Two Hot Takes - 162: NOT Too Stunned to Speak.. Ft. Spencewuah

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

WE'RE ON TOUR !!! : https://linktr.ee/twohottakestour Link for Google Form if you're attending one of our shows: https://forms.gle/A9WkQAci26LhMZjs5 Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Spencer Hunt aka Spencewuah!! What started as a theme where we were too stunned to speak turned into too flustered not to say something. These are a wild assortment of stories that have us discombobulated and ready to pop off in some regard. What are your thoughts on them? Checkout Spencer's content: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCc7DRLEHTG2hrQl4OGa1fZg https://www.instagram.com/spencewuah/?hl=en MERCH IS HERE ! https://shop.twohottakes.com I can't wait to see you all in these, especially at our live shows!! Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Zocdoc: zocdoc.com/tht Stitch Fix: stitchfix.com/tht Talkspace: talkspace.com/THT Promo Code: SPACE80

If you're changing payroll providers, experience better payroll processing services with ADP Canada, Payroll Time and HR for Business. Visit ADP.ca. It's been so long. I know. I know. It's been too long. Yeah, but I'm here. It's going to be a more regular thing and you've got a lot going

on. You know, your piercing stuff, quitting vaping. Yeah. You've had some big things happen recently. Yeah, I actually, like, I really, I want to show you, like. Do you get tattooed too? No, no, no. I thought you were. No, you can see like where the patches were.

Oh my gosh. Like actually, like this side, you can see it more. Like the glue. I think I was like allergic to the, let me, adhesive. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I was like allergic to the adhesive because you can see exactly where it was on my skin and it's like all dry and cracked

and I've been like having to moisturize. Well, I'm so proud of you. Thank you. Everyone give Spencer a round of applause, a positive comment for quitting vaping. And if you out there vape, you can do it too. It's a lot of work, but you got it babe. It's a lot, a lot of, no it's like actually it was...

I can't imagine. I was surprised with how well I did. I do think it was because of the patches. But if, I mean like I'd have friends over and they would vape in front of me and because I had the patch... Oh that would be so like triggering. But I feel like it wasn't because I had the patch and I was just like I don't have any, like I wasn't like, oh I need it. Because it's like the way the patch works is it does like a

step program. So it goes down in seven milligram increments. So the first step it's like 21 milligrams. It's released throughout the whole day. It lasts, it's like a... It's like an extended release Adderall. Right, but it's like for a week and a half. And then step two, it's 14 milligrams. Okay. And then I should... It like leans you.

Yeah, and I just finished the... Well, I didn't finish it. I just don't want to wear it anymore, the seven milligram one, because of like... The sticky, the skin reaction. Yeah, it's just not, yeah. No. Well, I'm so proud. So, so proud.

That's such a big accomplishment. You did it! Okay, well, today's theme that I have for you. Okay. It's gonna be like, too stunned to speak. Too stunned? Yeah. Okay. Too stunned.

Like, I read, like, I read a couple of them, but I'm going in blind with you. Just based on like the title, I was like, oh my God, what is this gonna be? Like I'm stunned off the title. What's the title? You'll see when we get into that. Oh my gosh, I'm so scared.

But they're good ones. I think we're in for a bit of a wild ride, but what was that audio? It was on TikTok for a while, wasn't it? Like she was too stunned to speak. Yeah. What was that? It was? Like she was too stunned to speak. Yeah. What was that? It was, um, the woman was too stunned to speak. And then it's like the camera revolving around her. I know exactly what you're talking about.

That's me today. With this. That's me. I'm terrified. Like I'm not terrified. I'm just like, like I'm excited, but I also like, I don't know that we, like the theme is like too stunned to speak, but like the themes themselves, like I don't know them yet. So I guess I'll have to. Buckle up, baby. Buckle up, baby.

Buckling up. Okay. Let's dive in. Okay. I'm nervous. I'm ready. Like I'm just like, I'm just like. No, you got this. I got this.

It's going to be good. Okay. We're starting off with a little bit of a warmup. Okay? Okay, perfect. This is three hours old, coming from AITAH, titled, Am I the Asshole for Breaking Up with My Girlfriend After Finding Out She Has a Pen Pal in Prison?

Oh. See, the theme is working. I feel like I need to like, know more. Been dating this woman for about seven months now. Things are fine. We are both in our early twenties. I don't like to snoop or anything like that, and I'm generally pretty trusting. However, after moving into my apartment, I started noticing letters coming in from a

prison lol. I started noticing letters coming in from a prison, LOL. I decided to open one and found out that it was to my girlfriend. And it was a very descriptive letter and almost flirtatious. He talked about getting out and starting a new life and visiting her. I asked my girlfriend about this and she said that he was an old friend and that I don't have anything to worry about. She said that she can talk to him about anything and enjoys getting the letters. When asked about the flirtatious nature, she said they used to see each other, but that was in the past. And he knows that. I decided to look this guy up and found out he has a lengthy criminal record, such as drug paraphernalia, possession,

hit and run, assault, and robbery. He's been in prison for three years and still has another 18 months until he's out. I decided that it wasn't worth it to keep seeing her as this could potentially be dangerous. Am I the asshole? No. No, sir. No, no, no. No, no. Like, I feel like I had to know what he was in prison for. I feel like if it was like she was like,

yeah, he went to jail when we were in high school and we were really good friends, but like he was just caught up in the wrong crowd and like I'm just here for him now as a person. Yeah. Just like he has someone to talk to. I'd be like, maybe, but the fact like this is for your own safety, too. Like if he's already being flirtatious and he's been and he's in jail for assault.

Yeah. I could not imagine like imagine what he would do to you if like, oh, there's just so much done back here that I just. No, and he's got this idea. He's flirty. He's talking about, I'm excited to get out and start my life and come visit you. So it's like, there's some hope. That like she'll be waiting for him.

Yeah. And to have that destroyed. Well, it's like, he's gonna show up at your house where the letters are coming to visit her and you happen to be there. Mm-mm. That sounds a little like... It's a little risky.

Yeah. A little risky. A little like tip toe. Hit and run, assault and robbery. Those aren't like life. Those are little things. No, if it would have just been the drug paraphernalia and possession, I would have been like, oh. Oh yeah, whatever.

You know, what? But hit and run and then the assault. I just, I feel in the back of my head at least, like the way I'm thinking about it is if I were in that situation and I had a partner and they were getting letters from someone who was in jail for assault. I feel like the main concern I have is like the assault charge because it's like, you can get violent.

And I don't want to like be caught in the crossfire because does she even tell the guy in prison, you can get violent and I don't want to like be caught in the crossfire because did she even tell the guy in prison? Oh wait yeah she told him that like she's with someone and it's over and like they have nothing but then at the same time wait they used to have a thing they used to have a thing and they're being flirty. I know so she's like giving him false hope I feel like. Imagine him knocking on the door you answer and it's like, oh hey, my girlfriend's not home right now and he's like, girlfriend? I thought that was my girlfriend too.

Yeah, no. There's no comments from OP yet. It is only three hours old, so we'll have to keep an eye on it. But they've only been together seven months, like cut your losses and move on. Yeah, at least it's had like, wait, but months of them, they've been boyfriend and girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah, that's not too bad. Like, get out of there. Get out. Top comment, not the asshole.

Even if you take out the prison part, she has flirtatious communications with an ex-boyfriend and doesn't see an issue with that. So you're certainly justified in not wanting to deal with that. You shouldn't have been snooping through her mail and should have asked her about the letters instead of opening one. I agree.

But ultimately, that doesn't change what she's doing. I also, but like here's my thing. I hate, I really do. I hate to be that person, but it's like if one of my girlfriends hits me up, right? And they're like, I have a feeling my man is cheating. I want to look through his phone. I would support you. Like if you're my girl, I'm going to be like, okay, like if you want to

look through his phone, I got you. But it's like, don't be, don't get angry and don't overreact if you find what you're looking for, you know? Yeah. And I feel like in this situation, if I was living with someone and we had been together for seven months and I saw they were getting letters from prison. I mean, yes, I would ask about it, but I'd also be like, we're together, we live together.

I kinda wanna know what's T. Like I wanna know what's up, so forgive me, but I'm opening up this letter. And I mean, like if it was a family member, I would apologize and I'd be like, so sorry, I didn't know, like that it wasn't my place to do that. But the fact that it's a man that she's been communicating that she used to date and he's flirtatious with her, it's kind of just like, well, thank God I did open the letter because

if I hadn't, who knows if she would have lied to me. I was just going to say that. Like you sometimes have to like read it like very well, because if you are with a person that you don't trust completely, it's also tough giving them the opportunity to lie. And then you have to ask yourself, if I don't trust them, why am I with them?

So it's like, if you're going through phones, if you're messaging their friends behind their backs, or if you're doing kind of things to like catch them, you're probably just not with the right person anyways. Yeah. That makes so much. I actually recently just stopped talking to somebody and I had to just... Dip out of there. I actually, Drew posted a video and I'm not saying this was, this might have been the same thing. This was the catalyst? Yeah. Well, this was afterwards and I was like, Drew, you really, I sent it to her too.

I think I actually texted her last night and I said, I, this was afterwards. And I was like, Drew, you really... I sent it to her too. I think I actually texted her last night and I said, I needed this. It literally was in the video, Drew was like, do you actually like him or do you like him because you know he likes you? Oh. And I was like, whoa. She was like, are you settling because you know he likes you?

And I feel like that's what I was doing. But I'm really glad that I caught myself because there were, like prior to me stopping to like talking to him, I'm just spilling the tea right now for no reason, my bad. I like it. I met him. I never met him in person. I actually, it was when I was in Vermont for the Paramount thing.

We like matched on Tinder. We started talking for like a while, sort of FaceTiming every night, but it got to a point where if I wasn't answering him right away or not devoting all of my time to him, it was like he thought I hated him. Because of his like past, yeah. Because of his past relationship.

It was very insecure. Yeah, yeah. Attachment. Was he nice to me? Yeah, but also the way that there was, I always had to like give and provide reassurance. Like I was sending him five paragraph messages, maybe towards like me ending things, like talking to him.

I think I sent him three, like five paragraph messages within a week. Which after like only two months and not having like really connected in person. Actually met in person. I was like, no, no, no. I was like. This is too much. And then I like did, I posted a video, not about, like not necessarily about him, but like the circumstances of just like, I understand if you have trauma from past relationships,

but like don't bring them into new ones. Like you need to like see a therapist or like, and he ended up messaging me and he was like, for you to like use my trauma as content and this and that. And I literally was like, this isn't about you. This is about like personal experiences that I have had and I'm sorry. Cause like, he's not the only person that's like brought in trauma from past. We all have our own baggage, but you can't, you can't let it impact your next relationship. And if you do, then it just shows you're not healed and you need to work on yourself. Whether that's alone with therapy, love therapy, and that's not using that against, that's

weird. That's weird. Also the fact that you messaged me, sorry, if the shoe fits. If the shoe fits. And that's on that. Because if it, like, if the shoe, that's what I have to say. I know. If the shoe fits.

Oh, there's sometimes I'll have like, and I'm so sensitive and I know it, but like I'll have a friend that like, like posts something and I'm like, is this about me? I'm just like, I'm, I, sometimes I make it fit even if it doesn't cuz I'm just like so in my head sometimes Well, like I do that too, but it's because I want it to be about me cuz I'm conceited and I love it I'm like, yeah, this is about me I'm a Leo. What can I say? You are such a Leo?

Which makes me so confused about Justin because he's a Leo, but like doesn't give, he's kind of a cuspy though. When is he? August 20th. Oh, see like I'm a cuspy, but I'm July 23rd. Like I'm first day of Leo, last day of cancer. Okay, he was also born a little early. So he was- That makes sense.

I was born a little early too. I think I was supposed to be born on the 26th or the 28th of July and I was born the 23rd. Oh wow. Yeah. My mom. So you were really supposed to be my mom went in and she literally was like, Hey, um, he's coming and our water hadn't broke yet. And the doctor was like, no, he's not. And my mom was like, you don't know my baby. I'm telling you he wants out. He wants out of his mama. He's gonna be born tomorrow morning. And I was, I was born, she was in the hospital July 22nd and I was born July 23rd in the morning.

Oh my God, a psychic. My mom knew. That like intuition and like just feeling your body is so crazy. That's like motherly intuition, I feel. Yeah, yeah. Well, speaking of pregnancy and people's bodies. Not, this is cray cray.

So this one is one day old. It was posted in our very own Too Hot Takes sub Reddit. Okay. It is titled, Am I the asshole for telling her it's my choice to leave too after she said quote, my body, my choice. So I was on a marriage path with this girl. Everything lines up.

So we are talking about kids and such, just planning. Out of nowhere, she tells me, quote, I would have to have my sister's baby. I go, what? Her, I will have to have my sister's baby as a surrogate. If she can't have kids, I promised her this when we were little. Me. That is a weird thing to promise, especially without consulting the guy you'll marry. Her. She has some fertility issues. What is she supposed to do? Which is weird to me because she just said that this was a promise

from childhood. Like, how do you know she has fertility issues when you are eight? Me, not sure how that is my problem and I'm not sure why I should be okay with letting my wife having someone else's baby in my marriage. So she is advocating for having that baby in our marriage, not before marriage, while she is still single? Her? Well, it is my body. I can do that if I want to. Me, what are you talking about? You can't reserve nine months off

to have your sister's baby if we are married. Husband has a say on that decision too. That type of thing is now a marital decision. Her, my body, my choice. Me, well, I can choose to not deal with that too. Ever thought about that? I tried to explain that it is not just having someone else's baby in our marriage, but there could be life-threatening complications during pregnancy as well, and even with no health complications, that isn't something most husbands would be okay with. But no go. She thinks she can do that because it is

her sister and it is a sisterly favor. She acted like I was crazy to think the way I do. I obviously thought she was the crazy one. Who is the asshole? I'm not gonna lie. Like, I think it's him. Yeah. I think it's him. Yeah. I like, I mean, no, I do. I just, in my head, it's like, if I knew my sister wanted children and she had fertility issues, I would carry her child for her. Like that's, and I, what confused me the most was when he was like, a lot of guys wouldn't want that.

And a lot of people would think that's, that's, uh, what did he say? It was like off or weird. Yeah. No, I'm, I, there are plenty of people who are like, my sibling can't have children and we're close. It is her body. It is her choice and it's her sister. So if her and her sister are that close, and her sister can't have children,

and you love your family member or your sibling that much, yeah, you're gonna do it. There shouldn't be a problem there. And if you love your wife, you wouldn't see a problem with it either. Yeah, I completely agree. I think the quote, he says, that is a weird thing to promise,

especially without consulting the guy you'll marry. And I think... Why would I have to consult you about? Well, I mean... It is her body, her choice. Like that I totally agree with. I think given their specific context, this kind of is consulting you before you guys are married. She's telling you now, but like she doesn't need to ask you for permission. You're not married.

You don't have kids. ask you for permission. You're not married. You don't have kids. If this was someone who they were married, they already had kids of their own, and she had had risky pregnancies, and so now her health would be on the line by being a surrogate, then I would say, babe, we really have to think about this. I know you made a promise to your sister, but I can't lose you. We have our own children to think about, you know? Also, when, realistically, when is the right time to say something like that? Like, when did you want her to tell you that?

Yeah. Like, the first week you guys started talking? No. That's so... That's too early. That's way too early. You don't even know if you're serious yet. Right.

And now you're how long into it? He doesn't mention how long they've been dating. He just says, I was on the marriage path with this girl. So it's like, it's hard to know. And the accounts been suspended now, so I can't look at comments. But let me see if there's any comments on the thread. Not seeing any comments from OP, like adding more context. But marriage path, like if someone's goofy, it could be three months of dating and I'm on the marriage path. It

could be three years. We don't really know, but it seems like, it seems like she's really giving him a fair heads up. You're not married, but again, like you're not married. You haven't proposed. No. You said you're on the marriage track. So you're obviously together and dating. And it came up in conversation. Like pretty naturally. Yeah.

They were talking about having kids and such. Exactly. It came up naturally. Seems like a great time. Yeah. And she told you what's up. Like she literally was like, hey, I promised my sister. Also, plenty of people find out at a very young age if they're infertile or not,

or if they can't, like, especially nowadays. I don't know how old this person is, like, but if he was on the marriage path and he's like my age or a little bit older, I'm turning 23. When I was younger, like going to a urologist, I was able to find out very quickly if I was able to have children or not. Like when you go to like, what is it? Like a child urologist, the ones that like they check for like everything down there, you find out quickly

whether or not you are able to have kids. Same goes for women or people who are able to carry children. You find out, you can find out at a young age. So I wouldn't be surprised if she was eight years old talking to her sister about it. Like if I can't have a baby. Yeah, or even like childhood, like when I'm like, when I consider childhood or like growing up, like, yeah, we made this promise to each other growing up. I feel like for growing

up and being with my siblings, I would assume that's like anything under moving out and like going to college or like that kind of age. Like childhood could be 12, 13 when girls are typically getting periods. So it's like, I don't know, it's not, it doesn when girls are typically getting periods. Yeah. So it's like, I don't know, it's not, it doesn't seem that weird to me. Not at all. Like I've also like, I've promised friends when I was younger, like we're gonna get married if we're not married by 30. Yeah.

I mean, those aren't things that I would like stick to because you're just my friend. But if I had a sibling, and I was like, oh, if we were like 13, 14 and I found out that my brother, say I had a twin brother and he couldn't have kids. And I knew that like I would totally be like, yeah, I'll... If you have a surrogate or you want to do, what is it? Like fertilization. Yeah. I got you.

Like I'll do it. And I won't even tell your even tell your kids will never know. Yeah. Like I would keep it... Still uncle, because it's not your kid. It's not my... biologically, sure, but like you're raising your child. Yeah. Like, I don't know, it just seems bizarre to me.

That also, again, this is like, I feel, not to like keep going with it, but that is such a personal experience to have with a sibling. Like who are you to say anything about that? Like who are you to question the bond of siblinghood between two sisters, especially when one can't have children and the other can? Yeah. I think it's weird that he's trying to shame her too. Like, not many men would be okay with that.

Not many husbands, or however he words it. And it's like, my partner would be okay with me being a surrogate for one of my family members or friends. Why are you also inserting yourself in that scenario? Again, I understand if it's like, you guys are now married, you've had kids, as you mentioned earlier, and there are like health complications,

and you've noticed that there are health complications when it comes to your wife giving birth. But that's not the case. She's just letting you know. And you know what? It is her body, it is her choice, and it is your choice to leave, and go for it. You're allowed to leave, but don't shame her for... Even... No, sorry.

No, keep going. I'm just like, ah! No, yeah. Even if you were married, if you truly weren't okay with your partner being a surrogate or donating whatever, you have the choice still to leave. You always have the choice to leave. It just becomes different levels of hard or easy to leave depending on if you're dating or married or whatever. But you can always leave. You can control yourself and yourself only. What other people choose to do is their

choice and you can control yourself. That's what Setting Boundaries is. Also if you really loved her and if you were really on the marriage track for her, like, to be with her, I genuinely do not understand why you can't see the situation from her point of view. Yeah. And I'm, again, this is another thing that pisses me off about this. When she was like, well, my body, my choice. And he was like, well, it's my choice to leave. It is.

Bye. It is. Bye. Bye. Yeah, yeah, it is your choice to go. And it is her choice if she wants to carry her sister's child and be a surrogate. Yeah. Weirdo. Beyond goofy.

I love how in the beginning I was like slowly getting angry and now I'm just mad at him. I know. Am I the asshole? Yeah, you are, get a grip. Top comment. My wife came to me a few years ago when her sister was dealing with IVF and had another round fail. Top comment. substantial impact. She probably would have to fly out to them when she was getting close, or they'd have to come here for a few months and rent a place.

I agreed to support her, and she made the offer to her sister. I told my brother-in-law it was a serious offer, if they needed and that I was on board. They were touched, but really wanted to have the experience herself. Fortunately, the next round of IVF took, and they now have a beautiful daughter. They're thinking about having more, but my wife was adamant that it was a one-time offer. She's over 40 now, so I'm not sure if she'd be cleared to be a surrogate anyways. Anyways, that's how I think it should be handled. And I'm really glad that my sister-in-law and brother-in-law have their daughter." There you go.

But again, like, that, like people are like, this is how these conversations should go. Not the one reported on the post above. It should be a mutual, thoughtful decision made as a team. It sounds like neither the OP or his girlfriend are willing to do the work and do it together. But I think it's such a different context because they're only dating. They're not married. And so I don't know. I think a lot of people, we might, we might have some people come for us and

say like, no, not the asshole. Like you're not the asshole for telling her, it's my choice to leave too. It is. Then just leave. Yeah, no. Maybe there's no assholes here. I feel like, no, no, no, no. I feel, I am strongly, I don't think he is an asshole for leaving.

That's not why I think he's an asshole. I think he is an asshole for shaming her and being like, a lot of guys wouldn't want this. Who? What? Like, who are a lot of guys? Also it's just like having another man in the comments being like, well, me and my wife did. We were ready to help out her sister, like we offered.

I feel like it's so, if you aren't for it, that's fine. But don't now make it seem like a lot of men wouldn't appreciate this. Because that's not true. That's not true. And it kind of just sounds like you're talking down on her to make your case sound better. Like you're trying to you're trying to uplift yourself and have people agree with you by being like a lot of people. No, talk for yourself.

Speak on behalf of yourself. OK, I still think he's the asshole. And it's like not for leaving, not for leaving. If you want to leave, go. That is your choice to go. But also to like do that comparison of like your body, your choice. Okay, then it's my choice to leave. Like that's what I find that weird.

I find it's a little manipulative. Yeah, I guess it could be. And if you guys want to come for me, that's fine. We can have a difference of opinion, but pop off Spencer. I just just how I feel. Let's go baby. One of this week's partners is ZocDoc. One thing you shouldn't have to compromise on is your health, especially

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those Afghan dogs. Like, you know how people say owners look like their dogs? If you straightened your hair and got one of those dogs, that would be very true for you. You know a dog I'm talking about, right? No, I'm looking it up. You have to see one that has really nice hair. That's exactly what I look like. But it's just like my hair, I'm so serious. I actually have- Like this one. Like that's the dog you would look like. No. No, no, no.

No. It's definitely more of like- I want that dog's hair color, to be honest. I feel it. Such a great color. I have a photo of it. Spencer's gonna send me a picture and we'll see what the hair straight looks like.

Okay, well, speaking of dogs, this was a great transition for us. Wow, wait, well, it's going on now. Yeah. This is two days old titled, Am I the asshole for refusing to take my daughter's service dog back home? I have a 12 year old daughter.

Let's call her Reese, who has a service dog for her diabetes. The dog is by her side about 22 hours a day. Recently, we were going to visit some relatives. So I double checked with the host to make sure that nobody had allergies and the host said it was fine. So we showed up to the family function and one of the other cousins, let's call her May, is immediately concerned and says, we can't bring the dog in because her four-year-old is deathly afraid of dogs.

I explained the situation and that the dog wouldn't go near her child, but May still insisted that her daughter wouldn't be comfortable and asked me if I could put the dog away or take it back home. I didn't budge so she ended up sitting as far away from the dog as she possibly could get telling her upset daughter quote I won't let the dog hurt you which made Reese my daughter feel like she was causing trouble and it stressed the other kid out. My sister-in-law says that I could have prevented the drama by just taking the dog home for its rest time, and I could have monitored Reese myself. Am I the asshole for refusing to take my daughter's service dog home?

No. No. I don't think so at all. Also, my thing is, it's like, it sounds like the cousin, Mae, is afraid of the dog, and she's using her daughter as like cover. That's how I feel, because like... It's weird. Here's my thing, like if I had a child, right, and my child was deathly afraid of dogs,

it would be understandable, like say my child got attacked by a wild dog, and like had to go to the hospital, had to get stitches. That's what I'm envisioning. I would be like, okay, like I understand. But if my child was just like afraid of dogs, I'd literally tell like my kid, I'd be like, Hey, that's our cousin. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you, but that's her service dog. And she needs the dog to be around her 22 hours out of the day to make sure that she's

okay. Yeah. And I'd be like, we don't have to go by the dog if you don't want to, but just know that you're okay and I'm here. That's all you have to do. Like, and also what pisses me off even more is that the cousin was like, I won't let the dog hurt you.

Instigating. Yeah, as if the dog was going to, like shut up. Just say nothing bad is gonna happen. Like it's so like, what do you mean I'm not gonna let the dog... This is a service dog. This is a very well trained dog. I completely agree.

I feel like the mom is almost making this fear worse within this child. And obviously this is a valid fear. Like a lot of people are scared of dogs. But the reality is like, that's something you should try to work on. You are gonna encounter dogs everywhere, especially depending on where you live. Like people taking dogs places, I will admit, like is out of control. Like, did you see that one woman on TikTok who made a video talking about how she brought her like dog to Trader Joe's

and all of a sudden she looked and the dog was lifting its leg, pissing into a freezer full of food? And she was telling this story in the most like, ha ha, it's so funny. No, bitch. You're gross. Your dog is not a service dog. It does not belong in a grocery store. No dogs belong in a grocery store unless they are a trained service dog.

That's my hot take for the day. And if you disagree, your dog is okay staying home. Your dog doesn't want to be at the grocery store. I agree. Come on. I agree. If it's not a service dog, why are you? It's gross. I also know people personally that it's like, okay, for example, the other day I was walking with my friend, Kevin. Kevin has a dog. Her name is Roxy. Cute doggy. I was like, hey, I want to grab a snack. Do you want anything? And he was like, no, I'm fine.

He had Roxy, he waited outside for me. I walked in, grabbed my snack, came back out. I'm sorry if your dog is not a service animal. I don't think it belongs in a grocery store. No. I just, I don't, like, I understand. Even if it's like, oh, I'm going to be in and out really quick. I don't care.

I don't like. Did you go for a walk today and take your dog? I don't know, I don't like, I understand even if it's like, oh, I'm going to be in and out really quick. I don't care. I don't like. Did you go for a walk today and take your dog? I don't know if that your dog ate shit or not. I've seen dogs literally. Justin, my fiance, he had two dogs, little poodle and a big, a big doodle or something. I don't know. And literally the little one would sit under the other one's ass when it pooped and eat it like soft serve. Dogs can be gross. But a service dog is no different than a medical device. If someone had oxygen and they needed portable oxygen to get out and live their life, You wouldn't say, hey, your portable oxygen tank doesn't fit the family function. Can you take it off and put it away? Yeah.

Service dogs are classified as medical devices. You can't just ask someone to leave their wheelchair at home because you don't want a wheelchair coming over. Come on. It's the same thing. I agree. If it is a trained service dog, it's a medical device. This girl has diabetes. What if she, you know, diabetes is very serious. What if she passes out? That's

like, that's another big thing. Like blood sugar, dogs, dogs can tell. They can literally smell it. It's all crazy. And that's the thing. It's like, oh my gosh. Like I would have understood if it was just like a regular dog like a regular dog That's different. That's different. Yeah, service animal, please like get it together Yeah, and use this as an opportunity like hey Rosie or whatever the little four-year-old's name is. This is a service dog Let's just watch. Yeah, it's gonna be okay. Let's just watch we can stay really far And we like literally they can be across the room and we can just see, look at what the dog is with your cousin. Just making sure that she's okay. Also to make Reese feel bad.

I know. That's ridiculous. And now, and here's the thing. It's like the fact that your family and you're making Reese feel bad for needing a service dog, making her uncomfortable someone who needs the service dog in the first place. I don't really like that either. No, top comment. You're not the asshole. Service dog trumps fear of dogs,

even if it's a small child who fears the dog. And then they quote what OP said, like telling her upset daughter, I won't let the dog hurt you. Geez, May, I OP said, like telling her upset daughter, I won't let the dog hurt you. Geez, Mae, I wonder why your kid is scared of dogs. Maybe because she acts like a presumably well-haved and minding his own business service dog is the boogeyman. Right. That's literally what I'm saying. Like you're feeding into your child's fear by being

like, I will never let that dog hurt you. What? It's a service dog, bitch. Calm down. Sorry. So weird. OP does respond. The dog is very well trained. She only really jumps when she's alerting and that's usually directed towards Reese. Occasionally someone else if Reese isn't in a good place physically.

The chances of her going near May's kid to begin with were low." It's like the last, like the last, last, last option. Like if nobody else is in the room, I feel like, and if anything, the dog would have hit him, his wife, like Reese's mom or dad, like either one of them, like, there's no need for, again, a service animal to run up to a four year old child and attack them. It wouldn't happen. Like, let's just do the math here. It wouldn't happen.

Like it would not happen. Yeah. No. Service dogs go through so much training. This isn't a horror movie. No, it isn't. Kujo. Right.

And it's like, here's my thing. Oh, my arm got caught. Sorry. I've, like, I know someone from when I was younger who was actually attacked by a dog and do not get me wrong. Whoa, excuse me. Damn. Who was that?

Who was that? Who was that? But like, I know people who have been attacked. I know like two people who have been attacked by dogs. One was on their arm, one was their face. Oh God, that's my biggest fear. And it's like, those are like, I understand people who fear dogs in that sense, but in that same breath, it's like, they, the only way to get over your fear, like this is the best circumstantial situation where it's like, you're with a service dog who is not going to be anywhere near you and they're only going to be, they're only concerned it's

going to be the person they're servicing. Like this is your best chance to be like, what is it called? Oh my gosh. Exposure therapy. Exposure therapy, yes. In a sense, right? Like you're just, it's just a great, it's a great opportunity. I'll say that.

Like it's a great opportunity with like the most well-behaved dog to just be like, hey, I get you're scared, but I got you. It's gonna be good. This is a really nice dog. This dog is very well-trained. Let's just sit and watch Reassure your child, but don't I'm gonna protect you like that. You're making it worse

Yeah, you're making it were lying that you have something to protect the child from right? You're instigating. Yeah annoyed moving along This next one is a couple weeks old. It is titled, My 30 female coworker, 28 male, is ignoring me after I said he should leave his wife. How do I make it less awkward? Okay. My coworker Sam and I are like two peas in a pod. I've never had a relationship like that.

We both like documentaries and books. We constantly send each other documentaries. We always take lunch together and talk about the videos we've sent. Recently, I asked him if his wife watches those videos and he laughed and says no and that she jokes and will say he's such a nerd. I said, it doesn't seem like you two have much in common. He got annoyed and asked, am I implying that he doesn't have a connection to his wife? I told him it seems like we have a stronger connection than him and his wife. He told me, him and his wife are happy and happily married. I told him it's just strange she doesn't share a major interest of yours.

He started ignoring me the rest of lunch. He blocked me from his personal phone and we only speak at work now. Even then it's only about work. Even after I apologized, he's still the same way. I want things to go back to normal because the work days are definitely longer ever since he stopped talking to me. So am I the asshole? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, babe. Sorry, Diva. I think you are. Like, I'm like, it's,

there are plenty of people that are in happy relationships and they are literally like polar opposites. And I feel like, yeah, there are people in happy relationships that are similar, polar opposite. It doesn't really matter as long as you find your right person. And like her calling him a nerd, I feel like that's like a flirty like bantery thing.

Like, oh, you're such a nerd. Like not in like a mean way, more in like, cause I've said it too. Like I've talked to guys who love Star Wars, and I'm like, okay, nerd. But like, as a joke. As a joke. That's like a loving, like, little banter. Yeah. You're such a nerd.

Yeah, exactly. And also, sorry for you to know he's a married man, comment on their relationship, and then make... Your coworkers, that's unprofessional. Yeah, and then also be like, I feel like ours is better. I'd block your ass too. Especially if you were texting me outside of work now, if I was his significant other, like if I was his wife and I even for a second was like, Hmm, I'm kind of uncomfy with her texting you outside of work.

And then you said some shit like that to my husband at work. Done. If he didn't block, if he didn't block you, I'd block you for him. That's the appropriate response. Right. That is the right thing he should do. Good job, guy. Doesn't happen a lot. No, it doesn't. And he did the right thing. This is exactly how you should execute this.

And like, OP asking, how do I make it less awkward? You don't. You already made it awkward. You're done. You just gotta give a time, like, honest to God, the only way is like time. Like really, like a long, long time. And even then, you already like... Burned the bridge. Yeah, like I'm sorry babe, but you like crossed a boundary.

Like you crossed a line that like you shouldn't. Like to go to a married man and be like, I feel like where like our bond is better. And then like implying that he should leave her. Like that's wild. Like if you, like if you, I also like don't agree with this writer at all being like you, your wife should share

one of your main interests and passions. I don't agree. I think every couple should have their own interests, their own passions that are solely theirs. Now here's where I could see maybe where she was trying to go. If the wife is actually unsupportive of him watching documentaries then there's an issue. But it is okay to have separate interests and your own identity. You don't have to mold into this blob of people and blend yourself. You can be your own person.

You can have your own interests. Just because I love horses doesn't mean Justin has to. That's just not how life works. You wanna have your own identity and passions. Right. Like, what are you saying? Also, it's like, not your place. No. Like, at all.

You're coworkers. You're not besties. It's like, it's not like you've known this person your entire life. No. Like, again, you're coworkers at work. And you don't even see them interact by the sounds of it. Right. You're getting this limited insight on documentaries

and like a little banter joke that she calls him a nerd. No offense, ma'am, you sound crazy. It's giving unhinged. Yeah. It's giving unhinged. I'm sorry, babe, but no, I'm not. Like maybe see a therapist. Top comment, this is the proper response

to that conversation. Period. It may have been joking, but you crossed a serious line. He rightfully isn't going to entertain talks about his marriage with other women. Next comment down, I'm actually very proud of him. Period. Same. Yep. Enough said on that one. Moving along. Thank you. Enough said on that one. Moving along. Thank you. Another one of this week's partners is Stitch Fix. Are you tired of shopping or endlessly trying things on

just to be disappointed or upset with how they look? Ever cried in a dressing room? Yeah, that's been me a few times actually. With Stitch Fix, you are not going to get that. You are going to get style that makes you feel good. And it doesn't hurt your budget either. With Stitch Fix, you're going to get that. You are gonna get style that makes you feel good. And it doesn't hurt your budget either. With Stitch Fix, you're gonna get a personal stylist who understands your style, size, and budget.

They do all the shopping for you. So no more annoying shopping where you go and you try to try stuff on and there's not even a mirror in your dressing room. Stitch Fix makes it so easy to find the clothes you love and that make you feel good. And you can find styles you've been searching for. You can actually upload pictures from your social media

or things that you see on Stitch Fix. So your stylist can take those and give you pieces for your wardrobe to create those looks you want. I did this for one of my trips to Europe and I got the perfect clothes from my stylist. And the pieces I didn't keep, able to send back with a shipping label, they give me. Shipping, returns and exchanges are always free. So if you're ready to try it for yourself, get into some style that makes you

feel as good as you look. Get started today at StitchFix.com slash THT. That's StitchFix.com slash THT. StitchFix.com slash THT. This is coming from relationships. Three days old. This is coming from relationships. Mm-hmm. Three days old. Mm-hmm. I, 43 male, accidentally insulted my partner, 43 female, and she has remained cold ever since. And she wears sweats all the time now.

What did you say? We have been a couple for seven years. I only now realize we both view her very differently. From my perspective, she's never been interested in fashion at all, always wears black jeans, she has dozens of black tops, she doesn't wear makeup, doesn't get her nails done, only does root touch-ups, and I love her and don't care about this at all. From her perspective apparently, she dresses elegantly and minimalistic. She says she is always wearing no makeup makeup. I guess she means mascara, not sure. She says

she pays the salon every month to color her hair, or it would be gray. The reason this all came up is that we met up with friends, and one of the women is very fashionable, always done up. I had mentioned in passing to my partner that I loved that she, the other woman, wore vibrant colors. My partner had said she personally isn't a fan of bright colors, and in the past when she has tried to wear them, she doesn't like how it looks. I told her, if I was a beautiful woman, I'd wear bright colors for attention. And that's probably why our friend does it. Anyways, this was the gist of the conversation. If my partner was getting upset, I wasn't picking up on that. I honestly don't even recall what I was saying that made her mad,

but she ended up annoyed with something. I was truly confused, but we ended up in an argument. I told her that based on how she looks, I had no idea she even cared about looks or fashion. She was getting really angry at me, which tends to make me mad too. So I told her that if she cares that much, to my surprise, she should present herself better. She insisted I tell her what I meant, and so I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy. I also told her I don't care at all, but since she appears to, she should try to dress more fashionable.

This was three weeks ago, and she was very angry with me. Now she's not angry, but she's remained cold. And she now has taken a dressing in sweatpants and sweatshirts. She says she won't be dressing nice around me anymore, but I never thought she dressed nice in the first place. Obviously I put my foot in my mouth and I have apologized, but she doesn't care. She says she won't forget what I said.

I really just want her to drop this. Is this something that needs therapy or just time? I think it's something that needs time and a conversation. I think it needs a conversation, sit down. I feel like you need to talk to her and you need to make it like... For you to say that she dresses boring and dumpy and dumpy... Dumpy? Dumpy?

Like, I under... like, you have to understand. I'm just, I'm giving... I hope whoever wrote this is listening. You have to understand the reason she's wearing sweats and sweaters around you now is because she doesn't like you don't You don't appreciate her when she puts the effort in like that's what she's telling you like she puts effort into her appearance Getting your roots redone also no makeup makeup. No makeup makeup is makeup Like it's like usually it can be a full face of makeup the whole point of no makeup makeup is it looks like you're not Wearing makeup. It's not just Mascara dude, you whole point of no makeup makeup is it looks like you're not wearing makeup.

It's not just mascara, dude. You want to know no makeup makeup? Literally, this is no makeup makeup. Like you, I genuinely did not know you were wearing foundation, anything. Like that, like this is like a vibe of no makeup. The only thing I can tell is like eyes and mascara. Yeah. And for you to be like, oh, you look boring and dumpy. Yeah, she might wear all black, but maybe that's what she's comfortable with. And now she's just proving a point. Like you know what? I don't think she's like being cold. I think she's being spiteful and I would too. I would wear sweats and a hoodie around you and I would be like, you want to see what boring and dumpy looks like? This is what it looks like. And until

you can come to me with a proper apology and not some, I'm sorry, bullshit, and actually tell me why you're sorry, and actually be like, hey, this is, I understand what you mean now. You have been putting a lot of effort into your appearance and I'm sorry it's gone unnoticed. I never made, I never wanted to make you feel that way. And I'm very, very, I'm happy with you

and the way that you dress and the way that you look. And honestly, that's how the conversation should go. Somewhere along those lines. Because she's more upset that everything she has done to look presentable and to look good for you has gone completely unnoticed. Imagine you put effort into your appearance all the time for your significant other, even if it's not for your significant other,

but for yourself too. And then someone's like, oh, you look boring and dumpy. That hurts. Yeah. It's, it's just like, it's kind of a tear down. And I think it's very common for a lot of like, het cis men, like to be like, oh, well, she's not wearing any makeup. I love girls that don't wear makeup.

And then they show pictures of what they like and there's very clearly makeup. They just don't get it. And so even if you're doing things for yourself, like you're doing it because it makes you feel good. Light makeup, wearing blacks, like my closet is mostly neutrals and blacks. So I get it.

And then you have someone like say like, oh, well, what you're doing doesn't look good. It just tears you down. And it's like, even if it's not for anyone else but you, it's still like a direct hit. It still doesn't feel good. And it's just like rude. I can't imagine my partner criticizing me like this.

And the, well, also it's kind of just like, yeah, you're being an asshole is the fact that you said, well, there's not really a difference. Like she's just wearing sweats and like sweaters around me now. There is a difference. And until you're able to address that difference, she's going to be cold. I'd be cold too. If there wasn't a difference, you wouldn't have noticed.

You wouldn't have noticed. If there wasn't a difference, you wouldn't have been like, oh, she's wearing sweats and a sweater. Yeah. There's a difference. Use your eyes, sir. Delusional. Delusional.

There are some comments from OP. OK. To be fair, I wasn't at all aware that she puts effort into looking nice. I'm not trying to be horrible. I'm being honest. I didn't know she cared because she never appears to try. And I only told her she dresses dumpy and looks old when she insisted I explain what

I meant. To me, she has the potential to look great. She never appears to do anything to try. Um, sir, no offense. You lack a lot of social cues. There's a lot. There's no self-awareness here. Yeah, it's like everything you're saying, it sounds like you lack the social awareness to understand what you are saying is mean.

So someone comments in response to OP saying, is this something that needs therapy or just time? They say, it depends. Are you usually this callous about her feelings or was this a one-off? And when you asked her the above question, what did she say? Does she see this as salvageable, or is she quietly plotting her escape? OP responds, She said she's not going to get over this, and she doesn't feel comfortable with someone who views her like that.

I guess in reference to the dumpy comment? I sent her some links showing her what I meant. Fashion blogs showing easy ways to elevate style. But she just argued with me. And someone asked, do you want to save this relationship? If so, why are you doubling down with fashion blogs? Yeah, you sound kind of, not kind of, you sound controlling. You sound controlling and a little narcissistic. I'm just really baffled.

Yeah. OP goes on to say, because she asked repeatedly what I mean by saying if she cared so much, then she should try to look good. She said she did look good and it snowballed from there. Someone goes, you're so fucking dense. Actually, thank you. You're dense. You lack social cues, social skills, social awareness. You have to be heavily self-absorbed to not understand

what you said and what you were saying, why it's an issue. I feel like the reason you're acting this way is because in your mind you're like, well, she doesn't look that way to me, so what I said wasn't wrong. It doesn't matter how she looks to you. It's how you made her feel, because that's not how she feels when she presents herself in a reasonable, fashionable way.

Yeah. Just because you don't think that's fashion doesn't mean it isn't fashion, you dipshit. You wouldn't know fashion if it hit you on the head. Literally, like, get a, like, you sound, you sound dumb. Well, and I think the bigger problem here too is we all are gonna have problems or like conflicts in our lives with friends, partners, whoever, where at the end of the day, you still feel like you're right.

However, is your need to feel right more important than moving past it and having a resolution where maybe your partner who was hurt feels better or like your friendship can continue on. Like, what is so big about your ego that you can't just say, you know what, I get it now. I notice the difference. Definitely you have some style. Like I, I notice you've only worn sweats. I was wrong. I love sweats. I was wrong. I love you.

I spoke out of turn. I'm gonna stay off the fashion topic and mind my fucking business. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Also you've been together for seven years you said. Seven and you're like, the fact that if this is what you're like, if she has been putting up with this for seven years,

God bless her fucking soul. Seriously. I feel like this isn't just about fashion. There's got to be other things that have come up where he's tried to be controlling or made very mean comments in the past. She sounds like she's getting fed up. And honest to God, I would be too. I think based on that comment, she doesn't feel comfortable with someone

who views her like that. I do think she's plotting her escape and I hope she is. I hope she makes it out. I hope she is. I hope she is too. Get out of there, sweetie. Yeah, girl. Get the hell out of there. Run. Okay. Moving along.

Another one of this week's partners is Talkspace. There's been a few times in my life where I've just been so down and overwhelmed. I don't even know what the next step is. Or if I do know that the next step is therapy and talking to someone, what therapist? How do I talk to someone? When you're in those moments of need, you can be so overwhelmed with your feelings that you forget that things like Talkspace exist. Talkspace makes it easy to find a therapist that you love. It's online, it's convenient,

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substance abuse, relationship issues, and more. Yeah, relationship issues. They have couples therapy too. So as a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com slash THT and enter promo code space 80 to match with a licensed therapist today. Go to Talkspace.com slash THT and enter promo code SPACE80 to get $80 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's Talkspace.com slash THT, promo code space 80. We're crushing these stories today. How many more do we have?

We got a lot. We're only an hour in. Let's go, girl. Let's go, baby. This next one is coming from r slash relationship advice, 21 hours old, titled, my 39 female, ex-husband, 43 male, cheated on me with my brother, 44 male, and now he seems to be in a serious depression. Okay.

I was married to my ex-husband for nine years. We got divorced five years ago. I was about four months pregnant and went to the doctor. When I returned home, I found my older brother and my husband together. It was really disgusting for me to see. Whoa, wait, repeat. So she found out she was four months pregnant and when she got back, she saw them... Having sex.

According to my ex-husband, he and my brother took drugs and he doesn't remember how they got into that situation. My brother is gay, but I never knew if my ex was gay or bisexual or anything like that. I filed for divorce and we share custody of our daughter. We have been cordial despite everything. We spend two holidays a year together, the three of us. Since the divorce, my ex-husband has been quite depressed. At first, he looked for any excuse to talk to me and be with me, but then he realized that it was not going to work. In these years that we have been divorced, he seemed quite depressed, tired, and toxless.

He also gained too much weight. He didn't go to the gym, but he was a pound or two over his ideal weight, so he was at a pretty decent weight. Prior to this, now he weighs around 280 pounds, and I'm really worried about him. I also discovered that he recently lost his job and he is staying with his sister and that he is one step away from being diagnosed with diabetes. I don't know how to tell him that I'm worried about his health since the last time I did it, he misunderstood thinking I would give him another chance, which is not the

case. How can I help him without misunderstanding the situation again?" That's a lot. Girl, you need to go to chat GBT. You need to ask chat GBT to write you a fat paragraph, babe, because that is crazy. Oh my god. You being four months pregnant, walking in on him, having sex with your brother, you breaking up with him, him gaining like a hundred pounds and then also like having

diabetes and losing his job, like that's wild. He's going through it for sure. Babe, you put a curse on him on accident. That's what it sounds like. It sounds like you accidentally cursed the hell out of him. Where's the voodoo doll? Like it literally, babe, like I don't know what candle you lit after that after that after you signed those divorce papers but you need to go find that candle and snuff it out. Snuff it out please like damn. This is a lot but also it's like it's not your burden to bear anymore. It's not. But at the same time I'm like. Are you still in communication with your brother? There's no mention of that. I'll see if there's any comments from OP. It's only 21 hours old.

OP does say, my family didn't break up with my brother. They said they wanted to stay out of the situation. I do not maintain any type of contact with my brother. That includes my daughter as well. So family does talk to the brother, but not OP. And you know what? That's understood. I get that. I get you not wanting to be around him. I also get your family being like, hey, your mom and dad being like, this is still our son. We can't just not talk to him. I just want to know what kind of drugs they must have been taking.

Were they on meth? Yeah. What kind of drug would like, like they must've been taken like meth, Molly, something because like... Too stunned to speak. It is really interesting. And I'm well, I was gonna like go to bat for, you know, maybe like give the husband a little bit of grace. Like you took drugs maybe like he honestly was so not himself and out of it. But there are other comments

from OP that says, he was unfaithful to me during the nine years of marriage. That's why I assumed that what happened to my brother was infidelity. Oh, so like he'd been doing it. Yeah. That makes sense. Like he, if she's caught him being unfaithful. Yes, that's kind of what OP goes on to say. Someone responds to that and goes, could you explain better how he was unfaithful for nine years? Was it emotional?

Was it kissing, penetrative sex, nude sharing? I really need to know to make a judgment. Was he in all of his senses? What did he say about it when you found out? Why didn't you leave then? What was the relationship between your husband and your brother before you found them together? And OP responds, two of them,

which I think OP is implying affairs, were emotional and sexual. The third affair was only sexual. When I found out he just apologized. I went to my mother's house, but most people said that it was an exaggeration to get divorced because of cheating and that I was not going to find anyone who would always be faithful. And then I would just go back to him. Well the relationship between my husband and brother was normal before. When I found them, they appeared scared. So good riddance.

Here's my thing. Here's my thing. I'd also like to add this as my two cents. If they were on heavy drugs that caused them to do what they were doing, I would feel like if you caught them, they would be so out of it, like so out of it that they wouldn't even notice you were there. Yeah. And for them to react scared means that there must have been some sort of awareness, okay? That's like, that's why, like, for them to be scared

and being like, oh shit, we got caught, that means that they were aware. Like, there is an awareness there. A certain level, right? Yeah, so it's like, if there's an awareness, if there's a certain awareness of being like, oh my gosh, we've been caught, there's definitely an awareness of like,

we shouldn't be having sex right now, because if they're scared after being caught, that means they know what they're, like, they shouldn't be having sex right now because if they're scared after being caught, that means they know what they're like, they shouldn't be doing what they're doing. Yeah, well, and I would give the situation more grace if it was just a one-off too. Like they got really fucked up on the drugs. One thing led to another. Okay, not right or just like, I'm trying to just devils out to get this so hard, but Okay, not right or just like, I'm trying to just devils out to get this so hard, but given the fact that OP shares, there's been what sounds like three, three previous affairs,

two of which were very emotional and sexual. Like, there's no excuse. This guy is just a serial cheater and has some deeply, like, he needs some mental health help, especially now given this depression and this reaction. Like, what did you think was going to happen by repeatedly cheating on your partner again and again and again? Like, you're not going to have someone that sticks by you. And now you've fallen into this depression. Like, you need help. Also like, the fact that your family and like friends of yours were like, oh, like you shouldn't divorce him. That's like way over dramatic.

You're never gonna find someone who's faithful. Why, that speaks more about them than it does you. Yep, sure does. That's some projection. If that's what your parents said to you, your parents sleep around for sure. Sorry. That's weird.

That's weird. For your parents. If my mom, if my mom told me after I got cheated on, if my mom was like, yeah, well, you shouldn't leave because it's like, I mean, everyone's unfaithful. That's not a valid reason to leave. That's not true. I would be like, like how, like I genuinely would be like, how insecure are you? Like that's how I would look at it.

Like you should look at your parents and whoever said that to you and be like, how deeply insecure must you be to think to yourself, I am not worthy of having a faithful partner and everybody must be a cheater. Yeah, this is just what I have to put up with. Like you must be deeply insecure if you feel like you can't find a faithful partner. Or you just don't value yourself. Like you don't- Value, right.

You don't have that self-worth to know you deserve better than being cheated on. Correct. Like there are people that will be faithful and stick to a monogamous relationship. They're out there, But if you don't think you're worthy or deserving of that love, no, of course you're not going to find that person. Relationships are so tricky. And like now our writer here is like really trying to navigate

a co-parenting situation. But I think you can like, if this were me, I would like just kind of say to him, like, I want to preface this, like I'm not going to entertain getting back together. That is not going to ever happen for us. However, I am concerned for you as my daughter's father. I want my daughter to have her dad and you don't seem to be in a good place right now. I agree. I feel like you need to switch the narrative where it's not like, we're getting back together, this is for us.

No, this is for our child. This is for your daughter. This is for our child. Yeah. Like this isn't like, yes, I'm concerned for you, but not because I want to be with you, but because I want you to be there for our daughter. Yeah.

Would you, in any world, you to be there for our daughter. Yeah. Would you, in any world, would you like not involve yourself? Or would you feel like it is like the right thing to at least say something? I feel like, like me personally, I would say something, but not, it's not for a lack of like me not wanting to say anything. Like obviously it's uncomfortable and I probably would be like, I wish I wasn't in this situation because I don't want to have to have this conversation, but I will have it if not, like literally not for me, for my child.

Like especially if we're co-parenting, I don't want my daughter to have to worry about her father dying of a heart attack or dying of a disease or mental illness taking his life. I couldn't, like, I can't imagine. It's really tragic. It's a very hard, it's a hard road to navigate. Yeah, there's so many emotions and just lifelong feelings that you deal with after something like that. And I feel like, if anything, you can say, I might not have love for you now.

I might not love you the way that I once did, but you are still the reason I have a daughter but you are still the reason I have a daughter. You are still the reason we have a daughter. And I'm so grateful for that because I love our daughter. And the last thing I want is for her to have to go through the loss of a parent. Yeah. Doing it from that narrative, not even that narrative,

just from that perspective. Yeah. Well, and it's also like, it sounds like OP is a good person. And just like, just because, you know, this was terrible, what he did, it's not like you wish him ill. It's you're still just like, if you're genuinely a good person, no matter what someone does to you, I feel like you still can recognize and be like, I still want them to be okay.

And so I think that's where OP is at and just really kind of like tussling with what's the best way to go about it. Or tell that man to get a Grindr account for real. Like if he wants to sleep around, go for it. Like if that's why he's sad because he's not getting anything, go on Grindr, I guarantee he'd get something within the hour that's all I have to say. Top comment on this one sis you can't help him keep your

interactions strictly about your daughter to avoid confusion if you can't let it go talk to his family they should be his advocates let them know clearly that your concern is on behalf of your daughter. She loves her dad and you want him in her life, healthy and happy. Then leave it alone and focus on you and your daughter. He with the help of his family and friends will have to figure it out." I mean like, yes, but also I still think this is again from the perspective of like, even like she was saying like, I want this for my daughter.

If that's the case, let's be real. The people you went to in regards to that, like those people who are like, oh, well, like, you should expect to have an unfaithful partner. He was unfaithful. Where do you think he learned that behavior from? And even if he didn't learn it from his parents, like, some people are just like... Literally, sometimes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Sometimes it does.

And if he's one of those people where it's like it does, and you have communication with his parents because they're your daughter's grandparents, yeah, sure, talk to them. But also, like, it is so hard to do co-parenting and being like, I'm cutting you out, and like, your parents are now the middle man. That's not, I don't, no offense, unless he was like a very dangerous human being,

then that, in that case, you should just have sole custody. But it's like, that's not, like, if you want to make it work, especially with your daughter, there should be communication between the two of you, co-parenting wise. I agree. I don't completely agree with this comment because I think if the context of this situation is,

you guys have a good co-parenting relationship, you talk to each other, your communication is good. If your daughter is spending 50% of her time with her dad, then you also are, by having this conversation, like hopefully positively impacting your daughter's safety and health and you know, all of the above. So for me, I think like two mature adults can have a conversation and you can like preface it

in a way to not give him hope. If you have that conversation then, and say I'm worried about you and it doesn't go well, you can then reach out to his sister and be like, hey, I'm really worried about Johnny, and I tried to have a conversation and it didn't go well. It gave him hope and I need to remove myself. I can't do that.

However, I noticed he's dealing with a lot of weight gain, potential diabetes and depression. Like, are you and your family able to get him the support he needs or look after him or whatever? I fully do agree, like, you shouldn't be his support system anymore. I agree. But you can maybe have a conversation and say,

hey, I'm worried, can you please look after yourself and start getting the help you need? And if that conversation does not go well, if that does not- Then you're done after that. Then you don't have need? And if that conversation does not go well, if that does not... Then you're done after that. Then you don't have to do... Then it's like... One and done.

One and done, I'm out. And then it's like, yeah, sure, get in contact with his parents. But also, if you're that concerned about your daughter, you should also talk to her. You should be like... She is only four. She's four, nevermind. She's a little baby. Yeah.

Which is even more tough because a four-year year old needs to be safe in their home. She doesn't really have a voice to advocate. So like, if you're worried about your husband and his depression and safety, then that also bleeds into your daughter and her life. So you really do need to have these conversations and get on it. Yeah.

I think you can approach him first and really preface it like we will never Go down that road again T. Swift. We are never ever ever getting back together That was good, do you do karaoke often? I do I could see that for you. I literally I'm being dead serious I can't tell you how many times people have been like, oh my God, boy, are you Taylor Swift? Just from hearing my voice. Okay, I wouldn't go that far. I love you.

Okay. No, I'm just saying like, it's like, it's just happened so many times to count. Like I know you might not think it, but like it's just happened so many times in general that it's just like hard to deny. I love you. Thanks. A lot of people do because they think I'm Taylor. See like literally see also um what it what what's what's another good line I can do from

T Swift. Um shake it off. Sorry the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now. Why? Because she's dead. Ah see that sounded like Taylor. Identical. Oh my god.

Literally right. That's like Frankie Grande, a Frankie Grande was trying to be like, I sound like Ariana Grande. I just compare myself to Frankie Grande, cut that clip out, sorry. My favorite video ever is of Frankie Grande in that house being like, I'm Ariana Grande's brother and everyone was like, we don't give a shit.

What house? He was on- A show. Yeah, he was on that show where, what is it? They have no communication with the outside world during this house. Big brother. Yeah, he was on that show where, what is it? They have no communication with the outside world during this house. Big brother? Yeah, he was on Big Brother,

and then he told everybody that he was Ariana Grande's brother, and they all were like, -"Who cares?" -"Who are you?" Like what? Yeah, they were all like, what? Weirdo. Oh my God, that's hilarious. Okay, I think we've hashed it out with this one.

She's got to have the talk. Mm-hmm. Okay, moving along. Okay, I think we've hashed it out with this one. She's got to have the talk. Okay, moving along. Okay, I'm ready. Trigger warning, this story does contain talks of fertility struggles and miscarriage. So please skip if you can't handle that today. This is a day old coming from Am I the Asshole? Okay.

Titled, Am I the Asshole for Adopting the Child My Sister Wanted to Adopt? I, 34, male, have two sisters, Amy, 36, female, and Jane, 31, female. Amy and her husband have been trying to conceive for the better part of a decade, but nothing seems to be working for them. Two years ago, they went for another round of IVF, but sadly, Amy miscarried once again. Due to complications following the miscarriage, she became sterile. This, of course, devastated her and her husband because they really wanted to start a family of their own. They are now looking into adoption, but it's been a long and slow process since Amy's husband has

a criminal record from when he was 19. A year ago, my sister Jane gave birth to her son, Sam. The pregnancy was the result of a one-night stand during Jane's vacation in Italy. And although it was unexpected and the father wouldn't be in the picture, Jane decided to keep the baby. Sadly, Jane had a stroke when Sam was six months old

and passed away. It was very unexpected, and most of the family is still grieving. After the funeral, we started to discuss who will take Sam in. My parents were out of the question since they were too old and wouldn't be able to take care of him. So, it was between Amy and I. Amy jumped at the opportunity and volunteered to take Sam in, and although this seemed to be the ideal solution at first, the way Amy spoke about the adoption

didn't sit right with me. She wanted to change Sam's name and surname and asked us not to mention Jane around Sam after the adoption would be finalized. Essentially, Amy wanted to raise Sam as her own, and didn't think telling him that his bio mom passed away would do him any good. How old was he? He's only six months old. To me, this felt like Amy was trying to erase Jane's memory and was treating her like some surrogate and not a sister, whom she had also lost.

After much consideration, I didn't like the idea that Sam would grow up without knowing who his bio mother was. And although I already have five children of my own, I decided to contest the adoption and volunteered to adopt him instead. We went to court and it was recently determined that my wife and I would be adopting Sam. Amy is furious with me and is calling me an asshole for ruining her chances at becoming a mother.

She is saying that I already have many children of my own, so I don't understand how badly she wants to become a parent. Some relatives are now calling me selfish for taking this chance away from Amy, and are telling me that instead of thinking of what would be better for Sam, I was thinking about how to preserve the memory of Jane. Although I don't regret adopting Sam, I'm starting to doubt whether I made the right decision for his future.

I know that Amy would have made a great mother and that both her and her husband would absolutely adore Sam. And as their only child, they would probably be able to provide him a better life financially. However, them wanting to erase all memories of Jane just doesn't feel right. Am I the asshole? I don't think so. I don't either. I mean like, it's a very tough situation, I feel, but I don't think you are the asshole

not one bit. It's oh my gosh. I mean, it's so weird because I'm hearing these stories and I'm like actually relating them to like, to my own experiences. And my thing is there are situations where it's like, hey, you were raised by your aunt and you don't know that your aunt is not your mom. And the person you thought was your aunt was your mom.

You know what I mean? Does that make sense? Yeah. I feel like that happens to some people. It does. It does happen to some people, but I feel like. Is it like right to be kept in the dark? I don't think so. Also to basically be like, I don't want you to mention her around him. That's weird. That's weird. Like I feel like it'd be one thing if it was like, and you shouldn't have to mention her around him.

That's weird. That's weird. Like, I feel like it'd be one thing if it was like, you adopted him and you didn't want him at first growing up to know that like his mother passed away at a young age. I feel like that's like one thing to be like, hey, like you're a little kid and you should not have to, like, the concept of death and knowing that your mother died of a stroke

is not something you should be hearing at such a vulnerable age. Yeah, there's definitely appropriate times to tell children things like this. So I feel like if you were, like, raising him and, like, mentioning stories of, like, his aunt who was actually his mother, that's, like, okay. And then eventually, as he's older, being like, mentioning stories of like, his aunt who was actually his mother. That's like, okay, and then eventually as he's older,

being like, look, we love you like our own, but we just want you to know that your aunt is actually your biological mother. And eventually being in a place to tell the child, understandable. But I think it's like the fact that you simply were like, I don't want anyone to mention anything about her around him and like change his name, his surname. Like, that's weird.

Like changing his name, changing his name. That's kind of like, I understand if like the surname, if you wanted to change his surname to be like, oh, like it's Sam, our last name. That's, that I understand, you know, because then that also prevents the question of like, it's Sam, our last name. That's that I understand, you know, because then that also prevents the question of like, when your son is younger, and he has friends come over, and they're like, why does, why do you have a different last name than your mom and dad? And he's like, I don't know how to explain that. You know, like that makes, but to change his name, and then to change his last name, it feels disrespectful. Yeah, it's just, it feels like you're trying to completely erase your sister. And I don't think you're the asshole for adopting him

because realistically it's like, that sounds exactly what, sounds exactly what they were trying to do. Yeah, I think it's very strange. I think it's really sad, disheartening, disrespectful. You can adopt this child and raise this child as your own, love this child as your own, like, and not completely destroy their identity or their history. There's nothing shameful about this.

There's nothing like, just because your child has a different birth mom doesn't mean you're going to love them less or they're going to love you less because they know that. Also how fucking dumb are you? All it takes is him to grow up, turn 18 or even under 18, do a 23andMe kit or a DNA kit or whatever and literally find out you're not his mom. Can I say something like from personal experience? Come on.

Love my mother to death. I really, I do. She waited to tell me I didn't have a dad until I believe like the first or second grade. Okay. And by not have a dad, she'd be like, he's not in the picture. Okay.

So like growing up, like cause thought never crossed my mind. Cause it was like, oh, I just don't have a dad. Like that was it. You just didn't connect it. We were that little. It doesn't click. When you're little, it, I like, cause the thought never crossed my mind. Cause it was like, oh, I just don't have a dad. Like that was it. You just didn't connect it. We were that little. It doesn't click. When you're little, it's just like, oh, I just have a mommy. That's all I have.

I just have my mommy. I don't have a daddy. I even remember being like, oh, my mom is both. Like I call, I used to be like, I used to make, I still do like, I'll write my mom like happy father's day. Cause she played the part of both roles. I love that. And it wasn't until I got older and I did a 23 in me,

that I found out that I had an uncle on, and it completely slipped my mom's mind. I mean, like there were things that I just like, there were things it was just like, you didn't need to know about it, you know? Like obviously- Especially if it's like something that could cause the child pain.

Yeah, and I mean like obviously now I know that like I do have like half sisters and... Oh my gosh. I also know that like I have nieces and nephews. Yeah. But it's like at the time I didn't and I did a 23andMe, found out that I had an uncle on my dad's side only because I only saw the initials and it was, I'm not gonna say them, but I basically went to my mom because I have an uncle Bobby, his name is Robert.

So this person, my uncle on my dad's side, had an R for his first letter. And I was like, mom, like how fucking dumb does uncle Bobby have to be to have the wrong last name? Cause like his initials, like it said R blank. And I was like, that's not uncle Bobby's last name. And my mom was like, oh no Spencer. Like you actually, I'm so sorry,

have an uncle on your dad's side. And I was like, holy shit. Like I didn't even know that, but it's like, it was gonna come up eventually. So for you to like completely erase her, like that's like also if I were to do a 23andMe and say like your sister did a 23andMe, she would show up as a biological mother even if she is deceased.

Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Well, and like if there's so many ways like with familial connections how like you can find out info. So it's like this kid would find out. And I think it's kind of funny that people are like calling out OP and being like, I was thinking about how to preserve

the memory versus what would be best for Sam. And it's funny that people are calling him out for that because it's like, well, the sister's kind of doing the exact opposite. The sister is like burying her grief and unhealthily dealing with losing her sister by ignoring her sister ever existing and covering up this child's previous identity in life. That's not what's best for the child either. That's weird.

Like, what would be best for the child would be this sister being fucking normal and just adopting this child and embracing this child's history and loving her sister and being sad she's gone. There was a perfect scenario here, but no one can fucking do it. So this is now what's best. Yeah, like this is... Not the asshole. I don't think you're the asshole.

I feel like people deal with grief differently. And fortunately though, I will say out of the both of you, I do feel like you were the better option for this child. Like you were the better option because it's like, now he's being raised with siblings, one, but like also it's like not knowing about your past makes it feel like you should be ashamed of it. Yes.

And I don't feel like there's any reason for you to be ashamed that your mother passed away from a one night stand. Like you know, like I feel like she's trying to be like. And she passed away from a stroke. A tragic stroke at like 31. 31, yeah. It's weird that they want to hide it. The top comment gives us some info. This reads weird.

Was there no middle ground between letting them do this completely their way or adopting Sam yourselves? As far as I know, your instinct is right and children should be told where they come from as soon as possible. So it's never some big secret. However, couldn't you have convinced them this instead? OP responds, I tried to talk to Amy about my concerns, but she brushed me off.

From what I know, she was planning on telling Sam that he was her rainbow baby, since it would be better for him to think that he was some sort of miracle rather than know that she only got him because his bio mom passed away. A rainbow baby? Like she gave birth to him and it was just like a miracle? Rainbow babies are what people call their child after they've struggled with miscarriages. So it's like this like miracle baby. Like I was able to conceive you after, you know, suffering from tragic losses. But that's a fucking lie. That's a lie. Amy has a lot of pictures of where she had a baby dump showing and some pictures of her holding Sam at the hospital when he was born. So she could pass the story off as something true.

No. That's weird. Amy needs mental health help as well if that's how she was gonna handle this. And I feel like this would cause this child when they do find out the truth to have a mental breakdown or crisis of their own. Literally. That is a complete earth shattering identity crisis.

You find out your parents, the people you love and trust most lied to your whole life. That is not the solution. That's not healthy. So, yeah. No, I don't think the asshole. I don't either. I feel like there should have been a middle ground. I don't think you're the asshole for doing what you were doing.

I wish there was some sort of middle ground, but thank God you did what you did. Yeah, thank God you were able to step in and the courts chose the right option. The sane option. Because Amy couldn't get on board and that's Amy's own fault for getting fucking weird. That's weird, yeah. Don't be weird.

And maybe things will work out. That's odd behavior. Moving along. Last story for us. Okay, I'm ready. Okay, so this next one. See, I'm basically Taylor Swift too. See, like I would say that, but it's just like, have you been told by other people that you are?

No, I genuinely can't sing. Oh, I've been told by so many people that I could be Taylor Swift. Not real people, the people in my head. I just love you. Okay, this next one. It's coming from Am I the Asshole, titled, Am I the Asshole for Still Going to My Daughter's Wedding Even Though My Other Daughter Isn't Invited Due to Her Panic Attacks? I have two daughters.

They are 27 and 24. The issue is, my younger daughter got into a bad situation when she was in high school. She now has panic attacks and is on meds for almost eight years now. My oldest is not close to her younger sibling. It boils down to celebrations, usually getting interrupted by a panic attack. I know my youngest isn't doing it on purpose, but it really sucks when you are at a graduation and a panic attack. I know my youngest isn't doing it on purpose, but it really sucks when you are at a graduation and a panic attack happens. Sometimes she can get away and calm down, but sometimes she pushes herself too hard and it results in an attack. Now onto the issue. My oldest is getting married. Everyone was invited to her engagement party

and during the event, the youngest had an attack. The event ended soon after, since the whole incident ruined the vibe. My oldest was really upset and kept going on about how she shouldn't have invited her. Invitations were sent out for the wedding and my oldest didn't invite her younger sibling. I asked her about it and she informed me that she wants her wedding to go smoothly, unlike all her other events that have been interrupted by panic attacks.

I asked her to reconsider and she said no, she wants one day where it is about her. My youngest is really upset and asked me to skip the wedding. I informed her I will not, I don't wanna to miss my daughter getting married. This resulted in an argument and she called me a jerk. I'm looking for opinions. My youngest gets attacks at all types of events, not just her sister's. So this isn't I am trying

to ruin my sister's event situation. She has been seeing a therapist. The main issue with the panic attacks is that they come on suddenly. She could be doing fine all night and something pushes her over the edge. She is a million times better than when she was a teenager and getting attacks twice a day. Please help. I don't think you're the asshole at all.

Like here's the thing, it's like, I'm sorry to say this, but if she's had attacks at her older sister's graduation and things, even at the engagement party. The engagement. Yeah, that was a good trial run. That was like, like, here's the thing. I'm sure her older sister sympathizes and empathizes and's like, I can't imagine what that must be like. But at the same time, it's like, I would want my wedding to be about me too.

And if I knew, especially because the panic attacks are sudden, they come out of nowhere. Like there isn't like controlling them or like figuring out when it's gonna happen, they just happen. It's like, I don't want to have that risk at my wedding. And to be fair, I know they're not close, but they're sisters.

And I feel like your youngest should understand. I would understand, because your youngest is what, 24? I'm 22. And if I had frequent panic attacks and I was on medication for it, I feel like I would feel the same way. Well, it's also to the point,

you need to recognize your own boundaries. If you're having these panic attacks, they're not enjoyable for you. So I feel like you kind of need to take more autonomy and not put yourself in those situations or force yourself to do it. Don't push yourself over the edge. Don't try so hard that you then trigger an attack.

Like, that's not healthy or fun for you, and you don't have to go through that. Also, like- Don't push yourself. And I'm also thinking of it this way. If you are the type to have a sudden panic attack, how would you feel if you were at the wedding full of people and you were having a panic attack during the ceremony? A quiet ceremony and you have to just get up and run away

or get up and walk away? That would probably induce more anxiety. Like, if anything, it's like, here's my thing, like, if you're invited, go to the after party. But the weddings, the ceremony itself, that's not... No. And even if it is, like, you're not invited to the reception afterwards, you need to just respect your sister's wishes.

You need to actually, I know it sucks to view yourself as like, I wasn't invited because of my panic attacks, but you need to put yourself in a situation of like, no, that's not it. It's more so, this is your sister's day. Yeah. And like, if that is to happen and something goes wrong, it's no longer your sister's day, it's your day. And that's not fair to her. No.

I also think by not looking out for yourself and like pushing and going to these events, it's also probably strained their relationship more. Like I think if our OP would have maybe said like, hey sweetie, you know, if you have an attack let's leave right away. We're not going to disturb the event, whether that's graduation or you know, whatever. Like I feel like the relationship would be better. They're only three years apart.

It is kind of odd that they're not close, but it's probably given this history of the sister, the older ones, events being taken out by the younger. Which it shouldn't be like that either. I feel like if there was an issue, like I know panic attacks are sudden, but like if I, if I was the parent, I would try to handle it as discreetly as I could. I know. I don't get how the engagement party got so hijacked that it was then over after this panic attack. Like I'm sorry, no offense. I would do the same fucking thing. And I take mental health so seriously. It's something I really try to advocate for in

all areas, but like you also have to, at a certain point, you're the one that's also responsible for your mental health and your triggers. And so if you feel it coming on, you need to like remove yourself and find a safe space. And it is hard. I think the sister is totally justified. And at the same time, that other daughter deserves to feel supported by her mom and have her mom at her justified. And at the same time, that other daughter deserves to feel supported by her mom and have her mom at her wedding. And so like for the sister to be like, you shouldn't go, I'm not invited. That's not fair.

It also feels very like territorial like now, like it's like, oh, if I'm not invited, you shouldn't go either. Like your mom favors you. See, this is why I feel like even that mentality of like, oh, if I'm not going, my mom shouldn't go. That means in your head that like you should be set as a priority over your sister. You both should be a priority. It's equal.

And I'm sorry if you have panic attacks, but it's like, you should understand. Like, again, same way. I'm on medication for my anxiety. I take my medication and I know she's on medication too, but get your head out of your ass. Like I understand if you have these severe panic attacks, but really you shouldn't be like this, oh, well, if I'm not going, my mom shouldn't go. Like this sounded, no, it's not about you. This is the day that it's actually not about you.

At all. This is about her. Wedding days are the one day where you can really get away with making it all about you. That's the day, baby. It's not about you, babe. So yeah, there's a comment. Your oldest is correct. Everything becomes about your youngest the second she has a panic attack. Do you know what's causing them?

Not the asshole. OP responds, there are triggers. The biggest issue at events is the large amount of people. It's almost impossible to avoid if she pushes herself at an event. It's a wedding and there are a lot of people there. And you know that being around large crowds will induce a panic attack. So your sister is now somewhat looking out for you too, being like, I know you're gonna have one, don't come.

And now you're like, oh, if I'm not invited, my mom shouldn't go either. No, like what is your issue? Sorry, but if you go, you know you're gonna have a panic attack. You know. Well, and that's like the problem here where it's like what happened to you in high school is sad.

It's, you know, you're now dealing with these anxiety attack, panic attacks, like that's like the problem here where it's like, what happened to you in high school is sad. It's, you know, you're now dealing with these anxiety attack, panic attacks. Like that's, that's terrible. That's very unfair. However, you need to recognize that like, you can't put yourself in these events and like trigger these attacks and then not expect and like expect people to like not care. Or like stop. Like also it's like, it sounds like you want everything to stop. And that's just not the reality.

That's not the, right. Like the world does not stop because you want it to. Just because you're having a panic attack, that doesn't mean that like everybody has to stop what they're doing and drop what they're doing to just support you. And I mean, like, yeah, you need that support, but regardless, we are talking about a major event in your sister's life that now you would be taking over because you would have a panic attack because it is a large group of people.

Yeah. I think what I would try to do, like, if this were my sibling, I would try to accommodate it and like be like, hey, I want you there. I want you to be able this were my sibling, I would try to accommodate it and like be like, hey, I want you there. I want you to be able to experience my wedding, but we know, we know people in large numbers of people are a trigger for you. Let me see if I can find a private area for you to view the wedding from the back where if something happens, you're not going to disrupt. Like a balcony, like where the choir usually is, there's usually a balcony.

You're private, you're by yourself. And then if something happens, you will not disrupt the event. No one will notice if you leave. No one will notice if you start hyperventilating or whatever these attack look like for this girl. But at the same time, I feel like if the older sister is already like, I'm not doing that, it gives, it very much gives already like... She's at her wits end. Yeah. It also, it gives like if your sister isn't willing to give you a private room. That's fine. I feel like that's fine, but it's also because she knows that regardless, it's not gonna do anything. Like it's still gonna become your day.

That is really true. And someone does kind of point that out in the comments. Not the asshole. Except your panicky daughter, who is trying to guilt trip you for attending the comments. Not the asshole, except your panicky daughter who is trying to guilt trip you for attending the wedding is the asshole. I don't blame the panicky daughter for having panic attacks, but she has to realize that there are consequences for ruining other people's important events. And that's just kind of the thing. Like you've been invited to these events that are important. The engagement dinner, as we said, was like a great trial run. It didn't go well. And so now it's just kind of like the unfortunate result.

You can't come. And if I was the one with the panic attacks, like that is so sad. Like I would feel so left out and so... Like it's hurt. It's hurtful. It's really disheartening. It's just like that you do want to feel included. And like, you're probably resentful at yourself

for these panic attacks you're having, but this is also just the sad reality. Like, it's not a situation where there's a have your cake and eat it too situation. I feel like what really needs to go down here is like a sense of empathy. Like, I feel like it needs to be like, that your daughter needs to, your younger daughter

needs to have a sense of empathy for her older sister. And just understand that like, every other event, every other thing has mysteriously, not mysteriously, but it has become hijacked by her, even her engagement party. She doesn't want you there for a reason. I'm sorry that you have panic attacks. Again, that's not your fault, but also it isn't your sister's fault for wanting a day

to herself. Like, I feel like you need to view it from your sister's view too. Yeah. Someone does say, not the asshole. Not being invited to the wedding is kind of a big deal though for their relationship. But if you have such bad panic attacks that it shuts down the entire event, you can't expect to be invited to these things. Maybe if you could promise to stick close to her and quietly take her away from the party when you recognize

a panic attack coming on, she could be allowed to attend. And OP does respond, I really don't want to be on her constantly. That doesn't seem fair to my daughter who is getting married. She is getting married, but I'm watching the youngest the whole time. She deserves her parents have her attention on her wedding day.

And I completely agree. Moms are very important on wedding days for a lot of people. So it's like my mom could be walking down the aisle with me and my dad. Like, depending on what their family looks like, parents could be very, very involved. So it's not fair that your other daughter is going to take away from your presence. And like, no.

And OP does say, as far as their relationship, it's already bad. So I wouldn't be surprised if they don't talk to each other after this. And that's just kind of the sad reality. Yeah, a lot of people are offering solutions, like would it be possible for someone to sit near your youngest and be able to escort her out of whatever room you're in if a panic attack starts? Maybe, I don't think anyone would like that solution.

The person watching her will not have a good time at the wedding, not to mention, I don't think anyone would like that solution. The person watching her will not have a good time at the wedding. Not to mention, I don't think my youngest would like being watched constantly. Also, my oldest would need to agree to this, and she already said she wasn't changing her mind. Well, there you have it, y'all. I don't think, I think it's totally fair.

It's sad, but like it just kind of is the reality with this one. There you have it. I think the theme for this episode definitely changed. Yeah, it did. I think it's not too stunned to speak. Cause we had some thoughts. We had a lot of thoughts. We had a lot of thoughts.

And I feel like a lot of them aligned with what people were saying. I hope so. I can't wait to see people's takes. I wonder, what was the one? I was like, people could disagree with us. I think it was an early one. I'm trying to think because there were a few that I felt like maybe people could disagree.

I do like when people disagree too, because it actually like is so thought-provoking for me when I read the comments. I'm like, oh my god, how did I how did I miss that? How did I not think of that? But also at the same time, it's kind of like... We only have so much time to talk. Yeah, and there's only, here's another big thing. I feel like when it comes to situations that we are commenting on, we really will never get the full scope.

No. Like, I feel like if you wanted a real good answer, I'd need to know about like your familial ties, like what? Like, even with that one where like the Sarah, where she was like, I'd be a surrogate for or no, not the Sarah. Oh, that one. That's probably the one. And the diabetes, the guy with diabetes, I feel like that could have been, there's definitely more context we could have had. There was a lot more

context, I'd be like, okay, like I would, I would need more context. There's only so much advice you can give based off of a little story. I even, as I'm editing every week, I literally sometimes I'm like, no, Morgan, why did you say that? My opinion changes by the time this thing comes out. In some small regard, usually. Yeah.

I missed something. I wanted to talk about it, but I forgot. But let us know what you guys think in the comments. Thank you so much, Spencer, for joining. Thank you for having me. but I forgot, but let us know what you guys think in the comments. Thank you so much, Spencer, for joining. Thank you for having me. Where can everyone find you? Because you've got so much fun stuff coming up. You're on YouTube. Really plug in that.

Oh, yeah. Your stuff has been like really fun over there. So I've been posting frequently on YouTube. You can find me there at Spenswaal. You can actually find me everywhere at Spenswaal. That's P-E-N-C-E-W-U-A-H. Snapchat, I'll sometimes post there, not as frequently, but if you want to, it's Spenswa with an M in the middle. Also, I released merch.

If you want to get some of that, you can go to spenswa.com. And there's a lot coming soon. A lot of people have been asking me where the podcast is, if it's coming, if there will be a podcast. Let's just say this, wink. That's all you get for now. Go follow Spencer on YouTube, Instagram. All of the links for the channels will be in the description because you don't want to

miss out. So you got to subscribe, especially on the tube. YouTube's got so much good stuff. It does. Okay, well thank you guys. Head over to Patreon if you want more stories and until next time, bye. Bye guys. Thanks for watching guys!