Two Hot Takes - 160: Milk's Already Spilt..

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

WE'RE ON TOUR & CHRIS IS JOINING!!! : https://linktr.ee/twohottakestour Link for Google Form if you're attending one of our shows: https://forms.gle/A9WkQAci26LhMZjs5 Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin! They say don't cry over spilt milk, so how exactly do you move on? From not wearing a dress someone made you on your wedding day to freaking out at your husband for pranking you with flowers, this week's Reddit stories are some of the most frustrating we've had in a while. Going to need your takes on these ones because they were tough.. TW*PLEASE LISTEN CLOSELY FOR STORY 4'S TW* MERCH IS HERE ! https://shop.twohottakes.com I can't wait to see you all in these, especially at our live shows!! Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Lume: lumedeodorant.com Promo Code: THT Quince: quince.com/tht 

I have breaking news. Chris Clemens is going to be joining us for Chicago, Philly, and New York shows. There's a couple tickets left, especially for you Chicago friends. So come join us. We're headed to Nashville this week. We added a late show. Come on out. I want to see what Nashville is all about. It's my first time there. Enjoy the episode, guys. Enjoy the episode, guys. Okay. Well, here we go. I have cramps from hell today. I feel like my body is trying to kill me.

Same. But for all of you people out there, Except for the cramps. That said, you're pregnant. You're gagging when you're brushing your teeth. You're pregnant. I'm notging when you're brushing your teeth. You're pregnant. I'm not Shark week is here, baby, but sure for sure It is here. Let me tell you but I would be one of those people that has like a cryptic pregnancy and sells regular periods

Like if it's gonna happen to anyone it probably would happen to me. So I'm due for a gyno appointment So we'll get some blood work done. We'll be sure So I'm due for a gyno appointment. So we'll get some blood work done, we'll be sure. But someone else said it's because my tonsils are too big and I've wanted to get those out for a while, but I'm 30 now. What is because of that? The gagging when I brush my teeth.

They said your tonsils are probably too big. That could be. And I'm like, yeah, they are. They constantly hurt and they need to go, but it's hard to find an ENT that wants to take out tonsils on a 30 year old. And then you just listen to the tick, tick, tick, tick. Of the clock.

No, of time just passing you by as it gets harder and harder to do it. It's kind of like wisdom teeth, yeah? Yeah. Where it's just like, I guess any surgery or any procedure is that much harder the older you get, anything. Yeah, typically. Because it's just your ability recovers a lot less. or any procedure is that much harder the older you get. Anything.

Yeah, typically. Because it's just your ability recovers a lot less. Yeah. That's why they always say like, if your hips are bad, you should always get that elective hip surgery versus falling and then having a hip fracture because the replacement surgery is actually easier than it would be if you had a fracture.

Yeah, I could see that. The silent, the silent killer of older adults is hip fractures. Cause then they go in and fracture it, cut it the way they want it to make the next one fit better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So much to look forward to. Just, just all good stuff.

But the more you know, okay. And you know, there's no point. Today's theme is the milk has already been spilled. Oh, so this was not a good segue. Not a good segue. But like, there's no point crying over spilled milk, you know? It's already been spilled. Damage has been done.

How do you recover? Are you the asshole? Are you not the asshole? So we're going to see. We're gonna see. Okay. Milk's been spilled. I'm curious how that plays in, because in what story have we ever read has the milk not already been spilled?

I guess the, we're approaching the wedding and I'm worried about this person showing up. That milk hasn't been spilled yet. All of these stories have been spilled. Right, I'm just getting there myself. Yeah, oh, okay, scene, yeah. Yeah. Let's get into this.

A little, you know, having a tough time today, so. No! Yeah. Get with it, get with it, you got this. I'm with it, I just, I already forgot like five things, packing, so. Justin's going to Nashville today. Already winning.

It's all right, babe, let's dive in. Yeah. Okay, are we ready? This first one, it's coming from Am I the Asshole, our OG buddy, titled, Am I the Asshole for laughing at my cousin after she had an absolute meltdown after her boss saw her buying toilet paper at Costco? Good choice. Love the co. Yesterday, I tagged along with my cousin on her trip to Costco.

She has always been very high-strung, but for the most part, we were having a nice time. As we were in the checkout line, a very pleasant man in his 50s or 60s said hello. My cousin introduced him as the man who owns the company she works for. I sort of stood by as they had normal small talk and he even complimented her on helping out with a huge sale, even though she's not in sales. And he even said that they were still working out what the bonus was going to be, but it was going to be more than they initially thought. I mean, all in all, it seemed like a great interaction to have with a boss when you see them out in public. Shortly after he left, she started almost hyperventilating, saying, quote, Oh my god,

oh my god, I can't believe that just happened. I had no idea what she was talking about. And then she started saying, quote, We have to leave. We have to get out of here. That was horrible. I said I had $300 worth of groceries and I can't come to Costco. So I can't come to Costco, so I can't leave." She actually walked away and sat down in the food court

and I was still so lost, but her leaving caused an even bigger scene because I had to go find her because they needed to scan her membership card. She was in absolute hysterics at this point. And even the cashier asked if she was okay and if they could get her some water. We paid and walked out,

and she appeared to be so physically weak, I told her to lay down in the back seat, and I would load everything and drive. As I was driving, I finally asked her what was going on, and she screamed at me, quote, "'My boss just saw me buying toilet paper. "'Do you know how humiliating that is? I actually thought I misheard her.

So I said, quote, wait, this whole thing is over toilet paper? She screamed, quote, yes, I'm probably going to get fired. I asked her if she seriously thought she was going to get fired for buying toilet paper. She said yes, and that she can't let anyone at work know her private life. I told her I doubt he even noticed, and I

also doubt he thinks about her bathroom habits. But he also probably assumes she shits and pisses like everyone else. Then she screamed back, quote, Your job is so easy, you couldn't possibly understand how much pressure I'm under at work. I'm going to lose it." At this point, I lost it and started laughing harder than I knew was possible. Not only was it ridiculous, but I felt like she was attacking me.

And instead of going back and forth, I felt finding the humor was the way to go in this one. She said, quote, "'You're actually laughing at me? You are such an asshole. I do you a huge favor and're actually laughing at me. You are such an asshole. I do you a huge favor and you're laughing at me. She got to my house and dropped me off and sped off with my groceries.

I called my aunt to make sure they got at least put in the fridge, but my aunt said my cousin overreacted, but I'll probably need to apologize to be able to get my stuff. Am I the asshole? Of course not. Of course not. Of course not.

This is unhinged. There's something going on here. Like she needs some help for sure, because this is just, I don't even know the right word. This isn't a normal reaction by any means. No. You know, I'm trying to think of scenarios where this would be justified, like running

into your boss at a sex store. That would be awkward. And then in the checkout line, you're holding this giant dildo and your boss walks up and it's like, and you both have that moment because there's places and times where it's, it's fine to see people of these types of relationships out in the wild. A boss, a teacher, maybe your friend's parent, just neighbors. I feel like- We saw our neighbor at Costco the other day. We did see our neighbor

at Costco yesterday. And almost you don't ever, I don't know what it is about LA, but you never expect to see someone you know out in the wild. It feels so out of context. You're like, wait, what? Like I remember when I saw Hailey Bieber at a CVS, I was like, what is she doing at a CVS?

Buying eyelash glue. That's weird. But everyone's normal. Like everyone's a person. Everyone buys toilet paper. Everyone buys tampons, condoms. Like, you know what I mean? Well, and then my mind started to go,

like why would she be so upset about the toilet paper? Is this a toilet paper company? And she's buying from a competitor when only she like, I'm trying to think of any possible way to justify this reaction without having something a little going on up here. Yeah. I think it's very clear. There's some sort of mental health issue going on. I think if they sell it at Costco, it's probably an appropriate item to run into someone you know with it in your cart. Anything. Anything at Costco. Anything. Literally. I don't know. It's just, it's really strange. And then like the reaction, I mean,

that'd be hyperventilating. Like what if your boss is still there and he's just not in your checkout line and he's seen you hyperventilate after talking to him? Like keep it together until you get into the car. But again, that's why I think this is mental health. I truly think she just couldn't keep it together. Like this is so dire that she really, really needs some help. So no, I don't think the cousin's the asshole. I think at that point, you're kind of like, even yourself,

like you're kind of hysterical. You're like, is this real? Like, is she, is she really having this reaction right now? So like, you kind of hysterically laugh, but obviously- And you tried to say, sorry. You know, but obviously the cousin was really hurt by that lack of understanding for her suffering in that moment.

But I don't think that makes you the asshole. No, because you tried to say like, yo, are you good? Yeah. Are you, do you want to lay down in the back seat? You're trying to make accommodations. Yeah. And then she just throws it in your face and doubles down like, all right, I'm going to make you an enemy now too.

Well, it takes $300 worth of your groceries and then maybe puts them in the fridge, but like likely not. So I was going to kind of argue like, okay, maybe everyone sucks here. I kind of like feel like it is more skewed towards not the asshole given like, okay, the cousin was composed enough to drive away. Like why drive away with that person's stuff and then punish them even for it? Like it just, it just- Just cause the world was ending.

But like it could feel like it given the reaction. Why would you get fired dude? It's toilet paper. It's not like you had like components to make meth in your cart. Like it's just crazy. Like who doesn't buy toilet paper? It brings me back to COVID times.

I know. People were fighting. People were fighting for buy toilet paper brings me back to COVID times. I know. People were fighting. People were fighting for that toilet paper. The only scenario I can see in which I could relate is when I was 16 and you roll up to the gas station and you buy a bunch of shit like water, snacks, candy bars, whatever, and then you just throw the condoms in there too. Oh yeah. Just because it's like,

I'm not gonna walk up with just condoms. I know. I'm gonna walk up with all this stuff and then maybe there's a condom in there. Maybe there's just a couple under everything that you should just scan really quick and put in the bag and don't even notice that you did. I know.

When in reality, you know, I guess in that moment it would be like my girlfriend's parents at the age of 16, seeing me at the gas station as I'm like, Yeah. Setting my stuff down. That's an uncomfortable one. That kind of could get me close to this world, but there's not much else in life.

I mean, now I don't care, but there's not much else. But like, it's so funny because I was just thinking as you're saying that, we grew up in a time where self-checkouts didn't exist. Like to be a teenager nowadays, buying Plan B, condoms, pregnancy tests, it feels a little safer because you can just go to a self-checkout. We didn't have self-checkout. So anytime like I was in high school buying those things, especially plan B or like condoms, you'd have to go to a person. And typically Target in Duluth, small town where I grew up, it was like someone's mom or like grandma. One degree. Like it was very, and the worst is when you had someone who would try to make small talk and they'd

look at the items and be like, oh my God, I tried this protein bar. It's so good. Oh these condoms ultra ribbed. How do you like these? That didn't happen, did it? Happened one time. Someone asked me how I liked the condoms. Yep, and the organic- Do you like the ribbed? No, not anymore. No, I like the-

Do you remember all those crazy ones? Smooth or whatever. Icy hot and then it would burn. Tried those. And then like ultra thin. And then you're just like paranoid the whole time. Yeah. We had one pop on us. That was the craziest thing ever.

Yeah. It was wild. I've never had a condom break and that one like it actually like popped. It was nuts. Kind of blacked that one out. Yeah. It's wild. Interesting. But did you ever have them scan it and do like the...

No. The look. I- I- Like the scan and the- I tried to always be on my phone. I was just like, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, just please give me my stuff. I mean, they see that shit every day. But toilet paper, no need to react like this over toilet paper. No.

This is only two days old. However, overall vote got calculated fast and it is not the asshole. I'm excited for the comments. Top comment. Holy shit. Your cousin uses toilet paper? As in she goes to the bathroom? Yes, she'll definitely get fired as her boss will never be able to look at her without imagining her on the toilet. So sad. But she's the only person in the entire world who produces bodily waste and it's just too difficult to get our minds around that. Yeah.

Obviously not the asshole as that stupid as fuck. Perhaps you invited her rage by making her feel every ounce of the stupidity she deserved. She was clearly overreacting, but unless she's a known faker, those huge feelings were real, and she probably felt like she deserved to keep a shred of dignity she had left after her making such a scene. Next comment down, wait until she finds out there are bathrooms at the office with toilet paper, because co-workers poop there too. She must not actually though. She probably is one of those people that can't poop in public. You're kind of like that.

You can in dire situations, but you really try to avoid it. I've gotten, I've made strides in that department. Good job. It just, at this point, it's better than on the airplane. Any public bathroom is better, except the one thing that's very difficult for me is when it's a single bathroom. Think about like a holiday gas station in Northern Minnesota. Like a Jimmy John's.

Versus the Buc-ee's. That gas station bathroom was nuts. I'll take a Buc-ee's bathroom any day. Any day, they had music going, artwork. Jimmy John's, subway, any place where you have like a solo single bathroom. If I'm gonna go in there, the problem is, is like, you know, there's only one.

And yes, you have it to yourself. But my nightmare is like the line of people building up and things are taking too long and you hear the knocks and all that. That is just, uh-uh, nope. Only thing worse could be an airplane. Airplane would be bad, especially when people walk in after you

and you're like, oh, just give it a minute. Or when you know there's already a line of people building up behind you before you go in, uh-uh. Cause then the stopwatch starts the second you close that door. I know. So there is one comment I really had to scroll because I wanted to see if anyone else had different takes.

Yeah. So the first one that says everyone sucks here goes, your cousin had what sounds like a panic attack. It was over something stupid that got blown out of proportion in her head, like many panic attacks. She needs better coping mechanisms for sure. This level of anxiety over something so small indicates she needs therapy not to be laughed at.

So she can get an asshole point for her unchecked anxiety and you get one for laughing hysterically at your cousin for having a breakdown while mooching off her gas money and Costco membership. Yeah, that makes sense. Next comment down. I'm adding my agree. Everyone comment down. That makes sense. I'm adding my agree.

Everyone sucks here. My initial vote would have been you're the asshole to OP, but the cousin taking the purchases with her is an asshole move. Regardless of her issues or mental health, I think it is cruel to laugh at someone who is upset, regardless of the reason. It never ends well and only serves to escalate an already volatile situation. True. Yeah.

Someone does say, sorry, but your cousin needs therapy, which is very true. And there's nothing to be shamed about for going to therapy. Like it is not shameful. Therapy is so beneficial and everyone could use it. And OP goes, we talked about it while we were walking around Costco.

I think the offer when she left work on Thursday was a one-time cash payout of $25,000 or a percentage of that account sales as long as she works there. The accounting department said it could be hundreds of thousands of dollars if my cousin stayed working there. It's another reason I just didn't get the meltdown. She was getting this huge money and had just found out it was going to be more. And she was worried about toilet paper. She's four years older than me. 26.

I'm 22. This by far was the worst I've ever seen her, but she's had huge meltdowns before. Okay. Yeah. She needs, she needs some help. I think so. And then she's good to go. I mean, she's got the career set. Yeah.

And it sounds like the boss really likes her. And he was described as a very pleasant man. Like it seemed like a very positive interaction in the wild. Well, and here's why this one is in this theme. The milk has already been spilled. Your boss already saw you with the toilet paper in the cart. There's nothing you can do to take it back. Milk is spilled.

Try not to make it worse. It's not even spell milk, but it is for her. In a sense, right? Obviously panic attacks, anxiety, mental health, it's hard to control those things. They spiral. You're stuck in it. But for other stories we're going to encounter and for those out there, if you ever are in a situation like milk's already spilled, try to look at it as like, hey, damage done. How can I make the best of this now going forward? Don't sweat the small stuff.

The milk has been spilled. Let's move on. Okay. Do you see what I did there? That was very good. Okay, up next. This one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is 15 hours old.

Am I the asshole for not wearing the wedding dress my stepsister handmade for me. I, 25 female, got married two weeks ago. My now husband, 27 male, and I paid for most of the wedding, but my father covered a few costs for us. My father's girlfriend, Stella, has a daughter, Zoe, 21 female, who is finishing her degree in fashion.

She wants to get into the wedding industry once she graduates. When I started planning my wedding, she offered to design and make my dress. I was hesitant at first. As I'd been excited about picking out my own dress, I agreed because I didn't know Zoe well. My father had only been dating her mother for two years,

and I thought this could be a nice opportunity to bond. Also, I'd seen some of her work. She made a couple of ball gowns in college, and she seemed honestly pretty good. We met up a few times to discuss our ideas. During those, I realized our styles were drastically different, but we still managed to agree on a design. I gave Zoe my measurements and asked her to update me. She didn't. Whenever

I asked her how she was doing, she'd say she would send me progress pictures when she got home. She never did. It took her longer than expected to finish it, and I didn't get the dress until a month before my wedding. It looked nothing like the designs we'd agreed on. It was the wrong color, the wrong style, the wrong everything. It looked exactly like the types of dress Zoe wanted me to wear, but I knew I'd never wear anything like it.

I really did not like the dress. When I tried it on, I found out it was also three sizes too big. Though I knew I could probably have it altered, I truly did not want to wear that dress on my wedding day. I called Zoe and told her I wouldn't be wearing the dress. I said it looked lovely, but not the style we'd agreed on, and I thought it would be best for me to find a different dress. I offered to pay her for her work. She had made the dress for free, but she declined and hung up on me. I went to a retail bridal store with my maid of honor and we found a beautiful gown that didn't need much altering. It looked

exactly like what I had wanted. Fast forward to my wedding. I walked down the aisle in the dress I bought. Zoe seemed to be on the verge of tears during the ceremony, and Stella gave me dirty looks throughout the reception. When I approached them a while later, they were both short with me. My father, Stella, and Zoe left less than an hour into the reception. My father and Stella called me the next day and told me off for how I'd treated Zoe. This had been her first time making a wedding dress and had been excited to see me wearing it. They said it was insulting of me to not wear the

dress she'd put so much effort into. I tried to explain why I hadn't worn the dress but they're both insisting the dress was beautiful and I could have sucked it up. My husband and my younger sister, not Zoe, are on my side. I've been feeling guilty about this since I decided not to wear the dress. Am I the asshole? No! Not the asshole. What is up with everyone trying to take over other people's wedding days. We're gonna see it. I feel like the minute we start planning, oh my God, my blankie fell. I feel like the minute we start planning stuff,

we're gonna see people try to dictate and want to do stuff and all this crazy shit. Even my mom, love her, and this isn't bad. This is just her getting excited. But like, to put it in a perspective, like, I haven't, we haven't started planning. And she's already sending me dress options for her, like, mother of the bride dress. And I'm like, one, that's cream. Not doing that, lady, unless I put every one of my people in cream.

That dress was not cream. It looked like that in the Photoshopped pictures because of the photographer's editing skills. It wasn't that cream. That dress was not cream. It looked like that in the Photoshopped pictures because of the photographer's editing skills. It wasn't that cream. But I think I'm gonna have all of the family members in like a tone of green. So I told her green. Just all of these stories make me so, so excited.

I just don't get it because clearly she went above and beyond to try and make this work, to sit down with her, even though it wasn't her first choice, go through options and then land on something and then trust her enough to get within a month of your wedding, no dress and still be trusting her. I'd go full blown panic attack.

They should be praising her for giving her a shot. Zoe is the one that screwed it all up. She couldn't get over her own wants and needs. So she made what she wanted. Dude, I've, I think in music, there's a lot of this gray area where someone asked, like we have a brief for a specific song that they want and you send something and sometimes you take some liberties, but you really stick to the brief because you know if you don't, they're going to choose someone else's. This is no different. We agreed on a style. I showed you everything I wanted. It'd be the

same with our house. If we had said, here's the design we're looking for here. And that's why we took such a hands-on approach. We hand-picked, hand-cut, like we did so much. So with something like this, of course you're not going to wear the dress you don't want to wear on your wedding day. You're going to go get the one. And she was so happy in the dress she wore. So the dad, come on dude, he's all roped in because of Stella. And then you got Zoe like trying to, I don't know, stomp all over the day in her way. It's just like, and don't leave, let them leave. But he's too wrapped up in Stella that he's, he's completely just a robot now. But the thing is like, Zoe's 21.

Clearly she's used to getting her way. How can you make the best of this situation? OP already wore a dress that wasn't Zoe's dress. So what are you gonna do? How do you make the best of the situation? You say, hey, Zoe, your dress was beautiful, but it didn't work for her. She really, you know, wanted a certain style

and she went another direction. But how about, you know, if we get married, Zoe, you can design my dress and the dress you made, like let's sell and maybe another bride could wear it. Are you saying Stella should do this? Yes, Stella and the dad. Stella and the dad will never do that to benefit OP. Stella and the dad are going to do that, or Stella really is going to do that to differentiate herself

and say, well, I will wear the dress you make me, unlike her. She's going to make it a point of contention. Oh, for sure. There's no way she's going to be like, I think you guys just disagreed because you had agreed on this and this. This isn't an ideal world. But I think to make it up to you, like another way we could do this is all wear a dress you make. No, it's going to be a point of like complete contention. But that's the problem with people. Yeah.

The milk has already been spilled. Again, I'm going to keep slamming it down everyone's throat. How do you make the best of this situation? It's not with contention. Stella will never get to that point. I'm gonna keep slamming it down everyone's throat. How do you make the best of this situation? It's not with contention. It's- Stella will never get to that point. Then good luck having a relationship with OP.

Like if Stella is going to act like that and encourage her daughter, Zoe, to be this high maintenance spoiled brat, then that's what they get. The dad is gonna burn the bridge and not have a relationship with his daughter, OP. But if they went into it with a mature mindset and started shaping Zoe, hey Zoe, you know,

this is what it is. She wore a different dress, let's move forward, let's see if we can sell your dress. I'll wear a dress you design if we get married, but you know, she wanted a certain style. The dress you made is different. Like sometimes you have to be the one to give your kids bad news.

You have to be the bearer of bad news. It just is what it is. Life is not all butterflies and rainbows. In a perfect world, maybe that would happen. The only person who has the slightest position of power if they can actually not just be wrapped up in Stella's spell is the dad. He's the only one that could potentially say to them, give them some reason. It's not going to be OP because she's already the villain.

Stella's gonna try and come in and be the hero. Oh, I'll wear your dress, whatever you make. And then the dad is the only one in the middle that could potentially have some effect. And try to make this more of a positive relationship going forward. But I don't see it being any of the other players. It's really the dad.

Yeah, it just sucks. Cause OP really was trying to do something nice and agree. Trying to bond. She did more than enough. I know. And OP does say in retrospect, I do regret agreeing to this. I think that besides the reason I mentioned, I felt a bit pressured by the fact

that there were parts of my wedding my father was paying for. Also, if she delivered the finished I mentioned, I felt a bit pressured by the fact that there were parts of my wedding my father was paying for. Also, if she delivered the finished dress sooner, I might've had more time for alterations. Yeah. You didn't want it from the beginning though. So I guess, here's what it comes down to, for me and for OP really,

cause I'm kind of aligning with this in a sense. There's an element to people pleasing that you were trying to kind of sit in the middle, right? You're gonna keep them happy. You're gonna keep yourself happy. Cause it's like, maybe she does make something good. So, oh, if she makes something close to the dress I actually want, then everyone wins and everyone's happy.

With a little bit of like taking away from yourself because it's not ultimately what you would have chosen, number one. So it's just, I guess, going forward in situations that are so you, such your day, just make the decision from the start, say, nope, I'm gonna go with someone instead of, because it does make it worse that we got all the way down

to the point she made it, you know, maybe if you had said from the start, no I already have something I love and I'm gonna do that then by the time you're walking down the aisle Months and months and months have passed. It might be all just whatever Yeah, it's I've been caught in that where you're just sitting in the middle trying to keep everyone happy and yet at the end of the day Everyone is upset instead of just someone being slightly upset and everyone else being happy. It's like, and yourself. Yeah, and that's something I wish more people would realize.

You're never going to make everyone happy. Being in the middle and trying to be Switzerland, I think is worse. And everyone gets unhappy and you're unhappy. You're one, you're not setting boundaries then. You're not having tough conversations. Like, it doesn't pay to be Switzerland. Have the conversations.

Advocate for what you think is right or what is going to make you happy. Because at the end of the day, you have to be happy too. You can't live your life trying to appease other people. It just is what it is. Top comment, not the asshole. Zoe disrespected you by ignoring your wants. As a designer, she needs to listen to her clients. Plus her making the dress way too big

means she isn't that great at it. Give the dress back to Zoe and let her know that you appreciated the effort, but this was not the dress you wanted and the two of you even agreed to. That you are sure she will find someone to appreciate the dress. As for her mom and your dad,

let them know Zoe needs to listen to her clients, and that though you appreciate Zoe's efforts, it was not what you wanted, and that as a client, you don't need to suck it up, and that they should have learned to accept that people have a right to make their own choices, especially regarding wedding dresses. Honestly, wondering if Zoe did this on purpose to get attention during your wedding. OP responds, I don't think she did this for attention. I think she got carried away and made the dress she wanted instead of the one that we agreed on.

Yeah, probably. And someone else comments like, is Zoe lying to them about the conversations you had? Like she's trying to act like a victim, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And OP goes, They know what I requested They know I'm not lying. They don't care Stella because Zoe is her daughter my father because he thinks it was entitled of me to refuse to at least alter the dress It's not your style. It's not what you agreed to pull your head out of your ass dad He is wrapped around that finger

They've yeah, it's crazy Pull your head out of your ass, Dad. He is wrapped around that finger. It's crazy. It's crazy. But moving along. Yep. One of this week's partners is Lumi. Nothing stinks more than getting in your car and being on empty or stubbing your pinky toe on a doorway or a couch. Except maybe body odor.

That stinks more. But have no fear, Lumi is here. I can seriously say Lumi is one of the best deodorants I've ever used. Works so well and smells amazing. And it makes sense because Lumi was designed by an OBGYN and it lasts up to 72 hours. It's also baking soda free and paraben free

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That's code THT at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. Story number three, 10 hours old, titled, "'Am I the asshole for sleeping with a guy "'after the man I thought was my boyfriend "'said we were not a couple?' "'We've been seeing each other for a year "'and everything looked and seemed we were not a couple. We've been seeing each other for a year and everything looked and seemed like we were a couple. He said he loved me and I said I loved him. He spends every weekend with me and we have planned our first trip together, etc.

Last weekend he was in bed and I made him pancakes because it was his birthday on Tuesday. He was very happy about it and joked that I was spoiling him. I said that I wanted to spoil my man. He said, I am not your man, with the same energy. He didn't seem awkward nor embarrassed, just as calm with a smile on his stupid face. I didn't take it seriously and said, Yeah, I know you are not my man. He was more serious now and said, No, really, I am not your boyfriend.' I felt literally sick, but I tried to be calm and I asked, so what are we?

He said, I don't know, really great friends with benefits. I didn't say anything after that and he ate his pancakes in silence. Later, he asked if we would do anything. I said that I was planning on cleaning and doing some paperwork. He left after an hour. I ran to the bathroom to be sick, and I probably cried for a solid two hours. I couldn't keep anything in my stomach for the rest of the day. He texted that evening, thanking me for the breakfast in bed, and that he thought

I was amazing. But I didn't answer. So then he called a few times. I didn't answer. Around 10 p.m., he rang on my door. I just opened a jar and pretended I was sick with a flu and was going to bed. He offered to stay the night in case I needed help during the night, but I said no. I didn't answer him Sunday nor Monday, and I didn't wish him a happy birthday text

on Tuesday either, and I've just been keeping it short text, feigning sickness. He never brought up what he said, once. Then yesterday, he wrote that he missed me and that he hadn't gone this long without talking to me since we met, and that he was going mad. He asked if we could at least have dinner. I said that I was very busy. He said, don't you miss me? I said that I was very tired because I was out all night with a guy last night, so I just wanted to relax by myself this evening. He stopped answering. He showed up 15 minutes later asking me if I was lying. I wasn't. I told him that we weren't a couple, so I was free

to do whatever. He said that I broke his heart and cheated on him and that I am an asshole. I waited for him to leave before I started crying. He is right. We never had the talk actually. And I never asked him what we were. I just assumed because I loved him and I thought he loved me too. But now that I know we aren't together,

why was he upset that I slept with another man yesterday? Was I the asshole? No. Was it asshole? No. Was it cheating? No. This dude is delusional. Though you didn't have the talk early on, which I advise everyone should do no matter what,

if things are starting to get serious and you're starting to fall for somebody, communicate your feelings, have the discussion. It doesn't have to be, do you want to be my girlfriend? Do you want to? It can be a discussion about being exclusive. Yes, that's a good way to put it. Are we exclusive?

Are we dating? Are we exclusive to one another? Yes, girlfriend, boyfriend. That's what you call it. But is that what we're doing? Because once you actually get there and have that discussion, your relationship gets much stronger and you can start focusing on building something together just the same as you can when you are engaged.

Your relationship all of a sudden intensifies and gets a lot stronger because now we're not just building a relationship, we're truly building a life together. And so I think it's very important to have those talks at the right time, obviously, but clearly this was way overdue. And yeah, it's kind of on both parties, you know, it's, it's, it's a two-way street, so either of you can bring it up, but I would just make sure for you listening, bring it up when you start to feel that because then you don't end up here.

And what's interesting about this one is you never had the talk, but now all of a sudden you kind of did. It's no different than when I talked to you at the hockey game and I did it all, nonchalant, not being very communicative. And was like, oh, when we go home for the holidays, what, like, who do I tell people you are?

Because you're not just my friend. We're clearly not just friends. So what do I tell them? Oh, we're just friends with benefits. Now I was hinting at the fact like, should we make this official without really saying it? Well, what's crazy is like, you go first. Oh, well, and I was just gonna say,

now that we've hit the point in their relationship where you did kind of ask, you were, I mean, you didn't, but you insinuated. And then his response clearly made it so that. We are not dating. Right. We are not boyfriend, girlfriend. So in that moment, I feel that heartbreak.

Like my, I feel it in my stomach. It's almost like a breakup in a way. They've been doing this for a year. And so I feel that pain and I would want a hundred percent not feel guilty about anything I would 100% not feel guilty about anything I did going forward. Absolutely not. Because you're not obligated to anything. No.

Well, I think it's really strange too, where it's like, OP and him are saying, I love you back and forth. To say I love you to someone that you're not dating, they're either your best friend or usually family or a friend. You know what I mean? Like you can say, I love you to a friend. Never have I said that with a friend's benefits.

Not a friend's with benefits. Like you're blurring those lines and you're emotionally and mentally toying with this person. Don't you miss me? Come on, you knew what you're doing. You wanted to have your cake and eat it too. You wanted to have someone who you could fuck consistently,

get the girlfriend privileges without having to pay the girlfriend tax. Like that's not how it works. It's no different than like people who are like, well, I don't wanna get engaged. I'm not ready for marriage. Well, then you don't get wifey privileges. You don't get that without a certain level of commitment. Come on. You

don't get to have your cake and eat it too. Yeah. So lots of comments from OP. Not seeing an update on this yet. It's just a day old. I would love to know if like this causes him to like want to be official now or if like they're done and he's not gonna be able to get past this. But no, in my eyes, this was not cheating, not the asshole, make that clear. Oh, but he's going mad as he says. Yeah, okay. Really? Sure.

OP does have a comment here. My greatest regret is that I let him have my pancakes. They must be really good. I know, and you can just picture the scene of him sitting there eating them in silence. I know. Oh, this is great, sweet. There's no problems here.

Because maybe from his frame of mind, what he said, like he's clearly not, well, he clearly is emotionally into this. So it's like, He's saying I love you. But how can you be such a dud that you don't understand when you say, Oh, I'm not your man, that that's not going to have some effect. And how does that not have an effect on you?

It gets worse. So there's a comment that's now deleted by the user that I can't see. But OP's response says this, The difference is dating and friends with benefits are two totally different things and even have different starting points. Yes, dating can result in friends with benefits, but this is something you know almost immediately and talk about.

Everything we did and said was dating. The I love you, I miss you, planning activities, meeting parents, talking about one, three, ten years in the future with each other in it. It is not like it has been a year of total silence. I didn't know the talk is an actual thing. I have had relationships before, never had a specific talk. Really?

And that's a really good point, though, talking about the, like if it's a friends with benefits, you're not going to have your friends with benefits in your life three years later or 10 years later. It could turn into a relationship. It could. I mean, there's movies about it. It happens. Friends with benefits do transition. Some of the best relationships do start that way.

But strictly just a friends with benefits that stays that way. Yes. And you're typically not talking about life with that person 10 years down the road. That's planning a life together. That gives dating. That's not just, oh, we're having sex and that's it. Which is why I think it's so important to have that convo because I've, you know, I'm not perfect.

The reason I've learned to be Mr. Communicate, I've been through this stuff. I have been in situationships where things were undefined and you end up hurt. I've been there. And so that's why I wanna stress that, you know, though you may need to learn the hard way sometimes, you don't have to.

This is not something you need to learn the hard way. So I'm just telling all my friends out there, make sure you have the convo. Yeah, well, and people do point out like, the talk isn't a real thing. Every talk I've had has only ever taken two seconds. It's a confirmation of what you both already know and feel. Don't let anyone tell you it's your fault.

I love yous and future planning for a year is the talk. He's just an idiot. And I think that's what you were saying too. It's like, it's so easy. It's just a quick like, hey, you know, we've been seeing each other for a while now. Are we exclusive? It's nice to confirm. That's it.

Right, and it also plays into being safe. Sexual relations with people, as soon as you can determine you're exclusive, you can feel a little more sense of being safe doing those things with that person, especially like being a little risky. I don't know, whatever you wanna do is what you wanna do. But at least-

Sitting on someone's face without a dental dam. But at least you have that sense of like, okay, it's just us. And you know, the risk is obviously significantly, completely. You've been tested. I know your sexual health status. I've been tested. I know mine. We're not sleeping with other people.

Yeah, I'll give you a blow job without a condom now. Right. It creates a layer of safety and trust. But I will also say, no, it's definitely not your fault. I've ended up in these situations and it's so easy to end up there because it is kind of, it is easy, but it's kind of tough to bring it up at the same time because you're scared

that they'll say no, like I was. And then I got said no too. We came around though, I just needed a little more time. It was too soon for me. I bring it up too much. It was only three months in, not a year. But after a year, you should know if you want to be with someone exclusively. And if you're not ready, then let that person go and let them find their person that's going

to treat them the way they deserve to be treated. Or you can reconfirm, yeah, we're friends with benefits and we both love this, so let's keep it going. I'm gonna see other people then, that's fine. Right, but if you confirm, confirm you're not holding them back and that you're not holding yourself back. Yeah, speaking of sexual health, someone does ask OP,

do you think he was sleeping with other people while you were together? Someone else comments, maybe, but even if he didn't, his statement implied that he was keeping that possibility open. Another response, he clearly wanted the option, but also wanted to ensure he had a committed sex partner who wouldn't be with other men. OP does respond to that thread and goes, I don't want to know. Someone responds to OP, babe, you should get tested.

OP already made an appointment. Good. That's how it's done, baby. Everyone even with a committed regular partner, you should be doing yearly checkups and getting screened. Just to make sure. Never know. A lot of people get caught that way.

Never know. But you can never truly trust anyone. No, not the asshole. Yeah. Moving along. Another one of this week's partners is Quince. Summer is around the corner. And when you're not feeling confident or good about what you're wearing,

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That's q u i n c e dot com slash tht to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash tht. Trigger warning on this next one you guys. It does contain talks of a very traumatic birth and health care situations that could be very triggering for people. I get into a health care story talking about mentions of suicide or an attempt. So this is a heavy one. So if you are not able to handle that today, please skip.

This next one is coming from Relationship Advice, titled, titled, I, female 30, told my doctor I would sue him if he touched me, and I delivered my son on all fours and embarrassed my husband, male 32. My husband frequents Reddit, just not this subreddit, I don't think, but still the throwaway. Two weeks ago, I had my son.

My labor was 24 hours long. My son was not moving. I could tell the doctor was getting impatient before he left. I asked for an epidural, but it just didn't seem to be working. I could still feel everything. I have broken both my legs. I have been stabbed. It was an accident, but it went in one side of my thigh and out the other. However, I have never been in the pain I was in that room. When the doctor finally said that I was crowning, my son still didn't come.

There was a barrage of things. They needed to get him out. He said he was going to give me a little cut. I told him at that moment that the anesthesia wasn't working, so not to. He grabbed something from the table. My husband was, "'All, everything is going to be okay, blah, blah, blah.'"

And I sat up, and as the doctor got closer, I told him I would fucking sue him for his life and blood if he touched me with those scissors. I do remember shoving my husband when he reached for my arm, like he was holding me back from attacking the doctor, which I was not going to do. It was blurry from there,

but I apparently got on my hands and knees. I remember squatting, but whatever, and I pushed my son out. I did not tear badly, thankfully, for the record. I was still half delirious. I said I wanted all of the men out, this included my husband, and I screamed for them to get out until they did. Then apparently proceeded to lay calmly while the

nurses tended everything and I believe a female doctor came in and asked me some questions, some pertaining to a lawsuit and blah blah blah blah blah. But I was still delirious, just trying to hold my son, etc. One of the nurses that was with me made me feel better and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I was still delirious, just trying to hold my son, et cetera. One of the nurses that was with me made me feel better and said, quote, "'Sometimes mother's just no best,' and called me a champ. If you are the nurse who said that,

I would just like to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. It was an hour and a half before I was feeling myself again and my husband could come back in. I still feel shaky and horrible whenever I think of it. The idea of even going back to the doctor's office for checkups makes me want to vomit. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust a doctor again, and I certainly will never be having any more children.

My husband hasn't left me alone about kicking him out of the delivery room, and he keeps saying how embarrassing it was for him and the doctor, even after I explained that the doctor was going to give me an episiotomy without my permission. He just keeps saying that the doctor knew best, even though he saw me push my son out. Every time he says it, I feel like I've been resenting him more and more. On top of that, I have been having really crappy nightmares about my husband grabbing me and restraining me in that moment. So I'm not sure if I'm just not being understanding enough because I'm sure he was embarrassed, but I'm just finding it hard to be empathetic, which is not remotely the norm for me. I'd like some outside opinions and again yes I'm speaking to my therapist but I just like some impartial views. Please forgive any

mistakes I am trying to write this while breastfeeding. How do I gain more empathy or is this as offensive and insensitive as it feels? Yeah you don't need any empathy. Zero. No ma'am this one. I feel sick You knew this one would hit me. You knew it didn't you know? Yes, cuz this like This is a version of an ultimate fear of mine, though I'm obviously not a female not having a kid the way she feels going forward now about doctors Is how I've always felt ever since I went through all that shit as a kid.

I, every time, like if I had the doctor's appointment tomorrow, I would already have anxiety right now, and I would feel like nauseous all day and just anxious I wouldn't sleep well tonight. I think everything you did, I think what that nurse said is exactly the best way to wrap, to summarize this story. Is you knew best and you are a champ. The rest of all of it,

I don't think you did a single thing wrong. When you're in pain like that and you're going through shit like that, you can say whatever you want. You have full right to anything because I'm sure I've not been in that kind of pain, but in times in my life where I have been in like hysterical, I don't know what to do pain.

Yeah. It doesn't fucking matter who it is. It doesn't matter what the situation is. You just need to like get your focus on you. It doesn't matter. And especially, I don't know, it's just, I'm freaking out because having a doctor just be like, I'm gonna give you a snip.

And you're like, dude, the fucking shit isn't working. I feel everything. And you're still coming towards me. I would have done the same shit isn't working, I feel everything. No the fuck you're not. And you're still coming towards me. Yeah, no. I would have done the same shit. Well then add in the husband trying to physically restrain her. I wanna get to that. Because now that is fucked up

and then to now be doubling down on that trauma and still like you stood there you were embarrassed and she's the one going through all this and pushing out your kid fuck no dude he needs to shut the fuck up milk has been spilt birth happened the way it happened not fucking good not patient centered care for our OP here, but it happened. Your son is now here. Your wife is okay.

Shut the fuck up. Embarrassed, shut the fuck up. The only one that should be embarrassed is you. Yeah, and even just having it being upset that you have to leave the room or any of that, like- If that's what it took to get your baby safely into this world and you still have a wife at the end of the day, be on your hands and knees

saying thank you. This guy's a dud. This doctor's a dud. That is some sketchy shit. Here's what I have a hard part with. Because is there, sorry. I can't, I wanna- No, no, you ask your question.

Because this might feed into what you're gonna say. Is there a gray area between when someone's in hysterics and you think, okay, this baby's gotta come out or we gotta cut off this limb or we gotta whatever procedure it might be, where's the line between a patient saying fuck no and you being like, I need to save a life. You know, because there's probably people who are like literally dying and they're like,

no, don't touch me, don't do anything. But you know, that's the only way you're going to save them. I don't think maybe this wasn't that far. There's a lot that goes into it. Where's the gray area in medical stuff where you're like, I'm going to either stand here and watch you die or you know what I mean? It's just weird.

Yeah, so I'm obviously not a medical doctor. I'm not an MD, a DO, I'm an OT. However, like I've seen a couple cases where I've watched it play out. There's fine lines. Like there's always this like question of consent. Can the patient give consent? Are they mentally sound enough to consent?

And then if they're not, that's where ethics and all of these things come in. So if there's a case, one case I really think about is, there was this man in LA who decided to try to take his own life and jumped off an overpass. It did not kill him, however he broke just about every bone in his body. The hospital saved his life, but because of the pressors he went on to send blood to his heart, all of his limbs

became like necrotic and he had to have every single limb amputated. He was basically a torso and one upper arm. I would go into his sessions and he would literally say like, please kill me. It was the darkest, most sad case I've ever had. And they kept operating. They kept doing these life saving methods for him where he was mentally sound and saying, I don't want this. And yet they still kept operating and doing these things. So that's where you'll have, after cases like this, they will do ethics committees and you'll bring in everyone involved in the case and they'll talk about it and say, was this ethically sound?

Morally, was this what we should have done? And they'll analyze all of these things. And doctors are faced with really, really hard cases like that. This is a really tough conversation we're having here. However, based on what OP said, OP said stuff like, my baby wasn't moving, but there was no mention of,

you know, nurses saying, hey, fetal heart rate, we don't have a heartbeat, you know, we are going to rush you into a C-section. There's none of that context. So it's hard to know if baby was genuinely in distress or if the doctor was just trying to speed it up and do an episiotomy and use a vacuum or forceps. It's hard to know given this perspective of the writing. Because she had already said he was

getting antsy. Yes. So it's unclear. However, regardless of the situation, that doctor could have practiced compassionate patient-centered care. You take a step back from below and you go up to her and you say, hey, you know, I'm getting a little worried for your baby. Is it okay if I do an episiotomy? It's going to be a snip. I get your epidural isn't working. However, I think this is the best, safest practice to get your baby out. I'm worried about your baby. You know, heart rate is here. There's distress. You can still take 15 seconds to do that. And if it's too dire to do that, then like, maybe you really got to like, you know, or talk about a C-section. Like there's methods, but this doctor did not practice compassionate patient centered care.

No, if I even for something as simple like simple way simpler any type of blood test or any test that I'm going to get. If I told the doctor hang on just give me a minute and they didn't stop. Fuck no dude. I'm never going back. This is really tough but I don't think any of this is on OP. And like, this is coming from relationship advice. So OP is just like genuinely like, where do I go from here? Yeah, so I think we got to get back to that with, you know, it's, I think you got to set the,

it's not really even a boundary. It's just set, say, here's the deal. Our kid is here, I'm safe. Stop fucking bringing this shit up. It doesn't matter if you're embarrassed. Honestly, this is one of the cases where your feelings are kind of irrelevant because milk's already spilt

and why are we gonna sit here and worry about the past when we could have lost our baby? I could have lost my life. You lost, you had a hard time. Your ego was bruised. That's the worst thing to happen to you. In front of who? People you're never gonna see again.

In front of whom, sorry. People literally you're never gonna see again. Yeah. Yeah, I think the bigger priority here is like couples therapy, like addressing OPs feelings now of like resentment and my husband physically tried to restrain me. I took away that consent.

I didn't feel safe. I felt out of control and not like my needs were being heard or met. And like, how do you move forward past that? There's bigger issues than feeling embarrassed. That'd be very hard for me. OP does comment a lot. The post has since been removed, but I will make sure to post the link to OP's account so you guys can read through a lot of the comments. But there's a lot.

And that concept of like him grabbing her instead of the doctor is like really affecting her and she says that throughout the comments a lot. OP is asking, can I file a complaint? Is there a timeline on how long you have to file a complaint? I just don't think I have it in me right now. If it's a long process, I have a therapist and she's the one that suggested the possibility of the severity of my trauma, but I just won't think I have it in me right now if it's a long process I have a therapist and she's the one that suggested the possibility of the severity of my trauma But I just won't say it anymore. I guess I'll remove it if it offends people. I think talking about the post I don't I don't know because the most what I don't know Lots of questions like did you think the episiotomy was gonna be like bad and OP goes? Yes, I think the pain of the episiotomy in the to be like bad. And OP goes, yes, I think the pain of the episiotomy

in the moment would have actually driven me insane. I'm already struggling to bond with my son. And I think that would have made it worse, if not impossible, as terrible as some people may call me for that. But even if the doctor had made a single attempt to find me other medication, I may have trusted him more. And clearly I was more than capable of delivering the child. It wouldn't have done me more harm than good. Two, my husband's information, in my opinion, did not trump my person's. I don't think it was his place to act unless I was unconscious. He was not remotely supportive. Lots of comments. Yeah.

I'm never having another child. I'd have them tie my tubes if I could have. Yeah. Yeah, dealing, I think OP also could be dealing with like a lot of postpartum depression and anxiety from this too and definitely needs to continue with therapy but I think couple's therapy is really gonna be necessary too but a lot of comments so be sure you know you guys check that out. The top comment on the post, my wife delivered all three of our children on her hands and knees. Lying on So be sure, you know, you guys check that out. The top comment on the post. My wife delivered all three of our children

on her hands and knees. Lying on your back is for the convenience of the medics. You listened to your body and did the right thing. And that is really true. Like traditional birthing methods were like squatting. Like you see in the old shows and things. Yeah. Like I believe it was, it was one of the French kings

that actually really made birthing while laying down on your back popular, air quotes on that. Love that it was a guy that made that choice. Of course it was. Love that. I think a lot of people speculate he enjoyed watching. Oh great. I'm not sure the historical accuracy of that.

So don't quote me, but I've seen a Tik Tok or two. Oh God. Moving along. Thank you. Moving along. I just, I'm so, I just don't feel good. We're gonna lighten the mood. Yeah. I'll talk about anything else, literally.

Anything. Okay, up next. Lightening the mood a little bit after that one yeah yeah this is six hours old it is titled am I the asshole for being upset and not picking my girlfriend up from the airport after she married her guy best friend theoretically for the military health care okay a lot of layers a lot of layers. A lot of layers and holy fucker, my cramps terrible.

We shoulda brought your heat pad. Shoulda brought the heat pad. I'm using a throwaway and a shit ton of people are going to call this fake or me a simp or whatever. I can tell you it's not fake, but maybe I'm a stupid asshole who is pussy blind. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't fucking know.

I know she freaked the fuck out and called me every name in the book because I just can't face her right now. I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now. The first three months were amazing, but while we love each other, we fight all the time. And yes, the sex is amazing, and probably because we fight all the time,

that it just keys into it. And it's like the worst parts of our personalities. This week, she said she was going on a girl's trip to Vegas. I know her best guy friend, who like is a major reason we fight, is stationed in the Air Force there. And she promised me that no matter what, she wasn't going to see him. Well, guess what? On her way to the airport, she said she had something huge she had to tell me when she landed. So I was panicked the whole hour of her flight, thinking she was going to be pregnant, which in the grand scheme of things wouldn't be the worst,

but it's not really in my plan because of my finances right now. So anyways, I was panicked the whole time she was on the plane. When she got down, she texted me, quote, look, I'm going to say this over text because I'm worried how you'll react. But I married Jordan this week. Please don't freak out.

It's only so I can get on his healthcare with the Air Force. I saw that and freaked out. I tried calling her like a thousand times and she never picked up, but she would text me back and said, quote, I knew you'd freak out. Trust me. It's not what you think. I told her she had to pick up and talk to me or else I wasn't going to get her at the airport and she needed to get someone else or get an Uber. She freaked out and actually called me then and screamed that I was such an asshole. I asked her why she can't get a ride home with her friends she went on the trip with who were with her.

Then she confessed that she went on the trip by herself. Yep. Which raised so many fucking questions. So I told her we needed to talk. And again, she said that I was abandoning her when she had no money for an Uber. I'm to talk. And again, she said that I was abandoning her when she had no money for an Uber. I'm so confused. I guess like, should I go get her or am I an asshole because I won't pick her up? No, there's, she can safely get a ride home. Whether it's a taxi, Uber, whatever it is,

I'm not picking you up. She could afford to go see her friend Jordan and get married. That's not free. And how'd she do that? The reality is I want to sit here and be like, no, I'm not even talking to you. I'm just done.

The reality is- Move on. Yes, but in life, I would still want to have that conversation. Like if it were you a year in, I would have absolutely died, but I would have still wanted to have the conversation. In a, you know, an ideal world would be like, no, fuck you, never talking to you again,

but that's not the reality. You're still wanting to have that conversation. Just be like, what happened? Just so I'm not completely fucked up going forward as I go look and try and find someone new. Yeah, you don't want your radar to be too messed up, but it clearly is. Like this girl, I mean, I know there are some people that do get married for the benefits. Like I know that is a reality because it is good healthcare. However, it wasn't a girl's trip. She went to see him by herself. They got married. If it looks like a duck,

quacks like a duck, it's a duck. Yeah, they made it official. They consummated. 100%. It's clear what's going on here. I also have very direct and still, sadly, very vivid memories of having an outside force during a serious relationship that always is on your mind.

It pops in and out, but there's this threat and you're worried about it and it kind of drives you crazy and the person makes you completely feel fine like, oh, it's nothing, whatever, it'll never be a thing. And then facing the reality that it literally happened, like right in front of you. I don't need to go into the whole story, but I know what that's like to be worried about something. And then the whole entire time you were right, your radar was dead on, They made you think otherwise.

Gotta trust your gut more often. And then it happened and you get burned. But, you know, I'm trying to make it more of my life these days. I said it on Father Knows the other day. I want to try and start taking things like this that happen in life and just say, you know what? I couldn't have done anything different.

It is what it is. It's just part of my story. And I gotta keep moving on forward to the next page. Yeah. And it just sucks. I cannot imagine this obviously happening to us, but I've been through it in the past. And the reality is, you gotta just look forward.

It sucks. The milk has been spilled. And this milk is sour. It sounds sour from the start. It doesn't sound like a great relationship. You're gonna date someone that's married to someone that you were worried about the whole time? No, you're gonna be done.

This is only six hours old. There's no update from OP. We're gonna have to keep our eyes on it, but yeah, it's not looking good. It's no, there's no positive here. Hey, at least we're not driving to the airport back though. Yeah, top comment. Not the asshole.

She ditched you and married another man. You have to move on. Let her get as dramatic as she wants, freaking out, et cetera. What a bitch she is. And that's like, I get like wanting to have a conversation and getting closure, but sometimes you don't need closure to move on.

You don't, but I was just being ultra realistic. I get it, and I'm gonna be ultra realistic too. This woman is gonna tell you whatever you need to hear to keep you roped in. She's a user. That's true. She's a user. That is who she is.

So don't even waste your breath, block her. Your relationship has been unhealthy from the jump it sounds, move on. Get your stuff though. If it's nice stuff. Yeah. Like there was some jackets I would have had at your place at that point that I would want back.

Yeah, yeah, I don't wanna give them back. Yeah. She might not, but. I know, they might be in a burn pile by the time you get there. Moving along. Okay, this one is one day old titled, Am I the asshole for refusing to donate my kidneyate My Kidney to My Dying Sister Because

She Got With My High School Bully. Oh, jeez. Throw away, because this has a lot more personal info than I want on my main. All names are fake, though. I'm a 35-year-old gay man. When I was in high school, I was bullied severely by Darren. I won't go into the details, but it was really bad, past the point of typical high school douchebaggery.

In my sophomore year, I made the mistake of coming out to one of my friends, who promptly spread this information around the school. Before this, Darren had targeted me for being unathletic and wearing glasses, and had done this to a couple of other kids as well. But after I was outed, it was only me, unathletic and wearing glasses, and had done this to a couple of other kids as well. But after I was outed, it was only me. And only because of my sexuality.

After high school, I moved away for college. I made friends, even got a boyfriend, and pretty much forgot about Darren until one Thanksgiving. My sister, Ellie, brought home her boyfriend. Darren. No joke. The first thing he said to me when he saw me was, quote, damn Ellie, you didn't tell me your brother's a F slur. Ellie fucking laughed, as did my dad. What? I was kind of stunned, but I didn't yell or start a fight.

I just got up and walked out. After the fact, my family tried to play it off as Darren was joking because he was nervous meeting the family. Sure. And they told me that he and Ellie were serious, so I had to get over it. I just told them all that I wouldn't be attending any event where Darren was. In private, I told Ellie that I felt hurt that she'd date Darren, knowing what he had done to me. She basically called me too sensitive and told me she has the right to date who she likes, which, yeah, she does. Since then,

I've been putting my distance between myself and my family, who seem to have readily accepted Darren into the fold. Recently, my mom reached out to tell me that Ellie was in the hospital and needed a kidney transplant. The rest of the family had been tested and none could donate. My mom wanted me to get tested because I'm her full brother with a high likelihood of being a match. The thing is, after all these years, Ellie is basically a stranger to me. If I were to do this, I'd have to drive three states back to my hometown, miss who

knows how much work, and give up a piece of my flesh, all for the woman who dated and eventually married the guy who made my high school days a living hell. I told my mom that I wouldn't be getting tested, and she freaked out at me over the phone. I quickly hung up on her, but before I did, I heard her call me vindictive and a monster for refusing to save my sister's life. I admit, I do feel guilty about it. Am I the asshole? I don't think so.

Not the asshole. Here's the thing. Long before we even got to the kidney or any of this, I was done with the family. Absolutely. The second they all laughed and then they back him up. No, I'm out. That is for me, that's my ticket to Iceland.

All of my shit in me are out. I am just done. I'm gone. That's it for me. The kidney doesn't change that. There probably are people that would still save a life in their family just because they want to. I mean, there's people that donate organs to strangers. Correct.

Because they're kind. Yes. And even with all this going on, I'm sure there's some people that do it. But the reality is, just for a second, let's take all that shit out. And let's say she's dating someone fine and all relations in the family are totally fine.

It's still not your obligation to donate. No. That's a choice you can make for yourself, no matter who it is in the world, there's no obligation to do so. No. And just because a certain person would do it for you doesn't mean you have to be that person that does it for them. Unless you like sign a patch and you're like, yo, if I'd ever need a kidney or you do, we'll, we'll trade whatever. No, but this person does not need to donate. No, like there's no pressure. You shouldn't feel guilty.

It is not all on you. It's even regard, if we add back in the context. Even more so, no. Right, I just, they've wronged you and they've, you know, it is a kind of a, it's a sad situation with someone losing their life. But there's, I was trying to remove the context because I don't think that plays into 100%

like you should save your sister's life or not. I think that's just more like, do you wanna go through the surgery? And also you put yourself at risk by donating, don't you? Like in the long run, if you have one kidney go bad then? If you the long run, if you have one kidney go bad, then? If you have one kidney, like you have one kidney go bad, then you're fucked. It also is like organ transplants, from what I've heard, the recovery is a lot harder on the person that donates versus the one that receives.

There's limitations that could also get put on your life that you can't do and you're putting yourself at risk. What if OP had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and died on the table? Like this is a huge risk. And to take that for someone who was so unwilling to even stand up for you, when that person they're dating came over

and dropped that F word. To be called that after you've been bullied and that word has been used against you, that's terrible. And it probably sets you back because you've probably done so much work to become who you are and be confident in yourself after all that bullshit. Yeah.

And then to face it again. and that's the first thing. It's a lot of trauma. I wouldn't would not do it. There's no update from OP. This one is two days old. Some comments. Someone asked, no, side note, Darren was clearly closeted and wanted to fuck you. The fact that he tormented you and got with your sister is a dead giveaway.

OP responds, I sincerely doubt that. Some people are just absolute asshole, terrible people. And that's the only justification. Well, and here's the deal. If she recovers, if she does get a donation and she's fine, I'm still not having anything to do with the family. No. Not the parents, clearly not Darren, not the sister. It's just, you surround yourself with people

that really like love you for you. Cherish you. Well, and there is a comment too, did he ever apologize to you? OP responds, no. And I'm guessing that's partly because I'm low contact, but if he wanted to, he could have found a way to reach out. And that just goes to show.

Why would you do something for someone who is so poor to you? And I know a lot of people are gonna be like, well, it's Darren, it's not the sister. I'm sorry, if I found out my boyfriend had bullied my brother, but actually by the sounds of it, she knew going into dating Darren, she was well aware. So I wouldn't even touch Darren with a 12 foot pole. But then, okay, you see maybe Darren's changed and you want Darren to get to know your family,

so you bring him over. Then he drops the F slur. You don't make him apologize there. You don't say, Darren, come on. And then, knowing he hasn't changed, you don't break up with him. You stay with him. And just to make your family better, you don't say, Darren, I think you need to apologize. You were terrible to my brother.

You don't give a fuck about your brother. So why should your brother give a fuck about you? True. Don, you guys aren't family anymore. At this point, you're not family. You've fed him to the wolves. You've said this new stranger who's homophobic is more important to our family than you. Well, and the reality is she probably would not ever have even thought

of giving him a kidney. No way to know, but- If roles were reversed, no chance in hell. They would have been like, well, you cut us off. We don't talk to you, we don't even know you anymore. If roles were reversed, no, no chance. Would anyone do this for OP? It's sad.

So sad. Well, maybe her and Darren are a match. Terrible people. Because they're very deeply insecure people that can't figure their shit out. I hope she finds an organ. I don't wish ill upon anyone, but. No, but it's right.

That's what I was saying is it's like, the loss of life is never justified in this sense, but it's right. That's what I was saying is it's like you the loss of life is never justified in this sense, but It's not on OP. It's not his obligation. Yeah. Yeah. Okay moving along One last one for us here. Mmm, the big finale. We need a drum like a little drum so I could see her and be like a drum roll Like that like the last story we can give you a little snare drum. Yeah. Little drummer boy.

Like a little red one. I like that. That'd be good. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Screaming at My Husband to Get Out After He Pranked Me with Flowers? Flowers. My husband and my marriage is not going well. I'm very close to divorce and I've talked to him about it.

I told him I wanted some effort. I wanted flowers, chocolate, a nicely written note, something that showed he wanted to romance me. He finally took it seriously and agreed. When I came home from a 12 hour shift yesterday, he had laid a trail of rose petals in our house. It was so beautiful. The trail ended at the kitchen sink where he had piled a trail of rose petals in our house. It was so beautiful. The trail ended at the kitchen sink

where he had piled a bunch of dirty dishes, pots, and pans for me to clean. He said he got the idea from TikTok. I screamed at him to get out of my house. He left after a bit of arguing. I cried. Some of my friends said I was right, but others say he was just being playful.

Am I the asshole? No, because he's not in a position to be playful. This is very delicate territory and you're going to make a mockery of it versus doing it right. You haven't been good enough to be in a position where this is cool. I think he's being a very intentful asshole. You have someone coming to you and saying, I need more. This isn't even playful.

This isn't playful. This is just like degrading. And you're like asking, you're like, I need more. Like I need a little bit of effort. Otherwise like we are on the verge of divorce. And he says, okay, I'm gonna take it seriously. And then he does this last big hurrah with a sink full of dishes.

This is a go fuck yourself in my eyes. Yeah. It is harder. It is literally quite literally harder to do this. It is. Than to just hear some flowers. I love you. No, he's not the right guy.

Be done. He's showing you. Be absolutely done. This is like literally a big billboard of a sign saying he's not right for you. Find someone that'll treat you better for who you are. Yeah. Top comment on the post.

Not the asshole. I'm old and a widow. I had a very long and loving relationship with my husband. He had a fantastic sense of humor and often did very silly things to get a laugh out of me. Our marriage was solid because he would never have let me come home from a 12 hour shift to rose petals leading to a dirty

sink of dishes. He would have had the rose petals leading to a sparkling kitchen, dinner ready and with him dressed in a French maid outfit, probably with his ass hanging out. God I miss that man. Anyways, what your husband did, especially knowing how much you were really needing some romance was incredibly cruel and tone-deaf. I don't think this one is a keeper OP. No. It's hard to put it more plainly than that.

Yeah. It's point blank right there. It goes back to the saying, if he wants to, he will. It is so easy to make effort. Really. If someone's saying, I want flowers, I want chocolates, like the bare minimum is flowers. That's the bare minimum. Bar is in hell. And if you have someone that's saying like, I need more effort, like I'm at my wit's end, they're already starting to check out. And here is your rebuttal. And they're giving you the opportunity. They're giving you the opportunity versus saying, hey, we've tried, here's the divorce papers. OP does respond to that comment.

Okay. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your husband sounds like an incredible man who loved you very, very much. I wish I had that kind of love. Well, and the thing is, when you were talking about the rose petals and then the sink full of dishes,

I almost didn't believe it, I almost, I almost didn't believe it. I thought when you said the dirty dishes, I thought there was going to be like a sign that said, just kidding. I would never do that, but just wanted to, just wanted to freak you out and then have them lead further to something that was actually really awesome and romantic. That's a prank. Yes. That is what a prank is.

That's what I thought we were leading to. No. No. Because this other thing, I feel like it's degrading. It is degrading. It's like, here's all you're good for doing the dishes. It reminds me of Horrible Bosses 2, how the son of the super wealthy man that owns the company treats the maid.

He treats her so awfully. Oh my God, I need to watch that again. And it just, that's what's, it feels like you're treating your wife like that. Which the treatment of the maid is disgusting. Come on, no one should be treated this way regardless of who they are. No.

There's another comment. Did he film you? That's not playful, especially when the stakes are high. Get him a fake winning lottery ticket, then hand him a divorce decree. I used to have those. OP responds, he had his phone out. I don't think he posted it, but if he does, I'm done.

I actually found the original or maybe one of the TikTok pranks he used as inspiration. The comments even pointed out how messed up it was to do. I would give him a fake lottery ticket if I didn't know he would make a big fuss about it. Yeah. We have an update though. Okay.

Update. My husband came back home last night. I had cooled off and then he ruined it by saying I was overreacting, that it was funny and he wanted to make me laugh. I told him I was going to file for divorce because it was the last straw. He then started crying and begging me not to. He begged for me to give him a second chance. You had the chance. That literally was the second chance. Sir, I said he already got a second chance

and he squandered it by reminding me that I do all of the daily chores in this house. This is why our marriage was rocky. I work in the medical field while he is a blue collar worker. Both of our jobs require long hours, but if I mess up, people die. He once said that I went through all of that schooling just to get covered in blood and shit.

He took it back after, but he wanted to make me feel low. He started doing that a bit after COVID started. He just keeps getting worse and worse. Yeah. I do all of the cooking and cleaning. I do the laundry, the sweeping, the dentist appointments. All he does is create more work for me. He wanted me to pack him lunch because his friends' wives do it. His friends' wives are either stay-at-home

moms or they have part-time jobs. I do not have the time or energy to do that. He said he mows the lawn. Well, guess what? It's winter and I had to shovel the driveway because I had to work in the morning and he had the day off. I make more money. I bought our house at a low rate during COVID because his credit was too low. I had to save the money for the down payment. I pay our mortgage. What did he do to contribute to my life? If I didn't have him in my life, I would have clean floors all the time and more money, at least he could contribute love.

Yeah. And more like, come on, get out and shovel the. Yeah. And more. Like, come on. Get out and shovel the damn driveway. Hey, honey. You get to go sleep in. You take a few minutes, enjoy your coffee inside. I'll go shovel for you.

You got the day off. You can go back in and go back to bed. He probably does all day. I hate him. He said he loved me, but he didn't do anything to prove it. So I asked him for flowers or chocolate or a nice card, literally anything to show some love.

But instead he dropped flower petals to a sink full of dirty dishes, pots and pans. It's not even original. No, that's so mean. I'm done. I'm going to file for divorce. Good. Happy ending. Happy ending to the episode. So I guess you call file for divorce. Good. Happy ending. Yeah!

Happy ending to the episode. Baby! So I guess you call that wholesome. It was a wholesome update. Yeah. I like it. On to better things. Accounts been suspended.

No other updates past that, but it's coming from... Unneeded. It's two months old, so maybe we'll get a little something something. I did divorce his ass. I moved on. There is bigger better out there. Yeah. Happily ever after. Happily ever after.

Thank you guys so much for joining us for another episode. We are off to Nashville next week. And we are so excited. It is going to be a rowdy couple of shows. Do your homework. We have some guests coming in. Do your homework as Justin says and submit the form. We love calling on you guys. We love bringing you on stage.

We love hearing your confessions in person. And it doesn't mean you'll get called on. You can still fill out the form, say, no, I don't want to be called on. I'm not gonna pick on you if you don't want it. But then we'll use your juicy story still. Yeah. What do you think is the favorite confession

you've heard so far? Oh man. I know mine. Okay, you go. Well, it's just like, it's sticking out as like one of the, like the most like, ah! But someone wrote in, I'm here tonight with someone that I think I'm in love with.

The problem is they're married. Yeah. And everyone in the room was like, ah! Yeah, I was thinking of, there's a couple of similar ones like that that stick out to me the most. My favorite part is going like, now everyone's looking at the person next to them like,

Oh my God. Is it you? Oh my God, yeah, there was a birth control one that like everyone started looking around. Well, because when they're anonymous and it's red, you know it's someone in the room and you almost for a second would be like, well, I'm here with my girlfriend or my wife or whoever.

And you just start to, it just creeps in just a little bit. And you're like, could it be them? in just a little bit and you're like, could it be them? It could be them. Or husband, boyfriend, you know. Partner, whatever, yeah. It's so fun to see the reactions in person and these shows are really interactive.

You get to come and actually share your takes with us. So we hope to see you there in Nashville. There's I think some tickets left for the second show. But other than that, thank you guys for being here. March was amazing on Patreon, some really good bonus content. You definitely get your money's worth even at that $10 tier.

So head over there. We had full episodes with Carrie, bonus stories with Lauren, just juicy, juicy stuff. Yep. And April's going to be even better. I'm popping off this month. So I hope to see you over there. But other than that, thank you for being here and supporting the show.

It means the world to us. And until next time. Until next time. Bye guys. Bye. Bye guys!