Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - Best Of 2025: Pregnancy Kink, Destroying A Car Door, Nana's Genius Parenting Lie

Episode Date: December 30, 2025

Before we bring in 2026, we want to remind you of how great 2025 was! Matty J has a kink for pregnant women! Ash is blamed for destroying the father’s door when he was 5 years old Nana shares a Parenting Lie that involves the PlayStation ***TW*** Body Autonomy with child psychologist Victoria Barendsen  For parents and children: Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 for confidential counselling for children and young people. Lifeline: 13 11 14 for crisis support and suicide prevention. For reporting concerns: Mandatory Reporting: Contact the relevant state or territory child safety authority, such as the National Office for Child Safety in Australia (132 111 for NSW). 2025 Raunchy Ranch Calendar IS OUT NOW!  https://budgysmuggler.com.au/products/two-doting-dads-raunchy-ranch  Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome back to two doting dads. My name is Maddie J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parroting is the good, it is the bad. And they're relatable. And we do not give advice. You're very good at that. Thank you.

You should do the intros more often. Nah. Okay. This is the best of because Matt and I are currently where? At the moment, we actually detoured. We've been doing warmer countries. We decided to jump on a ship. we are circumnavigating Antarctica.

Oh, love that. We just wanted to mix it up, currently looking at the king penguins. Is that what that was? Gotcha. In this episode, we talk about Matt's kink. Well, his new kink. No, I've always had the kink. I've had it from the young age.

I can't remember life without this kink, if I'm being honest. That's good for you. Two kinks that I have, pregnant women and feet. After Matt's kink. We talk about you and an incident that you've held on to. You haven't been able to overcome it since, what were you, like 10? No, I was like five when this happened. Were you five?

So young. I got the blame. I really didn't. I couldn't stand up for myself as the youngest in the family. But. Hey, little pussy. Sorry. We did get a confession and we also.

You little wuss. We also did get. Be a man. We did get a confession from my sister and her side of the story along the way as well. Now, we talk about parenting lies quite a bit, and one that blew up, I dare say it was the most popular lie we have ever told in the entire two and a half years of doing this podcast, was a lie from my mum. Oh, yes. Nana Johnson. Surprise package.

So you'll have to tune in and listen to that one, Matt. And we also wanted to flag that in this episode, we talked to a child psychologist, Victoria, who specializes in body autonomy. We wanted to mention that it is confronting for some listeners. So just be mindful before you get into this episode. Shall we? Let's do it. This might sound weird. But I don't have a kink with pregnant women.

Oh, yeah, you don't. But I find Laura at the moment, she's popping a lot more than, the previous pregnancies, the way it normally works. She also doesn't answer my calls. She's been avoiding you. But her belly's popped. Like I think with Marley, she didn't pop right until the final trimester.

Whereas now that belly's out. And Laura's like, oh, I just feel so fat. I hate it. And I'm like, damn, girl. I'm like, bring that belly out here. I love it. Get the vitamin E cream out and brother. It's just like, because, you know, it helps.

the stretch marks, right? Get in there. Damn, deep in there, you know? Like all over, just the belly? Just the belly. Oh, no, the feet. Will it work on the feet? Nah.

Not that Laura has dry feet. It's dry. I'm not a foot guy. If I'm honest. The hands of the legs. Okay, well, I'm going to, I look forward to lubing Laura up. A rider. With a vitamin E cream.

Awesome, baby oil. Slip and Slip and Slider. Yeah. Yeah, I find... Like a pommel horse. Look. What's it pommel? What do you mean?

You know in gymnastics. Yeah. And there's that thing they get on top. And you get all handsy. And they fling their legs around. That's a pommel horse. You could do that. I'm going to ride Laura like a pommel horse.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, ready. She's going to be the apparatus. I hope she's ready. She'd be ready. No, I've, there is no other moment when I find Laura more attractive than when she's pregnant. You've got a kink,

my guy. Let me get my list of pregnant women up here. I've got a folder. I just, I don't know. It's beautiful. I can't get my hands off at. I can't wait for you page to just be pregnant. Please.

I hate to always flashback, but I, can I just say, don't you dare apologize for hating a flashback because I love them. Well, let's go right back. How old? Say it also about Oscar's age. I lived in Narrabeen in a, what they call an asbestos house. It's funny because I live in an asbestos house now. So I've gone full circle.

They say close the circle. Here we are. And my dad's quite an avid surfer. And when we were kids, we were all coming back from somewhere. I think it was like, it must have been a weekend because no one was working. No one is at school. We had one family car. We weren't very well off.

And I remember we did a surf check on the way home from wherever we were. And I recall dad being like, it's good. Got to get these kids home. Yeah. So that he can go. So we drove home and we had quite a long driveway up the side of the house that on the left side was a fence that was just like a timber fence. And it was not the pretty side of the timber fence. You know, there's an ugly side.

It was the ugly side because we'll pour. Someone else paid for the fence, okay? And I recall us driving up the driveway and getting out of the car. It is, can I, I will say it is quite a flex to have the fence. To have the fence on the nice side. Yeah. What's your fence situation?

Hang it's definitely nice side. You're a nice side fence guy. Look, it is the nice side. On both sides of the house? Yeah. Oh, wow. I know. Sorry.

must be very nice. So I don't know what it feels. I'm going to relate to your story, but I just, I can't relate. No, I didn't get it. I didn't get it. It makes me feel poor.

Anyway, so we've gone up. I'm on the passenger side behind mum in my chair. Anyway, so we've all gotten out of the car, and I was so, so, so, so young. So there's like, the memory is not completely clear. What happens? It's hazy.

It's hazy right now. But anyway, we've all gotten out of the car. out of the car, dad's put his board in the car and gone to reverse back down the driveway. And I don't know if you recall, on the poor side of the fence is where the posts are. Yes. To keep the structural integrity of said fence. And the back door on the passenger side, which was my side, had been slightly left open. And he had reversed down the driveway, hence ripping the car door off.

Oh. Yeah. expensive exercise so think about this think a four-door car with three doors and a big hole where the fourth door is meant and how is the fence fence well-built perfect yeah the poor side the rich person there's I was like not my rich side of the fence it was perfectly fine from what I recall but it did it did rip the car door clean off however my or as you you can imagine my dad was roped ball. Because there's two things that have happened here.

He's missed the serve. Yeah. Which is probably the thing he was most upset about in the end. And the car's missing a door. Our only car that we have that's dad's source of getting to work. And I think at the time he had like three jobs. Because he worked in sales. It's a lot of this time.

Okay, so I apologize. This was not, this is pre-sales rep days. No need to yell. Okay. I won't. I refuse not to. And he had a couple of different jobs. in different areas.

But anyway, he was really ropeable about it, and he was rovable about it for years. It was the sort of thing where they bring it back up all the time. Hey, can I just, can I just confirm for one second? Yes. Was it your fault? Like, was it, were you at the process? It was on my side?

Because I'm imagining right now that everything's happening really quickly. Your dad's like, get out of the fucking car. I've got to go, got to go. Maybe it'll happen too quick. You didn't get a chance. You're great, too. You're grade two. You're like seven.

Yeah. So it was on my side, my door, hence my fault. Okay, so I've, no, no, let me finish the story. Please. And we can ask questions. Okay. So it was, I cop the blame because that's my door. That's unfair.

Sorry. It's not unfair. I don't think it's unfair to, it's an assumption. That's what that is. Whether it's unfair or not. He assumed. He assumed. They all assumed.

Everyone's assumed. If you're the driver, you check the doors before you drive. For years. it was brought up, always, always brought up for so long. It's like, yeah. Come on. Thank you. Let go now. All the way until teenage years where it was continually brought up to be,

it went from being like how pissed off they were about it and how much it cost them in the end to it being like an embarrassing story. Like Ash, Ash ruined the family. Ash did this. Somewhere around my 16th birthday. You didn't ruin the family, Ash, but I, He chose to ignore that. It's okay.

Oh, I missed it. That's okay. Around my 16th birthday, an admission of someone admitted to actually doing it. My sister. So back then, my sister has opened the door. Old sister. Yes. Got out on that side with me, left the door open.

Wow. It ripped off. She pointed the finger at me 15 years. something, no, not that long. I'm going to say 12 years, something like that, 10, 12 years, had gone by of her keeping a mouth shut, enjoying me being brought up for years and years and years. So she just stood there watching you get beaten, pretty much, smacked up. Early teenagehood where she has finally said it was me.

What was the trigger point for her admitting? I can't remember. Just the guilt was too much. I think the guilt got to her event. And it might have got to the point where... You would hold on to that to your deathbed, really. Yeah. Like, you would expect, like, if she was about to go,

she'd be like, by the way, the God door was meet up. Yeah, fully. That's right. What has happened? I was unsure. Like, why she wanted to clear a conscience? I'm not sure. I mean, we're still talking this is 15 years ago that she cleared a conscience.

And I was like, I remember for so long, it was like, because the car was fucking ruined pretty much. like it was an old car anyway and it was like I was always the kid in the family who ruined the car my sister could never do any wrong it shaped the rest of my childhood I reckon because it was like I remember when you fuck the car up you're piece of shit yeah you're nothing not that my parents spoke to me like that but mum might have that would yeah yeah but yeah for so long and my sister would do the oh they're like yeah remember that and then And eventually, like I said, how's your relationship now with your sister?

Oh, that's great. We're great. We're great friends until I get it back eventually. But, yeah, it's a scarring moment. But that was the precious item that I had ruined of my parents. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. It's like those stories of the person who was like incorrectly charged with murder and they spent the whole life in prison.

That's exactly how I felt. I felt like I was incarcerated. An innocent man. Yes. I felt like, have you ever seen the movie, The Hurricane? No. Okay, let me just give you the gist of the hurricane really quick. It's quite a long movie.

It's about a car door that gets broken. It's about a car door that gets broken. It's about a boxer who gets framed for a murder a long time ago. And there was a really famous song called The Hurricane. To me right now, I'm getting nothing but one word screaming into my vision. What do you mean? Hollywood movie. Imagine they're making a blockbuster movie.

out of me ruining the car door. I think this is this has got I mean I think screenwriters would be salivating right now. For years I lived in shame I lived I was suppressed for years in my own family home.

You're betrayed. I was betrayed by my own flesh and blood. I have never been able to trust ever again. Anyone. Anyone. Wow. The side of a car door or it sends me spiraling.

Yeah, every time you shut a car door, flashbacks. Yeah, now I'm like... Every time you see a fence. Anytime someone whizers about me slamming their door, I'm like, well, you've got to be sure. You've got to be careful, and you've got to be sure. And moving right along, Ash, we're going into parenting lies. How dare you move me along.

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. Tell me, do me lie. What have you got for me, big guy? My mum, I don't know where she is, by the way. You lost her in the house again. She was... She can't get that far. She's hobbling.

She was here before we was on a recording. Because I was going to get her to tell the lie, but then she fucking disappeared. I don't know where she is. Ellie! Jinks. Again. Oh, yeah, so unsinked. We should fuck.

Oh, sorry. So she told me this lie from when we were younger. Okay. It was a very clever lie. And I said, firstly, I was offended. I was upset. And then I said, actually, no, that's, I should commend you for this great lie. So it took you how long to figure this out?

Well, I only realized when she told me. Went like today. It was a few days ago. Because she heard, we were talking about parenting lies. And she was like, I got a lie for you. You're a little piece of shit. And I said, what do you mean? When we were younger, we had a PlayStation 1.

Vintage. respect. We loved it. Yeah. What was it? Grand Turismo. Oh. Why do I have an erection?

For those of you who don't know, it's a car racing game. More than just that, though, Matt. Sorry, you're right. You're right. And what she used to do, because we were kind of obsessed with the PlayStation when we first got it. No. This is genius. She told us that it was a rental.

She said that the PlayStation. PlayStation, it is not, it is not our PlayStation. She's rented it from VideoEasy. Oh, that is good. That is top shelf parenting from Ellie. And so we used to get the PlayStation in school holidays only. Sometimes, sometimes mom would be like on the weekend. She'd be like, I'm going to go down the shop.

I'm going to rent out a PlayStation. She's just in the back of the car. And so we would get it. And then on the Sunday or the end of the holiday, she'd be like, I've got to return the PlayStation back to the shop because it's on the rental and we were like, oh, we don't have one more week. And she'd be like, no, I can't. It's got to go back.

It's booked out. I underestimated your mother. That is good stuff. Very good. And so I only now realize that we in fact owned outright that PlayStation. Your very own PlayStation and you thought it was a, so I can't picture you at school being like, I can't wait for school holidays. Mum's going to rent the PlayStation and all, and all your friends that own a place station.

I'm like, fucking, what is going on? Paul. He did a post in the Facebook group. It was off the back of a 26-year-old childcare worker, Joshua Dale Brown, who's been charged of sexual abuse of children whilst in daycare. Absolutely horrific. And Celeste wanted to know, as parents, what information can we have to be more mindful of the topic, more proactive.

Now, it is confronting, and it's really easy to avoid the topic altogether. Totally. But we thought it was a great suggestion from Celeste. so we thought we would reach out to an expert. So we reached out to Victoria. She runs the Safe Kids Project, which is her handle on Instagram. She's a registered psychologist based in New Zealand who specialises working with children

and provides sexual abuse and sexual harm prevention therapy. Victoria, I do have to say a very big thank you. You are so welcome. I was so delighted to be asked to come on. I'm so passionate about prevention work. So any opportunity to speak about this and share my mission, I'm here. I feel like the conversations we're about to have,

I feel like they should be prioritised as much as like a first aid course for parents. But for whatever reason, I think it's one of those things that it's such a tricky subject that it's easy for parents to completely avoid it. So I know that so many people are going to benefit from this chat. Yeah. To start off, at what age do you start having conversations with your children about consent and body autonomy? Such a great question.

And I do believe that a lot of parents try and put their head in the sand and not talk about it purely, like there's a lot of reasons. But I do believe one of the main reasons is that growing up, we never had these conversations. And it's not that it was the fault of our parents. But a lot of the time, they didn't know how to share this education with us. So it is a really new way of working. And it's, you're right.

It's like just as important as first aid. I think it's just as important as we teach our children to swim. or cross the road, teaching them about their body is so, so important and how to keep it safe. So my daughter is four and my son is coming up too and I've been teaching them about body safety education since they were born, but more specifically once they could sort of comprehend what I spoke about and what I talked about. So for my daughter from two, she was able to label her body correctly. She was able to let me know if she wanted physical contact like a hug or not.

She was able to say no to me and know that it will be very. respected. So I would say anywhere from like one and a half to two is a really good age to actually start introducing to your child that their body belongs to them and they get to make choices that feel right. And in terms of language and like sorry this is a really dumb question but you know I know that people are so particular about certain words are good to use and some are bad to use. Do you say what they are in terms of vagina, penis or do you have to give other words to kids at that age? yes so at that age i recommend using anatomically correct labels which are what our body is called so

i often say to parents if you call a knee a knee and a nose and nose why do you call a vulva a fanny or a penis or willy like it instantly tells your child that that's not a part of your body you're allowed to talk about or that's not something we're comfortable talking about because we instantly give it a nickname and so anatomically correct labels for body parts is like number one when it to body safety education because it creates a really open dialogue with your child for them to know that those parts of their body are normal and if there were any concerns they've got the language to talk to you about it and from a prevention standpoint there's been some research done with convicted sexual offenders towards children and they have said one of the biggest deterrence to

harming a child is if they have the correct anatomical language for their body because it instantly says to them that child's having conversations at home or that child has parents that are willing to talk about their body. That's not somebody I'm going to target. So it's really, really powerful from a prevention standpoint. And on the other side, if something does happen to your child, it's really important that they have the correct language to be able to tell you about it. I've worked with in multiple cases where children haven't had the correct terms. And what that means is from a legal standpoint, it can actually be really difficult to move things. along the legal system.

So we want to give children the language about their body to normalise it and reduce any shame or stigma. And also, that really helps with prevention. In terms of consent, it's a tricky one because this morning, for example, I was trying to brush my daughter's hair. Mali is six, Lola's four. And what they'll say when they don't want to have their hairbrushes, my body, my choice, no.

And then obviously I want to acknowledge that. but at the same time, I need to brush their hair. It's a bit of a non-negotiable. So how do you explain when it is and isn't appropriate to have those boundaries crossed? Amazing. It's so nice to hear those conversations coming from young children that they know their body belongs to them. That's amazing.

So I have some rules around body autonomy and that my children get to make choices for their body all of the time, except in three situations. The first is health, second is hygiene, and the third is safety. so in those situations it is my role as a parent to put a limit in and say actually this is what's happening so that sounds like the case for hair brushing and I feel that one to my core my daughter who's fores here is like these huge ringlets and she goes to a forest kindi and so she goes to kindi and she just comes on it's like leaves and sticks and like bark so I really I feel this because we have a role

in our house that we have to have her hair up for kindi so the way that I recommend talking to your child when you get to a body autonomy limit is to be really clear. And the first thing is telling them what you're doing. So I'm brushing your hair right now, why you're doing it. You need to do it. Otherwise, it's going to get into a really big tangle and we might have to cut your hair really short.

I'm not sure. I'll give like examples. And then you ask for some clarification. So you might be like, do you have any questions? See if they want to ask. And then what I recommend doing. So being really clear is the first part on what you're doing. And then the second part is provide opportunities for control.

So in those situations where they're, don't have a choice or they don't have control over what's happening to their body, allow them opportunities, like, what color hair brush do you want to use? Do you want to brush your hair first and then Dad will do it second? Like, provide little moments in there. Is there a favourite toy you want to hold? Or is there something that you can be doing while they do your hair? So moments where they feel in control of a situation that actually they don't get a choice over.

For me, at home, we might playfully smack mum on the bottom or, you know, they think it's hilarious. but is that something that's inappropriate or... I wouldn't say it's inappropriate. I think it's really important for children to see healthy relationships between parents. But maybe what you could do in there is every now and again weave in some modelling of consent

like to your wife or partner, hey, like I really want to give you a little smack on the bum. Is that okay with you? You know, like make it like a little bit playful so the children can see that aspect of consent. Or maybe you do it and then you say, hey, is this something that you find fun? or is this like enjoyable so that the children are seeing that as well.

But I think if it's really lighthearted and it brings joy, there's nothing wrong. Because I, one thing that I've noticed is like, you know, that game of like, Daddy's going to smack in the bottom and I'll chase the kids around. And then I've seen Marley interact with her cousins. And then they'll play that same game with other cousins. Obviously, Marley, from her perspective, it's completely harmless. But then I'm thinking in my head, like, oh my gosh, am I putting these games in place which are going to be, like, inappropriate with other kids.

Should I be mindful of that, do you think? Yeah, I feel like there's a real fine line, right? Like, we don't want to lose the fun of childhood, but we do want to just make sure that our children are respecting body autonomy of others. So you could say, before you play that game of like, Dad's going to, do you say pat your bum or chase you or whatever it might be, you might say, do you want to play this game and let me know if you want to stop at any time because you're just then modelling to them what consent looks like.

actually you can be playing something, it can be really, really fun, but you can also say stop when it feels right for you. And that same question, like, you might be chasing them around the house, and you might say, Marley, are you still having fun right now? Like, it's just a little chicken that gets her to check in with her body and then knows that that's a safe place to communicate it. And then when it goes into playing it with your cousins, with her cousins, you might just say, oh, remember to ask before you touch somebody's body.

Like, is this a game they actually want to play? Like, just check in first. It doesn't have to be, like, sit down, like, really serious. like when I'm teaching young children, my children consent, I do it all through modelling. I never explain to them necessarily, like don't touch other people's bodies. It's actually just through my

interactions every day with them that they learn what consent looks like. Yeah, we had a few listeners reach out about some tools that parents that you can share with parents who can help their kids speak up confidently when boundaries are crossed. So I believe that this comes from lots of modelling at home,

like I just said, that children need to see us as parents advocate for their boundaries as well as us putting in boundaries for ourselves. So how this might look like if a family member was to come around to my house, I would say to my daughter, hey darling, remember your nanny's coming over this afternoon, remember you get to choose how you say hello. And then once my mum arrives, I would say, oh, nanny's here. Would you like to give her a hug, a kiss, a wave?

And in that moment, I'm saying to my daughter, listen to your body, you share what feels right. but I'm also putting in a boundary with my mum to remind her of what kind of interactions we have in our family and how that looks. So that's modelling how to interact. And the other one is sometimes I will tell my children when they've crossed my personal space.

So last night I was over it. Like it was just one of those days and my husband was on a night shift and I was like, I'm done. And they were all over me for story time. And so I was just like, hey, mom needs some space right now. My daughter kicked off and told me how sad I'd made her feel. And that's fine. That's all part of it. But it's like actually as a parent,

I need my children to see me putting in boundaries for my body, to give them the permission slip to put in a boundary for their body. And so when we think about teaching children to be confident to say no, we need to really have these like foundations of them seeing consent in practice because the more that they see it happening, the more likely they can like draw on that experience and say actually I can say no right now and it should be all right. And another thing with that is if we as parents or caregivers really respect a child's no, they're more likely to say it. So say you're playing like a tickling game with the kids

and they're like, no, and you actually stop in that moment, you're teaching your child that there no matters and that you should listen. So the more we can practice and give children opportunities to say no, to see us as parents saying no, they're really good ways to build confidence. I always, I guess double guess how I parent when I know that there's so many little harmless saying,

that people then spin it. And so actually that's quite detrimental. For example, no one likes a dibedobber. You know, and I know that there's been times where, you know, Marley, for example, any minute little inconvenience from another kid, whether one of her family members or her sister, she'll run to me. And I've said before, like, come on, Molly.

No one likes a dibedobber. And then afterwards I'm like, oh my gosh, that's sending the wrong message, right? So how do you make sure that you're communicating in a way? that doesn't discourage them to stand up when something has happened? Yeah, really good question. I know we catch ourselves in parenting moments all the time, so I think that's only natural.

Yeah, when it comes to communication, I think that, again, it's a really foundational thing that you keep building on. When it comes to sharing stuff that's important to a child, when we as parents have capacity to try and listen, you know, in those moments, where she's come to you and shared something like, oh gosh, that sounds really tough. How could you do something?

Like, what could you do about that? It almost is easier for us as parents to just shut it down and say, stop telling because that's what feels right for us in that moment, particularly if we're disregulated ourselves or we've had a really busy day. But if we can hold space, even for the little things, that does really help them eventually if something big does happen, they know, oh, that's somebody I can go and speak to and it feels really safe. but another rule that we have in our house

is we have a no secrets policy so absolutely zero secrets are allowed in our house this morning I gave Lola a piece of pizza for breakfast and I was like don't tell mum and then I'm like shit yeah so that would be like a bit what we don't do in our house and it's happened before and like we definitely catch ourselves

purely because then we're saying to the child that it's okay to keep some secrets and when children are young their thinking is so black and white. And so if you say, oh, that secret's a good secret or a safe secret, and this one's not, like they don't understand. That's way too grey.

And so with our family, we just have no secrets full stop. And again, it's not like something I sit down and talk to a four-year-old about, like allow it to come up really naturally. She bought her brother a truck and it was super, super noisy for his birthday. She's like, oh, we'll keep this a secret. And I was like, no, darling, this is a surprise. And so then we talk about surprise. like they're really cool, that's something

somebody will eventually find out about but yeah, steering away from secrets or keeping this information is really important and it can be yeah, something as simple as don't say you had pizza for breakfast or don't have an ice cream don't say that we got an ice cream when we're out

and yes like from the open communication point of view, really good but also from a grooming perspective Secrets, keeping secrets is one of the steps in the grooming process and that's in order to establish trust with the child and also with the family and so often they might start with something really small like oh don't tell them we got an ice cream when we were out watching whether or not the parent whether or not the

child will tell the parent and that kind of tells them okay we're beginning to build trust and then they build on that and build on that so having no secrets yet really important for communication and also another really important prevention tool there was some horrible news to come out of just this past week, just to do with daycare, is there any signs that parents should look out for in environments to assess their safety? Yeah, I feel like this one's a really hard, hard topic. And my heart really goes out to all of those people

that were affected in Melbourne. Because the children were so young, it would have been really, really hard to sort of know that something was wrong because at that age, they're really unlikely to have the vocabulary. and the comprehension to be able to express that to parents. What I do say, though, is that when your child goes into an early childhood setting,

you as a parent have every right to ask questions and to become really curious. I find often parents sort of stand back and don't want to be like overprotective or overbearing or over the top. But actually, if we put our child's safety at the centre, we can feel a lot more comfortable to have conversations. And so I suggest, and these are things that I do with my children, like what is your child protection policy so do you know if something happens what are the steps to follow do all your staff members know the steps to follow another one a big one for me is

supervision so what are the ratios for the children to teacher and also in the centre are there spaces where a child might not be seen they might be hidden so like really mindful of who's watching my children becoming really mindful of um the environment so child or toileting, who is supporting the children through that? Is that leaving one teacher, one adult alone with a child? Is it in an open space? So I think it's really hard to look out for certain signs at that young age that something's gone wrong.

But I would be more trying to look at it from can we use what has happened to drive some change. And I hope that happens with policy and legal levels within the early childhood sector. But as parents, we are allowed to ask the kids, questions and I would really encourage your listeners to ask them. Is there any type of language that you can recommend when speaking to your own kids if you think something may have happened? Yeah, so in that situation, I always say become really curious with your child

and notice what happens within you. Like if you've noticed maybe something different in their behaviour, maybe they're really isolated and withdrawn and worried all the time and don't want to attend their early childhood centre or for all of a sudden, then become really curious with that. Don't go straight in with maybe what you assume has happened. It's better to be curious. So it might be,

oh, I've noticed that at drop-offs you're really upset at the moment. What's going on there? Or they might tell you something that's happened and you might say, can you tell me more about that? Or what happened next? And you'll notice that in my languaging, I'm not saying, oh, did this person do that? Or did you then do this?

Or did you feel this? No, it's really open. Like, what happened next? What was going on? around that time. So really keeping it as open as possible and being really curious where you can. So I have a six-year-old boy

and he's at the age where he can't keep his hands off his penis. And look, it's outside of the pants, inside or at home, whatever it might be. But I'm really worried about shaming him for it. Is there any steps I can take or anything I should be doing to make sure that I don't... He's educated?

He's educated, yeah. Yeah. I'm so here for these questions. This is so nice to be talking to two dads like this. I said earlier, often I'm speaking with mum, so I love this and how you don't want to cause shame. Like amazing. So a child exploring their body, all parts of their body,

very, very developmentally normal. So what I would say in this space is I encourage children to recognize the difference between a private place and a public place. So say he's touching his penis and it's in the lounge room, you might say, hey, this is a public place. you're more than welcome to touch your body, explore your body, but that's something we do in a private place, private place is room or the bathroom.

So give him the context that that behaviour is appropriate for, and that doesn't cause any shame. It just is almost like a redirection of the behaviour. And then is there any age, like this, it's a hard one to answer, but talking about public place and private place, we were at the park on the weekend, and Mali was like, I need to wheat, and there was no toilets anywhere.

And I was like, let's just do a bushweed. and she was like, but people are going to see me. If she's communicating to me in that way, do I have to acknowledge that? Or do you think it's best to acknowledge that to not then break the boundaries by being like, no, it's okay. I'll, like, you know, we're just going to win in public.

Yeah, yeah, real tricky one. Funny, my daughter loves a Bush way. She'd like, she'd ask for their overall. So, yeah, I'm doing that one. And yeah, I think, yeah, Tricky to answer because I think every child and family is different. You might in that situation say, if I was able to make a barrier to make sure nobody saw,

would you feel more comfortable then? So you could maybe give an option. Otherwise, you need to hold on and then we'll have to like find somewhere. But I think try and explore that option in a way that makes them feel safe. And if that's not a possibility, then yeah, probably going to the bathroom. And you might be able to acknowledge it. Like, yeah, actually people might see you. And that might be uncomfortable.

can I make a way for this to be more comfortable for you? Victoria, you are a wealth of knowledge. It's been so great. And we could keep asking questions, but we know your time is limited, but we want to say thank you so much. Thank you. Appreciate it.

Oh, you're so welcome. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. And again, like, being able to speak to dads is such a privilege. And I hope that this also shares out to your audience being dads as well. It means a lot. And I think as parents, we can make a lot of change in the space for our children. Legend. Ash, the penguin feeding starts at 2 o'clock.

So we need to get a move on. All right. Let's make it's quick then. Yeah. We don't want to miss that. Do you think people are following about our little round the world joke? They're like, what the fuck are Matt and Ash talking about? We're in holidays.

Okay? We're in holidays. And we're joking that we're troubling around the world, but really we're at home. Are you joking? Streaming kids. There are no penguins. That was all a gag. Sometimes Batman needs to take his cape off, you know.

Well, that's... Thank you. I will all right, don't put on a T-shirt. If you've enjoyed this episode... If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, send to a friend, subscribe. Otherwise, you can join us, Wehram at Two Dirting Dads on Instagram, TikTok. There is also a Facebook group, and we have full-length episodes now on YouTube. But if you want to listen to us here, you can continue just doing that as well.

That's also allowed. Bye. Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.