Two Hot Takes - 253: Happy Updates Only..

Episode Date: January 29, 2026

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Jenna! With everything going on we needed stories that provide some closure, some relief, and a "happy" ending. Whether its the outcome of a woman telling her boyfriend he can't go from moms house to hers, a guy being honest with his GF because of a TikTok trend, or a guy that dresses up as Bigfoot and takes it too far.. these are some chaotic stories with closure. Can't wait to hear your thoughts on them. Partners: Credit Karma: https://www.creditkarma.com/ State Farm: Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the Personal Price Plan! Bonus Content on Patreon including FREE stories: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ NEW MERCH:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shop.twohottakes.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Send us a letter? Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036  WRITE IN TO US!!! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Index: 00:00 -- Start Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Learn more at Adobe.com slash do that with Acrobat. Okay. Here we go. I don't know if it's just me. I know it's not just me. But the feeling of existential dread is insane right now. It's so heavy. Obviously, there's a lot going on in the world, especially my home state of Minnesota. And it doesn't feel right starting this episode without saying something. Fuck ice, honestly. Like, that is where we're at. I don't care what side of the aisle you fall. You fall. on if you are not enraged about what is happening right now, we got issues. We got beef friends because what is happening right now is an attack on our constitution, our human rights to be treated with just dignity and respect. But this is getting recorded a couple of days after Alex's murder in Minnesota. And I'm just distraught. And I know there's a lot going on all over the world in Gaza still in Iran, everywhere. And we as people, as citizens of this world, need to get loud and

start really demanding change because we cannot go on like this. It's just inconceivable. I don't want to make this whole thing a soapbox. It will not be. I've got Jenna here today. Yay. Yay. But I just want to address this. Like this is so important. and it's not just politics. It is, it's morality. It is, it's being a good person, a good human and doing and saying and advocating for what is right. So that's that. I'll post some links in the description for resources that you can help Minnesota. People are really, really making a difference there and standing up for people. And it's just, it's amazing to see. But this episode, because I am so emotionally burnt out and I'm sure you all are too and you want a healthy distraction. This episode

has no surprises for us. These are all stories that have updates. Updates that I'm deeming happy endings. Okay, great. What you want to categorize as a happy ending is up to you in my head. They're happy. At least we get closure regardless. We get closure. Yes. So we are doing a whole updates episode just to have some reprieve in this world. Bless. So on that note, thank you all for being here another week, another episode. Stay safe. And let's dive in. Let's do it. This episode of Tuat Takes is presented by Credit Karma. When it comes to your money, Credit Karma keeps you ahead of the game. You can count on Credit Karma

to keep up with your financial needs as they evolve. They'll help you monitor your progress and give personalized recommendations so you can make strides towards your goals and find your way to money. Make sure you're on the right track no matter where you are on your financial journey. Into it, Credit Karma. Karma you can count on. I love tracking my score on Credit Karma. I actually found out that's how I missed a payment. Thanks, Credit Karma. Please notice we have coozy's this episode. I don't even know what you did to the, I need to go look. Jenna? It was three hours of moving a fucking. iced coffee cup around the screen.

It's funny because you literally ordered coffee both episodes. Because I was dying both days. And I'm not a Monday person. The episode with Charlie was a Monday. Like I was on some some badge. I don't even know. Like watching it back and I'm like Morgan, it's 40, 30.

And I'm like, he's sitting here and I'm like, is he bad at math too? Because I'm bad at math. I know. But no, it's okay. I get it. He was just too nice. He didn't want to correct me. It's fine. It's fine. This episode's going to make up for it. Okay. We are going to kick it off. So I'm kind of structuring it right now with crazy. Okay. Feel good. Crazy crazy. Maybe a feel good. Crazy. And a feel good story at the end that might be familiar for some of you, but I just want to reiterate it. It's like a really famous Reddit story about someone breaking down in their car. Oh, okay. We'll get to it. I thought, sorry, my mind went to a mental breakdown, but...

No. Okay. No, there hasn't been any... I mean, we had the Ogtha. Yeah, that was crazy. However, anyone wants to say it. I'm like, it's a fake fucking roach. That was actually a great story to, like, walk into the studio, too.

Dude, that one was nuts. But I need other stories like that. Like, we've gone through the Jolly Rancher, obviously poop knife. We've done the Dorito story on Patreon. We've done come omelet. Like, we've done some of the historically crazy. ones on Reddit. So if there's any other ones out there that like should be on my radar, but I've just been escaping me somehow, please comment them and I will make sure we get to them next.

Or I'll save them for a guest I have coming up, the basement yard boys. Okay, but this first one, again, all of these are from Best of Redditor updates today, many of which are from our friend Direct Caterpillar 77. I don't know how they do it. This first one is from them. Okay. It's titled, My 23 female, boyfriend, 24 male, wants to move in with me. I want him to live alone first. Okay. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months.

He lives with his parents, 50s, male and female, and younger brothers, 10, 16, 18. No sisters. Before current events, he was over at my place basically every night. A couple of nights ago, he said that he wants to move in with me, if I'm up for it. I've been to his place more than once, and I've seen how their dynamic works. His mother does everything for all five men in that house. Cooking, cleaning, the works. Basically, all they have to do is put their laundry away after she washes, dries, irons, and folds it.

The reason the parents aren't forcing them to contribute is that this was the parents' agreement. He works. She's a stay-at-home. So she raises the kids and runs the household and he pays for everything. With one of the clauses being that as she's doing everything, there's no need to involve the boys. As a result, my boyfriend cannot do anything. I don't know how much of this is actual cluelessness and how much is him trying to get out of stuff. But he has told me, completely sincere, and I checked this with his mother, that he can't even fry an egg.

Which is why, when my boyfriend suggested moving in together, I said I wanted him to live alone first. So valid. His plan was basically to go straight from his mother's house to my flat. I told him my hesitation, which is that he can't do chores. He then offered to pay more rent, 75% in exchange for me doing all of the chores. I said, no. I don't want to be his mother. or his maid, I want to be his girlfriend.

Right. Then I told him I wanted him to live alone. Go from his mother's house to his own place, figure out how to do all the things he's never done for himself, learn some basic life skills, and then revisit us living together. This has caused a huge argument, biggest we've ever had.

He's taken me saying he has no life skills as an insult, which it kind of was, to be fair. And has basically said that clearly I don't want to live with him at all as I've pushed the moving in time back and have only said we'd revisit after a few months of him living alone. And I did say revisit because I wanted to make sure he actually knew what he was doing and wouldn't immediately switch back to offering more rent for no chores. This was all a couple of nights ago and he has stopped talking

to me. He's at his mom's. He's online. He's talking to mutual friends who have said he is responding. He just won't answer any of my calls or tax. Right. He's told our friends, what happened, and they're all on his side, saying that I was really mean and cruel. Okay. I love him and I do want to live with him eventually. I just don't want to live with him if I'm doing everything. And the one thing I don't want is him pay an extra for me to do all of the housework. Is there some sort of compromise or some option I'm not seen? What can I do to fix this? That guy needs to go learn some life skills. Like, why is that such a bad thing to learn? But also, this relationship is not going to work at all. I don't want to be a partner and contribute in any way to our household. So can I just

pay you? My girlfriend? No. No. Just why? Go learn to do the laundry. It's so easy. It's so easy. Learn how to fry an egg. Also 10 months of being in a relationship and living together, that's crazy. It seems a little quick for me. It seems like he's like, oh, I'm tired of living with my parents. Let me just hop on over and live with my girlfriend and she can take care of me. I know. There's never a mention of age, but it's... I thought it was 23, 24. You're so right. I have listening skills sometimes. Sorry.

Fuck me. So he's 24. He's 24. I mean, it's kind of that time. That's actually, like, that's embarrassing. And also, another red flag is that, and I don't know how he told his friends the story, but the fact that they're all like, yeah, that's fucked up first. You're so mean.

Girl, you don't want to be around these people. He can't make an egg. Yeah. You're not only going to be doing all the chores, you're also going to be, like, cooking for him. Yeah. No. You're... You're... You're... You're... You're... Like, every... You're his mother now. You're waiting on him hand and foot. And that's the other thing. You're just replacing his mom. Yeah. And he gets to sleep with you. Like... Ew. Like, but that's the thing. It's like, you don't get to just, like, skate through life and not contribute. And how nice is it to have your mom do your laundry? So nice. I guess, but like... I would love to not do laundry ever again. I would love to not do laundry ever again. I would love to not clean.

It's not that hard though. You put it in the machine and then you put the soap in. But that's not reality. That's not life. Like you can do your laundry. Also, aren't you embarrassed at 24? Like, I can't wash my laundry. I can't make an egg. If it weren't for my mommy, I would die. No, that's so, that's what I'm saying. Like, it's embarrassing. Why don't you want to learn these life skills? Also, she's going to have so much resentment like continuing down, like as soon as he moves in. Yeah. If he moves in, the relationship is over. There's no way, unless her dream is to be like a housewife.

Yeah. There's no way that's going to work. And some people do want to do that. Like some people... Yeah. It doesn't sound like she wants to. No. And imagine then kids. Like, if this is all he's seen and what's been modeled...

Oh, she's going to have to raise all the kids. You're raising him. You're raising your kids. He is useless. And, like, parents, don't do this to your kids. Like, don't... enable their inadequacy to do basic life skills. Your kids should be cooking with you from the time they're little.

They should be helping with chores from the time they're little. I don't really like to cook, but I figure it out. I hate cooking. There's frozen stuff to buy. You don't have to learn to fry an egg. You just have to learn how to use a microwave. No, I literally the only way I will cook, I started ordering pre-made meals again from like the meal kit services.

That's nice though. And that's easy. And then like, I love getting the kits that are just sent to you. You don't have to think about it. You don't have to grocery shop. Everything is right there ready to go. Because then I don't feel like it's out of my wheelhouse because I just hate it. But you know what I've been making a lot lately? Dense bean salad, aka cowboy caviar, because people were in my Instagram DM. It's literally a bunch of different beans. Ew. What? I love a refried bean. You would be into this. Okay.

Just hear me out. What kind of beans? I'm very particular about my beans. Well, you can pick your beans. We have black beans. I like black beans. Pinto beans. White beans.

Garboanzo beans, a.k.a. chickpeas. Don't like that they have two different names. And then we put in cucumbers. Love cucumber. We put in avocado. Fresh, though. Delicious. Okay.

And then you add some olive oil. A squeeze of a lemon. Okay. Cracked pepper. Red wine vinaigrette. Delicious. And then you take a chicken. chip and you dip.

I guess with a chip, it could be okay. You're not going to, it's the texture. It's like the bean texture for me. Well, the cucumber's out a nice crunch. Same with the chip. The cucumber adds crunch. Yeah. Interesting.

Are you eating soggy cucumbers? No, you know what? My brain, you said cucumber, I saw avocado in my head. I see. I'll make you some. Really good. It's just like, because I'm a grazer and if there's not something readily available, I resort to bad snacks.

Sure. Don't we all? Constantly. And so it's just nice because I grab a chip and I dip and I go about my day. And then you're happy? You have a couple chips. It's really good, good fiber. Colon cancer awareness right there. We need more fiber.

GI docs are like coming out in droves being like, please eat more fiber. Please. Actually, one thing that I'm really good at is eating fiber. Okay. Well, then you can like the beans. You can get on board. Okay. Yeah, no, bean lover right here. Yeah. I would wear a button that says bean lover on it.

I wish you would. I'm trying to make Justin eat it because he needs more fiber. So he doesn't like beans either, is what I'm hearing. He's just like weird. He thinks beans are going to upset his stomach. And I keep making him eat it and then it doesn't upset his stomach. But wouldn't it help maybe? It's not correlating. It hurt your stomach because it's fiber, like when the fiber just makes stuff move. Yeah, he's getting a colonoscopy soon.

Okay. He's getting on there. That's good. He's getting on there. But this one, we do have quite a few comments from O.P. Obviously, people are like, yeah, you're not wrong for wanting him to live alone. Like, that's very reasonable. Someone goes, you don't need to fix anything. Your boyfriend needs to learn to take care of himself, not just expect you to be mommy with benefits. Ew.

I know. I know, but that's... There are couples like that, though. If he's insulted that you said he had no life skills, he should go and get some. How is he not wildly embarrassed to be 24 and not do his own laundry anyways? O.P. says, he says when he was 17 and there was a possibility of him moving away for university, he asked his mom to show him the basics. And she refused because that was her job. So I'd say the parents aren't blameless here. But for the most part, when I say, how can you not

do X, he just shrugs and says, no one ever taught me. Okay, to be fair to him, and it's not an excuse, but at least he asked. When he was 17, at least he asked. He tried. He tried. And if I say he should have learned on his own or found a YouTube tutorial or something, he tells me to stop attacking him because not everyone had to be a self-sufficient as a kid the way that I did. I had the exact opposite of his upbringing where I basically took care of my mom from a young age, which necessarily isn't right. Like, parentification is also very bad. Yeah. But there is a middle ground where your kids do age appropriate tasks. Like, hey, you're going through puberty. Your clothes stink. Wash your clothes. You can start washing your stuff. So they're both at different extremes, which is probably why

he's like taking such offense to it. Yeah. But like, you're 20. Like, there's. You're 20. Like, There's just no reason. It's time. Yeah. Now it's time. It's, we got to do something. Something. I'm not telling you to go change your tires or learn how to change your oil, but like maybe,

maybe just cooking an egg? Yeah, and then also like, washing a sock. What is his plan, though, to live with his parents until he finds a girlfriend to move in with? Like, has he ever planning on living alone? No. No. I mean, I think his mom, I think that's what his mother wants. Yeah.

And that is crazy. I think there must be a nice feeling because like it does make you feel good when like people appreciate you or like it's like they need me. Especially as a mom I like can imagine it would feel really good to like have your kids need you especially even as they're older like my baby still need me. Like who doesn't love to feel needed and appreciate it? Sure, sure. But like at the same time like you're not helping them grow. Yeah. And aren't you tired of washing skid marked underwear?

Four boys? Come on. Yeah. Come on. I don't know. Someone goes, how can I say this? Frying an egg and putting the clothes inside the washing machine, not rocket science. O.P. responds.

What gets me about the it's not rocket science thing is he's literally working towards a PhD in a science subject. He understands rocket science, but can't fry an egg. Okay, so that's good that he's not stupid, but like... But at the same time, someone responds, it's not that he can't. He chooses not to. Yeah, no, for sure. Everyone can do these tasks. And they go on to say, he can fucking Google if it's so complex, but he hasn't. He literally does not want to learn. Someone does, like, break down what it would be. Like, I don't know, let's say your rent is $1,300. This guy thought he could pay $3,000. each month for the luxury of a full-time maid who does all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry,

and home management. That's actually hilarious. Don't give in your 100% making the right call not moving in with a man-child. O.P. responds, 600 pounds. So he'd be paying about 150 extra. So he was going to pay you 150 to essentially be his full-time made? Op. Responds and chef. Exactly. Here's the thing, though. If he wants to pay all the rent, I would consider. We would both be starving. We would both be starving. He wouldn't be getting good meals. No. But like I consider. Maybe a piece of French toast. I can rock French toast. You want me to cook you something.

Oh, sorry, do you hand make your French toast? Yeah. I get the hollabred and I slice it up. Oh, sorry. You talking about the French toast sticks? Yeah. I do like those airfired. That's what I thought you were referring to. Yeah, no.

Because those are still good. I know my way around an air fryer. I'll tell you that much. I know my way around that little gadget. Wait. What are you talking about? Homemade French toast is like luxurious. Yeah.

That's what you're trying to do. I can rock that. I can knock that one out of the park. Okay. I would eat that every day. That is what my kids will be eating every day. French toast. Whoa. I can scramble an egg.

Do I like it? No. No, but am I good at it? Yeah. He hasn't how to fry an egg, everybody can scramble an egg. Right? Yeah. You can't mess that up.

Yeah. Over easy? Little above his pay grade. But scramble? Come on. Pretty easy. Come on. Okay.

So, as I said, we get an update. Oh, okay. And Max has joined us for the update. Say how to Max, everyone. Update. Hi. Cool for dear. You good?

Update. He called me and agreed to talk. He then basically said that he was never going to be willing to learn to do anything and even suggested dividing up the chores and that I do my half and he hire a maid to do his half. Suffice to say this was something of a turnoff and by the end of the conversation, we broke up. Yes. I knew it. I was like, there's no way this is going to last. Yeah, I think they're just on different pages.

The fact that he said there's no way. My compromise is I will hire a maid. What? I'm still going to do all my chores, but then you're going to hire a maid for yours? You can hire a maid for everything. I was going to say if he wants to do it for everybody, sick. Is the word maid? Like, I feel like you're supposed to say like housekeeper.

Housekeeper now. It's like just nicer. Yeah, I've never referred to anyone as a maid, but housekeeper for sure. Housekeeper, yeah. That's crazy. It's just funny that he, like, literally died on that hill. Well, and, like, someone points out, e-ish, girl, it sounds like he feels these tasks are beneath him. Mm-hmm.

And his shitty parents taught him that by never requiring him to do chores. Wow. What is this? The 50s? How did you even date him? Yeah, I want to know what his, like, what are other aspects of his personality? Because they don't seem like they're good. What redeeming qualities does he have?

Please. O.P. responds to that and goes, we were friends first, and I didn't find out until a few months in. Lesson learned, though. I feel like she should have just, like, ended it a few months in. I don't know. Like, you don't know until you know. That's true. Like, 10 months is so... It's not that long, really. It's not that long. Like, Justin had cooked me a meal, definitely by 10 months, but there's a lot you don't necessarily get to. I think... Or see.

Do you think cooking's a requirement? in a relationship? Asking for my own research? I think it depends. Like if you hate cooking, then you hopefully find the yang to your yen and that person loves cooking. However, I still think even if the person loves cooking, they're not going to want to cook every meal all the time.

So it's like you've got to be able to pick up some slack. And hey, if they want to cook every meal every time, then you're washing every dish. I'm a great dishwasher. Yeah. I'll always wash a dish. See, I love the dishwasher. I have moments of greatness where I will have like a breakthrough with my ADHD and I'll just like, I can't stop cleaning, can't stop washing. Love that for you.

But I've really discovered the one pot cooking method. You just cook everything in a pot? You just take out one pot and slowly step by step. You keep adding ingredients and doing things. And I just discovered the most amazing dairy free. It's like this crazy twirly pasta with a coconut cream sauce. and sun-dried, ripened tomatoes, then you put some chicken in there. And it's like, it was the best meal I've had in years.

Delicious. I didn't hate cooking it because I just had to go it in a pot. I'm going to take that recipe from you. I will share it. It's really good. I'm like, found it on Pinterest. Pinterest, however you want to say it. Pinterest.

It's so good. Okay. So good. See, I hate cooking, but it's like you just have to make it attainable and easy. Like you work with what you can and want to do. And that's why I use the microwave. Well, okay. wait,

I'm sorry. You're giving eighth grade home meck class when all they let you use was the microwave. I am. I should only be allowed

to use the microwave. Oh my God, I don't even own a microwave. Well, I had an air fryer and it died on me and I just haven't gotten a new one so I've just been... To start on fire?

No, it just doesn't work. It just turned... It like made its last thing and won't turn back on. It's heartbreaking. I have two air friars. I just need to go get one. If mine wasn't so dirty, I'd be like you can have it. But no, it's okay. I really just need to invest in an air fryer. Because everything would taste so much better if I did that also. I love this one air fryer. It like does everything. Like air fries, toast, bake. Is it like a square thing? Yeah. I don't like those. But I'm glad you like it. It's so easy to get stuff in and out. You should look at the, you'll work. We're going to evaluate a lot of things today. Beans, airfires. It's fine. But happy update. Right. Happy ending. Yeah.

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Just like choosing a carrot cake recipe, if you know, you know, State Farm has options to choose from to help you find the coverage that best fits your needs. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on ratings plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts, and savings, and eligibility vary by state.

Okay, yeah. Moving on to this next one. Gonna get worse before it gets better. Just remember that. Wait, you said this was happy. Well, I just like rearranged momentarily. Okay. This one is titled, Am I the asshole for honestly telling my girlfriend what I would change about her? Probably. I watched a TikTok where a couple asked each other what they would change about each other and they both said nothing.

They're perfect and they love each other very much. As you should. Et cetera. So I thought, let me try this with my girlfriend, without filming, of course. She said, quote, I wouldn't change anything about you. Maybe I would make you less anxious about everyday stuff so you wouldn't suffer. It's true. I tend to be very anxious and obsessive, compulsive sometimes, but I'm dealing with it.

Then she asked me what I would change about her. I told her I would like her to have her old body back. meaning before the pandemic when she was more muscular and a little bit thinner. Also, I told her she could be less hairy in some areas, like her face and arms, and I wish her hair was more cared for. I wouldn't change anything fundamental about her appearance, maybe make her legs a little bit thinner, but all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort. She didn't seem to appreciate my comments. her expression changed and she locked herself in her room without saying anything. We slept on different beds and the next day she told me something very hurtful.

She said, quote, I don't think your appearance is perfect either. There are some issues, but I love you enough not to pester you about them. When I asked her what she meant, she replied that she wished I followed her skin care advice to get rid of my acne and that I would work out with her more. I told her the difference is that I was honest. and she lied. She didn't say anything, but it was obvious

that she had been crying the whole night. She went to her sister's house and hasn't been responding to my messages. So, am I the asshole for being honest? Yeah.

Why would you write this in? Are you stupid? Yeah. Genuinely, yeah. Yeah, she came back at you and said things that she would change because you, like, attacked her. You tore her body to...

Like, shreds. She didn't even lie. She, like, clearly she's happy with who you are. Maybe not now. Why would you think that that's okay? And what war? Also, you know if you're, like, trying something on TikTok. It's already going to go bad.

Yeah, I just don't understand what the point of this was. No. The example that OP saw on TikTok was, like, sweet and loving. Sweet and loving. Like, I wouldn't change anything about you. I love you. And that's what she did. The only thing she would change was just, like,

to make O.P. more happy. Like, I wish you were just, like, a little less anxious because I don't like watching you suffer. Yeah, it was nice. And then he used this as a way to, like, attack her, body shame her. And, like, say stuff he's probably wanted to say for a while, but didn't have a good excuse to say.

This was his excuse. And now he's like, well, it was just a trend. No. I didn't mean it like that. You can't use that as an excuse. He still said it. Like, how does telling someone, I wish you were a little bit thinner, how does that ever, like, come across nicely? No.

Or lovingly. If you just went to the gym, you just need a little bit more effort. You could achieve this easily. I also wish you were less hairy in some areas, like your face and arms. Yeah, what the fuck does that mean? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I have body hair. We need to, like, stop.

Like, if people want to have body hair, let them have body hair. It's not unnatural. Otherwise, our bodies wouldn't have it. Also, are you hairless? Doubt it. Men can shave too. I'm pro men shaving. I like it.

Yeah. Shape your legs. I like watching Olympic swimmers for a reason. I'm just kidding. But they're shaving. Shaved. Shaved. There's nothing.

What? What? What? Also, your face? What do you mean? Your face is hairy? What does that mean? Maybe she's dealing with some PCOS and insulin resistance and she's missed her chin hair days a couple, a couple days.

Like, oh, getting old sucks. This man? Tin hairs I've found lately. Oh, really? Does that happen when you're old? Yeah. And insulin resistance. It's fine. You'll get there someday. Oh, I got gray hairs. I'm like 70% gray.

We all have our burdens to bear. Yeah. But you know what I wouldn't do? Point it out in my partner. I know. It's so, so dumb. All the comments go after him. I'm like, there's just like, what did he expect? Did he delete this post he had to have? I mean, the account has been banned at this point.

Best of Redditor updates is pulling it up from Rare Edit. It's like a way back machine. Okay. That documented Reddit posts before Reddit stopped allowing those to work. Makes life so much harder these days. But, I mean, this is from 2022. I think... How old is this guy?

Did it say? No mention of an age. And I'm double-checking now. Yes. So I got to miss it again. But yeah, no mention of an age. So, I mean, we've been making progress about like body neutrality and how we don't comment on people's bodies. We, like, whatever. But I think it's giving very immature. And even three years ago, I don't think this was normal. No. I don't think so. No. It shouldn't ever have ever been normal to say something like that. No. So yeah, I would say you're the asshole. And the comments did too. Yeah. Verdict. Asshole. One of the top comments, you're the asshole. You saw an opportunity to confront your girlfriend about things you're not attracted to under the guise of, oh, look, how fun and sweet. You tricked her and made her feel like shit. Yeah. Next one down. Yeah, O.P is a massive asshole. Even the way he wrote this up, you can tell he's still trying to convince himself that it was for a TikTok trend. I hope for the girlfriend's sake that she can see what type of person he really is. Would he have said all that if he was actually filming it for a TikTok trend?

I don't know. Because it is interesting he put in here like... Not filming. Without filming, of course. I almost wonder if it's like, well, I wasn't filming it. So it doesn't matter what I said. Because it wasn't going to go anywhere anyways. Right.

Like, I don't know. But then he posted this on Reddit. So it's like he's still incriminating himself. But I genuinely don't think he sees how big of a deal it is. Probably not. I just, if he did, there's no way he would have. post of this. Well, O.P. does, obviously. Give us an update. I cannot wait. I get it. I'm the asshole. Wow. I called and profusely apologized, but she said she would think of my comments every time I look at her,

and it's something that she just can't forget. My girlfriend of four years broke up with me, and now I see why. Thank you all for your comments. Okay. I'm shocked. That's how he handled that. the fact he said I get it, I'm the asshole, like basically being like, I'm wrong. Yeah, crazy. We don't get a lot of those. No, you don't.

We don't get those every day. Yeah, I'm glad. Like, I hope he takes something from this. And like, I do, it's hard because, like, we all want to, like, look out for our partners, but at the same time, you don't want to ever shame them or make them feel insecure. And I think especially, like,

if you're a woman. like a woman and you're getting that feedback of like oh you're a little you've perked up a little bit you're a little plumber like that is going to stick in my head maybe not everyone's but it would stick in mine and it's like I don't even want to be intimate with you like you made me so insecure that like I don't want to be naked in front of you all I'm going to be thinking about is your comments and like how do you move forward with a partner right in an area like my body and you like being intimate with me in my body. Like, it's just like, that is such a vulnerable space and you just made that vulnerable space not safe, not comfortable. Also, what do you do? Also, like, if I've gained

weight, trust me. I know. I know. I will be very well aware, but you pointed it out is just like, ah, fuck, now someone's notice. And now I'm like, that's so much worse. I know. I thought we were to a better time where, like, we really have, like, stopped commenting on people's, bodies and like stuff. No. We haven't. I'll tell you right now. We haven't. The comments I've gotten insane. I just like I don't understand. And I don't know if it's like it's from people like not thinking people are going to see it or hear it. But like someone was like is Morgan pregnant

on like my wedding pictures? No. Thanks. What do you find? And then someone else like on like a dress picture I posted. And I don't even post that much. So it's just like, Why? Why are you doing this? Someone was like, oh, you have a great figure. That dress is ugly. Blah, blah, blah. And it's like, why? Why would you say that?

It's like, I was in my ludial phase. I was bloated as fuck. I go, this was all I was wearing. So just like, also what can I change about it? I'm pictured in it. I took a video in it. I clearly wore it to this fucking event. What can I change about this now?

If you can't change it, hearing a comment about it is just so hurtful. Yeah. do I do about this? And Alejandro said this like years and years ago. It's like if someone can't change something in like 10 to 15 seconds, don't comment on it. If it's like a piece of spinach in their teeth, you should tell them because then they can get it out. If it's, oh, you've gained weight, can they change that in 10 to 15 seconds? No. Okay, let me just go to the gym then. Okay. Like, no. So it's just like be kind. Be kind. And don't do TikTok.

trends on your partner when they never end up going well very rarely yeah unless it's like and there if they go well it's probably pre-planned a lot of those pranks and stuff on tictonography so don't do that no i just like learned about this one prank couple on ticot prank versus prank no sorry that was like 2010 maybe they do pranks i don't know like their content was very like cupily and they all of a sudden announced their divorce and then a girl came out of the woodwork and she was like yeah I'm pregnant with his baby oh wait do you know the name of this chissy and she's just like beautiful seems so sweet like and like they were together i think like 14 16 years like crazy long time it's just super shitty super sad i have not heard of them but i love tea i love drama that's a rabbit hole you'd like to fall down

I'm sure because it had some doozies. Okay, so this next one I have is actually brought to you by State Farm. As a lot of us know, life has a way of throwing big moments at us all at once. Getting married, moving houses, buying a new car, starting a new job. And when you take the time to prepare, like by talking to a State Farm agent, those moments don't just happen. They land the way they're meant to. So as we're going through this next story, I really want us to.

to try to pinpoint the moment that just mattered the most. This is the thing that tipped the scale for our O.P. here and really just made this happen. This is titled, I unwittingly created a family with my next door neighbor. Unwittingly? Unwittingly. Can I get the definition for that? Oh, yes, you certainly can, because it is a big word for Elmo. unwittingly without being aware, unintentionally.

Many users unwittingly expose their personal details to strangers online. Unwittingly. That's a good example. Three years ago, a woman named Cassie, 32 female, and her son, Kenny, 13 male, moved into the apartment next door. They had a few boxes, so I figured, I'd, 31 male, offered a help and get off to a good start. I noticed Kenny had a PS4, so I told him that I game as well, and he was free to come over and play my systems anytime he wanted if his mother allowed it. I have a PS5, switch, a PC, just as an FYI. Since I'm a mechanic, I told Cassie if she had

car trouble, she could come to me any time, since I help out a lot of the other people on the floor with their cars as well. She accepted. I didn't really interact with either Kenny or Cassie, besides a few haze for a couple of weeks initially. But a little more than a month after moving in, Cassie knocked on my door and asked if I could check her car because the engine wasn't turning over. Turns out the spark plugs needed to be changed, which was easy enough to do. Cassie was very thankful for my help and offered to pay, but I told her it was no problem. She invited me to dinner with her and Kenny, and I was hesitant to accept, but she insisted on it.

The next day we had dinner and it was a good time. I learned a lot about her and talked to Kenny more. He's a good kid, really in a game, science, and his guitar. We even all went over to my place for some Mario Kart. From then on, I got really close to Kenny. I viewed him like a little brother. He came over to play my games almost every day. And I even started teaching him about cars. I even brought him to my shop to introduce him to tools. He's a quick study, and he even told Cassie he wants to be a mechanic like me. I told him to aim higher and become an engineer. He is now even looking into engineering programs. I think Cassie really appreciated our relationship.

She became a lot more friendly with me. I got COVID during lockdown, and out of the kindness of her heart, she brought me groceries, cleaned my apartment, and even took care of me. I was totally grateful. She even cooks dinner for me every night. and we all have dinner together. She even makes dinner for me when I work late and then leaves it in my apartment.

The other day, Kenny brought one of his friends over to his apartment. I met the friend and he said, This is O.P. He's like my dad. Not going to lie. That took me by surprise. I always viewed Kenny as my little brother, but here he is saying that I'm like a dad to him.

I asked Cassie about this, and she seemed surprised I even asked. She said that she would never force that role on me, but that he did view me as his father. He even hoped that me and Cassie would get together so that we can be a real family. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Cassie then said she wouldn't mind that either.

I knew it. I asked her if she was asking me out. She just smiled and said yes. I was surprised, but said okay. We have a dinner date this weekend, and I'm nervous as all hell. I don't want to ruin things with Cassie and or Kenny. I really do love both of them,

but I'm not sure how I feel about being the father figure for Kenny. It's a lot of responsibility, and I'm not entirely sure I'm the guy for that. And Cassie, she's a really amazing woman. I just hope I can measure up to her expectations. I'm just asking Reddit, are my worries unfounded? Should I put some boundaries between me and Kenny?

how do I not screw this up with Cassie? He's overthinking. He's overthinking. It's so cute. The thing is, you don't have to change anything that you're doing because it's already there. There's just a label on it now, which is freaking them out. I know. But like, just keep doing what you're doing.

The foundation's there. Yeah, you don't need to change. No, and it started, you didn't have any ulterior motives. No, which is bless. Very rarely in life do you ever. ever, like, as long as O.P. is being truthful, of course, but like, I'm getting reliable narrator here. Yeah. But, like, you don't get, like, especially I can imagine as a seemingly single mom, Kenny's with her full time. You don't hear about a dad. You don't hear about Kenny going to his

dads. She's probably got the weight of the world on her. And it's like, it's hard being a single parent. So to have this guy who's just super neighborly and nice and takes your kid under his wing and you just feel safe. And, like, you have that very very very. You have that very important. You have that village a support system again. Like just, I don't know. Like, obviously there's not a lot of info we're getting, but I can just imagine, like, not having someone start a relationship with you based on wanting to sleep with you and just be a good person. Yeah. And also help with your kid. Sounds pretty freaking nice. That sounds like perfect. Sounds like how it's like supposed to be. I know. I know. So the top comment is it sounds like you were already fulfilling the job requirements

before you were hired. I wouldn't worry about this OP. It sounds like the start of something beautiful. Next person down, quite literally this. You've already been doing all the right things. No reason to worry now. Just keep doing what you've been doing. Someone responds to that and goes,

he's that guy who's very good at doing something until he realizes that he's doing the things he's good at. Suddenly he panics and wonders if he's good enough to do the thing he's already been unknowingly doing. Exactly. Like, don't overthink it. Just don't put the label on it. It's fine. And sometimes, like, putting a label on stuff or, like, overthinking it. It's just like, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

And, like, yeah, okay, you're, now you're dating. There's a little bit different of stakes. They might be a little higher. Yeah, there's like, there's something to lose now. Yeah. But she likes you for you. So just keep being your kind, authentic, genuine self. And if you work, you work. But. This sounds like it was a relationship kind of founded on friendship. So even if maybe you don't work romantically, you would still be friends. You would hope so. Yeah. As long as no one does something terrible. No.

And especially for Kenny's sake now, since he's attached, you want to, you know, help the kid. Keep the kid around. He's so cute. Also, I love the mom's segue being like, I wouldn't mind if you were his father either. What a segue. Someone would throw in a daddy joke here. here like she wants to call him daddy too. You know?

Like that's what it's giving. She do. She does. She's into it. So we get an update 10 days later. And I will add the original post is coming from October 18th, 2022. Okay. So OP said like, oh, she took care of me when I got COVID.

Like, COVID granted, it could have been three months before this post. Like, COVID is around still. I mean, I just talked to someone. who got COVID. People are really getting sick right now. Like flu and cold season and COVID season this year has been crazy. But it also could have been, you know, a year ago, two years ago. Like Cassie moved in three years ago. So it's not like this all happened overnight. This has been three years. This has been three years. COVID then came 2020 it started. So she had already been living there for a year. And then he potentially got sick somewhere in that time span.

A woman doesn't just take care of you for fun if you have COVID. No. No. Like she's... She's been feeling these feelings. She's into it. Before we get into the update on this one, did you guys think of a moment that mattered the most in this story? What changed O.P.'s fate?

What tipped the scale for me, it felt like when he really took Kenny under his wing. But I think the second one that stood out is him fixing Cassie's car because car trouble is beyond strong. stressful, but I would love to see what you guys think in the comments. And thank you State Farm for presenting this story for us, because it is a good one. Big Life moments come with enough change on their own. With State Farm, you can focus on what matters most, knowing you're prepared for whatever comes next, like this update. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. So the update comes 10 days later. Hey all, thanks for all the nice comments on the first post. It's weird being complimented so much, but I guess I like it, L-O-L-O. Don't we all?

I've definitely said that sentence before. Also, this update was originally posted in relationships, but they won't let me post it for whatever reason. People were demanding an update, so here I am. Some things to clarify before the update, people were asking me if I'm actually attracted to Cassie, and the answer is yes. She's one of the strongest, nicest, most considerate people I know. She constantly puts people before herself, and I always wished that someone would put her for once. And did I mention that Cassie is super pretty? I guess I just never thought Cassie would find me attractive or be interested in me that way. Now the update. I was nervous as hell all week leading up to the date on Saturday. During our usual family dinners, Cassie smiled at me a lot more.

I don't think Kenny noticed since he was too busy playing on his phone. Cassie, not so subtly, suggested to Kenny that he'd go spend a weekend with his grandparents. He didn't really want to, but she pretty much pushed him out the door, L.O.L. On Saturday evening, I knocked on Cassie's door, and she opened it up wearing an absolutely beautiful dress. I broke the tension and asked if that dress was for me. She laughed, and we went on our way. The evening was a little awkward at first, but when we were walking to the restaurant, she grabbed my hand and smiled at me, and it sort of got rid of the awkwardness. From there, the evening went amazingly.

We talked, laughed, and had a great dinner. I asked her what made her change her mind about me, and she said it was the previous Christmas. For reference, Cassie is a hardworking single mom, and Kenny has all of his needs met and more. But she can't afford to get him the best, and it really hurts her that she can't. She really wanted to get him a PS5 since he was begging for one.

But she couldn't justify the coffee. Since I have disposable income, I hunted for months, checking stock drops until I finally got one. I then surprised Kenny with it on Christmas and told him it was from his mom. Cassie was shocked and even started crying. Kenny was so excited he didn't even notice her crying. All she could tell me was thank you repeatedly. Apparently, that made her realize that she wanted me in both of their lives forever. She tried to deny her feelings, but it didn't work.

The conversation the other day was the opening she needed to finally confess how she felt. After dinner, we went back to her place for a nightcap. We talked a lot about relationship expectations and how we want to proceed. We agreed to be exclusive, to take it slow, and not to tell Kenny about anything until we're sure that this relationship is real and strong. We don't want to give him unrealistic expectations. She also said that her calling me his dad was too much too soon and she apologized for it. She said it was wishful thinking on her part and probably would have weirded out most people. She said for me to accept any role with Kenny that I wanted, but she hoped that I would

see Kenny as a son eventually. Sorry to disappoint everyone. We didn't do the deed. We decided that it was too much too soon. We did, however, have a buzzed makeout session. L-O-L. The following day, we went for brunch and decided to go apple picking. It felt damn good to be walking hand-in-hand with someone you care about and taking lots of pictures doing silly things. At our family dinner yesterday, Cassie sat close to me and was rubbing her foot on my leg.

I don't think I've ever been more turned on in my life, L-O-L. I'm not going to lie, guys. I think I'm falling for Cassie and falling hard. You're already face-planted on the ground, my guy. You have fell. Like, you have fallen. What? Well, anyways, I think that's it. We're together now and hopefully this last. I don't think I want anyone else. Cassie is everything one could want in a partner. And I hope that I can be worthy of her. She's a really special person. Thanks, everyone. You're all so kind. Wow. That was a good update. And a good story. Overall good. Yeah. I'm taking notes. We have more. Wait, what? Yeah. So this is coming a month and a month. a half later. Are they getting married already? So Opie shares like a baby update in response to someone's not like not case, not pregnant. Okay. I love the word baby and tiny. Okay. Okay. You mean this. Okay.

Yeah. I see. I love the word little. Hey, you little cutie. Like I just, everyone is little for me. So someone goes, just do her already. She's probably very frustrated. Respectfully, another frustrated woman with a clueless guy. Okay. All right. They're like, fuck her. Literally. I'm invested in other reasons for this story, but okay, sure.

Okay. So Opie responds, this was the funniest comment I've read on here so far. Believe me, I'm no Quira boy, and I would love to take Cassie to pound town. Why? Why? Literally. Ew. But I want to respect her.

not just seem like I'm in it for the sex. Taking it slow means not running around like horny teenagers, unfortunately. But I dare say things have been progressing nicely. We cross little milestones almost every day and we're working towards the big ones. Also, it's way too early for the L word, but I don't know how to describe it as anything other than that. Hmm. Since people like our story, I'll give you a small little update. We spend Thanksgiving with her parents. Her mother always liked me. and was our biggest shipper. Right away, she sussed it out. I guess just by the way we were looking at each other

or our energy or something, women are really good at that kind of stuff, L.O.L. Her mom pulled us aside and asked if we were together. We denied it at first, but she just gave us that come on face. We gave in and admitted it. She hugged me and practically squeezed the life out of me, L.O.L. her mom couldn't even hide her smile the rest of the night.

Meanwhile, while me and her dad were talking at dinner, Cassie was not so subtly rubbing her feet up and down my legs, causing me to stutter a couple times. Her dad asked me if I was all right. I just said I had bad heartburn. Honestly, I feel like I'm a damn high schooler again. This is all so new, dangerous and exciting, like it's almost forbidden in a way. As for Kenny, little man doesn't. suspect a thing, I think. We've been restoring a car together, and that's been keeping his mind

occupied. Plus, he's too busy chasing his own crushes. Oh, cute. And then... I felt like there was more. I could just feel... I could just sense that there was another update. This update is coming April 29th, 2024. 18 months later. They're married. They're married for sure. They have a kid on the way. The Post is titled, because this was Post. posted in True Off My Chest. And the post is titled, My Girlfriend Just Sent Me Roses to My Workplace and I don't know what to do with myself. Okay, in the break room at work and I'm grinning like an idiot and I don't know what to do with my hands, so I'm typing this out to get rid of all of this nervous energy. I work as a mechanic and my boss called me over to the office.

I thought I fucked up somehow, but he had a big ass bouquet of roses on his desk. He told me, this is for you. I was like, what the fuck? But I read the card attached to it and it said, quote, just because love girlfriend. My boss laughed at me and told me that I had a good one and to not fuck it up, L.O.L. He did say he'd have to give me shit for it, but he's happy for me. Sure enough, the boys on the floor ripped me to shreds once they heard about it. But I didn't care. I was floating, L.O.L. They're just jealous. Now I'm on my break and I can't stop thinking about how much this completely caught me off guard. Can someone please talk me down from going out and buying her a ring after work? L.O.L. I'm shocked he hasn't already. Do it. Yeah. Do it. Why not? Do it. Prove it.

Do it. Top comment. Ah, so sweet. Not going to stop you, L.O.L. If they already talked about marriage being a possibility, absolutely go for it. If not, maybe check with her first how she's feeling on the matter. The proposal itself can be a surprise, but marriage shouldn't be. That was 2024. That was 2024. So someone goes, found her account, L.O.L. Oh.

And then everyone in the comments is like, for the love of God, tell us her username. Link, please send the link. They never share it. So if we have some sluice out there. They just wanted attention. They didn't find it. They just wanted people Yeah, what the hell?

Whatever. O.P. does clarify that like the guys are happy for him. They're just kind of busting his chops. That's just mechanic vibes. Yeah, and they know very well who she is because she delights in embarrassing me at work. Sometimes she randomly pops in and drop me off lunch and won't leave until I give her a kiss.

And I'm not talking a peck on the cheek either. Whoa. Someone responds. Getting ripped by the board. is a seal of approval. I feel like, yeah. Yeah. So I'm not seeing any comments and, like, I'm trying to be like, I bought my boyfriend flowers.

I'm, like, trying to, like, really sleuth. Yeah. Not seeing any things. But we have talked about this on the podcast before. Like, I don't care who it is. Like, go buy a guy in your life flowers. Like, we read a story. story. I don't remember exactly what it was, but someone was like men, guys, boys, whatever,

don't get flowers really at all in life. The one time is their funeral. Damn. And they're dead. They can't appreciate it. They don't know they got them. So as a little feel good moment this week, take an opportunity to go buy a guy in your life, some flowers. That could be cute. It would be adorable. Should I bring my guy friend flowers at dinner tomorrow? Absolutely. Should I do that in honor of the story? Yes, if you don't, I'm going to be pissed.

Yeah, say less. You need to now. Well, now I feel like I have to. You have to, absolutely. Go to Trader Joe's. They've got great cheap flowers. Yeah. Most grocery stores do.

Unless it's a boozy grocery store, then it's like, the arrangement prices are crazy. No, Trader Joe's has great flowers. No need for more. Okay, so O.P. does have an edit. on that post. Okay. Hey everyone, I'm finally off to work and I'm still really flustered, but I think I've calmed down, L.OL. I don't think I'm going to get her a ring today. But I have to do something. Problem is, I don't know what. She deserves absolutely everything, but I can't think of anything that would equal this. I do have an idea of taking her on a last-minute romantic getaway this

weekend. Also, to everyone asking, yes, the woman in my story is Cassie from my previous posts. Oh, that's confirmation. Yeah. Yeah, so just so we know, it is, they're still together. Okay, yeah, that would have been crazy if he was like, this is a brand new woman. Oh, I would have been wrecked. I would have been wrecked. I would have been like, there's no hope. That would have been fucked up.

Love isn't real. Yeah. And then we get another update. Okay. After that post. It's a month later. So this is from May 20th, 2024. Okay.

So this May. we're like nine months. Nine months after. It's 206. Oh my God. It's okay. So this is like a year. A year in nine months.

I know it's tough. No, no. It's just this year. I'm not right. I keep calling Justin's piano. I keep calling it a computer. I keep like. Okay, that one's crazy.

I'm like I'm literally going to go get a brain scan because I'm like, what's up? It's just tough. The words are all jumbled. Yeah, but I'm 31, about to be 32. It shouldn't be this hard to talk. Oh, no, I still feel that. Okay. Update. Hey, well, I have good news for you. After that little stunt Cassie pulled, I decided that I really needed to stop waiting and make Cassie an honest woman. Period.

I was waiting until we had closed on a house, but I realized that was just an excuse. So I had a secret discussion with her parents, and when I told them that I plan on proposing to her, her mother practically jumped through the roof, L.O.L. She then immediately went into planning mode about the best way to propose to her and what kind of rings she wants, all of that stuff. Honestly, I don't know who's more excited. Me or her, L.O.L. The most hilarious thing about this is that Cassie saw how giddy I was

after the roses and she was happy I liked them. But she had to calm me down and told me not to do anything stupid, I did end up planning a very nice weekend away over Memorial Day weekend, just the two of us at a lakehouse. I don't know exactly when or where I'll propose. But I guess if people want it, all update. There better be an update. That's it. That's what we get. That's all we get. So in order for us to get a further update, I think we all need to go message opi on Reddit. The top comment, though, on Boru. just says my head canon is that they got so busy planning the proposal, wedding, the rest of their happy lives that they forgot about Reddit. I hope so. That's as they should. They're 100% they're married. They're living in a nice new house with little Kenny.

It's what, a year nine, I don't know what the matter is. A year nine months. Okay. We have a lot of update that we can cover here. I know. I feel like they're married. O.P. I need you, I need you to come back in.

Just like let us know. I know. Just a quick one. Just let me know that I'm right. Just, yeah. Just nice. Nice. And, you know, whatever. I mean, they are a part of the three-year club on Reddit now. I'm going to literally send him a chat right now. I was like, hi, O.P. Just like, let me know where you're at. Sent. Do you think he'll? I'm just going to say a little prayer.

Say a little prayer for you. That was good. Somewhere in there. For me. For me. For us. For all of us. Oh my God, my feet are out. But I feel like it's got to be happy. I mean, clearly in love, she's sending this guy flowers at work. I mean, I guess there's a chance he, like, logged off because it was bad, but I'm not going to put that into the universe. Hell no.

I don't think that's the case. It seems like it's a happy ending theme. That was happy. Cut what I just said. Don't ruin it for us. Cut that. No. I think like, I think that is true.

When life is just like so good, you do kind of forget about like, you do kind of forget about like, innocuous things. Yeah, he's living his best life. He is. He's confident in himself now. He don't need Reddit no more. He don't need Reddit no more. Bye. Hey, but we can never forget where we started. So update us. Yeah. That's what we're saying. Come back in. Just let us know you're happy. Just confirm it. That's all we're asking. Just like a little update. That was cute. It was adorable. The next one, I don't know. Perfect. We're going to move along to this one. And since O.P. was a mechanic. We're going to have like a little one about a car. Okay. Yeah. All right. Okay. So this is coming from Am I the Asshole? Perfect.

Three years old now. It is titled, Am I the asshole for telling my girlfriend, the way she talks about her car is weird and embarrassing? Is this a boyfriend or a girlfriend? I 25. No mention. Whoa. I 25 have been dating my girlfriend 23 for about nine months now. When she turned 21, her parents gave her a car and she decided to name it Angie. I learned all of this on our first date when she said, quote, Angie took me here. I thought that was odd, but let it slide. Throughout our relationship, she's always talked about her car as if she's talking about another person. When she got a flat tire on the highway a few months back, she called me and said that Angie's shoe broke and has to get a new one. When she goes to the car wash, she describes it as giving Angie a bath. Yeah. This all came to head this weekend. When me and my friends went out

drinking and my girlfriend offered to be the designated driver. We were out for a couple of hours, and I admittedly got a bit too drunk. When my girlfriend came to pick us up, she said she's stopping at the gas station first, quote, to get Angie something to drink. This, this is a This is where I may be the asshole. I told her I think it's weird and embarrassing of her to talk about her car like that. It's a machine, not a pet or a kid, and that she should treat it like how a normal person would treat any machine. What does that mean? She got very quiet and refused to say anything for the rest of their drive home.

She dropped off my friends and then drove to my. apartment. I asked her why we weren't going back to hers, and she said that she needed some time to think and told me to get out. She's been radio silence since then, and I'm starting to think I did something wrong. Am I the asshole for what I said? Yeah, homie needs to get a sense of humor. Angie? It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's cute. It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's cute. It's... like think about people that work in their cars and they're driving their cars all day, every day. Like, they're home on wheels.

Like, God forbid, they want to personalize it a little bit and be like, ah, old Bessie. Good job today. Didn't blow a wheel. It's like so not that deep. And like, yeah, I think they just don't mesh personality-wise at that point because it's like, also you need to treat the machine the way you treat all machines. What does that mean? What does that even mean?

It's like me. Like, I say thank you. to my Siri. Yeah, I've heard you do that. It's funny. And it's like, you know, it's like, but like Justin's like, fuck Siri. Like, he just can't get with Siri. Yeah. But I'm like, mine is so nice. Like, he helps me find my phone when I lose it 20 times a day. Sure. So I don't know. Like I think some people just look at things so impersonally or coldly. But that energy, like you need to treat it like a machine. Yeah. It is what it is. That almost gives the same as like you're being too nice to your dog.

It's an animal. And I know it's somewhat different, right? Like, okay, it's a car versus a dog. But like lack of empathy for like, I know it's a car, but like her feelings towards the car at least. People love their car. People don't want to get rid of their cars sometimes. Like it hurts people to like get rid of their first cars.

I know. And it was a gift like from her parents. Like it's very meaningful. Yeah. I think like as long as she's not going underneath the car and like, having sex with it? Like, I think we're fine. Yeah. Because people do do that. Have you seen that show? Yeah. There was a guy that was in love with his little red car. It's like a Corvette or something or Mustang. I don't even know. Yeah. You would go under it and sleep like you would fuck it. Oh yeah. No, I know some people are into that. I saw an update on him actually quite recently. Is he still doing it?

So that car got in a car accident. It's totaled. He has a new car. So he moved on. He has a relationship with that. That one. So he was just ready to fall in love with whatever car came to him. Yeah, he likes four wheels on his women. Hell yeah. Good for him. But like, I don't know. Like, let people live as long as they're not hurting anyone. I think, like, I think it just gives him the ick.

It gives him the ick. He didn't know how to handle the fact that he's getting the ick from it. Yeah. And if that is giving you the ick, that's just not your person. Because it's just not that deep. No, I think it's cute. I don't know. It's not that serious for me.

It's like, yeah, whatever. It's not hurting you. You know who Angie is. It's not like you're like, who the fuck is Angie? You know Angie's the car. And you literally like hurt her feelings when she's doing you a favor. Like she was the designated driver and was driving you and your friends all over town. But that's what it was.

She said it in front of his friends. That gave him the ick. He was embarrassed by it. And then he confronted. Then he like, he's like, oh, I don't want any part of this Angie business in front of his friends. I'm trying to think of what, like, boys do that's just like embarrassing and they just do it all the time and it's like spit i hate when they spit i can't stand people chewing tobacco and the little no they just they just they're not even

chewing tobacco they just spit what is up with that i don't know i'm gonna think of something but like it's just there's some boys that call their car's names too well that's why i was i was like i feel like every boy names their car am i wrong um i need to i'm i need to i'm I'm going to text Justin, be like, does your car have a name? I've never asked him. I feel like you'd know if his car had a name. Like, it might have a name, but he doesn't refer to it as its name. I know. I'm gonna, who else has a car? I'm gonna, who has a car? Does your car have a name? I will say my car does not have a name. Mine doesn't either. But I'm just like... My old one did. It was Finn because it was this like baby blue little thing. Oh, cute. Baby blue kind of gave dolphin. I had a little dolphin plastic that sat up on top. Was that your first car? No. Okay. Did you name your first car? Well, my first car blew an engine pretty quickly after getting it.

So... It didn't have time. We didn't bond. You didn't bond like that. We didn't bond like that. Was Finn your second car? Yeah. Okay.

No. Finn was my third car. I had a lot... So, I was very poor in high school. Mm-hmm. So, like, my first car cost, like, I think it was like $1,200. And so that's why we literally bought it in the engine blue. And then I drove my mom's minivan.

so it wasn't my car. I couldn't name that. And then I got another car, but this car, like, it would smoke off oil, like, it had oil leaks. So, like, it wasn't getting too attached because it did start on fire because it was kind of smoky. I think I might have called it smoky maybe. So then I got that and then we got rid of that because it broke. And then I drove my mom's, like SUV for a while. That thing leaked gas. That thing smelled like gas, but it wasn't mine. So I didn't name that. And then I got Finn finally. Okay, so you named the first car that you actually, like got attached to. I sold one of my horses to buy that car because I wanted a car that worked. You couldn't like ride your horses around town like that? No. Oh, that would have been cool.

If only. It would take me a lot longer to get places. Not the gallop. You can't run. It's not like red dead red whatever redemption. Red dead dead dead red. You know I don't watch things. It's a game. Oh. It's very popular. They ride horses around. No, they don't gallop endlessly in real life. Oh, that'd be cool, though. And I don't think you can take a horse on a highway, so that probably wouldn't work either. No, God. No. I think it barely walked down the road.

When I horse it, do I have to take your horses on walks? Can I ride them? Okay. No. I wouldn't know that was such a joke. I mean, I'll go riding with you. No, I'm... I'll walk them.

That's fine. He's a smarty as a baby. He's a little wild. Oh, no, I would never. Back to this one, though. And the cars and naming your car, maybe we'll do a poll on this one and just be like, how many of you guys have named your car. And if you haven't named your car, do it the next time you're in them. Like, is your car, does your car have a gender?

Like, what pronouns does your car prefer? Like, what are we feeling? I feel like it's, I've had my car for too long to, like, do that. Your car, if I was going to give your car something, though, your car gives, like, Definitely boy. I think my car gives boy. My car's for sure a boy. Your car, I feel like would be like Kianu. It's kind of like, kind of mysterious. Yeah, I like it. Keanu. Kianu. Yeah. You think about it though. Well, maybe we'll just go with that. Okay. Give your car name. Okay, but look for the poll. I'll try to remember. I'm a little frazzled lately. Top comment, though, with 33,000 upvotes.

Okay. I asked Sasha, since she's my car, and would have a better perspective on this. She said, you're the asshole. Wait, that was so good. I love Reddit. Sasa. Sasa. Sasa! Sasha also said cars need gas because they're hungry, not thirsty.

She thought it was important for everyone to know. Yes. Wow. I told her about all of the cars, trucks, SUVs, RVs, hybrid scooters, vans, and a few laptops that responded. And I think it made her blush because she's looking a little more shiny than usual. I think that was an edit. Everyone responded, you are so right. And unfortunately, babies like Sasha and Angie need to be fed with real gas. Formula won't do it. My pickup, Tilly agrees, but she's on a diesel-only diet. Mm-hmm. Merv prefers premium and makes his demands known. I told him he's stuck on regular until he pays for it himself. This is so funny. Everyone's like responding as their car. My entire family names all of our cars Moosey.

Moosey is a better friend than some of my human ones. Cars, don't talk shit about you. No, they don't. They allow you to cry in them safely, in peace. Favorite part about the car? They don't judge you. No. They drive your ass around to get food, like a piece of Texas toast from raisin canes.

Delicious. I'm getting a piece of toast after this. I'm going to get a piece of toast. Just the toast. Just the toast. What? Butter both sides. I love a car.

Yeah. I love a car. Well, I wish that the big three automotive industry wouldn't have fucked us up. Sure. The Tucker would have made it into modern day distribution because by this point we'd have cars that run on salt water. or some cool shit. Desalalinization. Why can't the car run on salt water and desalinize as it goes? I get it. Salt engines. Uh, you take the salt out of the water. Desalinization.

Oh. Hydrogen cars. Why are we not there yet? I don't know. I don't know. See, I'm pro bus, but like... I love the bus, but we don't have... It's not great. I only will take it down one road, to be fair. But if I could take it everywhere, I would. I used to take the bus. I used to take the bus. every day to work. Really? Yeah, when I was working at UCLA at the hospital there. Really?

Loved the bus. It's great. Could just relax. You don't have to do anything, too. I could be on my phone. We're talking about being driven around. Shoford. And it's a dollar?

75. That's why I love New York and like public transportation cities, London, Paris. They've got a pretty good metro. I wish I could get rid of my car. That'd be. Kianu?

Yeah, sorry. God, you just named him? He just got named him. And I'm like, get him out of here. Cheese, man. Don't do Keanu like that. No, I want. I'm keeping him.

Don't you worry. Okay, cool. So we do get a bit of an update. Update. I can't wait to see what this person has to say. Do you want to bet? Do you want to, like, take any guesses? I feel like the comments were, like, roasting them enough that I don't think they're going to be like, I was wrong.

I feel like they're going to double down. There's one more comment I'd want to read. Okay, okay. 16K up votes. Okay. Jeez, you're the asshole. Just let your girlfriend enjoy her relationship with Angie. Are you jealous?

Which kind of was giving that. People did, yeah, people popped off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The overall vote was asshole. Sure, yeah. Update. Well, she dumped me. Right.

She found the post, called me and told me to never speak to her again. I guess it's for the best, though. we really wouldn't have been that compatible, as many of you have said. Mm-hmm. Thank you for your judgments. Okay. I like it. Again, didn't admit that they were wrong, but like accepted their fate.

Yes. Yes, I appreciate that. No fighting. No fighting. No fighting. I'm the asshole. Here it is. And I think that's the thing. I think they just weren't compatible.

Because they don't have a sense of humor. No. Sorry. And I think like you look at a lot of these stories on Reddit, and I know it's hard. Like it is so hard being in a relationship, growing a friendship with someone, loving them, building a life with them. And then you get to this point where it's like, oh, we're not compatible, but like I'm going to fight to make it work. I think it's tough. Unfortunately, I might be unemployed.

But there would be a lot less stories if people just were like, at the end of the day, are we compatible or are we trying to fit around? peg in a square hole. You know what I mean? It's tough though because it's like you do like the person, you do care about the person. For sure. And hard to differentiate the two. And relationships also can come with certain sacrifices or changes. But I thought he was going to bump his head on the camera.

The dog is doing downward dog pose. He's like literally doing yoga under the camera. Don't you move that camera, buddy. So funny. I'm like, I had to get a picture of it. He was, like, sniffing it. I know. And he's stopped with the yoga now, which is really sad because it was...

He always be doing that downward dog, too. I don't even remember what I was going to say. Compatibility. Oh, just... Yeah. Just, like, think about it more. Yeah. Because, like, yeah, you can make sacrifices and compromise and whatever, but you shouldn't

be, like, fundamentally changing yourself. Yeah. Your sense of humor. That's such a silly thing to be, like, in a fight about. That shouldn't be a fight. No. That's, yeah. No one did anything wrong.

So like, why are we fighting? I know. I agree. Silly and let people live. Let people live. Like, if it doesn't affect you or obviously have some nuance when I say this. But like, if it doesn't affect you, why do you care? Like, this goes about so many fucking things in life.

Like, genuinely, people need to stop impeding on other people's abilities to live and just mind their own fucking business. I think it's because people want to have a problem and when they don't have problems, they go find a problem. Get a fucking hobby. Literally. Go join like a knitting club or a bingo group. Not bingo. I'm sorry. Because it's probably fun. I love bingo. Oh, okay. We are just battling today. What the hell? Fighting. Just, I don't know, do something. Go read a book. I see. saw the mayor of New York just announced like New Yorkers you can read heated rivalry or listen for free to stay out of the snowstorm and I'm like there we go there we go I haven't read a book in like a year or so I'm starting good job I'm literally wearing my heated rivalry shirt I know you're so hockeyed out yeah it's a good show okay no but I get the hockey hype I was like you should have seen me at my first hockey game yeah I didn't realize it was a I was like the lights. I was mesmerized. It was so cool. Hockey is amazing. I think I just want the hockey

culture and community, the guys, to be nicer, be more inclusive because hockey is a really cool sport, but we also have professional women's hockey now. And if you want to support the gals and also be thoroughly entertained and watch good hockey. I'm so down for women's hockey. There's that too. But yeah, I think hockey is getting a bit of a culture wake-up call right now with the heated rivalry success, and I hope it's for the better. Me too. I'm excited. excited to see where it goes. Hi. Do you want to say hi? Come on. Come on. He might. Come on. He said, I have to ask my mom for permission first. I'm going to bark at you. Did you hear him huffing and puffing earlier? Yeah. He didn't like someone out that door.

He's ready to be protective. You know, I think... At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan, live well for life.

Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. He would be protective of this next one too. Let me hear it. Yeah. I'm not going to read this one because I just think now that there's a dog in the studio, I think it's a little bit too triggering, even though it did have a happy ending. Oh. Are you sure?

Rover said or lost my dog. I used to Rover. It does have a happy ending, though, so it's fine. This one, I think, is better. Okay. This is a doozy of one. it's coming from our slash relationship advice. Okay.

Seven years old. Ooh. Titled, my girlfriend, 23 female, is threatening to break up with me over a prank that I, 24 male, pulled on her and her family. All right. Here we go. This past weekend was the big camping trip that my girlfriend would be taking with her and her family. It would consist of her parents, her younger sister, her aunt and uncle, and her. her three cousins, and it was a big family trip that was being planned for cooler weather.

My girlfriend told me all about where they would be camping, and I decided to take advantage of that knowledge. I don't like the way that was said. I visited my girlfriend's house to say goodbye to her and wish her a fun trip, and when they all took off in their cars, I got in my car and drove to the campsite that they would be staying at. I know the area pretty well, and I was able to find a spot to hide my car from view, and I was able to navigate the woods and keep an eye on them while remaining hidden from view. When it came to nighttime, I put on a Chewbacca costume and ruffled it up a little to make it look wild and untamed. While the family was gathered around the campfire, I started to rustle the bushes. The family noticed, but they didn't think much of it. Then I started to make

growling noises. The family was getting noticeably freaked out and then my girlfriend's uncle started to walk towards where I was hiding. As soon as he got close enough, I jumped out from behind the bushes and started making roaring noises

while running around acting like a big foot. Okay. I shook their tent. What a weird? I threw their lawn chairs around and chased after. some of the cousins. I heard my girlfriend's dad yell, get the gun. And that's when I knew I had to end the break. I took off the costume, revealed myself, and the entire family was pissed. Yeah.

What the fuck would you do that? Long story short, I got yelled at by almost all of her family, and the noise attracted the campsite manager who kicked me out after hearing what happened. Today, I heard back from my girlfriend for the first time since the break, and she said that she's seriously considering breaking up with me. I wouldn't even consider it. I just ended there. Done. You would have left single.

She just said that she needs some time to think and that she'll let me know when she's made her decision. Now, I'm just left wondering what I do. I'm thinking that I need to pull off a major apology, and I need some advice on what to say to save this relationship. you're just going to have I don't think you can save it but you're just going to have to be like

I'm stupid I don't know why I did that I don't know what that was what was my brain thinking you were shaking their tents throwing their chairs around like you created such chaos that they're

running around to get like a hunting rifle like thinking this is like genuinely big foot or just some creep and it was just some creep in the one. See, I believe in Bigfoot, so this would have really freaked

me out. I could have pissed my band. I would have like... It's some animal or something, you don't know. I mean, Chewbacca, like, if you're, like, sitting around a campfire in the dark, your eyes are not adjusted very well,

like something comes at you. You're already on edge, too. He ruffled it up. Yeah. You're on edge. Like, no, this is like, fighter, late, man, and I'm, it's not going to go well. Also, like, who was laughing? Were you laughing when you were doing this? It couldn't have been that funny. No, he's screaming like a bear. Yeah, you're stupid. You filmed it? Like, what was the point of it? It's so dumb. I don't know if you can save this. I think the only way you could is, like, you go over to her, her family's house and apologize to everyone. Like, genuinely. Genuinely. Like, I'm so sorry. You got. You guys. I'm so sorry. You got. I thought this would be a funny big foot crank

and I realized I took it a little too far And I think you should do that regardless Yeah Even if she does still dump you Yeah It's probably the right thing to do Yeah Jeez

I'm just like I just don't understand where the idea came from I don't know So like seven years ago Was TikTok even around then? They meant the parents yet also Like did you know these people Or was this your first in?

I mean, he went over to the girlfriend's house to say goodbye and wish her fun. And then, like, so he saw them all there. Like, it sounds like, sounds like he knows the family a bit. I don't know. Still weird. Super weird. Top comment says, frankly, you are lucky you're not dead. Truly. Consider yourself lucky if all she does is break up with you. Oh my gosh. This would be one of those things where you, like, you're trying to go to sleep and then you have the thought of like, why did I do? this like for the rest of your life. It's going to be an embarrassing nighttime thought. Someone else comments, that's pretty bad, but at least you didn't pretend not to know what a potato is. And that was another story. I don't know if we've read the potato one on here. I've seen it. Did we read the potato one? We have read one story about a potato. Am I the asshole for taking potatoes off of a guy's plate at a wedding? Hmm. I. I. I don't know if we have read the potato one.

The potato story. We did have one about shitfisting a potato on Patreon. All right. Well, that's intense. That was June of 2023's full bonus episode. Lovely. Don't remember what it's about. Proceed with caution.

I apparently read it right after I read the Jolly Rancher story. So, um... Oh, I don't think I remember the first Jolly Rancher reading. I don't think you're going to want to read that one. Oh, it's in line. I mean, I'm sure it is in line with the Jolly Rancher story. Yeah, so I don't know if we've read the potato one, but maybe we'll, if you guys want it, let me know. It's a funny one.

This guy basically just like pretends like he's never had a potato. It doesn't know what it is, and he's doing it at dinner with his girlfriend's parents. It's just a bit. And it's like, yeah, it's a bit. Okay. Cool. Funny bit. Like, what?

So, yeah, don't pretend that you don't know what a potato is. Or don't pretend to be Bigfoot either. Don't pretend to be Bigfoot. But he did and we do get an update. Perfect. I'm honestly really embarrassed and humiliated about this update. I almost considered not even posting it, but I feel the need to vent and express my frustrations on some way.

So here it is. I really hope you don't think too badly of me and you understand what I'm going through after last night. It's too late, homie. Last night my girlfriend's family was holding a barbecue in their backyard, and my girlfriend was able to talk her dad into inviting me. He was originally against the idea of me coming, but he was willing to let me come so long as the first thing I do is offer a genuine apology for the prank that I pulled on all of them. Shouldn't you have done that, like, before, whatever. O.P. My guy.

Is it like genuine, though, if you're being forced to do it to get the invite? That's debatable. Mm-hmm. I arrived in their backyard and everyone that I pranked at the campsite was sitting at a table and they were all clearly waiting for me to arrive. I sat down next to my girlfriend and I began my apology. I stated that my prank was ill-timed, immature, and thoughtless and I apologized for ruining their camping trip that they had apparently been planning for some time. I tried to make it as genuine and sincere as possible and when I was done, I waited for some type of response. There

was a really long, awkward silence as the whole family just stared at me. Then the uncle whispered something in the dad's ear, and they both burst out laughing, but I couldn't make out what he said. The dad then said he didn't accept my apology, and then he told me to leave. He planned that. My initial response was a very loud, what the fuck? And that made things worse. Well, yeah. My girlfriend's dad kept telling me to leave and I lost my temper. I swiped an empty plastic cup off of the table and said to the family, Fine, fuck all of you, while flipping them off with both middle fingers. As I was leaving the backyard, my girlfriend caught up to me and said that she was breaking up with me.

She said that I was too immature and impulsive and she said that she wants me to leave her and her family alone. I tried apologizing to her profusely. It's too late. I kept saying, babe, I'm sorry, just give me another chance. And I promise I'll be good. I promise. I kept saying this over and over. But she said that she's given me millions of chances and that she can't fix me. She then walked off and I did something that made things even worse. I yelled at her, calling her a bitch. And then I started kicking and punching their wooden fence that separates their front and backyard. I knocked down a part of the fence. And then I left. All of that happened last night, and I feel like shit. Part of me wants to just give up on her and move on. You should. But I also want to prove to her that I'm capable of changing. I want to promise her no more pranks, along with trying to control my temper. What do you think I should do? Except that she broke up with you and be better for your future partner. Second update. No.

Long story short, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and her family last night. She's now my ex-girlfriend, and I lashed out and broke down part of their wooden fence that separates their back-in front yard. Her father hasn't contacted me about it, but I'm worried he's going to come after me eventually. What kind of trouble can I get in? This was posted in R-slash legal advice. I don't, I mean, I have no idea. You could be sued for damages. Yeah.

Easily. That's a small claims court kind of thing. Which. Fences are expensive. I believe that. They are shockingly expensive. But considering what all he's done, and they probably will do something about it. Oh, yeah.

Man, at first, I was going to be like, because it does sound like the family planned, the like, they were never going to accept the apology. No. So at first I was like, damn, kind of feel, I have some empathy for him. But his reaction just like ruined everything. If he had just like accepted the defeat and been like,

dang, I don't know what to do about this. I would have felt so differently, but like you just like escalated it, way further than it needed to be. So much further, like, that could have been another test. That could have been like, not that you should test people. Not that you should test people, but that could have been like, eh, we don't accept your apology, please leave. And then if you quietly got up to leave and then dad was like, just kidding, buddy, come here. Like, I could have seen it go like that. Not necessarily right. They should have just said, we accept. Well, but maybe.

You don't have to accept someone's apology, though. And that's true. And that's just life. Maybe they genuinely didn't. Maybe it was actually a shitty apology. That's true because we're also hearing it from his perspective and he doesn't sound like the most reliable. No. And so maybe they just don't fuck with them anymore. And they probably don't. Yeah, they definitely don't. And he just proved on his way out why. You're immature, impulsive, hot-headed, you're 24 going on 12. You need to grow the fuck up and go to anger management and work on your executive functioning because it is seriously lacking. You can't go and punch and break down a fence because you didn't get what you wanted. Can you imagine how embarrassing you look?

It just keeps getting more and more embarrassing. And hit a wooden fence? Bro. You look pathetic. Because they didn't accept your apology? Give me another chance, babe. It's too late. It's too late.

As you're beating the fence up? Right. The fact that she even like... That feels safe. Almost gave you another chance. I guess she was giving him another. chance. And you, everything you did was your own choice. Like, you did this to yourself. Like, you have no one to be upset with but you. And we just keep on going. There's more? There's more.

You got to stop while you're ahead. I know. People got to learn to stop. They don't. They never do. Third update. I'd rather not go in a detail on this post, but the reason for the breakup is on my profile and can be read there on another post. Simply put, I can't stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend. I can barely eat, sleep, or do anything that used to make me happy. Last night, I watched my first ever hockey game and was excited about that a few months ago. But now, I don't even care. I spent the whole game thinking about my ex and how she broke up with me. She's all I think about right now, and I feel like putting in one last effort in making her see that I'm a better man. No, you're not. What should I say to her? You haven't done any of the work yet.

What can I do to get her to come back to me? Fourth up to him. For those who may or may not know, my girlfriend broke up with me because I pranged her and her family by dressing up as Bigfoot and ruining their camping trip. But I think that since some time has passed, my girlfriend might be of a cooler head and I was thinking of trying to win her back

in a clever little way that involves the Bigfoot theme. Oh, no. My idea is to dress up as Bigfoot again, but not to scare anyone. I'm going to dress up, go into her backyard with an old stereo or CD player that still works, and play Sari by Buck Cherry. I'll play it loud enough for her to hear, and I'm hoping she'll accept it and see it as a cute apology. Can we do that without dressing up as Bigfoot?

Like, why do we need to dress up? And maybe in the front yard where you don't have to break past the wooden fence you beat up. That you destroyed? He doesn't have to break past anything because he already broke it down. I know it sounds a little cliche, the whole stereo outside the window thing, but I'm hoping that the Bigfoot costume might be a new little twist on it. And it'll be my way of apologizing for the Bigfoot prank. What do you think?

Don't do that. You're going to get arrested for trespassing. Fifth update. After reading through some of the responses from yesterday, I decided to just go for it and get it over with. There's no way people were telling him, yeah, man, that's the move. Who? I'm literally going to go look at what the comments are just to be like, who? Yeah, who said that? Who encouraged this? I mean, it's coming from relationship advice. Maybe they didn't read the original post. Like, they have no idea how, like, messed up things were.

Top comment. One does not apologize for dressing up as Bigfoot by dressing up as Bigfoot. Yeah, who's telling you to do this? Don't do it. No one told him to do this. People go, honestly, I really think that you need to move on and leave her beat. It's as simple as that. Next comment. Jesus Christ, you're an idiot. Next comment, leave her alone. Next comment, all caps. Leave her alone.

You're right, guys. I'm just going to get it over with and go do it. Someone here is clearly kidding, and they go, the only way to apologize for dressing up as Bigfoot is to dress up as Littlefoot. There are some awesome dinosaur costumes this year. It's good. No one said, go dress up as Bigfoot and do this. That's so funny.

But clearly we have some delusion. But clearly it happened. Update number five. After reading through some of the responses from yesterday, I decided to just go for it and get it over with. I dressed up in the ruffled up Chewbacca costume, grabbed the stereo, and walked over to my girlfriend's house at nighttime. We live in the same neighborhood, and there's a shortcut through a little stretch of woods that I take from my place to hers, and that's the route I took last night. I'm going back into the woods with the costume. I climbed into their backyard and I stood in their grass holding up the stereo while playing the song that I had intended.

Sorry by Buck Cherry. The problem is that the stereo was an old piece of shit that I dug up from my basement and the volume wasn't loud at all. It sounded muffled and I didn't want to risk moving closer to their house in case I was seen. But I wanted something to come from the night and I sat down the stereo and peered into the window that I knew led to my girlfriend's room. room. My girlfriend was just playing with her phone on her bed, and I just stared in her room for a little while. I guess I was caught up in staring at her since I hadn't seen her in a few weeks, and I didn't realize that I'd been staring in there for a long time. I turned to leave, but I saw one of her neighbors out on their porch, looking directly at me, and they were on their phone. Well, yeah.

My first thought was that they were probably calling the police, and I panicked. I did something really stupid. and I tried to go in my girlfriend's house by pulling at their back green door. But her mom saw me trying to get in and she screamed. He keeps getting worse and worse. I then ran back towards the woods and I tried to pick up the stereo, but I really hurt my back while bending over. So I just left it in their backyard. The back pain was shooting down my left leg and I had to limp away from the house.

Is this real? Because now it just feels like... And I limped through the woods back to my house while also cussing it myself over how fucked up my plan was. The worst part is that this morning my girlfriend called me and left a message on my phone.

Can't wait to hear what she had to say. She said that she knows it was me at her house and that she's only given me one final warning before she talks to the police about harassment charges as well as a restraining order. She said that she's never getting back. together with me and she told me to move on. Now I'm really depressed, which is how I've been feeling

in the past few weeks. I'm physically hurt from my back and leg pain and I'm emotionally hurting from my girlfriend's words. I'm just really upset and pissed off. What should I do? I think he should not go out in public for a couple months. Stop. Just stop. Stay home. Don't interact with anyone for a while. That costume, that Bigfoot outfit? Throw it away. Throw it away. I mean, it doesn't end here, though. Unfortunately for all of us.

So we do get like another post, a sixth. I cannot see this word. A sixth update. This is again going back to legal advice for this post and help. For breaking and entering? My ex-girlfriend left me a message on my phone, threatening me with a restraining order. It's just a threat at this point. But I still want to know what happens to my record if she were to file one against me.

Will it give me a criminal record and officially list me as a stalker? Is it something that appears in a background check? I just want to know how this will affect me, like getting a job or something like that. Would this affect me nationally or just in my hometown of Denver, Colorado? Oh. If you are dating in Denver, watch out. Watch out. Maybe just like, don't see her again.

And then there will be no more threat of a restraining order. giving you so many fucking chances. Yeah. And you just keep going back and like bad decision after bad decision after bad decision. He is giving stalker energy. You are a stalker. You just walked through the woods in a big foot costume and stared at her through her window. Yeah. I know that's not like it's not like intention intention, but it's like turning into that. Do stalkers not realize how bad stalking is? Like I want a psychologist to chime in. Like our people, genuinely this clueless about boundaries and just how their actions appear to others? You'd think he would find himself creepy, but...

This is a serious level of delusion. Yeah. Update number seven. I won't go into detail, but I left a stereo of mine at my ex-girlfriend's house, and this morning I got a text from her dad. It was a picture of the completely destroyed stereo next to a baseball bat, and the message read, quote, that's your head if you ever come near my house again.

I want to know if I can actually take action against him for this. He destroyed my stereo and threatened to bash my head in with a baseball bat. What actions can I take? This is all taking place in Denver, Colorado. Thank you. Again, that's legal advice. Update number eight. I've spent the past few weeks thinking about how I can possibly get back together with my ex-girlfriend.

I've decided to just move on. She doesn't ever want me back, and I've caused enough trouble with her family as a whole. I need to get over her, and I don't know how. My older brother has a wedding in a few days, and it being a romantic occasion is really going to mess with me emotionally, especially since me and my ex were planning on attending together. It hurt even more to see that my ex was selling her dress and posting about it on Facebook. I can't get over the memories and all the time we've spent together, and it hurt. It hurts knowing that I lost her because of my immaturity and stupidity.

How do I get over this? She's literally the only thing on my mind and it has to end. Help me out, please. Maybe it's starting to click. Maybe it's starting to click. Slightly. Slightly. I mean, here's the thing.

But also, there's nothing you can do. This is just what it feels like to go through a breakup. It sucks. Like, you just suck. Yeah, you got to heal. Go to therapy. I think therapy, like I, I think it's scary because. obviously this is not a one-off, right?

Like, this does happen in real life. People are killed by romantic partners. So if you are feeling like this and you're like, I just can't get over this person, I can't move on. You need to start talking to a professional because you do need to move on. It's not healthy. It's not fair. It's not safe to either of you. Like, it's just not right.

And it's not easy. It does suck moving on from someone you love and care about. but you got to move on. You just have to. It's just how life is. So get help because it's just not, it's not right. No. And if you don't know how to deal with it, it can be hard.

It can be jarring, but you have to. Yeah. You just, you do. We're not done. There's no way. Ninth update. I know that most people have seen my previous post on here and the issues with my ex-girlfriend and her father.

He already threatened me violently as of last night, and he's called the cops on me, and now I'm awaiting a court date here in Denver. Last night was obviously Halloween, and while I don't normally trick or treat at my age, I ended up taking my little cousin around the neighborhood while my parents and hers were at a Halloween party. Don't tell me he dressed up. I also figured that I would wear my Chewbacca costume since I wanted to dress up and I didn't have any other last-minute costumes. We walked around our neighborhood for a little while, and we ended up on the same block. as my ex-girlfriend's house. Mm-hmm. I knew it was only and inevitable that we would cross her house,

but I honestly wasn't worried about it. You did this on purpose. I figured that her dad may not even be out to see us, and all I'm doing is trick-or-treating. And that's what a stalker would say. We ended up walking by her house, and of course, both of her parents were sitting by their garage with a bowl of candy to hand out.

I tried to grab my cousin and make for the opposite direction, but it was too late. I heard my ex's dad yell, quote, I see you. And he clearly recognized me. I just grabbed my cousin and we made our way back to my house without looking back at my exes. We got home, but almost an hour later, the cops arrived. And they told me that my ex's dad wants to press charges on me for stalking and harassment. I'm currently awaiting a court date.

And I think this is all bullshit. I didn't have any premeditated plans to go near their house. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. Did I have any intent with their property? I was simply trick-or-treating with my cousin, and we just happened to come across their home. The dad simply acts as if he's the king of the block and he can dictate who walks in the area. What can I do to prepare for my court case?

What arguments can I make? I wasn't stalking the house last night, and I wasn't planning on doing anything. I simply walked by it while trick-or-treating, and the dad threw a fit. What can I do? That is delusion. I simply walked by it while trick-or-treating. I wasn't stalking. But I also wore the same costume that's gotten me in trouble with them every time.

Throw it away. Yeah, please get rid of it. Donate it. Donate it because we don't want to be wasteful. Sure, sure. But what are you doing? Like, you knew what you were doing. You may not, like, you're telling yourself this, but you know you had other intentions.

Be so for real. Be so for real. Last final update. Bless. He has a restraining order again, so I already know. It's been a little over a month since my girlfriend broke up with me. me over a prank that was admittedly my fault. It was dumb, an immature move on my part, and I've accepted the consequences. That being said, I'm now in serious legal trouble over what happened

a couple of nights ago on Halloween. Ended up walking by her house while taking my cousin trick-or-treating and her dad saw me. He's now pressing charges for harassment and stalking, and I'm awaiting my court date. Last night, my ex texted me, and she was clearly drunk. A lot of her texts were either gibberish or in poor grammar, but I could make out what she was communicating. Basically, she was celebrating me having charges pressed against me, and she was texting me stuff like, quote, I hope you rot in jail and, quote, this is all caps. Lock him up. I responded with text of my own.

I called her names like the C word and bitch. But she obviously didn't see him phased. But simply sending her some mean text isn't enough for me. I honestly think that she has some nerve to kick me while I'm down. While all she has to do is just stay on the sidelines while daddy does all of the work. I've spent all day thinking about how I can get back at her over this. Part of me thinks that I should just wait until I'm done going to court. But I also want to strike back while the event is still fresh.

It's so dumb. I'm thinking of one final prank. What should I do? All right. this guy's a lost cause. I don't know what to do for him. Lock him up. I agree with her. Lock him up. How do I get my revenge as I'm about to be, as I'm getting charges pressed against me? Charges that are absolutely like big charges. Dignified and should be pressed and. And I like, but I like that he's circled back to a prank. Like all this became from a prank and now he's like, oh, I know what I can do.

Another prank. And I thought, I thought I was, like, I read most of these updates. I was, I was, I like, I read most of these updates. was very hopeful by the end. Yeah, it was my fault. Admittedly, my fault. It was dumb and immature move. No, he's not well. And then the last line. But hey, still a happy ending in my book because she got out. For sure. Charges have been filed. They're getting pressed. And I'm hoping we don't have another update because he's in jail. Well, I would like an... In Denver. I would like Colorado. I'm going to get a fucking letter for him. I don't know if I see you on that Reddit podcast bitch I don't know if that's the craziest thing to come out of Denver but that's okay no I don't know what is Denver what have they done lately I think I think everyone that lives there is just like a little weird yeah like in a good way like in a good way yeah no I love Denver some of my best friends live there and they are okay are they a little weird everyone's a little weird would they all dress up and no no no no no no no But I would actually like though a conclusive update of that just to know like are we good?

Yeah. She good? Is she good? Are you out there? I don't want to hear from him. I don't give a fuck about him anymore. Just if you're out there. I bet her side of the story is also like even crazier.

Oh. Well, because even on that second update when he went to the barbecue to apologize, she had said to him, I've given you a million chances. What else did he do? What else did he do? I'd like to know. Okay. That is all for the stories. We are ending on this story. It's actually coming from a comment. And I've read this in the past, but I think with everything going on, I just like really want to end on this like super positive note and just like for people that like just feels lost in the sauce of what's going on right now, that there is like a lot of positivity and hope in humanity. So this is. is coming from an Ask Reddit that's 15 years old. Again, some of you are going to remember this story. It was a person posting, have you ever picked up a hitchhiker? And the top comment has since

gone ultimate Reddit Hall of Fame viral. It is just cemented. It's coming from a user that it's R-H-O-N-E-R. I would assume it's Roner. Just about every time I see someone, I stop. I kind of got out of the habit the last couple of years, moved to a big city and all that, my girlfriend wasn't too stoked on the practice. Then some should happen to me that changed me, and I'm back to offering rides habitually. If you would indulge me, it is a long story that has almost nothing to do with hitchhiking other than happening on the road. This past year, I have had three instances of car trouble, a blowout on a freeway, a bunch of blown fuses, and an out-of-gas situation. All of them, while driving other people's cars, which, for some reason, makes it worse on an emotional level.

It makes it worse on a practical level as well. What with the fact that I carry things like a jack and extra fuses in my car, and no, enough not to park facing downhill on a steep incline with less than a gallon of fuel. Anyways, each of these times this shit happened, I was disgusted with how people would not bother to help me. I spent hours on the side of the freeway waiting, watching roadside assistance vehicles blow by me, just waiting for AAA to show. The four gas stations I asked for a gas can at told me they couldn't loan them out for my safety, but I could buy a really shitty one-gallon one with no cap for $15. It was enough each time to make you say shit like, quote, this country is going to hell in a handbasket.

But you know who came to my rescue all three times? Immigrants. Mexican immigrants. None of them spoke a lick of the language, but one of those dudes had a profound effect on me. He was the guy that stopped to help me with a blowout, with his whole family of six in tow. I was on the side of the road for close to four hours.

Big Jeep, blown rear tire, had a spare but no jack. I had signs in the windows of the car, big signs that said need a jack, and I offered money, no dice. Right as I am about to give up and just hitch out of there, a van pulls over and a dude bounds out. He sizes the situation up and calls for his youngest daughter who speaks English. He conveys through her that he has a jack, but it is too small for the Jeep, so we will need to brace it. He produces a saw from the van and cuts a log out of a down tree on the side of the road. We rolled it over, put his jack on top, and bam, in business. I started taking the wheel off, and if you can believe it, it broke his tire iron.

It was one of those collapsible ones, and I wasn't careful, and I snapped the head I needed clean off. Fuck. No worries. He runs to the van, gives it to his wife, and she's gone in a flash. down the road to buy a tire iron. She's back in 15 minutes. We finished the job with a little sweat and cussing. Stupid log was starting to give. And I am a very happy man.

We are both filthy and sweaty. The wife produces a large water jug for us to wash our hands in. I tried to put a 20 in the man's hand, but he wouldn't take it. So I instead gave it to his wife as quietly as I could. I thank them up one side and down the other. I asked the little girl where they lived, thinking maybe I could send them a gift for being so awesome. She says they live in Mexico. They are here so mommy and daddy can pick peaches for the next few weeks.

After that, they're going to pick cherries and then go back home. She asks if I've had lunch, and when I told her no, she gave me a tamale from their cooler, the best fucking tamale I've ever had. So, to clarify, a family that is undoubtedly poorer than you, me, and just about everyone else on that stretch of road, working on a seasonal basis where time is money, took an hour or two out of their day to help some strange dude on the side of the road when people in tow trucks were just passing me by. Wow. But we aren't done yet. I thank them again and walk back to my car and open the foil on the tamale because I'm starving at this point. And what do I find inside?

My fucking $20 bill. I whirl around and run up to the van and the guy rolls his window down. He sees the 20 in my hand and just shaking his head, no, like he won't take it. All I can think to say is, Por favor, por favor, por favor, por favor, with my hands out. Dude just smiles, shakes his head, and with what looked like great concentration, tried his hardest to speak to me in English. Quote, today, you, tomorrow me. He rolled up his window, drove away. His daughter waving to me in the rearview mirror. I sat in my car, eating the best fucking tamale of all time, and I just cried like a little girl.

It's been a rough year and nothing has broke my way. This was sort of left field I just couldn't deal. In the five months since, I've changed a couple of tires, given a few rides to gas stations, and once went 50 miles out of my way to get a girl to an airport. I won't accept money. every time I tell them the same thing when we are through. Today, you, tomorrow me.

Oh. I hear the tears. I know. I'm really tried to keep it together this time. You did really good. You did really good. I think I read that the first time and I don't know how I got through it.

Just a reminder. Yeah, I was like, I don't even know what to say. That's just a reminder first of all. Again, just like go out and do something good. Call your senators, call your representatives, call your representatives. There are so many bills that are going through right now that need attention. There is a bill that is going to give ICE more funding. Funding where they will get almost a billion dollars for bonuses. What the fuck? It's $42,000 for every ICE employee as a bonus. Call your

representatives. I know it seems futile and like it doesn't matter, but it really does. And there's so many ways to get involved. There's another bill that is rolling back protections of protected waters in Minnesota. And it's so a Chilean company can come in and mine our minerals and send it to China for processing. There's no clean, safe way to harvest that. It will pollute our water source. Oh, for sure. It's another bill that is going to the Senate right now.

So, like, call your representatives. Get involved. But on that note, January has some amazing bonus content on Patreon. Head over there. I'm going to get back to the free stories. So come join us. But other than that, whoof. Hoof, hoof, but also what a great update episode.

It was really good. Really good. I hope you guys enjoyed. And again, sorry for getting back on the soapbox. No, no, we need it. We need it. We do need it. So stay safe.

Thank you all for being here. And until next time, bye. Bye, guys.