Two Hot Takes - 177: Quirky Enough for Concern?

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin! Ever had a peculiar issue where you wonder if you should actually be concerned? Well that's what this weeks stories are full of. Odd, unusual problems that have us rating them on a scale of quirky to deeply worried. Can't wait to hear your thoughts! LIVE SHOW TICKETS HERE!! https://linktr.ee/twohottakestour MERCH IS ON SALE HERE ! https://shop.twohottakes.com Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes I can't wait to see you all in these, especially at our live shows!! Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Lume: Lumedeodorant.com Promo Code: THT Rocket Money: Rocketmoney.com/THT Dipsea: Dipseastories.com/THT for 30 day FREE trial! Mint Mobile: Mintmobile.com/THT to cut your wireless bill to $15 a month! 

Hi friends, just a reminder that we are going on tour very soon Be sure to get your tickets and be sure to subscribe follow wherever you're listening. Otherwise enjoy the episode. Bye We never introduced ourselves when we started. We're just getting done recording this episode I'm shook. You guys are in for a treat, but welcome. I'm your host, Morgan. And I'm Justin. And welcome to Two Hot Takes! Bow bow bow! Are you ready to rumble? Yeah.

Okay, I'm really excited for this theme today. I have just been finding really quirky stories, and some of them might not be quirky but today's theme is like quirky enough for concern question mark or like cause for concern question mark like are they weird enough to raise alarm bells for all of us but I haven't read a lot of these today that I'm pulling from because I want to be surprised like you guys I've done a lot of episodes a lot of these today that I'm pulling from because I want to be surprised like you guys.

I've done a lot of episodes, a lot of recording lately, and I'm throwing caution to the wind. Gone. I just want to have some fun. I want to have some fun. It's kind of weird. We're 175. Seven. You're seven.

177 or eight. This would be one seventy eight I think. Or one seventy seven. Back check me. Okay, officially this will be episode one hundred and seventy seventh. And obviously the show has like changed over time unintentionally.

I feel like that's just kind of like the natural process of a show. It just changes. I don't know. But I listened to the first episode recently and I was like, ooh, this is so cringey. But I think like I've just changed. Like I'm three and a half years older, none the wiser. But you know, it just ebbs and flows and the show finds

its groove, but I wanted to just really go into these blind and just have fun this episode and I'm really excited. Yeah. Yeah! What number would it be then? 177th, I said. Shit. You said 178.

Yeah. Yeah, no, that's the, that's going to be a really good guess though. It's going to be a good one. What do you mean? Yeah, I already know what, I already know who it is. Recorded with her. Oh, good guest. I thought you said guess. Recorded with her yesterday.

Okay. Let's get into these quirky enough for concern stories. Okay. Okay. Let's dive in. Okay, this first one is coming from Am I the Asshole titled, Would I be the asshole if I refuse to buy a tacky painting my sister-in-law made for my family? My daughter and I love reading these together. Now it's my turn to ask for judgment. I'm 52 female, and this situation concerns my husband's brother, Drew, 59 male,

and his wife of five years, Suzanne, 35 female. Drew supports Suzanne on his income while she focuses on her dream of being an artist. She makes paintings of people and animals and has a website where she advertises her work for sale. Privately, I don't think her art is very good. It's absolutely better than what I could do, but it doesn't look professional, if you know what I mean. My husband feels the same, so we have not opted to purchase any of her art, despite her dropping hints here and there about it.

The art on her site is priced in the $3-$5k range. I realize that labor and costs of materials must be taken into account, but given the quality, those prices seem outrageous to me. I suspect she's not making regular sales because she started making portraits of friends, family or pets as a surprise and usually said family and friends end up feeling obligated to buy the painting as a courtesy. Unfortunately, my husband and I were the latest victims of her sales tactic. My son recently proposed to his girlfriend and we took the two of them, his girlfriend's parents, and our daughter out to a fancy dinner to celebrate. Both my kids posted pictures from

dinner on social media. Without telling anyone, Suzanne decided to make a painting of one of these pictures of everyone smiling for the camera. She revealed the big surprise at a party she and Drew hosted two weeks ago. The painting is a whopping 40 inches by 58 inches, and I honestly think it's awful, kitsch and tacky. I told Suzanne it was sweet of her to commemorate such a special moment in our family, but I carefully avoided saying anything about liking it, as I feared she kept dropping hints throughout the party about how we can buy it as a wedding gift and she would be happy to give us a big discount off what she would charge someone else.

Who else would buy it? I politely dodged these hints and she was clearly disappointed. Over the weekend, Drew reached out to my husband to say that Suzanne feels hurt that we never made an offer. He said it's becoming obvious as the years go by that we've never purchased one of her pieces, even though we have the means to do so, and it would mean a lot to them if we buy the painting. Her original asking price was $2.5k, and Drew said he'll reduce it further to $1900. 2.5k and Drew said he'll reduce it further to $1,900.

It's not about the money, not entirely. It's the principle of the thing. I feel like I'm being strong-armed in a pain for something I never asked for, don't like, and don't have space for in my house. I asked and my son and his fiance don't want it. My husband thinks we should just buy it to keep the peace in the family and avoid a potential rift with Suzanne and Drew.

He also says, the way I talk makes me sound like a snob, even though I would never share these opinions with anyone I know but him. Would I be the asshole if I stand my ground and refuse to buy the painting? No, I'm not buying it. Uh-uh. I don't want ugly art in my house.

No, this is like highway robbery. It does feel a little bit like a, I don't know if it would qualify as a Ponzi scheme, but like the same principle, right? Like she didn't ask for it. It is that. She's kind of getting scammed into buying it. It just, like I'm all for everyone exploring their passions.

And you know, if art's that passion, then go for it. I think art is art and it is what you make it and it's what makes you happy. I am very curious to see it. I would love to see it. I just think the situation is very clearly, it's evolving to a bad, bad place where, why don't you make that your wedding gift? Like you, the person that painted it, it's evolving to a bad place where, why don't you make that your wedding gift? Like you, the person that painted it, why don't you make that your gift? Instead of like flipping the script and conning them,

oh, this would be perfect for them. Well, if you think it's a perfect gift, give it yourself. But it's so hard with art because people put everything of them into something when it's something creative, because we experience this with music all the time. Yeah. And when someone doesn't like it, especially within the family or people that are close friends, especially within the family or people that are close friends, it can be very difficult to not make someone feel bad,

you know, even as obviously bad the piece may be. So it's just a very tricky situation to be in. And I think the way they're playing it right now has been the best you can do. You don't know what the intention is behind the paintings at this point. I think it's- Is it being painted to put you in a corner to make you feel like you have to buy it?

I think so. Or is it, I'm doing this really nice thing and then, oh, but I'll give you, it's kind of like an infomercial. Yeah. Like I'll chop half the price off. Yeah. There's a lot going on here.

One, your point, I think she is doing this very tactfully now. She's kind of struggling with her art. And so she realized if I make these paintings for people, they feel obligated. And maybe she's not even realizing that these people are just like pity buying or uncomfortably getting conned into this. But she's realized it's worked.

Positive reinforcement, you're gonna keep making these paintings for people and they're assuming they're gonna buy them or hoping they buy them. This is where it gets really awkward because they played it right. Oh, that was so nice of you to do and didn't offer to buy it. I think that was absolutely the right play,

not the asshole, you didn't ask for this painting. I don't think you're obligated to buy something like that, especially a $1,900 painting. If it was like, just reimburse me for the art supplies. You know, it was $200 for the canvas, $100 for the paints. That's a different story. Like $300, That's a different story, like $300, while still a lot of money to not spend when you want, you didn't ask to spend it, but not $1,900, right? The scale is clear. But her husband is now approaching being like, we realize you've never bought anything. We realize you don't support Suzanne and her art and her paintings. They created this issue and rift by asking for them to buy it.

It's very awkward. Which I still don't think they're obligated to do, but it's just gonna be kind of this awkward thing with your family. And I think if you did buy this painting, you might get conned into buying another one down the road. Well no, but you'll be stuck with it. And if you actually don't have a place

for something that big, especially something that big that you don't like. I mean, 50, it was 48 by 50 or something crazy. Well, because you know what happens anytime they come over to the house. Oh, I can't wait to see where you put the painting. Oh, where is it? It's not up?

The garage. And then now you've spent all your money on this thing and now you're ending up in an equally worst problem with this person. Yeah. Where they're like, you won't even display it. So save the money and don't need to deal with hiding or destroying this thing and dealing with those consequences. It's, it's a lose-lose.

I completely agree. I think it's one of those things where you are definitely not the asshole and you just need to have a tough conversation and say, hey, like, while we really appreciate this piece of art and we think it's beautiful, you know, we didn't have any intention to buy something like this for our home. And, you know, that's maybe not even the picture

we would have chose for ourselves had we wanted something like this. So we appreciate the effort, but you know, I think this is a great lesson for all of us. Let's communicate a little better going forward about such large, extravagant art pieces. Suzanne, you're talented, you're good at what you do, but you know, this isn't just something we were expecting

or would have wanted for ourselves. And it's awkward, it's not gonna be a fun conversation, but I think it's better than spending $1,900 on a piece of art you don't want. Right, well, and I don't think this is to the point where you need to judge her as an artist as much, because sometimes people need that person in their life where, sorry, it's music in my head,

but when someone really is putting all themselves and like limiting other opportunities to just focus on music and they're, you know, you see them kind of, I don't know, doing it to a fault. And someone, sometimes there needs to be a person that comes in and says, hey, have you considered like pursuing anything else? It's very delicate.

And that's more when someone, when you see someone veering off the path and steering their life towards something instead of it being a hobby. Like if whatever you're- Well, and that's kind of how this is for her. This is her full-time career and she's not doing very well with it.

And her income is supplemented in that. So, you know, I will be the first one always to say, do what makes you happy. You don't have to be good at it. You don't have to, it doesn't matter. Do what makes you happy. But when it starts affecting other people in a negative way, that's just where it gets so dicey.

And I've been there. In they. And I've been there in the creative world. I've been there and it's just so hard. I don't, I don't really know the best way to approach it. I think the way you, what you were saying is best. You're not addressing the art really. You're not dressing anything. You're just saying, you know, this painting and. Yeah.

But I mean, OP even said in the post, like I, you know, she's talented. It's just not my cup of tea in art. And that's art. Like, I could go buy something for $200 off Facebook marketplace that I love and I think is beautiful. And you could come home and be like, why did you pay more than $20 for that? Right. Yeah.

Like some people think Picasso was shit. Some people don't get Andy Warhol. Like art is so subjective. That's art. You're not always going to be everyone's cup of tea. But Opie can say, I think you're talented. You're good at what you do. It's just not something we were expecting. And we just don't purchase art that's that expensive. We appreciate the gesture, but we're just not interested. We're not art connoisseurs. So the top comment on this one, not the asshole.

I will simply ask her why she won't gift it to the happy couple and follow up asking, did she only make the painting so that she can make money and not for her nephew and his new fiance? You're definitely not wrong, but I'm petty and would make sure to turn this around on her." OP responds, "'Thank you for your judgment.

I think this is a great idea, though I know Suzanne's underlying issue is that she thinks we don't like her art, which is true, and I'm afraid she'll keep pushing until she either makes the sale or I give a firm no.'" And someone goes, "'I mean, it's bad business to create something on prospect when it's that personal and specific to such a small group of people. If she was going to try and sell it, she should have approached the prospective buyers, i.e. the people who went to that event.

Whether they'd be interested in commissioning it. She can't be mad that there's no interest in buying an unsolicited product. True. Very, very true. There's another comment that OP responds to, not the asshole. You don't have to tell the absolute truth, but you can say it's not something you want to purchase. I like the idea of suggesting it as a gift to the newlyweds and they can hide it in

their house. I think it's amazing chutzpah to imagine that people will buy your art. A lot of people don't buy art at all. OP responds, thank you for the judgment. I do like Suzanne, but she is very pushy about sales. I think what we chose to decorate our homes with is deeply personal. It feels so uncomfortable to have someone keep trying to force their art, especially with such a high price tag. I mean, that's, that is a big price tag. Big price tag. Yeah, it's unreasonable price.

It's, I mean, I think the best thing is the unsolicited product. Yeah. It's just kind of. It's tacky that she even made it without asking, and especially because it's so big. If it was a little miniature where they could like put it on a shelf. But I mean 50 by 48 or what the fuck are the dimensions?

I'm so sorry guys. Yeah, it's big. It's huge. Yeah, you just, she's got to have some kind of idea, right? She's not oblivious, is she? 40 by 58. 58 is almost six feet, five feet. What's 58 divided by 12?

Doesn't divide equally, but it's about five. It's five. That's massive. It would be two of my signs side by side. That's kind of like the horse painting. Oh my God, that's massive. Which I was kind of thinking that I did this in a way. But no, you bought me something I said I liked as I walked by it.

That's very different. But I also got you something like really big. That is like, you know, at least I had a pre-planned spot for it. I don't know. Guess it's different. It is different. Buying art for people is risky though. It is. OP is in the commentsying art for people is risky though. It is.

OP is in the comments a lot. Seems like a great person. Seems like she actually does really like Suzanne too. Has a comment here, but I do like Suzanne and I already feel guilty writing this post about her. Sharing her website on the internet would make me feel bad. People are asking what her art looks like. But a lot of comments.

It genuinely seems to just kind of be struggling with how awkward this situation is. It does highlight that Suzanne has a degree in fine arts, although she worked in an unrelated field until marrying Drew. I know she's put a lot of time and money towards earning her degree and pursuing this dream, but the look of her paintings just isn't

what I describe as professional. Not that I know anything about art, obviously, but her prices indeed seem very high. So OP does link out a painting that is similar to Suzanne's style. And it's this picture of Queen Elizabeth. It's an interesting style to paint people in. It looks like Queen Elizabeth. It's a interesting style to paint people in. It looks like Queen Elizabeth. It's a realistic style. But it's like kind of cartoony at the same time.

But kind of cartoony at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. It's really interesting. There is a comment on this portrait of Queen Elizabeth that says that it was criticized for looking like a spitting image puppet. And I could kind of see that. Like, did anyone see that movie? It was a horror movie a long time ago, and I'm not remembering the name, but it was like a ventriloquist

movie. And it turned out that the old rich guy was like, the wife killed him, and he was just like a little ventriloquist puppet. It was such a creepy movie, and that's what the painting kind of looks like. Oh, okay. Yeah. But I mean, I don't think it's bad. I do not think it's bad. I just don't think it's like,

if you want a portrait of yourself, I wouldn't want it in that style. No, and so much of it's to taste. And there's so many different styles versus like ultra hyper realistic to, I don't know, more abstract. So I, it's going to be a very weird conversation, but I do feel like it's not going to, all the bridges won't be burned. I think people can handle this one and move forward.

At least I hope. If you wanna make her feel good, just say, hey, Suzanne, you know, that is way out of what I'm comfortable spending on art. That's a big ticket item. But if I said I have $200 for a budget, would you be comfortable making me something with that? It can be tiny.

I'm happy if it's tiny actually. There you go. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like when your friend starts a business and you buy a bunch of stuff to support. Yeah, it might not be your favorite thing, but- But you're choosing to do it. You're choosing to support and engage with that person instead of like being like, well, I guess I'll buy it.

Yeah, that's a great example. People love feeling supported. It's nice to feel supported. So I think that would be a good maybe middle ground if you're comfortable with that. But moving along. Yes. Okay. This next one.

It's coming from r slash relationship advice. It is titled, my girlfriends, 28 female parents, think I, 28 male, peed the bed, but it was her squirting. What should I do? Me and my girlfriend have been in a long distance relationship for more than a year now. We visit each other as often as once a month. Our home-based jobs made it possible for up to three weeks' stays, but a few months ago

she was laid off of her job and had to move back to her parents' place. She got a part-time job shortly after. Whenever I'd visit their place, I'd pay my respects to her parents, eat lunch with them and stuff, and then we'd check in for a night or two at a hotel. But during my recent visit, we decided to just stay at their place to save money. We couldn't have sex because her bed creaks a lot. So on my last night there, I decided to eat her out. She was down and that she'll tell me to stop doing it after she comes so that she won't squirt. But she didn't. It soaked through the comforter and a portion of the mattress. We used her laundry to soak some

of the mess, but to no one's surprise, it didn't do much. She said she'll just air it out tomorrow once I left. It was pretty late. She came with me to the bus terminal to see me off, and once she came home, her mom had apparently entered her room and aired the mattress out herself, because it reeks. She told me that her mom said I must have dreamt of something scary, to which she replied with a shrug. I found it hilarious when she told me this, but we shortly realized that it would be a hindrance to my future visits. Her parents are a bit religious and although they probably know we have sex outside of marriage, they'd probably be upset if they knew we did it at their place while they slept soundly. I also can't just keep

it a secret from them and visit their place either way because her parents think I peed their daughter's bed. What should we do? I think you go with it. You peed the bed. You peed the bed. It doesn't, you peed the bed. It's not that big of a deal. Which why is that such a big deal these days as an adult?

I know it's not ideal. Who wants, who would want to, right? Yeah. But I have dreams, you know, a couple times a week. Well, not that often. No, no, no. I was gonna say what? I have dreams quite often.

Oh my God. I'll be doing something, flying around, doing something cool, and then all of a sudden I have to pee, really bad. I had my first one of those recently. I've never peed in a dream. Yeah, and you're not somewhere you know, right? You're either in a school,

it's your first time ever being in the school, or you're on a field trip or something, and I will be trying to find a bathroom. I'm asking people, I'm walking around them. And for some reason in my dream, it's usually down like 20 staircases, and then you get in the actual bathroom and the toilets even further,

it just feels impossible to get to. And a lot of times, I will get to the toilet and use it. In your dream, yes. Yes, and so I don't know how I have not peed the bed, honestly, because when I wake up from those dreams, the first thing I do is I'm like, I'm feeling around, because I don't know how it just happened.

Because pretty quick after I find the bathroom, I wake up and then I walk to the bathroom. Yeah, you're lucky. And actually go in the middle of the night. I just had my first one of those and I did wake up in the morning, not even shortly after I peed in the dream, but in the morning I woke up and I was like,

how did I not pee the bed? What the heck? It was the weirdest feeling. So I just picture this happening at one of our parents' houses. And because you didn't have the ability to control the situation yourself, you know, clean everything, put it in the dryer, whatever, put it back and no one knows, then it just

think it's easier to go with it. Even if every once in a while in the future is, Oh, ha, you know what, this one time, blah, blah, blah. If they're, you know, if they bring it up, don't have too much water before. Yeah, right. blah, blah, blah, if they bring it up. Don't have too much water before bed. Right, you just gotta own it. And then maybe, maybe someday in the future. After you're married. Well, yeah, but I'm saying-

If they're super religious. I'm just saying a ways off in the future. You could be like, hey. Five years at least. You wanna know something kind of funny? I never actually peed the bed. I don't know if they would ever find that funny though. But it's just, it depends on who it is, right?

It depends on the dynamic. Sure. Well, yeah, it's hard without knowing who the people are. But I think you just own it. And every time they bring it up, you just look over and just give your partner a little wink. There you go. It's a little inside thing between you.

Who cares? Yeah, that makes it fun. What are they gonna go. It's a little inside thing between you. Who cares? Yeah, that makes it fun. What are they gonna do? It's gonna be the headline the next morning? Blah, blah, blah, Pete the Bad. Yeah, the top comment says it really well too. 9.5K upvotes. What's the lesser of two evils?

To have them knowing you were going down on their daughter or to have them think you are an adult bedwetter? Probably the latter. And they assume you're embarrassed about it and probably won't even ask questions. True. Well, they may be the type to not even bring it up. They might be embarrassed to bring it up. True. But the next person goes, those aren't the only two options though.

The right thing to do would have been for his girlfriend to tell them she was the one who accidentally peed the bed. She didn't need to admit to squirting slash sex or throw him under the bus. But it's slightly true. Yeah, she did kind of pee the bed. Next comment. Then she is peeing in his bed in the middle of the night, which means they are not sleeping separately and having sex. So that lie doesn't really work.

Oh, are they supposed to not be in the same room? they are not sleeping separately and having sex. So that lie doesn't really work. Oh, were they supposed to not be in the same room? No, someone does quote a line from OP's post. Her parents think I peed their daughter's bed. I think they shared a bed. Okay, cause man, yeah, that would add a whole different dynamic. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Then you definitely need to own it. Yeah, that person read that wrong, but I'm gonna go see if there's any comments from OP. So there is an update now. Okay. What are we, what's the- I know. What can we even update on?

I'm making this post as a reply to the comments and questions about my previous post. She is not down to take the blame. I'm the pee man now. Doesn't bother me too much, but it sucks that she doesn't want me to tell my closest friends about this hilarious incident.

What's peeing the bed worth if you have no story to tell? She did consent to the Reddit post though, and laughed at some of the comments. It's not squirt, it's pee. Yes, I know that all squirt is mostly just pee. I enjoy it because it feels earned, like grinding in a video game for pixels, and it gives added pleasure to her orgasm.

She and other exes mentioned it's different from an orgasm unaccompanied by squirting. TMI, warm, more bitter than salty to the tongue. Taste, intensity depends on water intake and diet. Please don't drink it. Definitely there for the experience, not the palette. Okay. What was the added info for? What did that help?

Also, it doesn't sound like she's squirting. It sounds like she's forcefully peeing during an orgasm. We literally just went totally sidetracked to say, yo, also, by the way, just a little advice. She's 28 and her parents assume she's a virgin? Philippine setting, thus the strict religious boomer parent mentality, but they probably know that their 28 year old daughter

does do the deed. It would probably be too much for them though, if they knew we had sex or oral under their roof. We live dangerously, I guess, or we're stupid, that they knew all along that it was her fluids that soaked the bed. Next point he has, how smelly was it that her mom caught a whiff of it? I'm sure some people here have parents with no care for personal space. Her mom didn't smell it from outside her room. She went in, I don't know why, but probably to clean. And it was noticeable

to the nose up close, since it's an overnight piss. Why didn't they think it was her pee instead of mine? I think her mom assumed it was me because they lived with their daughter until she was an adult. She stopped peeing the bed as a child at some point. Lay down a towel. Having known early in the relationship that she's a notorious squirter, we usually do lay down a towel during foreplay and oral.

I knew I should have called Cap when she said she's gonna stop me before she makes a mess, but I was spur of the moment thing. Sometimes a man just needs a whiff and a bean to play with." What the fuck? Once again. Oh man. Once we move in together, we'll definitely invest in some waterproof sheets. Thank you for the comments and DMs. And a mattress protector.

That's what mattress protectors are made for. OP is a quirky dude, man. Quirky dude. That is quirky, but I don't know if it's enough quirkiness for concern. I see at some point, I think you can tell your friends and close people because your friends are going to go running to her parents and be like, guess what, guess what, guess what? Because the beauty of things like this that happen in life is the story you get to tell about it.

Some of the most embarrassing, worst things that can happen to you sometimes are the best because of the stories you can tell going forward. So crazy. This one time, you know, that's the best. I know. Those are my favorite stories to tell. Keeps life interesting, you know?

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Okay, this next one is coming from Am I the Asshole, nine days old. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling Her to Stop Spending $45 on Burgers Weekly? My, male 42, sister-in-law 33, recently started selling burgers on Saturdays. She works a nine to five, Monday through Friday office job with a good salary, but she recently discovered she is pregnant with her ex's baby. He is no longer in the picture

So she is selling burgers for extra income Now every Saturday my wife 40 buys burgers for our family three kids 12 8 & 10 My issue is that my sister-in-law sells every burger for $9 So five burgers is $45 the burgers are tasty. Don't get wrong, but she is using my mother-in-law's recipe that my wife also knows. So I don't see why we should spend $45 weekly on burgers when my wife can make identical ones at home and we would spend less money on ingredients. To be clear, technically we can afford sister-in-law's burgers comfortably.

I just don't see why we should when there are cheaper options. I tried to talk about it with my wife, and she said she mostly buys because she wants to support her sister. I told her it's not our job to support her sister. Besides, as I said, the burgers are tasty, and every weekend they are sold out in a couple of hours, so I don't think losing our five burgers would put a dent in her business. Yesterday, I told my wife again we shouldn't buy burgers,

and she asked me why I cared if she was buying them with her own money, not our money. We have each an account and one joint account. I told her, it's not about that. I just don't think it's sensible to spend $45 every weekend on burgers when she already knows the recipe. She said she would be spending $36 then because she won't be buying mine anymore if it bothered me so much.

Well, that's exactly what she did. She bought burgers for our kids and herself and didn't buy one for me, which okay. Anyways, I got a Big Mac for cheaper. So I thought we were okay, but she has been acting as if she is mad at me since yesterday. I fail to see why she is mad. Am I the asshole? Yes, what do you mean? What a controlling weirdo.

It is weird and like- It's quirky. Oh, well she could make them instead because she has the recipe Why don't you fucking make you make them? She's spending her own money helping out her sister Who gives a fuck? Why are you standing there? Like oh, well, you could make them more for cheaper. Like shut up You make them you have access to the recipe too Yeah, and go buy your Big Mac every time. Yeah.

Who cares? Sure, there's a McDonald's nearby. Clearly, you got the Big Mac, so shut up. Well, and you know, $45 a week is different to every person. But clearly we're stating we can comfortably afford it. Yeah. It's not about the money. But the second you keep saying it's not about the money,

you also keep talking about money. You keep saying, oh, well, I got a Big Mac and I did it for cheaper. So is it about the money or is it not? Can we comfortably afford or can we not? And if it's not about the money, then what is it about? Because the only other thing I see is control. That's what it is because everything said

contradicts itself. And every point you made, I would be like, oh, well, maybe they have just one account and they don't have a lot of money, right? That's where naturally anyone would think, no, oh no, let me explain to you how much more of an idiot I am in my own post. We actually have separate accounts and then one joint.

She's not using any of our joint money. I just think it's crazy she goes and spends that. But it's not about the money. Dude is like, how did he not read this back? Because there weren't that many typos in this. How did he not read this back and say, oh, I get it. Yeah, why am I being so weird about her spending

her own money buying these burgers while she supports her sister? Like, huh. I'm just confused. The whole time it was like, I'm gonna go to this concert, but I'm not. I'm gonna go underground in the venue at the concert. And then I'll still go to the concert, but from upstairs.

And it was like, that's what this, you know how that just was really, that's what this post felt like. Yeah, I think you lost me, wow. That's how I feel at the end of this. I feel like I got hit in the head with a paddle, trying to figure that out. The fuck? Some concert.

Well, that's how my dreams go. Like what I just described. I'm there and there. But maybe this guy wrote it in his sleep and that's why it just makes no sense. Yeah. He is the asshole, I would say on this one. Definitely the asshole. I also will just say I love her response. Fine. I'll spend $36 then because you won't get a burger. And she did it. And she did it. She held her ground, still supporting her sister. What an amazing, amazing sibling.

Also, it's so odd because $36 sounds so much better than 45, even though it's only a difference of $9. Like, oh, I spent 36 bucks. It's marketing tricks, you know. It's 1999, you know, that's the whole game. I know, it does sound better than 20. Overall vote on this one is asshole. Top comment, you're the asshole.

I was going to say not the asshole until I got to the part where you said that you guys have separate accounts and a joint account and she is buying the burgers from her own money. We aren't buying the burgers. She is from her separate money. Does she mic buying the burgers. She is, from her separate money. Does she micromanage how you spend your money? What if she instead just gave her sister $45 a week from her own money in exchange for no burgers?

What business is that of yours? Yeah, exactly. What? What business? None. I see the thing is, in a different world, I think at a certain point, if you have a partner that's greatly outspending their means, you as a good partner could step in and say, hey, you know, have you considered how you're spending your money?

Yeah. Um, and not to control them, but more to be that helpful hand as a partner. For sure. Which obviously this is nowhere near. But I do think there are cases where that exists. Absolutely. This on the other hand is just blatant, like just disrespect, control, just weird vibes. Yeah, there's another comment down.

The top one, by the way, did get 33k upvotes. The next one down has 22k. Call me a dick, but even if it's a joint account, the fact that OP said they can comfortably afford them and that they have no preexisting beef with a sister-in-law, then just buy them, man. It's a sweet thing to do. Wife doesn't need to cook or clean up,

and you can help out sister-in-law without it seeming like charity. Like, damn. And that's the thing, like, she probably is nervous about being a single parent and just despite having a nine to five, wants to make sure there's an extra nest egg. Like, I was just looking up maternity leave in the US and not all states have like mandated maternity leaves even.

There's very few that have laws and there is like a family leave medical act but you have to use like your own PTO and then it's unpaid. It's like how can you afford to essentially stay home with your baby, take care of a baby, nurse a baby, bond with a baby, do all these things, eat, buy diapers, buy formula if you need it, all of these things? You know, the average mom should, I think, I think every mom should stay home for at. And if that is what this woman is doing, and she's not getting a paid maternity leave for more than maybe four weeks, how is she going to afford that? Like the average person does not have a big lump

in their savings account. So yeah, she is nervous. She's selling these burgers, which good for her. What a fucking hustler. And for him to kind of like shit on that or control that, account. So yeah, she is nervous. She's selling these burgers, which good for her. What a fucking hustler. And for him to kind of like shit on that or control that, I would want a partner that like saw my sister doing this and was like, let's go, get the kids in the car. I got the burgers this week. Or hey, no, no, no, you stay home today, babe. I'll go grab the burgers. I'll take the kids. I'll get them out of the house for a little bit.

I'll say hi to your sister. Like that's how it should be. You guys are a family. That's your sister-in-law. Chime in. Chime in, you're gonna be in that village because she is a single mom and your wife is obviously close with her.

That's your village, dude. Buck the fuck up. Yeah, well, he's all like, oh, she's still being upset and not talking to me. And yeah, I would too. She is hurt. Well, but also this doesn't feel like it's a, you know, completely contained issue. This is scary because it could lend itself to so many other scenarios where... I know.

Is this an overarching issue of control? It just feels bigger to me. It feels like a bigger issue that needs to be addressed because something's not lining up. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure he's controlling another aspects of her spending. And thank God she has a personal account because then it would probably be worse. A $9 burger is actually pretty affordable. Like I feel like the average burger these days is like $14.

And I've seen them as high as 20. A $9 burger, no wonder they're selling out. They taste good and it feels like a deal. There's a lot of comments on this one that are really interesting. Someone goes, it sounds like he doesn't support her choice to be a single mom. Either that or like you say, he doesn't really like her.

I think it's the fact that Sister-in-law has a nine to five job and OP views that as a proper job, whereas flipping burgers is not. Someone here goes, I worked at a restaurant where the owner had just sold his food truck selling burgers. 200K in profit annually. Owned and operated the thing by himself.

Yeah. Wow. It could be something between him and the sister-in-law. Holy shit. Sorry, there's a comment here. I just got to get this out. A friend opened a tiny burger joint on a busy strip, maybe 10 indoor seats, and sells 100k a week

in just burgers, soft serve, and cheap beer. Wow. It's our time. I'm gonna start flipping burgers. I could make a burger. Franchise. I could make a burger. Yeah what would you call it? I don't know. Let me think about that. I just didn't know if you had something you know. No. Already going. No but I can make a real good. I'll learn how to cook for 100K a week. Someone replied to it though and goes,

he forgot to mention the part about money laundering. I mean, I think it's, you always see people judging occupations or careers when they know nothing about them. You don't know, like he obviously doesn't know any of that probably. So that's what, you know, maybe some of the comments are onto something with the fact that he is some sort of dislike for her or what she's doing or her situation.

But it's all a lot of red flags that the wife really needs to kind of consider. Yeah, and I think there's a comment here that points out one of the red flags I do want to talk about. Seems like he doesn't even care about his nuclear family much. His wife benefits from not having to cook. I don't see anywhere where he is offering to cook instead. He doesn't give a shit what his wife wants. And that is one thing that we talked about early on, but didn't really get into it.

She has the recipe. She could cook at home. It's cheaper to buy all these ingredients. Why aren't you offering? Why is it all on her? It's because it's not about the money. I'm so annoyed. The OP did delete their account. I don't see any comments from OP anywhere. And I don't think we're gonna get an update on this one because he doesn't seem like the type of guy to admit fault. Yeah, I'm not getting that vibe from him for some reason.

How he's find it funny the stories that are looking for such support. I know I'm right. I can't wait for all the comments to tell me I'm right. Just in delusion. Go fuck yourself. Okay, moving along. Another one of this week's partners is Rocket Money.

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That's rocketmoney.com slash THT. Rocketmoney.com slash THT. This next one is coming from relationship advice. It is five hours old, titled 35 male husband tricked me, 35 female, and blamed a roommate for his messes. Now we are married and I'm discovering he's messy and won't take accountability. I feel trapped and tricked. What do I do next? We have dated five years and been married eight months, both mid-30s. Before marriage,

I knew he had a very messy apartment. He blamed his roommates. He was saving to buy a home, thus the roommates. After marriage, I discovered that not only is he more messy than I realized, but also blames people for his messes. He tosses anything he uses on the floor when he is done and makes no attempt to put anything away. Before living with him, my home was always guest-ready because I cleaned as I went.

Now I haven't had time for my hobbies for months because I spend so much time cleaning up after him. Meanwhile, he goes out with the guys two nights every week while I stay home and try to get the home in order. I feel like I need a day's notice to get the house presentable. It is the most shameful thing. I know I can't make him change, but I would have given him a choice if I had realized it sooner, pick up after himself or find a more traditional wife. Now I am scared to speak up because he claims I knew he was like this, even though he lied to me to seem more clean. I don't know if I can make this work.

I am not interested in hiring a cleaning service because this is an issue of respect more than anything. What do I do?" I'm sorry, this is no wife's job. No. I'd be going nuts. I could not deal with this. And I don't, there's no one out there that should have to deal with this ever. This, oh my God, I would go crazy. You literally like, it'd be like you finishing that drink and just, and just leaving it. I've been in situations where I can relate

to the needing a day's notice to kind of clean up and get it presentable. Yeah. But that's just not a way I want to live. There's something about living in a clean space that just makes every aspect of being there better. It just is, I think having a clean room, apartment, house, whatever, is so good for your mental health.

This guy sounds like a complete jackass. Picking up after him constantly, it sounds like a complete jackass. Picking up after him constantly, it sounds like what she is, is a housekeeper that he gets to fuck. He didn't want a partner, he wanted a wife that did all of his dirty work, literally, and he gets to fuck. He goes out with his friends two nights a week, meanwhile she can't even do any of her hobbies because she's constantly cleaning up after him. Hell no. I would enact the O-wealth clause.

Anything that gets taken out of his and dropped on the floor, not put away, I'm going to start hiding that shit. I'm going to put it in garbage bags. It's going to go into a closet or the garage. And you know what? I'm not picking up after you anymore. You're

going to lose your shit. So you think it's not just garbage? No, I would be really, really, really pissed if someone threw my stuff away. So I don't think that I think that would be taking it too far. But I literally would start like if you leave it out and I'm cleaning, I'm not putting it away for you. It's going in a bin and it's getting out of my fucking face. This is the old well cause. And then when he starts, where's my stuff?

Oh, you didn't put it away. So I put it in a bin that I just don't know where to put stuff. Or you could send the message and say, oh, I thought it was on the floor. So I thought you were just wanting, it was garbage. So I just threw it away. Because you didn't actually throw it away, but maybe try and send the floor. So I thought you were just wanting, it was garbage. So I just threw it away. Yeah. Because you didn't actually throw it away, but maybe try and send the message.

I think so. And some might call that petty. Some might say, oh, why aren't you communicating? Sit down, tell them how you feel. It sounds like she's tried that. And he gas lit her and said, the wife knew that he was like this, even though he was the one that actually lied

and kind of like gas lit her. Oh, it's my roommates mess No, it was him. So she has brought it up and nothing's gonna change. He's comfortable. Why would it change? Yeah so I think that's where you have to kind of you have to get a little petty you have to get a little off-script and Crafty and how you deal with this. Yeah, otherwise if it doesn't get solved, this is deal breaker. I'm done with that. It would be for me. I would not be able to constantly pick up after someone else.

I would go crazy. I would go crazy. I'm not a maid. If you want kids with someone, you're already going to have to do that with kids because kids are perfect. Because he's not your kid. And that's the thing. He's not acting like it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just, this is not a partner. I'm curious what the state of his room was when he had roommates, because then can you blame the mess in your room on your roommates? Maybe. That would be interesting. Or if that was the one place where you was kind of put together.

Top comment, you file an annulment and walk away. Which I think that would be fair, honestly. I mean, if you try and say, because everyone learns these things when they move in with someone, you got to work out the kinks. Yeah. You got to get to the point where you can both cohabitate and both be happy with your living situation.

If you've tried and just said, Hey, can you not just throw your shit on the floor and just put things back where they belong? And then there's just no change then 100%. I know. So I did refresh. The top comment has since changed. It is now, why would you be scared to speak up? You don't think you and your home deserve respect? Next comment, this right here. Exactly what is she afraid of? She feels tricked because she was, and now he is blaming her.

Someone explain Darvo and link that book by Lindy. Clearly I saw this post too early. She explained it very clearly in the post why she's scared. He already turned it around on her once and he did. He said, you knew what you're getting into. He like basically gaslit her. So, no. It's his time.

I don't know. Like, I don't know if you can change someone. Like, it's hard because everyone might be going through something at times. Like, if you have a mental health thing, like, obviously you might be a little messier. You might not have that motivation to clean. But if he is genuinely just a messy person and is now like, I have someone picking up after me, that's fine. Why would he change?

He doesn't have to. Right, I mean, if he's in his own space and doesn't have a partner or someone else living there, then do what you want. I mean, you might end up on the show Hoarders, but you're free to do what you want and live whatever lifestyle you wanna live. But when you have someone there that's living with you,

have the respect to at least consider their living situation too. Yeah. I don't know. I think I liked the original top comment I read, file the annulment. This is like, you're gonna just bang your head up against a wall for years.

He's not gonna change. I don't think couples therapy would change him. And it's something so small. Like when you think about it, oh, like, he's just kind of messy, but it's not just he's kind of messy. Imagine like I took out a cup and I didn't use the cup and I left on the counter.

And then I went to the other cabinet and I took out the crackers and I left them on the counter and then I went in the bathroom. That all adds up and it's so easy to just put the crackers away. It's so easy to put that cup away. It's really about the lack of respect. Yeah. You can't do this forever. No.

There's no way. OP deleted their account. I don't think we're going to get an update on this one, unfortunately. Deleted the post actually. Now it's totally gone. So weird. I think she saw the advice coming in and just maybe got a little scared that he would find it.

I don't know. Maybe it's not the healthiest of relationships by the sound of it, but wish her luck. I really hope we get an update sometime soon. But moving along. Another one of this week's partners is Dipsey. I am just dabbling my toes in Akatar. And I'm sure I have some romance novel readers out there, but what do you do on the days when you're driving

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can save your favorites so they're easy to pull up. For listeners of the show, Dipsey is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipseysstories.com slash THT. That's 30 days of full access for free when you go to D-I-P-S-E-A stories.com slash THT. dipsystories.com slash THT. This next one's also coming from relationship advice. We're really dabbling on this side of things today because the titles are just like, they're so,

they're so juicy. Boyfriend male 33 slept with someone else the same day we had our first date, female 27. Not sure how to feel. So back in February, my boyfriend and I had our first date. We had gotten drinks, apps, and then went to the bars afterwards. We did end up having sex that night.

In the morning, we woke up, had sex, and went to go and get brunch and talk. When he was dropping me off after getting food, we both agreed we'd had a really fun time and were planning to see each other again. Fast forward five months, and I recently found out that he had texted a different girl good morning while I was in his bed and asked her to spend the day with him. Well, that girl didn't reply, so he asked a different girl on a date him. Well, that girl didn't reply, so he asked a different girl on a date. Turns out he took this other girl to a fancy restaurant

and to an arcade type bar afterwards. They ended up kissing, at least he says that's all they did. I'm hurt now because the entire duration of our relationship, we would always say that it was so special how we, quote, never saw anyone else since the day we met

each other. That was at least true on my end. He also became upset with me once during an argument because he saw I had texted, hey, back to a male two days after our date. He made me apologize and called me names. He swore on his dad's cancer that he never entertained any other girls since the day we met, which we know is a lie. It's been a hard week after finding this out, mainly due to the fact he lied to me so many times and how stupid I feel now always saying that we were special for never wanting to explore other people since our initial date. He thinks I'm overreacting and it's not a big deal. I'm not sure what would be the normal reaction here. Okay, that was a bit of a roller coaster because at first it seemed like we were talking about more before we're exclusive. Yeah. Things happening and kind of that's just what happens when you start dating around, and before you become exclusive with someone,

when you're dating them, you gotta have some expectation of that stuff going on. You know, it happens to all of us. That would have been fair and fine. If he would have had relations with someone the day after they dated and liked that person, but they weren't exclusive yet. I mean, they had one date.

That would have been totally fine. But it's everything he did lying that he never saw anyone else after. And then when he found out that she had texted a dude, hey, two days after, he made her apologize and swore on his dad's cancer. Of all things to swear on. That he never entertained anyone. Sir, you clearly entertained her.

You took her to dinner in an arcade and kissed her. You might not have slept with someone, but you inter... What? Sounds pretty entertaining to me. This is a run situation for me. This is run. This is weird, controlling. I don't like it.

I don't like it. This is too quirky. This is quirky enough for concern. How far five or six months we're away from all this? I don't like it. This is too quirky. This is quirky enough for concern. How far five or six months were away from all this? They've been dating five months since, yeah, that happened. Yeah, see, we're very early in. We're just dipped our toes in. Get out now.

I mean, he would have to, I mean, five months, a lot of times you could say you don't really know someone, but you have a good idea of like at least a little bit, if they're your vibe. You're getting a good idea now with all this happening. Yeah, so I guess it's not, it's definitely at a great place to back out without it being complicated.

Yeah. And it's hard, it's just hard to know if this is a once-off, like a one-off type issue, or if this speaks to larger character flaws. I think it does. And I'm also kind of concerned how he even found that hay from the other dude. And I'm curious how she found all of this out.

How does she know that he texted another girl while she was in his bed and she didn't respond? Are they mutually going through each other's phones? And if that's the case, why? This doesn't, like like it's not healthy. If you have a suspicion, why do you have that suspicion? I mean, this is there's some weird, there's weird shit going on here. And it's, it's too early for that. It is too early. It's too early for that. You got a long life. You're going to be with someone for the haul, and they're acting this goofy up front? Get out. Get out.

Top comment. He swore on his dad's cancer and he lied? I'd be running in the opposite direction so far, I'd end up in Argentina. Next comment. I'm trying to track the logic here, but if he swore on his dad's cancer and lied, he might have been trying to kill the cancer.

Next comment, it's a Hail Mary play, but he went for it. Wow, what a guy. Someone goes, I'm in Argentina. Where do I run? Canada? Don't come here. It's horrible. Trust me, buddy.

People are just funny in the comments. There is another comment. The fact that he slept with someone else on the same day you met is irrelevant. And they quote the fact that OP said, he made me apologize and call me names. After the fact he found out, OP texted the guy, hey, this is not irrelevant. He is cruel, a liar, and a huge hypocrite.

Why are you staying with him? Someone responds, here, OP, dear God, had sex, slept overnight with you, then texted two other women and had sex with one? What the fuck? Take the trash to the curb. You're insane to waste another moment with this deceitful, lying asshole.

Someone goes, I actually don't think he cheated, technically, because they weren't exclusive at the time, but that is absolutely buried in the mountain of red flags. That is the way he lied about it and harassed you for texting other guys. Why lie? Why not say our first date was really special? And also whenever we became exclusive, sometime later was also special. Yuck. No. Trying to see if there's any comments. This is a wild one. I also find it interesting too that OP does say like,

he slept with someone else the same day we had our first date, but then the guy's claiming to only have kissed that person. Yeah. Which like- Yeah, there was a discrepancy. OP doesn't even believe him. So you don't trust him.

All the more reason to fucking put your running shoes on and get out of there. Yeah. Oh God. So someone comments, how did you find out? And OP responds, he ended up adding the girl back and was Snapchatting her in front of me. So I glanced and got her name, then messaged her on Facebook. Extremely nice girl too. She was just as surprised and sent me screenshots and proof of everything.

Very appreciative of the way she responded. So she knows they had sex. This other girl and her are talking and he's still lying. It's time. I'm done. I'm not reading another fucking thing. Unless there's another really good comment. Oh my gosh, what a nut. So this girl apparently sent her every text that they had had since February.

And oh yeah, he asked her to hang out nine days straight once before she rejected him. So who knows if he even wanted me anyways or if I was the one that stuck. True. Girl, please go, please go. I do hate that about dating. Even once you become exclusive

and you're getting into it with someone, you really don't know them for a long time. No, and it is fair to see other people if you haven't had that exclusivity talk. Well, yeah. That's kind of a part of dating. But even once you get exclusive and you're deep in it, still, or even the nightmare of people

changing after engagement or after marriage, it just is so scary how someone who's supposed to be the closest person, your best friend, really, can just change or their true colors come out much later. I know. It's like psychology. I don't know what it is. They feel like they have that person locked in and then they feel that they can change

or be their true self. It's baffling to me. This is all kind of reminded me of group T this weekend and one of our newer members of the unhinged tier, Madison. And she was telling us, I think she, I'm so bad with remembering numbers sometimes, but she had gotten engaged to her boyfriend. They've been together for seven years,

got engaged at five years, and immediately after getting engaged, he just flipped. So she gave back the ring and said, I'm not, something's up here. Like we're not, I'm not gonna marry you, but is now kind of like still going through that, that breakup even later. And it's like, I get why it's so hard to end things

and break up because she had five years before the engagement of him being amazing, perfect. And you're like, I know this person. This person's everything. And then all of a sudden you get engaged and they change. Was the five years fake? Like my mind would feel so messed up. And then like trying to go forward with that. Like, my mind would feel so messed up.

And then like trying to go forward with that. It's like your sense of, you know, perception of people that's really hard to deal with. So for this guy, like she's thinking that they're so special. You know, after our first date, he was into me and we were it. I mean, you, after our first date, you told your friend to print the wedding invites. I did, yeah.

So like- I knew. You knew. You didn't know, I knew. So it's just, you know, I do see how that would feel special and feel, you know, make you feel more connected, but that is not it.

And she's, she's gotta call it. That is pretty crazy though. She's got to call it. That I got back in the car and I was like, I'm going to marry this girl. That's really cute. That's actually just crazy. After the first date.

Cause I had never said that. I'd never said that statement in my life. Not even about my ex. I don't like, what was it? Our first date, like. I don't know. It was pretty chill. Honestly, I think it was before.

The only thing I can remember about that, not about the date, but about that statement is the moment when I was sitting at the bar like with just a drink waiting for you and I was watching some kind of sports game, something. And I remember just looking to the right cause I kept looking to see if you were showing up or when you were showing up, not if.

When, yeah. And I remember just turning and seeing you for the first time. And it was something about just that moment. Do you remember what I was wearing? I think you were wearing a blue denim jacket and I think you had some kind of white shirt under, and then some sort of necklace.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I had like a white off the shoulder top, and then a denim jacket, jeans. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. And here we are.

There was just something about you walking in that I think then was reinforced by us talking and hanging out for the next two hours. That all culminated into that. It's crazy. Yeah. Five and a half years later, our sixth anniversary of that first date is like coming up. It's like a month away. Nuts.

We all look at what exact day it was. I think it was August 24th. It was it was. I think it was August 24th. It was 20 something. I think it was the 24th. Yeah, because it was just after my birthday. Yeah, I think it was the 24th because then I went up to Duluth for my mom's birthday, which is the 26th. Yeah, crazy. Okay, speaking of weddings, because that's kind of where we're headed now.

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Disclaimer, $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower over 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. This is coming from Amity Asshole, three hours old. It is titled, Would I be the Asshole if I Didn't Let My Sister Wear Her Wedding Dress to My Wedding?

Three years ago, my sister's 36th female, fiance, died in a work accident, four months before they were supposed to get married. They had been together for a long time and had a kid together. The only reason they didn't marry earlier is money. This was obviously a horrible experience for her, and she's understandably very upset about never getting to marry the love of her life. I, 27 male, recently got engaged.

At first, I was pretty hesitant to bring up the wedding around my sister because I didn't want to upset her or bring up any bad memories, but she was really excited about it and immediately started helping me to plan. She loves weddings and pretty clearly was interested in my wedding being similar to her own idea of a perfect wedding. I didn't mind this because I'm not nearly as good at this type of thing and she took my vetoes with grace.

A week ago, she brought up the idea of her wearing the dress she bought for her own wedding to mine. My mother, who's usually very strict on traditions like not wearing white to a wedding, thought it was a great idea. She argued that because I'm marrying another man, no one would mistake her for the bride and it would let my sister have the wedding experience she always wanted. I think she'd stand out a lot like that. My sister will be my maid of honor, best woman, and the plan was for her dress to match my

fiancé's best man. I did do my best to be conscious of my sister's loss. I don't mind something to honor her fiance, like an empty chair or a memorial table dedicated to him. I offered her some bride experiences that she missed out on, like the father-daughter dance. I just feel like a full wedding dress is a lot, and the idea makes me a bit uncomfortable. I feel bad for being bothered by it

because a wedding isn't nearly as important to me as it is to her. I'd have been fine just getting legally married with no ceremony or anything, so I don't know why the thought of my sister wearing what she wants even upsets me. I know my sister would accept it if I said no, but she's so excited about the idea and she's pretty set on never remarrying so this is probably her only opportunity to wear this dress. I brought it up to my mom that I was hesitant to say yes and she got really upset with me and accused me of being jealous of her and needing all of the attention.

So would I be the asshole? I wasn't going to start here but we're going to start on the last statement. Okay. That is statement. Okay. That is ridiculous. Yeah. Come on. Really? Also-

Oh, you're jealous and you want all these- it's my fucking wedding day. Yeah. What, what do you mean? It's quite literally about him. It's about him and his fucking fiance, future husband. Like this is not, it's even if you don't like attention, having a wedding is not about then getting attention. It's about celebrating your love and having a party

and a good time with all of your friends and family. But in all reality, it is about you. It is. Your name is on the invite. Your name is the event. Literally your name is about you. It is. Your name is on the invite. Your name is the event. Literally your name is the event. I'm also really confused how that would make him jealous. Like how does that make him jealous?

It makes no sense. But I do think OP is doing absolutely everything right. It's all the things we would suggest. Yeah, such a good brother. It's everything. It's all of the above. And I think I will agree the dress is too far. It just is.

It's too much. What, you know, I get wanting to wear the dress and it's pretty rare to have a reason outside of a wedding to wear a wedding dress. But there's just got to be something else we can do to somehow be able to wear that dress. That's what I was thinking. And let's do the other ways to honor. Let's do all the other ways. But it's just the dress is just a step too far. It just is confusing. Like, yeah, no one would mistake it because everyone knows who you are.

But it, you know, when a flash of white runs by you're like, Oh, the bride. Oh, no, not the bride. I don't know how to put it into words, but it just feels not right. It's not, it doesn't feel kosher. And I think it's fine. Like your family knows all of the but it just feels not right for the day. It doesn't feel kosher. And I think it's fine, like your family knows all of the history and everything and like why she's wearing this dress and you know, whatever, but this isn't just about your family, your fiance's family. There's a whole other half to this side of things.

There's people that are going to show up and be like, why the fuck is that woman in a wedding dress? Or they're gonna be like marrying two people. I mean, it's just- It's a three way wedding. It's odd. It's very odd. I get why you feel uncomfortable about it.

I get why like it's not, it's hard to put feelings on why you're upset about it, but it makes sense, like, oh, pee in this, right? Right. Well, and it's really hard because I am very sorry for your loss. Oh, just tragic.

And I cannot imagine, but it isn't your wedding day. No. You know, I'm sure some people have done it. I'm sure it's happened, but just he doesn't want it. It's his day. Yeah. It's at the end of the day, it's whoever's getting married's choice.

Final say on anything. They've come up with every other perfect solution I know. And everything, so. That's what I really did like about this post. It wasn't just a hard no, because I think a lot of people could do that, and they would still, in a lot of cases,

be right in their feelings because it is their day. But OP was so generous. He was like, you can have the father-daughter dance. You can have a whole memorial table at our wedding for him. You can do all of this other stuff. And I don't think a lot of people would do that, to give up a father-daughter dance on your wedding day. Like, not everyone would be comfortable doing that.

So that was beautiful. I think the other thing I could suggest is like, she's already getting her hair and makeup done for this wedding likely. I would maybe say, hey, like you can bring the dress, put it on and have our photographer get some pictures of you in it, like a stylized like little shoot, you know, you can borrow some flowers or whatever, but you can't wear

it when you're standing next to me. I just think that's too much. I'd prefer you to match, you know, the best man on the other side. That would just make my day happier and go from there. You know, hopefully she respects it. She still gets to kind of wear the dress and then gets the father daughter dance and kind of have more of a complete picture, but you're not wearing the dress while he's getting married. I think that's a key thing that I don't think should happen.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what it would feel like to wear a wedding dress to something that isn't your wedding. No, it's unacceptable. No, I know, but just with this situation and the emotions around it, I'm curious why she's excited about that because I feel like on some level,

it would make me almost feel sad to wear it in a way where there's a bunch of other ways we can honor what's happened and the loss and being excited about the wedding and helping plan that's all so awesome, but it's just physically wearing the dress of the wedding. I don't know necessarily how much you'll get from doing that. I think it would bring up a lot of negative feelings

for her, honestly. I think wearing the dress, it's not about you. You're not marrying this guy. He is gone. I think that could cause an emotional meltdown, panic attack, complete takeover of the day, turmoil. If it were me, it certainly would for me. I would not be able to keep it together. Because you'd look down and be like, this is what it was supposed to be like. Yeah. I just think it's safer to do a stylized shoot, have bridal makeup, hair, do a shoot.

Your kid can be involved. Like make that about you in a day and, you know, I don't know. Well, maybe someone special could wear that dress in the future. Yeah. And that could be a meaningful moment or, you know, there's other ways it doesn't have to die here.

For sure. For sure. Top comment, not the asshole. Even if it is a gay wedding, I think it would be weird and definitely confusing to have someone, especially your sister, especially standing next to you as your maid of honor slash best woman in a white wedding gown.

Would it look less weddingy if it were dyed a different color? Perhaps. Would she be willing to do that? I think it's awesome and very loving and kind of you and your fiance to be willing to give her a few wedding-ish experiences like a father-daughter dance and such. I feel for your sister. But yeah, it's totally inappropriate to wear a white wedding gown to your wedding, especially if you two aren't 100% comfortable and approving of it. And seeing it written out like that, one, I'm really pissed that the mom is trying to gaslight him

and be like, it's a gay wedding. Oh my God, no one's in a bridal dress. They won't, you know, they'll clearly know it's not, she's not getting married. Yeah. Doesn't matter if it's a gay wedding, it's his wedding. Don't detract from the day. And two, it is reminding me of Schitt's Creek. Alexis wore a white wedding dress and she was walking David down the aisle.

Like, it's Schitt's Creek. It was funny. Like that was a TV show. It was about comedy. Like it was a TV show. It was about comedy. Like it was a skit essentially, right? This is not that. And I'm really curious about her wedding dress looks like too. Same.

Cause that could also make or break the thing. The dying it's not a bad idea. Dying it is a great idea. Yeah. But I have a feeling it's so sentimental to her that she wants to keep it in its pristine, perfect condition. Probably. Yeah.

OP does say though, I appreciate the suggestion. I'll ask her about dying it. I think she was just excited about the idea of wearing the dress and didn't fully realize how it would realistically come together. Yeah, true. So someone goes, not the asshole. If the situations were reversed, your mom wouldn't want someone else wearing a wedding dress to your sister's wedding, nothing should take away attention from the couple getting married. I would

honestly question your mom about why she thinks it's okay to take away attention from you. Does she deep down not believe this is a real wedding? And OP responds, I don't think it's homophobia if that's what you're asking. I think the mindset was more, quote, you can't wear white to a wedding because you don't want to upstage the bride. And there is no bride to upstage, so it's fine, rather than not viewing the marriage as legitimate. We don't get along very well, but my sexuality has nothing to do with it.

Someone else goes after that. I think he might be onto something, but I'm not really going to touch on that right now. There's a comment right above here that says, it might trigger some mental breakdown. And he's absolutely right. She's going to be standing up there at the altar in her wedding dress and her fiance is not coming and she's going to lose it.

There's an excellent chance she will fall to the ground sobbing and who could blame her? It would be cruel as hell to put somebody through this. So I don't even get where she thinks this is a good idea, but it's going to be a giant slap in the face and she's going to fall apart in front of everybody. So the comment that they were kind of highlighting was the comment above OP's response to the other comment. Makes sense if you're looking at it. It's kind of a little puzzle here, but that comment just highlights

the fact that it's gonna probably destroy her, like the love of her life has passed. This is folly. If anything, this whole setup for failure idea might trigger some mental breakdown in the middle of OP's wedding. And that's kind of what we said. Like, I don't think this would end up being the cheery happy moment she thinks it is. Yeah.

It's exciting, but you don't know what it's like when you're actually there. And OP does have a comment here. A, my sister gets very emotional even when she doesn't expect to. She'd be sobbing the entire time and then get embarrassed about sobbing the entire time, which would make her cry more. I love her so much, but she is a huge crier. B, my fiance has a lot of family flying in from Europe. I don't know how we'd even begin to explain, hey, just ignore the crying lady wearing a wedding dress. Yeah.

Oh, so sad. I'm worried people would be awkward about it and she'd pick up on that and get even more embarrassed. I just don't think any of the experience would be as fun as she's imagining. Yep. I love OP. I think he is such an amazing advocate for his sister

and what is best for her, even if she doesn't see it yet. I think this is gonna be a beautiful day. She's gonna get some great nods for her fiance, like some great memorial things, a father daughter dance. I'm sure she'll cry and she can cry. You know, it's good to cry. But I think... You cry at weddings.

I cry at every wedding, every wedding. I've been crying watching the Olympics. I cried the other night watching Barbie again at the Hollywood Bowl. They had like an all-woman orchestra playing the score for Barbie as the movie played. Cried literally before it even started. Everyone was wearing pink and like, you just looked around the bowl and it was just like such a- I mean, it was just really cool though.

That was powerful. It was so powerful. I'm crying. Like I'm a crier. I cry all the time. I love to cry sometimes, but- Well, and he said that she would, he presumed she would accept it and be fine.

And so I think that's the way to approach it. I think so. He presumed she would accept it and be fine. And so I think that's the way to approach it and then lead with some of those other ideas. I think this is gonna work out really well. I'm really proud of OP for standing his ground and also really advocating for his sister in a way that's not gonna cause her to have a mental breakdown.

Yeah. This one I really like. Me too. If I'm like so scared, I say that now, but watch we get an update like a month from now and it's just like, everything went to shit. Nah. I had that the other day on an episode that's coming.

It was so good and then bam, update just crushed. Just sometimes it happens. This one is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. It is titled, am I the asshole for telling my boyfriend that he's allowed to sleep with other guys while he's away in the military? Hi everyone, my male 23, boyfriend male 24, have been dating for four years now. He is leaving for the military in two weeks.

As we're preparing for his departure, one night I brought up the conversation of him being allowed to sleep with other guys while he's away. I know, not from personal experience but from things I've read, the military is hard for so many men, so I thought by offering this idea to him he would be allowed to relieve himself when he felt like it. He got up from the dinner table and raised his voice telling me, quote, how dare I think he's capable of doing that. I was honestly surprised and taken back at his reaction, because he's very sex driven.

We have sex about four days out of the week because he wants to. He went to our room and has been giving me the cold shoulder for a couple of days. I talked to my best friend, female 23, and explained the situation and she thought that maybe he might have taken it as if I wanted an open relationship. In no way am I trying to sleep with other men while he's away. Not very sex driven. Just giving him that option in case he really wants to have sex with anyone while he's away. So that way he won't feel guilty or having thoughts that he cheated. I don't know what to do because I don't want him leaving to the military without this issue being resolved. This is our first big fight. This just sounds like we need to have a coming together, a big conversation because both

of those ideas seemed absolutely correct. The way he probably perceived it being completely different from the way you were intending because yeah, that is the first thought. Yeah. A, okay, wait, you think I want to have relations with other people and B, my first thought is, why would you want this? Oh, probably because you wanna do that too while I'm away.

Totally natural, easy to think both of those. So it's, have we not clarified? Are we not communicating to come together and just say, hey, by the way, when I said that I meant this and I was in no way trying to cause any hurt or harm to you or us. I just, it was just an idea because I had seen this and that thought that might be a good idea.

But obviously it was just a lapse of judgment and totally off base and I'm sorry I upset you, but no, I don't want to have an open relationship. I have no interest in seeing anybody while you're gone. And you know what? After thinking about it, I really do love us. I love our relationship and yeah, maybe we just stay just us. Yeah, I mean, I think anyone's head could go there. Like, oh, so you're giving me a pass to cheat?

Like, what does that mean you're gonna do? And so like what good insight that that best friend had like telling him that because it didn't register to him. But if you would have asked me like, oh, you know, on that girls trip, you know, feel free to, you know, do whatever. I'd me like, oh, you know on that girls trip, you know, feel free to You know do whatever I'd be like well why right like what's the motive behind offering that like that's random Yeah, like well, what are you gonna do? Like you're you don't care if I go do that. Yeah, you're just cool about it

Is that because you're falling out of love with me and you don't care or you're already cheating? Right your head is could go so many downward spiral bad places. So, yeah, I get why he would initially be upset. That's kind of... It seems very reasonable. Well, yeah, because you just have so many doubts. Yeah, and so I get he's trying to be a good partner and just anticipate his needs. He's got a very high sex drive.

He's going to be in the military. There's, you know, a lot of stress. You're always with these people. There might be some other guys that he, whatever. I get that it's a kind thing, but there should have been more of a conversation as you offer something like that. Or at least dip your toe in before you go all,

before you cannonball in. Yeah. By saying, hey, there's ways to tip toe around subjects without bringing them up like that. For sure. Like, oh, I heard a lot of people, you know, people's partners in the military will have hall passes, whatever, however.

Yeah. And you kind of get the context and their opinion kind of like you do discussing too hot take stories with people you're close with. Like how you can talk to a parent about things you never would, right? In this case, you can kind of do that without being like, you know what? While you're out there, go do whatever you want. Because that's just zero to 100.

I know. And I mean, I can't imagine it would be hard. I give military couples so much props to be separated from your loved one, your family. I mean, that is tough. Being deployed for months on end. Well, and it's, right, because there's no break. It's just extended time away. No, and like, your leave can be so short and then you're back on deployment.

I mean, it is very, very tough. Hey, don't envy you guys. You really make a big sacrifice doing that. So I get where, you know, OP's head was at, but at the same time, like you got to communicate a little better. Okay. Top comment. It's clear from his reaction that your boyfriend couldn't,

in good conscience, sleep around, even if you give permission. To him, I'm guessing it would still feel like an awful thing to do. And he sounds insulted that you'd think him capable of doing awful things. I would just apologize, say you meant well, but clearly it wasn't the right suggestion.

And you are happy to continue as things are and hope he'll forgive you any unintended insult given." Yeah. Next comment, I agree. He was probably thinking of something sweet like, wait for me. And OP came at him with, do whatever. And it's quite sad.

And I'm sure he was insulted and hurt. Next comment, there's an update. In a comment? They mentioned the comment and I didn't read past that. They're like, if you read the update, and so I'm like, let's get to the update. Let's get to the update. Update.

Hello everyone, again, OP here. After reading y'all's comments on the original post, I have seen where I went wrong bringing this topic up and how it could have been taken. And now I agree, I messed up really, really bad. I have asked him if he is willing to go for breakfast tomorrow at his favorite place, and he agreed. Before anything, I did tell him I wanted to talk about the whole permission situation

as not to be blindside him, and he agreed. I will take the advice of commenters and one, apologize and take full responsibility of how it was wrong of me assuming the worst and two, we'll indeed kiss up to him. I have a full day of activities we both like if breakfast goes well. I will keep you all updated on how it goes. Nice. Good plan. Update two. Oh no. Not the update I thought I would be giving, but here it goes. I'm so nervous.

I'm like sweating. We went for breakfast on Saturday. It was going well until I brought up the topic. I told him I wanted to apologize for the comment I made last time. And I know I shouldn't have said that because now that I look back, it shows very mixed emotions and the delivery sucked. He said, and I quote, it's okay, I guess I overreacted

because it took away the thrill. I asked him what he meant by thrill. He said that he was potentially going to try it one time just to see how it was, but now wouldn't. He just wanted to see how it was, but now wouldn't. He just wanted to see how it would be. I got taken aback, almost spitting out my drink, since I never thought he had thought about it previously.

I left it at that. We finished our breakfast and just left home. I hadn't told him about all of the other activities, so he didn't know. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting, since I had given him permission initially. What did I get myself into? I'm not sure if I'm overreacting, since I had given him permission initially. What did I get myself into? So, wait, when did that idea happen? He thought about it before OP even mentioned,

like, you could sleep with other people. So just like, oh, by the way, I was just going to go for it without saying anything? Yeah, so he was just going to cheat. And the reason... Why would you? What? Yeah, and. And the reason... Why would you... What? Yeah, and the reason he got that...

Why would you say that? I'd vomit, word diarrhea, I don't know, word vomit, whatever that saying is. And literally... Diarrhea? And I quote, it's okay, I guess I overreacted because it took away the thrill. So you just wanted the thrill of cheating, but now that your partner gave you permission to sleep with other people while you're away, it's wrecked for you, it's ruined.

Well, here's the thing, proud of you for that by the way. It hurts me. Here's the one thing I will say is I respect the honesty because we're saving each other time at this point. I was gonna cheat, you know what? Let's just put it all out there. Let's save ourselves some time. I was gonna cheat. I figured we'd be done anyway. So let's get it over with.

Dude, what is wrong with him? I mean, that is communication. That's communication. Not really like the way you want to communicate, but that is, that's communication. It's just, it's just like, I thought we're going to go into this apologizing because you were so offended that I, you know, put our relationship in the crossfire, but okay. We're going here. Yeah, I think honestly, this might be one,

it's hard because if you really love him, but he basically just admitted he was planning on cheating on you. So- I don't know if you really love him. How do you trust going forward? I know. What if you both agree like, oh yeah,

yeah, no, we're good, we're gonna keep us. He goes off, how do you know shit's not happening? You would never know. I don't know. This is really crazy for me. I think this would probably be break up worthy. Like it's so weird, right? Because OP even says,

can I even be upset because I did initially give him permission to do this? Yes, you can be upset because it's completely different than the permission. It's different. He's basically admitting he was planning on cheating and now that you took away the thrill of it, eh. You have a trust issue. I was gonna try it maybe once.

Okay, well, when were you gonna tell me that? Because I gave you permission. I was trying to be a good partner and understand your needs, but you were gonna just cheat. I can't, I just- You weren't even gonna ask me, hey, can we open the relationship? Which OP probably would have agreed to.

The honesty is overwhelming. It almost feels fake in the way how honest just, yeah, no, no, because if someone really wanted to go sleep with other people and they had thought about it over and over, and then by some miracle, their partner came to them and said, hey, you know, here's a hall pass.

Just, you know, just whatever. Here's the reason, here's your hall pass. If you really wanted to cheat that bad, wouldn't you just be like, oh, okay, I'll think about it. I'll consider. And the second they leave the room, you're just like, like you don't even understand how that just happened to you.

I know, so why did he react that way? Because it took away the thrill. Because he's honest to a fault. You don't want to be with someone like that. It seems like a slip up that he admitted it. It seems like a big slip up. Kind of. Like.

But who in their right mind? I wouldn't continue with this relationship. This is too quirky for me. No, I wouldn't either, but I'm just baffled. I'm gonna fall asleep thinking about this. Me and you both. Me and you both. Wow.

This is a crazy theme. What a crazy one to end on. I've got a couple more tabs from this. One that I'm like really excited to read. They will be going to Patreon, the one that I wanna tease. Maybe I'll make this one the free story this month. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Cause it looks really good based on the title.

I have not read it. It's titled, am I the asshole for telling my fiance to not share a letter my ex-wife sent to me on social media? It sounds so juicy. Yeah, it does. It sounds quirky. Why is she sending you letters? What's in the letter? I want to know.

Also, a letter these days is some real shit. You know it had some dirt in it. If it's a letter, she was really getting those feelings out. Letters are used very special case scenario now. I'm going to start sending letters to people. People are going to be afraid. Bring back stamps. Letters are used very special case scenario now. I'm gonna start sending letters to people. People are gonna be afraid. Bring back stamps.

Because letters don't generally mean good things. Letters are like, I know you won't talk to me, we haven't spoken in years, but I had to write out all my feelings. Ah, scary. Well, thank you guys so much for being here. Another episode. Bow bow. So episode! Bow bow! So crazy.

Bow bow! Look at you with the sound effects. Thank you guys again for listening, for supporting the show, for coming over to Patreon, even if it's for the free stories. Last month's free story was insane. It was one of the best free stories. It's 30 minutes long, again, free.

Don't pay money. Just come over, enjoy the free stories. It's just really fun over there. I love it. We get to group chat. We got a lot of cool stuff happening. It's kind of like the modern deep dive. If anyone remembers that. Oh my God.

I've wanted to bring deep dives back. I've really wanted to start doing deep dives, especially for the things that we have. There's stories that have eight updates and it's just like, this is a deep dive. For sure. I know. I think I'm gonna bring them back.

That'd be really fun, actually. Bring them back. Bring them back. Let me know if I should bring them back. Just put it in the comments. Bring back the deep dive. But we are also on tour. A couple of the shows, Meet and Greet, have already sold out.

So get your tickets. I don't know if we're going to be adding second shows for any of these because they are bigger venues. So once tickets are gone, they're likely going to stay gone. So come join us on the No Takes Left Behind Tour. Every show is different. There are different stories. There's new segments at the beginning of the shows

compared to the last tour. Everything's fresh. So it's gonna be really, really fun. We're excited to see you guys out on the road. But other than that, until next time. Until next time. Bye guys. Bye. Thanks for watching!