April. Yes. So she knows what they really like.

But also as well, she sort of knows what we'll also dive into. as well. Are you allowed to snack on the kids food? Yeah, I'll pay for it. Well, it depends. It's like feast or famine. If you've just done a shop and the house is full of food, then it's like, yeah, free rate. It's like when you like chippies, for example. Yeah. Like if we're down to like the last few packets and you take them when you're at the tail end before you do a shop, big no, no. Yeah. But he's not a, why am I trying not to yawn again? Get it out, big guy. Okay, we're good. I just had a sip of coffee and was like, sorry, man. I'll try to hold my yawns back. No, it's like when I read kids stories.

Doesn't matter what time of the day. As soon as on one page in, I'm like, ugh. Except two doting dads. It's not boring at all. Or the secret ingredient. Yes, Ash, are you allowed to eat the snacks that are meant for the kids? Yeah, I don't. And I show no mercy.

If there's one Musley bar left, I'll eat it. But then they would be like, well, I thought there was one musley by left. You thought wrong. Okay, well, what would you say? What is your top list of kids snacks for you to eat? Top list. How many can I have in this list? Three?

Go three. Go three each. Three's a good number. Okay, three each. Okay. First one, favorite one, tiny tetties. Chocolate tiny tetties, the little packets. The speckled chalk or the full chock? Full chock.

Full chock. But I'm not, if chock chip, honey or anything turns up, I'm still eating it. I don't discriminate. I like everything, all the tetties. I'm not a big teddy guy. Okay. But I'm not judging. I'm just saying if I was going to go for a little chippy packet and go for jumpies.

The kangaroo jumpies. Kangaroo Jumpies chicken flavor. Yeah, I'm more of a sweet tooth guy. Yeah, okay, I want the savory. I'm more of a diabetes sort of guy. Okay. Mom's got late on said diabetes. Something to aspire to.

Understandable. Something to aspire. So look up to, really. Number two. Number two. Okay, so number two is they're called smush balls. Macy calls them chocolate balls, but they're like cacao, coconut. These are expensive.

Nah, you can get, so Aldi do the bucket ones. And they have good value. Yeah. And Macy goes through them. And they help us shit too because there's prunes. The peanut butter and caramel will. Great choice. Yeah, they like the berry ones better at the moment.

They love the berry ones. Like a little tipple, a tipple, if you will. This is in the same family as the smush balls. In the smush ball family, yeah. But Bob Snail. What is that? Give me a look at Bob's snail trail. The fruit stripe.

The fruit stripe. So this is the same thing. Bob Snail. Imagine the berry flavor smush balls, but like a little like snail, like roundy, roundy round. Like a roller? I think very similar, but I'm hoping healthier. And if the Babel girls are listening going, fuck, no.

Don't worry about it. You know, Bob snail, this guy. I've seen them. I've never personally, why are we not giving each other next time? Yeah, please. More content. They look good. What do we got?

100% real fruit? I don't believe that. No added sugar, no artificial flat. Vegan friendly. There you go. It's for everyone. That's good. For anyone listening, Bob Snail.

Bob's now. Bob's now. Bob's now. Bob's now. I was thinking more like it was going to be like fruit roll up, but there's no fruit in a fruit roll up. But it's just that little sweet kick that you just need sometimes. Yeah. And number three for me.

It's better be good. It's called. Well, they are the rainbow sticks. Mm-hmm. I don't know if you recall. They're little fruit bars. Again, probably minimal fruit in them. Oh yeah.

Yeah. And they're historic too. Yeah. I had them as a kid and then we had to stop buying them because I'll eat like five at a time. And I like the way they just rest in your mouth and melt away. The flavor oozes. It does say here, no artificial flavors. Health Star rating, we'll ignore that.

Define artificial. Okay, this is, I'm sure you're into this. Okay, go. You know the strawberry yoghobes. get buttons. They're more for babies. I know the ones. I mean, now you're in an era with your kids.

What, Macy's, what, four now? Five. Five. Fuck off. She'll be five next month. Sorry. Fuck off, Macy. Where did that come from?

Oh, well, she's just the same year as Lola, but Lola's at the other end. I apologize. Macy, if you're listening. She's little. Yesterday, she dressed up in Oscar school uniform and I was like, no. No! No! And then she started to do the she-sell she-s-seals.

And she can't say, hey, she's like, sh. She's like, C-sale, C-sails, buy, seesaw. And I was like, perfect. You're back. Yeah, the yoga buttons, dude, they are unfucking believable. Yeah, they're a bit. I can't believe I'm going to say it. It's sweet for me.

Don't get me wrong. I'll eat them, but I like them. I do like them. But I can't eat many of those. You're so hard to read. I know. I make, do you know what I do is I get, you know, the yoga pouches. Yeah.

I get. Also very good. This is a hack. Yeah. Which, it's not really. You get the ice tray and you put a little bit in each of them, put it in the freezer for when the kids get home to school in summer. Boom.

Little yogurt drops. Broves. Who taught you that? TikTok. Good boy. Thank you. So yeah, I do that,

which the first time I did it, that kids were like, just went more. They were like, oh, but like, how did you figure this out? And you're like,

I was like, well, science. I see religion doing this. Well, what I did was And he was like, mind blown But then the problem was it I like, make it again

But then I understand That it takes time in the freezer No understanding of time Can I also just give a quick mention To pretzels Which is on the pretz Do you know what's even better? Chocolate pretzels

Yeah You cover anything in chocolate Also like Can someone come out with like A chocolate covered pretzel Dipped in yogurt? Yeah Why stop a chocolate?

Why stop there? And then sprinkles Yeah And pretty like In America like soft pretzels with like all sorts of coverings are the right like big decades have been like the rage bring them over bring them to us bring big soft pretzels it's pretty much just a baguette twisted up I knew I was I'm so hungry right now I know what else we got I got a pair rant

All the good I want to be free Yeah To say what I feel Man I feel like a parent All the good parents Come from a Facebook group

So if you're not in Ned Please join them Jump in Hopefully you can share my rage Is this from you? No but I 100% back this per rant Okay, fire away

So from Hana Hana H-A-H-A Hannah H-H-A-N-A Ha-na. Ha-na. She says,

no one talks about how much time you were spent in line for face painting in your life as a parent. And my round is specifically that when you are at a busy event, the face painting quality is absolute top-notch. Highlights, glitter, phenomenal artistry,

but you've waited over an hour because it's like five to ten minutes per kid. It's absolutely wasting the little gremlins who would be also happy with a grade three-level painting skill. But damn those kids are then feral when there is no time to do any other activities at the big event. Or worse, your kid wants to join the line but then gets shut off because it takes too long.

I just think the R-O-Y on face painting is pathetic. A friend of mine, and I'm going to give him credit here, Mike, for his daughter Ziggy's birthday the other day. His wife said, oh, we've got to get a face painter. And he was like, fuck that. He goes, you know what I'm going to do? Went down a little $2 shop, cheap shop, bought a bunch of the stick-on tattoos.

Yeah. And him and his dad were the, so he was stick it, his dad would hold it for 30 seconds, move on. Mate, I'll tell you right now, it was like... It's like a factory. It was unbelievable. Like, big business should be down there going, okay. Yeah. So wait, one in?

Efficiency. Yeah, it's like, wait, hang on a second. One, there's two. Well, genius. God. And like, I don't want to disrespect the face painting industry because... It's a skill. It's a skill.

You know, I want a hero. the creators of this world. How do they get my kids to sit still? But it's just not worth it. It's just not worth it. Especially, like you said, if you're in the line and then it's like, oh, God, we've been here for ages, ages, ages, ages. And then it's like, oh, the event's over now.

What? I don't want to stand in line, though. No, the whole time. Yeah, it fucking sucks. And then, like, it comes off. You get home and it's off. And they're like, they see themselves in the mirror and half of it's smear off. And they're like, what is this?

Just get like a spray paint. A stencil. Yeah, just honestly. Next. Next. Close your eyes, close your mouth, close your nose.

Is that not genius? I think it's good. Like surely there's a temporary face. It's like the hair spray with this color. Hang on. Let's just swap face painting and introduce like a crazy hair salon. Yeah, but the problem with that is,

and I will say I missed out on it as a child because I have really dark, thick hair. So people are like, what color would you like? And I was like, Doesn't matter because you're not going to fucking see it. So I would be like, we need more cams with this kid. You're 12 cans in.

Yeah, yeah, Steve's like, you should have done a base coat. Where's the primer? He's like, dip in a roller in. That's another thing you could do. Go on. Get every, get, have the party at home, right? And you're like, okay, I need to paint. And be like, here go, kids, just paint the fucking walls.

Or like on the Simpsons. I had the makeup shotgun. Yes All the dodas are like nodding along And they're like Whoa whoa Whoa

Whoa Take it back Or hear me out Okay Everyone comes to the party In a white t-shirt Oh yeah And then you have

Wet t-shirt competition The mums Okay I want to see some dad titties That's what I want to see Okay I was going to suggest That we stencil the kids t-shirts

But we can The dad's can have a wet t-shirt competition if they won. I thought you were going to say, come to the party pre-facepainted. Do it at home and then come in. Also, not a bad shout. Yeah. Here's a question.

If it's a themed party, do the face paint or need to be in that theme. Yeah. Well, no, I don't see, yeah, people are like, fair and they're like, I want a line. It's like, oh, fair it is. All the kids want is like one brush and some glitter. That's it. Yeah, I think just like a little butterfly or like a little girl's. Eyeshadow.

Yeah, just hit him with the makeup gun. And the boys have the boys have the little mustache or the gun or the gun. The stencil. The stencil idea. It says a perfect shape of a head. And it's like, you just go blue and it's like it's a blue man group theme party. Everyone's just covered in blue paint. Solved.

Problem solved. Next. Last week, we had a dotted dilemma about the birds and the bees, Matt. I'm not sure if you recall. If you had that conversation with your mom yet, I've had it with yours. Okay. Ew. For those wondering, it's when is the right time to have the chat with your kids about where kids come from?

Yes. And Sammy has written in. Hey, Sammy. Hey Sammy S-A-D-M-I. Thank you. Love that spelling. I dated ago. I was named Sammy once.

How was she? How was she? Excuse me? What was it? Good relationship? She was great. No. How was she?

Didn't last long, will you? Who broke up with who? She dumped me. Fair. Sammy says, according to experts, kids need to know everything. She put down capitalities about sex by the age of nine. Otherwise, they risk hearing it secondhand from another student. I think they're going to hear it secondhand from another student.

I think they're going to hear it second. hand from another student anyway because it's always the kids with the older sibling yeah look april and i were talking about this this morning and she was like sex in and was this before or after you guys had used the sex pillow it was mid-thrust yeah like wait hang on a sec babe she was like hang on a sake speaking of sex i was edging myself so let's stop with that i will have this conversation this morning because of the sex pillow chat last week yep and she was like yeah in my house when i was kids was the conversation and the subject was so taboo. Taboo, yeah.

Yeah. And it was like, yeah, I guess so. Yeah, but maybe until I was maybe in high school that I can recall, I don't really remember. But I think if it's done biologically like correct and terms correct, not just like, oh, that's your fucking digg and balls. Like, it's your genitalia. Like, I think if it's done correctly before that age of nine, for sure, go for it.

If you feel comfortable. Can I ask you a very personal question, Ash? I would like nothing more. May I please ask how old you were? when you lost your virginity. Good question. I was a late bloomer. Was it Sammy?

Poor girl. Poor girl didn't have to withstand that. How? 18. No, I was 17. You fucking loser. Boy, people mature at their own rate. It was in a tent.

It was great. It was in a tent. It's for no one. No one enjoyed that. Is it in a tent? It was in a tent. Suffolk Park, Byron Bay. Summer?

It must have been hot in there. Yeah, it was. Must have been warm. The humidity. It was warm, hot, clumsy and forgettable. The poor girl. Shout out to Tash. No, but yeah, what about you?

What are you going for me? 15. Okay, you slut. 15. Stradbroke Island in Clemsley. Strattie. North or south? North.

I heard south better, but. The school holidays. At that, what's that resort up there? Is it at that resort? No. It's like an all-inclusive? No. No.

I remember we... I was 15. I'm not that rich, all inclusive. Why were you on Strait Brook Island? So, there's a place for privacy in Queensland. There was like, I don't know if it still happens, but the September school holidays,

somehow there was like heaps of kids who were all about like 15, 16, 17, somehow we managed to all rent houses. And we had like 15 mates in one house with no adults. Oh my God. You could not do that these days with the Airbnb. Like my Bucks party, I didn't like turned up. Like I didn't know where we were going. Turned up and the beautiful house of Meriwether, right?

Yeah. And then the people owned it lived next door. And my friend was like, fuck, didn't tell them it was a Bucks. There's like 30 of us and they kicked us out pretty much immediately. Yeah, as you would. But you like back then you could do that. Yeah. And I think so we.

This is what, 70s? All these. Very good. Very good. 80s. That was 90s. Early 2000. Fuck you.

Early 2000s is good. So yeah. So we had this house to ourselves. and that's when I became a man. Did you, like, at all during the interaction, it was quick. The quick interaction, think about what your mom said about birds and the bees? Like, did you think, hang on, I'm, mom said to put this here.

I am not, Ash. I am not in the moment thinking about things my mum has said to me. I am. No, I mean, I don't even think there was enough time for me to think about it. Yeah, you're like, so mom told me to put, oh, it's over. She was like, what you should do? Oh, I don't mind. Yeah, don't worry about it.

Hey, don't worry about it. And then your mom was like, how was it, how was it hunting? You were like, honestly, I don't remember. I actually do have a message here from a Dota. Oh. Ash, are they telling us about when they lost their virginity? No, but they have an older son.

Good morning, have one son who's 23. I just wanted to offer some advice to the parents yesterday who were asking questions about the sex education. And I have three. main tips. Number one is it's not one conversation of birds and bees. I learned that's what I was expecting, but no, multiple conversations occurred over many years all the time. I feel like I'm in a court of law. Multiple conversations were heard. But I think that's a great shout. And this is from KB, by the way, KB wrote to us. So first tip is don't try and do a

crash course cram lesson. And yeah, all in one. It's a peppering. It's like my mom chose to tell me about orgasms in that one conversation that time. And she was like, and we haven't spoken since. Well, my job here is done. She's like, and then you're squirt. Great point. Multiple conversations.

KB, noted. Good start. Noted. Great start. Number two is the car. For sex? Okay. More context, please.

Court order in the front seat, start having conversations because they can't leave, you can't leave and you don't have to look at each other. So in the car. In the car. And that, honestly, can I just say, little listeners, any tough conversations you want to have with your kids, anyone, do it in the car because you're not facing each other side to side, less confronting.

It gets too awkward, you can just crash. Very good point, Ash. You're like, oh! And number three is school. This is the school that my son went to would say that they were doing this term, they were doing the sex education stuff, and parents could ask questions. So I remember being really nervous, but I went to the school the first year and asked to look with the resources they were using.

I think school were a bit reluctant because their parents never asked. But I just wanted to know what they were teaching. This is my number one tip. The schools have a program and it's age appropriate for every year of the primary school. So if you're getting the resources from school, you don't have to teach it to your kid,

but you know it and you can reinforce what school's saying and you know it's age appropriate. That's my three tips. It's more than one conversation in the car and ask school for the, resources when they offer it. They might get freaked out, but if more parents did it, it would be a natural thing. Very true.

They are three very good points. And can I say well spoken? Well spoken. I like that last one where it's like... And not to attack the education system. But sometimes what the teachers are being spoon fed to teach, you know, like does two plus two really equal four? If you know what I'm saying?

Window. That's one plus one. Damn it. I remember sex ed at my school, the multiple schools I went to, that were all crap, right? And I feel like now when I go to primary school to see anything of Oscars, I feel like the system is much better than I was when we were kids. You're like, show me that math's equation. Show me your penis.

And it's like, if you can reiterate what, if you've already learned what your kid's about to learn, you're like, I'm fucking ready for this. Yeah, you'll come home. One step ahead. Yeah, because also as well, the language that you use around your kids, kids, they're probably going to be a little, they're probably going to pick it up a bit better. So it's like if you know they go have the conversation, then have a conversation with you about it, you are just really reinforcing what they've just listened to.

It's like building a house. You need good foundations and strong reinforcement. It's like a good analogy. You really need good foundations, much like the one you just used. Thank you. It is, sometimes I'm like, holy shit to think about having to talk. Like in my head, I'm like, I still got little babies. Yeah.

And then I'm like, buying. age nine we have to talk about birds and the bees and they should understand it. I'm like, oh my God, that's like a couple years away. Oh my God. Did you see the Fair Band brothers did chat on their podcast about imagine what it would be like as dad of a daughter and you're talking to her potential husband or whatever

and he's like, yeah, we're trying. It's like, what? I know. We're trying really hard every day. It's like, shut up. If she gets pregnant and I'm like, you're like, no dad wants to hear that you're trying. Just tell us when it's done. Hey, I want to just read out a little message that I received, if you don't mind. I do actually.

You do? Yeah, we'll keep this moving right along. Yeah, good, because my reading skills aren't very good. I'm going to read it to you anyway because I can and I will and I have free will. So I received this message in the last couple of days from someone from my past. Oh, Sammy. Not Sammy, unfortunately. Sammy's getting a good run in this episode.

She is. She is for sure. Sammy, if you're listening, please reach out. Huge long shot, if you remember. of me, but generally as a young teenage playing soccer in Tweed, having a role model like yourself at a young age really meant a lot to me. And I look back now and having you as a soccer coach for those few years really shaped me as a man now, which you might think is far-fetched, but because soccer and sport was everything to me at that stage, it was really special,

having someone like you, the time to show up each week and be there for us. I'm forever grateful and the journey you've been on is extremely special. But if this doesn't reach you, I'd love for you to know. My fondest young teenage memories come from you coaching us week in, week out. I remember crying in your chest after we lost 1-0 in an extra time to Narang in a grand final. That is, oh my gosh. So Dylan, thank you for that.

It made me cry. Really? Yeah, I don't know. Hit real hard. Oh, okay. Okay. Sorry. No, that is like.

I know it's because you talk about yourself like you're an absolute rat bag when you're a young teenager. I was. I was and especially at that age. Like the age is talking about. I was what 18, 19. Yeah, 18, 19. I think I coached them for three or four years. We went to three grandfinals and lost one nil every time.

But I do remember this kid. He was very skilled, very good. He was my center midfielder. He was the captain. He was just one of those kids that. old was he at the time? I think I had them from age 10 to 13. Yeah. I think so, like real formative years. Like, and their parents of this whole team really loved me and Troy. Troy was the other coach. And Josh was so there was a three of us. And then when I moved away, I think they continued. But

I do remember this kid. He was like the workhorse kid. But I was like, all right, I see what this kid has. He went on to play reps and stuff as well. Also, the goalkeeper in that team went to play in England. I remember that. Look at you. Jay Hoy. And I ran into the other. one. Actually, I ran into the goalkeeper at origin last year in Brisbane of all places. He's huge. Such a big guy and like, you know, happily married young, you know, really nice. It's crazy that I do every now and then I'll get a reminder of these kids particularly because I have friends still in Tweed.

And it's always good thing. So to hear from him fills me with pride, obviously, to look back and think, okay, well, in that time, I didn't, I was just being the person. and I thought that those kids needed, not an influence. I just thought these kids need that. I think you're full of shit because you... Shut up. No, because you talk to me, you're like,

and then I bloody crashed that car, I rode it off, and then I was drunk every other day. And then I get a message like this, which is like, you're like the therapist from Goodwill Hunting. You're a role model for these young kids. I never meant to be. No. You're like, I'm like, I'm going to be.

But, I mean, wilder thing. Like, you never would have imagined. back then that 10 years later how long? 10 years later what how many years how are I? It's nearly 20 years. It's 18 years. You'd never imagine 20 years later that these kids would be reaching out being like, hey, one of my core memories of being a kid,

my biggest mentor was you. I know. Honestly, he must have had some pretty shit mentors. I don't know. Yeah, maybe you should check the people you're hanging out with. But I like I remember, like I said, I've got friends in Tweed still and especially Troy,

who still lives in Tweed and he was the other coach. Every time I see him, he's like, guess who I ran into? And he's like, man, these kids are huge, like, compared to us. But I remember it being, we had a lot of fun. We were, like, we were also in those years where it was, like, 18, drinking and all sorts of things, like, school was finished. We're both apprentices. So we were out, going to the games really hung over.

The kids used to love it. And we just had, like, I remember, we were at an awards, like, an awards afternoon at the soccer club at the end of the year. And the parents would use to give us bottles of alcohol at the end of the year. It was great. It was a lot of fun. And then I remember the kids would always be... Little did they know the damage they were doing to you.

I know. How dead. They enabled it. But I remember the kids were going a bit crazy and the parents were like, you can see they're getting frustrated. And I remember looking over and be like, oh, sit. And they all just went, ooh. And the parents were like, how did you do that?

I'm like, I'm not their parents. Right? They're not going to listen to you. They listen to me. Because if they don't listen to me, when we get to training, I'm making them do pushups up for an hour. and I'll literally wait there to do it with them. You know what I mean?

And yeah, to get that all these years later was very cool. I want to start coaching. I want that feeling. Yeah, it's funny. My kids are like, we love you. I'm like,

not you from other kids. It's funny. The other day, Oscar's doing summer soccer, so Friday night. And I'm like, I don't know, something,

when I get there, I'm not the coach. I'm just a dad. But I always like want the vibe for each kid to be high. So like, and April's always like, it's so funny. Like,

a kid will do something really good and you'll come from no. go, that's really good high-five mother on the field. And then you'll do this really fast backwards run. She's like, I've never seen anyone move so fast backwards. Is that like a coaching run? Yeah, I'm just like, but I'll go. Like I remember like the other night, Rosie, she's the only girl on the team.

You know, she puts up with all the boys as she does. But like she absolutely booted the ball out to like stop the other team from going pass. And I was just like, that can't go unrecognized. I'm fucking running on the field. I was like straight on there. And then a half time. I was like, that was the best half.

You know, like, and that sort of shit. fucking fills me with joy. And I think I was like that. I remember I was always like giving the pep talk to these kids. It's like, we're down here. You know. Dude, when you're a kid, when you're a kid, getting that little bit of praise,

which it's so easy to forget as an adult, you know, when you just like, oh yeah, good job, whatever. But I remember having a good game of rugby and coming off and one of the senior coaches gave me a fist pump. And I was just like, oh my God. That level of praise from someone in a bit of an important position, I was just like, means.

It's drugs for kids. Oh, yeah. Like Oscar, when Oscar does something amazing, and I'm like, hey, and I'll be quite specific. I'll be like that run you did down the side there. That's the sort of thing I want to see. That was amazing. And he's like, okay, sweet.

You know, give him something else. It's become coaches. Okay. I'm convinced. But yeah, that was pretty cool. Beautiful. Man, that's fine. I'm very proud of you.

Thank you. I don't remember being that much of a mentor, but I guess I will. Ash, before we get on to Dota Dilemmas, I do want to give a little shout out to Veggamite kids because I love Vegamite. Is this the one with 50% less salt? So I've been trying to get my kids under Veggimite and they're like, no. And I was like, you don't know what you're missing out on.

But they've got Veggamite kids. It's 50% less salt and a milder taste. It's like the gateway into Vegamite. And it's much easier based on the texture to spread because we have it too. My kids love it. So if you haven't got your hands on Vegamite Kids, do it. It's bloody delicious. And now it's time for this.

Now you need us more than ever Know that we still have each other You can send us your doting dilemma You can send us your doting dilemma Dilemma Lemma Yeah, I'll go first This one's from Nadine

NADS NADS What's up NADS? She's gonna hate that Maybe she'll like it The most diabolical thing happened to me today I'll be the fucking judge of that I was in the shopping center parent room

good start. Doing a bum change. Another good start. A bum change. Yes. Whose bum were you changing? A bum change and feed when two tradies walk in to use the microwave to heat up their lunch. They are resourceful.

I was with my husband. We both looked very confused like, surely not. Anyone else encounter this? Yeah, because at Westfield Bondi Junction, there's a great parents toilet room. And within that is you have like seats. to breastfeed, you've got a little kids play area, you've got the little kids toilets, and you've got the microwave to heat up.

They're a kitchen air. A little kitchenette. Okay. They have better appliances than I do at home. So, fuck at home. I'm using that. Should the Trades be using that? Oh, God.

I love Trades. The backbone of this country. There you go on. I mean, would I tell off a Trady? No, because I'm a massive little... I'll tell them off later at home when I'm in the shower. I'm a massive war, so I don't like confrontation. And then I'll think about that scenario for the rest of my life.

But I, and also, I don't want the traders coming for me. And also if I need any traders quoting on my house, I hope they don't increase the price because they're like, you fucking sit that thing about me on the podcast. But you can't be, you can't be using the facilities if you don't have a kid. Yeah, I would say. Careful. No, I would say this.

Okay. If you're, if they're obviously working on the shopping center specifically itself. Imagine if they're not. Imagine they're like, hey, you guys want anything heated up and got to. Yeah, I'm just taking a quick 30 minute drive to Westfield. I'm trying to find a park, probably parking a kid's pram parking. Just like fucking really,

and then you'll see him on one of those $5 machines just go and go off to go. I'm on Smoko. Look, I think if they poke their head in there's no one in there, fine. But if there's people in there, I'd probably be like, it's probably not appropriate.

I think it's definitely not appropriate. Like if there's people in there, that's where I'm going to leave it. Because I think if you open the door, you can see it's bare, it's going to use it for 30 seconds, fine. But if you open the door and there's parents in there with a kid,

you need to beeline out of there very quick because that's privacy now. There's no one in there and you've been courteous and anyone in here, whatever. But I would say an apprentice is not going to have those skills. So just, when I was a tradie, there was always one old head that had a microwave in his toolbox. Yeah. It was part of him. He was like, I'm fucking going through with this. Or a sandwich press.

Like last resort, I think it's play on. There's no one in there. You've done your due diligence to make sure. But then you've got, then you've got, okay, imagine if scenario, right? You're a tradie. You poke your head in there. You go, don't mind, boys. It's empty.

So you want a couple of mates. Go in there, hit up your little food you got. And then a mum goes in there to breastfeed a child. And then there's three boys in there. And then it's, like, you don't want that. Yeah. Okay. You don't want that awkward interaction.

Yeah. You do, Matt. They're very, you don't. Also as well, like I can imagine April walking in seeing there's tradies and being like, oh, but I can't. to go. Right. Yeah.

Okay. I'm going to take it back. Just carry your own microwave. They're not that expensive. Get your boss. Get your, yeah. Go to Kmart.

They're like 20 bucks. Yeah. You're at Westfield's already. Just go, use the one at Kmart. Oh, no, actually,

you can probably get away with in a shopping center. You could walk into any shops lunchroom, especially a big department. Oh yeah. If you're in high viz, you can do, just fucking walk in.

I can do whatever you like. Yeah. I know. Except take our car parks and microwaves. Or go into the kids' room with the journey. But everything else is fair game. Yeah. There's got to be, there's other solutions.

Nads with the bum change. You want to change your bums in peace. Exactly. You don't need, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Sorry, take it all back. I take it all back. And if any traders come for us,

oh, please be gentle. Yeah, I'm not. It's not too much to ask to just be like, don't use the... Not too much to ask. That's such a good phrase. It's not too much to ask. It's just a piece of shit.

You can do it's not too much to ask, is it? Yeah, yeah. That's such a dad phrase. Unless there are There he is There he is Try and crawl your way back here I'm not

I'm not gonna do it No you go Next one Okay Nadine's like I got nothing from that No we backed her up We backed her up

Alright Some people just want to be heard Nadine we hear you Although Will we do anything about it No I'm too scared I have I have at times

Walked into the parents bathroom Just instinctively And then Taking a shit In the kids toilet It suits my butt size It's better

It's good for your posture you, your knees up. Knees up. Yeah, I just carry my stool around with me, my poop stool. Have you ever been to someone's house and you go to the bathroom and go to poop stool in there? Instant unfriend. No, although my kids have a little stool, but it's to brush their teeth.

Yeah. Oh my days. That's just, what have you? I don't know. Do you hold in your farts and fix here or what happens? Yeah, and it hurts. You get to your car and you're just like, I'm down the stairs. I'm stepwalking and pooping.

You don't realize how much you fart until you're, like around a woman who you don't normally hang around with. Or you're in a place where you're just not allowed a fart. This one is from, oh, no name. That's all right. Hey guys, I have a favor to ask. I am adopted and recently found out who my birth father is. He doesn't know why exist.

He's gone on to marry and has one daughter. But I'm curious, from a male audience perspective, if you were in your mid-50s and you didn't know you had a daughter out there, would you be happy or mad if they contacted you? I want to respect my birth mother so I dad I'll contact him until the next 10 years Ha ha ha ha Okay

I don't think people should be mad I think if Fuck off Yeah I think If you get mad at that Then you've got more to hide Yeah so how would you react right now Let's say hypothetical

I would be curious First First I would be skeptical That'd be first I'd be like Are you sure Like And I think it's okay to question

Because if someone comes out You'd be like It's like Daddy Fuck off It's like If someone said to me, you used to date a woman back in 60s, and I'm a product of that relationship that you never knew,

I think as the, as me being the potential dad, I would be curious first. I'd be like, give me some more context here of how you found this out. And also what I think what's really important is, what the parties want to get out of that interaction. Yeah.

So for her, do she want some closure or does she want a relationship? or does she want some clothes? Do you want some clothes? Does she want some closure? Yes. Or does she want a relationship? I think that's what the definitive or whether you should be,

if you just want to let this person know, hey, I need closure to let you know, take this information, do what you will. I'm your daughter. I don't want anything from you just so that you know, fine. I just want to like put a face to the name kind of. Yeah. I almost, when I was young,

younger at, like, I think I must have been around about like 19. There was a couple, same-sex relationship, looking for a sperm to have a baby. And I was like, yeah, I'll give some of my sperm. Do you want to throw it out? It's coming out of me. At 19, you can't stop coming. You're like, might as well, get a bucket. Sorry.

Yeah, every night I'm just throwing it away. I know, you might as well. Put it to good use. Use some tissues. like it's a parcel. I was like, yeah, like, why not? You guys want a kid? That's great.

And then my mom was like, you know, it's really lovely that you want to offer that. But let's just think about the reality of the situation. And I was, you know, then kind of understanding that, you know, what would happen if in 20 years, oh, five, 10, 20 years time if that child reached out and then said, even though the parent said, there's no expectation for you to be in a parenting. role or a father figure, but what would you do if that child reached out and said, oh, I, I want you in my life. And if you were in a position to give yourself to that child in that type of role, and I don't

want to discourage anyone from donating sperm because I think, I know how hard it is for same-sex couples to full-prone. You need to know, because if you reached out to that dad in this scenario here, the question, and if you were like, I don't have a father figure and I want that father figure, and if that dad was like, hey, it's kind of cool that you're my kid, but I've got my hands full of my own daughter. Yeah. Like, that would be so heartbreaking, right?

Would you want to know? I think if you are, come to the decision that you want to know, you want them to know you exist, you have to be comfortable with that you could be rejected. Yes. There he is. If you're not comfortable with that, then it's like, well, maybe I can revisit it at another time. Like Ryan John, for example, right, didn't get a chance. Yes.

To talk to. his birth mom because she passed away sadly. That's right, yeah. Ryan, John, if you're listening, I think that's correct. I'm pretty sure that's right. He's listening to go wrong. He's like, wrong is my dad. He's like wrong, not me.

But yeah, it might have been different if she was alive, but he knew she passed because that's how he found out, right? So it was like too late. But it just depends. Like everyone's going to be different, right? And if this particular person's like, I just want closure for me to be like, I exist.

that is it, fine. But I think you need to let them know the expectation from you because they might turn around and say, oh my God, I'd no idea. If I'd had known, I would want to be in your life. Yeah. And you might spark up this relationship that could be amazing. And all of a sudden, you've sort of got a new friend that's like,

okay, well, you're my dad. And think about like how cool that could be if you've got kids of your own to be like, hey, hey, auntie. Who's the movie? This is 40, right? One of the side stories of that. is this coming from? I don't know.

Continue. This is called ADHD. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the journey. Close your eyes and welcome. Take your pants off. So, yeah, one of the storylines in that is that she reaches out to her dad who's

got a separate family and he's got kids, but she's got kids. So he's got grandchildren. And one of the scenes, it was like he was put under all this pressure because he was so unexpected. So it's like you've got to think like you could flip that person's world upside down. You just don't know. So I would say I would suss. If it was me, it would be having to explain it to April, which obviously would be prior to that relationship,

probably, not in my case, but in that case. And it's like, I don't know how I would really react. I think I would be like. You wouldn't be mad. I think anyone who's mad, I think that is a real show of the type of character they are. And it means that you'll get your answer pretty quick. Yeah. You'll get your answer real quick.

But I also think as well saying, I'm going to push it out 10 years because I don't want to be offensive to my birth mother. I also think the birth mother should be pretty understanding that if you're there going, hey, I know where dad is, I want to reach out.

And I think the birth mother was like, well, don't do it because you're going to offend me. I also think that's bad form as well. That's horrible form. Because if you're an adult, if you're still a minor and you're like, I find it that I'm where my dad is.

And the mom wants to protect you, fine. Great. But if you're an adult and your mom turns around, it'd be a fucking boomer that would turn around and go, I'd be offended.

Also, to those booms who listen to the podcast? we love you, we care for you, and you are welcome. But I meant what I said. Yeah, that's poor form. To be like, that'll offend me. I would be more like... Selfish.

Yeah, I would be more like... I think about a second, mum, what about this would offend you? She's probably the red flag. He's probably the green flag. So you just don't know, but like I would say, based on what your expectation is

with that relationship, will be your answer. But also do it because I'm kind of interested to see what happens. Yeah, let us know. Please. Don't wait 10 years. We want to know this week.

By next episode, I want an answer. Last one. It's again from Anon. I read this excellent article on the ABC with Maddie J and made me think, We are expecting our second baby and we have a three and a half year old. My husband has recently confessed to me he's feeling lonely. Do you have any advice for him or for me on how to better support him? I think firstly, Ashley, Ash,

I wouldn't be hugely surprised being the partner here if you're going, oh my gosh, like why, why is my husband feeling that way? Because, you know, am I not offering him something to fill that void? Because even having Laura,

who I love, she's my soulmate. Love you, Laura. Shout out to you. You go to dog house, are you? No.

Oh, you sound like that. No, I had this amazing wife. Just get a sex pillow and end of it. And I had, I had kids and I was like, more than happy with is the best thing in my life.

And then having those two parts of my life, which were amazing, still had this feeling of loneliness, which sometimes if you're the partner, you might be like, are you not getting anything from the relationship? Why are you feeling this way? Is there something wrong with us?

And it's not the case. I think it's just really easy, especially when it's your first kid, to feel lonely if you don't have other friends who are in the same basket. It's so, like people underestimate early stages of parenthood, how isolating it.

actually is. Just because you're thinking it's the right thing to do and where your capacity is at that moment, because there's so much happening. You're trying to keep, you're start of the new job and trying to keep your head above float the whole time. So it's really easy to isolate. Because also going out with kids that still have like two, three naps a day, it's hard work. It's so much easy just to be at home.

But then at the same time, when you spend so much time at home and you're not outside, you're not meeting new people, you're not having a change of scenery. You're like, I'm going fucking berserk here. But I think there's in New South Wales, I think every state has it, there is playgroup, newsouthwales, dot org. And if it's a different state, it's playgroup, queensland.org, I do recall that. So every state has their own one. You can get in touch with playgroups.

There's now heaps of great ones that are dad specific because when I was doing it seven years ago, the only playgroups that I could go to were just like mums. And now there's like mums and dads, we've got the same one. And it's crazy in the last few years how much it's changed. But in Waverly, which is our local area and city. Sydney, they now have dad groups on a Friday that are just just for dads. And I'm like, that is so fucking cool that, you know, seven years ago, there wasn't that available, to my knowledge.

If there was and people like, you're wrong, I apologize. Yeah, it's like, mother's groups have always been the forefront, which of course, mum still needs support from people going through the same thing, which I think it's great, but there's dad's going through the same thing too. Dad's also want to feel heard by other dads going through the same thing. Yeah. And I know, like, I got really lucky with my wife. mother's group the dads are really involved too and was that was that mother's group that was through the

hospital no it was through um the council through the council oh sorry yeah the originally through the council and i remember april like we it's it's always a gamble because that you you're sort of thrusted upon people you may or may not interact with generally anyway but great use of the word thrust thank you or you might be thrusted into a brand new friendship okay which i think for me like i've got three or four dads from that group that i would consider really good friends now we don't communicate had every day, but I know in that time it actually really, really helped me. But now with dad's being a bit more hands on and being more, you know, forward facing and not just in the background, there's all these resources coming through like individual independent dads like Jim and Zach,

who's got a walking group, which gets numbers. Like those sort of pages show that people are in the same boat. Totally. And I think as what I would want from my partner or whatever in terms of support, is maybe just some comfort around that it's not abnormal that you're feeling. Totally. Because that's the biggest thing. I remember the biggest thing for me was I'm just, I feel alone. And that's just what I'm dealing with,

but everyone in similar stages. And do you know what I wish I did differently as well? Like I was lucky in that I could talk to Laura in the same way that this guy is talking to his partner. It's amazing that he's not just internalizing all those feelings. Yeah, that big tick. But I think the one thing that I wish I had done is to my friends who did. have kids, I kind of, at the time, I just expected them to know how I was feeling.

Like I was, I didn't communicate to them and say, hey, I feel a little bit lonely. It's hard. We're not socializing. I'm dropping off here. I never communicated it to the, to the friends. And I kind of just expected that they would know what transition I was going through, that I was going to be struggling. Your friends aren't going to be able to read your mind and know what you're experiencing.

So you need to communicate it to them as well. Yeah, and it doesn't have to be. And I know exactly I can feel the collective scrotums clenching up because of the thought of it's embarrassing to say to my friend. I'm feeling a bit lonely. Fuck off it is. Like I would much rather, I would fucking a million times much rather someone say to me, hey, I know I've got a fucking newborn baby. The last thing I want to do was hang out with a newborn baby, but I need someone to hang out with me at my house right now. I'd much rather that.

as lame as that might sound, I'd much other than have to be in a situation where a friend has completely dropped off and gone down a bad path because they're lonely and feel the only answer is at the bottom of a bottle. And that's thing, I used to just drink as well, just to not have that feeling of like,

you know, and then April would also be like, to me, she was like, I can see that you're trying to find someone to hang out with, like to just let off that. Bit of steam. And it makes a huge difference.

So to this guy, to the wife starters, maybe just validate that he's not alone in that and that we're all feeling it. And then for him, bring up your best mate and say, I fucking feel like I'm left out of the circle. Allow me to be back in that circle and come, you know.

And if they're a decent, for any decent person, they'll be there. Absolutely. I was call me. Give me a call. Also, can I just really quickly,

before we wrap up, I thought you didn't watch movies. That was when I used to watch movies. All right. Everything checks. out. Everything checks out around here. If you've enjoyed this episode... If you've enjoyed this episode, please,

a reminder to subscribe so it gets delivered into your inbox every single Monday and Wednesday and leave us a review, either on Spotify or other podcasts. Yep. Or join us on social media, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook group. If you're feeling like a lonely dad,

join the Facebook group. Actually, join us on social media. Yeah. Join us on social media. What else are we on? YouTube. YouTube tips out. Except for this episode. Other episodes are on YouTube. They are.

And we will see you guys on Wednesday. See ya. Bye. Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.