Two Hot Takes - 131: Renovations Required..

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin! Our personal home renovation challenges have us embracing this theme full of stories where "renovations" need to occur. From bats in cabins to getting kicked out of the marital home this one is full of twists and turns. Can't wait to hear your takes! Spotify Masterclass I was on: https://podcasters.spotify.com/resources/news/video/masterclass-fan-engagement Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Zocdoc: zocdoc.com/tht Babbel: Babbel.com/tht NextEvo: NextEvo.com/THT HelloFresh: Hellofresh.com/50tht Promo Code: 50tht

This is just your reminder to subscribe and if you're looking to get more out of podcasting I just did a Spotify masterclass which you can find the link for in the description So be sure to check that out as well. Thanks guys. You're back. I'm thirsty, but you're back That's not that's not to drink that much water that fast. My lungs, you just gave the people some nice ASMR. Did it go down the wrong pipe? My end of my lungs. Yeah, because you were drinking so fast.

No, I... This is a service... What's that service announcement for all people? PSA. Don't drink water as fast as Justin, you will choke. But you're back. Yeah. I'm so excited for this theme today.

Do you have any idea what it is? No. Trees. Trees. No. I have been very obsessed with trees lately. I think that was on a Patreon, so people that aren't on Patreon are probably like trees, who's obsessed with trees.

Yeah, I love trees. Every time we're driving or walking around neighborhoods, I'm always admiring people's trees and how nice they are. I'm trying to scope out what trees I want to plant and things like that. I love a good tree. But I was asking people on Patreon, I was like, I'm recording an episode for this week tonight.

What should the theme be? Like, what story? Do you say with who? Yeah, I say with Justin. Oh. And Izzy said, you guys should do a renovation theme since you all are moving along with your house. Like, this situation needs some improvement or renovation or stories that have to do with actual home renovation.

So this theme is brought to you thanks to Izzy. You found enough? On Patreon. Oh, I've just pumped them out. renovation. So this theme is brought to you thanks to Izzy. You found enough? On Patreon. Oh, I just pumped them out. I just researched the past two hours, diving in the stories here and there and making some fit that people are going to be like, that doesn't fit. It fits. Oh, like it does right at the end. No, it fits.

It's like the, the whole problem is about the relationship and the last thing is like, and we're going into renovation soon. Yeah. Oh, it ties in. It basically does. Or just like these relationships are so unhealthy, these people need to renovate.

They need different living situations. They need changes in their life, just like, you know. I see what you did there. Mm-hmm. Because there's no way you would have found that many renovations stories. I actually found way more renovation stories than I needed. No, at least 15.

But then I was like, But they're not exciting. No, no. Should we pick this one or should we pick this one? Okay, you're gonna see some of the renovation ones I did pick are really exciting and all. Did they find bodies? No, no bodies found in walls. Maybe I'll try to find one of those

for the spooky season episodes. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be good. But if you're watching on YouTube, you will see a video of our house. It is taken down to the studs you guys. It is the craziest thing ever to see. Not any studs. Redwood studs because our house is old. It was built in the 20s. 30s. Early 30s, late 20s. I thought it was 30.

Really? Okay, it was clearly the 30s. But it's old and has redwood studs. And so we're taking some of those studs and gonna give it to like a table maker and have like a redwood table. And it's just, it's been a really cool process of our picking out everything. And there will be lots of home renovation and home content coming your way. Maybe main channel, maybe THT unsupervised.

Be sure you're subscribed to both so you don't miss out on anything. But, uh. And a chicken coop. Oh, and we're getting chickens. Yeah, we gotta build a coop. Can we go get them? Yeah, you pick them out a little feed store.

January. Sometime around then, yeah. Are we building the coop? They have pre-made ones on Home Depot. Oh. And loads. Wait, like, self-assembly? If you really want to build it yourself, we could, yeah.

We could DIY a chicken coop. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be cute. Oh, every morning, so how do my girls? I built that house. Oh, okay. Well, let's... Oh, my God, not the water again.

Come on. Get it together together thirsty boy. Hey dehydrated. Yeah same. But are you ready? Yep. Okay let's dive in. Do we want to start with actual home reno drama or okay quick, very quick. I'm decisive today, it's weird for me.

Yeah. So this one was posted four days ago. It is titled, Amma the asshole for not letting my husband take our toddler to remote island cabin. My husband 41 male wants to take our toddler son to and a half male to his remote Canadian cottage without me. This cottage isn't another country, it's in Canada, we are from the US. So on top of it being a four and a half hour flight away, it requires a three hour drive,

then a 30 plus minute ferry ride, as the cottage is located on an island that is only accessible by boat. Last time we stayed at the cottage, there was no hot shower or water for the entire five days. Before that, I was exposed to bats in the sleeping room and had to drive to New York to get vaccinated for rabies. She got bit. I think even if you're like exposed, they're very, they're very, they're very

, oh, she's gonna say, if I got bit by something, I would say it they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very, they're very't want to stay five nights again. It's also very difficult with the toddler who never sleeps through the night. This cottage means a lot to my husband. He has fond memories of being there with his family and friends when growing up, but it has always been a source of intense anxiety and discomfort for me. From the bugs to the bats to the lack of basic amenities we often lose power or hot water. I just always get stressed and dread being there. Every single year I dread it. My husband knows this and has been working on fixing up the cottage, but it's just very

uncomfortable for me and he knows this. I have put up with it for years, but I'm tired and want to limit how long I will stay there in the future. Now he is threatening to take our two and a half-year-old son there for a week plus without me, which I find unacceptable. I have never threatened to take our son anywhere without his consent, much less to another country. Our son is afraid of flies, screams and cries whenever they get near, and doesn't sleep through the night. I don't think he will enjoy this trip that he's too young to consent to, especially with his mom gone. Am I the asshole for telling my husband I won't allow him to

take my son to a different country without my consent? I know this is the worst answer but I feel like we don't have enough context. Really? Yeah. I really don't know the dynamic, but my gut feeling is that she's almost overprotective and this would be really good for the kid. Honestly, I feel like this house... I feel like she's dramatizing everything.

I feel like it's being like, oh my god, it's how on earth. I feel like if you have bats end up in the cabin that you're sleeping in, it's a pretty uninhabitable place. So, but my thing with it, okay, let's address the kid thing first. He's two and a half, he's a little baby.

I mean, this kid, like what's Emmett? Emmett's four. And even four, I mean, that kid, you need all eyes on him at all times. Two and a half is a very vulnerable age. Yeah, yeah, it is young. I mean, like, hopefully in a few years, he cannot be afraid of flies because that's a long, long life.

Yeah. Well, sure. Okay, fine. Then, yeah, maybe it's good in like a few years, but it was just, all the comments are very weird, like threatening to take him. And it seems like a him, her problem, and the kid is just kind of collateral. Yeah. But it's really just shots being fired back and forth.

Like you're gonna take them there without his mom and then like the, how could you take them to such a terrible place and then the husband could be like, well, I'm gonna take them there for weeks if you're not gonna let us go. It just feels like shots being fired back and forth. And it does seem more of a like a control thing. I'll go with you there.

I do, I guess I would say like, there could be a little bit more context. Like if this dad is now dorsi type and is very capable of campaign and doing all these things, then I guess it wouldn't be a big deal because you would never question a mom taking her child somewhere by themselves.

But you know what I mean? Like if a mom wanted to like, hey, I'm going on a trip, like think about all the single moms out there or single parents that like go out, travel, do everything on their own, crush it. Like I guess like, yes, the kid is little, but this dad could be perfectly capable of going camping.

I'm saying camping because it's kind of a shack with his kid. Well, I'm literally picturing Matt doing this. And that kid would be perfectly fine and nothing would happen. And if it was sketchy, I'm sure they'd figure something else out. Like, you're not going to put your kid in danger. So that's why it's feeling like a him, her problem, not so much of a, like, you're going to put our kid in total danger and you're doing this

without my consent and like, oh, it's the language. Like she could have said, he's going to take our kid here without my consent, not like he's threatening. Like, where's all this threatening coming from? It is interesting. It's the choice language just shows that there's a lot of conflict between them. Threatening?

Well, yeah, and like, is it threatening? Or is he just saying, I'm gonna take the baby context? But again, like, when it comes to a two and a half year old, like you guys do need to agree on what's happening with this child, especially if this kid is leaving the country. Like for this kid to even leave the country, I'm pretty sure you need both parents permission,

otherwise it could be considered kidnapping. And the only reason I think this, and I haven't researched or anything, but when my little brother went on a cruise with my dad, he had to have like my mom's written permission to take him. And so... I don't know anything about that. It is a long journey.

Very. And I guess it's you're too young to really take in that experience versus when you maybe get to six or seven, you actually start to remember big, like a big trip you did with your dad. And maybe in the meantime, they could renovate and, you know, be hopeful about that this could be a place. I just don't like the negativity coming from her side.

Like, yeah, I'm just going to extremely limit, you know, the amount of time I go for in the future where she's almost ready to write this place off and be done with it, even though it's so special to him. I mean, that'd be like me coming to the farm and not liking being there, and writing a post on Reddit and being like, yeah, I think I'm just gonna tell Morgan, I'm gonna limit my time coming up to the farm, and I'm not gonna give it a chance anymore

because I had one bad experience. Yeah. Versus, oh, maybe with some renovations, this place could end up really great in an awesome place to bring our kid and go in the future. Yeah. We just got to put some money into it if that's a possibility, but it's all just written off. Like she's starting to filter down.

Like, okay, the amount of time I'm going to there Keeps going down and down until I don't go again Yeah, well, and if it's not your cup of tea just don't go like this is a great solution He still wants to go he's happy to take the kid by himself when he could go with family like they always used to Exactly and so I guess it is like kind of controlling and maybe like she is just not the outdoorsy person like I don't know where she's from. I don't know what her background is, but in vision, a pretty person who doesn't like getting dirty, doesn't like mud, likes two showers a day. Like, you know what I mean?

Just isn't outdoorsy or adventurous in those ways. And maybe this just isn't for her, but it shouldn't stop him from getting to have those experiences with his kids. And you have kind of got me thinking, like look at all those parents that will go camping with like one year olds or two year olds. And they'll literally go hike your semit,

with a kid in a backpack. And they're out there zoom in, kids. As long as like they're clothed, fed, protected from the environment, like your kid is gonna be fine. Well, that's honestly, I don't know what age or any of this. I don't have a kid, but it's good to start having those experiences young. Yeah.

I remember some of the most outdoorsy traveling, like outdoor sleeping type stuff was when I was really young. And it was awesome. I was eating fish. When you have the time young and it was awesome. I was eating fish When you have the time I was catching fish. I was eating fish. You ate a fish. Oh, I ate a ton Yeah, when I was a little kid What I was eating hamburgers beef everything. Why don't we get back to the burgers camping? I was doing everything and so but for the record No, I do not think you should just be like, nope, this is how it's going. And I'm taking the kid and I'm going. Obviously not. There's got to

be some kind of, you know, come to an agreeance on this situation where it's, I think he's feeling the offense of she's trying to be done with this place. And the kid is just in the middle of all this because he loves this place. Yeah. Yes, you shouldn't just take the kid. But it's more of like a battle between her and him about this place. And him wanting to be the kid is like putting it in the spotlight. Yeah.

Well, there is a comment from someone they go info. Do you have actual safety concerns about your husband being able to take care of the kid on his own for a week? Because to me, this seems like a fairly simple solution. You despise going to this cabin and you don't want to have to go anymore. Your husband loves it and he wants to go and share it with your kid. He's proposing a scenario where you get what you want, being nowhere near the cabin and he gets what he wants, being at the cabin. Why isn't this acceptable to you? Quote, my toddler might not enjoy a new experience, isn't a good enough reason to refuse. And

this, that's a very valid point. I always feel like the top comments take what I tried to blab on for for 10 minutes and just put it in a paragraph. Amazing. Because they had time to think through it. Well, so Opie responds to that and goes, yes, I do have safety concerns. This cottage is on an island with no hospital or medical facilities. If something happened, and just last week my mother-in-law was exposed to bats there and is now getting a series of rabies vaccines,

I'm not confident in my husband's judgment to respond appropriately. There have been multiple times I've taken my son to the doctor for what turned out to be legitimate issues, which my husband had brushed aside. I have no problem with my husband going. I have a problem with forcing my son to go without his consent, which he is too young to give. Which, that comment, I find so weird.

See, it's weird. Well, I just think that's weird because like, babies and like young kids can't really consent to anything like So are you supposed to just keep them at home in a bubble? Want to go on a trip to Minnesota? Are you want to stay in California? Papa Papa Papa Papa. Would you want to go to school? No, I don't want to go to school Okay, well you have to go to school like I think kids should have autonomy over their own bodies and be able to consent to certain things but at the same time,

I don't know, that word seems to be kind of getting the wrong around here by her. And it's like, your kids gonna have a great experience, but yeah, okay, calling in a question, dad's capabilities, yeah, that's a problem. That's the context though, right? That should be in the initial writing. Otherwise, it makes you sound really weird,

like you're freaking out, and there's not a lot to back it up. With actual safety concerns, yes. And then if he still puts up a fight, like, no, I'm taking him, then this becomes a much larger, weirder deal. But it's more like, you know, the first comment did make a lot of sense. Now the follow up with the extra info adds like, yeah, maybe don't take the kid. Not yet, right? Because if you were him, wouldn't you want to fix this place up eventually? Yeah. And be able to not have bats. For sure.

And be able to bring your kid who's not to... What's up with the bats? Like, we see bats. I see bats all the time. Like, if you kind of get close to dusk, like, you'll see them swooping and eating bugs. They're everywhere. But even back home, they're at my mom's down in the cities. They're up north at the land. They're everywhere. They're at the farm., they're everywhere. But even back home, they're at my mom's down in the cities. They're up north at the land.

They're everywhere. They're at the farm. And they're- I'm sure they're in upstate New York. They're everywhere. Yeah, yeah. This person talks about driving a buffalo. Like, they just do their thing.

They just do their thing. But yeah, like if they swoop at your head or get close to you, like, yeah, you should get your rabies shot. Oh, God, I haven't. I, they swoop in on my head, though. Have they? Oh, yeah swooping on my head though. Have they? Oh yeah. Like right at your head.

It was a lot at the, the plumath house that grew up in. Yeah. All the time, just, whew. Well, so. Because they used to live in the umbrella. Yeah.

So some days we'd roll up the outdoor umbrella, and then, whew. Oh yeah. You definitely should have got some. Because I was, I googled it just now, and I'm like, why are these people like so stressed about the bats and rabies? But I Googled when to get rabies after bat exposure.

Should you get rabies shot after bat exposure? Rabies can spread to people from bats after minor seemingly unimportant or unrecognized bites or scratches. They gotta touch you, dude. They gotta touch you, dude. They got to touch you, dude. Any COVID going through the air. But if they swoop at you and you get a little nick that you don't even realize

as a Nick, like today, I walked across the street to go get my coffee and I was wearing my crocs and I, you know, went across. Right by the house. And I went across an intersection that apparently had a car accident recently. And as I'm floppin' in my crocs, a piece of glass gets kicked into my crock. I thought it was just like a pebble. I didn't know what it was. And so I like took my shoe off and shook it out.

It was good. And all of a sudden I'm like, I keep walking and I'm, you know, I get to Starbucks and I sit down and I look inside my crock. It is covered. Oh, so you didn't really feel it? No, it was covered in blood. Like, I was bleeding. I think feet do that.

It was the craziest thing. And I'm like, it was small, right? Yeah, well, then I'm here thinking I'm like, this is glass from the street. I don't know if it's from a car or a crack pipe. And then I'm like, Jesus, do I need to go get a tetanus shot? Do I need like a hepatitis vaccine now?

So I don't know what to do. It's a tiny little nick I talked to Amy. It is kind of sterile. I don't know, I went soaked my foot in alcohol, but I think it was fine. Cause I think it was small, but it was blood everywhere. But you just like, you know those little innocuous, innocuous little things that happen.

You're like, if there wouldn't have been blood, I never would have known I got cut by glass. Well, I don't know the last time I had tetanus shots and then we were moving all those metal things at the farm. Everyone. And I'm like, um, I don't know. How do you look up these records?

Are they just out there? You should have like, I don't have a doctor anymore. You should have an immunization record though. A lot of it gets registered in a database. How could like someone access that? I can't. You could contact your medical provider. You're getting one with a zok doc, you'll be fine.

So stressful. But everyone should get their boosters up to date, rabies, check, like check. HPV, just do it. It's worth it, especially when you have things like this happen. And you're like, oh my god, am I gonna get rabies? And how do you see people die from rabies? Like once you get that, you're not doing good, you're dead.

Yeah, rabies is crazy. We watched a cruise cannot video on it. I know I'm not saying that right, but it's my favorite YouTube channel that just puts me to bed. Cause it goes off, whatever, how do you say it? Something like that, that was pretty good, yeah. Okay, but yeah, I think they definitely need

to get on the same page, but there is some interesting language, threatening, consent, but I understand the safety concerns if this dad isn't capable. Yeah, don't bring the kid. Don't bring the kid right now. Don't do it yet, but get, like, you guys need to talk. Well, and isn't it, I think like it is interesting too. Like my husband has brushed a lot of things off that have turned out to be something.

That's a big concern that you should be addressing at home too. Yeah. Like that's a problem. If you can't trust your husband to take care of your baby, you don't have a partner. You're a single parent. So you should probably address that. You need

some home renovations too, not just cabin. Oh, yeah, you get that. That's pretty good. Pretty good. Touch that they had home needs there. Yeah, yeah. Okay, moving right through me, moving along through you. And one of your out the others, kind of through me. Oh yeah, I've got that way. And I've got that way. Not the other way. Yeah, well, normally when you say through me, it's in and down.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Moving along. One of this week's partners is ZockDock. I swear, I come on here and tell you something that's wrong with me. Just about every week, and this week, it's my tonsils. I'm 29, never got my tonsils out, and they constantly hurt, and they get puffy, and sometimes

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slash THT. Zockdock.com slash THT. Okay. Another home reno before we mix it up with some drama. Yep. This one is 11 days old. It's coming from Mommy Baking Cupcakes. Titled, Am I the asshole for not wanting to get a mortgage on my house to pay for unnecessary renovations? I've been married to my husband for five years. The house where we live in was a gift from my parents to me before I even met my husband. When my husband and I met, he owned a condo. Later on when we decided to move in together, he sold his condo and paid his debts.

There was nothing left from that transaction. We got married five years ago. He signed a prenuptial agreement accepting he has no claim on the house and recognizing it as a gift to me from my parents. I also signed accepting to not claim any of his properties if he gets one. The house is not old and we are happy in it, but he has been pushing me to renovate the house. His salary is more than double mine, so he wants us to get a mortgage on the house to pay for the renovation. By doing this, the notary will have to legally add his name on the deed of the house, but I'm not

sure how I feel about this. He has been putting a lot of pressure for us to proceed with this. When we bought the house, my parents and I, it cost 440K. Now it's valued to almost 1 million. If he gets his name on the deed, he automatically gets 500K, and I'm scared that if we ever divorce, he will get half. We don't have children together. I do have one daughter. He says, I've been the asshole for not wanting him to also own the house. And at the same time, I have pressure from my family to not do this as this is the future for my daughter. I see myself trapped in between.

But I also think it's better to keep the house to myself. Am I the asshole? think it's better to keep the house to myself. Am I the asshole? No, no. I think the whole deal here is you don't want to do it. And you hold all the cards. It's weird how sometimes people get so bent out of shape and they get so focused on one thing. And it has to happen. They want it no matter what. And they don't even care what their partner thinks. And it's just they're so locked into. Nope, this needs to happen. We have to do this. And there's no way to like get through to them. Like that's not what I'd want to partner. I don't want that. I don't want someone who just bulldozes their way so far forward that it's like you can't pull them back And they'll never listen to your side

That's just communication breakdown 101 right there blinking So no, I obviously you're not the asshole You own the house you don't want to renovate the house. And it's like a non-starter, basically for her. So we need to sit down and have that conversation and say, no, I don't want to do this. And if it's such a big deal,

there's like no way to find a middle ground either. It's either yes or it's no. And in your case, it's no. There's no compromise except for him. He would have to compromise and say, okay, yeah, we've been living here and it's fine. Like, you know, maybe we'll move on to another place one day, and then we can make it more our own or whatever it is.

But I'm just getting very bad vibes from this though. It's just weird. It's a weird thing to pick such a giant fight over, but people broken up overway less. Well, to me, it seems very conniving and purposeful. Like there's a reason why he wants to do this. And I think it's one thing if like you want to do a renovation to like better a room you really use.

And like your partner might see it as unnecessary. But it's, you know, honey, it's fine. All pay for it. This is something I really want. All pay for it. This is something I really want. All pay for it. Sure. And OP says here that he makes more than double what OP makes. So he should have no problem paying for a renovation if he so chooses to do so.

But if she wants to do it as well. Yeah, because it's her house. Even if he's paying for it. But he's not paying for it. That's where I'm like, if you wanted to do a renovation,. Yeah, because it's her house. Even if he's paying for it. But he's not paying for it. That's where I'm like, if you wanted to do a renovation so bad, maybe offer to pay for it. And then maybe you could get that back down the road from your partner since it is their house.

But he's not offering to pay. He wants a mortgage taken out to use that refinancing the home to pay for the renovations. But the funny weird thing is, like, and I get OP might not have given him the opportunity, but instead of like, he sold his condo and investing that money into their house to maybe become more even with OP, he paid off all his debts. And so has a house free. Like you don't mean like it's just, he's getting like a great scenario.

And it's like OP even signed on the prenup, any properties you buy even after were married. Not mine, they're all yours. Which like that's a very fair deal. So I don't know, I'm just getting weird vibes. Like, this almost feels kind of like, oh, honey, let's up your life insurance policy. And then, oops, off a cliff.

Like, it just feels very dark and manipulative. And I don't, like, it could go there. Well, and even't, like, they could go there. Well, and even OP, like, I think this comment down here is like, if he gets his name on the deed, he automatically gets 500K, which hey, like if you're conniving and looking at this as an investment,

oh, let's refinance and take out a mortgage for 200K of renos and he automatically gets an extra 250K of equity or whatever the math is. Like my brain. Yeah, I mean, it's not like a slot machine that spits out 500K. But it could be if he wants it to work. Well, that's a legal question though, right?

Based on the prenup, what happens when someone gets added? I think technically, if she added him, I feel like that breaks the prenup. It might supersede it in certain states, especially if it's a state that really values community property like California. I don't know the legality of it.

I don't know. Because it also could be the other way where the prenup doesn't get overwritten. True. His name's just on it, but all the equities hers. It would be really interesting. I'm just like, I don't know. That's a legal thing.

Boyers! Any lawyers, please write in and comment on this one. But yeah, it could, I'm either picturing someone who's just so, you, I mean, we all know those people that get their mindset on something. And it's all they'll talk about for months and months and months and months until it happens and then it's just done. And it's like people get so set on something,

not like a career or a goal or a dream. It's more like a, I wanna renovate the house. And it's like they get so set on that. And that's all they can think about and they become so obsessed with it. It sounds like me and our house Renault. No, our house Renault was very necessary. Yeah, Justin called it a tear down.

Most homes I see are just knock it down, bring the wrecking ball, bring Miley, let's go. No, it had such a good bond. You guys will see the pics. You'll see the pics. Ball, you can't smell through the pictures, so. It didn't smell that bad. No, okay, it reaked.

Anyway, at the end of the day, balls in her court, and just put your foot down and see what happens. And if this ends your relationship, then I don't think you'd rather have been like, Oh, shoot. I should have done that renovation and just bowed down to him and gave him half the house to save this. It makes me feel like I wouldn't want that person anymore. If I told them, no, I don't want to put you on there and renovate this house because it's mine and I don't want to.

Yeah. And I don't, that, there's part of being a team in a really good relationship is part of also being yourself and standing up for yourself. It's not always 100% having your partners back in the sense that you bow down to them. There's gotta be balance of power. Balance of power.

So sometimes there isn't I in team, especially the best teams, because you always have to think about yourself. Yes, there's compromise, but not to this level. Yeah. Well, the top comment on this is all caps, not the asshole. Do not do this.

There is no need for him to own a part of your home, which is interesting because it definitely bothers him. And one thing I did want to point out is O.P. saying, I'm scared that if we ever divorce he gets half. This is like a legacy for my daughter. I do have a daughter prior to him. Yeah. Which is so important to like ensure your children

are taking care of if something happens to you. Like stepdad, is he gonna take care of your kid? Yeah. Maybe, maybe not, but like that is important legacy. But he says I've been the asshole for not wanting him to also own the house. This is what you agreed to, dude. You signed the paper.

Why would you automatically own it? You've invested nothing into it. Nothing. You had a condo that you sold and you still didn't take any of that money and invest into it. You don't automatically just get a house. He's sounding a little bit like a gold digger.

Yeah, so say no and see what happens. I'm ready for the update. So the comment goes on to say, if you needed renovations, you could get a loan in your name only using the house as collateral. So this idea that the only way is to take out a mortgage in his name, thereby being forced to put his name on the deed, is a bit suspect. Oh, I'm so glad this person's getting the bad vibes I am. Well, I mean, that's true. I mean, whoever is on the deed can leverage the house.

Yeah. If like they had a room falling apart and water is spraying everywhere, and well, and if this home's value has increased from 440 to almost a million, it might make sense to take out a small home loan and do some renovations if it actually needed it. Is she wants to? Well, you would add more equity, right?

The home's value may even increase more depending on the project, but it doesn't sound necessary. This sounds like a ploy. She's happy in it. This is a ploy for him to get on the deed, which is like, ah, the same comment does continue. You don't give any details about how paying off his debts led to him having nothing left from the sale of his condo,

but that jumped out to me. It could be totally normal if he didn't live there long and paid off student loans, but if he has a history of accumulating debt, I would be extra careful of giving him legal rights to your house or taking on any kind of joint debt. Make sure you are checking your credit score regularly. I hate to be suspicious, but your house is a significant asset and you have a child to think of.

OP does respond. You're right. He had some student debt, some accumulated credit card debt from before he met me, and he also paid for his car so we wouldn't have any payments. However, he has never paid anything in the house. The house is not old. 1995 construction, 24,000 square foot land plot. It's a beautiful house. I mean, it's not up to date in today's designs, but it's a beautiful house. Just everything all of a sudden seems like a red flag to me.

And although I love my husband with all my heart, something just seems off. See how he reacts. Ooh, hoo, hoo. Next comment down is from the top comment again. Listen to your gut. Check your credit score and your child's. Consider putting important legal documents

due to the house, copy of the prenup, copy of your will, your birth certificate, your child's birth certificate, etc. in a safety deposit box at your bank. Not sure what your reproductive situation is, but make sure you're doing what you need to do to avoid an unplanned pregnancy. Did I say check the child's credit score? Yeah. This is like a big thing that sometimes parents will accumulate vast amounts of debts in their child's name. How?

They take out a credit card in their child's name. Parents have access to your social security. What age can you get a credit card? I don't, this is, I've seen this a lot. I've seen this a lot. I've seen this a lot. Getting our kid a credit card right when they're born. Think of the age of their credit history. You know how credit history is like a big portion

of what makes up your credit score? Yeah. Think if they had a card that by the time they're 18, already at 18 years. Yeah. At 18, they at 18 years. Yeah. At 18, that a big, big credit. We'll get them like five cards by the time they're 18. Yeah, some, so you can't get a credit card

in your own name until you're 18, but you can allow certain minors to become authorized card users, depending on the issuer. So 13 to 16 years old is what I'm seeing. So ain't no kid got a credit score. Well, this should never have said how old her daughter was. Could be a 16 year old.

Could have a credit card in her name. I thought it was a young kid. Or 18. Who knows. I don't know what I don't know. I thought it was a young kid or 18 who knows I don't know what I don't know. I thought it was a young kid It could be a baby. No, I don't know. There's no mention of age on this one Well, yeah, then I guess and I guess take this core

Like maybe it was the last story bleeding in a little bit to a half year old yeah, mix and wires This is a late one for us. Currently 906 at time of recording. There are a lot of comments from OP. A lot, a lot, a lot. A lot. Update, update. I'm not seeing any formal updates. I told him, he got mad. He left. Yeah, no formal update. Not on the post, not in any comments, but someone

goes, not the asshole, you're right to be cautious. Your statement that he automatically gets half is not correct. And depends on where you are in the US, it's possible to own a smaller part of a property. Let's say your home is worth 850k and if he's willing to put 150k in a renovations, an attorney could assist with ensuring he only owned 15% of the property. The reason why I would caution against adding him at all is the complexity of untangling that ownership if you split up. Twice you should never co-own anything in life. You could have a post-knop. Yes, it's a thing that says you have the right to buy out his 15% or whatever if you choose and how that value would be determined. Ultimately, there are ways but legal paperwork is never fun and you shouldn't feel forced into it.

Correct. There's ways to do it as a team if you want to. Yeah. There's always ways to protect yourself. Absolutely. And so the whole point here, she doesn't want to do it. So, Opie responds to that comment. I was not concerned until this past weekend when my husband had a talk to my brother and his significant other. My husband was openly telling them

that even with the prenup, he will fight me for 50% of the gaining capital of the house. I think we have a solid marriage. At least I feel that. But I think I'm seeing too many red flags. Don't get me wrong. If ever we would divorce, that would be the worst thing for me because I absolutely love

my husband. I will follow your advice, call the lawyer, and better have a meeting to legally understand the possible outcomes. No, no, no, no, no. have a meeting to legally understand the possible outcomes. No, no, no, no, no. Have a meeting. This dude is a snake. Have a meeting to figure out how to protect yourself now. Meet with a divorce lawyer.

This is a snake. This is a wolf in sheep's clothing. This is someone who sees dollar signs on their eyes. This dude, which there are people out there that do this shit, there are people out there that do way worse for way less money. This guy could have looked at this five year investment of my time, and I'm gonna walk with 500K.

Maybe. People think like this sometimes. But I think the more likely thing is it happened over time because the house increased a lot in value over that time. You're gonna predicted that. I mean, all real estate goes up. But. Dude, there's something really going on here.

So someone comments, so as an aside, what debt has he accumulated now? Currently, he has no debts at all. He recently bought a very expensive car, but other than his car, he has nothing accumulated now. Currently, he has no debts at all. He recently bought a very expensive car, but other than his car, he has nothing to pay. Commenter goes, well, it's very strange. I saw one of your other comments about him getting the house appraised for fun. You don't do that for fun. You do that when you want to try and sell, or for insurance purposes. Since it's your house, I'm guessing you pay the insurances.

So I find it all very suspicious. He said the appraisal was for free from his bank, so we can know how much equity we have in assets. I thought this was normal every few years. I don't, from my understanding. No, those costs money, dude. From my understanding, unless you have a realtor, that's a friend, or like, but realtor's can't technically from my understanding. No, those costs money, dude. From my understanding, unless you have a realtor,

that's a friend, or like, but realtor's can't technically a praise, I think it has to be an appraiser. But like, that's not what, this feels weird. Do you just get curious, like, oh, I wonder what we're worth? No, we're just going zill, see what the estimate is, dude. So weird. Someone is asking, like, does he handle most of the cooking? And they split all household chores very evenly.

That's actually kind of surprising. Oh, he's sweat equiting it. Yeah, this one. So I'm interested in this commenter goes, not the asshole, probably more dramatic than your situation, but my grandpa remoraged his house to help his girlfriend's kid. She tried to kill him, and when that didn't work, she ended up losing the repayment contract, and he never financially recovered. We moved him to be close with family, so she couldn't hurt him again, but he died poor after a lifetime of work

and paying off his mortgage. There are some sick people out there, Justin. Sickos. You can never, ever, ever truly trust anybody. Oh my God. This next commenter, not the asshole. I had a house that my now ex was not. We decided to do major renovations, creating a new mortgage

where he was added. He left two weeks after we moved back in. While we were able to settle the house amicably, it left me with a huge mortgage. He made three times what I did. I will never allow another soul on my deed. The house will go to my daughter and she can do what she likes with it. I will never jeopardize it. Opie goes, this is exactly what I'm afraid of. And the more I read the comments of people, the more I'm becoming aware of this. I'm very naive in general. I don't have the heart

to think my husband will hurt me, but I think I'm wrong. Maybe my life and marriage is not all nice and pretty like I thought. We don't argue. We get along super great. We are an awesome team. At least that's what I thought. Hey, no team. Someone asks about bank accounts, and this is the last comment OP responds to anyways. But they ask about bank accounts.

Do you have joint accounts, separate accounts? If they are separate, are you allowed to see any of his bank statements or financial records? We have separate accounts. He wants to keep it like that. I've told him many times we should just have a joint account. He doesn't want to. Yeah. I don't know. That's, you know, that's what, whatever each couple wants to do out there. But I think there's advantages to having at least one joint account because a lot of expenses are joint. Yeah.

It's just easier. I think you should never. Like, we're going to the grocery store or like the game we've been playing for years. Jones journey. Oh. Like, oh, am I getting this meal? Oh. Or are you getting this meal? Or who got the last one?

Is it my turn? Your turn? And it's like, if you just had a mutual one account, there's no turn. It's like, let's go to dinner together. And then we pay for the bill. And it's just nice and easy, right? Or you can, like, it's nice once in a while to be like,

I got this one. I don't ever, ever, ever think that when you get married, I don't ever think you should completely combine finances, especially if you both are working. If one person is a stay-at-home parent, I think that's a little different because you only have one income. And the person that's working

is kind of supporting the whole family. So that's a little different. But if you're both working, I feel like it's really healthy to have separate accounts and a joint account like you described. Yeah. Like so smart. But this one is weird and I'm getting bad vibes. Not in the Bridgerton Times.

I don't like it. I control the finances of this house. You live in this house. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I just watched Queen Charlotte again tonight. It's so good. But finances were always combined back then.

Women weren't even allowed to own credit cards. Back in the medieval times, we all combined accounts. No, did you know that women, like the first time they were allowed to get credit cards in the US was like the 60s? In fact, checking. Whatever you say, something big. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. It was actually 1974. Wow. That's pretty real. It doesn't seem real. I know it is, but it doesn't seem real. Yeah. That's nuts. I mean, when did credit cards come out? Yeah, I don't know. Like, or well, I guess credit's always been kind of a thing like you have credit here. Yeah. Yeah. You got credit here. Yeah. But when did actual like credit card companies? 1958. Bank. America. And it had a $300 limit. Wow. Yeah. Learn something new every day. Sounds like my first credit card. Yeah. Literally your Wells Fargo starter card that you get.

18. Yeah. I think the balance was about 500. Yeah. I went a couple days after I turned. Gotta get that credit history started. I'm telling you. Okay. Check your credit scores, guys. Credit Karma is free. Not a sponsor yet.

Have they been in the past? They might have been. But it's free. I use it. I check it at least once every other week. It's totally checking Instagram. I, it's really fun every other week. Kind of like checking Instagram. It's really fun. Yeah.

And I've learned I started using my credit card as like a debit card. So I like if you can afford to do this, I know some people do carry balances. But if you can do this, like use your credit card and then immediately paid off, like don't wait and just pay it off once a month. You can. Yeah, you can. No, my score went up like big from doing this. I know.

It's just a lot of effort. You just like, well, I have the Apple card and it's just like tap tap. That's different. Even your banks all have apps. Pay it, just try it. Your credit score will go up. It does work.

Yeah. I'm just too lazy for that. Okay. Moving along. Bonjour. Another one of this week's partners is Babel. I'm off to Paris in a couple of weeks here Easy for that. Okay. Moving along. Bonjour. Another one of this week's partners is Babel. I'm off to Paris in a couple weeks here and I have been practicing my French with Babel

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They have so many ways for you to learn a new language that's actually gonna make it approachable, accessible, rooted in real-life situations, and delivered with conversation-based teaching. I love listening to the podcast as I drive. I also love playing the games. They're fun. It helps me retain the information. But Babel also has live classes. And I'm gonna hop on one next week just to make sure I'm ready for my trip. I know a lot of you out there probably have it as a goal on one of your lists to learn a new language and it's pretty well known that the best way to learn is through immersion, but that's not a reality for a lot of us. But you want to know the second best way? Babel. So if you're ready to come join me on Babel, here's a special limited time deal for our

listeners to get you started right now. Get 55% off your Babble subscription, but only for our listeners at Babble.com slash THT. Get 55% off at Babble.com slash THT. Spiled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash THT. Rules and restrictions may apply. Okay, we're going to get a little bit away from the home drama for a second. That's fine. This is a relationship that might need some renovations. It is coming from AITH. It is titled, Am I the asshole for having sex with my boyfriend's younger brother after

he asked me for an open relationship? I, 26 female, have been with my boyfriend 26-male for about two years. Never had an issue until last month when he asked me to open our relationship. He said that all men have the innate desire to sleep with as many women as they like. He said that women are attracted to men like him who are in their peak physical shape and that he should take advantage of that. Something about men wanting to spread their seed far and wide. I did not see this coming at all.

I was appalled. At the end, he said that I'm wife material and the woman that he wants to come home to, but of course that just rubs salt on the wound. However, I told him that this is fine and asked if he has anyone particular in mind. He was surprised by my reaction and told me how awesome I am for being so understanding. Then he showed me his tender and upcoming date.

Nice. He prepared. As well. He knew that this arrangement only benefited him because I'm not into casual flings, so I wouldn't be sleeping around. He even said that he knows that I wouldn't go looking for other guys because I'm too sweet and loyal. So he has a 19 year old brother, and I called him the following day.

I explained the open relationship situation to him and asked if he's interested in some fun. Long story short, he was willing but felt insecure because he is, slash was a virgin. I told him that's okay, we had sex later that night. Afterwards I asked my boyfriend about his date, and he said he had a great time. I told him that I met a younger, cute rugby player who was shy and inexperienced. He was curious and asked for a picture, which I showed him. Utter Chaos. He had a complete meltdown and called me all sorts of slurs under the sun. I told him, it's natural for me to want someone like his younger brother. You know, peak physical form and all that.

He was still blowing up my phone even after I left his house and sent me dozens of texts. I told him the relationship is over, but he kept saying that he forgives me, even though I'm deeply fucked up and deranged. He suggested therapy, proclaimed it might not help someone as evil as me. Am I the asshole? This is probably one of the most tricky ones I've ever had. This was posted in the wrong subreddit. This should have been on our slash petty revenge. You're well, do you think asshole? Like, what do you think? I do. Yeah.

On both sides. This is like an everyone sucks kind of thing, right? But yes, very Too-drained not have to take it there. That's kind of psycho Like come on you wanted out of this from the moment he brought this up clearly Right, you're like you were done. So If you're done and you're trying to just like prove a crazy point, yeah, but you're not taking the high road. So yeah, you are the asshole.

On his end, what do you really expect if, you know, Jerry says this all the time on the other show, but he started having those feelings probably around a similar age, and he said, I knew I had to break up with the person I was with, and I had to go get this out of my system, I had to go explore this, because there's no way to have your cake and eat it too. This is the best of both worlds,

like, you know, dudes with like five wives, like in medieval times. We're going back to the medieval times a lot tonight with these. But you're taking it there quite a bit. Yeah, I think everyone sucks, but no, that's an asshole move. You can't come, you can't do that. I think, well, I think in her head, she already knew this relationship was over. For sure.

Because otherwise you would never. No, and it was kind of like, I'm gonna have the last laugh as deranged as it was in this sense, like going after his younger brother, like. She had to have some interest too at some point because it's like, you don't, you don't just do that. There's no way. Some people don't look at sex as such an intimate thing. Like some people can look at it very physically. And this could have been just the petty revenge,

like get back at him that she wanted. But I will say like this was, I think he is more of a scumbag than her. I think- At least he, well yes, because he was already on the apps and already set it up.

He already had a date. So if she would have said no, I'm not comfortable with opening the relationship. What do you have canceled his date and deleted Tinder? He started cheating on her before that conversation. You don't download Tinder and create a profile and start flirting with people and schedule a date. This relationship is already done. He was cheating on her already.

An open relationship is communicated up front, prior to any engagement. This was just a end all, like a last ditch effort of, oh, maybe I can try this. Yeah. He essentially was, like anything before, the sides set up the thing and have conversations.

We don't know. Well, is that just the date that he had that moment? What's he been doing past couple months? Who knows? There was an attempt an attempt at communication. Like I picture the word communication. He kind of bit off a little chunk of the sea. I feel like he just asked. Just a tiny little chunk, like a mouse, bending a piece of cheese. No, not even. He basically just asked for her approval of him cheating. Like he was already cheating.

Yes, but he didn't hide it for years and years and years. If this is the bar for communication. No, it's not. I said he took a little mouse by another sea. There's a lot more left. Are you picturing that out of a seed? A sea Communication the sea. I said if you can picture the word right? Yeah over here. There's a sea. Yeah I started it and a little mouse took a tiny little bite out of it. That was his attempt at communication. That's not my bar setting for communication.

Okay, because I was gonna say, that's the bar. No, the people saw me. It's low. The people saw me explain it. It's low. You were distracted. You didn't even, you didn't even listen to me. I was listening.

I was trying to multitask a little bit, but I heard you. I heard mouse. I thought you meant like a seed, like a seed with a DSN. That's the seed. But yeah, no, this is easy. Like, yeah, she's an asshole and they weren't right for each other anyway. So yeah, moving along.

Well, top comment on this one. This is comedy gold. Next comment down. I'm dying. I just want to post that I'm seeing plenty of comments saying that she's a predator for pursuing a 19 year old virgin. You can call her petty for fucking her ex's brother. I think she's a legend. But I think it that it's bizarre how easily people use the term predator. Bro can literally go off and fight in a war, legally kill people in a combat situation, but because of an age difference between two adults, she's a predator. Sorry, but there's a legal line in the sand. They both consented.

Ain't nothing wrong with that. Lady took a flame thrower to a knife fight, and I'm here for it. Yeah. I mean, I get that, but you really didn't have to. You could have just said, you know, I'm not interested in this open relationship. I'm like, I think we should break up and move on and go to our own thing. That's being a lot better of a human.

Yeah, he wasn't the greatest guy, but you just don't have to do that. No, maintain a certain level of decency in your life, you know, but sometimes revenge can just feel so good. Hey, back when I was younger, I would have been thinking about playing that card. Post on the appropriate subreddit next time though, our slash, Petty or Venge. Hey, we still found it, we still read it. Still got it, but now we're moving along. Good. Okay, so this is also coming from AITH.

It is posted 26 days ago. So it's still up, not removed. Seven K upvotes currently. Okay. It is titled, Am I the asshole for refusing to let my husband's affair baby live with us for a while? I married my husband very young, three years into our marriage we got a divorce because he had an affair and got his mistress pregnant.

We were split for five years, then decided we had changed as people and reconciled for our daughter we had before the divorce, and for ourselves, with the help of counseling. We've now been together for six years. During the years apart, I had another child with a serious partner who sadly passed away. A few days ago we got a call from my husband's ex-mystress. She says her job wanted her to fly out of state this weekend for an opportunity, but it is impossible with her son and asked us if it would be willing to take him in so short notice. Usually my husband gets a hotel and stays with his son when she flies out. But she said this time would be a longer-term stay. I told my husband, absolutely not, that wasn't happening. He said I was

being unfair and that he cares for my daughter, who's from my late partner, like his own, and I should do the same. I screamed at him and said, quote, my daughter isn't the product of my affair. Absolutely no way is he staying here. He got angry and said that I was being ridiculous and a bitch because the child is innocent. In my eyes, it hurts me too much to look at that boy. Am I the asshole? I think so. Huge.

Huge asshole. The thing is, is the years later when you decide to come back together as, quote unquote, changed people. Yeah, what he did was wrong and that was that. But when you agreed to go back into a relationship, you agreed to accept all of him and everything that happened in the past and his kid. You can't go on forever being like, nope, that hurts me too much because that's a product of what you did to me. Well, then don't get back together. You're expecting him to live this life in trying to balance you and this kid and never

have you crossed paths. How does that work? You should have thought about this the moment you were going to be like, yeah, I want to get back together because clearly you didn't want to get back together. What was the point of them getting back together? To carry on some fantasy, but they've been together so long now. And why?

They're living, they're both living such a half lives. So, like, this sound so unfulfilling. But even him coming back, how has he gone through six years of going and only seeing this kid in a hotel? This is sad. I've never merging the lives after you've agreed to bury the hatchet.

Well, and does this little boy not know his siblings? Probably not. Like, he's got a sister, half the sister. He can't come see our kids. It'll make me feel too bad. And then when they learn what happened, they'll be traumatized because they hung out. Like, shit happens, people cheat, but kids do not need to become the victims of their

parents, mistakes, affairs, whatever. Kids should never be brought into the middle of things like this. I don't care how old you are. It's none of their business. You're both like, they're living their lives. She chose to forgive him. The minute you chose to forgive him, you're saying I'm okay with what happened. Well, it hurt, but I'm willing to move past it for you

because I love you. That is what you're saying. You move past it and put it in the past and lock it there. It can't be pulled up. You can't go back in the past, grab that knife and come up and stab them again. You have agreed to move on. Not that it was okay.

You've agreed that you are past it. It is in the past and it is staying there. Yeah, not like, no cheating is not okay, but like it's okay. Like in the grand and it is staying there. Yeah, not like, no cheating's not okay, but like, it's okay. Like in the grand scheme of things like, we're okay, it's all okay that it happened in a sense that you're willing to move past. Yeah, it's just, it's gotta stay there.

We know cheating's bad. And it's with any big thing that happens relationship. If you have a big, serious, serious fight over something and you move forward and you come back together and you're like, yes, we're happy. There's a limited availability to go back and reference that. You can't keep bringing it up. Because as soon as you do that, you're on a path, as Jerry would say, a path to destruction. Yeah. Because if you keep pulling up all this shit that someone's done wrong in the relationship

for 20 years, you're not going to do very well. You got to agree that when a problem happens, you figure it out, you sort it out, some take longer than others. And when you do figure it out and you agree to keep being together, then forget about it. No more being like, oh, and like, this is reminding me of that one time you did this. And then other time you do this, like, you're, if you're keeping notes, if you're keeping track and keeping score, you're done.

Like, yeah. And in this case, this isn't gonna work. And I honestly feel bad for him. Like, I feel really bad for him. Like, yeah, you made the initial mistake, but this is no way to live your life. No, and I just think I look at every aspect of this, like his relationship with his son.

Okay, if he's getting hotels during the time he has his son, how is he, you know, seeing the other kids? How is he being a partner? Like, you are both living these half lives. Like, I truly feel like it is like that because, and like the cost of a hotel, to get a hotel, every time he's got to see his son, come on lady, I hope the divorce lawyer offers

some two for one or bogo special for you because this is where you're headed. If you do not, get your shit together, get your thoughts in a better place, renovate your mind, maybe even your house to add a bedroom for this little boy. Because if you don't, this is not going to end well for you. And if you're that still affected by it, why are you with them? Is it, and I understand the pain that, you know, it is a reminder of his affair, but you got to separate it.

You do, and like this kid is an innocent little kid, but you also wonder, like, is this coming from insecurity where she feels threatened from this little boys relationship? Like it's probably a mixture of a lot of things, but stuff to unpack therapy. I wish we could address him because I would say think how refreshing it would be to move on from this and you meet someone, you know, there's a lot of people out there, you'll meet someone that makes you just as happy. Yeah, and when you do, imagine what it's like when they accept you for you

and accept you for the kid you already have and explain the situation and it's not an issue. It is what it is because this isn't going away. You've been together six years since. It's not going away. It's a long life to live with that. It's messed up. A lot of comments on this one.

The top comment is I wouldn't want to deal with this kid either, but I also wouldn't have remarried him after the affair. So you're the asshole. Next affair. So you're the asshole. Next comment down, you're the asshole, not the kids fault. And you might still need some more counseling. Next comment down, love how these stories talk like they have everything worked out. And then it's like all caps overwhelming, glaring, unresolved issues. Next comment, we worked everything out, except the stuff that caused the breakup to begin with.

And is going to cause the next one? Yeah. Someone goes, after getting remarried, that's not an affair baby. That's now her step child. Yeah. Period. That's now her step child period. Yeah. Next comment after that, it's absolutely brutal that this woman would treat a child who is absolutely blameless this way. She should never, ever have remarried her husband

if she wasn't prepared to embrace this kid. Yeah. I think it is interesting she did point out like when the husband was like I love your daughter like she's my own and then she's like well she's not a product of an affair which yes true, but at the end of the day like where's that getting you? What is this like do you truly plan on never, ever, ever seen this kid, ever? I don't really understand.

That's not reality. That's, come on. Yeah. Maybe you could make it your reality, but fuck your life is gonna be brutal and I sure bet your other kids are gonna want to get to know their brother at some point. Kids are curious. And if they don't

meet them when they're under your roof under 18, they will seek him out after. They're gonna have early relationship, I bet. Just long. Just going to be so long. I think sometimes you got to think though too. And a lot of people, you know, it's helpful to have a reality check. And you gotta think, one thing that stands out from that is, you can get stuck in taking shots at each other, even when it's your most, like, I mean, it's literally your partner, and taking shots at each other literally just, when you step back and think about it.

Yeah. It gets you absolutely nowhere. You know, yes, there's bickering, because bickering's awesome. Like, bickering's great. It just makes me feel like I'm part of the old couple that's sitting down on the bench out, just enjoying the nice, like, Sunday,

when they're 85 in the middle of town somewhere. And there's like, like, you know what they're happy with. middle of town somewhere and there's like like you know that happened and they've lasted there forever like they've been together forever I think we just have a little bicker like it's so I love bickering yeah it's kind of fun sometimes Yeah, if it's lighthearted not serious stuff. Yes, I'm saying when you start to take shots at each other That's when it's like you got to just be like We can't do that. No I'm saying when you start to take shots at each other, that's when it's like you gotta just be like, we can't do that. No, because that doesn't go anywhere.

Your dad said that to us when we were at the state fair with him, we were like bickering about something. Mom said it too. Your mom did? Oh, I don't remember what her comment was. One of these trips, yeah. I remember your dad being like, you two sound like an old married couple.

I think we were arguing about what to order at breakfast. Like no, you get the pancakes, I'll get the french toast and we'll split the eggs. Yeah, that's what, yeah, that's what it was. That's literally what it was. Yeah, just, no, that's fine, that's healthy. But when you have big, glaring, unresolved issues like this, this is, I mean, this is, this is the car rolling down the road with three wheels. And you know, it's only a matter of time before a crash. It's not, it's not good.

Yeah, you just keep patching it up left and right. Oh, a little lifeboat that keeps having new holes. That's a good one. Yeah, I gotta plug it. Slap the band-aid, Tom. Yeah, exactly. Okay, moving along. Another one of this week's partners is next-devote naturals. I was just home in Minnesota for two weeks and coming back to LA and just being thrown into my busy schedule was a lot to take on. I was feeling a lot of stress, just kind of anxious.

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Okay, so this next one is 21 days old coming from Am I the asshole? It is titled Am I the asshole for being mad that my stepdaughter will inherit our house. My husband, 65, and I, 47, have been married for 10 years. After my husband's retirement party, the discussion of wills and inheritance came up, and my husband informed me that he is leaving our marital home to his daughter, 30, in his will, which left me feeling completely blindsided and shocked. I am aware that due to our significant age difference,

I will most likely outlive my husband by many years, and will probably have to spend the last decades of my life alone. So I was really upset but also angry to learn that I will most likely be kicked out of our house after my husband's death and left homeless. My husband explained to me that I knew the house belonged to his late wife, who inherited it from her parents, and that I couldn't possibly expect him not to leave his house to their daughter. I replied that the house now belongs to him, and as his wife, I have a right to my marital

home, and it's not fair that I will be kicked out of our home after I spend so much time and effort redecorating it and making it my own and becoming homeless after his death because I am a housewife and have nowhere else to go. He has an obligation to ensure my financial safety after his death. He said that it will be incredibly unfair to his daughter and his late wife if I inherit the house, and his wife would never have wanted that. His wife died unexpectedly at a relatively young age before she got around to making a will, so my husband automatically got the house as per inheritance laws. He also explained that I am the sole beneficiary of his life insurance,

and any savings left will be equally divided between me and his daughter. However, I don't think this money would be enough for me to survive the rest of my life, especially as my husband plans on having expensive cruises and holidays for the rest of his retirement. This is where unfortunately our argument escalated and we started yelling at each other. I told him he has screwed me over after everything I've done for him, after I gave up my job and my career for him to look after our home, and that I deserve to be compensated. He retorted that he never asked me to become a housewife, and it was completely my own choice, that I knew the risks and benefits and made an informed choice.

And he will be leaving a reasonable inheritance, and if I am not happy with it, I should go back to work. I told him I never knew that I wouldn't get the house, and that it's late for me to return after being out for over 10 years. That he is an asshole for leaving me stranded like this and that this is not what I agreed to and he is being a sexist prick by not recognizing my contribution to our family. He laughed at me, saying I never made any kind of financial contribution as we hired cleaners and housekeepers to the most of the chores and if anything I was a drain by all the money I spend.

Honestly, at this point, I was so enraged and in tears, I screamed at him that he is being completely cruel and locked myself in the guest bedroom. So, am I the asshole for wanting the house if my husband dies before me? You got a smile on your face. What are you thinking? I'm processing. Do we have another gold digger over here? No, I think we just have a case of miscommunication.

I also think people should figure out their wills and these types of things long before this age. As soon as you have any assets, you should have a will because life is fragile and you could get hit by a car tomorrow. And then do you want your family all fighting over your stuff or do you want it to go who you want it to go to? Which can change over time too, it's not like a will is locked in.

But in this case, I feel like the most fair scenario naturally is his daughter's 30. How old is he 67? Yeah. So he's not necessarily dying. It's not like he's on his deathbed. So we got years. His daughter is going to become established, have her place, have whatever she has. She doesn't necessarily

need this house right when he dies. And I think the most fair thing is that his wife would get to live out her years there. I don't know if she has children. I don't know what their dynamic is. Because his daughter, it's her step daughter, right? It's her step daughter, yeah. So I think it's fair that it would eventually pass to his daughter, but I feel like she should be able to live there after he's gone.

Yeah, well, it is interesting because it's not, it doesn't sound like he made any contribution to this house. He just, you know, there was this terrible misfortune of his wife passing. And because she didn't have a will that directly outlined it to her daughter, he inherited it based on laws. Which he is like, and again, I know the bars low, but we read a lot of stories where dads and stepmoms and all this crazy should happens. I love that he is upholding, you know, this family legacy and his late wife's wish.

Which can still happen. Yeah, well, and here's the thing, wish. He's not- Which can still happen. Yeah, well, and here's the thing, right? Like, I get he wants to retire. Maybe the thing is though, like maybe his daughter wants to sell that house. So maybe it would be a thing like, hey, honey, do you want to sell this house

and have your inheritance now? So I can get something different. And me and Gloria can live out the rest of our days there. You know, Gloria wants to feel secure. Remove it from the situation. Remove it completely. Like give the daughter her house now. If it's possible, like, I get he's not anticipating buying a new home. He just retired. That might be out of the question. But it doesn't have to be so, because I do understand where she's coming from where there is now that looming cloud of insecurity.

What's gonna happen to me? I'm just holding space in this place that's not even mine. And when my husband dies, not only do I have to deal with my husband dying, but then I have to worry, I'm homeless and I have to find a my husband, Dine, but then I have to worry I'm homeless and I have to find a new place and blah, blah, blah. Like it is, it is really, it does feel bad.

Like I feel bad for her. Like that is a really uncomfortable situation. Yeah, I don't think she should end up with it in full ownership. No, I think there could be something though where at least she's given a grace period. Like, yeah, she gets six months, she gets a year at least. However, if the daughter is in a dire situation and needs to move in, she has the chance to move in as well. Like, it is her house. She can move in, but like, yeah, you guys would be roommates.

Yeah. Yeah. And there's a way to make sure she feels more comfortable. Yeah. It gets into legal territory that I'm not as familiar with, but I get so curious. Yeah. Like what's truly right? I know you dictate in your will, but I don't know. I'd be curious to ask in attorney, what are the different ways people configure these things when they're in this situation because you know the situation isn't unique. This happens every single day and a million different people are in this exact scenario. I'm curious all the different ways that they deal with it. I don't know necessarily if she is owed a certain level of financial comfort for the rest of her life, I don't know what territory, because you're gonna have a certain,

whatever's passed down in the will, you're gonna have the life insurance deal. But I don't know technically what's supposed to happen in that case when there is an age gap like that. What is right? What is right that she's supposed to be able to maintain the same lifestyle for the remainder of her life? Or is that does that just apply to divorce? Because in divorce, when you have great separation of income, and you do have a stay at home mom, or a stay at home wife, there is a point where if you get divorced, that that lifestyle is supposed to be maintained going forward. Yeah. And that's what you pay the alimony for.

So. It is interesting though. And I wonder what alimony would be given. But this isn't, but this isn't a divorce. I'm just, but like death. If it will. Yeah.

No, I just, I think it's, I'm very fascinated by financial situation, like this financial situation in general. Like she is 47 now, was 37 when they got married. And like they got married and she instantly quit working. They don't have kids. She talks about maintaining the home. I must stay at home, wife.

Okay, well, what are you doing? He said, you have cleaners, like you have people that come clean and do all this stuff. So, what are you doing? Who knows what, yeah, but we have all these services. Yeah. I don't know, but when you go through a divorce or alimony or things like that,

those usually happen because one person stayed home, gave up a career to better their partner's career, take care of kids, do all of these things. But it sounds like he was very well established. He was already 55 when they got married. He was very well established in his career, likely. So what did you contribute? Why do you feel so old? That's where I was kind of like, it's giving a little bit of a gold digger, but like, I don't know, maybe she hated her job. Maybe this was a mental vacation and she was, she was cool with it. When I did have that thought too, like you could, you can go back to work at any point.

She could right now. Yeah. Which is what the top comment says. Top comment says, you're the asshole. All caps. It is not your house. He explained it to you. It was his first wife's house and his reasoning for giving it to his daughter is sound.

It was her grandparents house for goodness sake. It should stay in the family. Would you leave it to her when you died, or would she lose out on the property? Her mom inherited. And 47 is not too old to go back to work. Heck, I know people who changed careers at that age. So stop with your excuses.

OP responds to that one. Of course I would leave it to her. I didn't have any children of my own, but I don't think she trusts me too. She's never liked me much. She lost her shit when she found out her dad is marrying again. So I think she resents me for taking her mom's place. Okay, so there's already some

bad blood. Contentions here. So I wish this was in the right end. Yeah. Like some of that kind of big, I guess you just don't think of it when you're writing all of it. Bad blood. Contentions here. So I wish this was in the right hand. Yeah. Like some of that kind of big, I guess you just don't think of it when you're writing all of it. Yeah, it is interesting.

There was a comment that was removed by the moderator, but I can see OP's response. People are kind of questioning legality, I think, and OP goes, I think legally as his dependent, I can oppose his will in the court in the UK, but I don't want to fight a lengthy battle with his daughter. Well, so this is the moment where you sit down and start to think through all this. And if it, I don't know, do you see this if they're getting in these screaming matches? Do you see this as a potential breaker? This I

Could see this be a deal breaker for her. I feel like for him at his point in life He's 65 67 or whatever he was. Yeah 65 He's retired. He just wants to have fun. He's worked hard his whole life.

Like, six to five, you don't know what you have left. I mean, life is unpredictable. He could have 10 years left. He could have 20. He could have 30. We don't know. But it's probably, you know, at his point in life, he's like, I don't need, he might be, I don't need the drama.

Like, if you're not happy with this, I love you, but I'm not changing it. True. So, who knows? There is one comment though, that goes info. I don't get it. You left your job to do what exactly? You mentioned your contribution to the family, but what was that?

You had housekeepers and cleaners, and it sounds like you didn't raise his adult daughter. So, without some concrete contributions, it's unclear what you've been doing for 10 years. That's true Okay, so the housekeeper did the basic cleaning and cooked the morning meals Before he came home from the office I always made sure the house was spotless and homely and cooked his favorite meals I always gave him messages and did whatever I could to look after him and care for him. I spent so much time and I wonder if they met massages there.

I don't know. I spent so much time and effort into always looking the best for him. I planned and hosted a lot of events for his work. I did my best to become whatever he needed. That sounds like it's out of the 1800s. I made sure the house was spotless and I looked the best for him. Info is the stepdaughter aware of all this, what's her take? Does she even want the house? Uh, Opie responds, she has her own house that my husband helped her with the down payment,

and she lives in another city. She's always resented me living in the house, her mother owned and lived in. So I can't imagine her being okay with me inheriting it instead of her. She's not, no, that's not even on the table for you to inherit it. That's not the language to use here. If you want a place to live, talk about a place to live, but stop saying you're going to hear it. It's never passing.

And get over the money shit, dude. Like, no, you're getting a piece of the life insurance or whatever. He probably, and then they account. He probably has a million dollar policy. Or whatever it is. Yeah. Like, this sounds like a bougie family here. That message is

Where true colors are coming in that whatever you just read that's where it's like You're getting greedy and you're starting to not make yourself look too good There is a comment. You're the asshole. I get why you feel this way But this reads a little bit like you are a gold digger You are young enough to go back to work and he won't leave you stranded as you will get his life insurance and half of his savings. I don't know where you live, but that's likely an amount you could find a new place to live.

Right, get your shit together. Yeah, they go on to say, I don't know where you are, but I assume there are ways you can optimize your savings with retirement funds and stuff. I'm not a financial advisor. It sounds like you can think about your spending now too. Settle little, dig there. OP goes, I honestly didn't date him for money.

I didn't even realize he was wealthy until six months into our relationship. I could never marry someone I didn't love. I guess I was just shocked as I always thought at the very least his daughter and I would inherit the house jointly. I didn't realize the house belonged to his late wife's parents. I thought they bought it during their marriage, but only the wife's name was on the deed, as she was the main breadwinner at the time. My husband said that his wife took care of the majority of the bills while he was doing a PhD, so I just thought that's why her name was on the deed. If I knew, I wouldn't have become this attached to the house.

Okay. I mean, she's not, she's not all bad. It just sounds like she was shocked in putting a uncomfortable position. Yeah. Try to bring it up and then it just spiraled into this really big issue. Yeah, which emotions really sounds like it took over. And I guess if I was in that position, I would be panicked about becoming homeless. I feel like I did go through something similar to this with like my dad and like COVID. Neither one of us were working. Our condo that we're in has a choice fees and all of this stuff.

And we were at a point where the house was literally about to get foreclosed on. Like if it were not for this podcast, I likely would have moved back to Minnesota, moved in with you, but like the question of where me and my dad were moving and living, like it was a very scary reality. I mean, there was thousands and thousands of dollars owed. You think you were to move back? I don't know what I would have done.

I probably would have moved in with you, but I mean, I don't know. Like when have done. I probably would have moved in with you, but I mean, I don't know. When you're faced with that desperate thing, moving home at that point, could have been easier. We had only been together a year or two years at that point, two years, COVID-19 2020. Well, we're almost at five now,, but I don't feel like much is different between two and five years. No, we've been pretty consistent.

You do a lot of cool things, but I don't feel like there's I don't feel that's like saying, oh, I got to stay in it because we've been together for 10 years. No, but I think we were at a point where we were stable enough where we could have made long distance work until I got back on my feet financially and was able to get a job and it would have been temporary, but it was definitely a reality. I remember us talking about it and me crying that I didn't know what was going to happen. I was so scared. So I get where she's coming from with her reaction. I would have...

She can just take some more... At this point, she can take some more control back into her own hands and get herself her own money and just start planning for whatever... Nice cushion. This ends up being. Absolutely. It'll work out fine, but just no more of the screaming matches. I hate that.

I hate when people are yelling at each other. It's the most unproductive thing in the world, and it just makes everyone look dumb. I'm going to stand here, and Morgan, you go over there, and we're just going to yell because we're so mad at each other. Because what does that solve? Yeah. Zero. It actually gives you more problems.

Well, we do have an edit from OP, a little bit of an edit update. Okay, I got it. I am the asshole. Ha! Overall, though, it was asshole. Yeah. I think a lot of us would agree with that.

I will apologize to my husband and try to look for a job. This time, something not so stressful and something I will enjoy and build my own savings. I do not want to divorce my husband and take half. I honestly didn't marry him for money. I didn't even know he was wealthy until six months into our relationship. Honestly, when I met him, I was done with dating and so jaded with men after being cheated on quite a bit until he came along and honestly kind of swept me off my feet. He was so thoughtful, kind, and loyal, and our sociopolitical opinions just matched.

We saw the world in a similar manner, and I never thought I would be with someone much older, but he was everything I've ever wanted. I used to work in customer service jobs, and in my last job I was a 999 call handler, and yeah, it was really bad for my mental health and I made minimum wage. My husband encouraged me to do something I enjoy instead as he saw how it stressed me out. Although I didn't tend to find a more relaxing job, honestly yeah I enjoyed being at home

and pursuing hobbies and doing things at my own pace. I admit it was a really comfortable life and I let him financially take care of me and become financially dependent on him. It was way easier than the grading and the grinding. I had grown really attached to the house, which I would have done had I known it would never be mine or that I would be kicked out of it at some point. But yeah, I realized it's completely my fault for assuming and that I was acting entitled. I will apologize to my husband and my stepdaughter. Okay. See, we're all in.

What all you Reddit people just love to see people crash and burn and firey like hell. Sometimes divorce is necessary, Justin. Sometimes people are good, and they just have a bad emotional reaction because they're reacting out of fear. And they're good people and it all can work out in the end and they can work as a team. Yeah. It can work out instead of all you are like, oh, give me the they fought and broke each other's legs. And then one fell off a cliff.

And then the other one won and inherited everything. It's like, you know what, you're just giving right now. Her legs were gone. Her eyes were gone. Her eyes were gone. And that's exactly where you see all the girls then are like glued to the TV. And the guys are like, you're trying to put me out of

this. And then as soon as you put on a scary movie or something, it's like, oh no, no. So what I'm getting here is Justin wants me to be out of a job. So you're scared of fake stuff. Oh, go send all this stuff, but you're not scared of the real shit, someone running around and killing a bunch of people and torturing people. I'm scared of it all.

Oh, I believe in everything. Like, yeah, but you're like glued to the screen, like, give me more. And then a horror movie, like, no, I don't even want to watch it. They're scary. It's fake. It could be based on a real story

and about based on a real story. Or someone's dream or trip on drugs that they think is a real story. Oh, God. I saw the nun has another movie coming back out. We have to. We have to. You can't say no to that one. I know.

It's really bad. I don't want to see it. The first one was terrible. But the nun is what made me realize Justin was not just a friend. Like he, well, I still had him kind of friend zone at that point, but I thought. That was not friend zone. I thought he only wanted to make friends because that's what he told me on hinge. Why?

Because I wasn't responding. And what worked? It did get me to go on our first date. I didn't responding. And what worked? It did get me to go on our first date. I didn't know it was a date though. What's happening right this moment? Yeah, but we went to the nun and he put his hand on my leg and I literally, my job must have dropped in the movie because I was like, oh shit, he don't wanna be free.

No, I looked, you didn't have any reaction. It was internal. Yeah, it was internal, but I was like, what the fuck? But the nun was terrible and scary. And if you're driving in Los Angeles right now and you go down, uh, Vine and Hollywood, there's this big parking lot. They always do like installations for movies, Netflix releases, whatever. And it is literally so creepy.

They made the I didn't see that. I drove right by that today. You'll see it tonight when it's all lit up, and there's a big, like, they made it look like as the parking lot, they put up walls, made it look like a church with stained glass window. Did it just go up today? I saw it last night driving back.

And it's lit up, and the nun is standing there in the stained glass window, and it's so scary. I believe in scary stuff like that though. Well we're going and the beauty about seeing that in the theater is you can't like, like when you're at home and you're watching a scary movie you can kind of like look to the side and if you're uninterested in a pop out scene happens you don't get as scared. I don't even watch half the movie. You can't get away from it.

You just cover your eyes. Because it's loud. And it's right in front of you. It's the whole thing in front of you. I hate it. I hate it already. You just have to take the jump scares. Oh, this is gonna be crazy.

I don't like this at all. This is gonna be crazy. We can sneak wine in again. Yeah. It's good hack. Yeah. Spring your big big bag. Except you remember that one movie theater?

We bought cinnabons and they said we couldn't take them in. You just can't let them know you have anything. Yeah. Okay. Moving along. Another one of this week's partners is Hello Fresh. Let me tell you, fall is here and I am ready to get into a consistent routine, get back on track and feeling good. But in order to do that, I need good, high quality food.

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Go to hellofresh.com slash 50tht and use code 50tht for 50% off plus 15% off the next two months. Hello fresh, America's number one milk kit. One last one I think, which I'm going to give you a choice on, okay? Both of these stories have updates. I'll get it out right now They're both kind of juicy. I'll read the title for the first one okay. Mm-hmm Am I the asshole for wanting to keep an expensive birthday gift that made my boyfriend uncomfortable Okay they gift that made my boyfriend uncomfortable. Okay. Number two, would I be the asshole for going to the funeral of my ex girlfriend's brother and missing my sister-in-law's wedding? First one.

First one expensive birthday gift. Yeah, I'm not in the all that drama. I want to know what the gift is. I hope all my people think that too, because I'm deciding for the masses. I'll still give you story number two. It will be on Patreon this month. Okay, so for this one, that Justin picked, this is unusual.

I usually, Lauren, I'll give Lauren an option to pick, and then I'll be like, actually, no, I'm gonna do this one. So I'm surprised I wanted to keep with it. It is a good one. Okay. So again, the title, am I the asshole for wanting to keep an expensive birthday gift that makes my boyfriend uncomfortable? I, female, just turned 25 and have a friend Logan, male 25, and we've been friends since we were seven slash eight. I have a boyfriend, Matt, who I've been dating for eight months.

My birthday was last week, and I had a dinner party for some friends before we all went out to a club. There was eight of us, including Logan and Matt. We had a little bit of a gift opening before dessert, and Logan gifted me an old copy of the great Gatsby. The book has a special significance to us, because for many years Logan and I lived in different countries. We kept in contact, but we didn't see each other in person for about four years. We finally got our parents to agree for me to fly to his country to visit in 2013.

We were talking about what we were going to do on the visit and I really wanted to go and see the great Gatsby movie, which had just come out as it is my favorite book. Logan had never even heard of it and I said he had to read it before we went to see the movie. Logan was never academic and to this day it is the only fiction said he had to read it before we went to see the movie. Logan was never academic, and to this day it is the only fiction book he's ever read all the way through, not counting children's books. Whenever I ask him to do me a favor, he always replies with, quote, I read the great gasp for you, so I may as well. It's a running joke. We always go big on birthdays,

but this book means so much to me. The day after Matt said he felt like the book was an inappropriate gift because of how expensive it is. I tried to explain to him that it's just a sentimental gift and that the cost is in the point. But Matt said he feels weird that another man gifted me something that costs more than his car This what kind of car is he driving?

What kind of book is this? This argument went on for a long time and Matt said that he thinks I should return the book And if it means so much to both of us then Logan can keep it. I told him to grow up We've been having this fight on and off for a week. Matt's saying that it's reasonable for him to be uncomfortable, but I think he's being a jealous child. It's not like Logan gifted me a giant diamond necklace just to show off. He gave me something heartfelt that means the world to me. And I think that should be more important than the fact that Matt thinks it's outside what he deems an acceptable budget. My mother

is saying to give Matt the benefit of the doubt and maybe ask Logan to keep the book for now. And if one day Matt is more secure, I can take it back. Mom said. My dad is saying Matt and idiot my girlfriends are split this argument is just dragging on and I'm leaving for my birthday trip tomorrow and I just need some perspective on whether I'm being unreasonable wanting to keep the book that's the original post okay I got a lot, okay. Got a reel in here. No, let it fly. Don't reel anything.

Pop off. This is the time as old as tail. No, let me redo that. Let me redo that. This is the tail as old as time. Okay. When you first start dating somebody, it is very tricky to figure out what you're doing. This is a tale as old as time. Mm, okay. When you first start dating somebody, it is very tricky to figure out their dynamic

with all their relationships, friends, family, everything. You kind of are going in blind to this well-established system. And you don't know, you've been hurt in the past. So you have your traumas and you have your, you know, you're protecting your little heart inside that little metal box. And in doing so, you have to go in, you know, you got a tiptoe into these kinds of things. And really, you got to almost like June's journey at like Sherlock figure out what's going on. And sometimes you meet girls that have a lot of guy friends. And this is uncomfortable for young males

because they don't understand that girls can have friends that are guys. And even more tricky that guys can have friends that are girls. Because as a guy who is young and insecure, you don't have any friends that are girls because you can't imagine having a girl that's that close that you also can't do things with and vice versa or whatever the law. So you wait, you're young and insecure. Me? Yeah. Right now? Yeah. No. Okay.

I don't think so. Okay. Unless that's for someone else to determine. I can't determine that about myself. But even when I first met you and we're in the early dating stages, though I did not approach it this way and I probably didn't feel things as strongly, I was very confused about your relationship with a lot of people because there are a lot of stories where, you know, you tell, well, okay here. So you had a lot of guy friends. Yeah. And we would always be around a lot of these guy friends.

Yeah. And each time I went in, totally cool, open mind because I was obsessed with you. And though at some points, I was like, you know, I had some of that insecurity creep up where it's like, is this really a friend? Is it really or like, is she playing me? Because I'd been played, you know, and I was, you know, you're a skeptic.

You don't know someone that well in the first few months or even the first eight months. So we were like, is she just messing with me? And I'm just like a great time right now and whatever, but this is really like a guy she's seeing too. Yeah. You play all these games. I'm sure girls go through the same shit.

Where you're kind of like, is this all? You have to evaluate. You don't instantly know off the bat and you can only trust someone as well as you really know them. So yeah, it's a learning curve. Can't like be so insecure that you wreck the relationship. So sabotage, it happens like this. Yeah.

And so I felt those feelings, but there are dynamics where you keep going through and stuff will pop up. That's just natural being a human. Then you truly realize that a girl and guy can be friends and it can be an amazing relationship. That's completely a friendship. And you start, then you really respect, like once you get to that point, you would be like, this is a badass, awesome gift because it wouldn't be right for me to get you that. It doesn't make sense for our history.

But that is a really thoughtful, amazing, cool gift. And I'm like, this is dope. Like from my perspective, I'm like, this is awesome. To be that thoughtful and that full circle to have that. And I'm wondering what's the book is worth and how much the car's worth. Because it's like this, some $40,000 book, but in Logan's just got it made.

I mean, that is a pretty spending book. But really, this is classic young dude in security. But it just isn't going about it the right way. And it's, it's, it's, it's crossing a line. It is. Whereas yes, I've had these feelings, but it was never something where I would ever say something like that, or probably feel that strongly.

It's interesting. I guess like if someone got you, like if it was your family, I wouldn't care, but if there was like a girl that your friends with, that got you a $10,000 present, I might be a little like, what the fuck is going on? But it also still could be a friendship. It could be.

You walk this fine line. And you have to evaluate. And like they've only been together for seven months. She's been friends with Logan for, oh my God. She's 25 now and they've been friends since they were seven or eight. 18. Okay, so they've been friends 18-ish years.

17-18-ish years. Okay. That's a long time. Well, and you see that in the movies. Oh, the girl comes back home with the guy and oh, the long term. I just want them to be together already. I'm a hopeless romantic Logan.

See, come on Logan. Okay, guys, forget everything I said. Be insecure. Don't let your girl have any friends. Well, no, this is just really cute. I don't know. It's different, it's not. Like, the thing that tipped me off the most is not the mom, because usually the moms are not really in touch with the relationships, but they think they are.

The girls, however. The girl friends being split. The girls being split is weird, because is there some long running love tale here that hasn't come to fruition? Or these girls have just had a lot of insecure boyfriends and they're used to making concessions. Time will tell. Time will tell. Top comment.

Your dad is a smart man. Listen to him. Logan gave you a gift that holds sentimental significance to both of you. If it had been a girlfriend who had given it to you, Matt wouldn't care. He cares only because he's jealous. Not the asshole. Keep the book. And to put a little perspective on how Matt needs to stay in his own lane, you've known slash Ben with Matt for seven months. Logan has been your friend for two hundred and four months. Logan is a long-term friend.

Matt has been in your life for a hot minute. Yes. And in Matt's position, as in my position, what you do is you just keep putting all of yourself into it. Love that person like fully. Yeah. And time will reveal these things. If it really isn't meant to be, you'll find out. If those guys that are friends aren't really friends, you'll find out. Time will reveal. But if you're happy and like everything's

great, and this is the the one weird thing that's come up. Just keep your mouth shut, see how it evolves. If it becomes too much a problem for you, be the big person and leave. It's going to work like one way or the other, it's gonna, it's gonna, it'll work out. It'll work out. But in that position as a young guy, just keep going. Or anyone, I think girls can go through this too

Like obviously if you get to a point where you're two years down the road and you still feel like someone is coming in Between your relationship with someone Then it's probably time to re-evaluate but seven months is still very fresh. You don't really know someone until you don't know the dynamic at all A year of really dating them. Even still. Yeah, so I would say like keep going, but it is good that he communicated his feelings like, Hey, this makes me uncomfortable. Yes.

Yes. Yes. That's healthy at least. But yeah, he is my little insecure. But where do you fall on it then? With the expensive gift. I think this instance is totally fine. If it was not so sentimental and it was just like a lavish luxury that came out of nowhere, like I'm gonna buy you a $5,000 purse.

Just for fun, it's kind of like, well, that's a little crazy. But if that was Logan's style, Logan had bougie money and was like, hey, here's a $1,000 necklace because I love you. Happy birthday. Hey, next year, $5,000 per person. That's just kind of Logan. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of a pattern, like no threat.

But you wouldn't know. But you wouldn't know. You don't know. Someone does that, so that top comment though, does add, please secure the book. Matt may destroy it, hide it, or even sell it. And maybe you should break up with Matt. Per your mother, he's insecure.

Oh, is that sarcastic? Kind of picking up the mom saying, well, maybe Logan should keep it. He's insecure right now. Okay, good, yeah. So edit, for everyone asking about the book, it's a 1925 edition, well known to be fairly rare. One that I am seeing for sale online right now is $9,500. Let's get it. What condition? This one is in fine condition. Let's get it.

I don't want to book that expensive. God, fragile little things. Yeah, right there. There's a spot for it, right there. The price is very, but it's Googleable. If you really want to know, there are a range of prices and it's somewhere in the middle. I'm not going to say the exact amount. Forever and asking why I'm not dating Logan or why I never did, I explained this in detail in several comments,

but this is the most comprehensive and reflective one, I think. There was a YouTube segment of Olivia Coleman and Amelia Clark having tea together. And Olivia said her, quote, what's your favorite item in your wardrobe? Or something similar? And she said, quote, a beautiful Chanel cardigan that I really love, but I've never worn because it just doesn't suit me. And it just reminded me of that. It's not that I don't absolutely adore Logan. I do. I can unreservantly say he's my favorite person in the whole world. But if you ask

me why I'm not in a relationship with him, I don't have a concrete answer because there's nothing about him I don't like, but it's just never happened. So Matt's justified because he's picking up on this. And I think he would say the same thing. When I think of the way he was with his ex and the ones I've had, including Matt, I don't see us being that way slash those people for each other. So there's no real reason, but she doesn't see them that way. Sometimes, that's not comforting. Sometimes. That's a threat. Sometimes it takes test driving a card and know if you like it or not.

See, you have nothing to worry about. That might though. From the girl who said someone else's name, very right on. You can't, you can't slander me like that. And look who stayed around. When you're the one pushing the narrative of the, oh, yeah, no, he's just a friend. But I hope they get together. I hope they get together.

Well, this is what is wrong. This is a beautiful romantic story. This could be on book talk right now. But no, for the- I would have been messed up if something shit went down a year in with us. Oh boy. Okay, so for the actual update,

because that wasn't it. Oh wow. So I got some requests for an update. And I did say I'd try to post one, so here it is. Coming to you from a Mediterranean island that has been very unkind to me. Huh? Update. I just want to say a huge thank you to all the responses.

Internet strangers get a bad rap but I really appreciate all the advice. So first update. Matt and I broke up. He didn't end up coming on my birthday trip, but we were kind of talking on and off and he sent me a text that dropped the elbow and I didn't respond in kind. That was the last straw for him. Now that I think about it, that was the next hurdle that was coming. This just brought it forward I guess. He'll be picking his things up over the weekend. I would like us to stay friends.

I still like him so, so much. But I know that's not really up to me now. If you don't love someone after seven months, there, that is a answer. That's kind of, yeah, that's kind of way past. Elbom territory. Maybe, so let's put that to the pool. I'm curious.

I am curious. I told my mom about the breakup, and she apologized for making me feel like I was in the wrong about keeping the book. She said she was just so used to seeing me treat men as disposable, and because I'd been with Matt so long, she thought maybe he might not be, and she got too caught up in that.

I think hearing that I wasn't even ready to say I love him was a shock to her, and she realized she'd been telling herself a story about him and me that wasn't what was playing out. On to me, and Logan. Obviously, a whole wealth of opinions and advice was shared about our friendship, and honestly going through the comments on the post was the first time I'd really ever thought that deeply about our relationship. It brought up a lot of memories and feelings and I did end up talking to Logan about it and telling him about the original post.

I ended up making a note of some people's questions and asking him. I really wish I could include all of his answers here because I think his responses were pretty funny. That said, word limit, so I'll keep the answers short. Logan did not buy the book as a way to express romantic interest and the plot was not relevant to his choice to purchase it. Logan has never wanted to date me. Feelings are complicated. Obviously, there was more we talked about, but I will just leave you with another metaphor since the cardigan one was such a hit. Sometimes a thin gold chain will sit in your jewelry box for a decade, and over the years it will tangle, and the knot

will be so inextricable you can't tell where the chain ends or begins. It would take a long time to pick that apart. Some people get out there magnifying glass and a good lamp and work until the chain is good as new. And some people might decide to just put it back in the box before they break it. We're trying to be the first, but the second might end up being okay. We'll see.

I think that's everything. Woo! Thank you to everyone who responded. Okay, we'll see. Got a hand to him. Which I mean next comment down seriously even her own mother says she treats men like crap Which is interesting to include about yourself that you're you didn't have to include the part about your mom saying that you treat men as disposable, but I do think that just goes to show like hey this person is looking for love with other people that they're not gonna find elsewhere because there are a lot of unconscious feelings for Logan.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are you over there just panicking or what? We're five years in at this point. You have nothing to be scared about. No, I'm thinking about the story. Okay, good.

Panicking? I'm just making sure. No. Sometimes you gotta say it, express it. I agree. But no, that's not what I'm thinking. I'm kind of not happy that the love plot is going to continue. Yeah. Well, there are, I'm reading one more comment before we round this out.

There were a lot of comments from OP talking about Logan, their relationship, other gifts, etc. And this person goes, the part on Logan where she says, quote, feelings are complicated, L-O-L. Look at the original thread where she lists all the other stuff Logan has bought her jewelry, vacations, etc. Nicely summed up in this comment here. Things just keep getting better. He buys you vacations, collector items, art watches, shoes, you exchange letters for years, you skip school to travel five hours for him, you moved to a city for him. Hun, are you swimming in Egypt because you're in denial?

Good one. Denial is a river in Egypt. Your husband is gay. It's an audio. I'll show it to you. And all the quote, totally not love letters, letters they exchanged with each other for years. The level of codependency between Logan and OP is insane. I remember another person commented on that thread saying

something to the effect of, Matt is the third wheel on the bike of this relationship that Logan has paid for. LOL. I bet all the men she has ever dated have taken a look at OP's relationship with Logan, realize they're not going to have to compete with Logan for OP's affection, and just decided, nope, I'm out of here. Yeah. Someone goes whack jobs telling OP that a non-romantic friend buying her a collector's book that goes for anywhere between 5K, very low end, and 150K in great condition is just friendly, oof.

OP said midpoint that it was more valuable than Matt's car. So let's say 40K. Matt could have a 2K car. Like, we don more valuable than Matt's car. So let's say 40k. Matt could have a 2k car. Like we don't know what Matt's driving. Which I will say like knowing like Logan keeps buying OP all these gifts. Yeah, that could be an issue for someone. That might seem a little weird after extensive gifts.

And we even kind of said that I think initially where I'm like, is this Logan's just behavior? Like is he a rich trust fund kid? Like what's the deal? Or is this more of a gesture? Like I said, if someone gave you something, that's a friend that was like 10K, okay, I'd be confused.

It would be time to maybe ask questions, communicate, evaluate, keep going on. Exactly. See how it goes. Because we are reviewing it from Matt's perspective of you don't know for a while. Could have a super ultra rich friend that just gets these crazy gifts

and you just get used to that over time. You wouldn't know. So in the first couple of come, you'd be like, what? Well, in this person comments though and they go, right, I read the original post and this post and I'm still trying to figure out how OP was not the asshole, which like, I don't, I don't think OP even knew her feelings in regards to Matt. Like, they were seven months in, they hadn't said I love you yet. Like that's still a very fresh relationship in their timeline of events.

So it's not like OP was doing something terrible to Matt. This book might have highlighted that they're on different pages, not meant for each other. Yay, they're only seven months in. But it's not like it was OP's doing that Logan got her this crazy book. And if she met the right matte per se, her feelings wouldn't be complicated anymore.

They might not be. They might not be. Logan's just 100% a friend of this is, so you don't know. No, and there are times that the right person does make you realize your feelings. Like before we started dating, I had a friends with benefits that I thought I really liked. I had a big crush on bubble, blah, blah. But like, but like I literally started dating you and we had it made it officially yet. You would literally ask me to be your girlfriend and I said no, I wasn't ready. And I went and I hooked up with him one more time.

So bad. And it literally made me realize though, how bad that was, how I was. Look at what I stayed through, all the stuff. We weren't dating, we weren't together officially. I had made it very clear, I was not ready for a relationship. I was very open and transparent. But after I did that, I was like, oh my God,

I love Justin. I really love Justin. And then I said, yeah, I'll be your girlfriend. And it worked out, it was really good. And here we are, five years later. Haven't a great time. Not five. It's almost five. Five great time. Not five. It's almost five.

Five in December. Not five. Like four and a half, I suppose. Well, then you might as well be 30. Well, you're almost 30. Not as close as you. I don't mind turning 30. I'm actually really excited for my 30th birthday.

Knocking on the door 50, just like that. Hey, we only get one life, enjoy it, the best you can. Unless you believe in reincarnation, which I kind of do. But, but you don't know. Yeah, you don't really know. Well, and you don't know that you've had previous lives, even if you've had.

So it's not like it's an extension. No. It's a restart. Yeah. But that is all I have for this episode. It is September. There's going to be amazing Patreon content this month, including a free story, lots of free bloopers

from past episodes. So even if you don't have the money to pay, come over, be included in the discussion. You're getting a preview of what merch looks like, which will be coming very soon. All of that's over there. And if you do have a couple of bucks, you wanna get rid of,

there's amazing bonus content, bonus episode, stories, all the above. So, head on over. Other than that, we are headed to London and Paris over the next couple weeks. We are doing meetups in both places. So be sure you're following two hot takes on Instagram in order to get updates about those. But other than that, I got nothing. Love you all. Thank you so much for being here for another episode.

Any thoughts? Yeah. What are your thoughts? Well, I hope everyone had a great summer. I hope those who are going back to school are excited for that, because I never really liked it until maybe the end of high school and then college.

But fall is one of my absolute favorite times of year. And so if you're in a place where the leaves turn and that chill starts to come in the air and you get that true sense of fall. Just take it in fully because it is the best. It's really beautiful. Okay, until next time, guys. Until next time. Bye. Bye. you Thank you.