Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #99 Accidents Abroad And Protecting Our Dadhood

Episode Date: October 15, 2024

Ash is in Bali, taking what some would say is an undeserved holiday.  Joking!  Every parent needs a holiday, just make sure you avoid getting into an accident when trying to relax.  Meanwhile, Matty J returns to renovations but is met with a sneaky surprise that threatens the build's progress.  We also hear your Parenting Lies with us 👇 Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.  Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is it just me or do you get the absolute sudden urge to call everyone boss whenever you go overseas? No, no. I don't know if you remember calling me last night and I could just hear you being like, Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. And I'm Bali Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And this won't come as any surprise to anyone, unless you're a new listener.

But on this episode, or all episodes, we will not be giving any type of advice whatsoever. Well, let me hold you there. Today might be a little bit different, Matt. I might have some advice. Matthew, I have traveled to Bali. I am currently out of the country. And one gripe I've got is trying to find a decent froth because there's only one local beer here,

which will go unnamed that I do not like. And there's only one mother's milk or nectar. And that is, of course, stone and wood. That's right. The one and only stone and wood. And this morning, Ash, it doesn't feel quite right. The fact that I'm drinking one and you're not physically in front of me like I feel I feel like I'm having toast with Vegemite and no butter. I'm sure he loves that.

Yeah, of course he would. I don't know if this is gonna make your mouth water but here it is Ash. This is this is the Hinterland hazy pale ale. Just hold it up so I can see it. I'm just going to crack it here. Can you please, please, please, please. Can you please have a couple for me? That would be amazing.

Please. Ash, on the weekend just gone, I was down the South Coast. I was working on the house. I was on the tools all day and it was a very hot day, Ash. I feel like spring is just come. The temperature is just, it's hot. It's thick. Do you realize the sentence you just said then? It's calm and it's hot and it's thick. Those words, that's sexually nuendo. It just happens naturally when I talk about Stoninwood. But after being on the tools all day, it doesn't happen often.

I'm normally exhausted from writing emails nine to five, but after having a shovel in hand and then putting the shovel down, grasping a can of stone and wood and having that sweet, sweet sip, that nectar, it is absolutely delicious. And Laura doesn't mind the old hazy as well, doesn't she? Laura, she was on the tools also. I did see. And both of us were sitting there afterwards being like, nothing

better after a hard day's work than a stone and wood. I'm very jealous because it's very hot here and I would love nothing more. And for those of you who are not in Bali and here in Australia, the Stonewood Hinterland Hazy Payalel is available at any good bottle shop and pouring on tap in any good or delicious bar and restaurant. If you're struggling to find it or sample it, just jump on the Stonewood website and order a carton to your door. Ash, I don't know if they deliver to Bali.

They should. Just go to stonewood.com.au of course. CS, you're in Bali. Where do we start? Where do we start with Bali? Let's begin. As all parents know, traveling with your children is a nightmare. Look, there is 12 parents, 12 kids right now.

That is fucking crazy by the way. Yeah, it's a logistical nightmare, but April is, as you know, an executive assistant. She has done an amazing job organizing this. So let's just start with that. I usually shit on my wife. I'll give her kudos on this one because everyone is having a really good time. Is she the ringleader? Is she in charge?

Who's like top dog? You're looking at him, bro. You're looking at him. I don't believe it. Nah, I'm not. I'm the bottom feeder you're the epitome of rocking up being like so what times boarding are we what flight are we on? That's exactly what happened that's exactly what happened I had in my head that we were flying at like 11 a.m. so April night the night before she was like okay we've got to leave at 6 and I'm like fuck you want to leave so early for? She was like we've got to leave at six. And I'm like, Fuck you leave so early for she was like, we've got to

get the kids in the car, go pack everything in the car, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and go to get there a couple hours before. I'm like, Yeah, not five hours before. What are you my dad? And then she was like, No, no, no, dickhead. We're flying at 10. I've told you this 500 times. I'm like, okay, yeah. Alright, alright, alright, alright. Forgive me. I did the classic dad move, which is to put all the bags in the car the night before of an early start, which I think that's brilliant. Until April goes, I need something out of the big

bag. I'm talking it's under surfboards, it's under prams, it's under kids bags. You brought your surfboard. That's right. I forget that you like to bring your surfboard to Bali. I'm trying to wrap my head around that. It's hard enough going with a like two kids plus pram plus bags plus then throw a surfboard on top. How are you doing this? I actually had two surfboards. That's good of you. Cause I'm a war horse. And so April needed something out of the big bag, which is the anchor bag. And I got everything out of the car at 6 a.m. in the morning, only for her to realize that

she hadn't put the toiletry bag in the big bag anyway. It was sitting on the kitchen bench waiting to be packed. So of course I'm at peak annoyed about this. I've stacked the car back up. I've got the kids in. They've traveled really, really well to the airport. No dramas. Can I just ask you something?

And not to hone in and focus too much on the flight. I feel like I'm very flight focused right now. I'm like a moth and the flame is the flight. I'm just like, let me in. I want some. Where did you guys sit? What was your configuration? Cause you've got four of you. Yeah. So it was a two, four, two, and we were in the four packed flight full to the brand. Very full flight. Yeah. Kids everywhere. And like I said, they traveled really well to get there. But then the dumb thing is when you travel with other families is the excitement of kids getting to an airport because they don't understand that you've got to wait, you're standing line,

you've got to go through security. They're gone absolutely fucking mental in the airport terminal like trying to round like trying to herd cattle. So far, that was the worst part, I would say because they're all so excited. But also the good thing was we weren't all sitting together on the plane, which I think is a top tip for me. Why? They can't see their friends. So they're not like Oscar's not like Lenny, Lenny. So for the first couple of hours on the plane, 424, perfect. Put the kids in the middle, parent on the outside. Those kids sat really well for about two hours.

The flight's so long. What is it? It's six and a half hours. Yeah, you feel like it's longer on the way there. Did we take a detour or something? Quick stop off in Darwin. Yeah, the captain's like, do we say Tokyo or Bali?

Fuck, ooh. Two hours they traveled really well. Then they started to get a bit restless as they do. And that's fair. I'm not going to sit here and every parent out there that travels with toddlers knows you can't expect them to sit there for six and a half hours and not make a peep. So of course they want to get up and walk and up up and down the aisles, go and see their friend. You know, that's an hour or so up and down, but it was kind of nice because all of my kids went saw their friends and April and I just had four seats to ourselves for about an hour.

It was great. What you just let them loose on the plane. Every now and then one kid would walk past, give a wave, keep going. But also Oscar kept forgetting where we sat. So he's like at the front of the plane. He's in business class going, he's flying the plane. Yeah. He was like, Oh, maybe I can upgrade me to business class.

Did you look at prices? I was in the check-in line and I was like, I'll just double check to see if there's any seats available. None available. Could you imagine April, if you're like, Hey, guess who got an upgrade? Mate, I think that's instant divorce, isn't it? I think that's one of the worst things you could do to your significant other. But yeah, they traveled really well.

We got here at a good time. We got here at like mid-afternoon, but of course it takes forever to get from the airport to wherever you're staying because the traffic's so bad, logistically getting kids, everything into a car. I've seen videos and it barely looks absolutely turbo these days. It's so, so busy.

It's always been busy because the roads are small and it's just there's, you know, there's like scooters, there's cars, cars are a nightmare getting around as well. It's just like bumper to bumper everywhere. You add like twice as much to your trip with a car for sure. I would almost say triple. Wow. Just to manage expectations of anyone who's gone to Bali. It's triple, trip with a car for sure. I would almost say triple. Wow. Just to manage expectations of anyone who's going to Bali, it's triple. Triple in a car.

It's triple. Yeah, it's triple. It is school holidays too. Quadruple it. Yeah, just chuck an extra. Ten times it. It is very busy. Everything's really packed. We got in, you know, mid-arvo, got the kids in. They hadn't slept the whole time, haven't rested the whole time. They were wired up. They were delirious. They were running amok in the hallway. One of the girls here, one of the young girls, she's three. She was so worked up. She then fell asleep sitting up and then had a night terror while sitting there. Like, so you can imagine her sitting there and then all of a sudden going, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh look honestly the poor thing she was she was traumatized by it but it was fucking hilarious for me if it's my kid I'm like oh you're good but I was just like hysterically laughing bless and yeah the next day woke up beautiful day in Bali and of course our family trip is all about family all about the kids I condone that for part, we spent the day by the pool and it just happened to be Matt NRL grand final day. Yes, we as a group collectively

thought what we'll do, we'll spend the day at the pool, let the kids have a good rest in the middle of the day so that we can stay up late, we could go watch the game, we can have dinner, we can do something for the adults, but the kids can come along later. So we're not completely ditching them with babysitters and sex on night one. And I think that's fair. Bali's not very kid appropriate at pubs anyway,

but they're a bit more accommodating these days because more families are coming here, right? And we make the short 500-meter walk, which 500-meter walk in Bali for a bunch of kids is like walking across the Sahara desert. Double it. Quadruple it. That was a nightmare to get there and they're at capacity. Sorry, we can't let anyone else in.

We're full at capacity. This is bang on kickoff by the way. No contingency plan of course. I forgot that Bali is pretty much the state of Australia. Yeah, it's hard to call it. I remember going to the state of Origin over in Bali, watching it at a pub. And there was like, no one was really that into it. There was like a few people. Yeah. Can be a bit hit or miss.

And we think, what do we do next? And instead of being able to do something for us adults, unfortunately, the only place that we could fit in was, and I'm not sure if you're familiar with a franchise in Australia called Cheeky Monkeys. No. it's an indoor play center. So picture this me bit upset. I can't get to the pub to watch the inaugural grand final then being dragged by a bunch of because the kids spotted it. They spotted the monkey and it's a big monkey out the front of this place and I was like, oh, well, let's go in. Maybe they've got a TV. Went in, they've got no aircon.

They've got no TV. They've got no beers. And they've got a playground that looks like a prison yard. But the kids are frothing. That's a fucking nightmare. At this point, I'm fuming. I fucking spent the day chasing kids so that we could do this. It's too hot for them to be fully clothed.

So they're all running around pretty much naked. And then the girl behind the bus says, I've got no beers. What do you have? What? She's like, but you can go and get beers and bring them in. So I went bought like 20 beers. And I'm like, drag these beers in. By the time I got back, the guys are they're watching the footy on a three and a half inch iPhone on delay. We were 35 minutes behind. Heaven. First thought was like, oh, thank God. It was noisy as fuck because of the echoing through this playground.

Well, the prison yard, as I like to call it. The sums up traveling with kids or even just parenting, right? Because you like have this goal and idea in your mind where you're like, we're going to do everything right so that we can do something as parents and the kids can still come along. And it ends up just being all about the kids. Like I'm sitting there in a stinkin' hot kids playground staring at a three and a half inch phone, drinking a warm beer from the servo three blocks over. That's living. The game finishes, the kids have eaten. We're like, you know what?

There's a rooftop bar back at our hotel. So let's go back there. Just the kids are wired up. It's like nine o'clock at night now. They're charging. Hang on. Doesn't that mean that it's 11 o'clock like Sydney time on night one? F**k, these kids must be off their head.

We're off their head. We went up to this rooftop bar and one of the dads that checked it out said, look, it's, there's no fences really. The seats up against the edge and you can literally, you'll fall off under the roof and roll down the roof and onto the, onto the road. So we are like, perfect. Let's just go up and have a look at the 24 of it. The look on the bartender's face when we walked in with 24 people,

they nearly fucking jumped off the roof. And the kids were at this point really hopped up on, they'd been at a playground all day, they're all sunburned, they're all on eating lollies, eating whatever they can get their hands on. They've completely taken over the dance floor of this rooftop bar. We've cleared the place out.

People have left. The best thing about it was we all had free cocktail vouchers. So the whole thing was completely free. How'd you score that? Apparently this place every day you get two free cocktails. Delicious. So we were all up there at this point where the kids are flying high. We're all, we're all pretty tanked.

And then we go, all right, well, let's go back to bath time and all the... Can I ask, are you gonna tell me your entire trip from start to finish, hour by hour? No, sorry, I just wanted to paint the picture. The picture is painted. Okay, yeah, cool. So we went back.

We did, you know what I'm like once I get on a tangent? We get back to bed time. We woke up. I had cereal for breakfast alongside two eggs, which were scrambled. I sat at seat number 42, which was the back left-hand corner of the restaurant. Following that, I had a coffee.

I think the listeners appreciate my detail. It feels like we're there in Bali with you every step of the way. Anyway, let me finish. We get... Because also I want to get to your accident as well. We've got to leave time for the accident. The dads got the green light to kick on after the kids went to bed. Right?

Great. Did they get the green light or was there never like an option for there to be any other light color but but green, no other options. No. Yeah. So we, we, we, we kick on to what we assumed was a little sports bar after that, that turned out to be a nightclub.

So you can imagine six old heads in there. It felt like I was at schoolies. So I was essentially at schoolies anyway. So it was all well and good. Um, and then we left pretty late, like two o'clock in the morning, one of the guys that were with got lost and then attempted to be abducted. He also got offered a really shaky hand job down the back alley of some bar. But of course he was just trying to get home, spewed up in the lift

and then got alcohol poisoning. That's night one. That was just one. One of the other guys I was with also got lost, but he got lost in the hotel. And at 2.30 in the morning, he knocked on every single door of the hotel to find his room. And I'm talking four or five stories, 25 rooms a story. And thankfully he got halfway through to a friend's room on my level,

cause he's on the top level. He got halfway through and my mate opened the door and was like, the fuck are you doing? He was like, oh, I'm trying to find my room. And he was like, I know where your room is. So by this stage, he'd knocked on like 30, 40 rooms. I mean, I like his logic. He's like, you know what? I'm just going to knuckle down.

I'm going to get it done. He had no shoes on either. So it was a rough night because we woke up the next day. I've gone down for breakfast at about eight o'clock. You know me, I stick on the beers. I'm a beer guy. I think I had one margie. And then I was a bit dusty. I was a bit rough. And then I got downstairs and one of the wives goes, oh, we've had to order the doctors in because one of the boys got ethanol poisoned. So we're all sitting around. No, is it one of those things where people just get, people just get really

like hungover and they're like, I was poisoned. I had my drink spiked. It's like, no, you just had like 84 cocktails and 14 beers and you haven't slept. He was, to be fair, he was smashing the Long Island ice tees. And so we're all day one and like, it leads me to the question, Matt of day one. Everyone always has a blowout on day one of a holiday, right? Is that is that fair to say? Well, how my question is, I want to know what your what your what you would Well. How, my question's here. I want to know what you would do,

how would you make it up to your significant other if you were to have a massive blowout, not show face the next day because you drank too much, you've had to call the ER nurse in to essentially hook you, beeline you up to a drip to stop you from profusely vomiting petrol all over a hotel room. How do you make up for that? I would take her out to the nicest Balinese rooftop sports bar without a

fence possible and treat her to one of the Long Island ice teas. That'll do it. I don't know if we've got time Ash for your accident story. Oh no, sorry. Let's tell the story because I have been worried sick since you've been gone because you know, Bali is a place where accidents happen. We all know that, you know, and not to say that I don't have full faith in your abilities as an adult to look after yourself.

I just know that sometimes you can be a little bit accident prone. All I was thinking to myself, he's with April. He's going to be OK because April will look after him. But you sent me a voice message last night, which it made me very nervous. I don't know if you remember saying these things, but have a listen to this. I tried to do a double backflip off the Mississippi diving board and got halfway through the second flip and I think I think I think I need to go to the hospital but I'll wait I will wait until the inflammation goes down before I decide whether to go to the hospital

and or not. Have you, have you gone to hospital or not? Have you seek professional medical attention? I've walked it off as they say. There's nothing, there's nothing better than walking off a spinal injury. I just slapped really hard. What did you do? We went to a day bar, a day club by the name of Mississippi. Those of you who've seen it online, it's quite,

it's quite photogenic. Oh, that's how I say it. It's in Bali and it's got a diving platform. It's got three. It's got a very big, a one meter, a two meter and a five meter, I believe. I believe it's five meters, which you might not think is very high, but your ceiling's only like two meters, two and a half meters, double that. Which I am quite well known for bridge jumping as a child and as a teenager, that's all we did in TWi, because there's nothing else to do other than that and get pregnant. And of course I had to do a signature backflip of mine, which is just a single backflip, leg straight.

Perfect. Now it went down well. Because sometimes, you know, when there's a diving platform in the background at these types of places, a lot of people around, you can't help but be drawn to an individual who's up there. Especially when people know that like, well, he's facing the other way. He's about to do some type of a flip here. Did like, did you come out up out of the water and to rounds of applause?

What was it like? Look, there was a kid there doing like triple backflips and stuff. So mine wasn't very impressive. I fucking hate that. I fucking. I know. Really show. But I, my, my excuse was I was like, bro, I have 95 kilo dad, dad two kids a single backflip is fucking

impressive okay hey I love I love just you told me last night that April said she'd give you a blowjob if you did it did it double backflip blowjob unreceived. And of course, then of course, my mates, as good mates, to encourage you, other than you, Matt, you're the only one who'd be like, don't do it, bro. I'm all for the flips. I'm all for the flips. Okay. I've got plenty. Good to know.

Yeah. Big flip guy. You're a big flip guy. Yeah. Yeah. Let me show you exactly how that went down, Matthew. I think what you will notice in that video, one, my form is outstanding. But second of all is the sound of a thud hitting the water, the surface of the water, followed by a collective groan of the whole day club going, ooh. Fuck, that was good. That was good.

That was A grade backslap material. I'm just glad you're okay. When I was midway through that flip, my thought process went to Matt's going to love this. I put on the bravest face because in that video, the two people at the front of my two mates who have egged me on to do it and they've watched the whole thing unfold front row seats and they're like, you're all right, bro Brian. I was like, yeah, no, thanks. And I remember putting myself back underwater going, had some painkillers, slept it off. And now I've got the mother

of all bruises because the all of the blood cells have come to the surface of the skin. And I walked downstairs with that shirt on and one of the boys was like, did you get stung by a jellyfish? But I lived. I lived to tell another tale. You make me bloody nervous, Ashton Wicks. I sincerely apologize for making you worried, Dad. I'm going to message April and be like, keep him on a tight leash. For God's sakes. It's the dad instinct of you to worry about me.

And I appreciate that because no one else fucking cares. Anyway, Matt, let me let me segue into you because you've worried about me this whole time. Oh no, let's wrap it up, Ash. No, sorry, sorry, sorry. That's very selfish of me. A little insight into what you'd be like as a lover. Very good. A quick update on the Renault because Ash,

I know that I'm sure that's been at your, the forefront of your mind for the last few days. I'm really enjoying the content coming out of it. The girls look like they love it. They do like it. They do like it. We were down there recently, had a little weekend trip down there. The drive down, it's a bit of a long drive. It's three

hours from Sydney down to Aladala. We left in the afternoon, Ash, and normally it's pretty painless. We left late, so we didn't get in until like nine o'clock in the evening. So pretty late. The girls were already asleep in the back of the car. You know, I was pretty exhausted, not to sound like a hero, but I did that drive myself, start to finish, a little stopover midway through. That's pretty good. Thank you. I appreciate that. We get to our accommodation. Girls are asleep. Nana's also asleep in the back of the car as well. Laura's almost there. We get the girls inside to two bedroom little place. So Nana's got one room.

Laura and I have the other room with the girls. We're all like in the one bed. We get Marley and Lola. They're not in their pajamas at this stage. We just put them inside on the bed. We go back to the car to get the suitcase and the pajamas and nappy. Lola's in a nappy. We come back in.

Lola's half awake. And Lola looks at us and goes, I just had a little accident. And we're like, okay, like that's, it's annoying. It's annoying because she's very good. She rarely has accidents. We kind of pull back the sheet and she's done the biggest piss. Imaginable.

She's just, it's like someone's got a two liter carton and just like poured it out on the bed and she's there going, sorry, oopsie. It's now a water bed. And you don't want to get annoyed. Obviously it's an accident, you know, that's fine. At the same time, you don't want to make it into a big deal because you're like, I just want to, I just want to get you dressed and put you down back to sleep. And then, you know, get a bit of rest myself. So we're like, that's okay.

We get her ready. The thing was Ash, which worked in my favor. I'm always on the left side. If you're like looking at the bed, at the bed head, I'm on the left side. Lola pissed on the right side. Oh, beautiful. I was like, sorry, babe. We can, we can swap if you want.

Yeah. With a full intention that you don't want to. Laura had to sleep in piss. So night one, I was like, oh God. That is a real, I know it's an accident and you can't, you can't get up before it. You want to, you're like, God damn it. But you're like, oh, what a way to start a trip. Haven't slept in the bed at all.

And she's already pissed in it. It's a fucking nightmare. But then I'm popped into Mitre 10 and I got myself some steel cat boots. And then they gave me like a Mitre 10 trade shirt. And I rocked up on site. All the guys, I had like a brand new shovel, like still had the sticker on it, had these brand new boots, like not a mark on them. And they were all like, oh, you're looking pretty squeaky clean.

And I was like, hello, fellas, my fellow tradesmen. Surely you chucked on the tradie boys. Oh, you guys. And all they did was just take one look at me. I'm with Mike who is an actual tradie and you were putting stuff on your story and I was like look at young Matthew here apprentice, first year apprentice, clean shovel. Mike was like fuck he looks pretty good, he looks the part. I mean did you rub some dirt on yourself or something before you got going? Yeah.

I literally went into like, I kind of, like where the tap was and the soil underneath the tap so it was a bit muddy and I like rubbed it. Bit of wall paint. Rubbed it all over myself. And then I kind of just, I changed, you know, after a few hours of being on the tools, it just, I felt like another tradesman came on site. He was dropping something off and I just, I felt accepted. And then, and then we went and got Laura, Laura and I got lunch.

Cause I was like, had this mud rubbed all over me and these big steel cut boots. And Laura was like, Oh, do you want to just get changed quickly for lunch? And I was like, nah, nah, I'll go down like this. And so I'm walking around Allah, looking for other tradies to be like, here you go, mate. I didn't take off that outfit and the boots for the whole weekend. Start to finish. That is exactly what I expected from you too. Dude, I woke up the next morning and my poor hands that normally they're only having to endure like 20 emails written a day.

And all of a sudden they're like lifting pits of wood and like moving bricks from like A to B. And they were so sore dude it felt like my my hands had been run over by a car. They're just achy. And also because steel boot caps are so heavy my little ankles the next day. I was so sore. If a real tradie is shooting into this chat right now, we sound f**king pathetic. I don't know if you can see the scratches. Oh yeah. Oh look at that. I had this high pressure cleaner. There's like four parts to it. It's like you've got the hose, you've got the like the like the gun handle at the end, and then you got the unit. The instruction manual is like we're not going to give

you the instructions for how to connect it because it's literally just like one goes into two, two goes into three, three goes into four. You're good. It's obvious. Yeah. I couldn't, I couldn't figure it out. I couldn't figure it out. And, and Laura was like, Hey, let's, let's hurry up and let's gurney this area here.

Cause we want to get back to the kids. Cause Nana had the kids hurry up and get it done. And I was trying to figure out how to do it. Gurney is the final tradie test. When you finish your four year apprenticeship, they're like, all right, now put this together. And you're like, ooh. I couldn't do it.

And she goes, just ask one of the boys for help. And I'm like, I'm not fucking asking one of the guys here for help. Like, I can do this. She gave me about 20 minutes and then was like, and I was like, can you go ask him for help? I had to like hide behind a bush as Laura had to get the guys to help set up the gurney. But then as we're about to leave, this is the last day. We had to go back, back on site, just check one last thing.

And I don't know if you saw Ash on Laura's socials, but we now have a new pet down in Aladala. What is it? So as we're leaving in the branches above the house, this is in the front courtyard, there's a two meter diamond python. It's fucking massive. It's big. Laura was going, we need to get it. I get it out of here.

And I was like, no, like it's in a tree. It's just chilling. I don't want to like disturb it. And they also kill the rodents. They kill the rodents. Absolutely. tree. It's just chilling. I don't want to like disturb it. And they go, they kill the rodents. Yeah, it's what everyone says. And the children and young children, apparently they love cats, so Raspberry can't come down. But Laura's screaming as I'm inside.

She's like, Matt, come here. I run outside and she's like, get it. And it was then like just about to pop over into the gutter, the corner of the roof. And I was like, fuck, I'm not too worried about it because I'm like, you get snakes in roofs all the time. But at the same time, it's half finished. There's lots of like nooks and crannies for it to be in.

I'm trying to get it with a shovel, but I also, it's a fucking snake dude. I don't want to like attack the snake. The snake is now inside the roof. So the tail is just hanging out the gutter. I like try and grab the tail, but I can't reach it. Snake's inside and we end up calling a snake catcher and he's like, yeah, you guys, that's like, there's no way you can't really set like a trap.

You can't bait snakes. It's just going to come out by its own free will. And we sent him the video and we're like, well, it looks like it's eaten something. So I'm guessing it has a bit of a bulge in its belly. And he goes, no, that's because the bulge is so far back towards the tail. That's a pregnant snake. That's its babies. So he reckons that coming into summer, this is when they give

birth. So the snake is now in our roof. It's now going to lay its eggs in the roof most likely and raise its young in the house. Don't be charging them rent. I'm not worried. I don't like no what I will say and I've got experience in this field. Believe it or not. I used to be a snake handler. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and it kept all the rodents away. Brilliant. Not a problem. And then one night, Dad was going to the bathroom, and he went to the bathroom, and he came back, and he thought what was on the banister was a towel to wipe his hand, dry his hands. Turned out to be a snake. So he's gone to grab the snake,

and the things like lunged at him in the middle of the night. How the fuck did he get a tail and a snake mixed up? It was dark and it was wrapped, it was like over, it was sitting over the bannister. It looked like it was just draped over there. Cheeky bugger. And then I get this, I wasn't living there at the time because I'd moved out. I got this video of dad at two o'clock in the morning butt naked, because dad loves to sleep naked for some reason, with a dog cage trying to lure this snake into the dog cage.

And apparently it's the only time it ever came in the house and it's because one of the windows was left open. That's what I am worried about. They'll keep the road to it. But I think a family of snakes might be a bit much. Yeah. But Matt, let's treat our listeners to one of their favorite segments, which is parenting. Ash, we got this video submitted from one of our lovely listeners, Jess, who has sent it in. So I'll get you to watch this one right now.

Could I have some of your watermelon? No, my watermelon is a bit spicy. So you're going to eat it even though it's spicy? Oh my God. They're onto us. When they start using our weapons against us. I know, because it means we need to up our game. Marley keeps using a lie on me at the moment, where literally I ask her not to do something, she does it.

And then she's like, oh, sorry, I thought you said, eat the chocolate. And I'm like, no, you didn't. And she's like, I just, I got confused. I couldn't quite hear what you said. And I'm like, Marley, you, you, you fucking heard me. And she's like, no, no, no, no. So, uh, sorry about that. He doesn't do anything, but he's like, I'm like, did you just lie to me? He's like, what's that? Like you're fucking idiot. Very, also very clever. Like if you don't, he's probably under the assumption that if he doesn't know what a lie is, then he can't get in trouble.

How can he be guilty? Yeah. I've got one for you, Matt, that I used personally. Sorry to make this all about me again. Please. But I wanted to share this one with you because I thought it had a little, I nearly got caught out. But I built on the lie and got away with it. So don't just paint your quick picture. We've traveled all day to Bali. We've got here it's five o'clock kids

haven't rested. And we get here and the kids see the pool straight away full of kids full of people. And Oscars like and look, we're exhausted exhausted we traveled all day if it was midday whatever fine but it's five o'clock in the afternoon and I've said to Oscar I said I'm sorry buddy the pools closed I know you can see people in there but they're just not accepting any new swimmers in the pool very good very good very bummed out He was very bummed out. He can see what these kids have in a really, really good time.

I also noticed they were setting up a projector screen at the pool for a dusk movie. Okay. And I've come up to the room, our, our room overlooks the slide in the pool like legit right there. And Oscar's like, there's all kids having fun. Anyway, I've shut the curtains. And I've said, we're gonna have some dinner, the pools close. I told you that. And as I've put them started to put them to sleep, the movie kicks off. And it surfs up the movie. Oh, great films.

Great film. The screen is right outside my door. They've got two speakers the size of people on top of these two sticks projecting directly into my room. And Oscar was like, I can hear, I can hear a movie. And I was like, Oh yeah, but you had to buy tickets for that. Anyway, I cranked up the white noise and shut the curtain. And the poor kid went to sleep. Missed out.

Good. Very good. I reckon you've got one more year of being able to like bend the truth that much. He's going to start catching on. Oh yeah. Yeah. And honestly, I was just thinking on my feet and that's what good parenting is, thinking on your feet.

You've got to adapt. Yes. Hey, normally at this point of the episode, we would do listener questions. However, on this particular episode, because it's so special, the fact that one of us is overseas and Bali must be very nice. Ashton Wicks, we're going to rest questions. We're going to do them next week. I know people are going to be really upset, but that's my fault.

I take responsibility for wasting all of our time. I'm actually next week, Ash, you are going to enjoy your holiday to its fullest. We're going to do an episode with Laura Byrne. She will be the Ash Wicks. Ooh. Is there an opportunity for me to dial in at some point? Yes. As long as you're not enjoying the fine drinks of the Long Island Ice Teas of Bali.

I don't know if we have time for that. One hour in and you're like, and then we had dinner. The hard thing about dinner, there's 24 of us. What's the deal with dinner? Hey, just quickly Ash, before we go, I had a lovely interaction. Driving back, we stopped in at a little RSL in Wollongong and a lady was like, oh my gosh, it's you. And we don't often get this in public.

It rarely happens. So it's very flattering when it does happen. Stacey said, I was just telling my husband about the podcast. And she goes, it's helped me so much because I just got out of hospital. And I was like, oh no. She's currently going through chemo. And she said, I just want to say thanks so much for giving me just a little bit of fun and laughter at a time in my life where I've been feeling pretty low. So Stacey, I'm gonna assume

you're listening to this episode but we're thinking of you. We know you got a huge battle on your hands. We're stoked that we can offer you just a little bit of help. So all of us here, two Dating Dads, we're thinking of you. Yeah Stacey, all the best with treatment and hopefully you bounce back quickly and hopefully maybe one day we can come down for a beer at that RSL, Matt. And it's a great RSL. The Fig Tree. Great, great establishment.

And Ash, we are, we are itching towards a hundred episodes. I think we're at 93, maybe 94, maybe 96. I've lost count, but we are in the nineties. We will do something very special for hundreds. We're planning it at the moment. So just stay tuned, keep an eye out on our socials and also to the episodes because the announcement is coming soon.

Something very special for the listeners. Very excited. And I love it when you bring me news like that. Love it. I love it, love it, love it. If you've enjoyed this episode, please jump on, leave us a review. Five stars would be great

if you could do that. Write us a little message. Write us a little message, we love that. And if you want to get in touch, of course, Matt, where do they do that? Oh, I was like, oh! They can do it on email. Hello at twodotingdads.com or Instagram,

twodotingdads, there's TikTok, or the website, twodotingdads.com. Facebook, the Facebook group! Ah, the Facebook group! I'm gonna jump on today, just so you know, and jump on today, give a little life update for me, maybe picture the kids having a good time, and see if anyone's got any cool

barley recommendations while I'm here. Please be safe, for the love of God, just come back home in one piece, Ash. Yeah, look, I promise, from here on out, I'll do my best. You're making me nervous. Enjoy your holiday mate. We'll chat to you soon. All right. See you guys. Bye.

Do you know what reminds me of that movie The Castle? It is, Dad, I dug a hole. To Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.