Two Hot Takes - 1: Just Break Up Already...

Episode Date: February 11, 2021

This episode brings you Morgan and Lauren blind reacting to relationship Reddit stories about one couple where the boyfriend poops in the shower, and another where the girlfriend is posting inappropriate captions on instagram. Should they stay together or call it quits? Help us decide!  Show your support (much appreciated): https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes 

What's up everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services and if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater, Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what upgrading to a tankless would cost, the plumbers at Any Hour Services can show you what options are available and right now you can save $400 on a tanked water heater or $1,200 on a tankless. Call Any Hour Services and schedule a free estimate today. Google Any Hour Services or schedule online at anyourservices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. Like this show and want to make your own? Let me tell you about Anchor. It's the site that I use

for my podcast and best part it's free. There's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer and Anchor will even distribute the podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcast and many more. It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. Here's what we're not going to do. Come in here with an awkward intro, beg for your attention, which is ironic since you did beg for me to join you on this podcast. I did, I surely did. My name is Morgan Absher and I'm Lauren Rolf. The one that's been playing hard to get for the past 27 years. It's a good motto to follow. We should all be more like you.

Appreciate it. But yeah, I've been trying to get Lauren on this podcast officially called Two Hot Takes for the past nine months and it started out as an idea I discovered while reading through crazy Reddit stories and always sending them to me to which we loved to just discuss how ridiculous these Reddit posts were. Oh, we would go back and forth over the guy that stuck butter up his butt. And sometimes we would have different opinions. Sometimes it'd be the same. So we figured we'd bring it to you guys. Let you in on our little hobby. It's more for us, but we hope that you guys enjoy it as well. Well, I guess we should probably introduce ourselves. So how we met? Yes. What? It was eight years ago. Bring it back to 2013.

Back when we were in Minnesota, back before we got in our cars and moved to Los Angeles, we were at the University of Minnesota. Golden Gophers, baby. And I was friends with this girl named Teresa. Oh, code names. Code names. It's not her real name. She was dating this guy who had all the access to all the best parties in the University of Minnesota. We were on boat rides and just big frat parties. It was great. And the tree brothers, if you are a Minnesota local. Oh God, this is taking it way back. Did you forget about this part? I did. I traumatically blocked out that one. Sorry, should I not bring it up? No, let's go there. That's what this podcast is about going there. And then we found out that he had another girlfriend

and I was really upset because I was losing my boat privileges. Can't lose that boat on Minnetonka. But it ended up being that his other girlfriend was me, Morgan. And crazy enough, my friend Teresa said, you know, this girl is actually really cool. I know that we dated the same guy at the same time, but I'm going to live with her next year. And I thought she was crazy. But though it does that, thank God she did. Thank God she did because that's how it became friends. Yes. No, not, not even just that. We got to thank the fuck boy. That's the only thing he was good for. Truly. Probably till this day. Truly. Truly. But yeah, I think, I think that was really the life altering path, like meeting you. And I definitely would not be in Los Angeles right now.

And with the boyfriend I am, if it were not for you, Lauren was kind of my saving grace, you know, while we were at the University of Minnesota towards the end, I had a three year long relationship and it ended over him dumping me in a text message. Right. And that was a different one. Yeah. Not the same guy. You had a couple of bad ones in the past. Oh, this is why I have such great relationship advice because I've been through the ringer, but within the next couple weeks after that, Lauren was like, well, let's move to Los Angeles. And I was like, sure, I got nothing hold me back now. So we packed up my little Audi A4, drove it across the country, broke down in the middle of Utah, sprained my ankle. Yeah. Got into a horse trailer in the

middle of the night at McDonald's. And finally they were horses. So how could you not? They were pretty cute. They were pretty cute. And as a lifelong horse gal, I will give you that. It was adorable. You are a horse gal. Such a horse gal. But we have some crazy life experiences. So basically all these crazy experiences is why we decided that after reading Reddit post after Reddit post, just kind of out of entertainment. Oh, it was a hobby for us. Yeah, it was just fun. We would send them back and forth and we would just talk about how crazy it was if she should dump him. And then we decided, let's just kind of make a podcast out of it. Why not? Let's do it. Let's bring everyone else into our weird little hobby of dissecting Reddit posts. If we can be

that entertained by it, there's got to be someone else that is. And we can't wait to have you join us on this journey. Let's do it. So today's episode is going to be focused on just breakup already. Like, why are you with this person? Okay. So this one is my 25 year old female boyfriend, 27 year old male just told me he poops in the shower. Okay. As the title states, my boyfriend dropped a bomb on me today. Literally. We had just finished working out and we're discussing who should go shower first. And he insisted he go after me. He's always preferred showering last, but up until now, I could not have guessed why. I was still browsing my phone and relaxing. So I asked him to please go first and he finally

relented, but told me I would have to deal with the consequences. Oh, wow. Okay. I just don't like where this is going. I was confused about what he meant until he told me he usually poops in the shower. And if he goes first, I will have to shower after him, after he has pooped in there. If you've ever had to deal with a plumbing problem, you may have felt the pain of realizing you don't know any plumbers. Whether you're trying to stop a leaky faucet, fix a running toilet, replace your old water softener, or install a tankless water heater, the plumbers at any hour services can help. All you have to do is call any hour services or schedule an appointment at anyhourservices.com. Help with plumbing maintenance and repairs is closer than you think.

Call any hour services or schedule an appointment at anyhourservices.com. No one helps more homeowners than any hour services. This is disgusting. So what type of poop is this? I mean, does he pick it up from the shower and then put it in the toilet? Or does he smush it down the train? Well, what if it's like super solid? Like what if he ate a bunch of fiber that day and it's a log? See, the soup, I think would be easy. Yeah, diarrhea would go down. Just go right down the drain, but I don't know what he does about it. A big log. Yeah. Well, this is where poop knife would come in handy. What is that? Oh, God, that'll be up next then. Okay. Okay. At first, I thought he was joking, but he kept insisting he was being honest and not

kidding. He explained that it's not a big deal and he likes to do it because it's relaxing. Like, quote, pooping in a waterfall. I mean, this man is the modern day Picasso. He's brilliant. Why? And apparently it just goes down the drain as he poops like a deer in little chunks and the cleanup is done by just the soap and water from the shower. What is this man eating? What is he eating? Clearly not enough fiber because he doesn't have logs like normal humans do. But here's the other thing. When you poop in a toilet and your poop hits the water, something happens to it because if you poop in the wild, like when you go camping in Minnesota, you dig a hole and then poop in the hole or whatever,

poop doesn't look the same. So I guess maybe, are you sure or is this something you've actually researched or do you know this for a fact? I mean, I've gone camping and pooped in a hole, like having we all living in Minnesota? Yes, actually. Yeah. Yeah. Or like I was debating whether I wanted to lie or not. Yeah. So it's like, I don't know. But still, like deer like poop pellets, like that's just not, that doesn't seem normal. Especially like how big is your drain? Do you not have like the little drain cap with holes all over it? Like it still wouldn't fit. I mean, with the back of his heel, he could definitely push that down. So yeah, but then he's stepping on it and he's lying and he's gross. Oh, good point. Also, what's his poop position?

Because if he kept his body just standing, like if he was just standing up, the way he described it as being under a waterfall and pooping, I'm picturing that he's actually squatting. Oh, standing, standing. I feel like he's got to spread it though. Like you have to like spread your legs a little bit and like kind of like squat. I'm picturing those, those toilets we encountered in Thailand where you just squat over the hole. Yep. When you, when we got to, was it China or Thailand? Oh, it was China. I think we were in China and we were in stalls right next to each other. You had a normal toilet. Well, normal from what I know is normal. Yeah. And there was other people in the bathroom. They offered both styles. Yeah. And I didn't know. So I was just like,

what is this hole in the ground? And I didn't, I didn't want to. Yeah. I didn't know. I didn't think there's another option. I was like, Hey, Morgan, how are you in there? And you, you just said that you were fine. And so I was like, okay, she doesn't want to talk about what's going on with the toilets right now. Little did I know you had a normal toilet, but there were so many people in the bathroom. I didn't want to look like some ignorant little tourist white girl. Okay. So anyway, what, what happens then? So she goes, I'm extremely shocked and still can't really believe it. Where do we go from here? That seems absurd. Other than this, we have a completely normal relationship. We moved in together. They always say that they do.

They really do. We moved in together a few months ago and everything has been good. What should I do? I can't get over the idea that he poops in our shower and thinks it's completely normal. Okay. So if this was your boyfriend, how do you think you would go about it? You keep shitting in the shower. We're done. I, it's a shower. That's where you go to get clean. See, here's the thing. I don't know if this is a very healthy strategy, but it might be because the ultimatum. No, not even ultimatum. And this might be because I grew up with a brother close in age. So we were always competing somehow. But I think that you're going to threaten him with pooping in the shower too. I would poop back. I mean, how else is he going to learn his lesson

if he doesn't realize how gross it is to have your partner pooping in the shower? I think you, you would have to like go one step up though, because she didn't notice. Like he's been pooping in there. They've been living together for a couple months. Yeah. You would have to like have a big coffee that morning and just like light that bathroom, like the bathtub up, like blow it up. Literally make it look like a bomb went off like shit all over the shower and be like, sorry baby, I thought it would go down. See, the only thing is that at that point, I feel like I could be incriminated. I mean, he could hold this evidence against me. He could take pictures if I left anything,

any evidence behind. So that's, that's where I get a little nervous. I think my first attempt would just be telling him that I did so that he could just think about it. And then, you know, if it gets to that point, it gets to that point. This is, this is true. Would you stay with him if he never stopped? I, I'm just like trying to picture my boyfriend like pooping in the shower. I guess like at this point, you know, you've been dating for, she never mentioned it, but like, we've been dating for two years now. And it's like, well, it doesn't change the past two years. But in my gut, I'm like, it's just so dirty. Yeah. I don't think it's worth breaking up over. Um, but again, it's really gross. And also you have to think if he really can't,

I mean, realize that it grosses you out so much that you're no longer attracted to want to have sex with him after then, yeah, then it's like, it's such a turn off. Yeah. It's like, if he can't keep that in mind and then respect you, then that's a whole nother problem. That's another reason to compromise. Yeah, exactly. I won't poop in the shower. You won't poop in the shower. It's a compromise. That's what relationships are all about. Exactly. I told Jeff, my boyfriend, that if he ever farts in front of me, I'm going to fart right back. So yeah, he better learn his lesson. As long as you have a dog, he would never even know. Like just always blame the dog or like blame the other person in the room. Like when they walk up, be like, did you smell that a couple

minutes ago? What do you think is worse? A really loud fart or a silent but deadly one? Silent but deadly. All the way. You think that's worse? Yeah. But do you think it's worse for yourself or worse when someone else has a silent but deadly one? Honestly, I get really embarrassed. But here's the thing is that a lot of times you can lie and you can sneak away. Oh, my shoe squeaked. No, I'm saying that one's harder to lie It's silent but deadly, especially. I mean, you're in a yoga studio. No. No one knows who that is. Well, that's different. But okay. So don't do that. I do not recommend that. I feel like that's happened to me before. And like this one guy was making the most

like violent sex noises during a yoga class. I hate that. And it's like, dude, who are you trying to impress here? Like no one's going to want to like try your dick game with those noises you're making. I think it's like he's, I don't even think it's for the people around him. I think it's for him. I think he's like imagining things and it's like he's in his own world. It's probably some weird fetish like making those noises in a room full of women. But then again, some people just make weird noises when they're working out. The grunters in the gym. The grunt, the grunters in the gym is almost worse. Like the grunt, the grunt grunter like that was the most terrible grunt noise I've ever tried to fucking make. But no, like, I don't know.

Orgasm noises in yoga or grunters at the gym. We're going to have to do a poll and see what people think. Okay. So moral of this story is that we would stay with him as long as he was able to come to some type of compromise. Yeah. One of the top comments is call the police. That probably should have been my first response. Yeah. The next one is also concerned about his fiber intake like us. Like he definitely told him to eat more fiber. True. Because something's not right. I lived off those when I was a kid. Yeah, those are some good shit. And the other one was just really rational. Ask him not to do that. Tell him you find it upsetting. I don't see why he wouldn't comply. I need to hear her follow up.

We need to track this one. So she goes, I agree. I think it would be reasonable for him to stop at least now that we're living together. That's not exciting. We need more detail. I definitely ask him to stop when you're seven maybe, but now I don't know what to think. He said he's been doing it essentially forever. Since he was little, it's just crazy. He never stopped or never occurred to him that it's super weird and not normal. Okay. So what's your verdict to break up or mine is stay together. Okay. What's yours? If he doesn't stop shitting in the shower, I think I might be on the break up team. We need a part two, of course. But as of right now, stay together. Yeah. Yeah. He's got to stop shitting in the shower though.

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What? Yeah. How old was she? She's 22. Okay. I don't like where this is headed. Yeah. But let's hear some more. I've been dating my girlfriend for three years now, but we've had our fair share of arguments, but nothing too serious. She's on good terms with my family, especially my brother. I used to feel weird about it initially, but over time I realized it was her nature to be friendly and it got used to their friendship. My girlfriend is a social media influencer. Nothing too famous, but enough to have a devoted following. She frequently changes her style and aesthetic on the profile. It was cute and pastel, then minimalistic and soft. Cute that he notices. Yeah. But besides the point. Yeah. Sorry. Now it's goth and the whole

e-girl edgy vibe with death and sex as the themes. She posted a picture on her account with the caption, quote, I would fuck your brother if you died and had remotely suggestive dark aesthetic on the pictures of her. Damn. She cheating. I don't even, well, first of all, I thought that I'm just going to be honest. In the beginning, I thought you were saying that it was a sister and a brother and the brother commented some sexual stuff on his own sister's Instagram. So that's where I was. That would have been really bad too. And so this is still bad, but it's more normal, bad what we see in modern day often, unfortunately. Yeah. That's really sketchy. So sketchy. And I'd be really curious what the comment was that the brother said. Do we have

that information? We do. So he goes, now I'm not a huge social media person. In fact, we're opposites when it comes to that. I do look at her pictures once in a while because I want to support her. My brother follows her too. He dropped two heart-eye emojis and I came across that. I felt uncomfortable with both the caption and my brother's comment. I'd be pissed. I would too. I would, I would literally, the house would be burned down at this point. This is very deliberate. Like, very deliberate. Like, do you know how long it takes girls or like to think of captions? I mean, I just put like a smiley face because I get overwhelmed and I get stressed out. But I know, I know some people that have taken days. Oh, I've literally sent the same picture to like 10 people

and be like, what should I caption this? Like, because it's so stressful because, I mean, a good caption can make or break a post as dumb as that sounds. But like, you want your picture to be appreciated because you appreciate it. And like, true. You want to market it in the best way possible. Yes. Yes. Because you already had one of your girlfriends take 1000 pictures. Rapid fire, baby. Yeah. Rapid fire. So it's like, why would you waste all that time if you're not going to put Bo on top? Exactly. I get that. So this is, and especially if she's a social media manager or whatever she does, like, this is a very deliberate thought out caption. And I'm sure it's probably some goth song, but like, why that lyric? When you have a boyfriend? I'm almost

starting to wonder, is this actually her boyfriend? Or is this just two weird brothers that are both obsessed with this social media girl? No, no, no, they've been dating. They've been dating for two years. So just a quick lyric search. No lyrics on the web that say I would fuck your brother if you did. Well, one, I'm glad because that would be a really sad, sad, really, really dark song. But then two, I'm a little sad because that means she came up with that on her own. Yeah, that just red flag, baby. I'm a little scared. I feel like that sounds like we're talking about it in a joking way. And a few months later, there's going to be another murder podcast talking about it in a very serious way. Yeah, no, this is very sketchy. Like, she's going to give him cyanide off him or

something. I don't trust her. She can fuck the brother. So then anyway, what happened? Is that the end of it? No. Okay. He continues and says, I confronted her and she accused me of accusing her of cheating and isn't talking to me anymore. I'm confused and lost unsure what to do. I want to talk to her, but she's hurt that I would think that and be mad at her right to express an aesthetic on social media. She's cheating. She's gaslighting his ass up. She's horrible. I know, like, someone who's been through this too. And like, these people that are cheating and doing this, they drop little hints, especially because it seems like she's into the brother. Something's going on here. So I feel like she's dropping these little hints so he'll confront her and she'll have

a reason to break up or she'll be like, you thought I was cheating. This isn't working clearly. You don't trust me. Gaslighting his ass up. And then as soon as he dumps her for making him question their relationship and whatever, she'll get with the other people like that. Like, do you think they just crave drama or they're just too scared to be able to actually let go? So they try to like stir the pot and then make someone else feel crazy and you know, like, what is their motive? I don't really, is it coming from like insecurity, like the desire for drama? Do you just, it's got to stem from somewhere. Yeah, I feel like, I feel like the fact that she would even like, look at his brother and like toy with the idea of the brother, like, there's definitely some insecurity, some

like at that point, is that self loathing? Like, who does that? I cannot imagine. Can you imagine if I just, if my boyfriend, we're both dating only, only children, but I just, I can't even imagine that. Like if I, I don't know, if I had a sister or something like that that said like, I don't need just any of it is just, I can't, I can't even tell you how furious I would be. And it's frustrating because that's one of those things where it's not plain and clear as day, like where it can be actually up for debate because it's like, Oh, that was never the intention. But like, I would be furious. I don't care the intention. You are in a relationship, you respect the relationship, you think about things that might hurt your relationship. That's just how you think when

you're, when you care about someone, like, you can't accidentally fall on the brother's dick. Yeah, that doesn't happen. And making a comment, I'd fuck your brother if you were dead. And then the brother of the person you're dating comments heart eyes, like, deliberate on this is a breakup for sure. It's a breakup. Either way, like whether she's like being true or a psycho, she is like, I'm sorry, you'd why the fuck would you pick that as your caption? So like either way, she's a little off her rocker. Yeah. So yeah, I think this is definitely one of those dump brass situations. Like this is just not, this isn't normal. This isn't okay. I couldn't agree more. Anyway, to wrap up, we are going to say he should definitely leave her. And if anyone is experiencing something

like this where your significant other is posting on Instagram with very inappropriate captions, then take it as the red flag it is because it is, it's a red flag. Yeah. And just breakup already. Just breakup. Well, that's all we have for this first episode of Two Hot Takes, you guys. And goodbyes are awkward. So we're just not even going to do one. But listen to the next one because it's even more awkward than this one. Sure to be just as bad. Just kidding. But seriously, if you have anything good and juicy or need any advice, send it our way. Bye. Adios. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia and more. Imagine yourself

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