Two Hot Takes - 119: I Must Be Dreaming..

Episode Date: June 15, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin (he's baaackkk)!! This episode features stories that leave us wondering if we're dreaming or is this really reality. I hope you enjoy Justins sleep walking story and can't wait to hear some of yours if you have them! Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Watch our Iceland Travel Vlog!!! https://youtu.be/FISXcwnw49E Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Masterclass: masterclass.com/tht Storyworth: storyworth.com/tht PDS Debt: PDSdebt.com/tht HelloFresh: Hellofresh.com/tht16 Promo Code: tht16

This is the sound of a day of rebauging in the Outlet Malaga designer. It's the sound of your favorite firms like Pedro del Guerro, Adolfo Domingue, a day to remember with discounts of up to 50% additional. See us every day, including the Sundays only 15 minutes of Malaga. MacArthur Blend Design, Outlet Malaga, destination joy. It was fine where it was. You didn't want to look at me? I just, it would have felt like we're recording in the forest. We're in the jungle. We're on Survivor.

Yeah, this is how they do the interviews in Survivor. I don't like it. I want to see ya. Especially because you haven't been on an episode in forever. I think it's actually been a couple months since you've been on a regular episode. And I kinda forgot because you come on Patreon and you do so much with me on Patreon.

And then Lauren the other day sent us a comment and it was like, where's Justin? Give us more Justin. Maybe with his shirt off and I lost it. We'll get there. We'll get there. We need to do it like an episode on a beach. Yeah. With the waves crashing. Okay. I like doing the recordings on location. Yeah, it's ideal.

With like a margarita. Oh, don't even get me started. Give a one margarita, she's an open of legs. We need to carry us this episode. Yeah, so. Might as well put a curtain in front of me and then I could record from in the back, like the great oz. Yeah.

Yeah, so Justin and I have been quarantining for the past two weeks. I came back from my trip and came back with COVID and decided to give it to him. So we've been on lockdown in our house and let me tell you, COVID round two, I'm not very fun. You did not have a hard time at all. I lost my taste in smell again though. You're like, I got allergies. I did think it was just allergies,

especially because the first day on my trip, I have video proof I'm sitting there like sniffling. And so I was like, oh, it came back. Like still allergies. Like, and I do get really bad allergies. So whatever I thought, it's fine. But I lost my taste in smell again, except it came back a lot quicker than it did the first time I had COVID.

But man, I was about to have a mental breakdown. I was keeping my game based on. Well, I hope everyone listening is down for a nice chill boy today. Yeah, Justin's still a little sickly. This is tough for me right now. Gotta say. Really? Well, you better pop up.

What's the... So, Lee, throughout the episode, you see me start to sink. Like, I just get to the point where in the last or I just respond to like this. Yeah, I mean... I think it's totally fine. Especially for the audio listeners, I mean, they don't care. No, they'll have no idea. No.

So so happy. So I'm very happy to have you back. I think this will be a great episode, even with you being sick and things being a little a little tamer, you know, we won't be yelling. It's fine. But I could probably still yell a little bit. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, now they're going to hold you to it. But I have some. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got.

I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got.

I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got.

I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got.

I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. I have got. Give a dream, hasn't it? Especially Tuesday. Tuesday is my bad day. And then that was my bad night, I think. Justin has been very, very ill. I've been very active in my sleep hours. Oh, don't worry, we'll get there. We'll get there. Are you ready? Yeah.

Let's dive in. Okay, so as Justin kind of hinted, he has been very active in his sleep this past week. And I think a big part of it is a combination of like Nike will plus allergy pills, plus Tylenol, and I think it's just kind of all plus being half dead. Yeah, plus having COVID. So Justin hadn't experienced it the night. And let me set the scene for you, okay? It's 3, 3.30 in the morning. I'm just finishing getting my episode up on YouTube,

the thumbnail done, all of that. And all of a sudden, I see him like sit up on the side of the bed, turn on his phone flashlight and then stand up. And I'm like, what the hell? Like I thought, okay, maybe he's getting up to go the bathroom. No big deal.

But all of a sudden, he starts taking the flashlight on his phone and like scanning it all over his body. No, I was looking at the floor, I thought. No, no, you were scanning your phone all over your body with the flash. The story has evolved. Where's my phone? I did not video me. I have a video. No, you didn't. You can't do that. You really did. I have a video. How should you take a video that quick? I have a video you talking later. Anyways, so he's

sitting there and he's scanning his body with the flashlight and I go babe What what are you doing? And he just goes looking for bugs And I'm like I Night at this point Justin's never really like slept walked like this like he'll mumble in his sleep And you'll kind of be able to talk a little bit back and forth with him But he's never gotten up and done things. He's not that type of a sleep walker.

And so I'm freaking out because I think he's awake and I'm like, what bugs? Did he feel something? Do I have bugs in the bed? What's going on? Well, it's not wrong to say I was awake. Because I remember a good bit of it. It's not like I woke up and said, what happened? Which is so strange,

because you didn't remember a lot of it when I was telling you the next day. No, then I got mad. Yeah. So he ends up like scanning himself for bugs and I'm like, babe, what bugs? I'm freaking out. So he ends up laying back down like pretty quickly. So he didn't have to

get up and go pee, which when I confronted him in the morning, he said I got up to go pee and I go, no, you did. That's how I remembered it. I remember getting up going to the bathroom, coming back, grabbing my phone and looking for something. That's what I remember. And then I remember you said something and I was like, what? No, what are you talking about? And then I got back in bed. You never, yeah, you never went to the bathroom. That's how I remembered it though. I wasn't completely blanked on it. But isn't that scary because you didn't go to the bathroom. So in your dream, you must go on the bathroom and then came back and scanned yourself for bugs. Hey, at least I didn't go running outside. Yeah. Well, our first, our first story is supposed to kind of play

into that I must be dreaming and maybe make you feel a little better about your sleep walking bug experience. I'm sure. Okay, so this is from three years ago. It's from off my chest, from Sarah Horus' skate. It's titled Help, boyfriend peed on my mother So I will explain my boyfriend and I got home late after a basketball game and we were both super tired So we went to sleep at my mom's house since we were both home on winter break in the middle of the night

I woke up to my mother screaming Quote, what are you doing? This isn't the bathroom. You just peed on me. Get out." And I found my boyfriend missing from the bed. When it comes back in the room and lays down, it is obvious that he is still sleeping. I was horrified and didn't know what to do. Fast forward to the next morning. My mom calls me out to the living room while my boyfriend is still asleep. She then asks, does boyfriend have a history of sleepwalking? Was he drinking last night? I answer no to both of these, and then she continues to explain that he peed on her in his sleep all over her bed. She doesn't want to bring it up to him because she knows he was sleepwalking and doesn't want to bring it up to him because she knows he was sleepwalking

and doesn't want to embarrass him. I am sick to my stomach over this incident. What do I do? Yeah, that would be pretty shocking. But okay, what the crazy part is with your bug thing, you literally thought you had gotten up and went pee. So how easy would it? Maybe I did. No, I was awake. I was sitting there editing. You wake up, I'm just peeing on the bed.

Well, and like after you laid back down, I kind of talked to you for a little bit. I'm like, babe, what bugs. Of course you can't. And that's when I started recording you. Well, that's when you could get some crazy info. You know, if there was some secrets going around. When are you gonna propose?

Well, I'd probably be like, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, that would be pretty horrific on either side, on any of the three people's side that is just sucks, especially for the guy. I mean, come on, imagine waking up the next day and being like, I did what? It's a lot different than posting a lot of embarrassing photos on Snapchat or something.

Most people do. Yeah, that is true. But I think it's not all that uncommon to have drinking correlate with people peeing in their sleep. I think that is. I've heard of that before. Yeah, I mean, people black out and they wet the bed all the time. But you haven't- But you wasn't drinking.. But to have it manifest how it's good. Yeah. Like, I don't know how

you trust yourself going to sleep ever again after that. One of my biggest fears is a lot of times off dreams and while I'm being chased or the world is ending or something horrific's happening, I will often be trying to find a bathroom because I'll have to pee so bad. In all reality, I wake up from those dreams and I do really have to pee because I drink a lot of water before I go to bed sometimes. In the dream, I remember sometimes finding the bathroom and when I get close to finding it or when I do is when I wake up. Or sometimes I do remember peeing, coming back out of the bathroom, and then continuing on the journey for a little bit,

and then waking up. And yet I still have to go pee. So I'm like, how? Like not sleepwalking and peeing, right? Like the story, but how does it not happen to me where I wake up? And you paid yourself? Yeah, so that freaks me out.

So. Have you ever wet the bed as an adult? I don't think so, no. I have like one questionable experience, and I don't know if I did or not, but it was like I went out and I wasn't super, like I didn't get super trash or anything. No.

And I went to bed with like a water bottle next to me and I woke up in the morning and the water bottle was gone and I was like in a puddle, but I couldn't remember if I drank it or if it leaked. Oh, that's crazy. And I was like, oh my God, did I wet the bed? This one, so that's like, I say, when people ask me, I'm like, no, I never have because I really don't know.

Yeah. And it wasn't like, it didn't when people ask me, I'm like, no, I never have, because I really don't know. Yeah. And it wasn't like, it didn't smell like pee, it was clear, so I'm like, it must have been the water bottle. You'd be able to tell, I feel like. But if you're that hydrated or after drinking or whatever, like, if you pee, sometimes it's clear anyways. So, I don't know.

I mean, anything would be better than I think what happened here. Would you want me to tell you if you like did something like this? Like if you're sleepwalking, escalates, and like. Yes, I would want motion sensors set up that little alarms go off if I walk past a certain point. Like little, like, you know, in the movies, little red laser beams that go across in the bankboards

Like some serious shit Oh, yeah, cuz you just don't want to leave the house like you're scared you'll wander off really far Well, I'm also afraid that at like some family barbecue one night People have some drinks and your mom would stand up and be like guess what I got a story for all of you Yeah, my mom would for sure share. 100%. No, I would want to know. Of course, it's like,

would you want to know if someone's cheating on you? Yeah. Would you want to know if you're waking up and peeing on your partner's mom? Yeah. Like. So how should she tell him? I just tell us.

Straight up. Yeah, I mean, that's not the hard part here. I would tell you, are you kidding? Be the first thing, I'd be like, babe, guess what happened last night? You hopped on the bed and squatted on it. Because it's a lot harder for a girl to pee, which is kind of nice.

Yeah, but I mean, like, I wonder, I actually wonder if peeing in your sleep is more common for, you know, an easier peer versus a naughty squatter. But, um, yeah, I think just tell, just get it over with. What are you afraid that's going to hurt your relationship or something? I mean, nah, I would just sit down and be like, listen, everything's fine, but here's what happened. Because when you're a partner with someone, you should work together as a team to help work through this.

Because obviously, he's not going to want to do this forever. And I wonder if there's some kind of thing that can help you work through it. Some sort of therapy, like, I don't even know what type, sleep, sleep-peeing therapy, or some sort of... You wonder if that's a thing. Medication, I don't know. You know, there's gotta be... Because you have medication thing, yeah. But it could be a mental thing too,

where you can work through to have little sensors that go off if you get up and start walking away. Yeah. Or just something to help you maybe get to a point where you can avoid doing it. Absolutely. And you should want to help your partner get to a point. Well, there is, there's a lot on this actually.

That like, peeing in sleep walking is actually really common, especially in like unusual behaviors like a closet or a doorway or things like that. But this reminds me like my brother is like little kid. Oh my god, my brother's son, Emmett. He will like wake up at like four in the morning sometimes and just like go outside. And so that is so crazy about it.

And he's done it multiple times. Like Matt and Amy, they'll wake up and like, and it's just like out of his bed and gone. That is not cool. Not cool. And like Matt's, but I guess like Amy asked like, how should get outside? He just opens the door and goes. Okay. They ordered. They ordered. I sent them. I sent them the link. Cause I saw it on TikTok and I sent it to them and Amy literally bought it. But if you're a sleepwalker, I wonder if like, you're sleepwalking self if you had like, besides the door knob,

if you shut the door and then had like, another latch. I wonder if your sleepwalking self is smart enough to get out of that. Well, because in your sleepwalking, you do make use of your eyes. Yeah, haven't you seen that content creator on TikTok? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've seen a guy too.

That's another guy. Well, it's her and like her brother sleep walks too. So he came and stayed at her house with her husband or something. And apparently if she eats chocolate, it like activates it more. And so the two of them are sleep walking and kind of like interacting, but not.

And it was the craziest video but her eyes are just open. Yeah. And your eyes, I mean your eyes were open. You were doing stuff. You turned your flashlight on. You were scanning your body. Like I thought you were awake because you've never done it,

which is the same case for this guy. He's never done this until now. Which is weird because I also can control my dreams. So I was in a weird state in between both because I'll be in a dream and I'll completely stop it and change what's happening. Yeah, you're a lucid dreamer. And so I was somewhere weirdly in between that

with Nike, and we did have chocolate. But I also wonder, deep down, does he want to pee on the mom? We're not gonna go there maybe Probably I don't think so. The top comment. I think that's a stretch. Mm-hmm. I think I'm stretching it The top comment on this one you got to talk to him even though it might be awkward It sounds like he may have a sleepwalking issue that he might be unaware of and he probably needs to see a doctor Please take this seriously because as embarrassing as this scenario was forever

involved, he could cause serious harm to himself or others if he has a sleepwalking problem. Only 10 upvotes on that one. This one, very under the radar. What if he could drive? I wonder. Getting the car and start it and just... There, that was listed as like one of the behaviors. It's like, they categorize them as like unusual behaviors, dangerous behaviors in appropriate

behaviors. Oh, shit. So P is just inappropriate, not dangerous. Yeah. OP responds, goes, thank you. How do I bring this up though? I am 100% concerned with this health. I'm just not sure how to approach this or how to move past this family and relationship wise.

It's just pee. You just wash it off. Listen, if you can just get over it and tell him, get over the fear, have the conversation, and then, I mean, obviously, just have a dialogue because it's her mom, yeah? Just have a dialogue with your mom. If your mom has a problem with this going forward, that's kind of weird, especially if you guys are moving forward to work on it. And that's a weird thing to fault someone for. Obviously, it's a kind of crazy situation, but it's not

malicious. So to have a problem with that and not just be concerned for trying to help someone is a little weird then. Yeah, and like it's just pee. Like I think if it was like him trying to like attack her or something else, like yeah, it would be really detrimental. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's still like, yeah, I guess it's gross. Like to get waken, to get woken up out of your sleep with someone peeing on you. Like very... It's probably the most unfortunate place it could have happened. Yes, but again, it's just pee.

You can wash the sheets. It's fine. She posted the same thing three times. And on the third one, there is like a small little update that goes, I think he was drinking. Yeah, I mean, that probably makes it more likely. But then again, maybe you could get to a point where either it's just you don't drink or I wonder if you can get to a point where you can drink and have

that subconscious control to not do that. I don't know. It's very interesting. I do wonder what the craziest sleepwalking stories are from our listeners, though. So if you're listening on Spotify, you will have a question posted that you can respond to and share your crazy sleepwalking experience or feel free to comment it on YouTube,

because I think it'll help make Justin feel a lot better. I feel fine. Okay, well, I really want to read these. I really want to read them. So if don't screw him, don't do it for him, do it for me. Yeah. Okay, moving along, one of the week's partners is Masterclass. I've started diving into love and intimacy

and even cooking with Gordon Ramsay. And if you have an area in your life where you wanna make yourself better or learn more, Masterclass has everything you're looking for. With Masterclass, you can learn from the best to become your best, anytime, anywhere and at your own pace. And there are over 180 classes to pick from.

And every category you can think of, I mean, there's food, design, and style, art, and entertainment, music, business, science, and tech, home and lifestyle, community, and government wellness. Another one I'm really looking forward to is RuPaul's on self-expression and authenticity. And one that I think Justin is going to need is with Matthew Walker, teaching the science of better sleep because clearly he's not doing something right. And Masterclass is actually pretty affordable.

Annual memberships start at just $10 a month and you get unlimited access to every instructor, thousands of online lessons, exclusive content, insight, and a lot more. And this isn't just little niche info that you're not going to use again. There are so many practical takeaways that you can apply to your life, personal relationships, or even work. And it's also given me in just in some amazing quality time to sit down, pick a class together, and really dive in and learn some things.

Get unlimited access to every class. And right now, as a two-hot takes listener, you can get 15% off when you go to masterclass. And right now, as a two-hot takes listener, you can get 15% off when you go to masterclass.com slash THT. That's masterclass.com slash THT for 15% off of an annual membership. Masterclass.com slash THT. This next one was posted three months ago. It is from Hungry Estimate 976 on Amadeaswhal. It is titled Amadeaswhal for telling my wife I'm moving. It is up to her if she is coming with me or not.

Okay. My wife and I have been married for six years and have two kids under five. We live on the east coast in a two bedroom small house. Cost of living here is insane. My parents moved down south a few years ago. My mother called me up a few weeks ago to tell me about a home in their community that is up for sale. They are good friends with the owner and can get us a good deal for the house. To me, this sounds amazing. Everything there is cheaper and we will have more space and more bedrooms for our kids.

I work from home, so I talk to work, and I would be able to keep my job no problem. My wife would need to leave hers, but I could cover us until she finds a new one. I contacted a real estate agent to get an estimate on how much we can get for our house here, and it's a good amount, and would make the move easy. Once I had everything worked out and I was sure it was a good idea,

I brought it up to my wife. She was totally against it immediately. She doesn't want to leave her job. She doesn't want to move the kids away from her family and she does not want to leave her friends. I explained to her that when she puts her selfish reasons aside, this was a great opportunity for our kids. We will have more money and more space, a big backyard, and we will be close to my parents, so our kids won't be without family.

She said no, there was no chance. Her life is here and has been her entire life, and she has no intentions to change that. I was pissed and slept on the couch that night. I spent all night thinking about it and came to the decision that if she doesn't want to do the right thing by our kids, I will. I laid it out for her. It was up to her if she wanted to move, but I had made the decision to move. She could either come with me or we could divorce. We could sell the house, split it, and I will use my half for my new home down south,

and she can do whatever she can with her half up here. Probably would have to rent. We would also have to work out custody of our kids. I told her she has a month to make the decision, but I was going to start the process and get all of my business in order. She told me I was being crazy and has only been speaking to me about the kids for the last week.

I have been in contact with the seller of the new house and I am setting things in motion. My parents told me I'm doing the right thing and I'm looking out for my kids. I ran it by my friend who told me I'm being an asshole for Expecting my wife to change her entire life But this is what is best for our kids and I think she needs to grow up stop being selfish and think of our kids She needs to stop being selfish. She should stop being selfish. Really? She is so fucking selfish. This is the most selfish lady I've ever heard.

Time for a divorce. It's unfortunate, but I don't see another way around this one. To be with someone that makes such huge decisions on the flip of a coin. Seriously. And some weird feels like under manipulation by his parents and it's just kind of framing it all to sound like oh it's better for us but really it's better for him it's scary I mean this is almost as scary as someone coming

up to you and being like I'm not in love with you anymore I mean this is scary it almost feels like that though yeah because it's like he does not care it's I'm he does not care. It's, I'm moving and if you're not coming, then fine. I'm fine without you. Cool. Good ridden. And so that's why I say, it's time for divorce because it's clearly not in it anymore.

He doesn't give a shit about what happens with the kids. It just seems like I'm going to go be by my parents and all these other things are just kind of excuses of bigger yard, whatever. Yeah, East Coast is expensive, but there's a reason people pay a lot to live there. They love the lifestyle, they love the community, they love, in this case, where they grew up, their friends, everything they know, their family.

His parents made the choice to move down south, where they grew up, their friends, everything they know, their family. His parents made the choice to move down south, which a lot of people in these coast do. I mean, when I was just in Florida, it was all New York and New Jersey plates, and I'm like, you're all the same. But it just is baffling to think you can be with someone, have kids with them, have this life established, and then this comes out of nowhere. And not to approach her with it. He didn't, he, the way it's written, it was like, I had it all together, like well put together, like presentation, and now I'm going to just bring it to my wife and see what she thinks. And that's not how it went down at all.

It's like this is a lot bigger than they think it is, which is just, I don't know. This is weird to expect her to change her job. You're fine. You get to work from home no matter what. You figured out your whole size, so you're happy and comfortable. And then just the rest of it's just whatever.

I mean, it's easy, it's just a split. This is split. Be done. This is very, very weird. And that's why I'm like, it fit into this theme of like, I must be dreaming because this cannot be real. Yeah. Because how are you married for someone for six years and you have two kids under the age of five, which if she's really close with her family, which kind of is what it sounds like. She's close with her family and her friends. She's got a support system there, which probably help her with those two kids under five. And that's like the thing. I think a lot of times when you look at families and who are the people watching the kids and babysitting and doing that.

It's usually the moms or the women's, like family and friends that are usually the bigger help. And like it's kind of a part of like this matriarchal society we have where you're usually, if it's like a heterosexual couple, it's usually like you're closer with the woman side of the family because of the way our societies have kind of functioned. Like you're usually closer with that side because your wife is the one that has the kids.

She wants her mom to help. It's a part of this whole thing. And so it's like, why would she wanna move down South when she's got this rhythm? She can't work remote. Like, he can. Her job is there. Like life is there. And it does seem like it was just like a coin flip where he was like, I don't want to live here anymore. Cost of it is too high. We're in a two bedroom. It's weird. It's like automated. It's like you're a robot.

Well, and then it's like, you guys have been married for six years. You dated for however long before that, but then to be like, well, if you don't wanna come with me, I guess we're getting divorced. Right. So why are you together at all in the first place? I don't know, it's so crazy. It doesn't even sound like you love your wife. Why are you even with her?

Is this just a marriage of convenience at this point? Because she takes care of your kids and it's been easy. Maybe. Like, why are you together? I don't know. This would be a fun conversation to have. About like why there's so together. Like, if this was like a radio like call and show

and this guy called in with this. Yeah. It'd be so fun to talk. You're like, what? I'd be like, dude, are you okay, bro? Because naturally, I mean, I think the thought all in with this. Yeah. Be so fun to talk. Like what? I'd be like, dude, are you okay, bro? Because naturally, I mean, I think the thought of moving is not uncommon. I think a lot of people like to move for a variety of reasons. Well, and moving for this reason is really valid. A lot of people are moving because the cost of living is too high.

They can't afford rent in their city. There's better job opportunities. Like this is common. If it had come up mutually for a bit of time, I mean, I think, you know, if we were going to move, we would have talked about like, oh, this kind of sounds like a good opportunity. It's closer to home. I still can do this. You can do this.

And maybe eventually, a few years, five years down the line, it could make sense and it could really work. Yeah. Planet the seed, it's an option. It would have been a conversation versus, hey, this is what I want to do. I'm doing this. Either get on board or we're done. Which is interesting because going, my mind's just on some of the father-in-law's writings we've had, where you will have an individual

that doesn't have kids, but they're with a long-term partner. And they really want to go off and have these experiences or move to a certain place. And sometimes it does come down to, I have to go do this. I really, just for me in my life and this, and I really want you to be a part of it. And if you're not, I understand, but, you know, and sometimes that does happen,

but they don't have two kids. I was just going to say they don't have a six year marriage, two kids, a full life, and all of this established. It generally happens to younger, you know, early 20s people maybe. But this is just completely the sponsors. It's very, it's giving very controlling just not. Well, and I wonder how old they are because no ages were mentioned for our OP or the wife, not even for the kids, really, just two under five. There's no comments from him on this post. there's no other additional post like on his account.

This post has been removed by the moderators at this point. The top comment right now is, I hope your wife gets a really good lawyer year of the asshole. Yeah, that is true. 9.7K of votes. I'm always so bad at answering the question. I never answer.

Yeah, he's the asshole. Yeah. Like, this is the weirdest situation. It's like, make it a conversation. Like, if this is something you're passionate about doing, make it a conversation, but don't spring this on her and say, hey, you have a month to get your shit together because our house is getting sold.

I don't even think he has a right to technically sell it like that. Like, with them being married, unless there's a prenup that the house is solely his, like, I don't know, but like, I feel like I feel like it's going to be kabocht, at least until like it gets legally dealt with properly. The next comment down is, I love how he's calling her selfish when he's trying to force his family to give up their community. And all they've known, just so he can live in a cost of living fantasy, but hey, at least

they'll have his parents next door, you know, the same ones who moved away from him and his family. Right. Yeah. What's to stop his parents from moving again? Like, they could move there. Yeah. And then the parents could move and then they don't have support there like that just makes you wonder what it's really for yeah Well, and I love that this comment points out the community because

Like and I was clearly kidding when I called her selfish like I don't think she's selfish at all I think no, that was the point. I think she's very Rational in the sense like why would I move like yeah the cost of living is high, but we're content here. We have our friends, we have our family. And interestingly enough, like he doesn't mention any friends. Like he doesn't mention like even caring about anything in that community. No. And even his family, he's fine leaving.

He just wants to move close to his parents and live cheaply. No. Which I think we all want to live affordably, but like you have a family and a wife. He just wants to move close to his parents and live cheaply. Yeah. Which I think we all want to live affordably, but like, you have a family and a wife. Like, what are you doing? So yeah, this one was real weird. Real weird. Yeah, I'm not about it. No.

There's a lot of comments on this one. Another one down goes, and he gets to keep his job and doesn't give a single fuck that in a place where everything is cheaper. His wife's paycheck would also likely lessen, and for a job she might not even like, who's to say she's even able to get a job there. Yeah, imagine leaving everything you have, literally, to go into the unknown. Usually if there's like a partner that can work remote and the other one can't, you usually organize more around the person that is not a remote worker. The one that has to be in a spot.

So him being like, oh, I can work remote. So it doesn't really matter what happens to her. Like, dude, that's a lot of assuming. Yeah. Well, and the next comment down goes, I moved down south because I had to. And I still haven't found a job even after applying to literally everything. So good luck if the wife actually follows him. Next one down with two children under five, I think it's safe to assume that O.P.'s wife is capable of getting pregnant. No one who is capable

of getting pregnant should be moving to the South. Not even if you never plan to get an abortion. Doctors are hesitant to perform life-saving pregnancy terminations out of fear of prosecution. True. I took a turn there. Took quite the turn, but not wrong.

Not wrong. But moving along. Moving along. I hope there's an update on that one someday. I hope so too. I hope the wife finds this one and says, my husband left. Yeah, exactly.

He tried to sell our house. I'm divorced now and that's when I'll go, good for you. Happy, that would be scary. Happy and free. Okay, don't do that shit to me. Do what? Don't ever do that, please.

Just up and move. I'm done. I'm done. You can come or we're divorced. Like, um, all right. Yeah, tough cookie. Tough pill to swallow. Yeah.

Yeah. My brain feels a little broken. Like, I know I'm talking and I'm saying stuff, but I honestly don't remember what I just said. That's good. I'm sure this next one will go great too. Another one of this week's partners is story worth. I thought I know my dad better than anyone.

I have a podcast with him. I hear crazy stories almost daily, but he told me something the other day that blew me out of the water. And I have really been wondering how many other stories like that there are that I don't know yet, which is where story worth is gonna come in.

Story worth is an online service that helps you and your dad or father figure or another loved one, connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. How it works is each week's story worth will email your dad or loved one a thought-provoking question of your choice. For me I'm going to add so many personal questions for my dad like what's your biggest regret if you knew tomorrow was your last day what would you do? Answers that I

can just cherish and really see this other side of him and have for forever. And after a year, story worth compiles all of these questions and stories, including photos, into a beautiful keepsake book that the whole family can share for generations to come. I know I have my grandma doing one right now, and so after I have my dad do one, I'm going to have the perfect assortment of books for a coffee table. Give all the fathers in your life a meaningful gift you can both cherish for years to come. Story worth. Right now, for a limited time, you can save $10 on your first purchase when you go to storyworth.com slash THT.

That's STORYWORTH.com slash THT. To save $10 on your first purchase. Story worth dot com slash THT. Okay, so this next one is coming from the two hot takes subreddit, posted five days ago from Thought Pocket 44. Nice. It's titled, Am I the asshole for not supporting my dad and my friend's new relationship? I cannot believe I actually have to post something in here, but I think I need a bit of clarity

for my current situation because I really don't have anyone else in real life to talk to it about. I am 21 female and attend college about six hours away from my hometown. Unfortunately, my mom passed away at a young age, and my dad, 48-male, has been a single father to me for the past eight years. My dad hasn't dated anyone seriously throughout the years, and he seemed to constantly indicate that all he wanted to focus on was being there for me. I've always encouraged him to put himself back out there, and when I left for school, I encouraged this even more as he would be an empty nester.

Since my freshman year of high school, I've had a really close friend, 21 female. That has always been there for me, and I've spent a lot of time with. She attends a more local college that is only about 20 minutes away from my hometown. This all started this past spring break, March. When I went home and noticed that my dad

was texting someone fairly regularly. I also saw the name that was texting him once and I did not recognize it, but it was a woman's name. This is not common for him, so I figured he may be finally sparking up his love life after all these years. I did not say anything about it because I didn't want to make him feel weird or uncomfortable about getting back out there. He seemed happy and I was happy on the inside as well for him.

I said my goodbyes and went back to school. A few weeks later, I just so happened to be looking at my, find my friends. When I noticed that my friend was at my house, I thought this was strange since she doesn't live necessarily close by. It will sound naive at this point, but it honestly did not think that much of it. About a week went by and I decided to come home one day early for Easter in April, because I just had a feeling that something was strange and to try and catch my dad off guard a bit. Everything was normal and he was very happy to see me. I was planning on seeing my friend the next day for lunch. My dad and I spent the day together

and then started watching a movie. Then it happened. I saw an incoming text on my dad's phone and it was from my friend. This was all I needed to see to place the last piece of the puzzle together. needed to see, to place the last piece of the puzzle together. My dad was going out with my friend. I was feeling pretty sick the next day, a little bit of faking to avoid the situation, and I also just felt a bit uneasy about it all. I felt like a layer of trust was broken, and the other external details, such as their age gap and the already existing dynamic, made me cringe up a bit as well. After two days at home, I took the next train back to school.

I told my dad that I really had to ace an exam coming up so I had to get back. I needed to leave the situation and think. After thinking, I came to the conclusion that I am not okay with this relationship. I did not want my individual relationships that I had with each blended into one. I thought it was a bit gross, and above all the fact that they knew they had to be sneaky, validates my feelings that they should know better. I waited until finals were finally over a few weeks ago, and finally called my dad and told him that I know and what my thoughts are. He sounded very upset on the phone, sad, not at all angry,

and told me that he understood and wanted to talk about it the next day so he could think. I have no clue what he was telling my friend, but I did not have any contact with her about this throughout these initial calls. The next day my dad and I talked. He was very apologetic and understanding of why I was upset, but eventually came down and said that he would not stop seeing my friend. He said that they had been seeing each other since the end of last summer, and have become attached to one another, and he was not ready to forfeit, quote, his first real connection that he has felt in so many years.

I held my ground and told him that I will not be seeing him or hanging out with him when I returned home for summer break until he ends this. It has been two weeks at home with basically no interaction with him or my friend. Aside from a text from my friend every other day, requesting a talking person or on the phone about it, I did not respond to her text or calls. Tonight, it came to a head. I returned home from dinner with a friend to find my dad and my friend awaiting me in my house.

This was the most unpleasant experience I have ever had with my father. It ended with him crying and him saying that I should understand because I know how hard it has been for him. He also pointed out that I've been deeply encouraging him to put himself back out there. So I have to have some sort of sympathy with him. He also pointed out that I've been deeply encouraging him to put himself back out there, so I have to have some sort of sympathy with him. After about 15 minutes of yelling tears,

and overall awkwardness, I stormed out and drove to another friend's house to stay for the night. I am too embarrassed to tell the friend I am staying with, the details, slash talk about why I left home or this relationship. So I have sat here for the past few hours and wrestled in my mind whether I'm being too hard on them or if I am in the right. Am I the asshole here for not supporting the relationship or even tolerating it? Just a note. I have talked about zero details yet with my friend or dad about why they started going out or etc.

I just know that it's been happening. I'm sorry for how long this is, but I am very confused and don't know what to think or feel. Same. You know how I started feeling during this? Sick. Real uncomfortable. Now I was like, I gotta check myself for bugs! Almost got my phone out. I gotta check myself for bugs. Almost got my phone out. Oh my God.

Well, what's the most concerning part about this is she's 21 now, but this has been going on since last summer, which is a full year. So this girl was likely 20 when this started. And it's like, okay, did this actually start last summer or did this start when you guys were still in high school? Because you've been friends since freshman year of high school. So your dad has watched this girl grow up from a very young, vulnerable age. How long has he been waiting in the wings? No. This is extremely inappropriate. Yeah. And a lot of people would even just knowing this,

really consider the fact that the dad likely groomed her. Yeah. Which is probably not something like, if you're listening, your dad held off dating after your mom. It sounds like he experienced a tragic loss. Like you did as well. And it sounds like he was a great dad focusing on just you.

So then it's like, why would he do this 180 tailspin? Like your dad doesn't seem like the type of guy that would want to be known as a groomer or want to be known as taking advantage of a young vulnerable girl. Like this is fucking weird. He's 48 dating a 21 year old. Bro, get it together. Yeah. I was just kind of imagining going home one holiday season from college or something and then here.

One of your parents is one of your close friends. Can you imagine? I mean, your mom was single. Your, she's only a freshman in college, right? I was gonna say your mom, like you were a junior in college by the time your mom was divorced. Well, freshman in college I was 18. Yeah, but, oh, so maybe, okay,

maybe she is like a junior that. Junior senior, yeah, I wasn't 21 until my senior year. Which my senior year Okay, so imagine you going home and your mom was divorced so this could have happened Imagine finding your mom and like your friend Mike. Oh, yeah, that's no that's kind of like what was playing out in my head and of course No one's gonna be cool with that No, and that's it it reminds me of the boundaries that get crossed when friends date friends as X's It's kind of the boundaries that get crossed when friends date friends as X's. It's kind of that same vibe. Obviously, there's the whole, like, grooming potential here, which is a whole different

disgusting piece, but it is similar to when your friend dates your X. It's just, you don't cross these lines. There's these unwritten rules. Well, and that's like with the friend too. The dad is a lot older. Oh, it's on both sides. Yeah, and I wanna put more of the blame on him than this girl, but also like I never, ever would have,

like can you imagine? I was like, go, what are you doing? There's, listen. There's so many other people out there that are more age appropriate and you could go anywhere you could go to the smallest little town in the middle of Montana and you're gonna find somebody you don't have to go for your friend's dad no you don't have to go for your daughter's friend no that don't have to go for your daughter's friend. No. It's just and don't use the excuse of like you've been telling me to go out there

and this is my first real thing. Throwing that back. I'm sure even through some hard shit, but this is not how it manifests. This is not, this is not where it should lead you to. I want to know how it happened. I want to know how it went down so bad. Yeah, and there's a right 100% for her to look at her dad and be like, no, you are in the fucking wrong.

This is weird. I don't care about what it does to help you with the past. It's too far. I also wonder where he's like, this is the first real thing like I've had since like really with someone half your age more than half your age that can't relate to anything that you're living. What do you have in common? You guys are like on totally different points of your life.

You've had totally different lived experiences. Yeah, I can I can hold a conversation with your dad and people his age, but like, this is beyond me. But I was going to say I wonder if like, he's even given himself a chance to have real connections with other people. Probably not. Yeah, this is weird. Like to use that as an excuse, like, really, like, what dating have you done? None. This is the first person you've even talked to.

Yeah, just because they were around. I wanna know how the hell this went down. And then to not, but also the other weird part of this is when this would have began, I get like from their ends hiding it from the writer, but this is something it's still territory where you should have a conversation no matter what on the front end of this type of thing. Yes. Like, hey friend, yeah, your dad started talking to me or Hey daughter, I've been talking to your friend. I Don't even know

That would have that would have been respectful up front like on the front going to because they know it's wrong exactly And it's so what's so the right thing is just not to go to this not cross these these taboo lines to go to this, not cross these taboo lines. So top comment on this one right now is not the asshole. My friend tried to come on to my dad. He's good looking. I look like him, not trying to brag, but my dad looks great for his age.

My dad told her she was a child and a child the same age as his own daughter. Some men are okay with any age and some men aren't. I'm almost 30, any told my friend no. I can't imagine a 21-year-old did him my dad. There's no relationship if you can't move past this. Even if you love your father, can you love him with this? That will answer your question.

Yeah, I just, I don't know how to how I'd respond It's just like you want to just go across the world and pretend it never happened and never see it again So weird I wonder if this person is from Minnesota. So I'm on their their common history now and They commented on a post that is like the average Minnesota enjoyer has logged on, bubble, blah. So I think that might be for Minnesota, but. We find out it's like someone you know. Oh my God, can you imagine?

Lots of like comments from OP responding to people, basically talking about how they feel, like they don't really have a great support system. I have no siblings and it really was just my dad. I don't know how I can proceed if neither of us budge. I don't know if it's all worth it even. Someone goes not the asshole. I'm not sure what your dad hoped he could accomplish by ambushing you.

If history teaches us nothing else, it's that it is a bad idea to ambush someone you want support from. Also if this connection is real, one, what do her parents think about this? Have they met to discuss the relationship? I'm sure she stayed over at your house when she was younger, and two, your dad could wait until her brain is fully developed around 25.

Yeah. Oh, Pico's things for weighing in. Well, one, I really wish I had more details, but I truly know zero external details going into this. I don't know who else knows exactly how serious they are. If this was started by matching on an app or if one of them hit up the other to start, et cetera, I just have no clue. And it might make dealing with the situation easier.

We met in high school freshman year. She's been at my house a bunch, but that was mostly junior and senior year of high school. And number two is like the shrug emoji with like the girl just going out like two hands like I don't know. A lot of other comments that I'm going to let you all read, but we do have an update. Okay, first, I forgot about the fact that they were both there then one night. Yeah, they ambushed her. Can you imagine already dealing with the fact that this is going on? I'd be pissed.

And then walking in and they're both sitting there, I would not, there's no way I'd go through that. I'd turn on and be out. I would have let it open the door. Out. Immediate. It's like a different version of an intervention. It'd be like a, it'd be like a

outer bench and I don't know, but it's like it's one of those situations where you walk in and they're just there and it's like we're ready to discuss. No No, thanks. No, and I said immediate 360, which is a fucking circle. I meant 180. Or a 540. Because then you could do 360 plus the 180 and still be out. You do it in style. I almost, you'd almost like. You almost fake them out. Like you're gonna spin and go towards them, but you spin and pull. Well, and you almost would need that double take

to be like, wait, am I fucking seeing this? Okay, no. Out. And then slam the door. Don't come back. And then move halfway across the world. It's so you're on the exact opposite end of the globe from them. So if you dug straight through the center of the earth, you'd run into them. For this past point, or where you go to Mars.

Yeah. Mars is hot right now. I'm chill right here. So babe, I'm moving to Mars. If you're coming, great for not divorce. So you're like, we're not married bitch. I'm not married. I got nothing. So update, before going into this, I do want to address something. I want to reiterate, I said this in one of the comments on my last post, that my friend and my dad did not all caps, have any sort of relationship slash contact beyond waving high and by while I was in high school. I appreciate that people are looking out

for me and encouraged me to consider that there was maybe something going on then, but I know that this was not the case. This is definitely not a grooming, a minor that he knew situation, which hopefully is a relief to many of you that were concerned about that. The conversation I had with my dad this morning confirmed this as well. So after reading a few of the comments this morning and cooling down a bit, I decided to just go home and visit my dad to try to have a conversation about it all. We have had way too good of a relationship to not just hear each other's perspectives. I walked in at 8 when he is always drinking his coffee and watching the morning news. As soon as I opened the door, he looked at

me and he looked like he had not slept. About 10 seconds after I walked in with silence, he started crying pretty intensely. My dad is usually not emotional and throughout the past 24 hours hours I have seen him cry more than I have the rest of my life. He basically stopped me from saying anything and just said that he wanted to explain himself and the situation. Last summer my dad was at the gym when he ran into my friend. They waved hi to each other and he approached her because he wanted to ask if I had told her anything about my internship I had in another city for the summer. They talked briefly, and then a month later, they saw each other again at the gym.

This time, she asked him if he'd want to grab a coffee, and he agreed, because he knew we were good friends. He swears that he had zero romantic intention going into this. Basically, he said that they just hit it off and had a good time. It did not become mutually romantic until about a month later when they decided to get dinner. Once this all happened, my dad told her that he needed to tell me about it before moving forward. But my friend did not want to tell me yet because she was not sure how serious they would eventually be, and there was no point in making me feel uncomfortable for nothing.

Not true. Unfortunately, this way of thinking just continually progressed until it reached the point of now, nearly nine months later. He repeatedly said that he wanted to, and should have told me from the second they even met for coffee. Now the awkward part. I will admit, the part that was actually making me feel the most uncomfortable was thinking about their sexual relationship.

So I knew I had to be straightforward. I asked him how long they had been intimate. Shockingly he responded that he had not had sex with her yet. He said that they had done other stuff and I stopped him from going into detail about it because we did not need to share that stuff with each other. When I asked him why he has not had sex, he revealed that he has not had sex since he had become a widower. He will not do it until he knows that I would approve of the person he is with.

He then revealed that he had gone on a few dates without me knowing for the past eight years, but did not think any of them were special enough to bring around. Not having sex with my friend even caused them to have a break last fall because my friend was upset that he wouldn't do it with her. But she eventually came around to accepting it. Hearing this really saved the image I have of my dad as a polite, respectful, and mild-mannered man. I had said in a few comments on the last post that this was all very uncharacteristic of him and this information calmed a few of my nerves about the situation. Then the apologies began. He said he was nervous and panicked when I brought up that I knew about it and he lashed

out. He said he was trying to convince himself that he was not in the wrong and was glamorizing the relationship a bit to make it seem like I should be more understanding. Then he started crying again and hugged me and said he wants to start over with my friend with all of us on the same page because he really does actually like being with her.

He just wants to take it slow and dial back the seriousness a bit right now. I said that I would be open to this and that we could move forward from there with no secrets. I apologize for how reactive I was to it all at the moment. While I still may not fully agree with the relationship, I am more open to seeing it play out, slash being tolerant now that I know more details. It felt like the father that I knew had returned. I'm meeting alone with my friend tonight. Hopefully, there will not be another update since she will verify everything that he said and be on the same page as my dad and I

with how we move forward. I will also say that I do not blame my dad for going out with someone my age. Yes, there is a weird dynamic to her being my age, but I think we are all kidding ourselves if we say that he cannot be Excited as a man his age to get attention from a younger woman I had to breathe on that for a second. I just let's all ponder and that one There are so many other older men especially Sore liberties that are all attracted to younger, that I will not entirely hold that against him. Thank you all for your help and insight. This may not have gone nearly as well as I would have liked if I had not been able to

read some of your insights. I'm feeling surprisingly hopeful about this situation going forward. Does that make you feel better? Biggest problem here. I mean, regardless of how you feel about the age gap, he wanted to bring it up to his daughter right away. And she was like, no, we're not doing that. And then that snowballed into nine months, which is far too long, which you can have a baby in nine months. Come on. So it's just like that's the flaw that's hard to get past. That's the that's the flaw. That's hard to get past.

That's the worst part of it is you can tell me all day long you want to sit here and tell me and you want to do the right thing. But you didn't for nine months. Then it's kind of like cool, like you wanted to, but that means nothing if you didn't do it. Like you're just words are great, but in actions, in action. Yeah, and I think it's sad, like, and I think that speaks volumes to the friend, like the dad being like, I wanted to tell you even before that coffee. And at that point,

there was nothing romantic in his head. He's like, oh, a coffee. It probably went over his head why she was even asking him out to coffee. And maybe she didn't even know. Maybe she's lonely. All of her friends moved away. And she's still in her hometown,

going to school there. And she thought this would be nice to connect with someone. I don't know. But the fact that she for so long, oh, I don't want to tell her yet. I don't know. But the fact that she for so long, like, oh, you know, I don't want to tell you, I don't want to tell you yet. You know how wrong it is. And you don't want to tell your friend because you know how wrong it is, which it would have been better had you just said, hey, I ran into your dad, like I asked him out for coffee. What are your thoughts? Like come at it from the get go, or like,

or the dad could have said, which he should have, he should have told, you know, his daughter and not listen. It should have been, no, I'm gonna have this conversation because my relationship with her is way more important than anything with you. Well, and the thing is, it's like you waited nine months, okay, three months, you don't feel like.

And then you still didn't bring it up though, you had to get caught. Yeah. So how long would it have gone on without her knowing? Yeah. That, I don't know, I'm surprised she, it's hard to be in someone's, you know, dynamic with their, with their family and stuff. It's hard to put ourselves there, but I would be stuck on that. Very, very forgiving. I mean, I would not be okay with my dad dating my friend, even at my age now of 29. Like, I think it's just again, one of those lines,

even like regardless of an age gap, these are my friends. Like, why are you shooting where I eat? Why do you got to shit on my food? Come on. It's just weird. Well, because right, because then anything that happens between them now affects your relationship going forward.

Well, and your best friend becomes your stepmom and what if she wants kids? Like, she's 21. What if she wants kids like she's 21? What if she wants kids? Is your dad gonna be a 48 How old was he again? I forgot 48. Yeah. Yeah, is your dad gonna be a 48 year old parent which it's not You know, it's not like it doesn't happen. You got 82 year old parents out there I know yeah, I mean it should happen. So is your dad okay with that?

Does your dad want kids? Are you okay get an sibling? Cause for you, like, I mean, it could be really hard for you to get a sibling at 21. Like, you could feel threatened with your dynamic with your dad. Like, there's a lot there.

And I think like, One, is this a long term thing? Like, or is this just some fantasy she has? And then if the dad truly is fully innocent and just kind of going along with the flow and it just, this connection, then is he gonna get pushed to side all of a sudden and be reharbroken and be fucked up forever again?

Yeah. Just because her friend is just living out this little fantasy thing. There's so much we don't know about it. I think they definitely need to sit down and have a conversation. They've been together nine months, almost a year. Like it's summer now.

It's gonna be a year they've been together. It's time to have these conversations of like, yeah, I'm 21, but I know I want kids. Where do you see yourself? Could you be a dad again, a new dad, with a little baby at 55? Because I'm not ready yet. I'm thinking five years. You'd be 55.

Are you okay being a dad, having a little baby at 55? And then being a senior when they're retired, or when they're sorry. When they graduate? Being a senior when they're retired or when they're sorry. When they graduate. Being a senior when, yeah, when they're done with high school. And that's a reality. I mean, there's a lot of people out there that their dad was 70 when they graduated high school. Like my dad's got a cousin who was 72 when he had a baby.

Like, is that fair to the kid? Robert De Niro just had his like, I mean, that's for, yeah, it's him and someone else just did too. Like Robert De Niro is, there was someone older. Really? Yeah, there was someone older. Well, Robert De Niro is 79 and he just had another baby.

Yeah, look up. There's another one though. Alec Baldwin keeps popping out babies. Maybe that was it. Eastwood was 66. I thought there was two. Heffner, Hugh Heffner was 65. On this list of celebrities,

Robert De Niro is the oldest that I'm seeing at 79 to have a new baby, which I mean, there's a lot of questions of like, is that fair to the child to like not have a relationship? Like you're 80, like we are mortal, we're human, like we die. But I think there's a lot of conversations for them to have, I will say like it does overall make me feel a little better that there was like very clear cut, like nothing happened

when they were in high school. This happened totally outside. Boba, blah, blah, blah when they were in high school. This happened totally outside. Boba, blah, blah, blah. Like that does. Yeah. I mean, she's going to the best read on her dad too. So. And that's what I said originally. I'm like, your dad, like, sounds like he's an amazing guy. Like, you lost your mom and he really focused on you and didn't really date and all this stuff. Like, he sounds like he was an amazing dad. So to almost be associated with that or that persona of like, oh, he's dating a 21 year old. People talk. I mean, especially

if you live in a small town, people talk. But I do admire the maturity to be like, I'm just going to let it play out like whatever. And that's kind of all you can do. Because you don't want to. I mean, all you can do is evaluate how you want to proceed with your relationship with your dad. You're not gonna control. Yeah. It's just, I think that's that's what you learn as you get older is you you can't control the actions of other people. All you can control is the level of engagement you want to have with those people going forward and what that relationship looks like.

100%. Control what you can control. Yes. Top comment on the update is so like, what do her parents think about her being with the dude? Probably around their age. Just a thought. which I would agree, like I'd be very curious.

I would pay so much. I would let you come on the podcast OP if I can come to the family dinner where the girlfriend brings your dad. I would love to be there. Can you imagine that like level of awkwardness? I mean, maybe she has a terrible relationship with her parents, and that's what she's looking for in this.

Ooh. You just never know. I mean, I've known people that literally they could go do anything in the whole world and their parents don't just don't care, or the parents would support it. They just start like, all right, cool, nice to meet you. Yeah. A next comment, not gonna lie. My first petty order of business would have been

to show up with a man my dad's age. Next comment down, better yet, friends dad. Huh. Nah, one of her dad's friends, that would be chef's kiss. Oh, wow. Yeah. Someone goes, I'd request a double date and bring someone older than her dad. Someone else goes, she's a lot nicer than I would have been to find out my so-called friend was messing with my dad. Yeah. They would have been the first people I called

to let them know what their little angel was doing. Someone goes, I hate to say it, since this is a hopeful update, but that 27-year-age gap is not going to play out. For my friend, I would encourage her to date someone her own age, in her own life experiences, and certainly not my father. For my father, I would encourage him to date people his own age, in his own life experiences, and certainly not someone my age who was my friend. Even if they were strangers, play this age gap out. What happens when your friend wants to have kids? Your dad is going to be 50 plus year old new dad, played out even longer.

That age gap puts the odds heavily in favor of your friend becoming a young widow herself eventually. Whatever this infatuation is, unless your friend is some nor alphala who has a thing for much older men, this just isn't going to end well if they continue. Right. Yeah, which this person picked up on exactly what I was saying. I did not read the comments, I didn't read the update or this story. This was a blind reaction for both of us. Nice. Nice.

Yeah. But moving along, I think we've exhausted this one. Another one of this week's partners is PDSDET. How many of you wish there was a better solution for paying off your debt? I know debt is something I've really struggled with in the past and I didn't even know where to begin when tackling it.

Well, PDSDET has customized 0% interest options for anyone struggling with credit cards, personal loans, collections, or medical bills. With interest rates rising, the cost of living being at an all-time high now might be a good time to start addressing your debt. So stop waiting and start saving with your own custom debt savings options from PDS debt. PDS debt is giving our qualified listeners a free debt savings analysis just for completing the 32nd online debt assessment at pds.com slash THD. You'll actually receive a full breakdown

on how to save on interest each month and the quickest way to take care of your debt. So if you feel like you've been making those monthly payments but your debt just isn't going down, this could be a good program for you. Everyone with over 10,000 are more in debt qualifies and there's no minimum credit score. Bad and fair credit is accepted

and you could save on thousands and interest in fees. And maybe even pay off your debt in a fraction of the time. So if you want to try it for yourself, PDS debt is offering free debt analysis to our listeners just for completing the quick and easy debt assessment. At www.PDSDds.com slash THT. That's pdsdbt.com slash THT. Take back your financial freedom today by visiting pds.com slash THT.

So this next one is coming from our slash 2X chromosomes, user Chris Maas, 4 days old, titled, I'm currently living like my husband does. Yesterday, we had a huge fight about household chores. Yep, another post, about one person carrying the household on their back and the other just living their best life, but still somehow complaining they have to do everything. My husband helps with laundry every Saturday and empties the dishwasher at best once a week. That's it. Last night he got pissed while he was drinking and decided to go clean his toilet and bathroom floor at like 10 at night with the whole quote, woe is me.

I can't believe I had to do this, attitude, and he kept arguing with me from the bathroom. I told him. I told him that just because he cleans his pissy bathroom once every three months, that doesn't make him fucking Cinderella. I feel kind of childish, but him saying that he has to do everything around the house, got me seen red. I went to bed without washing the dishes or clearing the kitchen at all.

This morning I woke up, got my breakfast, did not touch the dishes, got my coffee, and sat in front of my computer, caught up on my shows, and played my games. When I was done eating breakfast, I took my dishes in the kitchen, was feeling generous, and just put them on the counter and left them there. I'm not going to do those dishes, and I'm not cooking dinner. I'm just gonna do what he does every single day. Do whatever I feel like doing, and then either ask what's for dinner or just show up to dinner when it's time.

Of course, there will be no dinner, but still. We have sat down and had conversations about this several times. Quote, I bet my father never had to clean the bathroom. As the kind of response I usually get from him. I thought about making a new account to post this with, but then I thought, fuck that. I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm a grown-ass person and I did nothing wrong. Except maybe not standing my ground sooner. This is such bullshit. Isn't it funny how roommate problems continue?

Past roommates into new roommates? You always got a roommate. Whether it's your husband, partner, kids, whatever that looks like here. Yeah, but you hope at some point you work better as a team than you and some random youngins back in the day. I feel like this is so, so common for people in heterosexual relationships, though.

And the fact, well, the worst part of it is the comment about my dad never do like, okay, cool, grow up. The world is changing. The world is evolving. A lot of women are breadwinners. Yeah, a lot of men are stay at home dads and then whatever kind of relationship comma you have People figure out the dark their dynamic and that's how they work it out. Absolutely. You know, it's not this

I'm a man so I do this and I'm a woman so I do this anymore. That's just it It's outdated. It feels medieval to me. It's weird to me that that was like within 50 years of my lifetime. Yeah. You know, it's just, I don't know, it's not in my code. The funniest part, I gotta say first, is picturing just looking down the hallway and there's this bathroom with the light on just hearing someone argue from the bathroom as they're so mad at what they're doing. That is comical. But this really

is shows the importance of living together with someone. Before you maybe commit to the long, long term. Yeah. And I think a lot of times moving in, you can learn a lot about someone that you think you already know everything about. Or you're like, oh, it's gonna be great. It's gonna be perfect. We're gonna work so well together. And then things are different.

You just never know. People don't get married and move in with each other, hoping to end up here. Or with the know, hoping to end up here. Or with the knowledge that they'll end up here. And yet it's so common. And it stems from a lot of times, guys never really growing up after being in that teenage phase where you have no responsibilities.

Everything's kind of taken care of at home. You don't worry about a lot. You play your video games, and then, you know. You don't worry about a lot. You play your video games and then you know, you don't want to have anything. You don't need to do anything. And that's like people want to carry that fantasy forward. Some people get there again by making a shit ton of money and having the ability to have, you know, all these services provided. But it's not necessarily saying have all these services provided, but it's not necessarily saying, hey, wife, what's for dinner tonight? Oh, you didn't clean my dishes from earlier? Oh, well, I guess they're going to sit there because I got more video games to play.

How, when did you start doing your own laundry? Like, when you moved back in during your junior year of college, did you do your own laundry 100%? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know, like, I just, I know some people in my life right now that are my age and still have people doing their laundry. And those are people you probably would not want to be together with because that's going to carry forward. But I think a lot of people do go from their mom's house to their wife's house. Yeah.

And I think that's a part of the problem. They're coddled. They never have to do their laundry. They never have to clean their pampered, waited on hand and foot, and then they go move in. And it's like, you're, like, as a wife, you're expecting a husband and you get a fucking kid. Like you were a, you're a parent. Like so many times you see these people post and it's like, I only popped out one kid, but fuck, I got two.

Might as well tack on my husband. Like, he is just not doing anything. I think like we've talked about this in the past. I think it was like the first episode Amy came on, but there is a book and it's called Fair Play. And it talks about how do you divide labor in your household? And, you know, there's a card game that's associated with two, but I listened to an amazing NPR episode, and it is about love contracts.

It's on their life kit show. It's like the show that has all these little tidbits. It's one of my favorite podcasts, like one of the only podcasts I listened to actually. You update it regularly with your partner, but you talk about like chores and like, what are you agreeing to do? Okay, I hate doing the dishes. So do you mind doing that?

I'll take something you don't like. But I think it would honestly be good like for people that are in these situations, type out all of the chores you have for your house because everyone's so different. Feed our 10 dogs, walk the 10 dogs, pick up kids from school, whatever those are. Cut them out on little pieces of paper, note cards, whatever that looks like. And you each, you and your husband or your wife or whoever that is in your life,

you stand there, you lay them all out on a table and you separate them. I do these regularly. I do these regularly. You do these regularly. If your piles are very unevenly stacked after, you have some adjustments to make. Unless that one person is a stay-at-home person and that is their main job, which that's different. But after five, so like nine to five is the kid, stay at home parent's role. But then after that, it should be a little more even. But I think that would be like a good exercise

for people in these situations to do. And like, I don't know, post it on your fridge, like you're a fucking kid. Like it's good to have these visual reminders. And like, it can't be like this. Like, it's just not sustainable for anyone long term. It's good to have these visual reminders and like, I can't be like this. It's just not sustainable for anyone long-term. Yeah, and it's going to evolve too.

Chores change and the different needs around the household change and evolve, but I just think even if you don't have a set thing you do, you're just always aware of what's going on and what needs to be done. And you just start picking things off as you go. I don't know if we'll be the type of household where, no matter what, every X day, I'm the one taking out the garbage bins or versus every X day, I'm going and doing a different thing. I think it's like, oh, the garbage bins need to go out. One of us will go do it. Oh, the dishwasher needs to be unloaded. Oh, one of us will just start doing it.

I feel like we just naturally kind of have this unspoken, unwritten ability to work well together. And here I am saying it's important to live together before any long-term. We basically do, though. I know, but I'm just saying it, I think we naturally will find our roles and I think they'll change,

but I think we naturally be very even. Yeah, but like for people that aren't like a big issue, I see and we literally just watch this episode of Survivor. It's the season we're on now is one of the younger guys and they were all talking about roles at camp, and everyone was like, you know, Twilight gets wood all the time, and Sarge is doing this,

and the one guy, Nick, I think his name was, was like, yeah, I take naps, I like taking naps, and Jeff even asked him, like, well, don't you feel bad taking so many naps when everyone's working all the time? And he's like, well, if they asked me to do it, I would do it. But that's a part of the problem when when someone has to ask you to do something, you are still making them responsible for half the work because half the work is the mental load required.

I need to do this task. How do I do this task? How do I prep this task? So if you have to ask someone, hey, can you do this? You're already wearing on that person. Like, there needs to be some initiative. And I'm just like, ranting about relationships like this now because again, and again, this comes up. And I think like a hard part right now

that a lot of guys are being faced with is this demand for emotional intelligence and equity on the home front. And it's not something they're used to. And I think it's a big part of why a lot of especially heterosexual relationships struggle, especially after you throw kids into the mix. Yeah. So. Well, and so what I was trying to lead up to is,

though I think we would work very well together and naturally be even, if it ever got to a point where it started to feel uneven or just, you know, unbalanced. Yeah. Like in this case, if know, unbalanced, like in this case, if it got this bad, I feel like it's fine to give reminders, especially in any relationship, I think if there's anyone slacking or if there's a lack of a satisfaction of a love language of any sort or in uneven sense like this,

it's always fine to give a reminder, right? To say, hey, it's been feeling like a little uneven with this or I haven't been feeling the love with this, such as this. I think that's important instead of just jumping to like, okay, yep, we're not working, this is really bad. It becomes a problem when there is, it is pointed out and it is reminded and it is, hey, would you mind going and doing XX and X and X and X

today to just help me out and like, you know, because we got a lot to get done here and we're really busy. And then it still doesn't change. That's when it becomes an actual actual problem. And that's when you start to look at, I kind of love her little petty. I'm going to give him taste of his own medicine. I love it. Situation. But I think that needs to come once you've already tried. Because otherwise,

that's just toxic. but it sounds like she has tried and has tried to be like, give that gentle push several times. And so I think that's the important distinction. And then once it comes to this point, if this is kind of your stance of saying, Hey, here's what I'm dealing with. Can we work on this and try and figure this out? And then there's still no change. That's when you're starting to look like, all right, how long can I put up with this? And maybe we got to move forward and separately.

Yeah, because she does say here, we have sat down and had conversations about this several times. And then that's when he said the comment, I bet my father never had to clean the bathroom. Yeah, I see. He's not getting it. No, right. And that's why I think it is leading down that, the path. I think so too. And I think she'd probably be happier. And this Brunei Brown video is coming to my head too, where it's like, yeah, maybe he's going through something

right now. And we all have these seasons in life, as I call them. Like, we've been talking about this, you know, with Rod passing. But before that, I was like, I'm in a season right, as I call them. Like we've been talking about this, you know, with Rod passing. But before that, I was like, I'm in a season right now where I need more. I need you to spend more time up in Duluth versus in the cities. Like this is something I need. This is just the season of my life.

There's going to be seasons in your life where you need more support. And it was interesting that I set all this before seeing the Brunei Brown video, which basically just says like, relationships are never going to be like 50-50 rarely. Are they 50-50? The partnerships, Ebb and Flow. And so she gives an example of like, you know, she might only have 20% that week. And her husband says, you know what, I got you. I got 80% this week. We're good. And, you know, next week she might be at 40 and he's at 60. And the week after that, he's at 40 and she's at 60. But when they both don't total 100,

that's when they sit down and they really have a conversation and say, how can we be more patient with each other? We are both struggling right now. You got 20%, I got 20%, we don't got a lot. So how can we avoid hurting each other during this time? And if that's where they're at, they're both at, like, I don't know, get paper plates for a while. Like if you are so in your mental health, like need, you're depressed, you're dealing with a lot of anxiety, whatever it is, get paper plates that maybe are compostable.

Like don't do dishes. There's ways to get around that, but communicate that to your partner then. But I don't think that's the case here. Like this dude is just, he sucks. I do think there are people that need structure and need to be told what to do. One of those people is one of my greatest friends of all time, long time roommate and friend Jake, who I lived with for 10 years straight. And it started at basically, he pseudo kind of lived at my mom's with me when I was finishing up college. And he's a guy that will, you know, just kind of do his thing, not, not, not bother anybody,

but when it comes to mutual chores, they kind of go over his head a little bit until you establish roles and structure. And one of the things my mom went to him and said, Jake, if you're going to stay here as much as you do, I need you to do X, Y and C. And one of the things my mom went to him and said, Jake, if you're going to stay here as much as you do, I need you to do X, Y, and Z. And one of those things was take out the recycling garbage every Thursday. And without fail, since that one mention, every single Thursday that he was there, he would do it without even forgetting without being told anything. And that's how it should be. Right. But that carried forward into us being roommates.

And so when it was just him and I in New York, I knew we had to establish some sort of roles in routine, because otherwise it wouldn't be 50-50, it wouldn't be as easy. Yeah. So we established the roles, we establish the routine, and that's how it worked with him is because he needed that structure. But did you need to remind him more than once?

I mean, sometimes everyone needs a reminder, but it didn't get to this point. Well, and I think for, like, that's the problem. Like, when you started your story, I was gonna be like, God, I wouldn't be able to fucking do it. Like, you have a bad habit of leaving water bottles and cups on your side of the bed. And like, that is so minor that I'm like,

oh, whatever, like pick your bottles. But like, if I had to do like bigger things where I've asked like, hey, can you not leave cups on the side of bed? And it was like every week, hey, can you put your cups away? Hey, can you put your cups away? Hey, can you put your cups away? I mean, you can only ask someone so many times. Like, how many reminders can you give? And I think like that's where a lot of people ask themselves, like, it's

time to check out. Like, I don't want to be a parent to my partner. Well, because a little things become really big things. They do. Over time. So maybe you should start putting your cups in the sink and recycling your water. I mean, it's the first time I'm being told, so here we go. You have like 20 water bottles I recycle. At our house, I won't have a single thing anywhere. Why do you make my house messy?

Just to fit in. Yeah, but you don't have to make a messier. No, but that's my little area. I gotta walk over there sometimes. When? What do you have to go over there for? Ever. I don't know. To vacuum.

And I can't. You just notice the bottles the other day. No, I've been noticing them for a while. I just haven't touched them. I was waiting for you to do it. And I did it. Oh, I just haven't touched them. I was waiting for you to do it. And I did it. Yeah, I was saving them. Oh, for what?

To go to the recycle place and get 10 cents a pop. I thought you were going to say to pee in when I don't want to walk to the bathroom. No, I don't. I used to know a person that would do that. They would have two liter pop jugs and instead of walking to the bathroom in there like college house. A lot of guys used to do that. A lot of guys used to do that. Gross. The top comment on this post is he bitches about cleaning his bathroom. And then someone quotes like, I bet my father never had to clean the bathroom.

Ah, the secret words to kill any partner's libido. Yes. Next comment down, like quotes, like a quote, and I bet your mother suffered for it. Ooh, my drop. I think with this subreddit, there's not a lot of like crazy comments on it. Yeah.

But someone just goes, please OP, we must be updated. I swear I go through cycles of this where about once a month I go through and deep clean the house because the chores that the kids and husband do are Generally done about half acidly so the mess slowly piles up over a period of a week or two And then I just sit around thinking no they will notice the pile growing so large that they will decide Hmm, maybe this is where my missing gym shorts, chapstick or thing that is missing is, but no, it never happens. And then by week three, I can't take it anymore.

And I spend a Saturday morning clearing away the clutter from around the TV under the beds on the bar that is accumulated. I was raised a place for everything and everything in its place. And it's super easy if you just put it back where you got it from, clean when you are done with it. Simple concept, but alas, OP, please do let us know how it goes for you. That's how our house is gonna be. Yeah.

I have tried to get into a better habit of like, don't put it down, put it away. It's very hard though. That's where that came from. Okay, so we have an update. Okay. Ha ha. Holy shit.

I was not expecting my post to get so much attention, especially since there are probably dozens of similar posts in here every single day. I stopped reading and responding after a few hours to avoid getting too riled up, but I do appreciate the support. So here's how it went. Quote, are we eating dinner tonight? Quote, I don't know. Are you cooking dinner?

Uh, okay, wow. Shakes head in disapproval. Quote, well, I figured since you said you do everything around here, I could just chill and you'd take care of it like you always do. Then a short back and forth. I didn't say that.

Yes, you did, et cetera, et cetera. He got up, made himself a sandwich, and had dinner at his computer. A little while later, I made myself some food and ate in peace in the living room. I finished my dinner, put my plate on the counter, and left it there with the rest of the stuff. A couple of hours later, he came into the bedroom,

unannounced, he ran the dishwasher because the dirty dishes stunk. Normally I would have run it last night and it was now almost 24 hours later. You David." He asked if I was boycotting that too. Quote, well, like I said, since you do everything around here, I figured you had it under control. He left all the non-dishwasher stuff on the counter. He said I was brutal. I said,

yep, I sure am. I went about my skincare routine and went to bed a little after him. He leaned over to drink some water and guess what? No water. In the 16 years we've lived together, he hasn't done that particular chore once. I told him that shit doesn't just happen by magic and turned off the light. I fucking hate being this petty, and I don't really like myself much right now. I finally opened up to a friend this afternoon. She has been through a divorce and had some good advice. I think my next step is to get an appointment with a therapist, get my head on straight, and figure out my next step. I'm working nine to seven tomorrow.

I wonder what will be waiting for me when I get home. Seve the message is received, and then proceed from there. Yeah. Someone just asks, like, fuck yes. Enjoy living your best life, keep us updated. Are you child-free? Yes, keep us updated. Are you child free? Yes, child free and that is not going to change. There we go.

This is just brutal. I mean, someone goes, someone goes in a comment, you sound like you raise any other, which is no moral judgment on you, but is valuable and actionable knowledge to have. I hate to admit it, but you are right. And someone goes, maybe it's time for marriage counseling. Based on your comments, there's much more than choice to unpack.

There's four communicative behaviors that have repeatedly happened are predictors for failed marriage slash relationship, which is from John Gottman's book, Baby, and they just say what they are. Criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt. You've mentioned most of these in some capacity. And Opie goes, I'm working on getting an appointment right now.

Fingers crossed. No. I mean, she's taking all the right steps. Ah, yeah. It's fine. Like I wouldn't feel too bad about yourself for what, how you're handling it, but it's, you really just got to see if anything changes, if anything gets better. how you're handling it, but you really just gotta see if anything changes, if anything gets better. Because if it doesn't, then it's not ever going to. No, and they don't have kids,

which makes this divorce a lot easier. Simpler for sure. Simpler, and maybe the next one, she'll find a more balanced partner. Yeah. Like, I don't know if this is just our generation, but I feel like in the past, there's been a lot of shame with divorce. And I do not feel that at all.

Like what's the difference between a breakup and a divorce? The main one is like paperwork. Obviously it's a little harder to unwind, but there's not really a shame with a breakup. Like people are like, oh, sad. Like I thought you guys were great together, but you know. Yeah, I feel like that's just kind of.

So what's the difference? Like if you don't have kids and you're still in the same spot, like dating to marriage, it didn't really change much. Why is a divorce so much worse? I feel like it either stems from people with religious feelings about divorce, or it stems from the whole Bridgerton-type era of you can't get divorced. Henry the eighth did, baby. He created a whole other church for it.

Well, I just think back to how divorce has for a long time been this taboo, like, oh, you committed for know, you committed for life, you committed no matter what. Maybe that's what it is too, with the religious side, is like the oath of, I'll be with you forever, no matter what, and I'm like, swearing this under God, or, you know, I don't know, but maybe it's just like a, it's a sin to get divorced after saying you basically that you won't. But my great grandma got a divorce like 60 or 70 years ago. Which was very uncommon at the time.

And that has forever kind of just set the stage, I guess, with just my understanding of divorce, it's okay. And it's, it's good in times when you're not a good Partner and you like you're you have a good partnership anymore and you're not good for each other Why would you live the rest of your life? Going through something that's bad for both of you and you're gonna spread that bad energy to everyone else And you're gonna spread it to your kids probably and you're gonna make life harder all around, then just get divorced.

I mean, now you have divorced parties. Yeah. So it's definitely evolved, but I just always think back to the story of my great grandma doing it back when it was probably like the talk of the town. What a baddie. Yeah. Yeah.

I know a lot of people, like I think that's like some of the earliest criticism we got on the show is like, you guys, like, divorce isn't so easy. Oh, I'm like, but I definitely think I get it's hard. I get there's a lot of unwinding. I get you have to separate assets legally, you know, that's a lot, like I get that, but like, break up divorce, like, they're kind of the same thing except one has a lot, like I get that, but like break up divorce, they're kind of the same thing, except one has a lot more paperwork, I think people honestly overcomplicate them

and maybe that's my hot take for this episode. I think people make divorce way more complicated than it needs to be. I think it depends too. I think. If it's like you don't have kids and you didn't, like for these people, they don't have kids and you didn't like it for these people, like they don't have kids,

like this seems like it would be a very straightforward divorce. I think divorce gets complicated when people compromise in their relationships, such as they give up a career to stay home and take care of kids while, I mean, you make these decisions as a team and you say, all right, so you can stay home, take care of kids while, I mean, you make these decisions as a team and you say, all right, so you can stay home, take care of the kids. I'm going to go, you know, be the breadwinner. And that's how we're going to operate. Well, all of a sudden now, this person has given up a

career for the betterment of the family and the team and now the team is dissolving. So now this person is given up a career and it's really messy because now they're breadwinner who they gave up the career to support and help them do that in XYZ. Now it's really complicated because they're now 20 however many years behind and they're not gonna, it's like really hard to jumpstart their career and they gave up these opportunities. It's things like that that start to make it really emotional, really complicated and it's hard to find the fairness. Well, and that's like one thing, like I'm gonna be honest,

like staying home with your kids, if you want to is amazing, but if you don't wanna stay home with your kids if you want to is amazing. But if you don't wanna stay home with your kids, don't stay home with your kids. Your kids will be okay in daycare. Like don't make decisions that you're going to resent. And I think that's a lot of times what people do. And yes, there's compromises

and there's gonna be sacrifices in a relationship. But like if you truly in your heart of hearts, you love your job and there's gonna be sacrifices in a relationship, but like, if you truly in your heart of hearts, you love your job and you don't wanna quit, then don't. Like, I think there also needs to come like this point in a lot of people's lives where you're not sacrificing your happiness to boost up your partner. Like, you can both make an equal sacrifice.

Yes, but I wasn't saying sacrifice or happiness. You're making decisions. No, I'm inferring that a lot of people do make those decisions and do end up staying home to support their partner and get divorced and then are left with like, I was a stay-at-home mom and sacrificed my career. And now I'm stuck. And it's like, I was a stay-at-home mom and sacrificed my career and now I'm stuck. And it's like, it does happen.

And a lot of times it is the mom that stays home. Like COVID took so many women out of the workforce. Like, I'm gonna Google this because this number, I was reading about this the other day and it's crazy. So nearly 2 million fewer women in labor workforce. And I like remember hearing this. And I'm like, well, why are the women leaving their jobs? Well, women on average are paid less. So it made more sense and a lot of these families for women to leave their job during COVID to stay at home and take care of their kids. And it's like, they didn't

want to, but COVID forced them out of the workforce. And it's like they didn't want to, but COVID forced them out of the workforce. And now a lot of them are having hard times getting back in. It's literally this is one like article from the US Chamber of Commerce. In many cases, parents, most often women stayed home to care for their children. Half of all workers and nearly 60% of parents cite lack of childcare as their reason for leaving the workforce. They didn't want to. They had to because they're kids. A lot of people have to do that. A lot of people do have to stay home because it's cheaper to stay home and make more sense economically than to pay for daycare, which I fully believe we should have universal free daycare in this country.

Others do. It's better for our society. We encourage people to enter the work first. We encourage them to get educations for themselves. A more educated society has better quality of life, better socio-economic status. Like, why are we so fucking behind? And it's really frustrating. So I feel like I'm really passionate about this, in a sense where it's like,

if you don't want to stay home and you want to work, I get there's a lot, a lot of factors here. And I know there's a lot of nuance that I obviously can't articulate in this fucking two minute rant now, but I get there's a lot into it. And a lot of people might be fuming and getting ready to type. And I fully understand there is a lot that goes into it, but I just think it should be a little more balanced in today, 2023, and going forward.

Yeah. Sorry. I'm done on my soapbox now. Yeah, sorry, I'm done on my cell box now. No, I mean, we're so far off topic, but I just was kind of trying to talk about the situations where it's not that they don't want to. They want to in like the idea that the divorce isn't coming. Yeah, so they want to make this choice Because it makes sense for the team and the family all the way through Yeah, divorce gets complicated because all of a sudden you have this unforeseen change in that plan That now screws you over in particular Because you made a choice for the team not necessarily that you

That was against your will. Yeah, it just was the best choice as a team for sure And so then divorce gets extra complicated because you end up in these positions where you feel like You got screwed now. Well, and that's where like the reality is a lot of reality is a lot of families in America can't survive off one income. A lot of people, especially people with kids, are dual income households. That's the majority. If you are a one income household and one parent stays home with kids, that's where you should have an agreement between the two of you where hey,

I'm still furthering my education online as I stay home with the kids. I'm still gonna have a part-time job. I'm still gonna do this to make sure my resume stays up to date. I'm gonna be given an allowance like yes we have a joint fund whatever, but I still have my own money to put aside. You need financial freedom as well. So there's certain things you can do. And some people even do this in their pre-nubs, where they say, like, or they added on as a post-nuptial agreement once they start having kids. And they say, if I am the one to stay home with children, I will be given X, blah, blah, blah a year. And you go from there, like there's certain ways to make it equitable.

And I think like if I were to be a state-home mom, like and my husband, you, like in this world, was the breadwinner, like I would ask for those things. I would say I'm going to do certain continued education every year. I'm going to volunteer and have a part-time job. Part-time is anything under 25, but you could work five hours a week and you're still part-time which could be up to 25.

So I think there's certain things you can do that you're still investing in yourself, because we should always have a safety net. Like it's no different than life insurance. It's like hope for the best, prepare for the worst. The reality is people fall out of love, you might not work out anymore, someone could cheat. What's plan BCD? And like, I don't know, maybe people don't think like that usually, but like, that's where my brain goes.

I'm like, make sure you're gonna be good and like taking care of. Yeah. Another one of this week's partners is HelloFresh. With HelloFresh, you get farm fresh, pre-proportioned ingredients, and seasonal recipes, delivered right to your doorstep. So you can skip those trips to the grocery store

and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking, easy fun, and affordable. We all might be feeling our budgets tightening this summer, especially with activities and fun things we all want to do. And grocery bills can really add up, I mean, look at those eggs right now, which is why I love HelloFresh. You're going to be wasting less food. It's cheaper than grocery shopping, and 25% cheaper than takeout. And if you're worried about the meals getting boring or repetitive, there's over 40 different recipes to choose from weekly. And they're always using seasonal

ingredients or having amazing collaborations. And if you're in a pinch for time, they have options that are ready in 15 minutes or less, which is ideal if you have a busy summer ahead of you. We are a big, hello, fresh house. We love it. This is one of my dad's favorite things to do. Honestly, this is my dad's favorite things to do. Honestly, this is my dad's self-care. And I get the benefit of walking into the kitchen when it's just about done to start taste testing. HelloFresh has honestly brought my family closer together and given us a lot more quality

time in the kitchen, and we have never been disappointed with a meal. They all taste amazing and are super simple and easy to follow. So if you want to try it for yourself, go to HelloFresh.com slash THT16 and use code THT16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping. Go to HelloFresh.com slash THT16 and use code THT16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping. HelloF fresh America's number one meal kit. Okay. One last one and then we're done. This one is a poop story though, friends.

So trigger wanting poop. Really? Yeah. Yeah, some people can really sick over it. Just sick. Oh, well, I don't have a choice. No. So this one is two months old.

User name, shower drain clean. Good. Yeah. Yeah. It's titled, Am I the asshole for not cleaning the shower drain cover? My roommate installed since I have short hair. I, 22, male, am originally from the Middle East.

And I live with my roommate, 21 female, who is English. She has really long hair and sheds everywhere while I have short hair. We used to have a problem with the shower getting clogged with hair, and I kept having to ask her to clean it, which she did, but she would complain about finding poop in it as she picked out the hair. Where I grew up, it is considered unclean to use toilet paper, and toilets have a handheld mini shower we call a chitafa, and used to spray clean our bumps.

I am not religious, and this is not a religious thing. I just find the thought of smearing poop around to clean it, disgusting, as some of it probably adheres to the skin. So after I poop, I clean up in the shower. The only reason poop got stuck in the drain though is because her hair had clogged it there. Otherwise, it would have gone through. Am I the asshole?

They need to just, they just, they just need enough of your roommates. I think this person needs to live with like-minded people or buy a fucking bidet or has their own personal bathroom. But does it sound so easy? Yeah, I mean, but you know, if this is the method, then we either need to look at living alone, having our own bathroom or something of the sort because it doesn't sound like you're going to change. No, I don't know if you can expect someone to

just kind of be cool with it. I don't know. Where does the line fall in this one, people? I mean, there's clearly a cultural difference here, which is totally fine. And that's what I'm saying. You kind of have to separate this cultural difference in the sense that separate bathrooms or with someone that does the same thing. I don't even think it needs to be that complicated. Why can't he buy a bidet? I'm on Amazon right now.

This is how serious I am about this. I've just been under the impression from the start of the read that this isn't changing. But if this is a part of his culture, can you imagine like for me, if I have like a really bad stomach day, especially like, unfortunately, I love coffee, but it really fucks me up, I'm pooping maybe four times a day, sometimes five. Like it's sometimes excessive. So this man, every time he poops, he doesn't wipe, he takes off all of his clothes and gets into his shower. Kind of inconvenient.

So inconvenient. Also, what is he doing public? Maybe he doesn't poop in public. What about when he travels? I don't know. I have a lot of questions. I have a lot of constant showers. I have a lot of questions, a lot of questions.

But this is your home. How inconvenient, great word, is it to shower every time after you poop? Right now on Amazon, $25 for a handheld bidet sprayer that attaches on your toilet real easy, $25. And guess what? I can get it here overnight and it will be here. We're recording on a Saturday at 11 p.m. I can get it tomorrow morning 7 a.m. through 11 a.m.

Yeah, Jake had one. Jake had one at our house. I mean, but days are so easy to install on your toilet. There's so many but days, 70 bucks, 100 bucks, 25, 29, 36, 46. What if that's just like, no, that doesn't cut it. Like, it's got to be full shower. Then, then where do you go? If, if the method isn't changing. But he said the cultural thing is a handheld toilet sprayer. That's the culture. They call it a chattafa. I'm butchering it.

You guys made funny me for calling maca's macros or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, so Shatafa. I mean, oh, I got him. Oh, it looks like it's an Egyptian thing. Kyro science, portable Shatafa. Yeah, it's like a, you know those, those gatorade water bottles, the big green ones.

It's like that with like a pump. It's a portable one. You can take it with you. So it is like a bidet. It's a bidet Like literally you Google Shatafa same fucking thing. Oh, well then I mean So what's his what's his excuse? I'm not sure. I just know that if the methods don't change the There's gotta be some change in the living situation. I would never ever ever in a million years. I don't know how that girl didn't call him out sooner

and be like, hey, can you stop shitting in the shower? Yeah, true. Like how did she not call him out the first time? I'm sorry, the first time. Maybe she hasn't cleaned up any long time though. I can't remember why she's like this. You smell it? If there's so much hair in there that the shit

is clogged on top of the hair, how isn't there shit overflowing in the bathtub? I mean. How don't you smell it? I'm not envisioning a mass amount. I'm envisioning a decent amount of poop for her to dig out the hair and notice its shit. Also, what if he had corn?

Are you finding little chunks of corn? What is this like? Yeah, I mean, just corn gets stuck, I don't know. finding little chunks of corn? What is this like? Just corn gets stuck, I don't know. I mean, I guess the corn would be in the toilet, not on his ass. The problem is it all should be in the toilet. This should be a toilet, like a fully toilet situation,

not a shower toilet situation. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people I guess would say that everything runs down the same way and whatever, but you don't want to be stepping in that. I can't imagine that is the healthiest situation. It reminds me of the ancient Romans, though they were very, very advanced society. They had these public bathrooms where it was like these slates of stone and then there'd be these circles all cut out. And literally we'd be sitting this far apart

at the public room. At the public room. Yeah, and we'd just be sitting this far apart just having a conversation. There's no phones, there's no TikTok, there's none of that shit. So everyone's just like sitting there, talking. And then the Romans actually, which, you know, in London, they fucked up later on

with they just dumped their shut the windows and stuff, which caused a bunch of problems. They let it in poop pipes, just shooting out the side of the castles. The Romans had running waterways that this would fall into and take it away. They were smart. It's set. It kept their cities clean

and healthy. That they all used then in the middle of all these toilets was a little square thing of water, which had constant replenishing of water from the running water. But they all had these sticks with sponges on the ends. And that's what they would all use. And the problem became is that they would wipe To wipe their butts. Yeah. And then they would put it back in the clean water. Yeah. So it's kind of like don't drink any cotton. No, they didn't drink.

It wasn't a well. No, no, no, this water was separate. This water was purely wastewater that would flow in, take away from the bathroom and take out. Yeah, but what were they using this little poop lufa? Poop lufa for. They were just in front of them in another little section of water. And they would just use that to clean

and then they'd all put them back. Yeah, look up a picture of it. You look up ancient Roman. Yeah. You can still see some of them. Some of them still exist today. Sponges on sticks. Yeah, and then the problem was they'd mutually use that.

Did I stop? I thought we were going there with this story. I thought there was gonna be a sponge and a stick next to the toilet that was used every time. Yeah, this is really interesting. So anyway, there's a fun fact for everybody. This is a very small hole in the toilet though, like compared to our modern day toilets that are very big.

This looks like the shape of a keyhole, if you envision like a tiny little circle. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. This is an ancient Roman latrine. I think they're bigger than they appear. I don't know. It looks like a tiny keyhole to me and very close together. You could definitely touch thighs with someone as you shit. Oh, yeah. You're right next to each other. Yeah. Yeah. You hung out. Oh my god. There's some cartoons of like where they show people kind of like sit in there. Oh yeah, no, there's a lot. If you're watching on YouTube,

you'll see some great pics of Roman latrines. Hey, it's fascinating. We're on the topic. It is really fascinating. It's interesting how different cultures have evolved to take care of this. Obviously, we have the Bade commonly from Japan. And it's like,

Are they from Japan? I'm just so curious now about, I wanna just learn about Bade was born in France in the 1600s as a washing basin for your private parts. But isn't it super popular in Japan? Like all my friends have gone to Japan or like every toilet has one no matter what. A Badei showers are most commonly found in Southeast Asia, South Asia, and the Middle East.

Okay, yeah, so they're a big thing. In 1980, the first paper list toilet was launched in Japan by manufacturer Toto. Yeah. Oh, it dries your ass after washing too. Damn, you're sitting there for a while. Oh my God, this is giving. Um, like a spa day. Oh my God. What is that? It's cars. It's the cars movie where lightning, McQueen and Maider like go broad. It's like some fancy race tour. And they literally try these toilets,

the air dryer toilet and Maiders like, Oh,, like. Oh yeah, I kind of remember that. That's funny. Oh my God, flashback. But yes, a bidet would be a fantastic solution. Get it done, dude. It's done. He's willing. And if he's not, then, you know, separate showers.

But like, here's the thing, that's the bathroom. Here's the thing, just this girl should not live with him. Here's the thing. Just this girl should not live with him. Here's the thing though. You you say this is cultural. I fully respect that, but you're not doing what your what your cultural set like what your culture says. Like you're you're going in the shower, which is making your life harder than just buying the $30 handheld thing and doing what the culture actually says. Like, that's true. Why are you shitting in the shower?

Why? Why? Well, he would be like, I'm not technically shitting in the shower. I'm technically cleaning up. Get a hand held faucet for your time. Yeah, I'm with you. Top comment on this one. You're the asshole.

Stop shitting in the fucking shower if you can't clean up after yourself. Yep. I honestly, you know, when Jake and I had moved into that department in New York, if this was going on, it would have ended very quickly. Next comment down, I'm actually morbidly curious about this. What is going on with men who can't shit without leaving a mess all over themselves? That's true, too. Then can't clean themselves up in appropriate ways. When did this happen? Who failed them? True. That it's bad enough to have to shower every time. Imagine going to like Coachella.

Just get a bidet. This could be such an easy thing. What do you do with Coachella? There ain't no bidet there. I mean, he's got the handheld chateaufa. It's like a little gatorade bottle. Is there a portable one? Yeah. You can carry it around with you? Yes, it looks like this.

It's like a pump water bottle. You go through security A, bro. What's this? Yes, this literally this one is called fresh buzz, the Egyptian solution to every Arab traveler's greatest dilemma. Okay. Because literally I had that question,

what does he do if he's traveling? What does he do when he's out in public and has to poop? You need a fresh buzz. And then what do you say when TSA pulls that thing out? Oh, no problem, it's just money. Careful where you touch that, you might wanna put some gloves on. I can, yeah, that's true.

Like, it comes with a travel pouch. So it's just like, I mean, someone if you were traveling within someone's soft fallout, you'd think it was like a neck pillow in a bag or something. See, it's like, I get it for, you know, camping. Yeah. Like, for here, right now, or for the hotel, we're about to be in a New York. I don't need camping. Yeah. Like, for here, right now, or for the hotel,

we're about to be in a New York. Mm. I don't need that. No. And I also don't need to get in the shower. No, but he does, so he's got to come up with a better solution. That is all I got for this episode. Grand finale.

Grand finale. The shit story. There's going to be a lot of fun stuff on Patreon. I'm glad you're here. People are going to be so happy you're back. Except I'm already anticipating the comments. Morgan, why are you picking on Justin so much this episode? Were you?

Because I want Justin to pick up his water bottles and put his cups in the kitchen. Hey, if that's the one complaint you can have of me. That's really it. That's really all I got, which is so minor. I read these stories and I'm like, you keep leaving those water bottles behind, they have however many you want. How about someone out there who let me leave my water bottles and my cups out? 100%.

100%. out there would let me leave my water bottles and my cups out. 100% 100% when you find them in the comments, you can take all your shit over there. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm really exhausted. I got to tell you. Really tired. I know you're coming off of two weeks of COVID

and just really. Another Tylenol. Really still, still feeling it. I need Tylenol on the tissue and a hot shower. I'm just kidding, I love you. I don't want you to leave anywhere. And I need one of those VIX shower tablets, which everyone should try.

Oh my God, even if you're not sick and you want to feel like awakening in the shower, VIX has these menthol, they look like urinal cakes, like that you see in guys' urinals. But it's- I haven't seen one of those in years, actually. Yeah, I don't go in guys' bathrooms, so I wouldn't know. But I used to clean the bathroom at Perkins when I was a server, so I would see them there.

But it's white, and you just drop it in your shower as you're showering, and it steams up with like menthol eucalyptus, and it opens you up, and it's just the most refreshing, happy shower in the world. It is very nice. It's so good. Let's go do that. That sounds great. Okay. Okay. Also, don't worry guys.

Cups going straight to the kitchen. And the water bottle still is watering it. So I'm gonna get away with that one. Yeah. I love you. We've just been together for two weeks straight in quarantine. So it's just like...

Starting to lose it. Starting to lose it. But head over to Patreon and be sure to check out Spotify for the question. And if you're not on Spotify and you're watching YouTube, you have homework in the comments. If you've sleptwalked, sleepwalked. Sleepwalked. If you're a sleepwalker, please tell us more about your sleep walking, what some of the weirder things you've done, stuff like that.

And head over to Patreon, like I've said, my brain's a little broken too, sorry. There's going to be free content this month, as well as some amazing bonus content. And we still have one group therapy left this month. So well, depend on when you're here in this. It'll be June 18th Sunday. So head over there, but love you all. Thank you for being here and until next time. Until next time. Bye guys. Bye. Este es el sonido de un día de rebajas en Designer Outlet Málaga.

Es el sonido de tus firmas favoritas como Pedro del Guerro o Adolfo Domingue, un día para recordar con descuentos de hasta el 50% adicional. Ven a vernos todos los días, incluidos los domingos a solo 15 minutos de Málaga. MacArthur Blend Designer Outlet Málaga, Destination Joy. Los domingos a solo 15 minutos de malaga. MacArthur Blend Design era outlet malaga. Destinei sonjoy.