Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #272 Cubicle Confessions

Episode Date: October 25, 2026

This week, Matt confesses to something he’s deeply uncomfortable with: using a public toilet when someone’s in the next cubicle. Thankfully, Ash has some sound (and mildly disgusting) advice to help him get through it. And if you thought the toilet chat ended there, you clearly haven’t been listening to this podcast. Today’s Doter Dilemma asks how to get a toddler to poo on the toilet. So, same theme, really. The guys also tackle the art of getting an unwilling toddler into the car (think angry cat), how to reassure a dad whose newborn refuses to feed from him, and why we need to change the conversation around men and school pick-up. From toilet anxiety to parenting wins, it’s another week of the guys tackling the big issues. Well, some of them. ______________________________________________________________________________ If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you know what I wish I had? What's that, man, abs. I wait, you got abs. That's me. Go. I wish I had the confidence that some people have in public bathrooms. Go on. So here in the studio, we have a toilet, a bathroom, if you will, on our floor.

There are two cubicles where you can sit down and do a poo. Or scarl. Whatever. Just hang out. Have a break from us. Yeah. And I went in there and there was someone in the cubicle next to me. I didn't know what this man.

look like. I didn't know who it was, but I still had a level of reservation about I couldn't just freely shit. I've got the answer for this for you. I can solve this. It's called exposure therapy. You just must watch stranger shit from now on. Just standing there. You don't have to do it. Get used to being around it. Well, hang on. I wish I could just the person next to me was just honking it? Just did it. didn't care. Whereas I was still like, oh, excuse me. You were waiting for the flush to be like,

yeah, I didn't want to make any noise. I wish I could just be as carefree as those people are going to a public cubicle, relax their sphincter and just make as much fucking noise as they want. It's worse when like you're like working in a space where, say like an office. I used to work in an office, right? And you see the bathroom. You get up to go to the bathroom. You're in there, you know, so everyone knows you've gone to the bathroom.

And then if anyone needs to go at the same time, it's like, fuck. I need to wait. for the flush, that's your first push. Yeah. Your second push, it's like on board. Yeah. Parage, brother. Parage!

There is a formula to doing this. Yeah, yeah. So you go flush. Yeah. Then you go hand dry? Hand wash first because there's a little window there to get anything from the first toot. And then when that dry comes on, you just grab a hold of the seat. Oh, blah.

Oh! And that's it. I should sit in there with a prolapsed asshole, being like, who! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

I can't walk the same afterwards. That's why he's got hemorrhoids. Yeah, that's not like a himmeros. If there's music in the bathroom, even better. Like, when you go to a bathroom

and there is music loud, you're like, relief. Because you're like, yes. Oh, on that note, welcome back to the two-doting guides. I'm Maddie J.

And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast, all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And we would never, ever give advice.

I just did about the toilet. That's okay though. That's just life advice. We just say that. We don't really mean the words we say. What? Well, let's be honest. I do.

Let's be honest. I mean everything I say. Yeah, but we like between you and me and Vic, we give a load of advice. We do. We do fuck about a bit. Although as well. Yeah. People know it's a joking advice.

So use it at your own will. It's a suggestion. Should we change the intro to be like? We will give advice, but take it as you will. No, no. We say we don't give advice. We just give suggestions. Okay.

That's my suggestion to you. We'll have to run that by the lawyers. Fuck them. Okay. They heard that. Sorry. We might not give advice, but I reckon we should start giving recommendations because I love a recco. What have you got?

Off the top of your head. Yeah. Hey, you can't come in here. What do you got? You can't come to a knife fight with nothing. Where do I start? I just realized my shirt wasn't buttoned up. I'm sorry.

I'm a bloody mess over here. You slut. Vic's like, damn it. I can highly, highly, highly, highly. recommend a book called The Secret Ingredient. Yeah, I wouldn't. It's a shit. The kids loved it.

I love the rhyming. It's got lovely pictures. I wrote it. It's fun for the whole family. And it's got a great message. Is it still for sale? There are a few copies left, I think. Online?

Yeah, big W, 10 bucks. Why not? Amazon as well? Amazon's a good one. Yeah, love that. But yeah, 10 bucks. It's bloody. It is a great book.

Thank you. It is a really good book. I have a recommendation. Great. Traders. Traders. Trators. Trators.

Treators. TV show. Yeah. The Australian one? I keep hearing so much about this. It's the UK version on at the moment. Yeah, they came up with it first, right? So they do it the best.

And there's just... The celebrity one? It's a celebrity one right now. With James Blunt. James Blunt is on it. Oh, he's great. Rob Beckett's on it. He's great too.

He's a comedian. It's solid. Rob Beck is fun. Solid cast. And my mum, it is just, it's all she thinks about. Did you show a peep show? Peep Show? I said to you that you should show your mum peep show

because one of the characters, It's a bit hard to watch to start with because it's from POV. So it's like if you and I were roommates, there's the dialogue, but then the inner dialogue of each character. It's a bit confusing to start with. But once you start to watch it, peep show. It's called peep show.

One of the characters is really uptight but also really into history. Oh my God, is it me? Starlingrad. But it's fucking so funny. Stalingrad. Sorry. Sorry. Not uptight.

You just corrected me on Stalin. He's like, say it right. How many people died in the Stalin Grad or whatever? And that particular battle, they had the sixth army who was from Germany. There's about 600, no. I mean, he's just watched a whole doc on this. 600,000, I think, died soldiers. This character uses Stalin Grad to try and pick up.

Grad, to try and pick up. It's very funny. With this one woman, yeah, it's like, it's very good. What kind of world do you live in where history gets you laid? It didn't. Oh. Also, historians are like, no. Oh.

So my mom and Laura, it's their time together. I'm kind of on the outer because I can't sit through a full episode because I get distracted. I've tried us. Yeah, I kind of like dip in and out. And I don't like to sit on the couch for too long. I'm like, eh. You need to be tested. Yeah, totally.

And so they watch it together. I love it. They love it. I've had good things. It's really good. So anyone wants a little shona watch together with your mumsies? Traders. Any records from you?

Peep Show. Peep Show. Not for kids. Carry on. That's what we got. Okay. I will see you next time on. What does Dad recommend?

Another recommendation would be this podcast. Yeah. Very self-indolging. They're already listening. Ash, we got a message. We got heaps messages. We got a message that I'm going to read you off the back of a Dota. Ran the half marathon recently.

Oh, congratulations. They had the marathon in Melbourne. I told you I've signed up for three marathons and run number. of them? I thought you're about to say you signed up for another marathon. I was like, fuck it. I was like, three. I only three. I haven't run any of them. Money bags over here. No, no. No. Money bags over? No, no. No, no. Just fucking. I can't commit. I can't commit. I got that Chinese money now. I got that Chinese money now. I'm just spending it. I haven't run for about four weeks and I went for a run when it was really hot the other day.

And it was just awful. It's such a bad. Why would you run when it's so hot? Because I hadn't run. I had done any exercise and four. weeks and I was like, oh, I feel so eggy. I need to do something. You need to be tested. And I had the kids all day. And Laura came home and I said, can I just go for a half an hour run? And she was like, yeah, get out of here.

And then like 20 meters down the road, I was like, I fucking hate my life. This is so shit. Hate every second. I know. I feel like the run clubs are dying out for sure. And now they're bird watching clubs. That's what I'm into.

When I go from my mentee b walks, I see a lot of people birdwatching. Don't wrap me up. Fuck. Sorry. I don't. I'm sorry, the dot-a. The daughter. She says, Simone.

Hello, Simone. I just wanted to give you guys... Quick question. Go on. If she was born a boy, would it be Simon? 100%. Just wanted to give you guys a shout-out and say, thanks for getting me through my first ever half marathon.

Yeah, round of applause. Technically, we ran a marathon too, guys. Yeah, there you guys. Not all wasted on you, Ash. The route. Over the weekend, I ran the Melbourne Nike Marathon Festival, not sponsored. I'd never even run 21 kilometers before, but I've been training towards it.

and made it to the start line. I started by running journey listening to music, but somewhere along the way I switched to podcast, so I saved up the last few of your potty's for the race, and you guys kept me company for the two and a half hours I was on the course. I was going to say save the last few. I'm like, how long did it take you? Yeah, it does take a while.

Oh, do you want to watch. With an hour long episodes, and you said a few. Wow. But then she clarified, two and a half is good. That's a good time. Simone, I apologize for the long time. Oh my goodness of Ash so far. Whatever.

I also think it's a brilliant idea, but finish the text. So while I was out there questioning my life choices, battling my dodgy knee and wondering why the hell I signed up for this, I had you legends in my ears. Thanks for the last, the distraction and the company. You might not have known it, but you help me get across that finish line. That's good.

Isn't that beautiful? And the last few Epps have been so loose and like lollacosta. Yeah, lollacosta. That's new. So that would have been funny. Are you pointing in the term here? No, I've heard, I think of my life on car. Delete it, get it out.

Remove it immediately. Well, there you go, Simone. I'm very proud of you. Yes, well done. Yeah, that's an achievement. Especially as a mum. Yeah, to sign up and actually do it is an achievement. Yeah, I couldn't.

But yeah, cool. I've got one here. What do you got? It's in regards to the foreskin washing episode. Imagine running a marathon listening to that. Oh, God. So this comes from a Dota, a fellow uncircumcised Dota by the name of Zach. Hi, Zach.

Hi, Zach. And congratulations on still having your Forskin. Yeah, well done. Yes, thank you. Must be nice. He's challenged me to use mint and tea tree body wash. I'm not putting mint or tea anywhere near the end of my cock. There's a couple of, and this is not an attack on the gaze, because we all know they are the backbone of this podcast.

We are allies. And we are allies. But there's a couple of messages who are like, their foreskin. Yeah, they said they'd clean your foreskin. I know. I got a message. Don't you worry,

I get a message every week. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What do they say? They were like, I'll clean your foreskin ash or like, I'll get a DM that says, I'd love to clean that foreskin. That's lovely.

Yeah. Honestly, compliment. Yeah. But I will say I've used that mint and tea tree body wash. Whoa. On your foreskin. It's a really nice body wash, but it does leave your skin feeling tingling.

So the fact that he suggested it, I feel like it makes. Maybe we'll verge on the side of that guy who put like those popping candy out. It's like some deep heat in there too while you're at it. I know. That's pretty extreme. Yeah. Mint, yeah.

Don't do it, Ash. I won't allow you. Do it as an experiment. Oh, wow. Get Dan to do it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, okay. You have to remember if it was.

I don't want to ask if it is or it isn't. I don't want to ask. He sides with Ash. I knew it. You wish you could have yours back. Get it out. Come on. No.

Today. No, I don't want to disappoint everyone. Look, I'm not going to try it. Look for anyone who may be new here. Sorry? Oh, I just said missing out. You're going to miss out. Okay, thanks.

It makes me. It makes like send me a video of it. No, it's really nice. What do I do? What do you do? Do you dip it in? No, no, you put it on a lufa and you're just putting it over your whole body. A lufa?

Wow. A lufa bread. How do you wash your body? With my hands. With my hands. No lufers. What else? Do people using loof?

It's like a fluffy thing that you put you soap in the water. Oh yeah, scrubber? Yeah. You have a scrubber? That's there, but I don't know if it's April's or mine. No one uses it. We don't know who's it is. Sometimes if there was a loof for there, I'd use it on the butt crack.

And I'm like, oh, that's nice. There's one hanging off one of the hot or cold faucets. But I don't know if it's mine or April's. No one's afraid. I don't know. She's sitting there. I think it must be April's. It's not mine.

It's not yours. It's April's. How many people in your shower? I don't know. I'm going to ask April when I go home Who's is it? Because I've never seen her use it. Someone's broken in, planting a luther.

Or maybe. We're a non-louffer household. April's trying to suggest to you. Yeah. Then she just gets the mint and the tea fucking soap out. She's like Victor like, Vic told me you just dip your dick in. Bring those guys over and clean up horses.

Yeah, he's a tub of mint and dip you digger. Things are fucking mess. Yeah. It's like I'll walk out of there and my fucking dick's on fire. Thanks. For anyone who was new here, We have had a few listeners join us. This is an episode where we attack the dilemmas from the Dota's.

Yeah, it's about you guys. So we appreciate you sending them in. And every now and then we'll cross over to Ashes foreskin. And come back. And come back to the dilemmas. It's a hell of a journey. And actually, I've missed out on the last few housekeeping apps because I... Too many holidays.

I know. She's a jet setter. That's for sure. Speaking of jet setting, a Dota did ask for some tips on Vietnam. Oh, yeah, okay. So if you head to my Instagramvick.com, there are many posts on my Vietnam trip and where I went and what to do. There is so many things to do with Vietnam. I can highly, highly, highly recommend it.

Hanoi? Hoyan. It's close. There's a lot. It's quite a big country. People forget. And Foucok is, they say it's the... Foo's cock?

Oh God, here we go. Does he use tea and lemon on this? I don't know if I'm pronouncing that terribly because it's the same as like fur. It's like P.O. Fat cock. Fur cock. But it's in the... Gulf of Thailand.

So it's beautiful white sand and tropical waters. And they say it's like the Maldives of Asia. But yeah, can highly, highly recommend to go. There's so much to do with kids. A million theme parks, water parks.

The good thing is you can start at Ho Chi Minh, which is a main city. You can travel all the way up the coast to Hoyan and fly home from there. So you can do it. It's honestly so much bigger than people will give it credit for. It's really thin, long and skinny.

I have to ask, because you stayed at a hotel and you stayed at a hotel. and you stayed at an Airbnb, which is better with kids? Resort. Yeah. All the way. Agreed. And we're going to do Bali next year and we're going to just book a resort, not an Airbnb.

Have you signed off on that trip? Yeah, what dates? Still, last three, we didn't even know we're coming out. I gave you so many notices. And then you went to Al-Dala for that one day. For the record, what dates is it? It's the June-July holiday. No, the winter holidays.

Not for me. We are recording those. We record every day. It feels like it's something. Wow. Oh my gosh. I'm joking. Speaking of Bali, Ash right now will be in Bali.

Also a great family destination. I would have got back yesterday. Well, this is awkward. So yeah, I still like it. How was it? How was it? Where were you going in Bali? We're just going to do some bongan.

The best place in all of Bali. Yeah, we don't do mainland anymore. It's disgusting. We go to the mainland. Look, we can straight off that band-lake's full of fucking bogans. You get on the bogan bars and then you get off at fucking another. another suburb of Sydney. Wow.

Why don't you go on school holidays? I was in China and Singapore. We didn't go. This was a jet-star job that I did. It must be nice to have that kind of a lifestyle. You can talk. I mean, where's next? You can't talk.

It is time for this now. Now you need us more than ever. Know that we still have each other. You can send us short. Doding dilemma. You can send a show's Doty Dilemma. Ella, Ella, Ella, eh, eh, eh, eh. Dota Dilemma is great song.

It's better than the original. Do you start? I'll start. Please. I got Deb here. Because it's a short one, I don't want to read too much. Deb, Deborah, some would say. One of our boomer doters, we do love the boomers.

Don't pull that face. What? We do. We love all dotas, regardless of age. Age. Age. And generation. What do you do when a two-year-old

Arches their back? Sorry, that doesn't make sense. I said, what to do with the two-year-olds arched back, throwback? Poor Jima, me, has no idea except old school methods, lull. Okay, can we reword that? Okay, what I think Deborah is trying to say, Shush, you shut up over there.

This is not very nice, a laugh at me. Someone fuck the sentence up, and I get the blame for not being able to read. No, that's how she wrote it verbatim. That's an attack Deborah. Fucking Deb. We love you, Deb. Get your sentences right because I'm like Ron Burgundy. I'll read it off there.

I'll read it just off the thing. It's social media. It's slang. Yeah, she's like abbreviating. Yeah. She doesn't know how to abbreviate. She does. She wrote lull.

Also, yeah. She probably thinks it means lots of love. Maybe actually. Also, Deb is a regular commenter in the Facebook group. So shout out to Deb. She's amazing. So anyone attacks on Deb. cannot sit here in silence.

Fair. Sorry, damn, sorry. So what would you do if the toddler arches their back? So we're talking about

what do you do if a two-year-old or toddler throws their back, throws and arches their back like they're obviously having a meltdown

sort of thing. And she said, smack him. Well said. Joking, joking, joking. That's what she might be doing because she says she's a grandma

and has no idea except old school methods. So, hey, she's come to us for advice. Matt just gave it. I feel like back in the day, it would have been such common practice just to give the kid a big old wallop. Yeah, because they do go like real stiff, especially if you're getting into a car seat

and you're like, that is. And as a grandma, you wouldn't have as much strength as if you were like a young person. That's a blatant. Some, some grandmas might not. Deb is very fit. She could be like a muscle dead. She could be like able to hit the gym six days week. I'm just thinking of myself in like 20, 30 years time how I would go and probably not very well. There's not a whole lot I could really suggest other than like, what do you do, try and bring him down. Can I suggest? Actually, I've got one. Okay.

If I was Jen, the Oracle, what would I do? Oh, damn it. That's what I was doing. I would get down to their level and say, get in the fucking car. I get down to go. I wonder what it would be like if you got in the car. And we got to drive where we were going. Palms open and say, I can see that you're really frustrated.

Get out. I would also suggest prepping the kid beforehand so that they know what's happening because kids start to fight back and do those sort of things. when they're caught unaware, whereas if they know that it's coming, it can kind of help ease them or ease the anxiety about what's about to happen. Or if all else fails, bribe. This is what I would. Please.

If I was putting that child into a car to go to somewhere for that child, i.e. park, kids party, whatever, something to entertain them. And they did that. I would just go, look, I don't want to go. I'm going for you. But if you don't want to go, then why would we go? I actually think I used that exact psychology on Louie this morning. Yeah, I don't do any of this shit for me.

I'm doing it for you. About wiping his bum. Yeah, like, my kids are like, I'm trying to get him ready to go out the door. And I'm like, and they're just fucking around. I'm like, it's simple. I don't want to go. Me and your mom want to stay here. This is fun for us, but you guys are bored.

So we're doing this for you. How do they respond? Shut up, dad. Usually one. Yeah, okay. Nah, it's usually met with. Oh, shit. Okay, yeah.

Oh, I like that. Yeah, give it a go. I haven't tried that. It's a suggestion, not advice. Thank you. Thank you. Because you're right. You're not going to the park for you.

Actually, I, just quickly, I got asked this morning, I was getting my coffee and there's a family next to me with a newborn child. Child was very happy, smiling, looked at me. And I was like, what a gorgeous boy you have there. And they were like, thank you. And they said, do you feel creed whenever I'm like, it's a beautiful baby. What a nice. I'm a delicious child.

No, they said, oh, do you have kids? And I said, yeah, I've got three. And they were like, father of the year. Yeah, you did. He definitely went, well, if you ask that, because I'm actually father of the year. He carries it around. They didn't even give out trophies.

He just made one himself like that one up there. And they said, you know, it is the age old hierarchy who's got older kids slash more kids. And they were like, what's it like with three? And I was like, well, let me explain to you. And I reckon time goes so much quicker with three. It goes fast with two Don't even worry about it

Okay Don't even worry about And he's almost turning four I just can't believe that I know Macy goes to school next year Little Macy I know

She's not ready She's not ready She's not ready She's not ready She's not ready Yeah she was walking around In Oscar's uniform the other day Yeah

You said this You've done this You told us twice Oh I'll tell you one I'll tell you one Yeah I would say Sorry Deb to round that off I think we're done with Deb

Okay I think you did enough enough damage On that one Good, let's damage the next one. I don't know how damaged your story. Speaking of damage, toilet damage. Speaking of damage,

let's damage someone else. Okay. This one was shared on the Facebook group, Ash, and I'll keep it anonymous. People can just go and look for it. They can if they want to. Oh, join the Facebook group. It's thriving. Very good.

First time toilet training and I'm in need of some advice. Come to the right place. Suggestions. My daughter is two and a half, has absolutely nailed doing wheeze in the toilet, but pooing is completely different story. When she was wearing nappies, she would usually do one to two poos a day. Now we're finding that she's holding on for a couple of days and then hiding somewhere to do a poo in her undies.

We'll often catch her squatting somewhere in the house and take her to the toilet. She'll then sit there and try, but she says she can't go. Then literally two minutes later, she'll do a poo in her undies. We used a reward system. We used a reward system. We tried prizes. I'm trying to read it, Vic. I was just trying to help you

How does that feel? How does that feel there, big guy? I'm trying to read the question. Oh, get on with it then. I've got to go soon. Oh, it's all about years. Oh, wow. This is meant to be about the donors.

This isn't about big. Okay, so I use a reward system? I know, get on with it. I use a reward system, and she usually responds to that. We've tried the same approach with poos, even offering an instant prize for a very first put in the toilet. But she just won't do it. We're now in another two weeks and starting to feel a bit stuck.

I think she's lacking confidence when it comes to pulling in the toilet. Has anyone been through something similar than what has helped? Well, you were just talking about the public toilet thing. It's probably maybe similar. Maybe it's like, it feels like taboo. How are your kids in their shits? Macy can shit the house down, fucking about as thick as this microphone. Oh, my days.

I feel so far as asshole, really. Always been the case? Always. Remember that big fucking football she poo? down into a nabby that time? Yeah. What are you feeding her? She doesn't eat that much.

Where's it come from? I'm always surprised at how much comes out of them. Don't you think? Yeah. I'm not surprised at how much comes out of them. Yeah. Poor Lily, she actually had the reverse problem and she got into hospital recently because she had so much poo in her body.

Actually. She was majority poo. Here we go. How did you know that there was a problem? Did you know that her poo? We were like, hang a second. I had no idea there was a problem because she was still pooing every day. She had a poo the day before and the day off, which was what confused the doctors,

but she had so much poo backed up all in her intestine. No, in her colon. In her body. Inestines. I don't have intestines. Yeah, it was awful. She was like 30% poo. Did she smell?

Yeah, was it seeping out of her pores? No, guys. Well, that's a serious question. That's a serious question. I have heard with poos because there is a drop from the buttock to the toilet. They are scared of the drop. So I suggested try having her do one on a potty, smaller drop.

There's no splash or anything like that. Or there is a video that I showed Louie and Lily when they were potty training called Pooh Land, which I will play for you right now. Please. Take it away. Don't wait to hear what Pooh Land is. I hope it's on. Pooh is very shy with people.

Pooh just wants to go home. Pooh wants to go home to Pooh This is like hypnotic. In Pooleand, Pooh can tell Poo do it. It's so droopy. What is that? It's the poo laughing. That's terrifying.

Poo just wants... Tell his mummy and daddy when he feels sad or grumpy. I think she's lost the plot. I think so. The only way for Poo to get to Poo land is down the loo. Who wonder Lily was all backed up? It's like, oh. This will help you.

Watch this. Yes. Much too small for people, even little ones like you. This is Ollie. Ollie likes football and reading books. Pooh is very, very shy. Pooh tries to stay hidden in Ollie's bottom. Pooh needs Ollie's help to send Pooh home.

I think I've heard enough. Pooh makes trouble for Ollie. That is weird. It is weird. Vic, you started off with some really good advice. It's kind of like, that's like the salad fingers of... Yes! It's like a rusty spoon.

Is that salad fingers? What salad fingers? Touch the poo if you want to touch the spoon. I like it when the rusty spoon. But essentially if you get to the end of the video, it's all about sending poo back to Poo-Land to be with his parents. No, I get the message. The delivery was just a...

The laugh is a bit scary. That was just a bit. I'm scared. I don't want to poo anymore. It'll send the poo right back up. Right. Let's go back to the splash. Because I...

We'd agree, okay? Sometimes when the splash hits your butt hole, it's a lot. It can be a bit jumpy. It can be a bit, oh. Yeah, we had the little sit-down potty next to the toilet, and that was great. We had no issues at all with that. Here's a thought. Why don't we do this?

Why don't we lay the poo a little bed of toilet paper first? And you can poop onto the toilet paper, no splash back, and then it goes straight down. Right, toilet paper's not cheap. That was also. One or two, one or two. squares. That was also my advice for Matt if he's worried about the sounds in the toilet as well. You put toilet paper down. No, there's more so my ass.

Oh, okay. The sound not so much. Muffled? No, I'm a bit gassy sometimes. Is it like the, you know, when they get those trumpets and it's like, wab, bop, bop, bo bo bo bo bo bo bop. Yeah. Congratulations. You've got good sound.

You've got good pitch. You should use it. Bathroom acoustics are amazing. What are you talking about? I just trying to hurry this along, really. The other thing I've heard is if you give your kids like some sort of child safe laxative like a little bit, it helps loosen it up. You want to drug your children?

Like a Winnie Red and a coffee. Yeah, Timmy, have this. He'll be, I'll tell you right now. If you gave your child a Winnie Red and a coffee, it would poop everything it had out of it. Just saying. Well, because a kid, if you're pooping and it slides out, it's much more. Feels better. It's less.

anxiety inducing than if you have to push it out. Yeah, it does feel good when it does slide out on time sometimes. But then, Dan, I hope that helps. You've got to reward her if she's like trying, you know, and it doesn't happen. I think still give her like a bit of a bit of praise for attempting to sit in the toilet to do a poo. Because two and a half, that's young. Yeah, it is young. Why don't you do this?

A lot of girls do do it at two and a half. Boys are a bit later. Why don't you? Why don't you? Here we go. What do you got? Surely. What do you got big guy?

If she keeps pooping in her undies, just get her to sit on the toilet in her undies and see what happens. And then you can go, okay, well, I know where the problem is here. Okay. Well, I don't know what the problem is, but she was still pooping her undies sitting over it. So maybe it's something in the toilet. Like the war and you can find out what the problem is. You might have to lose a pair of undies at the time, but she's already pooping in them anyway. Just go, hey, why don't you try this?

Sit on the toilet with your undies on. Stay there. Don't move. Here's a book. Feel comfortable. I'll come back. She's two and a half, bro. No.

No. Here's a nudie mag. But you know what I mean? now for five minutes every day. She's reading Shakespeare. And so we give her books so she can just like look at the pictures. Lovely. Shakespeare.

I, thy, sit on thy throat. I heard you the first time. This is the sort of stuff they don't tell you when you want to become a parent. That's why you come to us. I tell everyone this. Yeah. Okay. Well, ruin Dan's life.

Thanks. Oh no, anonymous. Oops. Yeah, anonymous. Sorry, Dan. I mean, oops. This is a DM. Matt came through our Instagram, 290 days on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok.

Hey, fellas. I'm a mom of two, a two-year-old. and six months. Congratulations. It's fresh. When my partner and I had had the two-year-old, she was mixed-fed, breast and formula, which was a great way for my partner and her to bond as he could help with the feeds. Whereas with my six-month-old, he's exclusively breastfed and can't stand my partner. Even with express milk, he rarely takes a bottle from him and always prefers me to hold him, which is expected to be honest. I know this makes my partner feel pretty useless, is there anything I can tell him that may make him feel better? P.S. Love the P.S. Love the

P.S. Just to clarify. Oh, wait, hang out. I might have read that wrong. There's a good chance. I have no doubt you did. And can't stand my partner. Yeah, I thought it was like, I thought it was like, yeah, sorry. So, okay, what I'm reading here, I shouldn't have attacked. I've ignored I've ignored because it was silly. I apologize. You did. You really did a really good job. Shut the fuck. I thought. You did really good. You're patronizing me. I don't like it. I'm not. That was a good read. That was mean for me and I apologize. I didn't even hear it. Good.

Because I don't respect you. You were a couple of things in there. Vic? That's the last chance. How many fucking noises do you have to make in the record? I turned it off to pay the poo land video. Well, you did it clearly. I had to turn the sound back on for the Poo Land video.

Okay. That traumatizing video, I'm never going to get my fucking... Watch this, kids. I'm never going to be able to poo again. Go and poo, I dare you. What's going to happen if I do? You'll find out. Who put you on to that video?

Our friends. You should friend them. You should murder them. You should murder them. So she's got a six-month-old. Yep. And the child who's six-month wants nothing to do with a dad. Which is fairly common.

There's also a two-year-old. Who's the two-year-old? Yeah, the two-year-old was mixed fair. A mom of two. And that's why, that's she said. So she's had the good life. Had the good life. She's had the good life of both, which I think, you know, it's great that that can happen.

But then they've tried to have the... the good life again with the second one but only wants boob from the boob not the bottle. I think that first time, that was. That you're lucky. Yeah, you're lucky. I think the norm is, why the fuck would a baby want anyone else when it comes to feeding? It wouldn't want anyone else other than mum with the boobies. At that age, yeah.

Yeah, like fuck that. I suppose I remember Oscar would take a bottle here and there to give April some reprieve. So like it's great to give mum a rest. But like every night, no, no way. No chance. No. But with this, with this one, she's obviously saying, they're stuck in this situation, fine, but she wants to know what it is that she can do to help make him not,

because he obviously wanted to do it too, because there's a chance to bond, which is great, but he's now doesn't have that. Yeah, but I think feeding, kick back to the curb. That's not your jam, dude. Not in this instance. And it's not in this age. Not with second child. But I think when it comes to like changing nappies, boom, that is you, you step up to the plate.

Yeah. Swaddling. That's what I think, like maybe he really, because with, We're just assuming here. What I'm saying is those times where he was feeding, maybe he really relished it because he got to bond. It's nice. It is lovely.

They look up at each of gorgeous. Where he's feeling, he's feeling useless because he doesn't have that time to bond. Yeah, so I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying. Shift your focus. Yeah. And that will come later. Half time.

You got plenty of fucking time to feed, dude. Don't you worry. Can I ask, did Macy do the same? Macy was, she was prod, she was boob. She would take bottled milk for. me sometimes. Because I would say predominantly second child is more clingy to mum because they can see that they need to get your attention because there's this other little person trying to get your attention. So for me, Lily did not want a bottle at all and she was exclusively breastfed.

And so that meant that Dan had to take charge of Louie. And then that meant they had all sorts of extra adventures which I also missed out on. So it's just a reframe that you might not have these experiences with this child, but you can have totally new experiences with your toddler. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. And you'll get a chance to feed. Like when it comes to solids and stuff.

I hate that. Yeah. Really? I hate solids. I thought it was so fun. Yeah. I'm sure if your kids eat, so Poppy is probably my best eater. Yeah.

When they eat, it's great. Oh my God. When they don't eat, it's fucking hell. It's just like, there is, I was feeding Poppy yesterday and I was like, this is the best feeling in the world where she had like a little frozen. and thing of like fruit and porridge, oats thing. She ate the whole thing, like every mouthful, just like, boom. And I was like, this is the happiest I've ever been in my whole life.

I know. I don't know what it is about kids and eating. Lily had three bowls of pasta last night and I'm just like, I'm on top of the world. It makes me feel so happy. Louis had half a bowl. He's my bad. And you're like, you disappoint me. Oscar started joking.

I had to like feed him like a baby. Oscar started to actually eat, but Macy's. still a battle. Yeah. But yeah, bath times, did. Poppy. Bath time for me, that was, that was like, it's such a nice bonding time. And I love it as well because I'm obsessed with my phone.

I have to just constantly distract myself. And in the bath, no temptation to have fun. It's just you, baby, locked in. It's quality time. So what we're saying is shift your perspective onto another activity that you can bond with that child, but then with the two-year-old, don't forget about them. Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't forget about that.

This is your time to shine with the two-year-olds. Yeah, because same as well. Like with Oscar, when April, with Macy, Oscar was my remit. Yeah. So we would do everything together because, yeah. So there you go. I missed out on a lot of zoo visits.

Because we're zoo friends. Because Dan would always take him to the zoo. That's how we came up with our two-hour zoo. It's a great, he's a great dad. He is. He's a great dad. Well, I hope we answered your question. Vic, it is currently 317, by the way.

Yep. I'll just have to leave. Must be nice. Because I really want to go to swimming lessons. I'm being off I quit. I know. Who's swimming lessons are they? Louies.

So you don't even have to get in. He's moved up a swimming club. Sounds like that. Sounds like a holiday to me. Another one. Getting Louis into swimmers is not a holiday. Trust me. I'm also going to show up without any snacks.

Take him a Red Bull. We've got a biscuit box. Yeah, right. As a music bar. Oh, yeah, true. Okay. But you're not allowed any of them. Let's get moving.

Okay, this one is for Megan, McGahn. For or from? From, I apologize. You're doing really good part? But the advice is for her. There's no advice here, Vee. It's just suggestions. You're doing really well.

Thank you. Any thoughts? Excellent. Start. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you everyone. You're also really, both of you have been fantastic.

Don't wrap me up. Get on with it. Megan, my partner, who's a trading in brackets, went for a job interview and when the interviewer mentioned, in brackets, lots of overtime, my partner responded saying he's unable to do overtime as he has to pick up the kids at 3.30. The interviewer seemed baffled and responded with, well, what does your missus not have a car or something?

To which my partner responded that I work in the city and I don't get home till 630, I feel like there needs to be more discussion and flexibility and understanding for dads in trades because until these male-dominated industries start to shake up the old-school views, it doesn't enable dads to step up to the plate in equal parenting. That is such a shit question to ask someone. Just straight. Let me say this. If you're interviewing someone for a potential job at your company and you throw that

question, you shouldn't be at that company. That's a fucking shit question. And then also this generalisation of that, oh, that's mum's job. Like, shut the fuck up, dude. Like I would have jumped the desk. I would have fucking jumped the desk. I wouldn't have. I would have helped here.

I love how Ash is like, in the shower. In the podcast show. He's like, I would have taken my shirt off and I would have put him in my headlock and took him to the ground. Yeah, but this is all in the shower later when I'm thinking about what I would have done if I had the balls to do it. You'd be soft. You might hurt you. You ain't hurting anyone. I definitely would have, I definitely would have been like, first of all, if you're going to ask me questions like that, that's not the right job for you.

Question. You've done a few trades. You're a painter. Mm-hmm. When you were painting, did you have kids? No. No.

I was 17. I don't think I had kids. Actually, okay, Will. Well, will. Well, will. Well, well, well. Well. Well said.

Dan. Dan is a trady. Yes, Dan is a trady. But he's his own boss, I guess. Yeah, it's different. Look, Mike, let's go, let's use Mike. Mike is not his own boss. He works for a guy that has kids himself.

And Mike always talks about that it all comes out in the wash for him. So for him, he's like, he might start late because he's doing drop off, but he's always works a few hours later anyway because he feels like if they're willing to give that flexibility to me, I'm willing to give the flexibility to them, which it's a two-way street. And I've worked enough in HR to know that if you're flexible with an employee, they'll be flexible with you and you'll get the best out of them. Also, Vic, totally fine for you to go to swimming classes this afternoon.

Thank you. But can't you fucking Mrs. do that? I was actually going to use this as an example because I don't work traditional like nine to five hours on this job because of the kids and I have to do school pick up sometimes and obviously swimming lessons. It's becoming a bit much. But I do always make up the hours later and a good worker will always like get the work done. And so it shouldn't really matter what time they work. I know on building sites, especially big ones, they can have a lot of restrictions on like timings. And even Dan, to be honest, he's sometimes like, I can't stop until 3.30 yet.

and then I've got a pack up that takes half an hour. So, like, he's always going to be home late as well. It can be a little bit trickier for those people in trades to just, like, pack up their stuff and leave versus, like, those who write emails for a living, high. Yeah, yeah, it's not like, you're just going to go close the laptop. Yeah, it's a literally 30 to 45 minute pack up each day. Yeah, same with Mike, right?

And that's the thing. If you're in an interview when that question comes out, immediately you know that's not the right place to work. I know it's hard as well because there's not a million jobs out there and sometimes you need to just get food on the table. But if you're in desperate need of that position itself and that's the sort of question you get, you just lie to that guy. And then when it comes down to it and you need to leave early or not do the overtime,

have a conversation again and then find the right company to work for it. But I almost think like we need to start changing the conversation and instead of lying to him, I think you kind of need to call him out and say this isn't really. a fair response. Their version of like dynamics of both parents when they're boomers, like back then a house was like 50 bucks. And they had the luxury of only ever having one person working. Like that world is absolutely fucking gone. Yeah. And you're right. It's kind of like it's not appropriate to be to asking those, to be asking those sort of questions. And it does absolutely need to change. But at the moment, we're sort of teetering in this area where

where this, the generation that that was the case is still in hiring positions. And you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I've worked with enough tradies to know for a fact that they're just so fucking stubborn these fucking tradies, like that they will not budge on things like that when it's actually, if you, if, if me as an employee turned around and said, hey, I've got to dart off early, my kid's sick at school. And they were like, well, mate, straight away, I'd be like, fuck you. because at the end of the day, more importantly is my family, not you.

Totally. But I would argue that it's not a tradie issue. It's an Australian cultural issue because what Georgie Dent from the parenthood has said is that the way that parenting is structured and the work week is structured is based on what we had in the 90s and the 80s where there was always one parent at home and that's why the working week doesn't match up to the school week. And that's why we're left with so many hours. And so this poor guy who's trying to like support his family and also support his wife.

is getting stuck in this like no man zone. Yeah. And like they would get the best out of that employee if they were to come to the future. Totally. But I think the conversation just needs to start changing so that men of every generation know that what used to be the norm can't really be norm anymore.

It's about reshaping the version of fatherhood that we inherited instead of just passing on the same version down to the next generation. Totally. And we saw how. We're seeing how the previous generation parented and that now we're all like, we don't want to be like that because it was wrong. So like it's,

well, you guys are perfect examples of that. Like I said, we are teetering on the edge of those people being in hiring position still. And there's going to be a day when it's going to be you and I sort of generation hiring where it's like your family does come first because if you put my family first as an employer, I'm more likely to put you in a better position when you need me. Beautiful. I'd hire you.

Thank you. I'm unhorable. Hey, before we go, I do want to remind the good dotas, the great dotas, that you can at any point submit your dilemma, a question that you would like our input in. It's not advice. It's suggestions from myself, Ash, Vic. We are here at your service. So send them in either via our DMs or an email at hello at two dating dads.com. And if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, subscribe, send it to your friends. send us to a ship boss Spotify, YouTube, Apple Podcasts. This one's not on YouTube. But the other ones are.

They're all right. Good recovery. We want to miss out on the other ones. And don't forget, you can also sign a really important petition. It's been run by the parenthood. It's about advocating for dads to be more hands-on, more involved as parents and the ability to take more time off for paid parental leave.

Yes, for newborns. So they can bond and help out around the house way more. Love it. All right. See you next time. Bye. Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.