Two Hot Takes - 163: Anything but Perfect..

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

WE'RE ON TOUR !!! : https://linktr.ee/twohottakestour Link for Google Form if you're attending one of our shows: https://forms.gle/A9WkQAci26LhMZjs5 Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Richa!! I am so excited to introduce a new friend to the THT family! Show Richa some love for being brave enough to come on and address these stories that were anything but perfect.. From your SIL trying to borrow a symbolic family heirloom to finding out you have a brain tumor these OPs were going through it. And we're left with a lot of questions.. the biggest.. DO YOU TELL THEM?! Checkout Richa! https://www.instagram.com/richaanand/?hl=en MERCH IS HERE ! https://shop.twohottakes.com I can't wait to see you all in these, especially at our live shows!! Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Skims: Skims.com/tht

Changing a light bulb should be simple. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! Uh-oh. That's not supposed to happen. Quickly submitting and tracking a claim on the Bel Air Direct app actually is simple. Bel Air Direct. Insurance simplified. A lemon. A lemon beurre. That was beautiful. Thank you.

I am so excited to have you here today. Thanks. Oh, did we start now? Yeah, we're rolling. Oh, just like that. We're in it. SJP. All at me. You guys are seeing a new face. You're hearing a new beautiful voice.

I'm so, so excited to introduce you to my friend, Richa. Hello. What were you talking about? We were like, okay, what's your elevator pitch going to be? I know. I don't know how to like, I'm not socially awkward, but I think I'm socially awkward when I have to talk about myself. You know what I mean?

Isn't everyone? I don't know what to say. I'm Richa. I'm Morgan's friend. Yep. That's what I say to everybody, by the way, even when I'm not in this room. Okay. That's how I present myself. I'm from California, still here to this day and yeah, I don't know.

I'm just a normie. I'm not exciting. A muggle. I'm a muggle. I am fully a muggle. Did you see that? It sounds like a slur when you say it out loud. It does.

Like, and I know that's what it kind of is in Harry Potter world. Yes. But it like, it does feel good saying it. I know. But you know, there was an interview recently with one of the actresses from Harry Potter, like an older actress, and she was like, the people that are still obsessed with Harry Potter need to move on. Like, that's a problem.

I felt personally attacked. I was like, okay, let me go throw away all the things from Potter world that I have at home. Oh my God. What's your patronus? I feel like I got an elephant once on a Harry Potter world quiz, which felt a little bit targeted at me being Indian. I'm just kidding.

I think I just positioned it that way, but I love elephants, so I'll take it. Elephants are magical. Have you met one? Yeah. Okay, good. In India. Yeah. I don't ride them. I'm not into the riding of the animal,

but I have visited and seen many. Yeah, I went to a sanctuary in Thailand, and they are just such magical. And they throw the water on you at their trunk. Oh, they're so cool. We got to give them a mud bath. Love. I love elephants.

I got a horse for my patronusus. So that feels so accurate. A white stallion. Wow. That's very you. Yeah. And I was a, I was a Ravenclaw. Ooh, I'm a Gryffindor. But last, this is like becoming. You should have chosen Harry Potter.

Fuck. Next time, next time. But I'm a Gryffindor. Okay. I could see that for you. Just in case anyone wanted to know. You're kind of like this athletic, perfect little person, just going through life crushing it. Oh, no, no. I don't know about that.

Rich is a big deal. Oh, no. Small deal. No, you're just so cute. And I feel like you, I'm really excited to have you because you are just such like a authentic, genuine, kind individual. You show up for your friends in big, meaningful ways. Family, you're just like so family oriented. You're always like flying to India to go to weddings and like, I just live vicariously through you a little bit

when I see all your fun celebrations and yours adorable. So- I didn't even pay her to say that. I really- I'm like sweet, thank you. I'm excited to get your takes today. I know I'm excited. I feel like I remember when you first started this on an iPhone by yourself.

And now here we are. Some real shit more. Here we are. Okay. You ready? I'm ready. I'm ready. Okay.

Let's dive in. Are they the asshole? We're going to find out today. I guess we are. So this first one is only seven hours old. Coming from our very own tuhatakes subreddit, it is titled, Husband Attacks in His Sleep. I haven't slept in days. I'm ready for it.

I'm 24 female and my husband is 24 male. We are happily married. We've been married a year, known each other since 2018, officially dated all 2022, and then married 2023. We have a history like a rom-com. I am very in love with this man. He's not abusive or anything. There's literally nothing wrong. I'm just at the end of my rope with this and I have no idea what to do. This is a vent, but I'm

open to any advice." So my husband has always had trouble sleeping. He complains that he hardly ever has dreams. I'm talking one to four dreams per year. He also can talk, blink, and act like he's awake, aside from actually getting up. This has made for some funny times as I'm a light sleeper. In the middle of the night I'll ask him something and he'll say the most random and funniest things. He has no memory of this in the morning and we laugh about it. This is the actual issue though. He will also flail his arms and smack me in the face. He's a mechanic slash gym rat. His arms are like meaty weights. It's not

intentional. I once smacked him back in surprise and he literally laughed, then whined that it's raining too hard and turned over. He's not awake or aware of any of this. He'll apologize like crazy the next morning and do anything to make up for it. It hurts to see him so upset at something he can't control. This man has literally come home from work to take care of a spider for me. I know he doesn't mean to, but gosh dang it, I want to sleep without being attacked. All calves. We've tried separate sleeping, but I hate that. We're snugglers. And he will

come to me in the middle of the night or I will go to him. We joke about who will do it first. I just don't know what to do. This is the third night he's smacked me and then taken the blanket. I'm exhausted. I'm actually desperate for advice. The next plan is a straight jacket. Please help. Oh, bless her. Okay. As a fellow, very, very, very light sleeper. I can understand her probably just like, she's, yeah, she's at her what's end, right? She's like, what the heck do I do? I need sleep, but I love this man. I was gonna, in my head, I was like, obviously just different rooms. Like no, no duh. But I mean, they've already tried that.

I get the snuggling thing, but also again, as a fellow light sleeper, like if I'm snuggling with someone, it's all cute and fine. Then I'm like, okay, now I need you to not touch me while I sleep because I'm such a light sleeper. So I mean, if she's that close to him and he's like yanking this stuff and hitting her, either they need to like try a week of sleeping in separate rooms and really commit to it so that she

can actually, like she's at her wits end. What are you going to continue to not sleep? No. For the sake of cuddling. Like you've been with each other long enough where you're like going to be comfortable hopefully or you know, cuddle and then go sleep. But I feel like they should, you know, those like put not twin beds, but like put two beds together, have your own bedding.

Hopefully he doesn't still reach and yank and you're not freezing your ass off. But like two separate beddings, you have those like mattresses that are kind of the same mattress but two different temperatures and whatever, and put a pillow in between you if he's, I do that all the time too. I put pillows in between me and my, whoever I'm next to. That was my idea too. Like those, you know, those pregnancy pillows where they're like really big and long.

Just like have a divider. I slept in a king bed for like the first time in years, like last weekend with Justin. And when he was on his side of the bed and I was on my king bed for like the first time in years, like last weekend with Justin. And when he was on his side of the bed and I was on my side of the bed, it felt like we were in different zip codes. Like I didn't feel him move. I didn't feel anything. And we actually sleep with our own blankets.

Like I think it's so, it's so key. It's so much better for your sleep. Because you stay temperature regulated. It's like the number one sleep disturbance I've learned from all of my sheets ads I do. I learned, I learned. The plug is real. I feel like it's, what's that marriage advice?

It's like have separate bathrooms if you can afford it. And it's like something you're able to do if you're building your own home, two separate toilets or whatever. I feel the same about beds. It doesn't have to be two separate beds, but like two separate situations so that you're both covered. But she's going to listen to this and be like, girl, I told you he's smacking me. He's like a long meaty hand hitting me across the

pregnancy pillow. So then, I mean, you got to, I don't think you're the asshole, but I don't think anybody's an asshole in this situation. He can't help himself. And I can't imagine how he's waking up every morning like in anguish over the fact that he's hurting or keeping his partner up at night. That sucks, but- I also can't imagine he feels rested the next day. Can you imagine sleeping with your eyes open? Or maybe he's just so rested.

I don't know. I don't know. That would be crazy. But if I were her, I sleep like five to six hours a night, which is really bad. But if I'm sleeping in the same bed, I know it's not, I have my own sleep problem. See, so this is actually, I know you didn't even know that, but I relate. So if I'm sleeping next to somebody that goes down to like two to three hours, it's really bad. So I feel her frustration, but I also feel her like, I feel bad about it, but I'm so frustrated. I've become a lighter sleeper with age.

And I would love to know if there's any studies, if you guys out there know of any. But I'm wondering if it's because of like being like a biological woman, like where it's like you're supposed to be a lighter sleeper because of like child rearing or like some like biological need. I'm so curious about it because I used to sleep like a, just a rock. Really? And the older I get, the lighter I sleep.

Is that a biological thing? Like we're, I've been child rearing for 30 years cause I've been a light sleeper all my life. Oh my God. That's why I've got, I use the data to like gamify my sleep and I do the like, whatever the trend is, the tart cherry juice and the magnesium and it kind of helps like chill me out, I guess. Yeah. I'm going to give you some good CBD.

Yeah. And I travel, I'm in a hotel half the year, as you know. That's probably why. And so I'm on different coasts every other week and that doesn't really help the situation, but this girl, I can only imagine how you just can't operate as a regular human being every day if you can't sleep. So girl, have your cuddles and then go to a... Yeah. Or just even like two beds in the room, like sleep on it. Have them sleep on a day bed and you're in the real bed or something. Try out not missing each other, but missing each other enough to be able to sleep.

That's a thing in other countries. I remember I went to, I think it was Hungary, and one of the places we stayed, it was like a queen bed. We asked for a queen, but it was two twin beds pushed together. So often. And it's honestly, it was so nice, especially because it was me and Lauren traveling. I'm like, we didn't need to cuddle. This was great.

I know. Every time I travel with my girls, I'm like, that's sure, fine. I'm confused why there's no mention of like, he's done a sleep study or like, he's gonna do a sleep study. Cause I read this and I'm like, sleep study. Non-negotiable. He's gotta go in there, get all the electrodes hooked up.

He's gotta see what's going on with his sleep. Yeah, a hundred percent. Cause maybe there's, you know, a little bit of a thing they could do. There is some things that people can do for insomnia or sleep paralysis. I mean, I don't know what he has, but definitely something. I mean, he's like literally hitting her now and thinking about like, I would put an oven mitt on in the middle of the night so it's like softens the blow or something.

That sounds crazy, but I would be desperate to try everything too. I think he might need a Snuggie. Like have you seen those little baby sleepers where it's like you, cause you don't wanna like have blankets or things that can get loose on babies. So there's this new thing for babies that all my like nieces and nephews, nieces and nephew, I don't have multiple, have been in.

All my one. And it's like a flying squirrel outfit and you just zip them up in it. But then they can't like. Yeah, the sleep sacks. Yeah, that's what he needs. My nephew, we put him in one too. And he's like, it's like a little slug. It is kind of a straight jacket.

It is a straight jacket. That's what he needs. He could easily have an adult version made. Just team up with a local seamstress, you know, pair to make it. He should make it. He should start a company and be like, this is from my personal experience

of not whacking my partner in the middle of the night. I wonder if this would help all those like sleepwalker people on TikTok too. Their videos are crazy. I started to get that in my algorithm a lot. And then I was like, am I gonna get influenced to do this? Like, I don't know.

It just became a little bit of a dark hole. I know. Poor girl. I hope she figures it out. I think we get some answers because the top comment says, separate sleeping is the best option for now. Yeah. Cuddle until he falls asleep and then go to the other bed perhaps.

Other than that, maybe there's a physiological component to it. I would have him see a doctor and get a sleep study done. Oh, you're so smart. It's possible he isn't getting good sleep if he's showing this level of activity at night. OP responds, we've talked about it. He's got the nose thing for now to measure something. He's going in next week.

What's the nose thing? I'm wondering if it's measuring like- Like the breathing rate or something? Yeah, or like carbon dioxide output. And if there's like an unhealthy level, I'm not sure. That's just me purely speculating. Yeah. It's probably measuring something.

Yeah. Because I think when you go in to do the sleep study, you get all the electrodes, you get the nose thing. They hook you up. Dang. I really want to do one. We should do that. I really want to do it.

Next girl's night, we like go to brunch and then go fall asleep. I'd be so down. Sometimes I wake up like choking and I'm like, do I have sleep apnea? Yeah. Choking on air? I think my tonsils. That's its own episode, Morgan.

I mean, damn, what do you mean? I like feel like I stop breathing sometimes then I just like cough myself awake. It's a really weird- Are you a back sleeper? Yeah. I am too, because Jennifer Lopez, who is like fine, she's neutral, I'm neutral, whatever about her,

but no wrinkles, so it's like mummy sleep. Yeah. And I put pillows on every side of me and then I just like, but I can understand, I guess, why you're- Something's happening. Your tonsils are not. I need my tonsils out.

I haven't been trying, no one will do it. Why? It's just- Because you don't need them out. You just don't take tonsils out of a 30 year old. Woof. I know. Sorry for you.

But I think she's got it started, so. Yes. Moving along. Good luck, I wanna know what happens. Keep us posted. Yes. You're a Too Hot To Take listener. This is coming from the subreddit, so we need an update. Keep us posted. Yes. You're a Too Hot To Eat listener. This is coming from the sub Reddit.

So we need an update. Keep us posted. Yes, yes. Okay, moving along. Okay, so this next one is one day old, coming from A-I-T-A-H, titled, am I the asshole for telling my mom she married a little bitch

after she complained about me marrying an accountant? I'm getting married in June to Kate, and I wasn't aware until recently that my mom had a problem with her. I mean, they are very different. Kate is quiet, reserved, practical, and my mom lives in a fantasy world, but they seemed okay. For some context, my mom and I aren't that close.

I don't think she actually wanted to be a mother, so the relationship has always felt fake. She is married to Ryan, who is a decent enough guy and treats her very well, but he seems to have some issues. Bullet point number one. He is a big shot lawyer who never loses. So one time he did lose a case, he punched a wall and then didn't speak all evening,

wouldn't eat, etc. He bought a microwave so he could heat up his own food and not have to go into the staff room at his office because he can't stand people saying hi to him. This is only after he stopped letting his assistant heat it up because my mom said she was probably touching it to gauge the temperature. He almost never speaks to Kate or I and says he doesn't owe anyone words. He is a stage 12 clinger who has to have at least one hand on my mom at all times. He was telling my mom how if she would just learn to golf, he could get rid of his friends and never have to speak to another person outside of work again.

Last bullet point, he grew up poor and is now super annoying about his money. I've never said anything because my mom clearly thinks the sun shines out of his ass. Anyways, my mom recently sat me down and said she is concerned about my future. She said that Kate is, quote, nice enough, but so boring and has no hobbies or sense of humor. And she is worried I'm settling for... She took a long dramatic breath and then said, an accountant. She said no one actually wants to marry an accountant. I was pissed that she was going after Kate and said quote, but you married a little bitch. Ryan was in the house and heard it. He just made a face but my mom exploded and told me to get out and when I didn't, she shoved me. She said I can, quote,

get the fuck out if I'm going to disrespect her husband like that, and said the stuff she said about Kate wasn't that bad, but I made it personal. I guess I feel a little bad as I went for Ryan when he wasn't doing anything. She might not be coming to the wedding now. Am I the asshole? Oh, boy. Okay. First of all, Ryan, I know he's not like the focus, but he seems like quite controlling. And I don't know that I would trust the mom's judgment necessarily with like my my partner. No. I mean, I would say that behind the scenes, I would feel bad if this guy heard it. I think I would definitely, that would be my like instinct

thing to say probably too. I almost feel like maybe this is not the right thing to say, but like little bitch is not that bad compared to if he listed out all the things that were wrong with Ryan. What if he heard that? That's like cuts deep and is real, right? Like... Controlling, hot-headed, anti-personal.

Everyone seems like he thinks he's above everyone. Like all of these. Too good, shit don't stink. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really, really torn on this one personally, because I get like the mom really opened up this conversation. And so it's kind of one of those like, don mom really opened up this conversation. And so it's kind of one of those, like,

don't throw stones if you live in a glass house moments. But he did kind of, like, pop off in a sense where, like, you're kind of, like, being a little rude to someone who didn't really say anything or start anything with you. And now you're just kind of, like, throwing a knife at him, especially when he can overhear it. The fiance doesn't sound like she was there. So you know, this is maybe just your mom trying to, you know, as good intentions as it might

be, just look out for you, but it's coming across bad. So I'm trying to like be a little more open-minded on this one. So I'm a little torn, but I don't necessarily think the biggest asshole because the mom kind of did open this up and like really kind of shit on his fiance. Like you're settling. No one wants to hear that. I don't know. I feel like that is very open-minded of you to think that way.

I feel like he's like maybe an accidental asshole at best. Like, you know, you're not that close to your mom. She's opening up this conversation. It could have led further into attacking his fiance. She's clearly showing that she doesn't approve of him or her, excuse me. And I don't know. I just feel like you're in every right

to probably he's been bottling up all these feelings about like his mom's partner and observing all this stuff. And he's not going out of his way to be like, Hey, mom, why did your guy not trust the staff or want to say hi to them or whatever? That is true. So, and I don't know, I think at the end of the day, like if your mom, nothing I'm saying, she's the asshole, but like she should come to your wedding if she cares about you. And if that comment is going to like be the deciding factor of attending your wedding to me, like she wasn't excited to come regardless. That is kind of a weak disagreement.

Yeah. And I mean, she, in her right, she did defend her husband. Yeah. She said, get the fuck out of my house if you're gonna talk about him that way. Yeah. I think that's fair. I think that is within her right to do.

Fair. And so the husband should be like, thanks, babe, love you too. I think OP could apologize to Ryan. She's like, hey dude, you know. 100%. I popped off a little bit. I don't think you're a little bitch, but my mom, you know,

you overheard, it wasn't a fun conversation. Yeah. And just smooth it over. I think at the end of the day, if he wants his mom at his wedding, he needs to be the one to initiate to both of them an apology, cause we know Ryan is not gonna, as if I know Ryan, we know Ryan is not gonna, as if I know Ryan,

we know Ryan's not gonna go and be like, babe, you should still go to your son's wedding. Like, don't worry about that comma. He's probably gonna be like, absolutely not. You know, like, or maybe not say anything. Yeah. Don't talk to any of these other people, except for the two of us. Let's go golfing together. But I think accidental asshole that should proactively do

something and be the bigger person, like the adult in this situation. We do have one term that we've used. It's not an official vote, but it's become a little common is justifiable asshole. Oh, yeah, justifiable asshole. Like he might be still kind of, you know. Yeah, it was like an asshole thing to say, but I don't think that this person, like OP is not an asshole from this story to me.

Yeah, we might have some people, this person, like OP is not an asshole from this story to me. Yeah. We might have some people disagreeing with us though. Top comment on this one. Roll the comments. Not the asshole. But this post made me laugh. Your mom and Ryan deserve each other. Next comment down. It's like if Sammy and Ronnie from the Jersey Shore spewed all of their immature bile outward instead of at each other. I love that reference. Ron, stop. There's a new show coming out with them and I really want to get into it. With Jersey Shore? Yeah, they're all coming back.

What? Including Sammy? Yeah. You sure she just got married or engaged? Yeah, they're all coming back. There's some stuff about those people. MTV still exists. There's still shows on there. I feel like they're all coming back. There's some stuff about those people. MTV like still exists, there's still shows on there. I feel like they're the saving grace. They're gonna bring that network back.

Oh my God, Angelina, oh my God. There's another couple comments. The parents are the living embodiment of every pot has its lid. Mom sounds like a jerk, but I gotta say, I kinda respect Ryan's life goals. He knows what he wants. Like, let's, let's be real. Like Ryan is very clear on who he is and what he wants. Yeah. A lot of not the assholes. I'm curious if there is any. Yeah.

You're the asshole. My instinct was not the asshole. I am not, I'm not finding one at all. OP does respond to some comments. Someone goes, the only reason why Mommy Dearest likes the bitch is the size of his bank account, I'm guessing. I would stay away from the trash. People really big mad. Yeah. Big mad.

Damn. Also by the way, justice for accountants. My mom is an accountant, my sister-in-law is an accountant, and they're great people. Justin's mom's an accountant too. Justice for Justin's mom. I don't understand why an accountant is the boring job that you like. I can't even get my head around how tough it would be. I just like my brain trying to even do like help with my taxes. Couldn't be me. Dude, no.

Nope, absolutely not. It's so hard. It's so scary. It's overwhelming. There's a lot of numbers. I don't do well with numbers. It's hard. Accountants are really underappreciated. 100%. Also in this tax season right now, like you're gonna, if this is a today story, tax season. That's just crazy. Payment today. Literally today. just crazy. Taxi's in payment today. Literally today. I know.

April 15th. OP responds, she's a trust fund baby and probably makes more than him because she got her dad's company. I think she's really in it for the constant weird stroking. I'm sorry. Should we, could you back it up? Who are, what are, what?

Constant weird stroking. Of the ego? What are we, what is the end of the sentence? That is the end. No. Listen, I just have to say, I feel like the mom's a little wackalack. Like that's crazy that she's out here with this man. She makes more money and she's shitting on her son's accountant, fiance. This just feels like a mess. It feels like I can understand why you're not that close to your mom. Yeah. And maybe it's for the best?

Question mark. What are we stroking? I don't know. I don't know. It's really interesting. OP does- He's got a choice. He has a lot of comments. I don't know. I don't know. It's really interesting. OP does- It's a choice.

He has a lot of comments. Basically talking about his fiance, I love her. My mom is a spoiled brat who lives this just jet setting life and finds everything boring. Kate is kind, mature, intelligent. I think the mom, like, I don't know. Like, have you ever had your parents, like you introduced them to a boyfriend and they're like,

we love you Richa, but are you okay? Did you? I have actually never introduced my parents to a boyfriend. I'm Indian, we don't, unless it's like you're gonna get married to them, you don't, that's not a thing. Oh God, I almost wish that was me because I've introduced my parents to some idiots.

To like all of them. I have met a lot of parents and I'm always like, I don't have a future with your son. So like, I don't really know why I'm here, but like thank you for the like barbecue. I mean, you're getting good practice for when you do meet the parents of the one. That's true.

Would you ever do an arranged marriage? Cause I feel like they're not as like blind anymore. Like they're a little more- The aunt it's more of like the auntie is texting your mom with like your picture being like, what do you think of this guy? Show Richa and my mom. Well, not show me a picture of who the auntie is talking about, but she'll send my picture to like everyone she meets

in life, she'll like go to the grocery store and be like, this is a picture of my daughter, Richa. And I'm like, mom, first of all, you need to ask for a picture back. Second of all, stop. Third of all. You don't share the picture unless you know that they're good. You are not the homie.

Yeah. I'm like, you're not being a homie right now. She's like, what? I didn't think you'd want to know. And I'm like, dude, we have so much to work on here. But no, I don't think I would do an arranged marriage. I have seen them go both ways. I have aunts and uncles.

My aunt and uncle just celebrated like 45 years yesterday and they were arranged, but they're madly in love, like the perfect match. And nobody knows that. And then I have other people that are close to my life that like they're just roommates or housemates or they're just like, you know, kind of stuck to Indian, Indian community, we don't like divorce rates are not high at all. It's kind of a taboo. I think now obviously here, but like in India, it's not really that common. And so you just kind of stuck with this person and whether you like it or not, it used to be very blind. Like you would meet once and then get married

and get shipped off to America. That's what happened to my parents. My mom chose my dad or said yes because she really liked his sister. And I was like, all right, well, that's a good sign. And somebody else chose their husband because they liked his shoes that were sitting at the front, like the house. Oh my gosh. It's not like that. It wouldn't be like that for me. But I mean, it's still like... No, it was just a thought that popped into my head. I'm just like...

Yeah. I'm not anti... Again, I've seen so much success with it. I think it's very similar to like matchmaking matchmaking or like you're, if you were to technically being like, Hey Rich, like I found like, I met a guy that I think would be really good for you. So it's not so different. Like the original map, like arranged marriage was very, uh, yeah, it's definitely evolved in this room meet once and then that's it, and now you're married. I was talking to someone, like a friend of mine that's single right now, and I was like, obviously, it's not going to happen, but if I were to become single tomorrow,

I would do a matchmaking service. Yeah? 100%. I think it just would be... Well, why do you have to be single to do? Oh, you would... I thought you meant you would... I was trying to encourage them to do it, so I could live vicariously just to like get the,

like I think it's such a fascinating process. And I think it would just be really interesting. So it's like dating is hard. I'm like, if I were to be single ever again, I would try it. Dang, okay. I'll keep that in mind. It's not part of my one year plan. It's not on your, no.

It's my work is My work is my relationship, which I'm sure you can imagine. Thankfully you have a Justin. I do have a Justin. Shout out Justin. But I have, side note, sidebar there. I have had like my mom like basically kind of approach me about someone I'm dating and be like, Morgan, you know, he's, he's not that great. Yeah. Like, are you sure?

And it just like, it was coming from a place, but like she didn't like throw him like, he's not funny. You're settling. Attack his character. Yeah. She didn't like do this character assassination. So now that I'm sitting here, I'm kind of like, maybe just like no assholes here.

Like he was fair, she kicked him out, she, you know, whatever. Like it just kind of is what it is. Yeah, I think again, like accidental or what did you say it was? Like the- Justifiable asshole. Yeah. Justifiable asshole. I really think he just probably slipped up like little bitch or he's a bitch or whatever it is. But I agree, there's a way to handle going up to somebody

and saying, hey, honey, just want to check in, see how you're feeling about your fiancee I've noticed. And then kind of edge around it. Not to say that somebody should beat around the bush with something that serious, but you, you want to avoid this. Yeah. Lots of comments from OP. To be fair, if I'd called her a bitch, he would have knocked me out.

Last person who insulted her got thrown down the outside steps. He was trying to get her away from me because she has anger issues. So it seems like a husband might have came in and like stepped in between them. And people are just kind of asking about his relationship with his mom and like why she was even invited to the wedding in the first place. Because the relationship was never awful. And usually it takes something horrible and drastic to ban your parents from your wedding. She wasn't abusive.

I actually think she tried her best but was coerced into being a mother. She's done nothing to make me want to hurt and humiliate her on that level. But if she chooses not to come, I won't really care. Well, then there we have it. I feel like OP knows that he's not the asshole, but is kind of like, I don't know, maybe this is like a venting moment

to show that it's justified, but he's like, I don't know, maybe this is like a venting moment to show that it's justified, but he's like, I don't really care anymore. Yeah, I'm wondering if this is a bit of projection from the mom in a way too, because OP shares, she actually left my kind, funny, easygoing father for Ryan, because it was love at first sight. No one could understand.

So she kind of went from like a Kate, like kind, nice, easygoing, chill to Ryan, just hotheaded, extreme, kind of like very out there. And maybe like she's trying to like project that onto her son a little bit and be like, almost implying like his dad was her settling. I'm wondering if there's like a little bit. Why are you choosing this like boring, like whatever.

Some people need that. Some people need that level of like hotheaded whatever. It's almost like you're looking for the drama. Like you want the challenge in life. But like, do you really want that in your partner? I don't know. Sounds like a lot to me. Sounds like a hell of a lot. There are no official updates from OP, but let's keep our eyes out for one because I really wanna know how this one goes. I wanna know if she ends up coming to the wedding or not.

Like will she backpedal and say, you know what, nevermind, I'll come. I don't think, I think she, I don't know. I could see her asking for an apology. But I could also see her just like not bringing it up again and going to the wedding because of like almost that like saving face. Like you don't want like people to like think you look bad

or like, you know what I mean? It's like more about other people's thoughts about her. She's gotta uphold that image. You don't want the internet knowing that you didn't show up to your son's wedding. No. Because of that. I feel like that's just not that, maybe it was a huge blow up and we're not,

we don't know all the details. Obviously she kicked him out, but like, that's blow up and we don't know all the details. Obviously she kicked him out, but that's why you don't go to your son's wedding. Little bitch, at least I didn't marry a little bitch. I feel like that's like. It's not that bad. It's just not that bad, it's kind of funny.

I mean, it's not, but it's kind of funny. Yeah, does your vote change? Are you like not the asshole? Are you still? I just don't feel like he's the asshole. Again, I think it was like a slip up moment. I don't think it was from what I'm hearing. He was going to talk to his mom to be like, you're dating a little bitch. I think it was just a response to her digging in a negative way

and him almost wanting to defend and maybe his defense for his fiance ended up accidentally like bouncing off to- Okay. I'm with you. I think my vote changed a little bit. I think I'm not the asshole. She kind of messed with the bulls there and he gave her the horns. Yeah. 100%. Wow. Okay. Right there in the eyes, huh? Moving along. Ha ha. One of this week's partners is Skims. Finding the perfect t-shirt can be such a challenge. Whether it's fit, quality, comfort, durability.

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down menu that follows. Thank you. This one is not as fresh for us. It is a month old coming from Am I the Asshole titled, Am I the Asshole for not letting my toxic sister-in-law have my mother's dress? Okay, alright. Excuse my language, English is not my first language. So for some context, I, 25 female, married my husband, 27 male, after being together for almost 10 years. We've now been married for 3 years. Everyone from my side of the family was so happy for our relationship and was on board

with our marriage. But my husband's side of the family didn't like our relationship and my mother-in-law wanted my husband to get married to another woman. My husband has a brother and a sister and he has a strained relationship with everyone in their family. My father-in-law, the sole decision maker in their house, wanted this marriage as it would be an advantage for his business with my brother. My brother has a very successful business and my father-in-law needed a business contract

from him. And so, he reluctantly agreed to our marriage. I live in India, so it's very common to live as a joint family, but we wanted privacy and decided to live on our own. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law constantly try to create problems between me and my husband.

They often come to our house and find faults with my way of running a family. So this one time they came over to our house and they were super nice to me. We had our lunch and after my mother-in-law demanded that I give my mother's red sari – it's an Indian garment – to my sister-in-law, along with a jewelry that my dad himself made for my mother. That piece of clothing and jewelry has a very sentimental meaning to me.

Dad and mom are no longer with us. Even I don't wear it unless it's to a very, very important event. The last time I wore it, it was to my wedding. I told them very nicely that I won't be able to give her the sari as it's very important to me. Now my mother-in-law is calling me selfish for not sharing the sari with my sister-in-law,

as it's very common to share clothing and jewelry. I told them that I'm willing to share any other clothing and jewelry, but not this one. But they only want this sari. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law went on and on about how I haven't adopted to their family traditions and haven't taken their family name and stuff. My husband is on my side, and he has also explained to them how important this is to me, but they accused me of changing their son and being the reason that he doesn't love them anymore. He asked them politely to leave our house and not to cause any more problems.

They say I'm causing a big fuss over a sari, but it's not just a sari or a piece of jewelry to me. Am I the asshole for not giving them this sari? No. Oh my gosh, my heart is pounding for this girl. There's so many layers to this, but no, you're not the asshole. It seems like the sorry is just a gateway to a ton of other issues that is, you know, there's like a million layers, but I don't know. Like this is very, I'm generalizing here for sure, but it's very common for like mama's boys in India and, and like mother-in-law issues. It's everywhere, I'm sure across the world. But in India, there's a lot of like kind of mother-in-law horror stories that

happen with brides. And it's heartbreaking. So many people, like I couldn't name one family that doesn't have a situation like that to some degree of mother-in-law doesn't like bride, mama's boy, whatever. I'm not saying this guy's mama's boy, I don't know. But before you even said the word India, I was like, this feels like more people. I was like, oh, maybe it's somewhere else. Nope, they're Indian. Gosh, no, she's definitely not the asshole. I have saris from my nani, which is my grandma, from my mom's wedding too, that are so sentimental. And I don't even touch them either. It's just like you have that artifact or that thing from your family member and you, it's so sentimental and there's so much value and I would only ever wear it to my wedding too. So no, like, of course not. And I think that they should understand that

if they're, you know, wanting to connect with her at all and understand how emotional, like the emotional ties she has to this garment. Also in India, do you know how much fabric there is available every, you could remake that sari, you could go buy the same sari at the same, like if it's an older one, you can get it remade very similar. Like why do they have to have that one? I think they're fixating on something to try and turn this end against them. And it's not helping the mom's case and the sister's case

that he's backing his wife, which is so refreshing to see because a lot of men in my experience don't. They'll just like cower to the mom because they're used to it and leave the wife hanging. So good on him for supporting his wife. I know. I really, really enjoy this. Like him setting boundaries and being like, this is important to her.

Like, just understand like he's really going to bat and advocating for her. It is interesting that like she is being like very open and like any other piece of clothing, any other jewelry, but not this. Yeah. And it's, it's interesting that they went and are almost going after this, these two pieces because of the significant value. It almost feels like it's some sort of like power struggle to like, we're going to take

this, we're going to use this and you're going to like, we're gonna take this, we're gonna use this, and you're gonna like it. Yeah. And I'm really glad she did say no and, you know, was able to hold on to that and not fall into the people pleasing or trying to like, not rock the boat because it's easy to do that. It's easy to just be like, okay, yeah. And then, you know, worst case, something terrible happens to this sari. They never, she never gets it back or it gets spilled on.

It gets torn. It gets ruined. Like I said, the ruined, right? Oh my God. What do you normally say? I say ruined normally. Okay, I've heard you say ruined before. I don't know how that just happened.

I like to just, you know, pretend it doesn't happen. Yeah. But it's just like, it's just so odd. And it's like, you're trying to mend this relationship because it is strained. And yet you're not respecting her and you're not willing to like value. Like it's so crazy. It's like her parents are gone. This is like maybe one of the only things she has. But I'm not even surprised at all about this story. I think they're testing her to see if she'll budge for the sake of the larger family. For context, and obviously she said this too in her story, but it is super uncommon. Maybe now it's starting to happen a little bit more, but it's very uncommon for families

to live apart. Everybody lives, aunts and uncles too, but like everybody lives in the same household. That's how my families grew up too. Grandparents, your siblings, aunts, uncles, however many people can fit. Like it's just always like land disputes and stuff in Indian families that end up happening

because they all live together. I know inheritance would be like really interesting to like. I think there's so many comments and captions with like Indians and it's like, oh, just another land dispute in my Indian family. Like my big old. So there's already probably a power shift there between the parents who have been controlling their choices all their lives. And now all of a sudden, your son could have been the one to be like,

I don't want to live with my parents anymore, but they're going to blame the daughter because of course, she's the new person in their life. And so I feel like the parents are probably just trying to test with the thing that they know is, or like the mom, I guess is not the parents, but the thing that they know is something they're not, she's not going to be willing to give up. And yes, like we share lingas and sardines and stuff like that. But regardless of it was your mom's or your grandma's or whoever's

like, if it was your wedding one, that's like not, I don't know. Maybe, maybe I'm off here, but like for me, I would not necessarily for somebody that I don't like think is has my best interest at heart. I'm not gonna give you my wedding outfit, especially if it's from somebody else in my family that I no longer have. I'd frame that. I would frame that sorry. I would too.

I'd be in a box. It's also one of those things too. It's like, well, maybe she now wants to preserve it for her daughter or her child. You said something and it just turned a thought in my head. Maybe the reason they asked for that sorry and jewelry is because she knew, like they knew she would say no. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

And then it's all the more reason to be like, well, she's not being a family member and she doesn't like us. It's like, it's just the perfect ammo. Yeah, what is it? It's like they're fishing. Like they're fishing for her to finally do something that's against them to tell the sun like, yeah, look at what you're, yeah, like she's not even giving your sister her

outfit. Like it's not even a big deal type of thing. And I just, I'm so thankful that he's defending his wife and the situation because again, I really don't think that's that common. A lot of people, when your mom is upset in our community, it's like, yes, you can defend her or you can just be neutral for the sake of keeping the family at peace. So it's really nice to hear that. But poor girl, she's probably like, did I make the right choice? Now there's a strain here. But I mean, I hope she knows that she absolutely did. I would not. No. She's not the asshole in the least.

Not the asshole at all. Oh, sweet angel. There's a lot of comments from OP. A lot. Okay. Just basically people are, you know, coming out in support. Not the asshole. And she just is kind of saying, thank you so much. It means a lot. I really needed this. The support and warmth I'm getting. I have no words to express them because how hard would that be? Like the only, like her husband's on her side, but like you're getting like bombarded by every angle that you're terrible, that you're not being a good family

member, that you're not, you know, working yourself into their traditions. And it's like, oh, that just like, you said it, like she doesn't have a family, right? Like they passed. Yeah. So it's not like she, I mean, I get why she's going to the void of the internet to like find some comfort because obviously her husband gave her comfort, but you can only like vent to him so much

about his own family. That's a really awkward position to be in too. Yeah. Did anyone say she was the asshole? Not that I'm seeing. Okay, good. Not that I'm seeing. Okay, good. Not that I'm seeing. No, and let's read the top comment on this before we get into any more of her comments. Top comment has since been deleted, but the one next up is it's a power trip. They

know it's sentimental and it's a weird manipulative way of winning if you do hand it over. It's like a test. They want to know that you will bend over if pushed to a certain extent. Don't ever give it to them because they will disrespect it and use it as a way to teach you a lesson. Yeah, they're testing her. I would be terrified of lending something of that significant value and sentimental value. I'm scared lending people stuff that it's not even that old or meaningful, but I know I can't get replaced.

It's just so painful losing stuff that means a lot to you. Yeah. She should just make a dupe version of it. She should. As if she has all this free time, but just like make a dupe version of it. She should. As if she has all this free time, but she should make a dupe and like give it to them. Go to a seamstress. Yeah. I actually love that idea because I wonder if she would even wear it.

Yeah. I wonder. Test her back. Test her back. This is like negative meets negative, but like, yeah. I kind of like it though. I kind of love it actually. Like see if it comes back torn or she spills on it or she even wears it.

Yeah. She'll probably notice and be like, girl. But I mean, again, this is India. Do you know how much shit gets made in India? Like, every block is like Master G, the tailor. It's just, you can get something very similar. I want her to do it. They're baiting her. They are.

So bite. So next comment down after that. Plus, it's unlikely that you would get the sari or jewelry back. OP responds, exactly how I feel. I was initially ready to do anything for having a good relationship with them, but after some while I just understood it's not worth my time. 100%. Oh girl, I'll be your family. We don't need them.

It's too much negativity. 100%. Oh girl, I'll be your family. Like we don't need them. Yeah. That's too much negativity. Well, and so someone does pick up on what you were saying is this red sorry is the excuse they want to find for convincing everyone, your husband included, that you are a bad person and a bad wife. Where is your husband in all of this? You need to have him by your side. And by the way, feeding your brother with this nonsense. It seems father-in-law depends on your brother's contract. You need to solidify your position in this absurd situation.

Your husband and your brother need to have your back, not the asshole. OP responds, absolutely. My husband sees through his mom and sister's act. He is always by my side, but I feel I shouldn't include my brother in this, though he would 100% have my back. Yeah, interesting.

What are your thoughts on that? Would you kind of let your brother know? Would you just be like, I mean, it's your sibling. Like I'm close with my siblings. I guess it depends. I'm close with my brother too, but my brother could like pop off on somebody a little bit. So I feel like I would have to tell him, I tell him like bad things after they happen sometimes because I'm like, just so you know, it's all calm now, but

this is what was happening. If I need like the comfort part of it, I love my brother, but he's, he's a little bit reactive. He's not going to like go crazy or anything, but he will maybe say something if the opportunity arises and it's fresh. And the business thing is like such a classic Indian, like handshake agreement, like this is now your daughter because we have to do business together. Isn't that crazy? Like it's almost like a, oh, what did they call it? It's like a, not an offering, like, yeah, they deliver the bride with a cow.

Dowery, it almost feels like a sense of dowry. Yeah, yeah, 100%. I mean, this is not just an Indian thing though. That's like- It happens. The Royals across Europe, like they're marrying into each other, like the princess of Greece, I mean, and like Spain,

get married because there's like trade that's happening between two countries, right? Yeah. It's been going on forever. I mean, even like, you know, if you look at some of America's like prominent families, like, I don't know, you could say Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner. Yeah.

Ivanka, right? Yeah. I'm like, there's so many Ivana, Ivanka, whatever. Like those two, that could have been a very business forward wedding. You know, it's, I think it still happens more than we think. Yeah. Especially in like very prominent, some of that older- The Pelts family, not that she married the Beckhams from a business perspective, but she could have probably, her dad probably could have been like, all right, Nicole, here's a businessman son.

But it seems like she married for love. I would marry into the Beckham family too, very much for love. They're really cute. So cute. I got really into the Beckhams with that documentary. I like didn't really know about them. And then watching. The dancing. So cute. I got really into the Beckhams with that documentary. I didn't really know about them and then watching. The dancing.

So cute. Iconic. Also whenever they tag or post on Instagram and they tag every single child and hashtag Harper or whatever because she didn't have an Instagram because she was baby or child. But I just love that they're so family unit. It's so cute. I just want to go out to their little farm, play soccer on the kitch. Okay, but back to, you know.

Yes, there is one other comment that I'm seeing that OP kind of shares some more context. So the most important duty of a son in India is his duty towards his mother to live with them and render them services. It is frowned upon if the son cuts off their parents and failing his duties. And my husband's side of the family wants to maintain this perfect social image. So I doubt they would even let us be. They would obviously want us in their family events and all. I think someone was recommending like cut them off. We can't do that.

That's not like that's not an option. No, I don't even I. That's not like culturally- That's not an option. Not a thing. No. I don't even, I didn't even really understand the concept of cutting people off until somebody I know like was suggesting cutting their parents off. And I was like, like financially, I didn't understand. Seriously, like that's just not a thing. For you, yeah.

But Indian communities, like when you get married in India, it's not, you're not just marrying that person. It's not just you and Justin. Like the family is marrying the other family. We have traditions like this, we have something called the Bharat where you like dance, the groom and the groom's side all dance up towards like where the mandap is, where the wedding is going to happen. And then the bride will come down the aisle and do the whole thing, which by the way is

the best part of the wedding. It's like just a giant dance party where you're walking. He might be on a horse or an elephant or whatever, something. And at the end of that, the families are greeting each other and it's like your uncle and his uncle, your aunt and his aunt, your mom and his mom, like the brother is like, the whole family is involved, which is all to say like the image of the family and the community and everything is such a crucial part of being Indian and like the identity of the Indian community. And so I understand the like heaviness

of not wanting to weigh on that and you definitely can't cut them off. Or it's not done now, of course they could be the first and then generations after would not feel that pressure. But like who wants to, you could be a trailblazer, but like that's your son's family. That's not yours. So it's tough to recommend that. And you live in the same area.

Like I don't know, there's too many layers. At least they live on their own. Like at least they have that degree of separation, which is really nice. And then I have to say, I guarantee that that's also strain already. Oh yeah. That the mom is hearing from her auntie friends that she goes to like kitty parties with every Wednesday, like first Wednesday of the month, she's having tea and they're probably all like talking about how her son does. I guarantee that's a topic of conversation.

I could totally see it. Especially maybe even behind her back, which is like, then she knows. Oh, surely. You could be on a 360 rotating machine. Whether it's behind your back, in front of your back, people are gonna talk. They are.

So there is one last comment from OP that I'll read. And it's just like, I think the support from the community is really making her feel more confident in herself, her decision. But she goes on to say, of older generations, even this generation, go through this. I'm grateful that I have a husband and brother who support me and my ability to lead a perfectly good life even without them. But I can't say this about all women." Hundred percent. I feel like there's now starting to become people who break the norm

and in the name of culture, they're like pushing it aside and it's, you know, I'm going to do what's right for me. I want so, I want to like talk to this girl directly and get to know her. I feel like- You can give her a message. Oh my God. Can you do, can I do that? You can message her. Oh my God. I love you. I support you. Can you imagine if you met like one of your new besties from me reading you a Reddit story?

Oh my God. She can be my friend. I think she, does she live in India? Yeah. I go there every year. See you there. See you in friend. It's the first thing she, does she live in India? Yeah. I go there every year. See you there. See you in November. Let's grab some tea. Oh my God, some chai. Let's do something, yeah.

Yeah. Can you imagine, I'd be nuts, dude. I would go up to the mother-in-law and be like, what are you doing to my friend? Just kidding, sorry auntie. I'm like, I'm acting like, oh, I would do this and this, but no, I wouldn't. I would like cower. Riches all bark, no bite.

I'm literally all bark, no bite. Unless it's like I'm getting like yelled at on the street and then I'll turn around and yell and regret it immediately. But with an auntie, there's no one scarier than an Indian auntie. There's just no one scarier. You could put me in front of a million CEOs and I wouldn't give two shits. The pop-off would be lethal. What, the Indian auntie? They don't play. See, they're baiting. They're like doing this shit. It's a dangerous world. It's a dangerous game to play. It is. You know what else is a dangerous game to play? This next one.

Oh, God. All right. Changing a light bulb should be simple. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Uh-oh. That's not supposed to happen. Quickly submitting and tracking a claim on the Bel Air Direct app actually is simple. Bel Air Direct.

Insurance simplified. This is two hours old. Oh. Two hours old. She's fresh. It is coming from Relationship Advice. It is titled, Two Coworkers, 25 Female and 35 Male, Are Having an Affair. How Can I Inform the Wife? I, 25 Female, Work as a Receptionist. Four months ago, I made the stupid decision to recommend my, now former, best friend, Jane, 25 female, for an open position after someone had left. It's a prestigious hotel, so they are very selective about their hiring process.

Jane had little to no experience, so I took a risk by vouching for her. Looking back, it was dumb, but I knew she was a hard worker and I could have never guessed what was to come. I trained her during her first month and she picked things up quickly. After that, we began working separate shifts. It was around this time that I started noticing a weird dynamic between her and John, 35 male,

our chief receptionist. One night when I arrived for my shift, I found them acting all giggly and their body language just seemed off. They didn't notice me at first, but when they did, they tried a little too much to act cool, which raised some red flags. There have been too many similar situations over the months,

but I tried to just deny it. John just had a baby and his wife comes in at least four to five times a week, sometimes with the baby too. Jane sees this as well, and I just couldn't think she would do something like that. But the awkward tension, quick glances, and giggles just wouldn't quit, so I brought it up two weeks ago when we were out for drinks. I was floored by her response. She confessed in a playful manner, almost like sharing a dirty secret. She said they couldn't keep their hands off each other and that she had wanted to spill the tea but didn't want to involve me in their drama.

When I brought up his wife and their newborn child, she said that she didn't care. Apparently, John told her they had been sleeping in separate beds and his wife stopped caring about the marriage after the pregnancy and some other bullshit like that. I was disgusted and we had a major fight. She stormed off and cut all contact with me.

Since then, going to work has been hell. John is in charge of our shifts and ever since our fight, he's been giving me the worst shifts and making sure we're not scheduled together. I've considered telling the wife since day one, but I don't have any proof. Same with our manager and HR. I texted Jane saying, quote, tell your boyfriend to stop giving me the worst shifts, hoping for a response that could serve as evidence. But she didn't reply. One week ago, someone got sick and I had to work with the two evil fucks. Close to our lunch break, John's wife came

in to bring him lunch. She looked tired as hell too, and my heart broke for her. Then I noticed something on John's wrist. He had Jane scrunchie on his wrist. He also has long hair, but I know for a fact it's hers. He held and kissed the baby with the fucking scrunchie on his wrist. I legitimately thought I was going to throw up. I had a panic attack, I think, at the smoking area. I was crying and couldn't breathe. I come from a divorced family because of my father's infidelity, so this hits too close to home. I'm losing sleep. Please tell me what I should do in this situation.

Should I send the wife an anonymous message? I only have her Instagram. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Oh my God. First of all, I love workplace tea, but not when you're the one that's like directly involved. That's like, no. Oh my God. I's like, no.

Oh my God. I feel like you could go to HR automatically. You guys work at a hotel, he's married with a wife and baby at home. There's gonna be some proof on camera at the hotel. Like they're not behaving totally at work. Like there's no way. Yeah.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. So this is taking me to a story that I heard. My allegedly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rich's like Kevin Bacon circle, like whatever. Okay. Degrees of separation. Oh my God. I'm rich as degrees of separation. This is a couple of degrees separated from me and there was an affair at an office and they were caught through the cameras at work, the elevator cameras. And I feel like that's got to be a really common thing. Actually, it's not like even really that. There's cameras everywhere now.

Everywhere. Parking garages, they're on camera somewhere. But especially a hotel, you're right. So they're probably taking rooms and going and fucking in the rooms. I know. Well, that was my first thought too. It was, of course they got closer.

They've got a lot of access. They've got a lot of time on their hands. I wonder if their HR, I mean, some of my closest friends are in HR, so no shade to HR. But I do think sometimes the HR is there to protect the employer, not the employee. And so there's been stuff that's happened to me at work where I'm like, do I go to HR and report this?

Do I not? And I haven't because I'm like scared or maybe she doesn't want to get worse, even worse shifts or something like that. Right. Like, is it going to come back to bite you because you already confronted the girl and now you're taking a step further. So I don't know. I feel like, I mean, I've never been in a step further. So I don't know, I feel like, I mean, I've never been in this situation before

so I don't know what I would do, but clearly this is eating OP up inside. Yeah. And so it's like, at this point, I feel like, Do you? Do you just tell the? I don't know.

Is that your place? I don't know what somebody's place even means in the situation. Like, is that your place? Is that not your place? I mean, I would't know. I don't know what somebody's place even means in the situation. Is that your place? Is that not your place? I mean, I would want to know. I would want to know. Yeah.

If I was the wife in this, I would definitely want to know. I also feel like even recognizing that HR is there to protect the company, I think she could have a case to be made about retaliation from him and him creating a hostile work environment because she found out about his affair. And the proof would be the schedules. Here's my schedules from the previous six months, look at my schedules now. I arguably have the worst shifts because I found out about their affair. You know, I don't feel comfortable approaching him because of this. And like,

I don't, you know, if I have an unsafe work environment, you know, this could be a retaliation lawsuit. Like, she could get a lawyer and maybe that's the advice before you go to HR talk to a lawyer because they give consultations for free and see what they say. Yeah. Dang. I mean, and then also run it back, run the cameras back. Yeah. And if the cameras aren't working, then turn that shit on because they're going to keep on doing their thing for a little bit probably out in the open so you can catch them. They're going to get brazen. They're going to get confident and they're going to get caught on something.

100%, especially if they're doing the same shifts and God knows what else. But I feel like for the OP, clearly it's eating them away inside. Like what the heck do I do in a situation? Again, I've never been in this situation, but I feel like the wife has a right to know. Now does that have to come from you or is it going to come from one of them? Probably not one of them. Is this going to make you feel better to tell them? I know that's like a selfish way of looking at it, but- I think it would make me feel better.

It would make me. I think I would say something too, but I would be like in the group chat, like sending 17 versions of the text to make sure that it's like soft, but also not like soft and direct, but also firm, but also I'm here if you need me, but please don't need me. This is just information. Then go ask your man. And also that's trying to hit me. I wonder, like, I think if it were me, I'd create a Finsta.

Like I'd create a fake Instagram account because that's all she has is like the wife's Instagram account. And I'd like create a fake Instagram account because that's all she has is like the wife's Instagram account And I'd like create a fake one to then message her and be like, hey Hey girl, like oh Just you know that what that feels like getting one of those. Hey girls Yeah, and just like you the you can just feel the pit fall to your stomach your stomach like it's almost like your stomach falls Through your ass like you're just like, yeah

But it's like he your stomach falls through your ass. Like you're just like, oh, but it's like, he's not going to tell her. Your friend doesn't give two flying fucks. No. And she deserves to know, especially a new baby at home. She's probably working her ass off. And also if they're real, first of all, sleeping in separate beds, go back to the first story. But it's like, if they're sleeping in separate beds, like there's no proof. It seems like this guy is just doing it, like saying whatever. Yeah. Just like there's no proof of the affair yet. There's no proof of him not being, you know, strong with his wife. And then she's coming and dropping off food for you at work.

So clearly there's like, she just had a newborn baby and she's going to come out of her way to give you food, sir. A saint. While you cheat on her? I don't know. A saint. We should, yeah. I think my, I'm team tell her. Yeah.

Now how you do that, maybe it's a Finsta, I suppose. I feel like unless you can get her email somehow, like creating a fake email address is easier. Yeah. Because you're saying you don't want it to track back to her and then have there be more retaliation to her. That's what I'd be scared about. Yeah. Because he's already fucking with her. Yeah. Top comment, contact the wife, but start looking for a new job too. Yes. The fact that you're being bullied for their bullshit is off the wall. I think if you can try to find a new job, do it. But like in this economy, like she's not at fault here.

She shouldn't be punished. But she's not being punished. That's like you removing yourself actively from the situation. That's like, even if he left the company, your friend's still there. Like, are they really both going to leave? Because of the situation, probably not.

And so for your own mental health, like I would rather remove myself from the situation, like control what you can control and everything else. Like I can't, I can't control them telling her. I can only control me telling her. I can't control if they're going to leave the company or continue to like hate on me. But I can control my, I would want to work in a place where I don't have to deal with that shit anymore. I think here would be my order of events. Contact a lawyer, see what the lawyer says and gives you

recommendations. Go based on that. You either go to HR or you find a new job. If the route is find a new job before you leave and give your two weeks or as you give your two weeks to HR, I would make sure HR knows that those two are having an affair. And then you go about your merry way at your new job. Or a lawyer says, let's go to HR. Let's talk to them together. You could have a retaliation case if they don't treat you right. Then maybe they're gone and you get to keep your job. But I think first step, like I'd get some consultations, even if you go to like legal advice on Reddit, like their lawyers, not your lawyers, but they can give you a little bit more of a starting ground on yeah, you do have a case, go talk to someone.

Yeah. I wonder how big the hotel chain is. Cause like prestigious hotel. Yeah. It does seem like if it's one of the big ones, it could take a long time. That would be the only thing. It's like, do you want to go through all the rounds of how many HR people in the investigation and the X, Y, and Z, if they're already so mentally anguished from the situation? I would do it, but I would probably also start- Protecting your peace a little more. Yeah. Sharpening my resume a bit.

Which is just as annoying of a process, by the way. That's a full-time job in and of itself, is finding a new job. I know. Well, and then what if OP can't find a new job? I know. The reality is, so many people are struggling right now to get employment. Housing crisis, inflation, cost of living, it's like, like this might be her only option right now. And then it's, it's, if that's the case, like, let's see what the lawyer says.

That's true. But I'm all for like, try, try. Like if you can't get a job, then you know your answer. I couldn't leave. So now I'm stuck here and here's my order of events from there, the order of operations. But I'm going to try because I need to protect me. I know. Man, we have no comments from OP, no updates.

So let's keep an eye out for an update on this one. Cause it is, I mean, it's so fresh. The next comment down after contact the wife, but start looking for a new job. They say absolutely this, OP to build the bullying case, save down and record all of your shifts before you found out the affair. And after you found out, I did not read these comments. I was going to say, damn, did you comment that? No. Keep a record of your conversations with

your colleague slash AP, save down or screenshot the calendar invite of when you met with the colleague and when she confessed any receipt for the calendar invite of when you met with the colleague and when she confessed. Any receipt for the drinks or transfers showing you were with her and she met with you when she confessed would be gold. Historical conversations also, setting up the drinks and the sudden decline in your messages with her would help build circumstantial evidence. Smart. Someone goes, maybe see if the bar has CCTV footage from that day.

Next person down, this is called retaliation. You should contact HR. Dang. But I don't, again, HR sometimes can screw you over. I would go to a lawyer first and foremost. Consultations are free for a lot of them. Yeah, get that free consultation. Get it.

Know what you're working with. Yeah. Dang. No, no, no. I don't like that. Also, not good friend. I get scared to recommend people, not because of that. I don't think it's gonna go that far, but like this OP is never going to recommend somebody again. No, it's hard. And like, I'm going through this, like I have a really good CPA, but like it's hard.. Even if you like someone, you're like, I don't want to recommend you someone and then you have a bad experience. Or I make you a recommendation and then maybe you're a terrible client.

It's just one of those things. Sometimes it's better to not shit where you eat and just keep it all kosher. Unless it's somebody who truly would crush it at this company and like it would be mutually beneficial vice versa, then like you're saying, like it's really hard to get a job right now. Who am I to stop somebody from getting one? But also there's a lot of layers that like at my old job, I would get hit up several times a week, a week for jobs.

And I mean, half the time I was like, I can't recommend you even if I wanted to, but you gotta be really careful with it. That's so crazy. And so obviously looking back, OP is like, I wouldn't have actually recommended her. No, but at the time it's like, this was her best friend. Damn, losing a friend over this is like so heartbreaking too. I'm using this water bottle as my stress.

Your emotional support. My stress, like squeezy. You're squeezy. Yeah. That's smart. It's the best flavor I've ever had. Is it? Watermelon.

It's new baby. I'm so obsessed. I just tried a watermelon popsicle the other day. It's like this organic like little brand, Johnny Pop or something watermelon. I'm big into watermelon flavors. Wow. Okay. I love. I made lemon perfect into with like fresh fruit and the flavors into popsicles. We were in Miami a few months ago and they were such a hit. It's like easy clean. I'm gonna do that. But watermelon is definitely a favorite. Coconut is new too.

But watermelon is definitely a favorite. Coconut is new too. You're just crushing it, Richa. Did you airdrop on your, like did you drop a pin on your skin to get the color code for that? Correct. This is my exact shade as you can see. It is pretty close.

That's crazy. What do you mean? The lighter ombre. Oh, I'm looking at the top. This is like shade matching it. This is why I don't shop at Sephora. I don't know what I'm doing. Okay, moving along.

This next one is 10 hours old. It's titled, would I be the asshole if I told my younger sister's fiance that she lied about my older sister when they met? Okay, so to set the scene here, we have my older sister Kay, female 32, my younger sister Jay, female 28, my younger sister's fiance Matt, male 32. Kay and Matt met at work about two and a half, three years ago.

He was hired in as a consultant at her company on a few months assignment. They became close, but nothing happened because they probably didn't think it was professional. I think both, or I know that my sister at least, was hoping that it would develop to something more when his assignment was completed. Kay is a very shy and private person, but even with that, she couldn't stop talking about Matt to both Jay and me. When she turned 30, we encouraged her to invite him to her birthday with the rest of her close friends from work. She was very hesitant and panicked at first, but then she thought, yeah, why not?

His assignment was almost done anyways. Matt and Jay, my younger sister, met at that party. Six months later, Jay told us that she and Matt are a couple. This devastated Kay, and I knew that, even though she held herself together and pretended to be happy for them. I almost made her confess her heartbreak to me because I just couldn't let her hurt alone without any support. She said that she wasn't angry or disappointed, that after her birthday, he changed towards her, and he was even a bit angry. Then when he left, he stopped talking to her. K said that she probably misinterpreted his interest in her. I know that she is still

heartbroken about it. Matt was assigned with her company some more times again, and it was awkward at first, but eventually they were friends again. Now he's a part of the family. Kay never showed that she's hurt though. Now I found out that Jay told Matt that Kay had a boyfriend at that birthday party. Matt is very handsome and lovely, and Jay basically wanted him.

Matt was shocked at first because he was hoping for something more, but he probably just thought that he too had misinterpreted K's interest in him. He is very shy too. After the party, he probably decided to cut his losses and not pursue K. Jay, however, kept contacting him, asking him out, being supportive. At first, he refused, but then they started dating. How do I know all of this? Jay's roommate spilled the beans to me, thinking I already knew everything. I am closer to Jay than my older sister, Kay. Matt has now proposed to

Jay. I feel sick because I want to tell Matt what happened, so he makes an informed decision. Marriage is not a game. At the same time, he and Jay seem to be perfect for each other and the love is genuine. Maybe he was interested in Kay initially, yes, but obviously it wasn't that deep? Also Kay? I want to tell her but she seems okay with the relationship now too. She made it clear that Matt and Jay obviously are meant to be or it wouldn't have happened. But I

want to tell. Would I be the asshole if I told everyone what happened? This is like reminding me of Hitch. Do you remember that movie? Yes. And Allegra, I think is her name. Allegra Cole. Allegra Cole. Albert Brenneman. Yes. Okay.

They get matched up or whatever, like organically, but not really organically. Hitched behind the scenes. Yeah. Hitched behind the scenes and then they break up and it's devastating, but then they get back together because they're meant to be. I feel like Jay and Matt are good match in the end. They met in a way that was a little bit calculated maybe on one person's party, like by one party.

But I wouldn't tell like everybody's at peace now with their choices in life. It's been time. Oh, you're gonna put two sisters against each other. Matt's get like the mess, the mess. I don't know. It's going to be a mess. It's gonna be a mess. Like, do you really want to do that?

And you're about to like ruin a relationship. Kay is over it now. Is she though? I guess maybe that's where I would start. Would you? What would you do? Walk me through your order of operations. I have a really hard time with secrets.

Oh, I'm good at secrets. And I just like, I feel bad because like, they could have been each other's perfect match. And then literally this little asshole of a little sister comes in and sabotages and lies to him. But they could have been, but like they also had an opportunity. Clearly they both were shy and they both were like edging. Like maybe it would have never gone anywhere.

But maybe that night he was going to do it. Maybe that night. And then this little fucker comes in. She has a boyfriend, you know? She doesn't have a boyfriend, bitch. Come on. But okay, but here's the thing. The end result, I don't think there's a high probability that if OP goes and tells family that this is happening, it's not like Kay and Matt are going to go run off into the sunset now. That's tainted. What if they did though? There's a very low probability that that's going to happen. Richa, we have a lot of stories on this show. Where that happens? Where siblings will date their other sibling's ex.

Y'all are bold. Even after one sibling has kids. So you know, I think I'm just such a hopeless romantic and I really do believe in soulmates. Oh no, see. And so I'm like, is it your soulmate if you had to lie and manipulate to get him? Oh. But I do see where you're coming from. I don't, okay.

I don't believe in, I mean, I don't not believe in soulmates. I don't really think about it that much, I guess. But like, I believe- I think about it daily. Do you feel you found your soulmate? Yeah. Oh, cute. But he doesn't believe in soulmates, so I don't know.

Oh, see, like, I don't believe there's just one person for everybody. I think you can make it work with a lot of people. That's just my perspective on it. And I feel like he's making it work with Jay. And they're clearly revving up to get married. So obviously, hopefully, there's a lot of similarities to be able to have a really strong life together. And yes, there was some hitching going on in the beginning and like, kind of fuck you, Jay, for doing that to Kay. But again, I don't know that it would have happened with Kay and Matt. It seems like they both were just like at the eighth grade dance waiting for the other

to make the move, but they're both sitting on the sidelines. I think this is a great, like, if you take away anything from this, if you have a crush on someone, if you are... Tell them. Unless they're married. Unless they're married. We gotta back it up because the last story. Yeah.

But if you have a crush on someone and they're single and you're just kind of like, are they into me? Are they not into me? Shoot your shot. Shoot your shot? There's not, like, what are you going to do? What do you have to lose? Not be with them?

Great. You weren't going to either way then. Yeah. Yes. I don't understand. Shoot the shot. I always shoot my shot. That's not true.

I just lied. Bold face lie. I don't know. I always shoot my shot. So confident. I've never shot her shot. No, that's not true. I have sometimes.

Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes. I'll be casual about true. I have sometimes. Like, sometimes. Sometimes. I'll be casual about it. Maybe after a bottle of Austin Hope. She knows, see, we're real friends. Best wine out there. We're real friends. Yes, it's my favorite.

I think you should shoot your shot, sister. I think you need to, always. But this sister, do you think? No, don't shoot. Don't shoot the shot. No more shots in this family? No, don't shoot. Don't shoot the shot. No more shots in this family. No, no, no. Let, I feel like, my hope is that Kay is truly over it.

Would you tell her at all? And then maybe let her, maybe let her be the one that goes to Matt and says, I just want to clarify, like, you know my birthday a couple of years ago? I didn't have a boyfriend that night. Like, I just want to get that out there. Take with that what you will. Like, would you tell her and then let the ball be in her court?

Because then like, she can also confront her younger sister and be like, hey, what you did, like, that was really shitty. Yeah. I don't know, it's so messy. Like, I want to watch the movie, but I don't want to be in the plot. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, I just feel like that becomes a domino effect of like, I'm

going to give you this information, do with it what you will. Cause then Kay goes to Matt and is like, I'm going to give you this information, do with it what you will. And then he goes to Jane is like, I just got all this information passed down to me. What the fuck. Would you want to know if you were like kind of deceived into dating someone? If you were like- If I ended up like maybe in the beginning, sure. But I just feel like what she did, it's like,

it's not the worst thing in the world. It's not the best thing, but it's not the worst thing. I mean, like she lied. Listen, she lied. That's not nice. Especially to her sister. It's really bad to her sister. Shady.

But again, I feel like they ended up being right for each other. So I think no, I wouldn't want to know. Like it's not my business. Like it's fine. We're here, we're here, no there. Yeah, like I have ignorance is bliss in that situation for me.

What way do you think the comments are gonna go? I don't know. I feel like very mixed. Top comment. Wow. Sister is dot, dot, dot something. What comments are gonna go? I don't know, I feel like very mixed. Top comment, wow. Sister is dot dot dot something. She certainly didn't consider anyone else when she made her decisions back then.

I would probably say something so he can make an informed decision, but be prepared for the backlash. I mean, that is what you're saying. Like it is going to be- It's gonna be really messy and there's to be a lot of heartbreak for three parties. And then you're just like that meme of the girl like smiling while the house is burning

behind her. Like, I don't know. Yeah. OP responds. Okay. The thing is they are great together. He and Kay are so much alike, both shy and introverted and very calm. Jay is a social butterfly and he has even said that she has taken him out of his shell. So I don't know. My only thought is I would have

wanted to know, but if I tell, am I ready for the backlash? I don't really feel like you are. I don't know. That's two sisters. That's like, it's very close. Also, it's not like we're all meeting our men in the most organic way possible. Like a lot of people are, but a lot of times there's like an entire army of women who are crafting the text and like the first several conversations you have with a girl before you meet her in person are not even her 100% of it. You know, like you can- Oh, it's her plus five friends or two friends or up. Exactly. It's like the board of investors,

like in the background, like whatever. And so I just feel like there's a lot of real examples of not a hundred percent organic. Now this is obviously like pretty sad that she did that to her sister, but I don't know. I feel like I've probably sounded more witty to somebody in a text that was actually crafted by my best friend. The way you just said like board of investors is the perfect way to describe like a girl's group chat and like crafting these messages

together. It's like everyone's getting a little invested, like the little board of investors. Yeah. I actually was given advice at my last company. Somebody was like, this was like board of directors. She said, get a group of board of directors mentally, like women that support you in your business and your career moving forward that you can always tap into for mentorship or advice or whatever.

And then your friends are like your board of investors. They're like extra invested in your life, you know? I love that. You gotta get your board. Everybody get that conference table going and mentally. Oh, God, Richard, you're so good. There's another comment that OP responds to. You should tell.

Jay stole Matt's choice from him. Everything they have built is based on a lie. She didn't just tell that lie once. She told it repeatedly. She faked sympathy and comfort for him. She manufactured the entire origins of their relationship. If Jay has deceived him in this way, I guarantee she has deceived him in others. Her behavior was foul and selfish. She didn't care who she hurt as long as she got what she wanted. How many other times has she hurt him to get what she wants? If there Matt and Jay's love

is real they will get over it. If not and I don't see how it can be when it's built on sand, please let this man have the opportunity to escape before Jay tricks him into marriage. Shit. Popped off. OP responds, there is zero chance that Matt and Kay would be together. And that is not the point either. I want my big sister's heart to heal and Matt to make an informed decision.

Is your big sister's heart gonna heal because you tell her this? I feel like it's gonna break. I think because she's gonna wonder what if. What if I would have told him how I felt? What if that could be me? I guess to your point, now there is nothing that can be changed in regards to how it went down.

So it is interesting. I just feel like what... I get it, but I don't think the benefit outweighs the mess here, the heartbeat. Yeah. Well, and someone, that same user who commented that, I literally didn't mention Kay once. Matt deserves to know before he marries a woman who is happy to lie to him to get what she wants. There's no conceivable way he and Kay would ever be together now, but Matt deserves to know the kind of woman he is about to marry based on a lie. And OP goes, yeah, I know.

I read and agreed with your comment. I just wanted to add that this isn't about Kay and Matt being together either in case some people wonder if that's my goal. Also, I don't know if that's like necessarily fair to say, like there's zero chance that Matt and Kay would be together. Yeah. Cause people could be very similar and still together.

He was interested. Yeah, he was interested. He literally went to that party in hopes like of something happening. So zero? Never zero. No, never zero. I think ultimately is what's happening. It's like, Jay's character is coming into question is ultimately, I guess, what they're trying to figure out to like shut a light on or not. I don't know. Morgan. I know. This is gonna be a really tough one. We might just have to put it to the people.

The people. Come on people. What are your thoughts on this one? I don't think I would say anything. I'm gonna go in these comments and then you guys are gonna influence me to say something. But like, I just, again, and maybe it's cause I'm like close with my family

and I feel like there'd be a lot of like the blow up. Again, I think the impact of the blow up would be worse than the benefit of telling your sister and healing. Did they say how long ago the situation happened? They've only been together for two years. So Kay met Matt initially at work two and a half to three years ago. Got it. So it's not that long.

No, it's not that long. Also there is another comment from OP that Jay used Kay's shyness and pride against her. She knew Kay would never fight back. She's a deceptive little thing. She's ugly.ceptive little thing. She's ugly. It's not nice. Her character should be questioned. What say you guys?

I don't know. Yeah, let's hear it. If I remember, I'll try to remember, I'll post a poll. I can post polls on YouTube now. So maybe everyone go to YouTube for the poll on this one. I'm gonna vote. I could be swayed either way, because I also do say this sometimes.

Are you telling someone something more so out of your own selfishness? Yes. Like is she just doing, is OP just doing this to get it off their chest? Yes. Like is this really gonna help your sister? Also, like there wasn't any mention,

like is this other sister, the older sister, okay, is she dating now? Is she happy? Like what is like, you know, but morally should he know? Matt? Yeah, Matt, maybe, maybe Matt deserves to know. And you just say, Hey, Matt, I just found this out. Just so you know. Did you just go straight to Matt though? You could. Do you skip the sisters? You could. Or is that like shady? I mean, he's a part of your family now. That's what OP is saying. So you could just go straight to Matt though? You could. Do you skip the sisters?

You could. Or is that like shady? I mean, he's a part of your family now. That's what OP is saying. So you could just go straight to him and just be like, Hey, I found this out. I just want you to know. So you know, out in the open, like you can make an informed decision, but just so you know, like Kay wasn't seeing someone back at that birthday party.

Like Jay did tell you a lie. Yeah. I just wanted you to know. Or like in a really chill way, like, oh, I heard like you thought that Kay was dating somebody at that party. Or make a fake email and write him an anonymous letter. Morgan's all about... You're like Snooki and JWoww writing the note. Ron, kiss someone.

I need to, we need to watch that. What was it? What was the bar? Salt? I can't remember the bar. I just remember we need to watch that. What was it? What was the bar, salt? I can't remember the bar. I just remember them writing it. Sugar? I just like couldn't spell fridge.

I don't know, something about like refrigerator in it. But yeah, you're, you know what? You're so right. This is very much like respectfully kind of a selfish. I need to get this off my chest. It could be. I feel like it seems like, maybe not. Maybe they're like, no, no, Richa. Like, people need to get this off my chest. It could be. I feel like it seems like. Maybe not, maybe they're like, no, no, Richa.

Like people need to know. There's no further updates on this one. We will keep our eyes peeled. I say that about everyone this episode. So I am gonna give us a little bit of some closure on this last one. It does come with an update. Okay.

You're doing your, this is like fresh stories. I know. I work my butt off for the people. Do you guys? I love you guys. By the way, Morgan is like the hardest friend to hang out with because she's. No, she's always.

You're just as hard. But I mean. You're traveling, you're bopping. I know, but you've built this empire. Ma'am. I didn't build, this is not, I didn't make the company. You're out there marketing, you're a little but off though. I see you at those conventions.

I see you designing the tracksuits. Me schlepping water at trade shows. I wanna go to a trade show. I know, I'm not wearing mine because I don't know how to put it on over my headphones. It's my blankie. You've got great taste. You do have great taste, Rachel.

Oh, thank you. Talking about money is hard. People all over the world were taught never to talk about money, politics, sex, or religion in polite company. But on this show, my goal is to remove money from that list. And so I'm excited to bring you 50 Fires, a podcast about money and meaning from Blind NIL Audio and executive producers Chip and Joanna Gaines. Follow and listen to 50 Fires, a podcast about money and meaning with me, Karla Richards, wherever you get

your podcasts. Okay, this last one for us. Okay, ready. It's coming from Best of Redditor updates. On that sub, it is only six hours old. However, the original post is coming from March 24, 2024. So like almost a month old? Three weeks old? Three weeks old, yeah. Okay. This one is titled, my 32 male ex-wife, 33 female, divorced me after a personality change.

I found out I have a brain tumor. How do I move forward? Oh, God. I'm sad. Okay, let's hear it. My ex wife divorced me in 2022. I was devastated, but I couldn't blame her. We had been together for about six years. And for a while, we had an incredible relationship. We had a memorable engagement in Belize, a long story involving bats getting stranded at the Mayan ruins where proposed to her, and being rescued by a passing British military exercise. But that's a whole other story. I won't wax poetic about it, but suffice to say it's the happiest I've ever been. And I think I made her very happy too. She was my best friend, and we were ready to spend the rest of our lives together.

I was extremely close to her whole family as well. I was her brother's best man at his wedding. But then the trouble started. My mental health took a steep decline. My behavior was extremely erratic and bizarre. When we were in public, I often thought I was being followed. One time I became convinced listening devices had been implanted in our home. I thought the police or government agencies were after me and monitoring my devices. My wife finally dragged me to the emergency room after one of these incidents, and I ended up getting diagnosed as having a psychotic break with bipolar and schizoaffective disorder. My wife stood by me through it all, but even on treatment,

I continued my strange behavior and thought patterns. There was lying and substance abuse. Previously, I'd only ever drank socially and occasionally smoked weed. It was all very out of character for me. I'd always been a very stable person, but I seemed to be spiraling. One day, my wife had had enough and told me she wanted a divorce. She'd caught me lying about drug use. For a while, I maintained contact with her brother, who tried to support us both through it, but eventually he cut me off too. In the year

following the divorce, I tried emailing and texting my wife and her brother, but eventually I got the hint. Mutual friends dropped me too. I couldn't blame anybody. I think additional lies and misbehaviors had come to light, so I was a pariah. I sank pretty low, lost multiple jobs, and barely scraped by. Fast forward to now. I'm still struggling, but I've managed to hold a good, well-paying job and even bought

a few properties. I got a new little pup named Archie who keeps me going when times get tough. I've kept at therapy and it's definitely helped. But recently, while traveling, I suddenly collapsed. I went to the hospital and when the doctor heard my history, he immediately ordered an MRI. The look on his face and his whole demeanor spooked me, like he suspected something that he didn't want to tell me, but he insisted on just waiting to see and not speculating.

Lo and behold, I have a brain tumor. The funny thing is, when I found out, I was … relieved. Finally, it all made sense. The funny thing is, when I found out, I was...relieved. Finally, it all made sense. Apparently, it's not unheard of for such a thing to be misdiagnosed as bipolar. The doctors say it's probably been growing slowly for a long time, and it explains my strange and out-of-character behavior. Thankfully, they think it's treatable, and with surgery, I stand to make a good recovery.

So how do I move forward with this? I want to try to reach out to my ex-wife and her brother, but maybe they've moved on with their lives and I shouldn't try to reinsert myself. I've done enough damage as it is. They don't seem to want to have any contact with me. But I also feel like they should know. They may have blocked my number and email, but I do still have some mutual friends I could reach out through.

For all I know, my wife is in another relationship and I shouldn't reopen those wounds. But if the roles were reversed, I'd want her to know. So how should I move forward here? What, if anything, should I say? Oh my God, that's devastating. I've given us so many like, do you tell? Yeah, right. You're really putting me on like the decision-making spot here. I kind of gave you a moral dilemma episode.

You really did. My theme when I started this was like, it's anything but perfect. But it's like, now it's like moral dilemmas. Do you tell? It's not perfect by any means? It's like, it's, wow. Like, is this my fault? Is it not?

Oh my gosh. Okay. I, you know what's so funny? My first thought was like, he needs a dog. Oh. Archie. Archie. Archie.

Archie. Look cutie. I would tell the mutual friends. I would. I think you need to. There's nothing wrong. Like I don't want to like also like demonize mental illness and like bipolar and schizophrenia.

Like so many people are diagnosed with that and they work through it. They learn, you know, how to keep up with their medications and still maintain all of their, you know, occupations and ADLs and all those things. But he had this brain tumor. And so, you know, he literally has this reason for why he changed. And I would want to know, like, I would, I would want to like almost like, just make sure the people that, you know, I love and care about, like, know that now like, I have an answer finally, like he even said, like, I'm relieved care about, know that now I have an answer

finally, he even said, I'm relieved. He has more of an answer. And maybe she's not seen anyone. Here's where I go back to Hopeless Romantic. I'm like, maybe there's a shot. Their engagement story, caught in the Mayan ruins. Yeah. Ruins? Ruins.

We're gonna work on that word. Yeah. So it's like, I just like, I would want to know. Like I said, I'm bad with secrets. I'd want to know. See, I feel like I would share it, but not from like a romantic perspective. It's not like I want to get back with her. And so I want her to know this information.

It's more of like, she might also feel some relief to learn that like, there was a valid, like a real thing going on back here. Yeah. Like he wasn't purposefully trying to lie to me. Correct. Like, I'm sure even whether she's in a relationship or not, it's human nature to like, maybe she's going to web MD more about like brain tumors and find that like a lot of the situations that she was experiencing through him are common or have happened or are not like one in a million. And maybe her experiences are going to feel like she's not, she wasn't alone in that, right? Whether or not she's like, okay, now I trust that it's, it's, he's not fully recovered from it. So it's,

maybe she's not going to want to go back But maybe there's like a bit of a peace moment for both parties where he's like, I just want her to know this information. And she's like, I receive that. That actually makes sense. And like, it gives me some closure and peace. It's the closure that maybe she deserves. I would tell the friends. and also as your mutual friends,

I would hope that they present it to her in a way that is like delicate enough where they are like are respectful of her situation. And if she is engaged or dating or hates his guts, like whatever it is, they present it in a way that's like really respectful of what stage she's in in life. Well, and I think as long as there's no, I have my own hopes of maybe they could come back together.

You want everyone to end up together. You are like, you love love. I love love. That's the best way to describe me. I love love. But I think if he says it with no ulterior motives and approaches the friends like you're saying, and it's just like, hey, you guys, like, I just found out like I have a brain tumor.

And that explains, you know, what's been happening to me. If you could pass it along, I'm not looking for anything. You know, if she wants to reach out, she can, but there's no pressure. Could you just, you know, let her and Johnny, the brother know, like, that'd mean a lot. Yeah. And just leave it at that. Like if there's no ulterior motives or you're not looking for anything, I feel like there's no harm or no like ill intention behind it. Yeah. Again, this goes back to what I said earlier, but like, I can control what I can control.

Like I can control me telling you or like telling the friends, but after that, like I can't have any expectation. I can't control her reaction, anything like that. Right? Like you just have to be at peace with, with knowing that that was the right decision. Okay. Let's get into the top comment on the original post. Can I just say one more thing? Yes. I feel like in the last situation I was like, don't tell that's really selfish. And in this situation, maybe it sounds like I'm saying like, you should tell and that could be selfish,

but I think you should tell because it'll also potentially be beneficial to her. I think it could really provide some closure, which I was gonna bring up about the last one. And maybe this is where OP was coming, could telling my sister provide some closure that it had nothing to do with her. And now she can move forward finding her person.

Maybe. Maybe we got to put both of these to the people. I'm open, I'm open on that one. But for this one, I'm team-like. I think it would be nice for her to know. Okay. I don't know what's about to come, and I'm so scared and nervous.

I didn't read this one at all before. I have no idea what the update entails. Okay. I'm ready, and nervous. I didn't read this one at all before. I have no idea what the update entails. Okay. I'm ready. Hit us with the comments. Okay, the top comment on the original post. If I were your ex, I would want to know. It doesn't mean that she'll want to have any kind of relationship with you,

but on the off chance she still has feelings, that information would allow me to make some important decisions moving forward. Yeah. OP responds. Ah! No, what? I admit I do fantasize about us getting back together.

Oh, my name is Morgan and... But I'm literally gonna cry. It's just so sad. Well, of course he does. Fuck brain tumors. But I guess I should go into this with zero expectations. I just miss her a lot.

That is really heartbreaking. Isn't there some like, they say that it's like renovation, IVF and like home renovation, IVF and illness are the three things that like, if you can get through those, like you can get through anything in a marriage. But like a lot of couples get divorced over one of those three things. And illness, there's so many people that like, you know, it's not really just us apart. No. Oh my gosh. Next comment down, tell her. My friend's mom had her and then had her two brothers like 10 years later. My friend used to talk about how different her mom was when she was growing up and how sad she was her brothers never got the mom she got. Well it got bad when something happened at school one day.

She was a teacher and basically retired for medical reasons. After that they found a tumor like yours. She had the surgery to remove it and after she recovered she was her old self. Her personality had completely changed because of the brain tumor. I wish you well. As someone that blew up her life for no goddamn reason, I can relate to you. You have a chance to at least explain why you were like that. I have no excuse.

Good luck." Oh my God. Oh my God. Everyone put us in our feels. That's really... Damn. Yeah. She deserves that closure and she deserves to understand that there was a reason that

there was such a shift. Yeah. And like what that reason was. Yeah. I think it could really provide some peace and like if she is having a hard time moving on, maybe it'll like create a resolution. Yeah. Are you ready for the update?

Oh, oh, we have an update. We have an update. This update came April 8th. Okay. I'm scared. So, first of all, thanks everybody for the comments and advice. I didn't expect my post to get as much attention as it did, but it was really helpful to get some perspective, not to mention lots of support, including some very thoughtful messages. It got reposted on other places. I didn't even realize there was an entire

ecosystem of TikToks devoted to rehashing Reddit posts. I guess I'm old lol, including some news sites and a few journalists and podcasters reached out to me. Not me. I'm just reading it now. I'm touched that my story seemed to resonate with some people, but I'm a pretty private person and I'm working through a lot right now. So apologies if I haven't responded to your messages. Long story short. No. I've decided not to contact my ex or her brother for the time being. I know some people were probably rooting for a happier or at least more interesting ending, but this is how I'm

handling things for now. I'm sure he feels so overwhelmed with all of a sudden, like an influx of people telling him, you know, obviously he posted asking for advice, but now he's like getting a tidal wave of it across all angles. And maybe he just feels like overwhelmed. Well, maybe he also is like, I'm gonna get through this surgery. Like that's my priority first and foremost. I'm gonna get through the surgery

and then see what happens and then like maybe tell her. Or perhaps he just like feels that deep down he knows that he can't not have an expectation about it. Maybe, cause I mean, he even said himself, he hopes that they'll- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah said himself, he hopes that they'll- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe he's like protecting his piece by not putting it out there because then he'll

be wondering and waiting almost, right? He goes on to say, I think the majority of the comments on my last post encouraged me to reach out just to inform my ex of the situation and maybe give her some closure. Some suggested making a post on social media so it would get back to her or delivering a message through a mutual friend. For a while, something along these lines is what I wanted to do. Now for the social media thing, I don't actually have any social media other than an Instagram account for my pup Archie with like 10 followers and a Facebook account using a fake name with zero friends. I use it for marketplace. Same.

But that's kind of besides the point. I think more importantly, not reaching out right now, just dot dot dot, feels like the right move. I guess the true question is, what would be the best way to handle this for my ex? How does this affect her? And honestly, the more I think about it, the more it seems like reaching out is the selfish move.

No, see, I think reaching out is, I think it's the opposite. That's so interesting that he's saying that. But that's like, we've been like talking about this and it's like, that's why there's so much gray area to all of these. It could, a lot of these today, it could go either way. I wonder why he does it say? Yeah. So he goes on to say, she's always been a strong, resilient person.

So I have no doubt she's managed to build a good life and move on. And I'd just be potentially interfering with that. Stirring up old hurt and wounds and maybe adding a lot of confusion and other complicated emotions. And then for the selfish perspective, I don't think it would be good for me either. I admit, a part of me fantasized about a situation where we got back together, all was forgiven, and we lived happily ever after. But I think that's exactly the problem. I realized there was no way I was going to be able to temper my expectations. So right now,

with everything going on, it probably would be a bad thing to add it into the mix. I've always loved my ex-wife. We grew up together. I loved all of her quirks and her silliness and her strength, the way she always stood up for what she believed in. The fact that we always had so much fun together, whether we were playing a board game, she'd learn quick and kick my ass, except for Race for the Galaxy, or buying a house, or going on a bike ride somewhere, or overanalyzing a movie or TV show we'd watch together. She's brilliant and hilarious and gorgeous and a total weirdo.

Very early in our relationship, she asked whether I was a barfer or a shitter when I got sick. North or South? I was also the DM for a D&D campaign that she played in, and her goblin rogue would always peek tabletop gaming to me. I loved hearing her thoughts about everything. I miss her every day. And who knows, maybe we'll reconnect at some point in the future.

I'm not ruling out ever contacting her. And in case it wasn't clear in my last post, I never thought my tumor exonerated me of responsibility for everything. I've done. I know I still need to take ownership of my actions and learn to grow from this. So that's what I'm going to focus on. Getting better. My surgery is getting scheduled, and then I'll just have to take it one step at a time. There's a lot of other stuff going on too. I was applying and interviewing for jobs before all of this, and actually got two offers recently. So I'll be communicating with them

about whether we could delay the start date, and worst case, if not, my current job is secure and medical leave won't be a problem. I also bought another property, although the sale is still conditional, so I could walk away if I have to. We'll see how it goes. All this to say, life is pretty hectic right now,

but I honestly feel good, and for the first time in several years, I'm looking forward to what comes next, whatever that may be. Anyways, thanks again, everyone, for reading and commenting, sharing your advice and stories, well wishes and love. I might post another update down the line, but fair warning, I'm hoping it's just as boring as this one. Not boring at all.

I'm not. If you are out there listening and the sounds familiar to you, maybe reach out through the grapevine and find out if your ex has a brain tumor. Yeah. If you're single and not married with kids. And just fuck.

Gosh, I really wish she found out through the podcasts and the interviews and the news and the whatever. Like I do wish it gets back to her and she sees that he's saying, like, you know, I'm going to protect the peace right now. I get it. He's a big person. He's bigger than I would be. Yeah. Bigger than I would be. He does share some pictures of Archie. Show us Archie.

That's exactly what I thought Archie would look like. Archie looks Show us Archie. Archie. That's exactly what I thought Archie would look like. Archie looks to be. With the black ears or the dark ears and the. I'm thinking a Shih Tzu mix. Sir Archibald. Oh my God, such a good haircut too. Wow, cutie.

It's giving Shih Tzu. Mix. Mix for sure. Shih Tzu Maltese maybe? Oh, interesting. I don't know. I'm curious. Oh, very cute little dog.

Definitely Shih Tzu. Very, very cute. At least I'm happy that OP has like a lot of positive coming up. I do feel like it would be good for her, but at this point, I mean, she hasn't known. She'll just continue to live the same life that she's been living. Nothing will change. Yeah. For her, nothing will change.

For him. Potentially a whole new world in front of him. Wish him the best. Again, I guess we are ending another one with keep our eyes peeled for another update. Same shit, different day. I thought I was saving us, you guys. No. No.

But I hope his surgery goes well. I hope they reach out and fall in love again. No, maybe they're not meant to be anymore though. He did put her through a lot. And like, that's a lot of trauma for her. That is. That is. And I like- Perhaps there's a friendship.

Can we start, can we love as friends? Yeah, because they knew each other growing up. They grew up together. He was the brother's best man. I know. They're basically- It's interesting how he's not telling the brother or somebody else. He has a lot of mutuals.

But is this man so private that his friends don't know? I'm surprised it's not getting leaked to them regardless. I mean, who does he have to like, there's no mention of family or support like But he's a mutual friend. And like your friends don't know you have a brain tumor? I don't know. It's so interesting. I'm gonna be out here like sending you guys ultra, like whatever the photo is of like, The MRI. We're gonna go over the MRI together.

I cannot believe they didn't do an MRI when this all initially went down. Like, our healthcare system can be so goofy sometimes if this is America. Yeah. Damn. Okay. This was a good one. Keep our eyes peeled. I gave you some really tough hitters.

I didn't make it easy on you your first time on the blog. Yeah, wow. I feel like for the most part, there's only a couple of those stories where I was like, I actually have no idea what this person should do. You guys give Richa some love in the comments. It is a big feat, I would say to like, come on. It feels like I've had a lot of friends that I've asked to come on and they say no.

Like they feel really intimidated and like they're scared of blowback and mean comments. So be sure like, obviously we all have different takes. We're never gonna agree. So give Richa some big props and credit for coming on. Angel, no, when you asked me, I was like, I'll do whatever you ask of me. Oh my gosh.

I'll be here fixing the cameras if you want. I don't know how to do that, but I would YouTube it. You are welcome back anytime. I love getting so much cultural insight today too. And it's just like, it's so, I just love it. It was so good having you. You can borrow my sorrys anytime. I'm, girl, your wedding.

One day, you'll be in India. I'm like, I will. I swear to God. I don't need the man, I just need the wedding. I don't even care if you don't invite me. I will be there, so be prepared. Hello, are you crazy? No, I've had someone tell me that though. They were like,

well, just know if I'm not invited, I will be crashing. So see you there one way or another. No, literally I will be there. So nice to see you there. I always joke that I'm not actually going to do this, but that I'm going to have an application for my friends to come to my wedding because I don't want someone going to India for the first time. And it's very overwhelming. All senses are shooting off at the same time. it's very overwhelming. All senses are like shooting off at the same time and I only want people to love it and you will love it, but there's a lot that you're seeing on the road. There could be a huge gorgeous palace and right next to it is slums and there's people everywhere and it's not like Japan is so clean and orderly and like, I

mean, I'm obsessed with Japan, but like India is not that. And so my application is going to be like, have you been to a country where there's like more people per square foot than you've ever seen before? And if so, then India will be easy. I'm ready. I'm so ready. I really want to apply to be on the Amazing Race. I love the Amazing Race.

I watch it all the time. Jessie Tannenbaum, if you're listening, I am here. And they always do a certain leg through India. Or like, and I'm just like, I'm going to fucking crush it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's just the best. It's home for me. So it's the best.

But I need people to like go into it. Not experiencing that severe of culture shock. Like I get scared. That's so interesting. That people will go there and be like, oh no, it was too much or something. But it's like too much culture. Like there's just so much beauty, but there's a lot of like cooking ever. There's a lot of scent. Oh, the food. And things to look at and people and there's animals and there's cars honking.

I feel like that was Thailand, like Bangkok and parts of Thailand I went to. You can come. A little less, yeah. I'm not worried about you. I love Thailand, yeah. But Indian and Asian in general, I feel like I'm not worried about you.

hospitality is something else. Like you will just have the most incredible hospitality and Indian family units as we talked about are so the community and the perception, but also genuine warmth and hospitality is something that we take so much pride in. I know. I love that. I'll have to say. I love that. I did have another story about a bride who got her sorry pre-approved by, or no, another wedding guest who got her sorry pre-approved by the bride before she went. And she was met with like people trying to pour wine on her.

And she was like, I was so shocked by this because in India, like we take such pride in being great hosts and being so warm and accommodating. And so I just, I love that. Oh my God. I can't wait. I'll dress you for my one day imaginary wedding. Let's go baby. Anyone, show your shot with rich guys. Don't do it, don't even bite your tongue right now.

I'm too busy. Where can people find you if they wanna follow along on your journey of being a normie muggle Gryffindor? Oh my God. I don't know. What do I like? I'm not exciting. What's your Instagram? You are... You can find me Morgan. I'm sure I have, we have some photos together, but... Oh my gosh. She's going to play hard to get. I'll be sure. I'll be sure it's linked. Richa will be linked in the description.

You can find me somewhere. Maybe I'll put her LinkedIn professional one just to really get the hits up on the LinkedIn. Yes. No, you'll be able to find her one way or another, the description. Thank you for having me though. I love it. I love you. I love you.

I can't wait to see what happens with these stories. I'm just going to be scouring for updates. I got to go follow all of them. You need it next to me when I'm really bad at writing. I'll be like, update girl. We got it. Here it is. But if you want more, there's some amazing stories dropping this month on Patreon.

We're going to be doing a big updates episode and I think it's going to live over on Patreon. Getting into a lot of updates from stories. We've had some big ones come out recently that are going into the folder. So be sure to keep an eye out for that. But other than that, until next time, thank you for being here. Bye. talking about money is hard. Talking about money is hard. People all over the world were taught never to talk about money, politics, sex, or religion in polite company.

But on this show, my goal is to remove money from that list. And so I'm excited to bring you 50 Fires, a podcast about money and meaning from Blind NIL Audio and executive producers Chip and Joanna Gaines. Follow and listen to 50 Fires, a podcast about money and meaning with me, Carl Richards, wherever you get your podcasts.