Two Hot Takes - 10: Weddings.. They're Not For Everyone

Episode Date: April 1, 2021

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host, Alejandra! Episode includes blind reactions to Reddit stories related to some of the most dramatic, eventful wedding dilemmas! Stories include a mom who questions if she's the AH for going to her daughter's ex's wedding, a woman whose day went unexpectedly and she didn't go to a party that was planned for her, a guy who rescued his brother from his ex fiancé's wedding, and a woman who threw wine on her mom at her brothers wedding.  Show your support (much appreciated): https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

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Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. Back at it again. Back at it again. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan, and today I'm joined by... Alejandra Nagel. She's back by popular demand. I'm back.

Today we are jumping into wedding related stories. Are you scared? Yeah. I'm excited though. That's going to be a good one. Let's dive in. Let's do it. Good.

Okay. I'm ready. Are you ready? Ready. Born ready. It's always. This episode is going to be a little polarizing. A little controversial.

A little controversial. Especially when we talk about kids at weddings. But today's episode, weddings, they're not for everyone. No, ma'am. They are not. They're not. Some people just shouldn't be there. Some people shouldn't have them.

Yeah. Some people shouldn't... Yeah. Just shouldn't have them. I don't know what else to say. Morgan and I haven't had a wedding. Take that as you will. But we have hot takes on them just because we're at that age

where our friends are getting married. We have a lot of friends getting married in the next year or two years. And Morgan and I also come from diverse households in the sense that our parents are not married anymore. No. It's kind of like, you know, we've got some, we've got some very hot takes on this one. We do.

But I don't know, I just, I love wedding stuff. I'm like a Pinterest junkie. I've been planning my wedding since I was like fucking 12. So I just like, I love that. And I'm like trying to open up a wedding venue on my family farm. Oh my gosh. Yeah. That would be so cute.

Yeah. So I should do that. Like as you guys know, I'm from Minnesota, but I actually grew up in Duluth, Hermontown more specifically. And I grew up on my family's 100 year old farm. And so there's a barn there. The barn's a hundred years old.

And so me and my boyfriend Justin repainted it this summer, like got it all nice. And me and my mom and brothers have been talking about turning it into a wedding venue. That's perfect. Yeah. You should do that. I know.

I'm obsessed with the idea now. That's so cute. Would you get married there? So that's what we were talking about. Me and Justin were talking about, because like we talk about getting married. We're kind of at that point now. Yeah.

And so we were talking about this and we watched this new show on Netflix, Marriage or Mortgage. How fucked up is it that we have to choose? I know. Okay. I'm glad you bring that up because I literally watched that show. Yeah. And I was like, this is so depressing because.

It's sad. It's sad because this was not something that 50 years ago you were choosing between a house and a marriage. No. No. Like the inflation rates of wedding cost has like, it's astronomical. Yes.

Absolutely astronomical. It's not the cost of our house. It's just insane. Like I feel sad watching that show because I'm like, this shouldn't even be a choice. Like it shouldn't even have to be a choice. No. You should be able to have both.

No. I thought show like it does make you so sad. It makes you realize like, like I want, obviously when I do a venue, like we want to make money, but it's like I want it to be still affordable for people. Yeah. And like you just feel so bad for all those people on the show that picked the wedding and then got a fucking COVID wedding.

Oh, I didn't even think about that. Had their wedding canceled. Most of the time, see this is where I'm like, I don't know every time I see it, I'm like, house, house. Yeah. Every time. I'm the same way. There hasn't been an episode where I'm like, yeah,

I take the wedding. No. I think if you're like, I don't know if you're between the two, to each their own, but I really think you should pick the house. You can always have the wedding. You could have, you could go get married privately and then do a celebration, even like, you know, look down the road. Yeah.

When you can do it right and not penny pinch. If you have, you can get a great deal in a house. Oh my God. The way that they set them up, like free, free, like new appliances, free clothes. I will put a new hedging for you. Yeah. I'm like, take the house.

Why wouldn't you take the house? It's an investment going forward, like for the rest of your life. Yeah. And I, I don't know. I know I'm not in that position. So who am I to judge? But if I'm thinking, I'm putting myself in their shoes and I'm like, I would pick the house every single time.

I know. That's what we talked about too. We're just like, or just like, why, like, why are they doing this to themselves? Get yourself in a house while you can. I know. The first one venue was like $12,000. And I'm like, no, no.

Yeah, no. Morgan, that's actually on the cheap. It's cheap. Yeah. So what we're talking about stuff, we were talking about this and I'm like, okay, when we do this wedding venue, like we're going to have to like, it's gonna be a business. So literally I could write off all my own fucking wedding expenses.

I could fucking write off my own wedding. And PR, come back to photography. Do marketing materials for your business? Any decorations or decorations that are gonna be used in future weddings? You're gonna write, oh, if you make the barn. Yeah. Oh, I'm like, you're over here

enterprising your wedding? Like how? Expense that shit. How does nobody crack that code? There's no way. I'm cracking it. Yeah, no, I know. I'm building my own venue and everything's getting expensed.

Yes, yes. Well, it's funny because this is a funny duo for this podcast episode because as you know, I don't really know Jack shit about weddings and I actually didn't even know like when we were talking about rings. Oh my gosh. You had to break it down.

I'm like, what's a setting? Oh my God. What's a band? Okay, I know what a band is, but like. You've come a long way. What's the crown? What's the other thing? There's a setting and then there's what else?

Well, there's like, we were talking about like halo, the halo setting. There's something else you talked about. I mean, there's setting. The cut, the clarity, the carrot. No. I don't know. I just don't really, I don't know.

Like you've got on your end, Morgan planning her wedding at the age of, tender age of 12. Oh yeah. You've got me at the not young age of 26 being like, what's a setting? Like, I just think there's no idea what ring you want. No idea how to even start.

Like if. But I think that's kind of like the spectrum of people. There's people that like truly don't think about their wedding until like they're engaged. Yeah. No big deal. But then there's others that are like, no, I have my book. Here's my, here's my binder of ideas, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah. Oh, and don't get me wrong. Like I sound really laid back having no idea what I want, but don't. I really fear for everyone involved on my wedding day because I'm so sorry. I will. I will have a meltdown if like the most minor inconvenience.

Oh my God. I will have a meltdown and I, and. I know I would do it. I'm already have anxiety thinking. I'm like, I'm such an emotional person, especially if it's anywhere near my period. Like I only have one, I have one solid week. It's got to be the week after my period.

So I got to plan, I got to literally plan my wedding with my menstrual cycles. You really do. Cause every other fucking week of the month, I'm a cry baby. I see a commercial. Hey, but everyone cries on weddings. Well, that's the thing.

Like the minute I see my mom crying, like anytime I leave Minnesota from visiting. You cry? She'll baller. Oh yeah, my mom does too. And then if I see her cry, then I cry. And so it's like, I'm going to be like you, you can't sit in the front row.

You got to sit in the second row or something. Like I can't, I can't see you. Like you'll make me cry. And then I know Justin's going to cry. You think? Oh yeah. Justin's going to cry. Justin's going to cry.

I'm going to turn around. And I'm going to walk out. And I'm going to do it again. It's over. It's over. Don't cry. You know that tick tock. It's like, I don't care if it takes two hours.

I don't care if it takes four hours. You're part of this team. Sorry, I'm doing it again. You're part of this team. And we're going to do it until the routine is clean. Crying. That's the baby. It's a part of the routine.

On my wedding day. I get to cry. Like the pianist hits a note. Like Mrs. a note. We're doing it again. Yeah, no. Run it back. I see your boyfriend crying for sure.

Yeah. And your dad's going to cry. Bob. I come from a family of like out of a family. Like nobody shows him up at all. I think your day will be the exception. We'll see. We'll see.

Anyway, let's dive into these ones. Let's jump in. On that note. Starting you off on a solid note. Okay. You might feel a little heat after this. Oh, okay. Am I the asshole for going to my daughter's ex's wedding?

Oh. Why would my mom do that? Tell me why Tatiana would do that. I couldn't see your mom doing that. 100%. And yeah, that would be very uncomfortable for a lot of reasons for you. She would, but okay, go on.

My female daughter, Lisa and her long-term partner, Jake broke up six to seven months ago. They never share why they broke up, but Lisa is on anti-depressants since then and currently living with her father. We're divorced. That's sad. Yeah.

Sounds like this was not... A good breakup. A good breakup at all. Also, he's already getting married after six or seven months. That's exactly what I was thinking. Red flag. Whoa.

That is the biggest red flag I've ever seen one. Before pandemic, Jake got married and he invited me. We both have a great relationship. I went to his wedding. It is not his fault that Lisa can't handle the breakup. Of course. I never told... Wait, hold on.

This is a parent writing this. This is girl's mom. Oh. This is her mom. Okay. Savage. My mom tires would be slash. Yeah, whoa.

My mom would not come to my wedding when I did have one. Yeah. Oh my God. So it's not her fault that Lisa can't handle the breakup. No. This is normal. Six or seven months. That's insane.

Like she says long-term partner. So it's like, you don't know how long they were together, but six or seven months, that's like, I was single for three years after like my serious relationship until I met Justin. Like three years of like solid like first year, kind of getting my head back on track, learning how to like be single, be happy, find myself.

And then like the last two were just like, balls to the walls. Let's go have fun. Literally balls to the wall. Yeah. All up in the club, you know, live in the life. Yeah. So six or seven months to say the least

is like very expedited. So fresh. I don't even think you can get over, completely over somebody six or seven months. No. You're with long-term. It's so. And the mom should so fresh.

That's insane. That's insane. Okay. It's very short-sighted on her point. Can't you sit this one out? That's your daughter. Like Jacob or whatever. You don't have to see him ever again.

Who cares if you have a good relationship? Send him a little gift. Exactly. He's not your family at the end of the day. Yeah. So she goes on to say, of course I never told her that because of the obvious reason.

Yeah. Cause you sound like a bitch. Yeah. And also that makes everything worse. Cause if you're to lie about it, it's probably not right. Exactly. And the fact that she recognizes that she's never told her that it's like, you know, you haven't told her that for a reason.

Exactly. Because of how terrible it is. Yeah. Wow. This mom sucks. But I told my ex and he called me all names in the book and how shitty of a mother I am. There's some chance that Jake might have cheated on Lisa.

His bride was pregnant. Okay. Hello. What? I only knew this when I went there and saw her. So she had a belly. Yeah. So that means you're not like six weeks, right? Like, no, like some people don't even show

until their last trimester. Yeah. So she's showing. Yeah. She's for sure, depending on her size too, like small people show earlier when some others, it's just, it's so dependent on your body and, you know, whatever.

Right. But yeah, I mean, she's at least a couple months, at least 20 weeks. Oh my gosh. Do you think? Hello. Yeah. I can't believe that.

Okay. Since then it has bugging me whether I'm the asshole for going to his wedding. Yes. Yeah. It's a yes for me immediately. Yes. I don't even understand how you could question,

you're not the asshole. That's a mom who like is living in another world. Like you've almost disassociated with your role as mother. Oh yeah. And you became so, you became so close. She's a narcissist. Yeah. Like she became so close to the boyfriend slash ex-boyfriend

now, Jacob or whatever, that she sees that as like a friendship and doesn't even realize what that does to her relationship with her daughter. Where do your loyalties lie? Yeah. At the end of the day. Where do they lie?

Couldn't you? This is your family. This is your daughter. Yeah. And Jacob will understand why you're not coming. First of all, you don't owe him shit, but- Why did he even invite her? Right.

That's so inappropriate. But you can respectfully decline or disrespectfully decline. Send a nice present. You don't have to send a gift, but you could. Yeah. And that's it. If you feel so inclined. Your daughter is maybe not going to be happy about that either,

but she'll be much happier knowing you declined and sent a gift then. Supporting them on their day. Like you're encouraging the bad behavior. Yes, that is an actual magic. It's okay. You cheated on my daughter and you got your, you know, you're a fair pregnant.

Yeah. And well wishes. Here I am. Yeah. At the wedding. Yeah. No. Oh my gosh.

Absolutely not. I'm so dis, no. I'm upset. Yeah. The top comment. You're the asshole. What the actual fuck? Yeah.

Your daughter is devastated by a breakup that happened less than a year ago. And you go to her ex of less than a year's wedding. How long was Jake dating his new girlfriend before they got engaged? Two months. That's way too soon. Unless they were dating behind your daughter's back.

In which case, shame on you. Yes, I agree. Retweet. Yeah. Repost. And honestly, like, I think the fact that she is pregnant, like he obviously cheated. Like in my mind, the timeline is too close.

It doesn't really line up unless he was cheating. Yeah. And in his mind, he's probably like, I need to marry this girl because I got her pregnant. Shotgun wedding. Let's just say he actually didn't, which I know seems super unlikely. That's still too soon.

Like let's say Bret and I broke up tomorrow and he didn't cheat on me and then meets a girl in two weeks, three weeks. And he ends up dating her, getting her pregnant and marries her so soon. And in six, eight months, they're getting married. They're walking down the aisle after a three-year relationship. It takes that long to just plan a good wedding.

So my point is like, even if there was no cheating involved, it's still wrong because if my mom attended that wedding, knowing that we broke up and I was devastated and it was so soon after. Be terrible. Yeah, so no, I mean, cheating or not, what the hell? Don't, no, don't do that.

So disrespectful. Yeah. Yeah, she's the asshole. So did she get more votes for asshole? Yeah, it was confirmed on the post. Confirmed. Did she write back at all? Like, thanks everyone for confirming that I'm an asshole.

She did make some comments. Was she mad? So someone goes, but she wasn't important enough for you to talk to her about it first to make, make sense of the situation. There was no way I could have talked with her. Even today, she starts crying if someone mentions Jake.

Oh my gosh. And the person comments again and goes, and it never occurred to you that he did something to hurt her. Mom comments back. I thought she was going through the normal phase after breakup. Okay, this mother is so disconnected with her daughter

and just being a mother generally. Oh, she has no idea how to be a parent. None. I think she's truly a narcissist. Yeah. There's another forum on Reddit called Raised By Narcissists. And the experience is that those people have, their parents were so toxic.

Wow, very, oh. Yeah. See, yeah, no. You're the asshole. Got to walk the dogs, school drop off, meetings from 10 to three, take kids to soccer practice, then, there goes the extra time for a jog.

That's okay. Maybe next week. When everyone else relies on you, it's easy to put your needs last. Therapy is a dedicated time to focus on what you need to be happy. So you can show up for yourself, the way you do for others.

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I was so mad. I get mad and I start sweating. Yeah, I'm like, is my heart rate about to spike? Like, let me monitor. Check your BPM. I monitor my BPM in a little bit. So I sit at Justin's house when I read this one and I was like, he was out working in the studio

on his music and I'm sitting there and I read it and his house is freezing. They don't put their heat on. It's set to a balmy 64 degrees tops in their house. And I'm sitting there and I read this story and I'm like, Oh, wow. Wow. You were really?

I was so wet. You get hot when you're mad? I get hot when I'm mad. My face gets red. Yeah. I get hot. I get my heart rate. And I have a very healthy heart.

So I have a really low resting heart rate. So you know it's real. So when I'm mad, it like doubles. You know it's real. And it's like, my heart is just like off the rocks. So this one, we'll see. We'll check your heart rate after this one. Yeah, let's do it.

Am I the asshole for refusing to go to a party that was planned for me? Like most women, I had spent years fantasizing about my wedding day. So when my fiance asked me to marry him last year, I was over the moon. I spent hundreds of hours planning and arranging our perfect day.

Unlike a lot of people, we didn't have help with financial whatever when it came to our wedding either. But we spent roughly 16K for the wedding, which was only 8K and the honeymoon booking. I spent hundreds of hours of overtime to save for this. Aw. I know.

Aw. Again, like weddings are expensive. And she was grinding for this wedding. I don't know if I have that in me. I'm a shopaholic, so saving for something like this. This is why my wedding venue idea for my barn is ideal, because I'm just going to fucking write it all off, because it needs to be done anyways

to make the wedding venue ready for other people. True. And then I'm like, there's much of the materials. So you would do your wedding there. That's what we talked about. Why not? We just talked about it. I think it would be amazing.

It's my home. It's where I grew up in Minnesota. It's going to be gorgeous when we're done. I would be so happy if you did that. Oh my God. I would be so happy if you did it there. It's a plan. Okay, yay.

Little did I know that my fiance and his best man had arranged a prank. So when it came down to anyone objecting the wedding, the best man stood up and says he objected. Anyone who knows anything about weddings knows that regardless if it was a joke or not, the wedding cannot go forward if objected. I didn't know that.

Yes. Fun fact. Especially if it's a wedding in a church with a pastor, a priest, or any like religious officiant, the wedding, they won't let it go on. Yeah. Everyone take notes.

That is not even, So she, I'm assuming they didn't know that when they set the prank up? No. I was fucking devastated. Wait, so they really said no? Yeah. So despite the best man and my fiance saying

that it was a prank, we could not get married yesterday as intended. I was fucking devastated. Mixed with an incredibly hefty side of completely fucking livid and a complete loss of respect for both my fiance and his friend. As all that money for catering and the venue was now out the window and non-refundable.

Oh no, no, no, no. No. Yeah, 16K. No. Oh my gosh. Goodbye. No one cut her a break for that? No.

I would be so mad. So, so, so mad. I don't know what I would do. At that point, like, do you even want to marry someone? No, I don't know. That's like, that's stupid. I don't know if I do.

I would be- The complete disrespect for your relationship. I would be so livid. And granted, granted, you didn't know. It was just a prank. Like you didn't know, but at the end of the day, like, if you care about that person so much to marry them

and you should respect them at that point then, why would you even fuck with that day? How did you think that was going to play out? Like, even if the wedding had been able to go on, would that have like put, like, that would put a taint on your wedding day? Like, because she is going to have a moment of panic at the altar.

And then you'd be like, ha ha, just kidding. And then the wedding would resume and she's still going to be like, what the fuck was that? I'd be- Yeah, how do you recover from that? Okay, move on. Like, no, you'd be like-

The whole rest of your day is kind of shot. Even if it could go on. Yeah, or like, or the rest of the, the rest of the, what is it called? The union or whatever? Like, your face would just be kind of like, oh my God, like, what was that? You'd be like thrown off.

And like, so even if that prank had played out, like, it wouldn't have been funny. No one would have, no one would look back and be like, that one time that you pretended to object, that was so funny. The wedding would not have been the same without it. No.

I don't think I would continue. Yeah, let's see. Her heart rate's actually not too bad. I don't think I would continue with this wedding. I think like, the only way this prank would be acceptable is if you were a YouTuber with millions of followers on your channel and your girlfriend fiance wife was like,

open to your pranks. And like, this was part of your career and you guys kind of knew that. If you're gonna make millions off your YouTube of, you know, pranking your wedding, sure. I honestly feel like, if I really loved this person and it was a severe lapse in judgment, like, I don't think Brett would do something that stupid,

but if he did, for some reason, because Brett does, Brett loves pranks. And so like, that's why I'm like, oh. You might have to worry. You might have to worry about your day. I don't think he would do something that stupid, just only because he knows my family, especially my Latina side.

Oh my God, they'd eat him alive. They would not even think that's funny at all and they would just eat him alive. So he wouldn't even try something like that, I don't think, because he'd be like, they will kill me. He's very respectful too. He's respectful, but what I'm trying to say is like, even if I love this person so much,

and it was just like a true like lapse, like they really just didn't know what they were thinking. They thought it was funny. Yeah. I would honestly be like, we're not getting married until you pay for this, you're paying for this entire wedding next time.

I would 1,000% expect a refund. Yeah. You're paying me back for what I put into the last wedding and you're paying for the next wedding. And that sounds cruel and you know pretty well that I'm never someone who expects guys to pick up the tab ever. Like I'm never someone who's like expects guys

to pay for shit for me. Yeah, but like the same way in that sense. I don't feel entitled to have free things or expect someone. Never do I expect anybody to pick up the bill. No, Justin and I split a lot of stuff. And it's that's how I've been generally in, but in this case, I would be like, I'm sorry,

but you ruined this. And I put so much hard work into my money for that wedding and you- Time, energy, money. Over time, you threw that out the window with your stupid prank. And yeah, it was a mistake, but I'm sorry you have to pay for that mistake now.

I don't want to do this wedding again until- He needs to make the situation right. Yeah. Yeah, rectify it. Yeah, absolutely. Is her question, am I the asshole or what's her question? So there's more. My perfect date turned into a complete and total shit show.

And now to be honest, I don't even want to get fucking married. Fuck that. Honestly, that would, because she got all dressed up too. So- Oh, she was- They were there. They weren't getting married.

And our guests were there. How embarrassing. You have to re-invite everybody back. So did they not even like go on with the reception? Anyways, my was soon to be sister-in-law had arranged an after party at her place for us. Instead of me going, I walked down the aisle to the door by myself

and took the fuck off from complete embarrassment and disappointment. My entire family lives out of state and had planned months in advance for this day, just to see nothing. I'm getting chills, I'm getting chills. After I left, my phone was flooded with calls telling me I'm overreacting and just go to the party.

People saying I could just go to the town hall and get a marriage certificate real quick, which would cost more money. They wouldn't leave me alone. And I finally snapped and told everyone to basically go fuck themselves and that I was not in any way obligated to put my feelings aside to save face for them.

I agree. Am I the asshole for not going? No. I don't think so. Not the asshole at all. I don't think she's an asshole. I think she does have a right to feel what she feels and to grieve

and she doesn't have to put on a fake smile. Grieve, yeah. This is 100% a loss. It is a trauma. It is worth grieving. Yeah. That's tough because this one actually hits home a lot because there's been so many times

where I don't feel like doing something because something got messed up or something blew up and I like... It just puts a bad taste in your mouth. I feel like I have to go because someone plans something for me and this is tough, but... But why was this...

The way that she words this, the sister-in-law had arranged an after-party at her place for us. Was that on the spot or was that planned? The party? Yeah. Oh. It sounds like it was pre-planned.

So that's the thing. You knew that they were gonna object. Who knew they were gonna object? Well, it sounds like if this party was planned, there were more people in on this prank. I guess I have questions because... So it sounds like they got married in a church, right? Or is it...

Nobody, no matter who is officiating the wedding, they can't go on religious or not? The post was deleted, but what I remember people were in the comments saying, no, this can't be real. They don't stop the wedding for that, blah, blah, blah. And she replied to some of the comments and was like, I got married in a church.

They can 100% stop the wedding if someone objects. It is at their discretion. And I mean... I guess I have questions because if that happened to me, I would be like, screw you in the name of Jesus. Goodbye, you can leave, there's the door. I'd be going on the honeymoon by myself. No, I would just, no, I would continue the wedding.

I would basically, no, I really would. I would improv. I would just be like, all right, priest, pope, father. Someone else get their ass up here. Leave, goodbye. We'll take care of the actual marriage part I don't need you then. This is a joke.

Town hall or whatever. Yeah, and I would just, I would go through with the wedding, the motions of the wedding. No one actually like checks your wedding photos. Oh, is there a priest in the background? Like, no, I'd go through with the wedding and then I would be pissed, but you spent all that money.

Like I would go through, I'd go through with the party and we would be married. And then the next day I'd go to the town hall and my now husband would have to pay for it, that certificate because he messed up. Yeah, but at least you still then get the venue and your catering. Your money to go out the window.

Everything you paid for. Everyone didn't waste their time to be there. I would just go on with the wedding. I'd be according to you to tell me. I paid to be here. You can't tell me this wedding's off. Well, and it's like, if the church is the problem, like you're not having your reception at the church.

Like she said they have a venue and catering. Just finish out your little, just you don't even have to finish. Just change your vows. Just go to the ship. I think in that moment, like she was so embarrassed. I rate upset, you know, everything she mentioned. And it's like at that point, then when that happens,

like do you even want to marry that person? I think that's a bigger question. It's like, yeah, true. Like I don't even want to be with this person anymore. Yeah, you're like so repulsed by their behavior that you're like, I don't even want to look at you. No, give me the fuck away from you. That's tough because I'm the type of person

where if I'm mad, I can't fake it. So I would not be able to go to that party. My emotion shows on my face. Yeah, I would be. Disgust, contempt, it's there. Yeah. I don't have a poker face. Me either, me either.

Ooh, that'd be so tough. Is she the asshole? What did the people say? Majority of the people said not the asshole. Not the asshole? Yeah, which I mean, no, at the end of the day, it was supposed to be your day. They can still have the party.

If they're so obsessed with having the party, you don't, it just doesn't have to be there. It's up to her. It's her autonomy, her choice. Her day was ruined. It's her fucking day. Yeah. I don't think she's the asshole, but you wrecked it.

I think people will hold it against her regardless. I just think people will like, because so many people took time to be there and traveled, took time off work. People will view her as like a brat probably. Bridezilla. Bridezilla, but like I genuinely, I don't think she's an asshole.

I don't either. I think she's extremely hurt and like we said, grieving. Yeah. I mean, to suffer that loss and embarrassment on your day, like, oof. Yeah, nope. So uncomfortable. I would not have a fiance.

I'd be single and going on the honeymoon with a friend. Yeah, yeah. A friend that's single so then you can have fun. Yeah. Well, you're wherever you are. Right. Okay. Am I the asshole for taking my older brother

to a restaurant instead of taking him to the wedding? I, male 21, have an older brother, Adam, 27, and he's wheelchair bound due to a motorcycle accident that caused a spinal cord injury. He was living with his ex-fiancé, but my parents took him after she said she couldn't do it anymore. Wait, hold on.

So this is his brother? Mm-hmm. And he was living with, okay, got it. He was living with his fiance at the time. This is literally the plot line of that movie, Me Before You. I didn't see that. It's with Amelia Clark, the girl that plays Khaleesi

on Game of Thrones. And Sam Claffin, this really hot, tall guy. And he's like, in love with this girl, they're engaged, be married, and he gets hit by a car or a motorcycle when he's walking across the street and becomes paralyzed from the neck down. Yeah.

And his fiance leaves him for his best friend. And he actually does go to the wedding. The movie's amazing. It is? Would you chalk it up as like a romance? Or what is this? It's a romance, but it's like a thriller. Like what kind of, like, what's that?

Not a thriller. No, it's, I don't even want to say it's a rom-com. Yeah, it doesn't sound funny. It's not comedy. It's just a romantic heart, pulling out your heart strings story. There's a book on it. I read the book, too.

All right, I gotta go watch this. Anyway. It's really good. Okay, so if she can't do it anymore, he goes back and lives with the parents. Yeah. I come to take care of him every day. Started learning to be Adam's caregiver

since mom and dad were becoming overwhelmed. I still go out, study while being there for Adam. It's been almost three years. Last week, my parents got a wedding invitation from Adam's ex-fiancé's parents. Her family and my family are really close, known them for 15 years. My parents told Adam they wanted him to come with them

to celebrate and support the family. No matter what happens, the two families will be close. Adam said, no. Dad lashed out saying he needed to stop being selfish and potentially ruining a 15-year friendship between two families by being bitter. I got involved after dad said Adam had no choice but to go. They're just gonna wheel him in there without his...

Sounds like it. It sounds like they're literally demanding that he go. You have no choice. Wow, wow. I asked him to respect Adam's opinion, but dad called me an enabler and that they get to veto his opinion since they do so much for him.

Oh! That's not, that's no. Abusive. This is abusive. Yeah. That's taking somebody who cannot physically have a say and taking advantage of that. Well, you don't even know,

he doesn't mention what level his spinal cord injury is. So it's like, he could just be, he could be quadriplegic. So the neck down, they call it tetraplegic nowadays. So you could be paralyzed from the neck down if it was a high vertebrae that was injured or he could be just paralyzed from the waist down and still able to be very independent

while needing some help with a caregiver. So you don't really know what level he's at, but regardless, it's almost, it's more abusive and more toxic if it's a higher level and he has less control. Because it's like, where is that person's sense of control and personal choice autonomy? They have none.

They're dependent on everyone and then you're taking away. You're treating them as less than because if he was a fully capable, fully... You wouldn't question his decision. You'd be like, well, I don't agree with it, but I guess I can't force you. It sounds to me right now,

they are going to wheel this man against his will to this wedding. It literally sounds like that. The dad seems like he's kind of popping off that way. Yeah, yeah. So is that it? No, I left and stayed gone for two days. Adam said they were pressuring him

and he couldn't take it anymore. The day of the wedding, I went to my parents' house, told them I wanted to go with Adam to the wedding and drive him there myself. They said, okay. Told me to follow them and rushed out. Instead of following them, I drove Adam to a restaurant out of town,

two hours away. Badass. I kind of love that. I love this. That's like a movie plot. This is great. I love this. Good for him and like taking care of his brother

and giving him a sense of control. I love that. We had a great time there. His frown turned into a joyful smile. Oh my God, worth it. Seeing him like this made me feel relieved. Once I turned my phone on, my dad specifically was livid,

calling me a manipulative liar, asking why I didn't follow them with Adam to the wedding. Talked about how embarrassed he was, repeatedly telling people, my sons are gonna be here soon. Sorry, they got caught up. Come on, that's not embarrassing. I mean, you didn't have to-

One of your sons is in a wheelchair. Oh, I'm so sorry. They weren't feeling well. Easy. Yeah. Easy, yeah. What? You just don't need like-

There was an emergency. Honestly, you don't know anybody. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Yeah. A lot of people do what they want to do. Go there, support the friendship. You can keep continuing that relationship, but this is someone's ex-fiancé.

Yeah. Not just an ex-girlfriend. And it's the guy in the wheelchair, right? It's his ex-fiancé. Getting married. Left because of his injury, because she couldn't do it anymore. And she married somebody else.

Yeah. And the parents went to the wedding, which is fine. That's fine, but at the end of the day, watching him watch his ex-fiancé, who he was in love with, walk down the aisle, that's the biggest slap in the fucking face. Oh my God.

Why would that be a situation? Why, even as her, why would she want them there? I wouldn't even, I would like honestly tell the family, like we have such a close bond that I totally want you to be there as family friends, but I totally understand given the situation with your son, it may not be in your best interest, it may be uncomfortable.

Totally don't feel obligated if you're there. Great, if you can't make it, I totally get it. No pressure. No, I understand. Yeah. It's so, so wild. He yelled that I just damaged a 15 year friendship with the ex's family.

I argued with him about how he ignored Adam's wishes and that being disabled doesn't mean he has no independence and opinions anymore. Exactly, yes, retweet. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. He told me to shut the fuck up about this bullcrap and be grateful he didn't call the police for what I did

and demanded I bring Adam home. Call the police. It's not like he kidnapped him. That's not kidnapping, because Adam would just say no, I wanted to go to the restaurant. Adam was pumped. Yeah, Adam was ecstatic.

No, what are you gonna say? My son disobeyed me. Yeah, okay, girl. Let's arrest him. I remember when my mom called the police because my dad decided my parents were divorced and my dad, they have a divorce agreement. So on Wednesdays at 5.30 was a handoff.

And I remember one time my mom wanted to be petty. My dad picked us up at like five or like four instead of 5.30 and my mom called the police as a breach of child custody. And the police literally shut up and they were like, ma'am, they literally looked her out and they were like, wait, what? And she was like, no,

she wasn't supposed to take him that early. The police literally goes, I am not your babysitter. I need gets in his car and leaves, did nothing. So that would be one of these cases where they'd show up and be like, I'm sorry, your son? You're wasting our time. You're two grown men.

No. Yeah. Oh my God. Ridiculous. Dad sounds like he's completely lost his mind. I dropped. Yeah. I dropped Adam off and left.

Our family members berated me saying, I'm not a kid and should be held responsible for my recklessness and ruining the relationship between two families. Why is this ruined? Sorry, Adam wasn't feeling, you make up, you just make up. Lie. Yeah.

Lie. Get creative, get colorful. Or don't. Your son is in a wheelchair. I mean, saying, hey, he could, you could literally go, Adam couldn't make it at the last minute. Yeah.

And nobody would ask questions because they'd be like, oh yeah, we understand it's a little tough sometimes. Yeah. Well, I mean, they understand the situation. They'd obviously know what happened. And they know the history. That's what I mean.

Nobody would dig into it. No. I'm not even talking about his like, the fact that he's in a wheelchair. I don't want to call it disability. I'm not sure what you call it, but. Differently abled. Differently abled circumstance.

Just the history. People would be like, yeah, Adam couldn't make it. Yep. Got it. Like nobody would be like, why? No one would bat an eye. Why? He didn't want to be here to watch this.

Oh, so I think people would understand that as well. He didn't want a front row seat. What? He didn't want to be up there clapping. This makes me like, what's your take on inviting like exes to weddings? I, I don't know. I look at it and it's like,

I'm on good terms with all of my exes. I'm, you know, friends with a couple of them. Yeah. I still wouldn't feel obligated to invite them. I don't know. I think it, it just depends on what your current relationship is. I think if it's someone like, you know,

you dated when you were younger and now you're still really close and they're active in your life, then I think it's different. And I look at it to like, if I was close with one of my exes and wanted to invite them, if my fiance then had a problem,

that would be a red flag to me. So I think it just like really depends. But like in my mind, I'm not close with any of them. So not close enough to invite them to my wedding. Yeah, like they don't need to be there. But no, I think like, I think it's kind of,

it depends on the person, but it could be construed as a red flag. If the person is like, I need my exes at my wedding. It's like, why? Or like, oh, I need, like not even exes, like just if there's one ex,

or just like, oh, I have to invite her. Why? Why? I think like, you know, some people like to use the argument, they're close with my family. I need to invite them. I don't want to burn the bridge,

it's kind of this story where you don't want to burn this big bridge that your friends and whatever, but if anything, let's be real. She kind of, if we're talking about family relations, like when she left the son because of his like circumstance,

that could be construed as ruining the relationship between the families. At the end of the day, you need to realize like, they could have broken up. He could have not had his accident and they could have just broken up. Either way,

they could have worked and they could not have worked. You should have planned for the what if they don't work. It shouldn't have to be a reflection on the family. No. They should be able to proceed regardless of their relationship status. Exactly. It's, I mean, maybe they're,

maybe in their culture, it's very who knows, but the next line goes to clarify. Adam Zaks claimed they couldn't stay together not because of him being in a wheelchair, but because of something else. Adam said she was treating him poorly. That's even worse.

There's a lot of he said, she said his word against hers, but I mean- Regardless, he doesn't have to go. That's the point here. Like if I invited one of my exes to my wedding and we haven't like, I don't know,

my exes, I have different relationships with all of them, but like if I invited one of them that like I was fine with and he didn't want to come, I would accept that. It's no like, why would you be butthurt about it? Why would you be upset?

Right. It's no reflection on you. No. It just might not be the right situation for them. I don't understand. Cool. One less meal I have to buy. Yeah.

But I don't know, that's interesting. Yeah. He's not the asshole, he's the hero. Exactly. And I think everything he did for his brother was absolutely amazing. He goes on to say like, my parents' relationship with Adam's ex

is mainly based on doing each other's favors and act like they respect each other, but I know they're just looking for benefits and what they can get from each other. The families? Weird. Weird dynamic. Weird.

I'm currently renting an apartment with a number of roommates. I can barely afford rent and that's why I can't take Adam to live with me, but I will be doing my best to get my own place and take him in with me. Unfortunately, it's not possible right now. Oh, that's cute.

He sounds like a really good brother. Such a good brother. And he's young too, at 21. He's 21. Yeah, so he's going to school and helping out with his older brother. Wow, his family sounds brutal. I know.

So brutal. No, he didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, no, not at all. It's so amazing. I know, like a lot of people have been asking to what I do. Like I've had some people message me, be like, are you unemployed?

Are you a student? Seriously? People ask you that? Yeah. Why are you unemployed? Well, most people are really nice. They're like, are you a student? Or like, what do you do for work?

Yeah, interesting. I didn't even think about that. Yeah, well, it's like, how are you doing this podcast? But you can easily be full career and doing it, you know? Yeah, definitely. I shouldn't say easily. I know it would be hard. It is very time consuming,

but I love it and it's been a lot of fun so far. But I'm an occupational therapist. And so like, you know, dealing with people that are differently abled and, you know, rehabbing is like my specialty. Like that's what my whole job is. So it's really upsetting to see like a family come in and just completely try to strip someone

of their like autonomy and their personal freedom and their choice. So that story to me, I was like. Like hits home. It does. And it's just like, yeah, he had an accident. And, you know, the mental health aspect of coming to terms with that,

like look at what he's gone through. Yeah. Emotionally. Emotionally. Mentally. And then the basically. And then you want him to go like, face that. And support it.

It's disgusting that they would even ask and then say, you don't have a choice. Yes, I do. I'm a grown, oh my gosh, no. Yeah. That story is gross. I'd be calling the parents for abuse. Yeah.

Brother can call the cops on the parents. True. And he'd have a real case. Gotta walk the dogs, school drop off, meetings from 10 to three, take kids to soccer practice, then. There goes the extra time for a jog. That's okay.

Maybe next week. When everyone else relies on you, it's easy to put your needs last. Therapy is a dedicated time to focus on what you need to be happy. So you can show up for yourself, the way you do for others. BetterHelp offers convenient online therapy

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and switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHELP.com. Last one. Okay. Am I the asshole for throwing wine on my mom

at my brother's wedding? Yes? I mean, let's hear the context, but I don't... Okay, listen. I don't know what someone could do to me to cause me to throw wine on them. You wear white at my wedding, you're fucking done. Yeah.

Oh, well, oh, so if I wear white here, why don't you throw wine on me? You wouldn't. Well, you're gonna be in the wedding, so. Okay, yeah, but like, your dress will be predetermined. I just go rogue on wedding day. No, but I think it's kind of common knowledge

and common courtesy. But you wouldn't throw wine on them. You pull them aside and say, listen, little bitch. Did you bring a backup? Otherwise... Otherwise, I'm calling you an Uber home. Yeah. Like, you wouldn't throw wine on them, come on.

I don't know. No, you wouldn't. I honestly... I don't know what you could do or say to me to make me throw wine on you. Like genuinely, I don't know what you could do or say. I've thrown drinks at people before. Have you?

Yeah. That's why we're on different pages because I've never thrown a drink at anyone. Yeah, I've thrown drinks at people at bars before when they're just like being rude. Have you really? What if I drink? Really?

Don't touch me. Oh, someone touched you through a drink. You really threw your drink on them? Yeah. Yeah. I've also been really annoyed with someone and like, they were holding their drink. And they like...

They were being super fucking rude and said something super distasteful to me. And I just like, whooshed the bottom and flipped it on them. Holy shit, you have so much balls. Don't burn me. Don't burn me. I don't know what I do.

There's one man that still haunts me that I didn't get. Why'd I feel like this was like a cowboy jacks? It was going to cowboy jacks. No way. So I was walking to cowboy jacks with some friends and a guy came up behind me. He was like, he looked like he worked out a restaurant. Not to be like stereotypical,

but like he looked like he... Just got off his shift. Yeah. And he comes up, I was wearing this romper that like was very flowy and he sticks his hand up my romper. Oh, hell no. And I whip around and I'm like,

what the fuck is wrong with you? But I wished in that moment, I wished I just would have chased him and beat his ass. Really? Yeah. What if you beat your ass? I had multiple people there. Oh, okay.

But I wish I just would have... So what'd you do? You kicked him? No, I kicked someone else in the nuts. Oh my God. Okay, that's warranted. I just, I really don't know. You wouldn't do the wine though.

I'm not, I'm not like a... Well, then it's like you ruined their day too. Like their time at your wedding. Yeah, I just, and now you're like everyone looks at you. Like you're the girl who threw wine on their mom. Well, also it could come back on you and your dress too. Yeah, it could splatter. And it's just like what you threw the wine

and you turned around and had a jolly old time. Like there's no way you just bounce back from that. Like now you've got like this like, I don't know, let's hear. We'll see what this girl has to say. So mother or mother-in-law? Mom, her mom. Her mother and her brother as well. Yes.

I'm 28 year old female, my brother's 31 male, my sister-in-law is 29 female and my mom is a 58 year old female. My mom and I have always had a dot, dot, dot, dot, dot difficult relationship. If you've been on raised by narcissist, I'm her scapegoat and my brother is her golden child. He can really do no wrong in her eyes.

A couple examples are that I'm expected to do housework every time I visit. While my bro sits around doing nothing. Neither of us live there and haven't for years. That's kind of weird. And it's the kind of housework you'd never, ever expect a guest to do. Like dusting and vacuuming.

If I don't do it, I'm an ungrateful bitch who never contributes to the household. I also get criticized constantly for my appearance. And when I picked the same major as my brother, my mom told me I should pick something else because he's so much smarter than me. And I would always feel less successful in comparison. In general, it also feels like every single visit

involves my mom attacking my character and complaining about how badly I treat her. While she hasn't had an unkind thing to say to or about my brother since he moved out for college. So I don't visit much and I just avoid her. Despite all this, bro and I are still very close and I'm good friends with my sister-in-law. My mom has treated sister-in-law like shit

ever since she started dating my brother five years ago. Damn. Just your typical, no one's good enough for my son because I was secretly hoping he and I would end up together. Eww, no, really? That is such a common thing. Yes, I see it all the time.

And it's something like I've looked into and it's called enmeshment. And the mom puts this other like role on the son and tries to make a partner out of that son. So like be together? In their mind, it's more about the fact that they raised their son to be this ideal partner. And then it's just like-

They don't get to reap the benefits of it. They don't get to reap the benefits. It's kind of a control thing and just like a... It's fucked up, but it's very, very common with narcissistic parents and boys. Mom and boys is typically the most common. My brother has distanced himself from my mom because of it.

On to the issue. My bro and sister-in-law got married in October. Sister-in-law always wanted a small wedding but my mom was insisting on a huge party that her entire extended family would be invited to. They seized the COVID opportunity to have something small, 20 guests total and it was in their backyard.

My mom showed up in, I shit you not, a floor-length white dress. That's so creepy. Cause that's like her like, this is my moment to shine. Whose wedding is it? Yeah. Is it yours? A floor-length white dress?

Yeah. I wish, I wanna be like photos, please. I know, seriously. My mom's a bitch but I never imagined she would do that. My dad looked uncomfortable but he never calls mom on her shit and I didn't expect him to intervene. Sister-in-law looked like she was going to cry when she saw my mom.

Oh, so shitty. So without thinking, I just grabbed a bottle of red wine. No, uncorked it and dumped the whole thing down my mom's front. I didn't even feign it being an accident, which I probably should have, I just dumped it. Mom flipped out but couldn't scream at me because there were so many people around.

So she just left with my dad and came back wearing a green dress. Oh my God, okay, so it worked. Bad ass. It worked. Bad ass. Also, you have to like really, really have a very rocky relationship with your mom to do that

because I'm thinking about my mom like, my mom wouldn't do some stupid like something like that but if she did, you could just go up to her. I would pull her aside and go, what are you doing? Yeah. I'd be like, get in the car, we're taking, I'm changing, whatever. Because no matter how cool this sister-in-lies,

like I'm never gonna pick her over my mom, ever. So that's what I'm saying. Your mom has to be a true asshole. Your relationship is so terrible. You have to be like, fuck this woman. That's not even your mom anymore. You're like, this woman is just putting a damper on this wedding and I need to stop it.

You're not even like this is my mom. Like it's almost like she sounds like she saw red. Like she didn't think and she was just like, fuck this woman. No, it sounds like it was very just like instinctual, like. Very, that's really cool that she went to bat for her brother and his wife. It's also like her kind of her lead up into this too.

My mom has been a terrible parent, raised by a narcissist. I'm the scapegoat. She was mean to me about my major. It sounds like there's a lot of built up contention, a lot of anger, a lot of hurt. And so this is probably like very cathartic for her. Dang. This was probably just like-

That was for sure the tip of the camel that, the straw the camel, the camel that broke her back. Tipped that camel over. The straw that broke the camel's back. I, okay, so what happened? Mom has been pissed about this for months and is still demanding an apology. She says, I should have just talked to her

and told her to change clothes. Kind of agree there. Fair, kind of agree there. Fair, yeah. The mom should have known better, but like you, I personally, coming from the girl who just doesn't throw drinks on people, I just don't have it in me to like do that.

I would have pulled, you know what I would have done? I would have pulled her aside, had a conversation. If that didn't go well, I would have maybe tripped and spilled my red line. Oh, I would have faked it, maybe. I wouldn't have blatantly like gone up and just poured the wine bottle down her chest. Also, that's a wine bottle you just wasted.

I know, that's a good wine. It's expensive. Yeah, it's probably really good wine because she's had a wedding. Yeah, no, I would have faked it for sure. Just casual trip, like you said. Uh-oh, I'll take you home to change. Oh, sorry.

So sorry. So sorry. And she clearly had a backup dress, like the green one in the wing waiting to go. It was ready, it was ready. So she says I should have talked to her and told her to change clothes and that she wasn't thinking when she wore the white dress

because it was so small and informal. The wedding? Yeah, 20, I mean 20 people. That she didn't really think of it as a wedding. Okay, now you're just being a rude bitch. She's being rude. And I didn't need to humiliate her like that. She said I ruined her only son's wedding for her,

which was already a disappointment because it was so small. And I owe her a huge apology for embarrassing her publicly. I know my mom is a huge asshole for showing up like that, but am I also an asshole? At it, I did ask my sister-in-law if she wanted me to do something. And she said yes.

Oh. Although at that point, I don't know what exactly I was going to do. I saw the wine sitting there and it kind of came together in an instant. Yeah, do something is like, if that happened to me and you came up to me, you're like, do you want me to do something?

I'd be like, yeah. But that doesn't, I'm not thinking God, Morgan's gonna go off the rocker and uncork some red wine. That wouldn't be where my, I just thought I'm gonna handle this. Yeah, like she's my fixer. She'll probably just escort her out of here to a change.

Or go bring her new dress. Not like I'm gonna pour red wine all over it. Yeah. Sister-in-law said it was the highlight of the wedding. And my brother said I probably shouldn't have gone nuclear, but my mom did have it coming. Yeah, she did. She did.

I don't know, to be honest, I don't know where I stand on this one. Because, I mean, I know where I stand. It's a tough one. But I don't know if I can call her an asshole because she did what she had to do to save face for the bride and groom who this day is about. But that is extreme and that's your mother.

I mean, the bride had a good time. Yeah. Brother didn't really care. Yeah. To their day. I don't know, what do you think? I thought about this one kind of hard. And so my brother and his wife got married back in 2015.

And I'm like, what did my mom wear? And I looked at the pictures. And my mom wore like a cream. I knew you were gonna say cream. Beaded gown, like it was very beaded. And my mom really struggled. My mom had like five dresses. Every single one she cried on, like it was her heaviest point

and she was really just having not an easy time finding a mother of the groom dress. And so it wasn't white, but it was like off white. It was like a, it was definitely yellow. Yellow is cream. You didn't look at it and think, is that white? No. Okay.

So I mean, but it was still a little close. And in my mind, I'm like, oh, I wonder how Amy felt about it. I wonder if Amy was in, you know, in her head like, oh God, Danette just had to wear that fucking cream white dress. Interesting. But I don't know. Like I think it obviously depends on the relationship

you have with your mother-in-law too. I think you also have to kind of consider why is this even the, like why, what about that triggers you? Like someone wearing close to the white color. Yeah. And you have to think and it's, I think it's because the attention's supposed to be on you.

It's your day. The only one who gets the white color, white is yours. And you don't want anyone to be confused about who the bride is. It's just odd. Like this mom is clearly in love with her son. She's hated you the entire relationship. Are you the one?

Do you want to be standing up there? But I think, I guess the way I see it is like, no one is going to, no offense, but the mom is clearly older than- No one's going to confuse her. No one's going to confuse you for the bride. So what do you really have to worry about? Like are you threatened by,

like you're really threatened by her? Let her look like, she looks like the asshole. Everyone at this wedding and in the pictures is going to see this and be like, that is a selfish mother of the groom. She looks stupid and disrespectful. Poor wife, whatever her name is. No one's going to go, God, who's the wife?

Like, you know, who's the bride? I just rude. I'd be more mad if like, let's say for some reason, like one of my, I invite a friend to my wedding who's not in my bridal party. And she shows up wearing white. That'd be fucked. That's a lot of problematic

people who aren't super close to you and like family, friends of family who might actually mistake that for the bride. Especially if it's a floor length dress, like this situation. Yeah, that's what it was. If it was short, if it was like, even like just below the knee or just above the knee,

whatever, other length, but a floor length fucking down. Yeah, that's so, that's doing the most. That's very deliberate. And then for her to say, oh, I didn't really consider it a wedding because I was so small. What?

Bitch, they're saying I do at the end of the day. This is still a union. It doesn't matter how many people are there. There's weddings that have just two people in them. Three people or whatever. The witness, yeah. Yeah, I just think that's- You're just being a petty bitch.

She's being, that's like a microaggression kind of. It is, it's 1,000% microaggression. This isn't even a wedding, so the rules don't apply. Yeah, no. So rude. I've seen a couple of different people that have been like, people wear white to your wedding, have t-shirts ready to go.

And the t-shirt is like a bright orange ugly-ass shirt and it says on it, I wear white to the wedding. And so they literally have to put that on if they wear white there. See, I wouldn't do that because it would ruin my aesthetic. Like I'd have to look into the crowd and see that. I would have something like not as tacky.

I would have like a shawl or something that's big and a different color. I would just, if it was a destination wedding, I would honestly, I feel like someone in my party, my bridal party, would have some extra dress or some extra outfit and you're putting that on. And I don't care if it's jeans and a shirt. You're changing.

You dug your grave. You're changing. Yeah, like you're in luck. We've got an extra outfit for you to put on. I know, you also wonder like, I mean, you see some bridezillas that send out like fucking emails for their guests, like no colored hair.

Wait, what? I've never seen that. I've seen like Facebook posts that go viral where a bride has sent out an email and been like, you can't have colored hair. If you do have colored hair, you need to dye it to a normal respectable color. You cannot wear your hair in an updo.

What? You cannot wear your hair in a ponytail. You cannot wear colors red or pink as my bridesmaids will be wearing those colors. So I've seen brides that get really, really, really crazy. I've never even thought about the color overlap between your guests and your bridesmaids. Yeah, I've seen another reddit post I have,

you know, saved for a wedding stuff that the mother-in-law, the future mother-in-law got a dress color the same as her bridesmaids dresses. And she knew what the color was because her daughter was a bridesmaid. So I guess she took the dress and literally colors matched it. On purpose?

Yeah. That's weird. That's weird. So I mean, there's so many weird situations, but I'm like thinking about me. I'm like, on your invitation, like some people put like cocktail attire, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it's like,

can you just put a little asterisk on there? No white? True, but gosh, then you just look like an asshole in tacky. I would just, doesn't everyone know that? You'd think it's common sense? I would ask my friends to, I don't know. I don't even know. I've never, like I said,

I don't even know what kind of dress ring venue I want. I got it already. So I have no idea how to tackle these logistics. My Pinterest board is stuffed. I guess wedding planners probably have a ton of ways to combat these kinds of things. They have ideas. Oh yeah.

They have look books and you try on a couple dresses and you know your style. You figure out quick. I mean, like I'm sure wedding planners have responses and ways to ensure people don't, to delicately ask people not to wear white or. You'd think so. I think so.

I mean, why don't they do everything? You'd hope so if it's a good one. You're paying them. You have good money. Yeah. Oh, interesting. I don't know. I mean, if I have to answer, I don't think she's the asshole.

I don't either. Sister-in-law loved it. Yeah. The mom, the mom had it coming. Let's just be honest. The mom's been a dick her whole life. I don't think fighting with fire, fire with fire is great, but in this instance, it was like a,

it got reactions, a knee-jerk reaction. You had to make a move. You had to try to save the day. At the end of the day, she had an easy time changing her dress too. She came back real quick, green dress, didn't miss the wedding, didn't miss a beat. You're just being a petty bitch

and that's on you at the end of the day. You could've gone over it real fast. Yeah. I agree. Okay, not the asshole. Not the asshole. I applaud her. Yeah.

I mean, that's badass. Movie shit. I don't have it in me to do that. To have the balls to go up. And I just picture her going up and just like, Yeah. Yeah. Pouring it.

Why glugs out? It was just smoothly pour out. Yeah, I know. So it's gotta like glug, glug, glug, glug. Yeah. Yeah, it's not like a, like you're done. It's like, don't, don't, like slowly chugging away. She, she waited a hot second.

And also the mom didn't like move or like be like, ah, like, you know, she just sat there and let it like lug out. She probably was so shocked. True. True. Like what's happening? Is this like a prank?

What's going on? Yeah. Where are the cameras? It's Ashton Kutcher. Presentation Kutcher. Is he hiding in the wings? Right. Yeah.

Also the brother should stand up for her. Like the brother, because he's the golden child, should be like, listen mom, I, maybe she didn't do it the most perfect way, but she was trying to do the best for me. Yeah. Like use, leverage her obsession with the son to try and like, not that you need to.

I mean, now go down around the hole. Yeah. Like use your, use the tools in your, in your war chest. Like. And you should, you should be like, you know what? And I guess in my mind at the end of the day, all you do have to say is, you know, I didn't handle it the best.

Yeah. You shouldn't have worn a white dress. Yeah. But, hey. Yeah. Sorry I spilled wine on you. Sorry I did that, but. I mean, you can't apologize.

It doesn't need to be this big thing, but just because you apologize doesn't mean that you were necessarily Not admitting like guilt. In the wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Just trying to rectify the situation.

Yeah. Sorry to y'all and come out. No, yeah. Mark Tequila, wake up. Yeah, I know. Um, I think that's right. You can just be like, sorry that that made, sorry that I embarrassed you.

Sorry that I made you feel uncomfortable. Sorry that I ruined your dress, but I felt it was wrong and I acted. The best of my ability in that moment. Yeah. I used my resources and that was it. Like. I know.

God. So. But again. Weddings. Love them. Weddings. They're not for everyone. Retweet.

What she said. Until next time. Thanks guys. Bye. Bye. Gotta walk the dogs, school drop off, meetings from 10 to three, take kids to soccer practice, then...

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