Two Hot Takes - 126: Petty or Perfect Response? Ft. Talia Lichtstein

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Talia Lichtstein!! This episode features stories that make you wonder was it petty? Or.. is it actually the perfect solution? There's a fine line, and sometimes while it may be petty it could also be perfect. Let's see what you all decide.. :) Checkout Talia: https://www.tiktok.com/@talialichtstein?lang=en Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: NextEvo: NextEvo.com/THT for 25% off + a FREE bottle of Premium Pure CBD! Quince: Quince.com/tht ZocDoc: Zocdoc.com/tht

First and foremost, thank you Spotify for hosting me this week. I really appreciate it. And now let's get into it. Oh, OK. Here we go. I told Talia as she was coming in. I was like, I'm going to try not to poop my pants today because my stomach is killing me.

All of my IBS girlies out there know and traveling just makes it 10 times worse. And I'm not sleeping. And I went out last night and it's just, it's just like a great recipe for my stomach to kill me and I wore a white shirt and I took the train and the train like stopped I'm like, please get there, please get there.

It's about a morning. I'm having a New York minute. I am. I've never put my pants though. Really? You know what? I don't think I have either. I'm not to that too.

I don't need. I've definitely sharded, but it was only, it was barely noticeable. Like the type of shot where I probably could have walked around for another hour. Okay. Maybe a state in my underwear. This is a great start. Yeah. For a moment. But yeah, I don't like can't recall an actual shot. I had this thing in high school. We told math stories. Have you heard of these? Math. It's called the math. Like the things that fly? It's yes, it's like named. That's what it's felt? Moth? It's called the Moth. Like the things that fly? It's, yes, it's like named, and that's what it's felt like.

It's just a storytelling session where you like, it was a unit in our creative writing class, and Moth is a style of storytelling where you get up and it's sort of like stand up, but it's not jokes, you just tell a story, and you make it engaging in something. It's like a performance of a story. And the theme for our Moth was like,

tell about a time you shot your pants. Stop. I don't know why it was a full, in high school. Yeah, a grown teacher and a bunch of kids and the teacher was like, the theme of our moth this week, is they're gonna get up and tell a story

about a time that you shot your pants. Is he trying to get everyone bullied in high school? I think it was the opposite. Like he wanted people to like him. He wanted people to think he was really cool. The cool guy. His name was Alan. He him. He wanted people to think he was the cool guy. It's the best out teacher. He was always like really trying to be a cool teacher.

He wasn't an uncool teacher, but he was just like out of your trying and we can tell. You know what I mean? I get that. Yeah, I totally get that. What a goofball though. He's the definition of a goofball. It's such a weird out of him.

He was funny. Okay, okay. I like where this is going. The theme I have for you today, it's gonna be like petty, or is it the perfect solution? Oh, that's so me. So it is.

And like after watching all of your content on TikTok, like I think my favorite stuff is like, you're very outspoken. You just tell it how it is. So for those of you who aren't familiar, Tali is big on TikTok. You move from LA to New York, and it's just kind of been this whole journey

that we're in following you. You went first really viral though, with a hook-up story? Yeah, it was a series of them. I went viral in New York with, oh, you went far back, and I love that. I found you when you were in LA still, and just moving, and I was like,

I wanna get around my podcast. And then you literally moved to New York the next week and I go, great. And so you're in LA right now, you're basically. Okay, so I wish I had known that. So I would have told you in LA. But okay, now we know each other. Next time.

But yeah, I followed you for a long time too. I got started in LA. And I never meet people who like everyone knows me as, oh, you're from New York, which is a compliment in itself to me. But I'm sort of like, oh, you must not. You have which is a compliment in itself to me, but I'm sort of like, oh, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not,

you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not,

you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not,

you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must not, you must Yeah. But I think that the through line of my content is very much that essence of like, we're going to just say what we feel. We're going to stop with this game of like I have to make everyone relate to me. We're just going to say it. And I think that people like that and it works. So I brought that sort of spirit into telling my stories about hooking up with boys and walking home after the Hubsin getting ready for the Hubsin. You know, it's just, but I think that the through line of like honesty and pride in who I am is there. Yeah. And it's, it's translated into a little social

just to see thing now. It's, because there was such a misogynistic backlash to the Hubsin story. Oh my god. So it's so much. Given me a whole new sort of second wind, third, fourth wind. Yeah. I absolutely love that. I love your comments when like someone will just be a dick. Like for no reason, just so unprovoked and you'll like reply to the comment with a video and the sass and I just love and I'm like, it kind of fits in that box of like, is it petty or is it the perfect solution? Right. So you're so familiar with it that I'm like, you're gonna crush these stories.

This is my specialty is like, I'll often I'll sit before I post those videos and decide. Like, one day, first of all, one day it's gonna be my mom always says, you're gonna call the wrong guy ugly and he's gonna show up at your door with a fucking knife. Like these people are really scary. But also, I fear,

I don't wanna put this into the world, but sometimes I fear is like I'm going to call the wrong guy. I'm going to be a little too mean to one of these younger idiot guys who says something misogynistic to get a rise out of me. And I'll hit the wrong cord and I don't want to hurt somebody so badly that it cannot, nobody can come back from that. So I often sit and I'm like, is this just me wanting to yell at someone, or am I really doing this for the greater good of like stomping out misogyny? And I hope that it is all for the greater good. So I like the idea that we are discerning

between just petty and just meaningful. Yeah. Okay, well let's get into these. All right, great. Let's dive in. Okay, so up first, I'm just not even gonna preface this. It's a good one. I'm so star-stock watching you do this in person. Oh my god.

I'm like, I'm 24. I can't wait to see you do it in real life. I'm gonna feel like I'm in the car listening to you. Okay, let's get into this first one. So this is 19 days old. It's coming from psychological mind 407. It's titled, Am I the asshole for returning a birthday gift I got from my boyfriend after he insulted me about my colorful past.

Colorful past. Colorful. This happened last night, but my phone is still blowing up. I female 26 dipped into my savings and got Mike, my boyfriend, 27, a PS5 for his birthday yesterday. He knew he was getting the PS5 because he told me that the PS5 is the only thing he wants. We've been together for four years, so the cost didn't matter. That is, until I found out what he thinks of me.

Some background. When I was 18, I was involved with Jake, a guy who I met online. We ended things after three months and I moved on shortly after with Adam, a guy from work. I found out a couple of months later that Jake and Adam were actually really close friends, but I didn't know Jake long enough to meet his friend group.

So I had no idea. After finding out, I took some time off dating, and two years later, I met my current boyfriend Mike. I was upfront and honest with Mike about my past, and the fact that I was unintentionally involved with friends. He said he understood, and my past didn't bother him. Last night at his party, I showed up with the PS5 and him and his friends were screaming with joy. His best female friend, Jessica, laughed and said, quote,

I wish I was a thought so I could afford a PS5 too. I looked at her with a, excuse me, look on my face and she just said never mind and walked away. Jessica, what's the deal? I confronted my boyfriend about it and he said, and I quote, she's just messing with you. You can't take a joke. So I pushed further as to why this girl is even calling me names to begin with.

And he said, quote, well, everyone knows you were a thought before you met me. I asked him to explain how I was a thought before him. And he said, quote, you know, messing with best friends. He then padded me on the shoulder and said, it's okay. Because I'm not who I was back then. And if he could get over my, quote, colorful past and thought mentalities to give me a chance then I could get over Jessica's comments

and give her another chance. I didn't say anything. I just got up, took the PS5 from the gift table and left. He was pissed. He literally called me 20 times, but I didn't care. It was so hurt that I took the bow off and took it straight back to the store I got it from. They happily refunded it.

I thought that was done, but Mike and all of his friends, including Jessica, are berating me for being petty. And they're all saying, I brought this on myself by making poor choices. I responded to Mike and told him that he deserves better than me, so find someone who wasn't a thought and get the PS5 from them, because I returned it. He started screaming how I'm the biggest asshole for returning it and how I should be happy

he ignored my colorful past. I'm thinking maybe taking it back was too far. Am I the asshole? I'm gonna vomit. I can't, you hooked gonna vomit. I can't. You hooked up with two people, two. You knew each other and you're a thought. If that makes you a thought,

if these people, if this group of friends and Miss Jessica knew me in college, they'd be putting me on a cross somewhere else. I'm gonna help. I honestly, they'd be burning me on a cross or something. Burn it, burn it at the stake. I don't understand. Okay, so just know that, I think,

if we're able to get in touch with this part, if she's listening somewhere somehow, first, so I wouldn't care if you fucked 80 people. It doesn't matter, but also know that the two people is ridiculous and anyone call it colorful, really? Colorful. I just, I wouldn't even, what? What does that mean?

What is he trying to imply? Like, you were a fucking ho? The idea? Any guy who ever even suggests that there's a problem with people you've slept with in the past, I don't care what the number is, if it's one, if it's 70, if they give a single shit and they're dating you now and you're committed to them now,

they want someone who will never know what bad sex is, is what they're dating you now and you're committed to them now, they want someone who will never know what bad sex is, is what they're looking for. They want someone who doesn't have enough experience to know what's a big dick versus what's a small one and what is good versus what's bad. They want someone with an air of virginity and who they can take advantage of and manipulate easier because she has never had any experience. It's disgusting. It really is disgusting to even care.

I would go so far as to say, if a guy asked me in like, you know, a guy that I wasn't dating for a really long time, we were just laying in bed joking about it. If a guy seriously wanted to know what is your body count, be like, ew, like why do you give a fuck? It's just such a turn off to me. So there's that. And then the entire rest of it, the whining about the PS5, like a fucking child, I just can't even imagine.

Ew, where did you find him? There's so much going on here. And what's so interesting is like these two guys were friends. How was she supposed to know when the first guy that she was dating, Jake, she met online, never met his friends. How was she supposed to know when the first guy that she was dating Jake, she met online, never met his friends, then was working with this guy named Adam, met him at work. How was she supposed to know that they were involved? Even if she didn't know, honestly, fuck it. She slept with two people once when she was 18, a child, not a child, but a teenager, who cares, we all do shitty things. And she didn't even date for two years.

She took two years off after that experience and didn't date and then met her boyfriend. So she's dated now, including this guy who's being weird like this, three people. What she did is she was dating. She was hooking up and experimenting and dating. That's what she was doing. She's 26.

She's 26 and has dated three people. And he's calling her a thought. Also, I haven't heard thought in so long. I literally had to just Google what it stands for. The guys who say, the guys who can't buy their own PS5 is who says thought. I just, I don't, the audacity to come after your girlfriend and criticize her for anything at all

when she just had to buy you the thing that you wanted so badly because you could not provide it for yourself. And then when she takes it back to the store, you can't even fathom that, oh, maybe we've broken up and I should just go buy myself a new one. No, no, no, no, no. You need her to go back and get it for you. Like mommy took away your Christmas morning gift. Like it's, it's actually, I'm dumbfounded.

Like I can't believe it. I can't. Also, like the guys jumping up and down, like as they open it. Him and his friends were screaming with joy. It's like they're all gonna share this one little PS5. It's like done right there. Look how he can get it. Oh, and Jessica coming out of the woodwork. Jessica wants to fuck him.

Like Jessica loves your boyfriend. If you see Jessica and him together next month, I'd say congratulations, baby. If she can take him, she should have him. Absolutely. Let them be happy together forever. Absolutely. This is breakup.

This is weird. It's one thing, like, if there's, this is so, like, as you said, like, this is unfounded, like, his justification for calling her this and saying it, weird. And it's one thing to, like, have these thoughts about someone, but, like, you're dating me. So, like, okay, why are you then going to all your friends and talking about my colorful past to all your friends? Why are you sullying my reputation and their perception of me if you want to be with me? You're okay with trashing me to your friends. It's resentment and what it feels like

if I'm being super analytical and maybe a little too deep, it feels like a guy who's jealous of his girlfriend. It feels like a guy who could never get with many people, who doesn't have this sexual freedom, or just even to call this two people sexually free. She's some kind of crazy person who's experimenting all over like I was in college, like being a fucking borderline sex addict. Like she didn't do anything. It wasn't a 10 person gang bag.

It wasn't, and you know what? As a person who's done the gang bag thing, I should tell this girl she should try it. I really like you deserve to go and have fun and have sex with whatever you want. So no, that's the fuck you want. You should be ashamed for it. No, you should do whatever you want,

but it feels like a person who is so, who is, the resentment bubbles inside of him so much that he has to go and tell his friends something. It's one thing to say, wow, my girlfriend was like so unafraid and she experimented in the past and I'm like, I think it's cool that I'm dating somebody who like does whatever she wants. It's a whole, you know how he was talking about you

and it wasn't fucking like that. Jessica did not make up that. He put that in her head. He is talking about you. And if your boyfriend's talking about you because you used to fuck somebody else, to me, it screams insecure jealous, which is he could do that, but can't. It's just bizarre. And why are you dating somebody who secretly kind of hates you?

Ah, get out. Get out. For those that are unfamiliar with the term thought definition, it's derogatory, very informal according to the Oxford languages, a woman who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. What is the full form of thought? Ackronem for that hoe over there.

Please note that hoe is a short form for whore. I didn't know it stood for that hoe over there. That's why I'm like, I haven't heard it in so long. I needed to like refresh my memory with the fucking stood-toy. I love to get reminded of weird little like things that we would have like urban dictionary. Oh my god.

I looked up the other day, somebody made a comment about me wearing white shorts. I was wearing white denim shorts. And I was like, I can't understand what that would be. I looked it up. Apparently, according to the middle school Bible,

white, Jane Schwartz on a girl means she loves anal. I was like, so I was like, why? Why? He said it as like a joke. He's like, I don't tell you this. He's like, where did that come from? He was like, you didn't go to middle school? Like, this was a thing.

I love remembering these little things. Apparently, white toenails, you're a hoe. I didn't know about that. Minor white, with the color. Minor white too. White's like the only color I ever get. Me too. I personally were a house.

I love learning about those little things. How's your night? Yeah, me, you and this girl. That's so funny. Let's all go out. Oh, we should. I, if you guys have any other like weird slangs, I'll be posting a question on Spotify

where you can respond to. I wanna hear the weirdest little slang terms like thought or just the weirdest ones. I don't remember a lot of these. I've kind of blocked them out, I guess. So post away, overall vote on this one, not the asshole. People were like, good for you, as you should have taken that.

Good. The top comment, which is like very awarded, big red box on Reddit, 64,000 upvotes. Wow. Yeah, very, very well received. It goes, I'm so confused, but maybe that's because I'm an old lady who got married around the time you were in kindergarten. If anyone was wrong in the Jake slash Adam incident, it was Adam.

You might have dated friends, but he dated his best friends X. That's on them to figure out an Adam's mistake only. Where I come from dating three dudes in seven years does not a colorful past make. Did Ho get a new definition since the early 2000s? Not the asshole. And I hope you do something special for yourself with a little of that money you got back from returning that gift, you got your ex-boyfriend.

Yeah, I hope she traded herself. We haven't updated. Really? Yeah. We will get into it. Firstly, thank you all for the support. I really appreciate it, and I'm trying my best to respond to each of you.

Turns out you guys were right, but we'll get into that. Firstly, I unblocked Mike this morning and called him to talk. After a few hours of arguing, I finally got the truth out of him. He said, after I told him about my past, he was fine with it because it happened before him. Then he got curious about who Jake and Adam were. So he went digging on my Facebook friends list and didn't find Jake, but he found Adam. He then condemned me for having an ex on my social media page.

I said I don't speak to the majority of people on my Facebook, but I wouldn't delete them. I just won't engage. He said that in his eyes, that was a red flag, so he went digging and he found what he was looking for. He saw that Adam was well known and well-liked by a lot of women because of all the women liking and commenting on his posts, and by the cars and trips he posted prior, he knew that Adam had to be well off.

He also admitted to knowing some of the women who were in Adam's comments. He then tried digging in Adam's friend list, but it was hidden. So he asked Jessica to stock his likes, comments, and posts for a Jake. Sure enough, they found Jake. Saw that Jake drove an expensive car and came to the conclusion that I only date men with money. Note, Mike doesn't have money, so his entire analysis was dumb. Anyways, I asked him why he just didn't come to me

and he confessed that for a while, he thought I was interested in Jake and Adam for money because that's what, quote, women do. He then said that him and Jessica brought this situation up to his guy friends and they all agreed that this is how the situation went. I was dating Jake.

He introduced me to Adam. I found out Adam had more money than Jake. I left Jake to sleep with Adam, then started dating him. I questioned why would I leave Adam if I was with him for money. And he said he thought that was a lie. And Adam had to be the one to leave me, out. He then said that he contemplated

breaking up with me for this for months. But as he got to know me, he slowly realized I am not that kind of person. I told him that he's basically full of shit for dirtying my name with his friends. Then I asked him why he didn't clear up my name. He said that whenever he brought me up, they all dismissed me as a gold digger, thought a woman who slept with men for money and here's the kicker, probably still have some of that money saved. They came to the conclusion that I must be with Mike for some all-tier motive,

but he was too embarrassed to defend me. He also said that he was embarrassed every time I mentioned a male friend or tagged a guy in social media because they all teased him afterwards. I remember him asking me to not like any other man's photos on social media and to not tag any guys, but I just thought it's because it made him uncomfortable, not because his friends were silently stalking me. After hearing all of this, I decided to end things with Mike. I told him that

he's not a nice person and I can't trust him anymore, especially because he knew I was saving for months to afford the PS5, and he allowed his friends to think that I got my money somewhere else. After ending it, I said, quote, oh, by the way, have you ever slept with Jessica? I fucking knew it. He said no, but after she found Jake, she suggested they hook up. If he ever needs to quote, get back at me in the future. I asked what she meant by getting back at me. And he said she was certain. I would shoot on him with a wealthier man if I found one. He then said that he gave me the

truth after all these years, so I should forgive him and give him another chance. But this man is comical, but I didn't. I just thanked him for the good times, the memories, and for dirtying my name. Then I hung up and blocked him again. Now I think I'll take another long break from the dating world. Thanks again, everyone. I need to do like yoga breaths after that. Fuck you, Jessica. Jessica, I fuck you, Mike.

Fuck every single last person. Fuck the people who raised Mike. Fuck the people who raised Jessica. Who are these people? And where did you find them? The gutter. The gutter. They got her. They got her.

They were like, oh shit, was that, oh, Shucky Cheese, what's the place with children? I don't know. Okay. Does it matter? I was thinking like Johnny Rockets, Shucky Cheese, what is it? Where did you find these two? Toast soil, Dave and Busters, baby.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Don't bring them into this. Leave them at wherever you found them, do you have. Yeah. It's just, sometimes found them, even busters. It's just, sometimes it's really hard to say, and this is like the hardest part of being a girl because sometimes you encounter a person so stupid whose misogyny has not only poisoned

them, but the girls around them too who just want their validation, like they've collected Jessica's that make them feel, and Jessica feels better in turn for like having somebody to impress and like agree with all the time. So, these, when you accidentally attract these people into your life, eventually this shit happens, and you get into these illogical arguments where you get so frustrated,

you don't feel like there's ever going to be a way that you can prove yourself. And every single day, I have these arguments with men online where they say things just to talk, and I can't ever make a point. They just love to be with you, can prove yourself. And every single day I have these arguments with men online where they say things just to talk and I can't ever make a point. They just love to hear themselves talk and they forget to have a point. There's no way that I could ever,

yeah, I can't bother, but I get caught up in the anger and I do wanna say something. And all I have to say to that is I wish I could take my own advice and I'm projecting onto you, but we as women have to be better about leaving things alone. Like seriously, there's a point where you have to defend yourself and there's also a point where you have to know, bitches are crazy and misogynistic and won't change and unblocking them to call and have this call, I'm sure was so much more exhausting than it needed

to be to get nowhere and only for her to be frustrated forever that he said these things about her she didn't need to know. I just leave it. Well, that's like, I think it's so interesting that like a lot of times people always feel they're like, I just, you know, I wanted to call him to get closure. Why? Why? I am not. One of those people like, I don't need closure.

Like closure for me is saying goodbye and like I know that that person doesn't deserve me. And like I think a lot of people would be happier if you could get like if they could also get to that level because it feels so good. You don't need closure from that. You don't you don't want to interact with them anymore. They don't deserve any more of your energy. Don't waste your breath on them. And it's just so crazy to me. Like Jessica is clearly waiting in the wings for this guy and let her, let her have him. And I think you make a good point too,

where it's like it is so easy to get angry with people. Like in my own YouTube comments or, you know, things that I see, but it's really interesting, like and the same popped into my head. And I will butcher it, you guys know this is what I do. But it's like, what's one in a battle of wits with a fool? Right. You win nothing. You win absolutely nothing.

Nothing. And maybe one out of ten times, you get a little satisfaction of like, re-showing them on TikTok in the comments for something, but that's kind of it. And it's not worth it. That's short-lived. And it will eat you. I walked in here having, I made the mistake

of watching my tagged in videos on TikTok. It will eat you. I'm so wise. I can't just. Oh my god, don't, don't. Because I don't want to know. And like, it's not like anyone's ever, plenty of people do at me and have really insightful,

cool things to set. Yeah. And it makes me, it inspires me. I love to start a discussion. I love people to agree with me. But one out of every 20 is a guy who just wants to talk and talk, and he takes up the whole three minutes. And I'm like, it gets me to a point of frustration

and to not be heard and to be talked over by a person who just wants to hear themselves talk. And I say on your podcast is I'm talking. But like, and you know what I mean? Like, I personally just, whatever. I listen to my friends and your point about closure is so, so relevant. Every time I listen to my friends say after a break up, like, okay, but I just want to call them and get some closure.

I'm like, stop lying to yourself. Stop. I used to do that too. And what you have of this, this ability to say, I don't need closure. The closure is saying goodbye. It's a part of life that everyone does get to, which depends on how many heart breaks it takes, but you get there.

Absolutely. But if you're still thinking, oh, I need to call them after the break up and just talk it through, no, you don't. No, you're bored and you really want to hear his voice and that's what is gonna happen. You are not going to win anything. You're not going to get anything helpful out of this.

It's a job lying to yourself. It doesn't exist. I know. It doesn't. I have a friend that is going through a really bad, like, breakup right now and ended up, like, going out to lunch with their ex to be like, hey, why did we break up?

And I'm like, I'm like, no, sweetie. Like, this is what therapy is for. Like, you talk to your therapist and you analyze this. Like, that other person isn't gonna give you the answers that you're looking for and like, you're just rehashing these wounds and like, it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good.

You just wanna go back and poke a dead thing with a stick is what you wanna do. I need to grow up. You need to grow up. It's beating a dead horse sounds fun. I'm thinking like you're poking a little dead pigeon on the side of the road because it's like, ew gross, what is that?

He's gonna move. You are not a horse move. Let's go. I'm such a horse girl that I can't imagine hurting a horse. So I always like to think like beating a dead horse no poking a dead pigeon. That's my favorite. I like that.

Didn't you kill a rat by running? Unfortunately. And I really think the rats are so cute now. I really they are my friends. I like looking at them when I'm waiting on the subway platform. They're so fucking cute. Just watching them scary around. Wait until you accidentally step on one, you watch the life leave its eyes and it'll change you forever but I would vomit but it does desanstitize you and you start to see them is like well, we just share the city

Her and I me and her we just kind of walk around together and I have to live in peace with them That squish under your foot The crunch there was there was a spinal crunch. There was. And you know what? Everyone at home was puking. I said the mourners cottage and I moved on with my day. There you go.

I had to go. Oh my god. We're really. Chosen. Yes. Yes. One of this week's partners is next-devo. I love summer.

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I get along with her well except for this one point. If you don't keep an eye on her, she will get into the kitchen and add seasonings to whatever is cooking. She thinks she is fixing stuff but not all foods need turmeric in it. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday.

Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday.

Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. seasonings and herbs in it depending on the recipe. They came to take a bag of spare clothes for one of their kids and in the five minutes it took me to get it, she

managed to get into the kitchen, add salt, pepper, turmeric, olive oil, garlic powder, and Italian herbs to all five of the pots that were simmering on the stove. I can't get over this person's hobby just being like, saying and making these little pots of sauce. Good for you. Good for you. I was so angry that I knew I couldn't be calm talking with her. So I simply walked to my brother,

told him to take the clothes and his wife and that she is no longer welcome in my house. She had followed me, was shocked, started apologizing, but I just ignored her. I added that he should come by tomorrow to take the sauce his wife ruined, because otherwise it would be thrown away, and that I expected 40 pounds of replacement tomatoes. They left, he came back with the tomatoes, an apology letter from her, and an apology carrot cake, my favorite. But I told him that I stand by my decision.

Now my parents got involved. Since I'm the one that usually hosts, and since she is not allowed in my house, I told them to make alternative plans for Memorial Day. My husband says that I am in the right, but my parents say that my reaction is way overblown. Am I the asshole? say that my reaction is way overblown. Am I the asshole? I think the initial reaction was not overblown. I think to say, you know, I'm pissed at you. I'm sick of having this discussion, get out of here. Fine, but then they apologized and they brought you a little carrot cake and did she say they brought the tomatoes?

Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, 40 pounds. I think at a certain point it's like, look, yeah, your sister was fucking weird. You're also a little weird. Come on, can we say that? You're a little weird point, it's like, look, yeah, your sister lost a fucking weird. You're also a little weird. Come on, can we say that? You're a little weird, but it's so cute that you make your little sauces. But I get that you feel passionately.

You feel passionately about your sauce. She feels passionately that your sauce needs seasoning. She doesn't have the right to do it, and I get it. You're both eccentric in different ways, and I definitely like you better. I will tell you that. But I think they did try to apologize and she's gonna try to do better. And at this point, it's like, okay, how long are you gonna ice her out for?

Yeah. I mean, I wonder what the other confrontations have gone like? Has it been like, hey, you silly goose, don't put any more turmeric in my sauce. Like, I wonder if it's been very like hard, or if it's truly been a, hey, this is a solid boundary for me. If you step into my kitchen one more time and add sauce, we're gonna have issues. You're not gonna be allowed to come over. Boundary, here's the consequence.

Next time it happens, you enforce the consequence. Like this is very much so like, she dropped the hammer this time. As she should. 40 pounds of tomatoes, I mean, that's like a bag of dog food, worth of tomatoes.

Like that's a bunch of food. And it'd be so wasteful and destroy it. Like, I'd be pissed too. I get it. I'm a jam girl. I love making jam with my grandma. I'm gonna get in the kitchen. I'm gonna boil that strawberry rhubarb jam.

I'm going to town. If someone came in there and added some shit to it, I'd be pissed. I get it. That's good to know that you feel that way. I'm having a hard time empathizing. I can definitely empathize. It's a lot of work to make this shit.

But I see why it would be such an issue that somebody would add something. Yeah. So the like, well, did it taste better when she added it? I don't. It doesn't even like, I get it. I get it.

It's a self-creation. Salt pepper, maybe, but like the turmeric. The garlic powder. The olive oil, Italian herbs. That's a lot. I get it. At the end of the day, you're right, though, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

It's your creation. Yeah. But you're right about wondering why, what did she say first? Did she say cheese at first? I want to know. Yeah, the pre-conversations. But if this is the first time that it's really been like really addressed, like that this is a problem and she doesn't like it, then I would say, hey, she wrote you a letter, she baked you a carrot cake,

and I would embrace the, okay, fool me once, shame on you. If it happens again, then like truly, like you have no more chances to give. Right. I'm curious if this was the happens twice, but can I please ask what is the army that you're cooking for? I really just want to know, you have a passion for this. Why do you need six cans of the sauce? This is no judgment.

I love that you're doing it, but I'm genuinely curious. I'm curious. Who is it for? Well, so she's canning it. So if you can something, depending on if you use the right pressurized ceiling device, it can last for years. So she doesn't have to make pasta sauce again

for maybe a year, depending on how much she's eating sauce. Okay, understand. It's a little doomsday preppy to some people, but you know. Hey, it wouldn't matter to me what she was making. Nobody's allowed to tamper with it, but I am a little curious. What was the reason?

Honestly, I like it. I would love to start cooking more of my own stuff. I fully believe the food in this country is like killing us. I see, I believe that too, but I don't care. But give me the colon cancer. I ate a slim gem on the way here. I had my diet from July. It's my favorite food. A slim gem. I love a slim gem on the way here. I had my diet. A slim gym. It's my favorite food. A slim gym. A slim gym. You should make your own. See, that's something

I don't know if I want to do. I'm like, go to a deli in New York that doesn't add so much process stuff to it. You know, have you ever squeezed a slim gym and watched the oil come out of it? It is. That's the best part is that it's processed. That's the thing. See, here's my thing. I thought I was nauseous before, but exponentially increased. Slim Jim will make you feel better. I'm telling you, it'll sell out your stomach. I really don't care about the process, foods,

about, and people, no matter how hard anybody tries, there are certain things that people can't seem to get me to care about. I don't care if somebody's watching me through my computer for the FBI. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. You can only control so much.

I don't care about vaping or the effects of smoking. I know it's killing me. I don't care. I'll die early. It's fun. I enjoyed it. It brings me joy. I love walking at night.

It's very dangerous. I walk with pepper spray and that's what I can do. I like, I love it. I wonder if you're one of those people that there's a part of your brain that isn't as active. It's like you're, oh God, what is it? I said you're a megged a lot. It's like your fear center.

Mm. Yeah, I get neurotic regarding my, you know, what I do, I get self-conscious about my future and my career, whatever, and I fear, I get anxious about things I don't need to be anxious about. But when it comes to my health, whatever, and I fear I getting anxious about things I don't need to be anxious about. But when it comes to my health, no, I've never cared. Yeah.

Many of studies point to the amygdala, an almond-shaped structure that is considered the hub for fear processing in the brain. I wonder if yours just isn't as active. I really, I think that sounds right, because I don't find myself to be, but I am fearful of certain things to a degree that is ridiculous. I have terrible stage fright. I have terrible. Oh, same.

Anxiety. I want to podcast that I'm on comes out. I have a really hard time listening to my own voice. Oh, well, that's brutal. You don't ever get used to it. It's really tough. It's brutal. It's really tough, but when it comes to like, you know,

I don't know, I, oh, I'm terrified of psychedelics, acid, rooms, but when it comes to like, I don't know, walking at night, potential dangers of being kidnapped or, I just like, I don't have the time to worry about it. Like, I have to live my life. I'm not afraid of death. I don't, I'd prefer to not die.

But everyone is like, I would love to embrace some of that. I cannot, I can't. I can't. Even walking outside during the day, so someone gives me a funny look. I'm like, are they gonna kidnap me? Yeah, I just like, on my way here today, a woman held a cross in front of me,

like a giant cross. Oh God, that is me. What is this? I was like, fuck, I can't believe I didn't turn my camera on for this. She goes, she starts coming really up in my face. She's really scaring a lot of people. And she's like, cover your legs, cover your arms,

in the name of Jesus Christ. I was wearing a tank top and sweatpants. But you're wearing full sweatpants. I, she goes long skirts, long shirts, and cover your hair in the name of Jesus Christ. And she's screaming at me like, I'm gonna go to hell. Oh my God.

All I'm thinking is, she's really up in my face. She could have a knife, I don't know. A lot of people were walking far away from her. I kept purposely walking by her to get her and to TikTok at the perfect moment, get her saying the perfect show. I'm like, this girl's so funny. I kept purposely walking by her to get her to TikTok at the perfect moment, get her saying the perfect show. I'm like, this girl's so funny.

I just don't care. Like what? Oh, she'll stop me. Great. What a story that would be. Oh my God. It would be a good story, except if you got hepatitis from the knife.

You're absolutely right. And those are things I consider I need to be worried about, but I just don't care. I love to eat shitty food. It's to me, like life, I never like to say life is so short. Life is very long in my opinion. But I just don't, like life is too short. To be had in your close in your family day.

Many. Yes. And I've, I really, I think that I have more close experience with death and really sudden tragedy of close family members and friends than most people do. So maybe that's where it comes from. It's like I'm just like talking with death. Let's go.

And there's nothing about death that to me is like not serious. I'm like, oh, it doesn't look, it's not because I'm thinking like, oh, it doesn't look so bad. So whatever I'm not afraid of it. No, it's terrible. I would do anything for those things to not have happened to my friends and to me.

But I think I've always just, I don't know, my mom is kind of the same way. She's like, life is too short. She's like, you just gotta live in. You're fucking McDonald's and live your life and you know, try to walk every day. I'm definitely getting McDonald's fries after this. Yeah, and do it.

And then just like walk later, I don't know. It's not a big deal. Everyone thinks it's gonna kill you. This smoke the other day in New York. Of course, it's bad for you. Of course, we all got a little sick from that probably a little bit down the line. It's gonna be an issue.

I felt like going for a walk, so I did. I don't care. I don't care. Meanwhile, you see people on TikTok making masks for their dogs. I'm like, there's not enough time in the day. I just don't care. So what?

No, I think I wore a mask. I came out of my house and I happened to have one of my purse, I was like, I'll throw this on. Then later, I forgot it and was like, I'm not going back on it. I'm not going back on it. It's too far. For those of you that have traveled to Los Angeles listening, you might have seen this

guy and living there, you might have seen this guy. But there's this one guy, he's got a minivan and he's got this ginormous cross. Like truly the Jesus-sized cross. And he opens the hatch of his minivan and drives around with this cross in the back of his car. And then sometimes you'll catch him at an intersection of like Highland and Hollywood Boulevard by like the big tourist area, by Ripley's or like Highland and Melrose by like Moza. And as the The walk sign goes every direction, he'll carry his big cross and like thrust it up and down and it's like, Jesus saves, Jesus. And it's like the cross lady, it just popped into my head.

So overall vote is not the asshole. Okay. The top comment, they kinda quote what OP says, like if you can't keep an eye on her, she will get in the kitchen and add seasonings. She managed to get in the kitchen, add bubble blah to all five pots and they go, like what the fuck?

This is so boundary disrespecting disrespectful and all caps insulting to what you're cooking and it wasn't even for her. Not the asshole for being furious. I do think she's learned her lesson though. Right. So I think that would kind of like be along the lines of what we're thinking and OP responds back to that comment goes, she thinks we don't season enough, but here's the thing. If I'm making Indian or Chinese, I toast the spices and grind them with a mortar and pestle. My Ethiopian friend says that I make spicier food than her mom. But if I'm making mac and cheese, a burger or mashed potatoes, of course, I'm only using salt and pepper because usually the flavors are in the sauce or gravy.

So this, this person sounds like a really good cook. Yeah. Like she heard cooking and seasoning abilities are not in question. I'm curious, is there an ethnic difference between the sister and Lawnher? Maybe that's because I know that it's a big thing of like white people don't season. And they're white. We often don't do food well. So maybe I don't know,

but clearly she's proven herself to be a season using cook. Yeah. A seasoned cook, if you will. So it's like, I don't know, I'm curious. Maybe it's like, there are cultural differences. This person was raised in a family

where they use even more and she wants it to taste like that. I don't know. But maybe it's like an ethnic food thing where they come from different ethnic issues. Yeah, I don't know. There are a couple other comments from OP. Someone goes, I would agree with you. OP, it's never okay to command or someone else's cooking

like she has. How had you previously addressed the situation when she did this? There you did this as it's obviously not the first time? And OP goes, I would ask her not to tell her that I am following a recipe, refuse her help in the kitchen, etc. To someone, you know, aware of themselves, it seems kind of common sense like, okay, help is not needed. But I would also say like, it's not necessarily the clearest boundary being set. That's why I bring up the issue of maybe it's different cultural backgrounds because in a lot of cultures, I feel, from what I've observed,

it's a family thing to cook together. And it's a team effort and people just throw things in. And there's, you know, I've watched enough like a Italian cooking videos on TikTok, for example, to know that these Italian grandma's are not looking at the ingredients in the recipe. They're throwing shit in these giant pots and pans. That's what I'm talking about. Maybe this person, sure, I don't cook.

I'm sure the people who make my take out do. I, like, I'm sure maybe this person comes from a household where it's not weird to walk by the pot and go, maybe this could use a pinch and just go up to the room. I can see that. Maybe I'm not saying it's right, but like maybe it really is like a, she's a creature of habit and she comes from a cultural background where it is more normal to contribute to other people's food and see it as communal food. So as long as you are setting those boundaries though, it's still wrong.

She needs to know this isn't her house, it's yours. For sure. There's one other comment. Basically just like, not the asshole, don't forgive her for the leaf herbs. That was 40 pounds of tomatoes. What if some of it was intended for making chili? Oh, be sure when you use Italian seasoning

in her chili, not the asshole, but I'd relent after Memorial Day. And Opie goes, some of it was intended for Italian cuisine, some for Mexican, some for Indian, and some for Middle Eastern. Three of those four do not use Italian herb mix. And someone goes after, I'm so curious, did your brother take the sauce she ruined? I can't blame you for being furious, especially since this is not the first or third time this has happened.

And Opie goes, he did. I put it in gallon ziplock bags after it cooled and told him he either takes it or it's going to be thrown out since it was pretty much unusable. We both hate waste. But no mention of culture, no mention how it ended up tasting, not really a lot of other things.

There is like a small edit at the bottom of the post. Since there seems to be some confusion, I am not planning to host for Memorial Day and not invite her. I said, I am not hosting. My parents or my brother should host, and I will attend as a guest. I might be angry, but I don't want her excluded. Okay, so I don't know. I think you have the right intentions. I don't think this is petty anymore.

Yeah, I think your heart's in the right place. You're not doing it out of spite. You're actually just like trying to teach your lesson. Yeah, that is more than I can usually say. Perfect solution. I do it out of pettyness, so. Perfect solution. But I still

Is this a appropriate time for boom throank tomatoes? Mashed-mashed-mashed. Boo-boo-boo. Yeah, I think so. I think you could I could have chucked a little sauce on her Another one of this week's partners is Kins. I'm not sure if you guys have noticed But summer is here and one thing I've really been struggling with this year is trying to feel confident in what I'm wearing. So when going out and finding new pieces, I've really tried to make a conscious effort to not shop fast fashion and really spend wisely and get quality pieces, which is why I'm so excited about Kins. Kins is quiet luxury without paying luxury prices and they've got everything. I mean,

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I mean, who else has that? And I was shocked at the prices on these pieces. The silk skirt was $60. And if I was gonna try to go out and find that same item anywhere else, it would be hundreds of dollars more. And all of their manufacturers use safe, ethical, and responsible practices,

and premium eco-friendly fabrics and finishes. So if you wanna try it for yourself, upgrade your closet this summer with Kins. Right now, go to Kins.com slash THT to get free shipping and 365-day returns on your order. That's q-u-i-n-c-e.com slash t-h-t for free shipping and 365 day returns. Kance.com slash t-h-t. Okay, speaking of food, this next one's really interesting. It is vintage. I'm surprised it is still up to be honest. It's three years old. It is from the user fit

and into it, yum. Do they often delete after a couple days? Usually it's more often the moderators will remove them. Just from feeling that the post violates some of the subreddit rules. They don't believe it to be authentic, even though I believe a lot of the crazy ones, they delete people are insane.

Like we have a specific family, inter family issues. Yeah, like oh, speaking of inter family. Oh, is this one? Here we go. Great. This one is titled, Am I the asshole for telling my sister? The only reason her boyfriend is with her is because of his fetish. My sister, 25 female and I, 22 male, grew up in the deep south.

My dad is almost 400 pounds and my mom is close. I grew up as a fat kid. However, when I started college and moved to a very fitness-friendly state, Colorado, I lost a lot of weight. I started to care more about my looks. I became a personal trainer last year and got a rhinoplasty recently to fix my crooked humped nose. My sister decided to move up with me.

My sister was not very approving of my weight loss, nor was she happy I did a lot to change my appearance. While we get along wonderfully most of the time, we still have fights about her thinking I'm vain. My sister weighs around 300 pounds. I have offered her help, however, she just tells me life isn't about looks. Frankly, I don't care what she looks like. I just want her to be healthy and confident.

My sister sometimes acts out a lot at me, especially when it comes to guys. When we have gone to bars, people can be cruel, saying, quote, what your sisters couldn't tell, or outwardly paying more attention to me. I defend her when I see it, but it still hurts her confidence. She has cried to me multiple times about dating, asking why she can't find anyone to accept her for who she is. In January, my boyfriend of two years cheated on me. My sister told me that maybe he left me because I was too vain and high maintenance. I ignored her. Around the time of the breakup, she started dating a guy, and I was happy for her. However, the guy gave off some weird vibes. The way he looked at my sister when

she ate, and making plans when my sister and I were supposed to do healthy activities were some of them. Since then, my sister has gained a massive amount of weight and has become more hostile towards me. Her boyfriend buys her large quantities of unhealthy food and insists that she needs to eat more. He is weirdly touchy with her and often dismisses the things she says. They don't talk and just watch TV. She hasn't met his friends or family yet also.

She complains how he never posts about her on social media. About a month ago, I had a friend over. His friend is interested in fetishes and they recognized my sister's boyfriend from a feeder site. I didn't want to bring it up with my sister because I didn't seem like it was my place, but it worried me greatly.

I recently downloaded multiple dating apps, and my sister, like any sister, wants to see who I matched with. I showed her, and she immediately said the only reason I got these matches is because I'm shallow. She then told me I might be more successful if I stopped worrying so much about my looks, and said that her boyfriend loves her for her personality, not her looks, and girls who look really good, get men, who want them just for their looks.

This angered me to the point where I told my sister that her boyfriend is a feeder, and he doesn't love her. If he did, he would put her health over his fetish and actually want to introduce her to the people in his life. My sister has refused to talk to me for a week so far and calls me a horrible person along with my parents joining in. Am I the asshole? I think it's so sad to grow up in a family

where you're kind of the odd one out and choose a different lifestyle in any context. But particularly in one where this is such a normal thing and so common, people will watch you take a different path with your lifestyle, with your looks, trying to, I don't know, I won't say it's bettering yourself because that can go either way. Maybe this isn't really what's bettering her and maybe she would be happier with some other lifestyle. So I don't like the idea of calling anything a glow up or bettering yourself. Because whatever you're doing, I don't know, but you took a different path and you feel

good now. It's so hard to be around people who kind of deeply resent you for that. And there's nothing that you can do. I've had friends in my life at times. I've felt that when I've lost weight, I was always the bigger friend. And there have been times when my weight has gone up and down. And the times I've lost weight, there are friends in my life who I felt kind of made me feel like, bad. Oh my God. It's a very normal thing.

It's actually a bigger-bodied woman. And I'm, you know, 300 pounds is a different type of, like, this is a family of people who have, like, you know, and clearly I think that the fact that this girl became a personal trainer is very telling, like, she took such, it's such a rebellion in a way. Yeah. Just like in so many families, there is a kid

who rebels by, I don't know, they wind up their gay or they do a different job path or they move to a different country. Like they took a path that was totally different. Gay isn't a choice, but you know what I'm saying. Like it's just, you did something that your parents just can't really relate to and didn't choose or don't have that community or lifestyle around them.

Yeah. And they kind of put you down because they either don't understand or maybe they're deeply jealous or whatever. And you have to love them anyway. And it's so shitty. So I totally empathize with like the idea of, it's just really sad all around and it just sucks.

Yeah. But that being said, I have more empathy for your sister, kind of expressing with, with meanness and like it, like things coming out in a mean way, her anger at you, I think it does probably come from a place of resentment, jealousy, whatever. And it's coming out in this like biting mean way. Yeah. It's not right, but I get it more for her.

And something that I personally am working on so I can't even tell you that what you've done is wrong because it's something I need to work on too. You cannot tell people regardless of how worried you are about their damaging relationship, telling them your relationship is bad and I know it and you don't. It will never end in a positive. I'm sure she'll talk to you again. It wasn't necessarily wrong that you told her. You lost out you told her. I don't know if you did it in the right way or not. She was going to find out either way.

You care about your sister. What are you supposed to do? Keep this to yourself. Fine. But there was never going to be a good reaction. She was never going to say, oh, he's a eater. Oh, or what is it? A feeder?

He's a feeder. He has this weird fetish and he's gonna treat me like shit. Okay, I believe you. I'll take your advice. She was never going to do that. So I don't know. I think it's fucked all around. But you're not the asshole, but also like, there is no way to not that. So I don't know. I think it's fucked all around, but you're not the asshole,

but also like there is no way to not be an asshole in this situation. Yeah, I think it's definitely something that needed to be said to her, but I don't think as like a response to her bringing you down was like, probably the best time to get this across because then it just looks like defensive.

It looks like you're pulling this out of your ass. Oh, I hurt you, you're hurting me, which whatever her reasons are for hurting her sister and continuously dragging her down in security, Chelsea, whatever that is, it's not right. She's clearly doing with something and feels that she did find this person that loves her for her and doesn't even care if she gets bigger and whatever. It's a really interesting dynamic here. There's a lot, I'm sure psychologically behind this. And I think it's just kind of this black sheet mentality

which you do see a lot. I mean, I think about even people who choose sobriety. And then are ridiculed by their friends and family. sobriety is a better example than I mean, guys. You can't choose being gay, but you know what I mean? But a person who takes a totally different lifestyle choice. And I will never get that. Like my little brother doesn't drink.

Like maybe every once in a while, we'll go to like a brewery when I'm home and he'll have like a baby, like you know you get the cider flight. I'll get like one flight. Like a not even the whole flight. Like one little thing. Just to like sit there and sip on something.

But oftentimes he won't even do that. He'll get a pop. But like my older brother is like Taylor. Why don't you just have a drink? And he has even said to us, why is it that like alcohol is the only like acceptable addiction and drug? Right. And it's like, I'm just choosing differently. Like, why am I? Why do I get ridiculed for it? Right. And we all, I think after that,, we're like, he's right. He's making a healthier choice. Alcohol is a known carcinogen. Taylor's the smart one here. Yay, Taylor.

But that happens in so many. But that happens in so many. I'm not doing anything wrong. No, but it just happens in so many families. I think that is one of the more common ones. Where I hate now, since this conversation with him, I see people like, oh, I'll get a mocktail and instantly from everyone.

Get a shot, like, right? It's like, just don't ask questions. Let them do what they wanna do. And I think this person, like, both of these people, what said has been said. Now both of you, but out of each other's lives. Right. Like, don't talk about each other's weight.

You're happy doing what you're doing. She's happy. You've told her she's with a boyfriend that's a feeder. Now it's up to her. Like, she's going to come to this conclusion on her own by realizing he's not going to introduce her to family and friends. He's not going to post her on social media because this is a fetish. And one, he's probably not like proud of. He's probably embarrassed by this and this woman he's dating. Right proud of. He's probably embarrassed by this and this woman he's dating. Right, dating.

I wouldn't even be surprised if like, this is very casual for him and he's not actually dating her. This is a weird, separate thing that he's compartmentalized. Yeah, I would not be surprised if that was the case for this guy. But family is so difficult

and you're absolutely right and that's what I mean when I say there is no way to not be an asshole here as long as you guys are talking about this stuff with each other, you will both sound like an asshole to each other. She will never, ever accept, and this goes for any friendship. When you tell them that their relationship, you're seeing them in a way that is, I'm worried about you in this relationship. I don't like your boyfriend for whatever reason, your friend will never take that in a way that is not clouded with anger and insecurity and judgment.

And that's human nature and you have to be okay with that. For sure. So long as you're going to talk about it, one of you is always going to be an asshole. It's not both. But it's also so hard to say that because it's family and what you're going to do. Except that her sister, one of the closest people in her world, is making this choice that is going to damage her. She's already gained all this weight because of this guy allegedly. Like she's watching her sister's health change. It's basically like she can see the differences

that it's making in her sister's life. Yeah, that's concerning. And so it must be really hard to watch. So I don't know. Especially in that quick of a time for me too like, and you never know, like, health is not determined by outward appearance and BMI and all those things, but at the same time, like, you do get to a certain point where like, I'm watching what you're eating and your physical activity and like, yeah, like you're, it is concerning. It's the same goes for watching your friends rapidly lose an amount of weight. You're like, are you okay? Like, you feel that as a friend, you have to be like,

is she eating? Like, I'm just watching. Like, you feel that as a friend, you have to be like, is she eating? Like, I'm just watching. Like, you know, but it's, you have to check herself and make sure, like, does this come for my own insecurity? Am I, am I okay with my friend making decisions as a full adult? Like, I don't want to police my friends. Yeah. I don't want my, you know, judgment of them

to ever be disguised as just a friend being a friend and not judgment. Like, I need to check myself. And I think the same goes. Can you repeat that? Well, I feel that a friend and not judgment. Like I need to check myself. And I think the same goes. Can you repeat that? Well, I feel that so good. Your judgment, you yourself will disguise it as, oh, I'm just being a friend.

I'm just trying, I'm looking out for her. But really, it's your very human urge to assert your judgment onto your friend. Meaning like, I have a friend say, I'm gonna take a pathetic way. Okay, yeah, I love that. That's like a really good reminder. Right. Hypothetically your friend is dating a guy Who you just think is like a fucking loser. I know I literally was gonna give this example

Like I had a friend who just like Very just like loved him love her together Water and oil. Yeah, just very toxic together and I made a comment and it just caused her to withdraw from me and not share as much and can fight in me. And that didn't feel good either, because while I thought I was coming from like a good place, it probably was more so judgment and like not a healthy comment to make.

So I'm like, I'm sitting here like, a little piphany. You have to ask yourself, what good do I think it's gonna do? It's very different. There's a different, there's a line and it's clear of when you are helping versus when you're being judgmental and you have to not lie to yourself. And there are times when your friend could be dating someone who sucks, but is he going

to hurt her? Is she going to hurt herself? No? Okay, then butt the fuck out. There is nothing you can do. If my friend were being, I don't God forbid, beaten up by her boyfriend, that is a very different thing. Yeah, that is true. But I had, my best best friend in this entire universe

was dating a guy who I just didn't fucking like. I just, I thought he was corny, I didn't like him. I just like, I didn't like his style. I thought she could do so much better. Like I didn't like his style of dating her and I thought that he could have treated her better. Okay. But at the end of the day, she's a grown adult

and she wasn't damaging herself. She was, you know, putting a lot of time into this guy, depriorit treated her better. But at the end of the day, she's a grown adult and she wasn't damaging herself. She was putting a lot of time into this guy, deprioritizing her friend. She was very excited about him. And I felt like, damn, why aren't you answering my calls? I'm your best friend of 10 years. Why are you talking to this guy who happens to be on top of all things?

Kind of a loser in my opinion. Like, why are you doing that? It turns out she's in love and she's a grown adult. And just because I don't love the boyfriend, it does not give me the right to say, I don't like him for you. Yeah. The for you was just something I added on

to sound like a better friend. When really all I wanted to say was, I don't like him, I think you could do better. And, girl, and I know you so well, and you don't listen to me and it's making me insecure that you don't listen to me, but you'll listen to whatever he says. But she's an adult and she wound up fine.

She's just fine. And it's just like you have to kind of look in the mirror and be like, am I doing this for me to get it off my chest or am I protecting my front? I wasn't doing shit to drive my front, you know? So good, are they still together? No, they're not. But I think you know.

I'm just so curious. I'm so curious, I gotta know. Hey, and I, but then I also have to check myself on the eye told you so. So you can not say that. You cannot say that. And I wouldn't't but there are times And I'll be like oh yeah, he like looks like your axe. He was so ugly and my friends like you still can't say that

Right, I'm sorry I'm sorry I don't even know why I'm like this guy. I really didn't so Some people is rubbing the wrong way. He really gave me a bad vibe Yeah, and I think at the end it turned out to not be great But I still didn't have the right point. No, that is such a good reminder. What do you think the overall vote on this one is? I think that people are saying she's not the asshole. But I don't know who they're saying the asshole is. Yeah, overall vote on the thread is not the

asshole. However, there are a lot of comments saying you're the asshole. So like, I don't, you know, I don't know how close that algorithm was in deciding. But like one comment is you're the asshole for saving it to throw it in her face instead of telling her as soon as you found out. And that is so true. Like you found this out, you found out that her boyfriend's on a breeder Preeder that is a kind of sure that's a problem too. That's a problem too especially with resources But feeder like you have proofies on a feeder site screenshot it and sit her down and say hey I'd love to talk to you and you lay it out

So is there have been a good time to say that? Is this feeder thing damaging her in a way that she needs to be pulled out of it? Is it an abusive thing? Is it conducive to that? I don't know. I'm asking. So, well, I mean, there is a comment here that I think OP responds to.

It needs to be kink shamed. Because there is a conversation like, oh, don't kink shamed. Like, don't kink shamed people. But this person believes this is one that should be kinkshame. You're watching someone eat themselves to death. That's not normal. And OP responds, he goes,

I don't want to become one of the caretakers on my 600 pound life for my sister because she and another guy wanted to get their jiggles off. I have a friend who is a feeder and he never indulges it because he feels terrible about it. First of all, I'm the proudest of King Shamers. I put King Shamer on my grave, okay? I'm the ultimate King Shamer. Really? What's the one you have the most passion to shame? Having been previously, I won't call myself a victim. I won't go as far as to say that, but a person who was convinced that she was in to BDSM for the sake of the guy.

And then learning later on that actually, like that was in many ways, I don't know, a trauma response, seeking validation, and a guy who wants to hit you in any context, in my opinion, is not a person who harbors good thoughts about women. I don't think that you should want to. It's one thing to have, like, you know,

rougher sex and say dirty things in bed. Spank with a paddle. Spank with a little. I would say, spank with a passion. I would say that if you're, if you're just hitting someone to hit them and cause pain and you get off on the pain of a woman without sort of a, if there's a dynamic going on where it's like, it's very hard to explain, but I, it would only be, you could only really demonstrate it with like porn or something. but there is a way to be rough

with a person where it's thoughtful, where it's intentional, where it's passionate, where it comes from love, and there's a way to be hurtful in the sense of like, I like to kick the shit out of you and I don't care if you orgasm from it or not, I don't care if I'm turning you on, I get aroused by thinking about how I'm going to, for example, fake rape someone, quote unquote.

Yeah. I don't believe that that's healthy. I don't think that, for example, fake rape someone, quote unquote. I don't believe that that's healthy. I don't think that you should ever want to rape someone, fake or not. So I don't think, I think that kink by definition is something that you kind of save for the bedroom because it's not necessarily a thing that you can express comfortably in real life. Yeah. And I think that if it's something that you could get arrested for in real life, it's not a kink in the bedroom, it's just a place where you do it so that you can't get arrested. Does that make sense? That's to make total sense.

And it's like, I mean, you could excuse anything. Like, oh, don't kink shame. It's like, well, he's in the young looking girls. It's like, okay, he sounds like a fucking pedophile. Where do you draw the line? Where do you draw the line? So that is like a good distinction. And I think 50 shades of gray probably did a number on a lot of us.

Right. So yeah, when I was younger and really sought validation from boys, I think 50 shades of gray probably did a number on right a lot of us right there You go so yeah when I when I was younger and really sought validation from boys I used to convince myself like oh, yeah, I don't mind getting slapped around a cool girl likes to get hidden bad and it's like I just think that a lot of girls get duped into thinking that okay, and they get hurt as a result So I would say when it comes to that like I guess I need to do more research on this feeder thing But if somebody's putting it in that category and saying something's deserved to be King Shane, I'm always leaning towards that person. I do believe a lot of things deserve King Shane. So I think I'll be on that side.

However though, and as much as I do agree that to save something and throw it in somebody's face as a defense, not right, it should have been saved for a different conversation. It should have been saved for a different conversation. I don't think that she should have told her as soon as she found out. I might be more so like, yeah, not the asshole,

but like kind of like an everyone sucks here. Like it's just one of those stories where like the sister sucks for her treatment, you suck for not telling her right away. Right. Like blah, blah, blah, blah. Like everyone just kind of sucks here. And I will say there's probably gonna be people

like questioning this story. So there is one more comment I wanna read before we move on. But it's essentially like, I'm real curious how this friend recognized a guy from a feeder site. I'm not sure I have 100% buy that story. And so OP goes, I definitely agree. It's really strange. As is my friend. They do art commissions for fetish art and feederism is one of them. Also, one of my friends is a feeder themselves. He never mentioned the site, but I think it was Fettlife, but my sister met her boyfriend on Tinder. So, there's a lot of details here. And you get to a point where it's like, okay, yeah, too many details, maybe it's line, but like,

these all seem like details that just like, I'm getting credible from this story. I think it's so plausible. I think it's so plausible. I think it would just be really fucking hard to make up. Like, why would you make it up? I don't know. I think it sounds true just because it's so bizarre. But I also on the one hand, I don't think it's that bizarre

because I think the theme of a family that is deeply resentful of the person going a different direction and expressing it in ways that are like, negging and kind of mean. But you can't really say anything because it's like, oh, it's family. That is a very common thing when it comes to drinking, when it comes to any sort of lifestyle choice.

Yeah. I, in my family, my parents are really, really into, not necessarily fitness, but like they care more about their bodies than I do. I've always been a person who's like, I really couldn't care too much about being skinny. I'm like happy. I'll eat what I want. And it has a bit of me in concern for me.

And my parents are both, like, they really try their best to say fit, particularly my dad lately. So he will let things slip that I'm like, you're just resentful. I don't know what it is, but you're resentful that I didn't choose what you chose. And you know, that I don't have the outlook that you have.

And I get and you're disguising it as like, I care about you. So home make comments like, oh, tall, like, Kitchens close, I want you to care about your body and I'm like, no, you just want to shame me. Cause I just close. Kitchens close. Screw you, dad.

I'm 24 years old. Let me have my little nipple on the fridge. Like, fuck off. I'm a snacker. I'm a snacker. I'll come in there. It drives me nuts. My mom's gotten a lot better about it,

but my dad is working on it. But that's just an example. Not as well an attention, but to say, when you have a different outlook and lifestyle and somebody else in your family feels so differently and their lifestyle is so dependent on that, it can kind of feel like you're rejecting them when all you've done is reject their choices. You don't want their lifestyle, but you love them, but they feel rejected. Even my dad, I've chosen the less healthy thing.

He's chosen the more healthy thing. Just because I don't want to like take a hike with him, take vitamins for him all day, he feels like rejected. And I'm like, you don't get to feel that way. We just like to live life differently. So he's just, I think that I kind of really, that's all to say, this does seem plausible because it is such a common thing. I have the one person in the family getting all this heat for taking things down a different path, you know? For sure. Another one of this week's partners is ZuckDock.

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That's zoc, doc.com slash THT. Zock Doc.com slash THT. Okay, up next. Are you ready? This one's newer, not as a vintage, seven days ago. Tidled, am I the asshole for kidnapping? My baby. Causing my husband to have a panic attack. I, 29 female, recently started working again

after having my daughter, four months old. Daycare is too expensive, so my husband, 35 male, reluctantly agreed to stay home. It's important to know that he's been unemployed since 2021. He receives benefits. It's also important to know that he's extremely lazy. He doesn't cook, clean, or help out in any way. I was nervous about leaving her home with her father, but I had no choice. When I came back from work, she was clean and sleeping. The next few times I came home, he was either playing with her,

feeding her, or out for a walk with her. I was happy. A few days ago, my neighbor told me that as soon as I leave, the baby cries, and she cries for hours. My neighbor said that she knocked on our door and he finally answered it. He was sleeping. I concluded that he sleeps all day and night. Before I come home, he pretends to care for her. I decided to take the day off of work.

I left home at my regular time, waited 30 minutes, and then went home. Sure enough, he was knocked out sleeping with his stupid noise-canceling headphones on. I went to my daughter's room, scooped her up, and took her to my friend's house. I waited about two hours, and I finally called him to tell him that I was coming home early.

He called me back saying that he can't find the baby. He told me that he was going to call the police, but before he did, I told him what I did. He called me an asshole, and a lot of other words too. When I got home, his mother was there, call me in his nerves because he had a panic attack. She also called me an asshole. My husband decided to sleep at her house. Family members are telling me that I'm a terrible person. I know that it was extreme,

but I don't know if I would consider myself an asshole. My jaw's been on the floor since noise-cancelling headphones. I like the nerve to, hey, he knows what he's doing to the extent that he's planning when you're gonna come home so that he can act it out. That. And act responsible.

That's iconic. Why did he want, did he want a kid? Like, what is the deal? This is, we see this all the time. Dads who, I don't know why the fuck sign up for Fatherhood, want to spread their seed and build a family and have a lasting legacy on this earth through their children and have no dissuade. Breeder fetish, thank you. And have no desire, no motivation

to raise those children. And we'll do things that put them in danger. This is a four month old baby. Four months old. Screaming crying in a crib all day. Divorce, I don't even care, divorce. I seriously, first of all, you could superchild in danger man or whatever the fuck. Screaming crying in a crib all day. Divorce. I don't even care. Divorce. I seriously, first of all, you could

super childhood endangerment or whatever the fuck. Like you could actually press charges. He is, you're ignoring an infant with noise, cans like headphones and an infant. It is prosecutable. Like you actually can't do that. Yeah, she's lucky. The neighbor called her and not CPS.

Thank you. That baby could have been taken away. Take it away like that Well, actually she should be CPS protect the kid like you your kid is staying with Unneglected under neglectful parent. Yeah, this person should not be taking care of a child this person clearly didn't want a child Let him go let him go like I really really I can't It's such a serious problem when women don't, first of all, the first clue was he doesn't do any sort of domestic housework, right? And he put that one on the side. People don't take this seriously. If the man in your life, especially considering

you go and you have a full-time job, it's not like you're a stay-at-home mother. But if the man in your life, regardless of what he contributes to the household, if he can't recognize your contributions, whatever they may be, your domestic contributions, the way that you upkeep the house and raise those children, it is a sign of a dangerous man. And I'm not exaggerating. Like people don't take that seriously enough. A person who can appreciate you as a mother of his children and what you do is someone who will not protect you, someone who won't care when you are in danger or when you are in pain, you need to leave. Like I think it's, it's the earliest signs of abuse and he's starting with your kid.

That is a really good point. Really good point. Yeah, there's a lot to unpack with this one. And I know listeners are going to be like screaming in their cars at their TVs, whatever it is, because I have had a similar story with Tefee, actually. And it was a story with this mom who would go to like gas stations in Subway and when she was running into the store, she would leave her baby in the car unlocked. The dad discovered this, told her to stop. She didn't stop. And so he pulled up to Subway after seeing her car there again,

took the baby out of the car and pretended to kidnap the baby. And during this story I had a take of like, I think I went more passive because I do recognize that sometimes when I have guests, I give the guests the floor because I'm on every episode. It's more so, let's highlight your opinion. It's a one-off, usually.

I don't torture people multiple times, but I didn't speak up as much on that story because I also don't like embarrassing my guests. I don't, it's a problem. I'm working on it. But it's your podcast girl. I know, but like, I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I'm a little timid girl sometimes.

I still didn't like the way he handled it. I thought it would have been better to take the baby into the store and embarrass her in front of people and be like, hi, honey. Look how easy it was for me to kidnap my kid out of the car. I've asked you multiple times. Hey, did you know my wife left a baby in the car? Isn't that terrible? I think sometimes public shame goes a lot further

than private embarrassment. And I think in that case, I would have been better than having her freak out and call the cops and then he drives up with a baby like you did. And in this case, I fully think she's justified. I would 100% kidnap my baby. Like, he's falling asleep with noise,

canceling headphones on. Do you know how easy it is for a baby to die from sids in a crib? Like, I would have kidnapped the baby and ran and never came back. I don't care if he's wondering for the rest of his life. No, and his mom came over to comfort him and he had to go sleep at his mom's house

because he's so distraught. Oh, look at yourself. Look at yourself. And I recognize he might be dealing with depression. It really sounds like he's got some mental health struggles, sleeping all day and night, can't find job after two years of unemployment. Maybe there's a lack of motivation.

Maybe there's some mental health stuff going on. But at the end of the day, you have a four-month-old baby that you are responsible for. And if you are not capable of doing that, then you need to speak up and say that, hey, I'm unable to even take care of my fucking self right now. I am not safe to leave a four-month-old baby home with. Right. That's all you got to do. One, like, the kid would, if what if the kid had died? Like, I don't understand. It's not worth even talking about. No.

And I don't understand how his mother doesn't understand that either. It's not, I'm big when it comes to what if, you need to consider the what if, what if the situation had not gone? This kidnapping thing would not feel like such a big deal whatsoever. Like you need to, big measures are needed when it comes to if the what if,

we're the death of an infant. I don't give a fuck what you did to make a point. He could have killed the kid. I don't care that you kidnapped him for a couple of hours. Get over it. She is so lucky that she didn't take that kid and go to a different state that day. I honestly, I think that's how mad I would be. Yeah. And just this is why having a community around you, and I think the same, it takes a village is still so true, because looking at her and what options she has going forward, how does she continue working if she does leave him?

Because where's the help with the child support? But where is it now? She's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. Like, it's this very, like, catch 22 situation and I just hate seeing her in it and this is why, like, I'm so passionate about so many things, but like, universal, like daycare,

like other countries do it. And it's like the bare minimum we should be providing for mothers, especially lower income mothers that can't afford it. Like, quality child care should be basic. mothers, especially lower income mothers that can't afford it. Like quality child care should be basic. Like it just, I know. So I'm really sad.

I'm really sad with this one. Overall vote, not the asshole. People are pissed and rightfully so. The top comment is sleeping with noise, cancelling headphones as the only adult in the home caring for a four-month-old. Absolutely not the asshole. And OP actually responds and goes,

yeah, I hate those things. He wears them all the time. Spent money, we don't even have on them. It's no, you need to start listening to little signs. Red flags are real. And it's not just like little red flags like, oh, he leaves this stuff on the floor It's like the he's buying noise cancelling headphones

Because he can't stand to listen to you or your baby. He's checked out. He's checked out He doesn't have the capacity to care for you and one day that will amount to Violence in the form of neglect or whatever Someone could die someone could get very hurt. You can't. You just can't stay with this guy. No, which one of the comments does pick up on the CPS thing. Like you're lucky, your neighbor told you and then called CPS because this is neglect and dangerous. I divorce my husband over this period.

Lots of awards on this one. And the next one down goes, I'm not a fan of Reddit's frequent suggestions to divorce the dude, but in this case, I totally agree with it. He put your child in incredible danger. I don't think people realize like, babies learn to usually roll themselves over. I believe child peds class, OT was a long time ago for me.

But I believe it's around sixish months, and if this four-month-a-wold has the strength to roll themselves over, but not roll themselves back, and suffocate themselves on the bed, it's so easy for a baby to die. They're these fragile little blobs. They're helpless. What is he doing?

It's cruelty. It's there's not, I honestly, did you see this thing about this whole different thing? The girl who dumped her baby in the, yes. And the mom, like I didn't know she was pregnant really, because she's in a cheerleader uniform with a nine month bumpage.

Yeah, clearly there's a lot going on there that we don't know about, but just the sheer thought of like taking this helpless little child and doing something to a baby, neglecting a baby, ignoring a baby crying, putting on headphones. It's like something about hurting children. I really, and it's not something like, oh, that's such an insane thing to be so turned off by, but it's like such disgusting, disgusting type of cruelty to not consider a child. And it's so telling about who a person is. If they can put on noise-canceling headphones and not care if their child is crying and screaming for them, it

says everything about the person. It's truly, it's a different level of evil. And if it's not evil, I will call it really, really mentally disturbed, deeply in need of help, devoid of empathy. Like, if you don't have empathy for a baby, you don't have empathy for anything. No. To have my mom always said, you can tell what a child is going to be like by the way that they treat animals when they're a baby. And it's a huge like childhood development thing. You should be watching how a baby treats animals. And she said once in a petting zoo, I was really little. And she saw this kid kick bunny.

She was like, oh my God. That child, to her to living thing when you're small, shows that you have deep seated desires that might be irreversible. It's a sociopathic warning. Another kid once, I was an infant and a toddler kicked sand into my eye and she was like, that is an evil child and me there.

I don't know what you can do to turn that around but needs me there be right now. It is indicative. If you don't have empathy for the smallest, most helpless things in life, you don't have empathy. It's crazy. It's really, really dangerous. This one, I'm blown away by. I literally, I just had a thought popping in my head and it's like,

I would have bought an electric cattle prod. And when I walked into the house to take the baby, I would have woken his ass up by electrocuting him with a cattle poker. Oh, I don't know how she hasn't dumped water on him ruin the headphones. I just leave everything. I just leave at this point. So we do have a couple comments from OP. A lot of people offering support. And just being like, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Like this is terrible. You have two children, not one, blah, blah, blah. And someone just goes like, no, this is child abuse. And how would you know it was really happening if you hadn't done this? He was deliberately hiding it from you, which that acting is, that's psychotic. But OP does comment back to this person and goes, I'm getting a divorce. I wanted to make it work for the baby.

So I think the best thing you could do for your baby, don't feel shame about that. You're doing the most important thing you could ever do. Yeah. It reminds me of like, and it's so sad too, because the way that he like hid, covered his tracks and knew to get up before you were coming home. He knew. He knew what he was doing. He knew what he was doing, but it reminds me of like, you know, have you ever seen these videos of former alcoholics talking about the ways that they would hide their alcohol? Like the really strategic club for little ways, they like stick it in like old little things, like cut out things in books. Oh my gosh. Wow. It's people go to such lengths.

And the first instinct of their family is like, you did all this to lie to me, like to deceive me. But it comes from like this deep seated problem and shame, he has shame. He recognizes that what he's doing is wrong. And he has the fucking nerve to tell your mom, the first thing, if he wanted you in his life, badly enough for you to consider helping him and making this better, the first thing if he wanted you in his life badly enough for you to consider

helping him and making this better the first thing he would do is break down and cry and back forgiveness he would not be defending himself whatsoever. He wouldn't be calling you an asshole calling you an asshole. And the mom, oh the mom knows what he's doing. He knows what he's doing. Yeah. Okay that was a tough one. We are moving our long our last one I have for you is a bit more lighthearted. Okay. We're not going to end on such a heavy note. Yay! So this is coming from Petty Revenge.

So it's the ultimate place of like, was it truly Petty or is it, you know, is it a good solution? Okay. Posted two years ago, vintage. Some username 47 is the poster. It's titled, You Don't Like Your Boyfriend Seen Me Brawless in the Dorm, then he won't.

I live in a college dorm on an all-female floor. I usually wear a bra if leaving the dorm building, but I'm not going to put a bra on under my shirt just to walk down the hall to the bathroom. A few days ago, I left my room and walked 10 yards down the hall to the water fountain, refilled my water bottle left my room and walked 10 yards down the hall to the water fountain, refilled my water bottle and went back to my room. I was wearing a white tank top and no bra.

The tank top was fitted but not see-through, so you could see only the outline of my nips. There was a small group of people hanging out in the hall outside of a few of the rooms, but I didn't think much of it, until around half an hour later. When I got a knock on the door from one of the girls, but I didn't think much of it until around half an hour later. When I got a knock on the door from one of the girls, I'd seen in the hall. She said something to the effect of, quote, hey, so sorry to ask you this, but if you go out into the hall again, could you put a bra on my boyfriends out there and he was staring a little. So, da, da, da, da. I'm super non-confrontational. So I was like,

yeah, sure, sorry about that. And for the rest of that night, anytime I left my room, I put a bra or sweater on. And that was the end of it. Or so I thought. The next day, my roommate told me, she'd overheard the girl telling a few of her friends about the incident while in the bathroom. She said the girl was making it sound like I'd been purposefully trying to seduce her boyfriend, wearing basically nothing, taking my time at the water fountain, posing to push out my tits, the whole works.

When she left the bathroom, my roommate said the girl was actually acting it out at the water fountain, pretending to be me. That night, I passed the girl and some of her friends on my way to go brush my teeth. I wasn't wearing a bra. I was already in my pajamas. The girl looked pointedly down at my chest and all of them started giggling. But the last straw was when the entire dorm got an email from the RA yesterday, saying she'd gotten some anonymous complaints about people dressing inappropriately in the RA yesterday, saying she'd gotten some anonymous complaints about people dressing inappropriately in the hallways and asking that we all just make sure we're keeping things

covered up. So here's where I got my petty little revenge. I knew that the girl's boyfriend doesn't go to college here. The girl and I were in the same orientation group and chatted a bit back then. I also knew that due to the pandemic, we aren't allowed to have non-student slash family guests in the dorms this year. So I used the same anonymous complaint form to issue a complaint about people bringing their off-campus boyfriends into our dorm and them not wearing a mask,

masks are mandatory in the hallways, although not frequently enforced. This morning, the RA emailed again, saying that due to an anonymous complaint, they'd be enforcing the no off-campus guest rule by checking ID's of unfamiliar guests to make sure they were students from then on. Really, this girl should be thanking me. If she was concerned about her boyfriend seeing the vag outline of my tits in the dorm hallways, she no longer needs to worry. Cool.

I think she handled it perfectly. That's exactly what you do. I wish that there were, I'm trying to think of like a way that you could do it. I was scared for a second that she was going to say, oh, I found the boyfriend and I sent him picture of my tits. That was my mind wet and I was like, too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad, don't do it. I, damn, I wish, oh my God, what if they broke up and she like fucked him.

But then, then they'd have a reason. You don't want to get marisen. You don't want to get marisen. You don't want to get marisen. First of all, there's nothing sadder to me than a girl who is forced to turn to hating, bullying, other women for the sake of shielding her sensitive, horny boyfriend's eyes less to get a boner. Like, you think it's so what a fool's game to

play for the rest of your life. If you are gonna protect your boyfriend from seeing girls that might turn him on for the rest of his life, I honestly, I frankly, I feel bad for you. I wish you luck. How do you go anyways? You are. How do you do anything? How do you do anything? Sad existence that where you are. How do you go anywhere? How do you do anything? I don't know where you are. How do you do anything? How do you do anything? I just, I cannot believe. And the only thing that I think you did wrong was just cave and say, yeah, no problem. When you, when she, like, reached out to you, I get the urn on computational.

I don't know what you would have said. But damn, like, I just, I cannot imagine a person going through life shielding their boyfriend's eyes. But frankly, let's not pretend that this was about the boyfriend. Regardless of whether he's an animal with no self control or not. Well, here in secure. This is about a girl who's insecure, who clearly take it as a compliment. I hate to say girls will be girls, but I don't know.

Like she's bullying you because damn, you've got something that she doesn't have and she wants it. I don't know what it is, but you. Nice tits. Yeah, nice tits girl. You must be glowing. Those beautiful vagres, you would say fog, nipples. Is it, what is it?

How do you say it? You said vajra vag, and it was like, it must have been, she must have misspelled vagres, something. No, I just don't know how to say it. I do this all the time. So there you go. Oh my God, is this the word I always get mixed up? I think it is because in Minnesota we say,

vague, instead of bag. You always get confused with vague and vague. Vag, is it vague? It's vague. I don't know, maybe in Minnesota you're aable. No, no, no, no. I literally have to practice in my head. And people think it's a bit at this point for me, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that dumb and I butcher celebrity's names. I still I know it's Margot Robbie, right?

But sometimes I'll say Robi and people I just forget I just like if it just slips your mind. It makes you feel better only a couple maybe a year ago that I find out that Cajun chicken was not could you and chicken. Okay. I feel better. I do feel better. Here's the thing. I feel better. I had never gone to a restaurant and straight up ordered, I've had occasion chicken at times where it's been ordered for me or served to me or it's been included in a dish that wasn't called, Cajun Chicken, but it includes Cajun Chicken. So I didn't have to say the word. So I'd never read it off of a paper.

And in my sorority house one day, I'm sitting with my friends and they're all like, Oh, tell you we look up the menu for the chef. Like we had a guy cooking our house three times a week. And I read the menu. And I said, you know, chickpeas, salad bar, could you change? They do not let me hear the end of it. It was a whole thing. And by the way, we would walk downstairs. There were all male chefs those times of the week.

We were in bras, sports bras, we come down in bikinis, who gives a shit. So it's honestly, if a guy can't avert his eyes for a second or if you're too insecure that you can't, well, this, okay, but this does lead into a different argument. And I was having just on my way here now. That boobs aren't inherently sexual. That, well, that this does lead into a different argument. And I was having just on my way here now. That boobs aren't inherently sexual. That, well, that's another wonder, you know? But it was the argument of, you know, guys will like fight with their whole chest.

I should be able to like girls photos on Instagram, which to me, to the entire argument is moot because why are you like arguing to tell the world that you're horny? I don't know why you have to like it, like just go look at it, I don't care. But I think it's so weird to like, I have to throw her a like, what do you think she's gonna do?

DM you and say thank you. So it's always weirded me out this whole argument. That's what they want. It's like why are you begging to like the girl's photo? But I understand where girls are coming from and they say I don't want you to do that because it to me it feels a little disrespectful. It's like starting that you want a fuck

a different girl. But then they can make the argument of what? It's just boobs, it's just nipples, it's just out. But I really do think that there are people are being purposefully dense when it comes to that. Sorry to say that. No, I think that is an interesting thing too because there's like a study that came out

like with liking things and like the dopamine response in your brain, a bubble a blow. And so essentially like it is this thing when they like that hot girl's photo. Like it actually there's, I'm gonna have to find the video and maybe try to post it or link it or something, but there's a lot more behind that that I haven't really considered.

I'm like, I don't care. But like obviously if it's like my boyfriend's girlfriend's he writes music with and whatever, and it's just like a picture, but it's like, it's a little different if it's like a girl posting her thirst trap, bikini pic, bento, like then I'm like, well Justin, like that's not what the pictures is for. And what it's like.

When it's like, okay. And it's very different from just a normal photo. Yeah, but like overall, like if your guy's liking all these girls pictures, if he can't keep his eyes off girls walking around, like don't be with this dude. Right. You shouldn't have to like monitor your guy

and keep him under tabs. Like everyone objectively is gonna look at people. Yeah, we recognize they're attractive. But like if you feel the need to go knock on someone's door and tell them, hey, can you cover up my boyfriend was staring at you, aren't you embarrassed? It's so embarrassing. I would never, I would never.

That's humiliating for you, sweetie. Like that's embarrassing. Just as I would never I would never that's humiliating for you sweetie like that embarrassing Just as humiliating and I that's I think that's where this argument comes full circle It's embarrassing to me to have a boyfriend who is liking these photos so blatantly and whatever like just like a Like a certain wanting everyone to know I'm thirsty. I like this photo I'm horny. It's to me. It's just like you look like corny It's just you're embarrassing. So I don You're just right. It's like, it's true. Like it's just you're embarrassing. So I don't know why they argue to be able to do it.

It just looks stupid. But in turn, it's also embarrassing for the girl. It's humiliating her. And why is the girl who's defending the boy not embarrassed? The whole thing is just a cycle of like, you should do better for yourself. And all parties involved. Absolutely.

To assert and announce to the world your own insecurity by making fun of this girl by the water fountain which is a girl. What a fucking loser. And I do think pick me, it's like, oh, it's getting to that point where it's like overused like Karen now, but like, this is, if there's any type of pit me,

it's her and Jessica. Yeah. The two of them. I mean, yeah. Good luck. Like living off of male validation, like it's air. You shouldn't have to put other people down to bring yourself up. Like that's so internal because no matter how many people you put down, you're never going to truly feel better about yourself.

Right. And also, living to impress men and living to gain approval for men by being their protector and by being a man's guardian and a man's teacher will never ever Give you any benefit. You will never reap the rewards of that. There will never be a silver lining to that Or just anyone. I mean like we have the same like don't shoot the messenger for a reason Guess what? I try to do a good thing the other day and tell someone that like through the grapevine hay your fiancee's probably cheating on you. And I'm the one that got shot.

It doesn't work, it doesn't pay. It doesn't pay. It doesn't pay to be nice sometimes. It's certainly doesn't. And that's another whole different discussion that next time we'll have, but like, oh my god, the telling the girl whether he's cheating is always an issue.

But it's just at the end of the day, like living for men to protect men, to make men feel good with their presence, it doesn't ever pay off because of the way that our society works, the way that they are programmed, the dynamics between men and women, the misogyny runs so deep in a relationship of that nature that you will never ever see the rewards of that. So the best thing you can do is just like be for the girls and don't like I see on Twitter all the time. Girls, women will post photos of different women's bodies and be like see bunch of boys voted that this on the left was actually the hotter body than

this one on the right. So actually ladies like go for this one. And then I saw this tweet the other day that was like so spot on. It was like men fuck men they have to keep men out of morgues because they fuck dead bodies so much. I saw that and we men. Yeah, I've talked about that and people were like, I had people in the comments being like, that's not true, that's not true, but like there is like a lot of stuff out there on it as well.

So like maybe not your funeral home that you worked out, but like it has happened. Regardless, men fuck holes in walls, men fuck dead animal purposes, men fuck pieces in walls. Men fuck dead animal park says, men fuck pieces of pie. If you live your life, according to what men find to be trendy and attractive at this time, you will never be happy.

No. Like who gives a fuck? Oh, fuck anything. And that's like the whole thing where it's like, everyone keeps adjusting their bodies. Like, first we're getting Brazilian butt lifts, and now we're getting them taken out and we're doing, you know, it was all thick and juicy,

lower bottoms and now it's ozemic. It's just like, you can't keep up. Be happy with yourself. Be happy with your partner. Right. If your partner's looking at other people's boobs and it makes you uncomfortable, good luck because I'm watching Survivor right now

with my boyfriend that's our show right now and it's fucking cold on those islands at night. All you see is tits out nipples and people, tops coming off during the challenges like, come on. Come on. And I wish boobs walking down the street. Right. You go to a music festival. You got the little star pasties tits out.

It's disgusting that they just can't like to claim that your boyfriend has to have enough self-control. It's like, why are you telling me like you're proud of it? Oh, my boyfriend's like a little dog. Do you actually mind just like covering up for my boyfriend who's like a little dog and who I'm so everything inside? Like he, if he doesn't have that self-control, that's a problem he should work on. It don't be so.

So ready to admit that. I don't know how you had the maturity to say, okay, no problem and just let it go. I would have said, why are you telling me that? That is so fucking embarrassing that your boyfriend can't keep his eyes off some nipples. I just don't, why do you care? It's just the weird.

It's weird. Top comments on this one. I'm also pretty petty. I have to tell you that before I got to the end, I was thinking if it were me, I would walk down the hall in my bra, but with no shirt. I mean, hey, it's wearing a bra, which is technically what she asked for. That's great. Yeah. Okay. I was, I had the confidence, I totally would. I like it. I like it. Amazing episode. Thank you for coming on. That's for having me. Where can everyone find you?

My name is Tollylic Sin. There's a new podcast out with my friend Jake Cornell. He's a fabulous comedian. He's called Basic Training. And it just came out on Monday. So it'll be out every Monday. Speaking of basic training from guys, look at you. I love that. I think that if you like this podcast honestly, and this is a brand new podcast, so you feel free to find in its footing. It's finding its funny, but he's a very much funnier guy

than I am. And I've looked at his tech talk, he's hilarious. He's very fantastic, and I have so much fun working with him. But the point is, if you like this idea of deciding, what is justified, what is not between two people, social dynamics of families and what cases, who's right, who's wrong, it's very much, this is justified, what is not between two people, social dynamics of families and what places, who's right, who's wrong. It's very much, this is in that realm. I love that. I think you'll like it. Okay. I can't wait to see how gross. Thank you. But thank you so much for

coming on. And thank you so much to Spotify for hosting me during my New York week. It's been amazing, especially Millie. Your help has been incredible. And Amber and John for sudden it all setting it all up but other than that had over to Patreon because there's gonna be amazing bonus content this month and other than that until next time guys bye you you