Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #Ep 199 Back To School Success with Gen Muir

Episode Date: January 18, 2026

The boys have brought back "The Oracle", Gen Muir, for some advice before school goes back and how to avoid those post school meltdowns. Lola is starting big school and Marlie and Oscar are both moving up a year - a big transition for our little ones. Gen teaches the boys how to get the kids (mentally) school ready as well as how to prep them for any  problems that may arise... and it could all come down to a lunchbox. Matt opens up about his biggest fears for the girls at school, while Ash is surprised to find his past school fears bubbling to the surface while discussing Oscars'. Once again Gen has loads of take home advice plus a great, new card game to play with the kids (and the boys) that'll get them giving you more than one word answers after school. This is one episode that you'll want to share with your fellow parents. Give your kids the reading edge they need with ABC Reading Eggs. Head to readingeggs.com.au/2DD for your 30-day free trial and make this school year their best one yet! You can buy Gen's High, Low, Buffalo cards here.  Or follow Gen's amazing advice here or her instagram here.  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Head to readingegs.com.com.com.com. 2d.D. for your 30-day free trial. The summer holidays are coming to an end very soon. Finally. And before we know it, We'll be back packing lunches and dropping those kids up. Bye! For some sweet relief as they return to the classroom.

I've got to pack lunches for two little ones. I've got Marley and Lola. I've been doing that all this year. You've got to bring her lunch. Yeah, I've got to pack her lunch. Well, you're an idiot for booking a daycare that you have to bring their lunch. That's your first mistake. Dude, it's like free.

It's a free daycare. Okay, well, it's not a competition. Well, and this year she goes three days. So that's three lunches. Little Lola, my little like, we're not going to. to have daddy-daughter days on Thursdays anymore. She's about to start Kindi for the first time, and she is full of emotions. She's a little bit nervous, as she's told me.

She's very excited at the same time because she's now going to be a big kid. But it's really tricky as parents to know how we can best navigate through this journey to this big transition for them. Good news is we brought our favorite parenting educator, Jen Muir. The Oracle. She's back. Back to give us some tips and how to give our kids the best start to the year and what not to do. when things go pear-shaped.

Plus, she has some amazing hacks that'll keep you laughing with your kids all the way to the gate, including the magic word that can turn any frown upside down. Yes, the I wonder trick. And I wondered if it worked. I've used it.

I wonder if you'll enjoy this episode. Have a listen. Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum. She's returned, but my name is Maddie J. I'm Ash. And I'm Jen. It is great to have you back.

I'm excited to be here. Can I just say thank you. Yes. From both of us, thank you very much. We are, of course, doing a back-to-school special, which for me is very important because my little Lola, my little Lola is starting school. And I'm nervous.

Is there a mix of emotions? Yeah, when we talked about a little while ago, she had a graduation from daycare, and I didn't think second time around I would get as emotional as I did with Mali, but just as much. Yeah, yeah. And I can't believe it. And I think the reason why.

I'm more nervous about Lola is because we were very safe, cautious with Miley. We were held her back for another year. So she was pretty old by the time she started school. And so it was just, it was a breeze for her. The orientation days where you have those little sessions, you hand them over. She was like, can you not, I can hold my hand? I remember that actually. She's like, you're like, you can leave now.

And I was there trying to make it as an easy transition as possible. And she was like, I got it. Yeah. She was good. You were like trying to make it easy for you. I was there crying in the car and she was just like, I can hear you. Whereas for Lola, we had that real question of, should we send her or should we hold it back for another year?

Yeah. And then we've decided to send her. And then you had a third baby and you're like, send her too. They're all going. Together they make the right age. Bust of my dog as well. It's like, what am I doing here?

I would love to know from your perspective, how can I make this transition for Lola as easy and as seamless as possible? So there's a few things we can definitely do in the lead-up, but also in those early weeks. One of the biggest things is practicing the basics and talking as much as possible about the real practicalities of it. And what I mean by practice the basics is make sure that she can open and close her lunchbox. Like that sounds so simple. But if you are a little four or five year old and you're in this enormous playground, adjusting to a million things,

regulating emotions, learning all the new rules and where the toilets are, and you can't open your lunchbox. Oh, don't. You may actually pull it on my heartstrings of that one. But it's, you know, you think about... I've got a couple of Tupperware containers

that I'm like, even I can't open that one. So don't send that. But, you know, if you're going to send a packet of rice wheels, can they open them? Can they use their drink bottle? can they get a jumper off, right? So actually those basics are really important. And then the second thing is, have you done any orientation sessions at the school or any of that?

Yeah, and we've had, it's been a real mixed bag. The first one, she was super excited and she was really pumped. And then the last one that we had, I don't know what happened. She just, in the morning, she had really big emotions. She got really upset over her porridge. Oh, yeah. She didn't have a school jumper that she would fully. slipped out about.

Yeah. And so I was kind of like knowing what you told us previously. I was like, it's not about the porro, it's not about the jumper. She's just using these little moments to express her emotions. And then when I handed her over to her buddy and then for that orientation, parents leave. We'd come back in a couple hours. She was locked onto my leg. And she was like, Daddy, I want you to stay.

You like. And I was like, no, it's going to be fine. You're going to enjoy this. And I was like, how much do I need to say you're going to be fine? be a bit firm and how much do I need to like give her that one more big hug. Yeah. She was struggling. It's the ultimate question, isn't it?

Like I think there is a line with that. So for parents going through this and it sort of weaves into separation anxiety and lots and lots of kids once they start kindy, often they skip in on the first day. They are pumped and we often make that mistake of like, it's going to be amazing. You have the best time we basically describe, you know, Luna Park. You promise them the world and hand them an Atlas, essentially. And then they get lined up and sat down and taught to read. And they're like, that's sad.

Yeah. Where's the roller coaster? So again, in terms of those pre-tips, don't promise, it's going to be amazing. You go, there'll be some. Oh, my God, I've literally, I know. I feel so bad now. Guys, it's so great. So we step it back and we go, school's going to be great.

And you're going to make new friends. friends and also you'll do some work and there'll be some bits that are boring and some bits that are interesting and some bits will be noisy in the playground and you know I think if we make space for like however our kid experiences it that can help in terms of that separation you know you're describing something I'm so familiar with I have a child that is you know sometimes struggles to let go or to do something that might require a bit of bravery and the biggest thing I'd say is there is a whole space for preparation in advance. So when I say that, I'm talking 4pm the day before an orientation or a school day

or a thing that's happening for anyone listening. We want to start talking then. So tomorrow is a school day. And I know that sometimes when I drop you off at the gate, it's really hard to say goodbye. And I want you to know that makes sense because I get that. you don't want to say goodbye. She's four, she's five. It is hard to say goodbye to her safe base. You know, one of her primary caregivers. She's meant to show that. Not all kids do and that's okay too, but her showing that is so healthy and so normal. But how do we help her with it or ease

it in the moment? The prep, I think we do or the naming of emotions is always in advance. And I love the day before because our kids get a chance to practice the emotion of it's really hard to say goodbye to my dad or my mom at the gate. That feels really hard, but we're practicing. to sing it outside of the moment. Now, outside of the moment, her thinking brains online, so she can actually hear your tips and your kind of, but these will be the good bits and all of that. And what we can do in that kind of practice is we can be really practical. What can we do to make it a little bit easier when we say goodbye tomorrow? So with my youngest son, when he started Kindi, he was exactly that, had a great first day. And then we had two weeks of like clinging to the dry

cleaning. Is it a dry cleaning handle in your guys? That was for? Anyway, yeah, yeah, it's the brace yourself for impact. I was assumed it was the dress hanging handle. But anyway, he's clinging to that like an octopus. You know, like you're pulling him out of the car, everybody watching, going, isn't she the parent educator? That's not going very well.

And he was really struggling and I had to hand him kicking and screaming to educators a few times. And I did my own advice. I took him home. I got out a little whiteboard. And I actually drew, you know, sad face. When I drop you at school, it makes you feel really sad.

It's really hard to say goodbye to mum. And my child had a bit of a language delay, so the drawing really helped with that. And then I said, I wonder, I love the concept of wonder because it really opens kids up without pressure to like, instead of just be different, we're wondering what could we do

to make it a little bit easier tomorrow? And he said, if we could bring along my favourite Sonic toy, you love Sonic the Hedgehog, and I will hold it all the way to the gate and then I will hand it to you. And he was very specific. You need to go and put it in my bed.

and then when I come home it will be waiting for me in my bed. And kids love these little things because that's my safe thing and then giving you the job of going, putting it in bed. I kind of know I'm coming back to that. You know, it doesn't have to make sense. And for other kids, it might be we could draw a little heart on my wrist and a heart on your wrist and I'll press my heart when we're apart and think of you. Or for other kids, it might be we could have a secret handshake at the gate.

And even when you're struggling, we do our secret handshake. and you will know you've got all, you know, dad's going to be with you while you're there. So we're trying to create connection or create an object or a transition kind of support. Laura was pretty good. Laura, with Miley, gave her a necklace and she loves that mum made the necklace. And Laura said, whenever you've missed me, you can hold the little pendant. And it will remind you of me. It's like an invisible string that kind of keeps our kids connected to us.

And it's that little bit of confidence or that bit of mum or that. dad to take into that big new world. So it's super powerful. She lost it after a week, but by then she was fine. I made, when my eldest son was in Kindi, my mum actually made this, but he was struggling and she made a little felt heart and she put it in his pocket and he's a bit of a sensory kid. And so if he was having a hard time in the playground, he'd put his hand in his pocket and

just feel for his little felt heart. It was so beautiful. They don't need it forever. Often these things, so my son with the Sonic, he only needed it for about two weeks. And I mean, there's photos of me cruising around the neighbourhood with Sonic because I was like, I will do anything because the drop box are going so well. And within two weeks, he was good and he has not looked back. But like I saw, I'm so sort of passionate about it.

But I think your question, and I've gone on a bit, but it was really also at what point do we say, yeah, you've got this. And there is a real big space for that too. If we've done all that beautiful prep and we've allowed our child to know we get it and we've given them a transition object or we've supported the idea of how can we make it easier, I think there is a role for us as parents to also believe in our kids when they can't.

If they're going, I can't do this, you can't leave. And we're like, oh, well, then I better not leave because I don't believe in you. Somehow that can make it harder. And so I think there is a role for us as parents to also go, and we knew this would be hard. And I know you've got this. And I can't wait to see you after school.

I'll be right there by that tree. Bye-bye now. and you do go, I'm not saying you tear off, but you go with this sense of, I know you've got this. And we all know that and we know that often educators will say they settled right away. But I think what we're actually imparting on our kids is a confidence that I believe in you. I know this is scary and we have to kind of continue to do this as they grow. One thing that I've always been told, it's just kind of being one of those rules that I've just heard always. is once they start school for that first term doing anything additional, sport,

you know, swimming lessons, for example, I've always had the idea of like, I'll stop that for first term because I don't want to overload them. Is there anything else? Well, firstly, is that correct? And is there anything else you can do to better support them once they have started and they have kind of settled in? I think that's really good advice. There are some kids that start school.

They're like ducks to water. And that kid can start. organised sports and everything from the get-go and they can keep up with their swimming. And there are certainly sometimes some high-energy boys that you need to keep running or otherwise they run havoc in the classroom. So there are exceptions always. But I got given that advice when my eldest started school by the principal and it was just such good advice.

Kids get so tired. And I think if you think of it, it's like they're moving to a new country and learning a new language all at once in that they're learning not just the academics, but the rules and the social nuances and the kind of the bigger kids and the apartments from mum and dad for longer hours or their parents for longer hours all at once and it is a lot and if we can just take some of that stuff out and what you allow then is more downtime and you're kind of creating space for some after school meltdowns to happen sooner rather than later and they and those meltdowns play a role because they're getting all this stuff out of how old it together all day long

and this yucky stuff just has to come out. And if we can create the space for it, you know. Because I've always, sometimes I pick up Marley and she's amazing. And then we get home and then she just flips out. And I'm like, what are you doing? You just five minutes ago, you were skipping out the school. You were seeing it in the car. It was sweet.

Yeah. But don't we do that as grown-ups as well? Like, you know, we're sort of on in public and then we get home and we're like, Yeah, I cry all the way home. For me, I mean, my youngest is a year away from where Matt is. She's much small. I could not imagine Macy going to school. She's not there, obviously.

But with my eldest, same with Mali, this is the end of his first year. And he goes to the same primary school that I went to as a kid. And him going there has brought up a lot for me. And I recall going back to school after a long break. and the anxiety for me as a child, it would really show through, I would cry all the way to school. I would cry all day for that period of time. And at the moment, and I'm deviating from the question I was actually going to ask you

because this has just hit me in between the eyes, is that now as an adult, I'm anxious for it, Oscar, going back after such a long break, even though he is like a duck to war, he's loved it so much. And it's more me now when I see him run off down the track. to school. I'm the one. I miss him already. But I'm worried that he's going to feel the anxiety that I felt and now I'm anxious about it. Yeah. Yeah. And I think as parents, it is the hardest thing. You know, sometimes our kids are struggling with friendships or they're struggling with

separation or, you know, whatever it is and it can bring up stuff for us. And it's something I said to you last time we chatted. But actually one of the biggest things you can do for yourself is say, yeah, that makes sense that I'm feeling that anxiety because I found that really hard. And then once we acknowledge that it often, you know, we name it to tame it for ourselves. And then we're able to sort of say, well, what's the kid in front of me needing right now?

And sometimes they're not needing anything. Sometimes you'll find that if we can sort of check our own stuff and name that. And we don't want to, you know, for ourselves, you know, just say anxiety comes knocking at the door as it often does. And what we want to do is hide behind the bed and not let it in.

Yeah. But actually if we can sort of open the door and go, okay, you're here. That makes sense because my story is that I found that really hard. But this is a different kid in front of me. And he's looking okay. So I'm going to kind of wait till he shows me if he needs something. Yeah, I don't want to shoot on my mom here. But she obviously coming from that parenting style that they had, it was get on with it.

You're fine. Yeah. And I have previously been like that with him with some school stuff and the things that he's nervous about. But for me, I'm really anxious that I want him to be able to overcome the situations. I want to be able to validate him to go, it's so normal. You don't want him to feel alone with that emotion. Yeah, like I did. Yeah. Yeah. And I felt like it was, it was really prominent for me and then me remembering it now. It's like, I don't want to feel that. And imagine if someone had said to you, yeah, it's really hard going back after a long summer and that makes sense.

and while it wouldn't have changed the anxiety, you wouldn't have been alone with it. Yeah, and looking back, I did feel alone with it. Yeah. And that's the biggest thing we can do for our kids, right? I remember being at an athletics carnival, and I was so incredibly nervous. I must have been about seven or eight.

And I didn't want to do the race. And my mum was like, you're fucking doing the race. Like, shut up and line up. There was no question whether or not I was or wasn't. And I ended up doing it, and I was fine. and it was all right. I had that same mentality with Marley

where there's situations that I'm like, I know you're going to be fine. I know you've got to probably enjoy it even, but then she pushes back. Like dance lessons as an example. Some day she's like, I don't want to do it. And I'm like, but you love it. And you're going to enjoy it when you're there.

But don't we all, like our kids say, I don't want to go to school or preschool and we go, but you love it at preschool. And Johnny's going to be there. And it's finger painting day. I just did that this morning. And it's going to be amazing. And like the biggest lesson I learned, you know, in all of my parenting.

And I've said it over and over, like the magic bullet in parenting is just letting kids know that we hear them. And I got the best of it with my youngest and he'd do all of these. And I'd open the van door and I'd, yeah, because I drive a bus. And he'd open the van door and I get eye to eye with him and I'd open my palms. Because if you can open your palms, that is more powerful than anything you can say. And soften your face, right? because your body language often betrays you. Even when you're saying, I know it's really hard.

Am I looking at it in the mirror right now? I'm just like. I know you're having a hard time. What do you mean? You don't have to get any lessons. But your whole body's going like, just shut up and do it. If we can just stop fighting, just for a second, open your palms and go, it's really hard to go to school some days.

I get it. And you just pause for a second. Nothing happens after that except your child takes a bit of time to process. And then we've got a kid that's not alone with that emotion. Now, I am such a fan of then saying, it's time to go in. Am I holding your hand or do you want me to carry you? And I will always, I will always believe in my child. That's how I do it.

As hard as that can be sometimes. But what I can tell you is whenever I do that or have done that, the next bit, like I'm not saying they skip in and go, oh, thanks for validating my emotions, I'll just skip into school. They're still sad, but they're not as sad because they're not alone with that emotion. I think it's one of the most powerful things we can do. Yeah, I think I felt that back then I was alone in the emotion. And, you know, when I think about me now, I'm fine, but thinking about them, I'm not.

Yeah, it's sad to think you were alone. And if we can be with our kids and their feelings just 30% of the time, we make a huge difference to them. We don't need to do it all the time. So that's the other thing I'd say is there are times where we don't validate. We just get on with it. like your mum said, you're going to do the race. And she didn't validate in that moment because it just felt right.

She knew you could do it, maybe. And it's remembering that if just 30% of the time we're able to really be with our kids and their feelings, we're teaching them that they can come to us when they're happy and when they're sad and when they're scared. And that's the gift. If we can do that 30% of the time. The two fears that I have as a parent when I think of school is my child not being able to keep up academically.

And that's kind of a bit out of my control. but then the second one is bullying. And Marley was pretty good. She had a couple of situations where there was two other girls and there was the three of them and there was always one person on the outer. And someday she was in the mix and she was a favour. And other times she was completely pushed out. And I was trying to tell her that when she was in, don't try and push that other person

out. But I'm sure it felt good for her in that moment where she was. was finally being accepted, but then I still don't really know how to handle those situations of when she's being bullied, how I should tell her to react. Yeah, I mean, you're going to think I'm a broken record, but I think one of the most powerful things we can say when our kids say, I got left out of the group today, which, how amazing that she's telling you, but if we want to say, tell me their names, I am calling their mothers.

Yes. Or we want to say, okay, well, I'm contacting the teacher. because that is not okay, or we sometimes want to give advice. Like, you know, if you, you know, just play with other people. You're amazing. Don't even worry about it. You know, you're a great kid. If we can just pause and go, that sounds really tricky.

I would have hated to be the one left out of the group. And actually, nine times out of 10, that's all our kids need, actually, because our kids are incredible. And they've got the solutions to these problems within them often. And we say that sounds so hard. And what we've got is a kid then that's, oh, not alone. You can even add, I know what that's like. I got left out once or I got left out today.

Like, I know what that's like. And then they know you know. And imagine how cool is that. And then if they're still struggling, and I've had so many times with this with my kids, then we can say, I wonder what you think you could do if that happened again tomorrow. And I know I'm using the word wonder again.

It is so powerful for our kids this word because it opens their creativity and their solutions. And kids actually innately often have the answers within themselves. The things my kids have said in those moments, like, well, I could just play with someone else. You're like, cool. Great solution. They figured it out on their own right.

You know, right? So I do think that's, yeah, one of the ways to do it. Jen, we did put the call out to listeners. And they have come back with a couple of questions. I've got one here from Corinne. Yeah. And I would love to get your thoughts on it. She says, how can I best prepare my son

who's had an excellent first year in kindergarten, but now he's about to move house, move suburbs, move school. Any tips on avoiding breaking his little heart would be much appreciated. First thing I'd say is it's funny how we're so worried about our kids' experience in struggle. And I want to reframe even that breaking his little heart, you know. Is she projecting too much maybe? No, I just think she's really wanting to avoid hard stuff, struggle, change. These things are hard and yet, what a wonderful opportunity to build resilience.

So I'm not going the hard opportunity of your kids are tough, just, you know, send him out to the minds. What I'm saying is sometimes, you know, the process of a child adjusting to change, new house, new school, new sibling, whatever it is, yes, there will be hard bits. And yet, as we gently sit with our child alongside them as they do that, we are preparing them for heartbreak at 16. and things that happen in life because every time they do that and we do it with them, they're learning skills. So what I'd say is, first of all, sometimes hard things will happen to our kids and as they continue to grow, you know, hard things continue to happen. And if we continue to be able to say, and this is our opportunity to practice feeling

frustrated or mad at our sibling or left out, this is actually a cool thing, then I think we can reframe and it's not a bad thing that your child's about to go through lots of change. And then from there, heaps of prep. So little hack with sort of limited time, go to chat chippy tea, tell it, your child's name, the school they're going to, the things that are going to change, and say, write me a social story on how to prepare my son that I can read at bedtime and read it to him at bedtime and read the story over and over of all the things that are going to change and how he'll make new friends and there might be some hard aspects of that, but mommy will always love him and be with him.

And does it help that child, not to be really dumb here, for that child to have that reference point of, oh, that's right, Timmy in the story, whether they're the same thing. And I, you know, and he was fine. Well, no, I wouldn't put your own child's name in the story. Oh, really? Yeah, because he's going to do all these things. A social story is our child's story. And I love that chat chapit can out do this, whereas once you had to go to an OTA to do it.

So we can just create that really easily. Or show him lots of photos of the new house, take him to the school. This is where you're going to go. And what we're trying to do is just sit in that unknown space of there will be aspects of this where you will miss your friends. And that makes sense. And there will be wonderful new things too. And that will be great.

And here is how we will stay connected to our old friends. So I would continue to make some play dates with the old friends, create some play dates with the new friends. And just, you know, you don't know how he's going to go. But I wouldn't set out to assume he's going to have his little heartbroken. I'd say there will be struggle. And struggle's not necessarily a bad thing. I feel like I need to write a story for Lola.

Yes. You could do that. I need to do that. Yeah. You're a very good writer too, by the way. So is chat. GPD. I reckon you can do it on your own.

You don't need computers. Ash. Yes. How did you go with Oscar when it came time to teaching him how to read? I feel like you would have been an expert, right? Sorry. Never assume, Matt, because as we all know, I have been diagnosed with ADHD. So sitting down trying to concentrate on reading a book myself is harder than

enough, let alone trying to teach young Oscar who's got a sponge brain, learn how to read. Well, answer to this question. How many attempts at teaching him to read was it before you gave up? Multiple attempts. I heavily leaned on April for Oscar's reading ability. However, we're a little bit time poor. Good thing. We've stumbled across something which is absolutely amazing, Matthew, which is ABC reading eggs.

I know. I look back at the time that I tried to do it myself. and I don't know if you're doing the same, but I don't listen to a thing that I say. So me trying to teach my kids is just a nightmare. When they found reading eggs, I was like, this is the number one parenting hack

to make learning fun for kids. It's amazing what they can do in such a short time. His reading ability has gone from being able to read one or two words to, he can pretty much read a novel, I reckon. Yeah, Marley's reading, it is phenomenal right now. And parents are like, how do she do it? And I'm like, it's all me. I spent hours.

slaving away at the kitchen table with a book in hand, forcing her how to read, and she's finally, she's turned a corner. And they're like, does she use reading eggs? And I'm like, yes. I've got to be really careful with having my phone around Oscar now,

because he can read my text messages. I do have one complaint about reading eggs. Yeah. Whenever I speak to Laura, and I'm like, hey, do you want an I-C-E-B-L-A-C-K? My only thing's like, an ice block? Yeah, I'd love one.

Now, chocolate? What are you going to get? And I'm like, damn, you're reading eggs! I'm going to learn another language. And Matt, with the school year about to start again, thank goodness. You can check out ABC Reading Eggs today. Head to readingeggs.com.com.com. forward slash 2dd where we have a 30-day free trial just for you.

That's right. You can delight your toddler with fun games and activities that build alphabet knowledge and ready to read skills. It is unbeatable. I've got one from Johanna. She asks, how can I best support my son's emotional journey into school and what questions do we ask to get him to tell us about his day at school that doesn't lead

to one word answers. Yeah, because as a mum for boys, I can tell you that what does not work is, how is your day, who did you play with? What did you eat for lunch? Sorry, that's just, that's me every day. So this applies to me too. And you get no one, nothing, fine, nothing. Did you even go to school?

I know. I was like, don't you have a memory? So my tip would be I have a little game that I play with. my kids or an idea that people can use. And it's called high-low buffalo. So first of all, when your kid gets in the car, don't say anything other than, good to see you. Just shut up for a bit, mum and dad.

Number two, feed your child first, hand them a snack. Kids are hungry when they walk out of the school gates and they need to kind of eat before they can answer. And then after that, you might say, you know, I'm thinking of, you know, is there something that was funny that happened today. What was the most boring part of today? I bet there was some boring bits. Kids love telling you what was boring in their day

or what was funny. Or you can play Highlo Buffalo. Run me through Highlo Buffalo? Yeah, Highlo Buffalo. So it's the high of your day, the low of your day and something you want others to know. And yeah, the cards that I designed, there's 75, there's 25 high cards

that actually fosters gratitude and compassion in kids because actually sometimes we want to hunt. what are the things that are going well at school and the standard what was good you won't get an answer can I pull out one of the cards yeah let's do it yeah you can do a high card you can do a low card and I'll do a buffalo okay okay go what was the most boring part of your day today sorry about that um this podcast absolutely not actually do you know what uh I said one of the most boring parts is one of the most essential I had to unpack the dishwasher and then restack it.

When I wake up, that's one of the first jobs that I... I hate the dishwasher. Yeah, it sucks. I mean, it's very important. Yeah, I hate it. Think of the dishwasher's feelings, Matthew. All right, you're next. Hi.

I had a moment today where I dropped Oscar off for school. Oh, what was the question, though? Oh, sorry, yes, no. What is... Sorry, I failed the game. What is something that made... you smile today. I had a moment today where I dropped Oskopf.

The same thing that happens every day when I drop him off. A hug. And then he sort of ran off down the school track with excitement. And it did make me smile. That is so nice. I love that. And mine is if you were the grown-up in this house, what's the first rule you'd change?

Which I love for kids. Obviously, this is designed to sort of connect with kids. But I love this question because the things they come up with. Can you remember any answers that you've had from your boys? I mean, often about screens. There'd be no screen rules. We'd have phones in our bedrooms and we'd be able to play Nintendo 24 hours. Screens everywhere!

We would never go to school and we would just play video games. I'm going to play this with my kids tonight. And how do your boys react? Do they like the actual actor of getting a card? Or are you just using it for yourself to prompt the questions? Look, it's both. I think the idea can be used in that you can just sit at the dinner table and we sort of went away recently with friends and we started playing it

and then next thing other people turned up and then strangers turned up. That was a drinking game. And they're like, what are you doing? We're playing hello buffalo. But it's what I love about it is that anyone, it's such a great, actually my husband got it at a, is it all started at like a corporate team bonding exercise. And then he said, I think this would be good with the boys. And we've got, you know, one child in particular that is,

really slow to warm up, really quiet. He does not get a word in. Like, it's a house of extroverts and this child is just like, but this allows him to, sometimes he finds it hard and he's allowed to skip if he just doesn't feel, I don't have a high or, you know, he's allowed to skip, that's fine. But it allows space for our quieter kids to speak up as well. And then I think also it can just prompt us as parents. I think often we do, we know something's up with our child and we don't know how to sort of get them going. And I've just found we do this and the most interesting answers come out. There have been situations because my, my niece and nephew go to the same school as

Marley. And then I'll be like, Marley, how was school? She goes, yeah, it was good. Okay, great. And then I speak to my niece and she's like, I saw Marley. She was crying on the buddy chair, which is where you sit. I know the buddy chair. And I'm like, Marley, did you sit on the buddy chair and did you have a little cry today?

And she goes, yeah, I did. And I was like, yeah, come on. So try a low card and see what comes out. But also I think kids live in the moment. And sometimes, like, I had a minute of crying and then I went on the monkey bars. Yeah. Yeah. I found that because I was only getting one word answers like that.

Because Oscar's obviously, he's like a kelpie. And he's always talking about sport. And I just thought, I'm going to ask him what sport he did today. And I got just not much more. Yeah. But I got the, oh, we played soccer. And I scored three or four goals. And I'm like, okay, well, I got something from you.

Yeah. But I think this is really good because, yeah, I want more than just that. Yeah. I'm not getting enough. Yeah. Or we want more as parents. My other tip is, if you've got a kid that's the Kelpie, go in with their favourite topic.

I like to ease one of my kids in with just like, which Pokemon do you think has the best powers? Right? And he will talk for death. At the moment, we're just like, who's your favourite F1 driver? And then you can't shut him up. Yeah, and then you just like, you just double punch that one.

A line of questing. What was the hardest thing that happened at school today? I'm staying, Your Honor. We will put in the show notes where you can pick up these cards. I think they're great. I have one last question here from Sophie. And she wants to know, what do you do for the less extroverted kids when they don't get put in the same class with their friends?

So what are some strategies for bonding with other kids when they don't have the confidence like others have? Yeah. So I think one of the best things we can do is support them by letting their teacher know a bit more about them. Like I think sometimes we don't want to be the square. week he will, but actually saying, look, this is how my child works, so a little bit slow to warm up. So if you could place them next to another like-minded soul or, you know, that kind of thing.

So letting the school know. And then, you know, a bit of advocacy, I think is great for our kids. And then also go to your child and say, I want you to go to school today in the new class and be a friend detective. Don't try and make any friends. Just put your detective hat on and have a look at who smiles at you when you smile at them and who looks friendly. and who looks like someone you want to get to know and come home like a detective and tell me who it is and we might arrange a play date. Boom, there it is.

She's good. Detective and they're going to love that too. It's a game. It's a game. It's a game. It's a game. Because you're like, go and make a friend. It's like, yeah.

And like when my son went to start a school with, there was a group of four of them. And that's my friends. We all had kids at the same time. So they're really clicky. And the school did a really good job at separating them in a way that helped them grow a little bit. But then also Oscar would come back and talk about kids

that he'd just spoken to. Because of sometimes. And you've got to trust. I mean, we've had high years and low years and separations with my boys. And there have been years where you think, oh, that would have been good if it went different. And years where you think it won't be good that your child gets separated and actually you look back and go, best thing that happened to them.

Yeah, like Oscar's met this kid that's literally Oscar. Yeah. And it's like same interest. And then, you know, and he talks about him all the time. and you're like, yeah, that's really cool because he's sort of separated from the original clique. Yeah, and sometimes they really do meet their little light-minded people. Yeah.

It's kind of cool. Yeah. Jen, you are the parenting oracle. If I could shackle you and keep me downstairs in the basement, I would. You'd have to share a room with Nana then. It is always a pleasure. Thank you so much. Thank you, Jane.

I appreciate you. I appreciate you having me back on. Expect a couple of phone calls from me being like, oh my gosh, just doing this. What do you do? And come back. Come back. Yeah, we'll just get me back in. We'll do more.

If you ever want to come back, you are more than welcome. Oh, my God, I'd love to, guys. I've been waiting for the invite for years. Thank you, Jane. Matt, it's safe to say that I cannot wait to drop my children off at the front gate of that school. When's Basie starting? Next year. She'll be next year, yeah.

How old is she right now? Good question. Just send her now. Carrey the one. She's four at the moment. Right. Five at the end of the year. So she'll go next year.

And she'll still be quite young to go because she's got a late birthday in the year. I don't want to hold her back another year, even though she can barely talk. Daycare did say to me, they're like, the greatest gift you can give a child is giving them an extra year of daycare. And I was like, I'll think about it. And they're just like, thanks. Fill my pockets with money, please. If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review. Send it to, I don't know, a parent.

They're kids about to start school for the first. time or return to school. Here's an idea. Just a parent. Send it. I mean, you might enjoy it. It's so simple. I wonder what it would be like if you send it to another parent.

Do you know what we love more than anything? What's that? Is our two dotting dads community growing just that little bit bigger each week? Every day. And the best way to do that is for you. You listening right now? Yeah, you. Yeah, that's right.

You. If you can share it with a friend, that is what helps us. Keep going. We can, week in, week out. Or you can join us on social media. with two doting dads, Instagram, TikTok, the Facebook, and of course YouTube for those weekly episodes. Until then, goodbye. Bye.

If like me, you've got a little one heading towards school and you're thinking, I just want to give them a bit of a head start. And this is one of those things that will actually help. Yes, ABC Reading Eggs has been huge for us. It's turned reading into games, keeps them motivated and you're not forcing flashcards at the kitchen table. And it works. After just a few weeks, 91% of parents notice a real improvement in their kids' reading. That is huge. That is massive. 15 minutes a day, positive screen time, built by Aussie Educated, it's simple, effective and the kids actually enjoy it. If you want something that genuinely supports their reading before school, head to readingegs.com.com.com.com. forward slash 2ddd for your 30-day free trial. Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gatigal Land.