Two Hot Takes - 144: Pump the Brakes..

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin! Sometimes people just need to slow down evaluate the situation and not get so goofy in their reactions.. Others may be perfectly justified and the other people involved required a brake check.. either way a lot of these stories are a big WTF, oof, get you heated, leave you confused vibe. Can't wait to hear your comments on these ones! WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!!! TICKETS HERE: https://linktr.ee/twohottakestour If code is required it's "CARROTCAKE" :) MERCH IS HERE!!! https://shop.twohottakes.com I can't wait to see you all in these. Especially at the live shows we have this upcoming spring ;) Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Talkspace: Get $80 off your first month at Talkspace.com/THT Skylight Frames: Get $15 off a Skylight Frame at SkylightFrame.com/TAKES Babbel: Babbel.com/tht ZocDoc: Zocdoc.com/tht

Hello, we just got done recording and it's gonna be a good episode, but I'm here to tell you we're going on If you're watching YouTube you'll see our tour poster with like the dates and where we're going if shows sell out We're hoping to be able to add second ones. So don't wait to buy tickets buy them now So we know where we need to add second shows So excited to meet you guys and connect in person. It's gonna be so fun. It's gonna be a lot of fun stuff planned. New, exciting, crazy things, special guests

at certain shows. It's gonna be a good time. Something you don't wanna miss out on. A lot of new, exclusive exclusive live show only things. So come join us. Check for those pre-set links. Okay, enjoy the episode. So this week's episode, are you ready? Yeah. We have had a busy day you guys. We did our group therapy session, which we're now going to be calling Tea Party. Because we're spilling tea over there. And we did that. And then we recorded a really juicy father-in-law something episode. calling Tea Party, because we're still in tea over there. And we did that and then we recorded a really juicy father and a something episode. And now we're doing a two-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes-how-takes- to be popping my top off, my lid, pop a lid, pop a lid.

You know, what's that saying? There's so many words flying at me right now. Just kind of observing and enjoying it. Well, it's like you're just like, you're just heated. You'd pop a lid. Yeah. Pop a lid, it's something like that, right? Blue the lid off.

Okay, so I see blue the lid off is a saying, but it says to reveal the truth about something. Right, that makes sense, because you take the lid off and reveal all. Yeah, but I'm more just like popping off. I'm not. That makes sense, yeah. Yeah, I just feel like I'm about to pop off.

So this week's theme is called Pump the Breaks. Like, chill out people. Like almost where your car slides a little bit because you break so hard. Yeah, maybe a little hydropane action. Yeah. But it's just stories you read the title and you're like, wait, hold up. But I can't do another flight. No, but you know what I mean? That song's been in my head. But it's like that where you're like what is happening?

Whoa, your way out of line. chill out pump the brakes pump the brakes Okay, that'll be good for me because I always like to slow down a little bit pump it louder It's gonna be chaos. I'll balance you out a little. Okay. I hope so. Okay, ready. Yeah, Let's dive in. Okay, I'll try to rain it in a little bit. That intro is probably a little scary for a lot of people. That's fine. Okay. Oh, I'm having such a decision paralysis today. I don't know where to start, but I feel like this is kind of fun. Okay.

So, this is posted a day ago. It's coming from Am I the Asshole from Top Reserve, 9853. So this one is titled Am I the Asshole for painting a curse word on the wall of my friend's new house? Nice. My friend and his wife just bought their first home. It is a fixer upper and I've been helping them with the fixing. My father was a handyman and contractor, so I have a lot of skills and experience with doing maintenance, repairs, and upgrades on a house. I also have pretty much all the tools I need to do

most of the work. The last weekend I was helping paint the dining room. I had everything set up the way I wanted and I was ready to go. For some fucking reason, his wife decides to let their dogs into the room I was painting. One of them steps in the roller tray and then jumps on me. His wife laughed it off like it was not a big deal that I had paw prints all over me. I also had to throw out that primer because it now had mud in it. I had told them both to let me do the work in piece. After I prepared a new tray of paint, I wrote the word fuck in huge letters on the wall in primer. For those of you who may not know, primer is the coat of paint that you put down before the actual paint. For lack of a better word, it sticks to the wall better, and when it dries, it creates a better surface for the paint to stick to.

His wife saw it and freaked. She said I was drawing profanity in her house. I told her it was primer and to stay out of my way. I then finished the job and went home. My friend called me and said that I had really upset his wife with my childishness, and that she would not let me back in until I apologized. I asked him what I was apologizing for. He said that I wrote a curse word on his wall. I asked him to provide a picture. He said he couldn't since I had painted over it. I asked what the problem was since the word wasn't there anymore. He said that I needed to apologize. I said that him wanting me to apologize was in no way the same as me needing to apologize.

He said that I could not come back until I did. No problem for me. I was helping him for free on my weekends off from work. He called me two days later and asked if I was coming to finish painting since I would be away at work for three weeks. I said I wasn't ready to apologize yet, and maybe I would when I got back. I probably won't. Now she's telling everyone that I'm a shitty person for leaving a job half finished.

I tell everyone who asked that I was working for free and they told me not to come back. Now there's a big fight in our friend group between the people who think I should keep the peace and those who think she's being an entitled whiner. No one else is volunteering to help at their house and now either they have to half-ass the job or pay someone. I'm getting hell for that too. Am I the asshole? No. I isn't a crazy in life. How some just

absolutely relationship dividing issues come from the smallest little things, which almost make them worse sometimes because you almost react like you're having a problem with this. And then they're like, then it spirals out of control, out of the smallest little thing that's really a non-issue. Because the only thing that came to mind for me

is yeah, it's been painted over, right? So it's like if the guy is painting our house right now, they could write whatever they wanted all of our walls and paint right over it. We'd have no idea. Does it affect us any? No. Does it let her relieve just some inner stress?

Yeah. Right and fucking the walls could feel good. It's kind of like going to a rager room. But in this case, you're causing no damage. So the one thing I thought was, what if upon painting one of our rooms, I went in and I was like, well, I'll get started. I'll do the primer. You know, it's cool.

I got it up so to finish or whatever. And I'm in there painting and you come in mid paint and I've painted like we welcome all ghosts or all other beings into this space to forever be here and attach to us and do whatever they please. Not the attached part. What if I wrote that on the wall and then you saw it, right? Let's say it's weird, right? But let's say you saw it. I'm not liking this.

And then I was like, baby, it doesn't matter. We're painting over it. Yeah, but like fuck is so different from welcoming ghosts and telling them they can attach to you. But either way, it's a non-issue. I'll take fuck. Because it doesn't exist, right? You can't take a picture of it.

Okay, this is a really bad example because everyone knows I believe in ghosts. So no, I wouldn't be okay with that. You can write fuck all over the wall. I probably, I will. Yes. As whole dick, calm, whatever. Just not welcomed the ghosts. D'll probably I will. Yes. As whole dick come, I don't, whatever. Just not welcome the ghosts.

Anything. That's stuck in my head from the father. No, sorry. Um, but I think there's like a lot of weirdness here. This is like an amazing friend to offer to like paint their house and like help them with this fixer upper for free. Oh, yeah. Amazing friend.

And it seems like it was such a simple request. Like, hey, keep your dogs out of the room. I'm painting in. And then, she lets the dogs in for whatever reason. Laugh, finds it funny. Doesn't apologize when they make his work, his free work, 10 times more difficult. Yeah.

Is it kind of goofy that he wrote, fuck on the wall? Yeah, but like he knows what he's doing. He knows it's gonna go away, like whatever. I think it's kind of one of those stories where it's like, whoa, lady, okay, calm down. Do not bite the hand that feeds you and look at the situation you have now. You have to pay someone or do it.

Which you wonder what is the foreshadowing for all this? Was she looking for a reason to have an issue You wonder what is the foreshadowing for all this? Was she looking for a reason to have an issue or was this really something on its own that sent her? I think it's something that actually sent her like to say you need to apologize, otherwise you're not allowed back in my house until you do, that seems like she's pretty serious.

That's true, I mean, some people are just oblivious and then they make problems out of nothing. It's not shocking. I've seen this a lot. Well, and it also sounds like the husband's a little bit of an enabler. I would hope if we were in the situation that if I was like, you need to make your friend

apologize to me. I hope we have enough. Where I could check you. Awareness to where you could be like, babe. I 100% would. Let's be serious. That was. I think we already do that with each other. I know, I think we do.

I'm trying to think of a time and I couldn't. That's why I was like, I hope. But I feel like this is kind of a little bonkers that he's like, dude, you gotta apologize. Like just, you need to be able to like, have a conversation with your wife and be like, babe. I think we're just blowing this out of proportion 100 John John is helping us for free He is so nice or they never said what they identify. So like they're so nice. They're helping us for free

Come on. Let's just move past this. It's gone 100% that's what it should be I know but Because it spiraled so crazy out of such a small thing, those procure the situations where people just will not back down. They will not put the sword away. They will not be the, take the high road because it's so ridiculous to begin with that it's even an issue. Yeah.

That's where it's like, nope. And she probably knows a little bit that it's like, come on, this is a little much. But she's not gonna let that show cause then she looks really bad. You know, and that's kind of like, oh, I'm a crazy person cause I made this big deal out of nothing.

Nope, it is a big deal to me. I'm gonna stay here. You're gonna make a big deal out of this. Yeah. All right, well, I guess here we go. We're just, we're just not gonna be friends. This is just gonna wreck everything. Yeah, I mean, we do have a little bit of T from OP. Okay.

A lot of comments come in from our OP here. There is one that says info. How much do you value the friendship? And OP goes, meh, I could take it or leave it. I liked my friend a lot more before he got married. So honestly, like this might be one that's just, ran its course. Maybe there was tension building.

That's what I'm trying to pick up on because it just seems so small. I would be annoyed though. They were looking for something. But at the same time, you're helping for free. And this person is just not even respecting your time. And like the dogs came in, got primer all over your clothes. How did they not get it all over the house then?

Prime me, probably dropped off. Oh, little blah, blah, so funny. Yeah, next comment. Not the asshole. Did they even offer to pay you for the job to begin with? If not, they aren't entitled to your time. Besides, the word is covered, so it shouldn't be a big deal. They wouldn't have seen it if they didn't walk in before you paint it over it.

And OP goes, they didn't need to offer to pay. I was glad to help. I have a lot of free time on my weeks off, and I was glad to do it. Someone comments back, because you're in middle school just basing off your actions. It got downloaded. People didn't like that sassiness. And, oh, he goes, because I make good money at my real job. Damn. But still, like, the last thing I would want to do on my off time is, like, go do a bunch of, like, stuff I don't, like, need to do. Like, granted,

you want to be a good friend and help your friends? Like, I would paint for my friends, but like, when they treat you like this, no. Well, at this point going forward, but there's nothing wrong with them doing it first, like in the first place. Yeah. There's another comment. Let's take everything else out. It doesn't matter that it's primer. It doesn't matter that the paint got ruined. It doesn't matter that you're doing this for free. What happened to you wasn't accident. You put it up profanity in another words house wasn't intention. You're the asshole. It really doesn't matter either way. So, oh, he goes, so she was told to keep the dogs outside while I was working, but she slipped.

And her hand opened the outer door. then her other hand turned the door knob, then she stood out of the way to let her dogs in. I wish I had known." And the person who wrote the initial comment goes, I don't care if the dogs got into the room. Them jumping on you isn't her fault. You writing profanity is. A dog jumped on you.

Boohoo. You agreed to do the painting. Either do it or shut the fuck up. Stop being a whiny asshole. You chose to do the painting. Either do it or shut the fuck up. Stop being a whiny asshole. You chose to help them. Go sleep in your bed or own up to be an emotional hot-headed prick who got butt hurt over a fucking dog. Oh shit.

What? I don't get it. Like... Is this the way? It's not like it's graffiti. It's not like it went and did graffiti on your garage door. Do I think it was unnecessary? Yeah, but didn't hurt anyone.

No, like it's gone. It's here nor there. It's kind of irrelevant. Like it never happened. Yeah. It's it's, this whole thing is just stupid, but I don't think he's the asshole. But that's why because it's so stupid, that's why I think it gets so heated.

I know. O.P. responds to that heated comment from someone and goes, the writing was an accident. Yeah. No, transitive property doesn't work here, sorry. And O.P. goes, if her letting the dogs in on purpose was an accident, so was the writing. And so someone goes, oh, okay, that makes sense then. Like Like you just happen to be holding the roller and then the roller has a totally separate body and brain and did XYZ right. Wait, but in the same way that she should be

held accountable for the actions of the dog, you should be held responsible for the actions of the roller. Maybe two rungs don't make a right. Oh my God, turning the other cheek, there's hold on. I think I'm on to something. By recognizing your actions were consciously taken due to her actions, you're admitting you acted in retaliation. So just as you think she deserves to have blame, you also admit you do too. Wow, this has actually been really insightful. Or maybe I'm just high from the fumes. And look, we have another example of getting in some weird fight and getting all worked up over literally nothing.

What do you think the overall vote on this one is? Why do people waste their energy like that? I don't get it. Because it's not fun to get all worked up and angry like that. Come on, the overall vote. Yeah. Not.

Overall vote is not the asshole. Top comment is the one I read about did they even offer to pay you for the job to begin with and OP responding. They didn't need to offer. I was happy to help. So yeah. And then someone does respond to that, the same writer with the top comment. And they go, well, they aren't entitled to your time.

So they shouldn't act like they are. And I think that's the bottom line. Like, don't, don't bite the hand that feeds you if you want your house painted for free, because that's shit ain't cheap. OP would have saved them hours, hours of time. And if they're paying someone, potentially thousands of dollars, that's a lot of money. To have your house professionally painted, O.P. sounds pretty professional. It seems like they know what they're doing. So you just shot yourself in the foot.

Yeah, very interesting. I know. I'm surprised this one was such a quick, not the asshole vote considering it's only, it's, oh, I refreshed my thing. It's three days old now. My tab, I opened at a day old. So it's three days old now. But um. I opened at a day old, so it's three days old now. But um.

I don't know, I voted pretty quick. Yeah, you hadn't easy time with it, I guess. Yeah. Okay, moving along. Okay, so this one is four days old. It is titled, Am I the asshole for not defending my wife, wanting to attend a funeral with our baby, thus causing her to miss it.

There is a little bit of a trigger warning I'm going to add on this one you guys. It does contain talks of child loss, so feel free to skip if that is something you can't handle. My wife and I have a six month old baby girl, due to postpartum anxiety, which she is being treated for, my wife struggles with leaving our baby with anyone outside myself or my mother who lives with us. This hasn't been an issue thus far, and as I said, she's in therapy so little by little it's been getting better. Unfortunately my nephew, who is also 6 months old, passed away a few weeks ago.

He had been in poor health since birth, but it's still obviously devastating for the entire family, especially my brother and sister-in-law. They held the services the following weekend. I was in constant contact with my brother and we were discussing the funeral. He said he knew it was a lot to ask, but could we please not bring our daughter? I said I can completely understand and didn't even intend to. One in my opinion, babies do not belong at funerals.

Two, this is a funeral for a baby of a similar age. Why would one want to bring up that reminder? My brother said he knows how my wife is about leaving the baby so they understand if she can't come. Well, my wife became irritated when she found out, I quote, didn't defend her. She reminded me that she doesn't trust anyone to take care of the baby outside of me and my mom, who obviously has to be at the funeral.

She doesn't want to miss it either, but also won't agree to leave the baby with anyone else. We have several family members on her side that we aren't close to, as well as good friends who also have kids. I said, even if she just went to the service and not the gathering afterwards, that would just be an hour. She said, no, she can't handle the thought of leaving her with anyone else. I said, that's understandable, and that clearly my brother and sister-in-law would rather her not come if it means not having a baby at the funeral.

She continued to complain. Finally, I said she has two choices, and she needs to make one. I don't care which it is, I won't hold it against her either way. One, either allow someone else to watch the baby for an hour, or two, stay home with the baby. She says that I'm not even pretending to be on her side. And I said, I'm not because this isn't even about us. My wife ended up staying home with the baby. When my mother and I returned later that afternoon, she shut us both out.

Eventually, she calmed down, but she has made comments here and there, making it clear that she feels I should have tried to convince my brother to let the baby come. Am I the asshole? Uh, no. They are completely justified for many reasons of asking for that. There's no way you could see that as an unreasonable ask. Come on lady, pump the brakes. Outside opinions or whatever, but she has full rights to decide what she wants to do with her kid. Absolutely. So though some of us might be like, yeah, it's it's an hour like let's be realistic for her to different reality. And that's not necessarily wrong.

He, I think, is putting a very tough position. Very in life, you end up in these positions. And it. He, I think, is put in a very tough position. Very. In life, you end up in these positions and it's like, I don't know how I ended up here, but someone's going to be upset with me, right, out of none of my own doing. I just think it just put you in a bad spot. I don't think you're the asshole either way because really it's her choice. Yes. And it's, it's you guys' choice, but I really think let someone watch the kid for an hour. I don't know what it's like to be a parent. I hope to one day know what this is like, but I've no idea what it's like to leave your young child with other people or with postpartum

exact exactly and I have extra context there. Yeah. 100% I do not understand like I just I'm not even close to no being able to get that. But my mind me personally I'm like have a you know close friend come over you're you're literally reachable at any moment if anything's weird. Have them on FaceTime the whole time. 100% I think there's a way.

Literally, there's so many ways. When I'm trying to be delicate with the fact that she has the postpartum depression and a lot of these thoughts may not be super totally logical. No, they're probably really irrational. Yeah, she's either. But they're very probably really irrational. Yeah, it's exciting. But they're very relevant to her.

And so it's like, how do you walk that delicate balance of not ruining something with her? And I think he was correct in the fact that he ultimately said, you either are gonna be able to trust someone with the baby or you're gonna be able to just not come and stay home. But either way, this can't be a problem. We need to make a decision. We're sticking with the decision and there's no feelings afterward

because I mean, I can't be in two places at once. And the baby just simply cannot come. No, and here's what's so frustrating. You have postpartum anxiety. You are heightenedly aware of your baby and her needs and all of these things and you're working on it. It's great that you recognize it and you're dressing it. That's so important. But in the same time, can't you wrap your head around? Imagine something did happen to your little one. Would you want another baby there reminding you that you just lost yours? This is the worst day of their lives, the worst day. And they're asking you. It's not even like you brought the baby and like they are literally telling you preventatively.

Please do not bring that baby. We love her, but we cannot on this day. And you're so, oh, it's just a baby, it's fine if I bring the baby. Lady, they're telling you, no, respect that. Respect their needs right now, they are crushed. And there's so many ways with technology, like, people put dog cams on their dogs. And watch their dogs all day at work and pop out little treats. And I get this as a baby, this is a bigger deal, but have your bestie come over and FaceTime the whole time.

Put it down on mute so you can't hear anything, but you can always look. Okay. And then she'd look and give you a thumbs up. Yeah, like we're good. But, but either way, like, here's your two choices. You, there's no, I feel like in this, like the parents that lost their little one are so accepting of whatever choice the mom makes

because they understand the anxiety. So here are your choices. You made your choice, which isn't necessarily wrong, but just, this is how we have to move forward. And for them, for the husband, and the mom to then come home and be punished and ignored, hell no! Come on! This is so unfair! He played it right, like, what a great guy.

What a great guy to not be trampled by these big feelings that his wife is having and say, okay, just to spring the baby It won't be that bad. Like what a great guy Tough position. Oh God, I can't even imagine but you know, you're also dealing with someone that may not be themselves Absolutely not. Yeah, yeah, I'm just thinking of you this position, who knows childbirth and all the things with it, and going through this, I don't know what, you could be totally 100% thinking

as strong as you do right now per way of thinking. I could be, her, I could easily be her most part of mood disorders are very serious, and they could change. And I could see myself her postpartum mood disorders are very serious and they could change. And I could see myself being in his position. I just would have to make the right call and hope that at some point you would understand and realize here's why this had to be done.

And more of that rational thinking comes back and you're like, yeah, sorry. Like at some point, right? When things subside and things get a little bit better, you could look at it and be like, yes, you're right. Thank you for doing what you did. And I was just in a different world. I think she will get there. So top comment on this one, not the asshole.

Her demanding to bring your child is completely irrational. You did the right thing. Anyone who has an ounce of empathy would understand your child's presence would be incredibly hurtful to the grieving parents and others. It is difficult to believe she could not look past her wanting to attend with her child. Ask her to bring this topic to her therapy session.

I'm assuming this is a part of her PPD support. Also, hang in there. PPD can be challenging for all involved. Keep in mind that if she is in counseling, it is okay to ask her if you can attend a session to learn additional ways to support her and confirm with your wife and therapist what approaches are working. Best to you and my condolences regarding the loss of your nephew, grieve, support, and celebrate him. We cannot predict when pain and loss will enter our lives or upon those we love. OP responds, I have already attended sessions to best help her and I have told her to bring it up. Whether she does or not, I don't know. To me, this sort of goes beyond

the tools I was given. I validated her feelings about not wanting to leave the baby as well as that it was hard, the natural outcome if she can't go. I am as considerate as I can be, but it's difficult when she also wants me to put that all above people who lost a child. Thank you for your input.

Yeah. See if there's any other comments from OP here. Overall vote was not the asshole. There are quite a few comments from OP. A lot of not the assholes, a lot of responses. So I will, I will try to remember to post the link Morgan posted, post the youtube link posted, post link on youtube. So there is a comment that says, you're the asshole. Our first baby died at five months, 41 years ago. There were babies at the funeral and at the wake. Why would that be a problem?

We were already sad. Seeing a baby didn't add to our grief. Quite the opposite. I mean, I don't think that's what it's about though. It's really not about, it's, you know, it's about that couple's wishes. That those parents asked you what happens on that day. And like, I'm, OP literally responds and goes,

I'm sorry for your loss. And that's it, that's all OP said. But like, just do it. That's the choice that they made. That's the boundary they set. Just because you can handle a situation a certain way doesn't mean other people can. There's no right or wrong way to deal with grief

or process the loss of a kid. Those parents said, no, no babies please. Yeah. That's the bottom line and a discussion. Nothing further needed. No. Yeah, just a lot of comments from OP. So someone goes, not the asshole, not just that you are

respecting your brother's wishes, but I don't think attending the funeral for a baby of a similar age is going to be good for your wife's postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression. She already is afraid to leave good for your wife's postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression. She already is afraid to leave the baby alone. She doesn't need to see what a funeral for a baby looks like. That sounds like it will make her anxiety worse. Could be.

Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. It would be so triggering. And Opie goes, I thought of this too, and did try to bring it up, but she told me that she would have been fine. I don't entirely believe it. As it is, I know that my nephew's health conditions gave her anxiety about her own little one's health.

Not that she ever shared this with family, just me and her therapist. I can't imagine what a funeral would have done. That's true. Yeah. And it would not have been well. It wouldn't. Not have gone well. It wouldn't not have gone well. It wouldn't have been good. She is still in therapy.

OPs commenting to other people going forward. I think he absolutely should attend a session and talk about this together with the therapist, especially based on her reaction when he got home. I think there's a lot to unpack here, especially in terms of like, if she starts to resent him for this, someone goes, how on earth could you go against your brother's wishes? But could one of you attend the service and the other attend the gathering after?

That doesn't sound feasible either, does it? It's really just an impossible situation. And Opie goes, we could have, but I also didn't want to leave my brother. We are very close. I'm not trying to undermine my wife's relationship with them, but like, that's my brother. Bottom line. He did the best he could. Yep. Moving along.

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To match with the license therapist today, go to Talkspace.com slash THT to get $80 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's Talkspace.com slash THT. Okay, so this is 18-ish days old now. Coming from relationship advice, titled My 25-Female, boyfriendfriend, 25 Male, of 12 years

has told me he's had a baby. How do I get over this? I've been with my boyfriend since we were both 13. I've always imagined we would be together forever. I have only slept with him. He is the only boyfriend I've ever had. I've given up so much for him. I didn't pursue my chosen career and go to uni

as it would have meant moving away from him. I passed up the opportunity to move abroad with my family, and now I have no family living in this country anymore. I passed up going traveling and nights out with friends on what should have been the best years of my life. We own a house together, we split the mortgage, but I put the full 10K deposit down as I am in a financially better position than him.

I have always envisioned growing old with him, spending my life with him, having kids with him. We briefly broke up in December, early January, for a few weeks after an argument. He went out and slept with somebody else, but didn't tell me. We just got back together, and nothing was said. Yesterday he speaks to me very upset and tells me that in September he'd had a baby with a woman he'd had a one-nate stand with. I asked why he didn't tell me sooner, and he said because he doubted the child was his,

and he wanted to block it all out. So, he was ignoring the girl. But the girl contacted his mother and his mother had a grandparent DNA test done and proved she's the grandmother. Ever since his mum has been arguing with him about being involved as she sees the baby every other weekend and telling him he needs to tell me, he's only telling me because his mum said if he didn't, she would. I don't know how to handle this.

Boyfriend is crying, saying he was trapped, that the girl told him she was on contraceptives and was allergic to condoms. He's saying he's not ready and he doesn't want to lose me and is making threats on himself, if I leave. I don't know what to do. Do I forget these past 12 years and all I've ever known and move on? Or do I forgive him and try to make this work? what to do. Do I forget these past 12 years, and all I've ever known and moved on, or do I forgive him and try to make this work? Okay, you're worse nightmare. It quite literally is, yeah.

This is really not fun. One thing I really picked up on was the, because the question's kind of like, what should I do, right? Yeah, this is coming from a relationship advice. Okay. Um, one thing I picked up on is the, you know, when things get rocky of holding on to a little bit of resentment for all these things that you've given up, which is totally valid, and you made those choices, you know, as at that point in time of the nights out, the not moving, the not going to school in a different place and that kind of thing. I'm trying to look at the relationship

for a second without this other factor. Just like, were we headed to a point where almost a little bit I was getting in vibe, like, let's stay in this because we've been in it for so long, which is very difficult, especially in your first relationship, especially because it started so young and you've gone through so many different life phases already together.

I mean, imagine how intertwined your lives are at that point. 13 to 25. It's almost like we can never break up because we've been together so long. You know what I mean? That's why. And so I just wonder where the feelings are, or currently would have been,

like almost if I could have sat them down and said, how do you feel in this relationship right now, just to see if you'd get that vibe at all. But on to the actual story, I just picked up a little of that. I will just say, yes, I wonder if that, because to me that didn't feel like resentment, okay, it felt to me like she was just trying to paint this picture of like, this is the life we built together. And realistically, this is what I gave up. And he decided to do this to me after I've done all this.

So it turns into resentment because of this, right? I think maybe now it could, but I think that was just like trying to paint a clear picture because that is really frustrating. 100%. Like so frustrating. No, I'm not saying it's right or like. Yeah, I know, I know.

But this definitely, I mean, there's so many questions, but I think I think there would be something good in seeing what it's like to be a part, especially considering these, you know, everyone makes mistakes and this is one hell of a mistake. I don't even know if you call that. It's such a deliberate choice. It's such a, you know, obviously wasn't intending on getting someone pregnant, but you did. And you knew the risk going in and you did. You've been together for so long. You break over up over one argument and that same, you've been together for so long, you break up over one argument, and that same night you go sleep with someone

and get them pregnant. But just the flip from like, oh yeah, we're committed and we wanna be together forever. I don't think if you split up. For only a couple of weeks. Yeah, I don't see that being like, going and sleeping with everyone, especially if your intention is to come back.

And it almost was like, here's my moment to get everything I haven't gotten over the past 12 years. And I've been 18, 19, 20, 21, 22. I've only slept with one person. And I remember what it was like to be that age. And all you're doing is looking outward. Look at all that I have an experience. I know, because you dated your high school girlfriend,

lost your virginity to her and dated her for what? Like, ayy? Like deep into college. Yeah, so from like six, six years. Six years, but like from 15, 16 until junior year of college. Yeah, and at some point, you're just like, looking out at the grass is looking real green on the outside. You know what I mean?

I think that's what he went through. 100%. And I don't, like they did break up. They broke up for two weeks. Do I think it's right that he immediately went and fucked other people? No, I think that's really weird. You're gonna immediately go find, like, no, that's weird.

You own a house together. I feel like the context was we're breaking up. Like a lot of people do, but it's like, you feel like you're just gonna come back together once you get over it. Yeah. And if- Don't use breaking up as like a threat though.

It's not like breaking up needs to be taken. It's shouldn't. It should be taken serious. There's a lot of people that have strings of anything that goes wrong. Break up, come back together. Break up, it shouldn't. It should be taken serious. There's a lot of people that have strings of anything that goes wrong. Break up, come back together, break up, come back together. Don't use that for your relationships. It's just not even healthy. It's like once you break a glass, it's hard to drink out of that thing again. I don't know. And here's the thing. Like they did break up, you know, should

he have told her then, hey, I just want you to know during our break when we were broken up. When they were back together. Yes, something should have been said. I don't think the issue, and there are some edits and updates that I haven't read. Okay. But for me, if this were me in this situation,

yeah, shit happens. Is this a really not fun situation? Yeah, do I want to be a stepmom and have my partner that I own a house with have a kid on the side? No. This probably would be relationship ending for me. Right. But it's not so much the fact that it happened. It's the fact that he lied about it and is now only coming clean and telling her because his mom threatened him. Well, of course. Right. Like, this is weird. And also, like, kind of just shame on everyone.

Like, the mom mother-in-law at this point, it feels like, because they have a house together and feel like they're married, even though they're not. Yeah. Her almost holding this secret and still seeing this baby every other weekend. Shit, kind of people all around. Like, the minute this baby was born

and the DNA test was confirmed, if I was the mom, I would have said, Hey, I'm the grandma, this has been confirmed, you need to go tell your partner or I'm not living this life. What should grow the fuck up? Which it did come to eventually. After how long? Like how old is this baby? I don't know. So the baby is two months old. I mean, hey, at least she got to the point where she said, if you don't, I'm going to. Right? I mean, that's because, yeah, you're always going to have your kids back, but at least she at least got there.

You know what I mean? Because some people I don't think would. Some people are like, nope, I'm your team till death. So you run the show, you make your decisions. But the pregnancy and having the kid does completely change the dynamic, because yeah, as the partner on the outside, it's not just, oh, my partner, you know,

went out and slept with someone and, you know, getting through that. It's now a physical manifestation. And obviously like, you wouldn't have anything against the kid. Like the kid that's completely innocent. People think, baby, yeah, but the kid represents that. And now you're putting a position, yeah, your borderline starting to, you're, you're going to be entering a parent role. When maybe that's not what you wanted for your life at this stage. Or in this circumstance.

Yeah. And so you have every right to say, you know what, deal breaker. But the lying and the hiding it and doing all of that is the other nail in the coffin where it's like, you know what, I can probably find something better at this point because I don't know if I'd be able to get over this and I'll probably, if we stayed together, I would resent, I would have resentment from this forever. I know. I can't imagine everything she's sacrificed already. And I think this is like, I look at my life and what I did. And I regret so much. Like I was similar in the sense in college.

I dated someone in Canada. I lived in Minnesota. I was traveling to Canada every two weeks and I'd stay there for a week. And I'd miss out on college stuff. I'd miss out on homecoming. I'd miss out on all this stuff. I shot myself in the foot. This is just my experience, my friends, but I feel like typically, a lot of times it's women giving up experiences to follow a man, to move for a guy's job, to, you know, travel to go see a guy long distance. And sometimes it gets reciprocated. Yeah, he'd come to Minnesota maybe once every 10 of my visits, but a lot of times it's women.

And I think we need to stop sacrificing our lives for other people. And like, this is a prime example. Look how much she says she gave up for what now. Don't make sacrifices in your life. If you want to go to the school, you wanna go to that university, if he's the right person, he will be there. You will make long distance work.

The right person will be the right person. Do not sacrifice your life. Don't get to 30 and have a house and a kid with your high school sweetheart and then find out, oh, he's had another baby on the side. Live the life you wanna live, and the right person will be there for you. Yeah.

Top comment on this one, honey, you're done. You are still so young, you can do better than this. You will do better without this. Next comment after that, you know, it's funny. The younger you are, the more you cling to the bad. You can't let it go. It's all you know, it's funny. They're younger. You are the more you cling to the bad You can't let it go. It's all you know all you want all you can either then fathom Yeah, as you get older and you see life behind you Wasted in futility mediocrity or straight-up awful you realize you are done wasting time

Sadly that time is already gone and all you can do is move forward and try to help those younger than you not make the same mistakes. Sadly, most of them will. The only mistake I could see in this is something like this happens. She stays together with him, moves forward and a year in or two years in, three years in. It all blows up. He does it again or something And she's like, I shouldn't have done this. That would be a mistake. Had this never happened, all of those sacrifices would not be looked at as a mistake. There's nothing to learn from. If they had been together and become the happy couple that lasted forever, just got lucky, met each other early and lasted forever, none of that would be a mistake. It's only looked at as a mistake

because of what happened recently. That's on perspective. So let's get into some of these edits from OP. I did message the girl, probably against my better judgment and asked how we could move forward and sent her my best wishes. She just said that she doesn't care if he does or doesn't want to be involved and that the door's open, but she's glad his family is involved. Then she blocked me. Weird. Threatened.

I don't want to step child at all. I don't even want a child of my own for at least another five years. I asked him how we would move on from this. And he said, quote, we will just pretend the child doesn't exist and go about our lives, which disgusted me because I never thought he was the type of coward to abandon an innocent child.

And I don't want to be seen as enabling him to do that. I truly believe even if I was out of his life, he wouldn't see the child. And with all of us still together in that situation, I'd be seen as the evil one, and like I somehow can don't his actions. I envisioned him as a strong man of good character, and the fact he doesn't want involvement with the child and keeps referring to the baby as it, and has even blocked his mum off everything because she has seen the baby, and he doesn't want her to. Makes me look at him in a different cowardly light and is giving me the ick. If he had told me when he found out that he'd gone a girl pregnant but they'd need DNA,

then got DNA when the baby was born and he'd stuck by the kid, I don't think I'd even be asking this question. I'd be upset and not want to be a step-parent and I doubt I would be involved myself for a few years, but I'd have supported him and accepted his mistake. Wow. The way he's gone about it has ruined everything. If he truly loved me and cared about me,

he would have told me from day one. That is why honesty is the best policy. Yeah, I mean, you can see why in a panic and a gut reaction, he acted the way he did, because it's the easy way out. You push the hard conversation out as far as you can until literally, like there's no other option, which in this case came from his mom, said you're gonna do this or I am. And that's the easy route. And you think that almost for a second, you can make it all go away and go back to your life

as it was, but isn't it funny? Oh, it's quite the opposite. Yeah, this is someone with some very weak character, very limited accountability. I was maybe next to no accountability. Him doing that sounds like he's trying to do it or re-kend to save his relationship. That's what I hope because, you know,

saying all that and that being the reaction and blocking and doing all that, he's in a state of shock and just like, he's probably freaking out. So he's making very irrational choices and saying dumb things. I just really hope it doesn't define him as a person. I hope he can come through and actually turn this into something positive for himself and build a good life out of it because you're too young to do that and to define the rest of your life

by abandoning a kid. And it can be so rewarding. Yeah, it didn't happen in the way you hoped. And who knows if you and the mom could ever have a relationship or whatever, but you and that kid could have such a good thing. And you could be such a role model, you could be such a force in that kid's life,

regardless of all the shit. I mean, I'm a big oops baby. I was not planned. I was, might as well have been a one night stand accident. Like, and we turn out okay. We turn out pretty good sometimes. Most times, you know, we try. We're out here trying.

Yeah. So yeah, I just think like, he's got to grow up and I would love an update. Like, we broke up, but he did get his act together. He's involved. 100%. But unfortunately, I don't think we're going to get that. OP did remove their post.

They were the ones that actually deleted it. Their account is deleted. So I think, luckily, she probably got her answer and is going to move on. It sounds like a breakup is imminent. Probably. And wish her the best because she deserves it. Yeah. Wish him the best.

Hopefully he gets it together. Well, unlike, you know, we, we, we both say, yeah, we, you know, regret our college experience, regret choices made at X, Y, Z, but that's also just growing up and life. And I let us hear. Well, right. Well, and like, if you're happy where you're at, it's hard to say you regret anything. Yeah.

Because it, whatever it was, it led you here. I just wish I would have like been more involved. Like I missed out on so much fun, fun times. Like I went a hundred percent agree. Like I wish I'd played like football. Because out on the football field, right, at my school is right outside my apartment and I went and played because there was a spot up in one night and I'd so much fun. If I did that, I would have had a ton more friends and a way more involves. But moral the story, I guess, take from us.

Be involved. Say yes to activities. But the thing is, like, for her sake, and for him in some regard, you could look back and be like, oh, like, I just, I wasted everything and I missed this, but if you cling onto that, it'll hurt you going forward. If you just realize it's a part of life, it was a mistake, I learned a lot. I've so much experience and knowledge now look forward and carry forward to use, and turn it into a positive eventually and don't look at it as such like a regret

and a waste of time. I think it'll do you much better going forward because I know what it's like to dwell in regret. It doesn't do anything positive for you. You'll never be able to really move forward or have a positive future. No. So a lot of things to pull from here. Basically, I was going to say take a shot every time I say moral of the story, because I think I've said it like 20 times already. But one, don't lie to your partner. Two, wear condoms, especially if you're going to cheat, you ask holes.

Three, don't sacrifice your life for the sake of saving a relationship. The right one will let you have those experiences and will work out, regardless of what you do. Anything else for this one? No, I think I gave my speech. Okay, moving along. Another one of this week's partners is Skylight Frames. I love giving people the best gifts. I make it my mission every year on the holidays.

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When you go to SkylightFrFrames.com slash takes. To get $15 off your purchase of a Skylite frame, just go to SkyliteFrame.com slash takes. That's skylyghtfram.com slash takes. Link is also in the description. We have a lot of baby ones today. Okay. This one's kind of interesting. I think this is less the baby. So sorry guys lot of baby ones today. Okay. This one's kind of interesting. I think this is last baby, so sorry guys. So it is titled, Am I the asshole for banning

my sister-in-law from babysitting after she put breast milk in my child's ears. I have a seven-year-old daughter Rose. Rose is prone to ear infections. She had a double ear infection recently and couldn't go to school on Friday because she had a low grade fever. I had to go to work and couldn't get a babysitter, so my sister-in-law offered to keep her from me. Everything seemed to go well, until I picked Rose up and my sister-in-law told me she had put breast milk. She has a 12-week old, in Rose's ears to help with the ear infection. She even offered to send some home in a dropper bottle so I can keep giving it to her. She claims it's a great remedy and that Rose was already starting to feel better. I couldn't believe that she did this to my child without asking. I yelled at her for

it, we argued, and I told her she will no longer be able to babysit, slash be around Rose unsupervised. she will no longer be able to babysit, slash be around Rose unsupervised. Now Rose is upset that she can't go to her auntie's house anymore, and my brother called me to say that I upset his wife. She was just trying to help, and that I overreacted. This is a woman putting her bodily fluids in my child's ear. I think I have a right to be upset. It seems that everyone is against me on this, So I wanted to know if I was the asshole for banning her from babysitting or being near rose unsupervised. I think I mean, yeah, bodily fluids, breast milk, yeah. But we're in a space where I feel like we're talking about the level of, like how far do you go to do health things

with other people's kids? Like to me when I first heard this, I was like, oh, breast milk, like that's pretty harmless. Like if you have eczema, it's great to take a breast milk bath. Like breast milk is really, really good for that. So I'm like, okay, maybe breast milk has these superpowers for ear infections. So for me, I was like, okay, breast milk is really, really good for that. So I'm like, okay, maybe breast milk has these superpowers

for ear infections. So for me, I was like, okay, breast milk is pretty harmless. But if someone was babysitting and gave my kid a shitton of like Tylenol and other stuff that they had in their medicine cabinet and dinask, I'd kind of be like, ooh, okay, maybe you should have called me. Right, I think. So it's the level of treatment,

though this one is definitely an outlier. Well, I know, it's like, for experimental. You would think, so we'll get there. I did Google it. Okay. But I guess like a comparison could be like, would I call and ask you to put a bandaid on your kid?

Like our, is breast milk and bandaid in the same category? I don't not know. No, I think you can put... It's not like she's eating the breast milk. Being at my aunt's house, my grandma's house, or whoever that is in my parents, growing up, if I would fall and get hurt, of course, there's like Nio Sporen.

It was a bandaid. I remember getting slivers pulled out. That was traumatic for me and I didn't like that. But there's a level to which then when you are being treated, like not just wounds or simple things, but more along the lines of we're taking medicine or we're taking things into the body. So topical is okay. making medicine or taking things into the body. So topical is okay.

That's the line. But like when you're an older kid then, you start to make your own decisions. Like, oh yeah, I'll have an ad. Do you have any ad fill grandma? Yeah. And it's like, where does that line fall? Yeah, okay, so maybe like topical stuff is okay,

but anything ingested. But it's also like, she's not ingesting. It's just an ear, which doesn't really go anywhere. I mean, yeah, it does. So. The ears are kind of connected all the way through. So here's where I'm like, okay, this lady needed to pump the brakes.

I did a quick Google search. Minimal words, breast milk, in-ear, for-ear infection. Okay. Okay, seven words. Sure. Seven words. And Google was able to give me 14 million results in .29 seconds. Little blur about the top. Ear infections are most common in children between ages of six and 18 months. Breast milk is an easy solution that delivers a powerful shot of antibodies right to the site of the issue. Three to four drops of breast milk right into the ear is typically enough to treat the issue. That's fine, but is that what this is about? I don't think she's upset like, hey, you give my kid a treatment that I didn't know about without asking.

It's not like she's eating it. It's not a mother-in-law trying to breast milk a baby when she's got no milk. Like, it's just a couple drops in an ear. Like, to me, I'm like, I think should the sister-in-law have asked, it would have been a nice courtesy, but are you an asshole for freaking out and saying, you can't watch my daughter again,

you can't even be alone unsupervised with my seven-year-old? I think you're a bit of an asshole. I would say it's no reaction. It's, I would agree from my perspective, but it's hard to dictate when it's right for someone to set their boundaries or not. I do think it is an overreaction. Because in my, if this were me as a parent, I'd be like,

oh, okay, that's weird. And I'd think, like, okay, what the fuck? And then I'd be like, oh, it's a great thing. I'd be like, cool, I didn't know that. This one blow up into a big problem for me. It would be more of a learning experience from like, oh, you're dead. And I had no idea.

Did you? No, I had to Google it. So, you know, it's not, but like, it feels like the sister-in-law knows what she's doing because she did it. But I guess like, it's hard because I don't think the average bear, like, has the ability to decipher, okay, topical breast milk in year, okay. Topical, breast milk in ear, okay.

Motrin, not okay. Like, I think maybe like in terms of a straight guideline, call, ask a parent before you do anything. Always, I mean, it's the easiest. Give their kid anything. It's the failsafe. Yeah. I think like, it's kind of hard,

because it's maybe this one, okay, I take back my asshole, I would say in this one, everyone sucks. For me, and I'm probably gonna get some heat on it, I feel it, I feel it coming, my toes are getting warm. But I just, I feel you guys, I hear you in my head, but I just feel like this is never one sucks like was the sister in law great about you know consent of a parent no. Now I'm

thinking about it. I'm like yeah, okay, okay. She should have been able to consent. It's her kid but the overreaction and then being like you can't be alone with her ever again. That's getting a little crazy because you could have just Googled and been like, okay, okay, I see that, you know, it does help, but please going forward do not do this again. 100%. Big words were said. Yeah, big words. Big words, Elmo. I don't know how real they are.

I don't know how life-long, permanent they are, but listen, from now on, I'll let you know when I have some interesting solutions for different health things. Yeah. When I'm watching your kids, I'll ask you, but I'm not going to go out of the way to try and do something that's going to harm your kid while they're under my care. I want to be here for you when you need me. So let's just,

be adults. Let's just sort this out and let's move forward. I'm sorry. What do you think the overall vote on this one is? I don't know because I'm wondering how many people are privy to the knowledge that it is a treatment. But should I guess? Yeah, I think yes.

God, it's tough. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, other post where a family member, babysitter, gives a baby Tylenol without permission, and those people are assholes, but according to Rhara, you overreacted because it's breast milk this time? Not the ass hold. Ooh, not the ass hole. Babiesitters shouldn't be giving any medicine

or home remedies without permission, no matter how normal and fine people apparently think it is. Like no home remedies, no matter how normal. This is where it gets so confusing. I don't want to watch anyone's kids. I really don't. But like. It's kind of scary, isn't it?

Yeah. Like what if you had like some like you did like a cut and you can't put nia's born on without asking? Like I think it like that's where it's tough or that's where it's tough. Or it's like, it's tough. I use rubbing alcohol, kill that shit, and the kid screamed and hates me.

Like, yeah, well, that's intense. Why no? Traumatic. But like, for someone that does that for their cuts their whole life. I know. It's so sketchy.

I guess bottom line. Call. Stop the bleeding, put some pressure, but call. I don't know. Yo, blah, blah, fell and hit their shit. Can I, uh, can I put a bandaid on? Oh, yeah, well, I haven't you already.

Then it, yeah. Yeah, this is a tough line. It's so fast. For, for you guys out there that are parents, can you please chime in on this? Like, is it just an overall rule, like, immediate call me no matter what it is, even if it's neosporant and abandoned?

Or like, I do have faith in the people watching your kids that they can make the right call. There's definitely some people are like they'll live you take care of it. Rub some dirt on it. Exactly. But please chime in in the comments. I'll maybe post something on a poll on Spotify but I would love to see you guys chime in because as a health person, I understand more serious medicines and things like that. But this, I'm kind of like,

I feel like Neosporin and light things, things that aren't ingested, you know, seem like they'd be more okay, but please chime in. What if you had a friend watch her kid and the boyfriend of said friend or husband was a chiropractor and they did chiropractic something? Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. See, I know your lines. I know your boundaries. Yeah. I feel like the people around you watching your kids should also know your boundaries. I feel like maybe we can put this together as a two-hot takes family, like a little note card, like, hey, please call if anything happens. Please don't give my kid any medicines.

Please don't do this. Please don't put my kid in a sling shot. Like there's certain things that are common sense or should be common sense isn't that common. But like, damn, I don't want to watch anyone's kids. Don't ask me to babysit, y'all, I'm not doing it. We do have some comments from OP. Soft not the asshole, but this does seem like an overreaction.

Yes, she definitely should have asked first. I think labeling breast milk bodily fluids while accurate, sort of lumping it in with unsanitary things you'd never put in a kid's body. I've had pediatricians recommend putting breast milk in ears for ear infections, in eyes to clear eye boogers, and bathing them in it to help with eczema. I knew that, you can also freeze it.

If you're pumping and dumping to get the booze out, freeze it for the bass. You need a lot to bathe my lords. It's a little baby, not much water. It's not like she was putting pee in your kid's ears. This is something that's pretty common and recommended by some doctors. Again, she should have asked first, but never letting your kid see them again for this seems extreme.

She was just trying to help. It wasn't malicious. Yeah. And OP goes, I didn't say she'll never see Rose again. I said she won't babysit or be around Rose unsupervised. That is the same thing. Yes. What do you mean?

It's still aggressive. In my head, someone else goes, you're the asshole. So she babysat for free and help treat your kid's illness. And this is your stupid ass response. OP goes, did you know what else could have helped with her ears? Tylenol. Info. Does your sister-in-law slash her family have experience with using breastmilk for infections?

Breastmilk is a natural medicine for several issues. There are studies that it can even destroy cancer cells. Hey, I will take breastmilk. If anyone's got it, I'll start bathing in it. I kind of want to try it now just to see what it tastes like. It's not weird. It's kind of an intrusive thought I shared out loud that I probably shouldn't have. Fill a tub with, you know the quantity? You just put a little bit in and then you let it blend into the water.

Oh, to me bathing in means like, Okay, people aren't cows. I don't know if you could get that much milk. It exactly. Okay. For me, it wouldn't be a big deal. I also drink milk from foreign cows, so I'm not scared of human milk either.

I would be okay if it works for my kid and she even offered to provide some milk. She could not know that you feel disgusted or scared by that, but I would tell her to ask next time if she wants to give my kid any kind of treatment. It was nice of her to watch your kid. She is not a foreign babysitter. She is her sister-in-law.

She didn't harm your kid. She had good intentions. She treated your kid like her own. I wouldn't punish this behavior. True. And OP says, she says she does it with her other kids. This is her fourth kid, and that she recommends it to her patients' parents all the time.

She's a pediatric nurse. That had been nice to know. Thank you for the context at the beginning OP. I change it back. I changed my answer back. Yes. I think I'm gonna go against Reddit. Oh, that's kind of where I was

lady. I think this is kind of you're the asshole. She is a very qualified medical professional. I, you know, fuck, I'm so torn. Ask us to next many years when we're parents. Let me just pop a kid out first. Maybe I'll feel different. For, for, for, and cows. Yeah, I don't know. Like Iceland cows. Iceland milk and cheese was born. I would probably be able to drink Iceland cow milk. Yeah. Actually. Okay, moving along. Please chime in on this one you guys. Okay, this next one. Am I the asshole for telling my friends boyfriend that he shouldn't have been allowed to eat? Dio.

Some friends and I decided to do the trend where we have a dinner and everybody brings a food that starts with the first letter of their name. Does that remind you of anything Justin? Yeah. I'll explain that after. There's one friend of ours that's a bit of a moocher. Whenever we go out, she never pays for stuff, whether it's the dinner bill, tickets for the movies, etc. We always end up paying for her. But everyone accepted this and doesn't really seem to have an issue with it.

However, recently, it's become worse. She's been dating this guy for a couple of months and she brings him everywhere with her, even when he's not invited. So now, we have two people to pay for. Also, I feel like I have to say that they do have jobs. They're not struggling. It'd be different if they were broke than of course I wouldn't mind. But yeah, we had the dinner last night and everybody brought food and put a lot of effort into it. These two, however, showed up with absolutely nothing, not even a bottle of soda.

We were annoyed, but nobody said anything. It wasn't until the end of the night when they were leaving that I cracked a little. Good. The friend's boyfriend was taking home ALL, all caps, ALL of the barbecue ribs that were left. I repeat, all of it, and it was a lot. Like, damn, be considerate at least, he emptied the entire tray of ribs into a container.

That's, that's when I politely asked, quote, can you maybe not take all of it? The others might want some too. He got all the fence of an asked, quote, why are you treating me like I'm stealing all of the food? Because you are. I clarified that I never said such a thing and that I only asked that he didn't take all of it. He got angry, plopped the ribs back and said, fine, I don't need your food to which I replied, quote, it kind of seems like you do. And to be

honest, you shouldn't have eaten at all since you didn't contribute again as usual. Then, my friend came, took him and just left without saying anything. Now, apparently, she's angry with us, mainly me. Most of my friend group doesn't think I did anything wrong, but there are a couple who are saying that I shouldn't have said anything. The thing is that I didn't even say anything to my friend because I don't mind that she doesn't contribute. Her boyfriend was the one irritating me. He eats the most food, but doesn't contribute.

Drinks the most alcohol, but doesn't contribute. Orders really expensive meals at restaurants doesn't contribute towards the bill. I guess I got kind of annoyed and snapped at him. I tried phoning her to clarify that I don't have any issue with her, but she's ignoring me. I don't know, maybe I should have left well enough alone. Am I the asshole?

No, definitely not. Oh my God. Pump the brakes. This should have happened a long time ago, and I would have been a lot more aggressive than you were. You did this way too nice. You were way too, no, no, no, no. Who are the friends?

Who are the friends that are saying you shouldn't have said anything? Weirdos. And when are they gonna grow a spine and like figure their shit out? Cause that's ridiculous. That's what I would like to know. This isn't fair.

This isn't like, I would hate this. I wouldn't even go. I'd be like, do these people are coming? Why do they even invite her? And I know she shows up to things that she's not invited for, but then why do you continue to pay for her and enable this behavior?

I don't know. This is. I don't know. And then he comes along. Very generous girl. Oh my God, I could not. I don't know. And then he comes along. Very generous group. Oh my God. I could not.

I'm picturing the barbecue. We have it in my house sometimes. So you have a, that's what I was envisioning. And I end up with a phrase of food. I end up with a lot of leftovers because it's like at our house and it gets put in the fridge. And we utilize them.

I am a leftover girl. And people don't take stuff usually. But even if people did, especially, of course, it's the guy who contributes nothing and is just worthless with contributing to the bill at anything or doing, what are you doing? And why are those people so entitled to go and go grab all the ribs real quick before we leave?

Do you know how expensive barbecue ribs are? And if the person cooked them, the time it took to make them. And he didn't cook them? No. No chance. You didn't bring anything. And I think it is totally fine to bring a little container or...

He wasn't invited. Again, he's annoying, but I find issue with the friend too, because I'm sure the friend, that friend had to have had a conversation and said, hey, yeah, we just show up to these things and we don't pay. So you don't have to contribute. Don't worry about paying order.

Whatever you want, get the most expensive drink. You know, no worries. Like they, they always pay. She must have a, she must be a damn good friend in other ways because she's completely taking advantage of everyone every time. I was. And why does half the friend of group saying you shouldn't have said anything? Why do they just be thankful

that this person said something for you and you didn't have to? I'm really stuck on that. So I will say, I think if you're doing like potluck things or friend's giveings or whatever holiday meetups, I think you always should like each, when you bring your dish, bring a little tupperware or something you can put stuff in.

I think it's really nice when people take leftovers if you're going to eat them and everyone goes home with a little bit of what they want. We're definitely going to be those people. Oh my god. We're going to have containers right in the go. We're going to send people home with stuff. I know. I love that, but this is weird. The entitlement was weird. We have a lot on pack areas. Very, very, so frustrating for me. Very strange. Overall, vote on this one was not the asshole. The top comment being, you're not the asshole for this event,

but why on earth do you and your friends tolerate them mooching like that? Tell them that they need to pay their own way and do it. If you go to the movies, buy your own tickets, and let them pay or leave. Get separate checks at restaurants. When the server first go to the movies, buy your own tickets and let them pay or leave. Get separate checks at restaurants. When the server first comes to the table, tell them you'll need separate checks. As a former restaurant employee, I can tell you that it's fairly easy to split a check

if you know it'll be split before start entering things. Except for some servers. Some people have problems, but it's address it upfront. Yes. You and your friends have been complete doormats. When you let bad behavior repeatedly go on challenge, it never stops and often worsens. Yep. Comments are very like, very just kind of confused like we are. Someone goes,

I got to the part about OP1 and tell the friend they are mad at her and I'm like, why? Have you not realized that he's mooching? Oh my God, okay, thank you. Because she told him he can and should. It is clearly a concentrated and intentional behavior led by her.

Everyone sucks here because honestly, put your foot down. Bring some of that same frustration you have for him and point it at the real source. How about his dumbass reaction? Oh, oh, don't want your food anyway. I don't want your food. It's so traumatic and making such a big scene. Oh my God.

Oh, I wish I was there. Oh, I wish I was there. So on the original post, there are a few comments from OP. Someone goes no comment about the moochers, but I like the theme idea, which, okay, so before I go on, if you guys want a fun game to play with your family, family that's not like Justin because he hated feeling left out,

there's a game we play at my family. And you have to do it now with new people because we all kind of know. But essentially you say, hey Justin, I'm having a party. I'm going to bring marshmallows to the party. Do you want to come? Yeah. Okay. Okay. What are you going to bring? Jello. You can come to the party. Jello. You can come to the party and then Justin can come because he brought a Jello for Justin. But a lot of people won't get it and, you know, for an example, Justin, what are you going to bring to the party? Candy canes. You can't come to the party. I'm sorry. And then everyone looks at you and laughs at you every single time. It wasn't like that. There were multiple people, multiple people that didn't know. Two.

No, there were many more. Two. No, there were more. But essentially, you can mess up and fake it. I'm gonna have a party. I'm gonna bring candy canes. Can I go to my own party? No, I can't go.

There's ways you might have to tell one person or you go into your holidays as the only one that knows because You listen to the podcast and you have a little fun and see who can pick up on it. Okay. So back to these comments How does it work if everyone is in line for movies and each person is buying and paying for a single ticket and then it gets to her turn So she'd turn around and ask who's paying for me this time. And at restaurants every time the bill comes, one of the friends just quietly pays for her meal or how do you know who's going to pay for her meal that time. Opie goes with the movie ticket, usually she'll add her ticket while a friend who's in front of hers is getting theirs. For example, friend one, hi, can I have a ticket for Spider-Man, please? Mooture pops up. All of a ticket for Spider-Man, too, please. Yeah, I see that makes me, I've my whole life.

I've been so uncomfortable with people spending money on me. Same. I don't like it. Yes, I appreciate it. And, you know, I'm very grateful. But it makes me very uncomfortable. I do not like people spending money on me. No, I have very grateful, but it makes me very uncomfortable. I do not like people spending money on me. No, I have a hard time with it, too.

At restaurants, we split the bill and when she doesn't acknowledge that everyone is paying, slash or is not taking out her purse, somebody will quietly pay her share without saying anything. Or if the restaurant doesn't split bills, all of us will transfer slash give money and she just won't do anything. We've been friends with her since May this year and I've only paid for her about three times because in the beginning, I honestly didn't know it was going to be a thing that happens often. But yeah, she definitely mooches off everyone. Someone responds, y'all have only known her for six months. What the fuck? I thought this is a several years

long friendship, but she's practically a stranger that brought another stranger to Muchoff of all of you. No wonder she doesn't feel bad, but she doesn't care about any of you. Yeah, actually though. Oh, okay. There's a lot of other comments. Again, link. Let's get to the update. I wanted to clarify. The reason I said I don't really have a problem with her for not contributing is because I personally have never paid for her in terms of dinner, tickets, et cetera. She's watching everyone else do. Yeah, she's still annoying. Like, that's

still not okay. I've paid for exactly a drink, some popcorn, and parking before, but she obviously still benefits from me and the others when we bring food and drinks and she brings nothing. I've always thought it was unfair, but nobody wanted to say anything, so I left it alone. I should also mention that she's a friend by association. I've only known her since the beginning of this year. I confronted her, like many of you suggested, and started off by saying, I thought it was unfair her boyfriend was taking all the food food and that's why I spoke up. She said she's sorry and the boyfriend only did that

because he didn't think anyone would mind. I should say that even though she eats at these things, she's never taken copious amounts of food before. I said that I don't speak on behalf of everyone, but I feel it's unfair that she keeps bringing her boyfriend and also that she never contributes to anything. Since she had just been apologetic, I thought she would respond by saying that she would start to contribute, but instead she asked why I cared so much because I don't even eat ribs and that I embarrassed her and her boyfriend for nothing. I don't eat meat, but that was beside the point. My friend put a lot of hours into cooking those ribs. Just for this guy to take them all?

No, it's not right. And I didn't make a scene. He did. I spoke very politely. So I explained that again and said that she's been an inconsiderate friend. She said, quote, I don't know why you're attacking me when nobody else has a problem. Then said that she didn't want to associate with me anymore. I said that was fine and that was the end of it. I told the others the outcome and the friend that introduced the mooch to us was really mad that I caused a rift between everyone over food. So the group essentially split up and those who were irritated with me will continue to hang out with her. The others who secretly found her annoying, but

were too polite, also spoke up and decided to branch off too. Our mooch-free group hung out a couple of times already and all the complaints are finally being released. Also, everybody brings something now, which is nice. Not just that, but it's a more relaxing and stress-free environment without them. 100%. The introducer friend is trying to poach some of the new friend group to know a veil, which I think is funny, but anyways, that's it. Sorry if this was anti-climatic. I know this is like juvenile high school stuff, but hey, that's what happened.

No, this is great. This is fun. This is great. This is everything finally worked out and it's all because of you. I love this. You did a beautiful thing. I love this. Because now we have a group A that's much more happier and we have a group B that's going

to keep spinning in their weird, like, whatever cycle. I don't know. I love when friendships are like give and take Hey, I got this meal you get the next one when it evens out This would drive you absolutely nuts. I wouldn't be able to do this like you would you would I'm I want to take care of my people. I want to get my friends nice gifts. With latch onto this so quick, because you're like, it's because it's ridiculous. And you wouldn't stand for something like this.

Well, do you know why? Like, there's this thing with a lot of neurodivergent people who have this like intense sense of justice. And that is literally me. I think that's every human. Oh, not everyone, not everyone. I think I just like, I think that's every human. Oh, not everyone, not everyone. I think I just like, I think that's why I get so invested in these stories too. And sometimes I got the wrong take, but sometimes I'm right.

And I'm on the side of justice. And that's why it makes me so mad. I get more emotionally drained after these than you do. So what's that say about me? Here maybe a little nerve. It's not even my life. There's nothing to do with it. I don't, I've never known these people.

No, but this is bonkers, and I'm really happy for them. This is a great solution. This is so obvious. This is common sense. Is it though? Yeah, I've lived 30 years of life, and I have lots of experience. Don't let people take advantage of you, my friends.

Life and friendships should be very balanced and fair. And looking at how much better they all feel now. You know, this is great. Oh, they're probably so relieved. And just like this is, oh, man, props to you for changing. And just like, you know, being the one to stick up, make the change. Because looking at how much better it is for you and your circle. Yeah, good, good job on your shiny new spine. You're a leader. As the right people say it. is for you and your circle. Yeah, good job on your shiny new spine. You're a leader. A leader.

A leader. It's so easy too, just to bring something small. Like it could have been a case of pop, a bottle of wine. Oh, it's ridiculous. It's so easy to make an effort. But I'ma grab the ribs quick. Fucker. Okay, moving along.

Next one. You can't congest it, it's from this couch. It's not from the couch. It's all the cats. I don't even know if they had cats. I think there's mouse poop in it too. Ugh. Do you guys think I should change the couch?

It does stink, I will say, a little, not as bad as Justin's. It's not better. You used to make the whole house stink. I've had it professionally cleaned, like a guy came over and professionally cleaned it, but it didn't really work. And there's also holes in it everywhere.

So unfortunately, I think the couch. It gives me the sniffles. It's gonna need to be changed, fabric-wise, but I love it. It gives me the sniffles. I know. Okay, move it along. Another one of this week's partners is Babel.

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Link is also in the description. Are you ready to be mad? Sure. Okay, buckle up everybody. My fiance, 37 male, made me 26 female, get plastic surgery just to get engaged. Now I want to call off the wedding. I don't even know if we need to hear this one.

You can, we'd discuss it right now. Okay, let's, without, without context, give a 30-second take. To expect something for something in a relationship is already very toxic and not right, and this was doomed to failure from the beginning. Love it. Okay. I want to clarify that no, this is not a fake post. This is my first Reddit post ever. I felt compelled to just get some outside perspective because I don't can find anyone in my personal life. No one knows I got this surgery. I'm glad I did post this

and I really appreciate everyone's feedback. I, 26 female, have been engaged my fiance, 37 male for six months now. And we're getting married next spring. feedback. I, 26 female, have been engaged my fiance 37 male for six months now, and we're getting married next spring. Our relationship has not been easy, and we dated for two years before getting engaged, and he broke up with me once in between for five months. Right now, I'm so conflicted. There was a time I was so eager to be engaged to him, and now I'm lost.

First off, I kind of had to give an ultimatum to get engaged. To which he responded, he has not proposed all this time because of something in my looks that he's not attracted to. He asked me to get a specific plastic surgery to correct this issue, and that he would pay for it. And only then he's willing to get engaged. So I went ahead and got the surgery. Anyways, we get engaged and I can still tell he's not that attracted to me because the

surgery didn't really make a big difference. Doesn't compliment me, doesn't really touch me or initiate things with me. He doesn't complain or bash my looks, but doesn't rave about it either. But this isn't the worst of it. I'm currently in grad school, and he works full-time and makes over 500K a year. He has pain for the wedding and has rubbed it in my face on two occasions, how I contribute nothing, and that I basically never have the right to complain about anything ever because he works so hard to pay for things. I complained once that I feel we don't spend enough quality time together.

I just don't know if I'm making a huge mistake getting married to him. I don't want to be miserable. I am so anxious. I don't feel like he loves me. He pushes me away when he's having a bad day and doesn't talk to me. I just kind of feel neglected in the relationship, but I also don't want to be a victim and consider maybe he's right about some things. Breaking an engagement off is so embarrassing and this would be his second broken engagement. Wonder why and I don't want to do that to him. I just feel really lost. How do I go about this?

Do it. What do we mean? What do we mean? It's a little stuck right now. I was like, just chuck it. Done, done, done. This guy is trying to, it's so clear. He's trying to work himself into a position

where he can completely control you. He's treating you. He's trying to set it all up so that he literally owns you. That's what it's sound. I mean, all these little things build up to like, like, oh, he pushes me away when he has a bad day and all this. He's just trying to literally own you and control you. It's so controlling and weird. What was the surgery? This, I will say, and I'm going to read one more. After this, I'm going to read one more post that I just got reminded of.

This was supposed to be the last story, but because this jar of memory, I have, we're going to be one more after this. But have you heard of nagging? I think so. It's where someone will constantly nag someone in a negative way to lessen their confidence, so then they feel a certain way about them. Like, God, I really hate guys who wear hats all the time.

Like, it's just like, it's so pretentious. Like, what are you trying to do? Why are you wearing a hat all the time? Like, so, come on. And so it's like, it's the psychological thing where you neg something about someone in hopes that like they try to then seek your validation. So you completely control and own them.

Yeah, it's really bad. And that's, to me, that feels like what he's trying to do here. 100, the... Yeah. So the top, the top. I just said. The top comment. I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake.

They quote, OP, girl, you should have left as soon as you put a condition of plastic surgery on your engagement. This man does not love you. You need to leave and marry someone who does. She already said the words. She's not debating. She literally already said break-off engagement. We didn't bring that up. She did. She said that and it's not embarrassing. Save yourself a lifetime of non-happiness and get yourself a lifetime of happiness. I'm going to quote the famous father knows something, Jerry. You got pulled over for a speeding ticket and let go of the warning. Take a shot. You gotta, go run.

Listen, the plastic surgery. Do you, okay, so I do have a comment of what it is. Before you even say what it is, it's in alteration, even if it's non-surgery, even if it's like weight, physical appearance, personality, what you wear, any of that do not change who you are to appease somebody else.

Because you want to be who you are and have someone love you for exactly who you are and not change you. Yes, no one's going to be perfect and fit. Check all of your boxes, all 100 million of them. Of course not, but this is real life. Yeah. Love the person for who they are. Do not change them. And yeah, they may have some things you don't love, but that makes them perfectly imperfect. And that's even more reason to love them. Yeah. Yeah. Well said. Like, I know for me personally, like, from the outside, it's like, oh, you're so pretty, you're so pretty,

but for me and my own skin, I don't feel great in my own skin right now. I've been dealing with a lot of health stuff and I've been struggling with my weight and just the way I look naked is not very good. The leggings suck it in right now, so you guys can't tell, but I just haven't been feeling great. And you have not once made me feel like it's a thing.

Like I feel like you're like, no, what are you talking about? Like you make me feel so beautiful still and so confident and it's like that is what everyone should have. Well, right, and I'd never be like, hey, well, and that's step A, right? That's, but the bare minimum I still would never be like, yeah, you gotta,

we gotta make some changes before I'm ever gonna propose to you. Like, Dude, I would've ran the other way. And going as far as surgery, I feel so bad. I feel, I feel, I feel not for Opie. I really do. But I was,

it doesn't change the context or anything about the situation, but I was curious what it was. Yeah, it's terrible either way. Yes. But yeah, curiosity, we're all curious. So OP does edit, thank you for all the responses. Even the mean ones, I needed to hear that.

The surgery I got was liposuction of my legs from thighs to ankles. I've always carried weight in my lower body. He says, financially successful men don't like thick women and goes on to list all the successful men he knows and uses their women as reference. I figured he was right about this and got this surgery and I'm still trying to lose weight because the LIPO didn't make a huge difference. That's a very invasive big surgery. That's LIPO, like a lot of people are like, oh LIPO, it's just LIPO, but no, like have you seen the videos? They're jamming that tube up here.

The people are saying, oh, it's just LIPO. Go get fucking LIPO yourself. And tell me it's just LIPO. What do you mean? Yeah. Also, to those that ask, what good qualities he has, I initially thought he was very kind, helps poor and goes on medical mission trips. He's a doctor, he is funny, and we actually get along really well when things are good. And I love his parents

so much, I really feel for them. They are older and want grandkids and want to see their son married. I don't think they realize how mean he can be. It's not your job. I'm not going to pretend his money is not appealing. I didn't grow up with a lot of money and watched my parents struggle as immigrants. I always wanted to make sure my kids will grow up in a financially stable environment. It's not really gold digging because I'm not a materialistic person. I don't care for expensive things. I just don't want to struggle like my parents did. For those who think I can get a prenup or divorce, our culture and community is very strict. I probably should have mentioned we are Middle Eastern, not Muslims. We don't get divorced.

It's not an option in our church. He ended his first engagement, not her. He said she became too obsessed with the wedding planning and felt like a different personality of her had come out after she shook after she secured the ring. Update. Also, he's just telling you that. She could have called it off and he's just lying. No, okay, this, this, he's never changing. I don't think honestly, I don't think he'll ever find true happiness in any relationship and no one will ever be perfect enough for him, even if someone crossed that threshold

of being perfect enough to propose to, they're never gonna be perfect. There's gonna be something that's wrong. And this reminds me of the type of person who once were both aging and getting older that there's gonna be something that's wrong. And this reminds me of the type of person who, once we're both aging and getting older, and I don't find you appealing anymore, I'll just find a new one.

That's what I'm reading. But also, it's not kind of weird that he even started dating her in the first place. Like if you're not attracted to thick thighs and a booty, like why'd you go for a girl with thick thighs and a booty? Like, and what the fuck is this rich man and the type of women they're with? That feels weird. I feel like he's, he's not being his true authentic self,

and he's ashamed of whatever he's into. Yes. And he's trying to hide it and manipulate her in hopes like, oh, it'll change, it'll change, I'll get better. I, I won't like thick girls. I'm holding. Is he trying to impress his like work buddies? Like what?

It's weird. If you're into skinny girls, go date a skinny girl. Some of us curvy girls can't be stick thin models. I'm five two. I carry weight like a curvy gal. I'm not going to be five eleven. Kate Moss, you know? Just go, go after what you want.

That's okay to be attracted to what you want, but go after that. Don't try to convert someone like a mold. Like this isn't fucking Barbie, build a bear. You can also go for a person that you just love for who they are. But like if in his stupid little fucking twisted head, I need a supermodel, I need fucking skinny legs.

Go for that, don't traumatize someone. He sucks. He's a son. To the comments. To the comments. Okay, so update. We broke up today. 48 hours after my initial post

and a thousand people begging me not to get married, the wedding is off. Good. Pff, pff, pff, pff. Oh, I can sleep tonight. This is how it Good. P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P lawsuit and gives me zero attention, acts like I'm an added stressor in his life. So I'm already fed up with the Mopey attitude. He starts going off about how he's not in the mood to take pics today, and that it's hard for him to smile, how drained, and unhappy he feels over the house. I literally exploded.

With everything that's happened, I couldn't take it anymore. I told him I've never met such a literal man child in my life. For him to break down over a lawsuit, he started, he is not fit to ever be the man, the sole provider of a family, to face real troubles of life. He has never had any real issues in his life. He is a literal man-child. I told him he never acknowledged how insane it is that I went and got surgery just for him to find me more attractive.

He never recognized the care and sacrifices I've made for him. I did take ownership for letting this relationship drag out as far as an engagement. After he showed me time and time how unfit he is to be a life partner, it is my fault ignored the red flags and I kept having hope he would change one day. Maybe if I brought him a child, he would start to appreciate me more. Maybe seeing me as a mother, he would start to love me more. I'm so glad it didn't last long enough to find out. We didn't make it to the shoot obviously.

He ended up driving me back home. Sadly, we wasted the poor photographer's time. His reaction throughout all of this was very minimal. So cold. He would look down and look sad, but it looked like he was pretending. He said he was sorry and he thought I deserved better than him. He said his emotional battery had run out. This was the end of it. I gave him the ring back and told him we're never speaking again. I want to thank everyone who responded to my original post. I read

every single one. I can't express how much it helped me finally come to this decision today. I'm not even sad. I'm so relieved. I feel lighter. Yeah. This is good. I'm good. Another one of this week's partners is ZockDock. The holidays can be stressful. We also might not be eating the best, and so this can be a time of year where health issues might arise. At least, that's what I saw a lot of times when I was working in hospitals, which makes this the time of year to really look after yourself and make sure you have an amazing

provider on your side, which is where ZockDock can come in. ZockDock is a free app where you can find amazing doctors and book appointments online. We're talking about booking appointments with thousands of top rated patient-reviewed doctors and specialists. You can even filter specifically for ones

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That's zoc. doc.com slash THD. ZockDock.com slash THD. The one post I want to read, I actually saw on Twitter. There's an account called Ask Aubrey. And I believe a lot of times she's sharing Reddit posts. I couldn't find this Reddit post, but it's something I really wanted to bring light to because it is so scary, so, so scary. And awareness is key

in saving people from misery. So this is titled, Dread Game, causing my girlfriend's mental health to spiral, dot, dot, too far. I recently made a post detailing how I implemented dread game, educating you guys what my understanding of it is and what my observations were. So sidebar here to give you guys a bit of a breakdown. Dread game for a lot of people, this is coming from another Reddit post called X Redpill. And the top comment on this is literally emotionally abuse your partner, trauma bond with them, and then covertly or overtly threaten to leave once they've become codependent. That is literally dread game. It is emotional abuse and manipulation where the goal is to keep the other person addicted to you. Okay, so we all have that background now.

I'm addicted to you without that though. Again, not everyone is normal and sane and healthy and some people are true just psychopaths. So to start off, I am a human lie detector when it comes to female bullshit. I continue to implement dread because I felt like she was hiding too many lies about her past in order to control how I perceive her and influence how I treat her. Every suspicion was correct and I held zero judgment.

I'm not out here to slet shame. I just want her to be my slut and no one else's. I want to understand her so that I can understand what her needs are and how she can meet mine without all the shirades. I have value, I deserve truth, no less, I'm like no one else. I got what I wanted, and at the end of it all, when I got to the center of the truth, I felt like we were in a better place truly knowing each other.

Knowing her truth also helped eliminate my jealousy. It also helped with internalizing A-Walt. I don't know what the fuck A-Walt means. Well, it worked, but too well. I assumed that my dread game wasn't soft enough, and the hard dread game is taking its toll. I was warned about this, that if all you've got is hard dread,

it's just gonna cause more relationship problems, even if it's a great short-term solution. Luckily, I do have very desirable long-term traits that cement my value in the relationship. The unfortunate part is that it's triggered her hidden abandonment issues. I've suspected a decline in her mental health over the past few weeks. She doesn't shower as much, doesn't clean her room as much, her hair is always messy. She confirmed this to me one night when she broke down finally and opened up to me about it. It took me a minute to empathize

because a lot of her typical unattractive female bullshit, the type of stuff that confirms Redpilt truce, has made me feel a little cold towards her. When I go cold, that means I basically lose all of my emotions and I start making everything into a joke, especially if she's upset and opening up about her feelings. Being cold feels like a good thing when you seek power over a woman, but at the end of the day, I don't need to actually hurt anyone over love or pussy. Great, she's obsessed with me, but now her sex drive is starting to die again the last two days because she has been secretly terrorized by the thought of me leaving her, and that

she'll never find someone like me again. I'm obviously toning this down and appealing to more of a reassuring daddy energy when she has these moments, and I'm trusting more in an overall assertiveness whenever she is acting up. I love taming brats, but destroying her mental health just to aggrandize my ego is not really worth it to me. When she broke down and told me all of this, it did make me rethink what I'm doing. Maybe I'm being a bit too extreme when it comes to triggering that fear of loss.

I don't want to give her even more attention or validation. I feel like she should have to earn it, not beg for it. A small part of me thinks it's some test, some last minute resistance of some sort. Her feminine frame countering mine in a way. But the spiral in her mental health is undeniable. She's going to work in unwashed clothes. I can't really tell you what I'm doing. I'm just trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to

make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to make sure that I'm not trying to and subtle that can help me maintain influence over the relationship. Go to fucking hell. This person deserves to rot.

Alone, miserable, shriveled up balls, go to hell. You're bordering on... Psychological abuse. I don't know. There's not a lot to say about this. I think a lot of us. It is fucking scary.

And this is, I think, why? Why you should never trust anyone but yourself? It's honestly, I know there's a lot of just bad people out there. But the whole red pill stuff, is fucking scary as a woman. It's scary to realize you could have someone that you're dating and starting to really like that isn't even themselves.

They're playing this game with you. This is scary. And if this sounds familiar for any of you guys out there, please run, look after yourselves, like do not try to confront them, like just quietly exit because these people are scary and no one deserves to be treated like this. Like a spy. This, this integrate into like a different whatever overseas. You know what I mean?

It just doesn't even seem real like it's absolutely terrifying. And this is like a thing. Apparently. It's really bad. Apparently, it is interesting how far we've made it as a society You know technological advances and things but oh my god, it's also incredibly just scary how As emotional beings we have not progressed much past like literally being cavemen Honestly, I mean there's brilliant people people. There's really good people.

They're not saying the supplies to everyone, but it's amazing how far back some people are. You can have the right words to address. No, I don't either. I mean, it is really disturbing. And I feel like we might need a little bit of a palette and I'm just gonna be after that. So turning this into a positive, right?

How do you recognize this? Because when you're in something, even when it's not even this, even when you're with a partner that clearly isn't right for you But when you're on the inside of the relationship, it's even hard to Detect those things How in the world was someone that's an expert at covering their tracks and manipulating and acting and playing all these roles?

How could you ever suspect where like I? Think how do you detect this going on in the background if someone is treating you really well? ever suspect where like, I think, how do you detect this going on in the background? If someone is treating you really well, but that's not their realness, you're not gonna know until they drop their facade until that mask comes off. Which you say happens like after marriage

and stuff sometimes. It can, and that's when you just, no matter how locked in you feel, you gotta go. It is very hard, I recognize that, especially abusive relationships, like this one, on average, it takes seven attempts to leave. It is not easy,

but you just gotta watch out for these signs and take these people at face value. If you have someone threatening, I'm gonna leave you. Let them leave. Like, it is true. Take it at face value. And if you need help, there are resources out there, there are hotlines out there to get you out of these situations.

You do have the strength, you do deserve better, and there are people that are willing to help you. Well, I think this is why you always need to not only be in touch with yourself, but always talking to other people, especially if you can be in therapy. Even if you think you don't have problems like, you know what, she may think, you know, I'm just going through normal life shit and would have no way to detect this and not think she should, you know, she should be in therapy or anything. But it's crazy, a close friend, a close parent, any colleague or a therapist could be someone that could start to pick up on this stuff where you can't because you're blind to it because

you're in it. You know, I think that's why it's very important to Always talk about feelings and things happening in relationship with external people All-way because someone Could make the biggest difference in your life by saying By catching one because he can't be perfect There's gonna be one slip and someone's gonna catch it and be like, wait, he did what? Yeah.

And then she starts to think about it, opens up more and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait. And then you paint this whole picture in front of her and she's like, oh my God, you're right. That's what I think that's a big, a big important thing to remember. Yeah, I think it's so important to talk to friends, family, make friends online, like always have people in your life it's so important to talk to friends, family, make friends online,

like always have people in your life you can vent to and talk to. It's, it's crucial. And again, that's therapy. You could talk to your therapist about this, like, because they would catch it. They would. Yes. I think everyone needs regular check ins. We're like, you know, we're little machines. Like, we need maintenance. Therapy is maintenance. Nothing to be ashamed of. It's so healthy, it's so good. Just check in every couple months even if you feel like you're good in a good spot. And honestly, sometimes that maybe means

you need a therapist even more. If you think, no, I'm good, I don't need a therapist. Maybe it means you maybe could, because what are you sweeping under? Very true. Wow, okay, we're gonna do a little bit of a palette cleanser because I've been really obsessed with this trend going around on TikTok

and it's to this sound, I'm gonna play the sound so that when you guys hear it, you can recognize it and then I'm gonna share like a couple of the different reads because a lot of them are video based. But okay, here's the sound. Okay, so this sound has been going super viral with people sharing their own stories to the sound. A lot of them include pictures that are on TikTok. The pictures, honestly, you got to go watch them though, because it adds so much to them. Yeah, so much. I will share a few of my favorites on Instagram. I don't want to get the video

of like any copyright infringements here, but on Instagram, I'll post a bunch of my favorites. But this is coming from Reddit, and it's the same exact theme, right? Oh, that's funny. It's from Ask Reddit, and I saved it. I mean, the post is, it's old. Like I saved this 65 weeks ago. So that's how long, like, I don't know, call it invisible string theory if you want. Oh, just its own little version of it right here.

Yeah, right here, right now. No. So this is coming from Ask Reddit. The overall post was, what is the craziest thing that's ever happened to you? From Snake, underscore juicy, I American was visiting the UK for the first time. I got to my hostel and started chatting

with the Australian guy in the bed above mine. When I mention where I'm from, he says there's a famous restaurant there he really loves and goes to with his family every time they visit. Turns out it was the place I used to work. He says, quote, hey, I have a picture of our server from the last time I was there. Maybe it's someone you know. It was me. What?

What are the odds? See, but compared to some of these, that one doesn't even feel like crazy to me. Compared to some we saw. Yes. Okay, so- Just the chance. I know. So I'll read one of the ones I saw that was really cool.

So this person posts a picture of this woman in a fur coat. And they go, my customer was drawn to this vintage fur the moment she walked into the shop. Next slide is the woman looking inside of this fur coat. She asked me if I could tell her anything about the coat. I told her it was 1960s and pointed to the monogram inside of the coat. It had the previous owner's name. It was her mother-in-law's fur coat who passed away years before she met her husband.

And then she shares a picture of her mother-in-law wearing the coat next to her husband as like a young boy. In saying, I think the ones with items are just so crazy. It's crazy. Mine, mine blowing. Okay, I'll do two more and then you guys are gonna do your own homework and then I'll post the rest I like on Instagram. Oh, you'll love it. It'll become obsessed. I'm obsessed. Yeah. So this is a picture of two little boys wearing denim jackets and it reads, post the rest I like. Oh, you'll love it. You'll become obsessed. I'm obsessed. Yeah. So this is a picture of two little boys wearing denim jackets. And it reads, my brother and I in Tennessee, circa 1994, wearing our new matching denim jackets.

It's a picture of a jacket with like a savers or a goodwill tag on it for $9.49. The same jacket from the picture. My wife thrifted 24 years later in Wasilla, Alaska, 2018. We were shopping for our first son when we saw my last name written on the tag in my mom's handwriting and screamed. Next picture is little one wearing the jacket. Ah! So you just kept it the whole time.

Oh my God. I mean, there's really crazy ones where like this person shared a picture of their uncle and was like right before my uncle died. He told my mom I would he would come back as one of her kids. You swipe to the next picture, it's literally the mom's kid doppelganger of the uncle, like identical. One that I really liked was,

I can't find it on here, I've liked so many of them now, but it was about this one girl who she was talking to her boyfriend about the limiting snicket books like the series of unfortunate events Yeah, and he was like I had that book series. I you know I really liked it But I never felt like it was mine because I never even got to write my name in it My sister wrote her name in my book and then they got rid of the books before I could finish the series and so as a gift

She goes online to a random book, Thrift Store, and orders the set of the books. And they were cheap. It was like $2 a book. Like so cheap. She gets the books, opens the first book,

written in the book is his sister's name. She got his books back. What are the chances? And she just doesn't have them. What are the chances? She just doesn't have them. What are the chances? Which maybe it'll happen with your ring this next couple of weeks here. I know. We're moving.

I lost a ring a while ago on the streets of LA. I was like leaving the Lulu lemon on Ventura Boulevard in Studio City. And I think this is where I lost it, but I put hand sanitizer on because it was like right after like peak COVID. And somehow with the hand sanitizer, it slipped off. And one of the rings that I had stacked with it was like a diamond band.

And my mom had gotten it when she was like in high school. So I was like an heirloom piece. And the Cartier ring I had was a graduation gift. She had bought it for me. It was like a big deal and both gone. I put lost and found posters. No, I didn't for that. I put lost and found posters up for the pandacoin.

I didn't for the ring. I was gonna say pandacoin, if you saw it like downtown layer, something in the diamond district. I did also have a pandacoin that my mom got. It was her push present from my dad. And it snapped off the bezel in a Trader Joe's West Hollywood, the one on the one on Third Street in LeBrea.

So my jewelry is out there. Anyone finds it. I will give you a reward. But it was a 1994 panda coin with a bezel on it with some little diamonds, little pave stones, but I'm hoping it turns up. But something that would be, I think, even cooler for me is if we started going through our pictures from college, and like you happen to be in the background of one.

I hope so. I think that would be like even better, because like the jewelry, well, no, I'd take my Panda coin back over that, for sure. I take the back. Sorry, I, no, I'd take my panda coin back over that for sure. I take the back. Sorry, I love you, but yeah, panda coin. But if you guys have any of these crazy moments, please share them in the comments. I would absolutely love, love, love to see them. But other than that, merch is out. It should be available in a lot of sizes. We are going on tour as mentioned in the beginning of this episode. So check the link for the shows near you. I cannot wait to see you guys in person and connect and meet and maybe share a glass of wine together and

I'm just really really excited and last but not least, there's amazing content over on our Patreon. Some of which is free. Just go over there, enjoy, free bonus stories, bloopers, fun things like that. But other than that, thank you guys so much for being here. It's been another amazing, amazing year of two hot takes.

And I appreciate you more than I have words for. Truly. The spot if I wrapped came out and I know that's just like one meaningful area of you guys. I know we have Apple listeners and YouTube listeners and watchers. And I just, I appreciate you guys so much. My life has forever changed thanks to you all. So thank you. And I love you guys so much. My life has forever changed. Thanks to you all. So thank you. And I love you guys. Anything else? I just blabbed. Blah blah blah. Like word bombeted. Yeah.

Okay. Until next time. Until next time. Bye guys. Bye. Bye! you