Two Hot Takes - 231: Bad Boundaries?!

Episode Date: August 28, 2025

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Lauren! Boundaries sometimes seem like common sense.. but in these stories something's not clicking. For example.. your twin sister shouldn't kiss your fiancé.. Or your partner should prioritize your feelings over a work wife! Going to need your takes on these ones.. we had a few tricky ones we were stumped by! NEW MERCH: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shop.twohottakes.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Partners: State Farm: http:// Statefarm.com or use the award winning app to get help from a local agent! Bonus Content on Patreon including FREE stories/eps : ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ MERCH HERE ! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shop.twohottakes.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Send us a letter? Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 WRITE IN TO US!!! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Index: 00:00 -- Start Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you locked and loaded down there? Yeah, I'm doing good now. Okay. I am ready. It's been the craziest day. Yeah, it's like, God, I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but it's one of those days where I was so sick of hearing my own thoughts in my head. So I wanted to like turn on a podcast. But I couldn't focus on the podcast because thoughts in my head were so loud.

and so then I turned on music and then I thought maybe I want to talk to someone but I'm like but I don't want to talk to anyone and so here I was just sitting with my own thoughts just like just struggling today and like I don't even know I don't even really know why it's just one of those days where like everything starts irritating you and I don't know like maybe it's like I really want to get one of those rings that we've talked about where it can like track your cycle because maybe that could give me some insight into why everything. is irritating me. Yeah. But that's where not. I'm with you. I have a lot of thoughts in my head. I feel like I can't keep a thought straight. And I've been off Adderall for quite some time.

And when people are mean in the comments, like, Morgan, let Lauren talk. I'm like, I need to go back on Adderall. Really? I'm like, fuck. It's just like, it's such an ADHD thing to, like, want to jump in and like show them you're listening by adding to the plot or like, or like, sharing. And it's like, I'm not trying to like, share a story about me. It's just like a whole thing. We've been down this road of ADHD. So like I today have

been like running myself in circles. Like I'll start a task and then I'm like, what was I doing? And then I walk away and I start another task. And I'm like, what was I doing? I'm like, oh my God, I need to order lunch. I haven't eaten since last night at 8 p.m. And it's, it's now three and I'm starving and okay, I better go back to this. And oh my God, I need to order lunch. I'm hungry. And it's just like a vicious cycle of like I cannot keep myself together. And then it like actually makes you want to explode when you like really like when you can't like because like I'll have times where it's like I'm literally entering something in my computer and then I go and click on another tab just to check at what time what I was entering in was at and I check the time that I completely forget I get sidetracked

and I do something else and I don't finish my task and it like actually drives me crazy when I have moments like that because work brain works like I know oh god there's just like a million thoughts going in my own time. And then I have to try to form them on here. A half the time. Oh my God. I just recorded a Patreon episode. I'm like, I had the craziest stories that like I couldn't even think. Like I couldn't form a thought. And today might be one of those days, y'all, because we got some doozies. Theme overall today is boundaries. Boundaries should be basic for a lot of people, but they're not. Boundaries are hard. Like some boundaries you think would be common sense, but clearly it's not based on a lot of the stories.

So we are going to get into it. And like, I was just thinking, I looked up. I'm like, is something in retrograde? Is that why we're all so goofy? I hope so. Give me answers, world. It just ended yesterday. So I don't have an excuse.

But here's the thing. While the retrograde is over, some astrologers say we might still be experiencing post shadow effects until August 25th. Okay. So that's great. Okay. So that explains everything. I thought you were going to say like a postpartum type of work. It feels like that. Yeah. Yeah. Post retrograde post shadow. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So yeah. Okay. We'll see what we get into. Yeah. Going to be great. Going to be good. I'm excited. I love this. Okay. Good. Here we go, guys. Buckle up. Buckle up, little doggies. It's going to be. It's a good one. Let's dive in. Let's do it. I don't know. Before we get into today's stories with Lauren, this episode of Two Out Takes is presented by State Farm. Having the right people in your corner can make all the difference. I'm going back home to Minnesota next week and we're building a barn. Picking the right team from my barn was crucial to make sure I had it covered.

And like those people, State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage you need. There's so many coverage options out there. So it's nice knowing you have help finding what's going to fit you, your life, your family, everything you need. So go online at StateFarm.com or use the award-winning. app to get help from one of their local agents. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. We didn't even tell the people who we are today. Hi, guys. I'm Morgan. I'm the host of Tuatiques. Hi, I'm Lauren. I feel like I haven't introduced myself in a long time, actually. I know we forget it. All time. Yeah. I hope you guys can recognize my voice. I think so. Hopefully. We're like 230 something in.

I still think that there's sometimes that people get us mixed up, though, and think that you say something or I say something. because there's moments where our voice has a similar cadence. Sometimes. Once in a while. Once in a while. Okay, so this first one is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. It's 22 days old now. Titled, my mother-in-law says, you're a mom now.

This is what you signed up for. I, 22 female, have been with my fiancé, 26 male, for just over four years now, and have a decent relationship with my in-laws. Back when my mother-in-law had my partner-in-law had my partner. partner, his father was not involved in the actual parenting. He was the main source of income, and my mother-in-law went back to work at five weeks postpartum, so my partner's nan, call her GW, watched my partner and his brother a lot. GW gave my in-laws a lot of crap, especially mother-in-law, how she's selfish for not raising the boys, how it's a wife's job to raise the kids while the husband

works. Typical old school mentality. My mother-in-law hated it and still resents GW to this day for that. My in-laws have the same kind of mentality. My partner and I had a baby seven months ago. It's been amazing and my partner has been amazing. I've got a horrible relationship with my family. So to me, my fiance being involved in our daughter's life is super important to me. And showing my daughter what a healthy relationship is is my top priority, along with giving her a safe and loving home environment. Now, every Friday, we go to my in-law's house for dinner and drinks. Mother-in-law has made a few comments to me over the months, like, quote, wow, you're so lucky fiancé helps with Bub. Father-in-law never did that, ever. Quote, he's such a good dad that he

changes Bub's nappy. Father-in-law never changed a single nappy in his life. Just stupid comments, I've brushed off, but they have seriously annoyed me. What my fiancé is doing is the bare minimum of parenting. My fiancé recently quit his job. He's depressed and burnt out, so I told him to take a break. He deserves it. I'm a stay-at-home mom, but I've recently decided to work part-time at nights. Now my fiancé has been applying for jobs despite needing the break

and interviewed for this job that, on paper, looks amazing. but for us, it's just not the right choice. This job means he will possibly be away Monday through Friday, works nine days straight with 10 to 11 hour days. They have great financial incentives and willing to get him a truck license and chemical license, but with his mental health and our family dynamics, I just don't think my fiancee will deal with being away from home so much.

We were discussing this new job with mother-in-law, and she said how it's stupid to turn down this opportunity, and he needs to take it. I ended up pointing out that I'm now working nights and will need to obviously quit my job because we have a baby. That's when she said, quote, oh, I will watch the baby and you can get her when you finish at 12 a.m. You can't quit your job. That's dumb. Bub is a terrible sleeper, hates naps, up multiple times throughout the night. I then pointed out that I would be a full-time mom through the day, working nights, and then doing night wake-ups with bubs and said, when will I

sleep then? And then she goes, quote, welcome to being a mum. This is what you've signed up for. I think I pissed her off because that's when I kind of snapped and went, I didn't sign up to be a single parent, mother-in-law, and I certainly didn't sign up to co-parent with you. She's obviously gone upset and my emotions are heightened. I think what I want to know is, am I overreacting to be upset by her comments? Her and father-in-law are more money obsessed and put their jobs before everything else in their life, where I am not. I care about family, our mental health, our bub, money comes and goes. But this time in Bub's life, we will never get back.

I'm in the mindset that a better job that is more suited to us will come along. Am I in the wrong? It's, I mean, it's your life. It's not hers. So she shouldn't even be a part of the conversation. It should be you and your husband figuring out what makes the two of you the happiest. so I wouldn't sit here in the wrong. No.

Did you overreact? Maybe a little because I'm going to be a little bit of a lore in here. I'm going to be on the bright side of things. It's a little shocking. But she did offer to like help. Like, oh my God, you don't have to quit your job. Like, I can watch the baby. But maybe she doesn't know Bubbs is a terrible sleeper.

So in her head, she's just trying to offer this nice thing to make, your life's easier and make sure that you can provide for your baby and like everyone's happy and you're supported. But then to like be like, well, I didn't sign up to be a single parent and I certainly didn't sign up to co-parent with you. No, that's a little to me. It does feel a little harsh for someone who's offering to help you. Exactly. I mean, I would, I would not personally ever respond like that. I would also find it hard to keep it in when you do get a comment like, welcome to being a mum. This is what you signed up for. That is a slap in the face. She obviously is from a different time. And I find it so interesting that she would even

continue this mentality when GW shamed her for the same shit. And she's just continuing the cycle. Well, so when I heard that, though, to be honest, like I was kind of thinking it was more of like a that's what people say when they say, when will I sleep. You don't sleep. Like that's what I always hear. you know so like when I heard that I was thinking it was more of like a when will you sleep like this is what you sign up for you don't sleep but who knows what the tone and like exact context was for me like I would never speak that way to somebody especially like if they were offering help but I do think that there can be this weird dynamic between you know parent and kids where when the parent is offering help sometimes there's this like defensiveness because it's like I can do it myself or Or also, are you going to hold this over me? You know, like, I know that people have resisted getting money from their parents for their weddings because they know that their parents are going to use it against them somehow or kind of. And so I think that, like, maybe that's why their reaction came off so strong because if this was me,

I would just be like, no, it's not going to work that way. And me and my husband are going to have this conversation. Appreciate your offering. But, like, this is something that we need to discuss between the two of us and what works best for our family. and a story. I feel like this is a hard one. I completely agree. Like I myself have really tried to focus

on changing my tone with how I address things. Like, even if I know I completely disagree, if it's just something where it's like, it's not necessarily wrong, but it's not how I would do it.

I literally like, I've turned into a little bit of a bite my tongue. Certain people, certain regards. But I'm just like, oh, well, yeah, I'll definitely, I'll have to look into it.

Interesting. Haven't heard that. And I just move on. Because I know this conversation is not going to go anywhere, and I don't want to damage the relationship. Exactly. It's a pointless thing. It's about, you know, road construction.

And it's like, wow, that's really interesting. I guess I wouldn't know. I don't live here anymore. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Their input is not going to change my decision on what route I take. I'm going to go my route. And if it's a little longer, it's a little longer.

For O.P. here, your mother-in-law can give all the input she wants. you don't have to take any of it. So just being like, yeah, you know, it is a good opportunity. We'll really have to consider it. Thanks for offering to help. Yeah. Like, exactly.

No, I completely agree with that. It would become a problem if like, yes. If she overstepped and said absolutely not, like, and showed up at the house and was like, this is what's happening. What, like forcing their hand, that's a different story. Yeah.

The comments, you can kind of just ignore unless it becomes a problem. For sure. That's where you set the boundary. And I do think, like, there's no mention here of financial strain. There's no mention of the in-laws helping support them financially because if in-laws were supporting them and they're like, hey, this is a great job. This is a great opportunity. You should take it. Then I could see why they might be more

forceful on that encouragement because they're supporting them. But it doesn't sound like that. It sounds like he's just burnt out. He needs a little bit of a break. O.P. stepping up, getting a part-time job to help, you know, support their lives. And he's actively applying, like, that's amazing. And it doesn't sound like an ideal job. If you get to a point where financially things get more dire, maybe you take it. He makes a little money, but he's still actively searching for something else, quits as soon as he can. Like, those are decisions you and your family, you guys, you too, will make.

Right. But as far as this, like, it's hard. Like some people are just not going to change their mentality. And so with your mother-in-law, I think you just kind of have to set a boundary. Exactly. Like, thank you for your input. Like, we'll talk it over. You know, like, we don't really want to get too into this with you.

Like, we love you, but, you know, we got to do what makes more sense for our family. Yeah. Top comment on this one. She sounds bitter and resentful about motherhood and is projecting that on to you. O.P. responds, I think so too. I'm just so mad that she's nitpicking every single thing I do. I don't think I signed up to lose who I am. Next comment down, I think it's fair to say, that was your experience, not mine.

We have to do what we think is best for our family. Leave it at that. Next comment down, totally with you on that. If she tries to guilt trip or throw back in my day stories, just acknowledge with that it worked for you, but we're choosing what's best for our family now, then change the subject. Boundaries are about repetition and not letting her pull you into endless debates. I also will say with people that like

constantly nitpick you they're nitpicking the information you give them typically don't give them any information don't share that you're doing this don't share that you're doing that there's someone in my life that like I would open up to and like share little tidbits

but then when like there were moments of tension those tidbits I shared would get thrown back in my face to the point I don't open up anymore I don't share anything, especially things that could be used against me. So you can shift your relationship a little bit and set that boundary so that there's not much to nitpick. Because like, and that's really hard. It's frustrating because you do want to open up. You want to be able to vent.

You want to, you know, have the support from your community, your village. But you kind of have that scale of like, should I vent to her or is the risk of being nitpicked, you know? And maybe you just then turn to someone else for support. Well, see, that's what I'd be curious about, though, because it's like, well, does Opie's husband want advice from his mom? Like, if so, then, like, we'll have to tackle this a little bit differently because you might be like, no, I really value her opinion. Like, I want to factor it in when I talk to my family.

Like, I think about talking to, like, all the important people in my life. And, like, obviously my wife is your opinion matters the most, but I don't want to have to keep this from my mom. Like, or these type of moments from my mom. Yeah. Unless it's like, okay, well, and then she can counter, like, we'll look at XYZ times in the past where she has used this in a way to make our lives harder. And then maybe they can discuss what they do want to share and what they don't.

But I don't know if has OP responded to giving us updates on any of that? I haven't gone to their account yet to see if there's any updates. people are just kind of like don't share information, don't involve in laws and decisions like this, inform them what you're doing after you've already made the decision or don't tell them at all. And OP does respond. I think I'm learning that now, which is sad. They both are really great when they want to be and other times extremely judgmental and nasty. Hard to gauge which one I'm going to get. So I think I'm better putting them on an info ban is smart. And I will say like hubby can kind of step up too. Like those aren't.

not your parent. He should be the ones kind of setting the boundaries with his family. So like in those moments, he should be saying, mom, hey, I want to be involved in Bub's life. Like we did this together. We both signed up for a baby. Like he can be the one also stepping in and kind of putting his foot down, demonstrating to his mom, hey, things are different. Like I'm sorry you went through that, but like, I'm stepping up. This is what I want to do. So O.P. did. Post an update. Oh, yay. Came a couple days after. Thank you, everyone, for your advice.

I definitely took a lot of it on board and realized that we definitely share too much of our lives with our in-laws. I just want to make clear that financially we are fine with my partner taking a well-deserved break. Yes, he is seeking help, and no, we don't receive any financial support from my in-laws, nor do we rely on them. Now, on to the update, which is great context to have. I messaged mother-in-law early this morning and asked if she'd like to go to lunch and chat. my mother-in-law and I have always gone along but since we moved closer to home and had bub our relationship has certainly been very strained and gone downhill we met for lunch and i started by apologizing for snapping at her it wasn't fair on her that i didn't communicate properly i ended up laying down some boundaries telling her that we didn't need her opinions or judgments we just wanted support that i understand how i have different expectations in regards to my partner and his duties as a father than she had on father-in-law She explained a lot about how they struggled pretty bad financially back when she had my partner and almost ended up homeless. She apologized for coming across as judgmental and rude when she was just concerned, and we agreed that she would trust our decisions in the future and take a step back.

That's looking pretty good so far. Honestly, it was probably one of the best conversations I've ever had with her and really opened my eyes. For context, too, I have ASD and tend to struggle with people's tones and especially in social. situations. I acknowledged that I may have taken what was meant to be advice from a place of care and seen it as an attack. This may not be the update everyone is expecting. Partner and I have agreed that we need to stop telling them so much and maybe cut back on our visits. We've also both agreed that we need to be a little more responsible with our life choices. Things are definitely feeling better after lunch today. I've signed our daughter up for swimming lessons, so hopefully

we can both get out and about and make some mom friends. And my partner has decided to not take the job, but is going to go back to study and hopefully finish his certificate in heavy diesel mechanics. Feeling very positive after today. Yay. Great update. That's wonderful. Good conversation.

Boundaries are set. Love that. This is great. Wonderful. I was not expecting this. Me either. I didn't think we were going to get that kind of closure. Wow.

But like I like all the context too, because that's what I was saying. Like in the beginning, I'm like, okay. And she's asking, am I the asshole? And it's like, no, like you got to set your boundaries. Like, was it a little aggressive? Yeah. But like, who knows what else she's been like nitpicking at you? Exactly. And tone is everything. How did she say it? Yeah. Like, was it like, your mom, this is what you signed up for a girl. Like, you're not going to get any sleep. Yeah. And like now knowing that she even like addresses herself that she's like, I might not even like recognize the. Yeah, because of my ASD. Yeah. So. she's and the conversation they had afterwards is telling me that mother-in-law does respect her. And she's coming from a place where her own trauma is responding. Exactly. We were financially in such a bad spot and we were almost homeless. I'm really just, I was just concerned. I want the best for you guys. Yeah. Yeah. I'll help out any way I can. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. So this is, this is really beautiful. Love this. Just putting a heart around this story. This was a great way to start. Yeah. I did I had no idea there was an update. So I'm like, I'm like, I'm, like pleasantly surprised we're not used to this happiness what do we do with it wow let's stop right

now sorry I'm right here one story episode uh see you guys next week speaking of happiness I actually think maybe I know why today was weird is because I'm coming off of a high of yesterday with Taylor Swift um like I was freaking out I was freaking out I was freaking out yeah I know she's doing podcast guys oh that reminds me going on Travis Callis's podcast so we have lately been not putting our headphones on yeah no headphone game hello oh it's kind of on yeah um so anyway I was watching I saw she had her headphones on and I was just like I got to put him back on like Taylor Swift is podcasting with headphones I'm gonna do it I know when you're in the same room as the person you don't have to wear headphones but if you're podcasting with other people that are remote because I think their setups are like Travis is in Kansas. Oh, they weren't together? No, because the two brothers do the podcast. Yeah.

And so they live in different places. So that's why they have to use headphones because they're talking through the computers. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Well, okay, we always love doing the headphones because honestly it's, I loved it at least. It made me feel like I was in a safe place. In the zone. Yeah, so in the zone because you just like, you can hear everything so clear. Yeah.

And so I loved it. But then Morgan made a good point. We look better without him. I just got my hair done. Today is a no headphone day. When she started not wearing them, then I was like, you know, I always have to take my earrings off. And it's kind of nice to not. Yeah, it's a good time.

Someone did send you earrings. I got them from the P.O. box. Really? Yeah. They're really cute. Okay, I got to keep them off. But I did think it was really cool to see Taylor Swift in podcasting headphones. I love it.

You know, maybe someday we'll get her on. Go spam her comments. Can you imagine? Go on two hot takes. But okay, moving along to this next one. Okay, the second one. Gonna see if you need a boundary or not on this one. It's an interesting one.

Coming from Am I the Asshole, would it be the Asshole public, four days old, titled, Am I the Asshole, I partied after my wife got too drunk. This happened a few nights ago on our wedding day. I, groom, and my wife had our wedding with an after party. My wife likes to drink, and as soon as she arrived, at the after-party, she ordered 10 shots, taking five herself at the same time as guests, which I didn't see happening. About 30 to 45 minutes later, she's passed out. Me and her bridesmaids,

take her to the beach and put her on a bean bag, get her water, and make sure she's okay. She said she needs to sleep and we'll be back partying in 10 minutes. At this point, I go back into the party, about 5 to 10 meters from my wife. I was also drunk at this point and lost track of time. But I went back to check on her, and it was the same message. She just needs 10 minutes, and she'll be back. My wife has done this before, kind of resurrected from a drunk state like this, so I thought she would that night too. An hour and a half, two hours go by, and the party ends, and I carry my wife up to our room, take her makeup off, put water by her, and get her into bed. Fast forward a few days, and she's mad at me, because there are videos of

of me partying while she is passed out on the beach, saying that I should be looking after her and by her side the whole time. Says I've got some reflecting to do, but I want to know what other people think. Am I the asshole? I kept going like back and forth. Dude, same. Same. I'm like fighting for my life. Just my two brain cells battling. I'm like, you're the asshole. You're not the asshole. Oh, I don't know. Everyone sucks here? I mean. Yeah, maybe. Maybe everyone sucks here. Because, like, so she just did five shots within, like... Ma'am, that is not safe.

Yeah. That's not... Don't do that. People listening at home, don't do that. Are we sure? And what was the time frame that she did this? I mean, he doesn't really have a clear example of time frame because, like, he also says, I didn't see it happening.

We arrived at the after party. She ordered 10 shots, taking five herself at the same time as guest. So maybe there's five other guests. And she's like, take a shot. Okay. Take a shot. Oh. I don't know. Wow. Back to back. Oh, gosh. I'm envisioning back to back. And that's why like 30 to 45 minutes later, she's done. Yeah. What did you think was going to happen when you took five shots? Right. You could have had alcohol poisoning and like died. That's not, you can't, you shouldn't do that. I'm wondering if she was already blacked out because it was an after party. And so she didn't even. even realized she took five shots. You know what I mean? And she's drinking it like water at that point. Dude. But but but I, and I'm also just like that's an alcohol problem. Right. Like,

like, you got to address that. Yeah. Yeah. But like I'm also, let's go back to the whole beach thing. Where on the beach was this? Because that does feel unsafe. Like at first I thought he was saying he brought her back to their place. But like she was just on like how close was she to the water? Like that that's definitely raises some concerns. It feels. feels, I'm going to assume, big beach, far away from the water, five to ten meters away from him. So I'm envisioning, like, they're at, like, a beach bar, maybe a little tent, and he can see her beanbag, you know, just right, right there. It's just right there. She's on the beanbag.

I think it's safer having her within eyesight. Eyesight than in the room. Versus in the room, because if she throws up, that's fair. Then, you know, like, you can see her. You can see she's in distress throwing up. Like. This whole thing, really, this whole thing sucks. Yeah.

I don't necessarily fault him because, like, what are you going to do? Just sit there while she's sleeping? Right. It's really, it's this hard line of like, well, I wish you wouldn't have drank so much. Well, I wish you would have taken care of me. Well, I wish you didn't put me in that position. Like, you could kind of go back and forth on this one a bit. Well, and I think the thing for me is, like, if this had never.

happened before, then I'd be like, dude, if this has never happened before, like, make sure she's okay. But he's, he's kind of making it sound like, this has happened multiple times where she's like, I just need to sleep for 10 minutes and then I'll be back partying. And did she say that or did her friend say that? That she just needs 10 minutes. She kept saying, I need 10 minutes. Yeah. See, that to me, like, he's, he's off the hook. Because, like, I don't, if she's done that before and she has come out and partied after 10 minutes of like a little power nap, then like that's what he's expecting. It's rare that anyone can make it up.

It's impressive, but he's saying that she's done it. That's crazy. So overall, what do you think? Asshole, not the asshole. Everyone sucks here. It's a tough one. I'm going to probably go with not the asshole based off of all of the dynamics. What do you think?

I do feel not the asshole. It's his day two. I leaned towards everyone's sex here, but like given her and her abuse of alcohol, he was also kind of in a tough position. Yeah. I don't know. It's really, it's really hard because alcohol makes it so tricky. But looking at O.P's account, very seemingly real account, O.P is a part of the 10. year club. So this user has been on Reddit for 10 years. Verified email. Okay, wait, I'm just realizing too. Like, it's literally their wedding day. Like, he has guests to entertain and to that are showing up to be with them. So I actually kind of feel like you got to hold it down. You got to hold it down for like the team. She sabotaged her own wedding day. And I get having this feeling of regret and guilt and, you know, anxiety. Yeah. But, like, you chose to take those shots, five shots, which is absurd. Yeah. And I get regretting it, but, like, you can't pass the buck off on him. You need to address your problem. Right. And I, I think that's exactly

probably what's happening is that she's feeling a lot of shame from that and, like, wants to take it out on someone else. But, yeah, but no, that is, I mean, if that were me, like, I would completely forgetting the fact that it is their wedding. And if that was me, I would literally expect that my husband would continue to entertain our guests. Yeah. I mean, I would hope for that too. Like, we spent a lot of money, like a lot of time. These people spent money to get here. Like, everyone should have a good time. Yeah. If it was like a different party, then maybe I would be more like, why do you have to stay up all night? Why couldn't you just like come snuggle with me? top comment on this one

kind of thinking what a lot of us are thinking your wife has a drinking problem it's not normal to order and drink five shots at once no that's really bad next comment down this is also my thought also having a passed out drunk person near water in the evening slash night

feels dangerous so I think you could have a case for everyone sucks on that yeah we need more context on the beanbag exactly I mean that's that's what I was thinking is like it is it sounds concerning it definitely does. I don't like the idea of like passed out drunk on the beach. And a lot of people are like, yeah, you should have had her in a rescue position up in your room

with you beside. And I get that, but like, it is really hard. It's this hard position of like, I guess, like maybe that is the right thing to do. He should have taken her upstairs and like his night from that point on was over. But like that doesn't feel fair. But obviously what's fair is not always best. Yeah. I mean, I guess I guess the reality is that like it's not fair to him, but like when you are entering a marriage with someone, the first priorities should be each other's safety. So I think that's why we're having a hard time with this because like that should have been prioritized. But like, is it fair? No. No, it's hard. Right? Like I mean. And someone does say here, yeah, not the asshole for continuing the party, but yes, you're the asshole for leaving her

alone drunk passed out on the beach. O.P. says the party was five to ten meters away. I'm not sure that counts as being a left alone on the beach. So people are kind of fighting about this context. For me, five meters, I'm envisioning five meters from the chairs we're in to like the other wall, like one, two, three, four, five. I think that's five meters. So for me, I'm like, that is quite literally a hop, skip and a jump away.

Like, if I could see someone, that feels, that feels okay. Yeah. I guess like for me I was picturing farther but um but no if it was being like football fields yeah us in our stupid feats instead of meters I know it's so hard but no this is this is I don't know this is a tricky one and clearly people are having a hard time with it I know I'm so curious what you guys think I will add some more context though for the wife so looking at OP's account there's no updates no comments in regards to this post but 10 days before this post, okay, which would have been like maybe eight days before their

wedding. O.P. posted in R slash travel lost passport. My partner is flying from Hong Kong to Indonesia. We have our wedding on Saturday. She is flying in 10 hours and currently can't find her passport. She is a Chinese citizen with no other passport. Can anyone help me go through any options that she might have to fly or get to Indonesia before Saturday? Saturday. Hmm. It's giving she's a little irresponsible. A little bit. Yeah. A little irresponsible. Definitely is definitely given that question though. What would you want or expect Justin to do if this was your situation? I am fine with this. Like if this were me, I'm fine with this outcome. Like you were watching me. I was with other people. Like I'd rather have more eyes on me than maybe alone in a room.

but if he was going to go to a room and then sit up there with me I wouldn't want to take away from his day like that's also his day I just I think this is just such a shitty position to put your partner in and so for me going forward there would be a boundary of like hey no shots

like I had a bad experience where like I took shots and I blacked out and I like just wasn't the best version of myself and I really have not done shots since then like doing shots now gives me anxiety I don't want to black out I'd rather have a nice glass of wine and just slow sip and like feel good and like not be hung over the next day. Like I just, I really, I've changed the way I drink. And so I think you can

have that conversation of like, hey, this is a boundary for me. Like that was not okay. That wasn't fun. It was dangerous. I don't want to be around you if you're going to drink like that. Like honestly, it's very concerning. Yeah. And it's tough though, too, because it's like it, It was their wedding day, and there's kind of alcohol over the place. So it's like, that's why I was curious if this is a one-time thing. I know, no other context. But, O.P, if you're out there, let us know. Was there an overall consensus?

Like, what did people vote it? So there's no voting bought on this one. Too much conflicting. A lot of people are addressing the alcohol and the safety. Yeah. I live in Wisconsin, and that would be excessive even here. I'm Irish and even I find it excessive. I'm Australian and I've done it plenty of times.

I'm in recovery now. Sorry. Like people are like only focused on the alcohol aspect. Like no one's even giving a vote on this. Yeah. Well, I mean five shots and one go is like it is dangerous. I was just like what? Yeah.

Five like did I read that right? You're trying to take yourself out. Four has got to be the max. I'm kidding. I'm just like, I'm just so flabbergasted. The only vote I see after scrolling. Not the asshole. You took her makeup off.

That's sweet. Yeah, I know that was sweet. You continually checked on her for hours. Also sweet. Someone goes here and this has, this comment has awards. Checked on her, took her makeup off, presumably got her out of her wedding gown,

made sure she had water, all while drunk himself. not complaining about her getting too drunk to party together on their wedding. Yeah. And not even once mentioning the wedding night, intentionally ambiguous, and people think he should have done it better. Log off and touch some grass people. So, I don't know.

I don't have the answer. I'm not the asshole. Everyone sucks. But I would be pissed if. I am seeing, I will just add, I am seeing a lot of not the assholes towards the bottom now. Yeah. I'm like, if my husband. left me on the beach all night and I woke up to the sunrise outside and he was in our

That'd be a problem. And I would be pissed. But I think that it seems like he did the best for the situation. I mean, yes, he could have watched her. But I'd even think like if he brought her up to the hotel, he'd probably just pass out. And so then he's not even watching her. I know. For her safety.

You know what I mean? That is true. Because like if he's also drunk and drinking. Yeah. And he brings her up and goes to sleep. Yeah. that's almost more dangerous. Keeping her open in an area where multiple people can keep an eye on her.

That is very true. I'm putting this one to you guys. I don't really know. I'm like, it's very dangerous. It's very bad. But like overall, I feel like he handled it the best he could. Flying to Indonesia, too. We don't know where he's coming from.

She's coming from Hong Kong. This is crazy. But we're moving along. Because number three, number three, you guys. Whoa. Okay, this next one is coming from our slash relationship advice, four days old, titled My 28 Female, Cousin, 22 Female, just told me she saw my fiancé kiss my twin sister. Whoa.

On accident? I, 28 female, need some advice. Oh. For some backstory, I'm engaged to my longtime partner, 30 male, and I'm in the process of planning our wedding. My fiancé and I are at our family's lakehouse for a week-long family reunion. I've been super excited for this trip to have a much-needed break from work and wedding planning and also to have a chance to see all of my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. This morning, my cousin, 22 female, pulled me aside and told me something completely unexpected.

She said she went upstairs to grab some clothes, and as she was walking down the hall, she saw my twin sister and fiancé, talking quietly in one of the bedrooms. Then, she said, she saw them share a quick kiss. I am in shock. My twin sister and I have always been so close. My first thought was that there's no way this happened. I've never seen or noticed any tension between my fiancé and sister.

And they also have very limited opportunity to be around one another. We live about an hour from one another and are busy with work. I cannot imagine that either of them would do this. I'm also wondering what to believe of what my cousin told me. I have no reason not to trust her, but I just want to believe that she saw something wrong. I don't know. A kiss is hard to mistake.

So I am currently resting up as I have period cramps and don't feel well. I ask my cousin to keep this to herself, at least as long as I can figure out what I want to do. We're all staying here together for the week until Sunday. If I can front them now, I know this would cause a huge scene. However, I don't know if I can wait until we get back home, knowing I'm just festering inside with this knowledge. So I'm here turning to Reddit. I don't know if I need advice.

I'm looking for support, a rant, et cetera. I suppose any advice or comments are appreciated. Oh, my God. I just really, really, really want her to get, like, evidence. Like I want her to like set up a camera and bait them somehow because it's it's just it's so frustrating that we just have like word of mouth. But we also don't know a quick kiss. Like was it a kiss on the cheek? I know. Was it a whisper in the ear about something for a surprise for you? It's like was it misinterpreted? Does cousin have like

a habit of taking something out of context? Like it just sucks when it's like this because I'm like, I just want this hardcore evidence. But I've said this before where a lot of times if somebody tells you that they saw people cheating, it's because they're cheating. Yeah. I know. It is interesting because like in this, in this scenario, like the cousin doesn't really have any stake in the game.

Right. Like, I would assume that the cousin wouldn't make this up if there hasn't been a history of your cousin line. But also at the same time, I look at me and my life. if my sister and Justin were off like talking in a bedroom and my cousin happened to see them like and came to me I'd be like well that's really weird but like I'm also closer with those people than I am with my cousin yeah but everyone's relationships are really different but OP is even saying like I'm extremely close with my twin sister yeah like what right like that is a very clear

boundary you don't fuck your twins fiance oh well you don't go there you don't kiss them tell belly that. Who? You don't watch the summer I turn pretty? Oh, I've read the books. I know how to Oh, oh my God. Do not tell me. I know how it ends, girl. Don't you dare to say a word. I literally I got my hair done today and the, um, my hair girl, Jamie and my new assistant Dina, who you guys will be meeting soon. Um, we were all talking about it and they're like, oh my God, did you watch the episode? I'm like, do you guys not read the book? Like, we, okay. I'm like, what team are you on? Oh my God. Always is Conrad. Always and forever. But it's just like, it's so funny. I just saw this TikTok because Brian used to be like Team Jeremiah the first season, I think. Yeah. And now this season he's

also Team Conrad. He's switched a little bit. So I showed him this video because this girl literally throws her TV down the stairs whenever she sees Jeremiah like say like, hi, honey, I'm home. She throws her TV down the stairs. Gross. But anyway, so, yeah, that's why I said, uh, belly does. But yeah, I'm like, I don't know. I feel like I'm honestly inclined to kind of believe the cousin, like, but how do you test it? That's why, like, I'm trying to think, like, how she can get proof. I'd be so creepy.

I'd just be, like, behind them in a bush. I'd be like the Homer Simpson just slowly backing up into bushes. See, this is why I don't think, like, looking through somebody's phone is, like, the worst thing. So we do. So we do have an edit. A lot of people had the same question you did. Are they identical? Do they look alike?

I thought the same thing. I'm like, maybe it was just a quick pass by the hall. Like, hi babe, blah. Like what really happened? Right. So OP adds, edit. We are fraternal twins. No chance we could be mistaken for one another.

Totally two different looking people. Yikes. Not identical twins. Top comment. Bring your cousin. sister and fiance all into a room and say that your cousin saw them kissing and is this true someone is lying and seeing all their reactions at once should tell you who and lock the doors no one's getting out i have the truth make them put all of their phones in a basket and then

read through the phones while they watch you um i'm just kidding but we were talking about this with like was it on father knows episode oh about the phone it wasn't it wasn't a father knows episode, I think. Yeah, because like, we always get these episodes where people write in and be like, I'm feeling so guilty that I look through my partner's phone and found out that he's cheating on me. And I'm like, why does everyone always have to, like, say that they feel guilty? Like, you had a hunch and like, you just trusted your gut. You trust your gut. You got the evidence. Like, yeah, it's not ideal. And if you feel like you need to look through their phone, then it's probably already a sign. But in this case, I'm like,

I'm like, you need evidence. I know. Because, like, you don't want to end your marriage or you're like about to be marriage off of like a cousin saying something when you're like I could never even imagine that of the two of them. But like now you're always going to wonder like what the hell happened. I know. So someone does say you'll need proof before making an accusation. I don't know your cousin, but they could be lying. Not saying they are. Just saying you didn't see it and they offered no proof. And OP goes, that crossed my mind. The reason I haven't jumped to do anything is for this exact reason. If they deny it, then what? Yeah, exactly. then you have nothing. You have no proof and they can be sneakier. I have this like crazy situation that happened with one of my friends and I don't know if I want to like give all the detail, but basically she hooked up with somebody who gave her a fake name and said he was completely single. And she actually like reverse image searched his icon on like his phone. Oh my God. In like the contact. Because she wanted a

find his Instagram and follow him and found out that he's married. And so she like asked him, are you married? And then he basically said, not really. And then they moved on from there. Wife looks through his phone because she had a hunch, found the messages and texted my friend. And then basically was like that they're indeed married and have kids and asked my friend if she would help with like a testimony. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. Because of course, like her husband's saying, no that's not true oh man and she's like crazy and she's like and she's telling my friend she's like he's doubling down saying that like that never happened and like i can't imagine how crazy that would feel

going through a person like talking to a person you don't know and trying to get verification that your husband's cheating and the person saying yes he is and then your your husband saying absolutely not swear on my life didn't do it like i don't that's just oh the mental yeah fuckery well that's why I'm like get your evidence before confronting them I know and a lot of people in the comments are pissed about the phone like people are like look through their phones and people are like that's a violation of privacy quit getting your advice from TV shows don't look through phones don't get your advice from Lauren on a podcast but I'm not like advocating for it I'm just like don't feel guilty like if it and this is what I've always said about the phones yeah I think you should be able to try to Trust your partner. If your gut is telling you, look through the phone. And then your gut is right and you find something, you got to be done. You don't have trust. Yeah. It's going to be a really crazy uphill battle out of the Roach Motel. Yeah. If you want to get back to being in a good spot. But like, it's just really hard. Like it's this fine line of like, do you trust them or where are you guys at? For sure. We do get an update on this one. Oh, let's hear it. We get an update. Update. To those of you who were requesting an update, here it goes. After going back and forth on whether I should try to snoop through my fiancée's slash sister's phone or just sitting everyone

and asking, I decided I would go through with the latter. My cousin actually came back later to my room to check on me and we had a brief conversation. She let me know she supported whatever my decision was and she would be there to back me up if I needed that. While sweet, it kind of quashed any thought that my cousin could be manipulating the truth. And honestly, after that conversation with her, I couldn't keep holding it in. Yeah. I got the four of us together and laid it all out. I told them that my cousin came across them talking in the upstairs bedroom and witnessed them kiss. Whoever told me to tell them what I knew and then zip my lips, thank you. I didn't even have to ask questions, but I could see the guilt flood over my sister. It seemed like my fiance,

was trying to find a way to backtrack, but then my sisters started profusely apologizing and crying. Wow. While she's crying, my fiancé tells me it was a mistake and only one kiss. What? Lies. Lire, liar. Oh, my God.

Lire, lire, pants on fire. What, just one, no, liar. This is where I said, I wanted them to show me their phones. And if it was only one kiss, I shouldn't find anything. Perfect. My fiancé hesitated again. But I told him we would be done if he didn't let me see it. 100%.

From what I could find, my sister started flirting with my fiancé, starting off with compliments. I don't know if she was just stroking his ego, but their texts were very much so flirty in nature. Up to this point, I am pissed, but unsure what this means for our relationship. until I get to one of their last messages that was sent this morning from my fiance saying, quote, I know I should regret that, but I don't. I told them to pack up his shit and we would talk about this at home. I told my sister, I was disgusted and she should leave me the fuck alone. So I haven't technically called off anything, but I'm going to take the next couple of days

to really sit with things. I can't imagine being able to go back to him. after all of this, I feel sick. I don't want to be anywhere near my sister, but I would rather be here to have space from my fiance. I think right now I haven't truly processed what this means as I'm seen rad. As mad as I am with my fiance, I feel so betrayed by my sister that has quite literally been with me through all of my ups and downs. Yeah, that's so messed up. What comes over someone to do something like that. Like was her sister just secretly so jealous of her this entire time? This was like her last hurrah or something of like trying to make herself feel better than her sister.

Like what the actual, what are you thinking? That's, I just don't like know what would come over someone to do that, especially like like right before the wedding. Yeah, why? Like are you that deeply insecure? Do you have no confidence in yourself and your ability to find someone who loves you? So you have to steal your twins' happiness. I'm so confused on the timing of it. It's also like... And the fact that she started it. Right.

He is an outsider. Like, I think in a lot of the stories we've seen, it's usually the outsider of the family kind of provoking. But this is a twin going after... And I know we've had a lot of sisters going after their, you know, siblings, husbands, exes, baby daddies, whatever. But, like, I don't know. This one, like, they just, they seemed so normal.

And, like, what? And then, like, what? And then there's also that part where it's like, wow, like, it was really that easy for you. Like, oh, just somebody gave you a little attention and it was that easy for you to cheat on me. Like, holy shit. Imagine if he's at work and he has a coworker who gives him some attention. You know. Is he going to go back home with her?

Like, it's just crazy to me that it was like just a few flirty messages and now you're going to kiss her right before your wedding. I know. Like you're that weak? Yeah. You can't resist a little bit of temptation or someone stroking your ego and flirting with you a little bit. Yeah, it's pathetic. It is. It's pathetic.

And then also just like, no boundaries. Yeah. What is, I don't know what's wrong with people that do stuff like this. Like, right before the wedding. Right before the wedding. Yeah, I'd go nuclear. And I feel so bad for O.P. I mean, this is coming from our very own two-out-takes sub-reddit,

maybe a listener out there. It's a really tough spot to be in. Like, the love of your life, you're getting married, your twin sister's the one that's probably a maid of honor. And some people on our sub were not very kind in the comments. I actually just removed this one. but someone essentially was just like you're super super dumb if you stay with him they said it in a way worse way okay this won't be his last time doing this if he was comfortable enough

to do it with your sister i'm 99% certain he has done it before um people do clap back and say that was unnecessarily rude and harsh next comment what was the comment that i've read oh oh god i got it got it being kind of mean op i removed it now so it's gone but someone goes not only was that unnecessarily harsh and rude she said she's done she just hasn't physically called everything off she needs time to process everything but it is over yeah and that's like like god give her a minute you don't need to like find out the most devastating difficult news you've had so far in life and then notify everyone about it yeah actually um i'm logging in a zola wedding's off just so you guys know um fiancee cheated like people

sister with twin sister people have a right to keep things private for a little bit yeah absolutely people have a right to grieve a hundred because this is a loss yeah like damn and even just like accepting that too because it's like I think it's very fair that when you're ready to plan the rest of your life with somebody and commit to them through thick and thin and I agree with you I think that everyone deserves that time and I don't know why anyone even in the comment would go crazy about that because people are being terrible. That's wild. I mean, just like reaming it kind of on her.

Like, if you stay with him, you're an idiot. Did you tell your parents? Like, you're going to be an asshole and then expect to get information from this person. Don't be so dumb, asleep, koala. Be fucking kind. Like, you're an idiot if you stay with him. You don't know what she's going to do. Just be like, hey, like, I don't know.

I'm just like, I'm getting really defensive of our little O.P. Yeah, of course. O.P does respond. At this point, I don't know how I could. Thinking about living the rest of my life, knowing how insecure he made me feel, and with my sister, hard pass. And yes, I did tell my parents, thankfully, they support me and are livid with my sister. I feel bad for ruining the rest of the trip. But I know I am not truly the one that ruined it.

Not at all. And so someone goes, did your sister leave too? No, but it sounds like she's leaving in the morning. I want to know what sister had to say about that. Like, what's your excuse? I'm just curious what she is mustering up. I'm trying to see if there's any comments to see if there's any explanation. But luckily, I do see that OP is getting a lot of support.

I had a nice little FaceTime with a couple of their closest friends. I just hate his last message. What if they get together? I mean, have they? this point she's got nothing to lose. Sister is not going to talk to her anymore. OP does say that she's going to go no contact. So, I mean, what do you have to lose at that point? I could see it. It's not out of the realm of possibility in my head. You would hope that she would try to fix things with her sister. That would be the hope. I mean, even if it took a few years. Yeah,

years. I mean, probably will. Yeah. I mean, you can never like fully heal from that. I mean, you can fully heal from that, but I don't know if you can like fully, fully ever forget that. You know what I mean? Like every time you see your sister and you're having a great time with her, I feel like there's a little part of you that like remembers the pain that she caused. That's just such a core memory of like pain to, to be able to forget. It's really, you'd have to go to a lot of like fucking family therapy together. I just, I don't know, the sister really needs to address her issues because that is a really shitty thing to do and it's it's coming from a place of insecurity or somewhere like if we look at the little

feeling wheel like it's coming from somewhere right it needs to be addressed you just took out your sister and her fiance he took out your relationship and it's also him too like he's scumbag too but like you definitely set the first flame right well i would yeah i mean if we didn't like hate sister, I would say, thank you, because you just saved her from marrying a piece of shit. True. Very true. Also, something about this just reminded me of something that Alejandro said once, which I think is like a phrase out there, but I just hadn't heard it from anyone besides her. She was talking about relationships as a plate. If you drop a plate and it shatters into pieces, she's like, you can still glue it back together and the plate still works. My dad says this about a glass.

all the time. Really? All the time. I think if you watch Father knows, my dad says this is about a glass constantly. You can shadow a glass, but you put it back together. Still cracks. Yeah, you can still see the cracks, but you can use it, but you can still see the cracks. And so that's what I kind of think, like, what if, like, her and her sister ever were to get together again, like, that's kind of, cracks are going to be pretty large on that one. Yeah, I agree. I'm not seeing any reasoning from the sister. I just see OP did tell him that he needs to get the stuff out of the house. I'm mourning the relationship my sister and I once had before all of this. Ultimately, though, we do share some close friends, not sure how this will impact those relationships. Hopefully

they see your true colors. I don't know how I could ever truly trust him. Together, six years, no other red flags. Like no red flags. Wow. Is what I'm seeing. cousin's been a blessing in disguise. She's been a very sweet through it all. She's gathering intel, so Opie doesn't have to interact with sister. I just wonder, like, if he was doing other stuff or if that was his weird moment of kind of freaking out before the wedding. Like, because I'm like, no other red flags in six years. It's crazy.

I'm like, was he being sneaky or was he just, did he have, like, a meltdown right before the wedding? I don't know. It's weird. It's weird, dude. It is so weird. Because you usually hear that there's, like, some other signs. Something, right? Something.

Something. Ooh, that's tough. But we're moving along. O, P, if you're out there, keep us posted. Yeah. I would love to know what the sister's reasoning is. Yeah, at least what she says to you. Who knows if it's even legit.

If it's the truth. Yeah, for sure. Okay, so this next one. Also a little bit of a twin story. A little bit of a wedding story, too. So it is coming from Am I the Asshole. one month old, titled, Am I the asshole for not going to my twins' wedding? I, 24 male, have an identical twin. We're not close, but I thought we had basic mutual respect. That belief

was tested. I grew up in a traditional southern town and only began coming out in college about five years ago. It's been slow, especially with family, but since moving to D.C. in 23 for school and work, I felt more comfortable living authentically. After moving, I met my boyfriend, 26 male, and we've been together two years. Over time, I've introduced him to friends and family when I felt safe. Cut to November of 24. I was home for the holidays and told my twin and his fiancé about my boyfriend. They seemed happy for me.

While staying with them, wedding details arose, and they asked if I'd be bringing a date. I said, yeah, my boyfriend. My twin had gone to bed, but his fiance said, quote, while there are pros and cons, it's up to you if you want to bring him. Hmm. That felt like a green light. My twin constantly deferred to her on decisions, so I didn't think I needed to double check. Five months passed.

My boyfriend and I had spent $1,300 on travel, flights, hotels, etc. Three weeks before the wedding, I mentioned on a call with my brother that we were all set. His tone shifted. Quote, oh, is boyfriend actually coming? I reminded him of the convo with his fiancé. He said she never gave me permission and accused me of making it up. Wow. Then said, quote, we can't allow your boyfriend to come.

We worry how dad's side will react. Afford to call my dad on the spot. He dodged, saying that he'd check with his fiance, despite just saying it was his decision. An hour later, no change. I was still invited, alone, still expected to buy a groomsman matching suit. No chance.

Even though I wasn't in the wedding party. And show up smiling. That's when I snapped. Yeah. I asked, quote, if I didn't invite your fiancé to my wedding, would you still come? He couldn't answer and ended the call after some harsh words.

trying to make things right I came out to my dad which I feared for years to explain the situation he was surprisingly indifferent and even said uninviting my boyfriend was extreme he offered to talk to extended family

I thought I was removing the main obstacle weeks later my twin called again he now claimed our friends would be weirded out oh my god get over yourself you weirdo so the excuse shifted. I said, quote, if my boyfriend's not invited, I'm not coming. Yeah. He didn't budge. Here's the kicker. Days later, my dad told me the fiancé admitted she did give me permission,

but changed her mind when she remembered, quote, who would be there? She denied this to my twin. Also, one of her bridesmaids is openly gay and brought her girlfriend, but according to the fiancé, quote, She's not part of the family, so it's different. Oh, my God. I hate these people. So I didn't go. I'm still wondering if I made the wrong call. No.

My absence was noticed. Good. I got texts asking where I was. My mom had to explain it repeatedly. I hope she said the truth. So instead of avoiding attention, my absence became the story. Yay! Take that loose.

My relationship with my twin is dead. Good. And some family ties now feel fragile. A part of me wonders, should I have sucked it up and gone solo? No. Just to preserve bonds that shaped my early life? No. So, am I the asshole for skipping the wedding? Absolutely not. No. And I love, I love that the wedding was made about, where are you? Yeah. Like, take that. Oh, he wasn't invited because his boyfriend, was excluded. No, he wasn't invited because... No, no, no, that's not it. No, he wasn't invited because he's gay. Well, yeah, yeah. But the main thing is... But that's like...

She's homophobic and the brother is not supportive by not being supportive and is therefore kind of roped into the homophobic category on the Venn diagram. Yeah, I just... If I was the mom, I would have just said it like that because that's exactly what it is. And it's absolutely ridiculous. And that's why I'm like, O.P., you shouldn't question the ties that are fragile or shaky now because what happened was ridiculous.

That was awful. And you shouldn't have to deal with that or people that will treat you that way or people that are okay with that treatment. That's not how, no, it's not how you want to live your life. So I don't think you did anything wrong. No, I don't either. I mean, this is insane. This is such a fair boundary to have. You're not going to let me bring my partner.

yeah you're not supporting me they're together they've been together for years yeah like they are being very homophobic and discriminatory yeah towards their brother whose family and they even say that where it's like for the bride to have a bridesmaid that's gay bringing her girlfriend it's different she's not a part of the family yeah oh so you'll be you'll be friends of the gay person but you don't want one in your family what what how does that make any fucking sense And, like, I hope that that friend knows what the bride is like, because that's not someone I'd want to be friends with. Yeah.

Absolutely fair boundary. You should not regret not going. You are not the asshole. They kind of created this day. And, like, yeah, it is odd that the groom's twin isn't there. Like, I don't know how they didn't put two and two together that, like, if you exclude him, that's going to ask. Yeah, exactly.

That's why I'm just like, those are such good consequences. made its way all the way around. Like, you were trying to claim that you just didn't want the attention not to be on you guys. And then that's what happened by you trying to control the situation. Yeah. Very true. Yeah. Top comment on this one with 34,000 upvotes.

Oh, wow. You came out to your dad, got gaslit by your twin, got lied to by the fiancé, and still tried to make peace. Yeah. You did more than enough. they chose drama, not you. That's the other thing about this whole story. Fiancé gave him permission,

ring boyfriend, it's your choice. Yep. Pros and cons either way. Then lied to the brother. I never said that. Ridiculous. So she's manipulative. You just, brother, you just found out she lied to you.

What's going on here? Yeah. I don't like it. Especially because they literally asked, do you have a plus one? And the fact that they were like, you need to wear a suit that matches the groomsman, but you're not in the wedding party. Then why don't have to wear a matching suit? Exactly. No. No.

Wear what you want, dude. Weird. But on a positive note, I really, really like that the dad was not acting like an asshole. Yeah, seems like he was not as O.P. expected him to respond. Like, it was hard to kind of gauge what his reaction was, but it seemed more on the positive side than on the negative side. Yeah. Agreed. Like very surprising for O.P. Even to be like, he was kind of indifferent or whatever the word was. Yeah. That is in my head a positive thing. Yeah. Versus like, I'm never talking to you again.

There are quite a few comments from O.P. But nothing that adds like any new context for us. Just kind of like clarifying with people. Like I did clear this with her. My brother really wasn't in charge of planning the wedding. So I really ran everything by her. And then it got to my brother. Like, I do think that's a little bit of a thing.

Like, you probably should have had them both in the conversations because it is your brother and clearly she's an unreliable narrator and historian. But I think this kind of worked itself out the best it could, given the unfortunate family. And keep doing you. Like, you don't deserve that. And it is a fair boundary to put down. Mm-hmm. But okay, moving along. Okay, so this next one, coming from True Off My Chest, three days old, titled, I hate my wife's dead friend.

Whoa. My wife is grieving the loss of her best friend. We'll call her Sally. She was one of her closest friends who she had known since elementary school. I know she's devastated, really hurting, but I hated the lady since the moment I met her. Oh, my God. Sally was always jealous of my wife embarrassed that her career wasn't as big as hers she got married and had kids young but then got divorced young she was constantly belittling my wife

making her the butt of the joke in every situation my wife is chubbier but still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen Sally would act like she's job of the hut she was clearly envious of the fact I treat my wife better than any man had treated her

and she acts like my wife should be punished for it. She was not a good person at all, and frankly, good riddance to her. I'm upset that my wife is hurting so deeply and is left with a lot of mess to clean up. Sally has family, but they don't know her as well as my wife, so she's helping pick up whatever slack she can. She was always so gracious with Sally,

I don't know how she does it, because she typically has a very low tolerance for passive aggressiveness. I know Sally has affected her self. self-image and the things she says get to her. Now she's left with this heavy grief on top of that. I'm doing the best I can to support her. I love her with everything I've got. I just had to get this off my chest because I don't want my personal frustrations to interfere with being there for my wife. All this is just a reminder that she is a better person than I am and I'm lucky to have

her. I did not see it go in there. Like I really thought you thought O.P. was going to be kind of asshole. Yeah. Wow. I know. I mean, I feel like for him, he's definitely going to kind of have to set a boundary for himself where like his feelings for Sally and how terrible she was don't affect him supporting his wife, which it seems like he's doing and he recognizes he needs to. So hopefully he can keep having that boundary. It's hard because they didn't just have like a falling out because she wasn't a good friend and a good person. Right. Like, she just died. And so it's just like, damn. Well, you can't be like, she's a bad person. Cut her off. Now you just have to support her through this grief. And you can't really say anything because it would just make it 10 times

worse. Right. No, exactly. And then I'm sure that she's going to continue to talk about her even more because there's a lot of things that remind her of her and the anniversary. So yeah, I think that O.P. is going to just have to learn how to accept that and be able to support her because what, like, what else is there to do? No, I know. She's kind of a crazy one. Top comment on it. What a beautiful sentiment. You are safe to rant here. And your wife sounds like an amazing woman. And that is, like, all the positive in this. Like, that last line, all of this is just a reminder that she's a better person than I am and I'm lucky to have her. That's so sweet. Like, good for him for setting that boundary between his feelings and, like, letting it out so he can better support her. Yeah, definitely. That's just, that's really sweet in the darkness of this story.

But okay, feels like we're done with this one. Moving along. I've got this one from Am I the Asshole, four hours old at the time I found it, titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Inviting a Friend? to my significant other's birthday trip? Hi, I'm a 35 female and my significant other is 36 male. I planned a birthday cottage trip for him and invited all the people he wanted on it, mostly his friends and a few of mine that he adores. He particularly asked for one of my friends to not be invited

because he does not like her energy and is of the opinion she is envious. Multiple times she has tried to buy clothes, jewelry bags, shoes, after seeing them on me, exactly the same things. I hang out with her in a group setting only since a couple of years ago. She found out through someone who mentioned it in passing that they are looking forward to the cottage trip. She reached out to me and asked me why I am trying to kick her out of the friend group, and she is always left alone.

How do I respond? Am I the asshole? See, I don't, I feel like I don't have enough evidence of this friend. Like does he really like what does she do besides by the same things? Like maybe she just thinks they're cute. I feel like all of us are always sharing links to clothes or shoes that we like. So I don't really have enough context because I'm like if she was continuously bringing down the group and there was always drama because of it, then I think that's super fair. But I'm like, I don't know. I guess like if they all hang out in group settings all the time and you just like exclude one problem. person. That is hurtful. So. Yeah, I'd feel, I'd feel snubbed. I'd feel sad about it. Yeah. So that's why I'm like, is she, we're not getting enough like contacts. Like, so OP does clarify. Okay. I'm going to comment. Wanted to clarify a couple of things. Firstly, though, I appreciate your candor. Secondly, I should have elaborated more. I was trying to give a small example of envy where it has been noticed that a lot of things that I owned were later on bought by her after seeing them on me. I agree.

It is very complimentary if it happens in passing or a few times here and there, but this has happened countless times. To provide more examples, in the past, they tried to date one of my exes, which I didn't think that much into before because it was 10 years ago, but now I am. If I start learning a new skill, pick up a new hobby, she has joined the exact same. The frequency of these occurrences have increased in the recent past, hope this provides more context. Lastly, wanted to clarify, we did not invite everyone but her. On my side of friends, my significant other invited only a couple of friends that he has one-on-one relationships with.

Does that help your judgment on this one? Yeah, I guess then that's what you say back to her. I mean, do you not want to be friends with her anymore? Like, maybe you should have a conversation too. I know. Honestly, though, kind of sounds like a scary conversation to have given like, well it's giving like a little bit of like she's kind of like stocking yeah is that too far to date your ex to copy everything you buy and wear to learn all the new skills you're learning and join these classes like like you you want to be me you want to be me yeah you want to be me like it's a it's a little scary yeah i've seen too many true crime things though lately I'm in a dark place but that's where

I jump. I'm like, something's a little fishy here. But if you told her, what would you say? I mean, I don't. That's a good point. Like, what would you say? I don't want to be friends with you anymore. No, not like that, but just kind of maybe that's a good question. I don't know. What do you say? I know. What do you say? It's easier to do the slow fade and just like not include her and stuff. Right. But what do you respond back to? her when she's asking. I mean, you can just tell her it's not everybody. Just the people that he has a one-on-one relationship with. She's going to try to have a one-on-one relationship with him then. I know. Well, and that's what Opie said, like, to clarify again, it's not just her that's

excluded. So I think you could say that. I'd just say like, oh my God, no, like not trying to do that at all. Like, this is just who my fiancee is my significant other is really close with. Yeah. Like, that's all there is to it. Yeah, I'm just wondering like how much relationship is there because maybe it's worth being like, hey, I feel kind of weird that you always copy me, but don't mention anything. Like if you, if you like my stuff, that's great, but it almost feels, it just feels a little bit off. Yeah. And then kind of like open up the door and like see if she actually is saying they're not. You know? Yeah. I think that would be a good way to do it. Just be like, But like, do you need to address it now?

No. Because I kind of like... I just say go and have a fun trip, but like maybe in the future, I'm like, if they have a one-on-one relationship, then like maybe that's worth it. But it's like they're only hanging out in groups. I do really like the top response. Okay, let's hear it. Not the asshole. Quote, this is partner's birthday trip.

He invited his closest friends. Yeah. Fair enough. Next one down says, not the asshole. Just say there were limited spots and because it's for his birthday. He selected them. Then move on to the next topic. It's hard because, like, I wish it was that easy,

but knowing this person's vibe, like, I feel like they're not going to make it that easy to move on. But, like, you can't say you didn't try. And then if you have to address other things like the copying, then you can get into that. I could be on board for that. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Okay. How old are they again? Mm-hmm, ma-wham-m-hmm. 35 female and 36 male. They're old enough to not have... this drama. Yeah, no, I think you're, you definitely have a right to just go on a trip and invite who you want to. Like, it would just be weird no matter what age though. If it was like everyone from the group setting besides one, then it's pretty, it stands out. So it's like you

almost kind of have to like address it somehow. But like if it's not everyone from the whole group and just people who he has a one-on-one relationship with, then no problem at all. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with here. Okay, one last one for us here. Lauren found it. I'm going in. I got no idea. She teased the title as we were sitting here off camera trying to pick the last story.

And all of the titles were so good. A lot of them will probably be going to Patreon. We got to do a boundaries theme over there, I think. This one I'm going to tease it to you guys. And I don't know why name issues is coming up a lot. But it's, would I be the asshole for refusing to name my child after my wife's deceased dog. You should have teased the other one. That other one I'm like really curious about. Am I the asshole for telling my youngest daughter, she may not post a video of me having a hot flash. I'm curious.

I'm very curious about that one. Okay. Well, here we go with Lawrence because I, you guys, you be like, good choice, guys. Good choice. So this is coming from Am I the asshole, five years old, titled, Am I the asshole for demanding my fiance tell his co-workers that he will not be renewing his vows with his workwife when they return to the office? Brutal. Hell no. My fiance and Mark works closely with a woman, Megan. They both have similar responsibilities and need to work together as a team. I've never had a problem with this.

They don't really interact outside of work. We've been working from home the last several weeks. I happened to be in the living room with him yesterday while his office had their weekly Zoom meeting. During that meeting, people began talking about what they wanted to do when everyone returned to the office. I could hear someone say that my fiancé and Megan must really miss each other. Several other people began referring to them as workwife and work husband.

Then someone suggested that my fiancé and Megan should renew their vows when everyone is back in office. Yeah. Mark just played along and joked that they would be registered at Office Depot. I left the living room in tears while he continued, oblivious to how I was feeling. I confronted him after the call and said, I felt humiliated. Our wedding was supposed to be in September, but we've had to postpone it, and it's not clear when it will be safe to reschedule. And here he is talking about renewing his vows to someone from work.

Wild. Mark explained that it was just a joke and not a big deal. He tried to show me some joke article his office had been passing around about how teleworking is ruining workwife relationships. Good. I said the term workwife itself is offensive and humiliating because I'm supposed to be his wife. Yeah. I demanded that at his next meeting, he needed to publicly apologize to his office and tell them

that he will not be renewing his vows. with Megan because he is engaged to marry someone else. I said he also... Writes it out on a piece of paper and makes him recite it. I said he also needs to tell his office that they need to stop calling him and Megan work spouses. He says he can't do that because it will be embarrassing and hurt his reputation at work with his colleagues.

I said, quote, oh, is it hard to feel embarrassed? I would never know what that's like. he called me an asshole. Now that I've cooled down a little bit, I need to figure out if I overreacted. Am I the asshole? No. But I will say, going back on to a work call and announcing,

I will not be renewing. No. That's a little too much. But what I do think the part that's very valid is to say to your coworkers, like, hey, guys, I really don't find it appropriate. The workwife term. So if you guys could refrain from saying that, please. Yeah. That's fair. That's super fair. Especially going forward. Like, hey, I'm getting married soon. You know, I got a missus at home now. Yeah. Got to set some boundaries at work here, you know? Can't have two wives. Ha ha. You don't have to get serious with it at all. You can make it a whole joke and just it being like, I'm a married man now. I'm off the market at work. Yeah. Make it funny. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, just I definitely think that's like super valid to ask for.

You know, what I also would just like to know is like, why do people do that when they know that somebody's in a relationship? Like, I get that people like to use the term playfully and that there's a lot of people who don't actually mean anything romantic by it, just people who work together a lot. Okay, fine. But at the same time, I'm just, it's so common that people cheat on people with people they're working with. I know. That it's almost like, why is everyone around you almost seemingly encouraging it? Yeah. I don't, I just, it feels a little odd to me. Yeah, it's, even if it's playful. It's one of those fires I don't like to stir. Yeah. I just think it's not worth it. Like, be buddy, buddy. It's not funny enough to be worth it. Exactly. Exactly. Like, I don't know. Like, why not, why not brother and sister? Why does it automatically resort to wife and husband? Yes. Why can't it be siblings? Mm-hmm. It's my work, bro. That's so fair. Like, that's cool. You're going to have as many siblings as you want. Justin, you'd go from only child to siblings.

Woo! Yeah. But like, if he came back and was like, I got a new work wife, I'd be like, the fuck you don't. Yeah. No, for real. It's so silly to some people. But to me, it's just a sign of like basic respect. Yeah, it would piss me off.

And I think with wife, there's almost this implied flirting, a crossing of boundaries, a little too casual. Maybe the professionalism of a work colleague has been lost. because oh we're wife and husband like I don't know I feel like it's a slippery slope yeah you don't need to be a little penguin like you stay up on the rocks you you don't go out on that iceberg I've never heard that that's funny I don't even know I don't know I'm just like I sound like a penguin oh my god that was horrific no I liked it all you know when I was coming out of anesthesia no for my surgery what happened the only thing I can't remember if I talked about it on an episode or The only thing that was in my head. Me. Well, it was your birthday the next day. Nice. And I actually was panicked that I would be too messed up and I'd forget it.

But I was good. But no, I kept rapping Happy Feet, the penguin song. Oh. You know, how did you see in the movie Happy Feet about penguins? Yeah, but I don't remember the song. Can you sing it for me? Don't push me because I'm close to the edge and I'm trying not to lose my head. Wow.

it doesn't even ring a bell. That's really good. Maybe it's the way that you... It's the way. Yeah, 100%. It's the way. Top comment on this one. She's kidding.

Everyone sucks here. Which I will agree with. Now that I've had a second to stay with it, I was going to say not the asshole, but then I had to really think about how she was like, you're getting back on that Zoom call. That's a little overboard. Okay, so top comment.

Everyone sucks here. I think the whole workwife thing, is disrespectful and silly, but you did overreact to what was obviously a joke. He's not literally going to be renewing his vows with anyone or registering at Office Depot, and forcing him to tell everyone that they need to stop calling him and making work spouses is going to make a mountain out of a molehill and give everyone the impression that you're a difficult person. Just ask him to stop joking around. I don't, I think it's really fair. Like if my boyfriend was like, oh yeah,

everyone calls the girl I work with my workwife, I'd be like, tell them to stop. Yeah, here's my thing. But, like, the way that she went about it, like, going and announcing, like, guys. That's not going to happen. Town hall. Need everyone here. Next. Yeah, next office meeting.

Get it in the minutes. It's in the minutes. Yep. Calling off the wedding. Divorced, bitch. We're done. Like, that's just so, so aggressive. And also just, like, it could be really, like, awkward.

interfering with like the whole company morale. So I just think that I agree. I think that there's a good way to say like hey guys like let's stop using that term. Yeah OP does respond to that top comment. No. They were actually planning on how to do

it. Like where in the office to hold the ceremony and reception, etc. Oh my God. My fiance was fully on board planning. What? Meanwhile, I have to nag him to constantly help me reschedule our actual wedding plan. These are red flags.

I don't know if Megan's the biggest problem. Someone goes, in that case, not an asshole for asking that he don't go through with it. But it would be embarrassing for him to publicly apologize and say he wouldn't go through with it in front of everyone. Maybe ask him to talk to Megan separately and tell her it's only a joke and won't be doing a ceremony. Is she sure that they were going to do a ceremony? That's, like, weird. I mean, she was crying. Like, she heard the whole conversation.

But, like, but did she verify that with her partner? Or is she just assuming on the call? Yeah, but they might have just been sarcastic. Like, you really think that they were going to, like, walk down the aisle and stuff. I have a really hard time judging sarcasm. I'm super gullible. So for me, if I was overhearing this on a call, even if it's joky, I'd be like, oh, it's a bit, but they're going to stick to it. Yeah.

Hearing this, I would have assumed, oh, they're doing it. They're going to get a cake. They're going to, like, make a veil out of, like, toilet paper from the bathroom. I just think that would be such a weird thing. Exactly. That's why it's, like, hard for me to believe, like, that anybody in an office setting would set that up. Like, where is management? HR.

Are they agreeing to this? Like, what? Is that in the budget? Oh, my God. It's not fiscally responsible. Yeah. So someone responds, have you considered looking into their relationship? Usually the whole workwife thing doesn't come about in.

unless both participants are flirting and hanging out a lot at work. I'd be more worried about that than being embarrassed of it. Strange priorities. True. Well, O.P. responds. Okay. Oh, believe me. I want to find out more now.

You got downvoted 218 times. OPE did? Mm-hmm. Why? People are like, girl, you need to focus on your relationship with your fiance and why he's balking and at your wedding planning and stop focusing on the workwife thing. If you keep traveling down the path of accusing something going on with his coworker, you're going to breed resentment between both of you. Give awkward vibes to his work. Instead, if you focus on why you feel so insecure to begin

with and tackle that problem together as a team, I promise that you will feel like any work relationship he has is not a threat on your super insecure relationship. But as of right now, your angle for the other woman is not very flattering on you and is very hard to empathize and sympathize with. This, that feels a little harsh. I think it's fair for someone to be uncomfortable by the workwife thing. I mean, based on this conversation that we were just told as it's being told to us, obviously we might need the other side. It would make me really unhappy. I don't love it. But I do think there's a point where it's like, you guys like, you're saying he's not helping with your wedding you're saying yeah no like you do have some issues to address right but but i feel like

that might have been that comment was just like saying that she's super insecure yeah and gonna lose him and all this other stuff and it's just like wait i thought we were looking into is he even there with you like are you guys on the same page do you guys both want the same things i thought that's what we were looking at not this like get it together and don't be insecure because it's not a good look on you I'm what like call judging based on the only context we have I read all the comments from OP that's all we got there's no update on the account it is five years old it's crazy to think about that this was during COVID times feels like a lifetime ago but yet yesterday at the same time 100% it's so weird if OP is out there and you hear this I'd love an update would love that did you guys get married did he He renew his vows with Megan. Oh, damn it, Megan at your wedding. Like, how did this all go down?

I'd love to know. Maybe they converted Megan from workwife to best man. And then maybe the two of them went to a cabin together and then slept in the woods. Shit. That just happened on the Patreon episode I did with Michaela. Oh. One of the guy friends was the best man of honor. Man of honor for the bride.

Okay, got it. And on the bachelorette trip, he was invited. Oh, no. No. It's crazy. No. Wait, did they sleep with their clothes on? I'm going to. We had one of those, too. Did I tell you my high school ex-boyfriend told me that when he was breaking up with me? No. Oh, my God. He went to his buddy's cabin and this girl that was like always kind of mean to me. They shared a bad. But they kept their clothes on so they didn't do anything. Find out later. They did. They did stuff. Oh, that's so.

I was really hoping to believe him Because you know like back in that time You would share like Yeah Like tight spaces Yeah I was really hoping he would come through I know I know

God damn it My first love I dated him freshman year That's just so mean So tough tough hell Especially because she was mean to you That makes me mad I know

That's like was the hardest part I'm like why did it have to be her See that's what like I think that Anyone else Who what was that What was OPE? Megan. No, no, no, the other one that said that he didn't like her friend who passed away.

Sally. See, that's what I want. Like, when I'm dating someone, like, I want him to be like, if he sees someone being mean to me, like, he's protective over me. Like, he has my best interest. And so whenever I hear stories of, like, a guy cheating on his partner with the girl that was mean to her, I'm like, that is low. Low blow. That is so low. Pick anyone else.

Oh, my bully. Mommy, Bully. That's all I got for you guys. Woo! Woo! Morgan's so happy that she gets to go home and go to bed. Yeah, one step closer to bed. Also, I'm looking at this.

This is the last episode of August, which means the next time you hear from me, it'll be my wedding month. Whoa. Wee! I know I have so much homework. I still have to get going on my pre-nup. It's just a whole thing I got a lot of my to-do list

I need to buy my flight And I need to figure out If I'm so cheap the other day It was literally like $200 round trip What are you doing? I know well I was Why are you procrastinating I was waiting to get

The thumbs up that I could work from home And work from there And be gone for two weekends Damn So did you get approved Yeah so I'm You gotta get on kayak I know now I just need to figure out

Like where I'm gonna stay For part of that You got it You can come up to Duluth that's going to be good time. Yeah, I'll figure something out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you guys so much for being here. Head over to Patreon if you want more stuff. Lauren's on two bonus episodes this month. One is with Justin. It's a trio. That one was really good. That was like one of my favorite episodes we've done in a while. It was like very deep divey and the stories were crazy.

And the other one... I'm forgetting which stories they were. I always like blink after... Oh, no, it was the one where she wrote in. She was like, my husband accused me of killing his sister. Oh, that was a crazy episode. It was nuts. Yeah.

And then the one I recorded tonight with Michaela was like, my boyfriend is the man of honor. Am I overreacting? And it just was whew. So head over there. But other than that, love you all. And until next time. Until next time. Bye guys.

Bye. You know, Um,