Two Hot Takes - 208: Take the Trash Out

Episode Date: March 20, 2025

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Michaela Okland. Sometimes in life you just need to take the trash out.. whether it's a boyfriend who says you're not marriage material or a partner who says you can't slow down despite a cancer diagnosis..Oof. Going to need your help sorting whether these are garbage or if there's a chance at recycling! Be sure to checkout the poll and leave your comments! Bonus Content on Patreon including new full length episodes: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes MERCH HERE ! https://shop.twohottakes.com Send us a letter? Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 WRITE IN TO US!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Index: 00:00 — Start  03:38 — Story 1  13:07 — Story 2  26:43 — Story 3 TW child abuse  52:42 — Story 4  1:10:10 — Story 5  1:18:14 — Story 6  1:24:18 — Story 7  1:39:03 — Story 8  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This going how you hoped. Happy Face, new series now streaming exclusively on Paramount+. Okay, you ready? I'm so ready. Yeah. Here we go. We've got our stress fruit.

Yeah, if you can't see us, we have stress fruit in our hands. Stress fruit. We're squeezing you can't see us, we have stress fruit in our hands. Stress fruit. We're squeezing it. It's so needed. I've boughten like 10 of these things and I can't stop. There's so many different textures, objects. I like that it has these little points at the ends of it that you can kind of push in for the banana. Yeah. I'm like, okay, here we go. Are you ready? I'm ready. I'm not ready. Actually, I'm not ready. I'm like, okay, here we go. Are you ready? I'm ready. I'm not ready. Actually, I'm not ready.

I'm stressed about these. I was born ready to take the trash out, but I am nervous due to like your vibe about some of these stories about what I'm going to hear. I know. You guys buckle up. I feel like some of the titles alone are just like very, what? So I feel like we are all going to be a bit enraged today and it's okay. You know? It's okay. It's not our drama. We just have to remember that. At the end of the day, it's not our drama. We just get to vicariously live through

these people a little bit and it's the tea without it actually burning you. Whoa. Have you said that before? No. Wow, Morgan. Maybe. Friends, it's been 200 plus episodes.

I'm not sure. Let me know if I have, but welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. Oh, I'm Mikayla. Hi. Mikayla, as you know, one of our regulars now at this point. I just, I love having you. Any updates? I'm like, any updates in life? Personal updates? Yeah, what's happening?

It's raining. I'm in my vibe. I've been, we've been going to that $35 head spa pretty often. Unreal. I know. I'm like, I can't tell people, check out the local massage parlors in your area. Cause sometimes they have really good deal. Yeah. If they do the thing where you stay clothed, you stay clothed and it's a big room of people who are clothed.

They might be offering a really shocking discount. Deep discounts if you keep your clothes on. Yeah, which for me, ideal situation. Like actually I prefer that. So paying less for that, can't believe it. Check them out. Check them out. That has been good.

We're going to Costco after this. Yeah, we're going to get a lot of samples. 150 hot dog. 150 hot dog and drink. I know the CEO I think is retiring too. so get your $150 hot dog and drink combo while you can. He said if someone changes the price he'll shoot them. Did he actually say that?

He said something like that, yeah. Look it up. Oh my god. Maybe like, no I think it was that, but if not then it was something very similar to that. He stands on business. I know him and the Arizona IST guy. He was like, we're still making money, why would I increase the price?

Wow. We don't see that energy enough. Capitalists with a soul. Let's get into these stories. Okay. Let's dive in. then. Okay, you ready? This first one is coming from r slash relationship advice. It's two hours old.

Wow. She did it again. It is titled, am I Overreacting? We, 29 Female and 27 Male, Bought a House. But when he posted on social media, he made it seem like he bought it alone. Okay. I, 29 Female and my partner, 27 Male, bought a house in October 2024. I don't post on social media, but he does.

He posted the house we bought, but there was no mention and no pictures with even a slight image of me. It seemed as though he was trying to give off the impression that he bought it himself, for himself. Everyone in the comments was congratulating him, which is nice, but it kind of hurt my feelings because it's our house with both of our names, and if anything, not that it matters and I would never throw it in his face, but I paid the 13k deposit on this house by myself. And I know that probably sounds petty, but my feelings are hurt. He doesn't usually post me and I've never fussed about

it, but the house post kind of stung a little bit. Do I accept that it's just social media and not that big of a deal?" Sometimes you really need friends to tell you you're not being petty, and I've been experiencing that this week as well, where I'm like, oh, I'm overreacting. Am I being an asshole? Am I nitpicking? Am I being petty? And hearing it from other people like, no, anyone would be annoyed by that is so helpful. Come on, he knows what he's doing. You guys bought a house together, that's something to be proud of.

Well, and it's also the fact that he doesn't post her on social media at other times either. So he just wants to look like he's not in a relationship and now he's this well established guy that bought a house. Like who are you trying to impress if not your partner? They're dating right? Or are they married? Yeah. Yeah.

My partner. Why? Like why is that something that you want other people to perceive? Well and also the fact that like she was the one that put down the 13K deposit, which that percent down, that money down, that's the reason you get the house. It's not because you can make the payments, because this is why so many people are stuck renting. It's like this scam of like, okay, you need so much down and then you have to make the

mortgage payment, which is like, okay, that's hard to save and get to. So it's like, she's not even being like, this isn't even a fair setup because she put all the money down. Yeah. Cause sometimes the mortgage isn't really that much more than rent would be, which is why sometimes I'm like, if I could just get the money to put down for a house, making the difference for a mortgage versus rent really wouldn't be a huge deal. And it does make you wonder if it really is just on social media that he devalues her contributions and sort of over hypes his contributions or if this is something that is a general theme in his personality as well. I wonder if it's general. I wonder like what his friends and family actually think.

Yeah, like how he described it like personally about the house. I wrote a text to them. Yeah. Yeah. To my house. Like if you break up, I hope this is what's so hard because like I get like you're dating, you're calling him partner. Like there's no mention of how long they've been together in this initial post. Like I'm going to you're dating, you're calling him partner. Like there's no mention of how long they've been together in this initial post. Like I'm going to go look at comments and hopefully we get some more context from OP.

But you probably shouldn't buy a house with your partner that doesn't post you on social media and doesn't really. And I get it. Some people are like, it's social media. It's not real. Like maybe he's a private person. But he's posting on social media about the new house that he bought,

which doesn't feel that private to me. No, I'm like, is the address visible? All it takes is a Google image search and you can find that house. People can find that so easily now, like even just, yeah, with a reverse Google image search, you don't even have to be talented at finding people and hunting them down.

It's insane, like look at the show Catfish and how they were able to track people down off small details. We have no comments from OP, so no idea how long they've been together. But this is also so messy because it's like, did you do a contract that if you break up, you sell the house, but you get your, like, you get more back? The down payment, yeah. Yeah, because otherwise what? Do you split the house 50-50 even though you put in more initially? Yeah.

And then the value is bound to change over time. So is that in the mathematics of it all? Like will you just get that amount you paid back back or like if it changes by $2,000, will you then get that like extra $2,000 back? I know. My brother did this. He bought a house with his girlfriend and they literally broke up like six months later. And luckily they were able to get out of it and like they actually

made like 10k each on this house. Oh wow, that's awesome. Which was great, but it's like, it doesn't always go like that. Sometimes you lose value. Yeah. If they were to have gone in completely 50-50, it wouldn't have been so stressful figuring out what would happen during the breakup, but like her completely covering If they were to have gone in completely 50-50, it wouldn't have been so stressful figuring out what would happen during the breakup, but like her completely covering that down payment. And then he has...

This is weird. Yeah, I just don't like that. And I don't like so many people on the internet. And it's like, it is a lot of people, but it's also probably mostly just the people he actually knows, unless this guy's like an influencer, which Which I don't it doesn't sound like that's the thing. So like why? Don't the people in your life know about her if she's serious enough. They're moving in together You're buying a house together. Yeah Very odd. This is sus to me. I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking it though. You guys you go let us know

Top comment on this one. Okay, so he doesn't post you other times either. He wants to appear single to me. I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking it though. You guys will let us know. Top comment on this one. Okay, so he doesn't post you other times either. He wants to appear single. Yeah. Next comment down this. He wants women to think he is a single homeowner. A very eligible bachelor at 27. Comment that it was such a huge accomplishment for you both to buy this home together and that you are so happy to share in homeownership with your life partner. Then make a similar post but mention and tag him in the way you wish he had done so it shows up on his followers feeds. Yes.

Someone replies back, I bet he deletes it. And that is very telling. That would be so embarrassing that he would make the post being like, yeah, I bought this house. And then if you look at his girlfriend's page, it's like, we bought this house. Come on. Come on. Which this is so interesting. So there's two comments from OP about this post.

I don't know if I would call it bragging, but I'll say that he does like to post nice things or achievements or traveling type of content and no He doesn't post to me those other times either, but I may just be taking the house part more personal. I am on the deed As you should be for putting 13k down, right? Thank God, yeah, thank God some people would get bamboozled. I've seen some stuff. I've seen some stuff. So I don't know.

I think he just wants to have his cake and eat it too. Waiting for maybe a better option, but. Yeah. Sort of getting like the best case scenario with this girl because she's comfortable with him not posting her. She's comfortable with paying the majority of things and him getting the clout for it, I guess, if clout's the word for your friends and family. But I literally, oh my God, this is giving me flashbacks.

I don't know why this wasn't ringing alarm bells for me. I have an ex who I dated and he lived in Canada while I lived in Minnesota. So I was always like commuting back and forth. He didn't really come to me. And I would take these pictures when we would go to like science museums and we would do this and I would take the pictures and we would get pictures together too. The only pictures he would post are the ones that I took that didn't include me in it. And he literally did it so that he could have another girlfriend in Canada at the same time. Yeah. But this stuff is so intentional. When it comes to like, you're going on trips together and going to these exotic locations,

like you're his partner. The fact he doesn't post one picture of you guys together. When you're buying a house together, like if there's any time you're going to post about your partner, it's when you're posting about buying a new house and you did it together as a couple. This is literally the time. But that's understandable that you would be like bamboozled by that.

I think we've all, I think we've all fallen for things that sound really obvious. But he would use the excuse like, I'm not a big social media guy, which did make sense because he wouldn't really post. It was like one picture every three or four months. So I'm like, okay, I get it. Makes sense. And I was like, whatever. It's not your fault. Don't fall victim to that trap.

My ex's photos that I took of him on his Tinder profile while we were together. So like, they get those photos and they do what they will with them. on his Tinder profile while we were together. So, like. We've both been there. They get those photos and they do what they will with them. We've been there. We're doing one more home ownership story vibe because I'm just, this is a big trend I'm seeing right now. And I feel like this needs to be a PSA of like, don't get conned.

Yeah. So this next one is coming from the tuha Takes subreddit, one of our very own, 23 hours old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Wanting to Contribute Money to Home Renovations? I'm so sorry this is so long, but I really need advice and I didn't know where else to go. My boyfriend, 36, and I, 32, have been together for five years. After a year of dating, he decided to sell the house he owned and move in to an in-law suite in his mom's basement. I agreed to move in with him, but we both agreed this would

be a temporary decision. Our plan was to stay there for a year before purchasing our own home together. I have my own savings and we would plan to split the down payment evenly or 60-40, depending on how much the down payment was. At the time, he made double my salary. Since then, I've been promoted and make about 20k less than him. A year later, we started shopping for a house. After multiple offers, we were constantly being outbid and decided to wait a little longer. Around this time, he started talking about the idea of buying his mom's house. I did not want this.

I've never loved the idea of living with his mom. She's not bad, but I had made it clear in the beginning that I would not invest my money in a home that wasn't completely ours. If we bought his mom's house, we'd be responsible for all of the bills while she lived in the house for free. She would also be on the deed. We would talk about this a lot and I would always shut it down. He said he was going to do it regardless of what I wanted, and this was an opportunity that he couldn't skip out on. I told him that was fine, if that's what he wanted. He could buy the house by himself and I wouldn't be contributing. He was well aware of this.

In November 2024, it was official. He would be purchasing his mom's home. We switched living spaces. We moved upstairs to the main floor. His mom moved to the in-law suite. So far, it hasn't been so bad. His plan is to purchase the house for what his mom owes, and he is tossed around the idea of adding an addition to the house with a garage and

an extra living space above the garage. Or build a standalone garage on the property and remodel the inside of the house. Updated kitchen, knocked down a wall, installing central air, new flooring, updated bathroom. Here's where I may be the asshole. Two days ago, he mentioned the house and the renovations. He asked me if I was willing to contribute any of my savings to the cost, estimating around $150,000 to $200,000. I told him no, since my name was not going to be on the deed. His reply was that it wasn't fair that I would get to enjoy all of the renovations and not contribute to any of it. I told him I'd pay to live there. I would

help pay for utilities and help with the mortgage. But I wasn't going to deplete my savings for capital investment I would never financially benefit from. If he were to sell the house in the future, I would never get any of that money back. He told me that I wanted specific renovations done, a sliding door with a new deck off the kitchen, but when I mentioned that I thought that would be nice, his reply was that he was thinking of doing the same thing, so I assumed it was something he also wanted. After a few minutes of him going on about it, I told him whether I was living in the house or not, he would still get to enjoy the renovations, and I didn't think it was fair that he would expect me to give him a larger sum of money for a house that belongs to him and his mom, but not me.

He said I was a huge asshole and hasn't spoken to me since. We are not married. He knows I want marriage. We both agreed if we ever did get married, we would get a prenup. Whatever is his before the marriage would stay his. Whatever was mine would stay mine. And whatever was ours would be ours. But if he owns the house without me and something were to happen to our relationship, then he would have no legal obligation to pay me back. I need to know. Am I wrong for thinking this way? I've never asked him for anything. I pay my share to live there, and I pay my own bills.

I buy all of the groceries for the house with little to no help from him. I cook, clean, do all the laundry, and take care of his dog 75% of the time, again, with little to no help from him. I work full time and recently went back to school and earned a master's degree. I just don't understand why he would expect me to dish out money on house renovations that legally don't belong to me. If I would go through with funding a renovation, is there a way around this where he would be obligated to pay me back if the relationship would go south. Any advice would be helpful. $100,000 to $200,000 is crazy. Like, she is paying rent. She's helping him pay his mortgage, which is already like a very

good situation for him. Huge! Like, he doesn't have to pay the entire mortgage on a house that's completely in his name. And his mom's not paying anything. His mom doesn't have to pay anything and she gets to live there. And she's still on the deed. Yeah. Yeah. And the girlfriend is buying the groceries. I mean, it sounds like he's made other comments about making up for her, you know, living

there, which I understand like that she is living living there and her paying for some things makes a lot of sense. But he has a great situation here. And to have basically your landlord say you need to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for my house's renovations, which is basically what this is here, is an insane ask. That is for your home. It's your home. And she already compromised. She didn't want to live there. He said after they had plans to buy a house together. We're building a life together. Let's go in 50-50, 60-40, whatever it is, together on a house. You know what? I'm going

to buy my mom's place with or without you. Don't care. Don't care what you want. This is someone who quite literally in his head doesn't like, I don't care what you want. I'm going to do what I want regardless. That's not a partner. You're already like on such different wavelengths. And then for him to be like, well, you're going to benefit from the updated kitchen. Yeah, well, I live here and use it, but if we break up, no. If you have a house and your house costs 150K, right? And you put 50K into it to update a kitchen and a bathroom, you're not just at 200K. Your house might be worth 400K. Is he going to split that equity when he sells? Or is he going to buy her out? Is this going to be a loan with interest? It doesn't sound like he's open to that being the case.

Go take out a home equity line of credit, my guy. Go put this against the value of the home you own. That's fair. You're the one that's going to benefit from this. Okay, if she wants a fancy Japanese soaking tub, maybe she can contribute to that. She's the only one using the tub. That's something that might make sense. But a deck and a sliding door, this is not how this works. She's paying the mortgage. She's contributing so much. And that's even generous in my eyes, to be honest. That's more than enough. And also at the same time, she's taking care of the groceries, the cooking, the cleaning, your dog.

And all the while, this is paying off your mortgage. It's only in you and your mom's name. You aren't married. And if they do get married, they'll get a prenup. The house will be his, regardless of and if they do get married, they'll get a prenup, the house will be his, regardless of how long they're together, which again, is fair if that's, you know, what it is, but she's not investing money then. Like, she's never wanted to live here.

It was a compromise to even live there. Like, now he's just expecting, she got her to give in, and now he's expecting her to give in more and more and more. The amount too is crazy. The hundreds of thousands of dollars is insane to expect of someone who does not have any ownership of that house. Well, and it's like, would he be putting any into the renovation? Because like 150 to 200 K like, that's a lot. That sounds like the entire renovation. So like, it does. What is he contributing? Yeah. And I recognize like, this is a gift, like

being able to just buy out your mom's house for paying the rest of the mortgage, like that is a gift. But also at the end of the day, like if the mom kept the house forever, how would have been his inheritance kind of regardless? Yeah, I'm kind of confused about the details of that. I'm so curious. So she owned the house. Owned the house, owed like maybe a hundred K or whatever left. He just has to take over the mortgage and then it's his house now. And also she gets to keep living there.

Yeah, which sounds like a great deal for him and his mom. I understand why he would want to do that. Like that's an incredible price to pay to buy a home and you get for him and his mom. I understand why he would want to do that. That's an incredible price to pay to buy a home and you get to live with your mom. That's awesome. I would love to do that too. But if I had a partner to consider and we were talking about doing something together and then to ask them for mortgage payments and groceries and cooking and cleaning and taking care of the dog and hundreds of thousands of dollars renovations, no. It's almost like he just looks at her like a little sugar mama. Like,

this is someone that just subsidizes the life I want to have and live. Yeah. And maybe he could have done it on his own and taken over the mortgage and that's cool. I think you should let him. I think you should let him. Yeah, he has an incredible situation right now. He got like a very good deal on buying a house and his girlfriend is paying, helping him pay off the mortgage for it. Uh huh. Yeah, no, take, take the trash out. Take it out.

Take it out. No comments from OP, but this is just, you know, 23 hours old, so we'll keep our eyes peeled. Very active previously in the Too Hot To Take subreddit. Really? Yeah, there's a post. Someone posted this on our subreddit and goes, "'In honor of the coconut story,

"'I present to you the Jolly Rancher story.'" So if you do wanna learn about the Jolly Rancher story, it is on Patreon. I read it with my mom and my little brother and it got quite the reaction. But I'm warning you, I did that one and I did the Doritos story on Patreon. You guys couldn't handle the coconut story here really. Some of you can. Some of you cannot. I posted a picture of my Instagram the other day with like a coconut and people were like, I'm traumatized.

Trigger warning. And I'm like, it's okay. It's just, it's a drink. I loved it. But it had a big hole in it. And I think people were a little scarred. And so OP did comment on that though and goes, you are right. I didn't think something could be this bad.

This is way worse than the coconut story. Wow. So don't worry. Not reading Jolly Rancher today. But she's around, like she's listening. Yeah. She's seeing. Actually, I made a Reddit account last week and one of the suggested pages to follow is Two Hot Takes. Let's go.

And it was like all these very general subjects and then Two Hot Takes. And I was like, okay, I see you Morgan. Let's go baby. Let's go! And it was like all these very general subjects and then two hot takes and I was like, okay, I see you, Morgan. Let's go, baby. Let's go. I love that. Okay, yay. Yeah, we out here. We out here, fam.

Making our mark on the world. Helping people one post at a time. And people did help, OP. Top comment on this post. This is not the guy for you. Five years and he buys a house against what you wanted? That's not what a guy who loves you, wants to make you happy,

and wants to build a life with you does. He's not forging a partnership with you. He's just with you. That's it. That's a really good way to put it. You aren't the asshole. Why would you put your own money into something you have zero equity in? He's the asshole for expecting you to pay for the renovations.

Agree. You sound like a pot of money to him, not a partner to share life with. Yeah, if I go to Raising Cane's and they're like, you know what, we want to build a new ice tea machine and you're going to benefit from it so you should chip in." I'd be like, well, but it's your iced tea machine. Yes, I'll benefit from it, but it's not mine. I'm actually paying for the iced tea. Yeah, and that follows. Like, she's paying for the house. And you're the one that's gonna profit off continued sales of iced tea, not me?

Yeah. Well then, no, I'm not contributing. Iced tea machine's already good enough too. No. OP, I want an update on this though Nice steam machine's already good enough too. No. OP, I want an update on this though. So if you're out there listening, come back, let us know. But moving along.

Yeah, I'm so interested to see if she responds to you. I'm sure she will. I'm so curious. Also, I forgot to call and make my dirt order. Your dirt order? I'm supposed to call and give dirt. Huh? This episode is brought to you by Smalls.

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fridge and delivered right to your door. Give your cat the food they deserve. Head to Smalls.com and use code THD at checkout for 50% off your first order plus free shipping. Okay. A homeowner thing. It's a homeowner thing, but I wouldn't charge you for my dirt. Because you won't benefit from the dirt. Yeah. I mean, even if I go to your house and I'm like, wow, it really boosts my mood to see this nice dirt.

Yeah, you could build sand castles if you want. I won't charge you. Still won't charge you. You're unbelievably generous in ways that people can't dream of. Trigger warning though on this next one, friends. It does contain talks of abusive parents. I'm not sure exactly what we're getting into but could maybe include essay.

So if you can't handle that today, please skip ahead. Markers will be in the description. Okay, so this next one, also coming from our tuha takes subreddit. It is titled, My 22 male girlfriend 23 female is secretly visiting my abusive parents with our son 3 male and doesn't understand why this upset me. We had a huge fight and I don't know what to do now.

I didn't have an easy time growing up. My childhood was so fucked up that I sort of just put it all in a mental box and left it at that. Needless to say, I left my parents as soon as I could and then went no contact and haven't seen them since. There are several reasons I went no contact, and my girlfriend seemed understanding enough when I told her that I didn't even want to tell my parents about their grandson. I don't want my son around these people.

I don't want my son around these people. I don't want my girlfriend around these people. And above all, I would never leave any child alone around these people. My girlfriend doesn't know about what exactly my father did to me and my sister, but I also feel like she doesn't have to know in order to respect my wishes. Yesterday, my sister texted me a picture of our parents' dog. In the background was my son's shoes. Our mother uploaded it on Facebook, where I have them blocked, but my sister recognized the shoes, though mainly was concerned about them even having a kid over. My girlfriend and I both work, she only part-time, but we have always had someone

to watch our child, either my sister or my girlfriend's family, so it's not like she has had to bring him there to have someone watch him. This was a deliberate decision that she should have made with me. I talked to my son about it, and turns out he's been there several times unsupervised, alone with my father. Apparently nothing happened, but I was understandably angry and confronted my girlfriend as soon as she was back home, which of course led to a huge fight. She left crying and went to her parents' house, and later her mother came to pick up my son, which I refused, which

led to a fight with her mom too. My girlfriend texted me asking to talk later today, and I know I can't keep my son from her. I also don't want to, but I don't want to go into our conversation unprepared, so any advice is welcome. I also feel betrayed and still very angry, and I'm honestly ready to break up over this. But my son is very upset and anxious because he heard our fight, and I'm just at a complete loss, and I don't know how up over this. But my son is very upset and anxious because he heard our fight and I'm just at a complete loss and I don't know how to handle this. Please help." Obviously, this is like a very tough story. The one shining light is that he found out before it seems like anything happened and like that this has been brought to light before anything worse has taken place. But this is just so messed up.

She doesn't know, I guess, the extent of it, but I think you can tell from how vehemently he's probably said it to her and like just from like the subtext and the context clues of like it's a really bad situation. Like I think it's clear that this isn't just a situation where he doesn't get along with his parents or like, you know, he just doesn't vibe with them. Like I think it's pretty obvious that it was a serious thing. I don't like, I just can't believe she would do that behind his back and not even talk to him about it.

That's insane. This is a baby. This is a three year old who we don't even know how long he's been going over there. Communication levels aren't that great at three. If something happened, would he even be able to know it's bad or communicate with you that it happened? This is insane! This lady is straight garbage! To not talk with your partner, how did one, how did they get in communication? How did you even feel comfortable to leave your kid alone over there? Your partner has said to you, I don't have a relationship with my parents.

I'm no contact with them. I have them blocked everywhere. What happened when I was a kid was terrible. End of story, lady. Are you that fucking dumb? Even to bring it up as a conversation with him of wanting to go see his parents would be disrespectful, but to not even bring it up and to just do it behind his back? That is insane. This is- And you're just not protecting your kid. For what?

Yeah. Really, for what? What is she gaining out of that? What even is... She has other people to bring the kid to, like could it be a misguided, like oh I wanna repair their relationship because I don't know how bad it is. It's not your fucking place.

And also have a little bit of sense of like, this is a serious situation. I'm putting my child in danger and disrespecting my partner. Not just disrespecting, I don't even know what the word is, but worse. Deliberately going against probably the very core of your partner at the expense of your child. Like, OP was like, my dad shouldn't even be around kids. Like, after what he did to me and my sister. Like, what the dude? Trash. Throw away. Throw away. And people

are gonna be like, oh, give her a chance. She's lying and putting her kid at risk. Yeah. Like, no. No. Did we get any updates with this one? Like, I'm gonna not sleep. Let's get into the comments and let's see what we got here. I'm going to not sleep. Let's get into the comments and let's see what we got here. So top comment was deleted. It was removed by a moderator. OP did respond to it though, so I'm just going to read what OP says, even though I don't know what the top comment at the time was.

I panicked when he said it was something he wasn't supposed to say. She apparently told him it was a surprise, and that's why he had to say he was at her parents. A surprise? So she instructed the three-year-old kid to lie about where he was, and... What does she gain out of this? I'm very confused about why she's invested in even doing this. Are they giving her money? Like genuinely, like are they giving her money?

Are they paying her? I don't understand. Clearly they've, I don't know who contacted who first, but clearly they've been having some kind of communication without his knowledge where things are being said that are probably not accurate to the truth of the situation. And like conversations that he should be a part of. Not even he should be a part of because this just shouldn't be happening in general. But why are you gonna make a three-year-old lie for you?

Yeah. Oh, you have to say you're at my parents, at grandma and grandpa blah blah blahs. And when instructing him to do that, how does she not realize, wait, like I might be wrong if I'm having to do something like this? OP goes on to say, I wouldn't have been this upset had she cheated on me, but she involved him, made him keep a secret and put him at risk. And the more I've been thinking about this, the more I feel like I just can't trust her anymore, especially if something did happen and he just doesn't realize and I haven't

asked the right questions or he doesn't have the vocabulary. It's very scary for him to be like, I don't know if I can trust having my kid around the mother of my kid now. He's scared about leaving him with her and he's scared that she doesn't have the sense to make decisions to protect him and not only makes decisions to protect him, but makes decisions that put him in harm's way. It's a lot at once to be worried about. SONIA DARA I'm blown away. I'm absolutely blown away. And we have a lot of comments from OP. There's just there's so many. So I will be sure to put the links in the description. So if you really want to go deeper than what

I can get into, they're there. Someone does comment, on one hand, if she doesn't know the whole story, I can appreciate why she would want to try to foster a relationship. But on the other, she's betrayed you. And further, why does she need a secret babysitter? It kind of seems like maybe there's more to this if she was leaving him with them. Yeah. And OP goes, even without the whole story, I always felt like she knew enough about my childhood. I can understand it too. Her mother also told me not to hold grudges, and my father apparently has issues with his liver. Wonder where that's coming from.

So I should just take the first step and forgive them. But this is my decision, and she kept it a secret for months and essentially told my son to lie to me. I was so angry, I didn't even think about any other reason why she would leave him there, but you're right. I mean, I just kind of assumed that she would visit them to rebuild that relationship because we have babysitters. Yeah.

So it sounds like the father is being like, I'm dying soon and I want to have a relationship with my grandchild, but he's only contacting her because obviously the father is never going to forgive him and let him have that relationship. He's not entitled to that relationship. He can't be trusted. Did they ever update on like, if they've now had that conversation with, sorry, I guess it's a girlfriend, right? If they've had a conversation with the girlfriend about what happened in like her apologizing and saying she feels bad and like won't do it again. Yeah. So there are a couple more comments and we do end up getting an update. Update

is coming five days after the original post. And this is really, really recent. The original post is only 11 days old. But a lot of people are trying to be like, you need to address custody. You need to address supervised visitations. You need to really get after this. A lot of people are also like, do you have documents of the abuse from your parents? Yeah, my sister and I have no proof of what happened. And she wanted to get financial aid because of her PTSD, because it makes it harder for her to work. But her lawyer said it would be hard to get anyone to believe her slash us. She gave up on that eventually. Someone also points out this fact that she taught your son not to trust you. That would be a reason to drag her ass to

court for a custody agreement where she also has to sign that she will never go to your parents behind your back with him. That should also just be something a normal person would agree to without having to go to court over it. It sucks that it's even at that point where he would have to get a judge to tell her she can't. She should just be like, oh my God, I had no idea. I'm so sorry.

I don't. I really fucked up here. Yeah. And that still wouldn't make it okay, but at least he wouldn't have to be so scared going forward. Like fall on the sword a little bit lady. Yeah. Like you would rather, again just begs the question why and for what?

Because you would rather lose your partner and put your child at risk of lifelong damage, PTSD. For what? What? For a relationship with people that aren't even your parents? long damage, PTSD. For what? What? For a relationship with people that aren't even your parents?

You're being a neglectful, terrible, okay that might, no, no, she is being a bad parent. Well yeah. I'm like, some people might come from beyond that, but like no, honestly, maybe that's a hot, maybe it's a hot take for some people, like give her, oh she's not that bad, give her the benefit, no, like she her, oh, she's not that bad. Give her the benefit. No, she knows. And now she especially knows. But let's see if she apologizes in this update.

Let's see what we get into here. First of all, thank you for all the comments and input. I didn't feel like I could even think when I made my initial post, so it was good getting different perspectives. This will be a long post. I'll put a TLDR at the bottom. I did write that my girlfriend and I would talk the same day I posted, but we didn't

because I needed to sort myself out, and I think she did too. She's been avoiding me ever since and requested we talk at her parents' place, but I didn't want that, so we didn't get to talk until yesterday while my son was at my sister's. Apparently in September, last year, my mother reached out to my girlfriend on Facebook, asking how me and my son were doing. My mother is a very intelligent woman, but highly manipulative. She convinced my girlfriend to visit them because my father is ill. My girlfriend said she didn't tell me because she knew I'd say no, and she wanted to see what kind of people my parents were.

She brought our son but didn't leave him alone at first, but their visits got fairly regular and she became comfortable with leaving him with my parents. He seemed fine, even seemed to like it there. So she didn't feel like he was in danger. The first time she left my son fully alone was when she went Christmas shopping. I think from what I told her about my childhood home, she expected a house of horrors, but according to her the place was clean and fixed up, the dog was healthy, and my parents were nice. The thing is that she knew something happened to my sister. I never told her what happened to me,

which I now see I probably should have done. She doesn't see predators everywhere like I do, and when my son didn't report anything negative, she saw no issue taking him and leaving him there. It's pretty clear that she doesn't know anything about abuse and what it can look like. I don't understand how she could think she'd be able to spot the signs with this little knowledge. My father has been in contact with children most of my life, and while I don't know if he's done anything to them, my sister always said he knew how to make children feel at ease. Both my parents are very methodical and calculating, so I don't blame her for

believing them, but I blame her for not discussing this with me. She went to visit them after talking to my mother for a few days. Meanwhile, I've lived with them there for 17 years, and somehow she thought she knew better than me. Even when I told her some details about my childhood, she still tried to push supervised visits, saying my father was ill and my son had a right to meet his grandparents, which I don't agree with at all. The thought of children being around those people makes me sick, but she seems reluctant to agree to officially limit their visitation rights. I'd need her agreement, however, unless

I want a court case. I also tried to explain why this felt like a betrayal, because this is not just about her putting my son in danger. It's also about her going behind my back for months. September to March, you guys. That's almost... Like half a year. It's half a year. Six months? Seven months? Oh yeah, seven months. Seven months. That's not just like, okay, I tried it for a month and okay, now it's be... Seven months? Insane. What else would she be capable of? Then she told my son to keep

the visits a secret, which is exactly what abusers say too. She did apologize, saying she made an honest mistake and feels like I'm blowing this out of proportion and that her parents think so too. Guess what? Doesn't fucking matter what her parents think. Yeah. None of these people know the situation as well as he does. Why do they think their opinion is more important? Besides, our son is fine and I shouldn't have raised my voice at her mother and should be more grateful for what her parents have done for me and us over the years. Which I

am. I owe them, sure, but that doesn't mean they can just overrule my parenting decisions or get so involved. I feel like neither her nor her parents trust me or take me seriously, and it's so frustrating when the mother of your son is pretty much actively working against you. I don't think she can even grasp how terrified I was when I talked to my son about their visits. Again, I know it's my fault for not telling her everything, but I never thought she would do something like that. My past never really affected me much anyways. I never felt like there was a reason for her to know all of the details. Honestly, I don't know if anything is resolved. I know why she made the choices she made, but I don't feel like she understands why I was and still am

upset. She left after bringing up her mother because I got angry and I know I shouldn't have, but I reveal something so big and just still don't get taken seriously? I want us to work, and she agreed that it would take a lot of work to get back to us before all of this, which I'm not sure is even possible. I apparently deeply upset her and scared our son. True, I never wanted us to fight in front of him like that either. And I angered her family. I think for me emotionally, all feelings for her vanished the moment I found out. So that's kind of where I'm at now. I wish we could make it work for his sake, but I don't want him to grow up with dysfunctional parents or with his parents fighting

every day. So if this doesn't work out, I'll need to get a lawyer. I'm willing to put in the work needed for us to stay together, but I've been doing a lot of thinking. We were so young when we started dating and had our son, I'm not sure if I ever thought about us staying together forever. I only stayed because I was living with them, and then I stayed because I didn't want to be a shitty teen dad, abandoning my son and the girl I loved. Because I really did love her, I think. Also, I am partially responsible for her being pregnant in the first place, before he was even born. As for my son, I have talked a lot with him these past few days. I had taught him about touch and what's okay and what isn't, so I just hope it's

true that nothing happened. He has also apparently not seen anything inappropriate. Our fight got to him though, and he knows I was sad. He knows his mom is sad too, and I hope him and I talked it out enough and that my girlfriend gets to talk about it with him too. We might just sit him down or something. I'll need to talk to her about that." Yeah, their ages. I like thought about their ages when we first started the story and then that didn't come up again, but yeah, they were what, like 19 and 20 when they first had their son. So this is definitely like a very young relationship. It's hard because

like, when I even want to start to be like, I guess there's a chance that like she's young and like they manipulated her and made him made her think that like the father, the grandfather's dying and it's her only chance to see him. But she just ruins any chance of redemption by still not getting it, by not understanding now even after he's told her why it's such a big deal. There are just so many elements here where it's like even if there was a chance for this to just have been some huge, terrible mistake. She's not even recognizing that. She's still not... I guess she kind of apologized, but then she said, but I don't

understand why you're so mad. Yeah. There's still a brush off versus a true, genuine, I'm sorry. I really fucked up. I was wrong. I shouldn't have gone behind your back. I shouldn't have told him to lie. I am ignorant. I didn't see the signs. I don't know why I thought I could.

I didn't understand the scope of what happened to you. There are potentially things she could have said had she realized the gravity of the situation that could have made it possible for them to repair things, maybe. But that's not even a little bit happening. SONIA No. And I think it's really, I guess like it's kind of naive for her to be like, well, you know, we went over there a couple times. And the first few times he said he had fun. Of course they're going to make him feel safe and fun at first. JILL It's not going to happen the first time that he comes over.

SONIA Likely not. But if you look at the stats of like children that, and this is, I'm sorry you guys, this is a little bit of a darker story, but I do think it's important to address. Like if you do look at the stats of people that hurt kids, it's people they know. Yeah, it's family members who seem fine. They seem very nice. Like to call, to say that they seem fine because they were very nice is just such a naive thing to say. Anybody can seem nice. A murderer could seem nice.

Yeah, and they usually do. It's very easy. All people who do these things, yeah, some might have an obviously rancid vibe, but most people can make themselves appear very nice, especially the ones who are really good at it. Yeah. And I think it's also a good moment of him talking to his son about what bad touches are and I think that can get lost sometimes in conversations we have about schools and

stuff like that of people being like, oh, don't talk to my kids about that. Don't tell them what that is. I think it's really important for kids to know that. I think it can really like help them out in situations to be armed with the information of what a good touch is and what a bad touch is. Even though they are very young. And of course it's uncomfortable because you never want to like think that your child would be exposed to that in any way.

But no, but it's a good conversation to have. And I think that's also something to take from this story. It absolutely needs to be had. Like this is why my brother and his wife have always talked with their kids like very openly about body parts. They've never like given body parts like names like, oh, your cookie or things like that because that can actually hurt your kids in making sure they're safe against these kinds of things. And obviously you have it in age appropriate ways, right? But I'm also wondering, because OP does have a comment here, giving a little bit more detail

about what the girlfriend knew, because people are being like, she didn't know, you never told her, you never, like, and it's like, but he cut, he did. So he does provide that context and he goes, her and I have talked about my childhood prior to my first post. She knows enough about my living conditions to know it was unsafe for any child. She knows my father is a violent alcoholic and she knows a lot about the crazy shit my mother pulled over the years. She knows my sister has a PTSD diagnosis and she knows my father touched her. This is everything she knew.

And I honestly think that should have been enough. Her parents also know about most of this. And I'm wondering if because she thinks she has a son, if it's different. Absolutely. Like, would you leave a three- a three year old your little daughter there? Yeah. And if that answer for that is no, you shouldn't leave a little boy there either. Yeah. Because sick, twisted, despicable people, a lot of times don't give a fuck. Yeah. And it sounds like she very much oversimplified it and was like, oh, he said that living conditions

were so bad, but when I went it was clean. So he must have changed. Like, they must have changed. They must be so great now. I can leave my son there. Like, it's just, it's so dangerous to have someone like that making decisions for a three-year-old's life. Like, that's very scary. It's absurd to me. And also what's so dangerous is her thinking that she knows. Like just her like overconfidence in the issue and her over, I don't know, just like the fact that she thinks she knows better than him about his own family enough to make that decision.

It's so weird. Yeah. It's so weird. Well, I hope we get an update from OP. Yeah. I'm like, this is just wild. I mean, the bare minimum is her saying she'll never do it again. And it's unfortunate that we still haven't gotten that from her. No.

And I don't know if you can trust her. I think, I think unfortunately,, you do need to get... Even if she said it. I think you need to get a custody agreement in place. I think you need to get a lawyer. I think this kid needs to be protected from these people. And his dad is only one person. He's got another parent.

And unfortunately, if mom wants to take him over there, when they break break up she could do that if he doesn't get something in place. So time to lawyer up. I mean this little three-year-old, this little baby and if mom is gonna be insane, garbage, just get it in writing. Yeah. But moving along. That was a tough one. That was a tough one. It was a tough one.

You were really brave for also how much you had to speak. I know it was a lot of reading. It was a lot of reading. But there's so many stories. Like I think there's, are those tough ones to read? Yeah. Like does everyone want to hear them? No.

But like if it opens people's eyes and makes sure people are safer with their kids, they're important conversations to have sometimes. Yeah, if you're comfortable talking about stranger danger and like, hey, don't get in that car, you can have that conversation too, which you should be. For sure. Okay, moving on to this next one. It is titled, Am I the asshole for setting limits to do some of the housework slash chores when I've just been diagnosed with cancer? I am a 41-year-old female married to a 48-year-old male. We've been married for almost 13 years and have

three kids, 10, nine with autism, and four. We have settled in a typical gender roles, like I cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop weekly, and take care of the kids, like taking them to all their appointments, picking them up from school if they are sick, and taking the day off of work if they are sick. He does the outside stuff, trash, landscaping, and shoveling, for example.

Over time, though, he is doing less of the outside stuff, and I find myself taking over those roles—taking out the recycling, or bringing in the bins, because it will just pile up or stay outside for a week. Or, he has outsourced them—landscaper—so he no longer does these chores, while I still do all of my wifey duties. My husband's main responsibility in the morning is that he gets the kids ready and sends them to school on the bus. He then goes downstairs to work from home.

When I come home from my full-time job, the house is a disaster from the morning routine. I asked him to at least do dishes, but he said he doesn't have time. So I have to clean the house all while I get the kids off the bus in the afternoon. This has been the normal routine for the past year. I also have a part-time job on the weekends as well, five hours each day. It's great for extra money and has afforded us a down payment for our house and several trips to Disney. He hates when I work because he has to watch the kids by himself. The point of saying all of this is that I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in early January, so I realized that I need to slow down and can't do everything that I've

been doing, and he needs to step up. When I told him this, he says he does not feel this way, and he is doing plenty. I know right now I am able to do things, but I will be starting chemotherapy soon, end of February, beginning of March, and I am not sure how I will feel. I am going to take time out from both jobs because of this. My husband is under the assumption that I will be sick for a few days where he has to do everything, but I will be able to continue doing my routine once I am feeling better. I have already told him, don't expect it, and I will do what I can, but he is not convinced. I am willing to continue to do some of the

chores, but not everything that I have been doing. Am I the asshole for expecting my husband to pick up the slack while I'm going through cancer? Okay, wait, why does he think it's going to be two to three days of sickness? Does he have any knowledge of the world? Like, there's what? Who has ever only been sick for two to three days because of cancer and chemotherapy? Throw them away.

Throw them away. Take the trash out. Throw them away. Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. Okay.

Hear me out for a second, everyone. Let's take cancer out of this. Okay? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Take the cancer out. Yeah.

Even without the cancer. Yeah. This woman has a full-time job and a part-time job. He works from home, which I'm sorry, the freedom and the stuff you can do when you work from home is very different than going in full-time hours to an office. He gets the kids up in the morning. They create utter chaos. He can't contain them. He probably leaves them to their own devices and says, get yourself ready and then let's get you on the bus.

And he can't even do the dishes while he works from home because he doesn't have time. You still get a lunch break, my good sir. Put a couple dishes in the dishwasher. Why are you letting your kids run amok? I'm sure you haven't started work yet. You're getting them ready. Be a more present parent. Yeah. He hates when I work because he has to watch the kids by himself. Okay. You wanted to be a parent, no? You signed up for three kids too, yeah? What? It sounds

like he just in many situations says, even if she gives him a task, he just doesn't do it and then she ends up doing it, so he kind of gets away with it. It's kind of like, well, it's weaponizing competence. Oh, 100% weaponized incompetence. But even in the situation with cancer, it's like he could say that he's going to be taking up this other work and these other tasks, but also he's outsourcing his jobs, but like now she's picking up an extra job for more spending money, but also he's outsourcing his jobs, but like now she's picking up an extra job for more spending money, but also the spending money is going toward the stuff he used to

do. I don't, yeah, even without the cancer. And I think it's important to point that out. Like this is not an okay situation. Now add in cancer. And how much worse does this get? And it really shows you like that type of partner, what they're gonna be like when things get rough, and when, like, you actually have to show up for somebody.

Because he wasn't doing it before, why would he do it now? No, he can't do it now. Like, this is insane to me. I'm sitting here and I'm just, like, dumbstruck. I'm truly dumbstruck that this man is like, oh well it's only going to be a couple of days. If I got cancer and my partner isn't like, you're not doing anything, what can I do? How can I help you? How can I make sure you're feeling good? Like not a single mention of him being like worried about her, about him being scared for her,

about like, you know, he's not doing this, but he is emotionally been really there for me during this time. Like there's just nothing. No, I would not be able to stay in a relationship like this. And I think that illness like is really going to highlight this for her. It's hilarious to me that people will act like this in relationships because you realize she's not going to stick around forever. No one, no one, I'm going to put faith in this, that there's not anyone out there that will put up with such disrespect, unequal treatment, XYZ, et cetera, forever. She's going to realize eventually there's going to be a straw that breaks the camel's back. You get divorced, you realize you're going to have to do 100% of that 50%,

right? Like when you get divorced, like you're going to have to take care of the kids without her. You're going to have to cook. You You're gonna have to clean your own house. Like, I think he's gotten too comfortable. And I think he needs to be rocked out of the boat. Because at the end of the day, if you don't make this work, and if you don't start being a more equal partner, you're gonna have to be responsible for 100% of your shit. Yeah. You don't even like watching your kids

when your wife works a couple extra hours. Yeah. How are you gonna survive? Yeah, because when he works from home, the kids are at school. So all he has to do is get them ready for school. And then he can't even be bothered to do dishes? And then clean up the mess, yeah.

Can't even be bothered to help cook a meal? You're at home. You got a head start. Start boiling the water, bitch. What are you doing? I mean, I think this is a really good example of the sentiment that certain relationships can feel lonelier than actually being alone would feel. And-

Oh, drop the mic, Michaela. Well, and it's very tough. It's very tough when you're in that to be like, actually, this is worse. Actually, this is lonelier. Actually, this is more work, even, like, than doing it myself would be. And so I hope the comments just, I hope they eat. I'm sure they do. I have a lot of faith in them. Okay, this one, big yellow box.

Wait, your fucking husband refuses to do more after your cancer diagnosis? All caps. He wasn't pulling his own weight before the diagnosis. And now he's expecting you to do everything while you get better from cancer? Oh, hell fucking no. This is cause for divorce. Also, men don't help around the house. They do their half. Do not try to keep the house clean. Do not grocery shop. Or do a load of laundry in between vomiting. Men are more likely to leave a woman when they're sick, so be prepared for some truly

asshole-ish behavior on his part. Ignore the incels here, who will drop by and pretend otherwise. I hurt for you, OP." And if he does leave her while she's sick, or even just like, this might be the moment that she realizes, and really like, instead of just these slowly doing more and more over time, it's like this big moment of like, okay, actually he does not do shit for this family. He's going to be the one who suffers when they separate.

He's going to be the one who has so much more stuff to do. She is not going to have any more stuff to do because she's already doing it all. I'm so pissed. Dad's in the background and he says this woman is fighting for her fucking life. Come here. You can just have a celebrity guest take. Come on over. Celebrity guest take. Walk behind over here. Here's the mic. I knew he wouldn't be able to keep quiet back there. Tell him, tell him. Unbelievable. This woman is fighting for her life.

She's trying to live. Her energy is going, if she's going through chemo, her energy is down. She can't, she's doing whatever she can to keep herself working and this guy isn't partaking. We don't need this guy. You had it right in the first place. Yeah. We don't need this guy. You had it right in the first place. You're stressful. Yeah. Knock the guy out.

No doubt. I was listening. It was very funny. On the way here, I was listening to one of our first Patreons. I guess you guys posted them for Father Knows. And I heard a story about yelling and screaming at her kids. This is just pure frustration. So do what you got to do to survive.

And he is not part of your assistance. He is not part of your team. He needs to be kicked off the team and let him go think about it. Yeah. Absolutely. And on that note, I love you. I love you too. Bye everybody. I told you you wouldn't like to stay. I couldn't keep quiet back there.

It's just a freaking way. Okay. Thanks dad for the brief interruption. I do. Celebrity appearance. Yeah. Celeb appearance. I do just want to give a stat though.

So there is a stat here because I didn't want to just like, I want to make sure people have the knowledge of that top comment and like what they actually said. So there is a study from 2009, so a couple years old, maybe things have gone better or worse, I don't know, from the Journal of Cancer that found that a married woman diagnosed with a serious disease is six times more likely to be divorced or separated than a man with a similar diagnosis. Study revealed that 21% of seriously ill women were divorced compared to only 3% of seriously ill men.

Yeah, and I've seen that recently as well. And the researchers did suggest that men may struggle with the rapid shift to caregiver roles and may not be as adept at maintaining the home and family, while women are better at assuming those burdens." But I think there are people and good guys and good partners out there that would not bat an eye at this. Yeah, but I think even what he was doing before she got cancer shows which type of person he is.

I agree. Totally agree. Unfortunately, like this is going to be his downfall because once they're separated, he is going to be doing all of the shit that right now she does. And he's going to watch the kids alone. He's going to have to clean the house for himself after he leaves. He's going to have to make his own food. he's going to have to make their food when they're there, and you can't do the same kind of weaponizing competence when it's your own house with no

one else to pick up the slack. If the trash is getting overfilled, no one else is going to take it out. He's going to have to do it himself. And I'm glad. I'm glad. I want him to do it himself. Yeah. And I'm glad. I'm glad he, I want him to do it himself. Yeah.

OP does have a little edit to add some details. Favorite quotes from my husband. This one is in regards to why he doesn't have time during the day to clean during breaks. Quote, 11 a.m. is for eating, 1 p.m. is for napping, and I can probably help at 3.30 p.m. He has time for a nap? He has time for a nap? 11 a.m. is for eating, 1 p.m. is for napping, and I can probably help at 3.30 p.m. He has time for a nap? He has time for a nap? He has time.

I, I don't- You know who else would love to take a nap? Your sick wife who's working two jobs. Oh my God. I don't know how some people keep their composure. I am so, I'm like, am I crazy? Like am I crazy? I would literally rip a bag of trash open on top of him during an hour.

And I would support you. Am I like, the way some people can keep their composure, they deserve awards. Because he just keeps taking a little bit more over time and over time and like, actually now this job is your job and actually now this job is a landscaping company's job and actually like, now you're getting another job and I'm still not. And like, over time, he's just done less and less and less and less and he's comfortable with that. And it just doesn't get done unless she does it. And that's a very commonly used tactic. This next one said to me when I wasn't doing enough in the house, quote, you're not giving

with both hands right now. Oh, brother. You want to see these hands? Catch these hands. Catch them. You're lucky other things aren't happening with these hands. That is an insane thing to say. That honestly feels like what would be a quote on like a TV show that would really piss people off and I'd be like, all right, they're pushing it. Like who really talks like that? Insane.

We do have a couple more comments from OP. OP does have a counselor, thank God. And she told me to discuss expectations about the situation. And that's when he said, oh, you'll only be sick for a few days. She was not happy with that. And yes, I will reach out to family now that I know what he thinks. I feel like I am letting him and my family down. Like I am expected to be super mom and keep it up. In a weird way, maybe cancer was my wake up call to do this. Yes. But damn, this is going to suck.

Yeah. No, it's like horrible timing. It's going to pay off for the rest of her life to separate from this man and rebuild. But unfortunately, the timing of it happening also when she has cancer and like really could be using that support. It really sucks. But like, sometimes you can go through something really hard and it actually feels like, thank God, I'm not still with that person. Because even though I'm doing it alone, like doing it with them would have been worse. Because he would have also been giving a little comments like, why

aren't you better yet? Like, are you really not going to be doing this? Like, it's the opposite of helpful. You're throwing up again? Yeah. Oh. There's some other comments that I think are really, really interesting and I'm really blown away by. So OP is talking about her kids. They're the best kids in the world, so smart and sweet. I would do anything for them. My oldest does notice and make comments about dad being lazy. But I also don't want her to hate him, so I keep quiet. Ugh, tell his oldest time.

He doesn't clean up the house, dishes, make beds, or pick up toys, etc. So it leaves a mess for me. I know it sounds stupid, but I would like to come home and relax before the kids get home, instead of picking up from the morning." Because that's his designated time. She has so many designated times. It sounds like as soon... His only designated time is right before they leave. And then when they get home from school and she's home, it sounds like everything is on

her. All he has to do is take care of a little bit during weekdays when they're not even home Like he doesn't even have to be watching them. No, and he gets to take a nap Yeah, and then he's like, oh, I guess I can help at 330. So from 1 to 332 He's taking a two and a half hour nap every day The luxury I don't know. Yeah the luxury and it's also like hey, you're the dad Hey kids toys gotta be picked up before we get on the bus. Yeah. Hey, here's your five minute warning. The bus is coming soon.

Pick up your toys. Yeah. Even directing them to pick them up would be better. They're 10. The youngest is four. A four year old can pick up toys. Yeah. Like be a parent. Don't let them run amok. Yeah. What are you doing? Loser. Loser, losers fuck. I think we're gonna get an update on this one though. So we will keep our eyes peeled, but moving along. How old was that one? This one's pretty recent too, it's only a month old.

Oh wow. But in that last comment, she was like, this might've been the wake up call I needed. And I think it is. I really do think it is. So we'll keep our eyes peeled. Okay, this next one. It's coming from the Tuatakes subreddit, nine days old, titled, boyfriend keeps making jokes

about our lack of bedroom time. What do I do? Hello, everyone. I really need some advice and would appreciate any that you have to give. My 23 female, boyfriend 22 male and I have been facing some problems as far as our sex life goes. For context, back in October I had two big surgeries.

These were really hard for me as they had to go in through my back and create an incision in a major organ. It took weeks for me to heal, and I still have nerve damage as a result. On top of this, I've been taking birth control for 10 years and have a very consistent cycle. However, the anesthesia used for my surgery rendered my birth control ineffective for a month, throwing off my cycle and making my hormones fluctuate like crazy. As a result of all of this, I've been extremely sensitive and have been getting easily overstimulated when it comes to intimacy in the bedroom.

My boyfriend has been with me since my surgery and we have had multiple conversations about how we both feel concerning my body, hormones changing in the way that they have, etc. I have been unable to have sex as my body quite literally will not allow me to. I have an average libido and my boyfriend has a high one, so this has been difficult for both of us. However, starting in December, my boyfriend started making comments and jokes about our lack of intimacy to me and in front of our friends. This didn't bother me at first, but it got to a point where I felt embarrassed and guilty, and I detached myself from intimacy even further. I expressed how his comments and jokes hurt me, and he

said he would stop. Recently, they started picking up again. Last night, he made a particularly guilting comment to me, and it has left me feeling distant. I'm struggling to be any type of intimate or affectionate with him since the most recent comment, and he is getting angry with me because of that. I don't know what to do. This has been a months-long struggle, and I need advice on how to move forward. I've talked to my doctor, to therapists, and have communicated with my boyfriend, but nothing is working. What would you do?" Kite She's told him, like this isn't easy for

her either. Like this isn't an ideal scenario for her either. Kite No. Kite And the fact that he thinks that him poking at her and making rude comments is going to help her want to have sex with him more is so stupid. In front of other people too. In front of other people. It's something very personal.

It's something that she's not feeling great about. There are so many medical situations going on with her right now. He started these comments in December. Her surgery was sometime in October. she was still healing at that point, she was still going through the hormones of her birth control not working. Like what could possibly possess you to be like making backhanded comments about her going through a medical crisis? Like just because you can't have sex for a bit. Come on. Like you can't have sex for a couple months. Like, just because you can't have sex for a bit. Come on. Like, you can't have sex for a couple months. Like, I don't know, buddy.

You got a hand. Like, if you need to please yourself, sure, go for it. I understand. High libido, you know, young guy, whatever. But to publicly shame your partner after two major surgeries going through a major organ, nerve damage, hormones out of whack. Like you either like this person and want to support them and be a good boyfriend. As a human being.

Or like honestly, break up. Break up if you're prioritizing sex over this person that seems nice and cares about you, break up. Break up. If you're prioritizing sex over this person that seems nice and cares about you, break up. Yeah. She's not even saying like she has a very low libido and this is usually an issue. Like this is something that's happening because of a very specific reason. And like if this is the love of your life, why would that be what matters most to you? Like, why is that the main thing? Plenty of people all the time go months without having sex. It's, I've gone years. Hey, I've gone years.

I've been fine. I mean, I'm a different person, but like, it's not gonna kill you. You're not entitled to sex. No, you're not entitled to sex, point blank. And again, if that is a problem for you, which I, I don't know, I think it's crazy breaking up with someone over that. It's like, what happens if you're with this person, you get married, you want kids, you have kids, you can't have

sex right away after having a baby. Yeah. Like, oh, guess we're not having sex soon and like... Things happen. Life happens. Things happen. Mm-hmm. Top comment on this one. Sex is amazing and all, but you know what's better? My partner's well-being. Your boyfriend is being completely selfish.

It would be different if this wasn't a medical issue. If my hubby was in this position, I would be too anxious about his health to be in the mood. Question, how long have you and your boyfriend been together? And OP does respond to that. We've been together for about six months. We've been friends for about nine. So I am very curious. Does she ever say like what kind of comments and like jokes he's making? Like, does she ever give an example? So we do have a couple comments from OP. None that look like they're getting into the specifics of it. The first comment OP ever replied to someone says, we have been intimate in other

ways, but through our conversation, it is clear he is upset about the sex in particular. I understand why he is upset because he has a high libido and we had sex consistently before my surgery, but I also have been feeling immense guilt because of my own body and his comments." Her body is like, got a hole in it. And you want to have sex with her? Let her heal. I just, I don't understand it.

And also, being disappointed that you can't have sex with your partner is one thing, and there are normal feelings to that of being like, ah, shoot, one element of this horrible situation is that we can't have sex for a bit. But like to take it out on her and to make that the main issue of this like huge physical life event and to, I don't know, make her feel worse when it's already a rough situation, like what do you think that's going to do for you? This is so weird. I don't get it. I think you got to cut your losses. I really do. I'm like, you're only six months in. Oh, absolutely.

You are realizing very quickly that like, I really think some people don't even like their partners. I'm like, I don't think he likes you. I genuinely like, I don't think he likes you. I think he just found it convenient to have a lot of sex. It's like an early version of the last story, but you're just finding it out sooner that this person isn't showing up for you. Literally. And won't, and will get worse over time. You think they get better over time?

Haven't seen that happen. Have yet to see that happen. Dude, that's crazy. Yeah. That's so crazy. Yeah. No, you got to cut your losses with this one and move on. Move on. This is not worth it. Being guilted. Again, like, you should never be guilted into intimacy. Like, yeah, even if you're completely healthy. Be done. Yeah. Be done. Enough air time for this garbage.

Moving along. Garbage. Garbage. Okay. I am working on a work-related theme right now. So I've been coming across like a lot of like work drama work stories, but this one I'm like, it's just so, it's just a little juicy little thing and I'm like, okay, we're just going to pop it in here before.

A little gossip. Yeah, because the work one, I want to get like a really good like work professional person that's deep in it and trying to see who it is. So it's coming, but it's not ready yet. So this one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It's three days old, titled, Am I the Asshole for not giving my coworker a ride after he didn't spot me $1 at the vending machine? I'm kind of pretty sure that would do. I usually give my coworker a ride on the way back from work, usually driving five miles out of my way per day to drop him off at his place because he doesn't have a car. I've been doing that for about two years now, and I haven't asked for anything.

And he has never offered. Yesterday, I was at the vending machine and wanted a soda. I was a dollar short and had left my wallet in my car. I would usually go to get my wallet, but it takes forever to wait for the elevators at my workplace. So I asked him if he could spot me a dollar for the soda. He straight up refused and said, quote, just use your own money, man. I don't really give money to friends or coworkers. Sorry.

But you, but you take. I was taken aback by that comment because I've probably spent well over $1,500 in gas over the past two years for this guy. And he can't even spot me a dollar just this once. I got pretty upset by that. And once it hit five, I told him I'm not giving him free rides anymore. He seemed upset and said I was petty. Am I the asshole?

Be more petty. Every time in one of these stories people are like, I was a little petty. You were right. You should have been more petty. You should have doubled down on being petty. Like what the fuck? If someone's, he's never offered to do anything for her in return for five miles every single day for two years?

I would send a bill for the gas. At that point, I'd be like, hey dude, you can't give me a dollar. You're getting a bill for gas. And we talked about this on another episode we did where it's like sometimes you do something for your friends and you don't even think about it, but then they won't do something for you in return that makes you realize like, oh, have you never noticed that I do that for you? Does that not mean anything?

Obviously you don't do things for other people just so that they notice and are grateful and do things back, but like... It still feels nice to be appreciated. Also this is $1. Acknowledged. Yeah, $1. And it was borrow. It's not like, hey, can I have a dollar? It's like, hey, can you spot me? Like, I'm going to pay you back. Losing free rides over $1. It's a dollar. So you know how much that Uber home is going to be? That's karma. That's absolutely. That's truly karma. Like again, like, some people

really bite the hand that feeds them. Yeah. And that's crazy to me. I don't really give money to friends or coworkers, but you're willing to take from him like every single day, like huge favors. For years. For years. Five miles, that's... Even if it had just been a month, even if it had just been a week, even if it had just

been one ride even, or not at all. Like why is it really such a big deal to lend someone $1? $1. But those people, they have that mindset that they do really stay rich with that mindset. Like sometimes the people who are the luckiest and have the best situations are the most stingy and like find ways to get so much free stuff from other people without ever helping them in return. And the rich stay rich, I'll tell you that.

That's not a world I want to live in. I know. I mean, I don't know his financial situation, but I know that kind of person. Like we went, when we got our massages, like you bought my little raisin canes and that was really nice. You give me stuff all the time. But I don't know. It was just really nice.

I was like, thank you for my chicken strips, ma'am. You deserve it. You deserve those chicken strips. But it's just like, again, like I'm blown away. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I really nice. I was like, thank you for my chicken strips, ma'am. You deserve it. You deserve those chicken strips. But it's just like, again, like, I'm blown away.

I'm blown away by this, like the audacity of this person. Because I think it should feel natural in your mind of like, oh, this person like does stuff for me a lot. I want to do stuff for them too. Like to never acknowledge that someone does something for you. I don't know. It wouldn't be me. And yeah, why keep doing it? It's like, okay, you haven't acknowledged at all that I'm

doing you a favor for two years. Why would I keep doing it then? The fact that this person hasn't even offered, like, hey, I really appreciate you picking me up or dropping me off after work every day for the past couple of years. Like, let me know how I can help. Like, should I start pitching for gas? The fact that there was no offer. So that's like, this person is entitled, has a lot of audacity and just, you fucked up over a dollar. You fucked up. I hope it stays. I hope it lasts. I do appreciate this being a lighthearted fun story. Oh, it's good. It's good though. Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. You asked him

for a small favor and he refused and shamed you. You have no obligation to keep offering him a ride, though you should know that this will drastically deteriorate your relationship and they will make a big deal out of it. OP responds, thankfully we work in completely different departments. And I wouldn't care. I literally wouldn't care. Like, let him run his mouth. Like, oh, stop giving me rides because I wouldn't borrow him a dollar. You got two rides? After two years of giving me rides, yeah, no one's going to hear that and be like, and

I think that that can be a really good way of thinking about things when you're having a conflict with like a coworker or a friend or whatever. Like, if this person were to repeat this story to someone else, would it make me look bad? No, it wouldn't because I didn't do anything wrong. Okay, then I don't need to feel bad about it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. No, moving along. Weirdo. So this next one is coming from r slash am I overreacting four days old titled, am I overreacting for being upset that my That My Boyfriend Canceled Our

Romantic Dinner to Take His Mom and Sister Instead? Basically what the title says. My 24-female boyfriend, 26-male, of three years had told me over the weekend that he made reservations for a romantic restaurant on the lake. I was excited because our job doesn't allow us a lot of time to spend together as is. I packed a cute outfit and got everything ready this morning to change into after work. Then he texts me, quote, I actually can't take you tonight. I'm going with my mom and sister instead. Now normally I'm pretty understanding, but this is weird, right? He kind of just brushed me off with a quote, well, I'm pretty understanding. But this is weird, right? He kind of just brushed me off with a quote, well, they really wanted to go. So yeah, sorry.

I have no problem with him spending time with his family, but this was supposed to be our date. Not to mention, I had to prepare and pack everything since he lives about 45 minutes away from me. Now, he's going to enjoy a romantic dinner with his mom and sister, and I'm going back home to be by myself. Am I overreacting for being upset about this? I don't even understand why this happened. Like, you already had plans. Why would you just be like, actually, I'm going to invite my mom and sister instead? Can't take you, babe.

Just do something else with them the next day. Do you believe that he's actually taking his mom and sister? You beg the question. I think it's weird, especially like, OP calls this a romantic restaurant on the lake. Yeah. He made this really cute intentional plan for his girlfriend, like, we're going on this really cute date.

Yeah. And then mom and sister all of a sudden, like, they wanna go, so it's like, okay, well now I'm taking my mom and my sister to this romantic restaurant on the lake. Sounds a little inappropriate. I'd be at least suspicious. I'm like, okay, you can have a nice dinner with your mom

and sister, great, but like, you had plans with your girlfriend. Yeah. Hey mom, sister, sorry. She was excited. Sorry, like, I'm busy. Well, let's go the next night. Yeah.

I'd love to go get dinner with you guys, but I have plans. Yeah, like. Why are you letting them sabotage your relationship? And to do it after she's already so excited, like she found an outfit, she planned it, like she's put everything in place so that this is the night that she's going to have and is accommodated for this to be the night that you guys were going to have together. Like it just doesn't make any sense.

Like you have all the time in the world. It's not like your mom and sister are visiting from somewhere else and it's the only night you can spend with them. Like you made this plan with your girlfriend. Yeah. And that's a good point. Like there's not any of that comments. Like it sounds like they're not visiting. So again, weird. You would skip out on your girlfriend. Top comment. No, this is weird. Canceling a romantic date to take his mom and sister instead with zero discussion?

That's not just inconsiderate, it's straight up dismissive. Spending time with family is great, but he could have made separate plans with them instead of pulling a last minute swap like you were never a part of the equation. You have every right to be upset, and this wasn't a small change, it was a complete disregard for your plans together. Yeah. Next comment, yep, my ex would do this all the time. to be upset and this wasn't a small change, it was a complete disregard for your plans together. Yeah. Next comment, yup, my ex would do this all the time.

Insert people into our plans or straight up change them for other people. So concerned about what other people wanted and not leaving them out, but no regard for me. I feel like this is the same situation. He probably mentioned it to his mom and sister and they were like, wow, that sounds really cool. You should take us some time. And he just buckled over and said, yeah, let's go this day. I have reservations. Then said, sorry to girlfriend. So weird, so gross. You are not his priority. Yeah, doing it the day of is crazy. You can so easily in that situation be like, well,

I have plans tonight, but now I'll know if it's a good place and I can give you recommendations when we go next week. Like it doesn't have to be this whole thing where you cancel on her last minute that day. Also don't you want to hang out with your girlfriend? Yeah you would think so. You would think? I don't know. Like you don't see each other much and she lives 45 minutes away. Mmhmm.

That's a hike. And it's all planned to work out now. Like you have the whole thing. So OP does have a little bit of an update on this post. Thank you all for the advice. I read all of the comments and I went ahead and pressed the issue a little further with him to respond to some questions in the comments. Do you get along with his family? His family and I get along pretty well. We've been on trips together, gotten each other gifts for holidays and birthdays the whole nine yards.

I have always had a creeping suspicion that they didn't like me because when I come over, they are super passive and don't really engage in conversation with me. When I ask my boyfriend, he says that they're just reserved and shy. I think they just don't like that the only man in their life has a girlfriend. Bingo! Another one of these situations. Next response from OP, is he cheating on you? I can confidently say he's not cheating on me.

He just has this weird relationship slash mama's boy thing going on that has always slightly bothered me. He literally goes out of his way to show his appreciation for them. Sometimes it's endearing, but sometimes I feel like I'm on a back burner. Now, he said he understands where he went wrong and doesn't want me to feel like I'm the last option. Apparently he's been canceling plans on them for a while, so he felt bad when they expressed interest in going to dinner with him tonight. Just them three. Like, it could have been a nice four.

Yeah, I mean, that still would have been a little bit annoying, but it wouldn't have been as bad. Versus like, fuck you, you're not going at all. I will be putting my foot down about the mom and sister thing. Like seriously. His sister is older than me and he treats her like she's nine years old. Thank you to all the women and men sharing their mother-in-law, sister-in-law, father-in-law stories.

You've given me confidence to stand up for myself. Also thank you for the laughs. I tend to make light of situations. Your concern brought me some joy today. I felt crazy, but you all made me realize I need to stand up for myself right now." Yeah. I mean, he doesn't have to cancel on his mom and sister, just like he doesn't have to cancel on her.

Just like, stick to your plans and then it won't be this whole catch up thing. Just stick to your plans. Also, just because you've been canceling on them, doesn't make it right for you to then cancel on your girlfriend. Yeah, exactly. Find a new day.

Quit canceling on people. Quit over committing yourself and being a people pleaser. Like, that's something I've really noticed where it's like, I would commit because I didn't want to tell anyone no, but I was so over committing myself to the point like I'm burnt out. I'm not showing up and being present at any of the things because I'm like, I'm tired, I'm stressed. Like, it's okay to say no. It's okay to advocate for yourself. It's okay to not be peer pressured or feel you need to like show up for everyone at the same like, set boundaries, take a breather. We have an update though. Another one. I wasn't going to update, but I am livid.

Oh, God. What do you do? To clear it up from the beginning, his mom and sister knew that we had a date. Of course. They proposed the idea to get dinner with him. He told them he had already planned a date with me. They made sad faces and sighed, oh. Oh, my God. Okay. That's when he felt bad for them. The fact

he even told me this is insane because why are two grown women guilt tripping you right now? I FaceTime called with my boyfriend last night, before dinner. We had a serious talk about his family and how I need him to start stepping up more. I told him I won't be option number three for my entire life and threatened to leave if that was the case. He understood, agreed, and we moved on. He said his mom was just stressed about work

and wanted to talk to him. Sure, told him to enjoy his dinner and everything. Fast forward a few hours later, during supposed dinner time. I'm on FaceTime with him again and wondering why he's not at the restaurant. His mom and sister fell asleep. They literally just fell asleep.

Here I am literally begging for this man for one day a week to see him. And his mom and sister who live with him fell asleep. They live with him? They live with him? Okay, you gotta be kidding. Like, wait, they live with him? They live with him. Casually dropping that. I told him straight up that they disrespected his time and did all these theatrics for nothing. So yeah, that's the update. Thanks for all your tough love and good advice. and did all these theatrics for nothing.

So yeah, that's the update. Thanks for all your tough love and good advice. I have a lot to think about today. Really, even the mean comments were good. I don't normally talk to people in real life about my relationship, so I appreciate the little bits of advice. Okay, call me tinfoil hat, call me a little bit crazy, maybe, but it's still suspicious to me.

Like, they both fell asleep. Like, I don't know. I think there's still a slight chance there's another woman, but like... I think you might be onto it. I don't know. It's just like, okay, both of them fell asleep and you had to go with them and they guilted you so hard, even though you live with them. And like, if you live with them, wouldn't you just go with them?

Why don't you just go wake their asses up? Yeah. Also, like, what time was this dinner reservation for? Probably like six, because OP was going to go right after work. So it's like, okay, 6pm ish dinner reservation. They are not going to bed at 6pm. Yeah. They're not likely going to bed at 7pm.

They fell asleep, both of them. Both of them. I would just- Wake their asses up. Yeah. I just wouldn't write it off. I would investigate further. Of course, there's still the more likely chance that that's actually what happened, but it's just very odd. It's so odd to me. This is getting goofy. I was not, the fact that you really,

you brought this to my attention. You're really pointing this out. And I'm so curious. This might have to be the poll on this one. It might have to be the poll if we think he's cheating. Sorry babe, both of them fell asleep and like now I'm just here alone so I can't show you them on FaceTime.

You live together, go knock on the door. Yeah. Also, the fact that they live together, go knock on the door. Also, the fact that they live together is even more so like, why did you cancel on your girlfriend? You live with them. He's 26, sister's 25, mom is probably 50. Talk to her at any point. You get these people basically all week.

You only see your girlfriend one day a week. Girl, break up. I don't care if he's cheating or not. At this point, you shouldn't be begging your boyfriend to spend time with you. Your boyfriend of three years. Break up. Break up. This is stupid. And you're the one that's far away. It should be like such a priority to see your girlfriend who lives 45 minutes away instead of your family that you live with. Wow, I can't believe she just like casually dropped that little additional info like later in the comments. Yeah. Well, and there's more. there's a few more comments from OP.

100% as this is normal behavior for him, I don't think he's cheating to be honest. I think he just loves them that much. He does not see them as much as we would think because he does have a very demanding like blue collar job. It's his dream job. And he doesn't live with them because he needs money, it's more so they actually need money from him. He makes decent money. I think they are in his ear making him feel guilty. That being said,

I'll take myself on a date tonight instead. Oh my god. Break up! Yeah, he's got his hands full. He doesn't have time for a girlfriend, it sounds like. It sounds like he's already got a very complicated home life to deal with, and he seems to like it that way, so. I know. Opie is saying I think therapy might be the route I'll take. Yeah. Which, hey, you've been together three years. If you're willing to see if it can get better, give it a shot. Yeah, I mean, it's not like the worst thing in the world to do to somebody, but I just

also don't think that it can continue like that. It's insane. Yeah, they rely on him financially, emotionally, etc. I don't think it's a big deal breaker, but the principle is why I'm upset. I will definitely keep reminding myself of this. Just to feel like you're not at all a priority to your partner is like that just can't continue. I wouldn't be able to do it. And it's, I think it's giving you a preview of like, after three years, if you're not being prioritized over mom and sister for just an average date night?

When will you be prioritized? Yeah, it's not gonna magically change when you get married. No, and like, I just, I don't wanna fight for someone's attention. Like, I have had issues like early on in some relationships where like, they didn't really have clear boundaries with their parent. Like that's not something they ever really needed to have.

And so issues arise and they would like, it wasn't even like things that like would require like taking my side over, but I was prioritized and that was an issue. And it was hard establishing that boundary because it was a muscle that had never been flexed. But after you get over that hump, it does get better. Like it is healthier.

It's more constructive. Like you do have to be uncomfortable at sometimes to grow. Yeah. I mean, it is a little sad the first time your child spends Thanksgiving or Christmas with their partner or their partner's family instead of you. Like that is a normal thing to be sad about, but it's also like what's gonna happen? Like you're not gonna get every holiday, you're not gonna get every date night. Things change. Things do change. People grow. You gotta move on. Live a little. Okay.

I'm sorry, I'm adding in one last one, you guys. Don't hate me, but this is one, the title alone, and we just need, I feel like we need to end really like breaking these stress balls. Really trash. Yeah, because I'm like, I don't know if I have another theme for this one. So I'm like, I gotta get it out. I gotta get it out.

Yeah. So last, coming from, am I overreacting? Four hours old. Am I overreacting? My boyfriend said I'm the kind of girl that guys sleep with but don't marry. All right, yeah, this is gonna get me, yeah. I, 23 female, and my boyfriend, 27,

have been dating for three years. Yesterday, we were watching this dating show. There was this beautiful girl he pointed out saying, oh wow, she looks like marriage material. Hearing that, I asked him, quote, what about me? And he went, quote, you are the kind of girl guys sleep with and not marry. Dead ass to my face. I was really shocked when he said this, but then, next second, he just laughed, saying it was a joke. I got really upset because it's the first time I've heard something like that, and

we got into an argument. Initially, he said he was sorry, but then the more we argued, the more he got offended, asking me why I was so sensitive, as what he said can be taken as a compliment, since guys usually go for attractive women, and I was one of them. He said it's a good thing not being able to commit and have your heart broken. What about me and these three years? I hadn't tried talking to him at all today and he's been constantly texting me saying sorry and he will take me out for food. He ended up coming to my college an hour ago and said I shouldn't be sensitive over a joke that was just a passing thought.

I don't know if I'm overreacting by keeping my distance. My boyfriend has made some tasteless jokes in the past, but this wasn't it for me. So is it a joke or is it a compliment? Is it a joke or is it something that she should take as a compliment because he's contradicting himself when he's explaining it? I didn't mean that, but also you should be happy that that's the case? Are they actually dating? If you asked him, am I your girlfriend?

Or how do you spend three years with someone and then to their face say, you're not the marrying kind. You're just the kind of girl guys sleep with and don't marry. That's just like a very cruel thing to say. What are we doing here? Yeah. What's...

What you committed to me, my thought, like isn't this a commitment? And it feels like it also, I mean, it's like a fucked up comment regardless, but I do feel like it also hit home a little bit in the sense that like they have been together three years and there probably haven't been a lot of mentions of a further commitment with marriage on the table. I guess. I mean, OP's 23, started dating when, you know, 20 and he was 24. Yeah, I mean, that is pretty young.

But like, if you're not, it's okay if you just want to date someone to just date, but like, it doesn't seem like that's OP's mindset. Like, and I think most people do date with like the intention of like, long-term commitment at the end of the day. Yeah, absolutely. So, this is really confusing. I can't even, I can't even get past this, like looking at someone on TV that you don't know being like like marriage material. What do you, you don't even know that person. So that's based on a physically objective attraction you have or whatever. Subjective, not objective. Like you're saying, oh, she's marriage material.

Why? Like that's giving, you know, it's giving the same energy as like a guy being like, oh, she's a breeder. Is that a thing? Oh my God. Oh no, she's a breeder. Uh-huh. Is that a thing? Oh my God. Oh no, that's a thing? It's such a thing, especially if like, hmm. Like good birthing hips?

If like she's tall or athletic. Oh my God. Ew. Like, oh, she's such a breeder. Like our kids would be do you want, like, eh. Well, it's another contradiction because it didn't he point her out because she was attractive but then he said that it was a compliment for his girlfriend because guys usually sleep with girls they find attractive. So then are

you trying to say the girl on TV wasn't attractive? Because that's not what you made it sound like like Or I'm attractive enough for people to fuck but not marry. Yeah. Either way, the math isn't math-ing and then to brush it off as a joke. It's not funny. I'm not laughing. And you, I said we were gonna get mad enough to pop them. I broke the stress ball. I'm so sorry. It's okay. I'm so sorry. That's what they're here for. What do I do? I'm so sorry. I said I'm going to get mad enough to break it.

Oh no. I'm so sorry, poor banana. Poor banana. Now it looks like, the banana looks like it's jizzing. I know. I looked down and I said, wait a minute. Damn. They are very fragile.

Well, now I can return it. That one extra story, like... Put us over the edge. If it wouldn't have been you, it would have been me, because I've got banana. Thank you for comforting me. Yeah, no, you're totally fine. I apologize for your banana. It's okay.

I said, I said this story and it did. Top comment on this one. Just tell him he is the dumping kind and move on. Yes! That part. Someone goes, come on, you know the answer here. And OP replies to that. Only comment we have from OP on this one. To be honest, I tried telling my friend and she said it's some guy humor and I shouldn't be too offended.

She needs new friends. And take it as a compliment, which is why I'm confused. It's not the first time he's made backhanded compliments and I usually just get upset for a little time before forgetting, but this comment just took me out for some reason. Because it's gross. It's gross that you even have that mindset about women in any way. Like, looking at them on TV and being like, oh, would only sleep with her. Like, ugh. Like, first of all, I don't want to hear that in general. But then to say it about me?

I just think it really is highlighting what he actually thinks of you. Yeah. And I think there's moments in life and relationships, whether it's like with partners or friends, where there's almost like that, like that slip. Like where it's like, oh, like I fucked up. Like that's not how I meant it. But it's like, but it probably is how you meant it. And you just let it slip. You're just disappointed or bummed you said it to me, to my face. Deadass. Like, I think it's okay to take people at their word. And like, he is even doubling down. Like, it was a joke.

I don't think he sees you as marriage material. So if that's something you want, hey, move on. And even if it really is just a joke, it's okay if you don't want to be with someone who makes jokes like that. It's okay if that's like something that makes you uncomfortable. You've tried to tell him you don't like it. It hasn't changed and that's a deal breaker for you. Like even if it's a joke, like you don't have to be okay with that because not everyone

makes jokes like that at your expense. Nope. Hey, what day is trash day? Today! It was about to be like Tuesday. Mine's Thursday. Well, Tuesday. Mine's Thursday. No! Yes, mine's Thursday.

Oh! Yeah. So nice. I forget sometimes though. But that's all I got! Wow. What a good mix of stories. Insane.

I'm stressed. Yeah. Time to go to Costco and get some samples. I'm hungry. Rotisserie chicken. Oh, I get a box of croissants and open it up in the store and eat one as I shop. We got one of the boxes of croissants at our house, but like we could not. Oh, I give them away. You have to do that because it's so many croissants.

My gardeners. I give them away because I'm like, I can't eat them. What do you get? 12 in a box? Like a dozen? It's a lot and they're huge. But they do stay good for a while. And they're so good. Wow, I might get them today. Oh, we're getting them. Okay, cool. 100%. No questions asked. I'm just going to say no more. But thank you all so much for being here. We've got some

amazing content on Patreon this month. The group T, Michaela and I did in January, is up on Patreon. Lot of good stuff. So come on over. But other than that, until next time, don't forget to put your trash out. Bye. Thanks for watching!