Two Hot Takes - 261: Phony People Ft. Ron Funches

Episode Date: March 26, 2026

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Ron Funches! We encounter quite a few stories this week where it's hard to tell if people are being genuine or phony! What are the real motives behind being nice to your friends husband that you can't stand? Or who/why are you kissing someone who isn't your wife on your wedding day.. on a disposable camera no less?! Going to need your help on these ones! Checkout Ron's Content & Shows: https://ronfunches.com/2025/ https://www.instagram.com/ronfunches/ https://www.youtube.com/@ronfunches Partners: Duluth Trading Company: Shop at DuluthTrading.com and in-store today.  Credit Karma: creditkarma.com Patreon BONUS Content including FREE stories: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ NEW MERCH:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shop.twohottakes.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Send us a letter? Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036  WRITE IN TO US!!! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Index: 00:00 -- Start Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Did you have a good retrograde? Did retrograde treat you okay? It actually did. Oh. I know, rare. You're not a Pisces, are you? I am.

When's your birthday? March 12th. Mine's March 4th. Oh, okay. Happy Pisci. How did you have a good retrograde? I don't know. Because Mercury and Pisces are like, it's the worst.

It's budding heads. But now it makes sense. I mean, I'm not saying there weren't frustrations. There's been frustration. Just a few. Yeah, always. Oh, that's life. Yeah.

Life is chaos. Truly. I'm so excited to have you today. I like how you have blankets. You get cozy. I will. Make yourself at home. Kick your feet up or don't, whatever you want to do.

Okay. We aim to please here at Two Hot Takes. Oh, I love that. I am so excited to have you today. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes, you guys. I'm your host Morgan, and I've got Ron Funches here. Cuddling up. Thank you for having me.

I'm pumped. So I was a little unfamiliar with your game. Okay. And then I went and saw Little Miss Amy Polar live here in L.A. And who was her opening guest? You. That sounds right. And I was like, I love his vibe.

Thank you. You just have such an aura of like happy, calm, nice fun. And it's been really, really crazy watching your journey lately. You went on traders, had a hell of a time. and then I got really into your stand-up, and you have like, you drop these little nuggets of information on your stand-up, and now I'm like really scared of koalas? Because I, like, didn't know, basically all of them have chlamydia. Yeah, especially in captivity. Why aren't they giving them, like, can't they give them a Z-pack or something?

I don't know. It's messed up in there. It's like most old folks' homes. Literally, because they don't use condoms. I talk about this all the time. Or should they? No risk of pregnancy. What? Menopause. No, just crazy. But for my listeners who are also unfamiliar with your game, who's Ron?

Who's Ron? What's up? Ron's a dad, mostly. He's a dad of two boys, one who's 23 and one who's about to be four. My oldest is on the autism spectrum. I found out recently so am I. I've been a stand-up comedian for about 20 years in October. I do a lot of acting and voice. acting. I would say you can probably sum up my career in the fact that you probably have seen me. You just didn't realize that you saw me. I've done a lot of fun things that people recognize and had a great and successful career over the past 15, 20 years. But constantly I have people telling me, oh, I've never heard of you before. It's the first time I've seen you. And I think that's very beautiful. To me, it means that I still have much more to go. Ah, but you might have seen me on a new girl dancing as an naked homeless man the father figure.

Oh, you might... See, she didn't even know that. She... What? That's you? It is you. That's me. See, I recognize your voice from trolls. Yeah. Oh, my...

Okay. Yes. Yes. You might recognize I'm Cooper from trolls. If you're a big nerd, you might know me as King Shark from Harley Quinn. If you are... Oh, I'm bluefe. an inside out too. And then I've been acting in different shows.

I'm on the loot with Maya Rudolph. Yeah, that's next on my list. It's a wonderful show. I recommend you check it out. And then a lot of people have heard my jokes in different formats, even if it wasn't from me. I wrote a joke about raising a kid with autism and where it was like being with a friend who'd done too many shrooms and while you yourself are on a moderate amount of shrooms,

that was a big meme that went around for a while to the point now people, whenever I post the joke, people go, you stole that from fuck Jerry. And I'm like, you think fuck Jerry had an autistic kid? Fuck Jerry stole that from me. Yes. What the hell? And then just, you know, I just go around trying to have fun, do fun stuff, basically.

I really relate to you because I got an autism diagnosis too as an adult. And it's just like, it was such a journey. And like the podcast, this really inspired me. A lot of people diagnosed me with all sorts of things in the comments. Of course. It's just like it's so interesting thinking like you're being perceived one way or like I'm communicating. I thought I was telling my opinion very clearly. And then it's like, oh, it's not coming across that way.

Yeah. That's pretty much my experience on the traders to a T and also mean girl. But it was a thing that kind of reminded me of my past and mostly why I, for the most part, work independent. and have always been a guy who just works by myself with stand-up. And then when I do work in groups, it usually is just, I prefer it with sweet nerds, like Maya Rudolph and Joel and Michaela J. Rodriguez over at Lute. So other group situations had been like that before. I mean, especially, you got thrown into a shark tank.

Yeah, truly. Like, just a shark tank. Yes. Luckily, you had a little snake wrangler rob that, like, he seems so chill. But just a crazy, crazy experience. and I think that experience and everything in your illustrious career has taught you is going to help give some takes on these stories today. Let's do it.

I'm so excited. Let's dive in. This episode is presented by Duluth Trading Company, number one in garden. Dig in a spring gardening wearing Duluth trading's five-star gardenware. Their dirt and debris deflecting, moisture wicking, and have 50 plus sun protection for long days in the rays. And their heirloom gardening overalls are made from super strong. stretchy, durable ripstop nylon, and loaded with 12 pockets, plus kneepad pockets for extra comfort.

Short overalls, overall dress, over shirt and pants are all new to the collection, too. So whether you have one garden bed or 100 acres, there's gardenware for every green thumb. Shop at Duluth trading.com or in store today. Okay, this first one I have. It's coming from True Off My Chest, so it's a subreddit where people can just go and just like shout something crazy into the void. It's titled, I've been pretending to like my best friend's husband for four years and I'm exhausted. I don't really know why I'm posting this. I just need to say it somewhere because I've been holding it in for so long and it's starting to feel heavy. My best friend of 12 years, let's call her Dana, married this guy in 2021 and from basically the first time I met him, I knew something felt off.

Not in a dramatic way. Nothing I could point to and say, this is the problem. He's not abusive. He's not cheating as far as I know. He doesn't do anything that would make a good story. He's just one of those people who makes every room feel slightly worse. He talks over Dana constantly, not aggressively, just like her sentences don't fully register to him before he starts his own. He's one of those guys who has a loud opinion about every. everything, but gets visibly annoyed if anyone pushes back. He once spent 45 minutes at dinner explaining to me why the city that I grew up in isn't actually that great and seemed genuinely surprised that I wasn't agreeing with him. Dana seems happy, or at least she says she is, and I believe her. She lights up around him in ways that I guess I just have to accept that I don't understand. So I smile at family dinners. I laugh at his jokes. I text him happy birthday every year. I've been doing it for four years. And I'm good at it by now. But it's tiring in a way that I didn't expect. The worst part is I feel guilty even writing this. She's my best friend and she chose him

and that should be enough for me. I just need to say it out loud that it's not always enough and I don't know what to do with that feeling. It seems like you already cast your die. You've been staying silent for this long. You can't change switch up now. They're locked in. You locked in. You picked your role.

I mean, I picked up on, there's so many things to say in there. Hey, it sounds like they have a good relationship. After they're together, they've been married for four years. That's long time to me. And she's still happy. She says she lights up. And there's even things that in the tone of the letter. where he's not abusive, period, not cheating in parentheses as far as you know.

It's not like you don't want to get this man no credit whatsoever. Yeah, like the bar is low, but like it seems like he's seemingly okay. He's seeming great. Like who, I mean, especially if you've been together that long and now they've been married for four years, who doesn't talk over someone's sentences where you know where it's going? You've already heard this before. Yes. Now they're taking it public.

She's already ran the lines behind the scenes with him. So he's just like, okay, I'm on board. Here's the next thing. Oh, my God, that's such a good point. And I don't know what your hometown is. So how do we not know it's not shitty? I wonder if she commented where she lives. I'm like now or where she grew up.

I'm so curious. But that is a good point that I think people sometimes forget with couples is like, typically by the time you're hearing this conversation, they've had this. And maybe they've even told this story before in front of other people. And I think for me and I have a friend who co-hosts with me a lot were both neurodivergent. So we are constantly cutting each other off. And like sometimes it's a blessing where it's like, I wish you would have jumped in sooner so I didn't keep talking. Like I didn't even know what I was going to finish that sentence with. So like I'm glad you cut me off and kind of saved me. And so if that's your normal like flow of conversation, you're not, you don't have a problem with it. It's preferred even maybe. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I agree with you. And that was one of the things I saw. It's like, we don't know this person's background.

We don't know if they are neurodivergent. So it could be just the way that they speak in a conversation seems overwhelming to you. The only thing is if someone's not able to take criticism back and they're like joking at you, but you can't joke back. I can understand that being too much. But I don't know if they, we got to get more info because I don't know if it's like him saying his opinion and then her going like, I don't agree in him just being like, ah, but I do. It's my thing. Why wouldn't he, why would he not keep fighting for his opinion?

I know. I mean, you just got to let your girl be happy. It's rough out there. You just want her out there and the day in. Back in the streets? Yeah. Yeah.

No, I mean, you even, like the line, she lights up. Like that, when you can recognize that, like clearly there's something there. Mm-hmm. And I don't know how you feel about this. I'm curious.

Do you feel like we're putting too much pressure on the fact that like everyone needs to get along. Oh, absolutely. Beyond with you, if I was hurt, I don't want you liking my man. You shouldn't like him. Yeah. He don't like you. I don't want y'all, all buddy, buddy.

I come in the room, y'all giggling together. Like, then I got, I'm going to start side-eyeing a little bit. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You look a little suspicious to me. So good. I'm glad the happy birthday once a year and you just tolerating him at parties is the much of a relationship I really want y'all to have. Sounds great.

Yes. I think so too. I think like, I think we've kind of come to this unrealistic expectation of like, you need to get along with everyone and like all your mutual friends and a friend of a friend of a friend, you need to like them and you need to like their partners. It's like, hey, not everyone's my cup of tea. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. Like we can be okay with that. Find who you like and just stick with your people.

Yeah. Don't be. I mean, the worst part of it seems like is that you're being a little bit of phony, you know? I bet he probably don't like you that much. He doesn't want that happy birthday text every year. The top comment on this one, unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it except learn to manage your feelings.

You've said it yourself. Your best friend is happy with him, and that's all that matters. I think there's often this unspoken expectation that we should like our friend's partners. But sometimes you just don't click with someone. That's okay. You don't have to force yourself to be close with him.

Disliking him doesn't make you a bad friend. friend, you can keep things civil with him for your best friend's sake. Sounds perfect to me. Civil. Mm-hmm. It doesn't take a lot to be civil. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to say nothing, but it's like, you know, maybe you should be busy

with your own thing. I don't know. I don't know. That's all we got. There's no comments from our writer. We don't know what city she grew up in. So maybe we'll get an update eventually. Please, I want to know.

Okay, moving on to this next one. This is coming from Am I the Asshole. 15 hours old when I found it. It's titled, Am I the asshole for refusing to get the in-laws' souvenirs? My 42 female, partners, 42 male, family, went on some big trips over the Christmas holidays. His sister went all around Europe with her new fiancé and his parents, and another sister went on a two-week cruise around the Caribbean.

Before they left, I hosted them at my house for a lot of dinners and outings. When they returned, we all met up at the sister's house that went to Europe. Their holiday pretty much started and ended around the same time. So we went there for breakfast, and they started pulling out gifts for everyone. My partner and I have an 18-year-old son. They put some things on the table and say it's for him, then gifts for my partner, and then gifts for everyone else. And not one thing for me from anyone.

It hurt, but whatever. My mother-in-law then made a comment saying, quote, next time you visit, I'll get you something. Because she must have noticed that I was empty-handed. I just ignored her, and we left soon after. Now, I'm going to China next week with my dad, and I made a joke to my partner how I will be saving money by not getting his family any souvenirs.

And he said that I was being petty. I refused to give in, and he said I should just get them something because they probably didn't even notice that they had left me out. But honestly, I want to invite them over just to show them the cool souvenirs I got for my family only. Am I the asshole? A little bit, a small amount just at the end, really. Just at the end, just in the wanting to invite them over. To rub their face in it.

Yeah, that's the only asshole part about it. To me, the rest of it is they're the asshole. They sound like real jerks. I know. If they invite you over, nothing feels worse than it's a universal feeling that we have when we're kids. It's the reason why when you go to a toddler's birthday party, they have little gift bags for everyone because no one feels worse than watching someone else open a bunch of gifts

and you don't get anything. I completely agree. Like feeling left out and excluded, it like physically pains me. I feel sick and nauseous over it, which sounds so silly. But I just want to go back. You're getting presents at toddler birthday parties? When you go to a toddler birthday party, I mean, not like presents, but like little gift bags got like a little toy. I'm going to the wrong parties.

Oh, man. Oh, for like the kids. Yeah, not for me. I'm not just going to random kids birthday party. No, I thought they were giving you gifts. Oh, no. I was like, that's so nice. That they get the parents and everyone gifts?

That would be, that would be extravagant. I would like that. That's what I want. I want to like walk out of like. a party, like those gift bags that they give people when they go to the Oscars or something crazy? I went to one party like that. Really? It was so fun. My friends

50th birthday party and they turned it into a full carnival where you got tickets and stuff. And then at the end, there were good prizes. I left with like a Disney Lego set. It was and I was like, yeah, I went to someone else's birthday and then I left with gifts. It was great. That's literally

my dream and that's like the party I want to throw because gift giving is like I'm all about that. I love letting people know I care about them and feel seen by what I get them. I agree, me too. Oh, man. Yeah, I don't think asshole, though, back to this one. No, no, no.

They were the assholes and they know it. And then if you actually buy something, I'm going to say you a punk. Like, you don't, don't succumb. They already declare war on you. You don't have the damn in return be like, oh, he'll give because I'm a coward. No, look them right back and go. like I got something for the kids. I didn't get nothing for you.

I forgot about you like you guys forgot about me. Apparently we ain't that closing. Would you say that to them? Yes. Call them out. Yes. See, here's where I might be a little petty. I'd get them postcards.

Like the cheap. I'd get them the cheapest, cheapest thing I could find. That's the other option, yes. Because then it's like, hey, I'm actually, I'm better than you because I didn't forget about you. Yeah. But it's cheap. Yeah. But cheap isn't necessarily bad.

But like for them, like it's just like you're kind of an afterthought. I mean, we're going that far though. I'm going to go where I'm going to give them like the hotel soap from my thing. You're like elephant gifting. Yeah. Some of those soaps are nice. They are nice. I stay at one hotel.

I'm keeping the nice ones. Oh, I don't even open it. I like, oh my gosh. I went somewhere and they had like a lay labo soap and I was like. this is too nice for me. Like, I wouldn't buy it for myself and ask for a couple extra. Every time house came and came, I'd hide the one. Yeah, you see a cart in the hall.

They're charging them destination fees and stuff. You take all the soaps you want, I'd say. I know. What's up with that amenities fees? Oh, don't get me started anymore? Like a pool is a basic right. Just tell me the bill when you, when I, before I get here. Don't then add like, oh, $35 extra night, but guess what?

You get all the water you want. What? Cool. I'll go to the 7-Eleven across the street and buy a jug. Yeah, I get two drink tickets and I don't drink. Great. Thank you. Thanks for the mocktail.

Yeah. No. Mm-mm. No. I'm not about it. I hate it so much. And they're going to mess it up and they're going to run themselves out of business. Anything I can do is I'm going podcast to podcast to spread an awareness.

That these destination fees are ridiculous. They started in Vegas and they should have stayed there. And now they spreading them all throughout the world. Not the world. You're much better. But out through America. You're charging us more money for less service And I hate it with a passion

Charge me all you want for great service But don't charge me more And then tell me that I got a call 48 hours in advance If I want my bed turned down Oh my gosh I know That's wild

I agree I did find a good hotel in New York The Virgin Hotel And you just hit a little button It's like a light, like a light switch You hit the button when you want them to come to your room And they're in there like within an hour I love that

They're good I love that They got that damn resort fee. I hate the resort fee. I know. But I will say, it's better than the weird cleaning fees you get at an Airbnb. Yeah. Barely, though.

Top comment on this one. He said, I should just give them something because they probably didn't even notice that they left me out. Which is exactly the problem. Good Lord, not the asshole. Mm-hmm. Someone responds, yeah, the husband is so observant. Next comment down, the husband is the problem for allowing it to happen and asking you to get over it. Oh, I love this turn.

Ooh, why didn't she think of that? I would have una reversed it right on him. Yeah, don't go back and throw it on him and be like, well, wait, who are you defending here? Mm-hmm. Who you want to hang out with? You want to sleep with your sisters or you're trying to sleep with me? I mean, we do come across those on Reddit. They're over here.

That's true. Oh, no, that's a really good point. Whose side are you on? Mm-hmm. Whose side are you on? Someone comments, too, and they say, yeah, how is they forgot about you supposed to be better? It's a whole trip, a long trip. They had many days to remember you exist.

Oh, so sad. Okay, I want an update on that one. We don't have an update. I would like one. I'm just going to double-check the account just to make sure. Yeah, nothing, nothing. And as of my refresh, the post is now 12 days old. I get scared to refresh them sometimes because they disappear.

But it's older. Yeah, I hate when people go back and delete and you don't know. You're like, what happened? Either something good or something dramatic. Say it with your chest or don't say it at all. Exactly. But we'll keep our eyes peeled. I'll follow the account.

Maybe they'll get an update. Their username is more puppies, please. Oh, they sound? How could they be the asshole? No chance. More puppy. If they were less puppies. Less puppies, then maybe there'd be a problem. Okay, moving on to this next one.

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Make sure you're on the right track, no matter where you are on your financial journey. Into it credit karma. Karma you can count on. This is coming from R slash relationships, a subreddit that's just built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal problems. It is titled, My Husband, 32 male, frequently jokes about my family. His attitude is rubbing off on our son, five male, and I, 29,000.

female, want it to stop. We've been married for six years, met in college, got married right after our graduation, and yeah, maybe our relationship was a little rushed. As much as I hate this one particular aspect of my husband, I do still think he is a great guy and a good father. The problem is, he doesn't really respect my family. I grew up on a farm, and the majority of my family lives in the country. We're from the South, and that's where they all still live. My husband and I live up north near his family and where he grew up. I know all the stereotypes about people from the South, and I just want to say, my family really does not fit them. We're not racist, we're not dumb, we're not inbred Hicks. Yes, my mother and father speak with a drawl and dinner table conversations

do tend to end up being about farm topics. My husband has, over the years, developed a tent to sort of make fun of my family. It's never really mean-spirited, but he loves to play up the simple hick stereotype. Insinuating members of my family are dumb or talking about back on the farm or what have you. He knows none of it is true. My father has a doctorate for fuck's sake, and many members of my family are very accomplished in different fields. But I guess in my husband's mind, anyone from the South who lives on a farm must be the exact same. It normally doesn't bother me that much. He's made it clear that he's joking and it's not like he does it all the time. Well, here's our problem. Our son is now five and he's becoming quite the little parrot. Back in March,

we went to visit my parents. For dinner one night, my dad made fried chicken. And I mean very fresh fried chicken, as in killed that afternoon. My son loves fried chicken, and I thought he'd be excited to try it. Well, he completely refused and said he wouldn't touch it because it wasn't store-bought. I told him he was being rude, but chalked it up to kids being weird about stuff sometimes. Later that night, I sat him down to talk to him about his manners and how grandpa was hurt that he didn't want to eat dinner, and my son said he didn't care because only hillbillies kill their own food. That's when I clued in that these weren't exactly his own ideas. My husband has jokingly said the same thing. I spoke to my husband about it, and I told him

to cut it out that our son is too young to tell the difference between jokes and truth, and I don't want him thinking that. Throughout the last few months, there have been a lot of instances like that. My son asked me how I got into college. I thought it was a genuine five-year-old curiosity question and launched into an explanation, only to be interrupted with, quote, no, how'd you do it if you're dumb? Further probing led me to finding out he thought everyone from the South is too dumb to go to college. I went to a more prestigious university than my husband, but whatever. He's also said multiple times now that he likes his paternal grandparents more because it's clean and normal. My parents' house is perfectly clean. Again, more parroting of my husband.

I'm tired of it. My family is 100% respectable, and I want my kid to love them and treat them the same as the other half. I know he's young and kids do the darnest things, but I don't want this snowballing. I've talked to my husband, and he assures me that he'll stop, but he keeps making these little quips and brushes it off as he doesn't understand. He does. His little brain is like a sponge. How do I get this to stop? I'm glad that I don't know this person.

They sound horrible. Yeah, because I wouldn't say the truth if I knew them. Oh, man. But truthfully, sounds like you guys are done. from the framing of the latter. I love going through and people really reveal themselves. The fact that she felt the need to put in,

yeah, we rushed it. It tells you that she has more second thoughts about that marriage than then that. And this in general marriage and a good relationship, as we all know, is built on love, trust, and respect, and you need all three. And if he doesn't respect your family and doesn't in return respect your wishes to not do it,

then he doesn't, you don't have one of those three, which means by definition your relationship is designed to fail. So probably just got to end it at some point and then protect your kids so that you don't ruin the relationship that they could have with their grandparents because it's affecting their ability to have a good relationship with their grandparents who won't be around forever. And then it's affecting his ability to try the most delicious of fried chickens, which is, like that's the saddest part of that whole story. I know. It sounded like it would have been fresh, good organic. Yeah, it would have been the best fried chickens.

chicken he could have ever had. You know exactly where it came from and what's in it. And instead he wants to just eat storeball nitrate-filled fried chicken because his dad leading him down a dark path. You got to save that boy. You got to save him. What'd you think? My first thought was just one word divorce.

And I know people are like, oh, it's not that serious. But the thing is, it's not just what he thinks about your family. he's kind of thinking the same things about you. If your son came up to you and goes, how'd you get in a college? And you say, oh, well, you know, I applied and blah, blah, blah. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no. How did you get in a college if you're dumb? So your husband's telling your own child that you're dumb?

Or like he's drawing these dots from somewhere, right? And it's like, regardless, he's instilling these, like, really just, like, bigoted views. in him and it's just like it's not it's not healthy to also start cultivating the five-year-old's mind to think this way it's like he's indoctrinating him no yeah I agree with you 100% uh just no respect for her and also it's like a denial of reality if she went to a better caller than him and she's doing well and and then it's like that's a woman that you should be showing your son is a a good example of what you want to look for in a may like there's just you know many people of no matter where you're from who don't have education and don't do effort and and just try to live

off of somebody else you have a great partner who comes from a great background and a strong family that's something to be celebrated not mocked you know i don't understand i don't understand how like they even got together like how was he how was he how was he able to overlook that you were from South enough to even go on a date with you. How did we get this far? It's just mind-blowing that he was willing to settle so far beneath him. Yeah, let's give him one shot, see if you can really be like, hey, don't say this stuff anymore at all around my kid or around me. Yeah.

If you want to go around your buddies and just vent about your in-laws, that's one thing. but like you can't, I mean, that is child abuse. That's like a virginia to poison your kids against their own family and is a form of child abuse. I don't think people like talk about that enough, especially when parents do it against the other parent. Oh, it's so, so hard to deal with. It's something I had to deal with growing up. And it's just like, that's my mom. And like watching other people do it, it's like you can't talk shit.

If you're the step parent or if you're, You're, you know, so and so. Like, that's still their mom. Like, you have to rein it in no matter how upset you are. Like, if they come to that conclusion on their own someday, that's fine. Yeah. I mean, I've been divorced twice. And that's one thing.

I mean, I have my personal opinion about them as people. But both of them are the mothers of my children. And I made choices to have kids with them. So, I mean, I saw something in them. And that's one thing I'd never play around with. Like, I never let my sons hear me say anything negative about. their mom because I want them to have a respect and love for their mom in just as they should as kids.

And also I don't want to taint the love in any way. It's actually gone in the reverse. Like the harsh feelings that I had for my partners get softened by me seeing the love that my kids have for them. Yeah. That's a really, that'd be really interesting to feel that. We're just like, their mom loves them. They love their mom.

Okay. Like, chill out. Like, let your feelings. Feelings go a little bit more. That would be really... It's hard. Oh, so hard. So hard.

I... I'm like, ooh, you like her? Damn. I know. I hold a garage. I need to get better about that this year. Maybe next. Maybe that's a 2027 thing.

Work on it. You got time. Top comment on this one. O.P.'s husband is not joking. He is training his son to despise his mother. and her family. Husband is aware of what he is doing and is possibly getting a thrill of superiority out of it. He is also alienating the child from his mother. It's a form of abuse. That's what they put, yeah. Ron, you clocked it. O.P. has a husband problem. I am so intrigued because I know a lot of

times people are like, oh, if, you know, there's abuse in the relationship, like, couples therapy is a no-no. It can actually make it worse. So I just like with this one, I'm like, how do they even proceed forward in any other way but like a separation? Like, if he's kind of acting like this, would couples therapy even help? I'm so curious. I would think he's individual therapy. He needs individual therapy, not couples therapy. There's something wrong with what he's doing. I think she should too to kind of like I don't know, maybe realize her own worth in all of this. Yeah. Oh, everybody should be really.

But that feeling a superiority that rings a bell to me of like maybe he's unhappy with his own position and stuff in his work and other things that make him feel less than. And so this is his way of exhorting or showing dominance. And but it just makes you kind of a coward really. I know. There's another comment here that just says, I wonder what your husband is saying when you aren't around. This is a draw a line in the sand time. He doesn't make any more comments like that, period.

Not around your son, not around you. He takes the four when it comes to teaching his son some respect for your family. This is ultimatum time. Yeah, if anything, you want to see him take the A, we didn't hear where was the dad during the fried chicken incident. Did he not even go? I, there wasn't a comment about it. Like, was he sitting there?

Did he sit there and just watch it? Or did he not go because he don't like the family? Yeah. That's his job at that point to lead by example and pick up a piece of chicken and eat it in front of his son, the show hell. I know. Well, honestly, I don't think he's eating the food either. He probably before dinner is there going to the sun and being like, did you know that grandpa just killed that chicken?

Did you see a little snowflake outside before dinner? That's who you're eating. Hillbillies only kill their food. Well, like, it's probably happening right there in the moment, right out of earshot from everyone, which is crazier. Let's beat this guy up. Let's beat him up. Let's get him. It's just goofy.

Goofy. Okay, I'm curious on your take on this next one, because we kind of, we're mentioning kids a lot, and you've got two. I'm curious what you think of this concept, because especially you being in the limelight, you got some status. Okay. How do you feel about sharing kids and just photos of them online? Oh, just my general belief in that? Yeah. It's changed over time. I used to be much more open about it and would just use my social media like a regular

photo album. So any of myself I would post. And I just had to learn over time because you get different comments or people you go through and just see someone has saved this picture. And it's like, why would you need to save this picture? That weird to. Yeah, exactly. So then you learn, I don't believe in putting like the little heart over the face or anything like that.

To me, now I just have like a side thing where just me and my friends and family where we share that type of stuff. And then the rest of it, I just keep my kids out of the spotlight out of the public because, A, they didn't ask to do that. They were just born into whatever they would. If my son's the site later they want to, that's their decision. And then B, when people know something that you love, they can use it against you. And I'm just not very good at regulating my emotions when it comes to people saying things about my kid. And if you're online and you say too many things about my son, I'll find the phone number or the place you work and I'll call you. That's so fair.

It's so fair. So I can't be doing that. No, you're Papa Bear. Like you want to protect you. little ones. Okay, this one is coming from AITAAH and it's titled, Am I the Asshole for photoshopping my nieces and nephews out of the pictures I posted online. My 27 female sister-in-law, my husband's sister, who's female 38, decided about a year ago that she does not want her kids' faces posted on social media. She still posts them almost daily in family photos, but always with stickers covering the

kids' faces. I only post on social media for special events. My friends list is mostly family and a few friends from back home, Middle East. My grandma especially loves logging into Facebook to see pictures of my kids. She often messages me afterward to talk about them and sometimes even shows the photo to her group of friends back home. She has told me this. I am okay with a bunch of grannies seeing the pictures. At my son's fifth birthday recently, I was taking photos. My sister-in-law approached me and said she does not want anyone online to see her kids' faces. I said I understood. Later, she told my husband, 40 male, that she thinks it is weird that we are okay with exposing

our kids online and that it is just bad parenting. My husband laughed and said we are not Instagram famous like her since she does. has quite a few followers and that no one really cares. Oh, I wish he told me how many. He basically just told her to relax. Instead of putting stickers on her kids' faces, I photoshopped them out of the pictures before posting online. My grandma sometimes prints photos and stickers would just look odd.

Also, my sister-in-law does not want her kids' pictures posted online anyways. My sister-in-law called me furious. She said that I was being a vindictive asshole and that it looked like her kids were not at the party or did not matter. My husband backed me up and said that she was overreacting. He told her that I respected her wishes and did not post her kids pictures online and that I do not owe her an apology. Good husband. My sister-in-law blocked both of us. My mother-in-law says we should explain.

the misunderstanding better and just apologize to end this argument. Do I owe her an apology? Was I an asshole? No, absolutely not. You did what she set up. But that's what I would say the issue here is the Instagram fame, is that people like that want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to post their kids on their terms and put the stickers on their faces. and then they also want to be like,

respect my privacy, but here's the mystery of, like, you don't know what my kids look like. The hard thing is it doesn't protect them at all. If you're like worried about creeps, creeps don't care about faces, you know, like they're still be perverted to your kids,

so you're not protecting them in that way. Like, if you want to protect them, like you said, then she did the right thing by removing them, but you want to have the thrill of the thing like, I was at, We were at the party, and they don't even care. That's you.

That's her and her mind of like FOMO of like everyone has to know we were there. Well, you got to pick a lane. If you want to be Instagram famous and stuff, then do that. But you don't get to tell other people what to do with their pictures. I mean, you had already lost me from the get-go of you don't get to go tell someone else that they're bad parents for how they raise their kids. Every kid is an individual. you don't know what works best for their kids.

That's one of the things I learned, you know, before I got my diagnosis is just learning to do what was best for my son who had autism. And some of that was the exact opposite of what people thought that you should do for a kid. So you don't tell someone else that they're a bad parent for how they choose to protect their children or how they choose to celebrate their children.

They're clearly the asshole. The mom knows that. She just don't want to deal with it. She's been dealing with it for however long she'd been born. So she's like, it's easier to ask you to apologize and to ask her because I'm going to have to hear about this until Christmas when we get out of there for Christmas. But you got to just tell her, you know who your daughter is. Don't put this on me now.

It ain't my fault. It's also like, I think we like to be like, oh, just be the bigger person to the one that's usually a victim in a situation. A lot of times because we know how irrational and hard-headed and just, just goofy that other person is. And it's easier to make the person be the bigger person when they have sense. And it's like, yeah, let me guilt you into apologizing for no reason to placate the crazy person. It doesn't make sense. It's like she has her rules for her kids. O.P. followed them. But what? Like you're unhappy that she followed your rules? And I find it interesting. I didn't think about this until I saw this comment.

So someone goes, not the asshole. That is crazy. She can't have it both ways. And O.P. actually responds and says, My husband says she wanted the stickers to make a point out of it. Quote, my kids are protected. Look at me. I'm a good mom.

Mother-in-law thinks she feels like we eliminated her kids. You didn't eliminate her kids. The picture still exists that if she wants to show that picture off. The original, yeah. She can print it and put it in her house or a photo book for her kids. She's not posting them on social media anyways.

This is on your personal social media that you have very few people on. Why does it matter? Man, I just got to say after we went through that last post is that I love this relationship between this husband and wife. They got each other's backs, even behind the back.

They talking each other up, defending each other. Like, that'll be the one takeaway. It's like, man, at least you got, you got the strong family unit. Really, the rest of it don't matter to me. So congratulations. I know. Good partner.

Good boundaries. You don't often see that. You see, like, one of the people kind of siding with their family of origin to be like, okay, okay, like, let's just put out the fire here. There is a comment here and someone goes, don't post my kids. O.P. then doesn't post her kids. No, not like that. Not the asshole.

Someone responds and goes, maybe just remove their heads. No stickers. Just headless bodies. Which is weirder. That's even weirder. And so someone actually responds and they go, I actually saw a picture of someone who removed their head for anonymity a few days ago.

And it was creepy as fuck. and then someone chairs down and they go, oh yeah, thanks for the reminder about the big zucchini. It was in the absolute units subreddit. I had never heard about this subreddit, but apparently it's R slash absolute units. And... Did you just big penises? That's what one would think. But it is actually lads that you're in awe at the size of.

absolute unit, an animal or public figure who is larger than we should normally expect. And then this person posted in this sub and they go, of a zucchini that we grew. And they posted a picture of their kid holding a ginormous zucchini. But they removed the child's head. Oh, that's terrifying. Oh, my God. It's scary. Yeah, the zucchini makes it worse.

I know. That is wild. You didn't, you didn't, like, protect your kid in that sense by removing their head and making them a headless horseman. Yeah. No, if anything, you gave them a job to finish, a visualized. It's worse. They're going to like, okay, when I'm done, that's what it's going to look like. Like, literally, all you had to do is lean the zucchini up against the bar stool that's also in the picture to demonstrate the size of it.

That's true. You did not need a headless child for this. This is terrible. Please turn it back towards you. So I'm like, I just find this to be such an interesting dilemma We're now facing with social media and kids and pictures It's like I don't think the asshole I actually think you did it right No, it sounds like the other person just has main character syndrome

And they just even need at your kid's birthday to have a reason why they are the story Yeah We don't have any mention about how many social media followers she has I bet it's not that many I bet it's under 10 grand 10K and she's acting that goofy It's so odd People ask me because I've like talked about wanting kids and stuff now And people are like

Are you gonna show your kids? And I'm like I don't know I feel like a baby picture like when they're little new Like they just all kind of look like potatoes I feel like that's okay Yeah I post different old events Like when I do my Christmas card Sometimes I'll post our Christmas card

Yeah I like that So you'll see maybe you've seen my son when he was born and then one at a year and then one at three years but I just don't. Not daily. I don't post that much either.

So it's like, I don't know, but it's an interesting concept of people that are like, I'm not going to show my kid online and then they're still showing their kid online and like the heart doesn't fully cover the face. It's like either do or don't. Yeah.

But I don't know. Maybe that's my hot take for the day. Yeah. I mean, different strokes, different folks. But don't, but that would be the whole. point is you then can't let's tell another parent what to do with their kids. That's the base level answer for me.

I'm with you. Okay, this next one. I think I got this same blanket. Did you get it from Spotify? Maybe. Was it a present? Yeah. Yeah, this is my Spotify Blanky.

I got a few from them. They give pretty good blankets. Yeah, they gave me a sign one time, a little light up sign. Was it that sign over there? The recording sign? Yeah, that's it. We're on the same list. The same mailing list.

Okay, this one is coming from our slash relationship advice. So just another general relationship advice sub. It's titled, My 24 male, girlfriend, 22 female, and her sister, 20 female, are both pregnant with my children. Whoa, this is fun. Neither of them know about the other. I want to do the right thing. Too late for that. Throw away account because my brother and a few in real life friends know my username.

I have done a terrible, terrible thing. I have made a terrible, terrible mistake. I'm really not looking to be judged here, but I know it's going to come no matter what. I found out the same day about both of them being pregnant. I've been with my girlfriend for two years, and her sister and I hooked up around three weeks. weeks ago. It only happened once and she told me that she was on birth control. Obviously not.

My girlfriend and I have been trying, so I do know it's mine. Her sister says hers is definitely mine because she hasn't been with anyone else in two months. I convinced my girlfriend to wait to tell people for a couple of weeks and her sister said she's going to wait for me to tell the family. I need to come clean. I need them both to know early on. so I can sleep at night. I'm aware I'm going to be. Oh sure, that's going to be happening. Yeah, what did you tell them all?

All your worry's over. You're just going to be like, oh, glad I got that on my chest. What are we having for dessert? I'm aware I'm going to be hated by their entire family and possibly all. of our friends. I'm trying to do the right thing. If there is an option even, any advice is appreciated. The only advice that I can give you to truly help you would be a start a reality show. See if you can get this thing just going before you convince them that like we're just going to stay a family together

and I'm going we're going try to see we can get both these kids delivered on the same day and sell this to the learning channel literally it's it is like sister sister wives yeah that really is wild tell you so many things

why would you if you're I mean hey don't do this but B if you're going to do this why would you not have protection with the sister are you just trusting the sister that's willing to cheat and screw over her sister. She's just like, oh, she's honest.

She's clearly going bird control. What? No, she's the crazy sister who's jealous of her sister. And now she's caused more drama. And then the fact that the first response isn't even like, well, we better go get some plan B or go to a clinic. But like, what, we've got to figure out how to tell this. She's been, oh, you are, I know, for, yeah, sure.

Telling them is going to end. your worries this is you your next two decades is fucked forever oh my god and like I just like that's I don't understand the sister I don't understand him just like if you if you're gonna cheat like don't keep it in the same family like find someone else at least down the street yeah that's wild same house probably

you well they are young 22 and 20 Yeah. Oh, he could be going over to the parents' house for both of them. Yeah. Oh. And they were probably, like, worn the oldest sister. They were like, oh, we don't like this guy. And now they're going to have two grandbabies from the same.

This is horrible. I have, like, anxiety about this reality, this possibility. I mean, I hope it's phony. It would be one thing. I hope it's fake. If it's real, then just thank you for making me feel that my life is less complicated, really. I think it's what Reddit is for to read these stories and be like, man, it could be worse for me. At least I'm not in this situation. The post is seven years old.

It's vintage, so it's not AI. I don't think ChatGPT was around in these days. We do have a couple comments from OP. Someone goes, well, for one, be honest. Make sure they both know. Your girlfriend will hopefully leave you. Maybe they will both want an abortion or you might end up paying child support for both while everyone hates you for the rest of your life. That's really the options. They really broke it down. There it is. And O.P. says, I know she's going to leave me. I've accepted that and began to prepare silently. How could anyone stay? Yeah, that's true. He's just kind of like, if he did, then you wouldn't respect her. Someone goes, dear God, please be a troll. That's what I was. hoping.

O.P. says, unfortunately not. I'm going to be downvoted to oblivion soon, so I hope I can get some advice before my post actually goes away. And someone comments back, remind me in nine months. Well, fortunately, we do get an update. Oh, I wanted an update. We do get an update. It comes just a few days after the first post.

Again, this is from 2019. I debated on whether or not to post this. Since on the original post, I was bombarded with hate and threatening private messages, including a docs threat. However, a few people gave some really solid and helpful advice, so this update is for them. I posted last Friday afternoon. On Fridays, my girlfriend gets off of work at 10 p.m. I told her sister to come over at around 9.45 p.m. because we were going to tell her the truth. She agreed, and I waited. The anxiety I felt. was tremendous, but I just kept reminding myself that this was all my fault, and nobody else but me made that mistake. When the sister didn't arrive by 10, I knew something was up. My suspicions were confirmed when they walked in the house together at 1015. They sat me down and explained the situation. Sister had come clean to the girlfriend, and after a brief quarrel and anger, they decided to fuck with me to see how long I would keep the secret for. Props to them because I was completely

blindsided. Girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, was very calm and had sister pack her a bag to go stay with her. I told her my friends and I would bring her belongings and furniture anywhere she wanted me to. She told me that she didn't want me touching her stuff and she would be moved out when I got home from work on Monday. Too long didn't read. Neither of them were pregnant. They found out about me cheating and fucked with me. I'm single now. That's fun. I like that. A good story except for she's way too forgiving of her sister. That was my first thing. I was like, oh. She figured her sister quick enough to make it like a 22-minute sitcom episode. I'd be an only child. Yeah. It's like, no, okay. I'm not going to pull a prank with you now. But I guess like, what's that, um,

What's that saying? When you hate someone, the enemy of your enemy is my friend? Yeah, but why is the sister and him enemies? They were both bad. I know. It's not like he took advantage of her. They just had sex. It must have been bad.

It must have been really bad. She was like it wasn't even worth it. I got to go tell my sister. No, like it must have been really bad at the point she was like, oh, I fuck. up. Like, I got to tell her so, like, this doesn't get bad in my favor. Like, this, he was not good. Mm. Wow. I love that insight. I wouldn't have thought of it that way. I mean, I don't know. Because, like, I think we've had a couple stories on Reddit where sisters do steal husbands. Mm-hmm. It happens. You do. So, it must have just been not worth it. Mm-hmm. Wow. Grass was not greener. That's a double dis. Lossy girl and the other lady.

He was like, mm, not even good. Not even good. Wow. That's pretty wild. I'm glad we got clarity. So much clarity. 2020. Still, though, best case scenario for him.

No kids. And he learned probably a really, really valuable lesson. Yeah, he probably was just in his empty apartment playing video games at night. Breathing a slide of release. I know. Jeez. Glass of champagne to celebrate that. Yeah.

It's so crazy. And he's single and then he slept And they could never take away from him that he slept with both sisters Wow he really won Did he win at the end? I think he did If you think about it he kind of won I didn't want him to win

He slept with both of the sisters They got out of the relationship He's by himself with no child support He's in his 20 still He can go start a new relationship And still always being like man I slept with both of those girls. He kind of won.

Unfortunately, I don't like when bad people win. Me too. But it's a fun story. I need hope that karma does exist because it has not attacked my enemy yet. Life is long. I've seen it before. That's true. I've had it happen.

Have you? Yeah. Life is long. Okay. Be patient. Be patient. had a day like that where I ran into multiple people who were just shitty to me for no reason and they all like saw me after like a real positive thing it happened to me. And so then it was

like it was a real fun day. It does happen. I've seen it. How did that feel? It felt amazing. Did you just kind of like revel in it? Did you feel like you're walking a couple inches taller? Yeah. It's because it was in my old hometown around a bunch of people who were like, you'll never. You'll never do it. And then they all had to be like, oh, I saw you on this. That's all you on that. I love that. So it was nice. It was so satisfied.

People are going to be so excited to see you. Not the silent scream again. No. I almost did it and then I put my hands back down. No. If you know, you know, the silent scream thing has been haunting me. But my nails are fixed now. Okay, do it once.

One more time, just for good measure. Oh my God, so good. Okay, Lauren's popping in for this next story. Because it is a special story brought to you by State Farm. As we know, life comes in all stages, crazy stages, happy stages, sad stages, chaos stages, all the stages. Whether it's getting a brand new car stage, maybe a new job, a new city, maybe the family is growing, maybe you got your first home and you're so excited about it. Each one of these life events can bring change and uncertainty, so it helps to have someone,

like a state farm agent, in your corner. And this next story, they need someone in their corner. This story is titled, Am I Wrong for Banning My Friend's Untrained Dog from our new house? We recently moved from a rented property to our own house. Now, we have white carpet everywhere and a white sofa. Our cat has white fur, so we had no choice in picking the sofa and the carpet color. Our friends have a large, untrained black dog. The last time they visited our rented property, the dog did his business in every corner,

Oh, no. Did number two in the middle of the room and drooled all over our sofa. He also terrorizes our cat every time they meet. Like many pet owners, our friends believe their dog is an angel. This is now our own house, and we paid a lot for the sofa and the carpets. We also don't want our cat being scared in his own home. I should mention they always take their dog everywhere with them, and they are our very close friends. We asked them to come to the housewarming party without their dog.

Their parents live nearby, so leaving the dog for a day shouldn't be too much of a hassle. They are now mad at us for being heartless. And it seems that they don't want to continue our friendship. Wow. Am I wrong for picking furniture and my cat over friendship? No, they literally... I'm just laughing at the absurdity. I know.

I want to come up with like a one-liner or a zinger, but I can't because I'm too caught off guard. No, I just think it's so crazy. Like I can't imagine like I know that I probably shouldn't say this because I don't have a child. But like I feel like even if I had a child who I would love with like every beat fiber in my body, if they peed in every single corner of my friends, place and then pooped in the middle of the thing. I would understand if they were like, I need some space. Can you drop your child off at like your mom's for the night? You know? I'm just envisioning a kid doing all this. Well, yeah. I'm like, I would be like, you know what? Like this is this child's my life. I love our friendship. I will have a night to have somebody else watched my child so we can get together. We will work on this. And I would,

And I want you to know that I would love to continue to have our child come along because we bring our child everywhere. So from now, we'll have space. We'll work on the problem. And I hope that you give us another chance. Yeah. And like the fact that like this is not a kid, like this is also a dog. That's my point. That's why I'm saying that this is crazy.

It's ludicrous. And I think it's so nuts to like, okay, your dog is clearly not very housebroken and we have a new place with white carpet, white sofa. And it's a housewarming party. There's going to be a lot of other guests. There's going to be maybe food displayed on the counter. I don't need to watch your big dog Beethoven who's just wrecking havoc. Yeah. And deal with that.

I'm just envisioning the drool and like stealing food off the counters. And I love dogs. But this is not your house. Yeah. And to end a friendship over it, you're a fair weather friend. And then, okay, let's say all of that was not even an issue. the fact alone that like if they from one animal owner to another one understand how much they love their pet then they should respect the fact that like there is an animal there that is very unhappy

with the other animals so like you should respect that on like on its own and and i even i can like relate to this because when i was fostering the last cat i was fostering i had two friends come over that had two small dogs and when we went I went to sleep in my room they like slept on the couch and I woke up the next day and I was like wait why why did the cat get moved into like what happened and they're like I woke up in the middle of the night to the dogs just chasing the cat in circles nonstop and the cat looked terrorized and like they're like they're like these two little tiny dogs and they were like they were having the time of their life they thought that they just made best friends. They didn't realize that the cat was tearized. And I'm like looking at it

so bad. And the cat the next day was like so like just cowering. Just off. Yeah. And so I think, and that's just a, you know, and this is their pet, their home. Yeah. Like your rules. Yeah. And yeah. True. Your rules. This is like an exciting time. You're having a housewarming party. And they don't want to come and they don't want to be your friend anymore because they can't bring their moose of a dog with them that shits everywhere. Sorry. That's just the way the cookie's crumbling. So can State Farm mediate this situation? State Farm help. Yeah. So the top comment on this one, not the asshole. If their dog is untrained and urinating slash defecating in other people's houses, your friends are huge assholes for continuously bringing the dog everywhere. I'd be embarrassed

if I took my dog to someone's house and he ended up doing that inside. In fact, it did happen once when I brought my then-girlfriend now wife's dog to my parents. Dog pooped in the house. Never brought the dog to anyone's house after that. If they can't respect your house and your feelings on this, then you're better off without them in your life. Yeah, that's why I'm saying I'm like, even no matter how much you love anything, like if they can't be potty trained in somebody else's house, you got to take a step back and be like, let's work on this. Like, what's going on? I know. You know, like, actually, even the same dog, another friend, when she babysits that dog, sometimes because she also has animals, they start smelling each other's and start, like, so she actually,

when she babysits them, she has them wear diapers, diapers. Smart. Yeah, so I have a dog diaper. Yeah. I think more people should put diapers on their dogs. Yeah. So I just, I just, I saw a dog traveling through the airport today. I saw a dog just lift its leg and pee on a wall. That dog needs a diaper. It probably was literally smelling like human piss and was like marking this one. I don't know. It's LAX.

So insane. Well, thank you, State Farm, for this story. Whatever stage you're crossing into, know that State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage you need. With State Farm, you can focus on what matters most, knowing you're prepared. For whatever may come next, like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Do you have any secret family recipes? Um, I mean, we have a family. My mom has a family sweet potato pie recipe.

I have a baked macaroni and cheese and then a potato salad. Oh, you got the good comfort foods. Sweet potatoes, one of my favorites, mac and cheese. Yes. Would you be willing to share any of them? No. Damn. What yours, Morgan?

I have a couple different ones. My grandma's chocolate chip cookies. Ooh. Fire. I've got a really good cardamine bread recipe. I don't even know if I've never heard of this. Well, so it's a Swedish thing, but they make it in like traditional Swedish recipes. It's like buns, cardamine buns.

But my grandma, maybe it's a Minnesota thing. Maybe it's like a Swedish Minnesotan thing. Classic. They almost make it. where it looks like a hollow bread, where it's like braided. And it's so good. So good. I've got a few family recipes.

And I am willing to share them. Oh, well, that makes us different. You can reconsider maybe. We'll include you in the two-h-takes cookbooks. Well, then I'll take the cookies. I'll take the cookie one. I'll trade you for sure. No, you just said I could have it.

You didn't say I had to trade. You said you would give it. So it just seems like out of the goodness of your heart, you should just give it to me and respect my boundaries. I guess. I did offer it free of charge. I didn't really incentivize you to give me anything. There's no trade there.

No bartering. I'm a bad bartering. Okay. So this is coming from R slash confessions. It's a month old now, titled, My mother-in-law is currently giving me the silent treatment because I won't share a family recipe

that is actually just expensive takeout. That's fun. That's so fun. It's a fun story. I'll die if I don't share this. Three years ago, I was supposed to cook for my wife's birthday dinner, and I completely torched the main dish. In a total panic, I drove to this Italian deli to towns over, bought two massive trays of lasagna, scraped the cheese on top so it looked messy and homemade, and hid the foil containers in the outside trash. I remember that episode of The Simpsons. Skymour Center did that. He made steamed hands.

I think a lot of people do this. It was a hit. Like, they wouldn't shut up about it. Best thing they ever ate. Now, I'm the lasagna guy. Every birthday, every holiday, I have to drive 40 minutes round trip, smuggle this stuff into the house in a gym bag,

and transfer it to my own Pyrex dishes when my wife is in the shower. The issue is my mother-in-law asked for the recipe last week for her church pot look. I didn't know why. what to do. So I told her, I promised my late grandmother on her deathbed that I wouldn't write it down. She called me selfish and is actually pissed off at me. I feel like a total fraud, but I can't tell her the secret ingredient is $80 and a guy named Sal. No, it's easy. That's easy. What do you do?

You let her in because then you build trust and confidence with her and you know, you have an alliance with your mother-in-law. I learned this after. I should have done this stuff in the trailers. I didn't know. But now I get it. And so that's what I would do is I would actually say, I'm going to the recipe, but I'm going to need you come to me. I'm going to come with you, take her to the restaurant before and then have her eat to the design and go like, this is it. Please don't tell anybody else. You got to keep her the secret. What if she's a snitch, though? That's the risk you running, I guess. But I don't believe, she's probably, old school because then she'll have something over the church people too.

So then she, because then the only two you have the lasagna. Uh-huh. And you're like, oh, he took me aside, told me the story of why it's so important to him. He shared it with me. But now I can't share it with anybody else. It's not my secret. It's not my secret to share. I cannot do that to his grandmother's memory.

You build trust and you got and double lasagna. I think that's the move personally. I kind of like the way you're thinking I was like I just find a fake recipe And that's what a lot of the comments say They're like just give her a random lasagna recipe She don't know

She gonna know the taste is different I know when everyone is just like Just express disappointment When it never turns out the same But I kind of like this I do like having a little bit of a bonding moment Between your mother-in-law Yeah you still keep in the secret from your wife

It's just a fun secret to have It's not hurting anybody Yeah But then now you and two are in on it, and then she knows, even when this guy keeps secrets, it's just lasagna. It's just lasagna? Yeah. Huh. Would you ever go on Survivor?

No. Why? Because I don't want to, I like food. Well, they have coconuts. That's not enough. And some rice. No. Sometimes they get a chicken.

I like protein veggies and a nice rice. I like sleep. I like eight hours of sleep. I know. I like indoors. I don't even like the beach. I don't like the beach on a regular day. I know that's my problem.

I don't really like being sandy. And getting like in the ocean and if you accidentally get some water near your mouth, it tastes like corn on the cob. I'm like really, I know, I have a hard time with that. I like to have a hotel near the beach. That's wonderful. Do you still like to go in the pool, though, over the ocean nearby? Yeah. I mean, I will go into the actual ocean, but then I will go to the ocean, get out, and then I'm done.

And we're done. The beach for me is like 30 minutes. What's your drink of choice at the beach? My drink of choice is the same everywhere. Water, Coke Zero. Coke Zero and water. I like both those things. Do you like the taste of water?

Mm-hmm. It's the one thing. I just have a really hard time with the taste of water. You not drink enough? Oh, I'm chronically dehydrated. Well, if you don't drink enough water, then you don't like to taste of water. You got to get used to the taste of it. When water tastes bad to you, that's the bad sign.

Hmm. I'm going to have to think about this for a while. Hmm. I just like don't, you don't like the taste of it, so drink more. Yeah. No, yeah. I mean, there's other, there's like a YouTuber who got made fun of a lot because he never drank water and he drank water and he spit it out and had to like wash it down with soda. And people were telling them it's because, like, you've gone too far. Huh. There's only a couple brands that I do like, like very selective. But like...

Which one? You don't want to say because you don't have a brand deal? Not yet. I really like liquid death. I love all waters from Iceland. Like they just taste really good. You could like take your little water bottle.

You go up to a waterfall there in Iceland and just drink straight from the source. That's legit. I like sparkling water, but that doesn't necessarily count. But there's still real water in the... Why does sparkling water count? A lot of people say it doesn't count.

I think there's sparkling water. wrong just because it's sparkling anything it doesn't count well because they're like it's purified and purified water is bad for you you should be drinking spring water no that's true you do minerals you want natural minerals yeah i watched that um zach effron documentary where purified water leeches minerals from you would you have watched it if it wasn't zach effron nice i like that yeah he did a good job in it though i don't i'm aware of it i don't watch many things no i watch mostly pro wrestling from the early 2000s and then I Love Lucy and King of the Hill.

And then occasionally a show will grab me in and I will watch all of it. But other than that, I should have known I had autism a long time ago probably. Wrestling from the 2000s. Yeah, that's a good one. I love Lucy's good. I miss TV land. When I was growing up, I had TV land on my TV and I would watch Mr. Ed, the Andy Griffith show. I dream of genie, a witch.

Like, I would watch all these old shows. why haven't those made it to the streamers yet? It's a good question. I really picking you. I mean, I love Lucy is on Paramount Plus, which makes sense. But yeah, so many of them are hard to find. It's the one thing that sucks is when you have an option of everything. And so the value is lowered and you lose that discovery of just like, oh, I'm forced to have this cultural

knowledge of Green Acres and Benny Hill because that's what came on and what my grandparents were watching. I miss that type of stuff. I know I do too. I feel like there was one show I was really surprised you can't even find now on streamers. It was like, is it Westworld? It's like an HBO show about like AI real life like robot people. That's not findable. Apparently.

It's happening. It's happening. It's going to happen more and more. Physical media is coming back. I want to get a VCR. You should. I'm like when I have kids, I just like want a little TV with a VCR. I've still got all my old movies.

We'll let them pop it in. They don't get instant gratification. they got to rewind those tapes. Like, we're going to really have to work for our... Yeah, work for... Yeah, work for our TV time. Question, though, about sharing information. Sure.

Did you... You know, when you were in Rob were playing chess in there? Did you ever feel like he was close to telling you? Because, like, everyone in hindsight has been like... It seemed like Rob was about to tell Ron that he was a traitor. I don't think he would have ever told me directly, but I don't think that was him both fishing and at the same time probably feeling a little bit of the weight of it

because it is hard to I mean I wasn't a traitor so I wouldn't know that aspect of it but I imagine if you are a good person like I know him to be it is hard to continuously just lie to a bunch of people and then just even

the way he like ended up not voting for me which was so fun and I loved watching it play out when I already knew that he had won you know and watching it. And everybody was like, oh, he just ruined this game and why would he do that? And I'm like, hey, it is smart gameplay.

Everybody was already starting to think that Lisa was a traitor. So why would he not vote for her? And then B, it also just was like, he's a good person. He could see that people were being a bit rude to me and isolating me. And he knew that if he had voted for me at that moment, that I would have been like, you too. And he was like, I don't want to do that. No. Watching you eat alone.

Like, I was just like heartbreaking for so many of us out there. I appreciate that. It's like everyone needs a little recharge, but like you, you got bullied. Yeah. I agree with you. But it led to great things because then other people who could see what was going on, even through some of the, you know, editing, which makes it like, you know. Yeah, the edit of it all too.

Yeah. So to have people still be like, oh, we see what's going on. And that's not cool. They clocked it. Made me feel really good. Yeah. And the amount of support and love I've gotten from it outside of it to me. And she's like, you know, bad we can work.

You don't always like the people you work with. I'm cool with that. I just would never have made it that personal. I wouldn't not have eaten. You know, the second day, I figured Dona was a traitor. Still hung out with her, still ate with her. You know, there was no reason to me to over a game to ever treat people the way some of those people treated me. No, it's insane. And there is a little bit of the glass half full with it where like it literally led you to kind of discovering things about yourself like autism. And you like then can relate more to your child. And I saw, I think it was like the today show you went on or CBS or CBS morning show.

Yeah. And you were like it was just kind of nice because like now with my son like I'm in the pool swimming with them. Like I get it now. And it was just a really. cool analogy. So it's it's nice that at least that came out of such a tumultuous experience. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with you. It's just, you know, I'm glad people got to see it and got to see me. And I'm glad of what I got to see in myself that I stuck to my goal, that I never lied to anyone, that I always, that I still tried to play the game and be helpful even when other people were being to me. And that I could show something to my sons and go, like, even when you're under stress and duress, Like this is how you act as a man. This is how you treat people.

I love that. That's a really, really good point. And amazing that that was your goal, too, to go in and like, I'm going to just be me, not lie. And you held on to that. I love that. Okay. Okay. Okay.

This is pretty recent coming from a couple weeks ago. It is titled, Am I the Asshole? If I Rune My Sister's Honeymoon by Telling, her that her husband was caught kissing someone else. A thoroughway account, my sister was recently married over the weekend, and she is now on her honeymoon in Aruba. She asked me before she left to develop the disposable cameras that she had on each table for the guest to take their own pictures of the reception.

It was an outdoor event in which I was the maid of honor. Everything was beautiful. No problems at all throughout the whole night. At the end of the night, each guest went to their respective lodgings as it was a remote wedding near a hotel. My sister texted me instructions to pick up the disposable cameras from the coordinator and have them developed because she wanted to put together a slideshow when she returned. I had them developed and I was flipping through them and I came across an image of my brother-in-law kissing a mysterious woman. I have stared at this photo for what must be an hour and I can't place.

the woman he's kissing. Once more, it's kind of blurry, like maybe it was taken in a hurry, sort of out of focus, but just focused enough that I can place his face. There's no doubt about it. This man is my brother-in-law. This is my sister's husband. From the tucks to his loafers, to the wedding band, I've flipped through the rest of the pictures, and he is the only one wearing a very specific tie. That's sort of a running joke between him and my sister. I've started passively asking around about this woman at her wedding, and I told our side that I wanted to reach out to her about some services that she said she provided. Obvious lie. But no one knows who she is, and she is only in two photos. One is a side profile, the other is her kissing my brother-in-law.

This was a very passionate yet secret kiss. It was taken outside of the tent where the reception was held, just far away enough that no one would have seen them near the tree line. They're holding each other. I don't know if I'm taking this out of context. Maybe I am. My brother-in-law is a great guy. So I don't like that I'm automatically jumping to conclusions, but this is a very uncomfortable photo.

The way it was taken was suspect too, because it's slightly out of focus. Why? Like whoever took it knew that they were catching something inappropriate. For reference, the outdoor restrooms were near the tree line. Unfortunately, there's no way to trace who used each disposable camera. It was a spur of the moment idea my sister got after watching a TikTok, so I have no way of asking the person who took the photo and how they came across them and why. But I have a nagging feeling.

Would I be the asshole if I called her while she's on her honeymoon to tell her what I found? Should I wait until she returns and present her with the photo? I can't supply her. I can't supply her. more details here because I have family members that actively use Reddit. Any advice would be appreciated. Another TikTok trend. Fucking everybody's life looks. I mean, why would he think it's okay to kiss the mistress on the disposable camera? That to me makes me feel like there's got to be something more to it because even if you were cheating,

hey, why would the person you're cheating want to come to your wedding? Oh, it's their last shot. You think so? Oh, yeah. Okay. They're in there right before he walks down the aisle. I'm willing to believe that. Choose me.

Pick me. But then I don't think that they're going to like kiss someone openly out at this wedding. I know I understood they're saying it was out. To answer the question, I would wait and I would just put the photos with the slide show and just. You, you're a devious. Yeah. In the slideshow? Yeah, why not?

So she finds out the first time as she's clicking through a slideshow, what if everyone's there? Then to me, that's the time you want to do it. Because, A, you're not going to be able to prepare and come up with some weird lie. Oh, that's true. You have backup to be like, what is this? Or C, you know what it is. Who knows? Maybe she knows who that is.

I don't know. I mean, some people kiss their cousins on the mouth. Could be a cousin. Could have been an ex or something. I don't know. Hmm. I don't know. I don't know either.

I. But I wouldn't ruin their honeymoon. I know. Definitely not. No. Some people would probably be like, well, they're on their honeymoon. They're away from the world. It would give them a chance to hash it out.

But I'm like, uh, her life's about to blow up when she gets back. Let her have one nice week in Aruba. Yeah. Just one nice week. I don't know if I would be ballsy enough to do the slideshow. I think that's a little, that's a little wonky. For me, for me. I understand.

You, you're kind of. of pot stirrer. Yeah. Yeah. So I think you could handle that. Yeah. My anxiety would be too great. But I'd wait until she gets back and just like say, hey, can we go grab dinner?

Can we catch up? And I'd slide the photo across the table and be like, do you know this person? Maybe the side profile picture first. Do you know this person? Oh, nice. And then if she's like, oh, yeah, that's John's cousin, Melissa. Then you don't even go with the second one. You say, are they pretty close?

Like kissing cousins close? And then she's like, why do you ask? And then you slide the second one across the table. I like how you're a good detective. Slide. Yeah. Yeah. I love a clue.

Yeah, I could tell. I love a clue. Love a plot. You were like, boom. I'm going to lead you and then hit you with the big bomb at the end. I like your style. I don't think you're doing much different than what I'm doing, just not out in public. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't want to. Because I love my sister. I wouldn't want to, like, embarrass her. Like, she's excited to relive her wedding, which was so fun. And then all of a sudden it's like, bam. I mean, also my reasoning for the slideshow aspect of it then is to me, I don't want to look like a weirdo who's like.

Suspicious. Yeah. I want to just be like, I just, it was in here. I didn't even know. And like, oh, this is an issue? Oh, I didn't know. I thought that was okay. I mean, you took a picture of it.

Yeah, it was in the pictures. It was in the pictures See, that's my point of it I don't have to be like, boom, because then I don't want them to be like, oh, that's so-and-so. Yeah, and I'm like, oh, I'm an idiot. I'm sorry.

It was a dare. I took that picture. Yeah, or something, whatever it could be. Yeah. Some people are swingers. They could be swingers. That's what also. And you just don't know.

Exactly. The wedding day is a wild day to swing, but. Yeah. I don't know. Just another Tuesday or Saturday for them. Yeah, exactly. Top comment on this one.

Well, you would be the asshole if you didn't tell her at all, but since you're planning to let her know, the time and place is really up to your discretion. So not the asshole, I guess. But for safety reasons, it might be for the best to wait until after they come back from the honeymoon, at least in case the worst-case scenario, then your sister will be closer to family.

I'll take your word that your brother-in-law is a great guy, and you probably think he's never been violent, but don't let your guard down just yet, considering that he now might not be the great guy you all came to know. Better safe than sorry. No one knows what this man is capable of when emotions get high. Men have the worst reputation. They're immediately like, he might kill her.

Like, what? It's going to go that far that quick. That's wild. But I'm not saying that it won't happen, no. You know. But we got bad rap. We got bad rap. Even for me, I will say that's a bit of a stretch.

That feels like elastic girl. Like you're really, you're pulling there. Someone responds, though, and said, sad but excellent comment. I don't know. No, I feel like also sometimes when you go on a date and, I mean, I understand having a check-in and being like, I want to check-in and safe, but sometimes the lady will tell you. And I'm just like, well, then maybe we just should never go on this date. If you feel like you're not safe, then you should go home and where you're safe. I got a true crime podcast called Clues

And I learn a lot of crazy stuff About these cases every week And you can't be too sure Like sometimes you know people flip a switch And you just People You know snap No I agree

Protect yourself overall I understand Yeah Yeah Someone goes wait until you can tell her in person If you tell her while she's on her trip He's going to deny Deny deny with plenty of time

To put the blame on you In the meantime keep searching for the mystery woman. And O.P. responds, I do plan on finding this mystery woman. And I hope that I'm seeing this photo out of context. But I won't give her the photos or say anything until she returns. Yeah, I wouldn't keep certain.

To me, that's what I'm saying. You don't know the context of the photos. So why search for the woman? Like, just present the evidence you have. Yeah. You don't need to, now you're out there playing detective. Then it's just like this is a thrill for you. I know.

you're kind of trying now a little too hard. Yeah. Like if your sister deems it worthy to look further, then let her. Yeah. I know. O.P. is like, I'm waiting to hear back from a few people who might know her. There is a guest list, but it may raise concerns if I ask for it. I don't want to do anything rash.

Yeah. But like she's already considering like, oh, there's a guest list. Yeah. I could look at that. Yeah. She's too into it. She's, no, she needs to just wait, give these pictures. And then other than that.

Just leave it alone. Also, if this is a mistress or someone he's been cheating with, I don't think she's going to be on the guest list. She could have been a crasher. That's a good point. You don't know. Yeah, she would have to be real dumb to be like also put me on the guest list. Yeah, she's not on that guess list.

We do get a little bit of a mini update. I've gotten a few comments about the photo. Blurry, maybe is a hyperbole, but he was holding this woman while kissing her. hands on the small of her back and one just above her ass. So yes, they were intimate. Also, from the comments I'm receiving, I won't be sharing what I know until she returns.

There were some comments about my brother-in-law painting me as the bad guy if I tell her now, which is valid. I'll continue to look for this mystery woman in the meantime, but for now, I'll keep this on the DL. So far, I'm the only one who knows. It almost makes me feel like less is going on. because of the hand on the small of the back. That's kind of an intimate spot.

It's intimate, but if you're out there cheating on a thing, you're going to put the hand on the ass. Oh, you're going full cheek. I think so. If you're going for it at that point, you're catching a quick, passionate thing in your heightening. So you're going boom, boom, boom, get ass to before you get out of there.

Yeah. But if you're just doing small on the back, to me, that's less intimate. I could see that now. Thank you. Maybe we'll do a poll on this one. Do you think he was kissing a cousin or some relative? Maybe crazy Aunt Lisa came by and wanted a kiss on the lips. Or is he cheating?

I think it's a third option. What's option? Swinger? Either Swinger or this was an old lover of his that was still important to him. And she obviously thinks that he's important to her. And so they had this like embrace that's kind of like them being like, well, I'm letting you go off into your marriage. But they had this little embrace. I can see that.

I'll put a poll. You guys can vote. We'll see what we think. I love a poll. Me too. Ron, thank you so much for coming on. It was fun. This was so fun.

Yeah. This was so good. What else are you working on? Do you want to share anything? Do you want to send everyone a certain direction? Yeah, I mean, my YouTube is good. Anything Ron Funches on all socials. Just go and do that on YouTube, on Instagram, wherever, TikTok, and then come see me. I'm on a road. I'm on a tour, my faithful tour, talking trash about some of the people from the traders and then talking about my life and my family is a fun show. It's doing very well. So coming by tickets. I'm going all over the United States. And also the UK. So come see me. We got some UK fam. We're on Bunches.com for that.

I love it. You're doing like Netflix as a joke. I saw your schedule. Your lineup, you're busy. I stay busy. You're booked. I'm busy. I try.

I love it. Got to be. All of Ron's links will be in the description. Super easy to find. Check out a show. The stand-up bits incredible. I mean, there's so much I could hit on with your stand-up. I love the fact that you're into conspiracy theories.

The koala thing really scared me. but really, really, really fun stand-up. So be sure to check it out, you guys. And other than that, until next time, bye. Bye.