Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #273 Raging Against Everything

Episode Date: October 27, 2026

Get ready to RAGE, because the guys are absolutely fed up with everything this week. Car parks, nosy neighbours, construction sites, ChatGPT, their own kids… nothing is safe. Matt is feeling guilty about teaching his kids something stupid, while Ash is ready to take matters into his own hands with flyers for inconsiderate drivers. Subtle. Plus, the guys debate whether men or women experience more pain, explain why Laura is the true hero of the household, and discover how to turn your kids’ little rhymes into a song that’ll have them dancing around the living room. Basically, everyone's annoying them. Including themselves. ______________________________________________________________________________ If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I want to talk to you about a thing that I've done What have you done Put my finger in my bum Did you get I had a funny thought Please That's not very funny

I was just thinking about oxytocin That's all What's going on What's that again You can get oxytocin from a big cuddle Do we hug it out? And then I was like I said to April

Come here, let me give you a hug So you can come my oxytocin What's that again? What? Never. Never mind. Say it once more. No.

Say it for the dotas. No. I said, I'm going to make you come oxytocin. Okay. No good. And you say I'm creepy. Yes. Can we start again, please?

No, I'm not happening that. I am Maddie J. I wasn't. And I'm producer Vic. I'm not here. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad.

And they're relatable. And if you come for advice, no. No. Give your spouse a hug and generate some oxytocin. There you go. Or make them come. Whatever. Both happy things.

Both happy things. Well, yeah. Well said. Absolutely well said. Matt. Anything on coming in oxytocin from you? I want to give a shout out to Mali. Okay.

That's a good term. We're talking about, you know. Oxytocin? If you give your kids oxytocin, I mean, give a cuddle. They give oxytocin. So, it's a good thing. There you go. So actually, Marley may get this.

oxytocin on the weekend. No, she probably won't. She's got a very first game of netball. Yep. That is exciting. I was wondering what was happening with netball. Has she done any training really? She has been doing training except the only issue is makes me a little bit nervous that during the school holidays, which was a little while ago, we were away for most of it. And in the group chat, the netball group chat, there's a lot of holiday training going on. The parents were catching up. They were finding courts. They were like all getting together. And I was like, hello.

And so I'm a little bit worried at how she's going to go. She's not very competitive at all. That might benefit her for the first one where she might just be happy to be there and getting amongst it without knowing like without having that. I don't know if she's read this somewhere, but she says to me, dad, I'm not a competitive kind of girl. I'm a dancey, creative girl. Okay, well, yeah, we'll just find out when she gets on the call.

No, she just, I don't think she has it in her to really be someone who competes. Well, you'll find out. You know, have you seen that video of like these kids playing soccer and this one girl's doing cartwheels and like, oh yeah, that's, that's going to be Marley. At least she's involved. Louis, he likes to chase his own shadow on the field. Ah, good on you, Louie, good on you, Louie. So very first game of netball, except I said she couldn't be there.

I thought we're going to be away. So I've put her in as like a late. So I think she's starting on the bench. That's okay. She gets a watch. Although she might get free her out. And I thought maybe, I don't know if this is bad parenting or not, but I was like to try and get her excited because she loves new things. I was like, I'm going to buy her a pair of shoes.

Ooh. She only has crocs and a black school shoes. That's it. So now she's got some netball shoes, like some runners? Well, yes, because it's got some pinky run shoes. Oh, no. Yeah, that's what I thought. It was meant to be fun too.

And I think I said to her, I was like, hey, you know, you've got a brand new pair of shoes coming. They're going to come in the mail. And she's like, over my dead body, am I going to play netball on the weekend? And I was like, okay. It's very specific. That's just nerves. That's anxious, ex-anxiety. You think, yeah, I think it is.

Absolutely, that is anxiety. She's like, she has built it up in her head to be like this big scary thing. Then when afterwards, it won't be a scary thing. I think maybe because I was panicked. I was panicking. I was like, they're training, Mali. And she was like, Now I know.

They're training with art. Oh my God. They're doing like, some of them can do 100 pushups. She's like, what can you do? Did you ever play a mixed netball? What? Did you ever play mixed netball? Not for me.

Not for you. It's really fun to play, but boring to watch. It's very hard. I've played like two games in my life. I reckon you would be very good. You've got long limbs. You're tall. You're agile.

You're fast. It's never good at basketball. Yeah. It's not my domain. Yeah, but what about the basketball? See, that's the thing. I think people who weren't good at basketball play. netball. I don't know. I'm more of a, was ever really good in the water? Never good on the

basketball court. He was a gymnast. Me, yeah. I'm more of a, like a cricket ball kind of guy. Okay. Can I ask what position Marley is going to play? Or is that at that level? Left right out at this stage. I would you attack my daughter like that. That's my eldest daughter. You said she's you're on the bench. I can make fun of her. I did not. You said she's on the bench. She's going to listen back to this podcast, but wow, Ash was a real fucking asshole. She's also going to hear that you called her a fuck with last week. Did I say that? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Rich. Marley, if you're listening, I love you. That was a joke. I love you too, Molly. Is the real enemy here. It was a joke. Let's not forget.

You turned your kids on me last episode too, the episode before. Did I? Yeah, the same episode that you said that she was a fuck with. I said something and you were like, don't come and make. There's, yeah. This is, for anyone who's new here,

they may listen and go, gosh, they really don't like each other on this podcast. We do. Not a great start. We do enjoy. each other company, but it just becomes a bit of a power struggle for like who's a little bit. Who's on top? Yeah.

Yeah. We have a lot of fun, though. I'm excited to see how she goes. Obviously, it must be a lower because they can't, it's quite high. Well, she has said, she's like, Dad, the fucking, the thing is, fucking net's too high. They surely bring it down for seven year olds. I don't think they do. No.

So what is it going to be nil all every week? I think the scores are like 3-1. And it's the referee putting the ball in. Oh, it's close. Yeah, I don't. Oh, maybe they do. I have no idea. I actually did see, I saw some year six kids training, and I was like, wow, they're really good.

But they're six. Yeah, but I was like. It's twice Marley's age, really. This is my first, guys, big deal, my very first time watching competitive sport with my children. Because up until now, they've been doing dancing and gymnastics, all the bloody, artsy-fartzy creative, boring sports. Yeah, shout out to. Didn't Lolo do soccer? Yeah, but that was like.

Training. That was like clinics, which she fucking hated with passion. So now this is the real, this is like the big step up. There's Maloney need a pep talk. I'm pretty good pep talks. I'm pretty good pep talks. Can I record one and send it to you for what day is it? Saturday.

For Saturday morning. Please. She's feeling nervous. You just go look, Ash has something to say to you. Yeah, I'll FaceTime. Do it. Because Ash helps kids win. That's his job.

Yeah, you're like a psychologist for kids. Here's one for you. April messaged me when I was away because she had to play tough. And she was like, I don't want to play. And because she was feeling anxious and nervous because they've lost every game. What are they called again? Like the Milps or something? The Mills, yeah.

The old. Ageless beauties. The old Mills. The old Mills. Ageless beauties. I don't know. Ageless athletes. Oh, ageless athletes.

Yeah. I prefer Milps. She texts me, said, I was telling Oscar that I was nervous to play. And he said, imagine how, no, wonder how you'll feel after. Because that's what I would say to him to get him to compete. He's stealing your material. He's stealing my stuff. Oh my God, that's so adorable.

He wrote a handwritten note for her to keep, to take on the field. What did it say? Let's call her, because I want to call her anyway about the bike. You want to find out about the bike stuff? Also, I keep forgetting to bloody write my kids' letters for lunchbox. Every night time I'm like, I'll do it in the morning. And then in the morning, I'm like, get on the fucking car. I'm like, damn it up you got.

Hello. I'm here with Matt and Vic, and we just have a couple of things we want to talk to you about. Hey, April. Hi. Yay. That sounds too excited. Firstly, we want to talk about touch football and the note that Oscar left you. What does you say?

Oh, bless. Every Monday comes around and I get quite nervous. And I was telling him I'm quite nervous about touch football. I think we may have been in the car after his jitza or something. And he goes to me, Mom, think about how proud you'll feel. feel if you beat them tonight. And I was like, twice. Quite profound.

Hey? That's quite profound. He's a mini-house. And then, you know, I was getting ready and he's like, he passes me a note. And he's written it down on a piece of paper saying, Mum, think about how proud you'll be if you beat them tonight. But then the thing is says, I want you to win or something like that. And he made me take it to show my teammates as well, so to help us get through the game.

Nice. And how did you go? We lost, but... Yeah, what was the score? But I think I... Amazing. I also said you did a goose step. Yeah, I did. I did. I did. You had a goose step.

Nice. I know. Very good. Go, girl. Next one is recently you purchased your first bicycle. I did. Can you give us an update how that's going? Because I've been away for a week.

I haven't done it. I haven't done it in the week that you've done it. Oh, okay. There's a lot on your plate right now. She can't ride a bike by herself if she doesn't know how to ride a bike. I taught her. I've taught you how to ride a bike. I thought about like taking the kids and like just,

but I feel like I still feel like I need you there to manage the kids while I concentrate on bike riding. Just remember April. Think about how proud you'll be after you take that little ride around the park by yourself. Very good. She's getting good. I remember last time the confidence is growing. It's funny. I mean, people, like, stop to let the kids pass

and then they see me coming and they just keep walking. But I'm like, no, you need to stop. I don't know that I'm the learner. Oscar's so quick on it now. I'll get some footage for the guys because you're getting quite good except for when there's people around. You get a bit nervous and a bit shaking.

I want to hear how the lessons went. Like, did you put the towel around her? No, I honestly did the old, just once you've got momentum, don't stop pedaling. It's straight away. Nice. So it was just the turning, which was a bit shaky. We'll still think turning's a little bit, a little bit tricky.

We're all very proud of you, April. Oh, thanks, guys. We'll keep tabs on you. We'll go for a bike ride together on the northern beaches. All right, settle down, Vic. All right, I'll see it home. All right, bye you. I really wanted to bring up the sex pillow.

Why? Because I just want to say that. Congratulations. He's a pervert. Unlike me, who is very, very much. Unlike me, who's very... Shut up. You're the worst.

You've rubbed off on you. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. No, that's a fixed job. We're here to talk about touch football and bike riding. Good on her. Just really quickly, Ash, before we move along, before we had school holidays, we talked about doing a collective knit treatment.

This is to the class on the WhatsApp chat for Mali, because everyone just kept getting... It was like the revolving door of nits. jump from one kid to the next. Well said. Thank you. Thank you. It was like battling COVID.

Like back then, we're like, we have an outbreak. Everyone get down. My grandmother called COVID the carver. She just couldn't quite understand what it meant. He's got that carver. But Laura suggested that all the kids do the knit treatment at the same time. And since then, not a single outbreak. Wow.

Because it got so bad that one of the teachers, I think it was a supply teacher, if any child scratched their head, they were put by themselves in the classroom. They were ostracized. It's kind of like, also, if you really wanted to get back at someone, you just feed, you just put nits in that classroom. And they'd be like, there you go. Well, I don't think you'd have. How do you catch a nits?

Yeah, get it. You'd do it. You'd find it. You would make it happen. If you were that devious to think about that, I would make it happen. Anyway, carry on. That is a level of deviousy, which I've never experienced before. Watch out.

Good, good to hear, actually. Because, I mean, like, I used to shave my head when I was a kid because I'd give it all the time because it's a fact. Well, yeah, yeah. What's that? There's a little note here that's saying a live show in Amsterdam. Explain. Vic, what's that? That actually came from Martina, Adota, who lives in Amsterdam.

Oh, Martina. Hello, Martina. She was one of the duchies that wrote to us and said, hey, I'm... Can I just ask, Martina, if you were born a male, would your name be Martin? Potentially. It's a very, it's a very... Valid. Valid question.

Her dad was like, yeah, we've got names picked out. It's either Martin or Martina. You could say the same about Ash and Ashley. That's Ashton thing very much. Ashton and Ashley. Okay, I'll leave the jokes to me, you think. Carry on. But she said, how about a live show in Amsterdam

then for all of us Dutchies in the Netherlands? There's like three people. There's more than three. Martina. No, you can look on. You can look on the... That's a lot of heavy lifting for not a lot of return. If you pay for it, Martina.

We're talking flights, accommodation, the jet lag, we're bringing the family. Just to watch YouTube. Bring in the family. Well, I wouldn't bring mine. I don't know. It's a great suggestion, Martina. I don't want to say no. We'll think about it.

Maybe one day. We're not going to do it. Do we have any dotas in the travel industry who can pay for this whole trip? Just float it. It's only business class too. You got to throw that in there. Ash's bad back. My bad back.

You know what he's like. I can hurt your back, so you also have to go business class. I just looked up, the Netherlands. We have 84 listeners. That's a small show. It's more than three. That's true. There you go.

Thank you for the suggestion. Maybe one day. We'll let it marinate. I've taught my kids something very dumb. Okay. You're there teaching these beautiful sayings to Oscar, like giving great outlooks on life on how to be more positive. I'm regurgitating them to him from someone else.

Still, I mean. And he's regurgitating them to April. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing. Whereas in my household, I'm regurgitating very silly things. Okay, what do you go? What are you going? So there's certain sayings that you learned as a child that I've held on to. I looked at my children one morning and I thought, I think they're ready for this.

I think it's time. And I was also like, there's a slow morning. I wanted to giggle. And I was like, this will go down well. Is anyone familiar with the saying, peace man turn around oopsie one fell down no that's good can you also explain for the people who can't watch

what you were just doing with your hands just follow along with the words you need to have actions peaceman so you did peace sign turn around so you turn it around and you go oopsie one fell down and you then end up giving someone the middle finger very clever bad habit and I like taught them and their eyes just lit up It was a beautiful.

It was like Christmas morning. They were like, they've just discovered this beautiful thing. And I like turn around and Laura's face. She's just like, you got to have a bit of fun, man. She's like, what are you fucking doing? And I was like, what's the problem? She's like, why would you teach them that? And I'm like, ah, you know, it's no big deal all day.

The kids to each other, the kids to me, the kids to the neighbors. Not at school. To Nana. They're like, I know, fuck it. They just flip it to the bird. They love it. They've not stopped for a week. You're a bad example.

I've created monsters and I was also like, have a cigarette. Cigarette of a cigarette to be. Yeah, and then do this to everyone. That's good. I'm gonna steal that, see if Oscar likes it. Oh, you love it. He'll love that. I taught Louis bang, bang, you're dead, 50 bullets in your head, one more, up your bomb.

That makes 51. Oh my God. Did you hear that one? I've heard that before. That's way more murderous. Wow. It's like, and then I taught Louis, bang you over, fuck you up your eyes. turn around, punch in the face

and that's what you get. I can't remember. There's so many of them. As soon as I said it, I was like, what have I just died? Can you say it one more time? I don't know if I should. Bang, bang, 50 bullets in your head,

isn't it? Turn around, one up your bum. That's 51. Is that right? That's close. It's bang, bang, you're dead, 50 bullets in your head. One up your bum.

And that makes 51. Oh my, and wait. You used to say this. as a kid? It was like when you're playing cops and robbers and stuff. I never running around like you're just using your fingers. I don't want to know what you guys did. I don't know what you did with your fingers, Vic.

Oh my God. There would be so many from primary school that you just can't remember. But Oscar, because he's in primary school obviously, he comes back home with all these things like, especially like jokes, like dumb jokes, like the woo-hoo one and shit like that. But they love. I remember when I was in primary school, there was always a saying.

So if you've got a primary school one liner or a primary school rhyme, because people say that we should gather those up. In Australia, we don't have any culture. That is culture. This is all we've got. That's, that is good culture. Oh, God.

So I'm trying to think if there's any more than enough of my head, but I can't remember him. Yeah, they just love them. I just keep thinking of no hat, no play, no fun today. That's all I can think of. But like that's a good one. The 50, yeah. So if you got any, I'd love to collate them if we could. So send them in so we can read them out.

Yeah? 100%. You guys look at me like, Do you not know what I mean by that? No, definitely sentiment and make me feel less alone in my terrible parenting. Thank you, thank you. Gee, Vic.

It's like, anyway, so don't murder your fellow school students. I know, it's really bad. It is bad. It's got a great run, though. There's a note here from New South Wales Transport. What have we done? Just something that I saw, which, you know, we talk about parking quite a bit, actually.

It's always a sticky point in every parent's life. So before previously, the parking discussions have been limited to whether or not you're, you actually have to have a pram in the car when you're getting one of those specific car parks at a Westfield shopping centre as an example. Or is the baby seat enough to qualify? I think the baby is probably, or a child. Let's not go back into it. Let's not open up those cow words.

Can I just say, there's a guy down the road from me who drives a Holden Monaro and he pushes his cat around in a pram? That is such a weird contrast. Weird spectrum of personality there. He's like, how to fuck you're gone? Like, what's with that? Push, how are you, mittens? If your animal is in a pram, it's time to put them down.

Facts. Factual. Unless, no, there's no, I just think, yeah, I wholeheartedly believe that. It is cute, though. What's cute? Pushing around some furry thing that shits everywhere. It's cute, but it's weird. I agree.

But the question is, do you think, the two of you, is it allowed to reserve a car park when you're just a pedestrian? Like if you were, say you're driving around the shopping center or on the street and you have to try and do a you turn to get to the park and I'm in the car with you as a passenger and I go, I'll jump out. Absolutely not. I'm not even going to let you finish. Please.

Absolutely not. That is not on. I'll fucking run you over. Wow. Yeah, I agree. I feel very strongly about this. I fucking hate it when people do this. Because we sit coming up to Christmas time, it's when people stay.

started to get a little bit crazy when it comes to car park. It's the most selfish thing you can do as a driver. Absolutely. First in first. And the thing is with the car park, it's a lawless, it's a lawless area of the world. I feel like. It's not lawless. It's illegal.

Yeah, but I feel like people think it's lawless because the other day I'm in the car park, we could do a whole podcast on God. Look how passionate is. I know. It infuriates me. So I was in the middle of the road. It's still a road. Okay.

It's still a road. The business. They're like, what is happening next door? Someone's just walking, just walking up the middle of the road bit. And I was like, do what? Just walk like, like it's a footpath. Oh, I hate it when people do that as well. And I was like, and I just put the window down.

So it's not a fucking footpath. And then I just put the window and keep going. But what? I said it in my head. And then I had the argument. I was like, love you, bye. But I feel like, can we just all abide by common courtesy? People lose common courtesy in a car park immediately.

It should say at the front, be like one hour's free four hour whatever you pay for just keep your common courtesy right that's what it should be like oh I feel like they need more parking cops so you are absolutely correct that is one of the most like I said I will run you over that's how much I remember this for next time we need to like wake him up I'm like ash parking and he's like honestly honestly I think it's yeah I agree it's really infuriated so you will just to put you at ease. New South Wales

Transport has come out. They've done a post on Instagram and they said it's not allowed. It's dangerous and it's illegal. Justice. Ash just came. And you can get a fine. Justice.

If you are standing in a spot and a parking inspector or someone from Transport New South Wales sees you can get a fine. Can you print that out? Can you print 50 copies of that for me please? We don't have a printer in the office. We'll find one.

We're not there yet. The business analyst has a fucking printer. We're not there. I don't imagine if we're not going to do on the door. Can we borrow your printer? You guys got a photo. copy and a printer and then we just wheel it next door. Hey guys.

This is all a share space, isn't it? But honestly, where do you want to put those if you print them? He wants to hand them out. He's going to wind his window down and say, read it and weep. Yeah, read it. Fuck Ed. And North Sydney? Anywhere.

Great. Outside the cold. Anywhere in New South Wales. Look, I don't want to take the laws across the border. But Transport for New South Wales has said, so not only is it a dodgy move, but it could also see you getting a fine for doing so. Does it say how much? No, it doesn't actually.

But someone has written in the comments is using a cone less dodgy asking for a friend. That's good. To which they have swiftly replied, you can not reserve a parking spot no matter the method. New South Wales Transport is a South. He's a dad. That guy's a dad for sure. Can I just talking about parking very quickly? We can talk about parking all day.

I know. This is the parking episode. You felt this passionately about parking. Tell me if this is allowed. I'm going to say no. Okay, so across the road from me is a construction site. And then moving pretty slowly, I've got to say. It's a beautiful design, lovely, lovely work, architecturally, great.

But it's just taking a real long time. I spoke to the owner and he's like, fuck, they're taking forever. And I'm like, yeah, man. There's only ever like two or three trade is there at the most. I don't want to start like getting anyone in trouble. If you're working on that construction site, I'm like, fuck, I know, hurry up. What they've done, Ash, is they've got to dig an excavator on the back of a trailer, permanently parked outside, taking up one car park.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Then they've got a trailer filled half with rubbish. On another, there's two car parks. They've got it in the middle, so they take up both. So in total, we have three car parks without any, they haven't like purchased it. You know, sometimes you can get like a construction site. They're supposed to have a parent. None of that.

Do I tell the council? Do I... Can I just say one thing? Please. I agree with you. Yes. That is not on. But because...

But don't start the council route. Because once you pop, you can't stop. Once you do one complaint to the council and it works, you're going to be like, this is how these people get their power. It's the pay. Yes. And then they start walking around their own postcode like they're wearing a cape and then like self-righteous. I've got another gripe after this, which I'm going to share with you.

But let's get through this one first. Have either of you ever message the council? I know Vycas. What have I messaged that? I don't know. You just seem like a type. Too much admin ADAC, I forget. She's like deleting emails.

Look, no, I haven't. I really want to. No, don't because then you become that person and the power gets your head and you'll be unbearable in the neighbourhood. And then everyone would look at you as the guy. But every morning I'm like there, my hands on my hips going,

bloody three carp parks, who the hell do they think they are? These construction's taken more than 12 months. It's so inconsiderate. And that's as far as you should go. Because think of how that sounded in your head then. Imagine that in writing. Can I just like rewind and you said you were going to like drive over, hit someone with your car? I would much rather you do that.

Be, be, do that. Because then people would be like, good on you, Maddie J. But if you go to the council, it's like, oh, he's one of them. I was, I was. You can be anonymous. The Bondi Council, they are like, they're everywhere because they make so much money from getting people. There's so many, such limited car parks, so many cars. See the problem?

Landlock. I do. It's a sad story. And down the end of the street, I was driving, and I saw them in their little car. And I said, excuse me, excuse me, come here, here. You dobbin them in. And they were like, what is it? And I was like, okay, listen here, up the road on the right hand side, you'll never believe this.

Is it a construction? Yeah, I was like, and the re-car, and the guy was like, where is it? And I was like, why are you whispering? Because I was like, I don't want them because every morning I'm like, hey, fellas. and they're like, hey. And I'm like, I fucking hate you so much. Yeah, you're like, okay, buy, and the door shut. And I'm like, there's a skid in that.

There's a skid in there. The parking inspectors, I was like, they're up there. It's them on the right hand side, 100 meters. And they were like, we can't see which way. And I was like, just walk up there. Look at the excavator. And I was like, please hurry. And cars behind me, we're like, beep, beep, beep.

You'll do something like that. They'll go up to do it and then they'll point at your house. That guy complained. He's the one there. And you'd be like, oh. The curtains. You're becoming Ronda. I know.

Her soul has been passed down to Maddie Jail. It has. You're the new, whatever we used to call, the general. The general. You're the general now. Maddie general. The street. God, and there was a party down the street and I almost called the police, but I didn't.

Down the street. Well, I'm always 40 now. When you hit 40, you want to start complaining. I did call the police on a party once. Go on. Did someone call the police on your party? Like Laura's 40? Yeah.

Yeah, they threw eggs. They threw eggs. Yeah, at Laura's party. That's funny. Who did you call? Oh, it was a long time ago, but I was living in a unit. It was just me and April. It was our first unit actually together.

And upstairs was a young, younger, like older than us, but still considered quite young. And she used to have friends over all the time. I think she had a roommate. But they were always quite noisy, but it wasn't a problem. And then it was Christmas night. My parents were staying with us. And they were having a party. It was fine.

I had no problems with that. Midnight came, no problems. I got to 3 a.m. And they were, I don't mind if it's inside, but the boys were out on the balcony screaming. And it was echoing through the complex. Anyway, so I fucking was like, all right, I've had enough of this. So I just called the cops. They just came down the driveway, flashed their lights or whatever.

And that really cleared them out. That was it. No problems. But one of the other neighbors left death threats for her because they literally were throwing beer bottles apparently over the next building. And like, it was just. That's not on. No.

But that was the only time I ever did it. But I was like, keep me anonymous. Did you then have the cape? Yeah, I was just walking around. Like, I did this. I am protecting everyone. I'm not, but I didn't leave any, I didn't leave any death threats, that's for sure. But I think like, like, if they're down the road, how noisy were they?

They must be real noisy. Or were they just in the street? Very noisy. It was like a little bit of sleep. Shut your windows. I did. Double glaze? No, I can't afford it.

Can't afford it. I've got a grot too. Oh, yeah. I've got a grot. April. She's rubbed a neighbor up the wrong way. What? Okay, so we have Squiggy.

The dog. Squiggy, the dog. Small dog. What breed? It's a multi-sitsu. It's one of those cat dogs. Yeah. Anyway, April walks Iggy in the middle of the day.

Okay, we live in an area full of dogs everywhere. We always pick up her dog poo. April is walking along the road, the main road just near my place, McPherson Street. So walking up the road there, medium strip, then there's paths off into the townhouses there from the medium strip. Iggy, the dog, Squiggy, started to do a wee, a wee on one of the medium strips out the front of this house and a lady

poked a head out and had a go at April for letting the dog wee on the grass. But in the medium strip, it doesn't, it shouldn't matter. It's just wee on a grass. Did she know it was we though or did she think he should be? Yeah. April was like, it's a wee.

But the thing is, the lady was sit there and wait for people with their dogs. I was like, tell me which house it is now. And I was like, I'm not telling you. I'm like, okay, well, I'll find it out on my own because she has a crack at me. What does she want me to do? Bring a sponge around with me. He's got the cape on. Am I going to sponge? Am I going to sponge up? Can I ask you? Ask away. Okay. Picking up. Okay. Picking up. It's okay. I always pretend to pick it up. No, I never. No, because if a child picks it up and eats it or puts it in their eye, they can

lose. What a stupid kid. Don't talk about Louis like that. Oh, no. May I say something? If you have a nice garden, a front garden, I think it would be annoying if your dog wheeze on like a beautiful, because Buster's whee, it's like acid, it kills everything. And so sometimes there's like a nice house.

Sometimes he'll go for the nice plants. And I'm like, oh, fuck. But this is the difference here. Go on. Boy dog, girl dog. Girl dog, no cock the leg. It's just straight down on the grass. Also, giant horse dog and tiny.

Tiny cat dog. A squeaky. Squeeze about 12, no, not even like six kilos. Are we really living in a world now, okay? And this is where, and I don't care for it. Yeah. Where not only do I have to worry about picking up my dog shit, which is fine, but now I've got to what, carry a spund around to soak up my dog's piss.

That's pretty much what she's saying. Grass is fair game. Right? 100%. Yeah. Outraged. And rightfully so. I feel sorry for that woman if you figure out which house she's.

lives on and knock on her own. But also, what sort of life is this peasant living that they've got to stand at their window? Ah, she's old. I feel like there's a... You just assumed she's old. How old was she? I don't know. She's old. She won't tell me who she was. She was old. There's a group of people. Sometimes they're men, sometimes they're women who are just unhappy. But what makes them happy is to make other people unhappy. Well said. She's good. Misery loves company. Oh, wait till I find this. Write that down. I'm going to take a piss on a guard myself. Okay, please don't.

Why? Please don't do that. Why? Vic, breaking news. Yeah, onto something a little bit lighter, or is it? Find out, weren't we? Oh, you'll have a gripe about this one. Oh, great.

Yay. Guys, I'd love get me fired up. I know, I love that. You love rage baiting me. Yeah. I'm pretty chill otherwise. Mental note about that. Are you?

No, you're very passionate. Lots of passion. Lots of passion. Well, a study of six million people found women, experience more pain than men. The study looked at 6.1 million people aged 5 to over 100 from 118 countries. Researchers categorized pain across 11 anatomical sites, including the head, back, stomach or abdomen, hip and knee.

All participants self-reported their pain. What about testicles? TBC. That was taken off. Across all 11 anatomical sites, women reported more pain than men. The gap between men and women was largest for facial pain, headaches and stomach or abdominal pain. Is that because you guys have the periods? I would say that's a big part of it.

The periods. I wouldn't be laughing actually because we are getting Jackie back soon and she is going to help you understand what period pain is like. I'm laughing at the way he said it. I said periods because I knew it would get a laugh at him. No, he said, the periods. He said the periods knowing it would scratch my it. Yeah. Can I ask you a question, Vic? Have you ever broken a bone in your body? Only like a toe.

Okay. All right. Well, I go. Poor toes. Like, I'm more than just a toe. Okay. So, you know, I've broken my arm before. Tells about it. I tripped over on the concrete. How old are you? It's hard to talk about, but I was grade four. Have you broken a bone? Why is that hard to talk about? Oh, it's not really. Oh. For dramatic effect.

Not a trauma involved. I have broken ribs. Okay. Well, I don't want to question that study. and also put doubt in the minds of people who are listening right now, but it seems like we have had more pain than you. Also, is the study who can withhold more pain? No, who experiences. Who feel pain more. And also Ash follows manly in the footies.

So imagine I'm going to pain every single weekend. That's awful. That's emotional pain. Still counts. Okay, so, okay, let me just understand this. It's not who can tolerate it more. It's who feels it the most in the moment or as Toronto. We experience more pain than me.

Okay, could there be, could there be a world where the men are trying to say, no, I'm fine? Yeah. And they're like, oh, you didn't. That's true. You do you ever broke? Because it's self reporting pain, right? So the men could be like, no, I'm absolutely good.

They're like, Timmy, you're in hospital. And he's like, no, I'm sweet. That sounds about right. But women are more honest. Yeah. So kudos to you guys. Because I think we would go, I know if someone's like, is that hurt? I'd be like, no.

And then it would be like, you'd be like, yeah, it hurts already. but then I'd be like trying to withhold. And also it's competitive. I mean, the study was aimed at helping better understand how pain could be managed and prevented, particularly in young people because they found that young people were reporting pain more than older people. So anyone under 40 was reporting more pain than 40 plus. Probably because people 40 plus just like fucking get on with it.

Fucking get on with it, cat. We don't have time. That was a bit of real Vic slipping in the guy. So anyway, we have to do it. We have fucking pour for it. So anyway, we go back and have some tea. But we don't have fucking God. Just get on with it.

I mean. I mean, tea anyone. It's going to cry. He's going to cry. Oh, excuse me. Okay, there's some really, just on that, there's some really interesting studies out and about now

about pain and pain receptors, okay, especially in the brain. I'm going to have a scar under my. There's people out there. that don't feel pain whatsoever. And it's actually really dangerous because they hurt themselves. They could be bleeding. This is me.

I have a really high pain threshold. No, there's people that are clinically, do not feel pain, Vic. It's a condition. You're like, me too. I don't fucking get old with it.

I want to validate her feelings. Continue, Vic. I have had a pin in my foot for over a month now. I'm bragging about it. And I can't get it out. So you're just like, I'll live with it. That's ADHD. Yeah, you just like, I've got a light bulb with my foot.

I just live with it. I know, I can't though. And my caro said I had to get it out. And if any Dodo knows how to get something out, I don't know if I should go to special care or if I should. Just chop your foot off and get on with it. I know, Dan's like, should we amputate? Is the skin grown over? Yeah.

I stepped on a drawing pin. How did you get your light bulb out? I stepped on it. But how did you get it out? It's still in it. Every few years, it resurfaces. I can feel it. It kind of reminds me that I'm alive.

It's great. Does it make you walk differently? Well, it makes me walk faster on that foot. So I don't want to put as much pressure on it. So I'm like, make sense. Anyway, there's a lot of studies, really interesting studies, about pain receptors. What they're doing is they're taking your nerves from someone who doesn't feel pain and inserting into people who have chronic pain all the time to see if it alleviates.

Wow. It's very clever. Very smart. Pain is tough, especially for people who have pins in their feet. Debilitating. Some people have. to be able to. Like my mom is in pain all the time. Same with my mum. Yeah. My mom does too. Me too. And my dad. Anyway. It is awful though. So what you're saying is you guys feel it more

than us. We experience it more. What does that mean? Oh, because. Where you fucking wait? Like on a monthly basis, like I had a period this month that literally I could not get out of bed. And it was so, yeah, yeah, it was awful. And I was like, this fucking sucks. You could just get on with it or? I did. I had to fucking do this show. I didn't make you forget about the pin though for a bit. It did. Silver lining.

One favourite place with another. I was like, oh, you just learn to live with it. But still there. Please, any medical professionals who are listening, I want to help Vic out, by the end of this year, we will remove that pin. Didn't we try this before? I don't think we have. There was nothing similar to this where it was like.

I put that cream. Drawing cream. Yeah, you can do, veggie, one, do the same thing. I put drawing cream on there. I went to the baths last night that can also have magnesium. in it so it helps draw it out but try vegime we tried to like squeeze it out it's just it's so far in there i stepped on a drawing pin and it must have snapped up like and it's right in there try vegimite why vegamite vegamite draws things out of the skin they used to do it a lot with more than

magnesium paste or get a splinter probe so what you do is splinter probe you go in and around it and then you can actually scoop it out it'll hurt and then it'll heal hey everyone stand by but we will follow this story can you do it to me married, Vic. Oscar started to do something that I've picked up on. Last night, I actually noticed it. And we were talking about the Rugby League World Cup, which is on at the moment. And you know how obsessed with rugby league he is?

And we were talking about teamless. He just loves seeing who's on the team, what number, where they're playing, all this sort of stuff for every team, not just the team he wants to follow. I was like, oh, I don't know, man. I don't know that every team and every player or whatever. I was just busy doing something else. And then while I was in the kitchen, I was making them dinner. And I was making them dinner.

And I see him walk past with the phone. And he was, he's figured out AI. So now he's talking into the AI to get his answers. But it's for absolutely everything. So he had this Pokemon card. And I was like, oh, let's see what this Pokemon card's worth. Because you can Google online. And then he was going through his Pokemon cards.

And I hear this, how much is Charazard? And I was like, who the fuck is he talking to? Walk in, he's talking to. April's phone. He's finding April's phone. So he's pretty much gained a new friend. Chat GBT.T. It must be chat GBT because he's just talking to it. It's pretty fucking amazing. Like I will go out there and say, I know that at some point it will turn on us and the world will end. I've accepted it. I've accepted it.

It makes me so different. You can be depressed or you can accept it. I know, but I think about our kids. I'll just get off with it. Where was your attitude about this? You're like, oh, I just pain's fine. I'm fine with pain. It is. But someone telling me it's some important of me. It's the end of the world we're talking about.

It's probably valid to be concerned. But we can't fight these billionaire oligarchs. That is a great word. I know. Who gave you that? That's a nana word. No, that's Laura. No, it's a nana.

Nana. An oligarchs. It is a good word. The thing I don't understand about AI, though, is that if there was a country coming to invade that was going to wipe out 90% of the popular. We would stop them. I can answer that question for you right now. Money.

No, it's something to shoot at. Or a disease. If a country was coming, there'd be physical people to shoot at. If there was a disease coming, they would stop it. People are making too much money. Anyway, we're going to go down a rabbit hole. What's the point in having money? People are like, oh, the bloody podcast has put their alfoyle hats on again.

You never know, though. You never know. One day you can turn around and we all just have all this money. You don't know. No, they're not good. Let's be honest. Look, the amount of, they're like all those fucking Pokemon questions. I know. We can't handle it anymore.

Get, smite that kit first. But my kids love it because they love it for stories. That's good. My story is now a shit house. I do a made up story and they're like, can you just ask chat GPT? And I'm like, oh. That hurts.

Yeah, they're like, I'm like, do you want to cuddle? Like, no, we just want to say good night to chat GPT. You're telling that you're an author? I did. But now I have to tell Marley that it sucks up the water. Every time you ask a question, it like takes away a tree. It does. That's what I don't understand about all this stuff.

They're like, do you know how much water it uses? It's like, I have not once. It's not once. Show me any water. It's to cool the cooling systems. Oh, okay, all right, all right, all right. I was just waiting for a glass of water. Yeah, I was going to say the water is scarce around here.

A little thirsty, chat GBT. That is a good parenting hack, though. I've started to do that with Louis and Lily, and they love it because it comes up with such a great little adventure. We did one about ninjas, and then they just pissed themselves laughing about Lily's ninja weapon was a banana, which Chat GBTT came up with. I'm like brava. Oh no, fuck, that's very good.

It is good. Although I did. Like I said, I've accepted that it's going to kill me. Amali was recording a song and she was like, here are some vocals, dad. And just put it in the chat, GPT. So casual. This is the original. Baby, oh, I just think you're crazy.

Put your fucking hands up. Right? Good, right. Put your fucking hands up. That's very good. Watch out, Ariana Grande. That's good. And then I said, wait, that was the original.

That was her. That was the original. That was the original. That was. That was. That was very good. You should do a pep song for her netball that she can listen to. Don't show that to Sony without getting any money first.

You know how Ash did it with Oscars or soccer team and then I did it with Louis rugby team? Oh yeah. You make it like a pump up song. But Marley's lyrics, that'd be cool. Where did you do that in? Suno. You can go to Suno and create a song. You just have to put in the lyrics and the vibe of the song and then it'll create a song for you.

Fun hack for parents out there. Hang out there. I'll just play the... Can I also just say what chat chibout chibout chit is really good. Jibbity, chat chad jibbitty. What chappity? It's what it's really good for is if you're traveling and you type in where you are and what time and you're like, what can we do it around this time, it literally gives you a schedule if you want

to follow it, which is pretty cool. If you're like, I'm interested in this, this, this, when can I do it? That's cool. What time is it open? How much it takes. Okay. And give you a full breakdown. Chach, GBT.

It is amazing. Except when it comes to making songs. So we did the vocals and I was like, let's put it in Chat Chibati and see what it comes out with. And Mali was so excited. She was like, fucking I can't go. And it was like, rendering, almost there, like 50%. She was like, I can't like it. It's going to be amazing.

And then it came out with this. Yeah, Chatshibby was lazy that day. Yeah, no enough water left. What I learned when I made the song was Chatchibi doesn't have audio features. Clearly. So Suno. Sooner. Can you send me that song and I will quickly make one.

up here. Oh yeah. Like right now? Yeah. Is that quick? Yeah. So good. What sort of vibe would you like this song?

Anything poppy? Yeah. I think it's a great. Did she write those lyrics? Yeah. Wow. Why was she doing that? I got Macy a, it's a frozen digital camera like the frozen from Singapore and it's like

got like a little SD card. But the photos it's like such a bad calling. But all I hear now is. Because it takes a. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like noxiously loud. And she's like, the battery's dead.

I'm like, that's because you've taken 2,000 photos. What does she take a photos of? Anything and everything? I was like, I was just sleep. I was pretending to be asleep this morning. And I hear this. I look over and I'm like, do you mind? So they give you a few options so you can choose.

This is the first option. It's better be good. What? That sounds like Zara Larson. I saw Zara Larson on the weekend. Oh my God. You take that back to Mali right away. Turn it up.

It gets better and better. Okay, that's one option. Here's another one. Can we get a grunge? Yeah, you can. Oh my God. Is that just all her lyrics? Look at it.

Big producing? Produce it big. Mammem, me, me, me, me, ma, ma, ma. It's pretty good good. Put your fucking hands up. And then this is the third one. Oh, no, that was original. You know what it's like T-Pain without autotune?

That was great. Can you send me those? Those, that's good. Oh, I'm going to get a big head with that. I know. Oh, God. I'm like, be careful because we have to save the water from AI. And now I'm just like, let's make 20,000 songs in a day.

We're going for a drought, kids. Do you want to hear a grunge version? Yeah, I want to hear grunge. Please be good. That was, that's sensational. I saw Zaharra last one weekend. Last weekend, weekend before when I was in Singapore. She played at F1.

How was she? Just save her about two seconds of one song. Nice. Honestly, so many teeny boppers like, go to the F1 for that. Here we go. Not for me. Paramour. Very paramour.

Yeah. I want that one. That's my favorite. That's a little hectic for the mornings. I love that one. But I'm sure there's a way you can use her audio in it as well. Thank you for that. But it's such a good little hack.

What's the app? Suno.com. And you can join for free. I'm sure. I'm positive that it's absolutely skis. giving all my data and in a couple years time, it'll hack it to my bank account, take all my money, and I'll be like, why? I've accepted it.

And all I'll have is these fucking songs being like. But for now, it's so funny. Yeah, yeah. I know for now. I'm not worried about the future. I'm worried about now. Hey, just really quickly, one quick story before we go. Yeah.

I need to thank my wife. Go on. She's a hero. Okay. She's a hero. Again, the airport too. She didn't help me in the airport scenario. That was the Jet Star employee.

Oh, yeah. That's right. Actually, forget. So there are some jobs that I, that I just will not do. Right, eh? You're all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're bloody pussy. Yeah, you're fucking cowardice.

There's so many things before you do. Are you drinking a VB? I know. What of it, cunt? She's like, I love a ginger beer. Shut up again on with it. So, I've kind of fallen into the role of wiping Lola's bottom,

which, like, it's nice because this is the only time I'm allowed to get, like, nearer. Have time with her. One-on-one. Why my shit? Yeah. A desperate time.

Yeah, like, I'll take it. Yes, honey. Thank you so much. And it's sad because it's true. But she was playing with a ring. So she's put the ring on the floor. And then she's also been like, Dad, I'm ready. And I'm like, coming master.

Come and wipe my ring. Do you. No, it wasn't like a Tony May ring. No, it was like a little cheapy ring. Gotcha. So it was Tony May. Oh. I didn't want to say her.

So then I'm wiping Lola's bum and then there's like job done. Normally it's like a one-wip scenario with Lola. She's nice and clean. And then I get the ring and I, you know my bathroom downstairs? Behind the bathroom is that little ledge. Which one? Oh gosh.

Shut up. There's only one downstairs. That we know of. So I go to lob the ring onto the ledge that's behind the toilet. Oh no. And it bounces. ricochets off the back wall, up in the air, straight down, plum in the middle of the toilet bowl.

Into the poop. Into the poop. And Lola was like, you. I give you one job, you fucking idiot. And I was like, I'm so sorry. She's like, get it. And I was like, ah.

Get it. And I went to get the tongs. I went to get the tongs. And Laura's like, you're not using the tongs. I think she got chopsticks. but I couldn't Chopsticks is clever Because it had sunk

Because obviously it's metal The poo was floating So it was then hidden Below it was like a swampy shit You're like a chopstick the poo out of it Oh god You're not going to show us a video Yes

No I don't want to see poo You won't see poo Oh Oh Oh The chopsticks for brown Oh

Oh The things you do for your kids I would have flush that bad boy so fucking quick. Also, in China, she would have been critiqued for a chopstick usage there. China, China, going to go over here. But can I say, I would have, it's flash. Is that right? Right, yeah.

She's, what a woman. I'm married the right one. That is hero material. It is. It definitely is. I do have a question about the bum wiping, though. What age can they definitely do it by themselves? Because I feel like Louis should be doing it, but he's same age as Lola.

I think grade one. Okay. grade one because I'm worried that when it comes time to do it at school, if they are so used to be doing it and they have to do it at school, then it says all, it's a conundrum. Can I say, and I don't want to sound, I'm a jerk here. Yeah. I don't remember the last time I had to walk one of my kids' bumps. Sad.

Macy? Yeah, Macy's been great. Like both kids great. Why did her bottom? Except for that one time. She got it all up her back. That was first time because she had the runs and she never had. Oh, yeah.

Just saying, I, like, I remember, I remember having. having to do it when they were younger, but then there came a time. And we just, we just both, April and I, I don't. Every now and then you've got to go, you see like a little skiddy in Oscar's undies and like, hey, it's not bad. Hey, a little shit. I'm like, what's your but holy? But I'm like, make sure you wipe it.

Wipe it properly. And that's about it. Louis used this morning, I would say half a toilet roll. And he gets like his big clump, does one wife and then chucked through this way. He needs a lesson. I looked at it. I was like, you're going to clog the toilet. Yeah.

But he won't listen. He's like, this is the way I like to do it. Fair? Yeah, but you're doing it the wrong way. I really want a bidet. So bad. Guys, we're going to get out of here. Yeah.

If you enjoyed this episode, please give us a review. Subscribe. Share it with a friend, a parent, anyone, your neighbor. That's like life on cuts. How they end there. Ignore me. No, but share it because they are so popular now. So obviously it works.

Please. Yeah, yeah. Share, share, share, sell, sell, sell. Or social media. Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, Two, Two, Doting Dads. Or you can email us at Hello at Two Dutting Dads. Or watch us on YouTube just to mix things up.

Mix it up a bit. Put it on the background, making kids watch it. And Ash, we will be back Monday. Back Monday with guest app. We'll see you guys Monday. Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.