Two Hot Takes - 222: Can You Clock It? Ft. Justin Sylvester

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Starting point is 00:00:19 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. You forgot to press record! Who's the freaking mess today? Me. Bitch, check everything in here. Check everything in here. Where'd you go this weekend? I went to Nashville for work and I came back with two brain cells. You got lit. Not really. I was actually like on my best behavior. And then Saturday I had a friend's birthday and that probably, that's what, what did me in.

Starting point is 00:00:52 How old are you? Two, I almost said 29. I'm 31. Drinking at 31 is different. I can't do it anymore. I had four drinks and I'm still hungover. Drinking in your 30s and I'm 38, it only gets worse. I'm just gonna let you know.

Starting point is 00:01:08 I like have been so bad. I've like had to get IVs lately. No, I'm telling you, you're going to, you're gonna be negotiating with yourself. Like when I meet people who are in their 40s who are like, oh, I don't drink anymore, my body doesn't agree with it. And I'm from South Louisiana.

Starting point is 00:01:23 We drink for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So now when I meet people, I'm like, oh, I'm now that girl. I'm negotiating with myself that I won't drink in my 40s because your body is like, ugh, get that out of me. Or it sits on your brain for more than you wanted to. It's just not worth it anymore. And by the way.

Starting point is 00:01:41 I'm like, one glass of wine, and I'm like, this is good. I was about to say the same thing. We're good. Two glasses of wine, honey, and I'm at the ER. I'm hitting my deductible. Oh my gosh. Okay, well, I'll tell you guys right now, the beginning of this was absolutely magical.

Starting point is 00:01:53 Absolutely magical. You missed so much. But essentially, we've got Justin Sylvester joining us today. The most banterful, like I've never had someone come in and just like, yes, you're just hitting it. And Justin came highly recommended from Rachel Lindsay, who I just, we love. We've already hit this too.

Starting point is 00:02:14 I'm like... She's my first phone call of the day. I'm so jealous. I know. Every morning. Oh my god. Literally, she's like my first phone call. I literally, you are so cool too.

Starting point is 00:02:26 You have like a group chat with your psychic. Oh yeah. How do I get in on this? I'm like, is she good? Oh my God. I have two. Who have you connected with? I have one that's like really scary. Like scary good?

Starting point is 00:02:37 Scary good. Like she will not sugarcoat shit. And she is like to the point. And I do what I call drive-by readings, where they're like 15 minutes, 20 minutes. Because I can't do a full hour because Gina Torres, Terrell Your Life, shout out to Gina, is phenomenal. And she is exceptionally priced.

Starting point is 00:02:58 I love this woman, but I talk to her all the time. And I put people on text threads with her. And then I have another one That's like deep and full and like you only do it once every nine months because it's just so much It's so much to take okay, but I record them and I listen to them throughout the year So you take it all in like cuz it's hard to grasp everything in one like sit down call reading Yeah, you like need more time to process. That's smart to process. Yeah, to process. Yeah. But yeah, I'm like, my psychic is, that bitch is at my wedding.

Starting point is 00:03:26 She might be a bridesmaid. Oh my God. Okay, I need a good psychic. I've got a girl, Martina, who reads tarot for us. But like, I feel like I just need, I need someone. You need someone deep. That can go really deep with me. No, it's crazy.

Starting point is 00:03:39 I'm like, what is all this? I've got a good lady. What is life? What is life? But by the way, get married first. Okay. Go through your wedding first. Just go through your wedding first. Just like, what are you doing?

Starting point is 00:03:49 Just a gaze. You never know. You never know. No, he's an angel. He is like, oh my God. Just, he's really special. You got 30 days. You get money back guarantee.

Starting point is 00:04:01 You can return that motherfucker in 30 days. Just so you know. That's the annulment rules. Yes, you're motherfucker in 30 days. Just so you know. That's the annulment rules. Yes, you're good. Oh my God, I love it. Jelsen, is there anything else my people should know about you? I mean, you started on Real Housewives working for like Kyle Richards.

Starting point is 00:04:14 Kyle Richards for five years. Five? Five years. Holy smokes. Seasons one through five. I took a break at season four. That one was crazy. But yeah, five years. But we've been friends for almost 16.

Starting point is 00:04:27 Wow. It was my first job in LA when I moved back the second time. Wow. Yeah, it was crazy. It was wild. And then you're like on E? Yeah, so I went and I did Real Housewives for five seasons. You barely will see me on the show

Starting point is 00:04:40 because I was hiding from the camera the whole time. And it was just fun to watch it all happen from behind the scenes. Because that was kind of when it was really starting and blowing up. It was the craziest time, because everybody was waiting for Beverly Hills. And before, people were like, you know,

Starting point is 00:04:57 there wasn't like reality TV bloggers. There wasn't like Instagrams that were devoted just to Housewives. So everyone, like Beverly Hills was a secret for the longest time. It was a really good kept secret. So when people realized that Beverly Hills was coming, they freaked out. So there was all this pandemonium around it. And we had been filming for three months before anyone found out.

Starting point is 00:05:19 And it just was amazing. But I knew that I wanted to be in front of the camera, and I knew I wanted to be a host. So I just kinda sorta did little things here and there to try to figure it out. And I got my big break at E almost nine and a half years ago. So amazing. So it's been really wild. So amazing.

Starting point is 00:05:37 You've been on The Today Show quite a bit, which by far, like my favorite co-host, the chemistry you have with Jenna is just like unreal. Oh, you put two Southern girls together. We're gonna tear it up. It's so good. It's Texas and Louisiana, and we're boots on the ground,

Starting point is 00:05:55 and we're just having the best time. And, you know, for me, going into a show, I did Daily Pop for five years at E. I sat across from Morgan Stewart, Kat Sadler, Carissa Culliner, Loni Love. And my favorite times were bringing the best out of them. You know, like we just had a good time, but I wanted, that's all I ever wanted

Starting point is 00:06:16 was to bring the best out of them because I know how funny they are and how on point they were. And for me, I think Jenna brings out the best in me and I bring out the best in her and you can't ask for anything different. and how on point they were. And for me, I think Jenna brings out the best in me and I bring out the best in her and you can't ask for anything different. It's so good.

Starting point is 00:06:29 It's actually making me wanna watch the Today Show. I'm like, wait, I feel like I'm missing out. Like when I see the clips, I'm like, okay, I'm having FOMO. No, no, you. This is so good. It's good. I need to watch the Today Show now.

Starting point is 00:06:39 No, and she's like, she's on a stride. Like the fourth hour right now is totally different from what it was before. And I think she's really onto something and people should tune in. It's great. I love it. It's great.

Starting point is 00:06:54 You're great though. Everybody, you're in for a treat today. We started this off. I'm the messy one, but it is very clear out of everything I've watched of Justin's that like he can clock a mess. Two seconds. I can of Justin's that he can clock a mess. Two seconds. I can clock a mess.

Starting point is 00:07:08 I can clock a mess in my street. I can clock a mess while in rim for six hours. That's how good I am, but it's because I was a mess. I'm a reformed mess. Reformed. Reformed. I'm working on that. We'll chat soon, but I know you're going to be good with these ones today. Let's talk. Okay.

Starting point is 00:07:26 Let's dive in. This episode is presented by Duluth Trading. Hot summer days got you sweating? Don't let your clothes add to the discomfort. Duluth Trading is your go-to for conquering the heat. They've engineered incredible summer tack clothing designed to help you thrive, no matter how high the mercury climbs. Think gear with moisture wicking, buck naked underwear, dry on the fly that takes you from wet to dry

Starting point is 00:08:25 in the blink of an eye, and the innovative Armachillo gear with built-in jade coolness cranks cold where it counts. Find out more and gear for summer at DuluthTrading.com. My hometown brand! Speaking of your Today co-host, you guys went to Beyonce together, didn't you? We did. Life-changing. Crazy. I, like, was bawling the whole show.

Starting point is 00:08:47 I'm like, this is just beautiful. It's like the messaging. I'm like, it's loud and clear. It's just powerful. It was crazy. It's so good. Are you a Beyoncé girlie? I have always been, like, a light fan,

Starting point is 00:08:59 but not like I'm not a part of the beehive. But like, after this show, I'm like, bow down. It's crazy, right? I, yeah. I'm like a part of the beehive, but like after this show, I'm like bow down. Like I, yeah, I'm like, I have no words. Like you look at this woman and you're like, you've been doing this for 30 years and you're at the top of your game. I know.

Starting point is 00:09:16 How is that even possible? Like this is the best I think she's been. The best she's ever been. And shout out to the Neppo babies, cause I gotta tell y'all, y'all are really doing some good shit right now. Like Patrick Schwarzenegger is like really killing it on White Lotus, but the way Blue Ivy is coming through.

Starting point is 00:09:34 She is the cutest and the girl can dance. She can dance and what I love about it is that girl goes to rehearsals without her mother. Oh my God. Like when the dancers are all meeting up, she is with them, she is in the pact, she's putting in the time. And I would be afraid to go to my school and have to go behind her after,

Starting point is 00:09:53 what did you do this summer? Because you know she's gonna tell everybody she went on tour with her mother. There's no way. There's no way? There's no way, I'd go home sick. I'd go home sick. I'd be out.

Starting point is 00:10:02 I'd be like, I'm done, girl down. No, we were kind of off to the side, so like I could see her as she was like tromping down and then like went in the hole in like the stage or something to go change or do whatever. I'm like, she is just so confident. I'm like, it's so sassy. It's amazing.

Starting point is 00:10:16 You saw it here. I did. And I'm like, I gotta find a way to see it again. You had to see it again. It's just so good. Because she's a perfectionist. So when you see it early in the show, it's a whole different show by the time it ends.

Starting point is 00:10:28 I'm gonna go to Allegiant Field in Las Vegas. Okay, that's the one I'm thinking of. Yeah, I'm gonna go like the last one. Like one of the last ones, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna go on the last run because Baby Girl is gonna be on it, okay? She's gonna be high as a kite,

Starting point is 00:10:39 and she's gonna be hungry. So you have to see her when she's hungry. At the end, she's like starving. All she wants is a steak. But no, you have to see her when she's hungry. At the end, she's like starving. All she wants is a steak. But no, you have to see her again. She's awesome. It's so good. So this first story I have for you is a Beyonce story.

Starting point is 00:10:52 Oh, tell me. So this is coming from AITAH. It is 21 days old, titled, Am I the asshole for missing my niece's first birthday party to see Beyonce? Ooh. Yes. Okay, I'm going to give you more details, okay? I got the tickets before my sister chose the date.

Starting point is 00:11:13 Even if I'm there for a couple of hours, I'd be cutting it close battling the traffic on a regular day, let alone on a day where Beyonce is performing. It's not worth it to drive two plus hours out there and barely see my niece because both sides of the family are there and friends. And let's be real, she's one. She's not even gonna remember. She'll still get all the gifts from me.

Starting point is 00:11:36 When she's old enough to understand, I'll happily explain to her, we have a bond already. I know she would be mad if I risked missing any part of the Cowboy Carter experience for her first birthday. Is this coming from Olivia Coppola's sister? You know they have that drama going on right now about that baby shower. I, oh my God, no.

Starting point is 00:11:59 I saw her post something where she was like, thank God my niece looks like my brother. Coppola Jean Strong, like some crazy stuff. It's wild. What's AGT, ATT? Am I the asshole? I think you are. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:15 I think you are because first and foremost, Beyonce was Maltenites. So you could have sold your tickets and got tickets for a different night, or you could have invited your sister and made her move that party and been the hero. But I think, again, it's not about the baby. I think it's more about your sister.

Starting point is 00:12:36 She raised this kid for a year. She carried it for nine months. This is her moment to show it off and to have a celebration. She's out of the woods finally. And by the way, she just wants her family to show it off and to have a celebration. She's out of the woods finally. And by the way, she just wants her family to be there. Yeah. Now I would have been the asshole too and just went to Beyonce.

Starting point is 00:12:51 That's what I'm saying. But I'm gay. We get passes. The gay people get passes. I was gonna say, you are so empathetic because hell no, I'm going to the concert. This one year old, I'll throw, I will literally, I'll go to the dollar store, I'll get decorations,

Starting point is 00:13:06 I'll throw another party just for me and this baby. Like two, you get two little one. I'm not missing that. Do you have sisters? I do. You just sign up for different things. Imagine if you would have an impromptu bridal shower and your sister didn't show up

Starting point is 00:13:23 because she has to go to Beyonce. How would you feel? I get it. Would you really? You go girl, yeah. I'm like not Bridezilla at all. Like the one thing I've done is like on my wedding website, I literally put in writing, don't wear white. Stop. Yeah, because I'm like, there's,

Starting point is 00:13:36 I know someone's going to do it still. You still have to tell people that in 2025? Yeah. By the way, it would be me. I would show up in a white suit. Custom. Well, gay weddings have different rules too. Like my friend Chris went to a wedding and he was like, How people are that in 2025? Yeah. By the way, it would be me. I would show up in a white suit, custom. Well, gay weddings have different rules too.

Starting point is 00:13:48 Like my friend Chris went to a wedding and he wore like a white, they had like white themes. Oh, gays don't give a, you know what? The gays, as high maintenance as we are about these things, we really don't care. Like we don't care if you come to the birthday party. We don't care if you show up to the wedding in white. We just care about the gifts, okay?

Starting point is 00:14:07 We are very materialistic, we love our shit. So if I say I want a blue La Croixette, that's $475, please run me the La Croixette in your white gown. Okay, they have them on sale right now at Home Goods and T.J. Maxx. Are they really on sale? But don't buy your own stuff. This is what a wedding's for. But then you just have to like buy it and then tell someone be like, hey

Starting point is 00:14:29 I want this for my birthday. Like you just met mommy. That's what I do with my mom She's like, what can I get you and I'm like, I want a vacuum cleaner and she's like, I'm not getting that I'm like, well, that's all I want Where did you guys register? We did our website on Zola nice and we're doing like, buy us our first meal on our honeymoon. It's like kind of a cash fund, but like it makes people feel like they're giving you stuff. Yeah. And then like on our thank yous, we'll be like, thank you for our first dinner.

Starting point is 00:14:53 We went to here and had this and ba! Make them feel like, yeah. I just feel like we were like already in our home and like we have enough stuff. So it's more about like the experiences. Like if someone wants to buy us dance lessons, they can buy us dance lessons. Yeah. We're already in our home and we have enough stuff. So it's more about the experiences. If someone wants to buy us dance lessons, they can buy us dance lessons. Yeah. Let me give you a little hint too.

Starting point is 00:15:10 Okay. For your next wedding. Okay. If you go to Gary's or any fancy store in Beverly Hills that sells China and all these other things, you can go ahead and tell them that you're gonna register for all these things. People can buy it. Yeah. And then you can get a and tell them that you're gonna register for all these things, people can buy it.

Starting point is 00:15:25 And then you can get a credit to say store. So if you ever want a Rolex or a watch or something really fancy, you can put all that money towards something that you really want. What? Yeah, it's crazy. A lot of times when you get invites. Okay, that's a hack.

Starting point is 00:15:40 Yeah, a lot of times when you get invites from like, and the registries for these fancy ass stores, these people don't want a $38 spoon or a $275 cake cutter. Is that what, this is what's happening? Yeah, that's all they want is a 275 to put towards a watch. And they got some good shit at Geary's. Okay, I've never been.

Starting point is 00:15:59 You're just telling me about all the bougie things today. Yeah. All the bougie things. Yeah, yeah. So you think you're the asshole on this one? I think you're the asshole on this one. You and your sister's going to make you pay for it for at least a quarter.

Starting point is 00:16:11 You're probably not going to hear the end of it. Oh, no, no. You're probably not going to get invited to the second birthday. But let's be real. You're having kids, right? That's the plan. The first birthdays are not really for the kids. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:24 They're more for, like, the mom to flex against the other moms. The first birthdays are not really for the kids. Yeah. They're more for like the mom to flex against the other moms. No, I'm dead serious. The mom flex is like a real thing. Oh my God, I'm so excited. Oh, the mom flex is real because they all try to outdo one another. It's like super sweet 16, but for moms.

Starting point is 00:16:43 Oh my gosh. I'm telling you. This is gonna be so fun. It's gonna be so 16, but for moms. Oh my gosh. I'm telling you. This is gonna be so fun. It's gonna be so fun. Okay. Congratulations. So overall vote on this one, not the asshole. Damn. Yeah, top comment, not the asshole.

Starting point is 00:16:59 Are they having her party on her actual birthday? If no, definitely more of a reason that you are not the asshole. Ooh. Who's your audience? Well, this is Reddit. That's crazy. So I don't know.

Starting point is 00:17:13 We might have to put this. We can put one of the stories today to the people and let them vote. Okay, let's see which one. We'll see which one by the end. But next comment down. That party is for the parents, not the kid. And if someone cares, their aunt didn't go to their one-year-old birthday party,

Starting point is 00:17:28 they have other issues to deal with. Oof. It's more about the sisters is the thing. Yeah. If it was your cousin, if it was like brother, sister, it would be a totally different thing. But two girls, it's like a whole different ball game. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:44 You know what I mean? I know. Me and my little sister have an eight year age gap. Me and my older brother have an eight year age gap. And then my little brother, we have like three years. But it's also like, I kind of have different standards because I live so far from them. So as like the aunt that's out of state, I've already, I miss everything.

Starting point is 00:18:00 I miss everything as it is. You're the bougie aunt who like strolls in, you have no kids, you're rich. No. Yeah, yeah. That whole aunt. I took them to Disneyland. That was their Christmas gift. I was like, okay, you guys are going to Disneyland. But yeah, I'm like, I miss everything as it is. So like, well, hey, what's one more birthday for Beyonce concert?

Starting point is 00:18:18 Yeah. I saw a meme the other day that was like, you remember that aunt who was rich and just traveled and drank all over the world. Congratulations, you have become her. And I'm like, oh my God, you remember that aunt who was rich and just traveled and drank all over the world? Congratulations, you have become her. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm that girl. That's you. I'm that girl. Yeah, what were you talking about? San Tropez?

Starting point is 00:18:33 Yes. Yeah, that's you. That's me all the way. God, I'm so happy I don't have to have kids. I like, I'm terrified of childbirth. I don't, I actually don't think it's gonna be that terrible. It's not horrible.

Starting point is 00:18:46 I've been with two of my friends when they've had kids and they block it out. It's like they have blacked out. They don't remember anything. It's wild. I saw this girl's TikTok story and she gave it to you straight and she had some crazy birth experience. Did she shit on herself?

Starting point is 00:19:02 No, that's like, I'm happy to shit on myself if I can avoid whatever she went through. Like, oh my god, the vacuum, the clamps, the forceps, the cervix balloon? Damn. I learned about this one, the Phillips balloon or some shit? Hell no. Listen, more power to the ladies who have home birth, but when I see a bathtub in a room at your house in Topanga Canyon, I'm like, girl, get out of there, run.

Starting point is 00:19:30 Go to the hospital. You never know what could happen. I wanna be in the hospital, but I definitely want to just soak in a tub. Do you really? Yeah, cause like water helps not tear. Well. I know, there's dolphin assisted births.

Starting point is 00:19:43 Like I thought about that. No joke. Dolphin sonar. Don't do it. Do not do it now, girl. Don't do it. Get your ass to the hospital. Get them forceps.

Starting point is 00:19:54 Do it. Just do, get it that baby out. Oh man. Okay. Moving on to this next one here. We're gonna get into a little wedding mess before we move on to other things. This one is coming from Am I the Asshole? This next one here. We're gonna get into a little wedding mess before we move on to other things.

Starting point is 00:20:06 This one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is one day old. Very fresh. Very fresh. It is titled Am I the Asshole for secretly selling alcohol at my dry wedding to cover costs? Stop. Prohibition wedding?

Starting point is 00:20:28 Prohibition wedding. Keep on going. So I, 27 female, recently got married. My husband, 29 male, and I planned a pretty big wedding, about 300 guests. It was beautiful. Honestly, a dream. There's just one thing. Our families are super conservative and very religious, so we told everyone it would be a dry wedding, aka no alcohol. That decision kept the peace with our parents and extended family. As we all know, weddings are expensive and we were footing most of the bill ourselves. I saw an opportunity and took it. I hired a licensed bartender friend of mine to set up a VIP bar hidden at the venue. It was a large event hall with a garden and private

Starting point is 00:21:14 side rooms. I gave a heads up to about 75 of our younger friends and more chill cousins — the alcoholics — and basically had them pay for drinks. Think weddings speak easy. You said prohibition. I'm loving it. The drinks were priced reasonably, like $5 a beer, $8 for cocktails. Shut up. And people were happy to pay it because 1. Open bar weddings are rare in our circle and 2. They thought it was kind of fun.

Starting point is 00:21:45 Long story short, between the money from drinks and tips, we made about $2,000. Shut up. Which helped cover part of the catering bill. The issue is, word got out. No. A few of my aunts overheard someone talking about the secret bar, and now my mom is livid. She says I lied to everyone, disrespected the family, and made a mockery of our values. My mother-in-law also called me manipulative and selfish. Damn.

Starting point is 00:22:16 But honestly, most of our guests didn't even know it happened, and the ones who did loved it. We didn't force anyone to drink, we just gave the option discreetly. My husband is kind of in the middle. He gets why I did it, but wishes I had told him beforehand. Wait, hold on, we're going to call him Jenny and John. Jenny didn't tell John that she was slinging liquor outside like she was on Boardwalk Empire? I didn't because I knew he'd get stressed

Starting point is 00:22:45 and say no out of guilt. They must be Mormon. So am I the asshole for secretly selling alcohol at my wedding to offset the cost? All right, I'm calling this woman Jenny. First of all, Jenny, this is your wedding. You do what you wanna do, okay? I can't tell you who to sock it to,

Starting point is 00:23:01 but if you wanna sell us some liquor in the back at a reasonable price, one, I'm not mad at it. Two, I like that you kept it at a reasonable price. Five bucks for a beer. Eight bucks for a cocktail, not terrible. Not bad. It also is an experience for people to feel like, oh my God, this is a secret, I'm part of something.

Starting point is 00:23:23 I kind of love that whole vibe. Maybe I might do something similar to my God, this is a secret, I'm part of something. I kind of love that whole vibe. Maybe I might do something similar to my wedding, but with maybe like, you know, maybe some pot, you know, a little THC or like, you know, a little mushroom bar or something in the back. However, if you can't afford 300 people at your wedding, you shouldn't have 300 people at your wedding. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:44 Maybe knock it down to 250 or 225. 300 is crazy. 300 is crazy, but having 300 when you can't afford 300 is my big, like, just knock it down a bit. I know. Also, you gotta tell John. That I think is kind of goofy. It's like you didn't tell your partner. Yeah, you gotta tell John. That I think is kind of goofy. It's like you didn't tell your partner.

Starting point is 00:24:06 Yeah, you gotta tell John. That is, that's bad, that's bad. I'm like, if you wanna have a speakeasy, I actually do like it. Do I think the cash and making people pay aspect is a little tacky? Yeah, I mean, you only got 2,000, which is a lot of money. But like when you're having a 300 person wedding,

Starting point is 00:24:25 two grand, it's a drop in the hat. It's a drop in the hat. It's a drop in the hat. You should up the prices. You should up the prices. Honestly, I hate the fact that it was $8, not just 10. I'm like, why isn't, just make it even. Just make it even.

Starting point is 00:24:39 Make it even. Have you ever been to a dry wedding? No. Okay, I respect people who wanna have dry weddings. Yeah. You know, like if you wanna do that, I respect it. I get the conservative, I get the Catholic Mormon, whatever it is.

Starting point is 00:24:52 I totally understand it. And as my friend, I'm gonna show up. I would have appreciated that speakeasy because at dry weddings, you have to try to sneak alcohol in. You have to go to the next reception over to try to get a beer from the, you beer from the Markowitz Bar Mitzvah. So having that speakeasy, I think as a guest, I really would have appreciated it.

Starting point is 00:25:14 I think it's a cool experience. And I think it's a good hustle, especially if you made it like, oh, follow this and follow this. Like I got Alice in Wonderland kind of down the rabbit hole. So I think Jenny was, that was kind of smart. You know what I mean? I'm just shocked she didn't tell her husband.

Starting point is 00:25:31 You know what, sometimes you gotta just keep some shit from John. It's like, oh my gosh, it's like, um, it's giving like 50's housewife where they get like the Stouffer's lasagna out of the freezer and like put it in their casserole dish then. It's like, you had a good time. You enjoyed your meal.

Starting point is 00:25:47 What's the difference? What's the problem? I used to have a neighbor who was married for 25 years. Wow. Maybe together for 25 years, married for 20. And she, I would see her, we had to share the gate and she would come through my gate and come have a cigarette on my patio,

Starting point is 00:26:05 like in the middle of the day. Like I just saw her on my Nest camera. And I was like, what the hell is going on? Like she would just like during COVID, she would like just come sneak over and come sneak a cigarette and then she would go back. So every like week I would like put an ashtray out or put some matches or like I would like put a glass of,

Starting point is 00:26:23 like a beer or like a glass of wine, like, you know, for her to be like, yeah, bitch, I see you. And I went to talk to her and she was like, oh, I have had a cigarette, one cigarette a day for the last 20 years. And my husband has no idea. Oh! So she wears a glove, she does a whole nine yards, she has like a dental pack in the back of that gate. Like, she is stealth

Starting point is 00:26:47 Sorry, I understand not telling your husband certain things But that's a big one. I would and see I would clock that I smell cigarette I'm like a little bloodhound dog. Like I smell that shit so fast. Would you clock it? Yeah, I smell everything unfortunately By the way, you probably keep things from your man. No. You're pretty... Yeah, we're very just transparent. We don't have anything major. He knows all your purchases.

Starting point is 00:27:12 Yeah. He knows your Amazon addiction. Yeah, well, I put my Amix card on his Apple Pay in case like my phone dies, you know, and I need my card still for shopping. And so he now gets notifications every time I go shopping and he'll clock in and be like, what did you just get at Abercrombie? I'm like, a whole new wardrobe.

Starting point is 00:27:34 Delete that card, delete that card. I'm like, don't yell at me. Delete that card. I know, I gotta pull it off there. Women have to have a little bit of anonymity. You have to have a tiny bit of anonymity. You have to have a tiny bit of anonymity when it comes to finances. I think you need your own account.

Starting point is 00:27:50 Like you should not, I fully teach their own, but if you only have a joint account with your partner, You're a fool. Yadam. You are a fool. You are a fool. Don't do that. I just saw a study actually, happy healthy couples actually have four bank accounts. Yes. You see that? Yes. I saw it

Starting point is 00:28:07 Yeah, it's pretty amazing. Yeah joint account for like all of your home expenses right whatever joint savings His hers or theirs and theirs whatever combo like that's how it should be. That's how it should be for counts Also, like, you know, it's crazy that people Automatically and this is a hot take, I think women, straight people do this, where they think like, oh, we're getting married. We got to be in joint accounts. We got to be in this. We got to be like one sole person.

Starting point is 00:28:37 I love being gay because I know that when I get married or have a partner, I can make up my own rules. Part of the gay experience is that we're all just figuring it out, and we've been figuring it out since the 80s and 90s. So we don't go back to the 1800s, you know what I mean? Like, we just started this whole gay marriage thing in the early 2000s. I mean, 2015, people everywhere. There's just like a lot of leeway for us to be ourselves.

Starting point is 00:29:05 a lot of leeway for us to be ourselves. And I'm seeing a lot of younger people starting to, really take their individuality into a marriage, which I like, because you have to be individual. It's scary. Absolutely, I know. My brother and sister-in-law, they only have joint accounts. I'm like, what?

Starting point is 00:29:23 You guys are crazy. You know, Nicole Peltz and Brooklyn Beckham only have joint accounts. I'm like, what? You guys are crazy. You know, Nicola Pelts and Brooklyn Beckham only have joint accounts. I feel like when you're that rich though. It gets even scarier. It's, I wonder what their prenup is like. I don't think they have one. Actually, you know what they do?

Starting point is 00:29:37 Cause she's a billionaire. Yeah, I'm like, there's no way her dad would not. Like it's probably more favorable for her, which. 100%. Which is how prenup should be Now we're really getting into it. Okay. Where do you think the people went on this one? Asshole not the asshole. I think not the asshole. I think half are gonna be asshole because she didn't tell her husband Yeah, but not the asshole for being creative

Starting point is 00:30:02 Mmm, it's your wedding. Okay, so overall vote, asshole. No! Asshole. Stop! So top comment with 23,000 upvotes. Stop! You're the asshole.

Starting point is 00:30:19 Dude, I was so on board with you. This was a great idea until you neglected to inform your spouse. I know. If you both had agreed, then frankly, I'd say your conservative family values don't matter, but your spouses does. Damn. Let this be a lesson in marriage for the future. Always consult your partner.

Starting point is 00:30:42 The rest of the world can be against you, but you both should always have the others back. By lying to them, you weren't being a good life partner. All right. I mean, we're on the same page. We like the creativity, but we hated that she didn't tell John. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:55 Next comment down. Yeah. Quote, I didn't tell you because I knew you'd say no. It's a bad way to start a marriage. Oh, no. I know. I do agree with that. And I also think like, if he would have said no, I think it would have, like, maybe spoke

Starting point is 00:31:11 to bigger issues where it's like he's more so aligning with his family versus you guys and what you really want. And that could be something to, like, watch out for in the future. Yeah, but that's a big one. That's like a big one. I still love the secret garden though. I'm for it. I'm kinda here for it.

Starting point is 00:31:30 I think this is really cool to have like, I'm like thinking about how I can do this for mine. Where it's like, there's a special little activation speakeasy somewhere where it's like, if you know, you know. Only shots. Like an ice house. Like a little spot where it's like 20 degrees in there and you can go and get ice shots or that'll be fun. Oh my gosh. There's this bar in Chicago. It's a federales and they have ice shots.

Starting point is 00:31:54 So you take your shot out of ice, which makes every shot actually doable. And then you take your shot glass and they have this bell and you try to throw it at the bell and hit it. No, have you been to Choyna Bay? No, what's this one? In Mexico and they have this bell and you try to throw it at the bell and hit it No, have you been to Choyna Bay? Mexico they have the same thing. Oh You have to get in a bucket And if you get in the bucket you get another shot dangerous I'm curious if there's any comments from OP on this one yet just to be like, okay. I hear you guys

Starting point is 00:32:23 No, she ain't coming. Ginny is not commenting. No comments. No comments. I mean, seems like it's a very real account. Like some people kind of always question Reddit stories, like, oh, are you sure that one's real? I mean, this account, this person, has been on Reddit since 2019.

Starting point is 00:32:41 Damn. Commenting on posts, giving advice regularly. So I would assume this is a very real account. I'm part of the six year club verified email. I just got on Reddit. This is real. I just got on Reddit. It's a scary place. How are you liking it? Scary. It's rabbit hole-y. Yeah. You can go down some real big rabbit holes. And you know what? When I'm trying to fight that ambient at night, Reddit is not a good place for me to be, bitch. I'm like fist fighting.

Starting point is 00:33:08 You're setting yourself up. I'm like fist fighting an ambient trying to stay up, and I'm on Reddit trying to figure out who killed JFK. It's so crazy. The conspiracy subs are dangerous. Yeah, but they're kind of good. Oh my God, have you? Who do you think killed JFK?

Starting point is 00:33:25 Oh, I have my theories. Thanks to GBT817. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Oh my god. Can you believe? I can't believe. Oh, Jenny didn't tell her man!

Starting point is 00:33:39 No, big lesson to learn. Damn. Big lesson to learn. Damn. Big lesson to learn. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Just like giving a take on this show, there's a lot of options to choose from. And it can be hard. State Farm has options to choose from to help you find coverage that best fits your needs. A lot easier than picking a good take. So talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the personal price plan.

Starting point is 00:34:05 Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. Okay, we're going to get to both of these, but which one do you want first? Clowns or a baby shower? Let's do baby shower because clowns scare me. Oh no. Hey hey clowns or a baby shower? Let's do a baby shower because clowns scare me. Oh no.

Starting point is 00:34:28 Hey hey clowns. Well you're going to love this story then. This is coming from our very own To Hot Takes subreddit, 17 days old, titled, My husband's family threw a baby shower for his ex and invited me to be the bigger person. Read this story because this is crazy. I 28 female am currently 7 months pregnant with my first baby. My husband 31 male and I have been married for almost 2 years and everything's been mostly great until this happened.

Starting point is 00:35:03 My husband's ex, let's call her Jess, is pregnant too. They dated for four years and broke up two years before we met. Now she's expecting a baby with someone else. I don't know her personally, but I've heard enough through his family to know that she still talks to his mom and sisters occasionally. Fine, whatever. Last weekend, my mother-in-law invited us over for a family brunch. I waddled my puffy pregnant self over there expecting waffles. Instead, it was a

Starting point is 00:35:34 surprise baby shower for Jess. Stop. Yes, you read that right. The decorations were pink and gold, her name was on a banner, and she showed up 15 minutes after we did. The worst part, mother-in-law looked me dead in the eyes and said, quote, I hope you don't mind, sweetheart. We didn't want to exclude you, your family now, and it's important to show grace.

Starting point is 00:36:00 Show grace? I sat through exactly 12 minutes of small talk, hormones boiling, before quietly excusing myself and driving home. My husband stayed behind because he was too stunned to leave. He tried to defend them, saying, they were just being kind, Jess doesn't have a lot of support. I'm sorry, but what kind of Twilight Zone logic is that? They could have had a private thing.

Starting point is 00:36:25 Why invite me to my husband's ex's baby shower while I'm still trying to feel comfortable in my own changing body? Now his mom's texting me saying, I hope you'll apologize to Jess for making her uncomfortable by leaving early. Hot take? I'm not apologizing, and I'm definitely not going to another brunch unless I bring a therapist and a flask. Am I the asshole? No. And don't apologize.

Starting point is 00:36:50 Hell no. First and foremost, damn, this is a bougie problem. This sounds like a bougie white lady problem. Like, that mama's name is like Barbara. Like, she is literally like running the show. Barbara and Jess were really good friends. Like, they were like running the show.

Starting point is 00:37:07 Barbara and Jess were really close. And this is more of a control thing than a let's be nice thing. Yeah. Okay. Like just to let you know, like your mother-in-law was putting her dick on the table just to let you know who runs this show here. Yeah. Okay. First of all, she should have let you know who runs this show here. Yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 00:37:26 First of all, she should have let you know. That's the, that's the first and foremost. She should have told you. No one likes surprises like this. This is terrible. It's really, really bad because also like our writer is seven months pregnant with their first baby. Right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:37:41 If I rolled up and I started seeing balloons and baby decor, I'd be like, Oh my God, they threw a baby shower for me. Boom. It's not for her. It's for the husband's ex. They haven't had a baby shower for her. I don't even care if I was seven months off a cruise ship. Okay. Looking the best I've ever looked.

Starting point is 00:38:01 I don't give a shit. If I walk into my mother-in-law's house and she's throwing a baby shower for my husband's ex and didn't tell me or prepare me before, she probably rolled up there in sweats and everything. Like not even like, you know what I mean? If I'm gonna run into my husband's ex, I wanna look hot as fuck.

Starting point is 00:38:22 I know, she said she waddled. She waddled my puffy pregnant self over there expecting waffles Oh, and that's the thing. I'm hungry. I'm hangry and then you spring this on me and I probably left without a plate I'm I'm actually impressed. She stayed 15 minutes because I wouldn't have stayed 15 seconds The real asshole here is the fact that your husband didn't waddle over with you back to the house. That, that. That's what he should have did. The fact he stayed, which is almost like

Starting point is 00:38:52 it's sending a message to the family that like, I'm okay with this, I support this, fuck my wife. Oh, 100%. What? But by the way, the mom has been pulling this type of inception bullshit since the dawn of time. I can go ahead and tell you that her sisters

Starting point is 00:39:09 have dealt with this since they were kids. This woman is a control maniac. Yeah, Barbara goes by Babs, trying to maybe secretly get this daughter-in-law she wishes she had back with hubby keeping her close to the family welcoming her. Jess probably also wore David Ureman too and liked Barbara and she and Barbara had a close relationship and this new wife was probably a little bit spicier and maybe a little bit more opinionated

Starting point is 00:39:42 than Jess was. Barbara does not approve. Barbara does not fully approve. And Barbara wanted you to know that at the most vulnerable time in your life. By the way, fuck Barbara. When you put it like that, she wanted you to know that at the most vulnerable time of your life. Ooh. My mother-in-law and I would have fought tooth and nail.

Starting point is 00:40:04 Okay? Yeah. I'd have fought tooth and nail. Okay? I'd be swinging today. No, I would have not let this fly. And do not apologize, not the asshole. Like I think you honestly have a bigger issue with your husband. And I think this is gonna come up again and again

Starting point is 00:40:21 with birthday parties, with other life events where, oh, you know, Jess needs to come, she's family, show some grace. It's like, ma'am, you're gonna get cut out if you continue with this behavior. And if the husband doesn't put his foot down and say that and set a boundary, you are gonna have a really tough go

Starting point is 00:40:41 and might have to make some big decisions down the line. By the way, you are so right. But I think a lot of people, I want like a lightly crispy relationship with my mother-in-law, just like a slightly crispy one. Just like a little... What is a slightly crispy? This is deep fried. Okay.

Starting point is 00:40:59 That's deep fried. You're gonna have to let that cool off for like an hour or two before you put it in your mouth. Yeah. Oh. I just want something that's a little bit, hour or two before you put it in your mouth, okay? I just want something that's a little bit, like you get a pancake and it's just a little bit crispy on the outside, like, you know, like, she wants to host Christmas, but I want to host Christmas

Starting point is 00:41:15 and it's kind of a standoff, that kind of thing. Maybe she makes like a appropriate comment, like, oh, that's a low top today. Like, just something like a little light, because everyone loves a tiny bit of drama. That shit is deep. Yeah. Like, I don't want, have you been read up

Starting point is 00:41:31 on this Victoria Beckham, Nicole Lappeltz situation? Yeah, I just heard about the private concert. And the wedding, did you see the whole first dance thing at the wedding? No, with the singer. With Mark Anthony? Yes. Yes. I hope, that's true, that's singer. With Mark Anthony? Yes. Yes! I hope that's true.

Starting point is 00:41:45 That's insane behavior. That is extra crispy. So for those that don't know, give them the lowdown. Okay, so there has been this big rift between the Beckhams and their kid and his new wife. So David and Victoria versus Brooklyn and his wife, Nic Peltz, okay? Now there has been some controversy around this whole thing

Starting point is 00:42:09 because apparently word has gotten out that at their wedding, Mark Anthony got on the mic and said, I wanna call up the most beautiful girl in the room and said, Brooklyn, come here and dance with your mom. Oh, one would assume that would be about the bride, the most beautiful girl in the room, about the bride. This is about the bride and groom.

Starting point is 00:42:32 Yes. The one thing that I am missing is the time stamp on this whole thing. Yeah. Like, I need to know where in the wedding did it come. Was this first dance? Was it first dance? Was it midway through?

Starting point is 00:42:43 I was just doing first dance. If it was first dance Was it midway through? Was it towards the end? I was gonna say first dance. If it was first dance, I'm duking it out. Oh! We're fighting like two fucking cats in a big, okay? We're going at it in this Valentino dress. Did you say big? Big. Two cats in a big, okay?

Starting point is 00:42:58 We're going at it. Oh! So if this is true, I kinda sorta feel like we're fighting. Yeah. But you know what? Again, it's about the dominance. It's about control, you know, but we don't know.

Starting point is 00:43:13 Yeah. We don't know. But New York Post is like going crazy over it. And now they're talking to resources. So something must be going on. There's a rift for sure. There's definitely a rift. I mean, I feel like it started when... The wedding dress trauma.

Starting point is 00:43:25 Yeah, where people were like, your mother-in-law is a designer and you're not having her make your dress. Or a dress even. But now the whole thing came out that she said that Victoria, she was down. She was like, you know what? I'm gonna wear Victoria Beckham at my wedding.

Starting point is 00:43:40 And then Victoria Beckham said, oh, we won't have time. The atelier can't make it because they're getting ready for Paris Fashion Week or whatever it was. Baby girl, you make it happen. Baby girl, I don't care if you have to go buy Monique Lillier and put your name on it.

Starting point is 00:43:53 You make it happen. You make it happen. For your daughter-in-law? You make it happen. Think about the publicity for your brand even. That's what I'm saying. And the sentimental value. I think it's kind of sort of a...

Starting point is 00:44:01 But if I was a mother-in-law and I felt like my daughter-in-law didn't respect me, I think I'd be playing Hunger Games too. Mm. Yeah. It's a lot of mind games. It is. I think early on, especially, and they've only been together, they've been married for almost two years. No mention of like how long before that.

Starting point is 00:44:21 But I think early on in relationships, like you do have to establish boundaries with your family and you kind of learn, okay, like this new person's coming in, where does everyone fall now? Loyalties are shifting a little bit and there's some things to work through there, but you have to work through them. You can't keep burying them under the rug and then stay at the baby shower.

Starting point is 00:44:40 Oh, no, no, 100%. I also feel like the Beckhams were always a big fish in a small pond. Like they were always that couple. Like, okay, like anybody who my son is dating feels so lucky to be a part of the Beckhams. So, you know, like we never talked about Christmas because it was no competition.

Starting point is 00:45:01 You were gonna go to the Beckhams. Like, or if I have a boat July 1st through the 22nd, you're coming when I tell you gonna go to the Beckhams. Or if I have a boat July 1st through the 22nd, you're coming when I tell you, because we're the Beckhams. The Pelts is got more money than the Beckhams. It's a different level. And with money comes control. So if we're duking it out to which family's gonna host what and where things are gonna be, where Christmas is gonna be,

Starting point is 00:45:22 again, it's more of a control thing than anything. And I just don't think that they were used to it. Not that they did it maliciously. I just think it's two alphas, Nicole's mama and Victoria's mama, probably battling it out behind the scenes. I know, don't you just, I just wanna like, this is the people you want the reality show from.

Starting point is 00:45:44 Like these, I want to hear everything. We're getting a Victoria Beckham, Netflix reality show. You think they'll show it? No, they sweep that shit under the rug, you guys. I know. That's all they do, but we're gonna get in the New York Post.

Starting point is 00:46:00 Oh. Because rich people fight in the Post. I love tea, I just like love the scoop. I like high tea. I don't want to go on Instagram and hear about your baby daddy cheating on you. I don't want to go on Instagram and read like, you know, a deep quote about like moving on

Starting point is 00:46:18 and see you with a new haircut. Like, fuck that. Like I want to hear what happened. I want to hear the facts. And I want to hear them from a reliable source like Us Weekly. Okay? I wanna hear them from that. That's it for Justin, okay?

Starting point is 00:46:32 That's what I wanna hear. Oh my gosh. Top comment on this one. Wow, they could have warned you or spoken to you and your husband before the event. Have they thrown a shower for you for their own grandkid niece or nephew or even brought it up?

Starting point is 00:46:46 Also, your husband defending them and demeaning your feelings needs to be addressed. Boom. Since you are having a child together, he needs to learn to put you and your child's needs first. You could be in for a long 18 plus years if this isn't addressed now and put your foot down on this. Honey, she probably also knew who she was marrying.

Starting point is 00:47:08 You can look at a man on that first interaction with his mother and you can tell where his allegiance is gonna be. You can also look at the dad, defer to the dad. If the mom tells you every single thing and is running the whole show and the dad is like, happy wife, happy life, and he's been doing that for 53 years,

Starting point is 00:47:30 God damn it, your son's been doing the same thing. So defer to the dad. If the dad has no say, and he's been castrated by the mom and all three kids over the years. Damn! Yeah! Damn, Justin!

Starting point is 00:47:44 By the way, if I'm dating somebody and I meet their parents, I always defer to what they're like in their relationship. Yeah, I know. And we've had stories on this in the past where people have literally broken up after meeting the in-laws because they're like, the dynamic is too fucked up and I don't want any part in it.

Starting point is 00:47:59 No. And that's like something you do have to consider when dating. Like, your in-laws, for a lot of people at least, are like, they become a part of your life. They're your new family. So if you don't like them, is that person worth staying with for crappy in-laws? You gotta ask yourself sometimes.

Starting point is 00:48:16 My in-laws live in Amsterdam. Ooh. Amen. Ooh. That's a plane train in an automobile. That's a hike. They're not coming to my house. No, that's a hike.

Starting point is 00:48:25 Barbara is not popping up at my house in the middle of the day to ask my son to go for a walk with her. It's not happening. Mm-mm. No, this next comment does make a really good point. Surprise parties are not a surprise for guests. Just one person gets a surprise.

Starting point is 00:48:42 I hate a surprise party. I want one, but I want to control it. Yeah. Like- Yeah, unless John Legend is there and y'all don't want to tell me you're Usher, like, it's pretty good. Usher.

Starting point is 00:48:52 We're good. Yeah, no, I hate a surprise. I know I'm hard to buy gifts for because like, please stick to the list. I'm a particular one. I'm a particular one. I love it. Oh, this energy. With that cash bar in the list. I'm a particular one. I'm a particular one. I love it.

Starting point is 00:49:06 Oh, this energy. That cash bar in the bag. Well, it will be free, but I'm not opposed to a speakeasy. You have to have one now. I like need one now. You have to have one. What's your theme for your wedding? A bougie cowboy.

Starting point is 00:49:21 Ooh. It's like bougie cowboy is how it's turned out to be. Like the invitation was like cocktail attire required, cowboy boots encouraged. And so we are like atrium style tent, lights, chandeliers, big olive tree in the center, circle bar around it. Maybe some saddle bar stools, but like working on that, that might have to be a DOI of mine. I love that. Yeah. So it should be really, really good.

Starting point is 00:49:46 I wanted a ferris wheel at one point, but then I found out how much they were. So that got cut. That got crazy. That got cut. But we're going to have... A carousel is also cute too, by the way. Yeah, I thought so. A carousel is like a lot cheaper. Oh, instead of a ferris wheel?

Starting point is 00:49:58 Yeah. And by the way... That would be cute. It'd fit the vibe. The theme is cowboy. I know. So you can find an old rustic one. Oh, even for a photo op, it doesn't even have to move. It does. No, it doesn't even have to move. Okay, I'll get on Facebook Marketplace after this.

Starting point is 00:50:13 Yeah, go look at that Ferris wheel. Okay. Yeah, we're having a beer donkey. Oh. So that'll be good. I don't know what that is. It's like a little donkey that delivers beer to you. Come on, white lady. Or champagne, because I don't like beer, so champagne.

Starting point is 00:50:24 Come on, white lady. I love that. I don't like beer, so champagne. Come on, white lady, I love that. Nothing a white lady loves more than an animal. A beard donkey. Y'all love to incorporate animals. Love an animal. By the way, I didn't know that until I moved to LA. Oh my god. And the petting zoo llama craze in the early...

Starting point is 00:50:37 Isn't it crazy? Twenty, like fifteen, sixteen, like damn, the llamas were working harder than anybody. They are, the goats doing yoga now. Come on. I mean, people are now having puppy adoption events at their weddings. Bitch. Getting puppies at homes.

Starting point is 00:50:51 That's kind of cute. But by the way, can you imagine waking up the next morning and figuring out that you adopted a goddamn puppy? I'm a fucking duck. And by the way, hold on, would it be even worse if the- It's giving bridesmaids. Yeah, literally, it's giving bridesmaids. How many of those did you take?

Starting point is 00:51:05 I'd be pissed. Oh my God, I want a puppy so bad. What's that clown story? Oh, you ready for it? I'm ready to be pissed off. The clown. Clowns, plural. It's coming from Am I the Asshole?

Starting point is 00:51:24 It is three months old, titled Am I the Asshole for Telling My Girlfriend to Suck It Up Around My Clown Figurines. First interactions? Yes. If it's at your house, you can do whatever you want. It's your property. Your girlfriend doesn't have to come there if she don't want.

Starting point is 00:51:41 But if it's a mutual space, we gonna fight. Me, 26 male, and my girlfriend, 24 female, have been dating for two years. Since we started dating, she's known that I love clowns. I have several porcelain clowns displayed around my house on walls, hung from the ceiling on little swings, and on shelves. I adore these weird little creatures. Well, last week I bought two Venetian masks from a thrift store, and they're in great condition. I got them for a decent price too. She hates them. She said they're creepy and

Starting point is 00:52:19 give her bad vibes, whatever that means. I told her that I would take down the masks when she's staying the night, but I'm not getting rid of them. She told me that was fine. Yesterday, she got up and told me that we needed to talk. She told me that she's sick of seeing my weird decorations and clown toys everywhere, that they're ugly and creep her out. I asked her where this was all coming from because she has never mentioned my clowns before and she said, bringing those ugly fucking masks into our home was her last straw and my obsession with clowns was charming before but now it's just disturbing. I told her that I would take down the mask when she was over, but one, this isn't our

Starting point is 00:53:07 home, it's my apartment. And two, she's known about the clowns for years, and to try to stop me from decorating my place how I please is controlling. She told me, quote, either get rid of some of them or we're done. I told her to just suck it up while she's here, and if she can't, then I'll come to her place every week. She didn't like that answer and called me a child before leaving. I texted her to apologize for telling her to suck it up about the clowns, but she hasn't responded to me. So, am I the asshole for telling her

Starting point is 00:53:41 to suck it up about my clown figurines? This one's hard. First of all, I'm not sleeping with a man with clown figurines. I wouldn't even have gotten that. You wouldn't have gotten, yeah. I may have done it the first time just to see what it was like, but I was definitely not coming back for another hit. Like, it ain't happening, honey. Like, I'm not getting turned on in front of Bobo the Clown, okay, it's like seeing a man with porcelain dolls. I would have a hard time with it. I would have a hard time with it.

Starting point is 00:54:10 One, okay, but like a full house, like my dad had a friend that his mom's house had clowns everywhere, and if it was dark in there, like I would be running down the hallway, like running. I'm like, oh, they're gonna get me. 1000%. I feel it, I feel this. But the fact that she went two years and is not finally fed up, like,

Starting point is 00:54:30 oh, you should be fed up in two months. Like, I don't know if you could tell somebody how to decorate their space. I feel like you can encourage a man to grow out of something, but sometimes you just gotta, you gotta go with what you gotta go with. I know, well, and it it's like this is his passion. Like he loves a clown.

Starting point is 00:54:49 Like I'm sure there's someone out there that would also love a clown. Like it could just be a mismatch. And I don't think the asshole for setting a boundary. One thing I have learned over the course of this show is people don't love a suck it up. Like that's just not conducive to a good relationship. And I feel like you're kind of at this tipping point between the two of you. She's saying get rid of some clowns or we're done.

Starting point is 00:55:15 Okay, that's a pretty big ultimatum. You're at Suck It Up. It is just giving mismatch. It's maybe over. Yeah. Cause you're right. You should never have to tell somebody what their passion should be. I will say, she met you like this.

Starting point is 00:55:32 It's not like you picked this up. Exactly. And she wasn't down with it. If you meet a man and he got three eyes, that man's going to have three eyes in three years. He got three eyes. It is what it is. Yeah. It'd be like someone like, knowing you love clothes,

Starting point is 00:55:49 you're, I don't know, maybe a shoe guy, and you're like, okay, well, you keep getting shoes. Like, no more shoes. No more shoes or we're done. Yeah, you're out. It's like, you can't tell people about their passions, but if you were living together, I could see it getting to a point where it's like,

Starting point is 00:56:04 okay, like, okay, we don't have room for more clowns. When is enough clowns enough clowns? That's something you negotiate when you take your relationship to the next level. Like, hey, I love your passion for hunting, but can your ducks stay in your room in your, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:56:20 Like you do a Charlotte York where you're like, okay, I like this man, but your ducks have to be in your office. It is what it is. Yeah, no, my brother's got a few deer heads and they are behind a door leading down to their basement. It's like, it is not in their home. And I'm curious where it's gonna go in their new house.

Starting point is 00:56:40 I'm gonna actually have to ask them about this. By the way, deer heads are like now a new thing. Really? Yeah, it's weird. They creep me out. I'm waiting for like, like my family in Minnesota, they are big hunters. Like they eat everything they get.

Starting point is 00:56:54 Like they're very like not trophy hunters in that sense. But like, I'm always like scared that all of a sudden, like it's gonna like start talking to me or come off the wall. Like every time I stare, like my uncle's got like a caribou. I'm always scared that all of a sudden it's gonna start talking to me or come off the wall. Every time I stare, my uncle's got a caribou, and I'm like, all of a sudden, I'm gonna just see it lips going.

Starting point is 00:57:12 I can never take a gummy while I'm over there. I was about to say, don't take a mushroom while you're over there. No. You're gonna freak out. God. Bitch. Can you imagine that trip? All of a sudden, the deers are talking to you. Honey, I would commit myself. I'd 50-150 myself.

Starting point is 00:57:27 50-250 actually. Just add an extra one in there. Just add 50-250. Damn, the clowns are hard. I know. Leave that man. But you're not, by the way, you're not the asshole. She met you this way, point blank period.

Starting point is 00:57:40 And you're not ready to give him up. No, I'm like, I don't know. I have a problem collecting furniture. Like I wouldn't stop just because of an ultimatum. Like it just- By the way, this place has a lot of furniture in it. Yeah. Oddly enough, we have way more furniture

Starting point is 00:57:54 than we need in here. I know, there's a lot. And you should see my garage, it's stockpiled. I just bought like a dresser the other day. I don't know, what am I gonna do with it? I keep buying tables and chairs. I already got a table and a chair. We'll figure it out.

Starting point is 00:58:06 I have a problem collecting certain furniture. Are you a hoarder? Some days I feel like it, but I would say not diagnosable. Oh, wait till you have kids. I think it'll change. I hope. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:58:22 I'm like really, people are not gonna like buying my kids gifts. I'm literally gonna be like no junk. No junk. No junk. No, you're gonna be the one who keeps Legos around. Like I had a friend who had his Legos when he was like a kid and he still had them when he was like 15.

Starting point is 00:58:34 Okay, so those are probably worth a lot of money now. No, cause they were missing half the parts. He chewed half of them up. Like there the dog got into him like. Oh, they're not like put together? No, his mom just like kept everything. Like she kept every single thing. And I'm like, bro, you gotta like,

Starting point is 00:58:50 your mom's got a problem. My grandma's like that. Like she's got Lincoln Logs from like my mom, uncle, aunt. By the way, a Lincoln Log from actual Lincoln. Actual Lincoln Logs, yeah. No, no joke. They probably were from like 18 or whatever.

Starting point is 00:59:03 That's crazy. Yeah. Top comment on this whatever. That's crazy. Yeah. Top comment on this one, not the asshole. As someone who isn't into clowns but loves Venetian masks, I can understand being creeped out by some of them. However, her turning this on your entire interest for clowns that you've had your whole relationship makes her the asshole. Also, she's giving you ultimatums

Starting point is 00:59:25 over how you decorate your own space based on your own interests, she's not the one. There will be someone who will appreciate your collection if not add to it themselves. Go off, sis. I need to look at one of these Venetian masks. Have you seen them? Do you know what they are? You're cultured, of course you would. You know when you like see like people in Italy and they're walking around with a gold mask that looks one looks happy, one looks sad? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:48 They're like gold, painted gold sometimes. Sometimes they're painted white. They're just like. Here's one that's really cool. It's almost got a full beat. Yeah, yeah, I'm from Louisiana. Yeah. Mardi Gras balls are like, this is what we wear.

Starting point is 01:00:01 Okay, now that I'm seeing it, I'm like, yes, I've seen these. I actually think my dad went to Mardi Gras one year and like brought me back a little one on a stick or something. Yeah, oh for sure. Okay, yeah, these are pretty. This isn't, this one get me like a clown. No, honey, but he's got them hanging from the ceiling.

Starting point is 01:00:17 Okay, the ones on swings hanging, that would freak me out, because what if there was like a ghost and it was using those and like all of a sudden it's dead, like the air is dead and all of a sudden you just see, errr. You watch Annabelle, don't you? No, I can't watch that.

Starting point is 01:00:31 Oof. Not having it. I watched the first Conjuring and after that I was out. I saw The Nun. I can't do scary movies anymore. No, I can't do scary movies or two Chardonnays. Like those things are like out of my life. Chardonnay is too much.

Starting point is 01:00:44 Forever. It's too much. Iardonnays are too scary anyways. It's too much. By the way, we used to drink Red Bull and vodka. Like, we used to drink pineapple and Malibu. Oh my god, no, do you remember? Did you ever do, like, a Yager bomb? Yes! That was wicked.

Starting point is 01:00:57 Girl, we used to drink Long Island iced teas. I don't know how I'm still alive. I remember in college, I would, like, literally do nights where I'd get six vodka Red Bulls. Where'd you go to school? Minnesota. University of Minnesota. Golden Gophers. So you had like a real college experience? Yeah, and those drinks, I don't know, well the bar did shut down eventually actually. They were two dollars.

Starting point is 01:01:16 Two dollar vodka Red Bulls. But it was like gasoline. It's not, it can't be good for you. It was Taka. We were drinking Taka. Oh my god, did you ever have burnets? Yes. Like the blueberry flavors. Shut up. Raspberry. Shut up. And then if you were real poor that week you'd get this vodka called Karkov. No. Jet fuel. I grew up on like Jack and Cokes. Like Malibu was like kind of big when I was growing up, I'm 37.

Starting point is 01:01:47 Malibu was kind of big when I was growing up, so we all had like Malibu Sevens. Yeah. And then there was like this big rush to like, cranberry vacas were like a big deal in the club. I don't know why, because we always spilled them on each other. But it was crazy. It was like wild back then. I know.

Starting point is 01:02:04 So crazy that my liver still talks to me. I've been doing glutathione. Oh nice. And your drips. That helps. Yeah, I get those in my IVs from time to time. I get my levels tested every three months. Damn, you're on it. Yeah, I get my levels tested every three months. And the fact that one of them is a liver test,

Starting point is 01:02:24 the fact that my liver can't accept anything these days. I went to LSU. Oh yeah. So it was, it was nonstop. It was nonstop. That's wild. A girl had it. She had a time.

Starting point is 01:02:36 And this was before camera phones. Oh, honestly, take me back. Take me back to when you had to bring that Canon into the club. Little Nikon. Little Nikon. Little Nikon. And then you would post every photo from that night on Facebook albums.

Starting point is 01:02:51 Every night we'd get a Facebook album. Who were we? I don't know her. I don't know her. I don't know her. But I want to know him. He was so good. Bring me back.

Starting point is 01:03:02 We do get an update on this one. Oh, let's hear it. We get an update. We find out what happens after. They're still hooking up. I wanted to clear up some things that I saw in the comments. I had a small collection started by my grandparents when I was a baby. That's where I got my first swing jester.

Starting point is 01:03:20 The collection has grown in the last two years to expand to common decor and not just dolls. For the update, she saw the post. She read the comments and called me today. She wasn't too happy about being called an asshole, but later apologized for being controlling. It turns out she wanted to see if I'd get rid of my collection if it means keeping her, like it was some relationship test. Note, she really did hate the Venetian Mass and didn't like that they were hanging above my bed. I told her if it came between her needing me to get rid of them or sell them for expenses,

Starting point is 01:04:01 then I would of course do that. But I'm not just going to get rid of my collection because someone says so. She asked if we could move on from this, and I told her no. Good for you, Dylan. I don't like that she tried to test my love by asking me to get rid of my collection. She left. We are officially broken up now. I'm a Scorpio. What's your sign? Pisces.

Starting point is 01:04:22 Bitch. If a motherfucker tries to test me in a relationship, I made a 33 on the ACT, hungover bitch. Oh! I'm good at tests. Wow! Let's go. Because I'm gonna double test you back. I'm gonna turn it around on you. Wow! And I'm gonna throw you into

Starting point is 01:04:36 the writing portion of the SAT without you even knowing it. Okay? I love a good relationship test. Wow! And I'm probably gonna leave you after. What is a relationship test that like, I'm curious what you've pulled or what you would recommend trying? Because I feel like they could easily creep into a line of toxicity. No, no. I don't think you should try to test anyone in a relationship.

Starting point is 01:05:01 Okay, okay, okay. But I think if your partner tries to test you, Ooh, uno reverse. you should play stupid and uno reverse that mother fucker. Okay? Because people do try it and I don't know why, I think it's like a learned behavior, but people do try to test you.

Starting point is 01:05:18 I never stay in relationships where people try to do that. It's not my jam, it's not my thing. No. And I think it just sets up your life to be tested the whole time. I think so too. I think a lot of people, I think the phone test is really common.

Starting point is 01:05:34 And I just. You're not reading my phone. I just feel like if you get to a point where you have to, it speaks to a bigger issue. There's not a lot of trust in the relationship. Oh, it's like when people get a third. Okay. It's like when you, if you have a third,

Starting point is 01:05:48 there's probably something else going on in your relationship that you should probably talk about. I say get the third, but also start talking about the reason why you have to get the third. Because if you want to survive post the third, Yeah. you should probably be in in some kind of communicata about what's happening.

Starting point is 01:06:08 I know, I feel like the subreddit dead bedrooms would really fascinate you. What's dead bedrooms? It's couples that their bedroom is dead and then they talk about opening the relationship or what do they do? And I just saw the craziest post about a polycule and the post was titled, and I'm gonna get to it

Starting point is 01:06:27 I think on patreon but it's titled something like I left our honeymoon because my husband kept ignoring My girlfriend and me with his boyfriend stop and I was like My husband was ignoring my girlfriend to hang out with his boyfriend and I was like, okay. Okay clock it Yeah, they're in a polycule. They're in a polycule. Yeah, it wasn't going well on the honeymoon, I guess. They're doing it. They are doing it. They're doing it.

Starting point is 01:06:50 And by the way, don't bring those boyfriends on your honeymoon, honey. You're gonna get no attention. I'm like... Don't bring the boyfriends. I was like, okay, you guys are, you polycule is different. The gays have no f**ks.

Starting point is 01:07:01 The gays, listen to me, okay? Let me go right here for this. I'm ready. I'm locked in. The gays, if you are letting a man come with you on your honeymoon, we're like vampires. Once you invite us in, it's your fault, okay? We're in there.

Starting point is 01:07:20 Okay, we won't come unless you invite us, but once you say, come on in, we gonna take advantage. That gay man was like, no, Mark, over here. You're my boyfriend. You are my boyfriend. Not her husband. What is this? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, On the bright side, I can fill my house with more clown dolls. I even found a music box one online that I might get. Thank you everyone for helping me figure out that I wasn't in the wrong.

Starting point is 01:07:50 And to those saying I'm a serial killer for owning clowns, I've read quite a few comments from people collecting dead things. So I think I'm in the clear on that. Point taken. Yeah. I know someone that collects teeth. If it's your husband, ma'am, we need to talk off camera. Yeah, I know someone that collects teeth If it's your husband, man, we need to talk off-camera No

Starting point is 01:08:10 No, it's your man. We should probably talk off-camera. No, no he he What's he collect? He actually like doesn't really collect anything. He's really in the space really in the space So that's kind of his thing. But like I feel like I'm the one that like buys him space stuff. Nice. He doesn't even really get it for himself. Oh shit. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:33 Teeth. Pins. He collects pins. Who's that booty call that used to collect teeth? No, it was a girl I went to grad school with. She loves teeth. Serial killer. Is she a dentist?

Starting point is 01:08:42 No, an occupational therapist. Jesus. She had like a big jar. She'd pull up pictures she a dentist? No, an occupational therapist. Jesus. She has like a big jar. She'd pull up pictures. She has some like crazy molars. My God. Did she marry a dentist?

Starting point is 01:08:51 No, I don't think so. I offered to give her my wisdom teeth, but- She didn't want them. No. Damn, your teeth weren't good enough. Never got around to it. Your fucking teeth weren't good enough. They had to like blow my teeth up to get them out.

Starting point is 01:09:03 Stop. Yeah, like they were impacted. Same. And they like have to chunk it up. Do you know that I'm such a sick bitch that I got two of the impacted ones out first? Okay. Because you lose all kinds of weight. And then I got them out second right before the Oscars.

Starting point is 01:09:21 The second was another bout of weight because you can't, you know, you can't use solids for a minute. You're so lucky you didn't get dry sockets. I didn't, I was good. Oh. I was really good. I ended up in the ER after my wisdom teeth. It was not a vibe. You're probably trying to smoke a cigarette after.

Starting point is 01:09:35 No, I didn't even have a straw. I was eating stuff with a spoon. I was doing everything right. They gave me pain pills and I was allergic to the kind they gave me. So I just throwing up throwing up throwing up and then like No frills delivers get groceries delivered to your door from no frills with PC Express Shop online and get $15 in PC optimum points on your first five orders. Shop now at NoFrills.ca.

Starting point is 01:10:09 The Chevrolet employee pricing event is on now. Get a big cash purchase discount of up to $11,300 on the 2025 Chevrolet Silverado LDZR2 and Silverado HDZR2. With a factory installed lift kit and Multimatic DSSV dampers on both the Silverado LD and HDZR2, you'll have all the capability you need to leave the asphalt behind. Hurry in! Employee pricing is on for a limited time. Visit your local Chevrolet dealer for details. Okay, are you scared of poop stories? Yes. Skip it! Skip it!

Starting point is 01:10:45 No! Skip it! I'll give you a choice. Okay, give me a choice. As you guys know then, trigger warning, poop story. So, am I the asshole for throwing away food after my boyfriend's mom put her stool sample on top of it? Bitch. Or...

Starting point is 01:11:02 Cut the story. Throw away your mother-in-law too. Throw away the food and the mother-in-law. Or, I'm having an issue with my husband who keeps messing up our bathroom and keeps insisting it's not a big deal. How do I get him to understand it's gross? Oh, I can tell you that. I can tell you that real quick.

Starting point is 01:11:20 Divorce. No, no, you withhold sex. That's a game I'll play. So is that the story you're picking? No, no. You withhold sex. That's the game I'll play. So is that the story you're picking? Yeah, let's go. Okay. This is coming from Relationship Advice. It is five days old, again titled I, Female 36, am having issues with my husband, Male 36, who keeps messing up our bathroom and keeps insisting it's not a big deal. Had to make a new account as I'm not convinced family hasn't discovered my mane. My husband apparently stands while he wipes, which leads to what I'm now calling, quote, butt crumbs. Not literal shit. It's dirty toilet paper

Starting point is 01:12:01 pieces. Not that it makes it much better, on anything and everything on the bathroom floor. It's not like a lot, but it's still so gross. I wish I never realized what that mysterious dirt was coming from. He insists that it's normal to wipe standing, that he can't wipe sitting down. He's big, but he's not that big, and it's not a big deal. He just forgets to check and clean up sometimes. But I don't know. I don't even like the idea of him wiping over our floors or any clothes on them. I'm the one that usually picks up

Starting point is 01:12:35 the dirty laundry, even if nothing was visibly left behind. I feel like it's fair to have him clean the floors and deal with any clothes on the floor every day if he continues this, or just until he's out of the habit of wiping standing up. But he thinks I'm being ridiculous. That it's not a big deal that he just forgets to clean up sometimes. What do I do?

Starting point is 01:12:59 What's this lady's name? I like to give them names. Jennifer, can you hear me? This is what you're gonna do. You're gonna drive your ass to Costco. What's this lady's name? I like to give them names. Jennifer, can you hear me? This is what you're gonna do. You're gonna drive your ass to Costco. You're gonna find this little Toto bidet that comes with a water and an air blow dryer.

Starting point is 01:13:18 You're gonna install that bitch in your toilet, okay? You're not even gonna tell your man. You're just gonna install the shit out of it Okay, and hook it up to the hot water. Fuck it. Get your plumber there. Hook it up to the hot water Plug it in heat that goddamn seat. Okay, and When that man asks you what does this do you sit him down and you give him the tutorial of a lifetime? Okay, first of all, you're gonna save money on toilet paper you're gonna save your marriage and you're also gonna save your bed sheets because he bringing them crumbs into the bed, too. So

Starting point is 01:13:52 Go get that goddamn toto. Oh Yes, he's bringing it a bit go get that goddamn toto Go get the toto and from Costco to I mean no Costco's got a good one right now. They're on sale too. I love Costco. You'll save so much money and so much fret. Yeah. I mean, I think that is definitely what you got to do. I think your initial suggestion of like, hey, no intimacy.

Starting point is 01:14:18 Because honestly, how would you want to be intimate with someone who's got butt crumbles? Butt crumbles! Ladies. If these chunks are big enough on your floor where you're noticing them thinking it's dirt, Ladies. What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing?

Starting point is 01:14:34 By the way, the fact that your man can't even wipe it up at 36, like, get you a man to wipe it up. There's adaptive tools, okay? There is this tool. It is quite literally called the Butt Buddy, the Bottom Buddy toilet wiper. Like there are tools. Like we used to have to use these for people

Starting point is 01:14:57 when I was doing OT if they couldn't reach. Look, a total right now, on Amazon right now, you can get a total for like 59.99. You can get like a little bidet for $59.99. You don't even have to get the expensive one. No, you can get a handheld Shatafa if you need something. Exactly, he will like it. If the water's warm, I'm telling you, he will like it.

Starting point is 01:15:15 Do it, girl. You will save yourself so much time and energy. And think about the trees. You're helping trees. Save that paper. Oof, not the bug crubs. I mean, it's not even the fact... Okay. Standing to wipe. Cool. Okay.

Starting point is 01:15:30 That's a man thing, though. Yes. If you're gonna do it, you're gonna do it. Whatever. But the fact that you're not at least being considerate enough to look after you discover this problem. Like, let me make sure my shit's not on the ground. Okay, we're good today. The fact you're leaving your dirty clothes for your wife to come pick up with butt crumbles on top of it, like grated Parmesan,

Starting point is 01:15:50 what are we fucking doing? Oh, put them in on a schedule. Let him shit before he goes in the shower. Like, ugh, something, I can't, ugh. I introduced Rachel to what waffle stomping was when we first met, and I think, yeah, that is like, I'd prefer him to waffle stomp. What's waffle stomping?

Starting point is 01:16:08 You shit in the shower and push it down the drain with your heel. You introduce this to who? Rachel Lindsay. And this is a thing? And she was still friends with me after. Do you waffle stomp? No.

Starting point is 01:16:21 Do you know somebody who waffle stomps? So actually, one of the girls at Spotify came up to me after we talked about this and she was like, I know someone that does it. Yep. There's people out there that Stomp Waffle Stomp. Your drain will smell. Yeah. It's not supposed to, you're not supposed to do that. I'm, yeah. It's not supposed, you're not supposed to do that. I'm not a plumber. I'll say that right now. I'm not a plumber, but it just doesn't seem right.

Starting point is 01:16:53 Unless you're like, it's just in an outhouse in the middle of the outback. I don't want to hear it. By the way, I, if I don't feel comfortable, I will go on a 10 day vacation and not poop. If I don't want to hear it. By the way, I, if I don't feel comfortable, I will go on a 10 day vacation and not poop. If I don't feel comfortable. Like I've been in a house with seven people and we're in Meek and Els for seven days.

Starting point is 01:17:15 This is a real story. I just know that I will not be comfortable. I will check into a hotel for one night to get it done. I will smoke a Capri 120. I don't even smoke. I would just smoke a Capri 120 one night to get it done. I will smoke a Capri 120. I don't even smoke. I would just smoke a Capri 120 real quick and get it going in the privacy of my own room. I'm like very weird about it.

Starting point is 01:17:33 No, I was early on dating my fiance and we went to Copenhagen together. And I was so backed up. Like I would send him down to the lobby. I mean, I would do everything. There was one day I had six espresso shots to try to get things going and I just couldn't because I didn't feel safe yet.

Starting point is 01:17:51 The gym. Of a hotel, the gym. You always go to the gym bathroom. Some lobby bathrooms are real, real nice. Some lobby bathrooms are really nice. If you can find one that locks, that has a door that goes all the way. Floor to ceiling.

Starting point is 01:18:04 I like to go ahead of time to said place and scope out Yeah, sometimes a conference room that no one uses like the like the office media business room Like no one's using a business room anymore, but it has a bathroom in it. So smart. Yeah, you blow it up You just blow it up without them knowing dude. I ugh. I always go to the gym, though. That's good. Yeah, no. That's one thing I miss about Minnesota is, like, the gas stations there actually had really decent bathrooms. The fact that you're using the bathroom...

Starting point is 01:18:36 At a gas station? ...in a gas station, Britney fucking spears, like, who are you? Do you wear shoes when you go in there? Of course! Jesus! Who doesn't? I didn't poop in public until I was literally 21. My fiance just pooped on the airplane for the first time like a month ago.

Starting point is 01:18:50 He's a serial killer. Leave, bitch. Anybody shitting 30,000 feet in the air knowing that there's 200 people watching them do it? No. You don't poop on planes? No. No.

Starting point is 01:19:03 Why do you want to hit the long haul flight? I don't give a shit. I could be going to space. I'm not shitting next to Gayle King. I'm not doing it. I can't do it. I just like my body is not equipped for it. Like I would rather hold it 10, 15 hours.

Starting point is 01:19:21 My body will not let me do it. Oh, see, I have tummy issues. When we start rumbling, we're going. But I'm not a girl that when I get the knock on the door, like I'm the type that if I get the knock on the door and I don't do, you have a shit window. Yeah. You got a poop window.

Starting point is 01:19:35 Which is what, 90 seconds? Mine's like probably five minutes. Okay. If I can't find that situation in five minutes, it will automatically go back up. I don't know why, I don't know why I'm built this way. It's really weird. But I have problems.

Starting point is 01:19:51 If I don't do it in that five minutes. Yeah, you don't know what groundhogging is. Yeah, I've never met a groundhogger. I'm not that person. But if I miss it the next day, it's the same thing. It rolls over. Like I just have five minutes. It's really weird.

Starting point is 01:20:05 You're getting like so impacted. No, I'm getting so impacted. I weigh 204 pounds right now. You gotta get milk of magnesium. Yes. Whatever that cocktail is that they give you. Have you ever seen an X-ray of someone who can't go to the bathroom for a couple of days?

Starting point is 01:20:18 Yeah. That is wild. Is terrifying. It's wild. I was that girl in Bikados. Oh no. Out of all places too. Out of all terrifying. It's wild. I was that girl in Mykonos. Oh no. Out of all places too. Out of all places.

Starting point is 01:20:28 Oh, okay. Well, luckily for you guys, we're moving on from the poop talk. Thank you. Okay. Okay. At Desjardins Insurance, we know that when you're a building contractor, your company's foundation needs to be strong.

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Starting point is 01:21:13 titled, Am I the Asshole for Evicting My Uncle from the House My Grandma Left Me? I know this is going to sound crazy, but just hear me out. My grandma passed last month, and I've been handling her estate. She left me her house valued at about $400,000. But here's the twist no one knew about until now. My uncle has been living in the basement of the house for three years. Not visiting, but living. Grandma never told any of us where he was. He lost his job during COVID, got divorced,

Starting point is 01:21:49 the entire sham. Apparently, Grandma let him stay living in the house and nobody in the family knew. And she didn't want him to feel embarrassed telling anyone. Now my uncle thinks that because he was taking care of Grandma, which honestly none of us knew about, he is entitled to inherit the house instead of me. He is saying she only left it to me because she didn't have any time to take her name off the will before she passed. But she had three years

Starting point is 01:22:18 to take it off if she wanted. And the will is dated for 2023. So it's not even an old will. And the will is dated for 2023, so it's not even an old will. Now he is refusing to move and is saying that he is legally entitled to fight for the house in court. My parents think I should just let him keep it because according to them, he is family. But I'm just 28 and frankly, this house would change my entire life. I would be a homeowner instead of throwing money away on rent. Am I the asshole if I get him evicted? No. And here's the jam.

Starting point is 01:22:49 Family is tricky. No matter what happens, death in families always bring out the worst in people. I know, especially money. Money is horrible. What I would tell you to do is give your uncle some time. Give him some time, say, hey, you can stay in here for another four or five months, let you get on your feet, do some work on the house, maybe let him oversee it,

Starting point is 01:23:15 and then offer him a lump sum that you are comfortable with. And say, hey, I will give you $15,000 over the next six months for you to evacuate the place. 20 grand, something, because lawyer's fees are a lot. And if your uncle doesn't have a pot to piss in, ain't got a job, ain't got nowhere to go, $15,000 is very enticing. Now, he might hold it over your head for the rest of his life,

Starting point is 01:23:42 like you stole my goddamn house, But it'll be worth it. So I say, Victor, uncle, give him a little cash deposit for him to get on his feet and call it a day. I don't even think you need to give him the cash. I mean, if you wanna be real nice, you say, hey, you got six months, six months rent free, figure it out. Who are these parents saying, oh, just give him the house.

Starting point is 01:24:04 This is a $400,000 house and you, oh, just give him the house. This is a $400,000 house and you're saying just give him the house? Give him the cash. In what fucking world, people? They want to keep the peace. They know how he is. By the way, I just, I don't know, families and money. I hate that keep the peace. You're going to keep the peace over a $400,000 loss?

Starting point is 01:24:24 Not me. Hell no. 10 Gs max. 15 if you have to. Just give them some cash. Oh my God. Yeah, you're being really generous with the cash buyout. But if you get $400,000, let's think about it.

Starting point is 01:24:40 If you gave them 10% of the house. I know, that is insane. At this point, let's say that they have. What's 10%, 40? 40. Okay. That was really good. I'm bad at math.

Starting point is 01:24:50 No, 10% is $40,000. Yeah. Even if you had to give them 40 Gs. I know, I feel like it, I'm curious what OP's financial situation is. Cause I come up with 40K, like. Well, the great part about it is if somebody gives you a house for 400 000 you could refinance you can refinance and you can take out a mortgage

Starting point is 01:25:13 on 40 000 you can also take out a mortgage on 60 000 put 20 000 into your house upgrading it making it pretty ready for yourself yes or and then give him the 40 that's left over. Yeah, I'm gonna be honest, Justin, I'm not that nice. Damn, you're cutthroat. I'm not that nice. I'm gonna say you get six months rent free, because rent in our city is XYZ, and I don't wanna put you on the street,

Starting point is 01:25:42 I don't wanna evict you, but like, here's the thing. Like, Grandma obviously wanted me to have the house. This will was 2023. You lost your job and got divorced in COVID. Like, you've been living with Granny for three years now. This will was made around that time, where she knew you were in the spot with her and still chose to leave this to me.

Starting point is 01:26:03 I'm going to respect grandma's decision. So I'm happy to give you a little grace, a couple of months, but after that, I don't want a roommate. I got you. Yeah. Also, yeah, you don't want your uncle living with you. I mean, if you want to be really nice,

Starting point is 01:26:17 you could say a year, but like, I don't think you have to. No, because then a year becomes 18 months and 18 months becomes two years. If you're gonna just sell the house though, and I don't get the vibe from OP, becomes two years. If you're gonna just sell the house though, and I don't get the vibe from OP, but I would say if you're gonna sell the house and take all the money,

Starting point is 01:26:31 then I'd say give the uncle a little bit of a bone. Yeah. Also people just, money talks. Yeah. Sometimes you just gotta slide it. But I get you, six months is a lot. It's a long time, but it also goes by fast. I've been stuck with bad roommates for six months

Starting point is 01:26:48 and it can go by fast. When you have a life. Yeah. Also, you've never been stuck with a 65-year-old uncle who's just blowing up your toilet and fucking walking around your house with anger issues about you having the house. Well, I lived with my dad up until a year ago,

Starting point is 01:27:03 and he's a difficult roommate. Damn, you lived with my dad up until like a year ago, and he's a difficult roommate. Damn, you lived with your dad? I love him so much, but yeah, I just moved out of, because he lives here in LA, so when I got into grad school, I was like, oh my God, free rent, yay. He lived here already? Yeah, so I moved in with him and like,

Starting point is 01:27:18 oh my gosh, he loves a 6.37 a.m. wake up call by slamming kitchen cabinets. No! Yeah, we're not bougie enough for those soft close hinges. loves a 6.37 a.m. wake-up call by slamming kitchen cabinets. Yeah, we're not bougie enough for those soft-close hinges. How long has he lived here? He is from L.A., moved to Minnesota for like 20 years, met my mom, and then moved back out when I was like in eighth grade.

Starting point is 01:27:36 Stop. So he's been out here a while. Wow, so you have free rent for grad school. It was really nice. Damn. Really nice. You killed it. And then the podcast did a little something,

Starting point is 01:27:47 and then I ended up being the one paying the HOA fees and everything, so. Damn. Then he got free rent. Oh, shit. Yeah. By the way, that's a good little strategy for him. I know.

Starting point is 01:27:58 I know. Let me raise a little show pony. Let me raise a show pony and then get a little kick back. By the way, why not? I know. Donna Kelsey better be getting money from those two boys. Oh my gosh. If they aren't buying her multiple mansions. Come on lady.

Starting point is 01:28:13 Multiple. Fed your asses for 20 years. I ain't got to work another day in my life. Where do you think the people went on this one? Asshole, you're the asshole? No. People are cutthroat on Reddit. No asshole. Mm-hmm, top comment, not the asshole. Honor the will, serve the eviction notice, time to change. Family is family when they're being good to you, not taking advantage of you.

Starting point is 01:28:40 And OP goes, thank you, time to serve those papers. OP don't give a fuck. OP said- OP's a Leo. Get out of my house. She's a Leo. I wonder, I wish people had to post what they are on their Reddit account. Yes.

Starting point is 01:28:53 Because that could explain so much of the conflict resolution they're trying to pursue. That really could, like maybe Reddit should add that on the bottom where you pick your symbol. Trophy case, yeah. So if you look at someone's account, they have a trophy case, So this is a new user. It should say Leo.

Starting point is 01:29:07 Yeah. Scorpio. I'm into that. Pisces. I'm really into that. I think I'm more into Reddit. I think you'll like it. It's a good time.

Starting point is 01:29:15 I need to get an account that I like actually use. It's a good time. Okay. Last one for you. What is it? I'm so sad. I know we've had so much fun. This is great.

Starting point is 01:29:26 We need to make you regular. Right? Cause we're gonna be like, bring him back. Bring his ass back. Don't ever let me hear the end of it if you don't. So this is coming from AITAH11DaysOld, titled, Am I the Asshole for Insisting My Son Be the Flower Boy?

Starting point is 01:29:41 I'm getting married in July. Wedding planning is in full swing. My wife, Tabi, and I are on the same page about almost everything except for this one thing. My son wants to be the flower boy, and I want him to be too. My fiance says that a flower girl is traditional and that it would be weird to have a flower boy. She says her family will be uncomfortable. She says that

Starting point is 01:30:06 he should be the ring bearer. He doesn't want to be the ring bearer. He wants to carry the basket of flower petals. He thinks it looks fun. My line of reasoning is that anything that gets him excited about the wedding and having a stepmom is a huge plus. My fiance says we shouldn't teach my son that everything is about him. I absolutely agree. However, it is weird for kids when a parent gets remarried. He hasn't engaged much with the idea, and this is the first thing relating to the wedding that he showed excitement about. My fiance wants to know what he would wear, and I said the three of us can decide and find something cute. She says she doesn't want that extra task on her plate. I said then he and I can

Starting point is 01:30:49 do it. And she said she would be stressed about not knowing what he'll be wearing then. Girl, he'll wear a suit. We have been going back and forth about this for a while and she is starting to get frustrated. Yesterday she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore. I said we have to resolve it, because the wedding is in seven weeks. She said as far as she is concerned, it's resolved. I said in that case, it's resolved for me too, and he's doing it. She asked me why I'm being such an asshole about this. I don't think I'm being an asshole, but maybe I am.

Starting point is 01:31:22 I haven't been pushy about anything else with the wedding. Whenever I wanted something that she didn't, I either compromised or I let it go. This is the one thing that really matters to me. And I think it's ultimately good for the both of us because it will make my son more fond of her. Am I really being the asshole? First of all, you are not, okay?

Starting point is 01:31:42 You're being a good dad. A really good dad. And you're fighting for your son's rights to want to be a flower boy. And your wife is fighting this? Like this is the hill she's gonna die on? Maybe this is not the right person for you to marry? I'm so glad you said it. Baby, this is a sign that your son's needs

Starting point is 01:32:08 are never going to be met in this marriage. Maybe this is a sign that this woman is going to put herself first, and part of being a step-parent is putting your stepson or daughter's needs before yours and being patient and making compromises to be a better parent. So I'm gonna say you are not the asshole.

Starting point is 01:32:33 In fact, you are quite the opposite. You are a hero fighting for your son. And I love that you went 10 toes down with this woman on this situation and don't back down. Let her ass know. Do not back down. No. Who cares about tradition?

Starting point is 01:32:52 I want my grandma to be a flower woman. She's gonna walk down the aisle with my niece and they're both gonna do their thing. If my little nephew wants to be a flower boy instead of a ring bearer, he will get a basket of fucking petals. I think it's concerning that she's like, my family will feel uncomfortable. Then we have a major problem.

Starting point is 01:33:10 We have a big problem. I think you said everything so well, absolute hero. I think it's really sad where he says, I haven't been pushy about anything about the wedding. Whenever I wanted something that she didn't, I either compromised or I let it go. This is also his wedding. By the way, I wouldn't even be having a wedding.

Starting point is 01:33:33 I would've ate the 30,000, 40,000 that I put down on deposits and been like, we need to run. This is bad. And by the way, you know what? I'm gonna call her Lisa. Lisa, you know what's not traditional? A second wedding, okay?

Starting point is 01:33:45 Y'all are both getting married for the second time at this point, so you don't need to chill. Like, your man's been married already, okay? Like, tradition went out the window. Yeah, yeah. This is crazy. I know. Top comment is people wanting more info.

Starting point is 01:34:00 Info, does your fiance get along with your son? I mean, what does he say about their relationship? Next, comment down. Also, how long has OP and fiance been together? How is their relationship? Is this the only thing she seems to be adamant about, or is there a pattern here? What did he say? So I'm looking at OP's comments.

Starting point is 01:34:18 We do get a couple. Shut up. Okay. Oh, the little boy. So we find out how old he is, okay? He's five. He's only four. Yeah. Oh, the little boy. So we find out how old he is, okay? He's five. He's only four. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:34:27 If shit... He's four. Lady. No, you can't marry that lady. I don't even care how old. He could be a 13-year-old boy. Like, four. He just wants to feel included and that looks fun.

Starting point is 01:34:40 Like, kids don't understand societal norms and tradition and all of these weird gender expectations. Like, And by the way, he's not asking to wear by the way, if you wanted to wear a dress. Let him wear a dress. Who fucking cares? He's not even asking to wear a dress. He just wants to throw flowers on the ground. He just wants to throw flowers. Like, what is going on here?

Starting point is 01:34:58 Uh, he mostly sees her as a boring grown up. I haven't found anything for them to bond over yet. Go to the zoo. Go. She's probably not trying Exactly when I talk to him about her he doesn't usually have much to say he'll say she's pretty or she's boring That's his favorite word lately. So don't read into it too much or she's tall. He thinks everyone is tall She's actually quite short. I haven't gotten much substance from him, which is normal for his age. Yeah. She thinks her half-sister should be a flower girl. Her half-sister is 11. I haven't gotten the impression from her that she particularly wants to do this. I think she's somewhat embarrassed by the idea because she sees it as something for little kids, like my son, just saying. I don't think he should do both, personally, because he might get confused

Starting point is 01:35:44 or overwhelmed. He is only four. She said it's standard for girls should do both, personally, because he might get confused or overwhelmed. He is only four. She said it's standard for girls to do it, and her family would be confused and embarrassed to see her new stepson performing a girl's role. Get out of here! Don't marry this lady! Oh my God!

Starting point is 01:35:59 She is worried that he would pick a dress. Well, here's the other jam. When he asked you to be a part of that conversation, you said I have too much on my plate already. I was worried that he would pick a dress. Well, here's the other jam. When he asked you to be a part of that conversation, you said, I have too much on my plate already. And then when he said, he'll just figure it out, you said, oh no, I don't want to give up control. So what do you want?

Starting point is 01:36:17 She's making me want to pull out my hair. She's actually making me want to pull out my hair. She's making me want to put a cash bar at her wedding that she doesn't know about. Okay, that's what she's making me want to pull out my hair. She's making me want to put a cash bar at her wedding that she doesn't know about. Okay, that's what she's making me want to do. People are going to need some alcohol to deal with her. Damn. Bridezilla.

Starting point is 01:36:32 She's that girl. It's giving Bridezilla. He's marrying that. Yeah, OP does go on a share. Little boy's mother is involved. He has extended family. My ex hates my fiance, but that's typical, I think. She manages to keep it civil,

Starting point is 01:36:48 but I know she and her sister have a group chat where they talk shit about my fiance. Put me on that group chat. My dad thinks my wife needs to try harder to bond with my son, but she is trying to strike a delicate balance. If she pushes too hard, that can push him away. I don't think he appreciates how difficult it is

Starting point is 01:37:03 to enter a child's life in these circumstances. Also, kids and dogs can sense people's energies. Oh, kids can clock it. So if your four-year-old is running from your fiance, one of two things is happening. Either she has bad juju or she smells like shit. But from your story, she just has bad juju. It's giving bad juju.

Starting point is 01:37:33 And you should totally look at your kid and take a page out of that book and reevaluate what's going on. Yeah, especially after finding out this last detail. We dated for a year and we got engaged in January. I think that is, here's a hot take. If you have kids and you're blending families, I don't think a year is enough.

Starting point is 01:37:56 I'm gonna say that right now. I think you need at least two, if not three years, if you're blending families, like to really weed it out. A year, you can put on a big show and act for a year. Oh, I love your little kid. Soon as you got him locked in, military camp. By the way, you've watched two Andy Lindsay Lohan movies. You were on ABC Family for way too long.

Starting point is 01:38:19 Okay, that's some parent trap shit. However, I think when you're blending families, a year is the point where you should start living together. A year is a part where you start blending the families, you should start living together to figure out if this marriage will even work. Completely agree. And then at two years, if you want to talk about it,

Starting point is 01:38:38 then you can. But you're missing a step here, sir. I think you might have proposed too soon. I think so. He went to Jared here, sir. I think you might have proposed too soon. I think so. He went to Jared way too fast. I know. He definitely went to Jared way too fast. Every kiss begins with K, who knows?

Starting point is 01:38:52 Oof. Who knows? Okay. I mean, there. Keep that receipt. I know. I think, yeah. He did propose on New Year's Eve, though, so it might be considered a gift.

Starting point is 01:39:03 Oh, she keeps the ring, too? Yeah, if you propose on a holiday so it might be considered a gift. She keeps the ring too? Yeah, if you propose on a holiday, it can be considered a gift. I bet you she knew too. There's ways to do it y'all. Damn, I can't take it. Yeah, I think OP is getting a little lost in the sauce. Hopefully figures it out.

Starting point is 01:39:17 We don't have an official update yet. I wanna hear from the ex-wife. I know. If the ex-wife is on this thread and watching this podcast. You go ahead and leave a few comments. Are you out there? Yes. Let's go.

Starting point is 01:39:30 Oh, she's out there. I know. You and your sister, because I know she's shady too. Yeah. You guys get in those comments. I know. Well, and there are reasons for not liking her. She's stuck up.

Starting point is 01:39:39 There's a few other comments, but just age. OP is 28. Beyonce is 26. so she's young. But yeah, no update. Last we have is OP saying, I'm gonna put my foot down, it's my wedding too. This won't work if we both aren't willing to compromise. Damn, OP is young.

Starting point is 01:39:59 28. To be married twice? Four-year-old kiddo. Oh, he probably wasn't married. He just was. Kiddo. Kiddo. Kiddo. I wanna know what OP looks like.

Starting point is 01:40:09 I'm curious. Me too. I want a family photo. The ex-wife, come on. Throw it in there. Pop in. If this is you. Pop in. Pop in. Does this sound familiar?

Starting point is 01:40:18 This has been fun. Thank you so much. This was so good. I loved it. This is so chill. This is a setup though. You clocked everything today. You got me up in here just comfortable as fuck,

Starting point is 01:40:28 hungry, just saying whatever came to my mind. We'll have to do it with some wine next time. Don't tell me that. I literally always have, I usually always have bottles, but it's the middle of the day. Like with my daytime gas, I always feel. Okay, next time. Maybe we do a trio, me, you and Rachel.

Starting point is 01:40:43 Yeah, let's do it. That'd be really fun. That'd be really fun. Okay, I'm seeing her next week. I'm going to talk to her about it. That'd be really fun. I'll talk to her about it. If it doesn't happen, then you just know Rachel's a hater. Oh my God, thank you for having me. Where can people find you? You have a new podcast out, Yestergays. Yes, it's the bomb. It's wherever you get podcasts at. You can watch the video.

Starting point is 01:41:04 I like to listen to it in my car. We get a little shady. It should be called the Yester Shadies. But Blakely Thornton is my podcast host, and he kills it. He's so funny, irreverent, and most importantly, he is not media trained. So it is just... Oh, you know it's juicy then. It goes off the rails. It's disordered. It's messy, a lot of disarray there.

Starting point is 01:41:26 We call it chaotic. We're a little chaotic. Because we have like a, there's supposed to be a formula to this thing, but we go so far off the rails that sometimes it's just pure chaos. I love that. Yeah. Honestly, it sounds like a great time.

Starting point is 01:41:43 Literally, no, you have to listen to it. It's so much fun. I'm gonna be tuned in. Episode three is dropping on Tuesday. Ooh, it's a fresh one. By the time this episode comes out though, guys, there might be five or six episodes. Come through.

Starting point is 01:41:56 The link for Justin's show will be in the description along with all of his other socials and things like that. So be sure to follow. Thank you again for coming on. Thank you for coming. Until next time, guys. Bye. Thanks for watching!

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Two Hot Takes - 222: Can You Clock It? Ft. Justin Sylvester

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