Two Hot Takes - 227: Disclose or Nah?!

Episode Date: July 31, 2025

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Michaela! Knowing when, if, or how to disclose sensitive information can be challenging.. ESPECIALLY in these stories. From a guy who says he's never loved his wife to someone who is trying to tell their friend to date in their league.. do you disclose or nah?! Need to know how you would all handle these ones! NEW MERCH: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shop.twohottakes.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Partners: Sol de Janeiro: Shop now at Sephora and http://soldejaneiro.com Bonus Content on Patreon including FREE stories/eps : ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ MERCH HERE ! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shop.twohottakes.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Send us a letter? Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 WRITE IN TO US!!! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Index: 00:00 -- Start 07:51 — Story 1 28:12 — Story 2 35:53 — Story 3 54:12 — Story 4 1:05:35 — Story 5 1:23:49 — Story 6 1:45:22 — Story 7 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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He's got flowers. Oh, I thought they were a bowl of fruit. I also initially thought they were grapes, but I think that it's a bouquet. And he's like nervous and about to present it to somebody. He's so cute. Yeah. I love him so much. Oh, he's just the most adorable little guy.

But here we go. Yes. Another week. Another episode. another crazy batch of stories. I'm so excited for this theme. We've been talking about this theme for a while now, and I've been like anticipating. Almost a month, actually.

This theme's been on my radar for almost a month. And you guys are probably reading the title and you're like, what is this going to be? So I think there's a lot of stories I've seen lately. And they kind of all have the underlying theme of disclosure and like to disclose or not to disclose. Right. Like, should I tell this person this thing? Yeah. And like, am I obligated to tell this person this thing?

Yes. And I think there's so many instances in life where it comes up, whether it's like a relationship and a partner. And it's like, do you have to disclose the past or a job? And it's like, you're applying for a new job and you know you're pregnant, but you're not going to tell them. Right. Because otherwise you're not going to get hired.

So there's so many things. And like the stories I keep seeing are like all about disclosure and like someone might have disclosed something and they didn't need to or they're things. thinking about disclosing. So that's the vibe today. I'm excited. We've got some crazy ones. And you found one as well. Yes, of course. And I'm thrilled to present it to you. It's like if you listen to one of our bonus episodes, it's sort of a different POV on a story we had there. So I'm excited about that. Yes. Oh my gosh. The patrons for this month have been so fun too. It's literally all you, me, and Lauren. Like we did a trio episode. So if you guys have been wanting the

Michaela, Lauren, me, trio. We test trial, run it, test whatever. It's so sleepover vibes. Like, it really feels like, that's my feeling. It was so fun. It was total sleepover vibes. So that's on Patreon. And then me and you did one. And I still had my, my, my, like, chin wrap from surgery. Is that the one where we have the two out takes, the like, the, the. Our patches. Our patches. Our patch sweatshirts. Yes. So you'd see those over there. And then the other one is me and Lawrence. So like it is it's a girl's girl's month on Patreon. That's awesome. If you want some good bonus stuff, head over to Patreon. But let's get into these stories. Okay. Okay, I'm ready. I'm buckled. Let's dive in.

Before we dive into today's stories, this episode is presented by Soul de Janeiro. So you love to take care of your skin and you love to smell great. That's why the new body bottle out of lotion from Soul De Janeiro is for you and me. It's fast absorbing and non-sticky. It gives you 24 hours of nonstop weightless daily hydration, and it's made with their iconic Xerosa 62 cent. From sunrise to the after party, new body bottolada by Sol de Janeiro should be your new lotion obsession.

I know it's mine. So give it a try. You know you want to. Shop now at Sephora and Soul De Janeiro.com. Wooee! Okay. I've been waiting for this one, and we kind of talked about it a little bit, like, right after my surgery.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And everyone's like surgery. What the hell did you do? So I ended up getting a deep plain neck contour. I think that's the formal term. That's why it's so scientific. I believe you. I think that's right. I still don't really like, I understand what we did because like your brother, Tyler Oakland, who was my surgeon. I know him. It's so crazy. But he did such a good job explaining it. And he's like, you know, we just do a little incision here. And then we go behind your platism. muscle or whatever that one's called. And like, honestly, like, and I'm not just saying this because he's your brother. No. He has the best bedside manner out of any doctor I've ever met. And that includes working in hospitals, emergency rooms, anywhere. Thank you.

Like I had to, I saw like someone else this week for like chin filler and who's also a plastic surgeon and like couldn't explain anything, like couldn't do. I'm just like, it's such a big part of it, I feel. because, like, it's such a big decision. You get so nervous and, like, you want to be able to talk through all of your concerns and not feel like you're going to annoy them by asking a question. I know. Yeah.

And, like, he's just so great at explaining and making you feel comfortable and just, like, it was just the best, best, best experience. And this is something I've wanted for years now. Like, I've always been so self-conscious of, like, my little turkey neck. And it's very genetic for me if you look at, like, my grandma and my mom. And so it's something I really wanted to do, especially before the wedding. I just, like, wanted to feel my absolute best. Yeah.

So I did that. And I'm like two weeks post-op right now. So, like, still a little swelling, but it's just... It's such a faster recovery, though, than, like, one would expect, I feel. I never had pain, really. Yeah. Like, a little sore, but, like, no pain. It's been, like, the easiest recovery ever.

Yay. And the results already for, like, two weeks out. still swollen, I'm like, okay, I can already see such a difference. Yeah. So I'm really excited. That's so awesome. Yeah. So if anyone wants to look into like neck contouring, like deep plain necklift, Tyler Oakland is amazing. And I'm not going to pay to say that. Like that's just genuinely like 10 out of 10 would do this again tomorrow. Thanks, Diva. I mean, there are a lot of like non-surgical alternatives. Yeah. Like Kybella, I think they like put acid in your neck or something. I've tried Kaibela. It didn't work. Yeah, I just think...

You bullfrog and it honestly feels like venom. Yeah. In your face. Yeah. I just think it's like actually getting a little bit of liposuction is less invasive and like dangerous, but I don't know. I had a good time. If anyone has any questions, send me a message.

Like, I'm so down to talk about it. And I'll probably do a full video down the line like in a couple months once like my swelling is like completely gone just so we can see the full results. But I know people have been curious. I wanted to talk about it because it's been a really good experience. And it leads us into our first story today. Yeah, that's your full disclosure right there. My full disclosure. I had plastic surgery. I'm not going to lie and say I did mewing. And that's how I've been taping my mouth at night. Like, okay. I'm like, yeah, you can do all those things and it might help. But like, if you have genetics and that's the way your face is like it is, like you could mew till the cows come home. Yeah. And when I me or whatever that thing is, it bulges on me. Really, it's like opposite effect happens with mewing. I've never tried mewing because I'm not good at anything that you have to sort of do every day. It's too much. And then there's that thing. People were like ordering that jaw thing that you like chew on all day. And I'm like, yeah, you're going to like give yourself some joint issues. Yeah. There's a lot of, there are a lot of at home recipes. But yeah. No, I like my surgical recipe. So this first one is about plastic. plastic surgery. It's coming from our slash am I the asshole titled, Am I the asshole for not

disclosing I had plastic surgery to my boyfriend. I 26 female have been dating Max 25 male for four months. When I was 22, I had a nose job as I broke my nose twice as a kid and it left a large bump. Then at 23, I had a breast augmentation that bumped me up two cup sizes. These were lifelong insecurities that I was bullied over and it was really relieving to get them done. On to the present. I met Max through a friend, and things have been great. Last night, I was strolling through my social media while on the sofa with him. I stopped on an old classmate's vacation photo, where she wore a bikini, and frankly, had very obvious implants. She looks great, happy for her, but you can tell. Max glanced over at that moment and said,

quote, gross. I asked him what the deal was, and he said women who get implants or other surgeries are a huge turnoff to most guys and how men prefer natural over two balloons and how insecure she looks. I couldn't help but laugh and said, quote, so you're turned off by me? He got very confused and asked what I meant. I informed him, I had procedures done before. He kept denying it and saying I was joking until I showed him old photos of me. He got quiet and left shortly after. I got a text saying that I should have disclosed this on the first date, how I led him on, and that he needs to reconsider things. It's the next day. I haven't heard anything. I'm bewildered. Am I the asshole?

First of all, like, I think that this poses an interesting question beyond, like, just their own relationship. Yeah. But in the confines of their relationship first, he is an absolute asshole. He was not only an asshole to her, but also to this, like, girl's photo, if I were looking at any woman's photo and a man, you know, peered over my shoulder and said, ew, gross, clearly insecure, I'd be like, watch your fucking mouth, watch your tone. Like, who do you think you're talking about? First of all, that might be my friend, but even if it isn't, like, don't talk about any women like that. That's gross. But then, yeah, that's such an interesting, maybe he should have disclosed on the first date that he has those deal breakers. Like, I don't know. Like, that's crazy to me.

also that he couldn't tell? Like, she probably thought he knew. I mean, I wonder, like, I've never felt an implant breast. Like, I've never, I'm, like, so curious if you can tell a difference even. Because I know, depending on what you do, saline versus silicone, like, it can feel different. Sailing feels supernatural. Like, that's what they plug it at least. So I'm just, like, so curious.

And it's also, like, I love when I read this story to Justin, I loved his response. And he's like... If you can touch it, they're real. Like, he's like, it's just like it is what it is. And it's one of those things that's like you were attracted to her. What does it change? Yeah. What does it change for you?

I don't know. It's not like he asked ever and she lied about it or like she was purposefully keeping this insane secret. Like they haven't been dating that long, first of all, like four months. Four months. So I think that there are things that maybe just naturally haven't come up. But I think it's crazy to expect, like, on date one for someone to be like, okay, it's very important that I disclose to you. I have had a rhinoplasti. I have had a boob job. I have had like this, like that. There are so many things that are so much more important when getting to know somebody, in my opinion, of like who they are.

And I don't know. That's just such, he sounds like an asshole. Totally. And I do like question this when it's something that doesn't affect the other person, a nose job, not going to affect him. I don't think a boob job affects him either. When do you have to disclose or do you ever have to disclose? It's not like a huge deal to me. Like I don't think telling someone that you got a nose job on the first date is a requirement. Like that's just one of those things like it doesn't matter at all. Right. So I'm like are there rules? obviously health things, like if you have an STD, like that should be disclosed pretty early on, especially before sleeping together. But if it's something like this, do you even ever have to disclose it? Yeah. And I'm trying to think about it from the other gender. Like if there was a man and he'd gotten like hair, like, what's that called? Oh, hair plugs. Like hair plugs. Yeah. Like would it matter if he disclosed that or not? Like would you be like, like, no. I wouldn't care.

I'd be curious to know because I do think, like, it'd be an interesting conversation to talk to someone about an insecurity that they had their whole life and, like, that their journey in, you know, making that decision. Like, I think it could be an interesting conversation due to that. But in terms of feeling, like, betrayed or feeling like they've misled me, I would not. Oh, I don't want to, like, give a spoiler. But there's, like, immaterialist. Never mind, never mind. Did you see materials? No, it's on my list.

There's basically, they talk about the surgery where you, like, can make yourself taller as a man. Oh, my God. I've heard, like, horror stories from that. Yeah, it's like a very dangerous. It's so, yeah. I don't know. But then, wait, do you think celebrities should have to disclose plastic surgery to their followers? I think if you're a public-facing.

figure that a lot of people are looking up to as body goals. And if you're creating like a beauty standard and you're using tools that alter and like create something that's not naturally achievable, I think you should. I think it just helps like set the standard. Like that's that's for me. It's like I'm I've had lip filler. I've had chin filler. I've had botox. I just got my neck chin lift contour thing. I'm not going to lie about that because I don't want to make it seem like it's anything like it's also not something I'm ashamed of like if you want to address your insecurities and use tools or whatever to make yourself feel better that's cool but just don't lie to people to make it seem like you're doing it naturally I feel like celebrities especially should like I don't get

why they continue to lie when it's very clear they've had work done yeah you can watch these progressive pictures and clearly the person's gotten nose job like everything I do feel that's weird Sometimes those accounts, like sometimes I think those accounts, I don't always feel are coming from the best place. No. There are certain accounts that will show just like the worst photo ever of somebody, maybe as like a teenager or a preteen, then be like, clearly they've had work done. I'm like, maybe. I don't know. Like, contouring can do a lot.

Like, noses can look so different even over time. Like, I don't know. Your nose can change after you're pregnant too. Yeah. It's not necessarily. Yeah, that's a fine line because it's like there's a lot of those accounts that I've seen. exposing people. They're just ragging on these people. And it's like, I don't think she actually got work done. I think she's overlining her lips and like has just matured in her face.

I think in the perfect world, like, people wouldn't hide that and they'd be clear about that. But then they'd also be clear every time they're using a filter or like face tune or any type of thing. Like if Jennifer Lawrence got a boob job, I wouldn't feel like, okay, she needs to like make a video now telling us she got a boob job. But like if someone asked, I guess, in like a normal way, that wasn't too invasive. She went on Collar Daddy or something. And Alex Cooper was like, hey, have you ever gotten a boob job?

I would imagine she'd be honest about that, hopefully. Yeah. It's such a fine line. It is. Feeling entitled to the information about other people's bodies. Well, and it's really interesting too. And I think there was like a great documentary on it. But why do we have insecurities and like why do we even compare ourselves to other people?

And like, why are we looking at these models and things and people you see in media as like the standard of beauty. And then why does that make you feel bad? And so it's like this vicious cycle. And so if you're a public facing figure, I think ideally disclose if people ask you if it is something that you've gotten done, I think like we're beyond lying about it at this point. Yeah. Especially if you're an influencer who specifically like you're making these makeup videos or something and all of your comments are like, oh, I'm so jealous of your nose. I'm so jealous of your jaw. And like blah, like if you're seeing that, I, I, I feel. feel it would be hard to not be like, wait, guys.

Yeah. This is the case. Yeah. And there's a lot of people that are now, like, very transparent about it. Like, Victoria Paris talks about everything she's gotten done. Yeah. There's a lot of people that now are like, I've done this, this, this and this. Like, I'm not natural.

Like, I'm not a standard. Yeah. Like, I've literally gotten all this done. In a relationship, I don't think you need to, like, jump out of the gate and disclose everything. I think over time, you would anyway. as you get comfortable with that partner, as you maybe are like, oh, you know, I'm kind of hitting a 12 year mark. I'm going to have to get my breasts redone or whatever that looks like. I think

it naturally comes out. And that's what's happening in this story. Like they're four months in and plastic surgery has probably come up as a topic for the first time. Yeah. Because if he had ever brought up his concerns, clearly then she would have said it. But like, yeah, they're noticing breast augmentation. He's saying, I don't like that. She's saying I don't like that. She's saying I have that. Like, that's kind of what happens. It comes up in the world and then you have a conversation about it. I know. And again, you couldn't tell. Yeah. So it's not unnatural looking because you quite literally could not tell. I think the argument I've seen is like if you're going to have children with someone. Is it like important to disclose that this is actually the feature that

you would be passing down to those children? Dude, that's so crazy to me though. Because it's like if your kid didn't like their nose, they could get a nose job. Yeah. Like, I think that's the same thing about like, oh, we'll take her swimming on the first day. Yeah. It's like, it's so funny because I've seen videos too where they'll take pictures of people with like very natural makeup on. And they're like, oh, does this girl have makeup on? And the guys are always like, no, very natural.

Yeah. Love that. It's like, yeah, they don't actually care. She's got a full beat. Yeah. Like, she's got a full face on. Like, you don't know. You don't know natural.

Yeah. He's clearly the asshole. She didn't do anything wrong. I think in a relationship, I would want to know as much about that person as possible and hope that all of those things would come out over time. But I wouldn't feel slighted or betrayed if it came out later in the relationship or, like, a conversation happened at any point. Again, I just think it could be important for understanding the person you're with and, like,

their journey with certain things. because if you've had a lifelong insecurity, like, that plays a big part into your development. And I, you know, that's why I would want to talk about it. Not because I'm like, oh, there's this hidden, like, secret thing that you've done that you're hiding from me. Yeah. You know? I think it's, it is really important to talk about because it's like, it's like how have you felt who are you? And also, like, depending on the insecurity, it could bleed into how you raise kids.

Yeah. Like for me, I grew up in a household where, like, like, like weight was talked about constantly. And so it's even something that like I've had issues with. I've had a lot of, you know, body image issues. And so looking at the language that I heard around weight and oh, being fad and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I won't even use that word around my kids. Like I'm not going to even have that language because it was even about yourself. Even about myself. Yeah. Yeah. And like my brother and his wife have done a really good job of that, like they don't talk negatively about their bodies. And it's kind of like our generation

because like weight and diet culture was like so prevalent for our moms and dads too maybe. But it's it's just interesting how it can bleed into the next generation too. Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. You lucked out that he showed you this side at four months in. You could have been married before you found out he's this shallow and misogynistic. Yeah. And That's true. Like, I think you made a great point when you were like, if I heard the guy I'm dating talk like this, I'd be like, whoa, who do you think you're talking to? Yeah. Talking about another woman like that that you don't even know. Yeah. Saying she's gross. Like, yeah. It's so insecure. Okay. We know. Like, everyone is a little insecure. Yeah. You're insecure about something. Dude, like, let's be real or else you wouldn't be talking like this. I know. I think like insecurities are so normal. It's just like how you handle. them is like kind of the thing. Next comment down is from O.P. I agree. Honestly, if he texts me again saying he's okay to continue, I really don't think I'm interested. Of course. Go O.P.

This is such good. I love when one of your stories is like early on and they're dating and they're like they're not married. They don't have children yet. There aren't these like strings yet because sometimes I'm like, oh, this sucks. I know. I know. No, no attachments here with this one, which is very nice. Next comment down, not the asshole. His reaction and comment that, quote, should have disclosed this on the first date makes him childish. OPE goes, yeah, that threw me off. I don't really think, quote, oh, by the way, my boobs are fake, is really typical first date talk. Yeah. I don't think so either. Also, like, if you could think of so many other things that you'd be like, ooh, you have to disclose that on the first date, like family health history. Like, I don't know,

you can, like, think of all these crazy things. But that's not real life. Like, that would be a crazy conversation to have. It's super, you'd almost look at it as like, why is she telling me this on the first date? And he probably would have. Like, realistically, if she would have done that, he would have hated that too. Yeah. He would have been like, she's shallow.

Why is she telling me about surgery? And if you seriously have, like, that intense of a deal breaker and you feel that strongly about it, maybe you should bring it up at some point. And then show people who you are right away. Like, I think I'd do a lot of women in favor if he brings that up on the first date instead. Tell me your preferences. Yeah. Next comment.

Not the asshole. You shouldn't have to disclose your medical history for someone to date you. And O.P. goes, yeah, that's what I thought. Even though it's mainly cosmetic history, clearly he liked how I look enough to start dating me. So what's the issue? Yeah. Thank you. Someone responds to that, though.

And they go, the issue is he now realizes he's a hippocom. Oh, yep. Guess what? We got some edits on this one. Feeling like a little bit of an update. I love that. Edit. All right, y'all. I got a text from him a few minutes ago asking to meet up as he thinks he wants to continue the relationship and wants to talk things over. After all of these comments and some thinking, I sent back along the lines of that his reaction made me realize he's not the partner I'm looking for and that I've decided to not continue our relationship. So yeah, I'm single now. Kind of confused if I should mention this to future dates before we're official to weed out any more like him. How do you even bring this up? Oh, well, I like me. I'm content with my natural and unnatural parts and I'll find someone who doesn't have a huge hang up on plastic surgery. Yeah. I mean, he liked the way she looked and he liked her personality. It sounds like he just holds this misogynistic ideal about women. in this specific way. And once that clashed, he was like, oh, this kind of hurts my brain. Like, women, plastic surgery, insecure, bad, so embarrassing, so weird looking. Like, I can't,

like, I can't put those two things together. Don't make sense. And I'm so glad that she's left to him. That's awesome. I know. We do have another edit. He finally replied to my text, quote, I was hopeful we could start over on an honest beginning. But I guess only one of us is mature enough. to look past each other's shortcomings in the relationship. Shortcomings. Oh, my God. I'm glad you revealed this about yourself before I got too involved. Goodbye.

Good luck finding someone because no real man would respect someone who can't even respect their own body. Sir, you just said you wanted to continue things and start over. I hate when people do that. I really like you. I want to continue. Oh, you don't like me? Oh, well, I never liked you anyways. And no one ever, no one who respected himself actually ever would like you.

No one would ever touch you with a 10 foot pole. My ex-girlfriend. Oh, my God. You liked me. You thought I was hot. Yeah. You like fake boobs. Just get over it.

Yeah. Like, what mental gymnastics are you, are you doing? No, yeah. She got out, like, Scott-free. Like, that's amazing. I'm so happy for her, thank God. I guess only one of us is mature enough to look past each other's shortcomings. Your shortcoming being a freak, her shortcoming, having plastic surgery that you liked.

Shortcomings. No, I would probably crash out, actually, though, if someone said that to me. I am just like beyond. This is so crazy. And it's not a big deal. I mean, what if she wanted a mommy mom? makeover down the road like what you're not going to let her you're going to be disgusted by it like let people live yeah i just i think it's goofy and it's like you don't have to encourage it if you're

not for it or if you think it's risky or whatever but like yeah you also can't control people and you can't even say i'm not attracted to people with plastic surgery because you are yeah that's just not true so get off this weird little soapbox where you think you're better than people And like, oh, a real man's not going to respect someone who doesn't respect their own body. Yeah. You're conflating a lot of stuff. You drew a very good parallel earlier with like the whole makeup thing of it's like, no, you actually do like makeup on women. You just like to think of yourself as someone who likes more natural women.

And like, I don't know. It's almost this morally superior thing. Yeah, like a morally superior thing and also trying to like control what women do and like be like, oh, these are the. the ones who deserve respect. But it's like, that's just not even your own preference, actually. Like, you just don't know shit about fuck. I like that. You don't know shit about fuck. And that's this, dude. This post is a little vintage, three years old now at this point in time. And no other updates after that. Wow. Well, I'm thrilled with the last one that we got. I think it's great. I'm just taking a peek to see if there's.

any other things. I think a good point too that I see in one of O.P.'s comments is like my nose was fine naturally. It looked bad because I broke it. And like regardless of what reason you get a nose job for, it could be cosmetic. It could because you had a deviated septum. It could because you broke it. Like it doesn't matter as a choice you make. And if you like the way you look, that's what matters. Yeah. Freak. He's a freak. It's not his choice. At the end of the day, it all comes down to that. It's not his body. It's not his choice. Yeah. Okay, moving along. So this one is coming from Am I the Asshole as well. It is two months old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Disclosing that I am not Christian? To preface this, I do commissioned artwork and do not discriminate against any subject unless it's racist, homophobic, otherwise hateful, or sexually disturbing. I did a commissioned art piece with Christian iconography, a beautiful ornate cross, a and scripture in calligraphy.

The client was happy with my work, paid me, and then asked me what my favorite scripture was. I was honest and just said, quote, oh, I don't really have one because I'm not a Christian and wouldn't really know which ones I'd like. He became upset and told me that he felt lied to because I have posted artwork of Christian subjects before, and he assumed I would be Christian.

He said the art doesn't hold the same. same spiritual value because it wasn't made with, quote, faithful intention. I was kind of unsure of what to say. I said, quote, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I do artwork for everyone, and I am open to doing Christian artwork because it's for the client, not me. Should I be disclosing if I don't share a certain faith when commissioned to do artwork for it? Am I the asshole? No, this reminds me of like the conversation about the first day with plastic surgery of it would feel weird for someone to say that to me. If I had a religion and I hired an artist to paint something and they were like, by the way, like I don't really fuck with that,

but I'm happy to do it for you. Yeah. You know, like that feels weirder to me. I know because you'd be like, whoa, this is kind of a spiel when I'm just like, hey, can you make a picture of a horse? Right. Like I didn't ask you your personal opinion on the matter. No. And it's also like, I don't think it matters if you're getting a product that you like. This is what's so crazy me too with like all the bakery drama and I don't know why it's fucking bakeries but all these bakeries that are like I'm not going to make a cake for a gay couple yeah why are people so fucking weird I don't know it this is interest this is sort of like the inverse of the gay cake yeah I know it's kind of the exact opposite yeah I I there's a part of me that's like

okay if I were marrying a woman and the the cake person I heard were homophobic, I guess I'd want to know because then I wouldn't give that person money. But at the same time, if I don't know and I never know, and I have a lovely time and the cake is beautiful and I go on my merry way, like, that's okay as well, you know? I don't know. I'm not religious anymore, so it's hard to relate to this. I could understand, I guess, a tiny bit being like there would be more meaning if this were painted by someone who shared the faith that they're painting sure but yeah you can't get Matt like that that's not the expectation here you're hiring an artist for a job they did a beautiful job it means what it means to you that and that's

what counts yeah and I feel like if you're the one that you have a preference right like you want your art created by someone who shares the faith as you you should go out and you should ensure that you could have asked that artist up front you could have gone and found a nun who does art and like that is even more magical and spiritual for you to have the nun make your painting yeah put out like an inquiry through your church put a little flyer up at your church do something like that if you want that kind of meaning on what you're commissioning then that could be lovely but just make sure you're the one who's taking care of that if I want you know to buy from a women-owned business. I can do my own research and find a woman-owned business. That is on

the person hiring the other person. If you're getting hired for a job, you're just doing the job. Yeah. That's how I feel, too. I think that's, like, the best way to put it. Like, if you have those preferences, you should go out and, like, ensure that and ask the questions up front. Yeah. Almost like the same with the plastic surgery. Like, if the guy would have been like, hey, I have these hard preferences, like, I don't want to date anyone with a breast augmentation. And then it's like, oh, well, I'm out then. Yeah. It was great to meet you by.

Yeah. Like, I guess if you have these strong preferences and guidelines, like you should be disclosing that versus putting the blame on the other people. Mm-hmm. I think that makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Top comment on this one, not the asshole. You don't discriminate, but apparently they do laughing my ass off.

O.P responds, okay, this made me laugh a little bit. Thank you. Next comment down. It's true, though. If he wanted an artist creating it with faithful intentions, he should have said so during negotiations. I'm baptized and used to be quite active in the church. However, I'm an atheist and might look Christian to others, but I'm not. If I made something like this, it wouldn't have been with faithful intentions either.

That's a very specific intention. You can't just assume someone will fulfill without speaking up. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. If you want holy water, you've got to find a priest. You can't just be buying water from the farmer's market and getting mad that it's not holy. I don't know if that.

How do you even guarantee you're getting holy water? Someone could just bottle it up. I don't know. It's the same with the bathwater. All these weirdos buying people's bath water? Yeah. And again, it's like it's not a bad thing to have a preference and to be like I would really like to find somebody who shares this same value with me to create this thing for me. that's okay. Like that's not this horrible feeling to have. But then it's on you to find somebody who shares that. And then you can't get mad when you've already paid someone and they've already done the work. And then, uh-oh, like now you find that out because you just asked, what's your favorite scripture? Like, uh-oh. I know. I'd be like John 316.

I know. Isn't that the one like Tim Tebow put on everything? For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son so that whoever believed in him shall not perish would have everlasting life. Really sticks with you, huh? Yes. I went to like church camp and you win points for your cabin if you memorize the most verses. So wow. There's my memories there. The only thing I like know is like this bedtime prayer that like even though I'm like not really religious now, it's like a Pavlov. Like if I remember. I have to say it. Otherwise like I can't fall asleep. Wow. Now I lay me down to sleep. Whatever. I pray to God my soul. to keep. I've actually watched me through the night until I wake in morning light. I've heard a lot of variations of that same lullaby, by the way. I just like, I am just so, I don't know. And that's like, because the other version I know is

I don't know. And if I die before I wake, I pray to God my soul to take. Yeah, no, I don't say that version. I knew that version and that felt a little dark for me because it was like almost like a manifestation. I'm like, I'm not going there. Keep me down here. All right, we're on his side. Again, not not disclosing. Okay. Well, Let's see if I can give us one where Disclose is needed. Yeah, that's important because there are times, like, there are times we should be disclosing things. Look at your mischievous group. I know.

I have so many saved for this theme, you guys. So there will be a Patreon episode with similar vibes in August as well. Okay, this is coming from Am I the Asshole. Again, just an Am I the Asshole Day apparently. And it is titled, Am I the Asshole? if I report the couple's therapist that married my ex-boyfriend a year after our sessions with her. Oh, wait.

I literally have a friend who went to a couple's therapist with her husband and the therapist got a crush on my friend's husband, but they like let, like, he wasn't about it. But yeah. Oh my God, this could have been them. Yeah. Or it was like their marriage counselor. Like there's like something for before the marriage. Like, I don't know.

Anyway. Yeah. Ah! I wonder if this is a really common thing. Chime in, you guys. Yeah. In 2017, I, female 25, saw a couple's therapist with my then-boyfriend, male 36. After three sessions with her, I refused to return due to her blatant, flirtatious behavior,

and extremely judgmental attitude towards me, which my ex-boyfriend called me delusional for pointing out. She had told me that I seemed too immature, not ready for therapy or a serious relationship. The whole thing was focused on my ex-boyfriend and his complaints about me. She never asked about my feelings or perspective in the relationship. We broke up about two months after the sessions, but I stayed living with my ex-boyfriend until November. Once I moved out, I had to return to our old apartment to get mail. This was in December. And that was the first time I saw the therapist with my ex.

They happened to be getting ready to go out on his motorcycle and were both wearing full-face motorcycle helmets, but I knew from her body type and hair that it was her, along with my instincts, which suspected something was going on the whole time. But nevertheless, I moved on with my life. I just found out yesterday my ex got married due to a friend telling me about a photo he posted on Facebook. The photo was of him and my ex-therapist, celebrating their one-year anniversary. I found her Facebook with the name change, and sure enough, they got married September of 2018, or earlier. That's just when she posted the wedding photos. This was less than a year after the breakup with me and my ex, and barely over a year after our sessions with her

ended. I'm considering filing a complaint with the American Counseling Association. My friends and mental health counselors, I know say I have enough evidence. I'm not upset. I'm not upset that my ex moved on. So have I. I thank the universe every day that I am no longer with that narcissist. However, I feel deeply disturbed to find out he married our therapist, especially remembering all the harmful stuff she said to me in the sessions, which to be honest, really messed with my head. I fear of coming off as a bitter ex. Am I the asshole? This is crazy. Wait, there are two situations here, like possibilities. I know. Was he seeing the therapist before he brought her to her? Yeah. Or did it happen like over the course of the sessions? Because to tell a client like you aren't mature enough for therapy. Like that's why you go to therapy to work on yourself. That is there was already some like animosity there. Diabolical. And it's one thing to.

you know, develop a crush on somebody and to maybe see them in a little bit more of a golden light, but then to have such negativity toward the current girlfriend, I would more so be like, oh, I feel guilty about feeling this way if I'm developing a crush, which is why it leads me more to feel like something was already going on. I'm very curious. And his defending of the therapist too kind of points to that direction. Yeah. Because after three sessions, why are you defending this stranger versus me, your partner who you're seemingly trying to work on things with. Right. And how would this therapist have fallen for him so quickly in three sessions but also have been acting like this kind of from the first one? Like, is he really that handsome? I don't

know about that. I know. How do you meet someone after that short amount of time and like already have such a buy. A session an hour each? And you're like, I'm going to target her because I want him for myself yeah and it happened in what it sounds like all the sessions yeah especially the last two so it's like you met him you had 60 minutes with this guy and then we're like i'm gonna go for him he's mine mine that's my king yeah i i don't think that there would be anything wrong with reporting this because i do feel that one of like the key foundations of being a therapist would be like separating your own personal emotions from the help that you give other people and the advice that you give them. And like, I mean, you're leading people down roads and they're trusting that you are a professional

and you know what you're doing. And like that can put people in very dangerous situations to be like, oh no, he's doing amazing. And like you actually have things you need to be like, like she's still questioning herself years later because it's like I went to a professional and this is what they told me. I know. I'm very curious. what the timeline is. Yeah. I'm very curious also the requirements for her license and dating patients afterwards. I know for me as an OT, you had to wait six months after seeing a patient and then you could

legally date them. Okay. I think mental health providers, it's different. It might be longer. If you're a mental health provider out there, please chime in in the comments. I'm just Googling to see, like, what I can find online. On some of the sources, I'm seeing mental health professionals generally cannot date current patients due to ethical and legal guidelines that protect patient well-being. After therapy ends, there is a waiting period before a therapist can date a former patient, which varies, but is typically at least two to five years.

Wait, two to five years is like a really long time. But I understand it because like there is such a power dynamic as well. I mean, it's like dating your boss, but maybe even more, like, more of a power dynamic between a therapist. And yeah, I, I, anyone can fall in love. So, like, that's tough. Wait, this happened on married at first sight. One of the experts who, like, matches up the couples ended up marrying one of the people that they messed up. One of the guys that they matched up.

It was so, I think it was in one of the earlier seasons, too. Oh, my God. But she was, like, removed from the show because of it. Wow. Yeah. Okay, so I'm on good RX and apparently varies by state, therapist license, all of that jazz. Per the American Psychological Association, a psychologist can't date a patient for at least two years. And the ACA has a five-year waiting period after therapy has ended. And so O.P. wrote in about a complaint with the American Counseling Association. So ACA. So five years then based on what I'm seeing from a quick Google. Do we know if it's different if like they only had one session and they like met and they were like, oh, actually I don't know if I should see you as a therapist.

I wonder. I don't think that would matter. Right. Like I feel like patient is patient. Yeah. The good RX like article on this whole thing does say this though. Even then a therapist must demonstrate that the relationship is not exploitative to avoid. avoid legal issues.

Yeah, I mean, I think that that's like an important law to have in place because, again, that's so, I mean, it's almost like grooming could take place in that scenario because you are going to this person, their word is sort of like up to heaven to you and you really trust them and you like trust them with your mind. I know. This is apparently a common issue. This whole article is titled, Can You Date Your Therapist? No, and Here's Why. And essentially, it's just like, it's normal to develop intimate feelings for your therapist. Yeah. But a therapist dating their client is unethical and in many states against law. And I think exactly as you said, like you're in this vulnerable position, they could be telling you things almost like grooming. Like it could be that like subconscious coercion to where you think you're getting the help you need, but it's actually them manipulating you. Which, like, how in what ethical world could you ever date a patient?

Like, you can't. Like, I kind of as this thing says, like, you really shouldn't. And it's so understandable to develop a crush because it's like you've become so intimate with this person. You're sharing so much of yourself with them. Like, you're, you're bear to them about all these things that you maybe are scared to talk about with anybody else. Yeah.

So, you know, it's not on the patient to like, like, it's, they've done something wrong if they develop feelings for their therapist, it has to be on the therapist to draw that line. I agree. That's like one thing. I feel like if things are really bad, you should disclose. That's that one Facebook page. Like, are we dating the same guy? I know, like, there's some issues with it a little bit. Yeah, I've been hearing about that recently. Yeah. But, like, if there's someone you go on a date with that is truly just horrendous and scary, like, you should disclose that. Like, this, you should absolutely disclose. Yeah. Like, there are both elements of it of, like, her being. a bad therapist because those feelings got confused and like kind of messing with this girl. But then there's also like, is this an okay dynamic between him and her? And then if she actually

was dating him before, then that's a different ethical issue. Then it's like abusing your power in a completely different way. Yeah. No, I definitely think she she needs to report. 100%. Disclose. Yeah, disclose that. Disclose. So. There is a comment here. Hi, I'm a therapist. All caps. Please report her. Wow.

Her behavior is ridiculously unethical and who knows what else she has done or if she even should be allowed to practice. Not the asshole times a million. Edit, I got to say I'm loving this veritable Greek chorus of therapists showing up to chant, report her, report her. Opie, if you see this, please don't feel like you're obligated to report her. You do what you need to do to find peace and closure, all right? But that's true. Like, I think someone who's willing to do this to a client, a patient, also could be messing with people just to mess with people and, like, assert control or power. Yeah. Which is scary.

It's not safe to have someone in such a position of, like, influence over people. Yeah. Because she might not want to steal the next man, but she could still, like, target someone in such a bad way and someone who is vulnerable. Even O.P. said, like, this really messed with my head. Mm-hmm. So someone who isn't abiding by their ethical code and moral guidelines as a provider. Which is so important. Shouldn't provide. Mm-hmm.

Disclose. Wow. That's crazy. I wish we knew, though. I wish we knew if they just somehow fell in love over those sessions or if this was before. I wonder, like, which is worse? I almost feel like the conspiring would be worse. Mm-hmm. Of like, oh, we're going to make her feel crazy.

Dude. If they were talking before and planned that, and that was like, oh, I don't want to break up with her. Well, I'll end it for you. Right. And it's like, they go to therapy then in hopes of like, oh, that's so, ooh. That's the worst. That's crazy. Yeah.

So we do have a little bit of an update. You're lying. We got an update. Is it Christmas? Like, wait, what the hell? Wow. Thank you, everyone, for your responses. I realize that as the ex, it's pretty much impossible for it to not seem like I'm jealous,

petty bitter, whatever you want to say. However, it is also impossible to have sat in those sessions and then see your therapist and ex get married and have zero feelings about it, regardless of having moved on. Please give me a break. I'm human. Anyways, I've made my decision. I'm not going to participate in this post anymore, but I sincerely think those of you that made meaningful contributions. So one of my friends has basically taken it upon herself to investigate the therapist. I swear she should be in the FBI, LOL. That's so important. Okay. I love that. She found out that this is the third last name that this woman has practiced psychotherapy with. Under the first last name in 2014, she was charged with a DUI with property damage. She also comes up on health grades with five

one-star reviews and an overall three-star rating. Essentially, what's the this new information does for me is confirm that she has been a shitty human being with shitty morals for quite some time. There's no way this is the first time she has caused undue harm to a client. Therefore, I can say with certainty that I am reporting. Awesome. Awesome. Mm-hmm. Wait, everything's kind of like going our way this episode. Like the girl left that guy. She's reporting this therapist. They're letting us know about these things. This is awesome. Unless we're like really off with our takes. And then like you guys are going to have to let us know because you know it takes a village sometimes. No. And also love that FBI friend. Like community is so important. Dude, the people that can sleuth. Like I have a friend that can like sleuth like this. And has like multiple times like found out that like a guy she met and was like going on dates with like had a secret girlfriend and like. Well that should be disclosed.

Absolutely. I just like, I don't understand how people have the time. Like, I barely have enough time to, like, have friends and, like, get out of my house and, like, how do people have time to date multiple, multiple people? I don't even know. Even in a casual sense, that's not something I've ever been good at doing. No, like, if you're early on and not exclusive, like, yeah, go on a couple dates a week with different people. Oh, yeah, you absolutely can. I'm just saying I have never been able to, like, handle that. It takes stamina, for sure. but if you're exclusive and you're like seen the same person a couple times a week yeah how tinder swindler that was crazy what was that one that was the guy who was like on a Netflix show and he was like

swindling money from all these women but he had such intense relationships with them oh my god and he was like I work for like the FBI and like dude that's like the seniors and like even people my mom's age that are like oh my god Brad Pitt messaged me he needs 5,000 and I'm like Brad Pitt's not messaging you. Brad Pitt's not real. He never was. No. Like Zendaya does not need $2,000 for a dress.

Oh my God. She's got law. Even when I was in like high school, there was a lot more success with catfishing at that time. I had a catfish cat. I catfished one of my boyfriends into cheating on me with her just to prove it. Michaela! Wow, we're disclosing all sorts of things today. I was like, you know what?

I don't think he's that loyal to me. Who did you, whose pictures did you steal? Some, like, internet girl. I was, like, 16. You know, this is why you have people that use your pictures and catfish others now. This is the karma that you got. This is the karma. But I just, like, well, it was, I only, like, had a profile picture for her.

So, I only had, like, a profile picture, and I was like, oh, my God, like, you're so cute. And he was like, wait, you're so cute. And I was like, oh. And then I... You're funny. I think I didn't break up with him. I think he was like, oh, no, like, my friends and I just, like, saw that. And we knew it was so obviously fake and we thought it'd be funny to, like, entertain it.

And I was like, fuck, I, like, I revealed myself too soon. Shoot. Shoot. Whatever. Who among us hasn't? That's... I've never catfish anyone. Aw.

Never. Aw. Never. Unless you call whitening my teeth in photos. Catfishing. To be fair, like the catfishing only lasted. five messages oh well okay you were 16 probably like around that yeah i'll give you a break i'll give you a break i'd do it again okay we do have one final comment from o p ooh definitely a huge thank you to all

the therapists showing up to support me and also thank you for adding that last bit i just updated the post with the new information i have about her character i'm definitely reporting this woman should not be a therapist. I hope that she really did find her true love for my ex and that it will be worth it for her. Really, I do. But she should not be trusted by another vulnerable person ever again. I do feel like having all those therapists comment that must have been really validating for O.P. And like, help them feel like, okay, this is the right choice. And it would help me. Yeah. Especially because I think some people, by the sounds of her first edit, came in like, asshole. You're better. You're jealous.

blah blah blah blah blah like i would then start to feel like wow i'm way off base here like and it's a big thing to like report somebody like i i it would take a lot like even giving someone a bad review on google like i feel very guilty about doing that and would only do it under like this was a really really bad situation bordering dangerous yeah you know like i i think it's normal to feel very guilty and like nervous about doing that but then yeah if it's like endangering the safety of others and like this is somebody who really shouldn't be in this position of power like sometimes that that's what needs to be done i think so i this feels totally justifiable yeah totally justifiable this next one is coming from am i the asshole

two months old titled am i the asshole for using my friend's nail clippers and kind of screwing things up with his girlfriend take me on this journey it is a journey, my friends. So this got way more dramatic than I expected, and now I'm not sure if I actually did something wrong or if this is just completely blown out of proportion. I, 30, male, was house sitting for my friend Tom, 32 male, for a few days while he and his girlfriend were out of town visiting her family. It wasn't a huge deal. I've done it before. I was feeding his cat, watering his plants, bringing in his mail. He told me I could crash there if I wanted to and to help myself to whatever.

On the second morning I was there, I noticed I had a nasty split nail on my thumb, like one of those deep ones that keeps snagging on stuff. Of course I didn't pack my own nail clippers, and I didn't want to leave it, so I figured I would just use his. Not a huge deal, right? I've known the guy for 10 years.

We've literally shared food and beers and stuff. It's not like I used his toothbrush. So I found the clippers in his bathroom drawer. used them once, just on my thumb, not like I went on a foot trimming spree, ran them under hot water, wiped them off, and put them back where I thought they went. Anyways, a couple of days after he gets back, he texts me, quote, hey, did you use my nail clippers? I said, yeah, sorry, how to split nail, cleaned them after, figured it was fine. He says, quote, okay. But then, a little later, he calls me and goes, quote,

so now there's kind of a problem. What? Turns out his girlfriend noticed they weren't where she left them, question mark, question mark, question mark. And asked if he used them. He hadn't, but instead of just saying it was me, he says he didn't know who used them, which now makes it sound like someone broke in

or snooped around the bathroom while they were gone. She's apparently super jubber. germ conscious and now she doesn't want to stay over until the bathroom has been deep cleaned. She's creeped out. I told him, dude, just tell her it was me. It's not like I was going through her stuff. I used one clipper, cleaned it, and left. He says no, because now he's already lied, and if he comes clean, it'll be a whole thing. And she'll think he's gross for not caring that someone used them. So now I'm weirdly trapped in this lie he made up, even though I offered to tell her myself. I get that I didn't ask at first, but I genuinely didn't think nail clippers were that

personal. I didn't touch anything else, didn't damage them, didn't even mention it because I figured it was a non-issue. But now, apparently I've, quote, violated trust. And there's this whole narrative that I disrespected their space, and now she's mad at him and everything's tense. Am I the asshole for using the clippers or for pushing him to just tell her the truth? I feel like this all went way off the rails over something super minor. I'm so confused about this. I mean, first of all, having a brain where you would even notice that the nail clippers are in a slightly different place from where you left them, I can't imagine being that, like, organized in my head. I wish I was that organized, but like...

Amazing. But did she not know that he was house sitting at all? And also, why is it like a lot? So this guy was like, I don't know who used them. Why would it allow to be like, oh, I found out who used them? That's what I'm like, dude, I'm so confused about this. Why are you making your own issue? Like, this is a non-issue.

You're making it an issue by just not communicating. And wouldn't, like, wouldn't she know someone was house-sitting? And maybe that would be the first assumption. So she thinks someone broke in and used the nail clippers. And use the nail clippers. But nothing else is missing. So, I, like, she's a germaphobe. I wonder if she's.

she, like, genuinely has, like, contamination OCD. Yeah, which is really bad and, like, that's difficult. That's tough to work through. Yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, especially if you actually think someone broke into your house. But, like, didn't take anything. That's just used the nail clippers. I mean, you never know why someone might be breaking. Maybe they were canvassing. That is true. And I've had a couple cases on clues where the serial killers would, like, break in before. Or, like, that was the start of their stuff. And they would, like, ransack houses and, like,

eat people's ice cream and then like not steal anything. Everyone who's listening is going to start getting so paranoid about things being in like a slightly different place. I'm so sorry. Did I eat all my ice cream? I know. Yeah, I'm just, this seems like a very easily fixed communication issue, which is why I'm so confused by this.

Like, why does he think she would be mad at him being like, oh, was my friend. Sorry. I don't, that's what I'm confused about too, because I think the initial answer like, oh, I don't know. It slips your brain. Yeah. That's not a lie. But then it's like, oh, you, you ask your buddy, he did use them. You say, hey, babe, actually, I figured it out. It was just Tom. I asked him since, you know, he was cat sitting for us. Yeah. Tom used him. Instead of, like, letting her think someone broke into the house. Way worse. Way worse. If you're, like, putting the two on a scale, like, I'd rather someone use my nail clippers versus someone broke in and went through our stuff.

Absolutely. And that's the only thing he used. At first I was like, why is he using their nail clippers, but split, like split nail, absolutely. I know. I mean, you see that coming. You got to get ahead of it. Something bad could happen. I just, I felt it too. When he was like, you know, it snags on stuff. I'm like, oh, yeah. No. Quick fix. I'm curious if you think, if your house sitting for someone and like you use something, do you have to disclose, like everything? Like, hey, Michaela, I actually, I used your can opener. And then I needed a cue tip. So I took a cue tip. And then I, um, I did wipe my ass. So you are. a little lower on toilet paper now? I would never expect any of that. Maybe there are people with

different opinions on nail clippers though. I don't know. I personally don't care because my fingernails are generally quite clean and like I don't think. You could also just soak your clippers and some alcohol. Yeah. I know. I don't think I would. If I ate someone's food, I might be like, oh, by the way, like, you might need to refill the cheese. It's because a hurricane game. But, yeah, no, I don't think that you need to disclose stuff like that. I think if you have someone that's coming into your house to do you a favor, like, watch your pet, water your plants. Like, I think they can have a couple beverages and some snacks. I would probably be like, hey, is it okay if I use this? But again, I would, I wouldn't feel offended by

someone doing it. I know. Well, especially when the guy, I just, like, looked up and read, too. His friend did tell him, like, you could crash there if you wanted and to help yourself to whatever. Yeah. If someone's sleeping over at your house, like, I generally prepare a lot of things for guests, but then it's also like, and anything else that I have forgotten to specifically provide you with, like, feel free to ask or, like, use whatever food in the kitchen, use whatever tools, use anything. Yeah. You know. This is so weird. I don't know why. I don't know people are so scared to have like basic conversations with their partners. Yeah. Because also on the flip side, like if I were her, I'd be annoyed that my partner's lying to me over something so silly.

Yeah. No. And then making me spiral more. How are we going to handle big conversations? Literally. Very weird. Are people in the comments also confused about why he won't just say this? Because I need, like I feel like I'm missing something almost. So the top comment on this one, Tom put himself in this situation by line and his girlfriend is super weird for wanting the entire bathroom deep cleaned over a pair of fucking clippers. She obviously doesn't know you stayed there

because, gasp, you might have sat on the toilet and took a shower and maybe even used a towel. Colin has Matt, not the asshole. Okay, so is the lie actually that he doesn't want to tell his girlfriend a friend stayed there because of her contamination anxiety? Which is kind of what the next. comment in response to that one says. Okay. Right. Like it sounds like there must be a bigger lie Tom is

covering up. Yeah. But then who did you think was taking care of your cat and your plants? Right. Right. Maybe she thought that he hired someone and they weren't using any of like, like staying there or whatever. But I would just be like, yeah, we have to have a conversation about this. Like I needed someone to watch the cats. My friend was willing to do it for free as a favor to me. He probably used some stuff, but I know you struggle with contamination anxiety, so let's have some cleaners come. Like, that's fine. And this is something we kind of see a lot in these Reddit stories where, like, people lie about the smallest things. And it's like, if you're willing to lie about the small things, how can I trust you with big things? Yeah. You shouldn't have to disclose nail clipper use,

and it shouldn't be a big deal. And she's coming from a place of like probably does have OCD or something. Yeah. Like severe germaphobe. And that's, you know, that's tough. That's a battle she has to work with. But like, you don't need to make it worse by lying. Oh my God. Wait. Yeah. I feel that her anxiety would get so much worse now finding out that actually he does have people come to the house, but like doesn't just tell her that that's the case. Yeah, because then she could probably set boundaries and be like, okay, they can come and stay and take care of the cat and the plants, but can they stay out of our room? But now she's probably like, oh, I need to clean everything before I use it because he's not going to tell me if someone came

to the house. And she doesn't know what got touched. Yeah. So if the nail clippers got touched, everything else probably got touched. Yeah. Everything. So it's like you're making it worse by not just being an adult. Yeah. It's so weird. People are fully convinced that Tom is lying about having people stay there and stuff like that. I'm going to go look at the account, see if we ever get any updates from O.P. Um, no updates, only one comment. It is a newer relationship, so I've only met her a handful of times. That's why I wanted to just tell the truth because I'd hate to mess something up with Tom.

So she doesn't live there. It doesn't sound like it. Okay. If it's newer, I would assume no, if it's newer. I just think this is something that having a conversation and having clear communication would be so beneficial for like her being being very clear about her boundaries of like hey I know this isn't typical but this is something I've struggled with my whole life and like I'm trying to get better about it and it hasn't gotten better but you know if you have other people in the bathroom like

could you let me know and I'll just like clean it before I use it or like things like that like it has to be working together in order for this to work and he doesn't seem willing to do that No, no. But no, you don't need to disclose. You don't need to disclose on that one. But this next one, we'll see. We'll see. Okay, I'm ready for your story now.

Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited to share this with you for the first time ever. Okay, this is coming from a different place. It's our slash relationship advice. And it's 31 days old. Okay. Not too new, not too old. I like it.

Okay. How do I tell my friend that he'll never date an influencer-like girl. Hi, everyone. This is a sensitive topic, and I want to approach it as respectfully and compassionately as possible. I, 27 male, have a friend, also 27 male, whom I have known since our freshman year of college. He's never really dated, at least not that I'm aware of, and he never seemed particularly

interested in pursuing anyone seriously. He'd occasionally mentioned girls, but it was always in a vague or surface-level way. Two years ago, I broke up with my long. term girlfriend and re-entered the dating world. That's been a whole journey of its own, but that's another story. Since then, he started talking more about dating and women. I think he now feels like we're in the same boat, and honestly, I'm glad he's opening up more. Here's where I'm struggling. My friend is an amazing person, funny, smart, thoughtful, a great cook, and he has a solid job, but on a purely superficial level, he's not conventionally attractive. Some people might

even consider him ugly. When we were younger, that kind of thing might have mattered more. But now that I'm dating again, I've realized how much broader and more complex attraction can be at our age. There are so many different kinds of beauty, and what I find attractive has definitely evolved since I was 18. Unfortunately, my friend doesn't seem to see it that way. He only seems interested in women who look like Instagram influencers, very stereotypically hot, And being brutally honest, those types of women are typically looking for guys who match their aesthetic, and he just doesn't fit that mold. It's starting to really hurt his self-esteem. Not dating is making him feel like he's worthless. I've tried to gently steer him toward more realistic and fulfilling possibilities.

For example, a friend of a friend often compliments his cooking. I suggested he asked her over for a homemade dinner sometime, and his response was, she's ugly. That really bothered me. At our age, I feel like we should be past this superficial mindset and actually see people for who they are. I don't want to shame him or be cruel, but I also don't want to sit back and watch him spiral because he's chasing an ideal that's not going to happen. He's not going to date or hook up with supermodel type women. That's just reality. And it's okay. There's someone out there for him, someone who will love him for who he is, but he's blocking those possibilities because

of his narrow idea of what's attractive. How can I talk to him about this without sounding condescending or mean. I want to help him see his own worth without reinforcing unrealistic standards. Any advice would be appreciated. This is really tough. It seems like O.P. It seems like O.P. is coming from such a good place. I know.

At first I was like, damn, you're just calling your friend ugly like that, which I still think. I'm like, you in the same breath are saying, like, everyone is beautiful in their own way, but then you're still being like, but he's ugly. Right. Yeah. I'm just like, ugh. I think you can just like keep trying to be like, well, why don't you give so-and-so a shot? Like, why don't you open your mind a bit more?

Like, you never know who you could end up really liking or falling in love with. Like, give it a shot. But other than that, let them find out the hard way. I think this is a very tough position to be in. I don't know if it would be right to disclose. Also, like, people can date. anybody there are some very famous women and I don't want to shame any specific people so I'm not going to name exactly who those women are and who they're dating but it makes one stop and think

yeah there's like like it technically could happen for him I think the reason he's gotten to this point is just that like he isn't dating anyone and it's hurting his self-esteem that he's been single for so long but he also won't budge on this like they have but the most of important thing is that I'm looking this very specific way. Yeah, which is interesting. I mean, everyone's entitled to their attraction preferences. Right. I think you could maybe give a little tough love. I wouldn't say like you'll never end up dating an influencer type model. Like, yeah. Because never say never. Like never, really. But I think you could be like, hey, you know what? Like, I think you're being a little close minded. Yeah. Clearly, you're unhappy being single and like something's got to give.

why don't you consider some other people, maybe branch out, you never know who you're going to end up liking. Like, get some practice dating at the very least. Yeah. Like, come on. And I mean, I know this is the case for women, especially, like attraction changes so much over time. And like, the more you get to know somebody, the more attractive they become and the more that you know about them. So maybe I would approach it from that angle of like, you know, there are people. that like I've met and maybe upon my first meeting with them, it was like, oh, this is just

friends' vibes. But then like something about them over time really grew on me. And I think you've got too narrow of an expectation right now. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. Your expectations are too narrow. Cast your net a little wider. Otherwise, you're not going to see all the fish in the pond. Yeah.

So not disclose, but maybe like find ways around it. encourage some expansion of the horizon. Yeah. Yeah, I think that would be good. I mean, and at the end of the day, like, you can say this, and then he can choose to take the advice or not. Right. And then he'll be alone.

Probably won't. And that sucks. And then you just got to let him, let him do his thing. And, like, I know I have had, like, conversations with friends where, like, they kind of continue to have the same problem. And it's like, you can only give your advice so much. And if they take it, yay, if they don't. there's nothing you can do about it. Yeah. And if it keeps coming up as an issue that they're constantly,

you know, mentioning or complaining about or venting about or whatever, like, you then have the choice to like set that boundary where you're like, hey, you know what? I've heard about your dating quite a bit. We've had the conversation that maybe you should expand your horizons and like try dating other people. You're not willing to do that. I really don't want to keep hearing about this because it's really almost stressful for me. Yeah. Like, can we talk about other other topics yeah like you can do that yeah I've given you my advice like you don't want my advice buddy yeah that's hard because like we've all been in that situation with friends where it's like you keep giving this friend advice and like they're not taking it and there's just nothing

you can do so at the end of the day like you then need to control what's good for your mental health and if distancing yourself so you don't hear about those problems yeah like that's an option and especially if it's like oh my god you're still complaining that you can't be with a supermodel and like when you say it like that like damn like oh my god we have to be realistic but we can't be mean about it no um the top comment i really like by the way okay yay they say i find that guys like this often aren't chasing something they find attractive they're chasing approval by other guys oh they want a trophy wife they want other men to see their insta model girlfriend as a status symbol. I think the best thing to do here would be to try and counteract

that narrative in his head. Complement women that are not conventionally attractive in front of him. If he calls someone ugly, say, no, she's not. She has a really pretty smile or whatever. Don't engage in any weird, lusting over bombshell women behavior. If asked, empathize that social media isn't real or dating a famous person must be super annoying, or that it looks like it requires a lot of upkeep. Hopefully if you model healthy, which, that's crazy. Hopefully if you model healthy dating behaviors, he catches on and comes back down to Earth a bit. That, I mean, overall, it seems like a good tactic, a little bit of a Jedi mind trick, which I usually love. Yeah. I think that is like a good thing to point out too, because like he could be coming from just like kind of an emotionally immature

place like you know if he hasn't had dating experience or like he could look at Instagram and be like what I'm seen on Instagram right 100% no face tune there yeah so like he could even have these unrealistic standards in his head and like all he's seen is that and so that's what he thinks he should get I know yeah because all of the people that they're listing here like Instagram models super models it's all like people that they do not know in the real world yeah and I think you go on Instagram you go on TikTok and like it kind of goes back to our conversation in the first story of like you think you have a different warped perspective of what the real world actually looks like yeah and like you can go to

an airport and there are thousands of people and there's not one person who looks like that sometimes like it's really not the actual reality that we're living in no and there's so many people that are doing it right being themselves and then there's so many influencers that are like feeding into that really bad toxic like ideal and I think a great example is like I don't really follow her but I saw a video of her the other day and it's Olivia Ponton that sounds super familiar I think there's like rumors about like her and Joe Burroughs or something right now but she posted a video and it just popped up and she's sitting there crying in the airport like she can't navigate the airport which hey been there that's real and then she's like not wearing makeup like

has a breakout and I'm like As someone who's having, like, the worst adult acne of my life. Like, I'm, like, so relatable. There's no beauty filter on her video. And I'm like, I love to see that. Yeah. I love to see that. That seems real.

I love that. And then you have, like, other influencers that are, like, literally gymnast and still face-tuning their photos to make themselves even smaller. And it's like, yeah. What? Why? And, like, why? Yeah.

And even, like, people who are pre-tuning. about like those types of things might still be face tuning their photos and like having these filters on and like I'm not above. I use filters on sometime. When I found out what the TikTok beauty filter was, I found out about the TikTok beauty filter a year ago. I was like, oh, this makes a lot of fucking sense because I have been scrolling my feed and being like, how are all of these people naturally appearing in the wild? This is shocking to me. And I was like, I'm throwing that on a couple of videos too. I know. I mean, I do. like that on Instagram it shows usually if there's like a filter on it. But people just like they see that and now they find a workaround. Yeah. Now they do something else. I know. And that's the part of the disclosure.

It's tough. And it seems to be affecting all genders like which makes sense. It makes sense that it would be like okay women are feeling insecure. Men are their expectations are crazy. Like you think that

everybody out there is just looking like that? Like, that is not the real world. No. So, O.P. did reply to that first comment earlier and said, I think you are right with a trophy comment. You've put into words what I've been thinking for a time now. We all have insecurities and his is this. Maybe he's looking for a way out of the insecurities using women instead of actually facing the root problem. That's deep.

Yeah, I know. This person's really thinking about it. And he used whom properly as well, which I really liked. Oh my God. Justin would love that. I'm like, I don't know whom, whom, who, whatever. You just replace it with him or he and whichever one makes sense, then you know. No, it's like math.

We're not, no. Too hard. And then he did say because other people were like, wait for him to figure it out on his own. Yeah. He said, the figuring it out on his own has been my approach for two years. And it obviously hasn't worked. I'm writing this after an uncomfortable situation the other day in a bar where he basically made a fool of himself by making inappropriate jokes to a group of girls.

I know he's a jerk and I know I should not tolerate certain comments. I should start answering back immediately instead of after the fact. Yeah. Maybe he'll learn like this. Some gentle parenting, but also at the end of the day, like you don't have to be his friend. If like you know he's a jerk and you know he's shitty, like, let him just keep doing his thing and being single and not finding someone that's going to be a good partner and cares for him. And you go on and live your life.

And I feel like you can self-aware. You can say, like, clearly holding out for an Instagram, Instagram model isn't working for you without having to explicitly say because you are not attractive enough. That's true. Like, like, this method that you have of, like, waiting for a supermodel to come around and fall out of the sky, like, that's not happening. So why don't we try something else? Maybe he needs the tough love. After now knowing this has been two years. Yeah.

Like, it's no wonder O.P. is kind of going crazy. I'd be going crazy. And, like, making rude, like, I don't know if this is saying that in the. the bar where he made a fool of himself by making inappropriate jokes to a group of girls means he was calling them ugly or if he was just being sexually inappropriate to girls who didn't want anything to do with him. It sounds like one of those two situations. I know. I could see him being in a bar and being like, well, you're a five. Yeah. So at that point, that's when I'd be like, dude, like, bye. We've got like, yeah. And why not call him out? Yeah. Like what you're

annoyed by the behavior. It's frustrating to be around. You haven't called him out. You haven't addressed it in the moment. Time to start. Otherwise, like, why even be friends with him? Yeah. What's he offering? Sounds like he was a more... Jokes. Compelling friend before he ever talked about dating. Literally. Like, literally. Well, that's all she wrote over there. I guess we're kind of saying disclose a bit. Like, disclose nicely. Disclose with tact. Yeah, and I think that's a general rule with all disclosures. Like, yeah. I hate the saying, oh, well, I'm just brutally honest.

I hate that. No, you're just brutal. Honesty isn't just like automatically moral. I know. And there's more to that saying where it's like honesty without tact is just cruelness or something like that. Oh, yeah. Like there is a saying like that. No, I think you've said it before.

It was like honesty. without kindness is this and then kindness without honesty is something irresponsible something yeah I'm like butchering my saying right now but I think like if you're going to make a disclosure it should be tactful it should be kind it shouldn't be like using it in a moment where like and I've oh my god you guys I've had to fight the moment the moment that you choose to do it is so important this is so important Like I've had just like some communication issues like with my dad lately and just like trying to like find times to record his show. And like we're both really busy. So there's got to be a lot of give and take. And there's just like this this thing that keeps coming up. And I don't know how much I want to get into the drama right now. Ooh, drama. But essentially like he isn't getting a plus one for the wedding just because of like issues regarding that. And so there was something that came up with like. trying to find a recording date and like a thing being an issue and I in the moment just wanted to be like, this is exactly why you're not getting a plus one of the wedding. But I held it in.

Yeah. And that's the reality. Like it's like that could be the truth. Yeah. But in this moment, it's going to be so emotionally charged and hurtful. Yeah. Whereas if you approached it in a neutral environment without any kind of heated conversation going on, you could have potentially a conversation where you both come out of it having gained something. Exactly. And it's all it's all about like the tact and the timing and it's like you want to be the most effective. It's not going to be effective if you're super emotional or like the other person is coming from a weird place. Like you have to really have a sit down conversation and like that's just life. Like I'm not perfect. My family's not perfect. Like that is life. And it's like how do you address it? So like you do have the best time or the

best relationship and like carry it forward. And so it's hard. I almost feel like this guy needs to address it before it accidentally comes out in like a heated moment. You know what I mean? It's so on his mind and been bothering him for years now where it's like I could easily see them getting into a fight and him just spluttering out, well, you're ugly and that's why no Instagram models want to date you. Yeah. Like I don't know, you know. I know. It's so hard. knowing when and where and how to address certain things, but it's got to be addressed. Yeah.

And at the end of the day, like, disclose, but I don't think there's any situation in which you need to tell your friend, hey, you're not attractive. I agree. I think that we had a similar story on a bonus episode. I don't know if it's out yet. It will be. It's like a, it's a very different perspective, which is fun. Yeah.

It is kind of an inverse of it in a way. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good story for sure. It's just like, we don't need to be home. humbling our friends with like malintent in our heart but I don't think that this person was ever coming from that angle it's just like no this person doesn't seem like he's a hater yeah and I think that other story it's very like that person was trying to humble their friend and it's like why are you friends with someone if you don't even like them yeah you're a

I think that was that energy yeah for sure okay moving on I've got a couple more for us Okay, this one is so toxic. Ooh. So toxic. And it's very fresh. It is two days old coming from R slash off my chest titled, My wife thinks we're soulmates. I think I settled.

Oh, if I take back my ooh. We've been together for nine years, married for six. She is kind, loyal, sweet, smart. She loves me deeply, and she believes we were destined to meet. I treat her well. I've never treated. We laughed together. On paper, we're perfect.

But if I'm being honest, I've never been in love with her. I cared about her, yes, but I was heartbroken when we met. She came into my life when I needed stability and comfort, and I mistook that for love. I kept thinking it would grow. It never did. Now we're in our 30s. We talk about kids. She looks at me like I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. And I feel like a fraud. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to blow up both of our lives. But every night I lie awake, feeling like I stole the future of someone who could have had real epic love. And I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for it. I'm like heartbroken and that wasn't even that long and like I feel so attached to the I mean yeah like she she deserves someone who loves her I know she like she deserves someone who looks at her the way she's looking at him oh just that's so sad I also like my fear is that the guy and the last story is going to end up like this guy of being like open I think I settled.

Like, I think I, I mean, I mean, this, this guy seems like he's potentially not coming from a negative place. He's not like, she's ugly and I could do better. He's just saying, like, I've just never really been in love with her, which is really heartbreaking. I know. Am I reading that right? Did he say anything? Yeah. No, he's literally said, like, I was waiting for the feelings to grow.

I thought it would come and never. did and it's just it's sad because I think you know there's another post I saw and I I don't know we'll get into it on this episode maybe we should maybe we should but it's about kind of like disclosing things and it's just like I think people do things out of obligation get married have kids it's it's those societal pressures that are making it feel like that's what you should do what you have to do yeah you don't have to do anything and so for this guy I feel like he was like, oh, well, she's nice, she's smart, she's sweet, she's loyal, have to propose. You know, we've been together so many years.

And she feels so confident that I'm the person she's supposed to be with. And I mean, I have definitely felt this way in a few relationships of like, I could fall in love with this person. I feel like this is someone who so many people could fall in love with. Like, they're so wonderful. Like, they're X, Y, Z. They're all of these things. But I don't feel that way about this.

them, but, like, because they're so amazing, I'm sure that has to grow. Like, I'm sure that I would get there. And then, you know, it doesn't. And inevitably, I have to be like, all right. I guess that's not happening. But I can understand feeling like someone is so amazing that, like, you are bound to get there with them and, like, not wanting to let go of such an amazing person. But at a certain point, it's like, oh, it's really not happening for me. Like, I'm really not getting there and I never have been. I know. And it's it's crazy that you would go nine years. It's crazy that you would propose. And that's what like really confuses me. And it's like even out of obligation, like that's a crazy thing to do out of obligation and societal pressure. Like it honestly is scary. Because for her,

it's not like she hasn't felt the love. Because if she hasn't felt love, right, she probably would have ended it or like, you know, moved on or not. said yes to a proposal so it's like he's definitely displayed these things and he's faked it which is like honestly really selfish too it's like is that a psychopath kind of like behavior like you know what I mean where it's like you're not even being real like you're completely putting on this front this persona this mask that like in your head you're like I don't love her yeah but if you asked her but I'm going to say the things I'm sure his wedding bells were beautiful yeah you know I mean they're talking about

about kids. Yeah. They're talking about life and like growing old together. And it's like she's going to feel like the rug got pulled out from her. That's such a good point of like, of course, I think as I was saying earlier, she like deserves to find somebody. But to hear now that your husband and a person you've been with of nine years, like has not loved you this whole time. What mental damage does that do to you going into any relationship going forward? And like trusting that people really feel the way about you that they're saying. And like, Just how many insecurities and, like, not trusting your own self will that now bring up? Is it almost better to just be like, I've fallen out of love with you? Or, like, damn, this actually is a hard conversation about disclosure because it's like we just were saying about honesty, not always being fully the right thing to do. I know. Is it best here to be completely honest about never being in love with someone? or will that just hurt them unnecessarily? Like, I think he should break up with her

and, like, give her a chance to find someone. But this would really do a number. I know. I'm curious what you guys think as far as disclosure and honesty with this one. Like, I definitely think they need to get divorced. Yeah. They both need to move on. Like, she really deserves the chance to find someone that loves her.

And so does he. You know, he did this for whatever weird, you know, reason in his head. But yeah, do you say, I've never been in love with you? Or do you kind of like white lie truth it where you're like, you know, as we've grown older, I just realize I want different things. Yeah, maybe call it a midlife crisis. I don't know. Literally.

Put it on you. I don't. I'm just not in love anymore. Like I've noticed that my feelings have kind of changed and it has nothing to do with you. And like, I don't know. Like I feel like you need like a therapist involved to prevent like the most damage. Like you need to prevent as much damage as you can. Yeah.

I'm very curious about audience comments on this one because I, I'm unsure about what the right thing to do is. I know. And so it's like you probably should involve a therapist. Like you yourself dude should go to a couple sessions and be like, this is how I feel. How do I have this conversation and like protect her feelings as much as I can? because it seems like he wants to do that. Based on this write-in, like, I know this write-in is like, it's obviously a shitty thing he's done,

but it does seem like he's like... He's not malintentioned, but it was like... It's passive hurting somebody. It's passive, like, it's selfish. It's taking the easy route and someone else is the... What's it called when someone else gets hurt because of your actions? Like you're caught in the cross?

fire like it's not yeah yeah yeah she's the collateral she's the collateral of you just like passively not facing your own emotions and not and not taking this seriously but then yeah again then i'm like maybe she should know the full truth because how do you fully like go back through it and heal from it and like understand what happened if you're getting a different like then she may be wondering when did it change like how did i not notice when it changed like i don't know because it's gonna hurt matter what? I think mentally it would mess me up more if I found out that my husband never loved me because if I started dating again and like a person was showing me the same things. Proposed to me. Which seemed like love. I'd be like I can't trust anything. Yeah. Like it's all fake.

And then that questioning of those relationships is going to cause those relationships to end because no one wants to be like questioned on their feelings for you all the time. I know. And that's something that like I've seen come up where it's like my girlfriend does not trust. what I tell her. And it's like, are you sure you love me? Are you sure you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me? It's like, that can instill doubt in that other person that's being asked that constantly. So you do have to have that trust. So it's like, how do you allow her to move forward after this big bombshell? I'm curious if you guys think disclose on this one. Maybe this is the poll we do on this episode because this is crazy. Because he has been doing what's easy for him this whole time, and the only thing that's right now is to make it as easy as possible for her in this breakup.

Yeah, I think that's fair. There's no way it's going to be easy. But, like, yeah. No. It's so tough. It's so tough. I just, like, don't even know what to think of it. The other post I was thinking of that is super similar is also from, like, true off my chest.

So same kind of like off your chest vibes. And it's titled, I found my dad's secret Reddit account and now I can't look at him the same. I'm going to read it on Patreon for you guys. But essentially it's kind of like this person found their dad's Reddit account that said similar things to this guy. And it was just like, oh, I'm not in love with. I don't love my wife. I don't love my kids. And so this person's like, wait, I'm the kid.

Like you regret having me? Like what? Oh, that's so heartbreaking. So we'll get into that on Patreon. but I think it feeds into this one. It feels really similar. Oh, I'm subscribed to the Patreon immediately. That's crazy.

I need to know. So, O.P. has since removed the post. Oh, wow. They themselves took it down. No moderator involvement here. And the top comment is, may this love never find me. Yeah.

Which is literally what I was thinking as I read the post myself. It's like a nightmare, like worst nightmare. Yeah. That comment only has 694 upvotes right now. Like, it seems like this post has kind of flown under the radar a little bit. Next comment down to that is this. Went on a few dates with a guy recently. We were around the time things should start to get serious.

He was perfect. But it had a weird feeling in my gut. So I told him I felt like I was the smart choice, but not the one that he wanted to make. Lo and behold, he told me that I tick every single box he could think of. and even the ones he didn't know could be ticked, his words. And that's why he kept seeing me. But he feels nothing for me whatsoever. Oh, my God.

Why would you want someone like that for yourself and trick another person into it? I'll never understand people like O.P. I do feel like this happens. I mean, there's that whole thing about like a lot of the time men will marry someone because of the timing in their life being like like, oh, like, this is now I'm ready to get married, so whoever's around is, like, who I'll marry. Yeah. And there's, like, also kind of like a convenience aspect of having a wife that's, like, a little bit different. And I don't know.

Like, I, I do think love can grow between two people. Yeah. In so many situations. And to, like, have this expectation that love could grow between you and somebody else. Isn't that crazy? Like, arranged marriages happen in. most of the world and like amazing love grows out of that. But if you have this like feeling of like, oh, this is really just the smart choice. Like, you should disclose like, I don't know.

I know because there might be someone that just wants a relationship of convenience. Yeah. They just want someone to like live together and have an emotional connection with on a basic platonic level. And like there are those relationships out there. Like some people want that. Yeah. But they don't want anything physical or whatever. And like, I don't. I don't I don't know. I feel like O.P. doesn't necessarily know what he wants or who he is. And like, I don't, I want to be crystal clear. Like, I'm not saying this is necessarily O.P. I'm not saying O.P. could potentially be dangerous. I'm coming from a place right now of like, I've recorded four clues episodes this week. And like my brain is like very true crime. And I think there's like this crazy thing to me in a lot of the cases we have especially serial killers that have families and kids. And some of the most like notorious ones. do. And so we just did the case of Dennis Rader, who gave himself the name BTK. And he was very involved in the community. He was a church leader. He had a wife. He had a kid. What does B.T.K. I mean? Um, bind, torture kill. Oh, okay. Very bad. Very bad. Yeah. And his daughter was like,

you know, giving interviews and like has since, like, wrote a book after he was convicted. And his daughter is just like I never ever would have imagined. He was a pretty good dad. He built his tree houses and like all this stuff. But then like you listen to him describe what he did and he's so emotionally detached. And it's just like there's this disconnect of like he did what he thought was normal and what he should do. But did he ever like have real feelings? I know what you're saying. You're not saying like OP is this person. No. But there also is a dangerous type of person who will go with the they they struggle with emotions and they struggle understanding societal expectations themselves like personally emotionally so they just do what they see other people doing and like

what seems to be socially normal yeah and like then get caught up in that type of life and like that is very scary that and it's like create the own normal that you want to live like don't follow all of these societal expectations like if that's truly not not what you want and you have to mask or put on this front to do that. And I think this comment is interesting. And maybe this, I've like glanced at the first line. So I'm like, maybe this is what I'm trying to say. And like a cohesive way, because my brain is like fumbling today, it feels like. But this person goes, a lot of people consider a partner or spouse an acquisition rather than a fellow human you're doing life with, much like a job or a car. They feel getting one is an important

life milestone and you hope for the best one you can get. You don't have to be overjoyed being at work or driving your car. It just has to provide you with everything you want from it for what you put into it and be of sufficiently high quality to feel proud of having. But relationships don't work like that. And a lot of people get way too far in before they figure that out. That's also sort of like partially what I was trying to say earlier too. With the Instagram one model one. Yeah. Yeah. That is literally like that mindset. Yeah. And is that from all of like the societal pressure that I keep talking about? Like, where does that stem from?

There are definitely like a lot of people who their biggest desire is to just like fit in and like seem normal and seem like they're doing all of the things that you're supposed to do in this life to be normal. And I don't know, that's got to be a tough thing to unlearn or like undo. The person who posted that initial comment about the guy who, like, ticking the boxes or whatever, people were like, how was he with you? Like, what did he act like? And they go on to say, he was perfect. In fact, too perfect. It's maybe a stupid metaphor, but I felt like he was treating me like a beautiful and expensive painting. And he somehow came in possession of and had to treat it like a treasure for no other reason, but it's price. He was not treating me like an old picture of your grandma that you found somewhere. And that reminds you of her and makes you miss her. While it has no monetary value, you want to make sure you hung it properly and protected at all costs. Doesn't that make sense? By all means, he's a great guy. And the moment I brought up how I felt, he took it seriously and basically candidly admitted to it. But this is not love. This is not enough and never should be. That's such a good method. Like that is such a good way of describing it. Amazing. Yeah. No notes on that. But yeah, that's kind of all we have on this one.

Obviously, O.P. removed the post. I don't think we're going to get an update. But again, And if you want that other story, it's going to be on Patreon, the one also from True Off My Chest, titled, I found my dad's secret Reddit account and now I can't look at him the same. I think it's kind of in the same vein as this and is going to be an interesting conversation for sure. Yeah, such a good disclosure is such a good topic because it's like really the gray area of a lot of these situations. Like actually, I don't know what the right thing. Like this is, there's not a moral rule book. No. in the world where you can like clearly find the answer of like how is the best way to go about

this situation yeah and there's also that saying too where it's like are you telling someone something because it's going to make them feel better or apologizing or is it going to make you feel less guilty yeah and so it's like why are you actually telling someone something is it to clear your own conscience and it's going to make their life exponentially worse like then you maybe shouldn't tell them yeah you really need to be thinking about like when you do things from the angle of like what will be the outcome of me saying this for that other person like what will happen if I say this to like even like things online when people get mad about things online I'm like is this an actionable thing that you're saying like

like what do you think will come out of this in a good way or will this actually hurt the cause that you're fighting for you know like I just feel like approaching things from an angle of like what will my words actually do and how will it impact these other people? And will it actually create what I'm hoping will happen? Or will it just feel good to say this? Because we're oftentimes just saying things because they will feel good to say them. Exactly. So ask yourself. And I think like we can have takes on these stories. But like you could ask me a similar story and I might have a totally different disclosure answer. It is so context by context. Or if I'm going through something different that week, I might like have a different. I got to fully evolve. as a person over the next six months like maybe a friend pissed me off and like now I'm really sensitive to that topic and so now I'm a sore spot yeah I think that's what's interesting about this show it's like I can one I can't listen to old episodes I cringe cringe but it's like we're constantly evolving in our takes in our thought process our experiences so like no like you cannot hold me to a take I said a month ago you know what like you cannot hold me to

to a take, I said two years ago. Like, I am hopefully always growing in a positive way. Yeah. Like, this isn't my permanent takeoff. Like, I could very easily see a comment the second you post this episode that completely changes my perspective. A hundred percent. That often happens. Oh, that, like, that's really changes the way that I look at this. And that makes a lot of sense. And I've never had that experience. So now that I'm reading this, like, I do have a different opinion. I know. And that's important. That is so important. I think for all of us to feel that way.

Because that's how you grow by having conversations and trying to find middle ground and like connecting on things. I think that's like especially important in the times we're in right now. It's like we need to get to a spot where like we can have conversations and kind of like come together and like grow and like otherwise like how do we move forward. Yeah. And I love seeing comments that are like very constructive in a way where like you're providing your own opinion because I read that and I'm like, oh, that's your thought process.

Yeah. Oh my God. That makes so much sense. And then it helps me grow in my thought process. I love comments. Or getting a therapist to comment on the story about is it okay for a therapist to do this? Like that's so interesting. Yeah.

Or like if you've been through something and you're like, no Morgan, like I've been through this. Here's my take on that story. Yeah. I love, love seeing your takes. Like it helps us grow. like it's really all of our hot takes it's a village you guys it's a village i know it's probably like what is it now like maybe it's not just two anymore no we got to change the show name i'm like

how many of us are out there now two million 10 million like 10 million hot takes like the show has the show has reached a lot of corners of the world that's beautiful that's beautiful okay only have you for a few more minutes this is going to be i think a straight off the bat one. Whoa. Last one for us today. Coming from our very own Two Hot Takes sub-Ruddit, 15 days old, titled, My Boyfriend Kept asking me to moan louder. Turns out he was recording me. This still doesn't feel real to write. I, 25 female, have been dating A. 27 male for a year. Things were good. We had amazing chemistry, and he made me feel sexy until recently. He kept asking me to moan louder during sex. At first, I didn't think much of it. Some people are just into that,

but it got to a point where it felt forced, like I was performing, not enjoying. I told him it made me self-conscious. He said it was just a turn-on and dropped it. Or so I thought. Last week, I used his laptop to log into my email because mine was glitching. He'd left a folder open by accident. It was full of audio files, literally labeled by date. When I clicked one, it was me, moaning, saying his name, our sex, recorded without my consent. I confronted him immediately. He didn't even deny it, just said it wasn't that serious and that he only used the mic, not a camera. Like that made it better. He also admitted he, quote, shared a few clips with his friends in a group chat as a joke.

I dumped him on the spot, blocked him, and filed a report. His friends have tried texting me to chill and that he's going through it. Good. I hope he rots. I feel violated in a way I can't even describe. Oh, he should die. Yeah, he should die. That's disgusting.

He's a terrible person saying it was a joke. And then having his friends defend him too. All of you fucking suck. You're all the worst. He sent it to these friends. Like, that's so awful. Also, it just kept getting worse and worse. And then, like, trying to turn your intimate sexual relationship, like, into pornography.

It's like, porn isn't real. Like, there is a reason that that doesn't feel natural for her. And it's, like, it's making her uncomfortable. Like, that's just, like, not. Like, he wants it to be a show for him to show to his friends and show later instead of, like, actually having a good sexual experience with her. I know. To be crystal clear, you always. need to disclose if you want to record you need two consenting parties for things like that and that's

what's like so weird to me in some states you can record audio it's a like a one party state you don't have to tell the other person you're recording them which is weird even of that like even of even of a sexual encounter sexual always yeah always non-negotiable and then sending that even if it's like then that's revenge porn yeah no she's got a case yeah and this is a too hot takes listener out there Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so, but I'm so proud of you for dumping him on the spot and filing and just like, I'm so. And he tried to gaslight you and be like, oh, it was just a joke and like all my friends think it's fine. It's not a big deal.

Why do you think it's such a big deal? You should be shot. It's a huge deal. It is a huge deal. Yeah. You can't involve someone else in something and not disclose what you're doing. Yeah. Especially in relation to sex.

Yeah. Come on. Consent is key. Consent is makes it fun. Consent is necessary and needed. Yeah. It's like sort of just the most important part of all of it. And some people would be into recording. She even might have been had he approached it in like, oh, I just want one to say for later. Like the fact that he wasn't asking her, that shows more. Like he either knew she would say no or he got off on the fact that she wasn't consenting to it. and he was like sneakily doing this. Hell no.

Hell no. Top comment. He's going through it. He and his friends are morons and none of them should get into a relationship. Keep pushing for the charges. Don't let the police or him stop you pushing forward. Absolutely. Keep us posted, O.P.

I know a lot of us would love an update and sending you all the support. All the support. That's just so invasive. So invasive to go. through. I'm so sorry, but you got this. Keep pressing, as the top comment said, those charges. That's all I got on the disclosure theme. I loved this. We'll have way more on Patreon because I have literally 20 other tabs open and I feel like they're all pretty good stories. I know, they're all your children. It's like, which one do I like let go up? I know that I sit here. Even as we're recording,

I click through all the tabs and I'm like, oh my God, what is going to like make the people happy? I always think about what you guys want story-wise and also what do you want for episodes coming up? I would love to hear any themes you guys would like to see, any guests you'd like to see. I really try to curate a show you guys will love and like I give myself anxiety probably picking these stories. I've wanted to do like kind of a happy feel-good theme. But traditionally, like those episodes don't perform well. So I'm like, do you not want feel good? I'm like, just let me know what you want.

Maybe like one at the end or something. I don't know. I know. Is the feel good sandwich? Was that a good tactic for these episodes? I can try to structure more of those episodes and themes. So just let me know. You know, we're heading into August very soon.

I've got my wedding coming up in September. So I'm really trying to work ahead and get ahead on stuff. And, you know, this is a village, as I've said. It's a community and want to make sure you guys are getting content you love. But other than that, head over to Patreon. We've got new merch out, limited run on certain items. So head over there. That's all I got.

Yeah. Thanks for having me. Always a pleasure queen. A regular. I've had so many people say, I just got to tell you, I love Michaela becoming more of a regular. No way. That's awesome. I just did an interview with batches.

It's not how you say it. Why did I say it like that? I feel like that's kind of how you say. And Marissa Dow over there who listens. Hi, Marissa. And she was like, I just got to tell you I love Michaela coming on. Yay! That's awesome.

I know. It's always a good time. Thanks, divas. I love these episodes. But thanks, guys. And until next time, bye. Bye. Thank you.