Two Hot Takes - 141: An Ale Assortment..

Episode Date: November 16, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Alejandra! Our girl has some fun life changes ahead and will not be on the pod as frequent.. while this is sad I wanted to take advantage of the time and give her some stories she'd have some fire takes on. Comment your favorite Alejandra moment or stand out take :) Let's show our gal some love!!! ACCESS TO MERCH DROP @ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Let's get back into giving and making change: If able consider donating to your local food shelf this week <3 Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Embrace Pet Insurance: EmbracePetInsurance.com/THT Masterclass: Masterclass.com/tht Hellofresh: HelloFresh.com/thtfree & Promo code: thtfree for FREE breakfast for life! Talkspace: Get $80 off your first month at Talkspace.com/THT 

You guys, merch is here. But it's only live for our friends on Patreon until next Thursday. So if you want merch, now, before certain sizes are gone, head over to our Patreon for the link. You can even get access as a free member. But if you do join, even the lowest tier, you do get a 15% off discount code. So be sure to head over there and enjoy the episode. Welcome to this episode of Two Hot Takes.

Do you feel like really distinguished in our robes? A distinguished. Last lady. Lady. Miss. Miss Dress. No. Miss Dress.

Thank you, Skims, for the robes. So we're going to be so, for the ropes. So we're gonna be so cozy for this episode. But hi guys, welcome back to another episode Two Hot Takes. I'm your host Morgan. And I'm Alejandra. And we did forget to record this at the beginning. You just like put on your radio voice for that.

Hi, and welcome to Two Hot Takes. I know, yeah, it happens at happen sometimes. But we just recorded, it happens. It happens sometimes. But we just recorded, it's going to be a good one. I think it's going to be a great one. It's fire. Fire, fire, flame. We're matching.

We've got Mr. Jingles to my left here. He's been pounding a cider. He's hammered. He's been doing some crazy takes. Oh my God. Jingle really piped up. Jingle piped the hell up. Okay, yeah. Are you ready?

Yeah. You got your little buddy next to you. I know, what's his name? I don't know, he's definitely like, he's a little gnome. I don't know, like, I don't know. It's gotta start with a G. Really? Yeah.

Okay. I was gonna say jaffery, but that's terrible because it gave it their own. I was gonna say Randall. Randall? I like Randall. Randall. Randall, I like.

Okay. Not a G, but. He's probably one of my favorite Costco purchases in the past 30 days. They're gonna say ever. No. Oh, in the past 30 days. They're gonna say ever. No, oh in the past two business days. Yeah, I mean I get really good stuff from Costco. I know, are you love Costco? I'm gonna Costco tomorrow.

Okay, this is like the last free promo I'll give Costco, but we just had to get new appliances for like the house we got and are renovating and I went everywhere. I looked on Best Buy. I went KitchenAid direct. I made a TikTok. I made a TikTok. I made a TikTok author. I was like, everyone needs to know.

Uh huh. For the girls. It was like for a fridge dishwasher stove. I was blown away. Born like washer and dryer, $5,000. Wasn't it like three? It was five for the same appliances, so if I priced it out on Best Buy KitchenAid,

because KitchenAid didn't have the dishwasher, or the washer dryer, if I priced all those items out, Costco was three grand, like KitchenAid was five, and Best Buy was like seven. I was like, how, how do they do it? How does Costco do it? I don't know. So if you need appliances right now,

their holiday sale is magical. Oh, so it was the holiday sale. Nice, how, how do they do it? How does Costco do it? I don't know. So if you need appliances right now, their holiday sale is magical. Oh, so it was the holiday sale. Nice, nice, nice. Okay, are they doing any alcohol sales that you saw? Sometimes. Find out tomorrow. You will. I'm throwing a boozy brunch for the girls this weekend,

and I'm loading us up on champagne. It's gonna be good. Okay, so today's theme, as you guys can tell, from the title, it is an Aale assortment. So these are all stories that either Alejandra might directly relate to, or I just think that she would have a good take on. So if it's really weird, it's not like

she has personal experience, it's just because she'll do good, it's just because she'll do good, giving her take. And I posted for the people and I was like, what do you want to see Alejandra respond to? And they made some really good points. And they said, when Alejandra first started, you would give her some unhinged shit. I remember.

And they were like, you've been a little too easy on her. Maybe. Multiple people were like, I wanna see you get fucking unhinged on her again. So we have some wild ones that I think are gonna be really, really fun for you. Good. I want that.

It's funny because in thinking about what stories to try to find, I was keeping that in mind as well. And I had that same realization where my reactions have become more tame over the years. And it used to be a more in hinge. But I couldn't tell if it was because the stories have become more tame or I myself have become more tame. So this will be kind of a test because I don't know. Okay. We're going to find out today because I got some wacky ones.

Good. I want that. Well, and the reason we are doing this special little A-theme today is because you're not going to be seeing her as much on the show. Yes. For the initial time being. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Change is a foot. Change is a foot. Both in a lot of ways in my life. And as Morgan said, I'm going to be moving around and spending more time with my family and just will not be on here as much for the near future. You're not as accessible. You're just a problem.

Yeah. Just a lot of personal, professional changes, things happening in my life, some plan, some unplanned, some wait and see, so just a little bit of up in the airness and it's like a season of change for me. For sure. And people are gonna be like, oh my God, is she pregnant? No, she's not pregnant.

Not pregnant, I can confirm that. Not pregnant. We're still friends. Oh my God, we're gonna so scared that like people, it's so crazy, I can't believe you said that. She literally was like, I need people to know that We're still friends. Oh my god, Morgan is so scared that like people, it's so crazy. I can't believe you said that. She literally was like, I need people to know that we're still friends. And I'm like, you know people are going to be like, all Hunter hasn't been on in like

four months. No, where is she? I've done that before, but then like, no, no, no, no, I need to be. All as well. It's actually like, it's really exciting. We have so many like trips on the calendar already together that like there's no way people are big are they still friends like popping bottles of champagne and malibu this weekend are they still friends? No you guys gotta know. You just Yeah, let's dive in. Let's do it. Okay, are you ready to feel attacked? Yeah, actually, yeah.

Okay, cool. Okay, so this one is titled, Am I the asshole for not backing down on my daughter's teachers, calling her the proper name? Oh, that's a good one. Just wait. Woo! My daughter, Alexandra, 14-final, hates any shortened version of her name. This has gone on since she was about 10. The family respects it,

and she's pretty good about advocating for herself. Should someone call her Lexi, Alex, et cetera? I'm like, already crying. Wait, you're crying? I justi, Alex, et cetera. I'm like already crying. Wait, you're crying? I just like, I'm really excited. Oh. Ha. She also hates when people get her name wrong

and just wants to be called Alexandra. Sorry. She took Spanish in middle school. The teacher wanted to call all students by the Spanish version of their name provided there was one. So she tried to call Alexandra Alejandra. That's not what's your name again for those watching. I'll wait technically Alejandra someone was like she doesn't even say her name.

Own name right I was like. Don't be pop off on why I have to say it like that. Because stupid people here can't say it right. My mom that I defended me in the comments recently. Did you see that? My mom popped off and so my mother, you guys, my mother found you trolls on YouTube and was like explaining why I say my name the way I say it. Because it's, she's a Korean American grandmother couldn't say it, so we had to come up with an English version of her name.

Oh my god. I believe you're crying. I'm like crying, it's just so funny. I up with an English version of her name. Oh my God. I believe you're crying. I'm like crying, this is so funny. I worked really hard to find this one. This is so good. This is so good. Alexandra corrected her and the teacher respected it. She had the same teacher all three years of middle school,

so it wasn't an issue. Now she's in high school and is still taking Spanish. Once again, the new teacher announced, if a student had a Spanish version of their name, she'd call them that. So she called Alexandra Alejandra. Alexandra corrected her, but the teacher ignored it. My daughter came home upset after the second week. I'm not the type of mom to write emails, but I felt like I had to in this case. If it matters, this teacher is not Hispanic herself, so this isn't a pronunciation issue. Her argument is, if these kids ever went to a Spanish-speaking country, they'd be called

by that name. I found this excuse a little weak as the middle school Spanish teacher actually was Hispanic, who had come here from a Spanish-speaking country, and she respected Alexandra's wishes. The teacher tried to dig her heels in, but I said if it wasn't that big of a deal in her eyes, that she calls her Alejandra, why is it such a big deal to just call her Alexandra? Eventually she gave in. Alexandra confirmed that her teacher is calling her by her proper name. My husband feels I blew this out of proportion, and Alexandra could have sucked it up for a year. The school has three different Spanish teachers.

So odds are she could get another one her sophomore year. Am I the asshole? No. Quickest, easiest, no, I've ever done on the show. Because I'm so attacked right now. But I'll put myself aside. Objectively speaking, your name is your identity

and you should go by what you want to be called. That is the power of your name. And it's so important. Like, think about it. Your name is everything. Your name is what you hear probably more than anything else day to day. It's people have a sentimental attachment to their name. It's meaningful to them.

It's important to them. So if Alexandra wants to go by Alexandra, Alejandra and Alexandra, yes, they are like similar in different countries, like those names are similar versions of each other, but they're still not the same name. And that's why I like I similarly wouldn't go by Alexandra. That's a different name to me. And I think the mom, I would do the exact same thing as a mother. I think the mom was defending her daughter in a way that's super important. That's going to resonate with her later in life. Because yeah, people are going to butcher her name or people are going to try to shorten

it her whole life. When you have a long syllable name like that, people really want to shorten it. Always. I mean, you went through this in like kindergarten, right? I think I was in, no, I was in fourth grade. I was in, yeah, one of the early grades in my life. And I, I must have been, I was younger. Let's just say that.

And I was in computer lab. And you have to type in your name to log in. And I was like too young to spell my own name, apparently. Like I just kept getting it wrong. And so I kept raising my hand for help from the teacher and the teacher was like, we need to shorten your name. Like it's just too long.

And so she's like, let's go by Allie. And I was like, no. Well, no, as a kid, I was like, okay, yeah, amazing. And also like I blend in more of the kids. So I went by Allie for a while, like a long time. And that's just what I was known as. And it felt cool. And my parents never once in my life

have called me Ali. And they never once went for that. And then I love that they didn't. Never, not one time. And because my mom, I mean, she's Latina, came from Peru. She's like, your name is beautiful. First of all, I had to like fight for that name.

Like everyone wanted it for their daughter. And I had the first girl. So like, it's so important that fight for that name. Like everyone wanted it for their daughter and I had the first girl. So like it's so important that you got that name. And then my dad is actually the one who wanted to name me Alejandra despite being a Spanish or an English speaker. It's white. And they both were just like know your name is like so beautiful. We would never call you Ali. That's not the same name. Oh my god. I love that. Yeah. So anyway, back to this. I say all that because I remember so deeply,

like that's such a core memory for me. Like truly, I'd say that's my villain origin story. And so, I'm like so serious. And like that was so impactful for me. And if I had had somebody stand up for me and say, no, her name is Alejandra and we're not gonna change it for sake of your convenience. That is something that I would have appreciated and the fact that she has a mom who's willing to do that. I think totally in bounds, I think totally

appropriate. The Spanish speaking teacher is full of shit. Yeah, it's weird. I feel like a lot of Spanish teachers do that, but for my Spanish classes, it was like, pick a fun name. So like mine was Chapara, like short girl. And so it was like, pick a name that helps you learn kind of a new phrase or like something like that.

It's fun. It's not your name or it's not another version of your name. And you didn't have to do it if you didn't want to. It was supposed to be fun. It is supposed to be fun. I didn't take Spanish because obviously I knew it, but I have met so many people that have been like, oh my god, my knee. I had your name in Spanish class because you got to pick any name you want. Yeah, anyone, as long as it was a Spanish name. So you could be like Alejandra, you could be like Marisol, you could be so many different names. And I think that's fine. If a Spanish teacher says, you know what,

everybody has to have a Spanish name, but it doesn't have to be a rendition of your name, fine. But to say, oh, your name is Alexandra, and we need you to go by the Spanish version, because if you were to travel to another country, not true. No, they call you Alexandra. And let's flip that for a second, right? What if we told every immigrant coming to the US,

like, sorry, Roberto, you're going to go by Robert, because that's the English version in America. We speak English, so you're going to go by Robert. No, we don't do that. That's not appropriate. We speak English, so you're gonna go by Robert. No, we don't do that, that's not appropriate. We don't like to do that. No one wants that. So why would we flip that?

It's not fair to do it either way. No. Top comment on this one, not the asshole. She could have, but she shouldn't have to. Good for you for having your daughter's back. Too bad your husband didn't. Agreed. Yeah. No comments from OP, no updates, but I think it's important. Like, if you want to go by that, yeah, it's a different story, but you shouldn't have to like, be forced to

like, change your name or anything like that. No. I, someone asked me the other day, they're like, if you could change your name, would you? And I was like, ooh. Honestly, I tried envisioning myself as other names. Like my mom almost named me Danielle or something. That wasn't the real running for me too. And I just, I'm not a Danielle. Like no shade to Danielle's out there.

One of my best friends from growing up in high school was Danielle, but I'm just not a Danielle. Like I honestly feel like such a Morgan. But do you feel like that's because you've only known yourself as Morgan? Maybe, but at the same time, I have like the second first name, so my first name actually is Morgan Ashley.

And I'm not in Ashley at all, but I'm a Morgan or a Morgan Ashley. Like it has to be, yeah, I agree. It's so weird, I don't know. Is there anyone you know, whether it's a girlfriend or you've met someone where you didn't feel like their name fit them? No.

Maybe, maybe, actually. There's a couple of people I have. Yeah, now that I think about it, I'm like, yeah, it is an interesting choice. There's a couple of people I have. Yeah. Now that I think about it, I'm like, yeah, it is an interesting choice. There's a couple of people I've met like that too. But I feel like I've hated my name growing up because it's so long and people can't say it, but recently I've really embraced it.

And I don't know if it's like gaining popularity but people are struggling with it less. Yeah, that I've noticed. And I thought the other day, like, would I change it? And honestly, I don't think I would. No, I love your name. Thank you. It's a good one.

Yeah, I don't know if I would. OK. Moving along. Moving along. This next one, it's titled, Amma the Asshole, wealthy friend made me split the bill. Damn. I, 36 female, have been friends me split the bill. Damn. I, 36 female, have been friends with a guy, 48 male, will call him Rob for years.

He's a very wealthy and successful guy. Does very well for himself and has no kids, never been married before, etc. He is a serial data and his goal is to date the hottest girls he can. He spends sometimes thousands on them every week and buying them gifts, dinners and straight up giving them cash. Damn, is he single? Where's Dan? Rob. Rob. Sorry. It's his thing and one of the ways he likes to spend his money. Whatever floats his boat, his life, his money, I don't judge and if he's happy, then I'm happy for him.

However, recently he went through an awful breakup. That sent him spiraling. And I was there every day and night to talk to him on the phone, offer him advice, read his sometimes over a hundred messages a day day and otherwise can soul him. We're talking hours every day that I was spending on him and it went on for weeks. Quite honestly, it was exhausting after a while

and there was definitely a lot of trauma dumping going on. I'm a single mom who works full time and I don't always have a lot of free time or mental energy but I did my best to support him. He recently invited me out to dinner I don't always have a lot of free time or mental energy, but I did my best to support him. He recently invited me out to dinner saying that he, quote, owes me for all the support I've given him. So we went out to a really nice restaurant and had a nice dinner until the end.

The check arrived and he stated, quote, alright, we're splitting this thing. I was shocked as he wanted this dinner and invited me when I questioned him and also informed him that I had to pay $100 to a babysitter to be able to go out with him. He insisted that he's not paying for me, that we are just friends. I'm able to support myself and my kids obviously, but going out is a treat because of how costly everything gets. $100 is a lot for me. I sent him my half and left shortly after. Somewhat upset as I felt blindsided by this and also felt that he should have treated,

given the fact that he invited me and also because he makes exponentially more than me and knows my struggles sometimes as a single mom. Am I the asshole for being upset with him? Would love some insight before I confront him. I think we both know the answer to this. No. I don't think so. No, no. Can you imagine if I was like, yeah, you're an asshole.

I, it's just weird. Like, he used the words I owe you. Yes. Like, when you say I owe you it you're kind of implying it's gonna be your treat. Correct. I think there's a lot of a lot wrong with this picture. One you're to your point the the language I owe you. What do you owe me? Like dig a little deeper then what when you said you owed me what did you mean by that? You owed me a dinner. So I got your presence. Is that like a treat? Like I know that your presence is valuable, but like you don't say that. Like I don't say, oh, I'm owe you Morgan and

then I'm going to go hang out with you. It's like, oh, I'm going to treat you. I'm going to bring you a coffee or I'm going to bring you lunch or we're going to I'm gonna take you out to dinner and build on me. I think that, and then too, like, this is enough for me to like, re-valuate the friendship. Oh, I think it'd be done. Yeah, I just think after everything that this OP has endured and been such a stable, loyal friend to put up with hundreds of text messages. This guy has no problem shelling out money on women that he isn't nearly as close to. I have a guy friend that I'm super close to

and I would spend money. I mean, I was with you the other day about to buy him like an expensive wallet. Like I will show money on him over any guy I'm seeing any day because he's been there for me for so much. He's been such a good friend to me. I have no problem with that. Like the fact that this guy doesn't see the friendship and the value and like how hard it is for her to have to hire a sitter. She's a working mother doesn't make nearly as much as him and for him to she's a working mother, doesn't make nearly as much as him. And for him to say, let's split the bill,

it's honestly really offensive. I think so too. And it's like he's not even realizing that, like she gets your friends. Do you think any person that was interested in you or trying to have ulterior motives would sit there and be your friend and let you vent for three weeks?

I mean, yeah, I mean, yes. Like, some women would. Oh, I would not doubt for me, that would be such a turn off. And it's like, you're bitching about pain for her half of the dinner. What if she was like charging you, your time would have been worth for a therapy session, dude? Because she's been your your therapist and your sounding board

for weeks. You've been trauma-dumped in and doing that and all this stuff. And I don't want to say, oh, well, if you do that to your friends, your friends automatically owe you a grade. But he did say, let's go to dinner. I owe you. That's the problem that we have with this is the whole, I mean, here's the thing.

I think oftentimes we forget that when you're being a good friend to somebody, that's just being a friend. There's a quote that I love, if you do something kind for someone and expect something kind and return, that's business, not friendship. It's something, I probably put your name, but it's something where it's like, if I do something nice for you, it's not like, well, now you need to bring it back. Or if I'm just simply a good friend lending you an ear, giving you my take, playing therapist for you, that doesn't mean now you owe me.

That's just me being showing up and being a good friend to you. And you're going to, it's going to come back in some way when I need you one day. So like, I want to make that really clear. But the fact that this guy didn't see her kind of putting an overtime during this tumultuous break up and not think, I should do something nice for her, whether that's take her out to dinner, send her some flowers, hire a sitter and get her a spa day something. That's really problematic to me, and again, I'm not saying he owes her, quote, unquote, That's really problematic to me, and again, I'm not saying he owes her, quote unquote,

but she went above and beyond, and the least he could have done when he asked her to dinner is cover the bill. Yeah, it seems like it's a very one-sided friendship. And even if he would have said, oh, you know, I think if you want someone to pay for their meal, I feel like you should kind of like almost preface it in a way where it's like, hey, do you want to go out to eat

here? Like, you know, this, like, you have to consider her budget. Like, you have to have your head so far up your ass to like think that the single mom who's paying for a babysitter can then go to like a maastros. Yeah. Like, you know how they have the dollar signs on like the food places? Yeah. It's something where it's like, you can afford that. You blow money all the time. But if you're taking someone else out who maybe it doesn't have the same means as you,

you should really consider that spot and where you're going. And don't shock someone. Don't pick maastros or some crazy stake place and then drop the bill on them at the end. Totally. Well said. Like that's shitty. Read the room. Read the room. So overall vote, not the asshole. The top comment, not the asshole. This guy isn't your friend. He's a user. The invitation to dinner and the IOU would make anyone assume that he was paying for the meal. Block this guy and move on. He is using you as a therapist instead of treating you as a friend.

You have enough on your plate without the self-centered guy wasting your time dumping his breakup woes on you. You will breathe a sigh of relief that you don't have to answer to his messages anymore. And don't fall for any of his apologies. He doesn't care about you. He will just be upset. He lost his free therapist. Yep, that part.

Did you see the video of the girl on TikTok? She was like, watch me get a guy to buy me a Chanel bag. And she walked up to a guy on the street and she was like, hi, how are you? And he was like, I'm good, how are you? And she's like, I'm really sad. And he was like, why are you sad? And she just like made up this story.

And she was like, do you wanna buy me a Chanel bag? And he goes, sure. I literally, I'm like, I'm still questioning if it's real or not. Yeah, what I need. But they literally, she gets a Chanel bag. I'm like, the cheapest Chanel bag is like eight grand. Where was she when she did that?

I don't know, but she had an no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, player, hate the game. Hate the game, like play the man. Like go get your man in line. Like the guys everywhere are like rioting right now. You women are using, no. You don't have to. Get your game up, buddy. Like why'd you fall for that? Like that's the thing. And I think you set it really well where it's like,

you would rather invest in your friends than a guy you're dating. Every day of the week. And I feel the same way. Like I would rather get my friends a nice gift, like, then invest money into, like, a temporary thing. Like, it's not a guarantee until you're married. Like, you could break up and clearly he does. Like, he's 48, never been married.

Like, that sounds like a rob. It's like a view problem, Rob. I think friendships are one of the most valuable thing we have in life. Like truly, I really, and that's a whole other side tangent I won't go down, but like friendships are so important. Keeping friendships is so important. If you fumble a good friendship,

that is one of the worst things you can do. I would argue worst than a breakup. Oh, yeah. Worst than a breakup. Way worse. It hurts way more. Way more, when you find a friend who is willing things you can do. I would argue worst than a breakup. Oh, yeah. Worst than a breakup. Way worse. It hurts way more. Way more. When you find a friend who is willing to be there for you through thick and

thin offers you support a shoulder to cry on, place therapist, every friend plays therapist from time to time. It's just part of the gig. And like I have a guy friend who does that for me. I would, if he needs something, I would do it. I would, I do treat him. I would treat him and it's not about gender roles. It's just like, I appreciate you. And like, I will show you that more than some guy who I've gone on a couple of dates with. Yeah. Who hasn't even like proven that they deserve a spot at

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Huh? This next one is seven days old. Titled, Am I the asshole for not writing the bride a check? When I've spent over $2,000 on her wedding as a bride's maid. All of these stories are literally things I have contemplated in my head. I know, I literally... They really are my thing.

I was like, I'm gonna attack Alejandra. Wait, have I have... Oh wait, no, you weren't at my house either. No, I know. This is just me having so weird. Wait, have I have, oh wait. No, you weren't at my house either. No, I, no. This is just me having so weird. This is something I would ask. But I know to be clear, I'm not like, I don't know the details here, but like,

there are instances where if you travel for like a birthday, and you shell out thousands of dollars, and you're like, is it weird if I don't bring a birthday gift? I literally contemplated this with Lauren's Cabo birthday. Me too. I didn't get her anything.

Me either. But I think she's anything. Me either. Mm-hmm. But I think she's fine with that. She's totally fine. It's unsaid, but it's like we traveled, we spent a lot of money. If you want to get to something, I actually did get her a small gift that I did. I was just gonna say.

Yeah, I got her like a little day off Amazon. I got her a little something that I actually forgot to give her, so Lauren, if you're listening to this, I got something for you. It's November. It's her birthday was June. I know, but it's okay. All right.

She gave me a blank birthday card. She doesn't know that actually. I need to go roast her later. She, I mean, I know how we were all obviously drunk in Cabo. She bought me like a card in Cabo because you know how birthdays are really close. Yeah. So we were there for Lauren's birthday and she was like, I really remember how she wanted me to feel celebrated, which is really sweet, but she got me like a card

and then gave it to me, but she was drunk which she gave it to me and she brought to write in it. So it's blank. And I just didn't have the heart to tell her. Oh my God. You should, the next birthday, she has, you should give that card back to her. And use in writing it.

I'm really writing it. Say it last. Sister, how do the traveling card? Perfect. Lauren, if you're listening to this. This is kind of cute actually. Doing like a journal for your friends birthdays and passing it around instead of cards.

That's really cute. That's adorable. That's really cute. Like there's just a notebook. Yeah, I like that. The birthday book. And you just pass it from each friend. I make it like a burn book.

I just heard trolling. You dirty bitch. You lost your ear. You've been crying. That's it like a burn book. I just heard trolling. You've got a dirty bitch, the past year. You've been, that's how you ruined my life. You've been, last year's been hell. Okay. So this one, am I the asshole for not writing the bride-to-check when I've spent over 2k on her wedding as a bridesmaid?

I'm in a wedding this weekend for a called roommate. And after the bachelorette at dress, shower, hair, and makeup gifts from her registry, and little shit she's requested is all set and done, all of spent over 2K on this wedding. She's not cheap. She has not given us any gifts. She got us jewelry to wear at the wedding, earrings,

and a bracelet, and some of the girls lost them. So she sent us the link to replace them, and they were in a six pack from Amazon for $18. So like $3 each, which I found honestly insulting. I also didn't get a plus one as a bridesmaid, while one of the other bridesmaids got literally 10 plus one. What? And the wedding is not close, so I have to travel to get there of the other bridesmaids got literally 10 plus one. What?

And the wedding is not close, so I have to travel to get there and pay for pet care while I'm gone. My mom and the other bridesmaids are telling me it's still expected of me to write the bride a check for at least $150 to cover the cost of my plate at the wedding. I find that absolutely insane. How much effing money is this girl going to squeeze from me? Is this a celebration of a union or a cash grab? My other friends say, don't you dare write her a check. So now I'm just totally unsure of what to do.

So, am I the asshole if I don't write her a check? I'm one of the only girls who is single, so my money is always tight, especially in this economy. And I sort of don't care if it makes me look bad. I think it makes them look greedy if they think that. Please help give me your opinions. Thanks. I guess to answer the question. I don't think it makes you an asshole. But I think there's, it's not a simple answer. Like, I think But I think there's, it's not a simple answer. Like I think it's how you go about it. It's how you communicate this to me. I don't know if you have thoughts on that. I guess I would still get a card.

Yeah. And just like, just something like thank you so much for including me in your day. I'm so excited for you guys. Yeah. But then it's like if she opens an empty card and there's nothing in it, I Personally when I was in my friend Kate's wedding and I did spend a lot of money I live in LA I traveled to Chicago flights were $600 round trip a hotel was like

1200 I mean I spent a lot of money on that wedding and I did still give her $200 but I on that wedding. And I did still give her $200. But I had the means to do so. And it was like me and Justin. So I felt like that was like a little better because like we were kind of like splitting costs. Yeah. But she's in a different situation because she's single. And it's all on her. And so that's a lot of money. So I don't know it's hard because it's not something I would expect out of my friends. But I don't know how's hard because it's not something I would expect out of my friends, but I don't know how to necessarily go about it to where maybe it doesn't create, resentment or whatever but,

then I'm like in my head I'm like if your friend resents you for not doing another hundred fifty after all of that effort energy and money, then that's probably not someone you even want to be friends with. Yeah, I mean I think, all of these topics are relative. Like budgets, what you deem valuable, what you can afford, how you view. It's all, there's no really hard, hard and fast playbook on this. But like to touch on what you just said, I think there's one of the statements that I had a problem with, which she said, like, I don't even even care if I look bad You should care. This is your friend. This is one of your probably close friends I would assume if you're in their wedding and you don't care how you look that's a problem to me either you don't really value the friendship or

You're willing to lose it or willing to risk it and that's a little bit of like whoa So maybe do not want this friendship to survive Like is this kind of the end for you? But I guess if you really feel like your budget has been strained and you are just hemorrhaging money for this wedding, if it were me, this is just my personal take. And it's a good friend. I would honestly be super candid. And I'd be like, Hey Morgan, I love you.

Your wedding isn It was amazing. And I'm so honored and happy to be able to celebrate with you. But I'm going to be really honest. This is really hard on my wallet. I'm not complaining. I would spend every single dollar I could to make this day special again. But I just don't have the means to give you a gift on top of the money I've spent like travel and all of the things you know. So I'm just gonna give you like a little something sentimental to remember the day or something. You get like a card and maybe like a little like trinket right. Yeah I think that's really nice. I think that's I think you just and if they're a good friend I would be like I totally get it. You've done more than enough. You're you being here and you spending all the money

to be here is better than any hundred dollar gift you'd get me anyway. So, you know, that's where it all comes back down to relativity, like how strong is your friendship, how open is your communication, how understanding is your friend. Now that you point that comment out, I'm like sitting here kind of scanning

and I'm kind of confused why she said yes to be a bride's maid in the first place. So that's what I'm sitting here kind of scanning, and I'm kind of confused why she said yes to be a bride's maid in the first place. So that's what I'm getting at. Like, you might know more because you probably ran ahead, but like the comment of like, I don't even care if I look bad. I feel like I only say that once I know I'm, you're already checking out.

I'm done. Like that relationship is severed. Yeah. So I'm like, are they just really tense friends? Well, I think they might have been close and maybe aren't now because it's like, I'm in a wedding this weekend for a college roommate. It's not like, one of my best friends from college, it's my college roommate. It's kind of like, well, roommates in college, you could have lived together just out of convenience.

It doesn't really solidify things. And then it's this other line. How much effort money is this girl going to squeeze for? I know, that one gave me pause too, where I would never describe one of my friends in that way. Like damn girl, like how much is she gonna squeeze for me? If you're not that close with someone, just say no to being a bridesmaid.

It is okay to say no. And I think more people need to say no. Yeah, like, agree. Truly, I have a close friend who told me that they think that another one of their friends is going to ask them to be a bridesmaid and they're fully prepared to say no. Ah! It hasn't happened yet, but I was like, wow, that's interesting. Is it me? No.

Yeah, I'm like more going to eat your words because what if I say no? You're like, it's, I like play this clip. You're like, wow, that's interesting. Is it me? It's about me. Yeah, I'm like, we're gonna eat your words, because what if I say no? What? You're like, it's like, I can't play this clip. You're like, it's perfectly okay. No, but I'm kidding. I- You can't say no. Yeah, okay. Everyone except for me, I guess.

Hold on one second. Oh, ASMR. I didn't want you to have to like cut it, you know. No, it was good. People might like it. No, that is interesting. No, but, um, whoa, what were we talking about? Say no, friend.

Just say no. But my point in that is like, not just that, I'm in my era of like, I'm just gonna start saying no to like certain events. Yeah. I've been going to weddings recently where I'm actually not that close to the person anymore and this is what I won't go down this to rabbit hole,

but like, I would just, this is why I said, it's like you've been in my living room recently because I was just talking about this. Oh my God. With Richa and Danielle last week, where I was like, I think I just need to start politely saying no to certain weddings where I'm so distant from them now

that it almost feels weird that I'm there because I hear so many stories and like speeches and like moments that I actually don't I hear so many stories and speeches and moments that I actually don't have anything to do with anymore. Yeah. And it feels like I'm intruding on a vulnerable day or imposing. That is so funny you mentioned that

because literally today I took a four-hour card ride with my dad and I was like, oh yeah, I'm thinking about doing something for one of my friends and he's like, oh my God, so and so? And I can't say the name because it will show it with time, but I can't say the name. Okay. And I was like, yeah, I haven't seen her in quite some time.

And he was like, how is she doing? I was like, oh good. She know what friend has. She got married. No, you can't say that. And I was like, oh, and then he was like, did you get invited to the wedding? I was like, no. And I was like, oh, and then he was like, did you get invited to the wedding? I was like, no, and he's like, what?

And I go, well, we haven't really been close since college. I honestly haven't seen her in four years. And usually when you think about weddings and even bridesmaids, it's usually people you're close with at that time in your life. True. And so it's interesting. So I was like, I'm not hurt, I'd love to see you.

We're still friends, we chat here and there, but no, I wasn't really expecting anything. Yeah, but no, that's, and you're reasonable. Some people are unreasonable about that. But to your original point, I think people should feel free to say no. It's hard to say how close they are because I've lived with girls where

we're like best friends and we still call each other like that was like Lauren has introduced me before. I was like, oh, we were roommates. And so someone would be like, oh, they're not that close if she's just calling her roommate. But it's like, that's just Lauren's way of trying to connect the dots for people. But it's like, we're, you know, best friend, like, we're so close. Yeah. So far back. So I wouldn't look into that, maybe that was just their way of kind of describing the timeline, but I don't know. When it all adds up, then you're like, something's off.

Yeah. So the top comment on this one, not the asshole, I wouldn't. Asking to be a bridesmaid is such an expensive ask the way it's done. You've spent enough in my opinion. It probably wouldn't go over well though. I can see it now. My bridesmaid didn't even give me a gift

after I bought her jewelry. When I got married, I brought my bridesmaids to the department store. I told them to pick a black gown or dress, whichever they felt comfortable in. Black is a universal color, so they could defwear it again. I then paid for all of them, because in my opinion, it shouldn't be a financial burden for people to be a financial burden for people to be there for me for a party, which is all a wedding is really. See, this is gonna be a hot take,

and I think I said it on another episode, but I don't understand the whole like, you should pay enough for your plate. I'm sorry, I, yeah, what? I know that's kind of a rule I've lived by too. You chose to have this party. You invited me, you catered the food. Like, I think that's like a mentality with weddings

that people need to kind of like come to terms with. It's like, especially in today's day and age, you're the one planning the party based on your budget. You shouldn't automatically assume that people can come and even gift you anything. Their presence is the gift. Anything above that is extraordinary. And if you're inviting people for the sake of getting money or getting gifts, you should evaluate that. Right. You should assume that you might not even break even on somebody. You're not gonna break even. You're not gonna break even. Yeah, I mean, I just, I don't, I'm not saying don't honor

the couple and don't give them a cup, sorry, a gift or money or whatever it is that you wanna give. That's totally fine and that's what I do. But I don't like this expectation of you need to cover your plate. What? I'm a guest, I'm being hosted to set like, and there's no such thing as a free dinner. I live by that economic principle like to get anywhere, it costs you money, your time,

your gas, your travel, your everything costs you money, the dress, whatever it is, dry cleaning. And so I don't know, again, maybe I'm going to get heat for that take, but that's just the way I see it. If I throw a party, I'm not expecting anybody to cover their meal or their drinks. No, I'm inviting you. I'll fully be paying for my bridesmaid stresses, especially because I'm picking bridesmaid stresses based on what I want.

And so it might not even be within like their budgets or whatever. So it's like, you have to like, it shouldn't cost people that are there to support you on your day, and I'm gonna like to do that. Yeah, that's just my opinion. I completely agree. I accidentally just found kind of an update from OP. I went to go see if there were any comments from her

and found an update. This was my first time being a bridesmaid. I had no idea it would be remotely this expensive or I would have immediately declined. To the bride and I are pretty close and talk every single day, so I would have felt bad declining. The maid of honor requested money from us to pay for the shower as well, which I couldn't even attend because I was sick and was again baffled by since we had already paid for the very expensive and time-consuming bachelor at party.

I got the bride two gifts from her registry well before the wedding day. The $150 would be an additional wedding day for it. What? In hand. This is something that's perplexed me. Yeah. The engagement party and then you have a bridal shower and then you have the wedding. That's right. And then you're expected to get gifts for everyone like some people literally get gifts for every single one

Wow, I'm like I'm not doing those people. Yeah We paid for the bachelor at bridal shower hair makeup dress hotel traveled nails shoes Decorations etc. And most of the comments are people saying they as brides paid for most of it, if not all of these things for their bridal party, which is what I assumed would happen, but clearly didn't. And to put it in a perspective, my dress was $50, so the rest of the 2K was spent on frivolous things. She also wanted us to help decorate the event itself, which I absolutely refused. She goes in a detail about the actual wedding and saying it was a shit show. The rehearsal dinner was in a strip mall. The makeup girl was 45 minutes late, the morning of the wedding, and neither of the hair girl nor the makeup girl nor the bride had a

plan set. So it was completely disorganized. While everyone else got over an hour in the chair getting their makeup done, I got 20 minutes and both my hair and makeup looks so bad that I had to redo it myself, but they made us pay for it all up front. So that was $200 that it basically should have just lit on fire. Oh, no. There was not one real flower in the entire venue or in our bouquets. They were fake dollar store flowers. The cocktail hour was servers walking around with pizza and Swedish meatballs on trays. The dinner was a salad with iceberg lettuce, black olives, and cherry tomatoes. It didn't have any dressing. The on tray steak was so overcooked and dry,

it truly tasted and smelled like dog food. This comment goes on and on. The bride only reserved a block of rooms for one night, but expected us to be there for two nights. So we were unable to get the group discount rate and the hotel was in a best-western, that was charging two hundred night. This is so specific. In a rural area, which I thought was in fucking sane, so over four hundred dollars for the hotel room,

and it was one of the shittiest hotels I've ever stayed in. I ended up sending the bride a hundred dollars electronically and don't plan on participating in another wedding ever again outside of being a guest. Oh my God. And I feel like it's strained my relationship with the bride because of the greed that was displayed and the lack of consideration for others. We need to, girlies, we need to get together and we need to, we need to redo this model.

Somewhere along the way it became a really fucked up way to ruin your friendship. And I had a friend who was recently a bride's mate and she said to me, she had the audacity to be like, I'm not gonna be a bride's mate ever again. I'm like, you're gonna say that to my face? You're gonna say that to my face. Like, I don't wanna get married one day.

How could you say that? And it's like, I can't even be mad at her because I'm like, you went through the ringer. I get it. Like, yeah, but, uh, we've got, we've got it. There's too many horror stories out there about being a bridesmaid. We've got to redo it.

We've got to start over. I think like a lot of people nowadays are trying to show up for the photos. Expensive ass photos. Truly, I think like, I think Instagram and Pinterest and social media has like, amped up, the your wedding day needs to be perfect so much. Mine, I know it's gonna be shit show. I'm having a camel.

The camel, everyone keeps telling me, you better be sure your camel doesn't spit on people. You know what, I hope it does. You can't spit? Apparently, they spit like llamas. Did you look it up? Yeah, they do. Really?

Yeah, I got to talk to my mom's friend and be like, does your camel spit? Like, can we put a mask on it? I don't know. No? Yeah, I got to talk to my mom's friend and be like, does your camel spit, like, can we put a mask on it? I don't know. No, no, no, no. I don't know. But I'm like, it just, it doesn't have to be, like, I'm doing such a crazy little carnival.

Like, it's gonna be like a hillbilly hold down. I, it just, it doesn't have to be crazy. The wedding? Yeah, like, there's not like, I don't think it's, that's not actually where I was going with this. Why do you think people get so crazy about this stuff then? Somewhere along the lines, weddings have just become more and more and more extravagant.

The whole process, like to your point, social media probably feeds into it. This is no shade on these engagements, but like, my dad was really confused why I like attended to engagements this year. He was like, what? He's like, they have audiences now. Like back in the day, you just pulled out a ring and asked them, it was just you and her or him and him and who you were, whoever.

Yeah. Like it was just you too. And there was no audience. There was no performance. It was just that. And he's like confused. My dad's a boomer by the idea of like an engagement being like a group effort.

Yeah. And that's no shame. No, especially mine. Like I never ever would have imagined that he would have had everyone there. Yeah, but it was beautiful. And like that's what I mean. I've done two now in the last few months.

Like that. Amazing. I know you're a person too. Alex, yeah. Exactly. But like, I guess where I'm going with this is, I just think, why did Justin and Alex do it that way? They didn't wake up out of nowhere

and say, I want this society. I should ask them both. Created a theme of like, it's supposed to be somewhat of like a little bit of a show. Like something that they're gonna be able to tell their friends about, something they're able to post about. I'm not saying they're doing it for the Graham.

That's not what I'm saying about them. Because I know both of them. And they're actually two of the most like low's not what I'm saying about them because I know both of them. And they're actually two of the most like low key guys that I know personally. Yeah. But I think just we've just over time all like conformed to it without even realizing it. I can see that.

The whole bridesmaid thing and the way you ask them to be your bridesmaid, it's like you see TikToks, like watch me put a box together to ask my girls be their bridesmaids and they're Chanel's, like, it's gotten out of hand. Like, and I think Chanel's, it's gotten out of hand.

And I think that because as that's gotten more intense, so have the expectations. And somewhere, throughout the way that this is trended, the bride has gotten these really unrealistic expectations for their brides, bridal parties that I don't think existed back when our parents were getting married. It was very simple, very simple. And now it's become so complicated. And you hear of so many stories of strained friendships, broken friendships, people writing into Reddit asking if they're an asshole for not shelling out 5K.

Like, why is that even a conversation? It shouldn't be. Well, we can change it here, folks. I'm just saying. Like, I just got to give it such a bummer because it's supposed to be a beautiful thing. Like, being a bridesmaid, I've never been one, but it's, it feels like it should be an honor and it should be fun. And almost always I talk to people and they feel burnt out. They feel like they would have rather just attended. And it's like, well, that's a bummer. I know. I've been thinking to like with, well, I already told like you and Lauren, it's like, well, that's a bummer. I know, I've been thinking too,

like with, well, I already told you in Lauren, I was like, we're just gonna split, like it's the two made of honors, because I think it's a lot for one person, first of all, and then I was also thinking, but I'm like, but I would never say like to the two of you, go play in my Bachelor at party. Yeah, like I'm, maybe it's the control freaking me.

Like I wanna help too, like I wanna plan, I want to help too. Like I want to plan. I want to be like a fun like the three of us like planning this thing. But I also like, I'm just like, I just, I hope as I start going down this path that I'm a little more chill. And if I'm ever not like throw a tomato at me or something, I don't know, just be like, girl,

like remember that episode we did? I'll just roll this tape. Roll this tape. It's easy, you're making it very easy for me. Calm down. Future Morgan, you need to rain it in. You have gone out of control, and it's okay. You're gonna have a good day, okay?

Just calm down. Thank you, thank you, Alejandra, for reminding me of this moment. Perfect, perfect, just keep that. Okay. Anytime you need to, you're gonna be fine. And it's gonna be fun. And like, here's the thing though, to bring it back to the story, I think one thing that

we're like picking up on is like, your friend, this should be something that your friends want to do. Yes. Like, your friends, let's use us for an example. Like me and Lauren will want to give you a good experience. We want to make it fun. We want to spend the money. We want to spend the money. We want to plan a good event.

And if they don't, then they probably don't have business being your rights mate. There we go. Another one of this week's partners is Masterclass. Justin and I are redoing our home right now, and it has been a process. And one thing I was struggling with is how to make design choices and these big decisions

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Right now you can get two memberships for the price of one at masterclass.com slash THT. Masterclass.com slash THT. Offer terms apply. Link is also in the description. Are you ready to do some math? No. Why do you keep doing this to me? You made my brain hurt on Tuesday.

Well, it's not like us physically doing math. We were on Tuesday. What was Tuesday? We were running around the store trying to figure out how you could take advantage of 30% off. It was so hard she's having us do algebra. That was really bad. Cut out for this.

So, it was like my brain hurt. I had to leave. I was like, I'll see what's happening. And everyone was watching us run around the store being like, okay, well, what's 30% of, did it, did it, like, it was a nightmare. Well, that was some girl math when we went shopping. Have you ever heard of sexist math?

Yeah. Ha! What context? I'll read it. Did you have the same story? I might have, but I don't think I read it. I just saw the title. Am I the asshole for using sexist math?

Yeah, but I didn't read the story. Here we go then. The story is three months old. Titled, Am I the asshole for using sexist math? So some context is needed for this story. To start, with my wife, 32 female, and I, 32 male, have joint finances, and have since we got married seven years ago. Everything goes into a joint account.

Bills are paid out of it, and there are no restrictions on who spends what. Naturally, we discuss big purchases, but overall, there is no distinction in where the money comes from. The household has income and expenditures, but it's not tracked at an individual level. I know this isn't for everyone, but it has worked well for us. As for our jobs, my wife has a really cool job at this little shop doing art experiences for kids. Think pottery painting and other little crafts. She loves it and the culture and setup are great. It doesn't pay very well, but the other aspects make up for that to her.

I work in a corporate job and have done very well and climbed the ladder quite a bit and make good money. The pay disparity is to the point where my income makes up 85% plus percent of the household income. Now, this is fine. This is a setup that we have agreed on. I have no more right to the money that my wife does, but both can spend equally and make 50-50 decisions on expenditures.

My job isn't better or more deserving of respect than my wife's. I, in no way, look down on my wife or her career. Money has never been an issue until now. We have a three-year-old daughter, and after a relative moved away, we are needing to find a daycare for her to go to while we are at work. While we are looking at options, we weren't particularly impressed with any of the choices near us. Then, my wife, out the idea, quote,

I never thought we would be a household with a stay-at-home parent, but maybe that's what makes the most sense. I was pretty surprised by this, as my wife loves her job, and has never expressed any desire to be a stay-at-home parent. I said, quote, I'm surprised to hear you say that. I didn't think you had any interest in being a stay-at-home mom. She did not like that response. She said, quote, when the world makes you assume I would be the one staying home.

I said, well, mathematically, we couldn't afford to lose my income or we wouldn't be able to afford the house or other expenses. This upset her further, and she began going off on me about me being sexist, looking down on her job, and generally being disrespectful. I tried to respond saying, I don't think any less of her job, but just mathematically, it wouldn't work. She said, my quote,

math was sexist bullshit. And the conversation devolved from there. We still haven't figured out a decision around daycare. And any attempt to bring it up sparks the same sort of response. I'm in no way saying she has to be a state-home mom, or that there is anything wrong with being a state-home mom. But since she brought up the idea of a state-home parent, I don't think I was in the wrong to point out the financial reality of the situation. Am I the asshole for suggesting she would have to be the one staying home? Is she that bad at math? She's got to be more fucked up than us.

I don't think he's the asshole sis. What are you doing? Stay fucking home. What the hell? I think don't look at gift horse in the mouth. I literally didn't even try not to lose it this whole time. I'm like, wait, I'm like literally trying to figure out where she's coming from and I'm like, What? to figure out where she's coming from and I'm like, what?

I'm trying so hard to formulate a good response, but... Oh my God. What? The only thing I could see here is that while she loves her job, maybe she feels a little insecure about how much she makes. Yeah. And like, but I'm just okay. I'm sorry. Like, let's just be super real really for a second. Right. Like, let's take the facts. Okay. Let's for easy math say he makes $850,000 a year and he makes, she makes 150. Easy math because it's a million dollars and he said 85% right. Yeah. I know that's like a lot of money, so this is just for easy math.

But look at the disparity, right? $850,000 is a lot of money for a family to live on. You're living comfortably, you can have whatever pick of resources you need for your child, okay? She can stay at home. You can afford to lose the 150. Jobs aside, she could be a NASA astronaut. It doesn doesn't matter what the role is just from a purely objective Financier keep the boat afloat money wise. Yeah, so let's say they have for let's say they have the same job like it doesn't matter

What like the fact that she looked him dead in the eyes and was like so one of us is gonna be a stay at home and then got mad He assumed it would be her. She wasn't applying the same thing towards him. Exactly. The audacity to look at my husband who makes eight times more than me and be like, that's crazy. You're going to stay home next year.

Okay, I wonder if she's trying to girl math though. And is like, No. Well, if you stay home, then there's no cost of childcare. Childcare. Oh no. So no matter what we make, it'll be fine. There's no way, like,

unless my mouth is wrong, like 85%, right? That's a huge. Yeah. I mean, I'm envisioning, what were you envisioning? I'm envisioning like 200K and and then whatever 15% of that is, like what is that? That's not how that works. So the whole pie has to be 100%.

Yeah. 85% would be. Oh shit. So what's 15% of 200K, 35K? You think the whole household is 200? That's what I was envisioning for this for this people. So what's 50? You think I know what 15% do?

I don't know what I learned. You know what I learned? 15 plus 15 is what? You can ask Siri your math questions. Really? Yeah, so I'll just like hit my Siri button and be like, hey Siri, what's 15% of 200,000? I feel Siri doesn't. She'll tell you.

Yeah, because I get confused a lot of times if it's divided by 0.2 or like times 0.2 to figure out the numbers. I'm good with this. This is what. Not good at math, but I do know how to use calculator. I know my way around a calculator. Okay. So 200,000 for math, right?

And you said 15% of that. That's 30K. So let's just say she makes 30K. He makes 170. Okay. That's what I'm envisioning. Okay. She's an idiot. So she looked him down in the face and was like, that's what I'm envisioning. Okay. She's an idiot.

So she looked him down in the face and was like, so you're staying home next year. Oh, there's no comments from him. I want more tea. This has nothing to do with gender roles to me. No. Like, I am so like, I love my job. It would take, you couldn't, you couldn't, you couldn't make me be a sad home. I just love what I love my job. I, it would take, you couldn't, you couldn't, you couldn't make me a sad home.

I just love what I do. Yeah. I don't, it doesn't matter how much money I make. So this is not coming from the perspective of someone who thinks, oh, she's a woman, she needs to stay home and he needs to keep the job. Yeah. I just think like from a rational standpoint,

I, maybe she got hit in the head that day. No, here's what I think. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Here's what I think. I think she's projecting. I think she's a little insecure that he does out earn her by selling. I think so. And maybe feels insecure about her job,

even though he clearly admires it and thinks highly of her. She, for some reason, maybe he's done things that things are just, it's all things that she believes. That her job is less than less important. And so she took that so personally, and now she's projecting. I think so. That's what I was getting the vibe. Because no matter how much you love your job, if you're not making enough, that like you can sustain yourself or you're like your family, because that's what this is coming down to. Like her job can't sustain them as your family, because that's what this is coming down to. Her job can't sustain them as a family if he stays home.

No matter how much you love it, you're not gonna feel great about that. I think it is a little projection. Overall, he's not the asshole. This is just the reality of the world they're living in. You made a good point too. Why was it okay for him to assume that she'd stay home but it wasn't okay for her to assume.

She, yeah. She was implying, oh, I never thought we'd have one one parent stay at home. Well, if it's not you, then it's him. Yeah. So you're doing the same thing he was doing. Right. One of you, you were both like the Spider-Man meme.

Like, you were both pointing at each other. Yeah. And then getting mad at what? No. Top comment, not the asshole, but the reality is that your relationship can't afford a stay-at-home parent because neither of you wants to be that parent.

That's a good, fine. But like, they definitely can't afford for him to stay home. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter even if OP wants to be the stay-at-home parent. It literally doesn't work. That's bottom line.

Yeah. Capitalism is still popping off. We can't avoid it. Also, the little one is three. There's maybe a year and a half, two years, until they're in kindergarten. So it's not like, if she loves her job and loves working, but they can't find a daycare, they like, the reality is, you can afford to stay home. It's like if she loves her job and loves working, but they can't find a daycare they like

The reality is like you can afford to stay home. It's short-lived. You can go back to work when your kid goes to school Yeah It's not like it's not like it has to be permanent. No So yeah moving along What story do you have? Is it juicy? Yeah, one of them is Okay, you're up Okay, so I was gonna let you pick. Oh, someone's giving me a choice. Yeah, okay, I'll let you pick. This is what that feels like. Yeah, you're about to find out. So, oh, yeah, I'll let you pick. I'll read the titles. Okay, I have one that I want to fire off really quick. It's short, it's sweet. Love it. It's very relevant.

You attacked me. I'm going to attack you. Actually, this isn't an attack on you at all. Okay. It's not. I promise. I do want to preface that because you're going to be like bitch. What?

You didn't know you felt that way. Okay. So title is this is from the subreddit true off my chest. Okay. My boyfriend called me. Oh, wait. Just cut. Cut. Never mind. Got engaged and my best friend is telling me not to wear my ring.

Oh God. I, 24 female, got engaged to my boyfriend, 25 male of 8 years on Sunday. The ring is exactly what I dreamed of and I love it. It's thin, gold band with a pear-shaped diamond. My best friend, 24 female, seemed disgusted when I showed her my ring. What? The first thing she said was, oh, you wanted a rock! Sure did, baby.

I bet that was a solid 5 to 10k. No. I told her I don't know the exact price. For context, she is married twice now. Damn, I got a dog or like that. And the guy, like that's irrelevant. And the guy she's currently married to, they've only been together for one year.

Her ring is a lot smaller than mine, not that it matters, but maybe to her it does, but still very pretty in my opinion. They're also moving into her parents' basement at the end of the month, which she said is causing a lot of stress and arguments between them, so maybe she's just been a bit of a mood. But what she said next frustrated me.

She told me, I would be too scared to wear that anywhere. You probably shouldn't wear it out in public or do anything while you're wearing it in case you break it. And she even said, I'd be too scared to even do housework wearing that ring because I'd totally break it. She never once made a positive comment. She just talked about the dollar value and then I shouldn't wear it because I will break

it. And, quote, this is separate, but I've noticed she's been gradually becoming more and more passive, aggressive, and rude towards me lately. My fiance thinks it's a jealous CSU. Am I overreacting? Like, part of me feels as I might be, but I'm also hurt that she never made a positive comment. Plus, when she got engaged and showed me her ring,

I was nothing but ecstatic for her. Yeah, I think the fiance hit the nail on the head with this one. I think she's just feeling maybe a little inadequate, a little jealous, a little insecure, that things aren't where she wants to be. And I think that a lot of us go through that. I remember when my friend Kate got engaged

and I was like, oh, I wish I was there. It's easy to get jealous of friends that are moving through stages quicker than you or are just like getting things that you want. And so it's hard to like not let that little green monster creep up, but you like bottom line, like you need to be happy for your friends, you need to be supportive.

Like you can't let your internal insecurities or jealousy like sabotage you in ways like that. One thing I will say and something that I'm doing is I ordered a fake ring off Amazon to wear traveling. It was a tip I got during one of our Patreon group therapies because that is something where I'm like, I don't want to get mowed because my ring and people think it's a diamond. It's not, it's Moise Knight. Love it. But it's a sustainable queen. Yeah. And the other thing I was going to say is like anyone that gets engaged, get insurance on your ring. Yes. That's what a lot of these people said. It literally is like $100 for the

year. And some homeowner policies will cover it. That too, but it's like a hundred bucks for a year and anything happens, the stone falls out, I lose it, you have to get stolen, it's replaced for a hundred dollars versus having to re-buy it. But no, this thing, I smashed it into a brick wall on accident. Is it, I'm durable, I don't know. Yeah, like on a scale of hardness, diamonds are a 10 and moist nights are a 9, so it's just under a diamond. Yeah, like on a scale of hardness diamonds are a 10 and moist nights are at 9 so it's like just under a diamond

Yeah, I watched a hammer test before I got it and they took a hammer to a diamond Didn't do anything they took a hammer to the moist night. It didn't really do anything and then the CZ shattered So it's it's pretty solid, but yeah, it's weird like I mean the ring is meant to be worn right like this of course They're made with the intention of lasting for quite some time. So no, this just sounds like she's very jealous. I think you make good points. I think people get jealous or feel threatened. She clearly is threatened by it.

Whether she's unhappy with her ring size or she's unhappy in her marriage, and this is just a sore reminder that her friend maybe has a quote unquote better off. But one thing, one quote that we'll just leave off on that I, I think it's natural for all of us to feel a little jealous in life for sure. And not just in this context, in any context, you see somebody getting promoted or you see somebody, you know, just getting ahead. And I love the quote that's like calling somebody ugly won't make you any prettier or calling somebody poor won't make you any richer. Nope. I love that because it's like you can hate and throw stones all day long,

but you will not shine any brighter. Your ring will not magically get any bigger by trying to make your friend feel ashamed to wear hers. No, it's really weird. Right? It's really weird. You need everyone needs to remember that because it's like, so why do that then? Yeah. Like, if you were showing true cause and, like, if I was genuinely Morgan, that's a fricking rock, which it is,

I'd be like, let's make sure you have a life jacket when you jump into like Minotonka. So you don't sink to the bottom. There's other ways to show your friend. If you're genuinely concerned about the size of her ring, but this doesn't sound like that. No, I don't think so. And I will say to each their own,

but two marriages by 24, that is kind of wild. Is she from the Midwest? Sorry. Or Utah? I don't know. I don't know, but they don't really do they do divorce in Utah? Great question.

I don't know. When I'm not prepared to answer. But I feel like instead of dating, you know how like some people date for five years. Yeah. She's like, oh, we're dating for six months. Okay, marriage. That's, I'm like, that's a lot.

That's a lot. And if I would have married the two people I dated at those ages, like 20 to 24. Oh my god, I'd be divorced already. I'd probably be on my second divorce, to be honest with you. And the last thing I want to say about that too is, I'm scared, I forgot what I was gonna say.

I told you my brain just starts to shut off at night. It's okay. Also, no shame in divorce. Like, I love... No, no, none. I love Em none. I love Em Rada talking about like getting divorced before your 30 is such a flex and like her videos on it seems so funny Oh for sure. I'm I'm gearing up for the next wave because I know our age group is gonna start to hit that divorce age And there's gonna be a whole new flock

Was a whole new flock of people Yeah, I don't remember what I was gonna say, but it clearly wasn't important. But yeah, not the asshole, your friend is obviously a little jealous. Another one of this week's partners is HelloFresh. With HelloFresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients, and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. It's gonna keep you guys out of those grocery stores and make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. The holidays are right around

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am I the asshole for excluding my in quotes adopted sister from family photos? Both of these are very popular. Okay. Second one. Am I the asshole for going through my friend's closet to find my wedding dress? That one. Yeah. Yeah.

It's more popular. I'm confused. Yeah, I know. My interest was peaked. Okay. You're intrigued. Yeah. This is off the subreddit. Am I the asshole? Obviously.

So am I the asshole for going through my friends closet to find my wedding dress? Two years ago my husband and I were doing some renovations to our house I didn't want my wedding dress to get damaged or lost in the process Which considering we did lose a few things during the renovation. I was right to be concerned My friend offered to keep it in her closet until the renovations were done After we finished the renovations, I asked my friend for the dress back. She kept saying she'd get back to me. I kept asking and she'd make up excuses. I found it weird. Now my sister's getting married and she wanted to wear the dress. This was our mother's dress and we always agreed

we'd each wear it. I told my friend I needed it back and she claimed she couldn't find it. She sold that shit. I was perplexed because how does it just get up and walk away? She apologized and offered to pay me the cost of the dress, which I turned down because it wasn't- It's irreplaceable bitch. Wasn't about the money.

Honey, the dress was sentimental and I felt terrible my sister couldn't wear it. My friend and her husband went away. I was there to water the plants and feed their dogs. I decided to go look myself. The closet was very cluttered and I eventually found the dress. What? I can thank God. Thank God. What a shitty friend, but thank God. I can totally believe that she missed where it was and she wasn't being malicious in the slightest. Okay. She's a better person than me. I can totally believe that she missed where it was and she wasn't being malicious in the slightest.

Okay, she's a better person than me. The box was tucked behind a few larger ones containing seasonal clothes. So she's giving them a hug. Okay, okay. But I texted her saying, I found the dress. Instead of being happy for me, she asked why I rummaged through her closet. I said I wanted to double check. She told me I had no right to go through her things. I said that because of the clutter,

my sister almost didn't get to wear a dress she's always dreamed of. My friend told me that I could have asked her to look again, but I pointed out it took two years for her to even look in the first place. Go off. Oh, I'm so mad. Where's my stress rock? Perfect. Am I the asshole? So I have this stress rock now.

I saw it. So cute. It took her two years to look through a cluttered closet. And now she's mad that her friend went in there and found it. Your friend did you a favor. You didn't have to replace a sentimental, irreplaceable, priceless heirloom. Her sister gets the wear of the dress. Everyone wins. She was doing you a favor and watching your dogs and you're going to get mad at her that she went through a closet. You could have asked me to look again. You proved you're anept. You couldn't do it

the first time. I hate when you ask people to do things and they do it so poorly. Just like this is why. I'm scared you're gonna throw that rock at me. I'm just heated. This is why I have a really hard time like relying on other people. It's because like unfortunately,

I get proven like I can't rely on other people. And so I always feel like I have to do it myself. Maybe this is an eldest daughter trauma. Other people can relate to. But that frustrates me so much. Like if you were at my house watching my dogs and this like if this were us in this situation, I would be like, thank God girl.

Where was it? Yes, I would be embarrassed. My that I couldn't find it myself. But more importantly, I would be relieved. So relieved. Thank God you found the dress. Oh my God, I was freaking out that I lost such an important heirloom in your family.

Thank God, I'm so glad you went through my closet and found it. What the hell are you hiding? Well, and it's like, I, first when I'm like, I knew where this was going, I was like, she's not gonna find it, it's gonna be gone. I was like, did she sell it? The fact that it was actually in there.

And then I'm like, did she really look? Because you kind of would have known, like, hey, I gave it to you, it was in this box, do you see the box? I don't know, it just feels like was she hiding it on purpose? And my head goes to the worst case scenario. Like, she obviously knows her friend

and she was like, she wasn't trying to be malicious. But it almost feels a little too, like I get, you know, people's houses can be cluttered and there can be a lot of stuff, but it felt like it was really easy to just kind of like do a deep dive and find it. It, I don't know, it just, it feels something feels off.

And the reaction after her getting mad, like this is your best friend. She's in your house watching your dogs watering your plants. Like, what did I have to hide? You could go through my closet any day of the week. I think at one point I was like, yeah, you can go to my house and see if you can find something in my closet, I'm not home.

Anybody can, any of my friends can go through my closet at any time. And I get it. Not everyone's like that. Some people are super keen on privacy and they feel like they want, I get that. My mom's like that. My mom doesn't even let me like in her room without her permission. Some people are just all sensitive like that. But given the nature of the situation, I feel like it out, it's outweighed by the fact

that like one, you lost her dress theoretically, right? If you truly looked and you didn't find it and this wasn't malicious, then you were technically in the wrong for misplacing and losing a dress. And if I misplaced or lost something, I would be so happy and relieved that it's been found. I would feel relieved. Like, my conscious is there now. And the fact that her instinct is to now just shift blame, it makes me think she didn't look for it. And she's embarrassed. That and the two years part, how it took her two years to even look for it. Right. That's unacceptable. I think she misplaced it. Yeah. I just think it could have been so easy,

though, like where it's like, if again, this for me, I would have been like, hey, I can't find it. Do you wanna come over and we'll have some wine and just like lean out my closet? Yes. Bees in my head, I know I didn't get rid of it. I know I didn't throw it away. I didn't move. I didn't move.

I know it's here, but it's clearly just talked away and hidden. Yes. So, do you wanna come over and help? We can make a night out of it. Yes. It's an activity. It's a closet clean out now.

Come on. I agree. You read my mind. I was like, if it were me and you, first of all, we'd be sick to our stomachs that we lost our mom's wedding dress. And I'd be like, I will literally hire someone to tear my house apart for this dress.

Yeah. Come over. Let's look everywhere. I would just be like, Morgan, I'm coming over to look for it. Like, fuck off. Love you, but fuck, I'm coming over to look for it. Like fuck off Yeah, love you, but fuck off. I'm going to look for it. I guess moral the story don't Have other people safe keep sentimental items like if this was so sentimental and you wanted to make sure it was good somewhere

It probably should have gone to your sister's house not your friend's house. Like, don't trust other people with items that you hold near and dear. But I have certain friends that I consider sisters. I would trust you. Yeah, I guess that's the thing. But I'm wondering if they were friends, the type of friends. I mean, if there's persons watching her dog, they're basically family.

Like, I'm getting a dog soon and I thought about who would watch it when I travel and I'm like, I'm kind of a helicopter parent with dogs. I don't let just anybody watch my dogs. And I'm thinking, well, I do have these trustworthy friends that I would let watch my dogs. So it's like, if you're letting this person come house it, you trust them. This is so, I'm even more complex. That's why I'm like, what's the top comment on this one?

Oh, yeah, okay, let's get there. So the top comment, and by the way, this story has, overall vote was not the asshole, 20,000 upfotes. Yeah, it's popular. Wow. Poppin. So top vote, top comment says, it's kind of toxic. I would have just taken it and never told her, let her think she lost her mind. I, you know, that is a curious way to handle it. But like in that moment,

I would be so proud and happy I found it. I would not, I would not be able to not share. And you think if this is your best friend, she's gonna be like, oh my God, yay! Like the reaction is so weird. Weird, weird. Okay, I would, yeah. I, and then OP replied, I don't even think she ever would have attempted to find it again.

And then somebody commented reply to that. Not the asshole. You are assuming she even looked the first time beyond opening the closet door, turning on the light and taking a quick peek. I do agree with the I wouldn't have bothered telling her you looked and found it. I do agree with the, I wouldn't have bothered telling her you looked and found it. If anything, she should be embarrassed. As in my opinion, it shows that she put minimal effort looking and looking for it. The good news is that your sister was able to wear the dress and maybe it will be handed down to your daughter, daughters. If they have that, I don't know. That's so cute.

I love that they both wear the same dress. I know. And then here's a response. She knew exactly where it was and had no intention of returning it. So this person's taking a more like pessimistic view. That's where my head went. They go, she knew exactly where it was

and had no intention of returning it. I'm sorry. Thank goodness you had a chance to look in her closet. And even better that you found it behind all the boxes she used to hide it. Edit, here's why I think that. If I had my friend's mother's wedding gown, I'd for damn sure put it in a safe place and it wouldn't take me two years to look for it. The moment I realized I didn't know where it was, I would have torn my house apart. And if I still couldn't

find it, I'd probably call my friend in a panic-induced, bawling meltdown. It's not like this was a shirt from Forever 21. No. Is she, is the friend married? Uh, let me see. Like, was the friend trying to keep it for her own wedding and try to like, you know how some friends- My friend and her husband went away.

Okay, so she's already been married. Otherwise, I was gonna say like, maybe she's trying to keep it for her own wedding. Be like, I'm so sorry. Couldn't get it for your sister's wedding, but like, I'm getting married now maybe she's trying to keep it for her own wedding. I'm so sorry. I couldn't get it for your sister's wedding. But I'm getting married now. Can I wear it? We're like sisters.

We're close. That's so weird. She's jealous of the sister. We're all, yeah. And they're like closeness in their relationship. Yeah. Like the sabotage. Everyone's like, what's the end game here?

Like why? That's the thing. There's another, let's see. She's more concerned about someone going through a closet where there's likely nothing of value anyways rather than be happy for her friend who was made whole again. Yeah. Is the friend married if not maybe she planned to magically find it when she had her wedding. It's funny. It's like you can rub these. No, this one is juicy. I love this one. This is really fun being on the other side today.

Isn't it? This one, yeah. There's some good comments I'm trying to find. I think this person's taking their side, the front side. I agree two years is a long time, but you ask the question and leave it as you don't want to be a nag. I'm sorry, if you're asking for something back,

you're never a nag. I don't understand that mentality. If I borrow something from yours, and it takes you 20 times asking to get it back, you're not a nag. I suck at getting things back to you. Shouldn't take you 20 times to ask. No, not at all.

It happens again and again. You forget to ask, you got a major house renovation and your friend knows how important it is. So surely they've looked properly for it. Life gets in the way and it's on your list, but not the top as you need to make your house habitable. At the end of the day, the friend was the problem and it took two years for OP to realize this, but she's not the asshole. The only thing different I would have done is not tell the friend I found it unless I was going to go scorched Earth on her.

That's so interesting because I would not be able to contain it. I'd be so happy and excited. I know. The minute I buy someone a gift, even though I bought Justin's Christmas gifts the other day, I'm literally giving him to him this weekend. No, I can't wait. I can't wait. I don't want to.

Put him at my house. Nope, actually, no, I'm moving. Dude, he's just all over again. We've been through this story. I'm just like, it's so excited. And also, I guess if they're that close, what if she went to the sister's wedding and then saw the dress?

Yeah. Like, then it might be even worse. Like worse, like, worth you, worth, get a little drunk. Ah! I got a ketchup. But it's like, then it would be like, you went through my house a year ago

and didn't tell me and you found, like, I don't know, I just bitch and I do it again. I just don't feel like there's a point, like it's, her reaction is weird and that's the true problem here. It's just showing holes in who she is as a friend versus anything else. I completely agree.

This is the last thing I will read because I think that this is a good note to end it on because it kind of just sums up something we have said time and time again on this podcast Something I've learned from personal experience is that weddings make people lose their goddamn minds Everything related to them seems to twist up all the common sense and decencies and people have all the selfishness comes out weddings and funerals often bring out the true person's true nature. Mike dropped. Okay. Again, rolled the tapes back to my initial message to myself. Keep it together more again.

Well, first of all, I feel like you and I know this is where it's like no your friend. Like, and if you think you know your friend and they do this to you, I'm sorry, then you didn't lose a real friend. If this was us, I think we're both on the same page here. You have full permission to go in my house and tear my shit apart. Because guess what? I'm in the wrong. Same. My shit's really bad right now, but it's going to get better once I move and have my actual

like own space and room. But yeah, you can go in there. It's tornado. I have my piles of clothes on the floor. My piles on chairs. I know. It's just, My piles on chairs. I know. It's just, I'm very organized. I know.

You've seen my clothes. I wish I could hire you to organize my stuff. We could work something out. Okay, okay, come on. We could work something out. I just had a little idea of how to do it. Okay. He agrees.

Yeah, that was a little agreement. Maybe his name is Jingle, like the elf on the shelf. They're common kids. I know. are coming. I know I saw this meme About the elf It's so mean it was like y'all better kiss your short kinsky Santa needs a elves again. Oh. That's funny.

Sorry. Oh, it's just, it wasn't me. I'm not the author. I'm just repeating the content. The messenger. Don't kill her. Just the messenger. Another one of this week's partners is Talkspace.

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And your insurance may help too, as Talk talk spaces in network with most major insurers. So if you're ready to try for yourself, as a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with talk space when you go to talkspace.com slash THT. To match with a license therapist today, go to talkspace.com slash THT to get $80 off your first month, and show your support for the show. That's talkspace.com slash THT to get $80 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's talkspace.com slash THT. One quick one and one crazy one end us. We've been talking a lot about ineptness and how we hate it. I think this next one kind of plays into that. It's a month old. Tettle the am I the

asshole for refusing to help my husband get dressed for work? My husband is a healthy, able-bodied man. He works out five to seven days a week, and because of weightlifting, he has very big shoulders and arms. He works in sales and wears collared shirts to work, every morning for months on end. He wants me to help him button his cuffs on his sleeves. His excuse, originally for not being able to button them himself, was that he's too big to be able to do it.

I called him out saying that I think that's just an excuse, because when I haven't been home, he's able to button them by himself. Now he says it takes him too long to button them himself, so he wants me to do it, because I am able to do it faster. My issue with helping him button his cuffs are one, I am not his mother, so he wants me to do it, because I am able to do it faster. My issue with helping him button his cuffs are one, I am not his mother and he's a grown man, and two, I have a routine in the morning that I like to stick to. I drop off our son at school, then I go to the gym, and then do grocery shopping or errands. He gets upset if I refuse to come home to help him button his cuffs after dropping off

our son at school. The days that this is most frequently irritating to me are the days that I have off from work. I work three to four days a week and I get three days off when our son isn't school to focus on myself, go into the gym and get an errands done. Having to drive all the way home after dropping off our son at school, cuts into some of my time that I can be getting other things done. Am I the asshole for refusing to help my husband button his cuffs on his dress shirt? He has me feeling like I'm being incredibly selfish

for not wanting to help. Okay, first of all, are you Mr. Incredible? Like, your proportions are off. Yeah. Like, I'm trying to, well... I'm like to, well, I'm like, we're all like we're sitting here, like trying to like act this out. But seriously, like, that's not like, are your arms not long enough?

Also, there's no excuse. I literally as an OT, we have this like button hook thing. And so we would use it for people that had like, like paralysis on one side from strokes. And so in order to dress themselves independently, there's this little button hook and they go and they put it through the loop, grab the button and pull it back through. Like if someone has had a stroke

and can't move half their body can still button their shirt, I think you should be able to. Yeah. Now I'm wondering if it's not just, it's not a mobility thing. I wonder if it's the shirt. The shirt? Yeah, like the shirt is restricting him.

Cause like Tommy Boy. Kind of. Tommy Boy. Like think about it, you're in like a button down shirt. Maybe the shirt's not like, cause I've worn something tight where I like, I'm like, oh, I can't. Yeah.

I don't know. But regardless, moot point, cause it's like, if that's the case, bro, get bigger shirts. I don't care what you got to do. They clearly don't live in LA because it would be not even be up for question. To drive home to do something like that. Just wouldn't even be in the debate. But they clearly love somewhere where commutes aren't as bad. But regardless,

that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. It's brutal. Wild. I would just start ignoring him. Like, I don't know, like, and I think that's like a problem because for me, I don't have a lot of like, as of now knock on wood.

I don't have weird problems that come up in my relationship like this. I can't imagine if I married someone, and then they started being like, you need to come home to button my shirts every day. You need to come home and put my shoes on. I can't reach and bend down to tie my shoe. Like, that is unheard of.

I'm just like, this is purely weaponized in competence. I just need an emptiness. But I can't figure out why. Maybe he just doesn't get enough attention. That's what I was thinking. Does he not get enough attention? Maybe he doesn't get enough attention. There are some comments from OP.

Someone does share a button zipper buttons assist device, not the asshole. They said after sharing it. Thank you for the link. I will buy one of these for him. This grown man wants you to drive home just a button his shirt. That's a weird power trip thing. And I suspect he has a lot more to do with something besides his shirt, not the asshole. Yeah.

And OP goes, I truly don't believe it's a power trip thing, more so just laziness on his part. And that's the only comment I see in regards to it. But I can't imagine being so lazy that I'd rather wait for someone to come back and sit there with my sleeves on the button, like, he must want attention. Yeah. He must be needing a big hug.

It's deeper than the shirt. Just imagine you're like, oh, well, I gotta stay. I'm gonna be late today because I can't leave with my buttons on buttoned and only one person can button them and it's not me. Yeah. I don't have the time to wait around. I'm way too impatient for that.

Yeah. I'm an independent gal. No, that would drive me nuts. And I just start ignoring him. Don't I have an acknowledgment? Like what do you mean, ignore his calls? Like, honey, you need to come home and about my shirt. Oh, sorry, I went to Target.

I got groceries, I didn't see your message. Like I would love to have a relationship with therapist or like a therapist chime in on this. Like truly what is a the healthy way is like, hey, honey, I'm not coming home, like communicate clearly. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But if that doesn't work and this is the only problem

in your relationship, what else can you do to solve this? Because my tactic is avoid. I, again, not a racist therapist. Let me just make it really clear. I know a lot of you were confused, but I had to really clear. I know a lot of you were confused, but I had to really clarify. But I would venture to guess that a therapist or anybody listening in on this would say, I don't think that's the only problem. I think there's other things. I mean, there's

she's looking away or not realizing it or it hasn't come to fruition yet. I don't think there is any way that's the only thing that's off in their relationship. I don't know. I'm looking at the post history. Doesn't seem like there's a lot of problems. But they have chickens. So I guess her biggest problem is having a hard time

sexing our 16-week-old standard cock and chickens. What? Yeah, she's got chickens. And then another one is, do I have to legally cover my co-tenant's other portion of rent for our salon, working gal? But no other marital posts and issues. But here's the, hear me out. Sometimes people have normalized things

in their relationship where they don't no longer even realize that it's kind of off. And so he could be doing small things over time that have compounded that she is just, like let's just say he like won't come home until dinner served. Like let's just say that's one of his things too. He's like, yeah, no, I'll just like drive around

until dinner served. But it's been so long that she just thinks that's normal. Like, yeah, like why would he come home and just sit around with his sitting on his hands? Like, he's not gonna come home to dinner served. That's how it is in this house. And she's just, she's not gonna write an erratic because that's just her normal, it's her normal.

Yeah. So I wonder if he does weird things here and there. And this is the one that just sticks out. I was like, okay, this one's a little off. I need to know, I'm going to message her. Hey, what else is off? I'm not a mystery. Hey, incredible.

Hey, yes. I don't know, it's interesting. I did read the top comment. It was the power trip one, but I could see him needing attention. He's just very neglected. Yeah. Damn. Something like sarcastically.

No, I know, I know. He's feeling neglected. Yeah. The kid is getting too muchically. No, I know, I know. He's feeling neglected. Yeah. The kid is getting too much attention. Honey, come button my sleeves. There's something so weird about it. It's weird, it's weird.

Last one, I'm giving you a choice. Okay. You have three to choose from. Whoa. Yes. A lot of pressure. Yeah. But you're gonna have a new roomie soon.

No, not. Maybe no roomie, but you're for sure like leaving your roomy situation. Yes. And you've had a lot of different roommate experiences. Yeah. So the next one is roomy themed. Okay. Option one, am I the asshole for refusing to resign a lease weeks before leaving my pregnant

sister homeless? Next one, I think my roommate maybe poised named me. Or three, am I the asshole for returning my roommates dog to the shelter? That one. Yeah. Okay, it's a little vintage two years old. A few months ago, my roommate decided he wanted to get a dog. I and my other roommates were fine with it, and I was excited, so I gave suggestions for a good fit, for lifestyle, and helped him search.

I knew I didn't have time for a dog, but I was eager to reap the benefits of having one in the house that wasn't my responsibility. My roommate and I agreed that he was best fit for a low energy adult dog that was small slash medium due to space. Then, he came home with a German shepherd mix from a shelter, six months old, large, and very energetic.

She was untrained and had separation anxiety. I did my best to help, making suggestions like getting her a crate so she could have her own space and could go in there when everyone was gone. I picked up food for him after my roommate ran out of what the shelter gave him and forgot to get more. I even exercised her when she got to be too much, taking her own walks or throwing balls. That was probably my mistake because almost immediately my roommate stopped doing anything for her.

He basically abandoned the dog to me. He wouldn't buy her toys, wouldn't exercise her, wouldn't even come home to feed her, or let her out after work. I talked to him several times, tried to get him involved, and tried to step back. But my other roommates were too busy and this guy would do nothing. If I didn't feed her, she wouldn't eat. If I didn't exercise her, she'd destroy the house and annoy everyone until someone shoved her back in her crate. It got to the point where my other roommates would come to me if they had issues with her, instead of her owner. Juggling classes in a full-time job, I was running myself ragged for a dog I didn't even want. So I gave my roommate an ultimatum.

Take care of the dog, or I would take her back to the shelter. My roommate laughed and said, sure. And the next night, I stayed in town after work to eat out with friends. Instead of going home to take care of his dog like usual. I got home around 11 p.m. The poor dog was in her crate, covered in urine and poop.

He hadn't been home all day, and clearly had not let her out to go potty or have fed her. I was furious. The next day I returned to the dog to the shelter. I told them what had happened and showed them the pictures of the night before. They called my roommate and told him they had reason to believe neglect and were enforcing co-ownership to take the dog. My roommate was furious. The rescue blacklisted him from adopting from any of their locations.

When I got home, he shouted at me, saying, it wasn't fair and I should have told him I was being serious instead of stealing the dog. My other roommates, while happy the dog is gone, agree that it was an asshole move to move so fast and not to have made sure he knew I was serious. Am I the asshole? Do you wanna go first?

Not the asshole. This dog deserves way better than this piece of shit. I do believe that, but I do think it was a little bit of an asshole move. A little rash. A little rash and I don't think taking the dog back to the shelter. I'm just, I'm just like so against that.

It seems like they're a good shelter though, the fact that they would like blacklist him and like, take the dog back that fast and be like, oh my god, yes, and you're blacklisted, you can't ever adopt here. That's true. They seem like they're at least a good shelter. That's true, like re-homing it.

I just, like, it's hard for me to like put my personal feelings out of it. Yeah. I just struggle with the idea of bringing a dog back to a shelter. Like, I just would rather like cut my arm off. So like, that's just me. But I, you're right. That is like the responsible thing to do. Leave it to the professionals to rehome the dog. Yeah. He recognizes that he's not in a position to be a dog owner. And that's a responsible thing to do, why force it. So I will acknowledge all of those things to be true, but I just struggle with that. I don't think it's your responsibility

to make sure that somebody knows how serious you are. If you say something in any way other than a joke, it should be taken at face value. You shouldn't have to threaten, you shouldn't have to hardball people, or strong arm them. If you say something and you seem like you're serious, mean in business, you shouldn't have to double down

and prove that you mean what you're gonna say. So that part, that's on him. You assumed the risk that he was joking or not serious by not taking it seriously. At the same time, it's a little rash. It seems like he gave it 24 hours. I know, and that's, I guess I'm like, I'm in hindsight now that we're talking about it too.

I am kind of like, well, you know, he could have given him another warning, but at the same time, I don't know if this were me if I would even trust him. I feel like what he hid it that is like still not really taking care of the dog and then the dog is still suffering. Like for a dog to be left and it's creating like granite sometimes dogs do get sick in their crates. Like there's they get upset tummies and they just they can't hold it. But he clearly hadn't even been home and he considered the dog.

Yeah. They can't hold it, but he clearly hadn't even been home and he considered the dog. I just think that's really, really shitty. And Justin's roommate got a dog and he travels a lot and he does other things. And he was relying on one roommate to take care of his dog. And that roommate moved out. And so he's kind of now realized like having a dog is kind of a lot. Like he kind of had it really made with having a roommate. Yeah, I was kind of a built-in doggy daycare.

100%. And he's a great dog dad. I don't want to imply like otherwise, but like I'm the one that bought the dog a bed. Because like he just, he didn't see the need to get her a bed. Yeah. And I'm like, she needs a place. And so like I get like, you know, everyone is a different type of dog owner,

but I think this guy proved he is incapable and neglectful. Like this is, but I guess to your point, like this roommate, I don't know, and maybe I know we have a lot of shelter people, that have worked for shelters, and maybe you could chime in on this. And I know that because we had a shelter story in last week's episode. But is it better to bring the dog back to a shelter? Yeah.

Like the shelter, especially the shelter it came from. So they can re-home it. Or is it preferred that, like say this roommate, the situation wasn't good, would it have been better if the roommate would have found the dog a home? I think the first. The shelter. The shelter. Yeah.

So please do weigh in, but just having volunteered and fostered. Yeah. I they want to vet. They want to use their resources to probably re-home, make sure it's a good match. Well, and there's a paper trail. There's a nowhere to go. There's a trail. And sure this doesn't happen again.

First, as you take more of a chance, this guy isn't like, he doesn't know what to look for, he doesn't know what to ask in terms of screening a potential new dog owner. So I would assume that I guess the word shelter is like this scary kind of like everyone just envisions the puppy locked away in a crate barking to get out and sad and scared. But it's there are a lot of great shelters out there that are cage free and that do a great job of placing dogs and giving them the love and the resources and the support until they find their forever home. So I don't want to bash shelters.

I, that's not what I meant. I'm just such a dog lover that it would like, I can't, it would be really hard. I think what I would try to do is, what I personally think I would do is at the halfway point where I'd go to the shelter and say, listen, this is a situation. We got this dog from you or my roommate got this dog from you. It's not working. We need

to rehome the dog. I don't want to put the dog back in a shelter facility and I don't want to use it the resources to do it because that's resources you guys have to use now. I will be a foster. Can you help me rehome the dog? Yeah. I'd probably do it that way, personally. I know, but then you give a guy a chance to like step in. No, no, no, no, I would make it so that that's not an option anymore. Like I agree this guy was not fit to be a dog owner. And to be honest, I mean, that's the challenge of like when there's a dog in a household, it's no matter how you try to spin it. It is the household responsibility

I've lived with dogs. I've lived with roommates who have dogs. Yeah, you take care of your roommates dogs It's no shade to them, but it's just by it's just by default. It's just it just happens There's just it's not even like they aren't a good dog owner like there's just been times where blue needs to go potty And I see her at the door. Yeah. I'm a human being with a heart. Am I supposed to pretend like I didn't see it? Or like, Dan yeah. Like it's like I'm right here. I'm right here.

Let me open the door letter out. But now since I've letter out, I've also got to be responsible letter in because Daniel doesn't know the dog's outside. So now I've got to remember the letter back in. So it's like, it just happens. And so anytime someone, anyone out there who has roommates or is going to live with people, if they say I'm getting a dog, please know you will be caring for that dog.

Yeah. In some way, shape or form, 100%. You will. You will. It is almost impossible. Like people take naps, people forget there are moments where you, the responsibility will fall on you. And I think to your point, too, we just naturally, when we know someone is going to pick up the

slack, we kind of let it happen. Because we're like, well, there's this other abled body who's going to, if I forget or can't do it, they will. It happens. We do have some updates. Okay. There's a lot of comments on this one. I'll try to post the link, Morgan,

remember, insert links on YouTube. But some people are like, not the asshole. If it weren't for you, that poor dog would still be neglected. And it really does seem like your roommate didn't care about the dog. My friend had his ex do this with a dog, except he refused to do anything for the dog.

And the girlfriend essentially neglected the poor dog. And she was tearing up everything in the house. O.P. responds, my roommate did this exact thing. Before I had him get her a crate, she would be locked in the laundry room with all of our shoes without our permission. Poor dog got anxious and tore up everyone's shoes. Rumei said it was our fault. No, because we should know puppies two things. No, never minded that he put her in there knowing she had issues and would do this. I've probably lost at least $100 in possessions because of the dog. I'm glad she's somewhere better now and that I'm moving out in January.

A lot of people are asking like, can you expand on why your roommates think you're the asshole? Well, word count was hard to elaborate. My roommate was able to talk to them before they heard the full story, and he managed to paint things in a light that fit his story. I was able to chat with one roommate since then, and she's more understanding now that she knows my side.

So then OP does like give an update. Not sure if anyone will see this, but I wanted to get out there, that after chatting with one of the non-doggoning roommates, things have adjusted a bit around the house. She happened to see this post and recognized the situation and wanted to apologize for not having sided with me. Like many of us do, she believed the first story she was told, which was from our horrible

roommate and not me. Apparently, he told her that I had told him I was joking when I gave him the ultimatum and told him I liked helping out with the dog and wanted to continue. With emotions high and our roommate highly angry, she was scared to disagree and told me she didn't think it was fair for me to not give a better warning when he insisted. She and our other roommate give our opinions. And afterwards, she just wanted to hide and not be involved.

Since then, she says she feels awful and realizes this is a flaw she should work on. We've actually grown a bit closer through this and we're talking about finding a place without the other two once our lease is up in January. It did call the shelter and ask about how the dog was and if our roommate would be able to go to other shelters to adopt. And they said they have contacted all the other local shelters to let them know. And he will not be approved for any adoptions within a good radius of our town or from any of their other places nationwide. The good news is the dog is doing okay and is already back to harassing people to play with her. Oh, I want her to be adopted though.

Happy ending. It is a happy ending. And yes, I mean, this man is, he's an neglectful dog owner. He shouldn't own a dog. No. Some people just are not fit to own dogs. The same way some people are not fit to be parents. I think that's very true. And the thing is, like, sometimes you don't know

until you get a dog and know. And I think it is really important for people to, and maybe shelters do this. I don't know. But I think it is really important for people to, and maybe shelters do this, I don't know, but I think it's really important that if you've never had a dog or a cat, you start with fostering. Like I think it's so important to like, you don't get the luxury of doing that with kids.

And I think it's something, you can babysit. You could, it gives you a glimpse. But I think it's like then you know and you're not you're not agreeing to take on this dog and you get the fun puppy stage and then you give it back. Yeah. You're you're kind of like going into with the expectation of like I'm going to see what it takes. I'm going to see if I can handle it. Well also if it doesn't work I'm helping this dog get out of a shelter and finding it a great home. Yeah. I think in theory

that sounds great. I know some shelters have moved away from temporary fosters like that. Really? Yeah, I've tried to apply it. Because I didn't really like this shelter's rationale, but apparently it can be just too much back and forth for the dog. Yeah. And the dog is trying to act.

Apparently, they don't get to show the dog, the dog doesn't ever get to show it's true personality because it's kind of like in that, like not honeymoon phase with you, but still in its shy. By the time it comes out of its shell, it's going to another foster and the cycle repeats. So they want just like long term foster.

Okay. Yeah, there was another reason a shelter gave me that I don't remember now, but I just, it's gotten harder to believe it or not. It's in my experience living in Los Angeles, you know, like. Yeah, you're very active in dog rescue community. Yes, and I found it's harder to foster than adopt. That's so wild. I feel like there's one shelter I follow here.

It's Westside, German Shepherd Rescue. And they're always looking for emergency short-term clusters. That's just to get the dog to cure. Yes. Especially if it's because they do a lot of rescues from kill shelters. That's a pull. And especially with dogs that are pregnant about to give birth or has puppies and they can't have them in the shelter because of parvo and all this stuff. Like, I feel like they're one of the ones

that are really, like, really good. I know there's good shelters out there. There are. I will say, and again, I love shelters. I have volunteered fostered all the things, but there have been a lot of shelters that do a lot of gatekeeping. And especially, here's the issue with LA,

and I'm just, I'm gonna expose these shelters really quick. Let's see it. Some of these shelters in LA, because it's LA, this is a market thing for sure. They want to, if they have an opportunity to adopt a dog out to a high profile or celebrity. I knew that's what you were gonna say. They will do it.

I know the foundation you're talking about. Yeah, there's a couple, but I know which one you're thinking of. So it's an L. Yep, and so some of them will literally hoard the quote unquote like desirable dogs, who don't treat various golden noodles, Frenchies, puddles, whatever.

And they will like, because if they can hold out for like, ooh, Ellen DeGeneres, all hypothetical you guys, I don't want to slander anybody, but these are just like, they will, because their odds are good. I mean, think about it, these celebrities are all adopting now, that's the thing. And that's great, I'm here for it.

I love it. I love it. I love the helps the cause. I'm not against it, but listen, why are they like, it's like these shelters have assumed that they're gonna be a better dog owner than me little old ole down the street.

It's, which honestly isn't necessarily true because they're traveling for months and going on shoots. Exactly. But here's another thing too. It's a visibility. It'll give them clout because then they can post it and say, oh my gosh, Lisa Vanderpump got her dog here or whoever, right? And I've noticed that and I know because I've fallen victim to it.

I've tried to get puppies that they will literally, I'll see the dog gets adopted to like a celebrity. And I'm like, I applied for that dog way before like, there's just no way I've applied for a lot. And I lose out. And so my point is like, that's so wild. LA, it's really hard to adopt a dog, you guys. It's, I think this is why I have like such a like, the shelters here are kind of funky.

They put me in fight or flight mode. When I see a dog, I know, like, and the thing is, as they won't even, I've done where certain shelters will allow you to keep an application on file. And then if the dog comes up that you want, you just say, hey, my name's Alejandro, I have an adoption on the application of file. Here's the dog I want.

And some will make you reapply, which I don't understand, because a lot of the answers are the same. You're just gatekeeping now. And anyway, sorry, Tingeental, but I'm looking to get a dog and it's just been so hard because there's so many barriers to entry nowadays. Like, I saw something that it's actually easier. I don't want to make a close to a breeder. To go to a breeder. To buy a gun than adopt a dog.

That's jarring. Wile. Jarring. And do a breeder for sure honestly well and so one of the comments I saw on our YouTube was I got declined like three times from a shelter and so like oh and I think she was like a vet tech so she was a vet tech got declined from adopting from a shelter and so she went on Craigslist I mean what choice do you have if you're dying to be a dog mom in like all these shelters? I mean, I'm not justifying it.

I'm, you know, I would love to adopt, but it's some of these shelters and not all of them. They're really great ones out there. Some of them need to do better. Yeah, really. I literally, we had a couple of people that work for amazing shelters and they were commenting their like process.

And if any of you guys reach out to me, I would love to put together a PDF kit for shelters. I'll help you work with you, do the videos with you, and literally we'll send it off to shelters. It should be an informational little course because there are good ones out there. Maybe an event. Here in LA, I would love to get involved with the shelters. I've been involved with them. And like, it's so fun to help them do their, like, they're so like scarce on resources. And a lot of them could use more. Some of them are dominating the market. We know which ones those are. Yeah. And some of them aren't

using the best practices to get that visibility. But there's a lot of good ones out there. So we're not describing that. No. and you will see, like, when, not right away when we move into our house, because I want to enjoy the fresh house without a dog, yeah, wrecking my shit for a little bit. But we, Justin and I have talked about fostering and like having a dog on the show every week, kind of like, sitting over there

where our buddy Randall is. That his name is Jingle. Oh, Jingle, yeah, we changed it, Jingle. Like, and then being like, hey, like, this is Jingle, he's up for adoption. Like, we wanna like use this for that and like share stuff. And I do share some rescues on my Instagram, like Westside German Shepherd.

Because it's just near and dear to my heart. I know, it's, we'll walk around that subject, sock check. Hey. I've got dogs on my socks, and I didn't even know we were gonna talk about dogs. I picked some stories that might, you know, might have been a little relatable. You know I'm for the dogs, for all the dogs.

You're the ultimate dog, Gurley. You really are. I'm the biggest dog lover. That's why it's hard for me to even like slander a dog situation, but I love dogs more than the next person. But, and we get it's tough, but hey, if you can adopt, adopt, and definitely don't support backyard breeders, like, you know, we know it's tough, and there are really good shelters out there, so you might just have to work a little harder for your new best friend.

But thank you for coming on this episode. I'm going to miss you in your face so regularly. But it's fine. No. You're not gone forever. You're just adventuring a little. Yeah. I mean, like I said, there's a lot of changes. Mostly good. Yeah. Depending on how you look at it, but mostly good. So, you know, change is scary. But, you know, I feel like it's very needed. It's so cliche to say, but like we're in the season of change with the

holidays coming up. We know holidays are tumultuous time. There's a lot of changes new year, you know, just new feelings. And I just happen to be in a very, very thick season of a lot of change all at once, which can be really jarring, jarring, and just overwhelming and just taking it day by day. It's like I do. But feel free to throw like your best Alejandra, THT, memory, like she's not dying, but you're

doing me a little way. It's like, let's just pump her up a little bit. Like she's given so much to the show and again, she'll be on some time in the near future. But just show some little all I love in the comments, whether it's your favorite moment or just some nice words. Unhinged moments. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you can find one. I know. God, you picked out. I think you're the story you picked was probably the best today. Really? Yeah, it was so good. Or it's just because you didn't read it so you had the most fierce reaction.

That is also true. But thank you for having me. I love you guys. And this has been so much fun. And I'll see you sometime. Until next time, guys. Bye. Bye.

Bye. you you