Two Hot Takes - 143: Horrible Holidays..

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Lauren! The gals are in Canada and recording these terrible, no good, very bad holiday stories from the cold outdoors. Don't let the wind and shivers distract you from these cold takes.. From getting excluded from celebrations to offending your family by bringing a casserole, the holidays can bring out the weird in some people. Thoughts on these ones?! MERCH IS HERE!!! https://shop.twohottakes.com I can't wait to see you all in these. Especially at the live shows we have this upcoming spring ;) Let's get back into giving and making change: If able consider donating to your local shelter !! Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Skylight Frames: Get $15 off a Skylight Frame at SkylightFrame.com/TAKES NextEvo: NextEvo.com promo code: THT to get 25% off. Skims: Skims.com -- after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show <3 Draft Kings: Download the DraftKings Casino app NOW and sign up with promo code: HOTTAKES Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.1800gambler.net. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. 21+. Physically present in Connecticut/Michigan/New Jersey/Pennsylvania/West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. One per opted-in new customer. Min. five dollar deposit. Max match five hundred in casino credits which require 1x play-thru within 7 days. See terms at casino dot draftkings dot com slash player’s choice for eligibility, terms and responsible gaming resources.

This hockey season pick up something to celebrate the puck drop. Wolf Glass Yellow Label Cabernet Sauvignon is now 14.95 until December 31st at the LCBO. Why settle when you can soar? Wolf Glass Yellow Label. Just your reminder to subscribe and be sure to go check out our merch that's on sale now. I think it would be the perfect gift for any two hot tastes listener. Even if that's you, treat yourself, and enjoy the episode. The scorcher. Oh, yeah, my butt is numb.

Hello, my friends. How's your butt doing? It's a little chilly, but honestly, I love it. I have ice on my chair. Oh, it's bad. Just pretend you're in a cold punch. Oh, that actually did help. Thank you. Yeah, it's bad. Just pretend you're in a cold punch. Oh, that actually did help. Thank you. Yeah, it's all mental. It's all mental. Welcome to Canada. Welcome. Specifically, Lake

Louise. This is where we're starting this week's episode. But Lauren and I are adventuring. All Honda got Paris. Lauren gets BAMF and Calgary in parts of Canada. So here we are! Here we are. It is magical. Everyone we've met so far has been absolutely incredible. I love Canada. I feel so at home here. Sweetest people ever.

I love them. We just had lunch at the Fairmont on Lake Louise. It's behind us, Lake Louise. That is not the Fairmont Hotel. And it's behind us like Louise, that is not the Fairemont Hotel, and it's beautiful. Absolutely insanely gorgeous. I can't stop saying it over and over again. No.

And it might be a little chilly, but it's okay, we got champagne and some margarita drink. In a champagne glass, I love my tequila. But it felt more fancy. Authentic to the holiday episode too. Yeah, I feel that. I feel that.

So, this week's episode is all about horrible holidays. We have so many holidays coming up, whether it's Thanksgiving, Canadians had their Thanksgiving. You could celebrate Black Friday, honestly, because there's really good deals, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, New Year's Eve, and the holidays bring out sometimes the worst in people, the most chaos, the just the high adrenaline, the high stress. What's like your worst holidays, have you ever... Oh, not for the podcast. But I want to have family members that like me after this.

It's like, I think I'm obsessed with holidays. I think that no matter what they are, they're so fun. If I'm single on Valentine's Day, I think it's really fun still. I love all the decorations, I love the hearts, all of it. I don't care if it's all commercialized. I think it's just so cute to have all these different decorations.

So I'm all here for the holidays, but I do, particularly with Thanksgiving and Christmas, it seems like on the actual day, there's always something that goes wrong. But leading up, I usually am completely obsessed. It's just the actual day that there's just so much stress, so many people are expecting different things out of their own holiday. They want it a certain way. And then they get really sad or disappointed when it doesn't happen. And they don't know how to just kind of like turn it off.

So I think that happens for a lot of people. And some people are very fortunate. And the actual Christmas day, holiday day, whatever it is day, quanza, all the different days, all the days. They have the best time. And all their family members get along incredibly well. What is that like?

What is that like to have good holidays? I think I might have like one, but like the holidays every year, there is some sort of drama. Yeah. I love going home and being with family, but like damn, people need to pipe down a little. Yeah. Let's embrace what this is all about, people need to pipe down a little. Yeah.

Let's embrace what this is all about. Let's not get mad about gifts. Yeah. Like let's all just be good. Let's not get mad about the mashed potatoes. They're fine. Oh my God, I, you know, I would probably fight over mashed potatoes, because I'm a potato girl.

I feel like that's what my ass is mostly mad about. Oh my God. You know, random, but you know, chill has a poster in her room that explains all the different versions of potatoes and why they are God's gift to the world. Doesn't surprise me. You guys will meet chill soon. She's bound to make it on an episode here there.

She needs eventually. Eventually. God, I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna get her on. You guys are gonna lose your mind how hilarious she is. She's chaotic. She's a hundred miles per hour in the best way. Chaotic. Okay, are you ready?

Yes. Let's dive in. Let's go. I didn't say let's do it for once. Criminal, let's go! Who am I? I'm a changed woman now that I'm in Canada. Let's go! Let's go!

It's Canadian. Maybe that's why I did it. Okay, you ready? Oh my god. These are a little, little thin. How are you holding up with no gloves? My extremities built different. Yeah, you are. My extremities like, I remember we went to a Vikings game in Minnesota when they were building the stadiums It was negative 28 degrees Fahrenheit Because it was at the University of Minnesota stadium Which is outdoors because it doesn't last as long usually so it doesn't get so cold But the Vikings were playing there and it was the first time that I met Jerry actually and Jerry's just scuffling around he's like, let's go

It was chaos. We hid in the bathroom. Like we were so cold we just hid in the bathroom. It's so bad. You guys, I'm wearing boots with like three different pairs of socks and yet my toes were still numb. It was brutal, but I think that might have been my first football game that I've ever been to. Yeah.

Which is maybe why I'm not a football fan. Okay. Just kidding. Okay. Well, this next one is definitely brutal as well It is 33 days old coming from AIT AH Am I the asshole for telling my brother that it was inappropriate to tell his wife He wants a divorce in the middle of our Thanksgiving dinner sounds sounds like that would make sense. It's inappropriate Added it to add the following. I am Canadian. And in Canada, Thanksgiving is held on the second Monday in October.

Americans don't need to post or send me messages telling me I'm wrong or questioning why I had Thanksgiving in October. Yes, Canada. Coming at us. This has happened up to you often. Canada. Yeah. People fight about it. So there is. Since I bought a house this summer, and actually had Thanksgiving off work for once,

I hosted Thanksgiving for my family last Monday. It was my mom, my brother's, Bill, and Dave, and Dave's wife, Ivan. We were in the middle of dinner when Dave told Ivan he wants a divorce. Ivan was obviously upset. Dave said he was going to wait to tell her, but he couldn't take it anymore. The reason for the divorce depends on who you ask. Yvonne says

she thinks Dave must be cheating on her. Dave says it's because he has realized he's gay. I don't think Thanksgiving dinner is an appropriate place to tell your spouse that you want a divorce. Dave thinks I'm being too sensitive because it was my first time hosting a holiday. It made everything awkward even after Yvonne left. He accused me of being a bad sister and homophobic. He later apologized for calling me homophobic, but not for calling me a bad sister. I'm seeking opinions from strangers who were not there and aren't emotionally involved.

Was I an asshole for telling Dave that Thanksgiving wasn't an appropriate time to tell Yvonne he wants a divorce? Am I wrong to be mad at him? Also, I just want to add that no one in my family has a problem with Dave Beaton Gay. Does Dave explain why he felt that was the right time? Was it just like he exploded? Or was he like planning this? Because that's the thing is that there's two different types of breakups, whether if you're married

or if you're in a relationship, whatever it is. But like there's one where you accidentally do it, you're not planning to and it just comes out of your mouth because you're so fed up and frustrated. And then there's another where it's like you're planning on this, you're thinking about it, you're really having a hard time, you're scared to do it, you don't wanna do it, you finally rip off the band-aid, you know, there's like two different types, so it sounds like it was probably more explosive than it was pre-planned, right?

Yeah, there's no further information about why he felt it was necessary. Just OP responding to people that she's in Canada, and that's why she was celebrating Thanksgiving. Well, it was inappropriate. So it definitely was inappropriate, but I would say the life is life. Well, no, so my head, and I don't know why,

like there's no context to say this, but I think sometimes if you're in an abusive relationship, you almost need the support of others around you because of the outcome that could happen. So my head, I was like, okay, well, maybe that's the reason he wanted to do it in front of other people and feel supported and like, he was going to be safe, but it doesn't necessarily seem like that. It just seems like he couldn't hold it in anymore and maybe he's been trying to have this conversation with her. She's putting it off and now he's

at his wit's end and it's like, I'm doing it. Here we go. This is it. So we're getting to fall hard. Okay. So do we think this is why I'm so confused. Why would he call his sister a bad sister? Because he thought it was gonna be a safe place. Maybe he was imagining cheers. Maybe he was imagining hugs after, but it's awkward. But was she involving someone in your private matters? Wait, that? Okay, so was his wife there?

Yes. Was his wife down for it? She just found out. That's what I'm saying. This was news to her, this was news to everyone. That's why I'm like, okay, how is he expecting cheers? That would be ruthless.

I'm sorry, but I get, of course, there's hugs. I think he may be expected just like a safe place and hugs. Oh my God, you're coming out. Good for you for being your authentic self. Okay, we'll divorce her first and then come out. Like that's, or just, or come out to your family, but don't announce your divorce to your wife.

Can you imagine right now? Like can you imagine right now? Like I always try to like put somehow myself in the situation. So I'm like, what if like right now, like you were in a situation with your entire family in Thanksgiving and then all of a sudden, or Justin's Thanksgiving and then all of a sudden or Justin's family and then all of a sudden Justin goes Hey, I want to break off the engagement because I'm gay

That's not fair. No if it was behind like if it was a private conversation between the two of us of course totally fine Yeah, yeah, like I love you to pieces right if you guys bud together You're beautiful that bird is he's standing on the camera fucking shit a bird just landed on our camera you guys take a picture so you guys can see him oh there's another one oh my god oh the other one left but this one's really cool too please land on the camera please land on the camera you never know what you're gonna get when you record in the wild outdoors this is the coolest fucking bird I've ever seen. It's so puffy, it's so cute. I feel like an animal whisper. I zoom because my gloves are on.

Oh my god. I literally feel like I'm... The bird that came on the camera was so cute. That was crazy. I literally feel like I'm bell or something. Oh my god. They like us. Oh yeah. What's're doing a blue tail. This feels like a mating call. He wants you. I mean, I am big and puffy and black just like him, but he's kind of white too. Really cool.

Sorry for that brief interruption. Oh, where were we? What were we talking about? Yeah, no, I would be hurt if Justin announced in public. Yeah, that's it. I think you owe your partner the privacy of like, and the respect, this is not something that needs to be broadcasted right away.

Like, talk to your partner first. And like, if she's not listening, then you know, you say, out loud, hey, Vaughn, I want a divorce. I'm gonna file. I know you're trying to ignore me, but, right. You know, so I know somebody who actually try to break up with his girlfriend of a few years, quite a few times.

And he ended up just like, she kept being like, no, no, no, we're good, we're fine. You're just, you know, having a moment, whatever. I mean, I wasn't there, but something like, we're fine, I just got ignored. I just got ignored in it. So he ended up like sending her an email. And email, an email.

And they did it for years. They did it for years because she kept ignoring it. And so he was just like, okay, I need to like, just tell her it's, so yeah, we don't know the context of it. We don't know it, but at the same time, I do think like we were talking about in the beginning, the birds back. Okay, sorry.

Get the picture. Get the picture. Okay, hold on. Move quietly. Oh my God, please do not fingers. Please don't check the lens. Please. Oh, he's gone. He's gonna come back. I'll come back. Okay, I have my phone. I don't know why I'm acting like I'm full-ness. Cool. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, like I was saying, I think that there's maybe situations and dynamics and context that we don't know, but at the same time, we talked about this in the beginning of the episode where it's like, it's everybody's holiday and everybody's trying to celebrate. And so I think the best way to go about it is remembering that. So

yes, this is not just about you. It's not just about you. And yes, this was a big moment and you want your family to be all supportive. But like, it's like if you were to announce that without your wife there, that's a different story. But it's like now people are going to feel uncomfortable about how do they how do they move forward? What do they say? Like this was a dropping a bomb on a huge like public place where they don't know the dynamic. Yeah, and I also don't think she deserves that either. So very clearly not the asshole. Yeah, I think the brothers kind of got his head up his ass and like good for you for being your true authentic self, but there's a time and a place and you don't need a sabotage.

Everyone else's holiday or make your wife feel disrespected or embarrassed in front of your family. Like give her the decency of having a private conversation privately. Especially, imagine if she truly was a 100% caught off guard. Yeah. A caught off guard.

And it sounds like she was. Yeah, I can't imagine if somebody publicly broke up with me that I had no idea they were going to. Crazy. Like, any type of separation I've had have always been very delicate in person. Yeah. So I can't imagine just like publicly like, it's terrible. It's like she's the man.

We're done. Like, remember when you're ugly. Yeah. Top comment on this one, not the asshole, but Dave Sheriz. That was a conversation Dave should have had one on one with his wife and not in front of an audience. Dave showed his immaturity in this situation. Next comment, agreed.

Canadian Thanksgiving is usually time for togetherness and being thankful of the blessings but to do this in front of family, bad form on the brother, not the asshole OP. Your brother is an idiotic asshole who should have known better. This year I'm thankful my attorney got his paperwork done in record time. Here, this is for you. Like, he basically slipped her divorce papers. Yeah. Okay, y'all, that's story number one. I'm cold. The birds are landing on the camera. This has

been chaos so far. I'm sad though. I'm really enjoying this time that we're spending with everybody here. We're going to keep recording on location. This is just a spot. Stop. Number one. We'll miss you guys in between. Next story.

Bye. I am cold. Ready for this? Are you ready to how it takes family? Woo. It's scary. Just twist. Don't let go of the cork though.

Just hold down. Just twist. Don't let go of the cork though, just hold down. Oh God. What? What? I don't know weird mood today. That was honestly a little scary. I jumped over here too. Did you see me?

No. And Lily was like, like, jumping. We are filming today. Too cold takes. Too cold takes. Honestly, maybe that's what we call that episode. Too cold takes. Too cold takes. Honestly, maybe that's what we call the episode. Too cold takes. Because we're freezing.

We are recording from the Canalta lodge in BAMF Canada. They were so nice. Like this is one of the first hotels that's like agreed to let me record at their place. So they were super nice. Like even gave us this bottle of champagne I see in the rest of the team here loves to say I love Canadian. I love Canadian. I love Canadian. I know you do I want to be Canadian so bad. Okay up first. This one is it's a little little hot only eight days old. Oh It is titled am I the asshole for hosting my own Thanksgiving after my daughter-in-law

didn't invite me to hers. I came here for another opinion, my daughter-in-law does not like me. My son got her pregnant in college and I told him to get a paternity test since he was not exclusive with her and she wasn't either. He told me she was seeing other people. He did and he is the father. The first time I met her, she told me it was not a pleasure to meet the person who thinks she is a whore. Calm down.

I never called to that. I tried to explain, but got cut off by my son. Me and him had a conversation, and he told me to drop it. Shotgun wedding, and one kid later, our relationship is strained. I see her at family events, but me to drop it. Shotgun wedding and one kid later, our relationship is strained. I see her at family events, but that is really it. I've been blown off so many times for inviting them out that I don't anymore. I've accepted that I won't be a strong presence in their lives or my grandchild. Now the family rotates who does holidays. It is her time to host Thanksgiving. I gave

a text asking what time I should be over and if they want me to bring anything. She told me I wasn't invited, but my husband is. I talked it over with him and we decided to host our own. I informed the other kids what happened and I will have dinner at my place if they want to go. Well, none of the other kids are going now and I'm getting texts from her and my son that I am acting like a jerk and to cancel my Thanksgiving. What a bitch.

Am I the asshole? No, absolutely not. What can you do? This is so weird. You were purposefully excluded. Yeah. What are you supposed to do? You're not invited about your husband is

on Thanksgiving. What a actual bitch. Like, even if there was more contacts to this, like even let's say that the mom, like OP, like she actually was a huge, like really like mean and awful in the beginning of the relationship, I just feel like it's one of those things

where it's like, well, to invite the dad and not hurt the husband, and then say you are not invited to a family, like get over yourself. You were just absolutely ridiculous. I also think it's so mean to purposefully exclude people. It's like, oh you and your husband both are invited. We're just keeping it intimate this year, whatever.

But to purposefully exclude and give it to her so direct, if this person has really, really burned you, yeah. But honestly, if I was fucking three people, and I didn't know who the dad was, I'd want a paternity test too. Exactly. But I think I'm getting really weird vibes here from the sun.

Like I think the sun kind of lied to her or something happened because for her to try to explain herself and then get cut off by the sun Something that is she Something's fishy Maybe oh He was the one who was not exclusive when she was I Think you could be right. Yeah. Oh god. Okay. I gotta take it because he was not exclusive

He thought there was a chance that she was doing the same thing that he was doing and so he listened to her his mom and got it You know, whereas she maybe was extremely exclusive and in love. But like I said, even, even so, even if that was the case, like, of course, that would not be cool and that wouldn't feel good, but still to on a family, like a holiday, to purposely not invite the mom and host a party. That's just so petty and just, I'm sorry, that's not okay. Well, what did you think is gonna happen? You think her other kids are just gonna like,

let their mom be excluded? No. Of course, everyone's gonna shift things, giving. Exactly. So either, shbuck up, invite everyone, or do your own thing because that's what this is shaped out to be.

This girl reminds me of somebody that my friend's symbol is dating. Every time she meets the parents, it's just so much disregard for their family, like, home and values and their expectations. Because it'll be like these family events where it's a lot of other family, extended family members. And she just has no regard to respect for. And I just don't understand that

because for me, like even, even if I'm in a fight with a boyfriend or something like that, the minute I step into their family home, I'm like, hi, you know, like I just, I'm like, they're inviting me to their home. Like it's not their problem. Like it's, I'm gonna be respectful and treat these people well.

Even if baby they aren't like, you know, the nicest people are like my number one, like I will always treat them well. Like it's my significant others family. Yeah, I agree. Okay, top comment on this one. Not the asshole. Hey, you may be an asshole to your daughter-in-law.

Jerry is out on that one, and it's not why we're here. But when it comes to Thanksgiving, you weren't invited. So what did she expect you to do? Yeah. OP does respond to that one. I don't know. My husband wouldn't let me sit around by myself on Thanksgiving.

Hell no. Which is what a good partner literally does. Like they're doing exactly what should be done. And someone replies back to it. And he shouldn't. And if your other kids didn't want you to be alone on Thanksgiving either, that's fine too. Yeah, I can't even over what a bitch this girl is.

I know I said I was gonna stop swearing as much, as much, not completely, but like that is just, she just, she's just mean. That's coldhearted. Coldhearted. It's mean. Next comment, if my sister-in-law treated my mother like shit, I wouldn't attend that dinner either.

There is a little bit of a mini update from O.P. I sent a text with screenshots about not being invited to my son. According to him, he didn't know I wasn't invited and thought I was hosting to piss off his wife. He sent texts that confirmed that. I have called daughter-in-law to ask about how he presented the paternity test.

And if they were exclusive at the time, good one Lauren, no pick up, so I will ask over text and give my side of the story, will inform when she responds. I think this is what the daughter-in-law responded. This is like another little clip of update. I got thrown under the bus, and they were on a break when she got pregnant.

Apparently they dated for like two months, had a break, became fuck buddies again, got back together, then she found when she got pregnant. Apparently they dated for like two months, had a break, became fuck buddies again, got back together, then she found out she was pregnant. He presented it as me forcing him to have the test. A little dick. So they're going to deal with that now. Oh my God. Good.

Good. Happy ending. The air is clear. The fact that he was like that, what a actual, he's the bitch. Yeah, but I think like, but it's like to allow like yours and the other to go through with it and uninvite your mom to like family things

and just be like, yep, I'm cool with that and not like cover for it. And like because that's so lame of him. Yeah, I think it's interesting though that like she wasn't mature enough like to have a conversation with her mother-in-law and just kind of get it out in the open. And you know, pull her aside at an event or say, Hey, can we go grab coffee?

I want to talk about this. And have an actual conversation with her and say, I know you forced him to get a paternity test. I didn't really appreciate that. Yeah. I felt really disrespected by that. And in order to move forward, I would like an apology. Right.

And then it could have brought about a conversation where she was like, wait, what? I thought you guys weren't exclusive. Yeah. Because I think this is a hard part and something I've personally really struggled with. When you have a relationship in high school, it's hard to like push back on your partner's family because you're young, you're still kind of a kid. But then there's this shift in your life. I'm an adult.

I'm 29. I should be able to have the same level as my mother-in-law. She's not my superior. I don't automatically owe her undying respect. I should be able to have conversations and stay how I'm feeling. I should be able to point out that was rude. That hurt my feelings.

And that was a really hard mental block like I had to get over and be like, no, I'm an adult too. I have just as much right as she does to state my unhappiness or my feelings. And so that's where these two are at. Like she should have came forward if she was so bothered by this.

And clearly she still is. Like you didn't invite her to things giving. You are holding a grudge. It's time to move on. Yeah. I know I wonder how long it's been since, too. Let me see if there's any other comments from OP. I need to chug this.

I'm chilly. Is the B word still okay to say? I don't know, ask our friends. Can you say the B word? I think as long as you're inclusive of the B word, boys can be bitches too. I did call him that. Yeah. I get worried that I'm going to say a word that I don't know is not okay anymore. Oh my god, we do it all the time.

It happens and then our lovely family tells us and we don't say it again. Yeah. You don't know what you don't know. So someone asked info, have you ever spent time with your daughter in law alone off topic from the actual post, but I'm shocked by her reaction to you. She assumed you called her a whore.

Have you ever told her you didn't? Yeah. And OP goes yes to both questions. I'm going to call her and ask how my son asked for the test. So it seems like OP was already kind of like suspicious of her own kid. Right. And specifically because he cut her off when she was trying to explain herself. Yeah.

Oh, this is interesting. So someone goes, the yearly asshole can go to you and your daughter-in-law. The animosity between the two of you has obviously been building for many years. Usually being the host in a rotating host situation means everyone is invited. And OP goes, da, da, da, da, da, da, years. I've known her for almost a year. The kid is only four months.

So this is all very fresh. Very fresh. very fresh. Yeah. Very fresh. I see you're just looking not imagine not inviting my significant others. Mom, unless it was something where it was like there is no relationship at all, like zero. They're cut off from their family, whatever. But I just so such a wild thought process. I guess she was young too then, because weren't they in college?

Yeah, so maybe she hasn't crossed that threshold of the comfortability of approaching in laws. Yeah. Because it is so hard. It is so hard. I've had small little tips pop up here and there. And it is very, very challenging to be asserting your own place when it's someone that

does technically garner like more automatic respect on a base level because she's older, my partner's mom, whatever it is, it's a hard bridge to cross. I totally get it. Yeah. I feel like I've been pretty fortunate to have really like my partner's parents have always been really great to me. Yeah. I've never really had to have any type of conversation. Oh my God, you're so lucky. Yeah.

I had one, my high school boyfriend, his stepmom at the time was like, she hated me. She absolutely hated me. And so me and Dave went in hot tubbed, because they had a hot tub at their house, and we went and like, they had this big like, changing room inside. And so we were in the changing room,

like changing and like getting ready after the hot tub. And she walks by the door and goes, little bitch. Okay, so the word still works. And I was like, what the fuck did I do to you? Oh my God, that she was nuts. That is insane. Wow, I the only, okay, I actually did have one partner's mom who I was not a fan of. She was just like the most helicopter mom of all times, given we were literally 15 years old, but it was just so

strange to me, like, I would go over to his place and we hadn't kissed yet. He had a lake in his backyard and we were sitting on the inner tube and then he kissed me for the first time. A kiss, a peck. It's not like we were making out. Oh my God.

And then she, it's hovering over us. Like the house is really far away from the lake too. Okay. She's hovering over us and she goes house is really far away from the lake too. Okay. She's hovering over us and she goes, I saw that in that tone. Wow. And then we kind of jumped and like got away from each other

and she goes, For a peck, 15. At 15. It seems like an appropriate time for her first kiss. Might have even been 16. Oh God. But and then anyway, she's like, maybe it was 15. But regardless, whatever.

It's a peck. Like I had my first kiss when I was like five, but anyway, she goes, come to dinner now. And we were kind of embarrassed. And he's like, oh, okay, yeah, mom, like we'll meet you there. We'll get up to dinner, whatever. She goes, no, now.

And so we go and we walk up to their dinner and then we sit down. And as I would have said, Mom, can you come get me? Literally, we sit down and she's remarried. And she has like, so he has all these like younger, like a has siblings at the table. And she goes, I guess it's time that we talk about sex.

And she's like, you're too young to be having it. And like, and just starts, and I thought, so uncomfortable. I was like, what did you say? I thought so uncomfortable. Oh my god. Sorry, I just had to sink in my chair a little bit to explain how I felt. But and then, and oh god, she was just,

that's so inappropriate to do. Yeah, and like his stepdad was there and everything. And I'm like, it was a peck. It was a peck. I'm like, is this like, are you okay? She's out of her mind. The other funny thing that she used to do is that every time that we would be at an event together,

she'd always introduce me as, this is his friend. And he'd, he'd be like, this is my girlfriend and she'd be like, it's his friend. And I'm like, what? Like a mom that wants to fuck her son. Like, honestly, it's weird. Well, they're also really religious,

so maybe it was partially just, that was her son. Like honestly, it's weird. Well, they're also like really religious. So maybe it was like partially like just that was hurt. Like it's so I think she had a lot of growing pains of him, like not being a baby anymore. Okay. I see that. But that was my only like really like uncomfortable, like partner type of parent situation. And I was 15. So I'm not going to say shit. No, no chance. I can't. I need to start putting in a bucket every time I swear, like a quarter or something. For a dollar. Thought it'd be good.

Unless people think it's cute when I swear. I mean, I have the mouth of a sailor. Like it just happens. I remember, like I didn't even, I was talking about this before, but I don't even realize how much I swear. It's like more of like an exasperated type of use it. Like I don't, I rarely ever use it in of an exasperated type of use it. I rarely ever use it in an actual angry, fight type of way.

It's just another way to be like, oh, or whatever. But it was just so funny because you were telling me that Justin's mom's husband, so Justin's stepdad was listening to the podcast one time and was like, I like how much Lauren swears. And I was like, oh, damn it, I like how much Lauren swears and I was like, oh, damn it, I swear that much. I think I'm worse. I don't know.

I think I'm honestly worse. I got the mouth of a sailor. My grandma every time. Morgan. Really? A girl so pretty shouldn't have a mouth like that. Like she's just so cute. Oh, that's so cute.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna get like a little bucket. I'm gonna start putting in like a quarter every time. Okay, that's a good idea. Yeah, okay, moving along. Okay, sorry. No, I'm just trying to get these stories in before I freeze to death.

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So if you're ready to try it for yourself, as a special limited time offer for our listeners, get $15 off your purchase of a Skylite frame. When you go to SkyliteFrame.com slash takes, to get $15 off your purchase of a Skylite frame, just go to SkyliteFrame.com slash takes. That's SKY, L-I-G-H-T-F-R-A skyliteframe.com slash takes. That's sky l i g h t fr a m e dot com slash takes. So this one is one day old, titled, what would be the asshole if I kick

out my daughter-in-law for bringing food to Thanksgiving? Hmm. Redditors, I have done everything you are suggesting. This is a four-year problem. Everything you are thinking of, someone has tried with her. And I did check her account. There's no previous post. So if you've seen this, it rings a bell after. Let me know. I will try to keep it short.

My daughter, Ma'keli, has been in our lives for four years now. In general, she's a good person, but she has one habit that drives me up the wall. She doesn't listen and will do what she thinks is polite, even if the other person tells her not to. For example, her brother-in-law asked for no presence for his birthday. He has some trauma with birthdays and gifts, and just get dinner with everyone. Well, she got him a huge present that he didn't want. It was really awkward and it hurt him a lot. She does this thing with food.

Anyone is hosting, she will bring food as a hostess gift. The main problem is that it always needs something done to it when they get there. Time in the oven, or it needs to stay cold and I don't have fridge space. Also, she is usually late to the event due to her job. This has been a problem for most of the family with her. We have talked to her and she doesn't stop.

In short, it is disrespectful to completely ignore what we are saying and do one thing we don't want. Last Thanksgiving was a nightmare. She was late and her casserole needed time in the oven, so all the food was done but hers. I talked to her and when she pulled the same thing at Christmas, talked to her again, and then it happened again. We have suggested bringing any other hostess gift but food, but she doesn't listen. At this point it feels like a fuck you, I won't listen to what you want. She is a bad guest and my son, her husband, can't really help since he is deployed and not at most events.

I informed her last month if she brings any food to Thanksgiving, I will kick her out. I sent a text today reminding her to please, not bring any food. I got a call from my daughter telling me she plans to bring food. This one's funny. What would be the asshole to kick her out

when she brings the food? Okay, so what I don't understand, yes, absolutely like this girl is disrespectful. Like people are clearly telling asking, you know, and she's being disrespectful, but it's in a funny way because it's like, first of all, I'm kind of confused by the guy who was like traumatized by her gift, you know, like obviously he had a trauma before with birthdays in general. So he didn't want any presents.

He just wanted nice dinner. Okay. And then so she brought a huge present. And it, like if you've gone through trauma, yeah, like it's like a, you're rehashin' it. It's triggering. Right. Well, and that's why I'm saying so interesting,

because it's like, without a doubt, she's being disrespectful. She's completely ignoring what people are pleading for her to not do. But it's like she's doing it in such a kind way where it's like, okay, gifts and food. You know what I mean? Those are all supposed to be really loving gestures.

So it's such a funny concept. It's loving when people want it. But when people have told you so many times, and you can do it. That's why you can't do it. It's purposeful, weaponized. Like, but why do you think she does it? Like do you think she's actually doing it to say fuck you?

Or does she just genuinely, she's like, this is a part of my culture, my happiness. And I'm not gonna change that. Like, this is what makes me happy. And that is a thing for some people. Like, they don't like showing up empty handed. But then bring something else. Bring something that doesn't require, it's cooking.

Bring pre-made desserts. Bring a bottle of wine. Bring drinks. Bring other things. Like, you're being told, don't require cooking. Bring pre-made desserts, bring a bottle of wine, bring drinks, bring other things. Like, you're being told, don't bring food. I think I do think that tap-kicking her out feels extreme. Kind of like the last story we're going about. I just throw the food outside. Org nori.

Just ignore it. I think the solution, it's so weird. It's such a weird story. But I think the solution would be that we're all going to eat the food that I made, and we're not going to wait on your dish, because that's what it sounds like happen, that they were waiting for her dish to be done. Yeah. And so all the other food's probably getting cold, and everyone's hungry, and everyone's

excited, and that's probably where that annoyance is. So I would just be like, if you need to do this, it's frustrating because I've asked you not to, so I don't know why you're doing it, because it's not a gesture of kindness, it's a frustration, it feels like it's a slap in the face. It feels like a slap in the face, but if this is something that you absolutely need to do to be happy and feel complete in whatever way,

we are not going to wait on your dish at all. So people will get at the very end, if they're still hungry, they'll eat it. If not, then you can have leftovers. Yeah. There is another little comment. Would you kick her out? It's just so harsh, you know? Well, it's really hard because the sun is deployed. And so she's a military wife and to make her feel excluded, really does suck. Yeah. If this were me, I think I would ignore her dish or I would say, okay, okay, you know, you know where the oven is, you deal with it yourself. Everyone

start dishin' up, enjoy your meal, but you know, you let us know when your dish is done. But like, I wouldn't go out of my way. I wouldn't let this inconvenience me any longer. Yeah. There's another comment though that says, I have also tried not reheating it and giving it back. She got pissed and made comments all night. I tried that at Easter. This has been a four year issue. Any suggestion we would probably have tried. Then what is she asking for?

Would I be the asshole if I kicked her out? Oh, God, I got it, got it. Done. I don't think the asshole. I think after four years, I think the only thing that's gonna send her a message is kicking her out. Or say, hey, you can come in, leave that damn dish outside.

Yeah, you're probably right, but I couldn't do it. Unless there's other history where she's actually just awful to her, I could not kick somebody out of my house based off of that alone. Personally. The top comment is let her bring it. Sit it away from everything. Don't reheat it.

Chill it or anything. Just smile. When she leaves, return it to her in the same state with the same smile. If she dares say anything, remind her that she has been asked repeatedly not to bring anything, not the asshole. I know Pee goes, I've done that. I've tried it before. I think what I think would I would probably do if I was in that situation is that I would tell her, like if that's what her solution was and she would be like, okay, we're going to put your food to the side. And then if she starts making comments all night, like she was saying before, then I would be like,

if you make one more comment, you will have to leave my house. Yeah, and this is good. This is disrespectful. Yeah. Stop making comments or leave my house. Yeah, I would just ignore it. I really would. I wouldn't accommodate her.

I would say if you want to peed it up, you go for it. I don't know if it's an excuse to keep OP in the kitchen longer, making her dish. I don't know what this is, but after four years, this is a point that this is a deliberate attack. This is not trying to be nice anymore. This is not a cultural thing. This is a deliberate attack. It's weird. It's so odd. It's very, very odd. There is another comment that they reply to the top and they go, this completely throwing her out from the jump would be an extreme move. Leave her dish in the kitchen untouched. And if she says anything, go with accomplished scripts. Plus, it puts a damper on the holiday for everyone

present and gets your son riled up in his wife's defense, which that's so true. And he's abroad. Like, yes, or if he's deployed somewhere or even stationed at a base far away, it's so. I'm hearing that your mom kicked me out because I brought a casserole. Like, it's just, it's not something you should have to have on his plate either. And you would be the asshole, but kicking her out, let it be their last resort. And Opie goes, this is my last resort. I am so tired of this. But on the same hand, how does this really affect you? That's what I'm saying. Ignore the dish. Yeah. Don't touch it.

Yeah. And go about your day. Don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her, don't let her I will not tolerate this type of like these snarky remarks. So if you're going to continue to make them, please leave. Yeah. I would love for you to be here. But if you continue this, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I think that's so fair. Yeah.

And like, I don't know why she's like, other than that, it's like, yeah, who cares? Pretty cast or the side. It's a cast or good one. Just ignore it. Yeah, literally. Yeah. OK, moving along.

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and then Lauren and I are freezing and we might go in this sauna over here. I'm chillin. I'm drinking my champagne. Oh, I was shaming. You know what's so funny though is that I learned this like, I don't know when I was in college, but I used to think that like alcohol actually warmed you up. No, it makes you colder. But what it does is it drops your blood temperature, and therefore it feels warmer because your blood is colder. It's not good. Crazy. So actually, if you ever, I probably have said this on the podcast, I'm probably, it's been years now. I'm sure I'm repeating myself.

But if you are ever like stuck in your car or stuck somewhere like an avalanche or something and waiting for people to get you out, do not drink alcohol, it's even more dangerous. It is. Yeah. Heart. Yeah.

I don't know. I did that. I'm like in a really weird mood today. OK. Well, this one was posted three months ago. It is coming from AITH. Am I the asshole for wanting to end my relationship because my fiance wants to spend Christmas

with his daughter and ex-wife. I 29 female met my fiance male 35 years ago. He had a two-year- old daughter who he has shared custody of with his wife, female 40. I always admired his friendship with his ex and how they're raising their daughter amicably. The first Christmas he told me that he was going to spend it with his ex-wife and baby.

He stays the whole three days, 24th through the 26. I didn't even think about it because we were dating for some months only. I usually fly home to my parents on Christmas anyways. This happened every Christmas afterwards and I was fine. He proposed to me in February and yesterday he asked me if I was going to buy my flight to my parents early so I don't need to pay three to four times the cost if I buy around Christmas. I was surprised. I told him that I thought we could do Christmas together this year. He said, what? We, his ex-wife and him, always celebrate Christmas together for the daughter's sake. I told him that it was not okay, now that we

were engaged to be married. I asked him why they don't do alternate Christmases or days like other divorced couples, but he said, no, we promised to make our daughter's life as normal as possible. I started thinking after his words. I don't know how this will work in the future. After five years together, I'm still shipped away every Christmas, and I know it's for the little girl who I adore, but I feel sick to my stomach. I think I want to end the relationship, but he thought I was being so selfish and horrible. I feel horrible too, but I don't see any future with him.

And does not allow her to come with? Nope, that's pretty fucked up. Oh dang it. Let's start again. Jar, Jar. That's pretty messed up. I, I don't understand. I think it's nice that like they wanna have a united front, but then the new partners should be included.

Included, of course. Yeah, yeah, 100%. How could you do, like you, I would have, I personally would have to end the relationship. If he doesn't plan on changing or including me, absolutely. I'm not spending the rest of my life getting excluded from the holidays.

What if we have kids together? Yeah. Then what are you doing? Are you leaving me and our new baby or me and our toddler at home while you go play house with your ex-wife? Crazy. It's amazing that you can be amicable and maintain this great relationship with her for the sake of your daughter.

But why is your fiance not invited? Like, I agree. I do like when couples can do that. I think it's beautiful. I was not, I agree. I do like when couples can do that. I think it's beautiful. I was not, I did not grow up with parents that could do that. I did not either. And so I think it's really awesome

when people can just be like, you know what, we had a relationship, it didn't work out, but we have children. Let's make their life as easy as possible. And let's, you know, I think that's really, I have literally told Justin, if we have kids and we divorce for whatever reason, we will do the holidays together with our new partners. Yeah, that is have kids and we divorce for whatever reason, we will do the

holidays together with our new partners. That is non-negotiable for me. Yeah. I don't care if you cheated. I don't care what happens. We will do that. That's cool. The strain and trauma you subject on your kids otherwise, it is a shit show. When they're little kids, when they grow up and they're teaching me that's for sure. It's just like, at least from what I went through, it was not fun. And me and Justin right now, we have five Christmas as we have to go to. Yeah. It's a, it's a lot. I know that people like judge me for dipping out for Christmas, but I'm like, easier this

way. I love my family. I love seeing them whenever, like, whenever's, what's that phrase? Stress is not high. Stress is not high. Whenever tension is not high. Oh, okay. You know, because I think that's the thing is that with holidays, it's like,

my family's not that bad with holidays, but we've had moments. They're not the worst. Yeah, but we have had moments, like on holidays. I just think like, I'm like, I love seeing you guys in so many different ways and so many different places. And I like it when it's like less stressed.

Yeah. The holidays just add this layer. I get like anxiety when I'm sitting there into my like younger siblings. And I got them Christmas gifts. And they're opening it. And I don't know why, but I just feel like an idiot. I'm like, bad president. It was stupid.

They don't like it. It's so thoughtful. It's just like, it's random like stressful moments, you know, where I, um, yeah, I've did that for Christmas a few times honestly it makes sense like me and Justin last year We went on a vacation right after the holidays to kind of like be able to regroup and calm down as a couple And it was the best thing we could have done all of that like holidays are high-strung for a lot of people especially if you're traveling and going home and doing you know Those kind of things.

We have people in the cold plunge right now, and it's hilarious watching them go in there. The water's probably 34 degrees. It is so cold. So cold. Morgan, I don't know why she recorded me doing this. I look like a fool, but we're gonna have another video of our travel, like a little travel blog.

A travel blog on, on, on. It's gonna be on on Supervised, T-H-T on Supervised, right? Vlog, yes. Yeah, yeah. So you guys will see, I'm like, I'm like wearing no makeup, you guys are gonna get to see my blonde eyelashes

for the first time. Oh my gosh. I have, I have like birthmarks. I think I've talked about it, but like half of my hair is this color, but I also have one eye has brown eyelashes, and the other one has blonde. My little sister said I looked like a puppy dog

with like a spot on my face, and they kind of actually can't unsee it once she said it. You get it now. Yeah, you get it now. So you guys are gonna get to see that over on THD unsupervised and us freezing our asses off in the cold blunge.

It is so cold, but it's so good for you. So if you get a chance to do it, try it out. Back to this one though. I don't think she's unfair. I think her fiance is treating her like a fucking sidequest that doesn't get full attention. Yeah. And I do think it's weird that the ex-wife, like, I don't maybe, maybe she hasn't been asked if she can come even, but if she has and she says no, then it's like,

what are you trying to get at here? You just, you wanna play house with your ex-husband? Yeah, it's so interesting. Like, also, I'm sorry I cut you off. No you're good. Oh, I also personally think that holidays with significant others are just such a great way to spend holidays.

And so even like this last Halloween, it was Halloween is on Monday, and Brian wanted to stay in Orange County. And I was like, we're not gonna spend a holiday together. I don't know about Halloween counts, but I'm using as example of how I would feel if it was Christmas.

Oh, did you feel like how? No. Christmas feels very intimate. I think Hanukkah is the same way New years I think can give like an intimate thing where yeah At least they're holidays that feel like if you're not doing something during those holidays You feel so lonely and isolated. Yeah, thanksgiving could be another one of those where it's like if you don't have anywhere to go on Thanksgiving It feels lonely. Yeah, And I have not celebrated things. Sorry, I keep cutting you off.

No, you're good. You said, and what? Oh, I was just like, I was like, and maybe we should start like on the two, the THT subreddit, like various like cities where you're alone on the holidays. Like you guys could all do a meetup. I love that idea. Like just like a career like that's so cute. I don't care.

A perk in the days. Just somewhere like I love that like our THT friends are like all friends. Like they're it was magical. The London meet up like people people literally like met and were planning their first date, which neither one of you have updated me on. And then there were other people that had made new friends. And they were like, I have had a really hard time in London. I haven't made new friends. And tonight I made two or three. Yeah.

So it's a really, you guys are amazing. You guys are, it's such a beautiful community. It really was. The way that you guys all connect, whatever I see it, it makes me so happy. And you guys say the nicest things to, when I see you guys say kind things about any of us It like I can't explain how much it warms my heart. It makes me so happy

So thank you guys for being amazing Top comment on this one. This is strange for long term have a serious conversation about what the future looks like Once you have a family the dynamics will change for his daughter and your future children If he is planning on factoring in the ex's opinion long term, you got to move on now. And OP goes, thank you. I felt doubt that maybe it wasn't my place to ask him to be with me this Christmas. Like I'm not that important in his life. And that's sad. That's not fair for her to feel that way. And you shouldn't, like your his fiance. Yeah.

Things should change. They probably should have changed after year three when you guys were like really serious. Yeah. The first year, yeah, you're a newbie. Second year, okay, still kind of fresh. But year three, four, and now five, something's gotta give. Yeah.

You're cemented in his life. You guys are engaged. You're gonna be married. You're a part of this little girl's life. You shouldn't be excluded. Yeah, absolutely. I lost my cheer to thought. Continue.

Next comment, why can't you just go to? You are getting married. And if she got married or had a long-term partner, he should be included as well. Why not? And I think they're probably like, I'm just envisioning based on how this is going down, peer speculation here. But I'm sure if she got a partner, that partner would be included right away.

Of course. Whereas like, yeah. Some reason she's still on the outskirts. There is an update. It was not there when I originally found the post update. Fion say just got home and showed me a text he got from his ex. He told her basically that he was planning to include me in this Christmas. Her answer was long and harsh saying that I wasn't really family yet and that she wasn't comfortable with a stranger in her home. Shut up. Then she accused him of being weak and prioritizing a woman over his daughter who's in a sensitive age right now. Okay. I, she's a witch. Wow. Yeah. She's keeping, she's still a feeling for him too. Dude, I think she enjoys playing house. Literally.

I think she thinks there's a shot. Yeah, you're weak. What? No. You're so weak. And it's so true. Like weirdo. I do think like I've seen this before. This, you were just talking about your like if she had a husband, like he'd be included in, or if he had said, he'd be included in Christmas.

For sure. Like you just said. And I know somebody who doesn't have contact with some of their kids anymore because their new wife does not like those kids. And he was telling me he's like, I just feel like if it was reversed, like he would, like, she would just be like, she would tell the guy to get lost. If like, if he said, I don't feel comfortable, you have a relationship with your kids. And he's like, but for some reason,

I feel like I'm like indebted, like because of X, Y, Z, like I feel like I have to, like I have to be a supportive partner and like respect my wife and like, your kids come, like should be a priority to them. Such a priority, yeah. That sucks, right?

It's such a tricky dynamic because like, you're remarried to this person and you do owe them, but if you have kids from a previous relationship that supersede that, you should never have to cut out your children for anybody. Unless the child is literally an actual diagnosis. Unless your child is truly, truly, truly like an awful, awful person, you should not have to cut them off for anybody. No, we get these a lot on father-nose, their dad or mom got remarried and wants nothing

to do with them, like because of the new partner. So crazy. So sad. My dad got remarried and my stepmom hates me. I remodeled that one story that we listened to. That was like, this woman was like, didn't want his daughter in their wedding. Because she thought that like, you would give up custody.

Well, and how long am I gonna be raising someone else's child? Not you should not put yourself in that situation if you can't handle it. Didn't her mom die? I think, no, no, no, no. I think she was sharing custody with like his wife. And she basically didn't want to have any like,

pictures of her around. And she was like, I don't want to have pictures of her in our wedding because she's not going to be around much longer. But anyway, he took his ring off and was just like, I'm done with you. And she's like, no, I can change. And he's like, no, it's over.

Damn. Which is a fantastic that he did that. Oh, yeah, the mom wasn't dead on that one. No, okay. Yeah. So God, we have so many good stories. So it's just I, um, I don't know, where I'm going with that. Anyway, update. Okay. So we left off. Then she accused him of being weak and prioritizing a woman over his daughter, who's in a sensitive age right now. So he asked me that maybe not this year, but next year, I'm definitely family then, because we will be married.

And his ex-boyfriend won't have any other excuses. Wait. What? No, fuck her. I would be like, no, I'm gonna, Hammer's going down, baby. Oh, dammit. Hammer is going down.

That is absolutely insane that he folded to that. That's the woman that he's weak to. Maybe next year. That's the woman that he's weak to. This is ex-wife, like wife. No, that's absolutely insane. I feel more conflicted now. I feel more conflicted now.

Could I stay another year and hope it gets better? Or should I just cut my losses when he obviously isn't trying to support me? I know it's his daughter he's thinking of and he doesn't wanna make waves, but I feel I'm nothing right now. Yeah, no, so this is what I think. They should have a separate Christmas.

Honestly, at this point, his wife is manipulative and not okay, like, or sorry, hmm, ex-wife. And like, they should have two different Christmases. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and they trade off who they like get to celebrate. I'm sorry. If she is going to not include someone who's so important in his life that has been important for years,

call her a stranger, call him weak, all of this stuff, not include her, then no, then like, they need to have separate Christmases. And like, it's unfortunate because like we said, it would be so awesome to have this United Front, but she is taking advantage and being like so many, I can't say that word right now. When I feel live, thank you.

So no, I am, I, okay, I know this is so easy. Just found another update that wasn't existing. Okay, then you have to read it. People are gonna be like, shut up Lauren. So I'll finish my thought after you read that page. No, finish your thought first. I got really excited. No, finish it.

No, cause people will get mad. I don't care. I'll sit here all day. Finish it. End him. Now I kind of forgot what I was gonna say. No, damn it. Shit, over here talking about. You wanna roll, you gotta come back.

Well, we do it all day, like you just said, do. Oh, okay. I was gonna, I was gonna say this is so much easier, said than done. And I know people get really upset when we say like, leave. But, but I do think that there's certain times where you kind of have to believe in yourself and be like, okay, I'm going to leave this situation and I hope because I do love him, I hope he comes through his senses and this is what actually knocks him into reality of like, you can't treat me like this and I keep letting you get away with it and that you just keep making me feel like I'm not

enough and I'm not worthy of like, ex-wise, you can't keep getting away with it and like you just keep making me feel like I'm not enough and I'm not worthy of like xyz. You can't keep getting away with that. Like otherwise I'm going to start like self hating myself. That was a really horrible way to phrase that. But you get the point. And that would be what I would recommend. I know it's hard. But and hopefully he does come to his senses and he's like, you know what?

Yeah. I need to create boundaries with my ex wife. It is not okay how she's treating me, how she's treating you. You are so important to me. And this is what I want. And this is what I'm so sorry that I made you deal with that for so long.

Let's make this work. Or he will just continue to stay stupid and go that his way. And if that's how he acts and you don't want him in your life anyway. No, like she said herself. Do I cut my losses? Yes, do it now.

Yeah, do it now. So for this other mini update, my fiance has told his ex that he's having Christmas in our place this year. Hell broke loose. Hi, this isn't an update since many of you are following me for updates. Over 250 followers, thank you for the support. I see that some people can include the link to the original post, but I'm writing from my phone, so I don't think it's possible to do it. Please read my original

post on my page. My fiance and I have been in constant conversation about what happened, and I have sense that he is basically terrified of rocking the boat. I don't know if he is scared of his ex or something, but he kept saying that his daughter is the one who's going to pay should he and his ex start fighting. Anyways, he said that he understands that this wasn't an ultimate solution and that he and I are family now. He said he will talk to his ex about the new arrangement. He's done that now and told ex that he wanted Christmas at our house this year as per their custody agreement.

Christmas and other holidays should be on an alternate years with each parent, and she's welcome to spend Christmas Eve with us since she doesn't feel comfortable with having me at her house. But, oh, sorry. Heck, yes. She called him about 100 times

screaming and hauling insults at him, telling him he was a moron, choosing pussy over his own daughter. Oh, wow. And that he is a worthless coward and a piece of garbage. He stopped answering her after a while. She sent him an email last night that she's going to talk to a lawyer to get full custody

and threatening that he will never see his daughter again. Why is she so evil? Evil, uh, sorry. I was shocked because I have never seen her escalate like this. And I feel guilty for starting this whole thing. I apologize to my fiance, but he said that it wasn't my fault and that he knew this would happen sooner. This makes sense.

This makes sense why he was acting this way. He was scared of losing custody because she's, she's a monster. Yeah, she's a witch. Oh, he knew this would happen. He was scared of losing custody because she's a monster. She's a witch. He knew this would happen. Did you read this one before? No, this just popped up. This was like, I didn't, I don't like, I find a good story

and then I just stop looking. I stop reading because I'm like, well, I'm, you want to be like, I want to enjoy some shock. I know I always wonder if people like don't believe us that we are like, it's blind reactions. Yeah, I do read like the initial story sometimes I get halfway through sometimes I finish the whole thing Well, it's a it's a blind reaction for me. Yeah, yeah, for sure

Okay, I'm just why sometimes I have crazy takes cuz I'm like I don't know what's happening. He knew this would happen But that it was time to take this battle as he knew, it would need to be had sooner or later. He didn't sleep and has been sad, but he said he wasn't worried about her threats because she can't do anything. But he hates that she is probably going to use his daughter against him when he promised himself to never do that. He said he has been compliant all these years for his daughter's sake, but he always knew this day was coming when he just can't be a dormant anymore.

I don't know what to do now. I still feel responsible for what happened and I hate seeing him distraught and sad. I haven't even told him we are expecting either. Oh, no way. Congratulations. She ends after saying that we're expecting. I feel empty.

Oh, no. No, it's going to be okay. Like, you just can't let people like this, like, control your life. It's going to be fine. It's going to be in it off. It'll all work out. Hopefully.

This is why, this is why, like, custody agreements and courts and lawyers and, like, letting the legal system also play a role after separation. And, like, it's so important because if you're working with someone who is so bad shit out of their mind that they're illogical and they would rather punish their child in order to punish you. You let the legal system do its job. And I know it doesn't work for everyone and that is so shitty, but I think it'll work

for him. He's a good dad. He's tried so many years. And it's time. And I feel bad for OP because like she clearly feels so guilty. But this was bound to have no, she should not go to nothing wrong. No, you shouldn't have to give up the love of your love, your fiancee for some witch that's just holding him by a thread. Maybe she's not even interested in him anymore. And she just wants the control of him. She likes the manipulation.

That is not fair. And OP deserves so much better. There was something interesting that I saw when I went to go look at their account. A lot of people are giving great advice, get a lawyer, don't block her, let all that evidence keep coming in, especially that email,

like that email can be used against her in court. You'd rather choose pussy, I can't believe she said that to him. Just fucking not job. But someone left her a mean comment, I'm trying to see what it is. Ooh, the comment was deleted. Someone like left her a mean comment. I'm trying to see what it is. Ooh. The comment was deleted.

Honestly, I'm not sure, but OP responds and goes, since you're not only miserable, but a coward to block me, I will write here. I was really just curious to why you would write something this irrelevant on my post. But then I remembered, miserable people are the ones wanting to hurt people. Yeah.

Because how is your comment any help? So I browse your page and I was proven right. You are miserable. Good luck finding a man anyways. You seem to need it. And that, I don't know what the comment said. But sometimes people that are getting talked about, find the post and I wouldn't be surprised if the ex-wife

finds the post. Oh, so true. It would not surprise me on this one. So true. OK, but I'm freezing. I love you guys. We will cut back to another scene, another story, and other something.

It could be filmed in our hotel room in the warmth of a fucking bed later. I don't know. That sounds kind of fun. But I love you. Slightly sexual, but fun. Mm-hmm. I don't know how you take it.

Enjoy the next story. Maybe an ad in between. I don't know how you take it. Enjoy the next story. Maybe an ad in between. I don't know. Bye. One of this week's partners is Skims. Have you guys started your holiday shopping yet? Nope. No.

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Schemes Holiday Gift Shop is now open at skims.com. Plus, get free shipping on orders over $75. And after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey, and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Thank you. sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. Thank you. We roll in. We are rolling. Now we're rolling. So where are you going to do your weather? Like weather report? I thought you were going to do your weather report. This is

caring for Mean Girls. It's about a 30% chance right now that's a really freaking cold. Oh, welcome back to this next story, my friends. We are from a new location, looking at the beautiful scenery in BAMF with a nice mountain behind us. Canadian Rockies are real nice. Real nice. Gorgeous.

We have someone who's about to cold plunge, I think, to the right of us, nice. Real nice. Gorgeous. We have someone who's about to cold plunge, I think, to the right of us, too. I'm scared for him. Ooh, I'm cold, just thinking about it. Yeah. Fool. Okay, we ready to get into this one? Yes.

Okay, so it is 13 days old. It's titled, Am I the asshole for not wanting to spend every holiday with my in-laws? Quick backstory for Contacts. I've been non-contact with both in-laws. Quick backstory for context. I've been non-contact with both of my parents for close to nine years. They're both still alive and both have their issues that I will not get into here. Their actions have led me to the difficult decision

to go non-contact with them. My wife agrees with and supports this decision. My wife and her family are the opposite of mine. Her mom and dad have been married for several decades. She has two sisters and they are all very close. I appreciate her family and they are all generally good people. My wife and I have been married for over 10 years and we do have two young children. The issue at hand. Ever since I made the decision to go non-contact with my parents, my wife has taken it upon herself to plan every holiday

and even several of our summertime family vacations with her family. She makes these plans with her parents and sisters for all holidays, like Christmas and Thanksgiving, and I am very rarely included in the planning process. About a year ago, I spoke with my wife about this. I told her I do not appreciate her planning holidays without giving me the opportunity to be a part of the planning. I also told her I do not want to spend every holiday with her parents and sisters.

It is not that they are bad people or that I do not like them. I just do think it is fair that she believes that since I do not have a relationship with my parents, that by default I have to spend every holiday with my in-laws. I told my wife I would like to go back to how things were before we were non-contact with my parents, and we could share half of the holidays with her family, and I would like to spend the other half of the holidays

doing something with just my wife and our kids. Since I do not have a relationship with my parents or any extended family, my wife and kids are really all I have. My wife does not agree with this. She believes that since I don't have a relationship with my parents that by default We should spend every holiday with my in-laws. This leads me to ask. Am I the asshole for not wanting to spend every holiday with my in-laws? I don't think so. No. No. I mean, I can see where they're both coming from. She's like, well, why not, you know, holidays typically people do want to spend with their families. Yeah.

But he also has a right to want to spend it, you know, the way he wants to and the fact that he's never a part of the planning process. I know you guys, he's plunging right now now it looks so cold. Are we going to take a picture? Yeah. So proud of him. Are you going to do it next? No, it's just like sometimes I think I need like more of a support group around me to do it, but otherwise it's really hard for me, you know, like I'm really proud of him because he just by himself doing it just good for him. Back to the story. I would feel really, I'd feel really unheard from my partner. Like I get where she's coming from. She's like, well you don't really have a family. So why wouldn't we spend it with mine? But that can be exhausting for someone who doesn't have a great relationship and

then every holiday, every occasion is kind of like reminded about that. Because I think that is kind of hard. And you know, even families having these issues and being shitty and going no contact with them, like you know it's the right thing, but it still hurts. Yeah, of course.

It doesn't feel great. And so to not just get some quality time with his family, creating like his little village and his traditions, yeah. I do think it's important to like be around our family and for that village to also be a thing for their kids and stuff, but I think he should be able to like have his own time as well.

Yeah. Especially because he's not involved in the planning process. Exactly. It's just like, here you go, honey, show up, do everything I'm telling you. There's no input. Yeah, no, I think it's completely fair to wanna,

and you know me, everyone has their own way of going about holidays and expectations, but for me, I like the lead up of holidays with the actual day, it's not that important for me. It's important for me to be around my family, but not on a specific day. So I'm totally okay, dipping out on a Christmas here and there. Even when I was a kid, my sister lived in California

and I was still in Minnesota, and she didn't want to make the trip to Minnesota a couple of years, and I was like, I will come there. And like, no one in my family had a problem with it at all, so it just worked out. Me and my sister celebrated Christmas in California, the rest of my family was in Minnesota, and we did that like two different times when I was growing up,

like in high school ages. So everyone's different. I know some people are just like absolutely not. Like Christmas, you, like everyone has to be there. If you're not there, it's like completely, that's a big problem. Yeah. So everyone's different. And I think that, yeah, this could, he has every right to want to build and create his own traditions with his immediate family, which is his immediate family is his wife and his kids. Yeah. So I think it's important.

Overall vote on this one is not the asshole. Top comment with only 527 votes. This one kind of flew under the radar a little. Not the asshole OP. You need to have an equal say in how family holidays will be spent. Seen family is fine, but that can also inhibit the development of your own family holiday traditions. Yeah.

In my family of origin, it was expected that Thanksgiving Christmas belonged to my parents. The result of a lifetime of this routine, family holiday traditions, skipped a generation. My nuclear family never really established any of our own traditions. When my kids had their own families, they established their own holiday traditions in their own homes. Itterant, it titanerant, itanerant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-it-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-n-erant, ita-erant, ita-it-n-erant, ita-it-n- and activities, to look forward to with each other, and create some happiness around your own Earth. Why does that comment make me want to cry? I'm like really emotional today. Why?

I don't know. I just like, when it puts in that perspective, I think it is really important. And this is something my mom has kind of talked about with, you know, we always went to my grandmas. We, everyone goes to my grandma's. That's, that's how we do Christmas. Yeah. And my mom has kind of said, like, man, Amy, go to her parents and we go to grandma's, but like, who comes to me? And she's like, I deserve to have my own, like, Christmas celebration with my kids. And I think that is really important to establish, like, hey, if you celebrate Christmas,

Christmas Eve, you go to grandma's and then Christmas Day is with the nuclear, like, the little family, like mom, dad, kids, you know, and Hanukkah is the same thing. There's eight nights. First nights with grandma, grandpa, and then maybe two or three or whatever is at your own home. And I think that's so important to give your kids those memories and like kind of like this person said, like really build your own family traditions. Because for them, it's skipped a whole generation. They didn't get anything.

That sucks. Look at you just cradling the little mic. Well, my, I'm like, okay besides my fingers and my face and my fingers are just so frozen right now that I need to warm them up against each other. If you want, my gloves. Maybe if we switch for a little bit, well, then get warmed up that way, okay?

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of devil legs or a dish of baked beans, but when it comes time to clean up, everyone goes into the living room to socialize and watch TV. My husband doesn't help with anything, cleaning the house, cooking dishes, et cetera. Part of me feels guilty because I don't want to be a catalyst preventing him from spending time with his family in his, our, home.

I am not saying he can't spend time with his family. I just don't wanna be the one who gets stuck doing all of the work. His argument is, if I don't do it, then it won't happen. Oh, well, what? Oh, oh, oh, like the get togethers. Yeah. I thought he meant the cleaning. I'm like, probably that too. Yeah. Literally got him. He says neither his kids will step up and volunteer to host. Naturally, his first wife did all of the family events up until she got sick and passed away seven to eight years ago. He says his kids are just used to their mom doing all the work.

My argument is they will never step up if I keep doing it. They aren't kids. They're in their 50s. Oh. But they're own kids who are in their 20s. Oh. Okay. Wow.

Yeah. I really don't want to keep putting myself in a position of doing all of this work for people who basically ignore me the entire time they are there while they visit with their dad, eat the food I prepare, which has to be cooked the way they like it, swap stories and joke amongst themselves and leave. It's not just one or two hours, it's usually four hours plus. I try to interact when an opportunity arises, but I'm literally sitting in the kitchen the entire time because someone is always sitting in

my chair and all the seats are filled. I often think about just walking out of the house to go for a walk, but then the food would burn. I don't want to be the center of attention, but just some good basic manners would be nice. Most of the grandkids behave better than their parents. His son and daughter were not very pleasant towards me when their father and I started dating. His daughter was downright rude to me on a few occasions and his son, to this day, doesn't acknowledge I'm in the room. Wow.

His daughter has gotten better, but it's still not what I would call great. He figured she behaved badly because she lost her free meal ticket because he used to pay several of her bills. There has been absolutely no issues with the rest of the family. I.E., his brother, sister-in-law, nieces, cousins, et

cetera. They have all been great. His brother and his wife have been awesome. His son told his dad privately he has an issue with our age difference. Nothing I can do about that. I have tried. I have tried.

No mention of ages so far. I have tried. I have tried difference. No mention of ages so far. I have tried to initiate conversations with him to be cordial, but it's a 50-50 chance if he will even respond. He has never reciprocated. I finally decided I have tried, and after five years I can wipe the slate clean with good conscience. I'm done.

Last year I tried to get out of doing Thanksgiving by not inviting anyone and cooking for just the two of us. His daughter ended up inviting herself and her family over with a one-to-two-day notice. I was shocked. Who does that? I told my husband, well, that didn't work. Of course, he didn't correct her when he had the chance on the phone either.

He hates confrontation, especially with his kids. Plus, it worked out in his favor by not speaking up. I'm not stupid. He got what he wanted, a home cooked meal with his family. I tried the same thing again, not inviting anyone for Christmas, since I ended up having to do Thanksgiving. But again, no one volunteered to host at their place. He offered to buy a smoked ham and some sides from a local venue to help alleviate my stress. So I caved in and tried it. Honestly, it still ended up being almost just as much work. And again, I spent four hours in the kitchen being ignored.

Not to mention, all the time spent cleaning before, during, and after. No, he doesn't help. When I finally came to terms, my husband was never going to speak up. I hinted around his daughter. Perhaps she could host the next one. She said she didn't want to have to clean. Oh my. Whoa, that is so disrespectful. She's already had her youngest son call his grandpa yesterday. Same thing she did last

year to find out what our plans were for Thanksgiving this year. Again, they were told we weren't making plans this year. Does this mean she's going to invite herself over again this year? Hosting events has never been in my comfort zone. I've been alone most of my entire life. I can feel my anxiety levels already rising. Am I the asshole for not wanting to continue or should I just suck it up so he can spend time with his family? I would be perfectly fine if he took his family out to dinner at a restaurant instead. Better yet, take them out and leave me at home. I'd be totally fine with that too. If they

don't want to interact with me, then so be it. But don't treat me that way in my own home, especially when I go through all the work and stress involved. It just isn't worth the aggravation. Yeah, I'm with her. It's not fair. It's terrible. Yeah, I mean, It's not fair. It's terrible. Yeah, I mean, it's, and the frustrating thing is that the solution could just be like host, host at your home, but don't do anything. Literally tell, tell your husband, like, you can cook, you can clean. I don't feel comfortable doing this.

I'm happy. If this is something that you would like to continue, I'm happy for it, but I am not going to continue to be treated this way. Like, everyone needs to help or get out. It's not okay. No, I completely agree. She's being treated like a personal chef. Yeah.

Not a family member, not, you know, they're stepmom or their dad's new wife, whatever they're comfortable saying, but it's not like, it's not like this person is the reason your mom isn't here. Exactly. Your mom got sick and passed, and that's shitty, and that's sad, and that sucks,

but you don't need to make this person, you don't need to fucking kick them, you don't need to make them your punching bag. Right, and if they are mad about the age difference, be mad at your dad. Yeah, why be mad at your dad. Yeah. Why be mad at her. And it's like, I mean, they're both adults. I mean, there's no mention of age, but like, OPs, it's not like OPs 20 and he's 70. I don't know. I don't feel like

a millennial would put up with this shit. I don't know. It's so weird. It's so strange. I know. There's like, I would be curious what their age difference is, because it's like, yeah, let's say she was 22 or something. I could see them having a hard time with that, but that doesn't give them the right to treat her that way. It's weird and it's disrespectful.

And what I, what really pissed me off, because I was thinking maybe they're just like, this is kind of the routine. Like our, you know, our mother was such a caregiver and like she genuinely loved cooking and cleaning it like gave her pride. Maybe they were thinking like that. And so they just didn't realize there was a problem. However, the fact that she asked to host at their place and the response was, I don't

want to deal with cleaning. That's so disrespectful. Yeah. at their place and the response was, I don't wanna deal with cleaning. So disrespectful. Yeah. Oh my, I can't even imagine being that out of touch. Yeah, and there's some comments from OP, someone goes, was the age gap question answered when did OP and husband start dating? What happened to the former wife?

And OP does respond, one, know the age gap was not answered. It is not an issue to me. So I feel it shouldn't be to anyone else. Two, he and I met, two years, and eight months before we got married. We didn't start dating until two years after she passed. She passed away from a long-term illness.

It's all very respectful then. Great, great responses. And I feel like, you know, age gap, whatever his kids are upset, but it's not, it doesn't sound like this, you know, this person is coming in and like taking advantage of this guy, she's gone above and beyond to accommodate him and don't on him hand and fucking foot. Yeah. I would not put up with this. I know I'm pissed that the husband isn't offering to I would not put up with this. I know, I'm pissed that the husband isn't offering to help out clean or suggest his kids to do more.

I think well, given his kids are in their 50s, I'm envisioning him at least 70. Right. And I think that generation, like I look at my grandma and her husband, my grandma cooks every meal for him, my grandma's the one cleaning the house, I think that could be a generational thing. Yeah.

And his old wife, you know, that, they were in the same generation, I'm assuming. And that was her role. Like even in here, it was sad. Like his previous wife, his late wife, did everything. His kids are used to her doing everything. Yeah. God does that sound shitty.

Everyone needs a break now and then. Yeah. I know it is interesting because that probably does play a big role into why he isn't recognizing that he's being so inconsiderate. I bet it is. We do have a little bit of an update. Update, I'm truly overwhelmed by other responses. I wish I could thank you all for taking time to give me some feedback.

I was able to respond to a fee. I will try to do more later, thank you. Due to all your awesome support, I've decided I will no longer host any more of his family holiday dinners. Trust me, I've had my fill. I just wanted to make sure I did enough on my part to try and make things work with his family. I tried and failed.

That's not my fault. I have a clear conscious. Thank you, Rhett. There you go. We have a further update. But I will say, that's the other shitty part too, where it's like she's in the kitchen for four hours, and no one's interacting with her. No one's talking to her.

No one's treating her with basic kindness and acknowledging her. Does she even get a thank you? I don't know how she did it for so long. Update two. Husband did not take the news very well. When I told him I was done hosting. It's been brewing for a couple of years, so it shouldn't have come as a complete surprise.

He accused me of preventing him from seeing his family. I knew he would. That pushed my buttons. And I informed him I was not preventing him from seeing his family. I was simply no longer going to be the host and doormat. Yep. He said, what if I buy the food or we just do sandwiches?

I said, are you going to dust, clean, vacuum, scrub toilets to my level of cleanliness, not his? I saw a sheepish grin and he said probably not. I said, you can always take them to a restaurant. I also told him he never... Whatever you can buy, get a made service afterwards too. Yeah. Cleaning service would be a compromise I'd take. Yeah. I told him he never has my back. Both of his kids have poor manners and they are following

his lead when he just sits there and does nothing. He agreed. He said, what can he do about it? I said, stand up and be a parent and tell them to stop their poor behavior. He said, what can he do about it? I said, stand up and be apparent and tell them to stop their poor behavior. He said he can't. They are too old. I think he is afraid they will leave him if he says anything. I said, then don't complain when I take matters into my own hands. Wednesday has sun called to find out what the plans were. Husband said, we are not doing things giving this year.

When he hung up, I said he needed to say, we are no longer hosting anymore. I know what he is doing. He is trying to leave the door open. He is thinking down the road. Christmas. The next day, I was bringing in some groceries and heard him talking to his daughter. I did not hear the beginning of the call, but apparently she asked what we were doing for Thanksgiving. I did not get to hear his response either. He hung up and said she invited us to go to her place the Saturday following Thanksgiving for dinner. She did not get to hear his response either. He hung up and said she invited us to go to her place the Saturday following Thanksgiving for dinner.

She did not invite her brother or his family. I won't lie. Part of me would prefer to stay home and let hubby go by himself. However, she is making an effort to step up, at least this holiday so far. So I will try to live by way of example. So I will bring a dish, lend a hand when needed, and help with the cleanup, so I will bring a dish, lend a hand when needed, and help

with the cleanup. But it will be her show. Cleanup would be a perfect time to ask if her dad happened to mention on the phone the other day that my hosting days were over before they try to saddle me down with Christmas. I won't go over all the reasons why, but we'll only express that I'm done. Thank you to all who showed support. There you go. Happy ending.

Fantastic. This is a good update. Maybe she won't have such a horrible holiday after all. Yeah, I love this. To step, it's a step in the right direction. Is that the end? That's the end. Oh, wow.

That's the last of the updates. Okay. I checked her account. There's nothing else I see so far, but I'm sure because of how big this one went, I think we'll get an update after the whole day. I could see it her being like, it went great or it went terrible.

Yeah. You never know. So, we'll have to keep an eye out for that, you guys. Are we wrapping up the episode though? We're just closing the computer. We're wrapping up here. My computer's about to die. My fingers are a little chilly.

I know, right? So that is all we have for this BAMF. Two hot takes episode, horrible holidays, and all the chaos we've run. It's been an incredible trip here. We definitely recommend. We are in love with Canada and Canadians. You guys are the best.

Amazing, absolutely amazing, warm, friendly people. It feels like I'm back home in Minnesota. I just, I feel so at home here, I love it. Warm people, cold place. Very true, very true. Thank you guys so much for all of your support. If you haven't heard yet, there is merch available. And if you are a Patreon member,

you also get a discount on it. So be sure to head over there. There's also some great bonus content this month, as always. So check it out. I'm actually wearing it in my most recent Instagram photo, too. There you go. It's a large. So if you guys want to get an idea of what the size looks like.

But yeah, it's really cute, it's cozy. I love it. Okay, until next time guys, bye! Bye! Thanks for watching! you