Two Hot Takes - 212: Gab, Gossip, & Goosebumps..

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Michaela Okland! Ever hear a story and think, "There's a lot more here.. What's the real Scoop?".. Well that's what this week's episode started as and it quickly turned into giving us goosebumps and lots to gab about. From feeling like your students are watching you to a MIL who viciously shames you in your own home.. WHAT'S THE SCOOP?! What would you do if you were these OPs?! Partners: Talkspace: Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://Talkspace.com/THT Bonus Content on Patreon including FREE episodes: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes MERCH HERE ! https://shop.twohottakes.com Send us a letter? Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 WRITE IN TO US!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Index: 00:00 -- Start Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Get trained at standup-international.com. This episode is brought to you by Air Canada. Ready for your next adventure? How about taking in views upon views in Athens, browsing mouthwatering night markets in Bangkok, or dancing to Carnival in the Caribbean with amazing beach breaks, city breaks, and bucket list trips to choose from, Air Canada has you covered. Start planning

your trip to over 180 destinations today at aircanada.com or contact your travel agent, Air Canada. Nice travels. Are you ready? Yes. I am too. I wore two different contacts this weekend and it was the most jarring experience. Wait, what do you mean by that? Okay, so I have transitional contacts and one of them changes color in the sunlight. Oh, for like shade?

Yeah, it's like sunglasses automatically. But I accidentally paired a transitional one with a regular one and then everyone thought I had that thing where I have two different color eyes. Oh, had a had a real chromium? I don't know. You just sound sounds right. You're smart. I don't know. I had an thing where I have two different color eyes. Oh, had a chromium? I don't know. You just sound sounds right. You're smart. I don't know. I had an ex with it.

But I was like, Oh my God, like, I feel like my eyes are still messed up from it. Oh, I'm so sorry that happened to you. If anyone deserves it, it's everyone else. Thank you, Michaela. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of two outtakes. I'm your host Morgan. And today, we have Michaela. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Two Outtakes. I'm your host Morgan. I'm Michaela!

We have Michaela! I have been watching How I Met Your Mother again, as you guys know, and Lily, one of the characters, like, confronted another one and was like, where's the poop Robin? Basically being like, there's more to the story. Oh, I remember that now. I remember that now. You're lying or there's details you're not telling me. Sort of like where's the body.

Exactly. And so then I started going down this rabbit hole with a couple of stories I have about like insider info. Like there's clearly some insider info or knowledge here that these OPs have. And I want to know what the T is. Right. What's the gossip? This is such a good topic. I'm so obsessed with this. I've really like come to terms with what the show is. And I literally was walking in the studio today and I was like, that is it. And now I'm like, Oh my God, what was it? And it's like, it's like we live for the drama that doesn't involve us.

You know what? Like that sort of white lotus too, where it's like people can take it as sort of this deeper show, which it can be a little bit, but then you might get disappointed by it if that's your expectation going in. But if you just go in expecting like, you know what, I'm going to get to see other people's lives and like the messy things going on in them. And it's going to feel like I'm kind of spying on other people watching. That's yes.

Yeah. And that's so fun. You're like vicariously getting a rush from these people's crazy stories. And it's why reality TV is so fun. Like it is a little bit silly and stupid, but it's also psychology a bit. It's like interesting to see people interact with each other. I think it's very like human to be interested in other people's stories So essentially like we're doing big things here

You're getting a PhD right now an honorary Bachelor's degree in reddit. I feel like that's what it is though. It's like living for the drama. That's not mine Mm-hmm. That's like my new tagline for today. So our theme overall today, what's the scoop? Give me the tea. There's something else going on here. I need to know.

Put us directly into your relationship or situation and give us all of the details. I'll be a little fly on the wall, a little mouse in the corner. Miley Cyrus song. Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall? Oh, no, but that is vintage. Vintage. Oh no, it's like a B side. It's like a B side Miley Cyrus song. Oh my gosh. How old is that?

I don't like at least like 20 years probably. I hope it's my new Cyrus we make sure. I'm Googling, I'm fact checking you. Yeah, fly on the wall. 2008, Michaela, that came out. Okay, yeah. I was in eighth grade. I was bumping that in middle school. You were rocking with it.

Yeah, it was really good. Okay, well let's get into these today. Let's dive in. What's the scoop? Well, let's get into these today. Let's dive in. What's the scoop? Where's the poop robin? Everyone's gonna be like, ew, Morgan poop. No, no poop stories.

Don't worry. But I did have a crazy poop story on Patreon. I just posted three, no just kidding, four free bonus stories. It's basically like a free mini bonus episode. Me, Dad, Justin, go check it out. It's got some really good stories. Do you go to Patreon, patreon.com slash tuatakes? Yes, you do. Okay. Thank you, Michaela.

I'd like to type that in. Link is also in the description. Okay, this first one, it's coming from our very own tuhatakes subreddit, one month old, titled, I found messages on my mother-in-law slash boss's computer that changed my entire view of her. What do I do?

I listen to tuhat takes literally every week, and this happened to me a couple of days ago. I've been at a loss of what to do, so I figured I should finally make a Reddit account and post here. I work at my husband's family business that builds custom homes. I met my mother-in-law when she came into the design firm I worked at to pick out some options for a client. She and I hit it off and after she'd come in a few times, she set me up with her son.

Fast forward seven years and I coordinate all the builds and consult with clients on design for the 50 plus year old family business. My mother-in-law is technically my boss, but we operate a lot like equals and she's been taking some steps back. She and I have always gotten along great and she has felt like the mother I never got to have growing up. So last Friday I was packing up to go home and on the phone with my husband before he got a flight for an annual weekend away with his friends. I was distracted and accidentally grabbed my mother-in-law's computer instead of mine. I didn't realize it until

I was home and wanted to look up some fixtures for a project in our own home. Once I knew, I texted her to let her know, to which she said, no worries. She was unplugging this weekend anyways and do whatever I needed to do on it. I was just browsing and unintentionally clicked on a linked email on a store's contact page. We use MacBooks and a lot of Apple users know this. That will usually pop up to send an email using your default mail app. I closed the draft and when I went to close her email app,

I saw an email from our recently hired apprentice titled, quote, our weekend getaway itinerary. I froze. I realized this was her personal email and I couldn't help myself but to click on it. I found both explicit and romantic messages between this 22-year-old male apprentice and my married 47-year-old mother-in-law and boss. I slammed the computer shut and went to bed, staring at the ceiling for quite a while. My husband was gone all weekend and only got home today. I had been spiraling all weekend on how to handle this.

I certainly wasn't going to bring it up to my husband while he was gone, but I went to the office and had to see my mother-in-law yesterday and could barely keep my composure. I found every excuse to lock myself away in my office and be busy. So now my husband is back and I'm wondering what to do. Do I tell him? How do I even do that? Do I go to his mom and confront her? Do I go to his dad and tell him, help?

Okay. So she hasn't at this point like said anything to anybody. I'm such a like I would want to know person and I are you a person who would want to know? Oh, I'm a nosy motherfucker. Look at me in this show. I'm so nosy. Also like having the 2Outtake subreddit is so perfect for the insider scoop, I feel because Insider info. Absolutely. These people will respond to you.

I love them. Okay. Yeah. Definitely say something. I guess the question is, does she say something to the mother-in-law first or to her husband first? I would go to my husband. I'm like, that's my person.

It's his parents. And it's also going to be like, kind of probably earth shattering for him to get this news like, hey, your mom's having an affair with a 22 year old apprentice at the family business. It's like sword, sword, sword, twist them all. Like it's so, ugh. So you definitely have to go to him. And then I would kind of take his lead on what he wants to do. Yeah.

That's a good point. Except if he's like, I don't want to say anything. It's none of our business. There's no way. Then it's like, you kind of have to then be like, hey. But it's someone's business. I think his dad deserves to know. I agree. And like, if there's an arrangement between the two of them where that's okay to have

their fun, then true. That could be the situation. Dad can tell him. There's like an off chance. I mean, it's still morally inappropriate due to the age and like the working firm factor, the power imbalance. But like I think as a family, they could probably, I don't know if they would ever see her, they would never probably see her the exact same way they did before. But like they could maybe still have a relationship if this is like an open marriage situation.

They've been together a while. Yeah. That could be the case. Also, can I just say like the mail app on MacBooks is so useless. Like no one is used. I do not know a single person. I go to gmail.com. It's so annoying.

I go to gmail.com. I am not using the mail app and look what it did. Brought out some tea for us. Yeah, that's true actually. Brought out some tea. One good thing it's ever done. So top comment on this post, if you're going to tell your husband, bring proof. And that's something we didn't consider.

Did she take pictures of the email? Probably not. Do we have screenshots? Shoot. So someone goes, screenshot everything. If you're tech savvy enough, screenshot on the laptop, open a private browser to email them to yourself, delete the screenshots and delete them from the trash. Otherwise, just use your phone to take pics.

Just use your phone. Yeah, just use your phone. I didn't even consider how much this could screw up her relationships if she were to take this information to them and then the mother-in-law denied it and hid all the proof before she could. I know. You need, I feel like anytime you find stuff like that, it's hard because I wouldn't want to take pictures of nudes if they're sharing nudes. I feel like that's kind of crossing a line, but at least take pictures of the conversation and the trip itinerary. Yeah, that's a big deal.

To be going on a trip? Yeah. Well, I think that's why it's specified romantic and sexual interactions. Like it's not just a sexual thing. It's also like an emotionally involved romantic thing, I guess. Yeah. This comment does go on to say, tell your husband he's going to know something is off with you and you'll worry yourself sick if you don't tell him. Is there a chance your mother-in-law and father-in-law have an open relationship? Okay, so someone's on the same page. Your options would be hire a private detective or inform the mother-in-law and get her to

come clean or inform the father-in-law so he can decide how to move forward or do nothing. OP responds, there's no chance they have an open relationship. My father-in-law was cheated on in a seer's relationship with someone he thought he would marry and it crushed him. He has always preached loyalty and monogamy in relationships to my husband since he was a teen. Oh, that's so sad. Times change though. Like, I don't know, they've maybe now been together like 30 years maybe. Maybe they have some other oats they want to sow. There's never a zero percent chance. It's never zero, but...

I could, I think after coming out of a relationship where I was cheated on, I was hypermonogamous and then I was like, well maybe if I, I don't know, this is so, like it's so potentially not true because I haven't had actual feelings for someone in so long. But it's like maybe if you feel completely safe in a relationship with someone and like you've been with them for a long time and you trust that they wouldn't cheat on you unknowingly, I guess is the phrase, but then you are more comfortable maybe to open things up if that's how it is.

I know. But I don't know, I'm like, I'm single as hell, so. I mean, I think you do get to a point where like, at least some couples where it's like, oh, let's explore things together or apart. I know there's a lot of hot takes on open relationships and like they never work. Someone gets jealous, someone wants to close it,

but like, I feel like that's such to each their own thing, but I don't know. I don't know. A lot of people are concerned about OP and losing her job. There's comments that, I've worked for the family business for two and a half years and I still consult on the side with my last job so I can go back with an open invite. It's all good there, but we have an update. I knew it would because we're getting the scoop. We're getting the scoop. I just had to approve it as a moderator because it looks like it might've got removed, but

I can still see it. So yay. Oh my God. Update. I shouldn't have been surprised by the amount of people who told me to keep it to myself and that I was in the wrong for snooping. People said that? Apparently.

Oh my God. That's not, I've had that happen to me before. That's not snooping. It was such an accident and like it was right there in front of your eyes. Did you have to click into the email? No. Well, like, yes, you don't have to click the link. But as soon as you see it, like then you have to know. I would have people who are saying they wouldn't click it. Like what goes on? I can't imagine living like that. I cannot imagine seeing like a link about somebody maybe cheating that I know and being like, wow, none of my business. I am not looking at that. I will always look at that.

I'm always gonna peek. And the thing is, the mother-in-law said, hey, use the computer all you want. Yes. If she was concerned about something that was on there, she could have said, okay, hey, I'd appreciate you not using it, sorry. Also, isn't it a work computer and it's emails?

I wouldn't even expect something to be on there. Keep it on your personal cell phone, ma'am. Yeah. Maybe if you open up iMessage, that would be kind of, and like started scrolling through, that would be snooping and weird. But like, email opening that's on a work computer, like what would you expect to see there? Yeah. Not an affair in a work email. No, not an affair.

Like, come on. That's not, she's not like she going in a WhatsApp or a locked notes app. Yeah, I shouldn't have opened the email, but I did. So here we are. And here's an update. My husband knew something was wrong after he got home. He can read me like a book. I told him I found out something I shouldn't have. And I told him everything. He was mortified. But as some said, he's glad I told him because keeping it from him would have been way worse. He knew more about the apprentice than I did. He was the son of a family friend and she's known him since he was a teenager. No, not today. No. Oh no. Hiring him was a favor to said friend.

How long have they been together? I'm sick. My husband said he wanted to take him from there, which he did. He went snooping on his own. The computer is company property and he has ownership in it as well and can log in remotely at any time. Oh my God. He took screenshots of emails going back with the apprentice over a year before he worked here. Then of ones with someone else that were two years old and then records of a second phone and hotel reservations. With all that, he took it to his dad.

Holy shit. Oh my God. He like bypassed even going to the mom. I got the chills were moving fast. I did too. I actually got chills as well. Literally look at my little goose hairs. I can't believe. Oh my God. I don't know how that conversation went, but I do know that they went to get him tested. To add insult to his injury, he tested positive. She is not being careful on any front, like doing this on a computer that everyone in her family has access to, like on the family business computer and not like having safe sex. And well, now it's like, what did you give him? Gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis?

We don't know, yeah. Like what? That poor guy. He's been through the wringer. He's been through the wringer. A wife of what? Like, I don't know, 30 years maybe? Yeah.

God damn. Please wrap it up, lady. No, this is criminal behavior. And that's the thing. That's the thing. If you're outside of childbearing years, you still gotta use protection. I'm talking to you senior citizens in homes or assisted living facilities. Wrap it up.

Yeah, wrap it up senior citizens. Dental dams. I don't care if it's oral. Dental dams exist for a reason. Sorry. Sorry. What? What's a dental dam?

I didn't know about it. It's a condom for your mouth so you don't spread anything because you can take a cold sore on your mouth and give someone genital herpes. I didn't realize that was happening. Dental dams people. They're cheap. Just PSA. That's my PSA for today. Yeah. Thank God. Off my soap box now. If you have a cold sore, but you still really need to have oral sex. Dental dams. Dental dams. My father-in-law joined us for dinner instead of going home and we talked for quite a while.

He was like a heartbroken teenager. He had no idea what was happening. But years ago, he had suspicions of her talking to other men, but didn't have any proof. And they dropped it after a brief fight. But now, with undeniable proof of multiple affairs, he said it's over. He also has a pretty airtight prenup that should make it a pretty easy divorce on paper. The family business is on his side, and in the case of infidelity, she forfeits all ownership of the business and the house

they built together. Oh my God. So, I'm sorry to break it to you, coming clean didn't destroy my marriage or my career. I told my husband mostly because we don't keep secrets from each other. It's a foundation of our marriage, but it's almost like reasonable adults put blame on where it's deserved, on the cheater. My father-in-law is pissed and simultaneously devastated and plans to get his ducks in a row before serving her with divorce papers.

Yeah, I guess she could go live with one of those 20 year olds. Like what the fuck? Sorry. What the fuck? I did not, I did not see this coming. No, I didn't expect her to be, honestly, when you first read the title, I actually thought, I didn't realize the mother-in-law and the boss were the same person. So I thought her mother-in-law was like cheating with her boss or something. I did not expect there to be this like power dynamic, like disgusting element to it. The fact that you've known him since he was little.

Yeah, like how can you do that? There's like some celebrity couples that that's the case. Like, oh, blah, blah, blah was friends with his mom and now they're married. And it's like, yeah, if you knew someone as a child, disgusting. You should be in jail. Hot take number two of the day. Yeah, she's lucky that she's just losing everything. Electric chair! And when I say electric chair, I don't mean to death. Just some zaps to really wake you up.

If you're not watching the video version of this episode, Morgan drinking her coffee is in a red solo cup and it's just really comical. I need to order koozies with two takes on them. I just haven't gotten there yet. I've been a little busy. Basically a lot of comments from OP. I signed a prenup that basically cuts me off if I cheat as well. It's pretty common for people with a large business.

There are rapid tests for certain things that come back in like 20 minutes. It's basically a COVID test as far as going into a walk-in clinic and turnaround time. I think people were coming for her being like, oh, you got tested that fast. Yeah, there are things that can be found out very quickly these days, especially I think like if you do blood tests, it's faster or like a pee test or something. Yeah, your analysis, when I was working in the emergency room, your analysis come back really fast. Right.

Really fast. Like it's faster than getting tested for other diseases. Yeah. Oh man, I'm just trying to peek if there's any other comments we should get into. OP is kind of speculating. Honestly, I think how I found out could be chalked up to not just being tech savvy and not thinking that she had anything to worry about because she has gotten away with this for years.

As we found out. I have her computer login, she has mine. People are pressed that I had my boss's passwords, but she's also my mother-in-law. We've done presentations where her computer goes to sleep after we set it up and I need to log in. She sent me to go get a file off her hard drive when it's plugged in at her desk, et cetera.

And I don't know if she even realized that her personal email was logged in on the mail app. She usually works off of Microsoft Outlook in her web browser. There's a good chance she logged into her personal email on the mail app and didn't think twice about it. Oh yeah, like I work with my brother and I literally am logged into his Instagram, his Facebook, one of his emails.

Like if you work with people, a lot of the time you have to share stuff like that. And then things, if there are things to be found, like, unfortunately that might pop up. That's not her fault at all. Also, like anyone going there to like this horrendous behavior and being like, actually it's your fault for finding out about it. Come on. I think like, if you happen upon something by accident, and you snoop a little deeper after that, that feels like fair game. And don't quote me because I know there's probably a situation where my opinion would

change and whatever, but it's different than like, I have a boyfriend or a fiance or husband and I don't trust him. Something happened. I'm getting really suspicious. Then I go through the phone. I would do that. There's probably bigger issues there than versus, oh, I grabbed his phone to, you know,

play a game or look for a picture to send myself and something popped up from Susie saying send me a dick pic. Right. Then I'm going to snoop because I didn't have trust issues, but I saw up from Susie saying, send me a dick pic. Then I'm going to snoop because I didn't have trust issues, but I saw that from Susie. In those cases, it feels like you do have to go deeper because otherwise you're burying your head in the sand and people could be getting hurt when they don't need to be or not in the best situations. This father-in-law, he got an STI. Yeah. I don't know which one it was, but like if they go untreated for

a long time, it can get more dangerous. His health was actually at risk. I honestly, like my biggest question is, is there any update about how he's doing? I know it hasn't been that long like since he found out. So the answer is probably horrible, but- We do have a couple more comments from OP. OP says, thankfully, it's something that's treatable. He's sad and shocked, but this is all really fresh and happened quickly. I had no idea my husband would move on so fast, but he and his dad are really close, so I'm not surprised. My father-in-law is a great guy and he has us and a large support system that have proven

themselves to be great friends time and time again. So with all that and time, I'm sure he'll be okay. I also wonder, because he suspected some years ago, if there was any relief at finding out. Because I, since he was cheated on in the past, there might have been years now where he's thought, oh, I'm just so wounded from my past that I'm like being crazy. I'm thinking things out of nothing. And like, this is just how I am and this is on me. And maybe like getting that concrete proof like, oh no, you're not crazy.

Because he was already kind of feeling those feelings. I wonder if that might help him to move on easier. I think it would help me because if you've already had a fight about it in the past, and then you find this out, then you can kind of realize like, I've been being lied to and gaslit and made to feel like my paranoia is just that paranoia. It's unjustified for years. And now I have answers. There's something validating about learning that actually your gut feeling was right and that you should trust your gut and you can trust your gut and you weren't being like crazy years ago and these bad feelings that you had were real feelings.

Yeah. Because it's almost like I can't trust that person, but I at least found out I can trust myself. Yeah. Trust your gut. It's sad, like such a sad way to end, you know, a long and hopefully mostly happy marriage, but at least like everyone can move forward. And unfortunately, it sounds like the mother-in-law is kind of left with maybe nothing, but like that's also a choice she chose to make.

Yeah. Multiple times. Yeah. And I'm very surprised like OP comments on it quite a few times. Like people were brutal in the comments, said I should take it to the grave, I should mind my business. But like, I wouldn't be able to if you got 20 years down the road and your husband found out that you knowingly kept this from him.

Yeah, now all of your relationships are ruined. I also think him testing positive for an STI is further proof of like why it is important to share that information. Yeah. Especially if it's something that could have gone further. Even syphilis is treatable, but if it's left untreated, there's so many negative implications of that. Yeah. I mean, all- Pretty sure you can go blind.

Almost all STIs are very common, and getting one isn't really the issue. It's not treating it that's the issue. No. isn't really the issue. It's like not treating it that's the issue. Dude, I just saw the craziest thing and this is like partly because of the current administration and like cutting funding for like the Center for Disease Control. Oh my god, yeah. But like we're really close to having gonorrhea being untreatable because it's getting so resistant to antibiotics. Oh my god, I didn't know that. Yeah, and so there was this like one center that was like tracking gonorrable because it's getting so resistant to antibiotics. Oh my god. I didn't know that.

Yeah. And so there was this one center that was tracking gonorrhea and its resistance to antibiotics. And I don't think they're getting funding anymore. So another reason to practice safe sex. I think I saw something about it and they were like, oh, we were wasting like five million a year on guinea pigs that have gonorrhea. And it's like, actually, no, they were like using that as a testing to then treat gonorrhea in humans.

Like, it's just, that's how they frame everything. I know. It's crazy. And yeah, it is. I'm like just fact checking myself. And yeah, it is a, there's a big growing concern that gonorrhea could become untreatable due to antibiotic resistance. This is also another PSA.

I'm so sorry. I'll shut the fuck up after this. But if you get prescribed antibiotics, please take them as directed from your provider. Don't think because you're feeling better, you should stop them and save them for later. Take your full prescribed course. Thank you. And don't drink on them. I did that once. It was bad. Were you seeing things? A little hallucinations?

I think I just kind of blacked out and had a really bad hangover the next day. This was in college when I was just a mess. You're out there. I was out there. Being a little risky. But okay, we have no further updates. OP, if you're listening, update us. I approved your post now. So you're good.

But moving along to the next one. This episode is brought to you by Talkspace. Finding the right therapist can be pretty challenging. After all, it's not something you want to compromise on. Well now, you don't have to, because Talkspace, the leading virtual therapy provider, is here to help. From personalized treatment to meeting online from anywhere, and even the ability to text your therapist at any time, Talkspace makes therapy more accessible than ever. Now the elephant in the room. We all know that therapy can be expensive, but Talkspace is pretty affordable and even covered in network

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This one is titled, I am getting frustrated that my husband keeps getting sick on vacations. Hello, everyone, I need some advice here. My husband, 27 male, recently keeps getting sick on vacation and it's really making me, 24 female, frustrated. I understand that it's not within his control, but we have looked forward to this trip for so long. When I mentioned that I can go out alone

and do some sightseeing, he insisted that I be with him in the hotel room instead. Let him rest, and the next day we will be free to go out if he feels better. He did mention that whenever we go on vacations, he is quite dependent on me, mostly because I do the planning while he carries the luggages and pays for the stuff. And while I acknowledge that, it just frustrates me that he keeps getting sick, and I will

be in the hotel room and not have anything to do but just look at my phone. I feel so frustrated that I just break down in tears alone and I have no one to express this to. Even now, I'm crying as well. When I express these feelings I have with him, he will just ask, quote, what can I do to make you feel better? And I can't even answer that question myself. What would you guys do if you were in my position? I need some advice on this. Thanks. What's going on here? What's the scoop, on this, thanks. What's going on here? What's the scoop, Michaela?

Morgan, what's going on here? Where's the poop, OP? Literally, I was thinking that the entire time you were telling this story, I was like, what? Is he getting sick? Right. Air quotes sick? Yeah. Is this him?

Did she say how many times this has happened? I'm gonna go look, there's no mention in the original post. How many times does this happen? But if it's like, it's that, what's that little tick tock audio? If I had two nickels, it's like one nickel is weird, but then you have two nickels and it's like, if it happens once, okay. But if it's every time you go on vacation, he's getting sick. It seems like he doesn't want you to go on vacation. He doesn't want to enjoy these trips.

And maybe that's some pessimistic thinking, but it feels a little bit like weaponizing competence. He's purposefully sabotaging so he doesn't have to do this again. Yeah, because she's the one like planning it out and getting really excited to do all these things. And it sounds like he has no involvement in the planning process of like, oh, I want to go see this and like go on this excursion and do this. But I guess what I'm struggling with is like, I don't understand really what he would get out of it. Like what would he get out of, I guess, control?

Yeah. Making her miserable. Yeah. Because it's one thing if you get sick, if this happened to me and Justin when we were traveling, if I was like, hey, I'm just gonna go sightsee, you're not feeling well, I'm gonna leave you to relax, first I'll go get you some soup and crackers, maybe a ginger ale, but then I'm gonna just go

bop around a little bit. Right. He'd be like, okay, yeah, you should, really, I don't wanna make sure, oh my God, you don't have a good time. If I were sick on vacation with somebody, like whether it be a partner or a friend, I would be like, please like do all of the things that we were going to do. Like unless I'm dying and I need assistance, but like if I just want to be home because

I'm tired and I'm like not feeling well, like you should still go on that like cruise and you should still go on that. I don't like excursion. Like you should still go to that hike. and you should still go on that, I don't, like excursion. Like you should still go to that hike. I know. We're all the way here. We're all the way here. And I think it's kind of a cop-out too, where he's like,

I feel very dependent on you because you do all the planning. As someone that's doing a lot of planning right now, I don't wanna plan anymore. I don't wanna plan trips on my own. I want someone to plan my trips for me. I don't want to plan anymore. I don't want to plan trips on my own. I want someone to plan my trips for me. I don't want to be the big brain thinker. And that's the case for a lot of relationships. Like no one wants to do everything on their own. It's like, well, you're carrying the bags as you should. I do all the planning. But it's nice

to have input from a partner. And I know like, like a lot of people would be like, oh, well, you know, I want to make sure we're doing what you want to do. But it's like, I want to make sure we're doing what you want to do to have some input. Right. And luckily, like, Justin is so good about that. He will like go on Pinterest and research and like, whatever. But like, there's other times where it's like, I'm planning something for my family or whatever. It's just like, come on, give me some input people. I'm pulling teeth here. Like, what do you want?

What do you wanna do? Like, ah. So it's hard, but I don't know. I like, I need more of a scoop here. Yeah, is there more of a scoop? There might be. We're gonna read the top comment first just so we don't spoil anything.

Top comment, just go without him and do your thing. Yes. We went on a cruise and my son and I got food poisoning. We stayed back and puked all day while wife and daughter-in-law explored the port of the day. I would have been disappointed if she had missed out. Staying in the room would accomplish nothing. Teach him how to use the TV remote and go enjoy your day. Teach him how to use the TV remote. There's subtle shade there. Yeah. Next comment down, I completely agree. He can insist you stay in the hotel room all day doing nothing

while he's sick all he wants, but you don't have to listen. Give him some soup, make him comfy, and then go enjoy your vacation on your own. If this was a one-off, I'd say stay with him. But since it's a recurring issue, you shouldn't keep wasting your vac on your own. If this was a one-off, I'd say stay with him. But since it's a recurring issue, you shouldn't keep wasting your vacations like this. Also, when you're going on vacation with someone, you see how excited they are to do these certain things. And I can't imagine not encouraging them to still do that thing that they've been

probably talking about to you for weeks now. Like, I'm so excited to see the red pandas and blah, blah, blah. And then like that day comes and you're not like, go, go, like go without me. You're so excited to do that. You're saying stay here. I love red pandas. That's why I came to mind. I know they're so cute. That would be so selfish though. And I don't like it. So we do have some comments from OP. People are inquiring about what he's... Ailed by? Right. Having a fever and a bit of a sore throat. Huh. Sounds like allergies.

Yeah. He doesn't really go on vacations much, so he might feel a bit strange to new places. Just now I asked him if I can go out alone to get some stuff, and he said that I can go, but he will be sad if I leave him alone. Oh my god. What? Yeah. That's not normal. alone to get some stuff. And he said that I can go, but he will be sad if I leave him alone." Oh my God. What? That's not normal. It's starting to get very emotional.

He just has like a sore throat and a bit of a fever. Buck up. At first I was like, well, I guess if you're traveling, like you can get a lot of stuff on planes sometimes. Like traveling can, you're in this little space with a lot of people, but like it wouldn't show up the first day and also the way that he acts about it is just not normal. No, and I know there's some people that have

like weakened immune systems and are immuno compromised and all that, so like this is not like to say that maybe he's not dealing with those issues, but we have no context of that. Yeah. Well, she's not referencing he is someone who gets sick a lot. No. And it's only on vacation by the sounds of it. OP does go on to say he's quite sensitive.

Even before vacation, he's been taking vitamins. And when we arrived at the airport, I asked him to wear a mask, which he did follow. Unfortunately, he still fell sick. This has happened more than two times and it happens always after two days of the vacation. So, you know, that's an appropriate amount of time for something incubate. But like, does he just get tired of it and then he doesn't want her to enjoy it without him? Like, does she say he doesn't like vacations? Road trips are fun, but he doesn't know how to drive. This is another comment from a P. He doesn't know how to drive?

Doesn't know how to drive. Maybe they live in Europe. Public transportation is so easy and nice there. He said that he likes to go on vacations with me, but to be honest, I'm actually doubting whether it is only me that enjoys the vacation. I asked him before, every vacation planned, whether he is comfortable going on overseas. And he always gives me the same answer. As long as my wife is with me, I will be comfortable.

Again, OP has a comment here. Unfortunately, when I asked if I could go without him, he keeps insisting to stay because he feels hurt if I leave him alone. Yeah, I just like don't understand that. Especially again, putting myself into his shoes. If I were to have done this to my partner now three times and like on the third time, I'm still telling them, no, you have to stay with me. Like, no, I just don't understand how they don't feel guilty and like weird about that. I'm perplexed.

There's really no other comments from OP. A lot of like emotional manipulation by the sounds of it, especially with this comment. There is like one other comment, my husband is quite insecure when I'm going on a vacation without him, so I'm stuck in a position that is hard to deal with. So I really do think it's like a control thing. Like I saw, this is the craziest thing I think I've seen. So I went one day when I was in London, I went to Harrods and when you go to their coffee bar in Harrods, you can order these custom lattes with beautiful designs and writing on them.

And there's pretty standard designs that they were doing for people, but this one guy and his wife ordered a coffee, she ordered the coffee or latte or whatever, and the barista guy made it and like made a heart design. Seems like a very generic design. Made the heart design, delivered her the coffee, and the husband immediately like elbowed her, took a spoon, and like wrecked the design. Wow. Because another man was giving her a heart. And so I'm just wondering, like based on all these comments, he doesn't want her to go out and explore without him. He's insecure. She goes on trips without him. Yeah. I'm just wondering if this is like a,

too many people are looking at you, you're getting too much attention. I'm going to be sick. Yeah. There's, there seemingly is something else here. There's a bigger scoop here. Yeah. Ruining the design, I feel, is such a good visual representation of what this guy is doing. And it was like, it was an expensive ass latte. Of like just ruining something. I mean, I guess it wasn't entirely just because

it might bring her joy, but I think that might be an element of what's going on in this story. And it also reminded me of another story you and I discussed. And I think the woman was like traveling for a sister's wedding or something and he canceled her tickets. Yes. She showed up to the airport.

He literally didn't want her to go. And she was like, I'm going to go like I'm going to my sister's wedding. And she literally got her flight canceled by her husband. Yeah. And it's just sort of this like behavior that gets worse and worse and like controlling in little ways. And you might not always see it immediately because you might not even be in situations right off the bat.

Yes. Like sometimes they present themselves when the situation arises. It's not something you'd even notice until it happens. Yeah. Right. Like when I was in college my first year, I you'd even notice until it happens. Yeah. Right. When I was in college my first year, I didn't even go to a party one time. But then the first time I did, my boyfriend acted really weird about it. And I was like, oh, I didn't even know you had that in you because I've never tried to

do this thing. Yeah. But sometimes it takes certain situations to start bringing these behaviors out. That's so true. Which is why I would be so interested from OP to hear like, if there's anything else he does that's weird when they're back home. But yeah, it feels reminiscent of other stories that we've discussed of like escalating behavior. It's giving something's fishy here.

I'm just getting a read and maybe it's unjustified. I don't know. But I'm looking to see if there's any other posts from OP. If he were just getting sick, but telling her to go out and enjoy it and have fun, then I maybe would just be like, oh, he has a really shitty immune system. You know, I think the element that's really confusing to me is just putting myself in those shoes, how weird it would be to tell someone to not enjoy their time and to like not leave me alone.

Yeah. I'm just- Especially over a sore throat. It's a sore throat. Yeah. And I'm like the fever, I'm like, I don't bring a thermometer on vacation. So how do you know it's a fever? Like, is it just he was feeling a little hot? How do I know he didn't go in the bathroom and put a blow dryer to his forehead? Yeah.

No, it's never anything where it's like, oh, he was vomiting or like there were these physical signs of... He's shitting his pants and he can't leave the hotel bathroom. Been there, get that. Absolutely fair. Not even a cough. It's like, it's sore throat, fever. No, no. And like, I just had really, really bad food poisoning recently. Like food poisoning,

maybe norovirus. I don't know. Like I, it was so bad. Like I had to get an IV full of Zofran. Like I was dying. It was terrible. Did I want Justin to be there and witness my depravity? No, I did not. I said, go to work, sir. Don't get sick. Goodbye. Like, and that was just like a normal day, but like even on vacation, I would be like,

this is a hotel bathroom and the walls are thin. Please get out of here. Yeah. If I have a cold, sometimes it's nice for my mom to make me soup, you know, and like be there for a little bit, but then, you know, go back to your room and I'm going to sleep. I'm with you. No other relationship posts from OP does seem like a real account is posting

on an accountant subreddit talking about retaking exams. Another comment in r slash Singapore refi, commenting on a post male 30s marry Malaysian girlfriend and talking as if they have some experience about living in Singapore. So that's the context I have. We'll be on the lookout if there are any updates because I would love an update on this one be so interesting to hear if they have a conversation, like what comes out of that. Absolutely. But moving along to our next one, which is a little scary. The first one was scary. Okay this next one.

This is coming from a relationship advice. It is titled, My 30 Female Student, 18 Male, Made a Super Creepy Comment. My Husband, 35 Male, Thinks I'm Being Paranoid. I'm a high school English teacher and I have been for a few years. In that time, as a woman, I've been used to teenage boys awkwardly behaving around me sometimes and pheromones are kind of a part of the deal. There have been occasional comments, but generally in the vein of, Miss, so and so has a crush on you. Or Miss, would you be so and so's Valentine?

It's all in good humor in front of the whole class or large group and is seemingly well meaning. My school throws a January ball for seniors, 16 to 18, which is basically an opportunity to celebrate the start of another calendar year. As it's after hours, not every teacher has to attend, and this year I was asked to be a chaperone. There is no alcohol permitted, but obviously some of them sneak in, hit flasks, and so on.

During this month's ball, two students were huddled at a table in the corner of the hall, not dancing, just keeping to themselves. I know them well as problematic students who have difficulties socially but also perform poorly academically, so they don't fit in with the popular crowd or the nerdy lot. We have some of these every year. Poor hygiene, greasy hair, long fingernails, that sort of thing. Immediately, I could tell that they had been drinking from the way that they smelled and talked and asked them to hand over any alcohol they had.

One of the boys, let's call him Stuart, started protesting. He said the following, and I'm 100% sure this is what he actually said. Quote, come on, miss. Don't pretend you won't open that bottle of Bailey's when you get home. Feed up in your dressing gown, watching the new TV. Give us a break. Now, as soon as he said this, I felt my heart drop into my stomach and I got cold all over. I had just bought a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream for myself the weekend before the dance. I am in the habit on nights where I don't have much marking or planning and I want a

treat for myself of having a bath and watching a movie or series in my dressing gown. My husband bought a new television over Christmas. I asked him how he knew those things, and he feigned ignorance, basically saying it was a lucky guess. I was so shaken that I left them, and a short while later they both left. But that night I could barely sleep, and my paranoia kept growing. I simply cannot believe that he could have guessed all three of those things. One, maybe, but no way all three. My husband is away for work currently.

I phoned and told him about it, and he basically downplayed my concerns, saying I probably mentioned those things to my class at various points and this student just remembered it. But I would never mention those things. I just wouldn't, and I'm sure I haven't. I've become more skittish at home when I hear noises. I only live in a small house, but when I arrive home from buying groceries, I check every single room and cupboard before I lock the doors. I've also arranged to have the locks changed. When cars stop outside the house, I turn all the lights off and peek at them through the blinds. I'm having trouble sleeping. In class, the student is quiet and the same as ever, not completing homework assignments, distracted in class.

My husband is growing increasingly exasperated and worried more for my mental health than the possibility this student could somehow know details of my personal life. I mentioned it to my supervisor as well, and she also basically reasoned that I had either misheard what he said, it was a coincidence, or a combination of the two.

What's the play here? I'm seriously freaked out and I don't know how to even begin putting this to rest. Yeah, I definitely have a bit of surveillance paranoia, I feel. So I really do relate to her in this. This is creepy. I get very scared, especially if I'm watching a scary show or something, that someone's either in the house or someone could be watching, or if I'm at an Airbnb,

I check for cameras. I definitely have always, it started when I was younger with religion, and now I think, like, God was watching, but now it's like someone. But I don't think Bailey's is a super, like Irish coffee. I don't think that's a super common drink. That's not. So there's also Kahlua. There's other things you could have picked. Like why Bailey's? Why a dressing robe? Yeah. Does she have a big window in her living room, I would wonder, because people's addresses

are public information. It's really not a huge stretch to think that, obviously we don't know this kid and I'm not saying that this is anything about him, but just for anyone, it's not that hard to look up someone's name on the white pages online and figure out their address or even like their phone number or anything like that, which you can use an app called like Delete Me to get that stuff removed or like you could physically request from each website that they remove your information if you want to. But if you don't opt out, like that's the default that it's all on there.

So it's not crazy to be like, oh, maybe he's gone to her house sometime and like looked at her through her window. I mean, yeah. Or like, the Bailey's would be something. It is the fact that it's all three because like with the Bailey's I'm like, Hey, maybe he saw you at the liquor store or the grocery store. Why would he be in a liquor? Yeah.

You know, like maybe at a grocery store. Yeah. Yeah. So liquor, but I'm like, maybe that's how we saw you, but like the new TV and the dressing robe, like I don't wear a dressing robe. Like I'm usually in a big t-shirt and sweats. So it's like a dressing robe is very specific. Like not everyone wears a little muumuu. Like I have a hard time believing it's a coincidence. And I think it's really frustrating being in this situation and like you're being told

by everyone. You're overreacting, you're paranoid. And it's just like, but I'm not like, I need to trust my gut. It's the same way when people like start getting stalked and they know it and no one believes them and no one takes a report and no one wants to put a restraining order and then they end up dead. And granted, is this high school student going to kill her? No, but there's clearly something at play here. I mean, probably not.

High school students can do that. I mean, the only thing I can think of, but I would think that she would come up with this idea if it were the case. Like if she ever posted, you know, a picture or like a story on Instagram of her like, you know, like a selfie of like finally settling in after a long day and like watching my favorite show or I don't know, something like that. Like if it's just social media stalking. Yeah.

But I, but I do believe like she would have come to that conclusion on her own if that were the case of like, Oh, maybe he saw my Instagram. I think like step one would just be getting some cameras around your house, like on both sides of it. Just so that you can have that peace of mind of like, if someone were around my house right now and looking at me, like I would have gotten a notification. I would know. I would see it. Like I can physically see that there's been nobody at my windows or my doors the past

24 hours. Like that would feel good. I would also just like, obviously this is a very low chance of it happening, but I would check the house for cameras. Like I would do all of those things with like the light and yeah. Do you know the trick for checking for cameras, like I would do all of those things with like the light and yeah do you know the trick for checking for cameras because I think it's really good to do when you go to like airbnbs hotels wherever you're staying that's not your home. Is it the flashlight? Yeah so I've heard if

you shot all the lights off in a room and then use your phone's camera then if you scan about with your phone's camera if there is another camera about with your phone's camera, if there is another camera in the room, you should see like an infrared light. I know I'm sure there's like other devices on Amazon and things like that, but that's one hack I've heard. There also are apps where you connect it to the Wi-Fi and then it can tell you every single device that's on the Wi-Fi. So if there's like a camera or like a webcam on the Wi-Fi, because obviously it would need

to be live streamed or like it would need to be connected to like the network and it would be the same network you are on. So it'll like show you every device on your network and like if it's currently active. I honestly I feel like that's something I want to download and figure out how to just check when I'm going places. I don't know, call me paranoid, but I went to a crime junkie live show a couple weekends ago and they had this case and one of the people in the cases was a doctor who was installing cameras in toilets and getting shots of people's vaginas and crazy shots.

I get so scared about it. I get very paranoid. and getting shots of like people's vaginas and like crazy like shots. I get so scared about it. I get very paranoid. Like using public restrooms. I get paranoid every time. Not like severely. No, but you think about it. Yeah. I do too. I'm like, I'm always like, what's, what's happening here? I've seen so many videos on TikTok lately of like people in bathrooms and like someone next to them, like puts a phone camera under the stall or they're

at their Airbnb and they open the basement door or a crawl space hatch and someone's in there. You can never be too careful nowadays. We live in a time where we have these technologies. It's 2025, install a camera. You should have cameras, at least a doorbell camera now, at the bare minimum. And there's a comment here from OP, thank you for the advice, I will invest in some cameras. How do you advise I go about communicating all of this and justifying it to my husband? Babe, it's 2025, we need cameras.

That's it. I don't even think you need to justify getting cameras. You don't need permission to get cameras for the outside of your house from your husband. And they're not even that expensive anymore. Like if you get one of the ring or whatever the blank ones I love my youth, you feel is great and you can get solar powered ones. You never have to charge them if you live in the right area. Absolutely.

And like he would benefit from it too. Like it's just safe to have that especially like, hey, your wife is alone sometimes. You should want her to feel safe and also you can feel like she's safe. That should make you feel good too. But I don't know, I understand her. I literally passed, I was driving yesterday and I passed a spy store and it literally was called the spy store. And I was like, first of all, I need to go there sometime. But also I think it's just a testament to how many ways people can

camouflage a camera now. They can be wearing glasses and there's a camera in it. Like they can have a pen in their shirt and there's Ray-Ban glasses. You would never never know what those are. Like Alejandra has them and like they're so discreet and it's literally just someone looking at you recording with glasses. It's crazy. USB charging ports, camera. Well, also- Pens, camera. The, is it Gisele Pettico? The one whose husband- Yes, the French woman.

The way that he got found out was because he was sliding like his camera underneath girls skirts at a department store and a guy who worked there insisted on like one of them filing charges and they saw him doing it on the camera. But like you just have to be aware of your surroundings and it sucks because there are so many methods now to being creeps. I know there's also an element of like seeing it online makes you think it's more prevalent than it is, but I don't think it's like bad to be careful and to be aware. Just situational awareness is so important.

So important. But I don't think OP was being crazy. It does remind me of a story and I don't believe I've ever read it on this podcast. Maybe, maybe I get into it for this month's Patreon full bonus episode because it is kind of vintage and I know there's a lot of other podcasts that have probably read it, but there's a story about this guy who does think people are breaking into his home and there's like a plot twist that happens with it that I don't want to give away, but it is reminding me of that story. But I don't think knowing how that story ends, I don't think it's the same.

Oh, I know the story that you're talking about. Yeah, I don't think it's the same situation here. I'm going to read it for this month's full bonus episode on Patreon. So if you want, come over there. Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day a there's always a small chance that it was a guess and that It's a crazy guess and somehow he figured it out or maybe he did see her at The store and then guess the rest of it or whatever like of course There's a small chance that that's a possibility, but I don't think it hurts to just get cameras in your house Check for cameras already existing

cameras in your house, check for cameras already existing, maybe remove your address from those websites. Those things don't hurt you. Yeah. So smart. A lot of good recommendations, Michaela. Okay. So let's get into some comments from OP here. So someone goes, my thing is, why would he say new TV?

I could believe if he said drinking some wine, watching TV in your dressing gown, but being extremely specific about your drink of choice and new TV is a little scary. Wine is the trope. TV is what you would think people do. Dressing gown is cozy, but those added details make it not a coincidence. And that's what I would assume. Woman, wine. TV, reality show, Netflix series,

whatever. Dressing gown, okay, robe, insert robe, insert whatever. Like I would assume big t-shirt. Baileys, dressing gown, new TV. They just got it in December. I missed the new, I missed that he said new TV. New TV. Okay, that's yeah. So if he goes exactly, exactly, if it was just you're going to have some Bailey's or you'll have some Bailey's in front of your TV, like, okay.

But those comments plus the new TV. Next comment down. Is it possible that you or your husband were observed buying the new TV and the Bailey's? The students parents could have seen either purchase and said, oh, throw away Jade, whatever, just got a new large 65 inch TV. I agree. You should do a sweep for cameras or ask a techish friend for help. But that would necessitate figuring out how the cameras got there, which opens up a larger

conspiracy. And that is so fucking true. If there's cameras in her home, how the fuck did they get there? That's not the end of the story. That's not like, oh, we found them. Now we're safe because we removed them. You have to find out like how they got in. How long have you been living there?

Did you recently buy the home? Did you recently move in and you're renting? Were they there before? How do these students have access to those cameras? So then your students broke into your home and put these cameras in your home? Like what the fuck? Yeah, which I'm glad she already changed the locks. She said that right.

She's getting them changed. She's getting the locks changed. I also think there's an element of this, like, it's a woman talking about these concerns to her husband, who is a man who's probably never really thinking about this kind of thing. Like, she's brought it up in person to people who, you know, they just don't have to worry about being followed or like being attacked or whatever in the same way. And they're not vulnerable in the same way. Yes, because I remember the first time I told Justin, like, I genuinely think about getting

kidnapped every day. He was like, what? He couldn't rationalize that because that's not a fear he's ever had. Like, there's such an intuition with women because we socially do have to be more on edge and aware. Ugh! And that's why, like, gossip between women is an evolutionary way we keep each other alive. Like, gossip is important. Gossip. Gab.

Yes. Don't gatekeep. Yeah. Chizmosa. I want the chizme. So OP does ask, how can I sweep for cameras? Genuinely want to know. And someone goes, open your Bluetooth and see if there are any weird devices. Obviously, if you live in an apartment building, this probably won't work because you'll pick up your neighbor's stuff.

They sell devices that look for hidden cameras, but I think it's just something that emits a beam of light that would bounce off a camera lens. I've never seen one that seems worth buying. Otherwise, I don't have any suggestions. And OP goes, there are some devices I don't recognize. In the morning, it's late here. I'll go ask

my neighbors to try and rule some out. Thank you. Holy shit. OP has another comment here. It's in response to someone and it goes, well, I'm in IT, but not that area. If there was a camera, logically, it would have to be transmitting, so probably use a Wi-Fi connection. I've read that skimmers and gas station credit card payment units can send data through wifi so the bad actor doesn't have to retrieve it. That wifi should show up on your phone if you look at various wifi offerings on your phone. You'd have to take into consideration closeness of your neighbors. How a camera got there is another puzzle. OCam's razor says to look at the easier likelihood. So can someone be looking in your window as you sip your Baileys in a nightgown and also notice your recycle bin with a discarded

LG TV box recently? Oh yeah. OP goes, similarly a long list of Wi-Fi devices popping up, longer than the Bluetooth list. I'll try and get my immediate neighbors to rule some out but there will still probably be a few left over. I mean yeah I would have all of my friends come over and we turn off the lights and we all are looking with flashlights. We're like, you, I mean, like you have to take out sometimes the lighting fixtures, look under the lighting fixtures. Vents?

Fans? Yeah. There are definitely videos on TikTok, I think of like people finding, yeah, or like what they do when they enter a hotel room or an Airbnb for the first time, like all of the places they look. And it would be places that someone would expect would get a view of what they're trying to get, you know? So like your random shoe closet probably doesn't have one in there because what would they

get from that? But like in your bathroom with a good view of like the toilet and the shower, like that would be the first place to look. I hope that's not the case, but like, I mean, it would just give so much peace of mind if you did look at all these things. I think it's more likely the window or like the recycling bin theory. This episode has turned in from give me what's the scoop? Give me the scoop to gave me goosebumps. The whole episode I'm just like, what is happening here?

We have an update. No, we do. Yeah, we have an update. I'm like, I'm so scared to read it. You haven't read it yet? I haven't read it. Oh my god, okay. I don't want to read it. Oh my god. What did I do to us today?

We're gonna get so paranoid this week. We're gonna be texting each other. Dude, don't be listening to this episode alone. It's too late to tell people that now. Like, everyone's already locked in. Like, yeah, Tom, I'm alone. It's 3 a.m. Morgan. What the fuck? I'm so, it's 3am, Morgan, what the fu-

I'm so sorry, you guys. Okay. My eyes are watering, I'm like so scared. Update. I wasn't expecting this post to receive so much attention. I'm really grateful to so many people who have validated my concerns and helped me develop a plan of action. I got home a whittle. A wh action. I got home a whittle, a whittle, a whittle. I got home a whittle.

A whittle while ago. And I'm going out shortly with a friend to try to rule out Bluetooth and Wi-Fi devices with my neighbors. After that, the two of us will try and conduct a meticulous search of the house for any concealed devices using the lights out phone camera trick some people recommended and some other tricks I found online. Just to clarify a couple of points that I've seen raised a few times. Dressing gown is a really common term in England for what Americans might call a robe. It's absolutely common parlance. Here most people I know would associate a robe with something

a wizard might wear. In terms of it being a lucky guess, if he had just said, relax with a glass of wine, I might have assumed so. But the dressing gown comment, plus the Bailey's comment, when I just bought a bottle, and the explicit mention of a new television, which I'm 100% certain I did not misinterpret. These things make it so much harder to write off as a coincidence. As far as social media goes, I have Instagram, which is set to private under my maiden name, and my profile picture is not of me. I'm not in the habit of connecting with former students.

I only have three who have all gone to study English at a university and have used me as a reference. I also have a Snapchat, which I only use with my have all gone to study English at a university and have used me as a reference. I also have a Snapchat, which I only use with my husband and very close friends. I've posted nothing about my new television and I also don't think I've mentioned this to colleagues, let alone students. Certainly I said nothing about the Baileys I just bought. And that's so true. You're not going to tell your underage students, yeah, I'm going to go home and drink a glass

of Baileys. Yeah. Or like, hey everyone, I'm going to go home and drink a glass of Bailey's. Yeah. Or like, Hey everyone, I just bought a new TV. Like to your kid or to your, you would remember like talking about that. I'm just so excited to go home and have Bailey's in front of my new TV in my dressing robe. Also why would anyone opt for a longer sentence that's more specific with all of these extra words than just saying, relax with a glass of wine. Like they don't opt for these really adjective riddled sentences with all these extra details for no reason.

No, they know something and they wanted it to be specific to jar her so that she would leave them alone and they could keep their alcohol. Maybe they're part of a spy club. Maybe they're in the CIA. Update number two. I wasn't going to post an update here, but the number of worried people who have reached out to me made me reconsider. After a thorough search of my house, I found two devices.

What? Dude, what the fuck? They seem to be camera devices. I don't know if audio is included. One of them was in the smoke detector in my bedroom, while the other was concealed in the wall of my living room. Looking at an old picture of my bedroom, it looks like the smoke detector itself has changed very slightly.

I think that the new one is a device in itself, which the culprit somehow switched with the old one without us noticing." Dude, what? What the fuck? Like I know that's kind of what we were saying, but that, like, what? They came into her house and changed the smoke detector. So it's like, that makes me think it's someone with a key. Is it a maintenance person? Literally, again, oh my God, I hate getting goosebumps like this. Or like, how do they get- I don't know, getting through a window or like, maybe they're not always the best at locking the door or I don't like, maybe-

How does an 18 year old know how to rewire a smoke detector though? Well, actually I did see this on Law and Order SVU a couple of weeks ago. There was an episode- Oh my God. No, there wasn't. I did see this on Law and Order SVU a couple of weeks ago. There was an episode. Oh my God. No, there wasn't. It's like you just buy a smoke detector that's a camera and you just like twist it in.

But don't you have to unplug wires and like know how to like, like shut the breaker off? Cause it might not even be like a working smoke detector that they put in there. It's just something to look like a smoke detector. So they don't even need to do the wiring. The bedroom. There's probably a sex tape of her. Yeah. No, that's...

And where are they putting it? Where are they posting it? I don't know. And how do you find it in the millions and millions and millions and millions of sex tapes online? How would you ever find that to get it removed? No, I feel like she needs to get him arrested before tipping him off. That way there's a chance that like this could all be deleted before he could like send it anywhere or anything. Yeah, they clearly need to like question these kids.

Yeah. Oh, oh, P goes on to say, the matter has now been referred to the police. If it wasn't for so many of you taking me seriously and giving me practical advice, I wouldn't have had the courage to check, especially given the fact my husband was downplaying the concerns. He has been very apologetic and is coming back from his work trip early, but I've asked to spend some time apart and will be staying with my parents for a while." Yeah, how do you even ever like feel safe in that home again?

I'm glad I raised the issue with my head at my school and a couple of others as there's a paper trail, another suggestion from this thread. Needless to say, I'm completely shaken to my core and I have the most revolting feelings of my privacy being invaded. I have no idea how many people have been involved in this, but phones have been taken from students and we should have more answers soon. I won't be making any more posts or updates. Thank you again for everyone affirming me and making me feel sane."

Dude, I actually want to cry right now. That's so violating and scary. She's a teacher. She needs to be taken seriously she needs to be like respected like this is also I don't know kind of a threat to her career with these like kids potentially passing around videos of her in her most like private intimate moments like that's just so terrible well the only thing to like the fact that you brought up Giselle, the French woman who

just went through like the most horrendous experience and like trigger warning essay, her husband drugged her for years and years and years and basically like let other men come over and assault her like terrible, terrible situation. And because of that, my head goes to what if the husband was the one that installed these cameras? He has access to the house, access to their bedroom, and was trying to downplay and say she was paranoid. Yeah. I mean, like the likelihood of kids get in there? It's like, maybe he posted the stream. But how would he connect with? I don't know, like he could have posted the stream,

like wherever they live, Roseville Teacher live stream. And like, maybe that's how the students came across it. Like, I don't know. I would definitely like search his phone and his credit card history as well and see if there's anything that stands out because it would be very scary to then always wonder that. Hopefully when they do question these kids, they find out how they did it. Maybe the answer is, oh, I was just

watching a live stream and then now that opens up all of these questions with the people she actually knows. Or maybe they say, oh, you know, like the door was open and then, you know, that's still bad, but at least she doesn't have to wonder about anyone who has access to her home. You know, that's very scary though. And unfortunately, like one of the saddest things about these situations is that it's so often the person you trust the most. But I don't know like high school kids can be really evil. Like I was never evil in high school, but I'm certainly a much better person than I was then. And then like I, you know, you think about other people and like before your frontal lobe develops

and before you really like, I mean, this happens at a different rate for everybody, but before you have empathy for other people in the same way and like, understand that other people are just as complex of human beings as you are. Like, there are, there can be very bad high schoolers who are capable of bad things. And what's crazy is that would be the best case scenario for her at this point. versus her husband. Yeah. Or an inside job. I'm telling you insider info like, yeah, wait, someone knows something and I really do hope OP, if you're out there listening one, I hope

you're, you know, doing okay and safe and hopefully getting more of a peace of mind back in all of this. But I do think this story, if you do get an update and you do find out who and how and why and whatever, I do think it could help others by updating again. So if you're out there, let us know. Oh my God, I can't believe it ended like that. Like that's just so devastating. There's no other comments, no further updates.

That's all we got. But I wasn't expecting to get that much, honestly. I was expecting a dead end. Yeah, me too. Or like at least the update to not produce anything. Right. Because in that other story I'm like going to read, it was like a chemical. It wasn't foul play.

So I'm like, fuck. But okay. Moving along now. Next story. Somehow. You know that the bees are different in different regions because there used to just be these docile... This is going to sound bad. Oh, they should learn to the pollen class.

Yes, there were like these, the docile European bees, but then these more violent bees from Africa came up and they're like more... The killer bees. Yeah, yeah, the killer bees. And they like mate with the European bees and now we have so many of those, but there used to be like bees that didn't really sting and there still are in some parts of the US and it's like Obviously places that are colder because they're from like a warmer climate Bees make me sad because I I feel like bees they die when they sting

Yeah, but not wasps. I know so it's like why haven't bees evolved to be able to sting multiple times because they're the ones we need They're the pollinators. They should evolve to have multiple stings because they should be able to sting multiple times because they're the ones we need. They're the pollinators. They should evolve to have multiple stings because they should be able to protect themselves. They deserve it. They deserve it. The wasps should be the ones that sting once and then die. I've always said that about wasps. What's up with that?

Fuck the wasps. There's been such an informative episode. There's nothing more fun than taking a can of wasp killer and taking out a nest. Wow. You've got that killer instinct. It's fight back. You get stung one. Oh my God. It was so bad. There was a wasp nest that like at my farm, like where I would get my horses ready to go ride. I would like tie them to our trailer because I'd had all my like tack and saddles in it. And there was a wasp's nest underneath like the fender of the wheel and we didn't notice.

And we got too close as we're getting the horses ready. They stung me, they stung Justin, they stung the horses. And we didn't know what the fuck was going on. And wasps like bite you first to hold on and then they sting you. So it's like a double whammy. So yeah, I'm going to kill them. Yeah. And you're going to feel good about it. I will. You're's like a double whammy. So yeah, I'm gonna kill them. Yeah, and you're gonna feel good about it.

I will. You're gonna be happy. I am. No better feeling in the world, she said. Oh, well, I have a couple more doozies. This is crazy. Apparently. This is crazy. We're just gonna lighten it up though

with a little bit of a good old fashioned chaos because there seems like there's more of a good old fashioned chaos because there seems like there's more of a scoop here. Okay. Okay. So this one is coming from AITAH, three days old. It is titled, am I the asshole for telling my fiance's daughter I'm not her mom after she called me a gold digger with a uterus?

Yeah, that's what she said. As opposed to all those uterus-less gold diggers out there. Yeah. She's got a... Got to specify. Got a stone to grind or something. I don't know. Buckle up. I, 32 female, have been with my fiance, 38 male, for almost four years. He has a daughter, 15 female, from his first marriage. Her mom is very much in the picture, but she's more of a wine and vibes parent than someone who

actually parents. I've been the one handling school stuff, doctor's appointments, making actual meals instead of Postmates every night, helping her through panic attacks, you name it. Now, I've never tried to replace her mom, but I've been a consistent, caring adult in her life. I even helped plan her last birthday party when her mom completely forgot the date. Like, I've seriously bent over backwards for this kid.

Fast forward to last weekend. We're at this fancy dinner with my fiance's family. First time his extended family has met me, so I'm trying to make a good impression. Midway through, his daughter turns to me, smiles sweet as pie, and goes, quote, So how does it feel being a gold digger with a uterus? That's what my mom says you are. Whole table stops. Someone chokes on their wine. I just sat there stunned

for a second and said, quote, Oh, honey, I'm not your mom. I just happened to be the woman keeping your life together while she's out getting her chakras aligned. Oh, fiance was mortified. His daughter burst into tears and stormed out. He later said I stooped to her level and that I need to apologize because she's just a kid repeating what she hears. I told him I've spent years being disrespected and taking the high road. And maybe the real problem is that a 15-year-old is walking around thinking she can say things like that and not get clapped back. Now his family is split.

Some think I was too harsh. Others say I just finally said what no one else would. So am I the asshole for finally telling this girl I'm not her mom when she decided to come for me in front of the whole damn family? This is the thing, it's like sometimes you are a little bit of an asshole, but it's like you are allowed to be a little bit of an asshole, but it's like you are allowed to be a little

bit of an asshole. It's obviously not a nice comment. It isn't a nice thing to say to a child. However, is it okay for someone to be pushed to their limit and have a reaction that isn't 100% the most mature sometimes. I think so. I'm just like out of all the comments you kind of snap back with one that doesn't make the most sense for the moment.

You get called a gold digger with a uterus, and then you say, I'm not your mom. I thought she said, oh yeah, she did say that. How does it feel being a gold digger with a uterus? How does that be like, I'm not your mom, I'm just the person who stepped in while your mom gets her chakras aligned? Which, okay, you're kind of snapping back at her mom because she said that's what my mom says you are.

But to be like, well, I'm not your mom. Like, well, duh, you're not her mom. Like, it's not even a comment that makes the most sense in terms of burns. It's like, well, your mom is fat. It feels like one of those. It's like a clap back where it's like you knew where to hurt, but also it doesn't even make sense. It's just like you just wanted to inflict pain. Yeah, I guess the first half doesn't really make sense. Like, why did you, cause she didn't say you're not my mom,

and then you said, you're right, I'm not. Like she said something completely different, and then you're like, I am not your mother. I know. Which I guess would, how long has she been this kid's step-parent? She's been with fiance for almost four years. Okay. So she's been around for like a large part of this kid's life. So from age 11 until she's now 15, which are very formative years. That's a tough time

for a kid, especially a girl. Yeah. I don't know. This one's hard because... I'm like, what's the scoop though? Right. Why the gold digger uterus comment? Is the daughter and the mom talking? I mean, OP is 32. We don't know if OP wants kids or not.

But if OP does want kids, is this daughter scared of getting replaced? I will say like she does in the way she talks sound pretty resentful of being the mother figure in this kid's life. And if that's coming through in this Reddit post, like I would imagine that there's an element of this coming through to the daughter, you know? Like, there are just little ways of how she's talking about it where I'm like, oh, you don't love this kid completely. And I think that that's been obvious. The uterus is so rare. Is there like a reason that like she said that? What also is sad is that like, that is a very misogynistic ideal about like stepmothers and just women

in general. And it's sad that a child is hearing this at like a, and a girl child is hearing this and internalizing that about her own gender and like thinking these things about her stepmother. And unfortunately, like children are more susceptible, I think, to those types of ideas and beliefs. And it's not her, like the child's fault that the adults are saying that to her. And now she's repeating it. But like, my first instinct would be like, Hey, like that is in a way that we should view women, you know? Gold digger with a uterus. Yeah. So I'm a gold digger that's only good for my uterus.

Yeah, but- So a lot of implications you can draw from that. Right, are they like trying to have a child? Like why uterus? I know, and I think there's something to be said, like she doesn't want to be replaced. And I totally get that feeling as a kid where like your

dad's dating and like, like my dad would date some women that wanted kids and like, I was like, I don't want to get replaced. Like I got daddy issues and abandonment problems as it is like, I don't need this. Yeah. So I feel like I understand this stepmom's frustration to an extent about like, constantly like doing what she can and kind of feeling not appreciated and she'll never fill the place that she's sort of trying to fill. But I also feel that her beef is actually with the mother. That's what I'm getting at. There's clearly some resentment there.

And I think you picked up on it where you're like, it comes across in this post, like maybe she doesn't like the child. Yeah. But I think she's more so resentful at the mom for not stepping up. Right. A mom that forgot her kid's birthday. Right. A mom that doesn't schedule her 15 year old's doctor's appointment.

Yes. The step mom, step girlfriend is. Mm hmm. Like it seems like there's more so resentment at the mom. And I think the fact that like the little girl said, that's what my mom says you are. That's like why this whole comment clapped back. It was to hurt the mom, or get under her skin, but like, you're getting, you're just, it was a wrong execution.

It was wrong, yeah. So I do kind of agree. I'm like, could I go everyone sucks here? Yeah. Are you the 32 year old and this is a 15 year old? Probably should have been the bigger person, but hey, 15 is old enough to kind of know what you're saying. But you are still a kid.

So I'm kind of more towards you're the asshole. I feel like there's definitely this over many years built up resentment being unstead of like, your mom sucks, but you seem to respect her more than you respect me. And like, I'm the one who's showing up even though like, you were not originally my child, but like still you take her word over mine. And like, I think there's a lot of feelings over years, which obviously she can't say because this is a child and like, this was a snapping moment. And I will say, I think a hundred percent because there is the comment here. I told

him I've spent years being disrespected and taking the high road. What's the scoop? Yeah, what's the scoop? What's the scoop? Give us the road. Yeah. What's the scoop? Yeah, what's the scoop? What's the scoop? Give us the uterus scoop. Is there something there? Top comment on this post. I'd say you need to reevaluate this relationship and your role in it.

OP goes, yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I stepped into this role to build something real, not to be treated like a live-in assistant with a uterus. If this is how I get repaid for holding it all together, then maybe I need to stop auditioning for a family that doesn't actually want me in the cast." Oh, shit. That really made me feel like, oh, maybe actually it's not that she is a gold digger with a uterus, but she is being treated in this family like she

is just like a uterus. I don't know. I guess we'll need more information. Maybe are they like, are they implying because she has a uterus, she's inherently motherly? Like I want to know what they mean by the comment. I know because it doesn't sound like it, I guess from what we've known so far, it doesn't sound like it's directly correlated to giving birth. I need to know what all of the hypotheses are about this one. Pause and tell your hypothesis. What does this mean?

Someone replies to Opi's comment and goes, yep, if nothing else, I'd stop immediately organizing the 15 year old's life. She can ask for help, but stop giving it to her automatically. I would also have a long talk with the fiance and make the decision on whether he's assumed to be ex. Wow. People are jumping. Wow. Jumping the gun. A lot of comments from OP. So someone goes, not the asshole. He should be ashamed that his daughter said something like that, especially in front of his relatives. She only cried because she knows it's true and maybe she should learn some respect." Which, okay, again, she does know that this is an important dinner. It's the first time fiancee OP is meeting husband's family.

She probably did this at a time to humiliate her. So okay, I'm not, you're the asshole anymore. I'm more, everyone sucks here. But that's why, this is why kids and teenagers are so difficult to deal with because they can be meaner than anyone else in the world. But then it's like, Oh, but I still have to like recognize that this is a child and like, I can't match their energy. Like, they get to be meaner to you than anyone else gets to be. That's just kind of being a parent, which you are stepping into that role if you're

marrying this guy. You're a parent figure. You're not her mom, but you still are a parent-like figure. And yeah, you can't, but at the same time, it's like she's 15. She's probably got her learner's permit. She might be getting her driver's license in a month. 15 and what? Like, is she 16 tomorrow and she's about to drive and hit the roads? Like, that's an adult-like privilege. So you should maybe act more mature.

Yeah. OP responds to that, right? Like I didn't even come for her first. She threw the first punch and got mad when I didn't just sit there and smile through it. If she's old enough to parrot that kind of nastiness, she's old enough to hear the truth. And as for my fiance, yeah, the fact that he was more worried about her feelings than what she said, that's not sitting right with me. Yeah. I think that there's a lot more context to the burdens that this woman has taken on

in the family and the role that she's been pushed into by marrying this man. And it sounds like he isn't very supportive. I feel like this problem should have been addressed before it gotten to this point by her father, her actual father, and been like, hey, you need to respect her more. I will say my first reaction again would be like, I probably need to sit down with this child and have a talk about misogyny and the way that we view women in society and try to release her from these clutches before she's an adult too. Be gone, Satan. I know. there's a couple more comments from OP. Someone goes, run for your life.

You might not be in the wrong, but those are not really great circumstances for you. It's actually terrible. And OP goes, you're not wrong. The older I get, the less energy I have for being the emotional punching bag in someone else's family drama. Like I signed up for Love, not a middle school Mean Girls reboot featuring a child and her wine mom. Wow. Yeah.

And it's like how long and how many years and how much time have you put into this family and you're still being treated like an outsider and you're still being treated like the help in a way? I know, an assistant with a uterus, as said. Again, the uterus comments. There's one last comment I'll read from OP. The comment hurt, sure, but what really slapped me in the face was how normal it felt for her to say it, like this wasn't her first rodeo. The fact that he didn't shut it down immediately says more than her words ever could. I'm starting to realize I'm not just fighting for respect from a teenager. I'm fighting for it from the man who's supposed to have my back.

Honestly, that might be the bigger red flag. Yeah, I think that's an interesting way to look at it. Why was there even time for this woman to respond instead of the father stepping in and one of the other family members stepping in. Not appropriate. Apologize. They should have reacted quicker than she did in that moment and defended her and that comment shouldn't have even had to have been responded to. No, that's your circus. That's your little baby monkey. You correct it. Yeah. And maybe it was like just a quick knee jerk, but I think that's like inherently us and

human to like try to defend yourself. So like, while I don't think OP's comment was great to this kid, it does highlight bigger issues. So like, yeah, maybe this isn't everyone sucks here for me. For me. A lot of people are not the asshole on this post. There's no overall bot that determines a consensus on AITAH like it does on Am I the Asshole? But there are a lot of not the assholes. There's some, you're the assholes. You stooped to her level. You

should have held it together. And then, you know, everyone would have seen, hey, that's really where the issue is. Now you have this family drama where it's like, it's out open and not constructive. There's a lot of back and forth on this post. So and it's easier for I think us to judge her reaction and be like, Oh, her response wasn't perfect. Like her response was a little bit rude and bitchy too. Yeah. But like, we haven't experienced these years of being disrespected and belittled and like kept out and doing your best and putting in all this time and effort. Auditioning for a role that doesn't want me in their cast.

Yeah, exactly. So I kind of go back to like my initial feeling, which was like, even though it wasn't asshole common, it was like, maybe at that point, she just kind of needed to be an asshole because she's been belittled for so long. And hey, maybe that's the thing. I'm also coming from a place of my stepmom, my former stepmom called me a little bitch because I pointed out that she was cutting French toast differently than my mom was. So I've been the kid with a crazy stepmom and like we are getting one side and OP seems like she's been a good, you know, parent figure for this girl.

So it's not that but it's a tough one. And I think honestly, this is going to be one of those situations that I think this is the end of the relationship for OP. It's sounding like she's realizing the disrespect is too much to put up with. It's a very messy, just like real world situation where maybe no one is entirely right and it's just too complicated with these years of feelings intertwined and everything. Yeah, this is going to be a contentious one, I think. I'm curious. Now I'm like, I'm sitting here, I'm like, am I not the asshole? She deserves it.

She is ready to drive a car, basically. I know. I get sometimes really bad at kid ages. I know. If someone told me, picture a five-year-old. I would not know what to picture. I don't know what that looks like. Five is actually kind of big.

Yeah. It's bigger than you'd think. I know. I saw a three-year-old the other day. I thought they were in first grade. Five is actually kind of big. Yeah, it's bigger than you'd think. I know. I saw a three-year-old the other day. I thought they were like in first grade. Yeah, they could be anything. I'm way off. Like me at 15, what was I?

Teen, freshman in high school, I guess. Yeah, I mean, like I wasn't my fully formed self yet, but I'm still not my fully formed self. No. Oh, no. Who am I? I don't know today. Yeah, it's tough.

We are so interested. Are people going to be mad at us? I don't know. I don't know. What do you guys think on this? Could she have kept it together a little better? Did she not need to? This was the camel's straw that broke the back.

I mean, we'll see. If she has never been bitchy to this 15 year old before not Yeah, so my god I've I've driven my mother to like saying things probably that she wishes she had said My mom's never said like horrible horrible things to me But like there are definitely things were like I pushed her to a point of like not acting like a perfect. Yeah polished like A lot of people have told their parents. Yeah hate you. Right, absolutely. Like that... Ugh, yeah.

And then like got in a comment back where I'm like, oh, like who was expecting that? I mean, you do that with parents and like that is something that psychologists do talk about like you are sometimes the meanest to your parents when you know the love is so unconditional. Wait, that might be, that might also be part of what's going on here of like this child isn't getting that from her actual mom. So maybe it's like I can push this other parent figure and they're not leaving me and it proves that like

they will put up with my shit. There could be some deep issues here because I think even when kids like have parents like that aren't as involved or kind of ignore them like you realize that as a kid but you still want that parents love and so you try to like seek their attention or their approval even if it's not what's best and like maybe this is a weird way of her trying to like win her mom's love and get her mom to pay Attention to her like hey mom. I'm on your side I said this at dinner like or this is the only parent she can act out to without like the fear of abandonment That she has with the other ones like this might be the only

Parent that she isn't afraid to say these things to. I think so. For fear of rejection. I do really think so. And I think if OP loves this guy, he needs to be willing to stand up for her. And if he's not, then I would walk. But if he's willing to start shifting things, I'd go to some family therapy with the three of them as a unit and like, get on a better page and like, hey, your mom is your mom. I'm not your mom, but I'm here for you. I love you. Like, it could be a happy ending, but he's got to buck up and start defending his fiance. And it's hard because your kids should come first. But you have this

fiance who's being disrespected. And at a certain point you do need to parent and discipline for terrible behavior. Yeah. I'm not a parent. Who am I? It's a messy one. All you moms and dads, aunts, uncles out there, I don't know, you chime in. I think, yeah, I think when it comes down to his parents, they're like allowed to snap

at their kid who's being an asshole sometimes. 100%. But if she is acting out because she wants like that proof, then her being like, I'm not your mom is probably the worst response she could have gotten. And it makes sense that she started crying and ran away. Yeah, I think so. And so I'm like, did you have to go there? Maybe.

But it did probably hurt your relationship that you've spent four years really doing a good job building. But she was being a little shit. So what do you do? But moving along. Okay, this next one is coming from r slash relationship advice, two days old. It's titled, my wife saw a photo online and now she's not herself. How can I get her to open up?

Not really sure how to even start this. I, 38 male, have been married to my wife, 36 female, for seven years. We met kind of fast, only knew each other for a year before we got married. It just clicked. She's always been calm, steady, not super emotional, but warm in her own way. Like she's the person that just handles things. A few nights ago, something happened and I don't know what to do with it. We were on the couch watching Chopped or something, both on our phones, normal night.

Then she froze, just stopped everything. Got up, walked out of the room, no words, no expression. I found her sitting on the floor in the kitchen, crying. Hard. Like full on shaking, trying to breathe through it. I've never seen her like that. I thought maybe someone had died or something really bad had happened. I kept asking her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say.

Then she handed me her phone. It was an Instagram post. A younger woman, maybe late 20s, standing with a guy. She was really pregnant. Beautiful photo. Soft light. One of those maternity photo shoot kind of things. The caption said something about healing, starting over, breaking the cycle, building

the family she never had. I asked who it was. My wife said, that's Elena. I remembered the it was. My wife said, that's Elena. I remember the name barely. She had mentioned her once or twice in the past. Never a full story. Just things like, I hope she's okay. Or she had a hard time growing up. I thought maybe it was a kid she used to mentor or something. Turns out they met about 10 years ago. My wife was 26. Elena was 18. My wife was volunteering with some group that helped young adults aging out of rough situations. Elena had no support, no

family, just kind of floating. My wife helped her get her feet onto her, helped with job stuff, housing, let her stay at her place for a while. She said they got really close. I don't know everything that happened back then. My wife won't really talk about it now, but based on how she reacted to seeing that post, it mattered. I don't think it was romantic or anything like that. It felt more like she looked out for her, maybe even loved her like family. Now Elena's out there, happy, safe, having a baby. And my wife just broke. It's been three days. She goes to work, comes home, lays in bed, barely eats, doesn't talk. I've tried asking if she wants to talk about it. She just says she's tired.

She won't even look at me half the time. I suggested reaching out to Elena, and she said, quote, she doesn't need me anymore and went quiet again. I don't know what this is about. Guilt? Feeling replaced? Regret about not being there? We never planned to have kids. We were always kind of on the same page about that.

But now I'm wondering if she buried some of those feelings and this cracked it open. Or maybe it's just what happens when you see someone you cared about move on without you. I don't know. I'm just guessing. She won't let me in. I feel helpless. I don't know how to support her when she won't even tell me what she needs. Has anyone been through something like this? Where someone they loved shows back up in their life in a way that knocks the air out of them? I just want to help her. I just want her to come back. I just want to help her. I just want her to come back.

This one's kind of, this is very confusing. Like I feel like I'm missing something. Well that's the point of the episode. Because at first I was like, oh, I guess like maybe it's happy tears. Like maybe it's happy tears that this kid that she knew that was in a really hard situation is posting really happy and saying like breaking the cycle and like going on to live a beautiful life. Yeah. But it's not happy tears.

It felt like a lot more like panic attack. Right. Now depressive episode. Is there something like in her own life that this is like bringing up for her that she hasn't healed and she's like, I don't know, like I'm very confused. And I know like for me, I'm like, clearly their relationship was really close. Right. I don't know if it's romantic. And some might be like, Oh, of course, you're gonna assume romantic. But it's like, this is a big reaction to have if not for this being like a lost

love of your life. I have a friend that I'm no longer connected to, but I would never see a photo of her pregnant and start having this reaction despite being so close. And I loved her like a sister and thought she would be in my life forever. I still wouldn't have that reaction. So it's kind of a, it's a big thing that clearly something else is going on here. And why aren't you connected anymore? Why are you not in touch? Why aren't you at least friends? You helped her out of such a, you know, rough, tough home situation,

let her live with you, mentored her, I don't know, but you're not connected at all. What went down? Yeah. Or was it maybe a one-sided thing? Maybe there were feelings that weren't acted upon. There's always the joke about the very homo erotic best friend breakup where like, you know, maybe a girl doesn't even realize that she's gay, but she has a very intense friendship with another girl.

And when they have a fight, it hits so hard and it's world ending and like devastating and like they don't even know. So I guess it could be sort of like this unspoken thing of, you know, she doesn't even realize why it's hitting her so hard and like she just has all these feelings, but she doesn't know how to categorize them. It's a really good, really good take. Potential. I could see it.

I mean, why else this reaction? And I think the comments kind of pick up on what we're picking up on. Yeah. Top one. I'm going to play devil's advocate here, but it seems weird to me the reaction she had. If I had personally mentored someone who had a rough background and now they're living their best life, the normal reaction would be happiness and feeling proud. But to sit and ugly cry like someone died and then experience symptoms of depression, based on that information, it feels like she's grieving a lover.

Give it time and suggest she sees or talks to a professional. It's not healthy. Wait, she's literally living out Chapel Rowan's good luck, babe. Like, when you wake up next to him in the middle of the night. Dude. I don't know. Like, that's one situation. I guess another could be if they went through

something really horrible together and like seeing each other just brought back those memories too much. And that's why they stopped. Like I know some like siblings sometimes if they go through a really abusive relationship with their parents, like sometimes it's harder even to like see the sibling in the future. Like sometimes you associate a person with a really bad time in your life. That's true too. I guess there are these other possible situations and I hope that she opens up to her husband about what it is, but it also could be she doesn't even know why she's having this reaction and it's...

I know. Well, now that you say that, like maybe, maybe Elena did cut her off. Maybe Elena didn't want a reminder of such a bad time in her life. Yeah. Like you said, like I do think there could be something there. And the comment from the wife being like, she doesn't need me anymore. It does speak to Elena maybe pushing her away and saying bye, and I don't want you. Sort of like the dynamic between the stepdaughter and the stepmom from

that last story of like you put so much into someone and you care for them, but like at the end of the day, I mean, I, there are certain times in my life where people knew me and it's like now if I were to see them, they might still see me as that person. They might still, you know, when they're looking at me, they don't see me the way I am now. So I don't really want to see them. And maybe there's an element of that in this relationship of like, I just don't want to be around people who knew me at my darkest point. And I could see that I could totally get that and see that. There are a lot of comments here speculating that maybe OP's wife wants kids, struggled with infertility or things along those lines.

And OP does have a comment to someone who this person first goes, are you sure she isn't regretting not having children? That she's not looking at this woman who had it so rough but managed to get pregnant while she hasn't? OP goes, that's not really possible considering that she grew up always not wanting children. It was one of our first important conversations in our relationship and she made it super clear on staying child-free. And someone goes, that is kind of how regret works. I personally don't and can't want children,

but I have seen how much it matters to some people. I can definitely imagine people changing their mind or regretting it. Yeah, I guess like that's a valid possibility. But I do feel like that would be easier for the wife to say to her husband than maybe some other things. I don't know. It's possible. It's not where my mind goes immediately, but yeah, that's definitely a possibility. Yeah. Someone else comments here, was your wife previously married? Has this person stolen her previous husband or partner? People are really... Oh my gosh. Yeah. I mean, there are so many possibilities here. Look at that. Look at those little hops they made. I like this way. Oh. People are really. Oh my gosh, yeah, I mean, there are so many possibilities here.

Look at those little hops they made. I like this way. Yeah. Okay, we're getting into it. Yeah, nitty gritty. OP responds, no, she hasn't. She's only had two past relationships, which ended because life happened.

Someone goes, I'm gonna be honest here. This reads like a lesbian short film. Yes, exactly. There's one last comment from OP that I'll read. Someone goes, did they have a big falling out? And OP goes, no, my wife just says they went their separate ways. I don't know if that's true. I mean, I guess, yeah, maybe.

We have no other comments from OP. What's the sitch? Like, what's the scoop? No update. We're gonna have to- And now it's been like days and she's still acting weird. Three days. Date, like, this is big.

Yeah. This is big. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's lovers. I don't know if it's just a friendship and she got pushed away and she's devastated. But like, this is big to go into this crying. Like he walked in and thought someone died.

Panic attack, hyperventilating, crying. My mind went to the story we did earlier with like some kind of photo of her or something like getting out there, like some kind of revenge porn type situation. Something happened. This is big. Yeah, it's definitely uncovered very intense feelings that she's had buried for a while,

whether those be like romantic heartbreak or just like a really hard platonic heartbreak or something terrible happening, but that they both experienced, I don't know. Or I guess the kids thing. I don't know. I need to see. But I also just feel like- People's comments. Of course, like people have regret and stuff, but I do feel like if a woman is very adamant

that she doesn't want kids, we should believe her and people people don't think that men will have that same regret, which is why it's so much easier for men to get vasectomies and stuff. Whereas for women to get their tubes tied, a lot of doctors won't do it. And people don't believe women when they say they don't want kids. And I do think that that's a problem.

And while that's a possibility that she is experiencing that regret and that that can happen, I'm like, I just don't wanna want to immediately go there because like if she's consistently said that and she's never showed any type of actually weight, like I kind of do, I'm like, well, like... I would say it's more so about this other person, especially given like the caption of the post, like healing, breaking the cycle, starting a healthy life or whatever it was.

If that was someone you thought you helped heal and loved and went through this crazy part of her life with her and then you saw that caption, maybe for the wife was like a slap in the face. Yeah, or even just the heartbreak of like, wow, people can really go on and have this beautiful life and you thought that they were so important to you and that you were so important to them, but you're not getting those updates anymore. Like, they're getting married and you're finding out from this Instagram post, you're not finding out from a text or a phone call. Like, you mean nothing to this person who used to mean everything.

Yeah. And women like losing a friendship and it can be like this for guys and just, you know, anyone a lot of times. But I feel like for me as a woman, like the friendships I've lost have been harder than a lot of my breakups. It's just something about the connection where we're so emotionally connected. We share everything. We're, we're such a village support system mentality. And maybe that's it for her.

Maybe it is finding out via social media posts. Like that would crush me. I remember seeing a picture of this old friend of mine get engaged and it was like, I think I had a moment of like, damn, it is weird not being connected anymore for someone I thought would be a bridesmaid and vice versa. But all I thought was, I'm happy for her, good for her. Yeah, I never, I would never imagine this reaction but like, for days, I'm not her. Yeah, there's clearly a bigger scoop here. And also like an intensity level like living together, like pulling her out, like seeing the change happen, seeing her heal. Like I could, I can understand the

intensity here is something that like most of us wouldn't experience even in a really strong friendship, you know? There's almost like a motherly aspect too, I think. If it's not romantic, there might be like a motherly aspect or like a familial aspect of like... Yeah. Which maybe, maybe that is a part of it. Maybe she's feel like the person she knew is kind of like dying in a way because she's not involved. I don't know Yeah, I'm gonna need all the speculation in the comments. Like what is this about? Some of those comments were so creative So crafty. Did she steal your your wife's ex?

Yeah, I did not go there, but I could see it. I could totally see it Yeah, Wow One last one for us today. Okay. I'm going to give you a choice. Wow. I'm going to give you a choice on the last one. But you didn't give me a stress ball because you knew I couldn't be trusted.

And if you can't pick, we'll let the coin flip. Option number one. Am I the asshole for flashing my mother-in-law after she told me to not breastfeed my baby in my own house? Diva. Or option two, am I the asshole for refusing to change my birth plan to please my mother-in-law? Let's do the flashing one. The flashing. Yeah, let's do the flashing.

I'm excited. Am I the asshole for flashing my mother-in-law after she told me not to breastfeed my baby in my own house? I recently had a baby and I've been breastfeeding her regularly. My mother-in-law came over on short notice while I was doing chores around the house. She picked some things from our garden and chatted with me and my husband. She sat down and started watching the news on the TV. I ended up watching TV a bit later too, and I was tired. My baby started getting fussy, I pulled down my top to start was tired. My baby started getting fussy.

I pulled down my top to start nursing her. My mother-in-law swung her head to me and gave me a look. She huffed and said, really? Around me? Oh my god. I'll just start getting naked too and have it all hanging out, huh? And rolled her eyes at me. This isn't the first time she's done something like this,

and the last time she made a comment while she was here for the day, I just took my baby into another room. Then my husband bought me a cover, but my baby doesn't like it when I use it. This time I just had enough. I didn't have it all hanging out, and I was doing it pretty discreetly, not even facing her. I was tired, and I wasn't really thinking. I just pulled off my top and stood up right in front of her and told her, quote, I'll feed my baby when I want in my house. She just stared at me and I added, if you don't like it, you can leave." Yes! I sat back down and she said, quote, I can't believe this girl and got up and left. My husband was there and afterwards said I didn't have to go that far. He said mother-in-law texted him angrily, but I was just tired in the moment and all

I was thinking about was just feeding my baby. Am I the asshole here? Texted her angrily, okay, bitch, you're always angry. Like, what does that mean to me? I mean, no. No, I'm not the asshole. She's real as hell. Like, I'm like, that's how, cause also like.

Oh, and a titty smacked her. Yeah. Titty whipped her. It was so aggressive. Like it was just so mean the way that she spoke like immediately when she was breastfeeding There wasn't even really around me, right? I'll just take my I'll just also get naked Like you don't who are you the Pope if you're uncomfortable just turn around I feel like the Pope would even be like feed your baby as you should

Even if like I don't think It's and within her rights to say anything, but even if she had to say something, like, it didn't have to be with that vitriol. So there was just no, like, come on. I'll just get naked too and have it all hanging out. Yeah, like, God forbid I match your energy. Now you are not a 15 year old. You are an adult woman.

Like I can match your energy. You're in my home. Yeah. You're in my home. Yeah. You're in my home. This is my baby. Yeah. Insane. And it's like, I know people are like,

oh, well, you know, modesty and blah, blah, blah. She's got boobs too. Did she not breastfeed her kid? Okay, maybe not. Maybe she was the bottom. That's her choice as a mom. Also her choice. She's probably so stressed.

Like she's going through like the after effects of pregnancy. She's just been through so much. Like what does she need? Someone else coming into her home and then giving her crap for the way that she's taking care of her kid? Like with such negativity and such a rude way of saying it. Ew. And then like, like the husband buying a cover. I have a problem with that. Okay, so this has been an issue. It's not the first time she's done something like this. I want the scoop.

I want all the times. I want all the info, but the husband, instead of saying, mom, our home, she's gonna feed the baby, he goes and buys you a cover. Yeah. Okay, some would say he's just trying to be helpful, Morgan. He's just trying to be helpful. Why isn't he being helpful by confronting his mom? Yeah. Have you ever tried to do something under a cover? It's not enjoyable. You get hot box. You can't

breathe. You're overheated. Do you think a baby's going to want to try to eat suffocated under a cover? No, I can see why it would be difficult to keep them under there. Yeah. And it's such a sensitive time for the wife. Postpartum? Yeah, if there's any time to just take your wife's side and stand ten toes down with her, it's during a pregnancy, right after a pregnancy, during the marriage. These are the times that you really need to be on her side, be her teammate, be her representative, especially with people that are closer to you than they are to her.

Again, you should be the one defending her. You should be the one stepping in. It shouldn't be on her to even react. And it should have been on him. He was there. My husband was there and afterwards said I didn't need to go that far. If I didn't need to go that far and you didn't want me to go that far, I guess you should have stepped up and came in the room and said, hey, mom, come in the kitchen with me.

Come in the kitchen with me. Come in the kitchen mom. You take care of your mom for being an incredulous bitch in my own fucking house. Go off Morgan. Come on. Morgan's bad. Like what are you doing? Yeah, what are we doing? What are you doing?

You always should defend your partner in front of people. If you want to deal with this later and be like, hey, like, but again, this is feeding your baby in your own home, your safe place, your sanctuary. And speaking to somebody that rudely is so much more disrespectful than just like flashing her. Come on. Disgusting. Disgusting talk. Top comment. Newish dad here. If my mother told my Mrs. not to breastfeed, she would be told to leave.

Ain't her kid, ain't her breast. Next comment down. And ain't her house. I was gonna say the same thing. Next comment. What is the saying our parents love to say? My roof, my rules. My mom visited the other day and I jokingly said that to her and it felt so fucking good.

She asked about something and I was like, well, as long as you're in this house, you're going to be following my rule. And it felt awesome. I love that. I want a chance to whip that back. Someone goes, yeah, my husband was spoiling for a fight when I was breastfeeding. Quote, if anyone tries to tell you not to breastfeed anywhere, I'll take care of it. Right.

Fortunately for the world, no one took issue with it, lol. But that's the kind of a husband's job when a baby is breastfeeding. Feed and defend mom, question mark. It's basically primal. Dot, dot, dot, dot. And if you have uncomfortable feelings about someone breastfeeding in their own home, like, it's not necessarily so wrong that you might be a little bit uncomfortable, but it is on you to then work through those uncomfortable feelings.

It is not on the mother and the person breastfeeding to help you get over those uncomfortable feelings. Like you've got to work that through that yourself and not put it on everybody else. Yeah. There's a comment here. This was my first reaction as a dad myself, responding to someone being like, I'm a newish dad here. My own mother knows her boundaries because we set them and enforce them. It boggles my mind taking mom's side over your wife.

All the husbands showing up, leaving the comments. Let's go. Pop off, Kings. Pop off. Next comment down. Like the next top one, gold box, almost 5k upvotes now. Not the asshole. She needs to fuck off.

She can watch the news in her own home. And if your husband doesn't get a fucking spine, I'd send him packing to his mommy's too. Okay, Morgan. He sounds just like you. I'm reading this was such a vitriol. That's a big woof Elmo. I don't see any comments from OP.

They have since deleted their account. Oh, I'm not sure whether they just wanted to be vent and then go away. Affirmed in there. Whatever. They got what they came here for. Right. And now they are gone. Sometimes it happens like that. And now we are gone. And we got what we came here for. Sure did. And I hope you all got what you came here for. I got to gab. We got a little gossip. We got goosebumps. Gab, gossip, goosebumps.

Gagged. Gagged. Gagged. Just kidding. Gagged. God. I'm like still. That was crazy. Yeah, I keep going back to that one story.

That was so insane. Wild assortment. Wild assortment. I have so, so, so, so, so, so many tabs for this theme though. So I think I'm going to have to... Part two it. Part two it. Let me know though, because I'm recording week to week

right now. I don't have a back catalog, little procrastinator. So if you hate it, you don't like this theme, fine. Next. There's no way I, this might be my favorite theme that you've ever done. Goosebumps, gag, gagged goose. I don't know. We're going to have to get tricky with the title. Gabbing. Gabbed, goosebumps. I don't know. Yeah. Goosebump, I don't know, we're going to have to get tricky with the title. Gabbing. Gabbed Goosebump. I don't know. Yeah. Goosebump.

What's the stitch? What's the scoop? What's the scoop? Thank you guys so much for being here. Another episode. Head over to Patreon if you want more. We've got a bonus episode with Lauren, a bonus episode with Dad and Justin that is totally free.

A lot of good stuff. Michaela, you might be on a bonus episode this month. Maybe we keep going on this for a bonus episode and we get into that one. I would love that. OK, OK. I'd love to gossip with you more. But I got a meeting.

I got to run. And I got to pee. But I love you guys. Thank you so much for being here. Until next time, bye. Bye. Thanks for watching!