Two Hot Takes - 112: Uncommon Issues..

Episode Date: April 27, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Lauren! This episode features stories that all seem like uncommon issues. Just wild, out there problems that the average person doesn't deal with. But you all may come up with a better theme for these ones so let us know!  Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Story on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Watch our Iceland Travel Vlog!!! https://youtu.be/FISXcwnw49E Our friend Hailey / Haj botanics: https://www.hajbotanics.com/?fbclid=PAAaZZkG7Yk6fhnwJ4T1L6yejcCUFUc2qdJR7Y94NVF9JioeJKC1AceSe_5tA Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Babbel: Babbel.com/THT Adam and Eve: Adamandeve.com Promo Code: THT Skims: Skims.com and after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu <3 Hello Fresh: HelloFresh.com/tht50  Promo code: tht50 

Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where... You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter.

Sarah? When did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. I wanted to address a few key items. Oh gosh. This is like a sorority meeting when you first start

and you're like, okay, what's on the agenda for this week? Well, I was thinking about it because I was like, there were a few things from the last episode that we had. Which was like a month ago. Yeah, I know. It's been a while. But one of them, I wanted to say thank you so much to everybody who gave so much support and shared their own stories about my weird experience.

I was not expecting that and I felt so much love. So thank you so much. Second of all, there were some people from Argentina who felt the need to apologize and be like, that's not how we are in Argentina. I apologize that you had that experience with that guy. I want you guys to know that I lived in Argentina for six weeks. It was the most amazing culture and such amazing people.

So in no way was I was never associated in the two. Yeah, never, never, never, never. Also, I don't think that he actually was from Argentina. I think that was a fake story. So that's besides the point. And then I think the third one was dog poop. Thanks for letting us know. Oh my God, yeah.

Dog poop is not a fertilizer. So essentially the thing was, I always pick it up by the way. I never didn't pick up dog poop, but I always wondered. I'm like, I thought it was, when I was little, I thought I heard that poop was fertilizer. Yeah. Well, it is if the animal is an herbivore.

So animals that eat grass, horses, cows, camels, like usually animals that eat grass, their poop is a fertilizer. But I guess animals that eat meat, like dogs, cats, like cat poop we know is very toxic. Like pregnant people can't even be around cat poop. It's really, really toxic. So if the dog, because it eats meat,

it has like bacteria in its poop, it's not a good fertilizer. So don't use dog poop. It was just so funny. To fertilize your stuff. It was just so funny how many people like wanted to, that was such a little blip of me, Morgan being like, and I was like, okay, got it.

Not fertilizer. Not fertilizer. I always pick up dog poop. Always. Slash like, I'm really bad. I have to go with walks with my dad because like dog poop, do you want to pick it up? If I had a pooper,

I'd be totally fine. Like picking it up in my yard, no big deal. But like when you have to touch it and it's warm and gushy, I used to be kind of weird about it when I was randomly walking a dog. But now that I have a roommate with a dog and I walk him all the time. You're used to it.

I'm used to it. Yeah. It's probably how people feel about baby poop. When they have a baby, they're like, I can change your diaper. If you're not my baby, yikes. Yeah, I know. I'm like, that's like the biggest barrier to entry,

I think, for me having a kid, like the diapers. It's just like, it's a hard task. Okay, another thing on the agenda. We have a lot on the agenda before we get started today. I want to give a shout out to Haley and Taj. So Haley is a listener. I'm not sure if Taj is, but Haley is. And they started this company called Haj Botanix.

It's like a blend of their two names because they're a little couple. So they're located in Denver and I have this email pulled up right now. So I try not to butcher things, but they make this adaptogenic honey and it contains turkey tail, which is an antioxidant rich mushroom that is known for supporting immune health, gut health and liver health. And there's lion's mane, which is a super food for blood sugar, high blood sugar, like all this stuff.

And they have amazing products and Haley went above and beyond sending me goods, like out of the kindness of her heart. And there's also other products that you can buy if you're located in Denver and things like that, like fun mushrooms, but really good for microdosing. It's used for like anxiety and depression to like microdose mushrooms, which is something you did. And you loved it.

Yeah. It was just expensive. So I didn't like keep it up. Well, now we got our girl Haley. Yeah, there you go. And Taj at Haj. Love that. It's going to be great.

So check out their website. It'll be a link in the description, but I just wanted to give a huge shout out because like, I got two boxes of this stuff. Haley went above and beyond and it's amazing. This is the best job for you because Morgan, before the podcast started, I used to come over to her place and she would get packages and she'd be like presents for me.

And then I'd be like, who are they from? And she's like me to me from me. She just loved getting stuff in the mail. So it's so funny now that she has a job that's just perfect for her that she actually gets presents. Presents. All the time. Yeah.

And it doesn't even have to be like, obviously this was extravagant. Like this was Christmas morning for me. But if you guys want to send us a postcard, just writing a little note, I always send them in the THT group chat to people. Like we got another one the other day where this person wrote in each like line a different color. And it was the nicest, cutest card.

Like everyone in the family commented like, wow, that person has a nice handwriting. So we always talk about like the postcards we get. So if you want to send us something, I'll put our PO box in the description of this episode. Okay. And the last agenda item is going to be related to today's theme. I have been struggling to call today's theme anything,

but uncommon issues. I can't figure out what these stories have in common, but like for me, the overall threat is just like, these are kind of out of the ordinary. I feel like they're issues that not everyone would encounter. They're very specific to having just a weird fight, like family dynamic, which I am very familiar with.

Like my family dynamic is fucked you guys. So like, I get it. It's not a negative thing by any means, but it's just like uncommon things. And so I am challenging you guys and Lauren, because she has no idea what's in store for her. Never. To come up with a theme.

So if you are a Spotify listener, there's going to be a question and answer and another poll associated with like one of today's stories on Spotify. So head over there and give your take about what today's theme really should be called and answer the poll, because I just like want to get your guys's takes more. And I think this is like a really great way to use it is like using this tool on Spotify to connect with you guys.

So Spotify's totally free. Head over there. I'd love to hear you guys chime in and maybe see if your theme matches what Lauren even comes up with at the end of this episode. But today's theme. Uncommon issues. Crazy all over the place stories. Any other life updates?

Like what's happening? I haven't seen you. I know. What's going on? You've been gone. Away from me. Yeah, I've been dealing with like a lot of family stuff. My mom's now husband, they got married,

has stage four cancer, colon cancer, which is why I'm so passionate about talking about it. But he was trying to do one last round of chemo. I'm not going to cry. I have really good makeup today. But he was trying to do one last round of chemo to slow things down. Not working. The doctors stopped it because he's like a hundred pounds

and just not, not doing well. So I kind of like flew home to go see him and life has been crazy. But that's life. And we take the lemons we get and you just go forward. But I'm happy to have you and everyone in my life supporting me and you guys listening. I love, love, love every time I get another comment from people saying like, Hey, I'm 19 and I have colon issues and I have these symptoms

and I scheduled a colonoscopy. Thanks to you. So if I can like prevent someone, anyone from having to go down this terrible route of colon cancer, you know, it's good. So make me cry now. No, what the fuck guys? Okay. It's fine.

You know, this is life. I'm sorry. Life is crazy. Yep. But hey, if episodes like going forward, I'm only human dealing with a lot. If episodes are late or patrons late, this is kind of what is going on in my life. And I love you all. And I know you'll be a very supportive and accommodating.

But how's your mom doing? Not well. I mean, how, how do you like they've been together? For like 18 years or something like that. Like Rod has been in my life since I was little. And, you know, they've had a tumultuous relationship as we all do ups and downs. But, you know, it was terrible timing. Like they had, they had just bond their dream home together and like talked about getting

married in Italy. And like, it was crazy. They had that conversation. And the next thing, you know, like all of that was taken from them. But that's life. It's, we, we are not guaranteed tomorrow. And I was just talking to someone the other day, my friend Sydney, who you guys will meet very soon.

But, you know, she had a friend that's like dealing with like major health issues and is like in the hospital, our age and septic. And on the flip side, she was like, yeah, a friend asked me to like go to Paris the other day. And I'm like, I don't know if I can do it. And I'm like, take the trip, take the trip, spend the vacation money, spend time with your family, call in sick to work, like whatever that looks like in your life, take those days because tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us.

No matter how healthy we are, drunk drivers, accidents happen, like take the time for yourself and your loved ones and spending time with them and doing the things that matter because life is not guaranteed. Okay. Wow. This intro really went off the deep end. Sorry guys. Yeah, it's been a crazy past couple of weeks, but shall we?

I'm glad that you got to be home with your family. I know. It was much needed, much, much needed. Let's dive in. Let's do it. Did I look like a little raccoon? Not at all. Very good.

Sometimes. Am I okay too? I didn't. I'm okay, right? Yeah, you're good. You're good. Sometimes when I cry, I look like a raccoon. Okay.

So uncommon issues, like we said, back to it. Okay. So this one is coming from Am I the Asshole, posted three days ago now, 3,000 upvotes. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for getting my sister-in-law arrested on her wedding day? Throwaway. I, 24 female, and my husband, 24 male, have three dogs, two corgis and a Pomeranian. I rescued them from a puppy mill that was shut down about six months ago. They were all in horrible condition and had numerous medical issues.

They are very friendly dogs and have adjusted to their new lives extremely well. My now sister-in-law, Amy, has met them a few times before the events occurred. Amy said she wanted them to be her ring bearer and flower girls for her wedding. Amy and I don't get along at all. She has said numerous hurtful and cruel things about me to my family and really anybody who will listen. I'm not even invited to the wedding as I would, quote, ruin the vibe. I told her-

What? Wait. So she invited her dogs but not her to the wedding? What? I told her she would not be using my dogs for her wedding for multiple reasons, including me not being invited and they were all to have surgery a few days prior. They were all getting spayed as well as dental work. She wasn't happy about being told no.

Now, to the event that happened a couple weeks ago, all of my dogs had their surgeries on a Thursday. The wedding was on a Sunday in the evening. My husband and I left the house to go run some errands Sunday morning and the dogs were home asleep. I got a notification on my phone about motion at my back door. I check it and it is Amy opening the door and walking into the house. I started panicking and telling my husband we need to leave now and go back to the house.

I show him the video and he agrees. I start calling my brother and demanding for him to get his wife out of my house and if she leaves with my dogs, I will call the police. He hung up on me. I got home and all of my dogs are gone and their cones were left in their crates. I called the police for theft and breaking and entering. The police arrived and I showed them the video of her getting into our house and leaving with the dogs.

Did she leave the door open? Doesn't mention. Okay. I told them where her venue was as I had seen a copy of the invitation. The police made it to the venue and were able to locate all of my dogs. One had opened her stitches and was bleeding from the wound. Oh, fuck that. My husband rushed her to an emergency vet to get the stitches closed.

Amy was arrested in the middle of getting ready for her wedding and has been charged with a class one felony and a few misdemeanors. Now everybody is saying I ruined the wedding and I overreacted to the whole situation. I am also being told that I need to pay them back for the wedding since it never happened. What the fuck is this? What? I am refusing to pay anybody back as well as drop the charges. How does this happen in so many ways?

Like how does this happen? Sorry, go on. I didn't read this one. This was actually sent to me by a listener and I was like, is this good enough to like blind react for or is that something like where I was like, I don't even care. I sell the title. I'm saving it blind react. What in the world is going on here?

Oh my God. I want to like watch a Netflix series on this family because I'm like, how did they even get to the place where the brother is like, oh yeah, don't invite my sister to my wedding. But like, I would love her dogs. But like her dogs, definitely steal them. They're not your dogs. You'd be better off renting dogs. Like what?

Pay someone that has well-trained dogs. And that's what makes it seem like there's some malicious, like what? How does that happen? Because it's one of those things where it's just like, okay, well, we don't know the entire story. What if the reason she's not invited is because of some really like, you know, dark like shit that happened. Yeah.

But it's like, if that were the case, then why would you fuck around and try to grab their dogs for your wedding day? What the hell are you thinking? Which is what makes me feel like the sister-in-law or have everyone refer to her is actually just like, not well, because why would, unless those were her dogs, that she stole those dogs, do you know what I mean? But she said she rescued them from like a, it sounds like a shelter, but like the shelter got them from a puppy male situation.

Right. So it's like, it's not like, I just, this is just wild. This is a very uncommon issue. Yes. Very uncommon. Very uncommon. Good theme. Would ever give you the gull to break into someone's house.

And it's like, I don't know. I honestly, I could see they're not someone that you don't like to, well, and that's the thing. And like OP says, like, we don't get along at all. I'm not invited to the wedding because she says I will ruin the vibe. Okay. I will ruin the vibe, bitch. Watch me ruin the vibe.

I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be honest with all of you guys. I have a lot of people in my life that could potentially ruin the vibe at my wedding. Guess what? People are going to get an invite because they're family. Or guess what? If I don't invite them, I'm not going to steal their dogs. That.

So how do you then not invite someone? They told you, no, you can't have my dogs. My dogs are getting surgery. They're going to be in cones. You can't. And then you break into, you break into their house. You take the cones off that are medically necessary for these dogs to not rip open stitches. And then, okay, you have to pay for our wedding.

You flocked around and found out you need to pay for emergency vet bill. It's $100 to walk in the door usually at vets, which, hey, $30,000 potential wedding or whatever it costs, vet bill. I'd eat the vet bill, but like, no, she broke the law. Okay. So what she is finding out. Yeah. Wait, I need to know what happened next.

What? So the post has been removed. Oh, so it's done. The end of the post. So as I have screenshots, like the post has been removed at this point, we do have some comments from OP, which I love. So the top comment is, I am also being told that I need to pay them back for the wedding since it never happened.

Like they're quoting her, LOL, any judge will dismiss that and laugh them out of court. Good luck. Never drop the charges. Drop the asshole. I love that. Yeah. I can see this being on Judge Judy and Judge Judy just tearing this lady tearing her apart. Tearing her apart.

Yeah. It's like, oh, it does suck that you didn't, that you got arrested on your wedding day and that you are not able to get married. But like you did that for whatever reason. What were you thinking? Well, and not only did she do that, but the brother answered the phone. Yeah. And so she said, hey, she was aware.

They were aware. Okay, your future wife, your wife, whatever, we're fucking calling her, get her to give my dogs back to my house now or there will be consequences. And he, instead of like remedying this, hung up, hung up. Exactly. It would be, yeah, it'd be different if it was just like, she had no idea. She thought, whatever, it's just like, I'll just take the dogs for a little bit. She won't care.

But it's like, no, it was very clear that that was not okay on multiple different fronts. So I don't, I don't understand this. Like dogs are not easy to like manage, especially new dogs, puppies. That came from a puppy mill rescue. Why would you want these little bundles of joy to be your groom bears when you're not even emotionally or personally connected to them? Right. These aren't your dogs.

That's why I'm so confused by this story. She wanted it for the optics. And at that point, I feel like she wanted it just to be a bitch at that point. Here's an idea. Your dogs are invited. Like just for the story. She goes and tells all of her little petty friends and she's like, guess what? I didn't invite the sister, but I invited her dogs.

You're so bad. 100%. That's what this is. But, you know, if you want cute little puppies for optics, go to a shelter. And if anyone doesn't have a dog and wants a dog as a ring bearer, here's your solution. Go to a shelter, find a really cute senior dog that's been there for a long time and put a little flower crown on them or whatever and have them walk down the aisle. And then later at your reception say, hey, little bow, that was our ring bearer.

He's up for adoption. But that's why I think that's not what it was about. No. I 1000% think you're on the money, on the money. So comments from OP. Is this real? Amy is extremely unhinged, not the asshole. Were you going to the wedding?

I'm confused how she thought she'd pull this off. OP responds, I wasn't invited to the wedding. So I think she believed I would just throw my hands up and not do anything. Also, people need to realize that animals are babies, like two, like they're like people's babies, you know what I mean? So it's like, if she were to break in and steal her baby or her toddler and be like, you're going to be the ring bear. It's like, she needs a kidnapping.

Yeah. It's kidnapping. Yeah, exactly. I don't think it's all sweet and innocent, but like to other people, like when they're really attached to their animals, it's like, that's like their babies. So fucking watch out. So there's another comment too, I guess, but seriously, the bride on the day of her wedding waited outside OP's house in the off chance that they would leave before the wedding and

the door just happened to be open. I don't know. Seems very far-fetched. So we have people trying to, like, skeptics, they're trying to insinuate. This is a troll post and OP goes, our errand day is Sunday. My husband and I always run errands on Sunday and everybody in my family knows it. Someone goes, out of interest, how did she manage to break in? The door has a code that unlocks the deadbolt.

There's no physical key that unlocks the door. So did she have the code and how did she get the code? I'm sure somebody told her all of my siblings and my parents have the code, which like, yeah, so her husband for sure told her. Yeah. Yeah. We all have, like a lot, not all, a lot of us have these door codes, like I have it. It's a little thing.

I walked up to your place today and the Door Dash guy was like showing me his phone and on the instructions, it gave him the code to get into the place. People have the codes. People have the codes. It's not, not hard. By law, your dogs are your property. She committed theft and deserves to suffer the consequences for her crimes. Really glad your fur babies are okay.

I really want an update on like what happened with the... No update. OP just goes, that is why she got the felony. In my state, any theft of an animal is an automatic felony. How did this girl do this? Like how was she, wow. It's crazy because like you are very, depending on the state, like you're restricted from a lot of things if you get a felony.

And I know that's changing in some states too, where people with felonies are now getting their rights back to vote, which I love. I think everyone should deserve a vote. If like you pay taxes, you should get a vote. But like, I mean, a felony like really can fuck you up. Like that's just not something to mess around with. So wild that she did this. I don't even have words anymore, just like moving along, moving along, moving along.

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Okay. My boyfriend, male 35, of one year suggested he take me, female 32, for a Brazilian wax as a date idea. How do I tell him he made me feel uncomfortable? I asked my boyfriend if we could start going on more dates together. Over the past months, I've felt like he stopped planning anything for us. I can't remember the last time we went out for dinner or he surprised me. Things have been feeling stagnant.

So I suggested things like a painting or a cooking class, a spa day, etc. He seemed uninterested in what I was saying and said he can't really afford any of those options. I do understand that as he's a full-time student at the moment, but then he suggested he take me to get a wax, Brazilian. At first I laughed it off and said, when you do, but I was genuinely upset at the comment. He later told me he was just joking. For context, I do trim a couple of times a week.

Now, he's been annoyed and standoffish since I brought the date ideas up. He said he doesn't like being told what to do, that things should happen organically, and he feels he's not enough. I've tried to explain that this is my love language and the dates don't have to be expensive. He responded that he took me for burgers three months ago and that was him making an effort. I feel uncomfortable that he commented- Three months ago? I feel uncomfortable that he commented on my body like this. I feel like I'm asking too much of him.

How do I get him to understand that I value and need quality time in a relationship? I'm sorry, three months ago to burgers. There's got to be more effort than this. She just said she's not looking for something like extravagant. It's her love language. It's very- Like, what was he thinking? But you want to know what's really, really messed up that just popped into my head while reading this story?

There was a crazy thing on TikTok a couple months ago where it was like, do you want to know why certain waxers won't take male clients because they get off while they're getting their butthole waxed? Do you want to know why? Do you want to know why funeral homes only hire female morticians? Yeah, yeah, exactly where your head's going because the male morticians- No. Yeah.

And I have not fact-checked this. This is a TikTok I saw, but multiple people in the comments of the videos I saw were like, yes, I worked at a funeral home. This is true. Yes, I was a funeral director. This is true. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So my head is like, why does he want to go and watch you get waxed? Why is that a turn on for him? Why does he consider that a date? Brazilians- Is he allowed to be in the room? I don't think a lot of places would let him be in the room. I thought it was more like him being like, I want you to be completely like smooth. I think he wanted to go and watch.

That's why it was a date idea for him. Interesting. And I've seen other people talk about how like, I've seen a tattoo artist talk about how during a tattoo, the person getting tattooed like didn't really want it, but their partner did. And it was a part of their like kink or a fetish. And the person tattooing was like, hey, you know what, I'm not going to be a part of this. I'm done.

And so I think like, this is a weird something for him, whether it's watching her be in pain because Brazilians aren't a cakewalk. They're not a walk in the park. They hurt. I one time got, what do you call it? They use almost like honey. Oh, sugar rain. Terrible.

The worst. Alejandra is a fucking liar. Worst experience of all fucking time of all type of any type of, did you go to the place where did you go? The one place? Yeah. Alejandra was like, oh my God, sugaring so much better. I was crying.

Tried it. I was crying. Alejandra. Crying. Like it was so bad. I bought something that was like a two for one. Never got my two. Yeah.

No. I tried it. It was so bad. So bad. Yeah. Yeah. This one is really, really fucking weird. Top comment on it is, I don't see the point in dating someone who refuses to go on dates

with you. Next comment. It seems like this dude doesn't even like her. I'd say that's step one. Next comment. I think he likes having sex with her, but I guess even that's not good enough for him. But he's basically okay with telling you what your dates will be. That's not organic either.

And his date idea is a gross sexual gift to himself, not a way to spend time together. Next comment down. Oh girl. No. You can do better than this. He thinks burgers three fucking months ago is sufficient. He's broke, but can afford a Brazilian wax? Oh, hey babe, I know I haven't been making an effort, so I have a great idea for a date.

How about I take you to have your pubic hairs ripped out by the roots? Doesn't that sound nice? You'll have the best time. This guy is a selfish fuckwit. Done. Done, done, done, done, done. Also gets worse. I go to look at the account.

There was an update about this whole wax fiasco removed from moderators, but there also is another post from OP after the fact also removed from moderators, but titled, my boyfriend of one year yelled and swore at me. He said, it's my fault for punishing him to do that. I'm confused and upset. What do I do? Break up. Break up.

Please. This is going down a really, really bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad path. Please. Bad path. This is a little post before the wax. My boyfriend keeps asking if it was good right after sex. What can I say for him to feel less anxious? Hate him.

No one should pressure you in anything. This is a conversation I've had with my relationship recently where life happens, we get busy, and no matter how much you love someone, no matter how much time you're spending together, people still want to feel special and loved, and everyone needs nights that are intentional effort. They're intentional dates. Hanging out after work and watching a movie together at home isn't a date. You need to get dressed up.

You need to go out. You don't have to spend money, but the effort needs to be intentional. You can do a picnic outside. Picnic. Yeah. Quality time, going to sit in at a beach, sitting in a park, watching the sunset. I can't even fathom this and stories like this and people who tell me stuff like this because I am such a quality time person that I would never ever.

No, that's your love language. It's my love language. Yeah. It is number one. And so it's just outrageous too. Three months ago, burgers? It's like the longest I've ever seen your draw, your draw, your job be dropped. You were like, three months?

Well, I think what gets me is because it's like, if people are down for that, if they're with somebody who has the same love language as them, so let's say it's just like not going on dates and they're happy that way, that's cool. But if somebody expresses, hey, I like to go on dates with you and then somebody responds being like, that makes me feel forced, bro, no, no, I'm sorry, no, no, just no. And money again, like I know people will be like, well, some people financially can't afford dates, blah, blah, blah, what if they're working three jobs again? It doesn't have to cost money.

It just needs to be intentional. Go to 7-Eleven, get a fucking egg salad sandwich and lay out a blanket, dress up, watch the sunset. 30 minutes. Have a beer, wine down afterward. Yeah. It's a self-care, like you go take a blanket, go sit on a park bench, phones away, conversing with each other, having a little treat, cake pop from Starbucks, a homemade cookie, whatever

that looks like. It just needs to be intentional and not some weird kink that you're getting sexual gratification from. Yep. A Brazilian. Yep. God. Also, like people are under this misconception where it's like, oh, a Brazilian, you're going

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your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast, code THT at adamaneve.com. Next one is titled, am I the asshole for telling my 28 fiancé, 29, that I could not rely on her in a life or death situation? I have what I think is a very good sense of situational awareness. I'm a quick thinker and I tend to not panic in dangerous situations. My fiancé, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. If I'm being nice, I would say she doesn't have any awareness of danger. If I'm being honest, I would say that she has the survival instinct of a panda raised

in captivity. She had no sense of danger around her, doesn't constantly examine her surroundings for things that could be dangerous, and when things are bad, her reaction is to panic and scream. I literally have a friend that this is that friend. Wait, I want to know which friend. Sarah. Oh, yeah. We'll get into it.

Friday, we went out on a friend of mine's boat and we got into a dangerous situation. We were anticipating light rain, but we ended up with a downpour, high winds and high waves. While me and the other men there were trying to scrap things down and keep the boat from capsizing, my fiancé screamed and cried for her dear life. She was in hysterics, and I get it. It was a scary situation, but her yelling and screaming that, quote, we're all going to die, and for God to save us and literally crying, saying that it's my fault that she's on the boat since I asked her to come with.

None of the other girlfriends or wives were doing this, just her. I'm sure the other women there were just as scared, but tried to keep it in for the sake of the men doing something about it. The downpour was really bad for about 15 minutes, so 15 minutes of wailing while we are trying everything we can to keep things all right. Wow, 15 straight minutes of wailing? Oh no! She, like, she wanted to borrow his annex girl because I got you.

I would love one. We made it back safe with little more damage than a few spilledway claws. On the car ride home, I told my fiancé that we needed to talk about how she was behaving during the crisis. Not only was it incredibly embarrassing in front of my guys, but it was distracting, unhelpful, and telling. I told her that, today proved to me that if I was in a life or death situation, I could not rely on her to be of any help or do anything except make things more stressful.

I said she needed to learn how to not panic and be helpful. She got unbelievably mad. She said she thought she was going to die and had reason to freak out. I told her that all of us were scared, but none of us were as ridiculous as she was. We argued the entire ride home and she is still pissed off at me. I think I was right to say this, especially since we plan on spending our lives together and raising a family, and I can't be the only level-headed one. Am I the asshole?

This one's a little bit tough for me because I will agree. It's like her reactions were not from the story. It was his reaction. She's panicking. It's something she's going through. She's having extreme anxiety. That was her reaction. She wasn't doing it to get attention.

She wasn't trying to be funny. She is deathly scared for her life. To be deathly afraid for your life and then have someone to tell you, fucking do better, which is probably what she heard, even though he was trying to say it in a way that sounded constructive. He's just saying, I want you to be able to be a partner with me because it freaks me out thinking, if I were to fall off a cliff or holding out by one hand, would you just scream and run away from me?

Whatever his concerns are going through his head are also valid, but it's a really hard conversation to have because it's two future tripping anxieties in one. Who is right? Who's wrong? How do you deal with that situation? Yeah. What do you think? I'm really torn because on one hand, I recognize how we all react in panic filled

situations is so different person to person. And it's something you can't really control. It just is. It's your personality. You can't really control your personality. It just is what it is. Truthfully, it is. This is why personality disorders are so hard to medicate because how do you control

someone's personality? It is innately them. Does experience play a role? Like, so I'm like, has she been on a boat before? Because if she's never been on a boat before, then it's like a different experience. Like you don't know the waves crashing over the boat sometimes happen. So if this is her first time on a boat and you have a storm and it's like the waves are coming over, yeah, you might think you're dying.

So there's so much other context here that I'm like, I don't necessarily blame her for the reaction. Does it sound over the top? Yeah, like, but that's not that's probably because that's not how I react in situations. Like I am very like, I shut down, I get quiet and I think I have a friend. We have a friend, Sarah. Sarah is so smart, so, so fucking smart. But Sarah in like situations sometimes, like Sarah's reaction is to cry.

And so the example I have in my head is we went to Palm Springs for like this event. It was like a music thing. And Sarah and her boyfriend, Dynel drove, Dynel drove Sarah's car. Me and Justin were in the backseat. Dynel's driving, we pull up to a liquor store to like get popped. Me and Justin want some booze. Pop, pop. We get out, we go to the store, we get back in the car.

I wasn't here by the way. No, Lauren's not, but I know what the story. We met with Lauren like right after. So as we get in the car, all of a sudden we all sit back in. I don't even think I had my door shut yet or someone didn't have their door shut. And all of a sudden you kind of feel like the car is moving and it rolls back into another car that's like driving through the parking lot and it crashes into it. Like it t-bones with the other car.

So it turns out when we drove into the parking lot, Dynel never like put the car in park or he did, but it didn't lock in park. Like it got caught because a cell phone was in front of it or like something happened. And so Sarah's like, like, I just remember as we're rolling back. She's like, oh my God, oh my God, Dynel, Dynel. And like I'm just sitting there in the backseat like here we go. And I'm just like, and I just like, don't move. I forgot that you were in the car.

I don't do anything. I'm just like sitting there. I'm like, it's too late. Like she's got to bump something. Jesus take the wheel. Like there's nothing you can do. Like I'm just like, I'm rolling. I'm I'm literally in these situations.

I'm the dog. It's on fire. It's fine. But we have different reactions. Do I blame Sarah for her reaction? No, I'm not this girl. This guy's been on a boat. He's helping his friend.

He knows what's going on. Like it just is what it is. And so I think I don't think he's necessarily the asshole for then saying, like I just wish like in this situation you would have like been more composed. Yeah, maybe going forward before we go on a boat or do something. We could talk about the what ifs because maybe she's just one of those people that needs to know like, Hey, ABC XYZ could happen if it does remain calm. Maybe that's what she needs.

And it's it's funny too, because it's like, I wouldn't want somebody to tell me like, I'm embarrassed by your reaction when you thought that you were going to die. I'd be like, that's hurtful. Yeah, I'd be like, what the fuck? It doesn't feel good. Yeah. But at the same time, I'm like, I had this one, like I'm just thinking back to I was on a date with a guy and we were watching a movie and it was a scary movie.

And he's like, Oh my God. I was like, if there is like a like apocalypse, I was like, can I rely on you? Like I was like, who's going to save us? Yeah, because it was like, I think we're watching the last of us. Yeah. And so anyway, it was just it was just funny because my reaction, I was like, what if there was a zombie apocalypse? I was like, can I rely on you?

No chance. And he's like, yeah, no, of course, it's just because it's a movie. I was like, I don't know if I believe that logic. OK. Uh huh. He's like, if it came to protecting us, I would. And I was like, OK, so that's why I'm like torn. I can see both sides. You know what I mean?

Like if I yeah, it's tough, it's really tough. And boats are scary. I mean, drowning is like one of my bigger fears, even though I love water, like it water is unpredictable. It can just take over at any moment. The ocean is its own beast. Yeah. So the top comment is not the asshole. She can feel and react however she pleases.

But that doesn't change the facts. So you're correct. She was unhelpful and only made an already scary situation even more stressful. Yeah. It's indeed a very useful skill to have to be able to think somewhat straight in a crisis situation or at the very least have the sense to not make it worse for those who are trying to help. And I can imagine everyone being so much more uncomfortable

and stressed because of her. Of course. Someone else goes after and not screaming, it is your fault. I will die, which like. OK, you're right. That was actually that was actually fucked up. That was like really dramatic. Be like, I'm going to die. It's your fault. You took me on this boat. That's not OK. Bitch, like you wanted to be on the boat.

Yeah, that's not OK. That's that's that's true. I forgot about that part. And also like 15 minutes. Like, yeah, I think initially after this first starts happening, the first 60 seconds, you realize, hey, it's not an instant flip. Like, yeah, deep breaths, deep breaths. But again, this is a really hard one to talk shit about

because it's not it was a reaction. It's a reaction. Like, I think I think he does have a right to be like, hey, like I understand what you were going through. Like, it was really terrifying. But like, I want you to be able to like help me out. And what would help me in a situation if that ever happened again is like, if you weren't placing blame on me,

if you weren't like making everyone else like more fearful, because what we were trying to do was focus on making sure that everybody was OK. And having you say all those things was breaking our focus to make sure everyone was OK. Yeah, so like in the future, like I want to make sure that we can partner up in that way. And like, like whatever I can do to make you feel more comfortable, like let me know if you don't want to go out and vote again. Then I can like go, you know, we don't have to go on it like you can sit out

and be by the beach and we'll vote around and come and see you like after we're done. Like whatever we need to do to make you feel comfortable. But like, I think that's pretty fair. Well, and realistically, like this might just be her. And so knowing this like they're engaged, it might just be her. She reacts to situations very emotionally. And that's not necessarily bad. But you just know like, hey, my medical decision maker is going to be my mom.

Or like you assign roles to other people who can remain more composed. Right. That's just what you do. There's a couple comments like way down that I think are interesting just from scrolling. It's in response to another one, but someone just goes like, in my opinion, it really does show that she cannot be trusted to take care of things. Like it sucks, but expressing feelings is just not always the most important thing. I'm not saying that it isn't tough, but the consequences can absolutely be life or death. And that is really true.

Like how you react in a situation can make or break it. Like it can be life or death and that's just the reality. So I think it's fair that he has something to say about it. Yeah. Because it's like, OK, well, what if she did break their focus and freak everyone out and then everyone started screaming and freaking out and running around and then somebody like felt like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. It's just it's like that is a good point.

Yeah. Well, and they go on to say, I think I realized this when I was in my late teens. My family was fostering some motherless kittens and one of them became sick and non responsive. I went in that morning to find my mom holding him and crying. My sister was sitting next to her doing the same thing by an act of will or something. I was able to pull myself together enough to call a friend who was a vet and take him in and Google what to do. After that, he pulled through an 11 years later. Now that floofy boy is asleep on my ironing board.

But the vet did tell me that he would have died had I not acted. And that's what we're saying. Like how you act in a bad situation can make or break it. And someone else responds to that person and goes, yes, like I've been through some shit, a baby with cancer, a different teen going through depression and suicidal ideology. But I pull my shit together and deal with the situation. I fall apart later.

I would also feel that I couldn't trust a partner who reacted this way in a crisis. At least I would feel like they had some growing up to do before they could truly be a partner to me. Once I don't respect my partner, the rest falls apart pretty quickly. Someone goes, I refuse to accept this is a genuine fear response. I feel this is more of a dramatic attention seeker response. So they're kind of like putting in a question. I don't know about that. Someone know, but someone goes after them and goes, this, this right here.

All exclamations. My husband does the same shit in a bad situation and it drives me crazy. I'm sitting there asking him to just get out of my way. While he runs around screaming and trying to hand me shit, I don't need to fix the problem. I.e. if I need a hammer, he's trying to shove a screwdriver or wrench in my hand while he's dramatically panicking. I don't know if that's an attention seeking thing, though. But sounds just like an incompetent thing. In that case, like the hammer, like, I don't know.

I feel like sometimes when people are in a state of panic, it's like their brain is just like not even like. But next comment down, sorry, I have like a really dramatic look on my face and that's why you paused. So the next comment down goes, my ex was like that. Then if I told him to get out of my way, he would say I was belittling him and go off on a rant about how his parents got divorced. So his dad never taught him stuff. All right. Like that's triggering to me. Like someone else goes after that.

That is why we have YouTube. Next person down. There's even a dad teaches you stuff channel. So I don't know. I will say, but it's easier for that guy to be the victim. So he's going to stick with that one. Yeah. And I think that, you know, again, I'm still kind of on the fence with this one.

We're kind of like. That I was referring to the. Yeah, this. Yeah, the person. Yeah, for being in his way kind of thing. Yeah. And I'm still like on the fence. People kind of, if you scroll down on the comments a lot, they kind of go off the deep end and like call OP out for being like misogynist, like misogynistic.

Also, sorry for all the word, like mishaps. I'm a little drunk. I'm jealous. I felt a little buzz at first and now I'm feeling a little bit. I'm going to let you read one because I'm like a little drunk over here. I need to like have my tea and yeah, but way down people like call him out for being misogynistic. Being like all the girls were sitting there while all the guys were doing things. Like she made me look bad in front of my boys, which you're an asshole for that phrase.

Yeah, my boys. Yeah. Not only was it incredibly, incredibly embarrassing in front of my boys. Oh, shut up. Like that is annoying, but it was distracting, unhelpful. Like that's true. But like, well, you have to be embarrassed. She thought she was dying.

Like get over it. Yeah. Embarrassed. Exactly. But I do see like where it's like, but the first part though is he was just. Saying the facts. He's like, the guys were helping the guys. The girls were chilling.

Yeah. They're like, which would kind of be the case. Like if I went out on a sailboat, which is what I'm envisioning here and the guys are like, move it to the starboard side. I wouldn't have any idea what the starboard side is. The right side. There you go. Lauren would be helpful in this situation.

I would not. And I was impressed. You knew that word. Well, I know starboard and port. I don't know which is which. Okay. Port is left. There we go.

I know now. So I might be helpful. Yeah. But like, I wouldn't know that. And so like, if the guys have been sailing their whole lives and something they did, it's their boat, yeah, they're going to know how to handle the situation. So the guys are helping the girls are chilling. Like, I don't necessarily think that's misogynistic.

So that's where I would differ on that. But I mean, I get it. Then a boy's part was annoying, but like, yeah, it's not really that big of a deal. It's like, I mean, come on, like, come on. So this one's really interesting. I think this one might be the pole one. Oh, like, what do you guys think? Like, is he the asshole or like, was her reaction over the top?

Yeah, I like that idea. But we're going to keep reading. And now I'm really curious what would win. I know. Cause there isn't. Okay. No, there is an overall vote. The overall vote on this is not the asshole.

Yeah. And that's, that's what I would go with too, because it doesn't sound like he was really like a dick about it. You know what I mean? No, it's kind of like he was just asking her to like work on, work on it. Is what I took from that. Yeah. So if he were to be like, you're a fucking, like, I don't know, like go off on her.

That's a different story. Cause it's like, she just thought she was going to die. Like, but he, if he's just asking her, like, Hey, like, we need to talk. Like I want you to work on this because it's, it's concerning for my partnership with you. I want us to work as a team and I like want us to be able to communicate and, you know, whatever. Then that's fair. Yeah, absolutely. It's fair.

It's like, what would be worse? Him not saying anything. And then just growing resentment to her over time and to the point where he just can't stand it and then he leaves her and doesn't even give her a chance. You know what I mean? It's like, if this is truly how she is going to act forever and if he truly can't handle it, then it's something that should be a conversation earlier than later before they get married, especially.

Yeah. So I don't know why I didn't even think to look at comments until something we just said brought it upon me. So looking at the comments, someone else like also had the question of like info. Had she ever been on a boat before? Does she know what to do in case of a storm like the one you were caught in? If not, then it's no surprise that she panicked the way she did. She wouldn't have known what to do.

And in the moment, it can be very hard to stay calm. If the answer is yes, then she definitely could have handled the situation better. I'm going to go with a soft, you're the asshole if only because one incident does not mean that you can't be relied on. He did say in the very beginning, though, that in general, like he was like, this wasn't, this isn't just like a one off instance. Yeah. Which is interesting.

Now I want to know what else she's done. Same. So OP does respond and goes, she has been on a boat many times. She does not know what to do, but the people who did know what to do, we're doing our best to keep everyone safe. We have had the conversation before about what to do if something goes bad. And the answer is to stay calm, get out of the way of people doing stuff and hold on to something.

Okay. Which was literally what I said. Like maybe she needs the conversation of like A, B, C, D here's what you do. She already got that. So I am fully, okay. I was on the fence. I'm not the asshole. Yeah.

She might need a tough dose of get it together, girl, because you could have endangered everyone else's lives by acting like that. Right. Especially I can envision her like in the galley or like the middle, like we're going to die and people need to get by to like do stuff, tie stuff down. Like I'm like, oh my God. Yeah. Just pick a seat, scream in your beach towel.

Well, and I think that like the whole thing too is that like a lot of us deal with some type of anxiety or depression or like some, like we, you know, we deal with a lot of stuff. Yeah. Today's age, we are familiar with it. We can call it by a name and a lot of senses and a scale and everything. So it's like we have sympathy for a lot of different situations like this. Like that could be severe anxiety where she was not even thinking straight.

She didn't even know what was coming out of her mouth. But at the same time, it's like you are still responsible for whatever like your mental health issues are, you know what I mean? Like just because you're a pathological liar and you could be diagnosed that way doesn't mean that like you just get to continue to lie to people's faces and hurt them over and over again without taking any responsibility. So it's like, I can completely feel for this girl, but like I do think it's very fair to have a conversation and be like, Hey, like I, I really like want

you to step up and work with me as a team. Yeah. And to be able to receive that and just be like, okay, I don't know if I'll be perfect, but I will, I'll work on it. Yeah. Yeah. So here's where the comments he responds to start trying to imply that he's misogynistic.

So someone goes, the misogyny in this post is making me think this isn't a real post. The woman were waiting in the wings for the men to save the day. They were all scared, but the men were taking care of it. Please. Comments been deleted by user. Next one down. A more apt comparison is if every man in the entire plane stood up and

immediately started helping and being useful in some way, while literally every single woman sat there and watched. O.P. responds, it wasn't about random men. It was about the people who know what to do versus the people who didn't. Me and the other guys have been out on the boat multiple times and know what to do when things go awry. Our partners do not stupidest comment I've ever fucking heard. We did not say, you don't know their situation.

They're fucking homies. If that's what they do for a sport and for fun, and these are all their girlfriends that they've accumulated over time. Who knows if they were a part of a fucking sailing team. Yeah, they might be part of, yeah. It's just like that might be their thing. That might be like, they might be best friends from fifth grade and they just grew up sailing together and now they all have girlfriends and they wanted to

take their girlfriends. Take the information you got, Reddit. Yeah, it's just like that's such a silly comment to have. O.P. goes, we did not say, quote, you broads sit here while the men save you. We wouldn't want your boobs and periods to get in our way. We told them that if things go badly, we are all experienced enough to know what to do. Yeah.

They are not. So the safest thing for them to do is to ensure they have something to hold on to. Stay out of the way and remain calm. Yeah. And so someone quotes like you broads all sit here, whatever O.P. said, I know people are all fired up in this comment section. So my mirth might be inappropriate, but this made me lol. Not the asshole, by the way.

So another comment though goes, what if the pilot is a woman? And O.P. goes, I'm still going to sit in my seat and do what I'm told, not misogynistic has nothing to do with gender. Yeah. They know what to do. I do not. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

I'm like, if it was all these girls that were like professional like sailors or have been doing it like the, their entire time. And these were boyfriends that they've had over time. And now they all want to take their boyfriends out and they're these professional sailors and they were like, okay, the girls told the guys to sit and like, because they know what to do. If something happens, I wouldn't want to fucking help, but I'm just, but I'm saying, I'm like, if roles were reversed, it's just like, it's just the fact that

like these guys were trained. That's what he's saying. So it's just, that's so silly. And it would be no different than like me taking a bunch of my guy friends out riding horses, if something went wrong with the horses, I would say, Hey, if anything goes wrong, listen to me, stay calm, don't panic, I'll take care of it. Exactly. Like I'm familiar with the horses.

I know horses. I can help. You're not going to be capable. I just can't stand how much like people are so quick to like want to like put things in boxes. Yeah, it's so frustrating. They do it all the time now. And it's like, I think his language was probably triggering for people though,

being like me and the boys. Yeah, that part, that part was annoying. Like I said, but just, I don't know, people still do it. They try, I mean, that's, I think it's like this phase of like hypervigilant wokeness and like, yes, being woke can be good, but there's also people that are like chronically online and just like make issues out of nothing. Exactly. Like you'll see it in every Twitter thread ever.

It's like people push it so far that it's actually doing more damage than good, but they like will tell themselves that they're like social crusaders when they're actually just like making people who were not mad, now mad. Do you know what I mean? It's like they're, they're not like, well, this is a conversation. I think that's coming up a lot with like trans women versus women. And like, I've even seen it in my, the YouTube comments for the podcast, like where like we try to be inclusive and say like people with periods and they're

like, say women or like, I'll use the term birth givers or and I say both. I'll be like women who give birth and like birth givers. And they're like, no, someone who gives birth is a woman. And I'm like, but you also have trans men that are still intact with female parts that can have birth. So it's very hard and you have women that are kind of now being like, well, I'm a woman, don't invalidate me in my experience. And so it's this whole like conversation that's like coming about because we are

more diverse, we have these new concepts that we've never had. And so it's this fine line of like, don't invalidate people while also trying to create a space for yourself. Yep. And it's very hard and we're not always going to have the perfect language. That was perfect. What you said, don't invalidate other people while you're trying to create a space for yourself.

It's just the bottom line. Like we are, we are more aware than we've ever been. We are more intelligent species than we've ever been. And it's like, and it's one of those things where it's like, okay, this person maybe like was triggered and thought that this guy was very misogynistic. And that's, that's fine. But I think the problem is, is that it creates so much energy where it's like, let's say this guy is literally the complete opposite.

You don't know him. Like, yeah, sure. That phrase that he was like embarrassed me in front of my boys. That was annoying. But like, I also could see myself being like, like embarrassed in front of the girls, like my, like my best girlfriends, like that were just meeting him for the first time, you know what I mean? So it's like, it's just one of those things where I just wish people will kind

of like, like, yes, on this podcast, we also kind of will question people. And I guess by that, we like put people in a box. But at the same time, they're all anonymous. So it's not as like, yeah, I don't know. But, ah, it's just such a hard topic. It's just so hard because. Sorry, now I'm just like my head's all over the place. Your wheels are turning.

I see, I see the little, the cogs going behind those eyes. It's just hard because it's like one of those things where you want to be able to express what you feel this is coming from. You know, like if this person thinks, wow, this feels misogynistic and maybe this guy should look inward, then it's like, okay, well, maybe he is misogynistic and maybe that is a good thing for him to look inward. And maybe this person really did him a favor by bringing that up. However, maybe he is the most anti misogynistic person ever.

And now you just pissed him off. And now he's becoming the most anti feminist because he's like, I've dedicated my entire life to being this way. And now you're going to like call me this. You know what I mean? It creates this like fire. Yeah. So it's hard.

It's like, it's really hard to know. And with like one comment pointing it out. Yeah. Yeah. But when people are like, well, what if the fucking pilot was a woman? It's like, dude, he just said the boobs and periods weren't the problem. Yeah. If there's one thing to learn about Lauren in this conversation is Lauren hates

generalized statements and umbrella and like putting people in a box. So no, I, I get it. It's, it is what it is, but not the asshole moving along. I was the biggest skims holdout. I thought it was all hype. I wasn't going to buy in. I'm obsessed with everything I've gotten from skims. And if you're not familiar, skims is a solution oriented brand creating the next

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Yeah. The quality is perfect. Right now I'm wearing the pushup bra and like I put it on in my roommate, literally came into my room and was like, why do your boobs look so phenomenal? Lauren literally said it's the best bra I've ever had. I ordered the bodysuit. The fabric on this is so amazing. It's so buttery soft and it also stretches to two times the size, but it has this

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This group of seven women come up to me after and they were like, who makes your bra? It was literally my skims bralette and I already washed it and it passed the wash test, didn't pill, it looks perfect. And the colors, the colors, nine core color ways and a bunch of limited edition ones. You guys can believe the hype. This collection has over 90,000 five star reviews for a reason.

Skims fits everybody and more bestselling essentials are available now at skims.com plus get free shipping on orders over $75 all at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Thank you. Okay. So up next is one that's coming from relationship advice. It's titled my 23 female boyfriend, 22 male, let his friend, 21 female sleep in

bed with us. Hmm. Aka my boyfriend, let his friend, who's a girl, sleep in bed with us. Thank you. My boyfriend has a friend that is obviously obsessed with him. Oh, okay. And when answers it and when she was too messed up to drive home, she slept in bed with us, even though I have established a boundary that I don't want

them sleeping in bed together. Get the note. Absolutely not. They also napped in the same bed while I was in class and I'm not sure what to do about the situation, even though we've already talked about it. My boyfriend and I are in love with each other and he claims this was a huge mistake and promised me this would never happen again, but it's still eating away at me and I'm not sure what to do about the situation.

He has a friend, Lily, that has an unhealthy obsession with him. For some context, she crushed on him at a job they both worked at and when he left for a different job, she followed him there and made it clear she wanted something more with him. My boyfriend and I did take a break last year for some months because we jumped into a relationship we weren't ready for. We are back together and exclusive. During our break, I know they did some sexual things, but he claims they

never had full blown intercourse. Absolutely not. No chance. You are not getting into bed with me and my boyfriend. Bye. The real question here is like, why is he still your boyfriend? He says he regrets what he did with her, does not have any feelings for her and truly wants to be with me.

She still hates that we're dating. I've tried being nice and friendly to her, but she's intimidated by me and still does not like me. The last time the three of us were together, she wasn't able to drive home. So I offered to buy her an Uber, which she refused. After taking some time to herself, she came back in the room where my boyfriend and I were laying in bed. She got into bed with us and ended up sleeping there.

Not only that, but which side was she on? His for sure. No, not only that, but when I went to class the next day and came back, they were taking a nap in bed together. I was pissed. I know she slept in bed with him on our break, so I made it a clear boundary. I did not want that to happen, no matter how much he claims it's just friendly. If she gets too messed up to go home, I said one of them needs to sleep on the

couch and the other can sleep on the bed. After she left, I confronted him and asked, why in the hell he let that happen? He said he just gave up on trying with her. And I said, I don't care. He knows the boundary and that it can never all caps happen again. I do believe he's telling the truth and that he really regrets that happened, but I need to hear some other advice. What should I ask him?

Would I bring this up again? I'm so mad. Um, I like have so many words, but I feel like I already got a little too violent. So that actually is so infuriating. Like, oh, I'm the victim. I just, I just gave up. No, tell her to fucking leave. Like, who do you want to hurt?

I actually, I actually said this to somebody once because I was, this was maybe like a third date with this guy and we were at a bar and he was like all over me. He kept like kissing me all over my face. And I was like, whatever. And then he like, he kept trying to kiss me and I would kiss him back. And then I finally decided to kiss him. I'm like, I'm going to be like the one to make the move. Okay.

And you know what he does? He pulls away from me. Huh. And I was like, that's weird because he's been kissing me all night in front of all his friends. And so then I asked him, I was like, why did you pull away from me? And he was like, well, there was this girl there who I used to hook up with. And he's like, so he was trying to make her jealous by kissing you.

No, no, no. He said the reason he pulled away when I decided to be the one to give him a kiss is because she had just shown up and I didn't realize that. And so when I tried to give him a kiss, he was like, I didn't want to make her feel bad by kissing you in front of her. And so that's why I pulled away because I used to hook up with her and she's a part of my friend group. And I was like, okay, I get that.

But there comes a point where you need to choose who you want to make feel bad. Do you want to make her feel bad or do you want to make me feel bad? Because you just made me feel bad. And like, I'm the one that you're apparently pursuing. If you're trying to have a relationship, you're trying to pursue me. Like you're telling me you want to be with me. Like you're very into like pursuing a relationship. Who are you trying to like, you got a pick.

And so that's why this story, like in general, this story is just so infuriating because it's just like, oh, you don't want to make this girl who's obsessed with you, who has crossed the boundaries, who is literally like a burden in your relationship, who is giving your girlfriend anxiety, who is making your girlfriend uncomfortable, who is making your like potential future not feel good, uncomfortable. Oh, so you just gave up and decided to cuddle with her in bed. Oh, got it.

Okay, you're cool. No, that's not how it works. Fucking grow the fuck up. Tell her to get the fuck out. Respect your fucking relationship. If she wants to be friends with you, she can be friends with you. She, this is the boundary. You're not going to sleep in bed with me.

Um, done. There's, they're still having sex. You think so? They're doing stuff. She refused an Uber ride home for free, slept in bed. No doubt in my mind that when OP fell asleep, she's sitting there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do this to me Morgan.

I'm going to throw it. She sure as shit didn't sleep next to her. Otherwise she would have mentioned it. She slept next to me. I know they didn't do anything when we were sleeping. She slept next to me. No, she slept next to him. She refused an Uber and then, oh, the next day, the very next day after this night,

she comes home and they're napping together. Yeah, I'm sure it was a nap after they just fucked. Dude, I have this friend. What? In what world are you still dating this guy, believing this guy? This dude's a pathological liar and you're just dumb and believing him. Don't victimize her. You called her dumb.

She is dumb. She is dumb, but you don't deserve this. Life is too short. If you're, if you're agreeing to be in a monogamous relationship with someone and they cheat on you. Be done. Like, hey, they didn't cheat. No, they didn't cheat.

But like he is now. He is now. That's what I mean. Like he is now. Like he's. Is this confirmed yet? Like, do you know this? No, but like, what do you call when you draw a boundary with someone and you say,

hey, no sleeping in the same bed as her. No interacting intimately with her and then you go and you come back and they're napping, that's cheating. What is that? It's not two friends napping on separate couches. Yeah, they're in a bed together. Napping. What the fuck is that?

That's, that's cheating, especially when she was so cool about it, being like, okay, like we can all be friends with this. My boundary. You're not going to sleep in the same bed as her. Like that's already, like she's, there's a lot of people that'd be like, no, I never want to see the person that you hooked up with while we had a break again. The fact that she's okay with it, knowing that this girl's had a previous obsession with you and that this is what her one boundary.

It's like, wow, you just fucking took advantage of her. You're an asshole. Um, no. But so I have like this friend who, oh, it is a story that I can't even believe, but like it is very similar to this. So she was dating this guy. He has this friend who he was friends with for a very long time, like over a decade, whatever, but this girl has always been obsessed with him.

She lives in a different state, but she is planning on moving here to the same state. And she is feeding this guy, telling him that cause she's like some, I don't know, big shot lawyer or something. And she's telling him that she is going to support him through his dreams to make him a multimillionaire. But if he stays with his girlfriend, he's going to be a nothing. He's going to be a loser. No one wants to be like, no one will respect somebody that's been, that will

be seen next to a girl who makes, I don't know what she makes. Let's say it's like, I don't fucking know, like 80 K. I don't fucking know what she makes. Imagine, yeah, whatever, like, no, like no one wants to be seen, like of your status. No one will respect you if you have a girl next on your arm who is making that. So get rid of her. She's a troll. And so anyway, and he's, she is seeing the text messages from this girl.

She has seen the text messages and she called him out and he goes, you're not supporting my dreams. He's like, this is really fucked up of you to not support my dreams. Yeah. Let him, let her have him. Let the trash take itself out. Unbelievable. It is the most infuriating thing.

Thank God they're not together anymore. But like, he still like tries, I don't know, he still tries to like play games with her and like, yeah, they're still together. No, no, no, they're broken up now, but they've like ran into each other. And he's like, Oh, like, I see now that, um, that probably wasn't the right move. Um, yeah, like your loss. Bye. Yeah.

He's like, I want to like get better for you. Go fuck yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Literally go fuck yourself. And he would just like not stand up for her. He'd be like, Oh, whatever to the girl and the girl, let your lawyer friend that wants you for your life.

Bye. Yeah. Like anyone like that, if you have a guy or girl or anyone in your life that's like that fucking, you're going to threaten me. Like you're not supportive. She's supportive. Yeah. Let them find out, let them walk things that this like this really good friend girl.

Oh, and they've also hooked up before they've hooked up in the past. So yeah. Yeah. I think like that's the thing. Like I have one guy friend that I've hooked up with in the past and any girl that came in his life, like I was never fully supportive. Like, yeah, you would never want to be a threat. Like no, and it's, it's very clear when you start dating someone and they have

friends, like say I'm dating a guy and that guy is into girls. Like that's the dynamic I'm working with. It could be different if it's a girl and girl and whatever friends, like, but if you have a, like someone that you're friends with and they've dated someone in the group, it's very clear when you enter the group, if there's a weird dynamic is that person still into them. And if that's the thing, like the boundaries need to be drawn and they need to be upheld in this case, this person's trying to draw them and this

dude saying, fuck you and your boundaries. I don't care. I gave up. So we have a lot of comments, honestly, a lot of comments. And this account is very, very active, giving me the feeling that this is a real account, like this person is not getting it. It's so just, I've never wanted to be mean so much in my life than right now. Because I know it's not her fault, but I want to fucking shake her.

Yeah, like, okay. So someone goes, were you okay with sleeping in the bed? Oh, he goes, I'm not going to show her weakness. Me sleeping on the couch slash floor wasn't an option for me. One of them should have done that. You already showed your weakness by letting her crawl in a bed with you two. You two were already in your bed, tucked away and cozy. She came in there and crawled in a bed with you guys.

Dude, I'm way too crazy for this type of thing. I hear shit like this. I'm like, how, how do you compose yourself? Like, I would have been literally like, leave, get the fuck out. Or no, honestly, what I would have done, I would have pulled my boyfriend aside and I would have been like, sort of fucking God, if you don't make her leave, then like, I never want to see you again. That's how this should have been handled.

But like, this is insane. Someone goes, I understand this and I wanted to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and go against the reticrain because of your age and because it seems like there's a lot of trust and relationship there until the night she got drunk and crawled in a bed with you both and then finding them napping together. Given their history and the history of events, especially finding them napping then together. I understand there's history, but he's got to be better.

Make your feelings known, how much you value the relationship and maybe how much you're willing to walk away. Maybe keep the last part to yourself, but don't forget it. I've known a few people who are now married, but at some point also had to make their significant set strict boundaries slash cut off one female friend in their dating history. I hope it works out for you. Opie goes, thank you so much.

Like, I know this is a messed up situation and most people will say it and be like, you just need to break up with him. You do. Thing is, that's not what I'm asking. If I was, I'd say, should I break up with him? The goal is to really try and save what we mostly have. Yes, he broke her boundary and that's not okay. But I do believe in second chances.

My eyes, I just rolled into the back of my head and he's broken his own boundaries with himself regarding me. I don't condone this. Sometimes he struggles telling me no, and we're also working on that. There's only so much I can say on Reddit. This doesn't include the many other conversations we've had about it. And Reddit can't keep tabs on other aspects of our relationship. I truly don't think he's cheating and a lot of people are blatantly ignoring that.

If he is, I guess that's on me if I found out later on. But for now, I'm enjoying hearing some good questions on what I should ask him and how I will talk to him in a kind but stern manner. Wish you luck. I'm done with you. Yeah. Done. That's like a situation where I'd be like, okay, with giving the ultimatum.

Cause I know ultimatums aren't like healthy and good. They're not. But like in that situation, I'd be like, if you want to continue this friendship with somebody who's clearly obsessed with you, who's clearly has ulterior motives to be with you, then I'm not going to be involved with you. Okay. That's all. Fucking goodbye.

Anyway, that's all. Moving on. Ah, there's just so many comments now that I'm like, I'm like, oh my God, this comment. This is the last one I'm going to read to just showcase how these people need to get a grip. Someone goes, her climbing in a bed would have been a no go for me. Same. Never. Same.

Not even a fucking chance. I would have left. And if my boyfriend didn't follow me, the relationship is done. Done. Done. 100%. Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you point to the couch?

There are three people in this relationship and two of them are okay with that. OP goes, I asked her if she wanted to sleep on the couch and she's weird. So she just shook her head. She was having a pity party in the kitchen before this happened. I really wanted to, but it wasn't my responsibility. It's my boyfriend's. And her willing to sleep with a couple is just fucking weird to me. Even his roommate was like, quote, girl, why the fuck did you put yourself in that situation?

To her. She was bawling her eyes out the next day because, quote, she hated seeing me give him affection. Are you kidding me? How did she know this information? The roommate told her? Roommate telling her. And some other shit because she's obsessed. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

God, the reason she's crying is because your boyfriend is stringing you both along and he's telling her, hey, babe, I love you. I want to be with you. I just need more time to break up with her. I love you. I want to be with you. Blah, blah, blah. He's playing you both.

I mean, I don't know that part, but like even if that's even if that money on it, well, even if that is not the case, there's no part of that. That's just like, he fucking knows. He knows that that girl likes her. It's like him. Yeah. It's just that I, oh my God. Who do you want to be with?

Bottom line. Me, her, you can't have both. Just be, just be real. Yeah. Be real. This guy. She for sure touched his dick. This guy that I.

For sure. This guy I dated told me the story that I was like, are you fucking kidding me? He was like, yeah, my ex-girlfriend when I started dating her, he's like, I was friends with this other girl and like, I have a lot of friends that are girls, like whatever. And anyway, this girl kissed me and told me she had feelings for me before, like before I started dating the other girl. And I was like, oh, I'm actually, I'm going to pursue this other girl. And I told her that.

And then she started crying and was really sad. Yeah. And so then I went and pursued the other girl who had like, became like. Dated. Boy from the dated. And then I had tickets with my friend who expressed that she likes me and like, like six months later to this like brunch festival that I really wanted to go to. So I told my girlfriend at the time that I was going to go to brunch

festival with this girl. And I was like, were there other people there? And he's like, no. And I was like, you fucking asshole. So it was a date. I was like, I'm team your ex-girlfriend. You dick. I was like, that's a fucked up.

I was like, are you serious? That's where you asked that person to have feelings for you and kissed you. Hey, I really want to go to this brunch festival. Kind of awkward. Can I buy the ticket from you? Yeah, literally. Or, hey, here's the ticket. I'm going to buy two more and take my girlfriend.

Idiot. Come on. It's like, is this the poll? Are dudes this dumb? Oh my god. But thankfully he like realized he's like, that's when I was younger. And he evolved. Yeah.

He's like, I'm like, I'm a fucking idiot. Hey, thank you much of it. He's like, I just love brunch festivals. And I just got it. Everyone loves French toast. Good mimosa. But I'm like, you're like the person you were dating, your girlfriend at the time, like she knew that this girl was obsessed with you and that this girl was your friend

and that this girl wanted you to date her and that this girl kissed you. And like she started crying when she found out that you were going to date her instead. And now you're going to go like, I don't remember. Maybe it was like three months later. I don't know what it was. Now you're going to go on a one on one. Brunch festival date all day on a Saturday. No.

No, he's an idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Yeah. Okay. Moving along officially. Moving along. If you're like me and hate grocery shopping and meal planning and all of the work that goes

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Go to hellofresh.com slash THT50 and use code THT50 for 50% off plus your first box ships free. Hello Fresh America's number one meal kit. Okay, so this next one. It is titled, Am I the asshole for blowing up at my husband for sharing pics of our daughter's birthday celebration, resulting in my family finding out about it. I don't know why this just feels like something I would do. Like not invite like one of my family members and then be like, you can't show anyone.

You have been posting a lot of things on your close friends lately versus public. So yeah, I could see this from you. I could see this from you. Okay, so ever since my brother passed away at the age of 17 on his birthday, my family decided to never celebrate birthdays again. It was my mom and dad's decision. But because of how much the family loved my brother, extended family decided to do the same and stand in agreement with this decision.

My husband would refuse to follow this decision and kept celebrating his birthday. Me and the family didn't say a thing about it since he's not blood family. But when I first got pregnant, the argument about celebrating our daughter's birthday occurred. My family advised me to just not celebrate her birthday since she's a baby and won't even remember anyways. I agreed. But my husband threw a fit and insisted that we celebrate our daughter's first birthday. I caved in eventually but told him we'd have a small secret celebration

so that my family wouldn't find out. He agreed. The next day I got a call from my mom and she was so upset saying that my word meant nothing and that I have no respect for my brother's memory nor the family. I asked what she meant and she told me she saw the birthday party pics my husband posted on social media. I was too shocked to even argue. I hung up and went straight to my husband to confront him about it.

He got defensive and said that he didn't need my permission to post pics and that he wanted to show his family the birthday celebration pics since I insisted we have a small secret party and exclude them. I explained to him how this made me look bad and a liar to my family but he said they can get over it and called my mom Snooby. Maybe he means snobby. I blew up at him and we had a huge fight about it. He started sulking later and said I ruined the memory of our daughter's first birthday for him

and verbally abused him with how I lashed out. But I solely did it out of frustration knowing that what happened caused a massive problem between me and my family. Now he's expecting an apology from me. Am I the asshole? Yes. The real like okay I think fast. Yeah well because I think it's really beautiful like to have a death in the family

especially a young death is extreme like I I there's no words. So painful. And so I think there's a really beautiful aspect of the fact that they came together in unity over like honoring this death that's beautiful. However it's like birthdays are meant to just be fun and lighthearted and loving and to take that away from your daughters who's like doesn't even remember yet and it's like a memory for like the family like it for the dad like he like that's I don't I just feel like that's not fair to ask him to not celebrate his daughter's first birthday.

You know what I mean? It's like it's one of those things where it's it's a beautiful idea to come together in unity but what like what if it was like to come together in unity and celebrate everybody's birthday by always memorizing like like giving memory to him. You know what I mean? Like every single birthday like saying a piece of like your memory of how amazing and beautiful he was. Like I just think I guess more I'm thinking about this because when we were in a group chat the other day and our friend Chill was like dude I swear to fucking God like I better not have a funeral

like I better have a fucking party when I die like I want like you guys to literally be like having the time of your life like I don't want anyone to be like wearing black and like whatever. No she didn't she didn't want a funeral at all and I go okay I go no bitch you're not taking that away from me the funeral isn't for the person that died. The funeral is for the people that live on after and I go if you take the chance of me hearing fucked up stories that you did when I wasn't there I'm gonna fuck you up like that's like and that's the thing like like this I get I 1000% agree with what you're saying like use his birthday as an opportunity and other people's birthday as an opportunity to celebrate

him yeah yeah why like why does everyone need to be erased exactly because not only is everyone erased you're erasing him yeah and then the rest of the generations to come so then now like this daughter grows up not being allowed to celebrate her birthday and then what that she has like that she's around all of her friends when she gets older that and she doesn't have a birthday that's gonna be traumatic for her birthdays are just they are a big across the board they're a part of our identity you know what I mean like they really are even if people don't give a shit about their actual birthday it's like how many times do you write down on forms your birthday you know what I mean it's a part of your identity and so I just think to like make it be this like

absolutely no happiness on the day that you were born just feels like a really controlling thing to just like like announce across the board especially for like newcomers like I think like that's why I said the idea was really beautiful of this like unity coming together and I respect that but I just think that it's like it doesn't feel very fair to now people getting married and like them having their traditions and them not being able to celebrate their traditions do you know what I mean like it's just too encroaching on everyone else's life and yes it is beautiful and I could see like hey maybe for the first year two years after because what what a tragic loss yeah to die on his 17th birthday horrible tragic loss so I get like hey let's just take a

step back from birthdays because they're too painful yeah what was meant to be a happy day of celebration turned into the worst day of our lives and on everybody's birthday we can celebrate him instead you know what I mean like adam on like hey yeah here's an extra candle for thomas like me when she was here with us or you know whatever well like you said like the next like few years yeah whatever that family finds meaningful but I think it's really unfair to then like like my mom had her grandpa pass away on her birthday so she's hated celebrating her birthday every year since because it's a reminder of her grandpa dying but it's like she still deserves to be celebrated and it's also for her kids like we're celebrating her without her we wouldn't be here

so birthdays are like yes they're about that person but they're also like for everyone else to show appreciation and love that you came into this world exactly so birthdays are a lot like to take it away from this person who's not even like one years old like it just that doesn't feel that doesn't feel right and then and then for him to be excited about having a one-year-old and celebrating and then for him to get whatever he said like verbally like you know yell that honestly though and I was literally just about to devil's advocate that where I'm like the only thing I have a problem with him saying is like kind of like flipping the blame and being like you're verbally abusive but we're also only hearing from OP yeah she's the one who said it but he said that yeah so I'm like

honestly how did you react yeah we don't actually know we don't even know so like him saying that and her airquoting is really abusive like right it could be spot on like she's frustrated she's upset her family's mad at her she could be flipping the fuck out right so she could be being verbally abusive yeah we don't really know so I like I fought with myself on that and I'm so glad you mentioned that so glad yeah oh that's tough though because it's like she's battling with like that's that's what's really hard it's a it's a tragic loss and so it's he's also probably battling the fact that he wants to give so much love and support for his wife but like he wants to celebrate his daughter you know it's it's exciting it should be able to be exciting and so it's like that's why I think

it's an interesting solution that they decided to honor yeah the death because it's like what do you think that that is what the sun would would want you know what I mean like I never know but like think about it would you want people to like if you were to die on your birthday would you want everyone around you to never celebrate their birthdays no I would want people to throw the biggest rager ever and I think you can go pour shots out on my grave let's go baby yeah yeah like it's about like more of the remembering like regardless that person isn't with you anymore yeah and I think a lot of people would feel that way like correct me if I'm wrong but I think a lot of people would feel that way that like you still want is this the poll yeah is this the

poll you guys yeah but I think a lot of people feel that way that it's just like you want you still want the people that you love to be happy and be able to feel celebrated like if I were to die right now like I would never want you to not celebrate your birthday I would want you to have so much I would want you to celebrate like me like when I die like I want you to like say funny stories that I wouldn't get mad at you for and and like share that with with the world and share that with like your friends and your family like that's what would make me feel good like not you not celebrating your birthday so like I don't really know what that type of like mindset is or where they came up with that or if they have like a certain type of religious

or like religion or or culture that like tells them that that is like the right thing to do I'm not really sure where they're coming from but for me that's kind of hard for me to understand yes all of what you said and this is like what's really thank you this is what's really hard when you date someone and you marry someone and you blend your families you enter into a family that has pre-existed and had drama and life events and happy times and whatever else before you came in the picture so when you come in the picture you're coming in blind like you don't know what exists is before you so you're just trying to move forward in the space of like what you can create and I've had times in my life where like I've posted stuff on social media

and gotten huge backlash from it because like I didn't understand the dynamics and it was hurtful to someone where it's like I'm just like dealing with the cards I'm dealt like this is the life I'm trying to live and so you navigate it the best you can and it's like him posting it like he should be able to celebrate his daughter's birthday that's his kid too if the mom and this is the thing that I think she should have done if she didn't want to celebrate her daughter's birthday she should have left she should have left let your husband invite his family over and celebrate your daughter's birthday without you if you don't want to throw a birthday party fucking leave leave well because imagine remove yourself because imagine it this way like let's

say that you and Justin had a baby and Justin's family told you that you cannot celebrate your baby let's say baby boy your baby boy's first birthday um maybe his name is Carter I'm just really trying to paint a picture for you so Carter is about to turn one and oh my god I inhaled that straight in my lungs and Justin's family told you that you are not allowed to celebrate Carter's first birthday how would you feel sorry Justin's family this is my baby if you don't want to celebrate his birthday and Justin can't and he's going to uphold your rules you can take Justin for the day there you go I'm having a good time okay I fucking push this watermelon out of my pussy yeah that's actually funny I do this on purpose to you every time you always say that every time

no but to your point actually it's my um I call her Aunt Tracy but she's not blood related she was just like my mom's really good friend when I was growing up doesn't matter she's not yeah so on Tracy um so she um wished my mom a happy it was my sister's birthday I can't remember let's say she was 35 and she was like happy 35th anniversary to you giving birth to the to your first child is what she texted my mom and I thought that was so adorable and I like I don't know why but I never like thought about it that way you know what I mean like that birthdays are an anniversary for the moms the only thing and I don't know if you were on this episode but there was a story about a mom on her kid's birthday demanded her kids give her presents for birth for birthing them I don't think

I was on that episode a cute a cute little text from a friend yeah if you force your kids to like come on to their birthday but like yeah it's it is a monumental moment and it was my mom's first baby so yeah that's my deal my mom was like that was so thoughtful I never thought about that way and she shared it with us and she was like wow like you're on Tracy is like so like thoughtful because she also wished my sister a happy birthday that's cute but yeah it's really cute no it's adorable so overall vote on this one is asshole top comment you're the asshole and your family this is out of control that is an insane thing to agree to concerning people who weren't even born at the time your children and husband did not consent to this it honestly sounds like your

family might need some therapy all around it is sad someone died but the living should not have to pay the price for it every year birthdays are about celebrating the life of the person born that day not about the death of a person born a different day ETA I bet your brother would be appalled that this was his legacy yeah telling everyone that their life isn't as important as his you do look bad and you are a liar you should have stood up and said we are celebrating the life of my daughter to your family go apologize to your husband okay that makes me feel good because 50 000 votes yeah it's very confirmed because I didn't want to be insensitive to the fact that there was a death in the family but when you were like whoa that was a fast yes you're the asshole I was like

oh but I can't help it this is how I feel but now I feel validated OP does respond to that comment okay OP says to be frankly honest I don't entirely agree with my parents on this decision but seeing many family members willing to support and followed the decision I figured it like external family yeah I figured it caused issues if I didn't do the same also I did agree that we have a celebration this wasn't the issue the issue was that my husband posted pics that's that's yeah well and here's what's hard like in my case like I literally asked Justin I'm like I want to live my life like I don't want to feel like I need to censor like I want to be respectful of people's feelings but still live your life but at the same time we're all entitled to live our life like at the end of the day this

is the hand I'm dealt this is what I have to deal with and it's hard like you you can't appease everyone you can't and it's it's so hard it's so hard so I get that she's like well it wasn't the problem we had the birthday but like he posted pics it's like no the problem was you had the birthday that's what they're upset with yeah the pics are a part of the aftermath of this whole thing but like the bottom line is you had the birthday yeah if you didn't want to have a birthday you should have removed yourself and ben over at your family's that day and said hey mom and dad I'm gonna hang out with you blah blah blah is not born into the family he's having a birthday for our daughter your family wouldn't be upset with you then they wouldn't because they excused the

husband from celebrating his birthday because he was not born into the family so guess what yeah there's your out go sit with your fucking family yeah don't celebrate your daughter's birthday don't lie like that's the thing that really pisses me off is when people just like no like fucking grow up and don't lie like that's like then no you are okay with me lying to you yeah like it's happening right you're more comfortable with me lying yeah so you feel better about lying to your entire family and celebrating a birthday rather than just being truthful to them and and telling them what youth like what feels right to you and what you how you want to live your life what is what is that we got to stop trying to appease people whether

they're like family or our friends like like as long as we're being respectful and kind like we have to be more rational and think about like what it what life do we want to build for ourselves like create your own world and live in it no one else is walking in your shoes but you and so I think like this is kind of the hard part and the thing too is like sorry to cut you off but before you continue that's what I wanted to say is that the whole like everyone mourns differently and so the fact that like somebody decided we're all gonna mourn this one same way how is that that's taking away other people's mourning like everyone mourns differently yeah sorry sorry go on no I was just gonna say like no one walks in your shoes so it's like

you also like I we've come across this too where it's like and this happens a lot and I think there's kind of a mixed conversation about this where it's like well so and so was mean to me but they weren't mean to you but like still you're my friend so you should hate them too or on the flip side where it's like well you know she was mean to you but she's not mean to me so like I don't have a problem with her and it's this hard conversation of like loyalty versus like you're right like she wasn't mean to you so like all you can do is walk your walk and take it at the face value and it's this really hard conversation of like do you remain loyal to people or do you keep on going living your life and just doing your life because that situation

had nothing to do with you truly nothing I don't know if you've had this throughout your life but I've had this multiple times where somebody's mentioned one of their friends oh I did that air quotes I like it okay and they've and they're not actually a friend they're just kind of like a person who is around or something like person who like is in the same exists yeah like setting is them same like whatever people will be like oh yeah she's a bitch to everyone but she's nice to me so it's cool and I'm like wait so like why do you want to be friends with that person I've thought that since I was a kid I've had so many people say in different versions oh she's mean to everyone or she's really hard to get along with but she's really nice to me so I'm friends with her and I'm

like why do you want to be friends with somebody that's going to be a bitch to other people yeah for no reason no and that's you know that's the hard line like that that sounds like a bad person if it's a one-off and the person is really nice yeah if the person's really nice overall but like they just don't get along yeah it would be like the person is like really good to everyone else but like hey she called me a bitch Lauren like I think you should hate her because she called me a bitch like yeah that's different then it's like well that person is generally nice like maybe maybe the issue is just truly you guys don't mesh right and so it's it's hard it's it's the fine line of like using your critical thinking in life and just dealing with the cards you have trying to keep the

peace not create issues and just living your life doing what's best for you gliding down your road yeah all you can do it's like walking the line just Johnny Cash walk the line how walk the line that's me that's me every day how walk the line well I also think it's important too to like with the relationships that you have I think it's important to kind of actually understand them truly because I think it's something that I've realized and it's it's hurt me so many times is that I will just put everyone in one category these are all my friends these are all my family these are all my acquaintances and everyone that's in my friends and my family my acquaintances I like expect them to like XYZ but at the end of the day like all of my friends are different like

types and levels and degrees and ups and downs of friends you know like I have a friend who I know that I can have a lot of fun with and we can like laugh and do like and then I have a friend that I know that will be there for me if I'm really in like a hard situation I can run to them and like they'll there's different categories exactly and I think it's really important too to like always look at everyone in your life and just know what your expectations are and not put them all at the same standard so that you don't get hurt all the time do you know what I mean yeah you can't uphold everyone at the same standard yeah and you can't please everyone to the same standard like you just really have to live for yourself and no and if you can't that's where

therapy can come in there is a comment that goes you're the asshole this is incredibly unhealthy and your entire family needs professional help OP responds and goes my two siblings did get grief counseling they were young when it happened but me my parents and extended family didn't we used to attend church at the time and spend time with the community there therapy like therapy everyone could benefit from therapy in this situation in regular everyday life and if there's dynamics where like you can't move past therapy like you should be able to go forward in your life and live a happy healthy life and not let the past detriment your future and if it is therapy there's some trauma there you need to work through

moving along okay one last one to really really just tailspin us are you ready for this I've teased this story so many other times and I think you are the perfect person to get it with and the last story too mm-hmm okay I traveled to a foreign country to get pregnant by a complete stranger with no strings attached why is this for me I consider it the best decision I ever made honestly this is something I would I would do what it is let's get into it seven years ago when I was 24 years old I decided I wanted to have a child while I was still relatively young and energetic I had a college degree made $90,000 a year as a marketing analysis and had been investing in the stock market since high school so I knew I could afford to take care of my kid

the problem was that I didn't really want to be with a guy I'd tried the dating thing but nothing clicked and besides I was always too busy to invest in a relationship at the same time I wanted a child someone I would love forever and who would love me forever and I didn't want to wait until my biological clock started ticking alarmingly I considered going to a sperm bank I could afford it but I've always hated medical environments and thought it would be creepy to have a child with a faceless man I thought about getting naturally inseminated by a guy I met online but I didn't want to deal with child custody issues finally I decided that since I'd already planned a three-week working vacation to a foreign country I won't say which one for privacy

reasons I might as well try to kill two birds with one stone long story short after asking around and paying some people I found this guy who was willing to sleep with me every night for three weeks since this country has a low cost of living he was willing to quote do the deed for a few hundred dollars he spoke okay English and wore a white button down shirt so I think he was a college student who wanted some extra spending money I didn't really expect it to work but two weeks after I got back I missed my period and discovered that I was pregnant yay your face your fucking face okay the rest of my pregnancy went really well my mom was a little shocked at first but she moved in with me after she got used to the idea of becoming a grandma

before the age of 50 my dad ditched my mom when I was a baby so fuck him I switched to working from home six months into my pregnancy and was even promoted a few months after I gave birth having a marketable pun intended degree is a great investment kids my son is now six years old and the happiest little boy I know he has a mother and a grandmother who love him to pieces and can give him a good life when COVID hit and his school went remote my mom was able to make sure he kept up with his learning support systems are so important everyone sometimes you shouldn't be afraid to take the road less traveled I'm over 30 and haven't met any guy that I want to date much less settled down with but I have a son who I'll love forever and who will forever love me

I'm even thinking of going back to that country to give him a sibling everyone still thinks that I got knocked up by accident a youthful mistake while on vacation type of deal only I know the truth my son is not some unfortunate mistake he's a deliberate miracle so many of my female friends are hitting their 30s and scrambling to find a guy and or get pregnant but I've been coasting along happy as a clam what was your question I don't think there was one this was just a um an off my chest post I should have prefaced this this is a this is an off my chest post no advice needed still want to do it still consider it that's that's not what I meant I just meant like I could see myself if I didn't have a partner and I wanted to have a baby

I could see myself doing like either getting knocked up by somebody or like insemination or like something like that if I wanted to have a child and I didn't have a man yeah well and becoming a parent is very much a so like a priority for you yeah yeah but I think you'd do it the right way like I wanted to chime in and be like Lauren like there's sperm banks for this sperm banks with sperm that is willingly given and has been genetically tested and like I mean I guess she did it affordably doesn't it feel like predatory though it feels very wrong it feels predatory like completely you went to a poor country yep and you asked around and paid other people money to find you someone that would fuck you a college student maybe a

college student she's assuming with that one didn't she just say it was a student that she said he wore a nice white button down shirt so she thinks he was a student yeah no that story I didn't like that that made me feel uncomfortable uncommon issues yeah who the fuck else would do this and who would admit to it so I don't yeah I don't like it like if she were to actually just if she were just like go to a foreign country and be like I'm just gonna have sex with people because I want to have a baby like but this feels so weird that she was paying somebody who she thinks was a student to have sex with her every single night to have a baby that feels so weird and then go back to the states uh she's from the states right it sounds like it and I get if you want a mama mia moment

I mean mama mia exists like it's a very popular I've never watched mama mia are you fucking kidding me I've seen like the end I saw that she had like three potential dads that is a crime like at the end Meryl Streep yeah true Amanda see Seyfried whatever it is yeah I didn't I know Pierce Brosman I know Colin Firth I know I scars guard I saw the like when they all came together and they all were like wondering if they were her dad mama mia it's like uh yeah oh my god what's the I know but yeah it's a crime okay movie movie night movie night coming wait didn't we go to a movie in the park that played mama mia no not with me god okay well movie night coming soon but like I I get like living your life and just I don't know like I

can't imagine this because like anytime I have sex I've been very precautious but there's some people that just raw dog it they just love casual sex and they love raw dog and do you think the guy knew that she was kind of a baby or just have sex yeah no I think he knew and he's like I think it was like very much so discussed because people went and found him and said hey this woman will pay you for sex he came over every day of the week like this is prostitution but like this is not like happy prostitution where you wear a condom and this like this is very predatory and like she really took advantage of a poor individual yeah like I don't know dude this is weird um also the comment too where it's like

he'll love me forever this feels very much like enmeshment yeah I thought that too when I heard that you're raising your child to be your everything you're raising your child to be your partner and I totally when you've read that part I was like alarm bells alarm alarm alarm bells and I get the mom is single but your mom should also kind of have her own life and maybe like you know but some parents they have different dynamics and their life is their children completely so I just found it very interesting and I know multi-generational households are a thing especially for a lot of cultures but it's like I'm sorry your mom is living with you taking care of your son like it sounds like your mom is your partner and now you're raising your son to be

another partner like this is a weird dynamic we got going here and then the comment at the end I'm thinking about going back to the same country to give him a sibling what like hmm yeah so you're going to be a predatory sicko twice also what happens when your kid grows up and does 23andMe your ancestry DNA kit and finds out that their dad is this or they have siblings here like you don't think your kid's gonna have trauma of finding out like hey my mom went to a third world developing country and paid someone a fucker for three weeks ah I don't know it just yeah it just feels weird I don't even have a comment no uh there's some comments on the original

post a lot of people questioning like what the fuck is happening um someone goes having children just to have people that'll love you forever is very scary do you have hobbies friends I have a friend who was adopted and she said her mom had the same reasoning she didn't want to be in a relationship but she wanted someone who would be obligated to love her shocker turns out she's a terrible mother and my friend barely has any contact with her now whoa that's what OP said these are these are comments on the post oh got it OP deleted their account okay I was like OP OP got terrible backlash and bounced bounced someone goes I got pregnant for pretty much the same reasons as the OP the problem was I was fresh out of high school crappy part-time job and severe depression I wasn't a good

mom and my daughter has gone down the same road as me we love each other but my fairy tale ideas about being a mom were shattered I love being a grandma though and so I fully believe this is real I think some people out there just take life into their own hands and well do a crazy weird yeah inappropriate shit to get what they want the thing is is that like I do want to have children I just I do I've always wanted to and I think that that is something that is more like tangible like I can choose to have children whereas like I mean I guess technically I could choose to be married to a man but like for me I'm like choosing to be in love is harder you want a family I want I want a family that's what I want I want to be in love with somebody and then I want

to have a family with them and but I'm just saying that like it's it's hard to find someone that you are truly fully head over heels and love with that you can partner with that you can like be on the same page that you can be compatible with and then have a family like it's it's less predictable so I I can understand how somebody want like because that's something where I thought like if I can't find somebody that I'm in love with and want to have a family with I still want to have kids like I do I really do and so but it's like this this story is just it feels weird it just it feels weird but then I'm wondering I'm like is it weird though because at the same time if you go to a sperm donor it's like well everyone consented to that and you probably only have to be like what

like probably above 18 or something to give your sperm like what is the qualification so then it's like okay well then where like is that privilege like I mean I don't know it feels it feels weird regardless but age 19 to 38 height of five eight or taller currently attending or have graduated from a two or four year college healthy legally allowed to work in the US become a sperm donor california cryo bang yeah so it's like pretty casual so also their their their qualifications are very interesting yeah that's interesting I don't know um healthy healthy that's it yeah wild but yeah I don't know it's just it's an interesting concept because I'm like it feels weird and yeah off what she did but then it's like okay well

isn't that different from a sperm donor from a sperm bank well some someone so someone no no it is it's a very hard conversation because someone in the comments goes sperm banks are there for a reason exploiting someone in a developing country is horrifically predatory you are no better than men who go to places like Thailand and buy girls my aunt is Thai and the stories she's told me make my skin crawl just because you are a woman who did this also one day your son will ask about his father and the fact he will never get the chance for that connection is incredibly sad and that like that person kind of goes against himself where it's like sperm banks are there for a reason but your son will ask about his father and not having that connection is sad and so it's like you can't

go to a sperm bank and do it right and then give your kid the connection to a father right like it it doesn't you don't get right your cake and eat it too right and there are a lot of donor conceived kids that are now coming out saying this is bad like I don't like that I'm a donor conceived kid I don't like that I don't have a connection to my genetic like birth parents like it's it's a very complex conversation that's just starting to come about and it's also like but I don't know like I'm not a donor conceived kid so I don't even know how to feel about it and it's not my right to give comment on it but you know it's like for someone like you that does want a kid and you're giving life to someone and you're giving them a good life and raising them the best

you can like well that's why I wonder is that better than not existing right and that's why I'm wondering like because it's just like okay well that kid who is upset about that being a donor conceived kid wouldn't exist if everything didn't fall into place the way it did you know this is where we need a donor conceived person to come on and say I hate the fact that I was donor conceived or I appreciate that I'm here or give their take if you're listening and you're out there head to the instagram or the youtube but that's all I got for this episode yeah that last story I I didn't even that was really hard for me this whole theme was like how do you deal with these issues that are so uncommon and so messed up that you're like gasping for the thoughts like

I feel like my brain was just deprived of oxygen I can't even like think of a rational thought to come up with a take well a lot of stories though have been something that have been really black and white and you gave a lot of stories that were kind of like a gray area yeah there's some gray area and some I don't know so so knowing knowing all that you know what would you call this episode don't give Lauren the mic episode a lot of gray area moral debates are the worst to have or is uncommon issues just a solid choice I think uncommon issues is a pretty good one I really do cannot wait to hear what you guys think and be sure to come back for part two of this series because this is only the beginning and we had a story way way back in the day called

I ruined my mother's life and I'm not I don't feel bad for it and it was a story about a woman that her husband was fucking her mom their whole relationship that's gonna be on patreon this month so head over there who'd you do that with it's gonna be you bitch oh what it's gonna be you so keep joining us I love you all thank you for being here there's gonna be a patreon story from this theme over there um and just fair warning I post things last minute late in the month I will be better but hey as we learned the beginning of this episode life is a little rough for a little me right now so if I could just get a little um grace yeah that'd be amazing but I love you guys and thank you for being here thank you for supporting us my life would

be terrible without you all I fully believe that and I love you I love you guys too until next time bye bye guys the thought of my son's growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes ashtrays and lighters I started exercising instead of smoking staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key I kept on trying learn something each time do whatever it takes no matter how many times it takes we did it so can you for free and confidential help call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC finding your perfect home was hard but thanks to burrow furnishing it has never been easier

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