Two Hot Takes - 155: Are You New Here?

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

WE'RE ON TOUR!!! : https://linktr.ee/twohottakestour Link for Google Form if you're attending one of our shows: https://forms.gle/A9WkQAci26LhMZjs5 Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Kerri Brooks! This weeks episode is designed to welcome you in.. if you're new here or been listening for awhile these are stories that are sure to excite and leave you feeling one way or another after hearing them. It felt like a good way to introduce Kerri (and maybe you) to the world of Two Hot Takes. Can't wait to hear your thoughts on these ones! Checkout Kerri: https://www.instagram.com/kerriokie?igsh=NzBmMjdhZWRiYQ== https://www.instagram.com/outspokenbiketrip?igsh=NzBmMjdhZWRiYQ== MERCH IS HERE ! https://shop.twohottakes.com I can't wait to see you all in these, especially at our live shows!! Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Liquid Death: liquiddeath.com/THT Factor: Factormeals.com/tht50 Promo Code: tht50 Skims: skims.com/tht Let em know we sent you :) select podcast and our show in the dropdown menu. :) 

For over 55 years, Green Park Group is consistently built communities people proudly call home. Introducing Thompson Towers, Green Park's newest condo. In Milton, with suites starting from the low 600s, residents will enjoy a full range of unique modern amenities. A rooftop pool, stylish lounges, and state-of-the-art recreational facilities. Inspiring the people who bring communities to life. Green Park is the People's Filter. Visit GreenPark.com for condos, now selling across the GTA. Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? If you are coming to one of our live shows, get on the Google Form and fill out the link. We want to call on you. We want to bring you on stage. We want to hear about your confessions

or if you're the asshole or not. Or if you're celebrating a birthday, maybe you want me to marry you up on stage. I don't know. I won't know unless you submit the form. So be sure to head to the link in the description and get on it. We're so excited to see you at our upcoming live shows

and we cannot wait to include you in on the fun. Enjoy the episode. Ah! Hello? I need to get it out. Oh my God. Okay, it literally have a diet code next to me and liquid death, so I should be fine shortly.

But I'm having like crazy anxiety today. And I saw this one girl on this NASCAR documentary I got really into, I was telling you. Right. I love NASCAR now. I don't know how they sucked me in. I don't know how they sucked you in either. Netflix and their documentaries, man, they're so good.

But she called Diet Coke her anxiety juice. And now that's- Would to help it or to make it worse? Mm-mm, to help it. Okay. Yeah, so we'll see how that goes. I feel like the caffeine would make it worse. How much caffeine is in it?

Some, all of it, I don't know. This might be a mistake. I'll check back next time, mistakes were made. Okay, are you ready? Yes, I'm excited. People listening and watching are like, who is this new friend on the couch? Who is she? I know. Well, now that I got permission to share her last name, today we are joined by Carrie Brooks.

Today we are joined by Carrie Brooks. Carrie is like my Swiss Army knife. We became friends from Drew and Dacin. And then I was like, Carrie, help me. And I said, okay. And so Carrie like does like everything with me now. Like meetings, Carrie will hop on the call booking, booking guests, Carrie will hop on the call. So yeah, I see you about canceled pod.

I'm trying, Carrie's trying. You know, we're just out here getting guests sometimes is hard, but that is not to say that's why Carrie is here. Carrie is here because she's a good, genuine kind person. And she's, she's lived a lot of life. Thank you. I sure have. And gone through some things.

And so. In my crisp 26 years. Yeah. But I feel like you'll be able to like have some really good, solid, down to earth, genuine takes. I hope so. Because not everyone gets it. I think I will.

Okay. We'll see. Hopefully. She'll be in the pudding. Yeah, I guess. I think I will. We'll see. Hopefully. She'll be in the pudding. Yeah, I guess. We'll find out. We shall see. I'm literally reading off an iPad today and I don't know how to work it, so bear with me if this one is rough, guys.

I'm trying to practice for the live shows because I'm using- And your hot pink iPad. Okay, I'm colorblind. I didn't realize it was pink until I opened it. I like her. She's fun. I thought it was supposed to be red. Yeah, I mean, it was the year of the Barbie. I'm colorblind. I didn't realize it was pink until I opened it. I like her. I thought it was supposed to be red Yeah, I mean it was the year of the Barbie. I'm just carrying it forward. You're of the Barbie Y.O.B. It's turn. Oh

My god, here we go. Okay, there we go By the way the theme today What I said, oh god So it being Carrie's first time, I was like, where do we start? Reddit is a big scary place. There's lots of different subs. So this episode is kind of to serve as like an intro.

Even if you're new to the show, you could start at this episode. Not knowing anything? Not knowing anything. Perfect. You don't have to know about me. I just read the stories. My name might be Morgan, you know, whatever.

So it's just kind of like an easy to digest episode with juicy stories, lot of drama, crazy, crazy, crazy. Fantastic. But, you know, easy to digest. Okay, good. How many of the stories? I've heard some crazy stories that you've read, so I'm hoping to come out of here okay. Okay, here we go.

Okay, up first for us here, this is coming from Best of Redditor Updates. It is originally from November 17th, 2022. Oh. However, Best of Redditor Updates is bringing it to our awareness as of 14 days ago. It is coming from Am I the Asshole. It is titled Am I the Asshole for Abandoning My Mother-in-Law in a Parking Lot Full of Watching People. I, female 26, am a stay-at-home mom and I pick up my daughter after school. My husband, male 35, takes her to school in the mornings on the way to his work. Mother-in-law got divorced a couple of months ago and not so subtly complained to my husband

that she was lonely. So my husband insisted that we have her over every weekend. Mother-in-law and I don't get along. For example, mother-in-law has always made snide remarks about me being a teenage mom, but I learned to ignore it since my husband asked me to keep the peace. When she began coming over, she would make comments about how dusty the floor was, how much laundry was in the basket, etc. Hinting that I should be doing more housework

as a stay-at-home mom. The final straw was when she commented about our daughter's academic abilities, saying stuff about how she's below standard academic level and blaming me for not putting in the effort to teach her. After a big argument, my husband finally agreed that only he would visit Mother-in-Law at her home. Mother-in-Law and I haven't spoken to each other since. Well, Mother-in-Law's catalytic converter got stolen yesterday and hasn't gotten fixed yet. My husband drove her to work this morning and asked me to pick her up.

I said, no. Mother-in-law works fairly close to our daughter's school, about a 15-minute walk. In the middle of the day, my husband sends me a text saying that he convinced Mother-in-law to walk to our daughter's school so I can pick up both of them at the same time. I arrive at my daughter's school and see mother-in-law with my daughter. I walk up to them and tell mother-in-law that she can find a way home,

that I'm not going to give her a lift. She started to create a scene, and the other parents and children were starting to stare. So I took my daughter by the hand and drove away. Husband yelled at me when he got home, saying that I embarrassed mother-in-law in front of the other parents and left her stranded when I could have easily have driven her home.

It really wouldn't have been much work to drive her home one time. And I'm regretting causing a scene at my daughter's school because her classmates and their parents might have seen it. Am I the asshole? First of all, I know she's still her own catalytic converter. She said, I'm gonna get my steps in,

I'm gonna walk to my granddaughter's school, I'm gonna get her ride back, and everyone has to hang out with me. And that was her master plan. Can you imagine? And she just didn't expect the embarrassing part of just getting left there. I wouldn't even know, I'm kind of a car person,

I know how to change spark plugs and oil, change a tire, but a catalytic converter is next level for a little granny. I don't even know, like I'm kind of a car person. Like I know how to change spark plugs and oil, change a tire, but a catalytic converter is next level for a little granny. I don't even know what that is, but I know she did it. I think it's underneath. I think they have to like solder it, but I'm really torn on this one, really, really torn because I get you've kind of set a boundary for your mother-in-law.

Like your comments are too much, you're rude to me, you don't like me. Now you're talking shit about my child basically implying she's dumb. Also side question, I don't know if I missed this at the beginning, but is the husband, that's his child? Or is it a teen pregnancy from a separate person? It was not mentioned.

Okay. Not that it matters, I was just like, I mean, there is quite an age gap. So that is, that is so true. If OP was underage, then it's kind of. Well, never mind. Forget I asked, cause I was like, if she's judging her for being a teen mom, I was like, was it not your son?

But mate, I forgot there was an age gap. But now I'm really curious because that- If it was your son, that's a whole other thing we have to unpack. That's problematic in itself. But I mean, I get the boundary, but at the same time, it's one ride, one day. I don't think I would have left her there. I think I would have just been like, okay, let me just like- Yeah.

But as soon as I got home, I would have talked to my husband and be like, I cannot do this. Don't sign me up for it. No. If it happens tomorrow, tomorrow I will leave her there. Yeah, right, kind of just like a warning. Like I will let this go today because I'm not gonna cause a scene. Yeah.

But the scene has been caused. I think that's what I would do in this situation. Like, what are you doing here? I also don't know. You didn't talk to me. The full emotional turmoil that the mother-in-law has placed on her. Like I don't know if she really is just like manipulative

and like a monster to her. So I don't know. You get that vibe. You definitely do get that vibe. I feel like it takes a certain level of like absolutely saying no to giving you a ride home. It's like how horrible is she actually to the point where you're like,

I won't even give you a ride, even though you would just walk to the school and be given a ride home. It's like, how horrible is she actually to the point where you're like, I won't even give you a ride, even though you would just walk to the school and be given a ride. Yeah. So it's a little suspicious. It's a little sus. Okay, so we do get into some comments here. Okay.

So best of red-eater updates coming in clutch. Someone did ask, is your husband the biological father? Oh, perfect. He is the biological father. I had her when I was 19. I agreed to keep the peace with mother-in-law because my husband always let me know that he was on my side. Obviously, he doesn't see anything wrong with my age.

Okay. Okay, so... How old was he if she was 19? Well, we're the Bad at Math podcast. Right, I was like, I don't know. 26 now, had her at 19. So. How old is the husband?

35. 35. Which would have made him. Oh, look. Seven years. 18 and 27. 29. We were both like, I don't know. Seven years, 18 and 27? No. We were like, I don't know.

Wait, 26, 19, so pregnant. Okay, this is really hard. Let me count my fingers and it's just 19, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 26, that's seven years. So 35 minus seven is 28. Yes, yes, that is correct. seven is 28. Yes, yes, that is correct. Yes, 28. Wow, that was a journey, but we got there.

So he was 28. In 19. And 19. And then she got pregnant at 18, takes nine months or at least just turned 19. You know, there's a small window. I've heard more horrifying things for sure, but Not the greatest age gap.

At the end of the day, why are you going to judge your daughter-in-law for having 18 pregnancy when it takes two to tango, and that was your son that created the pregnancy. Who I would argue is more irresponsible than the 19, 18 year old. She's an 18-anger still. Which also, I feel like once you're 18, I know it's like 18, it's in the name, but I feel like once you're like a legal adult, you don't get like the teen pregnancy.

Like, you know what I mean? It's not like, and there's not like, obviously if you are a teen mom, 13, 14, 15. That's different. That's, you know, that's fine. That's the choice you made. It's definitely harder, but that's like the true teen mom. Like when you think MTV teen mom,

like that's what you think of. It sounds like it was like at least consenting adults in this situation. Yeah. I would imagine so. Fingers crossed. I don't know girl. God, we got into a dumpster fire here.

I was like, wait, let me just backtrack to the teen pregnancy comment bothered me by the mother-in-law because I was just like, I couldn't get over that because I was like, what do you mean? Is that not your son's child? Especially now knowing it's his child, that's extremely deranged. I remember what we were talking about before because I'm so caught up on that now. Well, and the fact that he hasn't confronted her. Yeah. This is my daughter. This is my daughter's mom. You cannot treat them this way.

I love you, mom. But no, you cannot make those comments. How old were... I don't know how old her child would be at this point because I'm not doing girl math again. But it's also like... What was the child's reaction to leaving grandma at the school? Well, seven-year-old at this point.

Wait, pregnant at 19 or had baby at 19? Had her when I was 19. Okay, so she's seven-ish. Okay. Yeah, pregnant at 19 or had baby at 19? Had her when I was 19. Okay, so she's seven. Okay, yeah. It'd still be a bit alarming to see Barb rugged left behind, I don't know. I'd be like, grandma, like bye grandma. I don't know, you're so confused.

But like we said, like I probably would have not left her at the school the first time, but like be like, this is the last time. Yeah, I would. It's not deep. I'm just like very perplexed. So overall vote on this one was everyone sucks. They didn't, that makes sense.

And I totally agree. Cause I was going to say like, yeah, you're kind of the asshole for leaving her. Your husband's the asshole for signing you up for it. But you just like everyone sucks here. It, I didn't know that was an option. I pick C everyone just. All the above. up for it. Just like everyone sucks here. I didn't know that was an option. I picked C. Everyone does. Yep. All the above. Everyone has something going on here that I can't get

behind. The top comment, everyone sucks here. You should have an adult conversation with your mother-in-law about your boundaries and how you won't tolerate her demeaning you with her comments. The state of your home and your child's education is not her business and she can leave those subjects alone, but instead you make your point by leaving her at your kid's school without any way of getting home. I get it, she's a pain in the ass, but acting like a child doesn't help the situation. Your husband knows how you feel, he knows how his mother feels, and still put you in a position of having to drive her home, you all suck. Yeah.

Yeah. But next comment down, hmm, I don't get your judgment. And they like kind of break apart that person's response. Like you should have a conversation with your mother-in-law. True. Maybe she tried to have it with her, but we don't know because her husband enabled mother-in-law's behavior and told, well asked, his wife to keep the peace, meaning don't say anything so there won't be a fight. And they just, they tear apart this whole comment.

I mean, I guess anybody could given that they don't have all the details, but... Yeah. There is a not the asshole. I was going to go everyone sucks here, but then I realized your husband was an adult who knocked up a teen and then let his mother treat his wife horribly for years. You said no, he heard no, he manipulated you anyways. He did, huh? And that is a good point. That's another good point. Because like... I wouldn't agree that the mom in this situation is the one that sucks the most. No. But I think she had a very human reaction to being forced to picking up the mother-in-law.

Yeah. And like, it's, I really am like tussling with myself here because I do think it's like, she did a good job standing up for herself and setting a boundary. And this is where I start to analyze like, is this my internalized fear of confrontation and people pleasing coming out where I would have just sucked it up in the moment, given her ride home, and then really laid down the hammer. But I guess if you lay down the hammer now, you're guaranteeing it doesn't happen again. It sounds like there's been seven years

of like trying to lay down the hammer. So maybe this was just like, I can't do it anymore. So I don't know. I guess it's one of those things like, as long as it doesn't have any negative implications on your kid and because of like you doing it at the school, then like whatever, it's just not- I know, I'm also confused still about like the academic part

and like how the grandmother was hounding her for the child's academic abilities not being up to par or something like that. And it's like, how do you know? Cause the grandma's also going to that school apparently. Yeah. Popping in, getting a report card. So we do have an update.

So the whole reason this one resurfaced recently is because on January 23rd of 2024, like literally two weeks ago, there was an update from OP. So it's an update one year and two months later. I'm ready. I read it. Sorry this update took so long, but I just signed the last of the divorce papers and wanted to share with this sub.

Okay. Ooh. Perfect. I can't wait. I took the top comments advice and tried to have a conversation with my ex-husband and his mother, but they both just yelled at me and would not listen to anything I said.

Not yelling. My ex-husband even went back on his agreement to not invite her over. Apparently, this was my punishment for disobeying him and embarrassing his mother. A punishment? Run. Anyone that tries to punish you, immediately run. No. Okay. For a few months, I stayed with my best friend on the weekends and she convinced me to divorce him. Run. Anyone that tries to punish you, immediately run. No, okay. For a few months, I stayed with my best friend on the weekends and she convinced me to divorce him.

But because I was a stay-at-home mom, I needed a steady source of income. Early 2023, we started a candle making business on Etsy. It was really rough the first few months, but we began to gain traction and I finally told my ex that I wanted a divorce after I felt financially stable. He said no, but I had already worked everything out with my lawyer. After I sent him the papers, he and his mother began harassing me and he said that he would agree to the divorce only if I gave up full custody of my daughter.

I'm not sure where you think you get leverage here. Like, come on, Candles, we already got a business. She had a whole plan. What a badass. Long story short, this ended up in us going to court, and I now have full custody. I bet. Good job, mama.

My best friend is the real hero of this entire story. She let me stay over for free throughout the proceedings and helped me care for my daughter. With the alimony and the money I made from the candle making business, I officially moved in with my best friend and began paying her rent too. I'm currently saving up to buy a place of my own.

My daughter and I are really happy right now and I can't believe that I didn't see how toxic my ex and his mother were for the seven years we were married. I hope this is enough drama for the rest of my life and thanks to all the people in my DMs who showed me how toxic my relationship was. I'm so glad that had like a good ending for her. Same. And honestly, that being the ending confirms all the suspicions from Bo Hart's forehand

of like, do we really know how bad it is with the mother-in-law? Yeah. Even her husband, like not defending her. No, I think we do now. I, I think very apparent now, this is why, like, and I know there wasn't a lot of context initially, but this is why I do have such a problem with age gaps. Like when you start dating, when that person is still developing. Yeah. A frontal lobe like my just got done cooking.

Like I can't even imagine. I don't think mine's there yet, to be honest. That's who I'll circle back on that too. But it's like one of those things where it's like, are you an adult? Yes. Is this not necessarily the teen pregnancy we usually think of? Yes. But this person is 28, 27, whatever.

That age gap is so inappropriate. You're at such different walks of life. There's such a power imbalance and it's the power imbalances that I really find concerning. And it's like this person being as young as they were and having a kid so young was probably brainwashed into like, oh, this is just a mother-in-law relationship you have to deal with, like you have to obey me.

I bet you, like, not that this is really like an issue. I bet just because of the situation, I bet he was still living with his mom too. And it just sounds like- I wonder. It was the time that like maybe this relationship like began. Like, I'm sure he was still living with her because she just sounds like she has a lot of control and say in what his decisions are. I want a link for the candle business.

I know, seriously. I'm sending her a message right now. Can I have a link for your Etsy candle page? Thank you. Smiley face. Okay. Message sent. Well, I'm glad it was the ending though

because it sounds like she's in a much better place. And I just can't imagine anything more beautiful than like having the support of a best friend through all of that, just like have a safe space before you can get on your feet again. What a real one. From being like stay at home mother pipeline

to business owner going out on your own. Yeah, it's amazing, amazing friend to like start poking holes and being like, hey, like, there's, you got some issues here. There's something wrong here. I think this is another example too of like, I love the idea of being a stay at home mom. And I think like, it is truly such a hard job. That's enough as it is. Yeah. On top of dealing with like, really not great family members.

Yeah. But I think if you have a partner that, like if you have the luxury of being able to stay at home, you should also be getting an allowance that is your own money. So that financial abuse like this can't happen. I feel like that's a story I hear so much where it's just like, if you're in a situation when you're the one that doesn't work

or is a stay at home mom or dad and like you don't have like your financial dependency is kind of on your partner, it just gets scary. It does. Ah, at some point. Especially in a situation where it's like, oh, not abuse, but just, you know. Yeah, it seems like there was like some abuse though

going on, especially with like the punishment aspect of it. Oh yeah, that was bizarre. Like you disobeyed me, so now I'm punishing you. No. No, done. Happy ending. Happy happy ending. I'm happy for her.

That made me feel better. Okay, moving along. One of this week's partners is Liquid Death. Don't worry guys, I'm not drinking a beer this episode. It's just my liquid death iced tea. What you should really be worried about is why you're not drinking liquid death. Why you're not drinking water out of a recyclable can. Avoiding those microplastics.

Seriously, it's time to convert. I used to think water tasted disgusting. There was something about purified, it just didn't sit right. But when you start drinking liquid deaths mountain water, you get this crisp, fresh, clean and actually tasty water experience. It feels weird calling water tasty, but that's what this is. And I love that it's in a can. They are so passionate about bringing death to single use plastic, which is crucial because if we don't curb plastic pollution, plastic will outweigh fish in the ocean by 2050.

Their tea has become my go-to instead of coffee. It's got a nice little amount of caffeine that gets me going, keeps me awake for these episodes and crazy Reddit stories. So if you're ready to try it for yourself, you can get free shipping of liquid desks, mountain water, flavored sparkling and iced tea eight packs with Amazon Prime or grab a can or a case at your local 7-Eleven, Target, Walmart, Whole Foods or on Instacart. Go to liquiddeath.com slash THT and check out all

of their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer. That's liquiddeath.com slash THT. Liquiddeath.com slash THT. Okay, let's next one. I'm ready. It's juicy. It's coming from the Two Hot Takes subreddit. It is one day old titled, my husband lied about the reasoning for his tattoo

and he was having an affair. Oh, perfect. A year and a half ago, my husband got a tattoo. I don't have a problem with tattoos or anything like that, but he had never gotten one before or even talked about getting one. He said he started thinking about it because one of his sisters married a man who had several tattoos. It made him realize he wanted one.

He ended up getting a lily tattooed on the left side of his chest. I didn't really like it, but I didn't comment because he is free to do what he wants with his body. A little over a year after he got the lily done, he went back and had some ivy added around it. I used to go to certain work events and parties with him because it was normal to go. He started telling me I couldn't because of the pandemic, which made sense a few years ago, but things began opening back up and events were more normal. He finally relented and brought me to one. I met one of his colleagues. She works in the same department as him, and they have the same title, so they work together.

A lot. Her name is Lily. My husband swore it was a coincidence. I had tried to ignore my feelings about him suddenly wanting a tattoo, but he eventually admitted they have been having an affair for the last two years. I was so shocked. I was not even thinking about the Ivy, but my husband said that Lily had a baby she named Ivy, and he got the tattoo a few months after the birth.

It's his baby, isn't it? He begged me not to get a divorce, but I can't forgive this. We have to be separated for a year before we get divorced. Our daughter is turning 18 next month. There will be no child support ordered for either of us to pay by the time we are divorced. The divorce should not be complicated. We both work, so the attorney I consulted said there will not be special support ordered

for either of us, and our assets will be divided. Part of me is still in shock. He wants to go to counseling, but I can't. We've been married for 19 years and I let him convince me my feelings about his tattoo were wrong. I never thought I would be 43 and getting a divorce, but here I am. Hey, what? I'm really sad for her first of all. Yeah. Second of all, are you stupid? Why would you get a tattoo of if you're gonna have an affair and you're gonna try to hide it, you're gonna literally like brand yourself with a scarlet letter? That's literally what it is. Like you literally got a tattoo representing

the person you're sleeping with and their child? Sir. That may or may not be, are there comments? Cause I already know. That's like the quote that my dad always said, if you're going to be dumb, you got to be tough. Cause now you're going through a divorce. Dude, yeah. There's no comments from OP yet. And this was only, it's only a day old.

So we're really getting into this on on the fresh early end of it. I also wonder if they, not that I'm going to out the state they live in, but I know in a specific state, you have to be legally separated for a year before you can officially file for divorce. It's actually a really dangerous dated law. It is actually very dangerous when you think about abuse. No, it is. And it's just like the fact that number one, she just found out that her husband of what, 19 years has been cheating on her.

And then she has to stick around and wait for this whole process of just separating for a year just to make sure you're sure, I guess. I don't know what it's for. Yeah, no, there's certain states. And I know there's other countries that abide by that as well. And it's very unfortunate.

You know, I don't get it. I think it's bullshit. I think it's dated. Some people might change their mind, but like it's just as easy to get remarried then. I don't even know what I like, I don't know what the laws were, but it definitely just can't be in case you change your mind. Like that's my business at that point. Like the lawyer is going to get paid. Honestly, considering when a lot of the laws were written, it is probably another one of those like, we hate women laws. Oh no, it definitely is.

And like, I think if you look at the times too, like women didn't get credit cards until early 70s. Recently, yeah. They couldn't have their own bank accounts until about that same time too. So it's like, I think a lot of it is like, we wanted to keep the women in the house cooking. Yeah, I'm sure. I don't even know.

Yeah. That's just a generalization. Someone fact-checked it here. I have to know if Ivy is the baby. It is. 100%. That's what I'm assuming. It seems like a really safe assumption. 100%. Oh my gosh. Tell me.

What did I say? Where the tattoo is? Over his left chest. Oh, so his heart. His heart. Oh my gosh. What did I say where the tattoo is? Over his left chest. Oh, so his heart. His heart. Oh, cute. I love it. His heart. Top comment. He seems pretty proud of his extracurricular activity. Which again is kind of to your point. Like, why would you get a tattoo

with the woman's name and then the baby? Also, Lily Ivey. Was it her name or was it the flower? tattoo with the woman's name and then the baby. Also, Lily, Ivy. Was it her name or was it the flower? I'm assuming Lily would be the flower. And it's her, the fair person's name. But like, did you, was it like the actual lettering

or was it the flower, was the tattoo? I'm envisioning the flower because otherwise it was just Lily that's- Lily better be your grandma. Grandma Lily better be looking down on you. But then like the Ivy like sir. And so like the Lily part came first and then he added the Ivy. A couple months after the baby was born. Lily's daughter.

So your daughter. There is another comment. I used to have this fascination with men who had two families. I only mentioned men because I guess it'd be hard for a woman to have secret children when visibly pregnant. And it used to be much more common before social media slash internet. But it obviously still happens to this day. It was not nearly so difficult to get a second identity 50 to 70 years ago and before I'm sure. Ooh. But when you're like with a partner that you love and trust

and they tell you like, hey, because of COVID you can't come to these events. It makes sense. You're gonna believe it. This is not on our writer at all. When there's no other reason to believe otherwise, yeah. No, this is not on our writer at all. This is just like,

I think just kind of like an off my chest moment here. And I think you're doing everything right. Like someone that has an affair for two years and like didn't tell you because he had a guilty conscience, like his only coming clean now that he got caught. And you don't owe him going to therapy or counseling either. Because why would you like, if you don't want to get past that, then you don't have to. No. No.

And like, honestly, I think it's like, at the end here, it's like, I never thought I would be 43 and get in a divorce, but here I am. And honestly, like, I feel like 43, it's a new 30. 30 is the new 20. Like, I don't think the age you are at should ever be a reason to stay in a bad relationship or with a partner that's unfaithful or lying or just not upholding. I don't think the age you are at should ever be a reason to stay in a bad relationship or with a partner that's unfaithful or lying or just not upholding. No, not at all, but there's such a stigma and like, I know, like for men and women,

but it's just like the older you get, the harder it is or whatever. But it's just like, you know, you got to value your own life at the end of the day because that's just, oh, that makes me so sad that that happened. I know. It's a juicy one. Well, hopefully we will hear an update from OP. There's a lot of people asking. I want to know what the 18 year old child thinks.

Oh my God. Because there's another child involved in this. Yeah, the daughter, which it's like now you have a sibling. I would be pissed. If I was 18. I'd be so mad. Running 18. My dad made a joke like even a couple of years ago.

He's like, what would you do if I had a baby? And I'm like, I would be, I rate, I would actually be, I rate, I'm 30, I don't need a new sibling. It's like, what do you mean I have a new sibling? I don't need to split any more attention is what I'm actually saying. It's like, how many more gifts do I have to buy on birthdays? No, I just think it's like, my dad's growing and he's like 65, but I'm like, that's inappropriate.

No. Yeah. But I heard Brad Pitt's having another kid at 60. I saw it on the shelf at Target today. I don't know if it's true. It's fantastic. Love it. Yeah.

So strange. So strange. But a lot of comments. So Ivy is your husband's daughter. So hopefully we will get a confirmation on that. We'll keep our eyes out. Yeah, I will. Okay, moving along.

Trigger warning on this next one, friends. It does contain talks of child loss. This one is 14 days old. It's coming from A-I-T-A-H titled, Would I be the asshole for not Not Inviting My Sister-in-Law to My Baby Shower, After She Announced Her Pregnancy at My Daughter's Funeral? Oh. In 2020, I, Female 28, gave birth to my daughter. In 2022, she passed away after a fight with childhood cancer. It was the hardest time of both mine and my husband's entire life.

Since then, it's been a struggle every day, and I miss her more than I ever thought I could miss someone. It's like a part of me was lost with her. Shortly after she passed away, we had a memorial service for her. That is where my sister-in-law decided to tell people that she was expecting. She didn't make any big announcements or anything, but more than 10 people at the service heard. And it's what everyone was talking about.

To understate it, I was livid. A few months ago, I found out I'm pregnant again. My own sister really wanted to plan me a baby shower. I said, okay, and I've been working on who I want to invite. I really don't want sister-in-law there. Besides what she did, she's a vindictive and mean person, and I cannot stand her. I don't want her there.

I mentioned it to my husband, and he says he could care less whether she's there or not. But for the sake of saving face, I want opinions before I do this. Would I be the asshole for not inviting her? Also for context, I would still be inviting my other two sister-in-laws, husband's other sis, and husband's brother's wife.

She'd be the only one not invited. Ooh, first of all, not the place and time for that announcement at all. Come on, come on. Like you don't show up to some, like a memorial service and say, number one, I'm gonna make At all. Come on. Like you don't show up to some, like a memorial service and say, number one, I'm gonna make this about me. Number two, about something really like sensitive

in the moment. Yeah. Ooh, no, I don't like it. I think it's a fair boundary to set for a baby shower because like you're already dealing with so many feelings regarding this new child, this pregnancy after losing a baby. That's a huge next step. And then you don't want to invite the person that made something about them that

was really sensitive. Exactly. And I could see her finding a way to detract from that moment. No, I don't think I would invite her at all. And I don't think I'd feel bad either. No. So everyone else can come but you. And I said what I said.

Will it create drama? Yeah, it likely would. But I think you can say at that point in time, you know what, I was having the worst day of my life and you made it worse by sharing your news. I think that was extremely inappropriate. It's your own fault that you're not gonna get invited. I didn't start this drama. So that was just disrespectful. Yeah. I don't like it at all. No. So we have 13K upvotes

on the post so far. The top comment on it, not the asshole. And if anyone, she asked why the other sister-in-laws were invited and she wasn't, explained that they didn't announce their pregnancy at your daughter's funeral. I don't think it should have to be said. Like, why do you think you weren't invited? Wanna share with the class? What could possibly be the reason that I'm not going to this baby shower?

I wonder. She's definitely gonna ask, and I think that is like point blank, like that's the mic drop. She can ask and I'm gonna say, guess. Guess. What do you think? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't even know she's gonna do that. What could I possibly have done? And also she was saying that she's not a nice person in the first place. So there was just like the cherry on top. Yeah, it's just not gonna, no one's gonna enjoy this day, let alone you, who it's about if she comes.

Yeah, exactly. So for your own peace of mind, she doesn't come. And then someone does point out the comment from the husband too. Also, if your husband couldn't care less if she's there or not, absolutely don't worry about inviting her. No, and at the end of the day, you want your husband to be on your side. Mm-hmm. That is your baby. Nope.

And I wouldn't want someone around me like that. Announcing a pregnancy at the death of a child is insane. OP responds, truly insane behavior, I agree. 100%. I'm gonna go see if there's any updates on the account. I wanna know what crossed your mind to say, now's a really good time to share exciting news about myself in this environment.

Especially that news, you're literally at a baby's funeral and you decide to say, I'm pregnant. Which is already so horrible as it is and the emotional toll everyone's already going through to say, hey, guess what? I know. I don't like it. No. I don't like it. There's no update on the account.

She does have a lot of comments. So someone goes, not the asshole. You said she's mean and vindictive. So be prepared. If she has a girl, she may use your little girl's name for her child. I'm sorry for your loss. And OP responded, she's had her baby, a boy,

and named it the same name that her own sister had wanted for years. Oh, so you just like to have problems. Yeah. You just like the drama of it all. Yeah. Next comment after that. So what you're telling us is no one is really going to miss her, not the asshole. No.

Yeah. The brother goes, I don't care. She can stay home. Whatever. Someone was calling OP out for like, like maybe troll posting and they respond. So very unfortunately real. I was gonna add more context, but I didn't want the post to be too long,

but she's like this in so many other aspects. She needs 100% of the attention, but I never thought she'd go as far as do that at my baby's funeral. I don't talk to her anymore, except for when I see her at family gatherings and that at my baby's funeral. I don't talk to her anymore except for when I see her at family gatherings, and that's just generally small talk. And I don't think that's an inappropriate boundary to set.

Does sister-in-law know she upset you at the funeral? Has your husband talked to her? Not the asshole for not wanting her there, but I do think she should know exactly why. She sounds insufferable. Oh, she knows. It's the only time in my whole life where I saw my baby sister get violent. Not really, but she threw her out and that's very out of character. Sister-in-law tried to call my husband after crying, apologizing, the whole nine yards. But since that happened, he just hasn't spoken to her, neither have I. And thank you for your well wishes.

It sounds like she's almost self-aware and then feels guilty when she gets called out. She's guilty she got caught. Yeah, exactly. Or like had consequences. I feel like there's so many people out there that they're fine doing what they're doing until they get caught and then it's like, I'm so sorry. Of course, it's like I'm gonna get away with this until further notice. Yeah, and at the time of the funeral, the sister-in-law was only five weeks along.

Only five weeks? Only five weeks. Nobody. I don't know, but isn't there like a certain amount of time that you go by before you start confirming you're pregnant with the other people? I don't know. I've never been pregnant, but.

There's definitely a danger window. Like a lot of people don't share until they're out of the first trimester. But I think a lot of people don't share until they're out of the first trimester. But I think a lot of people, they're now getting more comfortable sharing at like 10, 16 weeks. And then I think there's a big thing about like sharing as early as you know, even to not be alone.

I think most people also don't even know that they're pregnant that early. Yeah. So she was like, oh, this is a really great opportunity to take the attention away. Well, and nobody asked her. Nobody suspected it. Yeah.

So she genuinely just shared to take attention away and make it about herself. Ew. Yeah. Don't like her. No. Moving along. Moving along. Good riddance to that girl. Another one of this week's partners is Factor.

We are moving into a new house right now and the last thing I want to do between unpacking everything and arranging is cook. So when Factor sent us a box of meals, I don't know if I've been happier. Factor has delicious, ready to eat meals that make eating better every day easy. These are pre-prepared, chef-crafted, and dietitian-approved meals that get dropped off right on your doorstep, and they're easy to cook and ready to eat

in just about two minutes. 35 options a week to choose from, including keto, calorie-smart, vegan, and veggie, and more. They also have shakes and juices. The shakes have been my go-to in the morning. I love the flavor. And they're hearty, they fill me up, they set me up for success.

So if you're ready to try it for yourself and do less prep, cook, and cleaning, head to factormeals.com slash tht50 and use code THT50 to get 50% off. That's code THT50 at factormeals.com slash THT to get 50% off. Link is also in the description. Also coming from Too Hot Takes Subreddit,

16 hours old, titled, My Husband Threw Food at Me after I pointed out how rude he was acting. I, 25 female, found out I'm four weeks pregnant with my husband, 32 male. As a normal couple should do, I brought up how we are going to raise slash afford the second child and what I should do with school. I'm not going to go into much detail about what was said, but basically my questions were not answered and dismissed or they were answered and were unrealistic.

Made conversation, he opened YouTube up on his phone while he was eating. I told him it's rude to be on your phone while we're having a serious conversation. Instead of turning off his phone, he said, I'm just listening and I'm listening to you. No. I said, that's still rude. Didn't your parents raise you with manners and Then he threw the food. He was eating at me. I was at a loss of words It got me thinking is it even worth dealing with a man like this? First of all, not the YouTube husbands

There's something just so icky about Boy, there's something just so icky about watching something on your phone while eating and ignoring somebody that's trying to talk to you. It's the context. It's like you're having a serious conversation. Especially about that. Yeah, you're having like this serious conversation about like, hey, I'm pregnant, four weeks. Like I'm in school, we already have a little one. Like what does this look like for us?

And he stops your important conversation and goes on YouTube. He's watching NASCAR documentary. He's probably watching something. Oh my God. I was gonna say something bad and then I'm like, I just don't wanna get anyone mad at me today.

Not a move. Not today. So I don't know, it's very immature. I love YouTube. I love learning on YouTube. I love watching YouTube videos. Like the other night me and my dad and Justin just watched this YouTube video of men

in another country making ship propellers. Okay. Incredible craftsmanship. Love it. A lot of OSHA violations. Okay. Great video. But to put that on during an important conversation.

Yeah, no. Unacceptable. That's what I meant by the ick of like bringing that out during an important conversation. Yeah, no. Unacceptable. That's what I meant by the ick of like bringing that out mid conversation at dinner. No. I got it. Yeah. And also, I just mentioned at the beginning that she had another child. Yeah.

So they have another child already. Gosh. And so as I imagine that the mom is in school. By the sounds of it. And then he was just like not interested in continuing the conversation further. Yeah, we do have a couple comments from OP. So one comment that OP responds to, smart people talk about this before they start fucking with no condoms.

Which I will say, Jesus keyboard, you're not wrong, but you're tacked. Could have had a little better tacked there Isn't that also your husband like they already have a child. I imagine that maybe it was part of the plan Yeah, so oh, oh peer responds to it. Yeah, you're right We were trying to get pregnant because we wanted our kids to be close in age and I have PCOS So I have fertility issues. So this was planned I just didn't plan that I wouldn fertility issues. So this was planned.

I just didn't plan that I wouldn't have support from his family after he told me they'll retire for the second one and the only good daycare would be $1,400 a month per child. So someone comments back to OP and goes, he wants you home and financially dependent on him, so you can't walk away once the abuse escalates. Please read Lundy's book, Why Does He Do That? about abuse of partners, and see how many behaviors you identify in your partner. Well, that got scary. Which I will say, I think there is something to be said about that because a lot of people could argue like abuse. No, he just threw food. But...

I already forgot about the food. He literally threw food at her. So it's kind of one of those things where it's like, yeah, he threw food, but he threw food to hurt her, to do... Silence her? Something. Look at food as his tool. If he threw a hammer at her, if he used his hands instead of the food, it's still

an action someone is taking. Throwing something at somebody. Yes, it just happened to be food in that moment. And especially not that anything big would warrant that reaction, but it's just, it's over trying to have a conversation while you're watching a YouTube video about the future of our family. Yeah. Ew. Yeah. Oh Yeah

So someone Comments back to the abuse comment and goes where you trying to get pregnant when you hadn't Completely decided what to do about school and your finances that doesn't seem like a great order to do those things in I assure you I'm not judging. I'm just trying to understand I actually went to nursing school after having two children when I was just a little older than you are now. It was hard. The only way it worked was that I had the total support of my husband. It doesn't feel like that's what you have here.

OP goes, the plan was his parents will retire and help us, so we wouldn't pay for daycare while I went to school. Apparently, the plans changed without communicating with me. I was about to say, it's also kind of like, to bounce off that, it's like, you should be able to, you know, have children go to school, and like, it's literally the classic case of like, can you have it all?

It's like, well, if I'm being told one thing about all the support I allegedly have, versus the reality of it all, it's just like, well, yeah, this is my plan, I was gonna have it, keep going to school. Yeah. Well, and when you have PCOS too, like, I mean, some people have PCOS and never get pregnant.

So it's like, even though, you know, is now an ideal time, no, but. But anytime is the time kind of when you're actively trying to have more kids and you have something like PCOS, it's just like, why not actively try? Yeah, it could be. Or hopefully it doesn't become an issue.

Yeah, a lot of comments. A lot of people are jumping to what methods and choices do you have at this point? I wouldn't want to stay with someone like that. And OP does mention that they're living in Texas. OP wants to apply for nursing school and some prerequisites will expire and then she'll have to retake them. So it's all like timing.

Time is of the essence. And again, kind of goes back to like family planning and like it should be a consideration, really tough. I don't know why OP is like, you're right, I should have been more sensitive about his feelings, but people who grew up with manners will give you respect while they're talking to you. I'm Japanese, I was raised in a culture where manners matter a lot.

To see my husband disrespect me while I'm having a serious convo about our future makes me question what kind of morals he was raised in. Yeah, I think it's- I don't know how to imagine so. It's just basic respect. You can also just question the basic level of respect your partner has for you without dragging morals in your family.

How are you raised into it? I don't think it's a matter of how you were raised at this point. You just don't throw food at people in any environment. No. This is definitely like I would be really, really, really reconsidering my relationship. Is this a one-time occurrence or has there like been more?

A pattern. Outbreaks like this? I know, I would be very curious if this is a pattern. Same. Top comment, 32 year old man is throwing food at you. That's your answer right there. Yeah. Short and sweet.

While you're trying to talk to him about his plans, for his baby, you're caring. The answer is clear. This is disgusting, abusive behavior. I'd make plans to leave. Never accept unacceptable behavior. You deserve better than this. It's one of those situations like,

I've heard so many cases where when you're in the like abusive relationship, it's so hard to see that that's what it is in the moment. So it's just like you go to like ask advice from people and then some people can see it so clearly, but then when you're in it, you're just like, well, he's not horrible all the time. And yeah, well, and you could rationalize too, right? Like, I have thrown a piece of watermelon at my dad because I was so mad at him. So like, I'm guilty of this.

Like, I myself, like I think about that now. I'm like, fuck, that was not good behavior. But like, my dad was talking about adopting some random ass kid. Like, I was really mad. That's a whole other. It was trauma. Like, it was actually mad. That's a whole other. It was trauma. Like, it was actually really traumatic for me.

And this is like, she was just trying to have a simple conversation about your kid together. So, no, it was something that involved the two of them. I know. I'm really curious about the context of like, if he's done other things. I know. There's no comments from OP about things like that. So, very curious. Looking at post history, there is another post that is four days old, thinking of leaving my husband

for being a man child. So I'm just trying to look and see if there's any other older posts that might highlight issues in the relationship. I mean, already the man child thing, if he's throwing food. What is he, seven? 32, unfortunately. Yeah, right. There is another post that's about a month old, am I the asshole for making my husband wear a mask to work?

My husband, 32 male and I, have a 16 month old together. I'm a stay at home mom and he works at the busy restaurant as a manager, comes in contact with about 400 people a day. Around this time, everyone at the restaurant is getting sick and it's flu season. So I asked him to please wear a mask when he goes to work because I don't want him to bring anything home. My husband refused because it looks weird. No one is wearing it.

He can't breathe in it. And he claimed he never gets sick. On Christmas day, our daughter got sick. We rarely go out. That's also just not how that works. You could still pass illnesses to other people. I know. A few days later, he came down with something, and a week later, I'm sick as well.

My daughter still looks miserable. I feel miserable, and he has to work while he's sick because no one can cover for him, and we can't afford it. I asked him to wear a mask again, especially because he is sick. He wouldn't wear it. He wouldn't. When he was sick? Yep, he wouldn't want to give it to any customers

and around this time, many people go out with their babies too. His response was, they got me sick, so why do I have to wear a mask? Hmm. What a man. What a guy. So I just, there's a lot of issues here.

I think the basic level of respect is not there. No. And I would really be considering what kind of partner you want to have. I'd like to know if they have any positive things to say about him. I'm not getting redeeming vibes at all. At this point, it's like you're kind of by the sounds of it already, a single parent. Yeah. Now, like you don't get to continue your education

and like your needs are being thrown to the wayside. Right, it just kind of seems like this is his world and you're living in it and you're just playing a part at this point. So her plans don't align with his. No, I would really, really evaluate this and try to reach out to your family if they're supportive. Try to start saving money, making kind of like a get out plan.

It just sucks to have to do that. It just does. Yeah, it really does. But I always feel like even if you are in a healthy relationship, everything's great, everything's amazing. I feel like it's never a bad thing to have a safety net, ever.

No. Like if this is someone you wanna stay with and have a future with, okay, fine. But start creating a safety net, ever. No. Like if this is someone you wanna stay with and have a future with, okay, fine. But start creating a safety net. So could you live independently without them? Is that a possibility? Yeah, absolutely. Which is a hard thing to make sure can happen, but.

Yeah, it's a tough reality to face, but at the same time, why not just make sure you're protected? Yeah, you'd rather have it than not. Yeah. Okay, moving along. Don't like that, man. Also from our two hot takes subreddit on this next one. It is one day old.

Fresh. Fresh. It is titled, am I the asshole for not chipping in for our dinner group's babysitting costs? I've had the same group of girlfriends since high school. There are five of us. Each have a kid.

Well, except me. We do dinner about once a month, and recently the group has hired a babysitter to watch the kids while we go out to dinner. It's four kids, so it's $100 for two to three hours. That is dirt cheap. I was like, where is this? At dinner, we take turns paying.

Everyone generally orders about the same amount of stuff. One alcoholic drink and we split two bottles of sparkling water for the table along with our entrees. It's never really been a thing until recently. After dinner, the person responsible for the week pays and then I assume they all head back to the house the babysitter is at to pick the kids up. I just go home.

This week, it was my turn to pay. The first time since they hired the babysitter. I paid for dinner as normal and hugged everyone goodbye. When I got home, I had a flurry of texts from the group saying that I owed $100. I asked, what, sorry, this is already just so strange. I asked what they were talking about because I had paid for dinner.

They said, because it was my week to pay, I was also expected to pay for the babysitter. Quote, because all of us get the pleasure of being out without kids. I said, I don't have kids. Why would I pay for your babysitter? They said, you get the pleasure of hanging out with us. And it's the only way that we can do it kid-free.

I'm sticking to my guns and I'm not paying. But my friends think I am being unfair for not being willing to pay my share of the babysitting. What share? I have no kids to babysit. This is causing a rift, but I don't think I'm being the jerk. But maybe I am. This wouldn't be a financial imposition on me, but it sure seems unfair. Am I the asshole for refusing to kick in for babysitting when I don't have any kids being babysit? That's just such a strange imposition to put on the person that doesn't have kids just because it was their week to pay

Okay, it was like your week to pay for dinner Which is something you've been doing for God knows how long and then suddenly we have a babysitter and like oh it makes I don't know if like the other mom's arrangements are to like split the babysitting every week or month. Is it a month? Doesn't matter. Either way, it's just like, if that's the routine, why would you rope into like the person who doesn't have the kid and then expect it after leaving the, that is so weird. I'm really confused here. Like, is the woman who doesn't have kids, it'd be like a nice gesture if she'd like to pitch in, but it's not something that should ever be expected?

Hell no! It's like, you're paying, I'm paying to hang out with y'all now? Literally, that's what it comes down to at this point. And I have to if I want to see you because you have to hire a babysitter. I just can't imagine what there's four of them that have kids all agreeing like, yeah, we should make Stacy pay for our babysitter this week. Well, that's why I took them until she got home

because you know they were all texting each other in their own little group chat being like, wait, who's paying for babysitting now? Oh my God. It's one of you bitches or you split it. I don't know what 15 year old you conned in a babysitting. Seriously, for $100 for three hours? For four kids.

Oh, ew. Hell no. Hell no. Not enough. There's four of you. You guys are fighting and making an issue with your friend over $25. Pay the babysitter yourself. Maybe this person hasn't had kids for a reason.

Maybe they don't want to pay for kids. Maybe they don't want to buy diapers. It's like someone asked you to watch their kid. And while you're watching them, they take three dumps. So you need to change the diaper three times. Hey, I'm going to send you a Venmo request for $6 because you changed three diapers while you had my kid. Right.

I'm going to charge per dump that happened on your watch. Two dollars a dump, lady. Like I would never expect anyone to pay for anything for my kids, my dogs, even for me. Like you got me Chick-fil-A today. Like I'm like, I need to get Carrie back. Like I got to pay her back for Chick-fil-A. It's just kind of like, it's just so odd to me that people, I don't know, I just like,

what is the thought process to go home? Be like, we're gonna charge our friend who doesn't have kids for the services we needed tonight to hang out with her because that makes sense. She's paying to see us. Yeah. Well, and it's like, I love that these women have a way to like get out of the house and have self-care, you know.

Right, something so wonderful turns so negative so quickly. Exactly, but it's also like, where are the husbands? Where are partners? What about other family? Like babysitter is great, but also why does this fall on your friend versus like sharing the burden between your family unit you guys

all have. And this is something that if you did expect your friend to pay for, why wasn't it brought up before? Be like, hey girl, since we're all going out this week and we're getting a babysitter, I wonder what they probably just, I don't know, asking that is just so strange to me, but if you were going to and you're already gonna make her feel bad for not paying for it, like you should have come forward before all of this to ask. Well, and it's very clear that they all had a conversation.

Because they sorted, hey, you guys, do you want to hire a babysitter? We'll all force split it. Or whoever's getting dinner that week, should they pay for the babysitter? So the four of them very clearly had a conversation. Yeah, because they had to find the sitter in the first place and figure out how they were gonna arrange it. Exactly. So it's like, if they had that conversation, you should because they had to find the sitter in the first place and figure out how they were going to arrange it. Exactly. So it's like, if they had that conversation, you should have roped in your other friend

from the jump if it was expected that she was involved in the payment. But like, again, this is crazy juice. Like, I don't know what Kool-Aid they've been sipping on to where they would ever think like, oh, our friend that doesn't have a kid in the mix should also pay. Suddenly also has to pitch in for the sitter. No. It makes sitter. No. It makes sense. No.

We're hanging out with her. We are gracing her with our presents. Someone's got to pay. Oh. Top comment on this one. I have your back here. That's crazy. Makes no sense.

And not one of them can see it. Sorry, guys. I love your kids, but your offspring, your babysitter. Next comment down, as a parent, I also have OPs back. Like what the hell? I would never expect anyone to cover my babysitting costs, especially someone without kids, and not involved at all. People do start asking about the husbands eventually or partners.

Someone does quote, they said you get the pleasure of hanging out with us. I would never ever be able to say something like that with a straight face. No, I can't imagine my friends from high school who have kids, mind you, it's just one of them. But if she texted me, we hung out and she's like, can you pay for my babysitter for the day

since I made time to hang out with you? I guess. I don't know. Just so weird. You're really nice where I think you would. You're too nice. I'd be so scared. I'd send the money. But the thing is, she wouldn't ask that first of all, but it's just like, that's just not

how friendships work. It's not transactional like that. And it shouldn't be. And like you're already getting your meal paid for. Like you're each being really fair in taking turns, in terms of like what you each are like having. And like- Right, and like your routine and of like, yeah. Yeah, but like, like I'm still baffled.

I just still can't believe that all of them were like, mutually, yeah, this makes sense. Really odd. So OP does respond to a comment here and it's the first one I've seen. Not the asshole, you don't even have a kid. Why should you pay for the babysitter? This should have been something discussed beforehand.

It's rude and entitled for them to think you would want to pitch in for their babysitters. On the other hand, if it was something you agreed to, then backed out last minute, you would be the asshole. There definitely should have been a conversation about this. That just doesn't sound like it was the case. It sounds like that was just presented to her when she got the invoice.

As she got home. Yeah. After they had a time to talk amongst themselves in a different group chat. There's just like a million different ways you can say it, but no, not the asshole, very strange. Yeah. So OP responds and goes, there was never any conversation with me There's just like a million different ways you can say it, but no, not the asshole. Very strange. Yeah.

So OP responds and goes, there was never any conversation with me about paying for the babysitter. They literally all just assumed I would be fine with continuing to trade payments every week, including the new babysitting fees. I have no idea why. Me either, girl. So OP does have an edit. Edit, everyone is asking where the dads are.

Since they hire a babysitter, they do boys slash girls nights on the same night to take maximum advantage of hiring a sitter. So are they splitting it? Yeah, are their guy friends chipping in the ones without kids? That wasn't even me trying to be sarcastic. I'm just like genuinely, is all of it coming from just the moms or are they also chipping in so that each pay $4 each since it's only $100

for four hours? Here's what's also really annoying about this is even if it is like just the moms pain. Okay, maybe the moms's are just pain, but I don't think so. I think the mom's probably have like some sort of shared income with their partners for the kids that they're paying from.

So it's like you're making dual incomes pay for the babysitter, but then you want a single income who doesn't have a partner, doesn't have any kids. You expect that person to pay This is unhinged and if my friends held this against me, I wouldn't be doing dinner with them anymore No, like that is you're fighting over small peanuts, right? You know what I mean? Like yeah, it's it's isn't that serious No, but if that's the hill that these girls are willing to die on

There's some screws loose. It's just weird. And I don't deserve to be treated like that. I guess there's a million different ways you can spin it, but it's just weird. It's really weird. There are a couple other comments from OP. They are footing the entire bill,

babysitting included when it's been their weeks, but I just thought they were trading off for babysitting. I had no freaking clue that they expected me to pick up a share of babysitting when I have no children. Also, guys night is now on the same night because the babysitter has been hired. That explains why the dads aren't around.

Someone goes, show your friends this post, see their reaction. Opie goes, if it comes to that, I will. I'm going to try and talk some sense into them by demanding they also babysit my large breed dog if I'm pain for the sitting Sounds good to me. Yeah, you deserve to have a dog sitter. I'm sure the baby I'm sure all your friends would love to contribute. Yeah, that's that's a lot of me going away for the weekend Hey everyone if we're going out together you got to buy my dog sitter

mm-hmm All is fair man. All is fair. It's just so strange to me also, in friendships, I imagine you're really close to your friends. And then something, this just seems out of character, given the situation, that they all kind of, like I said, I'm still, it can't get past it. They all mutually agree that that made sense.

It's just like, or are they a type of friend group where it's just like, oh, they always do petty things like this to each other. I could see one kind of like stealing like the, or like guiding the show, like stealing the thunder. Like a ringleader. We ringleader, that's the word I was looking for, thank you. Like no, no, you guys, no, we, this was our rule. Right, let's argue the other side for a second.

We all take turns splitting dinner every week. It's like she gets to hang out with us, it only makes sense. It only makes sense. Like, come on you guys. Like why wouldn't she pitch in? It's only $100. We all split it all the time.

We all do this. Yeah. Oh my God, you're right Margaret. OP needs to put the dog in. OP. OP, the dog is going into the babysitting ring. It's only fair. No, I agree.

Your baby can't be left home alone either. Hell no. Okay. Maybe the dog can babysit the kids. You know. That sounds financially responsible. I don't know. You don't have to pay the dog.

I mean, how many, I don't even know what math we would do to figure that out, but it's like four kids, three hours, $100. So $100 divided by three hours. It's like $33 an hour. Split between four people. Four kids. Like when I used to nanny, I got paid like $100 an hour and that was back in 2015. Yeah. But I had three kids and oftentimes I was watching

other kids that would get dropped off there. I definitely like babysat for like 50 bucks an evening, but that's just like back in the day also. Family, friends. I thought that was that long ago, but yeah, it was just like at that point in my age of like 14, 15, 16, $20 is $20. Take what you can get.

But that's just not the situation anymore. No, I'm like, I think I'm most perplexed by that and how they found this babysitter. Yeah. But. Care.com. Hey, I had a profile. Really?

Yeah, if anyone's looking for nanny. For the nanny job, that's funny. I also had one when I first moved here. Care.com, baby. I was scared to take any jobs though. I have always been scared about like getting stuck in first moved here. Care.com, baby. I was scared to take any jobs though. I have always been scared about like getting stuck in a bad family. You hear horror stories.

Horror stories. One of this week's partners is Skims. Now maybe this is just a me problem. I don't know, but I used to find bras so uncomfortable, constricting. I'd take my bra off after a day of wearing and I would have the lines from the wire for at least two hours. It's brutal.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Just to keep the girls up and perky. That was until trying Skim's bras. These are bras that you don't race to take off the minute you get home. And no matter what need you have, keeping the girls up right, just being comfortable in an everyday t-shirt bra, you're going to find it at Skims. For me, I got a lot of goals when bra shopping. I do have bigger boobs, but I wanted something special, something sexy, something that was

going to make Justin's eyes pop out of his head. And I did that with the No Show Online bra. Popping this bad boy on, woo, and it's comfortable. Not only does this bra look good, it is so comfy, you don't race to take it off, but the person you're with might. So if you're ready to give Skims a try, shop Skimsbras at skims.com,

now available in 62 sizes, 30A to 46H. Plus get free shipping on orders over $75. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. We also have a special link from Skimsnow, which can be found in the description. Thank you. Actually, I'm going to put a blanket on now. It's about that time. Get cozy over there. Continuity error. Yeah, get cozy.

Time to cuddle up. Oh my God, my feet are showing. Ew. Ew. I really realized lately, I don't like feet. What about them don't you like? I just don't like the way they look. Okay.

Like even I was watching Barbie again the other day because Dressen hasn't seen it yet. And Margot, you know, the heel, the feet thing. And it's like she's scooting across the bench after her heels slump and like her toes are all like sprawled weird. And when she does this across the place. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, I know like she doesn't have ugly feet. I just don't think any feet are great. I'm certainly not a fan of feet. I was definitely more bothered by them. Like when I was younger versus now,

like I remember like being averted to feet. Like I was just disturbed by feet. Now I'm just like, they're fine. They're fine. I'm not interested. Yeah. I'm just not scared. I'm really curious what it're fine. They're fine. I'm not interested. Yeah. I'm just not scared. I'm really curious what it would feel like

to have a foot fetish now though. Like where you literally see good feet and you start getting warm and tingly. Couldn't tell you. Like does it feel like your loins are burning? I think maybe that's also why like people are so grossed out by feet. Cause there are like, it's just like the polar opposite.

So you're just like, I'm so disgusted by them because of the fact that people are attracted to them. It's not that. No, that's not it. No, I just like, I just don't like them. It's so crazy that we have these little sausages on the end of our balance sticks, and then they have nails.

Oh, they do have nails. What are the nails for? I don't know. What are the climbing? Scraping. Like I know the claws like, but toenails. You gotta paint them, keep up with them.

And then they fucking hurt if you get them stepped on. The pinky toe would just falls off. Marathon runners lose them. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, I dropped my phone directly onto my toenail the other day, like right on the bed. I've never experienced more pain in my life.

I stubbed, it was your second toe longer than your first. Yeah, I got the Jesus toes. So mine, and I stubbed it on my bed the other day, and it hurts really bad. Oh, God. Okay. Anyway, enough about feet. Thank you for that brief foot interruption. This next one.

Am I the asshole for not getting a tattoo removal procedure to remove my child's dead name from my body. I'm interested. Hi everyone. I'm 36 female and I have two daughters, one of which came out as trans a year ago. Let's call them Maria, 17, and Anna, 15, my trans child. I would like to start by saying that when Anna came out I had no problems so long as her transition didn't come in the way of school or

grades. The problem however is I have Anna's dead name tattooed on my body. I have had the tattoo since she was a toddler. It's pretty visible as it's on my neck and every time Anna sees it, she gets visibly upset. She's told me she's looked into tattoo removal surgery and recommended that I get it removed, or covered with her new name. While I do have the money for it, I do not think it's something I want to deal with. After all, it is just a tattoo, and I don't think I should have to have to get it removed to show my love and dedication for this new identity.

Anna, however, has accused me of not taking her seriously, and that if I truly loved or cared, I'd get it removed. I do understand getting the tattoo removed or covered would show dedication, but I truly do not see it as necessary. I think she's being absolutely ridiculous, pushing the idea. I'm an adult after all, and can make decisions about my own body just as she can. This issue has put a strain on our relationship and now she barely looks at me these days. Am I the asshole?

It sounds like straight off the bat, like obviously this is very, very personal to Anna and it's just she's coming to you and expressing like something that you did like years ago obviously meant something totally different to me now and it's hurtful. So I do think that's a tough situation where it's just like, yeah, I have this tattoo with your dead name. It's like, can it just be fine? Can we just call it a day? But it's kind of like a reminder of something that she does not align with. So I think that's, I think that can be really hurtful at the end of the day.

I could see it. Yeah, because it's like, even though it's, yeah, you were a toddler when your mom or dad or whoever got this tattoo done, you still have to see it every day. And it's really tough, because the parent trying to be like, it's my body. I should be able to do what I want with my body.

But at the same time, this like version of Anna doesn't exist. Like that is a dead name, like literally dead name. Like so to continue to like almost use it or bring it up even though it's like, it's just on you. So it happens. Well it's staring Anna in the face every day, probably. It's a reminder of like who she does not align with at all anymore.

So it's just kind of like staring her in the face. And she's probably just like, I don't want to look at this anymore. And I don't agree with the whole like, you don't love me as much as you say you do, or as except me, if you don't get this done, I think that might just be like coming from a place of like her and like feeling, like maybe genuinely feeling that way. But I don't want the parent to be like manipulated and getting it removed. But if it's like really not going to cost you much and you would be willing to do it, like I personally would just be like, okay, yes, like she's gone.

We're getting this tattoo off, like we're going to cover it or something like that. But that's just me. That's what I would do because I'm just like at the end of the day, I'll cover it. It's fine. If I already have a tattoo on my neck, I imagine I have more. I can find something to cover it with. That's what I was going to say. You have tattoos.

Yeah, I do. Not big ones, but I have little baby ones. But like, you've gone through it. So it's like, if you had something like on you that all of a sudden became associated with racism, or it was offensive. Carrie's tattoos are not bad. I was like, it's a tangelo. I got a sunflower.

Sunflowers are now the symbol of something bad. You would get it covered. You would get covered. My sunflower was already a cover up. There we go. But it was a cover, this is a whole side track now. But it was a cover up of a pink breast cancer ribbon in a heart that I got with my mom.

And it just looks like it was done with a colored pencil. It just looked so bad and I covered it. That was a good cover up. Oh yeah, I'll show you a picture. It's on the back of my neck, but. That's a really crafty cover up. Yeah, I mean, it was a super small tattoo to begin with but I feel like like you said like You've already gotten one tattoo. Hmm. Is it gonna be painful? Yeah, but like that's kind of the risk

You took putting someone's name on you. Yeah, it's no different than like someone tattooing their boyfriend's name across their forehead What happens if you break up? Right and it's if it's weighing that heavy on my child to like have them have to look at a tattoo that they're not, they don't want to see anymore. I'd be like, okay, like if this means a lot to you, I will get it taken off. I will cover it up. Like I don't want you to feel that way. And I'm not covering it because you're threatening me. I'm covering it because I hate that it's hurting you this much. Yeah. At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, is hurting my child worth not changing it or not attempting to remove it? Your child, your relationship, you don't wanna hurt them.

And we actually had on our group T session, like group, like we get on with our Patreon family once a month, we actually had someone come on and like talk about their family and how they continue to use their dead name and just be disrespectful. And it's very intentional that they're not accepting of them. And it was a really powerful conversation to have with them and be like, no, you don't

deserve that. Because a lot of people do get to the point where those aggressions are not worth dealing with anymore and they cut their family out. Well that and on top of just like when you're deliberately using somebody's dead name just for the sake of using it to hurt them and it's not like it's not gonna kill you to use their name. Yeah. Like just call them by their name. Do not use their dead name. It's the same thing where people always bringing up like if somebody gets married and changes their last name, nobody struggles with that at the end of the day.

Yeah. Not as heavily or makes it's big of a deal of it. That's a really good point. It's like, I remember like being in school and like some one of my teachers would get married and miss. And I don't want to use her actually, but somebody could go from like Miss Stevens to Miss Phillips. And it's just like, OK.

No one bats an eye.'s just like, okay. No one bats an eye. You just figure it out. Third graders figure it out. That's a really good point, Carrie. So, I'm just saying. Really good. Top comments.

Figure it out. Listen, not going to comment on if you're the asshole or not, but is this really the hill you want to die on? That being said, do not tattoo their new name on your neck. This is a stupid idea. They are 15 and I can almost guarantee they will change their name multiple times before settling on one. If you are going to cover it up, cover it up with something else entirely. Their birth month flower perhaps?

And someone goes, can confirm. Mine came out as non-binary and decided to change their name. I have their dead name tattooed on my forearm. Kitto was on me to change it or cover it up. Three years later, Kitto is still non-binary, but is going back to their birth name by choice. Okay. So that's an interesting take too. It's an interesting take, but it's like,

it's kind of like back to the first comment. Don't put their name that they prefer to go by now over it. Just cover it. Yeah. And it's just kind of like, if you're also like, just I just, the whole tattooing names on your body is always a risk. Even if it is your child, it's just, you know.

Yeah. I think the flowers is amazing to do like both your kids. And there are some amazing tattoo artists out there. Oh yeah. They'll cover that right up. They'll make it beautiful. It'll look better than where we started. I feel like a flower over a name is gonna be easy.

Like easy, easy peasy. Don't do a lot of shading if you can avoid it. Less pain, there you go. I was like, I don't know anything about like how difficult that would be, but I know it's possible. Come on, Carrie, you have a flower on you. Well, it's like, I'm not a tattoo artist. I know there's some hard cover-ups out there,

but I think it would I'm envisioning a name on the neck. I feel like it could be coverable. I know, I'm like, is it the front of the neck or the back of the neck? I'm like, where? Right here. Oh my God, it's like literally no regrets. No raggerts.

Oh my God. I love watching the tattoo cover-up, like the before and after photos. Do you ever watch Ink Master? No. I love Ink Master. Is that the one Kat Von D used to be on? No, it was on LA Ink. Ink Master is literally like a tattoo competition show.

And they take a bunch of different artists and they come and compete. It's different design. Okay. I feel like I've seen clips of it on TikTok and people come in and they're like, I would like a hippopotamus in the agricultural style. And then it's like, I don't know, any tattoo styles. You guys, I love that. I think it should be a style, but I see that. And then they like have to like, they almost like sabotage their competitors. Exactly.

They assign them like horrible body parts to tattoo or something like that. It's so fun. Can you imagine being the person signing up for the show, though, to get tattooed? There certainly are, and there's plenty. They come up with some crazy stuff that they want done. I don't have any tattoos, so I can't even wrap my head around getting a purple mosaic epipodemist on me. That's a really good example.

That's what people come in asking for. Like the pieces always end up so beautiful. Even if it's a crazy ask, it's just wild. Oh my God. Overall vote on this one, I would agree with. It is no assholes here. And I think that's a good vote. I don't think anyone's an asshole.

I think it's just a very sensitive thing and it's hurting your child. And if there's something you can do to fix it, I would. I agree. Moving along. Okay, so this is Vintage, 345 days old. That's probably not Vintage Vintage. So Vintage.

Not a year, almost a year. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for taking my straight female friends out to a lesbian bar because they always make me go to gay bars. I'm 26 male and I'm straight. I have a group of friends with a few more women than men. We go out a couple of nights a week. Every time we go out the girls all insist we end up at a gay bar at the end of the night. To be clear, I don't normally mind, but it's getting excessive.

I can't remember the last time they didn't insist we go. And lately, I've been getting hit on a lot and some of the drunk guys at the bars get very handsy. It's gotten uncomfortable at this point, so I've started leaving early to go home and hang out with other friends. Some of the other guys in the group feel the same way. I tried to bring it up, but they don't listen

and accuse me of acting homophobic, which I am not. My sister is bi and suggested our city has a lesbian bar and I should take them there to see how they react. To be clear, this bar does openly welcome straight and cisgendered people, so we weren't violating their space. Anyways, there was a basketball game last night, and this bar sets up a game night whenever our local NBA team is playing.

I suggested we go there to watch the game, and most of the group came along. They immediately got really uncomfortable when other women started flirting with them at the bar and offering to buy them drinks. It lasted about an hour before the girls all took off. A couple of the other guys and I actually ended up staying. The women there were all really cool and we made some new friends. The group chat this morning has been a big argument. The girls all say it was fucked up that we took them there.

I told them to stop acting homophobic. The other guys in the chat are mostly supporting me and saying they have no leg to stand on since we always constantly agree to join them at the gay clubs and never complain. I actually want to start going there regularly on game nights. It's a really fun atmosphere and everyone we met was awesome. Am I the asshole? I have so many notes. Oh my gosh, let's hear it. I have so many notes. I don't even know where to begin. First of all, when you initially read the story,

I forgot that men existed. So I thought it was within the perspective of a woman. And I was like, I'm confused. I don't understand. But got it. Okay. So considering that queer bars are supposed to be a safe space for queer people,

it's not to say that cis people, or cis straight people shouldn't go into them. I think there is a big issue where like straight women will like glamorize going to gay bars because it's a safe space for them because no men are going to hit on them allegedly. But when you're dragging, there's just so much here because like if you're dragging your straight male friends to gay bars where none of you really like fit in, but of course you're welcome.

Have a good time, as long as everyone's acting correctly. It's just, and somebody's uncomfortable because, especially he said that guys were coming up and touching him and like flirting with him and just things that he wasn't comfortable with. Like as soon as you start touching someone and violating their space, that's,

you are so valid in not being comfortable and wanting to be there anymore. Like that makes sense. No arguments there. And then on the reverse, it's like, Like, that makes sense. No arguments there. And then on the reverse, it's like, well, if they're going to take me there, I'm going to, you know, do the reverse and bring them to a lesbian bar and make them uncomfortable. And it's just like, at this point, it's just, it just seems like a game to them. It's kind of, it's like, silly to bring them and like have them experience the reverse. But I feel like if nobody is like, had physically touched them

at the lesbian bar, queer women bar, it's just, it's a very, this is such a- I know, I'm there with you. Because I do really believe that these spaces are for like queer people to make them feel safe and like I said, everyone's welcome there, but it is strange that they're like kind of playing this game of like, we when I like glamorize this bar and have fun and feel safe and then I don't care if you're uncomfortable and then it was switched. Yeah, it is interesting when you put it that way too,

where it's like, it wasn't just like, hey, let's mix it up and go to a lesbian bar where like I might feel more comfortable. It was, hey, let's go with the intention to give you guys a taste of your own medicine. And I think that kind of does make it shitty where it's like that ill intention and- And like you're allowed to go to that bar.

I'm so glad you had a good time. Yeah, it sounds like a good time for games. It sounds like everyone had a good time besides maybe the girls. But also like what, there's no mention of like touching. It's like people flirting with them and offering to buy them drinks. Take the fucking drink.

Like, save. Don't lead anybody on, but like be open, say why you're there, like hanging out. It's just, we happen upon this bar, my friend brought me here. It's fine. It's fine. Like we just went to a lesbian bar in San Diego

for Dacian's birthday. Gossip girl. And it was amazing. It was such a fun time. And it's like, I feel like you can control your interactions anywhere and they can be what you want them to be. Obviously, you're going to have crazy people that might come out of the woodwork. Yeah, exactly.

But that's just like not the experience as a whole. Like maybe some people came up to you and like touched you unwarranted and just that's inappropriate. And I'm sorry that that happened. Yeah. It's just like the spaces are meant to be like safe and welcoming to all. Yep. And so it just don't turn it into a game. That's the issue here.

Yeah, definitely. And also it's like, I'm so like, I want them to feel like they can go out to like, primarily like a game man centered bar. Like you're allowed to be there and have fun, but like don't drag people that who are uncomfortable. Yeah. And certainly it doesn't sound like

because he's homophobic. It sounds like just because he was getting assaulted. Yeah, literally. I, um, I, there's this bar in Minnesota. Uh, it's like called gay nineties. And I really wanted to go one night. Like we were out downtown bopping around. I'd never been in. I'm like, let's go. This will be really fun. And all the, you know, my guy friends that I were with were like, well, we don't really want to go.

Like have they ever been? They'd never been, none of us had ever been. And we had heard it was like actually just like a really fun spot to go. Like they had drag shows sometimes, like it was supposed to be really cool. And they were all kind of like, well, I don't know, like I don't wanna make it weird for anyone.

Like what if, you know, I don't wanna lead anyone on kind of that conversation. And all you have to do is be open and just say, hey, sorry, I'm not interested. I'm here with some friends. Yeah. Be an ally. So we go in and we're all just like hanging out, grab drinks, dancing. Out of everyone in the group, I was the one that got fucked with that night.

Like someone came up to me, grabbed my hips and literally like thrusted into me like a bunch of times I like turned around. I'm like, what the fuck, what the fuck? No, you have to ask before you fucking hip thrust into my fucking booty hole. I don't even know how you proposed that. Like it was, and I go, I looked at them and I was like, you guys had nothing to be worried about, it's me. But it's just one of those- And that's just inappropriate in any bar.

In any bar. It didn't matter what the environment was. It's just- It's just one of those things. Like just make it the experience you want to have, and if you're uncomfortable, leave. If your friends insist on going there, maybe you shouldn't go out with these friends anymore. Maybe you start diversifying and, hey, you met some new friends, connect with them, and go out and watch the games.

And these situations happen in any bar. It's not specifically because it's queer. It just happens. No. Oh my god. Like, fucking people, women, I think, especially go to gay bars because they feel safe because the regular bars are so bad. But you also have to be respectful of the space. Like, what the environment is for.

Yeah. There was something on TikTok recently about a straight girl going to a lesbian bar and like it went viral. Oh gosh. I know what you're talking about. I've been meaning to look into it and I haven't. I haven't either, but I know it was like, I'm never going to a lesbian bar again.

Yeah, I wish I had like looked into it before we talked about it because I've been seeing it float around or like people like either like mocking the situation or something like that, but I didn't even watch the original. I think it was pretty ridiculous by the vibe I'm getting. But overall vote on this one, not the asshole.

Yeah, I don't think anybody was the asshole, but like I said, don't make a game of these spaces that couldn't even exist not that long ago. Yeah, top comment, I came here ready to light you up, but nope, not the asshole. Also, if you're actually an ally, this dude gets it, go support your local lesbian bars. There's precious few of them in the world. That's true.

Edit to add, the key bit in endorsing this cis-het dude, taking a group of straight people into a queer space is here. My sister is by and suggested our city lesbian bar. They quote OP in what they said. That's how you do it, and you should go back and hang out. Cue the Simpsons. This lesbian bar has no fire exits reference. Someone goes, enjoy your death trap ladies. I think it's a Simpsons reference.

I was like, I've never watched a Simpsons since I said it. I love how in the scene you expect Homer to say something homophobic and instead, he shows you he's a safety inspector. Of course he would notice the lack of fire exits. The one time he does his damn job and it's when he's at a bar. Hey.

Yeah. A lot of comments just kind of on the same thing. As a lesbian, yes, please give lesbian bars business so long as you're not using them to be creepy towards women. Right. We need more of them in the US. I think there's, I don't caught me on this, but I'm pretty sure there's like 14. There's not a lot. I know there's one in San Diego, there's one that just opened in LA, the ruby fruit, there's one. Oh, look at that name. That's good.

The ruby fruit, and then there's one in Nashville, and there's only a few that I could name. That's crazy. There's not very many, and like people are always so shocked when they hear that because like, I think even Sarah's shower had mentioned this, like gay or like queer men have bars and queer women have events. So interesting when she brought that up on,

it was on Well-Said podcast actually, one of our little fam podcast here. But I remember that because I was like, that is exactly what the situation was. Yeah, well, and you almost can then gatekeep safety because I think like there is a lot of fetishization of lesbian women. So by having events where it's ticketed

versus just open access. So that was a crazy point to learn. I want more queer women spaces. I think the Ruby Fruit has been a great place to go hang out and they're very inclusive of everyone. They don't say straight people can't come here. Yeah. Like it's just they want business, they want people to feel safe and welcomed and that's all really what matters at the end of the day.

Yeah. I love that. We all like deserve spaces that make us feel happy and included safe. And so supporting ones that align with you. Get out there, do it. Then I hope he continues to go to that bar he found. It sounds like he made some great friends. He made new friends. Yeah, and like, don't force yourself to go to a place that you find uncomfortable.

Like, as long as you're not being weird, like go, you need to go. Yeah, I'm sure they got great wings for game night. Mm-hmm. Okay, one last one for us. I'm not gonna give any genders on this story. Okay, is it included in the story or you're just gonna tell me? It is included in the story. You should tell me as it is.

I'm gonna edit on the fly in my head and hope I don't spoil it for anyone. But I feel like it will make it more fun. Okay. And inclusive. I'm ready. And catered to Carrie. Catered to Carrie.

Okay. So this is coming from best of redditor updates. The original post is from December 3rd, 2015. Oh, yeah. That I would say vintage. That's, that's old. Um, but it's 15 days old on Best of Redditor updates. Titled, My Fiance likes cuddling with their stuffed animals more than me.

Throwaway for obvious reasons. This is going to seem strange, but please read because I really do need some advice on this. I've been with my fiance for three and a half years and will be getting married in the next few months. We honestly have never had any issues worth mentioning until last September, when we took a trip to a sci-fi slash fantasy convention and ended up coming back with a gigantic, think large beach ball sized, tachula plushie, C-T-H-U-L-U.

At first, we thought it was funny and cute. We even named it Kevin, if you're curious, and made up a funny voice that it would use. Over the course of the next few weeks, however, they began to take it all much further. They started to come up with a backstory for it. They would hide it throughout the apartment to try to freak me out. Over time, they really started to refer to it in a way that you'd talk about your pet or something, even to the point of scolding it for various

mischief that they'd accuse it of. They've now started to do the same with other gigantic stuffed animals. A manatee named Horace, a duck named Anthony. Initially, I thought this was just some silliness, but I'm worried that they're taking it too far. I've mentioned in passing many times how strange it is that we are treating stuffed animals like people, but I'm only met with silence, followed by insistence that, quote, they are little people. Okay. A couple of weeks ago, this all came to a head when I've started to have nightmares about

these things. The most vivid one involved the tachula, taking over people's minds and forcing them to paint their worst fears. I woke up in a cold sweat and I was so confused that I actually Googled the doll to make sure that there wasn't anything weird about it. Anyways, I told them about it. Again, in the context of how dumb it all was,

and they got mad that I would accuse Kevin of doing such a thing. Not Kevin retaliating in your dreams. I think that they actually got mad enough that they're shutting me out. of doing such a thing. Not Kevin retaliating in your dreams. I think that they actually got mad enough that they're shutting me out. When they lie down on the couch for a nap, they grab the doll, but push me away when I try to lie down with them.

Things are fine when we're out and about, but when we come home, they're always going back to that damn doll. I've thought about throwing it away, but I honestly don't think they'd ever forgive me. I just wish that they could see what this damn thing is doing to us when we're at home together. Does anyone have any ideas of what to do?

I need a picture of Kevin and Anthony and Horace. I'm so confused what a chachula is. It's it gives like anime, right? I don't know. Is that like an axolotl because it's written so weird? Like, is that what I don't know? I don't even know how axolotl is spelled, but I'm intimidated by hearing it. Oh, my God, it is terrifying. It's it's freaky.

I would not want this in my house. Is it a doll or like a stuffed animal? To me, it looks like the face of an octopus but has a body with dragon wings. That's what's coming up when I search the word. That's how you say that word? I don't know how you say it. Can you look up like a stuffed version of that?

So I can see what it could possibly look like. Oh my God. Well, this little animation's kind of cute. Yeah, it's like a little octopus. It's like an octopus face, but a body with arms and wings. It's very confusing. It's very pirates with Caribbean. It does give that a tch...

I should probably figure out how to pronounce this. Everyone is probably screaming at me. I know, because that is, I don't know how, I don't know. I'm not even gonna attempt. Cthulhu. Cthulhu. Cthulhu. Cthulhu. Cthulhu.

Cthulhu. Alright, well, now we're gonna have to input audio over every time you say- Cthulhu. Petunia or whatever you're saying. A Cthulhu. I don't know what the fuck I said. Cthulhu. A Cthulhu is a cosmic entity created by writer HP Lovecraft. It was introduced in his short story, The Call of Cthulhu. It's characterized as the priest or old leader of the old ones, a species that came to Earth

from the stars before human life arose. So that's a Cthulhu, guys. It does seem like that would come speak to you in your dreams. I'm a little scared. Now I'm gonna have namers about a Cthulhu. And I know I don't know the genders of what's going on here. Yeah, what are you envisioning here?

I'm envisioning, and this is just how I pictured it, was that there was some, like a male presenting the story about a woman. You would be correct. Okay. That's just how I envisioned it. You would be correct. Would this be a deal breaker for you?

I don't think I'd ever be in a situation where this would have to be something I have to think about. Basically, Carrie's implying that because she is queer. No, I literally just mean like if Jenna were to like, if Jenna suddenly like gave all of these like stuffed animals, like personalities and Jenna's my girlfriend, by the way, she gave all these stuffed animals like personalities and started naming them, but talking to them as if they were characters in our lives when we were at home, I'd be like, it's not funny anymore.

I'm scared. But what if she continued? What if she would not give it up? What if she was so- I don't know why. What's going on? They are little people. Especially if they're haunting me in my dreams, I think I'd be like, hey, where's this coming from?

Yeah, I think you gotta like knock it off at a certain point and just be like, okay, babe, like I get it, I'm kidding. But if she's actually serious about this and like this is now becoming like a whole zoo, like you got the Cthulhu, you got Horus or Wallace, the whatever. And Gromit, the whole cast. You got everyone.

Kevin, you got Horus. You got a duck, Anthony. Were they always stuffed animal people though? Cause I know people are really into the squish mellows and they collect them. Yeah, there's a big community out there for those. And that's fine, but as soon as you start giving them real personalities beyond a bit.

That's a little concerning. I think it's more so too where she is actually, I'm like, oh my god I said she I got really scared because I was I literally So well keep it hidden But I feel like she's actually getting mad at him for him not taking it serious to where she's cuddling with the Cthulhu And pushing him away Like that to me starts to feel like a little icky.

What's going on? You're hurting your partner for the sake of the stuffed animals. I think it's time to like maybe talk to someone actually about this, like if you're serious. Especially considering like he brought it up and wasn't she like freaked out by him bringing it up or like was not interested in discussing further?

No, these are her plushies. These are her babies and they are real little people and that is that. I used to be so obsessed with stuffed animals too, as a kid, I can see why. I feel like that's such a thing. Yeah, but they really meant something at the time. I know.

But there's something strange. Where are yours? Are they in a bin? Oh yeah, of course. They're all shoved into the same pillowcase in my closet at my dad's house. You get really sad about childhood stuff where it's like, I've now outgrew it, but I want-

Like the nostalgia of it. I don't want to get rid of it. I have a bunch of stuffed animals. And like my mom, like every time I go home, there's like a new one on my bed. I'm like, what the fuck? Where'd this come from? Did she still buy them for you?

I think she does. Cause they're not recognizable. It's like, I don't know this one. Yeah, no, this isn't in Truder. This one's- Imposter. This one's an imposter. That's what I was looking for.

The top comment, that wasn't just a Cthulhu plushie. That was an idol made in the image of an unspeakable eldritch abomination. It speaks to her whispering in her mind. And then they have a quote in a different language. S.I. we didn't even get into the sinister part of what this could be. Yeah. Next comment down. You just can't mess with the old ones. Someone goes, have there been any major stressors in her life recently other than the wedding planning?

I forgot they're planning a wedding! I forgot that was fiance, was the word you were using. I was using girlfriend. It's his fiance. I ask because I have done something similar, fixated on a childhood object, when I felt like I was losing my mind

over a semi-traumatic incident. It never went to the level she is taking it though. I would be worried about her mental health. And OP responds, nothing aside from the usual wedding stuff, her job is stressful in general. She turns to Kevin when she's feeling down. What does Kevin say? The Cthulhu probably just has this other language

that this person shared. If I tried to sound it out, the quote that they shared, it is- Is it like Latin or something? Pungalit ma man la vada cthulhu lala lala wagala nagala fatakaga. That's what they typed. The furniture started levitating. Ah man. Oh people are scared. But I think it does speak to a larger problem here.

Like if she's turning to Kevin when she's down, instead of you. What does that mean? She's turning to Kevin. She's like, does your partner see you actively talking to this stuffed animal? Yes. And then Kevin's just like,

any watch? I'm just confused. Yeah. It seems like Kevin has become like a surrogate partner, even though it is just a stuffed animal. I feel like there's something like a way more deeply rooted going on here, and I don't know how, I don't know where it came from,

I don't know what it stemmed from. Yeah, it's not good. It's either something beyond this realm or just a mental health situation. I know. I think it's mental health. We do have an update. Okay. Yes. Are you ready? Yep.

Okay. Update. It was posted a few months after, so original post was like 2015 December. This is coming from March 2016. Oh, wow. It was posted this a few months ago and I finally built up the courage for an update. I confronted her about the doll, trying to find out if it was a sign of something else going on at work or at home. She admitted she had been really, really stressed out and the Cthulhu thing was a fun fantasy she could dive into.

She agreed she would try to cut down and focus more of her attention on me. And she did. For about a month. As a Christmas gift to me, I ended up getting a smaller version of Kevin. She named it Kyle, and said it would be a chance for Kevin and I to bond over something. She even started to develop a political persona for these things. Kevin is a Donald Trump fan and Kyle, a bleeding heart, a Bernie voter. If you can believe it, that wasn't the end though. This is, cause this is election year now, huh?

Yeah, back in 2016. Coming back again now. She bought one of those Disney things with the long body and stubby legs for Boba Fett. I was like, okay, I like Star Wars, this is a cute thing and all. But then it all came back to Kevin. She would have Boba Fett fly around the apartment and hunt Kevin, though in her mind he'll never succeed because Kevin is just too smart. The most extreme angle she's taken so far is

that she has now bought a tiny shrimp cat toy as Kevin's pet. For those keeping track, that is a pet for a stuffed Cthulhu doll. I still love her to death, and the relationship is otherwise going great. She still cuddles Kevin, but she gives me more time to me. I have resigned myself to the fact that while I will never understand why she creates these elaborate fantasies, if I want to stay with her, I'll just have to adjust. I've started to pitch in more and more to the storylines. I even grab Kevin and have him hop up and down

when the news is playing something or other about Donald Trump. I'm not sure how things got to this point in my life, but she's worth it. I'm also not sure how we got here. I don't think, I don't know if anyone's worth it. I actually think I'm speechless at this point. I don't really. The top comment on the update, what the fuck did I just read? That's, yeah. That summarizes it pretty good.

I thought the update would kind of like provide some clarity. Instead, they develop like political ideas. I feel like it's just like ignoring the actual issue completely. Like this is actually seeming more and more like a mental health issue and like it's just getting wet. At the end he started partaking. It's just getting swept under the rug. It's almost like a brainwashing technique. It's like, what did you say if you can't beat him?

Join him about the guy with the Italian accent episode. Oh my God. Jopini. Take a Jopini. Well, these characters are going to be a part of our lives. Might as well embrace it. God, it's crazy. I went to the account to go look up, um, if there's anything else coming from OP.

And no other updates. Last post on the account is eight years ago. Man. It's a bummer. Well, I hope they had a beautiful marriage, and all of their friends were able to be in attendance at their wedding. I'm sure Kevin was there.

Kevin was shrimp. The shrimp. Yeah, there was like a little side note that the shrimp got named Donald Fantastic, yeah Well, that's that What a journey what a journey. I don't know what was the theme again? Wasn't it just me relatable no Not relatable everyday situations. No Wasn't this just me relatable? No, not relatable.

Everyday situations? No, no. It was supposed to be just like a good starting point, like a good and easy like introduction to Reddit. And I forgot how traumatizing Reddit can be for a new person. I'm fearful of the fact that these were like beacon or level Reddit. Like I've heard your stories, but I think I'm a little the fact that these were like beacon or level Reddit. I've heard your stories, but I think I'm a little biased at this point like

Because of how much crazy stuff I read that I kind of forget like What's normal? And I also feel like I don't want to bore people ever by picking two boring stories So then I go off the deep end like Like, um, I was not once bored. Okay. Thank God. But to give you guys a little preview, I recorded an episode with Shane from Smosh, so that's coming soon. And then went on Smosh myself again, coming soon.

So excited. Love working with him. But like the stories I picked for him, like I, in hindsight, I'm like, I went crazy. And he even said he's like, this is probably the worst Reddit story I've ever read. And he did not take it easy. No. And so when I went on their show, you know, they were asking me about stories and like, what is one of the worst ones? And I've named one and they go, Oh my God, like, did you see the one where the woman found out her husband had like a necrophilia charge? And I go, yeah, we read that.

And I just like forget because there's so many crazy stories we've read. There's like, there's so much chaos you like forget. And I'm like, oh my God, that one didn't even register because the other ones were so crazy. I've been so traumatized by other things. I know. So many other things. Yeah. No, it's a lot of stress, but we're

on tour, which by this point, we'll have a couple shows under our belt, I think. Or at least one. We're going to Charlotte first, which is in two days, which was a good test run for this iPad. And I'm going to be honest, I hated it. It'll get better. I feel it.

If anyone has iPad tricks, please send them my way. I think I just gotta do screenshots where I can sit and swipe. Because being actually on the tabs, it doesn't respond very well. I feel like screenshots would be good because then you can just starting point, ending point. But then you don't get to flip flop between stories

if you change your mind. That is true. That is very true. And I think I might get lost in the screenshots. It's all learning curve, you know, even 156 episodes, 157 in, and still learning something new every day. It's a lot of episodes.

Yeah. It's a lot of stories. A lot. But here's some fun homework for you guys. If there's a guest you would like to see come on to Hot Takes, Carrie is the girl to tell. I'll let you let me know. So be vocal in the comments, let us know what guest you'd like to see, who we should collaborate with this year, and Carrie's gonna get on it.

Everyone, every single person. And spam those people too. You gotta get in their comments if you're a fan of theirs because, you know, our outreach only does so much, but if you put us on their radar, it helps. Yeah, it helps. Kerry, where can people find you if they wanna follow you

and you did a bike journey with your grandma you might be posting soon. I did, that's actually great. I did a bike trip with my grandmother from San Diego to LA. Bikes, the whole thing you guys be posting soon. That's actually great. I did a bike trip with my grandmother from San Diego to LA. Bikes, the whole thing you guys, on pedals. Like pedal bikes. We did, we biked the whole thing.

Us and our partners, it took us six days and we documented the whole thing. So you can go follow Outspoken Bike Trip on Instagram and the documentary will hopefully be coming out at some point this year. It's gonna be really good. I'm so excited to see it. What's your personal account they can follow?

I'm really popular. It's really spammed off. It's at karaoke. And yeah, that's where I am. Amazing. I'll be sure to link the bike page and Kari's page. The bike journey is so incredible. And you raised money for an amazing cause.

I did, yeah. Just worked your ass off. It was just a crazy, I would do it again, but I don't know, we did not do it very safely. Really? No, there were a lot of dangerous parts of that bike trip that we just did not expect. Were you on the highway?

Oh, we biked on I-5. The whole time? No, just for seven miles. But it was- That's still a long time. And then PCH. Which is even worse. People didn't care if we lived or died, but we did it, we made it.

Oh my God, I could have lost you. All on the name of a good cause. A good cause, a good cause. And we did it, we're all good. Oh my God. I can't wait to watch the documentary, it's gonna be really good. I can't wait to watch it either.

I can't wait to make it. Time to start editing. Right. Okay, well, thank you guys so much for all of your support I can't wait to make it. Time to start editing. Right. Okay, well, thank you guys so much for all of your support and coming out to these live shows we've got coming up, buying our merch, being on Patreon. It is all so, so appreciated.

And other than that, until next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Until next time, bye! Bye! you