Two Hot Takes - 103: Feminine Rage..

Episode Date: February 23, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Alejandra! This episode features stories that have an underlying tone of feminine rage.. whether its OPs or ours. What do you think about the concept of feminine rage and there differences between male and female gaze? Justin's New Show!!! https://anchor.fm/crackingthecopyright https://www.youtube.com/@crackingthecopyright Patreon for bonus content:  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Ale's nonprofit of the week: https://www.raisethebarr.org Partners: Honey: Joinhoney.com/THT PDS DEBT: www.pdsdebt.com/THT HelloFresh: HelloFresh.com/tht65 Promo Code: tht65 

Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where... You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter.

Sarah? When did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Hi, guys. Welcome to another week of Too Hot Takes. This is just your reminder to please subscribe. And if you're not on Patreon,

I want to read some story titles and give you a sneak peek of what me, my brother Taylor and Justin read today. Say hi, guys. How you doing? Hello. Hello, hello. So we read the following stories, so they won't be making it on an episode. Am I the **** for towing my neighbor's car? Am I the **** for screaming at my pregnant fiance?

For not helping me find my dog who had run off? Am I the **** for yelling at my girlfriend to, quote, stop **** eating? Am I the asshole for not cancelling my plans after my boyfriend learned about his diagnosis? There's a few other titles I'm not reading, but we had a good episode and Taylor gave some takes. I did indeed.

What did you think of it? I just can't wait for the comments. Patreon family is very nice, Taylor. You'll be okay. But come join us over on Patreon, guys. Enjoy the show. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Too Hot Takes. I'm your host this week, Morgan.

And I'm Lauren. Just kidding. I'm a woman. You're going to **** people up even more. They already don't know you're two people. So we just opened up a letter from a fan who wrote this very, very kind letter. And at the end, they gave like shout outs to everybody

and they were like, all 100, Lauren. I just recently discovered you're two different people, but it's better that way. The more the merrier. Great news. Great news. Yeah. So thank you for sending stuff to the PO Box.

We absolutely love getting presents and mail and things like that. So if you want to send stuff, I'll be sure that the PO Box is posted in this description. It's really, it's so fun getting little fan mail. And it's like literally, you don't have to send anything. If you want to just send like a letter, send away. Yeah, we read it.

It was, we giggled. We had a good time. We love getting happy, happy notes. So it's amazing. That's right. I did that. I just had to like, I love it. At this point, it's been two years,

like Too Hot Takes is turning two years old this week. And it's funny. Like Lauren and I have been friends for 13 plus years. Yeah. So we, we take no offense to being confused. No, not at all. It's just funny at this point because it's been so long. And we have similarities for sure,

but we're also so different. So it's, it's just almost like I had to play into the humor a little bit. I absolutely love it. I absolutely love it. So this week, I think we kind of teased it on our Patreon episode we did for January. And we kind of said the upcoming theme you were going to be on is called feminine rage. And I explained it as just like, and it, it's loose terms.

Like you can be non-binary and still, I think, I think femininity is kind of a loose term these days. Well, it's, everyone has a little bit of feminine femininity in them. Yeah. Feminine and masculine are at play in all of us, regardless of how you identify. So I don't even,

when we say feminine, we're not discussing women or cis females or whatever. Born women. I don't know what the term for that is. We're talking about like the energy that comes with like femininity. Yeah. And like, I feel like, I feel like everyone does have it.

Like I look at Justin and Justin's got great feminine energy. And I also have really great masculine energy. And I'm not sure like this is something that just popped into my head. I'm like, if you're non-binary, do you just feel no energy or do you feel like you're perfectly in between? No, it has nothing to do with that, to be honest. Well, okay. I, whoa, let me back that up.

I can't speak to that because I obviously identify one way, but my understanding of it is like, it doesn't necessarily have to do with your gender, which obviously we know is a social construct, but it's more of like an energy that's irregardless of how you identify. You have a mix of both. Yeah. So I don't think it really depends.

Like you could be... I'm so curious. Yeah. I mean, I would love to hear from people on that, but... I know. I fell down a rabbit hole on this TikTok and it was a podcast with a guest named Alec. A-L-O-K.

I'm not sure if you pronounce that right, but they're transgender and a big advocate. And just the way they were describing trans where it's like, you're not necessarily, like when you say trans, you're not necessarily like one gender trapped in a certain sex body. Like it can literally just be like, you just don't align with any gender and you're just like more fluid. I don't know.

It's a rabbit hole that we're going to save for a guest that can really get into it. But anyways, today's episode, feminine... What was I calling it? Rage. Cheese. Feminine rage. Feminine rage.

I was going to say energy and then I was like, oh wait, rage. Because they're all, their stories that might make you mad, but they made me mad. So can you really quickly, you did this, you kind of... On the Patreon. You flirted with it on the Patreon. But can you explain for me and for all of our listeners, what feminine rage really is?

Yeah. So it's interesting. I relate it to like the gaze where there's a male gaze and there's a female gaze. And I think there's that same thing with feminine rage through the two gazes. So when, and this is like speaking towards like Hollywood and how they portray it. So if there's a guy dating a girl and she's mad,

he thinks her rage is like hysterical. It's loud. It's screaming. It's yelling. But if you ask like a woman or someone that can perceive feminine rage from a female gaze, they would say it's quiet. It's seething on the inside. It's not hysterical.

It's concealed anger. And so I just, I think it's a really interesting concept. I'll put some TikToks in the description of this episode. So you guys can kind of see what I've been seeing, but it's just an interesting concept and I needed a good folder to start putting stories into. Yeah. What you described is really, really interesting to me,

especially because I studied that in college, like from a sociological perspective, like the male gaze is very real. And what's really interesting though is that the male gaze is what sells. Like we all know sex sells. Like the male gaze is like you said, what we see portrayed in Hollywood and movies. And women lean into it because they know that it will sell.

I could think of three music videos right now at the top of my head where they play and do it. Taylor Swift, when she takes a golf club to the car. I forget it was one of them. Yeah. Forget the song. Beyonce Lemonade. Beyonce Lemonade.

Baseball Bat. And then Carrie Underwood. I dug my keys in. Oh yeah. Like keying his car, like lighting things on fire. That's feminine rage from the male gaze. Exactly. But my point is these are three female artists,

but they're playing into it because they know that's what's going to sell. Because that's the lens that's been constructed by society. It's so interesting. And something I found out is like female gaze literally wasn't a thing until like recently. No. It was just the male gaze. Yeah.

No, there was no female gaze. When I was in college, it was just the male gaze. It's so wild. Female, when you said that, I'm like that's, I've never heard it. Yeah. Like it's not a term. It's going to be a good one guys. Buckle up.

You're going to learn a lot and hopefully laugh. Let's dive in. All right. So up first, this one is coming from the two hot takes subreddit posted by one of our own. It's titled, am I the asshole for telling my partner? He would be a bad parent for going on holiday. I'm 26 female currently 38 weeks pregnant. My 26 male partner has just sprung an idea a couple of hours ago on me.

He started by telling me how he wants to take a solo holiday somewhere to which I have no issue. He would want to go for a week or two. Again, isn't an issue. And if he needs a solo holiday, then I'm supportive until he said he wanted to go in about two weeks. That is exactly my due date. I asked if he was kidding and said that isn't something he should do. He looked stone faced and unmoving, followed by a simple quote, but why shouldn't I be able to go? I responded by saying he wouldn't be a good partner or father if he disappeared on holiday, leaving me and baby literally just as they were born.

His response was quote. Well, you haven't been a good partner in the past either. Have you? Context, mid last year we had broken up for a small amount of time. The relationship had its issues that had been communicated and improved greatly since then, for the most part. I calmly asked him how he would feel if I handed the baby over to him after birth and went on holiday for two weeks. Would that be fair on him? His response was simply crack off.

Then the conversation died. Am I the asshole? No. No. That's some audacity. I'm having your child, like this is our kid, but half yours, your kid. I'm having your kid, not Tom down the street. Your kid.

Yeah. And you're going to leave on a two week holiday when I'm supposed to give birth? That's a scary preview into life with this person as a partner and a father. Because, again, speaking from a non-parent, never given birth, never been a parent, but I would imagine that giving birth and the arrival of your baby is one of the most memorable days of your life and the fact that he's perfectly okay with possibly missing it because if the due date doesn't line up, he could be gone one and then two. Those first few days are, again, kind of speculating here,

but I would imagine are so important to bond. They're exciting. Like when you bring home a new puppy, you want to spend every waking minute with it. Like this is your baby and you're perfectly okay just leaving during its first few days on this earth. It's weird. That's crazy to me. That is a bad father, in my opinion. That is a bad father.

Yeah. I would agree. I think, especially saying like you're being a bad partner and dad by leaving. Yeah. He isn't like the baby's six months old and he's going to a friend's wedding, like a similar story we've had. This is go time. This is when your partner needs you most. And I think you said it so well where it's like you want to spend time with your baby.

Like this is key bonding time. Yeah. And I think there's like a misconception where it's only important for moms to bond with their baby right away. Like the mom is breastfeeding or, you know, feeding the baby and things like that. Like no, it's just as important for the dad to do kangaroo care too. Yeah. And kangaroo care, it's skin to skin essentially. And it's like it's just as important no matter what gender you are, no matter what role you are in that partnership,

birth giver versus non-birth giver. Like it is just as important. Yeah. And I guess. Like what? It doesn't make any sense. Yeah. I'm curious to hear from like dads who have been in the delivery room or been there for the birth.

And like if you ask them, would you be heartbroken if you missed this? I feel like an overwhelming amount of them would be like, I wouldn't have missed this for the world. Yeah. It's so, it just makes me think of this story. Like I might have told this on the podcast. It's been a while now. But we're starting to retell stories. I know.

From recycling stories. Two years in. We've only lived so much life. I only got so many tricks. I only got so many tricks up my sleeve. No, no, no. But this, this girl that I know, she went into, so she was, I forget if they were engaged or dating at the time, but probably engaged.

And she went into labor. Her fiance was a coach for a big, like, like big 10, big 12 school football game, whatever, football is big. Yeah. Was like a coach, part of the coaching staff. And she would go to all the games. And she was really, really pregnant. And she went into labor on like one of their big game days.

No. She didn't tell him, didn't have him alerted. She went and started like giving labor at the hospital. What? Watching the game like on the, yeah. I don't, I don't know if you've ever told this one. I don't think I have. And I remember I was sitting at dinner.

She's telling me this story. And I'm like, I don't think, I don't know if she's thinking I'm impressed, but I'm like really sad for you. I feel so, I felt so bad. I was like, why wouldn't you have him? He was coaching. He's not the head coach, by the way. He's like one of many coaches. He can leave.

And she was like, it was the game day. And I go, and? What if you started bleeding out and you needed someone there to help you make medical decisions? Oh, she did have a medical complication. She did almost die. I'm not kidding. I forgot about that part. She did have a medical complication.

And I'm like, where was so-and-so? And she's like, I had to let him finish the game. It's game day. No. What? Your partner comes before career. What? I saw this TikTok of this like reporter who was on the sidelines at like the game, one

of the games leading up to the Super Bowl this year. I saw that. And he leaves. He literally took off his headset and started running. And I'm like, that's the energy I want. Like I just couldn't believe that she's telling me. I'm not trying to sidetrack from the story, but I was like, wouldn't you want him there? Like this is his child too.

And you didn't even give him the choice to be present. You technically just assumed he would be fine. She had the baby by the time the game was done. I don't remember. I think he showed up like during the final pushes of labor. So she was there, but it was the fact that she didn't even feel like she could say something to me was really, really sad. And there's a lot of things wrong with that picture.

In my opinion, to be honest, it kind of shows how like we glorify sometimes like the man being like the breadwinner and having this job and like sports and stuff like that. And like this woman was put in a position that like where she thought she couldn't bother him. Yeah. And so anyway, to relate it back to this. That's so sad. To relate it back to the story.

Like it's not all on the mother. Like you said, it's both of your, both of you are having this child. You should, if you can, you should both be present. I agree. I think it's so important to have someone with you during childbirth and make sure they know your birth plan, make sure they know what you want. I mean, there was a trend going around right now about people during childbirth and if you had a choice to save the mom or the baby.

Oh, I hate that. What would you pick? And there was a guy who did it and he goes, talk to your partner about this because I signed those papers when we had our first baby and I had no idea what I was signing. What did he sign? Like basically saying like save the baby, not the mom. Really? And it's, it's an interesting debate.

Wow. I don't even like that. It's very hot debate. And just so we're clear, Justin, if you're listening, I would like to be saved. We can, and some people use the same argument, like you can make another baby, but I'm, I'm, what do you mean? Like, yeah, like you're going to motherless child. Yeah, or especially if you already have kids, it's like, you're going to give your kids

another sibling and take away their mom. Yeah. Like you're, that's tough. It's, it's a really hot debate. But like my heart like hurts right now. Just thinking about that. Save me. What a terrible.

I'm like struggling. You're like, save me, save me, me, me. I don't know. I don't know. It's complex. I don't know. I need to think about that one. Definitely a hot take topic.

That's hot. That is a, who you guys, if you want a hot take, you should find a story on that and I will not be on the episode. Sorry. But with this one, very, very weird. I think it's weird. He started like throwing it in her face. Like, well, you haven't been a good partner either.

Okay. Let's bring, let's come back to that now. Okay. I hate eye for eye mentality. I hate tip for tat. If you're not keeping score, that is a toxic, terrible way to live in my opinion. If everyone's going to fuck up at some point, everyone's going to make mistakes. If you wait until things get back.

Also, it's a little bit, and I hate, I want to find another word for this. So I'm sorry. Help me find another word for gaslight. Because it's not necessarily gaslighting, but it's a little bit of a narcissistic thing to do when, if Morgan says to me, Alejandra, I don't like the way you talked to me. And I pick that moment to start saying, well, you know what, Morgan, you never make me feel important. And you never listen to me.

And like all of those things could be true. But if you do it in that moment, it's almost like a way of kind of grabbing the mic and being like, no, let's go eye for eye now. Like let me tell you everything that pisses me off or like roommates who live together and once I was like, Hey, like I've been taking out the trash every week. Could you start doing that? And they're like, you know, you never empty the dishwasher. It's like, there is a term for it.

Yeah, there's a term for it. But at the root cause of it, it is that person's inability to be accountable. A hundred percent. And I just saw a therapist talking about the number one cause of couples not working out is the lack of one partner to be accountable. Yes. So it's like, and it's like, it's the easiest thing. It's this situation where instead of like him doing this low blow and like detouring

and shifting the blame onto her, it's like he's, he's, he doesn't have the ability to be accountable. And all he had to be like is, you know what? You're right. I'll, I'll plan a trip when you and the baby are both healed and happy, healthy and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, like maybe three months after baby's born. It'd be a great time for a baby moon or whatever you want to call a trip, but weird. So top comment on this one.

And there's only 83 on there right now because it's just a small little two hot takes post. Hey, this is not, first of all, I looked today. There's a lot of members in that subreddit. There's so many. Yeah. Let's not call it small. But the top comment is not the asshole. His reasoning sounds petty, unsupportive and calculating, especially picking the one

time you'll need support. It does feel purposeful. It's almost like he doesn't want to be there. And I'm not sure why that would be the case, but it is weird. And I think if you are giving birth, you need people with you who know your birth plan, know what you want, know important things like you need support. That's what it is. You're also, you're creating an opportunity for someone to resent you for the, for the

OP to resent him because I just think like if something goes wrong, even if something doesn't go wrong, you're just going to resent that person for not being there. And I just don't understand like you said, whether he's trying to avoid it on purpose or what, but I don't know what he's thinking. And I think it comes down to accountability. Like you said, and I think sometimes people say or ask or do things that are very like, like I said, packed with audacity. And then when they get confronted, it's not only just a lack of embarrassment or lack

of accountability, but I think there's also an element of embarrassment. And the way that they can kind of alleviate that is by deflecting and throwing it back. Like he's almost embarrassed. That he brought it up. Exactly. He's almost embarrassed that he like made this ask and she's, it didn't think it through. I could see that. And so he's like, well, you do this or you don't do this.

And like a way of kind of like turning the table back on, on her. Yeah. Um, but I, I mean, not the asshole. There's no way, no way that's an asshole move. No. And someone kind of picks up on what you're saying and they go, it sounds like he's panicking and suddenly decided he doesn't want the responsibility of fatherhood. So now he's pushing her to break up with him.

So he won't be the bad guy who abandons his pregnant girlfriend slash newborn baby. That's interesting. That would be very, very calculated. I didn't think of that. Yeah. And, um, they go, OP his reaction reminds me of that guy who suddenly accused his wife of seven years. Yes.

Baby trapping him. Ah, wait. Because he couldn't handle the changes. I thought there was one who accused of cheating. Oh, I could see that. It was a story with you a while ago. I've started to like forget what ones I've read because I just see so many. Yeah.

But that's crazy. Yeah. Absolutely wild. Um, I hope it works out. I definitely would encourage him to be there. I think it's really important. Um, but maybe tell someone else. Your medical decision making parameters because I don't, I don't know.

I'm, he makes me nervous. We'll put it that way. Seems like a flight risk. Yeah. Yeah. Have a solid birth plan. Maybe your mom, someone else can be there with you. Okay.

Moving along. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying. Learn something each time. Do whatever it takes.

No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC. This one is posted about a month ago and it's an interesting Reddit one for this theme because it has two sides. So we have the original poster and then the person that they were talking about in the post found it.

I've been waiting for this day. And made a reply. I've always wanted to have a story where you, because you guys all know I'm always trying to see both sides and I'm always accounting for the unspoken voice. And now to hear from both sides, this is so satisfying. I think you're going to love this one. I probably will. Okay.

So this original post is coming from Am I the Asshole? It's titled Am I the Asshole for showing up at my ex's wedding in a pretty dress. My ex and I had a peaceful divorce. We co-parent our three children together and there haven't been many issues. My ex is getting married to Stephanie. I like Stephanie. She has been great with my kids and makes my ex happy. My ex invited me to their wedding and I was happy for him.

It was my day with the kids so it made sense for me to come to the wedding was his reasoning. When I arrived at the wedding, Stephanie thanked me for dropping the kids off and brushed me off. We had never had any issues before. I explained that I was going to stay for the reception and she was very upset. I was confused because I assumed she knew I would be in attendance. It turned out she didn't consider that I would actually accept the invitation. I told her that I was invited and since I took the two hour drive, I would be staying for the entire duration. She didn't like this response.

Stephanie asked me to leave and I stood my ground. She went on to complain about my dress upstaging hers. My ex and former mother-in-law helped her to calm down and the wedding shortly began. I thought that was the end of it but later in private Stephanie accused me of trying to ruin her special day. She is convinced that I wanted to show off and make the wedding about my divorce. She said it was rude for me to not leave after the bride requested it because it was her special day. I told her that I am not responsible for her insecurities and once again reminded her that I have no interest in stealing my ex back. Okay.

I mean for me it's pretty straightforward. The one thing I'm still kind of grappling with is the bride asks you to leave and kind of going right directly against that. Is maybe like a tad rude? But here's the thing. This is not just an ordinary guest. This is the mother of your stepchildren. So it's like you got to understand that she drove, has the kids, is kind of in a way I'm assuming shop-roning them. Like a low-key thing for her because she's the reason that you're able to fully enjoy your wedding.

But I mean the insecurity on this one is so loud. I feel so bad for this bride because she's just, if you're that insecure, you're at your own wedding and you're scared about your ex-husband's ex. On your wedding day? I know. I really can't say anything. Because you know the other side. I know the other side. So I'm just like.

I'm just struggling because, okay, let me like. So I think people were like, okay, your title is all about a pretty dress, right? And so people were like asking like, what dress did you wear? Yeah. And I'm trying to find the initial comment. I don't really care. I don't care if she was dripping in Gucci. Like if you show up and you look, you want me to look bad on purpose?

Mm-hmm. Okay, then don't invite me to your wedding. I'll never. Over in my dead, hot body. Am I going to purposely look ugly so that you can feel better about yourself? Yeah. It's interesting. There's clearly another element here.

I'm like, oh, he's omitting or maybe this dress is like literally a wedding dress. I don't know. In that case, if it's a wedding dress, if she wore her fricking wedding dress, then this is a different story. So that's why I'd like to hear the other side. Yeah. So the top comments have all changed since like the other person posted on Reddit and the dress was shared.

So I'm trying to find, but I think essentially people were asking, well, what does this dress look like? Like she got mad over a dress. Like, okay, well, what does it look like then? So she kind of wasn't honest by calling it just a pretty dress. And so there is an edit on the post that says, the dress is posted on my page. And since this is a throwaway, I don't remember the random password I typed. I will also be active on closure seeking X2.

That's a subreddit? That's their username. And so the dress got posted. Essentially there are a couple of comments I want to like read, but essentially there was one that OP responded to where someone goes, you were invited and had thought you were on amicable terms with your ex and his fiance, assuming that your dress was appropriate for a wedding guest. Obviously there was some miscommunication between your ex and his fiance regarding the

invitation. A four hour round trip just for you to drop off the kids to see their father getting married seems to be a bit much to put upon you. That's not a long drive. I'm sorry. Coming from someone that grew up in Duluth and went to Minneapolis, that was two hours. Like that's not a bad drive to do in a day. Wait.

Like the person, someone was commenting to OP to be like a four hour drive is a lot. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Kind of. You don't think so? No. So you wouldn't drive two hours to drop kids off? I would. I don't think it's a long time.

I think that's, I do think it's reasonable. That she stayed? That she was willing to drive. That's a long drive for me. Two hours to not even stay? No, I would stay, like go chill in the hotel room. But not at the wedding? Not at the wedding.

I wouldn't want to see my ex get married. Oh, I literally just went hiking on Sunday and I said I would for sure invite all of my exes to my wedding. I hope they come. I hope they come. I have no problem. I get drunk off your alcohol and. Oh, you want to go to their wedding?

Both. They can come to mine. I'll go to theirs. I definitely don't want to go to some of mine. There's one. Well, there's one. Like Dave, Dave, if you hear this, I'd come to your wedding, but the other ones can piss off.

So OP responds and goes, my dress was fine in my opinion. I didn't wear white. It was a red lacy dress, but she's acting like I wore my wedding dress and engagement ring to the wedding. So someone responds and goes, you wore a flaming red wedding dress. I bet a million bucks. No one else there was dressed in something so attention getting. The only other thing that would make you more of an asshole is if this was a daytime wedding.

And OP comments back and goes, I dressed my children in red as well. It was not an oddball. For those two that might not know this, there's some cultures that essentially say wearing a bright red dress to a wedding is a sign of disrespect. It's essentially saying like you don't agree with the wedding. It's almost like standing up and objecting by wearing a red dress. It can be considered a silent objection in some cultures. So that is another thing to consider in this.

I do have a picture of the dress. That's so funny because when you said red dress, I thought about this one time a couple of years ago. I was shopping for a wedding dress to go to a wedding and I picked out a red one and someone said to me, you don't want to be the single girl in a red dress at a wedding. And I never understood why. To this day, that haunts me in the back of my mind. I think a deep burgundy or a deep maroon is okay, but if it's that like the orange red

fire truck red, it was fire truck red. It was 100% fire truck red. I was like, I just like to be a walking red flag. So people did their digging. Essentially someone commented and goes, it's literally a wedding dress that comes in red. No. That's what it's being sold as. And then they posted the link in the picture and OP goes, I didn't buy it from Amazon.

It wasn't listed as a wedding dress in stores. Okay, let's see it. This is the dress. Okay. Something you would wear to a military ball or- No, I see the issue now. It's very formal. So for those listening, it's a really pretty floor length with almost a train, red gown,

lacy looking pattern with a sweetheart neck or sweetheart top. Sleeveless. Neckline. That's the word. Yeah. Very wedding dress. Very wedding dress. If you made that white, you'd be like, yeah, I've seen that wedding dress a million times.

I've absolutely been to a wedding where someone wore this dress. Yeah. That is a wedding dress in red. Yeah. So after all that came out, the top comments changed and OP got her ass chewed out a little. That, can you imagine if half of these reddit threads had the other side come in and give their side? I wish.

I wonder if- Everyone, right? I wish everyone had it. So the top comment changed to, you're the asshole. I love when these posts are skewed to be, quote, but I didn't do anything wrong. And then you see the dress and it's literally a red wedding dress. Someone replied and goes, laughing my ass off. That's hilarious.

This needs to be higher up. I didn't think OP was the asshole, but now OP, you're the asshole. Yeah. Yep. OP pretended to wear a quote, pretty dress, knowing we assume it'd be a pretty cocktail dress or some similar outfit. Nope. She shows up in a full on black tie gown, which actually could be a red wedding gown.

She knew what she was doing. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.

Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes, yikes. Yikes, yikes, yikes. So now we have Miss Stephanie's post. Okay. Who is-

The bride. The ex's partner, the bride. And it's titled, my wedding was ruined by a jealous ex and she decided to brag about this on Reddit. My husband and I have been married for two weeks and I'm already having regrets. My husband's ex has really been making things difficult for us.

She makes sure my stepchildren call me by my first name rather than any term of endearment. Our wedding happened to fall on one of her days with the kids. My husband invited her for reasons I am still unsure of. I was aware of her receiving an invitation but my husband never informed me that she had accepted. She came with the kids an hour later.

I assumed she was dropping them off but she had intentions to stay. She was dressed more elegantly than me and that felt off so I asked her to leave. She disrespectfully told me that she would be staying. My husband and mother-in-law told me that she was like family and would not be leaving. I was disgusted by this because it was obvious

what this woman was doing. She posted the story on here but in a way that made me out to be a toxic villain in the story. The story appeared on the popular page of Reddit and was also on a friend's TikTok page. It wasn't hard to identify myself because I recognized the dress and she also used my real name in the story.

I don't understand why she's doing this because we had been civil with each other until now. And I'm very offended by the way she degraded me in her defensive comments and by the fact that my husband took her side. Yikes. Is that all she wrote? That's all she wrote.

This is all speculation at this point but it sounds like original OP red wedding dress gown where it's not over something. There's some like, there's closure missing, there's something that was unspoken for and I feel like the wedding just kind of crystallized the fact that the ex has moved on. And I think it was a Hail Mary attempt

at kind of like rocking the boat a little bit and then making her presence very known at that wedding and causing some controversy. And she did and that was successful. It sucks. I'm sure it's really painful. It's so funny because the concept of like your exes moving on can be very hard for some to process

and for some it's fine until it hits that point where it's very real and in your face and then you can no longer handle it. But I think that that OP took the wedding as an opportunity to kind of like, I don't know, maybe she has this special because it sounds like the husband is siding with OP which leads me to believe that there's something there.

There's something there. There's a lot of red flags here. It's hard because there's so many different ways that you can handle these days and these issues in the moment. Do you ignore her and not let her get the satisfaction that you're upset? Do you act like you don't even notice the red dress?

She's so irrelevant or do you say something? And obviously it's your day and if you're uncomfortable, you probably should say something. But hopefully you have a partner that then backs you up and says, hey, do you happen to have another dress? If not, could you run somewhere, buy something different, come back, could we get you a hotel room?

This just isn't the day and I love you. I really appreciate the fact that you brought the kids. Not I love you, they're divorced, whatever you say to a fucking ex that you have kids with. I care about you, I appreciate you bringing the kids. Can you please just, can we do this? That's what he should have done. The fact that both him and the mother-in-law

she's like family, she's like family, she's not leaving. Yeah, that's a, that's been hard. And then it's like, do you continue with the day over this? Like so, like do you call off your wedding right then and there because of this problem? Oh, because of the- The husband siding with the ex.

And it's like, there's clearly something going on and the fact that OP goes, my husband and I have been married for two weeks and I'm already having regrets. Yeah. It's so unfortunate that this didn't come out sooner. I'm surprised. I think I'm not because I think you said it so perfectly.

Like the OP on the red dress, like the red dress OP, I don't think they realized how serious this was. I think like some people hold out hope until the last minute. And then when it's like very apparent like, oh shit, it's now or never, I gotta do something. This is my last chance. I think when it becomes like that dire, that's when shit hits the fan.

And I think this red dress was her way of stirring the pot and fucking shit up as a last hurrah. I think so too. I think that, I mean, we've seen it time and time. Like I'm sure you can think of a friend who has an ex and you think that they're over them, they say that they're over them, you believe that they're over them

and then the ex gets engaged. And you just see shit, you see them unravel because it's real. And I think maybe that was this moment for red dress OP. Yeah, I think it was. I feel bad, I feel bad that, you know, she went through this on her wedding day, a day that's supposed to be happy and stress free and it sucks.

I don't know how I would handle this. Like knowing how shit, like thanks to Reddit, opening my eyes to all the possibilities of shit that can go wrong on your wedding day. I don't know what you do. I don't, I do, if someone wears white, I love this just spill red wine all over them. I like that tactic for handling white,

but red, you towed a fine line. It's not like you can put a bleach on her. No, I think I'm okay if someone wears red to my wedding. I mean, I almost wore red again to a wedding and someone told me it doesn't photograph well, which I think was their nice way of saying don't wear red to my wedding. But I didn't, I just didn't know that.

I like red. I did not realize it was a sign of disrespect, thank you. So I have now learned my lesson. I think if I've taken away anything from all the Reddit posts we've read about weddings and whatever, I think one of the lessons I've really taken is just have a shit ton of extra dresses and have a bunch of extra dresses

in case someone shows up in white, someone shows up in a red wedding dress, like you're just prepared or the one who got spilled on and made a big fuss about it, like have extra dresses. Oh my God, go thrifting and like have a couple options. And then when you're done. Just bring some from home. Dresses that you don't have to go buy dresses

for these people, but have some options. And it sucks that shouldn't be the, like on your wedding day, you have so many things to worry about. Other people's attire does not sound like it's to be on your radar, but there are so many stories that it comes down to the outfit.

Call me nutty. I am so particular, maybe is the right word. Or maybe not even particular. I just like don't want people to second guess anything and I want people to be comfortable. I'm literally for my guests, like when I send out invitations and like links to a website, like oh, RSVP here.

I'm also gonna have like a outfit inspo and I'm gonna have a link to a full Pinterest board of like this is what you should wear. Like here you go. Because I hate me being my weird neurodivergent self. I have so much anxiety surrounding, like dressing to the right vibe. Like before we go out,

I'm texting all the girls in the group chat. What's everyone wearing? I just like I want everyone to be comfortable. And I think that's a great way to like avoid stuff like this. And you can literally pin a picture that says, no red dresses, no white dresses. Like you can really. But then you're gonna be a reddit thread.

If you say no red dresses, I see that on Reddit already. Am I an asshole for telling my wedding guests that they cannot wear certain colors? No. Right? You don't think so? I'm not saying you're an asshole. I think what you were, your suggesting is you are doing a favor to the people

because there's so many people that don't know what to wear and you're giving them inspiration and like a guide, right? Honestly, if I don't end up as a Reddit thread once in my life, it has to happen, right? Like look at this, like look at this fucking show. My life is a Reddit. You're right. I gotta end up, I just can't be a Karen and that's not me.

And I don't want to ever be perceived as a Karen. Yeah, no, I get it. Sometimes you do have to fight back for customer service. I know, trust me. But there's a difference. I trust me, I'm on your side, on your side. But yeah, I think that like it's good to be clear. But in this case, I mean, what would you have done? Would you have spoken up or would you have just gone

about your piece and been like, not my monkey, not my circus? I think it would have been one of those pick your battles. It's interesting that not only did she wear a red dress, but she put her kids in red outfits too. It almost seems like this performance of like solidarity like by forcing those kids to wear red, like, it feels weird. It feels like it's like, no, this is my mom and we're all matching and we don't accept you.

And that could be my brain way overanalyzing it. But it feels like a power move. And it's hard to be the step parent dynamic and have a great co-parenting relationship. So I probably would have ignored her as painful as it would have been for me. I would have bitched all day. I would have vented to my husband.

But I probably would have ignored her and pretend like she was just fucking the gravel beneath my feet. I don't see you. I'm not talking to you. You get none of my attention. Go fuck yourself in your little red dress. Little red riding hood. Like, it's just not worth it.

Cause now you going forward, if this is your person and you choose to stay with this guy, despite him not having your back, you got to deal with this woman for the next. Forever. Forever. Yeah. You've got to pick your battles as annoying as it is

to be the bigger person in these moments. If you feel like you're always the bigger person, stop hanging out with such small people. Wow. Repeat that again for the people in the back. It's a hard lesson, but you know, I'm the same way. I feel like this is your day and you can make it the best day of your life.

But similarly so, you can also make it a terrible day. And when you look back on this day, regardless of if your marriage works out with this guy, do you want to remember it as a day that you spent panicking over someone in a red dress? Like, to me, no, it sucks, but you can't control, focus on what you can control. You can't control that person.

Yeah. You know, like why give it your attention? Because it sounds like she's remembering, Stephanie's remembering the day as a day that she had conflict with her husband's ex and like the red dress dominated the day. Not only that, but her partner didn't back her up through her to the wolves.

It's a shit day, but it's okay. This is just her first wedding. It won't be her last. Uh-oh, there you go. Yeah, I mean, that's the sense we get. Top comment on this one. Don't worry, Reddit was on your side when she bragged about it.

That's so funny. We, according to the comments, were all pretty okay with her story. Not happy she upset the bride, but her version was not too offensive. Then had the two hour drive, seemed somewhat reasonable. She never said she was uninvited though. Then the pick of the dress.

Comments ruined her after that total rip roaring bitch. Oh, it just like, it really is so eye-opening because it goes to show that you guys, details are always left out in their art. There's three sides to the story. One side, two side, and the objective truth. There's always, and here's a perfect example of that, how like one little detail being left out

completely changes the narrative. Yeah, it really does. This is what people do on the internet though. There is a comment further down that goes, doesn't red mean you slept with the groom? Okay, let's not take it that far. Someone goes, I'm mortified finding this out. I wore a red dress to a friend's wedding once.

Yeah, I've worn red, I think a couple times. And I won't again, I've learned my lesson, but. There's a lot of red, a lot, a lot, a lot of wedding rules. You can't keep up with them. I mean, I think not wearing white, as long as you can avoid wearing white. But there's even questions about that. Like you were like, can I wear this coat?

You could have absolutely worn that coat, that was ridiculous. It was like a gray coat, you guys. And she's like, can I wear this coat to a wedding? I'm like. It did feel very bridal though. In a sense where. No, no, you have to link, please link a photo of the coat.

I'll put my coat up. I posted on my personal Instagram though because we were going to our friend Noel's wedding. And it was an outdoor potentially like winter Minnesota wedding and it's cold there. And so I have this really cool coat. I got from Yonkers before it closed and got it on clearance.

It's like a bougie coat. It was like 500 and I got it for 40 bucks. Ooh, love a deal. I love a good deal. Bargain girly. And so it's like this beautiful white coat with like gray speckles, black speckles. And it's got a big black faux fur color.

What color is it though? It's like white with black and gray speckles. I'll show it to you in person. You might change your mind. What, what, whoa. What one on the pole? Which response? People on the pole said don't wear it.

Really? Yeah. And I, my friend actually saw it and she was like, you can wear it. Like it's fine. But I'm like, I don't need to wear it. Would it have made my look better 1000% but again, not my day.

So. But this is a perfect example of how it's like, there's these wedding rules, but then there's this gray area. So much gray area. And I guess we will leave it at this. If you're unsure, don't do it. Cause you would rather air on the side of caution than to feel super uncomfortable and get looks.

Yes. You know, I've learned that the hard way. So. I know, it's just not worth it. And I mean, I've seen people's Instagram posts at weddings and I'm like, oh my God, she wore that dress. What's wrong with it? Was it like white looking?

It was white. It was solid white with like a couple of flowers on it. And I'm just like, God damn it people. Yeah. And I'm like, I know you. You don't listen to the podcast. I was rooting for you. I was rooting for you.

The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes.

No matter how many times it takes. We did it, so can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC. Another wedding one and then I think we're off wedding for the rest of this episode. It'll be interesting when you or I get married to see if our perspective on these stories changes.

I'm sure. Like none of us are married. So we don't have, you know, we're just wedding guests. I know. And I will have a day of coordinator. Like I'm gonna have someone that like does damage control. Like I'm having a day of coordinator because if someone shows up in white

they literally go deal with it. Literally if anyone showed up in white they don't know you. Like they're lost. Like there's no way anybody who knows you Morgan would show up in white. Anyone who knows you or listened to this podcast knows better.

You would think. But I got a lot of friends that don't listen, so. But, okay, public service announcement. Do not wear white or anything resembling white to Morgan's wedding. Yeah. Someone said a good way to do it if you're trying to decide if you can wear something

and it has like white on it. If you take a picture of it and use the color dropper thing to select the color in the image if it shows up white a lot don't wear it. Okay. That's a good trick. That's good.

So this wedding drama that's up next doesn't have anything to do with the dress. So it'll be a little more interesting. Okay. Am I the asshole for hosting an alternative reception for my daughter's vegan and alcohol-free wedding? My daughter and her fiance are planning on having a vegan and alcohol-free wedding

which caused an uproar within our family. Many of our family members and friends are meat-eaters and enjoy having a drink or two and they feel uncomfortable and unaccustomed to the restrictions being imposed on them. They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are. I understand my daughter's choices and respect them

but I also want to make sure that everyone feels comfortable and happy after much discussion with family and friends, I decided to host an alternative reception at my home where meat and alcohol are going to be served for those who are unhappy with my daughter's reception. I made it clear that this is an optional event and that everyone was welcome to attend or not.

My guests are choosing to attend the alternative reception instead of my daughter's reception which is making her feel completely distraught and angry. She thinks that I have disrespected her and her partner's choices and is accusing me of trying to sabotage her wedding. I told her that this is not the case and that I am simply trying to provide the wedding guests

with more options. She insists that I should have supported her decision and made sure that everyone was comfortable with it. My daughter is threatening to disinvite me and my husband from the wedding if I do not cancel this alternative reception. I am now unsure if I am doing the right thing. I want to make sure that everyone is happy

but I also don't want to create an unnecessary rift with my daughter. Am I the asshole for hosting an alternative reception? Yes. Big asshole. It's high key so disrespectful. This day is quite literally not about you. It's not about you.

I am so confused. It's not about what are you talking about? You're gonna host an alternative reception for your not wedding? Whose day is it? Whose wedding? Who's getting married? And they're not even gonna be

at this alternative reception? What? And I thought maybe, so when this story started, I thought maybe the alternative reception was like a different day. I thought maybe it was like the next day, like come back and we'll throw a little shindig. Still disrespectful.

You scheduled it when the real reception is happening? You are directly sabotaging her day. Whenever people in these Reddit threads say, I feel like so and so is sabotaging. I feel like I'm always like, all right, you're being a little dramatic, you're reaching. No, this is the first time I've actually heard somebody say, I feel like my wedding is being sabotaged

and I'm like, it is. It is being sabotaged. Directly. By your mother. Mother, right? Yeah. Yes, yes, your mother is sabotaging your wedding. Yes.

It's the craziest shit I've ever heard. That is, I don't even know what I would do. I think she's right on with the disinvite. If you don't cancel this, you are uninvited. So yeah, have your alternative reception after my wedding that you don't even come to, bitch. Yeah, have her just a party, I guess, weirdo. Like what a fucking nut.

That's so, I will not understand that because it's like, oh, we're being forced. No, no, no. No one is ever forcing you to go, I just saw this, like you're allowed to say no. If someone asks you, sends you a wedding invite, if someone asks you to be in a bridal party, you're allowed to say no.

Absolutely. No one is ever forcing, I mean, I know, I can hear people being like, well, that's not respectful. There's caveats to everything, but if you are going somewhere and you feel that uncomfortable for a couple hours, you can't eat meat and drink alcohol, first of all, I'm worried about you

in a little bit of a different way. But second of all, like, it's not about you. It's not about your preferences. Like the bride and the groom don't pull the audience and say, what cake flavor should we get? No, they pick the cake flavor because it's their day and they're gonna pick the cake flavor that they like the most.

Of course, sometimes they'll ask for opinions when they're wedding planning, oh, this or that. But it's their day. No one tells you how to throw your wedding. No one tells you what to serve or how to serve it or what not to serve. And yeah, okay, to some, a vegan alcohol-free wedding doesn't sound fun.

To some people, it just doesn't. Suck it up, suck it up. Drink before, drink after. Or just one day of no drinking, is it gonna kill you? Like one day of not eating meat, is it gonna kill you? To me, it's such a victim complex, like unaccustomed, forced. It's weird, the line here,

they feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are. Like talking about the other guests not wanting to go because there's no alcohol and meat. And it's like, this isn't a representation of who you are. What? Good, it's not about you. Perfect, because it's not your day. Exactly, also I don't know why.

I get there's many reasons to be vegan, whether that's health, personal choices, whatever. But I don't know why people who aren't vegan or vegetarian, it always seems like in these stories that there's such a like, fuck no vegan. Like we've had a couple of stories, especially weddings where it's come up and it's like, a lot of this vegan food is really good.

It's not like they're gonna just have a salad there for people, they're gonna have good stuff. Like this is their wedding. Yeah, yeah. And maybe it's because we live in LA and we're a little spoiled because vegan food here is amazing. But I guarantee I could feed a lot of people a vegan cookie

and they would say it's delicious and nothing twice. Literally the vegan chocolate cake from Earth Cafe out here is better than any chocolate cake I've ever had with fucking eggs and milk in it. Yeah, go to Erwan, get their vegan cookie, get their vegan brownie. Amazing, better than, right. The point is vegan food,

we don't know how good their vegan food is gonna be some better than others. It could suck. It could taste like dirt. It could totally suck. But I agree with you. There's like this strong opposition of veganism as if it's like, no one is asking you to be a vegan.

No one is asking you to practice veganism. They're just saying, hey, this is how we live our life. And when we celebrate our big day, this is what we're choosing to serve. And it's like, call it what you want, call it meatless, call it vegan, call it what you want, it's food. And guess what, you don't have to eat the food. Eat before you go.

Yeah, eat before you go. Bring a beef jerky stick in your purse. Yeah, or just suck it up. I don't eat red meat, I don't eat pork or any type of red meat. It's been about 10 years now. I have never once ever thrown a fuss. I just went to a pizza night the other night

and they made all these pizzas and almost all of them had meat on them. And at the end, they were like, why aren't you eating? And I was like, oh, I don't eat meat. And they were like mad at, they were like, the host was like upset with me that I didn't tell them in advance. They were like, why would-

I'm so sorry, they felt bad, yeah. They were like, I'm almost embarrassed. Like, I would have changed the menu. And I was like, I would never expect somebody to change a menu for a group of people where I'm the only one. Here, it's like, why do you think, why are you so entitled that

it should revolve around what you want to eat? It's not your day. It's weird. I also think it's like, I don't know why some people can't use an experience like this as an opportunity. You don't eat like this ever. So try it.

Try it. There's gonna be something there you like. And if not, maybe have stuff back at the hotel or maybe have some snacks in the car check what drive-thrus are open when it's gonna be ending. Like, there's options. I've gone to weddings that aren't vegan

and I haven't liked the food and I've left hungry. But, you know, that's just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. You're not there for, at the end of the day, you're not there for the food. I'm sorry to say it. When I think of the weddings I've gone to, I remember the people, the dancing, the music, the moments.

I don't think, and sometimes I'm like, oh, they serve this really good whatever. But I never think back and think, what did they serve? What did I eat? That's like such an irrelevant detail. Yeah. Yeah, it's not worth throwing an alternative reception and completely hijacking and ruining your daughter's day.

What's crazy to me is that the mom had the interest of the guests closer to her heart than her own daughter. Yeah, it sounds like this person is a big people pleaser. Yes. Like the comment here, I wanna make sure that everyone is happy but I also don't wanna create an unnecessary rift with my daughter.

Why do you care so much if everyone is happy? You're responsible for your own happiness and maybe even a little bit of your daughter's, you should be contributing to her happiness on that day. Like it's a special day. This is your daughter getting married. Why would you not be so concerned about her versus all these other guests that are on your list?

I think it's weird. I think it's so weird. I also think it's weird when certain families will be like, you have an aunt and be like, hey, here's my two guests I need to have at your wedding or you have your mom and your dad who will even come with a list and be like, hey, here's 20 people I want.

And you look at the list and it's like, dad, this is your business partner. Dad, who is this person? I haven't talked to them in 20 years. It's like, the only one that should be making the list for your wedding is you and your partner. Other people just need to get with the program or not go. A lot of times people forget

what the wedding really celebrates. Sometimes people view it as like a fashion show or like a social, like you just said, that was a really good example. Like your dad coming with a list of all these business partners and friends that the bride and groom don't even know. Ask yourself, why do you want those people there?

Cause you want to show off. You want to show off or you want to reconnect with them and this is a good excuse to do it. But like- Throw a bridal shower or something. Throw a barbecue. No golfing, I don't know. Why are you using this event,

your scapegoating, your daughter's big day as like a social event? Yeah, it's weird. And it's also like, I think weddings are so, so expensive. And like you're paying to feed people. And a lot of people don't gift enough to make up for their food. Like that is something like,

I think wedding gift etiquette too is something that's not really talked about. And so when me and Justin went, he's like, well, what should we get them? I go, well, consider a plate of food for each person, 50 to a hundred bucks. Your gift needs to at least pay for your plate. And that's my personal belief.

Like if you can't afford that, that's understandable. And again, it's not what the wedding is about. Those people, if you're throwing a wedding and inviting people and doing this big extravagant thing, they shouldn't be expecting like your crazy gift. Like that's not what it's about, but that's just my personal belief. I will be honest with you,

I think that's a personal take because I would counter that and say, if you're throwing a wedding and you're spending X amount of dollars, you have to be okay with spending X amount of dollars. You absolutely do. Risking that people aren't even, some people might not even get you a gift.

Like if I throw a dinner party and I say, just bring a bottle of wine or bring a plate, I wouldn't be like, but it's got to offset the cost of, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think that's just my head with gifts just because I've- You're being considerate for sure.

I'm just trying to be considerate. It's like, I know how much they're spending. It's a lot. It's like you want them to also feel like it wasn't an uh after. But they chose that. I know. If it's a uh after then-

That's on them, they're going so crazy. I know, I just get, I get anxiety about it. I'm not saying you're wrong. I think you're being very empathetic and that's a great thing. Like you're thinking about the way that they feel and you want them to feel good. But I think that you have to remember,

no one is forcing them to throw a wedding, no one's forcing them to spend X amount of dollars on it. That is true. It's like you bear that when you throw it, when you plan a wedding, you can't- How do you gift? How do you determine what you're gifting? I actually don't know.

I've always wondered. I like to err on the side of like being overly generous. So I'm pretty sure every wedding gift I've ever given has been more than enough of my plate. I'm like, I don't know what they're serving. Mastros, I don't know. But like, typically like the drinks, I don't know. Cause when you do open bar, it's hard.

I mean, I'm in that tequila. I don't know. I don't know if I'm offsetting that, but- No chance. Yeah, no chance. Sorry if we're counting the open bar. But I definitely am pretty generous. I have heard the plate thing.

Like you should, it's like double the plate or whatever. Like if you're estimating the plate at 100, you would gift 200. But like some people listening right now are like, whoa. That's insane. Yeah, like- I gave them $25 in a card. But also like-

And I've done that at weddings too when I had no money. So I think now that I'm like, okay, well, I'm not starving and living off my credit card and on food stamps. I'm like, I just want to give them a nice gift. But attending a wedding, like you know of this saying, like your presence is a gift. Like your presence is the present. That's so cute.

It's cliche, but it is true. Cause think about it. Like especially let's look at Noel's wedding, for example. You and I got on a plane from Los Angeles. That's money right there. Had a stay in a hotel, money right there. It was a thousand bucks just to go. Whatever it cost, right?

Yeah, that is true. Buying a new dress or dry cleaning a dress, whatever it was, the gas I had to drive from the cities up north. Again, we're not complaining. Noel, we love you. We were happy to do it. Great wedding, such a good time. I would do it every time.

But my point is like it costs your guests money to come to your wedding. So I'm not saying don't give wedding gifts. I'm just saying like, I don't necessarily think it's the burden of the gas to offset the cost of their wedding. I agree with that. I would love, love, love, love, love to hear if anyone has like gift-giving rules.

Yes, please. And this isn't just for weddings too. If you have like baby shower gift-giving rules where like you bring a pack of diapers and a gift or like whatever it is, I would love to hear like gift-giving rules and like etiquette. Any like event etiquette, I'd love to start compiling a list

where everyone can be like, okay, wedding etiquette, here we go, gift etiquette, here we go. The gift one I would really like if you're a wedding planner or this is your thing, please let us know because I genuinely don't know the answer to it. That's why when you threw it back at me, I was like, I actually don't know.

I know, and it's hard. You don't wanna like offend someone unintentionally. Totally. When you're like going to celebrate them. And so also I do realize that some people are just irrational and no matter what you get them, they're probably gonna bitch. Like hopefully people aren't like that,

especially your friends and family. But you never know, people are wild. So with this one and the alternative reception, the top comment, big red box, lots of awards, 10,000 upvotes. And they quote OP and it goes, many guests are choosing to attend the alternative reception instead of my daughters. And they go all bold capsock instead of.

Yeah. Your daughter absolutely nailed it. You are upstaging slash sabotaging your own daughter's wedding reception because you and your family can't go a couple of hours without meat and alcohol. Question mark exclamation. So a bunch of selfish, self-absorbed alcoholic assholes

who hate vegetables too much to celebrate someone on their big day. I'd go no contact with you for this stunt. Congratulations. You definitely just destroyed your relationship with your daughter. You and your family sound absolutely insufferable though. So you're definitely doing her a favor.

Yeah. You're the asshole. Yeah, round of applause. I love that one. Self-absorbed alcoholic assholes who hate vegetables. I love that. But I was like, hey, veganism is more than vegetables. Like you can have, I mean, it's a lot of vegetables,

but like you guys, you'd be surprised if vegan pizza could go hard in the paint. I just had vegan butternut squash ravioli. Oh, my stomach just growled. It was unreal. I wish I could make some vegan brownies for everybody and it'd be like vegan food can be so good. What's a recipe for everyone?

I will. Actually, people did ask me for that. I will be. You have, Alejandra's got some amazing baking stuff. I love my vegan stuff. You should start posting on your Instagram feed. Like and do like a picture of it. Like on the grid?

Yeah. Wow. I think your recipes, like the stuff you do are so, so good. You had this like dark chocolate sea salt thing. Oh my God, those are so good. I'm gonna make those. Yeah. No, for sure.

Don't sleep on vegan food, whatever. You made a really good point. I don't know what this like direct opposition of veganism is. It's so strong. It's like people are offended. It's one day. It's one day.

Yeah. I don't know. Personally, I would be pumped about this. I'd be like, I've never been to a wedding where I was sober. Vegan foods bomb. This sounds really fun. I actually never have been to a wedding sober.

No. It would be, it would be fun. I would maybe take a little gummy though before. Okay, fine. You can even drink before. You can. I know, but then it's like, oh, you have a problem. But yeah, no.

But whatever. Whatever. We digress. Moving along. Yeah, not about us. Not about us. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking.

I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it, so can you.

For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit www.waytoquit.org developed by CDC. Okay, so I lied. Another wedding one, more again. But it's not, I have a wedding in two weeks. It's not like necessarily about the wedding. It's more so about the friendship dynamic.

Okay. So the wedding is just like the conduit, if that makes sense. Okay. Am I the asshole deciding not to attend a wedding? I feel like I'm eating crazy pills because the situation feels surreal, but it's actually happening

and I'd like a perspective on it. Real names changed for privacy purposes. I've had a friend, Clara, and we've been close since we met. She is struggling with some mental health issues and I've always been there for her and helped her out where I can. We also share a lot of our personal lives

and stories with each other. Early last year, I met a guy. Let's call him Brad. Brad was quite all right and we hit it off as we had a few common topics we shared. Making new friends was always a good thing and I wanted to introduce him

into my circle of friends too. Unfortunately, Brad and Clara got into an extremely heated argument. It was something completely dumb to me. Something about whether a gun would defend you if the attacker had a knife or sword, but had the element of surprise. It escalated so badly

that they were calling each other terrible names and I was shocked since I had never seen either of them act this way before. They parted on extremely bad terms despite my best attempt at brokering the peace. Over the next couple of days, I tried to talk to Clara and get them to make up, but she was adamant about the situation being final

and even gave me an ultimatum. Either I break off all contact with him or she will break off contact with me. I gave her another two days to cool off, but there was no change. I valued her and knew her longer. So I reluctantly chose her. I was candid with Brad, explained the situation

and that I had nothing against him. Clara disappeared a few weeks later. She does this often when her mental health state worsens and shuts herself in for some time. I sent her a few messages to check on her wellbeing, but didn't get a reply. This time was much longer than previously,

but I thought nothing of it. Having given her the option to come back whenever she was ready. Two weeks ago, she returned after several months and announced her engagement to Brad. What? Yeah. Then invited me to their wedding.

After getting over my shock, I asked why they were together. She said he was there for her when she went through a tough time and he was her world. I turned down her invitation and said I would not like to attend. She got upset and said that I should put my difference with him aside.

I said I had no differences with him. It was her I had an issue with. She told me to cut him out and then when got engaged to him, I feel like I was made to be the fool. Since then, her friends have been hounding me, saying I should get over myself, stop being jealous

and that I was never in a relationship with Brad in the first place. I feel like this isn't about Brad at all, but everyone seems to disagree. Am I the asshole for turning it down? No. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I feel, yeah.

This poor girl. I'm like speechless. I feel like she's fucking with her. I know there's friends that do this and I've had girls in my life that literally would, I'd be like, oh, I think he's so cute. And he'd be like, no, he's a dick. He sucks.

Lo and behold, they were like texting after. Like just this fucking sabotage-y stuff that people will do to their friends. And I don't know what it is. I saw on Nick Vile's podcast, I saw on his like TikTok that he had a listener call in and basically being like, I'm fucking my friend's situation ship behind her back.

Oh, good. Like fucking. And she was like being like, well, she told me that when they hooked up, he wouldn't go down on her. Well, he went down on me the first day. And it's like- It's a weird-

Weird flex, but okay. Flex. It's this weird, I feel like we've talked about this on here. It's the challenge of like getting what you are. It's the forbidden fruit. But why do people feel the need to compete with their friends? And it's so interesting because OP sounds like a great friend. I checked in with her.

I was making sure her mental health was okay. And then, you know, I gave her her space. Like she appreciates her space. So I gave her space. And then this girl is like, he was there for me during a tough time. And so he's my world. And it's like, what about your friend?

They chop liver. Why are you picking this dude? Like, and if you had feelings for him and the reason they got in that big fight was all about this weird sexual tension or whatever was happening. And you have feelings. Like, it sounds like you have a good relationship

with your friend where you could say, hey, you know what? I'm kind of into Brad. I know we have this weird tension and we bickered, but like, you're not too serious, are you? I mean, that's better than this, the ghosting. And then, oh, hey, we're engaged. When the whole blowout with Brad happened,

I started to think, it feels like there's something going on with Brad. Like, there's something deeper because you only get that mad at people that you like semi-care about. In my opinion, like, you know what I mean? Yeah, otherwise they're irrelevant. Otherwise it's irrelevant.

And you don't get that heated. You write them off and you move on. To feel like, if someone gets really mad at you and you're in a conflict and I don't mean to, like, normalize toxic behavior, but in some weird way, it means that you mean a lot to them. In some way, you impact them a lot. And so when she got so upset with Brad

over some, like, sword fight conversation, hypothetical, which was so scary to me. What the fuck was that? Right, I can't, like, even if I tried, I couldn't get that mad at someone over a conversation like that. But like, or maybe in the moment, but then you, like, the dust settles

and you stop seeing red and you're like, oh, whatever, fuck it. But to be that mad, I was immediately thinking like, okay, there's gotta be some element here that we're missing. I wasn't expecting them to get engaged. That's a quick development, too. A couple months? That's quick.

And I can't imagine cutting off someone like you, like a good friend of me, over a guy, and then having the audacity to marry the guy, and then kind of like low key, again, I know we say this word a lot, but like gaslight you and be like, put your differences aside with him. You and Brad weren't even dating.

And it's like, ma'am, what? You literally, are our friendship fizzled out because you asked me to choose between you and him. She's weirdly jealous and protective of her, Brad. That's what this boils down to. And she was probably threatened by OP's friendship with him. It's interesting, there's a lot of dynamics going on here.

You almost wonder, too, if like the other girl kind of like instigated this fight with Brad to like then have a reason to be like, it's me or him. Yeah, it makes you wonder. It makes you wonder. And I was gonna say like, okay, maybe Brad became friends with OP to maybe get closer to the other girl,

but OP introduced Brad to their friend group. So it wasn't like Brad knew them both before, and then, you know what I mean? It wasn't like a weasel move, it's weird. A weasel move. Yeah, some people weasel. Oh, we've seen weaseling. There's some weasels out there.

We've seen them weasels. There's a couple of comments from OP. I'm not seeing anything as far as like an update. So someone goes, not the asshole. The argument sounds more like barely simmering sexual tension in hindsight. Cut them both out and tell your friends that you aren't going to be petty to make them choose sides,

but you'll absolutely not be around friend and Brad anymore. Yeah, fair enough. And OP goes, I can't wrap my head around the fact that we weren't dating or even at that point interested in each other. If she wanted to date him, I would support her fully. I don't know why she did this instead. And I hadn't read any of the comments until just now,

but that is literally what I said. I'm like, if you're friends with someone, like you could have this conversation and like it doesn't have to be this sneaky thing. Do you remember how in the last story we thought we had an opinion and then we heard the other side and it changed? I'm wondering if this girl is one of those girls

who's very flirty without realizing it to her it's friendly, to others it's flirty. And I'm not victim, I'm not blaming the OP now, but I'm wondering if there's a perception that we're not getting from OP's writing that, and I'm not justifying what this friend did, by the way, but like, what if Brad had Googoo guys for like OP, the way he looked at her,

like maybe Brad had a soft crush on her and she could see it happening. And was like, I gotta weasel my way in. I think you might be right because OP does have another comment here and it goes, in case it wasn't clear, dot, dot, dot. There was no romantic interest from me to Brad. We were not dating.

There was no competition for Brad's affections. We had barely known each other for a month, more like acquaintances to friends. So I think you're spot on. Yeah, like in her world there wasn't, but we don't know what Brad was thinking. We don't know the way Brad looked at her and sometimes you can be so oblivious,

like you guys have told me, like that guy's so into you. And I'm like, what? You just don't know sometimes. It's weird. And then it's also weird like, that her friend would even force her to issue this ultimatum, like choose him over me. Cause what if she said, okay, it's Brad, what's plan B?

It's just weird. If you don't like someone, but your friends is friends, like you can just say like, hey, might be awkward if we're in a big group, but like if it's just the three of us, especially, like I don't really want to hang out with Brad. Like Brad is not my vibe. I don't want to be around Brad.

So like you can have that conversation too. But then she clearly doesn't hate Brad cause she's fucking marrying Brad. She basically said, you can't hang out with Brad, but I can. I definitely would not go to this wedding. No, I wouldn't either. Why? What are you celebrating? A weird relationship that was formed by like edging you out

and making you feel like the bad guy? Yeah. No, I wouldn't go either. And you know me, I can throw my pride in the side, but like in this case, no, I don't think it's worth it. I would not fuck with this. No. And also Brad, what the hell?

Where's Brad at all of this? I would like to know. Why didn't Brad say, you know, why are we cutting out our friend here? Like, hope he's always been really good to us. I'm very confused. Well, I guess like, why would Brad come back though? Because OP said, hey, no hard feelings,

but you know, I've known Clara longer and because of that fight, I don't think we should interact anymore. OP cut Brad out. Yeah, but so why would Brad? But Brad is now marrying that very person. So can't he at least be like, oh, I see why you did that. You care so deeply for her.

I now care so deeply for her. I see where you were coming from. The end of the day, you introduced me to her technically. I owe you, like not I owe you, but like I want to honor you for that. Like no matter what happened between us, you'll always be the reason I met my wife. Like what Brad, what the hell?

Yeah, I know it's really, I don't get this one at all. I think sometimes you will find in life that your friends will show their true colors. I have very random times. And I think from my experience dealing with like really shitty friends, it's just like, believe what they're showing you, believe what they're doing and don't,

I think there's some situations, yeah, okay, give them the benefit of the doubt, but like sometimes people do not deserve your friendship. And you just move on as hard as it is. It sucks being like that person that you just move on without closure and like whatever. This will bite her in the ass eventually. Yeah, I mean, I think that OP,

there's like these two people, like the trash took itself out. Let it, let them walk, let them go, cut them loose. Don't go to the wedding, don't do that to yourself. These aren't true friends to you. And that's pretty clear. Yeah, and anyone that's trying to like bully you, like, oh, let it go, get over your jealousy, cut them too.

If they're gonna keep pressuring her. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, if they are, but if they were just, sometimes people say that I think out of place. Maybe they're also, they could be confused based on what the Clara girl, the other girl that's marrying Brad is saying.

She could also be saying, oh, she's not coming cause she's jealous of me. Cause she liked Brad. Exactly. So clearly define the situation, the boundary and don't go. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, moving along.

The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learn something each time. Do whatever it takes.

No matter how many times it takes. We did it, so can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC. Okay, you got one more quick one in you? Yeah. Okay. Am I the asshole for telling my daughter to go back to bed?

Tonight around midnight, my daughter, 10 came to me in my wife's room and woke me up. She was crying as she needed a shower because she had puked all over herself and her bed. I told her to go back to bed and we would deal with it in the morning. She protested and cried a bit more.

I asked her if she had eaten too much candy and she said no. I once again told her to go back to bed and she left the room. My wife got up out of bed at that point and I heard her in the hallway talking with her. I then heard the shower start. I could hear my wife gagging.

She has a weak stomach around puke. And after a while, I could tell she wasn't coming back to bed. I got up and saw that she was cleaning up the bed and stripping the sheets. My daughter was still in the shower. My wife was short with me when I asked her what she was doing.

When my daughter got out of the shower, my wife offered to lie down in the basement with her so she could be close to the bathroom. I helped them get out floor mats to sleep on. When grabbing a pillow, my wife told me she was disappointed in my disgusting lack of empathy. Now I'm lying awake in bed alone.

Some points to consider, I think is that this isn't the first time my daughter has vomited in her bed at night. She doesn't seem to take feeling ill seriously and get herself to a toilet in time, which she is old enough to do. Last time she vomited was right after Halloween when she devoured all of her candy

and ended up throwing it up all because of how sick she made herself. I believe having to go back to bed may have helped her learn her lesson on these issues. Am I the asshole for telling her to go back to bed? Yeah, I'm appalled. First time so much to say, I'll let you go first. This dude is disgusting.

He is an absolute inconsiderate asshole. Asshole, asshole, asshole. Your daughter is 10 and she threw up. Go lay in your puke, sweetie. Go back to bed in your puke, sweetie. He's like trying to teach her something. First of all, he was like, she's old enough to get herself to a toilet.

I am twice, three times our age, and I have had some close calls, okay? So like- I literally have a thing called a puke bucket. What do you mean? Like sometimes you just miss gauge. You're like, I don't, was that acid reflux or something happening?

Does that increase when you get older because the amount of time- I've been having it lately out of nowhere, out of nowhere. I've never had- Me too. Me too, sorry, I'm screaming in the mic. I've been having acid reflux lately. What is up with this?

And I've never had this issue. I've never, ever. What's happening? And a couple of times I'm like, okay, and I burp and it's puke and I'm like- Yes. Oh my God. It's happening three or two or three times last week.

What, okay. I don't know. What is happening? And one time I was driving, like hadn't been eating in a while. Dude, okay. I'm already, I'm gonna get a colonoscopy anyways. And I'm just like, dear Lord,

we're gonna find out, like maybe we scope both ways. No, okay, we'll sidebar more about that later. We'll spare the listeners, but- What is happening with that though as you age? That's crazy. I don't know, we'll have to look into that. But my point is, age like maybe plays a small part in this,

but like to say she's old enough to get herself to the toilet, like we've, as adults, all of us have had some close calls here. Don't do that to her. Second of all, she's only 10. She's 10. That's pretty young.

Three, she's probably freaking half asleep and doesn't even know that her body's like rejecting. And also fourth, like I'm not, you know, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a medical professional, but there's an element of possible like binge eating happening if she ate all of her Halloween candy to a point where she made herself sick. I get it, she's only 10.

They don't have an off button, but like something to be mindful of is that like your kid doesn't know their own limits, even at 10. And that's something that instead of shaming her for and trying to teach her a lesson by making her lay in her own puke, I think deserves more careful attention and also like a little bit of like the way I've said empathy.

Yeah, it's quite strange. Cause it's like if you flip the cards on him and we're like, if you got sick, would you lay in your own puke all night? You might get to a point in your life when you shit yourself. You're gonna lay in your shit all night, honey? Nobody should have to do that.

That's cruel. That is such like, it's so degrading. It's like we, as humans, we have this sense of dignity and you are stripping someone of their dignity by doing that. It's what people do to prisoners. They don't give them toilets. They don't give them change of clothes. Like this is your daughter, someone you love and care about

and are supposed to be looking out for her health and wellness and you're telling her to lay in her own vomit. What? I think that that's a moment that's gonna stick with her. It's like a really, it's like a core memory in a bad way. Like you're trauma, you're like instilling trauma in her. Like having to lay in her own puke is something that she's going to remember

and not in the way that you think, not in a way of like, I'll teach her a lesson. It's like, no, she's actually going to like realize that you're not safe for her. Yes, that. And like, she's not gonna come to you when something bad happens, whether she's 16, 18, 20, however old, she's not coming to you

because you're not a resource for her and you're not a safe parental figure. That is so, so important to consider with kids because you should always be safe. And she was clearly upset. She's crying, came to you saying she needs to shower. Like she's only 10. I don't even remember really being 10.

It was, you're so young at that point still. 10, you're what, how old are you at 10? Or what grade? Like third grade, second grade? I don't know, around there. Fourth, I don't know whatever it is, but like, you're young. No, wait, whoa, no, you're way, Morgan. Really?

I was 14 in ninth grade. So you're in like fifth grade? I'm Googling it, fifth grade at age 10. You were so bad at math. Dude, so bad. It never gets better. One, I have the easiest thing cause like- Me too.

2004, fourth grade, 2005, fifth grade. Yeah, we have the easiest thing. 94B has, I know, thank God, is our saving grace. I'd be fucked up. God knew we'd be too powerful if we could do math. Are you back? I knew she- You're back?

Maybe she has to pee. I think she does. Okay. Do you need to go outside? You gotta go outside. Oh my God. Holly's a paid actress. She's such a little nut.

I wish you guys knew, she's attacked a lot of people. She has attacked a lot of people. Okay. I don't know where we left off when the dog needed to pee, but hate this guy. Very weird. Oh yeah, no. There are some comments.

So someone goes, info, were you sober when this occurred? Opie goes, of course, but I was sleeping when she came in. So I was groggy and just wanted to go back to sleep. Someone else goes, you're the asshole. I used to throw up in the middle of the night as a kid on the regular. And the assumption that she could have time to get to the bathroom if she wanted to is so ridiculous.

I used to wake up in the act of puking all over my pillow and into my hair. Definitely not a choice. Also, obviously it's incredibly cruel and gross to not help her get cleaned up. Also, it's way harder to get crusted, dried puke cleaned than fresh. So you're not helping anyone by ignoring it.

Opie goes, this brings up an interesting point. My wife is celiac and we don't ever have bread at the house, which my kids otherwise love. My kids and I were out and they had a few croissants. I wonder if that upset her stomach. Yeah, maybe you jerk. And you're over here gaslighting her and asking her if she ate too much candy.

No, she ate too many croissants that you bought. Someone else goes, okay, let's do this by the numbers. One, your daughter wakes up, you needing help. One, your daughter wakes up needing help and you blow her off. Two, you let your wife struggle to help her. Three, you have no problem letting them sleep on floor mats in a basement.

So your daughter can be close to a bathroom while you sleep in your master bedroom, which is also close to a bathroom. Four, you then follow all this up with points to place the blame on your daughter. I believe having her go back to bed may have helped her learn her lesson on how much you're the asshole.

Exactly, that's how you want your daughter to think of you. That's all it takes. One moment like that and your daughter no longer will come to you for any type of crisis because like I said, it comes down to safety and you're creating an unsafe environment for her. Also, I feel like that's not healthy to sleep next to acid, stomach bile, vomit.

No. The smell of puke, I'm sorry. Even if I, you know, I had a very bad experience a couple of weekends ago, very bad. Whoa. Very bad. I don't know what it was. I like was pacing the house for four hours

just like waiting to throw up and I'm not, it was very bad. Just no, no. OP response to that though and is like my daughter's bedroom is also close to a bathroom. My wife just didn't want to keep her sleeping in there because of the smell, even after it was cleaned up.

We have five bathrooms in this house. No matter where she sleeps, she's close to a bathroom. So I think my wife is just trying to be stubborn and make a point. Maybe. Maybe. But a point that you should take. Pay attention to.

Pay attention. There is another post on this person's account that has been removed but doesn't have great comments on it. 21 upvotes, I think it got removed very quickly but it goes, am I the asshole for smiling on FaceTime with my wife? And the top comment is, you're the asshole. Why do you think the issue is smiling

when obviously it's not paying attention during a conversation? Do you often downplay your role in conflicts with your wife so that it seems like she's overreacting? Hmm. You're the asshole. You could have given your wife 15 minutes of your undivided attention.

You owe her an apology. Yeah. Seems like this dude is just a fucking dick. Yeah. And this brings me to a next upcoming theme. Okay. Which is division of labor. I think there's a lot of stories out there

that it's situations like this where the mom generalizing, the mom will step up while the dad sits back and does nothing like this story. Why was it her job to clean up the daughter? Why when you heard her gagging in the bathroom? Do you say, oh, she's just sensitive. She always gags.

Why don't you then get up and help? Your wife got up and started treating this like an issue. You're lying there just awake. Get your ass up and help. She's helping your daughter clean up and shower. You go start stripping the bed. I feel like there's so many stories on Reddit no matter the gender, no matter what role it is.

But it always feels like there's a real uneven division of labor. So that's a theme that I want to get into soon. I like that. You're hitting up. Morgan's over here just hitting on all the social constructs. It's weird. I just think even in modern days,

we see so many stories on Reddit where a dad recently was like, I feel like I should get paid to babysit my kid. Right. Because it's been so normalized. What? The division of gender roles and mom and dad, parental figures, that's been normalized over decades. And just now, people are like, wait, wait, wait,

why is that the structure? Let's challenge that. Let's challenge the status quo. And so now there's folks like you and I who can come up here and talk about these things and flip it on its head and say, well, why is this the way that it is? I love this whole progression forward.

I saw a really interesting video talking about why now it is more necessary than ever that men pursue therapy. And it's this whole idea that society has shifted so much. And if you look at the United States, especially 50 years ago, men were still the breadwinners while the wives stayed home and took care of the kids and didn't work. And so men had different roles. They were expected to go to work, punch in, punch out,

come home, dinner was ready. There wasn't a lot of emotional investment. And so now a lot of women, and again, generalizing, like if you're non-binary, this doesn't necessarily exclude you. I'm just, this is the video I watched today. And so it was a video speaking towards heterosexual couples. And so it's saying women that are looking to date men

oftentimes have a hard time. And they do because they're looking for someone who's successful, but also emotionally intelligent and empathetic and has accountability and all this stuff. But men oftentimes aren't taught those skills because it hasn't been expected of them. So it's now like if you're a dude and you go to therapy,

try not to feel like you're getting attacked because that's not what it should be. It's more so your therapist is trying to teach you these skills that you need but weren't taught because society didn't value them. 100%. But now they're required to succeed in a normal today relationship.

Yeah, absolutely. I agree with all of that. And like, it's crazy. I just got a post. The fucking videos, I'm going to have to find out. But there's going to be a link list. You do. You need to start saving them in a folder

because we referenced TikToks and memes. I'm going to send you a meme later tonight. But there's a meme that's like men will spend $50,000 installing infrared saunas in their house and before they go to therapy. It's like so many issues. I shouldn't say so many. But there are issues that you can really work through.

Just go to therapy. And people will blame so many external things. Well, maybe if I got more sunlight, and maybe if I did an infrared sauna, maybe if I only ate organic, all this stuff, before just being like, you know what? Maybe I should try going to therapy. I mean, even Justin, I literally, we are the most like,

if you want therapy, go to therapy. We are the most open people about it. Me especially. I feel like I'm just like, therapy. Oh, I cannot wait to start therapy. You get therapy, you get therapy. I love it. I cannot wait to start.

I absolutely love it. But there's something about him that he is really scared to go to couples therapy. Interesting. Like really scared. You want to do like premarital. Yeah, I think it's so necessary. I just think it's just like maintenance.

Just like an oil change for your car. Regular maintenance, make sure your communications on point. Make sure your dynamics is everything. I love it. But I think for him, he's so scared. Like, I don't think he wants to go to therapy and like have a therapist convince me that I'm like falling out of love with him.

I think it goes back to his fear. We all know the fear. Everyone knows the fear. Everyone knows the fear. Justin's so scared that I'll wake up one day and not love him. And I think it like has something to do with that. But it's like, therapy's a good thing. It very well could.

But like to bring it back to your analogy with like a car and an oil change, like if your car is well maintained and it's up to date and you keep it regular or whatever. When you take that car in for its annual service, you're not worried. You're not, you're like, here we go, another service. The people who are worried are the folks who have neglected their oil changes,

who have neglected to maintain the car. They're scared for what they're going to find under the hood. So in that same vein, like I think, and not to like, I'm not attacking Justin, but you know, we're in the context of folks who are scared to go to therapy. I get the sense that they're scared of what will be uncovered because they have been neglecting to do the work. Yeah.

It is scary if you haven't gone. Of course. You're vulnerable. Yeah. Super vulnerable, no matter who you are. Yeah. We all have our shit. I am so excited.

I said 2023 therapy. I'm already late, it's February, I haven't started yet. But I know, I know, and I'm telling all of you this so you can hold me accountable. The next time I'm on an episode here, I hope I can say I've started. Yeah, of course. That'll be good.

We can do it 2023. It's the year of looking after yourself, mental health, health, everything. Living a softer life. We've lived hard lives the last few years. We had the pandemic, we're still, you know, in some of that, there's been a lot of shit going on in the world. You guys, it's hardened us a little bit.

For me, 2023 is about softening up a little bit. I'm going to embrace that. I feel like I've become, especially dealing with so much stress, I think you can easily become pessimistic and very hardened. Yeah, I think that's the best way to put it. So I love that. Take it.

Yeah. So this is your week. So you will be tasked with picking the non-profit of the week. Really? Yes. So if you don't have one in mind, you get some time to consider it because I've got to edit.

This will be a couple of weeks out. But Alejandra will be picking the non-profit this week. So be sure to check the episode description for that. Do you have one in mind? I actually have a lot in mind. So it's funny we're talking about this. My three themes for 2023 were horseback riding, hobbies, therapy, and philanthropy.

I love that. I'm not kidding. So I actually have a lot in mind. OK. But I think I'm going to go with this one that I'll tell you later because I need to find the right organization for it. But I do know what I'm going to pick.

Yeah. We have a lot of weeks left for this year. So I'm sure you'll be able to hit all of yours. Yay. That would be good. And send us some if you know of any in California. Absolutely. Yeah, anywhere.

We're very, as long as it's a non-profit and not sketchy and good, we'll consider it. 501C3. Exactly. But that's all I got. There will be a Patreon story from this episode. So be sure to head over there. And other than that, have a great rest of your week, day,

night, cleaning session, working session, small businesses. I know you're out there pouring candles to this. Making slime. Let's go. Whatever everyone is doing, just have a good day. Make it fun. Yes, look after yourselves. Yes.

Until next time, guys. Bye. Bye. This is a radio commercial for the style of Chevy Equinox RS. You won't be able to see its bold design or how its available 8-inch diagonal infotainment screen puts everything right at your fingertips or it's available Wi-Fi hotspot.

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