Two Hot Takes - 147: Division of Labor & Marital Bliss

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!!! NEW SHOWS ADDED & TICKETS HERE: https://linktr.ee/twohottakestour Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-hosts Matt and Amy! These two have been together almost 20 years, married for 8, with 2 kids and 2 dogs.. They are in the trenches of dividing labor and working towards marital bliss, so it seemed fitting they helped tackle these stories on the matters. There's some fiery takes on this episode with the best stories last.. Can't wait to hear your thoughts! MERCH IS HERE! I'm wearing it on this episode!! https://shop.twohottakes.com I can't wait to see you all in these, especially at our live shows!!  Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Heineken 0.0: Try Zero Zero for yourself https://bit.ly/TwoHotTakes00 :) HelloFresh: HelloFresh.com/thtfree Promo Code: thtfree for FREE breakfast for life! Babbel: Babbel.com/tht Quince: quince.com/tht

One of this week's partners is Hynakin 00. Thank you for sponsoring the show! Is everyone good? It sounds good. In my head. Can you hear you? Yeah, I can hear everybody. Can I just go to meet you? Maybe I'll just do this. Can everybody hear me? That's way too much. Yeah, that's a lot.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. Let's get the show on the road. Cheers. Cheers everyone. Mary. Oh my God. Holy-dash. Happy New Year. This is the first episode back after the holidays,

and let me tell you. Foofty. I did a horrible holidays episode to prepare for drama, to prepare for crazy, and well, drama we got crazy it's you know it's something every year just some people can't contain themselves family family right but we are back new year new us woo woo hi guys welcome back to another episode of two hot takes. I'm your host Amorgan and today

I'm joined by my brother and sister-in-law. Interesting, your names. I'm Matt. I'm Amy. You should remember them. It's been a minute, a little while, too long since they've been on, but Matt and Amy are finally going to get around to their own podcast this year. Midwest married. You know, good things come to those who wait. We apologize. There was this thing called life kind of gotten away in a house, building a house by ourselves. So, yeah, there's a lot of episode on it.

We're still working. It worked our ass. This last year. There's going to be an episode on it. But you guys have been married for about eight years now. Yeah, just over eight. Yeah, you got two kids. You've been in the trenches. I thought it was seven. Oh my God. I was still in lucky number seven. No, but it's eight. Yeah, 2015. That's eight. No, no, wait. Yes, no, you're right. You're right.

Math is hard. We are all really bad at math here. Yeah, it is. Just takes me minute. The HT math leads. It's a brand. Yeah, we're not good at math here. 23 minus 15. Yeah, no. I just wanted it to be lucky. Number seven for as long as possible. All right. Here we go. Yeah, that's good. You look at it that way versus the seven year itch. Well, bend together for 20. So I know that's crazy. But because of your very extensive experience, I've been building this theme for quite some time. And then today I went through new threads,

trying to find the best of the best for it. So today's theme is all about division of labor. How do you split chores in your home? How do you take care of kids together? All the chaos that comes into dividing tasks, chores, and domestic, happy, married life. Pure chaos. I don't know the weird experts on this. It's like you picked the stuff that did torture me.

Do you feel attacked? A little bit. Yeah, I feel. Just wait. No, just kidding. Yeah, there's there's there's there's some that you guys should really relate to. All right, great. Okay. We can, this is a hard thing. So, that's a hard thing. It's a hard thing. Okay, let's dive in. Check it out on this one, my friends. We do talk about our favorite friend from the North Pole, Mr. Santa Claus. So if you have some young ones listening, you might want to skip it.

Okay, up first. These people had some tough holidays too. It's posted five days ago from true off my chest. It is titled, Huzbind has ruined my Christmas. My husband, 35 male and I, 35 female, have been married for four years and have two children, three month old male and two year old male. This is the first Christmas where my toddler understands a lot more about what's going on,

and we've been talking about Santa, decorating the tree, wrapping gifts together, etc. My husband has been talking a lot about building family traditions for the kids, which I thought was lovely. My family has a German background, so we opened up gifts from family on Christmas Eve together, with my parents and brother. I had a rough night with a baby, so I slept a little longer than usual this morning. Christmas morning. But not unreasonable, I thought. I woke up at 7.45 am.

All right. The toddler had woken up at 6 am, and my husband had gotten up to him. I got up to discover that my husband had opened up the presence from Santa with my toddler already, which has left me devastated. I felt so excluded and robbed of seeing the joy on my child's face opening up the gifts from Santa. There's other words in there, but I'm going to be considerate in case you're listening with a little one. He didn't wait until he woke up or wake me up if the toddler couldn't wait My husband commented that it was a lovely father-son moment Which drove the knife in further

Clearly I'm an afterthought when he thinks of family. I've been holding back tears all day for the sake of the toddler That is so sad. That is the saddest little Christmas story I've heard in a very long time. I know. That like breaks my heart. I like feel that. I know. I feel that knife like just twisted a little bit more. And okay. It's pretty bad. Even if I'm like thinking about the father's perspective and like, oh, we just wanted to have this nice moment. Open one present. Don't open all of the presents without your wife. We got to wait for mommy. Yes. We got to wait. Let's go do something else. There's so many things to do. Can I add sand? Play-toe, slime. Paddler doesn't know what's going on. They don't. They've already waited for Santa to come for so long. What's another couple hours? Right. Come on. They don't. They've already waited for Santa to come for so long. What's another couple hours? Right. They don't understand what what the concept actually is. No. Asshole.

It's super selfish. It's like, it's beyond justifiable. Like I don't even know. Right. I can't even put myself in that position where I'd be like, all right, let's let's open all these presents. Yeah, I just I cannot put myself in a position where I could sit down with either of the kids and be like, Hey, we're going to let mom sleep on Christmas this moment where kids are generally very excited to open presents and they're having some of the those first experiences of opening presents on Christmas morning are having some of those first experiences of opening presence on Christmas morning are like some of my best memories with my kids. Yeah. What a douchebag.

You can, we allow hard-saying words here. Are there kids listening to this? From you which podcast, I'm not right now, right? All right, all right. That guy is a douchebag. Yeah. Simple as that. Like, so inconsiderate. Like, you go and wake your wife up like, hey, babe right, all right. That guy is a douchebag. Simple as that. So inconsiderate.

You go and wake your wife up like, hey babe, kids are up. Like they want to open presents. Right. Guarantee you, she probably would've been like, oh, okay, yeah, I'm still tired, but you know what? It's Christmas morning.

That's what naps are for. Here we go. Literally, we would wake up early on Christmas, being excited, ready to open presents, we would open up presents, and my mom would take a nap. Yeah, that's just the way our Christmas rules. Yeah, we all take naps.

Like, come on, again, do something else with your two year old watch cartoons. I don't even know how she goes about addressing it other than like, hey, you're a fucking asshole. And I'm mad, I don't know, I'd be mad. I'd be mad for a long time. We wouldn't talk for at least two weeks. Two weeks?

Or you could go the hey, when you, I felt. We hold grudges. I don't think we do. You're a very good grudge holder. Amy's like, I feel attacked now too. I'm Just saying. I don't. Only when it's very warranted and I've got very solid.

I'd be, I'd be mad. No, just kidding. Okay, and how old is a toddler? They have a, what are the ages? Two, you're all two. Two. And like three months old, brand new baby. And maybe that kid doesn't know me.

And mom's been up a million times. Oh my God. Maybe you rewrap the presents and like, and like try to rework it, but I doubt it's gonna be the same. And what do you want to bet that mom bought most of those presents? I'm sure.

And we're probably wrapped them too. Yeah. I think it's really sad too, because she does say I had a rough night with a baby. So I slept a little longer. 7.45 people is not sleeping in. That is so early. And it's like she's probably breastfeeding to be, you know, having a rough night. She's taking one for the team there. Like, I just think it's, it's beyond selfish. And for him to not recognize what he did

is pretty horrendous. Um, I think to make it right, yeah, you gotta tell him how you're feeling. Like, people are mind readers, people are pretty stupid sometimes. And I would expect him to go to the store, find some other items, and re-wrap things, and wake up the next day for a little bit of a doover. Like, that would be the bare minimum in my eyes to make this right. It's never going to be able to replicate it, but you know. The thing about it is, it's a two-year-old. Do they really know what they got? Do they really

do? No. That would just be excited, though, from the beginning. To an extent, and they'll be excited to open presents. Take the presents, have him rewrap them, and have the do over. Yeah. Like, but for sure, have the conversation because right now you're setting the stage for like what you expect for yours to come.

And be like, Hey, this is important to me. I want to be here every single Christmas morning. It's a, it's just a thing that you do as a family. Yeah, you'd think that that would be the expectation, but some people are really dumb. We don't have any comments from OP. Again, this was posted five days ago, but no comments yet, no update on the account.

Top comment on the post. As far back as I can remember, my father would bring my mom coffee and toast in bed, and we'd have to wait for mom to be done before we could even go downstairs. We'd have a stocking, with a few magazines, coloring books, candy, and a few small toys to keep us busy. As time went by, dad would bring me and my brother T and toast, and we'd hop into their bed to eat and watch TV until mom was ready to go downstairs.

Christmas is family time. Not father-son bonding time. Right. I'm so sorry, OP, your husband sounds like an ass. Yep. Bottom line. And we kind of have the rule, oh, coffee, we need to get our coffee. Yep, before you get out the press. We have to have our coffee in a fan. Yes. We don't eat breakfast before. Not so much breakfast. All right, we're going to make some coffee. in a fan. Yes. We don't eat breakfast before like this. Not so much breakfast. All right, we're going to make some cup of coffee, all right?

And okay, so this year. So this year. So this year. So this year. So this year. Get, you know, go to the couch. Hey, I'll pour some coffee. We go, here, here's your coffee.

All right. And then we have the kids take turns like, all right, Emmett, go ahead, find one that's yours. Yeah. This year it was so cute too. I woke up briefly before you did, but I got up and I saw the kids are both sitting in front of the tree. It looked like this little hallmark moment. It was so sweet where they were just like sitting there in the like luminescence of the tree looking at the small little pile of presents that we had underneath the tree. And it was so sweet and so cute.

We actually forced them to recreate it and took a picture later. But I told Matt about it and I made sure that hey, go get daddy. And they did. And we did. And it was great. And I feel so sad that she didn't have that moment. No, and every family has their own traditions, but it's family. It's not. What you decide together. It's not what you decide together. It's not one parent hijacking and sabotaging the day. Right. Right. That's unfortunate.

Yeah. Hopefully, you know, year three gets made up to her, but tough one. Really tough one. Right. Next story. So this one is titled, Am I the asshole for staying with my parents and refusing to come home? Unless it is in the condition

that I left it in whenever my in-laws come visit. My husband cannot control his family or at least he refuses to. When his parents visit and give us shit for forcing our kids to do chores, he gives in and the house slowly becomes a mess that I've been left to clean up. When his siblings visit, we are expected to clean up after them. I never agreed to this, so now I leave. I lock my office up and go to my parents' house. I meet up with his family at restaurants

or other public places. His parents have learned now that when they visit, they have to clean up after the kids or get them or my husband to do it. They tried saying that I was abusive for refusing to do housework while they visited. So I posted a picture of my home before they came and one I took during their last visit. I asked them why the house was so messy and dirty and did they have anything to do with it. They said it wasn't their mess. I replied that the house was clean before they showed up. Once they started getting dog piled for

messing up my house, they threw the kids under the bus. They said my kids were uncontrollable and it was their mess. I pointed out that there was no mess until they came. So obviously my kids were able to clean up after themselves when there weren't people telling them not to. My husband's siblings have canceled plans to visit because they know I won't be there to clean up after them or cook so they will have to cook or spend money on takeout and restaurants. Great outcome in my opinion.

My husband says that I'm being unfair putting all the work of cleaning up on him. I said he has two children to help him as well as adult guests who should be able to not make a mess. I also told him he could just pay a cleaning service out of his discretionary funds if he wanted to let his family run rampant and not clean up after them. He said that I was being mean by not contributing and making him spend his money. I asked how much he normally spends on cleaning the house. The answer is nothing since the four of us

keep the house clean and tidy when we are on our own. Am I the asshole? No! I guess what I'll say is like, I'm gonna say a little bit in this. And since because why? Why are you letting your in-laws dictate how you raise your kids?

Why are you? Interesting. Why are you feeling such pressure from your in-laws that you have to literally leave your own house because they're giving you shit about making the kids clean up. No, this is just how I'm choosing to raise my children and it's their responsibility

to clean up because that's what I have decided to do as their parent. So you're gonna force, you're gonna go and stay at your parent's house because your in-laws are coming and you don't want to deal with their shit. Well, there's a bigger conversation behind there, like maybe then your husband needs to step in and be like, hey, we're not going to let your parents do this. And if you're going to let them do that, then they're not going to come here anymore because this is how we're raising our children. And it works just fine without them here. So figure it out. But now you're putting everybody in this

really awkward situation because you can leave. Let them, let them. I don't know, I feel like it's weird. I feel like it's weird that she has left. And it's just like. She's still participating though in activities. She meets them out. I see Aoby over here.

I see the wheels turning. I don't know, so it's a weird thing. And so maybe it falls on the husband and now that he's talked about it. There we go. At the same time. There we go. She should have, it's her children,

and it doesn't matter what your, the husband should be stepping in. And it's not just the children because the in laws are making the mess that they're not cleaning up. The uncle are making the mess that they're not cleaning up, it's not just the kids who are who stop

cleaning. And I don't know what the ages of these kids and if they're younger, if they're thrown off their routine, for sure, like it all goes to chaos, right? I for sure think the partner needs to be stepping in and like having that partner is back a little bit more. I agree with that. I kind of feel a little bit of both ways though, because the people please are in me, feels very uncomfortable with like laying that boundary of like, I don't like this and therefore I'm leaving. Yeah, they're kind of participating,

but they're also like not supporting their partner. In a way, they're like, okay, peace. I'll see you at the restaurant. So that doesn't feel great to me either. Honestly, the best thing is that you're kind of aligned. You're kind of aligned on that one. The best thing that I could see is that the in-laws, the family should get a hotel.

Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. Don't let the in-laws stay. Have them say to a hotel, Airbnb, next store, whatever it is. I know finances can be tough. Yep, you may be even chipped into their Airbnb if you have the means to it, but say it's just too disruptive to our family routine.

When you've got kids routine is so important. And when you deviate from that routine, like around the holidays, what have you behaviors, cleaning, et cetera, a lot of it can just go out the window and it's so frustrating and everybody gets tired and that's, holidays can be so hard. So that's kind of where I feel like the best solution would be. Yeah, I agree. I, I will say yeah, does it, does it feel great like if, if my partner abandoned me, and then it was like, or it felt to me like I was abandoned right, like in this state, in the situation, it would be tough because it's like, yeah, God, my family's, sorry you guys, but you're fucking crazy. So it's like, if I had to then like not have a united front, right?

It would be a little annoying, but she is giving him solutions. Like, hey, let's just make the kids and everyone keep up with themselves. Hey, you could hire a cleaning person with your money. You know, this is your family coming and not upholding things. So there's ways to do it.

Hey, sweetie pie. Hi, buddy. Come here. Oh, the light is so bright for a little guy. What's up? Hi. BRB friends. Okay, we're back. Kids sleeping again.

Um, brief interruptions. Yeah, but I feel like I was saying something like I would, I would be a little sad to not have a united front. But I think like you guys have said, like this might be a little sad to not have a united front, but I think like you guys have said, like this might be a time where a hotel becomes necessary. And if they can't afford it, then your husband needs to start advocating for you as a family unit and say, this is just what we do. Get on the page or sorry, we can't host.

We'll come stay with you guys. Yeah, we'll come visit you. Absolutely. That sounds great. Doesn't it? We'll say grandma grandpa's house. Or maybe shorter timeframes. They're not staying for a week.

Maybe they're just coming for one night. Yep. And here's the other thing. Like when you're a host and you're hosting people, it's hard to do by yourself. Like it makes it much easier, in my opinion, when you're around. Like when we have people here, I would much rather have two of us than just one. Yeah.

I will say, I don't think she's the asshole in this situation. I think this might be just one of those times. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. And this is the wake-up call that everyone needed, especially the husband to get on the same page and now be able to stand up to his family and advocate for his family, his wife, their way of life. I don't think she's the asshole,

but I think going forward, they need to find a better solution long term. If he's not willing to step up, and he's going to maintain this status quo, I don't want to confront my family, then sorry, she's not willing to step up and he's going to maintain this status quo, I don't want to confront my family Then sorry, she's she's not going to be there like I think honestly that does become fair if he's unwilling to make change You said it. I like it. I agree We do have a comment that O.P. Response to what I'm curious about is what type of chores are you making your children do?

They're in loss, feel the need to speak up and tell them not to do them. Yeah, I'm curious too. And Opie goes, rinsing their dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. That sort of thing. And there's seven? No mention of ages on this one. Oh, okay. I mean, that seems pretty standard.

I feel like if they can rinse their dishes, they have to be at least seven because our six-year-old can just barely, she can't reach the faucet quite yet. Yeah. That's, I mean, plates are heavy. Yeah, but still, she's still putting the dishes. She could probably do it though if she had like the right equipment. A stool? Yeah. And not just putting her dishes in the sink in like, yeah, you're wearing her spot at the table. Yeah. That's not unreasonable. No, I don't think that's unreasonable. No, I'm getting the vibe that they might be a little older. Overall, vote on this one was not the asshole. Top comment, not the asshole. Actually, your way of handling this is brilliant. The rules should clearly

be that all adults pick up after themselves as a matter of course. They're human, not monkeys at a zoo. All children are in training to learn how to pick up after themselves. And of course, the training doesn't stop just because the grandparents or cousins come to visit. It is to do with a certain grade of civilization. Non-civilized people may not want to pick up after themselves, but other people may choose not to associate with them on any level. Normally, it's the grandparents job to spoil their grandchildren, so maybe the grandparents could pick up the slack and do some dishes. Yeah, I think so.

Just a thought. Just a thought. Yeah, I like the way this was handled. I think this is the blasting with the picture before and after is like just so satisfying. Like, what happened to my house? What happened here? Did she post those photos? You know, I was kind of confused if she posted them on Facebook or if it was just in a group text with all the family. But, I'll be okay with the group text. Like, hey, here's for everybody who's involved.

I've made my position known and this is why. Not like, don't blast it on social media. I think that's maybe going a little bit like immature. They say here, so I posted a picture of my home. Posted. Posted. She went to social media. I think the sounds like she was supposed to give her. Just stab that knife in. I mean, they do say that boundaries are all about saying how you are going to respond. But I don't know. Not the way you would do it. No, not the way I would do it.

Yeah. But hey, maybe it'll work. There you go. Maybe it works. Okay, moving along. One of this week's partners is Hanykin 00. I myself have really been thinking about my relationship with alcohol

and what I wanted to look like. And there's a lot of times I want to go out with friends and I want something good to sit on that doesn't contain alcohol. And if that sounds like you, that's where Heineken zero zero can come in. Heineken zero zero is an alcohol free option to the original Heineken you love. It has 100% taste but zero point zero percent alcohol. So it's perfect for all those times you want to beer, but don't want the alcohol. We've all been there.

You want to participate. You don't want the FOMO. You want to go out with your friends, but you got something big the next day. Hynacin zero zero. Maybe you're trying dry January and giving up alcohol completely for the month. Hynacin zero zero zero. Whatever you're thinking for the new year, give Heineken 00 try. Heineken 00, 100% taste 0.0% alcohol, only 69 calories. Now you can. If you're ready to try for yourself, click the link in

our shows description to buy now. Must be 21 plus to purchase. Please enjoy Heineken responsibly. This one is 18 hours old. I'm telling you, you should be responding to these. Like, at your, at your hot takes has got this check. My, my people, my people are on Reddit, and we have our own subreddit, so if people want me to see. No, but wouldn't it be cool if you got the OPs to respond back? I sometimes message people. I get involved.

Nice. So this next one, would I be the asshole for telling my husband I'm disgusted with him? I, 26 female, literally cannot take this anymore. My husband, 26 male, does not brush his teeth. Like he hasn't brushed them at all in months. The last time was when he went out with a few friends. I hold my breath any time he's near my face. I hold my breath every time we kiss.

I'm laying here right now and disgust because I was facing him and the odor just slapped me so hard I almost passed out. I've mentioned it a few times and I feel like he gets really defensive. Initially I was blaming it on depression, and I feel like he gets really defensive. Initially, I was blaming it on depression, but at this point, it's been months and I'm tired of giving him excuses. Would I be wrong if I tell him I'm repulsed by him at this point? We've been married five months and I can't take it anymore. I take showers daily and he can go days without one. I hate laying next to the odor. I've tried

to be subtle and say, hey, let's tackle our hygiene and overall health together. And before anyone asks, I was not aware of these poor hygiene habits prior to getting married and living together. He seemed very well put together when we are around others, but they don't experience what I have to go through behind the scenes the rest of these months. This is not a joke. This is not for karma points. I am at my wit's end and I have to go through behind the scenes the rest of these months. This is not a joke. This is not for karma points. I am at my wit's end and I need to know how to approach it. I'm just not even attracted at this point.

I want to know how long they dated prior to getting married. Like what on earth? Yeah, it seems interesting that it wouldn't have been an issue beforehand, but maybe it wasn't an issue. Maybe you just up and decided to stop brushing his teeth. I do think if it's somebody that you love and you care about, you would be an asshole to be like, I am repulsed by you because that's kind of what I think that those were her words, right? Did she say, am I an asshole? If I say I am repulsed by you, yeah, that, that is an asshole. There's a move. And that's a better way to go about it. Sometimes it's okay to be an asshole, but not in this case.

In this situation, if you were an asshole, you wouldn't be an asshole. Like, you, you just need to make him realize that you're not in the wrong. That's what I'm saying. Like, it's okay to be an asshole if you're not wrong. What? Do you get what I'm saying? No, yeah, all at all. Like, should she say I'm repulsed by you? I think that was the direct question.

Oh, you think that she should? I think she should not. I thought that's what you were saying. I thought you were saying that she should. No, I absolutely. No, I think she should tell him by it. I think she should tell him, but in a more loving way. I'm going to tell you right now, if you sat brushing your teeth,

if you sat brushing your teeth for months, I will tell you that I'm repulsed by you. Nobody wants to smell your stinky breath. I get really self-conscious of tonsil stones because I know they sting. That's a real thing. And so for me, I'm constantly looking in my mouth with a flashlight and my little mining tool to be sure,

because sometimes I consider that. I'm like, I don't want Justin and I want to kiss me because my tonsil stones stink. Like, I don't get how he's not aware. And we do have some insight on her. People are very confused how she didn't know or realize, O.P. response, we were long distance. I genuinely had no clue. And someone goes, and you stayed anyways.

Did you read the part where I said I had no clue until after we were married? So maybe arranged marriage, maybe they don't believe in divorce. Or don't believe in living together before they're married or a lot of different reasons here. But I think like all of that aside, it's like, okay, here we are. How the fuck do we handle it? Here's my idea. I got an idea. Okay, you just, you're married now.

Make him an appointment to go see the dentist and say hey, I'm concerned about this Here's the recommendation. Is there a reason that you're not? He's got to go he's got to go and bring him to the dentist where they will examine and find out if there's any medical issues going on that is causing this halitosis and Take care of his teeth. Maybe it's pain, maybe it hurts. So who knows? We're giving him the benefit of the doubt because it is not normal to not brush your teeth.

Yeah, and like everyone, like sometimes you fall asleep and you forget one time or, you know, you're depressed and maybe it's hard to take care of your stomachs a month, like we all go through things. I think if you have very serious depression, like it could be months like this, but You got to address all of this. If it's truly you're just lazy and you don't want to brush your teeth Let's find an easier solution. Maybe an electric tooth pressure will help. If it's depression, let's talk therapy

Medication, how can we work through that? That's not brushing your teeth unacceptable? Like what is the stuff underline? Well, it sounds like the teeth, that was like the major thing, but sounded like there was like maybe some body odor type issues because he's not showering regularly. Oh, I miss that part. When they're in bed together, she can like smell either his breath or smell him. like there's a lot of smells. A lot of smells. A lot of smells. I would not do well in that situation. That would be.

Here's the thing though, Matt, you don't give yourself enough credit for how kind you are. I don't think that you would ever tell me that. I think that you would be like, hey, come join me in the shower. Hey, about you, this new toothbrush. Hey, try this new toothpaste. I think it's great. That's probably true. I would use less tactics before I went to absolutely do that to me. You would never ever tell me that you're a pulse But me ever never in a million years. Yeah, I think There were a pulsed word is pretty it feels really like aggressive

I'm not trying to envision it my brain, right? Like what functions are you at? Where this is happening? And like, and how long have you, and like how has none of his friends told him though? And have you asked him like, hey, I need you to brush your teeth like, you need these like,

I mean, she says she's mentioned it and, yeah, I would just feel like, hey, kind of, does your breath really represent me? You got to have a really serious conversation. Right. I don't think you have to be mean about it. No.

But if you have this initial conversation and nothing changes, then yeah, there might be some tough love. Hey, if you're in America, divorce is okay. How's everything else going in the relationship or you guys having fun together? Are you guys like what's transpiring here? It sounded like maybe she's at the end of her rope

a little bit. Divorce, babe, still worse. Sounded like that's what she was implying there. Nothing to be ashamed of. I, you know, based on the comments, I read that divorce isn't a thing for her. So she's like, I'm at my wits end, what do I do? And tough love, tough love, get them a toothbrush, get them some toothpaste, make a dense

appointment, have a really hard time sit down. And I think you can be honest and say, I don't feel attracted to you when your breasts stinks. That's a very fixable thing. Or when you don't brush your teeth. Yeah. Yeah. Because you need to make it actionable.

Yeah, there we go. Yeah. Keep us posted on this one. If you're listening, please give us an update. It's pretty fresh. So I'm going to be watching. I think it's salvageable. Like you guys put the D word on the table. I think it's salvageable. I think that you can have that conversation. I think that you can do those kind things

with love and being like, Hey, here's an issue. Here's how we can get through this together. Like if you just brush your teeth, we're going to be good. We're going to be cool. That's helps. And yeah, I feel like we're missing a lot, but I hope that's all it is just brush your teeth Yeah, if it's that simple. I mean, that's all the information we have so that's what we have to go off of Okay, moving moving down the line so up next I feel like this one might need a trigger warning to if you're if your kids are in the car because we do talk about deer especially sugar-winning too if your kids are in the car because we do talk about deer, especially Bambi, but based on the title, you'll kind of see where it goes. So if you have a kid in the car, you might want to skip this one too because we talk about

Bambi. Oh boy. Bambi, you know, blink, blink. Okay, so this next one is titled, Am I the asshole for telling my wife she can work over time for food if she refuses to eat deer meat. Here's your chance one more time. Keep going.

As a lot of you know, food is expensive right now. I was lucky enough to get a deer. I ground it up for ground meat. Basically when you cook it, you just think it is normal ground meat, especially when you do recipes with spices like tacos. My issue is with my wife. We have two kids that are under seven.

The oldest is fine eating it, but the youngest hates it now due to my wife. The first time I made some meatloaf with it, and my wife commented that it's bambi. She doesn't hate the taste, just when she knows it's dear. I know this because she liked the tacos and then refused to eat them after my wife made another comment about Bambi. She was two tacos in already.

My wife doesn't like to eat it, but I would think she would see that this is to save money and the food is fine. That our kids need protein and meat is so expensive right now. I have talked her before but she keeps doing it. I want my daughter to actually have some red meat in her diet since we can't afford to keep buying it. It came to her head today.

I made some meat sauce and pasta. My youngest was already eating it and my wife came in and made a Bambi comment. She refused to eat the rest of her dinner. I had enough and told her, I expect her to start working overtime for food since she stops people from eating the deer meat. We got into an argument about it and she thinks I am a huge jerk and disgusting for the deer meat. Am I the asshole? I'm gonna let you go first this time. for the deer meat. Am I the asshole? I'm gonna let you go first this time. Let's go, dear boy.

What do you got to say over there? I'm gonna say he's not the asshole. And I'm gonna put an asterisk on that, okay? Here we go. Not everybody agrees with hunting and shooting animals and eating them. So like if the wife like truly Doesn't like that because it's killing or whatever it is. That's fine. She doesn't have to eat it her like jumping in and be like oh, you're eating bambi. I

Think that's a little that's that's a little rude like you don't need to do that like your kids are eating like It's good to like culture them, have them experience different types of things. Now, let's get down to the hard facts here. I also want one comment on that though. I also feel like her constantly being like, it's Bambi. It feels very emotionally manipulative to your kids

as they're eating. I feel like that could long term lead to serious issues with food, trusting what you're eating. I think like there could long-term lead to serious issues with food, trusting what you're eating. I think like there's other ways to go about it if you don't agree with your child eating dear me. Okay, go. Yeah. So yeah. Right. Back to the heart facts. Yeah. When you take venison versus ground beef, you put it in a pot of chili and you cook chili. You absolutely cannot tell the difference. Now, for those listening,

Amy is sitting here shaking her head. I will give you this. If you put venison in a pan and a burger in a pan from a cow, ground beef versus ground venison in a pan and a burger in a pan from a cow, ground beef versus ground venison. 100% they taste different. You can tell when you start adding spices and sauces, it is extremely difficult to tell. So unless you're a meat savante and can like decipher everything that's going to do it, you can't. I

We might even have to do it tonight. I Well, I can't do taste test. A thousand dollars right now that she Would not be able to tell. I can absolutely tell 100% call me a meat so vaunt everyone I Absolutely can tell if it's in tacos or to the chili that I make and this is how ridiculous is because Medicine versus are 60% pork And I can still taste the difference Yes, I can you cannot tell the difference in a taco. It doesn't matter though

It doesn't matter because listen she can't tell the difference in a talker. It doesn't matter, though. It doesn't matter. It doesn't see it doesn't matter. Because listen, she can't tell the difference, but she knows what it is. And mentally, it has ruined her. No, it hasn't. Let's go back to the story. Everybody's yelling at you for like,

altering the story. But no, some people do love deer meat. And I think it's like, here's the thing. I can't get my head around it. I don't know why. It hurts my stomach because I don't eat it very often. Obviously, if you have the enzymes and you eat it a lot, I think that might be different.

But if you look at someone like Matt, who goes out with a bow, he hunts very ethically, very fair. He actually gives the deer a chance versus my shotgun friends out there. But... Rivell. Yeah, Rivell, whatever it is. But I think like if you look at the way

a lot of people get their meat, it's coming from a factory farm. Like if the wife is concerned about these animals, the deer is probably coming from a better place than a cow or your chicken or turkey or pig that came from a factory farm, unless you're going to, you know, the Adolfs store down the road that gets their meat from all these local farmers. You're not really, you know what I mean? Like the deer would be better. Here's my turn. We're also in northern Minnesota.

Like this is coming from a very... I've had venison all my life. I have tolerated it all my life because of all of the arguments of it's, you know, it's ethically good. Did you write this? Who? Did one of you write this story? No.

No. Okay. So, I get it. I understand it. But here's where I have issue with this particular story is that they are not allowing the child to explore their own likes and dislikes and to make their own decision, especially with food. I think that that's very healthy and very important. I have an offshoot short

story where this is where I learned my lesson. Okay, so your guys is cousin McKenzie. I remember this day distinctly because it was the day your aunt Dawn told us that she's pregnant with Madison. And Matt and I had been dating a very short while. This was like we were dating probably six months or less. We were babies. We were like 17 or something like that. Oh my god. This is like what, 2003? Yes. Madison was like three years old, two years old, something like that. For some reason.

Like, Kansas. Oh, you know, we must have been, yes, Mackenzie. So we must have been 18. It must have been around like your grad party or something because we were outside and for some reason, you had like a shrimp cocktail thing like outside in the barn or set up in the you know whatever yeah grad parties. And so I did not care for shrimp at that time and I thought I was being silly and teasing and Mackenzie went to grab a shrimp and to eat a shrimp and to have a shrimp and Matt and I always teased each other about me not liking seafood, shell food, whatever, and Matt liking it.

And I went to her, oh, that's icky, don't eat that. And then she like, recoiled from it. And I was like, oh my goodness, no, like I'm never going to touch that again. And I felt so terrible that I made an impression on this little child's food ballot. And she probably, I know, she and my mates probably doesn't like shrimp because I should. She probably doesn't.

I've never asked her. But like it made it, they're so young and impressionable at that age of like, oh, you're the adult. You are telling me what's safe and what's not safe. And you're telling me that what I'm eating is safe or not safe. And so that's where I come to have a problem with this. The wife, the like medicine, she cannot like venison. That is fine.

But if you don't have a moral or ethical problem with the meat, then you should allow your children to go ahead and form their own opinions about it. I mean, kids, it's hard enough to feed them period. I mean, chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, like hot dogs. Hot dogs. Like, can we please have our kids like something other than that? Like please? Corn dogs. Like, that's a win for me. Which is so crazy. Because when you guys did baby-led weaning, they ate everything. Oh, they sure did. They ate everything. Yeah.

And secretively, like, I think they do still like everything. I said easy. They just, they want the mac and cheese as they want the chicken shrimp the other night. So you definitely, yeah, they both still eat shrimp in the both silly steak or, you know, honestly, whatever we cook, they will usually take a few bites. So they'll have a little bit of their mood.

Yeah, and that's all kids. I mean, I, with OT, I worked with some kids with food sensitivities or food tolerance issues. And it's once they develop those versions, it's hard to work through them. So my issue with meats or even food in general, I don't think you should ever hide what people are eating. And I think that's what you were saying. Like let them know, let them have that autonomy,

but the wife doesn't need to have this, bleh, bam be, that's bullshit. You're creating issues with your kids. Be open, be transparent. Tonight we're having venison. This is a different kind of meat. Let's try it. Hmm, what do you think?

Like, and you can go through, you know, they're a little older. I guess they're not that old. I mean, there are two kids under seven, no mention of the ages, but like, I think about the food, the food methods I used with OT, and there's, you know, there's certain steps you can do where you look at the food, and then you touch the food, and then you smell the food methods I used with OT and there's certain steps you can do where you look at the food

and then you touch the food and then you smell the food and then you lick it and then you actually eat it. Like let them go through that process to determine what they like and don't like. But the mom needs to rain it in and get it together because there's nothing wrong with deer meat. If you want to eat it, eat it. But I don't agree. Like you shouldn't hide where your kids are eating. Like my uncle did that to me and he's like, I think it was, I don't know I agree. Like you shouldn't hide what your kids are eating. Like my uncle did that to me and he's like, I think it was, I don't know, it was tacos or something you could hide it in. And I was like, oh, you know what is this?

Like, what kind of meat is this? Oh, it's beef. Sure enough, I eat it. Find out later, it's not beef. It was venison. And of course, my stomach was upset. And he did that with all sorts of shit. He did it with bear meat.

He did it with caribou. And I'm like, I just want to know what the fuck I'm eating. Like, don't lie to me. I just can't stand that. We do have a comment, though. Okay. Someone goes info. What exactly is your wife's problem with venison?

Does she have a problem with hunting? Does she have a problem with the taste? Does she think that deer meat is low-class and thus beneath her? Does she just generally, just like the idea of eating meats that aren't the standard pork beef chicken fish selections in a typical grocery store? And Opie goes, she thinks it's disgusting. She thinks that about all wild game. There can have a distinctive flavor to wild game, and if you're not accustomed to it, I definitely think that it's different. And there are people believe it or not who can tell the difference and our meat savants as you would call it. But again, let that be your experience. And then

don't push that on your kids because they're looking to you for safety and for answers. is they're looking to you for safety and for answers. And so, yeah, I think that her calling it, oh, Bambi, watch out for Bambi. I mean, that hits those kids on a whole different level, not just like, I just like the taste of this meat. Bambi was already traumatic enough. Now you have a mom throwing this in. If you watch that as an adult,

Bambi's fucking sad. I have bald multiple time watching that movie as an adult. I don't think I was affected as a kid, as I am now. I think I saw it at a very, very young age. Yeah, we were like, probably two. Who knows? Yeah, I don't think Bambi ever like stuck as far as like the entirety of the story.

And then watching it later as an adult, you're like, whoa, all right. I know there's this mom. Poor mom. Yeah. It's sad. It's an orphan. It's a tough one.

We also have a lot more comments from OP. Okay. You guys want to. Yeah. Like, not you guys, but our friends. I'll be sure Morgan, Morgan Postal Link, but a lot of people asking like, do actually save money by eating deer. I know he goes, yes, we saved a lot of money. We have enough for a few months. This is hundreds of dollars. And I will agree, like

grocery shopping is expensive. It's really gone up over the past couple of years. So if you're eating a lot of meat, I mean, how much meat do you get from one deer? It depends on the size of the deer. Like generally, like, let's call it a medium-sized deer. Yeah, 40, 50 pounds. It's a lot of meat, that's a lot of meat. Yeah, I mean, here's a deal. It's like 40, like think about a pound of meat. That's a lot of meat. Yeah. I mean, here's the deal.

It's like 40, like think about a pound of meat from the store. That gets you if you're meal prepping. Like, if you are truly gonna use wild game as your food source, and that's what you're gonna supplement, you're not gonna buy beef like, yes. It probably is a savings, but if you're going to hunt as a hobby and you're going to just go out and hunt, you're not really saving anything, but if you're

like, I'm going to hunt because I need to fill the freezer and keep the freezer stock because I'm going to use that meat. Yeah, then absolutely it would fill because you could get a deer, you could get a bear, you could get a turkey, you could get a bonus tag for a deer. So depending on where you're at in Minnesota, you can take up to five deer. Wow. So you're up to 200, 300 pounds of meat potentially.

So you're eating good. So you're eating good, right? You don't have to ever go to back to the store and get cows, get steaks, because you can make steaks and roasts and hamburger. Amy's like saying, God, I don't do that. You can be a cost savings if you don't spend all that money in all of your hunting accessories. So for the record, for anybody that's listening, it is not a savings for me.

Yeah, and OP does get questioned like, oh, did a deer just fall in your lap? Hunting's expensive and it can be. Yeah, but you can do it on a budget as well. Like you absolutely can. I will give it him that. I don't know that I agree with him like, well, then you should work overtime to make up for that because, okay, well, what happens if you didn't get a deer, then like, are you going to still have your, oh, I didn't get a deer, you got to work overtime,

or maybe you guys can, hey, if she really doesn't care for that taste, are you going to use several meals? Right. Yeah. Just these other meals. They don't have to have meals. Done. Yeah.

Overall, vote was not the asshole. So, there we go. Hopefully, they'll figure it out. But O.P. does say they are struggling financially and it didn't cost any money. Gun was his dad's. So maybe it cost him a bullet. Meat processor was free. So that's a cost savings. Yeah. Sure. If you do it yourself, for sure. Yeah. And a lot of people are struggling. So the wife needs to get it together. Yeah. Hey, if he and his two kids like it, I for sure save money. Yeah, there we go.

I can go get some chicken nuggets. Moving to the next one. Another one of this week's partners is Babel. Do you know the best way to learn a new language? Well, it's immersion, but obviously that's not attainable for most of us. So the second best way, Babel. 2024 is our year, guys, and we are going to learn that language.

We are gonna get it down. We're gonna be able to take a trip and speak with locals and learn about the culture in a way that's meaningful. Babel has quick 10 minute language lessons that were designed by over 150 language experts. So you can start learning that new language in as little as three weeks. And they've got the studies to back it up.

One study even found that using Babel for just 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. For me, I use Babel as my brain break throughout the day. I love how convenient these courses are and easy to digest and retain the information. I feel like on my next trip, it's going to be easier to ask for food or simple directions without having a resort to an app to translate. So here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now get 55% off your Babel subscription, but only for our listeners at babble.com slash THT. Got 55% off at babble.com slash T-H-T. Spiled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash T-H-T. Roles and restrictions may apply.

Put us the grocery shopping in your house. How do you split chores? I enjoy grocery shopping the most, but I think it's probably at this point, probably a 50-50 split, when we say grocery shop. I probably go to the grocery store more often like pizza run milk run. But if we're going to like shop and get groceries, Amy meal plans, she goes and gets those groceries. I grocery shop and I buy the store. It's a matter of a card budget. Also a little bit a matter of health because you come home with like 10 different sugar cereals.

I love cereal. Every single time I just like cereal like sugar cereal like Lucky Charms. Pretty powerful. It's pretty powerful. Beautiful. It's pocopas. Camcron. So many. So many all those. It's a charm, fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble.

It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble.

It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble.

It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a fruity pebble. It's a it's a perfect. All my kids want to eat. And it's not a perfect,

lunch and dinner. Serial, lucky charm, cimental scrunch, all that jazz. Cinnamon, I forgot about that one. It's not a breakfast food. Mm-hmm.

It's a nine p.m. late night prior to bedtime snack. I'm for sure going home and having a bowl of fruity pebbles. Absolutely. Hard to hear first. Let's get into this one. All right, here we go. So this is seven hours old. Can you feel the heat coming off? Can you feel it? It's fire. It's coming from relationship advice. So not am I the asshole? Little different. Okay. It's titled my 25

male girlfriend, 26 female in Tears, because I didn't get one item from our grocery list. What was the item? That's what I needed. We were supposed to have supper. Let's say spaghetti with cheese on top, not really, but I don't want to get too specific, and I didn't get the cheese. Some might say it ruins the whole dish, but some might not care too

much if it's there or not. So we were out shopping together, and as we were going down the grocery list, I asked my girlfriend if we want to get the cheese, to which she says, no, we finish shopping, go back home, and I start making the dish while she showers. She gets out. I let it simmer for a bit and I go shower. Once I get out of the shower and I'm about to serve it, she suddenly asks if we bought cheese. I look at her and say we didn't. I say I even asked her if we should get it and she said no.

She says she thought I was asking her about something else to be fair. What I asked her and what she said she heard is different by one syllable in our language, and both of these things could go together with the dish I made. I assume she did mishear me. At this point she gets up and says she's not going to eat it. She got some leftovers from the fridge and went to the other room to eat.

I figured it's best to let her be alone for a while, so I ate part of what I made for the evening. After some time I go check on her, and she's laying in bed, crying her eyes out. I was taken aback, as this was not the reaction I expected at all. I tried talking to her, but she both refused to eat it without cheese and didn't want me to go and get it now. She was extremely upset and still crying a lot. She told me she was very hungry and didn't eat much throughout the day and now she feels even worse.

Because we went shopping together, then she waited for me to put the dish together, but in the end she couldn't even eat it. I know it sucks to not eat much throughout the day, so I kind of understand where she was coming from. I decided that at this point in time, there's not much else I could do, but go and get the cheese, which I did.

I came back and found her eating some snack that we had left. I asked her if she would like to eat now, that we can heat it up, but she adamantly refused to eat the dish and doesn't want to talk with me either. She earlier said she's going to be sleeping on the couch tonight. If she goes through with it, it remains to be seen.

I'm wondering what I could do to try and remedy the situation. Do I just let her be? I'm struggling to fully understand her point of view. As for me, it doesn't matter if a particular ingredient is missing or not. To some extent, I see where she's coming from, but not fully. Any thoughts?

This is so silly. I have a thought. This is the silliest thing I've ever heard. How long have they been together? Like two months? You need to come. Like three weeks? You need to comment now.

It's only seven hours old. Like you need to comment. Like, hey, file this at to hot takes episode coming soon. Check it out. You need to like blast us. Anyways, this is so silly. This is the only thing that I have. This is not made up.

He seems so caring and being like, oh my goodness. I thought she didn't want the cheese. We didn't get the cheese. We didn't get the cheese. She said she wanted the cheese, but like it's not a big deal. And so I ate the meal. Like also, it's just food. Like what happens when you've got kids? What happens if you like get married and are deciding on things for the wedding and and heaven forbid they pick the wrong like tablecloth color or something silly

like that. The student needs to run. Like really? Over just the cheese? It's. Her reaction to you. It's her reaction. It's not about the cheese.

Not the cheese. Who? Okay. I'm gonna get it. Was it really not cheese? Was it a different thing? Like is our real cheese? Or is it worth more?

Or is it more? Fine. Plus color. Okay. And he forgot the pepperoni. Or it was going to be macaroni and hot dogs, and he forgot the hot dog, but they're still delicious macaroni at the end of the day. He's still contributed to the meal. It's still a small detail with a minor misunderstanding.

So, unless, I'm going to give it one unless you're allowed to stay if this meal was in some way very significant like it was her father It was her father's favorite dish and he died oh tragically And it was it was like his birthday and like she really wanted to remember him and have his recipe by his recipe and like something bizarre. Maybe her birthday meal or something ridiculous. That was so tragic that like she was looking so forward to this.

I just don't get it. It's bizarre. If this was just a regular Tuesday night, eatin' some lamb and tuna fish. That's weird. Have you seen Big Daddy? No. Adam Sandler, check it out. He'll get the reference if you know you know. Okay. Okay. I don't want enough. So yeah, this guy needs to run because for crying about the cheese, we're going to be crying about a lot of other things. We've all been there.

Think about Shark Week. How emotional you can get. Think about a bad day at work. A puppy commercial can make me cry. Ball in bed and then annihilate, like alienate your partner. Okay, but then you always come back though, right? Like you have a nice sleep and then you come back and you're like, I'm gonna sleep on my couch because you forgot the cheese.

Honey, what the thing is, I guess like, I'm on his side. This is what's going on. I do, like I see this as a little goofy. I'm wondering like my head kind of goes to like, weaponized in competence, but the thing is, he did ask her, should we get cheese. There was a miscommunication at the store.

He also made the dish. And he offered to go backing. Get it. That. So it's like, it's hard to like, have like, kind of a devil's advocate for her because there was so much remedy for the problem. And then to still be upset and like, I'm sleeping on the couch.

It just makes me wonder like, okay, like we said, this is missing something. We have a lot of comments, so we're gonna unpack a lot. Okay, but as you guys said, like this is not about the cheese. This feels like a straw that broke the camel's hump. Like it just says, it's, there's gotta be something more to this. And maybe he can't just be the cheese.

It can't just be the cheese. Maybe he forgets the cheese all the time. Yeah, and she's told a 5 million time. But he did ask. Yeah, so it's about the cheese. Top comment, the cheese is not the issue here. Yeah. But let's get into some of OP's comments.

Someone goes, she is pregnant. Not sure if she knows. And OP goes, she's... That did craft my mind. It did bind too. And OP goes, she's 99% not pregnant. Not safe for work-warning. We use condoms and on top of that, I always pull out

and she finishes me off. I know that neither method, especially pulling out, is 100% effective, but when you combine both, the chances are close to zero. I will keep that in mind, but I'm pretty sure she's not. And I will say, it's a really cute video the other day of this woman in bed and her partner went and got her culverts. She's pregnant, by the way.

He went and got her culverts like a butter burger and she was so excited about it and then she opens it up and she starts crying. She's like, I don't want culverts anymore. I want, like, she wanted something really weird. It was like cottage cheese and ranch or something random. And she's like, but I want the homemade ranch. And so he goes to the kitchen, takes the culverts away, goes to the kitchen, makes her ranch.

So that's why I was like, maybe she's pregnant. Like, all right. If there's a medical condition that can explain the hormonal imbalance that's going on here, then that's the only, that's the second reason why. Do you remember when I, so I live and die by IUDs, I think they're fantastic. They're not for everybody, but they're for me. Okay, however, there is one point in time where I was having some extra, this is after I had an IUD and I basically had spotting.

Mm, okay, that's a nice way to say it. So I had some spotting that would not stop, right? And so I went and I saw my provider and I was prescribed oral birth control pills. And I had never actually taken oral birth control pills before because I'd always done IEDs or new varying or et cetera, what have you. And they messed with my emotions so bad.

Oh my God, birth control makes me so irritable. Yeah. So anxious, so awfully like, birth control makes me want to die. Moody, yeah. Moody, like, absolutely did. I suffered through it for a while because I wanted to thin out the uterine lining,

you know, make the spotting stop, et cetera. So I stopped it for a while and then it hadn't stopped. And so I was like, okay, well, I'm going to restart it and try it. And Matt, do you remember that day where we were legit in this kitchen and I snapped at you about something, something so small and so minuscule. And you stopped and you looked at me. I went, you restart those pills again.

Hahaha. And I go, yes. He doesn't know. But it doesn't matter because you did something wrong. No, no. So, I mean, yes, there can be some legit medicals and maybe she went down to her first control pills and she's just not feeling herself.

That is a possibility. Maybe it could be pregnancy or maybe it's something else that we don't know about, that it's like the other thing that we just don't have this information. It doesn't just have to be women's hormones, which I think also can be very highly stereotyped. Oh, for sure. And unfair. For me, the shoe fits like this past week, it's shark week right now. And I've just been a fucking mess. But but not everyone is affected right so heavily. You guys are gonna laugh. When you call it shark week, I was like, who gets emotional about shark week? It's the best time I hear time is here is a one week of TV bowl You get it you come looking at me funny. I'm like I didn't put two and two together

You didn't love was sure we got just got her channel Now I'm now he's gonna think about periods every time What's the more info so is there anything else going on in her life right now someone asked are things in the relationship Otherwise good in general O.P. Response I would say we're fine. She's been stressed about work lately, quite a lot, I would say. She has a lot of new duties and does O.T. pretty much daily. The first week of January is also going to be quite tough on her, which work alone can just... it bleeds in as so many other areas of your life.

Like, I was just talking to someone the other day who works in medicine and they were talking about how they had to switch departments because the department they were previously in just didn't make them go home to their partner very happy. It affected their relationship. And so they switched departments, better work life balance, happier, happier life at home. And sometimes that work can just, I mean, we're spending half of our time there. It can eat at us. It can bleed in everything else. So he needs to ask the question, are you crying and mad about the cheese? Or is there something else that's truly bothering you? And if it comes back, that's only about the cheese.

He needs out. Well, we do have a little more. So someone goes, she probably is just stressed out about all the other things, the other comments have suggested. They go on, they go on, they go on. They do have another paragraph that says, judging by how she seems upset with you specifically,

it wouldn't surprise me if you're leaving out a ton of details. Maybe she's upset because you frequently make these sorts of careless mistakes. I don't know how many times I've sent men to get groceries and had them come back with the wrong shit and ruined dinner plans. Just a possibility. Stupid men. You won't find out until you talk with her when she's calmed down. And I will say it's commonly seen.

I think maybe you guys don't have it like this, but the amount of women I've seen prepare their partners extensive lists, sometimes even including pictures, and then we'll make this video where it's like, I made this list with pictures, guess who still got a phone call from the store asking which tortilla chips to buy? Well, we've only been buying the same chips for 10 fucking years. Like, you know what I mean? Like, there's some weaponized incompetence

that happens a lot of times in relationships and I don't know what it is about groceries. It seems to bring it out, but OP responds. Well, there's food for thought. I am a bit forgetful. Even if I have a list, I can sometimes forget something. It's never major things. When making spaghetti, I would never forget the pasta. But I've had situations where I forget something minor. I got the brain of a goldfish, you know, we've all been there. My girlfriend is often busy with work, so I'm the one responsible for stocking the fridge and meal prep. I try

my best, but sometimes I just forget about something. I feel like it happens though. I mean to people in general, and if I forget something, I make one more trip to get it. Supermarket is close by. Could be a contributing factor, I guess. I like that he's owning up to it. Self-awareness. I like that. But still, like if that's your job, be good at your job in the relationship. He goes back and he gets what he forgot. How can he be, how can you be mad about that?

But does it delay supper by like an hour? He said it was close and close for us is 45 seconds down the road. So I'm going to say it's within five minutes. I feel it's close. Close is five minutes. It feels five minutes. Maybe five minutes there, maybe 30 minutes tops. 15 minutes.

All right. Driving store. Long line, 20. We'll call it 30 with traffic. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. Sounds like he's trying. They use an app. You know, it seems like he's really trying to do his best. He does have another comment. So someone goes, is she the only one who eats the cheese on the spaghetti? It may have felt like in the moment that she's crazy stressed out working overtime,

still doing household work and has a bad month staring her in the face, and you when ignored the fact that she's the only one who eats the cheese on spaghetti. IE, you've fulfilled your needs, but not hers. And OP goes, the recipe I got from the list was called, let's say, spaghetti with cheese. Since the bag is large, I know most of the cheese won't be eaten and will go bad. I wanted to double check if we really needed it. When I was talking to her after, she said that the cheese was in the actual title of the recipe. I should have gotten it without even asking.

Fair, but he did ask and she said no. Miscommunication, misunderstanding, let's move on, let's be adults. It was an accident. Yes, I actually wanted to eat this. It's important to me. My father died while eating this, and I want to remember him tonight. Go and get the cheese from the store. That's literally right down the block. Go get it. Come back. Put the cheese on top. I don't need to eat funky leftovers. I don't just be able to. I know. It's hard. I think when it feels like World War III and you're having a meltdown, sometimes you get to a point where it's just about the principle and you say, fuck this spaghetti with cheese. And that's why you need to ask, like, is this really about the cheese or is it like my memory and my dementia that, you know, is ruining our relationship?

It's time for a serious talk, that's for sure. What's actually wrong? What's the actual problem? It's not the cheese. What's really happening here? Okay, moving along. One of this week's partners is HelloFresh. We all know grocery shopping is real expensive.

And takeout is even worse. With HelloFresh to get farm fresh, pre-porsche ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. So you can skip those trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun and affordable. When Justin and I just went home for the holidays, we made sure we had a HelloFresh meal kit ready to go when we got there. And it was amazing having those easy to cook meals,

kept me from snacking on the cookie tray too much. And so whether your resolution is to save money, eat better or stress less, HelloFresh can help you do all three. And if you're liking me and don't like spending a lot of time in the kitchen, HelloFresh even has 15 minute meals. There are so many weekly options to choose from

and if breakfast is something you need, hella fresh also has that covered too. I have tried so many hella fresh meals at this point and I have never been disappointed with one. Go to hellafresh.com slash THT free and use code THT free for free breakfast for life. One breakfast at a per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life at hellofresh.com slash THT free with code THT free. Hello fresh, America's number one meal kit. I'm going to give you

a choice on this next one. They're both kid related. So this first one is titled Amma the asshole for stopping helping my wife with our newborns night routine because she disrespected me in front of our friends? Or am I the asshole for telling my wife that our lifestyle will drastically change when she starts working again? Positively. No, I feel like he's curious about the second one. I mean, I could go in on both. Like, the second one is probably less juicy, I would say.

Like, your lifestyle is gonna change drastically. If you start working again and have a second income, yeah, bowling. There's a second income. Maybe we get into it. There's no second income. Let's get into this one. What's gonna say, but listen to all the things she's probably doing at home

and taking care of at home that you're not gonna be having dinner. Okay. Just wait. Go ahead. My wife, 32, and I, 36-male, had our baby boy two years ago. When she got pregnant, we made a deal. She will stay with our boy the first two years, and after that, we will swap, and I will be a stayed-home dad until he starts school.

Two years have passed, and I will keep my promise, and will be out of my job by the end of July. Just to get that straight right out of the way. My wife has found a new job, but here is where the problem starts. She will make significantly less money than I did, but she seems to be completely oblivious and indenisble about it. Whenever the topic was brought up by me, she just shrugs it off. When I told her today that we have to reduce our running expenses by a good amount, she

got angry and accused me of trying to make her feel guilty and miserable. I didn't do any of this. All I wanted to do was make a mutual decision with my partner regarding our finances. We will have $800 less to spend per month, and that of course means that things will have to change. But again, she does not care and does not want to hear anything about it. She called me an asshole for bringing it up and literally said that I am forbidden about talking about it.

She really thinks I want to guilt trip her into staying at home when I already quit my job. I think she is immature and irresponsible. Am I really the asshole here? Girls, stay home. I wish I could hear her side because I feel like I'd get a completely different story from what we are hearing from his side. It sounds like to me, based on how you read that, like he is, because you wanted to get

out of, right away, he wanted to like point it out that like, I am keeping my word, like I am quitting my job. I am going to be staying home for the next two years and you are going to go to work. Well, that's fine, but at the same rate, like... Can't have your cake, you need a two. I just think there's some hypocrisy going on here, where he's trying to then put the blame on her that their financials are gonna change.

Like this was his decision too like they was a very a mutual decision that they had made a few years back and. Finances are hard yes I hate budget I hate budget day. Buy weekly budget meetings are horrible in our house. They're so good. I don't like talking about it. I don't wanna hear about it. I would just rather... Some people hate that. Sticking their head in the sand.

I'd rather stick my head in the sand. I like to keep it out of the sand. So anyways, so does he wanna keep the same lifestyle? Is that what he's trying to like get at? We have some edits. Let me get a oom for you. Okay. Edit for info. My wife wants to work.

I would have been happy to provide for my family until the end of time, but she is just not into being a state-home mom. The agreement was her idea too. First two years with the mother and then me until our boy can go to school. For the people asking why I brought it up several times, because she refuses to talk about spending cuts, and I don't want to know what would have happened with a unilateral decision.

We have to live with our new budget in a few weeks. Info too, I brought all of these topics up before quitting my job, my wife insisted on our deal. Why are you guys trying to find something to attack me on instead of dealing with the already given information? Why is the world of reddit knows something is missing? It's not adding up. Is it though or is she just a little delusional?

Maybe she doesn't believe in that. The budget needs to change. Maybe she feels like she's got it. Maybe she needs to see it happen in practice. I'll say this. Why is he so dead set on not working? Why doesn't he be like, hey, our budget can support this, but we can support daycare.

Like, we'll do daycare for the next two years. We'll both go to work. Or if he's so worried about it, if you're like, you know what, babe? I have decided that making that additional $800 a month is more important than me staying home. And I'd like you to continue to raise our son at home as a stay at home mom.

I don't think any unilateral decision is great. I think they need to like really sit down and talk about it. I think that she should be open to discussing the budget, right? Having those biweekly budget meetings are so fun. Right? They really are enlightening and they let you know. Right. How bad you did on saving because you're a spender. Oh, just hurts. Every week. Yeah. Every other week. I'm a bit of a spender too. So they should be able to have the conversation, but you're right.

Money hits people differently. People like to stick their head in the sand sometimes. Some people need to be shown, okay, hey, this is true. We have zero flexibility in our budget. We are now negative $800. Now we need to come up with a solution for this. Yeah. Unfortunately, OP does like comment, like have you both sat down with a current budget and identified the actual changes that will need to happen.

And that's the problem. OP goes, she refuses to do exactly that. So it does sound like she's kind of a stick the head in the sand type of budgeter. She doesn't care. She thinks that their life can be maintainable. Maybe when he was working, she just had a card and didn't really look at finances. She did what she wanted to. And that worked for then, but you want this deal and changes are going to have to be made.

It's nothing to be ashamed of that you don't want to be a state-owned mom. It's fine. You're going back to work. Yep, but the reality is, losing $800 a month. It's a big change for a lot of people. That's groceries, gas, maybe your car insurance. Like, that's a decent chunk. And so maybe you don't get your Pilates membership anymore. Maybe you don't get your fun shopping sprees.

Some things got to give. No shame, but it's got to give. Yeah. They, she should be able to have the conversation about it and come to a, a budget that works within their means. What is an annual income is? No mention. OPs account has since been deleted.

Post has been removed. There's a lot of comments from people like they really did get heated. Some people are asking why stick to the original agreement if it's going to negatively impact finances. And people responded on his behalf and said, because maybe he wants time with his kid. It sounds like they can't valid it. It's just a lifestyle change. Why did she stay off work two years when her income was more than daycare? What do we take? So people are going about fighting and

I think finances is tricky. People get up and out. It's hard. Really tricky. You got to find something that works for both of you. Yeah. And I think this is great to not have to put your kid in daycare and they get both parents for two years, that's really cool. Not everyone has the privilege of doing that. So make the adjustment. It's two years, not forever. He'll be in school soon.

But if you can't work through this with your partner and you're just gonna shut him down and not talk about it, you got some issues. Yeah. What's, have you guys gotten a lot of fights about your budget? Be a little spender down there. How's that, how's that go for you guys? I am the spender in the relationship.

I'm the problem, it's me. I'm the problem, it's me. Hi. Um, yeah, I would say fights. I wouldn't say fights just because I knew who you were the moment I married you. And so I knew that this was going to be something that we were going to have to talk about and continue to talk about and come back and talk about it again every single time that our situation changed and our finances changed and our goals changed and our mortgage change and our daycare bills changed etc etc etc. That's why we do it twice a month. So I knew who you were as a spender when we got married so it wasn't something that was

surprising to me. But I slept myself on the wrist off and I'm like, oh, damn it Matt, you thought you were doing so good. You try to work on it and you do, here's the difference though, at least from the story, is that you are very willing to sit down with me and go through the numbers and at least acknowledge where we are and make a plan of, okay, with these upcoming two weeks, what can we do better, where are we going to trim,

what are we gonna do differently, or hey, maybe we did awesome the past two weeks, great. I'm scared to tell you that, no, just kidding. But I think that's the difference. I think you just need to keep talking about it. And I have heard of people's relationships where they're like, maybe they grew up and money was always scarce. And so it's like really a triggering're like, maybe they grew up and money was always scarce.

And so it's like really a triggering thing like, Hey, I'm grown up. I don't want to have to feel like I don't have enough. Like I work a good job. I don't, I don't want to know. I don't want to feel like this is bringing me back to my childhood. Yeah. There wasn't enough. Like that's, it can be a really, really difficult thing for some people. So, being able to talk about it is the only way that you're going to be able to master it, though. So, communication, as Justin says.

You got to. I think just as, communicate, I know he's in the other room editing. But yeah, I think you can't, when it comes to big life decisions and changes and budgets when you're sharing an income, basically, you can't ignore it. So I would say he's not the asshole. I think she needed a dose of tough love, just like the toothbrush guy needs. Per-en-off. Okay.

Next. Another one of this week's partners is Quince. One resolution I'm really sticking to this year is loud budgeting. I want quality items that don't cost normal leg, and I love sharing my deals. I'm proud when I find them. And Quince is my go-to for luxury essentials

that I'm proud to share. So let's go loud budgeters, where are you? With quince, there's a range of high quality items at prices that are within reach. They have washable silk tops and dresses, organic cotton sweaters, 14 karat gold jewelry, quince's items are all priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands.

These are gonna be the pieces that are in your closet for years to come. I have a couple pieces from quince. Two of my favorites are a silk skirt and a linen dress. And after multiple washes, don't have any pilling, snags are holding up really well. I feel like the quality is really there. So if you're ready to try it for yourself, give yourself the luxury you deserve with Quince.-C-E dot com slash THT to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash THT. Here we go.

Two left. Two left. We got two left. I'm ready. Two left. Two left. Okay. We're moving away from from division of labor a little bit. We're gonna have a little spicy ending So unless you view sex as a household chore

No, we're done. We're done with chores division of labor childcare You're the worst to things like that. I don't know. Do we have a child care story? I guess we really didn't have a child care. Oh, fuck. Well, I do have another theme coming up for you guys soon. Next time I come home to record with you called parent problems. So we're going to keep child care stuff like that.

So this is nine hours old. Hmm. Am I the asshole for not wanting to have sex with my husband right now? I, 28 female, just gave birth to our second child four weeks ago. I'm happy in my marriage and have been feeling great postpartum. However, I'm the default parent for the baby since I am exclusively breastfeeding. I get up'm the default parent for the baby since I am exclusively breastfeeding. I get up in the night by myself, change diapers, do naps, tummy time, all the stuff by myself. I'm recovering still from a fully spontaneous vaginal birth, and since I am doing all of the things for the new baby alone while my husband 27 male cares for our oldest, four female, and

does the housework, I don't have much time to shower, do self-care, etc. My husband asked me if I could give him a blowjob or a handjob, and I said no. He seemed confused and a little hurt, not angry. I feel bad because I did make a face when I said no and I didn't mean to. But after 24-7 non-stop newborn care, leaky boobs, vaginal bleeding, etc. The last thing I'm worried about is getting him off. I feel terrible because the last time we had sex was about two months ago. We just have so much going on. I genuinely do not have it in me to have my face fucked or to give a hand job when I'm barely sleeping

and showering appropriately. Am I the asshole? No, 100% no absolutely not. Absolutely not. Here we go. And if anybody needs to hear this because I think that there's a lot of women who do need to hear this,

it is not your fault or your job at this point in your life. No, not the asshole. No. Never, ever. Negative's 5 million the asshole. Four months to. This is so fresh. No, four weeks. Four weeks. You're not even allowed to have sex per your OB until your six weeks. So I was going to say this like it's kind of sad that we're having like this conversation about this topic like legit like the even the doctor is going to say yeah you have to wait at least six weeks typically right. And granted he wasn't asking for intercourse. He was asking for a blowjob or a hand job. So, like, pointing that out. But still, man, that's effort and that's.

And I guess like, her making the face and like, honestly, you're not the asshole, but just explained your husband. If he wasn't mad about that, sounds like he's gonna be understanding and you can just have the conversation with like, hey, I'm doing a lot right now. I have a lot of body changes and a lot of things going on.

And I just cannot put myself in that mindset right now to get there. And that from an understanding husband's perspective, I would understand. I wouldn't hold it against you. I wouldn't be mad at you. Like, ridiculous. Very good. And you probably answered it very much more kindly than I did, but I just put myself back in like that mindset of like having a newborn and bleeding from my vagina and having milk leaking everywhere and hurting, and having pain from my vagina, having pain in my breasts, like, and having this little baby who's not sleeping

and you're not sleeping and you're trying the best you can and your other child is probably, like, wanting mom and like so many and the house is a mess and you're trying the best you can to keep up and do everything and then that just aspect of your life which may be a wonderful aspect of your life, it just might not be the most important at that minute. Yeah. And so you would hope to God that your partner would be understanding and would give you some grace and be like, yeah, I get it. Maybe go take a nap and and let me let me do this next diaper change or something like that.

Yeah, and I know like everyone has different levels of support. Like, you know, my mom and grandma and your mom and your family were helpful with other kids. But like, is this coming from people that have two kids? Is it normal for her to be doing every single thing related to the baby on her own? Because for me, I'm hearing this even and I'm like a four-year-old is easier than a newborn. Household chores seem easier than responding to a baby non-stop.

Like it seems like he could still take the baby for naps or tummy time while she gets some self-care. Like, even though he's doing the housework and all of the care for the oldest, you know, the four-year-old, it seems like it still isn't like ideal. And maybe you guys can pipe in on that. Like, how did you navigate that? Like, I guess when it's that early, like I would wake up and I would go get, and the kids something in our room too,

at that point in time, I would wake up and go sit with you and while you breastfed for a while, but at the same way, she was also like, The Brent of the, she was not working and I was, I only got four days off. The Brent of the, yes, total and I was like I only got four days off.

The Brent of the yes total like that was your paternity leave. So sad. Four half days. Oh my God. So I get it together. So a lot and a lot of it that we did was a little bit of divide and conquer like that part doesn't seem too ridiculous to me because that infant, especially if you're breastfeeding, it's tied to mom.

It's so heavily, um, babies. The mom, um, there's definitely things that dad can be helping out with, you know, diaper changes and changing and so forth, but especially with the nursing part, I mean, that is another full-time job. Like you say, well, you know, she's not working, well, she's working, but just in a different way. It's just unpaid labor. And so helping with the four-year-old, especially a four-year-old who's adjusting to a new baby in the home that might also be quite the job to do in a different way. I mean, he's not bleeding from Ava Jaina or, you know, adjusting to all the hormones that are fluctuating.

And so he has a little bit more stability probably in those different ways. Yeah. And I think people do it different ways. For us though, I think that we did kind of divide and conquer as far as I took on Emma and you took on Eloise a lot when our second was born. Yeah, yeah, totally. So, and that just kind of how the cards fell. So, him being understanding of where he's at, that's what I just really hope that he would be.

And it could just be that he was like, oh, hey, I didn't feel like this would be a big deal, and I miss you. Yeah. And I miss our relationship. And I miss what we had because we are in the throws of it. And I'm searching for some connection here. Yeah. And so it could be that that, and maybe he's just like, hey,

throwing it out there, shooting a shot. But I just hope that he doesn't make her feel like that is another thing to do. Like, I feel like that's where the eye roll would come in. Like, oh my God, I have to take care of one more thing. You'd be tough. I can't even imagine this, like an exclusively breastfeeding. Like I, God, I hope, like whatever kid I have,

please take a bottle, just take a bottle. I just like, just since I gotta be split, it's gotta be split. I just saw a quote from Dakota Johnson, and she's like, I sleep 11 hours a day, I prioritize my sleep over everything. And that is me, like I need sleep, or I will literally, I'll go crazy, I just can't do it. So I know not every baby takes a bottle, I know not every person wants to use bottles,

but goddamn, I hope whatever kid I have, just take a fucking bottle. I'm looking back, we talked about this recently, looking back, we are like, I remember saying, you know, I'm okay with the baby getting out three times a night, but it's like four times a night when I was working, well, you know, when I had gone back to work, like four times a night is too much, three times a night, but it's like four times a night when I was working, well, you know, when I had gone back to work, like four times a night is too much,

three times a night I can do, but four times a night is too much. And now we sleep pretty well. And if I get up once a night, I'm like ruined for the next day. So it's insane how your body mind adapts. You do adapt and you... Your brain is a supercomputer.

You're able to do things that you never thought previously that you'd be able to do. So I don't know you guys. I don't know if I have it in me. My brain's not a supercomputer. I'm like, I'm a toshiba from like 2004. I'm not a Mac shiba from like 2004. I'm not a, I'm not a MacBook Pro 2020, 2023. At the end of the day, there are a lot of fucking work and it's hard, but they're the best.

And that's hard to explain for somebody who doesn't have it, but they suck, but damn, they're good. We get their headstucks and couches. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah, Emmett, the little one that interrupted earlier, he got his head stuck in a couch. Over Christmas, a recliner that like has a metal bar

that goes up and down, like basically like a guillotine. And so there was quite the fiasco getting him unstuck. We got him unstuck as well. But damn. I think I'm traumatized more than he is. Set the mood for the night. Yeah. Yeah.

Overall vote though, so far, I think is very obvious on this one. Not the asshole. Okay. Not the asshole. Good. Top comment, not the asshole. He has a hand for himself. Four weeks is barely enough to heal or be in any routine.

Even when giving a blowjob or a handjob, both should enjoy. And someone goes this. Both should enjoy it. I agree. Consent should be enthusiastic, otherwise it's not consent. I like that. Yep. I do too.

Get a majority of coconut oil. It will make his hand feel magical. Tell me you use the other hand that he doesn't usually use coconut oil. You know, I've also heard if guys, if you sit on your hand for a while, the sleeper. The sleeper. Yeah, you sit on it. What? It's from the movie with Fertiprint's Jr.

Yeah. And then it feels like it's not your own. Not pitch perfect. Like you, Scooby Doo. Like you tell it falls asleep? It's a Freddie Prince Jr. Definitely not Scooby Doo, that's a kid. That's Freddie Prince Jr.

But he's in a baseball movie. Some are catch. I don't know. I'm not sure, but they talk about it in there. Yeah, there's tricks. And honestly, coconut oil, it's magical, but yeah, not the asshole. One last one for us.

We are getting a real juicy with this one, real juicy, not related to anything we've talked about tonight. Perfect. But you know, we gotta have one really, a really good one. All right, here we go. 12 hours old, titled, Am I the asshole for kicking my husband out?

I, female 27 and my husband, male 29, have been together since high school. And he has this friend, female 28, that all call Lily. They never really hang out and she is engaged so I never thought anything of it. My husband and I have a six-year-old daughter and she is my pride and joy. One day my daughter had this sleep over at her friend's house and I went to talk with the mom because she is cool and we ended up drinking wine and talking all night.

I ended up falling asleep, leaving my husband home alone. A few weeks later I come home from work and he and Lily are on the sofa waiting for me. My husband kisses me and says that he loves me. Then, Lily says that she is pregnant. I asked her how far along, and she said about four weeks. I, being the idiot I am, asked if her fiance knew. She said no, because it wasn't his child. I got confused. Then my husband started apologizing.

Whenever I'm upset, I tend to get violent. I push him the floor and yelled for him to pack his stuff, but he wanted to explain. Apparently, he felt alone that night that I went and had that sleep over. So Lily came over to watch a movie. She started talking about how her fiance couldn't meet her needs, and then she approached him, and they slept together. I then went upstairs and started packing his things, and he begged and pleaded with me. I kept saying how could you? I thought you loved me and stuff all along those lines, and he kept trying to hug me as I started crying hard. I kept saying how could you? I thought you loved me and stuff all along those lines, and he kept trying to hug me as I started crying hard. I felt betrayed because I love this man. He was the man of my dreams, and yet he cheated on me. After I got myself together,

he told me to take my time and think about all of our good times, and he said it was a mistake and that he will never make it again, and that I'm the woman he wants, not her, and stuff along those lines. But I told him I wanted him to leave, and that I'd call him if I wanted to make up, and he got angry, but said fine, you're making a huge mistake, you know we need each other. I spent the last few days missing him a lot. He came over for Christmas and gave me gifts and our daughter gifts, and I still love him and I want to forgive him, but I don't trust him anymore.

Over the time we separated, we have hooked up multiple times because it'd come over and hug me and stuff, and it would just happen. Should I forgive him or should I just end it and get over it? It's been two months since he left and he is sleeping at his parents' house. Unfortunately, Lily did have a miscarriage, but he didn't talk to her. I only found out from her fiance because she told him she was pregnant and so on. Also, only his parents and Lily know my husband and I are going through it right now. Also sorry for the bad grammar and title. You're gonna know what my pet peeve is. People asking if they're the asshole when they're clearly not.

It's not. Here's my pet peeve. My pet peeve is when people who cheat somehow turn it around and be like, but it's your fault that you weren't there that night. I was lonely. I was lonely. It was your fault that I cheated. I accidentally stuck my dick in Lily

Because you were gone one night. She just couldn't be satisfied by her fiance And I felt very obligated for all of the men of the world and she magically got pregnant after just one night Bullshit pet peeve Yeah, you got some feelings about that. Um, it's definitely not her fault. And she's not the asshole. No, no, no, no, no, the blame kick that throat. Yeah. And that's fine. Right? Like there's clearly some, his excuse of like, again your point like it was just that one night it was this like I was lonely because you didn't come home like there's something more going on there that needs to be addressed something's fishy there I don't like it so you're not the asshole kick him out at the end of the day like you don't need to trust him

At least you know not right away like Trust is built and that trust is broken so Ultimately, you need to decide like am I gonna give this person that I love or did love or whatnot Am I gonna give him another shot? Am I gonna try it? Can I get to the place where I can move, pass, what transpired? And that's hard to do. I would imagine. Yeah.

It makes it more complicated when you have kids, for sure. And that sucks. That's a shitty thing. Yeah. It does. And I feel really bad for her and anybody who's been in her situation and Really honestly only she is the one who knows if she can move on from this situation and heal or not and that is her decision to make if she really feels like You know, I really love him and I think that we can work through this and move on and

grow together, then absolutely go for it. I highly recommend getting a couples counselor and working on her things together. He absolutely needs to acknowledge his wrongdoing and not say, oh, it's because you were gone and I was lonely. Like, okay, hate to break it to you, but in America, there's probably gonna be quite a few nights

where somebody's on a trip or something, and you still need to be able to trust your partner that they're gonna remain faithful to you, even if you're not there. Yeah. And then not be, and maybe I'm reading this wrong, but is it manipulative of him to be like,

you know you need me, you can't. That. I, I, I, I, I felt like that too. Put myself in his shoes. Holy hell, I fucked up. Like I'm trying everything I can to like, make it work and it's frustrating that you did this, but like to then go back and be like, well, you know you need me, you have to stay with me. That's not the right answer. You need to own the mistake.

It feels a little abusive. I don't know if it's like, it's not necessarily the initial reason of him being like, well, I was lonely and flipping the blame. That feels gaslighting, but that just feels like emotionally abusive. And like, she's realing, there's a lot going on. Your friend's pregnant, like all this shit, like that just, oh, it's just toxic.

And I would say, like, if there's any hope of like, truly coming back together in a healthy way, at least for me, I don't think that if you're sorting through things, taking a break, especially after someone cheated, I don't think you should continue to hook up with them. Be good co-parents, keep your communication really good, but give yourself a break.

Like, you don't reward him for bad behavior. He gets to cheat on you and still have you. No, he's gotta earn you back. He's gotta earn that trust back. I just don't like, I'm like, don't give him the little honey pot, give him out of the pot, Winnie the Pooh. Go away. I don't know.

I can't see that. I can't see that. Like you're using sex. Like as a mechanism, but it's just protecting yourself. How are you so? It's easy to fall into that, say like like, we're not going to do it. And then it's easy when you have all this adrenaline running, like because there is such turmoil in that relationship, I mean, like you're feeling a lot of emotions.

I can hate sex too. I can, I can see how it would happen. But yes, making that decision to kind of put up those walls and boundaries, while you're figuring stuff out. One other thing, like this is like an advice that I would put out to everybody is that no matter what relationship you're in, you never want to be in a relationship because you can't live without

the other person. I feel like that is a very highly romanticized like movie, plot or book plot that is honestly kind of toxic. And I think it should honestly be the opposite. Matt, I could absolutely live without you 100 days of my life. However, I would never want to. I want to choose you every day. I want to be with you every day

but I I Value myself and I know I am cool enough That I that I don't need you I choose you and I want you I agree and So I think that that is especially for yeah, like our younger listeners don't, because that's when you feel stuck in a relationship and that's when you settle for things that are beneath you and settle for things that you're worth more than. So don't stay in a relationship because you can't live without your partner. Stay in the relationship because you want to your partner.

Yeah, absolutely. That's how I feel about Justin. That's literally like quote came into my head. So I agree. Top comment on this one. Your husband couldn't go one night alone without having sex with someone else. Do not go back there. Also tell Lily's poor fiancee.

He deserves the truth. And honestly, both you and the fiance should get an STD test as they both fell into sex just this one time far too easily. The thing about it is they've been hooking up way longer than that one time. I think so. You don't just, you don't just accidentally come over to what, like no, no, no,

that doesn't happen. And if it does, then seriously fucking, but I'm a little suspicious. Would you tell the, yeah, the partner I'm a rat. Yeah. It was, if it was truly platonic, right? Like wouldn't she have known that, oh, hey, Willie came over last night. Like, you were gone, we hung out, we watched Guardians of the Galaxy,

we watched hijack on Apple TV, you know? It's like- It's fishy. Four weeks later, they sit them down together. That's a real early to know you're pregnant. Ooh, yeah, miss you. Missed that period. Maybe she's lying.

Maybe she thought he would leave his wife. Who knows? Either way, it's fishy. It's wrong. It's suspicious. And you're not the asshole. That's all I got for us here. Fun.

That's fun. Thank you for coming on. Where can people follow you guys so they know when your podcast comes out and they can make sure they're ready to go. Coming soon, we're just waiting on some of the technical things, graphics, songs, things of that nature, but Midwest married at Midwest married on Instagram. It's coming to you.

It's coming soon. It's coming soon. All right. We're going to be good. It's going to be fun. We got to get early January. It's coming. It's coming. All right. gonna be good. It's gonna be fun. We gotta get early January. Can you give it a go? It's coming. All right.

Here we go. Thank you guys for another amazing episode. I cannot wait to see what this year has in store for us. Be sure to comment whatever people you'd like to see come on the pod, whatever episode themes. And thank you to Heiniken00 for being one of our partners. Bye guys. Bye guys. Bye guys. you