Two Hot Takes - 35: Show Me The Money..

Episode Date: September 30, 2021

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Lauren!! SHES BACK! These two take on money problems.. and theres a lot of them. The money theme will be divided into two parts.. first up the reddit stories. Listener write ins will be following next release. As always your support is very appreciated: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Direct Inquiries: [e-mail]

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Send it to MinkyCouture.com now and find your perfect blanket. Just in time for the holiday, happy Memorial Day from Minky Couture. Today's episode is brought to you guys by Ana Luisa. That's A-N-A-L-U-I-S-A. Ana Luisa is an amazing, sustainable jewelry company. They make beautiful rings, necklaces, earrings, everything you need to spice up your look. I'm wearing my earrings and my necklaces again and they've become a staple in my wardrobe. If you're watching the YouTube version, you'll get some selfies and pictures of me wearing

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Are you happy to be back? I am actually. People have been asking, where is Lauren? Where is she? You're making that up. I swear to God. No. I swear to God I'll prove it.

Watch. Well, I'm creep. Minnesota for three weeks, that was one and then I was in what Arizona for like two weeks before that. You were. You were bopping around. I don't know why I even pay rent in LA. That's sad.

Kind of off topic, Elahual, but where is Lauren? Oh. I feel like we haven't seen her in forever. Oh, that's so nice. I know. People were wondering where you were. So I'm glad you're back. Me too.

This is a topic today that we kind of brushed up on when we were like fighting about you paying like Jeff's mortgage. We weren't fighting about me talking about that. We weren't fighting about it, but it did get a little spicy. We were on opposite takes on that one. Yeah, because I feel like if I want to contribute to my rent, like even if it's, I would rather Pop in someone's mortgage. Yeah, like I would rather give someone I care about money for their mortgage than someone

else ran them. At least I feel like it's going somewhere that I care about, you know. Yeah. I think if it's fair and it's not like you're paying a majority of the mortgage or you're paying more than you would with rent, yeah, I'll swear. So today's episode is show me the money in the wise words of Jerry McGuire. But are you ready? Mm-hmm.

Okay, let's dive in. Let's go. This is like such a powerful topic for so many people. I posted on Instagram and I was like, tell me, like if you have money, like stories, prenups, inheritance, wills, trust funds, like just money in general, like give me the tea. So, so many listener right ends. Wow. So, so many.

I did some research on prenups and preparation for this episode. So I know some stuff, but not everything clearly, I'm not a fucking family estate lawyer. And I will know nothing. So that's okay. It's okay. I got my little red flags, but it's my input. If you are going through money issues and money stuff, like get a lawyer, you know, there's law clinics at universities that do stuff pro bono and stuff too.

So it can be more attainable than I think a lot of people think, but it is, it can be expensive as well, contradicting myself. But there's pro bono things are people that will take like cuts of settlements instead of payment. I honestly didn't even know what princess cut meant until like three years ago for a wedding ring. Yeah. Like I just like really didn't know about any of this stuff.

So to get to like that side of things, that's really like way beyond my pay grade. The prenup side of things. Yeah. I have, I have dove in and committed myself to learning lots about prenups. So why don't we start with one of those? So it goes fiance, 36 female, didn't want to sign a prenup with me, 33 male, got inheritance and now wants a prenup. A little background here is that I make around 250 K a year.

My fiance makes around 65 K a year. We have both been divorced. I asked for a prenup protecting my existing assets, two rental properties worth around 400 K together, my retirement account, my house, which I live in, existing savings account and just sentimental things. I offered to pay for a lawyer for her and make anything earned after the wedding fair game and a divorce split. In my previous divorce, my ex took a lot that I had before we even met each other and took

a lot of things with sentimental value just to hurt me. I floated the idea of a prenup and she was not okay with it. It hurt her feelings. She said I was planning for a divorce if I want a prenup. She had this idea that when we marry, everything becomes ours. We've been dating for four years and had very few bumps, so I don't see a super high risk of divorce, but I do acknowledge it's there. Anyways, I love her and I said sure.

Fast forward a couple months, her grandmother abruptly dies, wasn't expected, grandma was quite healthy before she had a heart attack. Apparently the grandmother left the entire estate to her worth roughly 800 K. Now the tables have turned and she wants a prenup protecting these assets from me, which I was fine with, but she doesn't want to sign my prenup in return for that. Her reasoning is that her grandmother wouldn't have her wealth to leave her direct family and there's a reason it was left all to me and not my siblings or parents and that the prenup-

It's a decent excuse, but still why couldn't she sign the other one? And that the prenup must not have been important to me because I threw out the idea after minimal pushback. I'm at a loss here. That's so, that's so what? I'm at a loss here. In one regard, I'm glad we had prenup discussions because it brought out these sides of us, but I'm really wondering if this four-year relationship has been full of nothing but

love and support for each other until now is even salvageable. She's not willing to budge on her own, prenup like I was, and I'm finding this whole situation very frustrating. Yeah, I would be so frustrated. Yeah. Lot of red flags in that. Wow. Lot of red flags.

So what really gets me, I can't believe that she said that. Well, it must not be that important because minimal pushback, what? Because he respected you, loves you, and wants to make you feel comfortable and happy in the marriage. Now you're just like, well, I'm not going to respect you because like you didn't really try that hard to fight me on it. Well the thing is, right, like that's crazy. It's really frustrating because he clearly has a lot of assets.

He's making a lot of money a year. He's got two properties worth 400,000 together, a retirement account, a house that he owns to, existing savings, and sentimental things. He's got a lot of stuff. He just doesn't want to be divorced again and be left with nothing and then in a bad situation where his shit gets taken from him. Especially when he said that his ex took sentimental things just to be a bitch, like yeah, of course he's going to be a little bit scarred and wants to protect himself.

It's fair. I think one of the biggest fights I've ever gotten in with my partners, like Justin, was about prenups. Yeah, I remember you thought like you were like absolutely not. I was. I was really, I was kind of like this person. I was really hurt. And I think it's just because of the fact that like Justin, like everyone in his life

has been divorced, like his parents are divorced, uncle divorced, like he's seen a lot of divorces. And so he was just like, I think prenups are great, blah, blah, blah. And I took it as like, you don't trust me. I would never go after things you cared about. He wants to buy his grandpa's land, which is really sentimental to him. And it's like, I would never try to take that from you in the same way that I would hope you wouldn't take my family farm from me. I have heritage properties that are important to me too.

So I was like really just kind of like, I had a sour taste in my mouth. It is just, it is, it is kind of scary though, because it's like, what if he did have a change of heart and he became so bitter, like let's say he got into drugs and he started not being himself anymore. And then he did want to take your farm from you. You know, like obviously I know Justin, I know you and I don't think that would happen. But it is like, you know, I think the whole idea is it makes it less romantic because it's like insurance on your love.

But it is kind of like, I'm fully on board now. Oh really? Fully on board. But that takes doing a little too well. No, not at all, because I wouldn't even, I think like there wouldn't be a lot to my prenup. I would want to, like there's certain things that go into prenups, like they're very specific to the couple.

There's certain things that can't go in prenups, like if you guys are getting married and you don't have children, you can't put potential children in a prenup and like determine custody already. That doesn't work. Right. So there's certain rules for prenups. Mine wouldn't be that complex. I think we would both have like family properties.

We would like to keep, if we were to get divorced, like I would want my farm protected. He would want his grandpa's land protected. I think there's little things like that, but other than that, it's like, no, I just like I want to be able to walk away and still like have a life and be able to like afford living. But like, there's nothing I would necessarily want to like keep from him at this point. Like, I don't have a lot. I just have a lot of student debt. And so that's the other thing.

So he have to take your student debt. So that is the other thing that prenups can protect against. So yes, if you get married, like when my brother and his wife got married, like her debt became his debt because they got married. That's what I thought. But if you do your prenup a certain way, you can actually write into the prenup that your partner's debt accrued before or during the marriage in just their name is not tied to you at all.

So that in itself, like I think that's amazing for a prenup, especially like if your husband or partner wife is like doing, you know, riskier business moves on their own accord, like it's a fail safe for you. Well, I saw it was a little clip, I think of 90 day fiance and it was this really old man and then this like really adorable, like cute little girl. And he was like, he was like, they were talking to a lawyer and he's like, yeah, no, I don't want her to have anything, but I'm going to buy her gifts all the time when we're together. And she was like, she had kind of broken English because it was 90 day fiance.

Like she wasn't, she was, I don't know where she's from. It's basically mail order brides, I feel like. And he was just like, or, and she was like, you don't respect me. And he's like, I give you gifts all the time. Of course I respect you. I just don't want you to have any of my stuff that I've worked for. And then the lawyer was just like, so if you guys were to get divorced and she wouldn't be working, you want her to be left with nothing.

And he was like, well, that's not how I see it. But basically like he looks at her as property, just like anything else. Barf, like, yeah, that old man was not my cup of tea. No, I saw another clip from that show too that was really like money related as well. And the guy like asked the girl, they were like sitting there across the table and the guy asked the girl, he was like, would you still be with me if I didn't have money? And she goes, no. And he was like, what?

It was Enfisa. And he was, I don't know. Oh, okay. And he was so like taken aback, he was like, what? And she was like, you wouldn't be with me if I wasn't hot. Yeah, it's Enfisa. Yeah. I was like, it was so funny.

Touche. She's like, you literally came and found me off of Facebook and said, you're so hot, I want to fly you to America and marry you. Yeah. You can't have your cake and eat it too, you little hypocrite. I just thought it was so funny that she owned up to that. She was like, no, I wouldn't be with you if you didn't have money. Yeah.

I mean, she was like, what the fuck? I'm going into it with that amount of honesty and, you know, being real with each other. Yeah. At least she's direct. Now she, I mean, they split up and I followed her on Instagram for a little bit and she like, became this boss bitch, like works out all the time. It's just like doing her own thing. Back to the story.

What's interesting about this one, granted her grandmother's death is really unexpected, but let's just say she would have signed his prenup. They would have gotten married and then her grandmother would have died and she would have gotten that inheritance. Any inheritance that you get is not marriage property. It's not community property. So if like I was married right now and I got some sort of inheritance, it wouldn't automatically be entitled to my spouse.

It's separate property. It's not community property. Okay. If you do get an inheritance and then start paying community bills with it, like community property bills, like home maintenance for your house or you buy a new couch or you put it in like a joint account, then it's community property. But if you keep it separate, it's just yours. It's your inheritance.

No one, it's not like accessible to your spouse. Interesting. From my understanding. Yeah. I was going to say you did do your research. I tried. I tried. I wanted to know a little something for this and I've also just been like researching prenups

for myself and they're very different state to state. Like California is a community property state. So prenups are a little more difficult here, but if you have a good lawyer, they still stand up. Um, so just get a good lawyer. But this is a big red flag. I don't know if I would continue on with this person because if like, if she's expecting you to sign a prenup for her to keep her money from you, but she won't do the same

for you. It's like, she feels entitled to your stuff in, in some regard or like it's just, I don't know. It just is a red flag to me. Yeah. It's a huge red flag. So what is he going to do? So top comment on this one.

I don't think that they should necessarily call off the wedding, but I think they need to have like a sit down talk and for sure. I don't know. Cause it doesn't seem like she's actually trying to be a huge bitch. It seems like she's just thinking about herself being selfish. I don't know. Yeah, but like you have to like, if that were me, I would see kind of like the hypocrisy of it.

Like you're being a really big hypocrite. You want something that benefits you, but you're not willing to do the same thing to keep your partner safe or like respect him, them. I don't know what, I think it's a good dude. So top comment on this one. Maybe highlight the fact that she said a prenup meant that there was a plan for divorce. Ask her how your request is different from you planned on keeping your wealth and assets in your direct family too.

A compromise will definitely be needed from your fiance. Don't budge on your prenup. It's reasonable. You should understand where you're coming from, especially since she seems to feel the same about protecting important assets. If there's hostility because of the prenups, it's definitely worth waiting until it's resolved before moving ahead with the wedding. That's exactly what I was thinking.

Like I don't think they should call it off, but like if they can't come to an understanding, I would be a little bit hesitant jumping in or just don't get married, stay how it is. Yeah, true. If that's really what it is and you want to keep things separate between you two, like you don't have to get married. Yeah. Uh, someone goes, you'll say a prayer every night and thank that grandma. Her death showed you who your fiance is.

Them. Yeah. Her reasoning. It's kind of funny, but yeah. So someone quotes what he says, her reasoning is that her grandma wouldn't have wanted her wealth to leave her direct family. And there's a reason it was left all to me and not my siblings or parents. Agreed with this one.

She already sees the relationship as something that can be ended. In the statement above, she basically states that she doesn't really see OPS family, not real family at least. I wonder what kind of foster parent this woman would make in case OPS kids. She signs yours first and after you sign hers, this is the way, the only way bounce if that don't work. Someone goes dump her and leave and maybe don't propose ever again. I hope he goes, it's been on my mind for sure.

It took a lot of mental blocks to even think about marriage again. My last one ended when I was in my mid-20s and erased all progress I'd made in life essentially. That's really tough. That's such a sad thing to say. I know. Someone else goes, definitely check with a lawyer for their opinion on this. As from a civil and social point of view, this is not okay. Yeah, my lawyer doesn't seem to think it's a good idea at all to the point he actually

thinks her prenup would be invalidated based on how much BS it is, but his advice was not to marry. Wow. Someone goes, you have a smart lawyer. Holy shit. Yeah. You know, there's a radio show that Justin is absolutely obsessed with. That's Dave Ryan.

It's a Minneapolis-based show. Dave has this show called War of the Roses and essentially it's couples who think maybe a spouse is cheating, something's fishy going on. They call that partner and say, hey, for a couple survey questions, we're going to offer you a bouquet of roses. I forgot about this. They get through the phone call and at the end they have to say, okay, great. Thank you for answering our survey.

Who would you like to send your roses to? And you already know the name of the actual partner, the one that's calling. So if you hear another name, you're like, shit, these people are cheating. And a lot of times it blows up in their face, but a divorce lawyer will actually come on after and he'll be like, thank God she found out now. I saw this divorce. It went like this. Family law practitioners have, unless they're divorce lawyers, they come on the show after

and give their takes on the couple and what happened. I think that's a newer thing because I don't remember that growing up. It's really good. That's cool. And so you get this like actual legal side of things as well. And it's just really... I thought those were fake, like most of them I thought were fake. I honestly, I think, I don't know, I want to think they're real.

I hope they're real because they're really good, but I just really like that there's like the legal side of it too. And you get to hear other cases that this lawyer's had, other instances. They used to be like, would you like a flowery, I don't know, they'd say like a basically a friend bouquet or a romantic bouquet. They used to do that. And then they'd be like, I'll do the romantic roses. And they're like, oh, great.

Okay. And who would you like to send that to? I know. It's really, it's really, really good. Last comment from OP. So someone goes, you are both awful, just like little children who don't want to share what is mine. When you marry someone, you are committing to spending your life with them.

You become a team where everything is shared, the good and the bad. And in your 30s, already with one divorce each, seems you still haven't learned your lessons. Oh, who is this entitled asshole? No prenups. You both need to grow up and decide whether you're going to be a team or you're going to keep your weird selfish mentality. If it's later, don't get married.

And OP goes, I said I'm perfectly fine sharing everything I earn after the wedding. Yeah. That sounds like some old school, like 80 year old who got married when he was 20 and then super religious. So like, no matter what issues they stayed in the marriage, I'm like, that sounds so like just narrow minded for him to be so, either share absolutely everything or fuck off or fuck off. No, I agree.

I think it's, it's really interesting with prenups too, because like, I agree with this. Like he should be able to keep his house. And unless she's like contributing to the rental properties and managing them, like, I just don't see an argument for any of his other assets, but like anything accrued during the marriage. Yeah, fair, split 50-50. But it's interesting. Like I got an argument with someone about like Dr. Dre and like Dr. Dre, you know, the

guy that developed beats, the headphones, he got divorced and he had to pay his ex-partner like a shit ton of money. And they were basically arguing that like, this woman didn't deserve anything. Dr. Dre built this empire on his own. She didn't deserve anything, blah, blah, blah. And to me, I'm like, I don't necessarily think that's the case at all. Like if she was a stay at home mom, she made it possible for him to work. She took care of their kids.

She raised a family. She took that burden off that you would be spending on numerous other jobs or what else ever. Stay at home moms are the real deal. Also, what if she was the whole idea behind like the beats headphones? What if she was like, why don't you make some headphones too? Like what if that was her idea? So that's why I think like with pre-nups, like you have to go into it where it is fair

because if your partner tries to be like, no, like whatever I make in the marriage, like it's still like, I get all like, it has to be a fair pre-nup. So that's like one thing if you do do a pre-nup, like both people get their own lawyers to make sure they're represented well and make sure it's fair. Yeah. I think, and honestly, I feel that pre-nups became more of a thing. I mean, again, obviously divorce rates have gone up ever since, I don't know, always. I think they're down like recently.

Oh really? That's promising. There's something interesting about our generation. I like listened to, it was a NPR life kit episode and our generation is like the pickiest generation. We are not jumping into marriage like our previous, you know, our parents' generations did. We're like not settling.

So I think there's like less divorce with our generation so far, but it traditionally has been like high for divorce rates. Well, and there were so many social constructs about being together and staying together and how wrong it was to get separate. You know, like in the 1920s, there's a show that I used to watch and it was just like if a woman was divorced, it was so embarrassing. A divorce set? Yeah.

And it's, so there was so many social constructs around that where it's like people didn't even need to think about pre-nups because it was just like a given that you're going to stay together no matter what. Whereas now there's a lot more flexibility than there used to be a lot more acceptance, thankfully, in the world. So now pre-nups are more talked about. I know, which is good because I definitely didn't really understand them and I... Yeah.

Cause I used to think it was just too like a way to just be like, mine, yours completely separate. I didn't realize that they could be so, you know, specific to exactly what everyone wanted. You know, like how he said, whatever we make after we get married, like, we split. Well, and I think it's too, and I had a couple listeners make this point as well, but if you don't have a pre-nup, there's still like stuff that already determines how a divorce will go. Like your state laws and the court system will dictate how your divorce will go.

So would you rather like decide for yourselves and choose the path you would like? That's the best for you both? Or would you rather have the state decide? Right. True. I'd rather me decide than have the state involved in my marriage divorce life, everything. So I think that's a solid point as well. So what is, did he come to a conclusion?

I mean, his lawyer told him not to marry her. No update post. I read all of his comments. Do you think he should get married to her or what do you, what do you think? I wouldn't. Oh, okay. I wouldn't unless she's willing to sign his and blah, blah, blah, like he doesn't want her estate money.

Like. Yeah. I mean, the fact that he was like, I'll sign yours. Yeah. Her estate money, like he's, he's got a shit ton himself. So it's like her estate, she's got like 800K. She got from grandma. He's got two rental properties worth around 400K, a retirement account and a house and

an existing saving account. So his value of his things, like they're probably very equal too. Yeah. And I feel like he probably doesn't, didn't pay off both his properties fully. I mean, maybe. No. Yeah. He could still have mortgages.

Like who knows what it is, but getting just 800K would be pretty freaking nice. I would, I would cry. Yeah. I would cry. My student loans would be wiped. I would cry. I'd be so happy. I would just like have it.

I would just cash it all out and then just lay it in it, put it in a room. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Up next. Last pre-nup story. At Weedman, we use only golf course quality, time-release granular fertilizer, which meters out over eight to 10 weeks and makes environmental sense.

This means no mowing like crazy after the application and then lost the color a few weeks later like some competitors' results. Go to weedmanusa.com. Am I the asshole for insisting my sister gets a pre-nuptial agreement? My sister and I are property investors who own six investment properties together. I know how the internet feels about evil landlords, so spare me that please. That's not why I'm here. We started with one house to live in, then bought lots of cheap houses and flipped them

for rental income. We're doing well financially because of said houses. My sister is getting married. Wedding is later this year, pandemonium dependent. I'm helping her plan and we were going through a to-do list, seeing what's left to be done. She mentions caterers, venues, invites, et cetera, and asked if she'd forgotten anything. I said yes, pre-nuptial. And we both sang, we want pre-nuptial, yeah, like the Kanye song then laughed.

She moved on to the next item without actually dressing it. I leave it for then and we go our separate ways. I texted her later in the evening, quote, hey, my friend used a really good lawyer to draw her pre-nuptial, so let me know if you want me to ask for her deeds. She replies, she thought I was joking. She's not asking her husband to sign a pre-nuptial. I reply, I wasn't joking and I must insist he signs one. She calls and says it's not my place to insist.

I say it is when our assets are tied together. Yeah, 100%. She asked me if I'm trying to say something about her future husband. I say I'm trying to be realistic and smart, then it all goes to hell. She starts yelling at me about me being rude, jinxing her marriage before it began, yada, yada, yada. I say either she gets a pre-nuptial or we transfer all property to my name and I get one if I ever get married and then I hang up.

Yeah. Been bombarded by family saying her future husband is a good guy who would, quote, never do that if they separated. He sent me a text admonishing me for hurting my sister and calling him a gold digger. He thought I liked him. Oh my God. I'm not backing down on this. It's so dramatic.

Emotionally manipulative. Yeah, what? I'm not backing down on this. Am I the asshole for how I went about it or wanting one? No. Maybe you could have gone about it in a better way if you would have known your sister was going to act like that, but he didn't think it was a big deal. It's like, he probably thought he didn't even have to ask her about it because it's, he's,

he, what, that's selfish. Yeah, I don't know. That's selfish. He is tied to all of that property. How do you do that? I don't even know how that works. Like how, sorry. I'm baffled.

Well, I think when you have, like, I think this is where the wealthy keep getting wealthy by the poor, like stay poor, and I think there's a lot to be said about generational wealth and generational knowledge when it comes to money. Because like these people, I don't know, like, I'm just, I'm, I don't know if OP is a guy or a girl, but like these people shouldn't just have six properties in their names. They should already have like an LLC protecting them. It shouldn't, it should be like a business with an LLC or a trust. It shouldn't just be like tied to their names directly.

Yeah. Well, that's why I was really confused because how does that work? So let's say they did get divorced, then let's say the guy did want to come for the properties. So now what does he, is it split three ways? Like does it actually affect him? Yeah, I think they would maintain their percentages, but like the sister and the husband, whatever the sister has, she would have to share 50-50 of, which makes it more difficult for OP because then it's like, okay, well, if he's not willing to be bought out in his interest or whatever

he would get in a divorce, then you have to answer to that person for any executive decisions that you make in regards to these properties. It just becomes more complicated when this person wasn't involved in this business whatsoever. So can he just be like, let's sell our property or? They could. But then he probably absolutely doesn't want to do that right now. I mean, it's something they've worked for, for a really long time. Or he, she, they, I don't know who this is.

Yeah, they never say, but yeah, I think like, I wouldn't, this is, I know like they say at the beginning, like landlords, evil, blah, blah, blah, like it is tough, but like rental properties and like he, they put in work, they both put in work, they flipped these rundown houses and you know, as long as the rent is fair, like, I don't know, the housing and equal opportunity housing is a really complex problem. So either way, they've worked hard, they want to maintain it and like your sister getting married shouldn't fuck with your life and your revenue. So what advice do you have for OP then?

I would do the trust or an estate where the husband can't touch any of their existing properties. Yeah. Um, there is an update though that we do get. So top comment on this one, no assholes here, but have you seen a lawyer about your options though? Surely there's some agreements you and your sister could sign that would at least protect your half of things.

You're not the first person whose business partners got married came here to say this time to formalize that partnership and set informal contracts, your respective ownership to protect yourself. Yeah. Someone else goes agree on 100% need to form an LLC to protect not just the rental property from your future brother-in-law, but also protect OP personally from any issues from the rentals. I'll look into it.

Thank you. This is like one thing that I would say like if you're doing any risky things, you're starting a business, you're buying a home, like do it with an LLC because then that home is its sole entity and people cannot come after your personal, like your money. We've kind of talked about this before and, um, cause we were talking about sapiens. Yeah. I think you've read a little bit of that, right? No, I want to.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, they just basically talk about that a lot how it's like this imaginary thing that we just created. Yeah. Like an LLC isn't, it doesn't exist, but we just create it and it's there. Limited liability corp. Yeah.

I did one for the podcast. I didn't want anything to go wrong, but if it did go wrong, I wanted to make sure I was protected. Like you don't want to own a home and then have your business tank. So then because your business tanks, they can come after and take away your home from you. Yeah. It's exactly.

They will say that like word for word in sapiens. LLC is you guys and they're, they cost a fee every year, but like they're pretty easy to do and highly recommend it. Yeah. Okay. Next comment. So for the update, we'll just get into it. Okay.

It's been about six weeks since everything went down. I need to clarify a few things. I can't afford to buy her out. So that's not an option. She doesn't want to sell because they are long-term investments for us. It wasn't a case of we each own 50, 50 in the properties between us. We know what's the case. However, legally, sometimes I own 75% to her 25% and vice versa because of our financial

standing at the time we purchased the properties. I would stand to lose a lot if her marriage went south because some of the more expensive properties she holds more equity in the properties that have been paid off. We've been able to change the deeds, but those still mortgage are that way at the banks insistence. We have transferred all of the properties into a trust. It is a legal protection that outlines how everything is split, including clarifications on who owns how much.

It says that spouses are not entitled to anything related to the houses. We've also decided to end our business ventures together. We'll keep managing the properties, but we won't buy any more together for the sake of the relationship. We're doing okay, still not as it was, but that is to be expected, I guess. Her husband to be is still withdrawn around me, but honestly, I don't care. Yeah, fuck him. Their wedding is going ahead as planned later this year, hopefully.

As to all who offered advice, the laws in my country are a little different, but we found a solution. Update over, short and sweet. Well, I understand that she was sensitive, especially right before her wedding. You know that you were super sensitive to pre-nups. I was. Very recently. Oh yeah.

I cried. Yeah. I understand that that hurt her feelings, and she is so excited about her husband. She trusts him so much. To feel like her best friend, brother, or best friend, or whatever, I don't know what OP is, but sibling doesn't or think that her sibling doesn't think that their marriage will work out. Yeah.

I understand that she was hurt in the moment, but it's a really, really, really reasonable request of him, or fuck. I'm going to die of it. Of them. We don't know. We love OP. It's so funny how everyone pictures this story, because I actually see this being another girl.

It's so funny. I was picturing a guy the entire time. Yeah. I don't know why. We make little stories with brains. We have visual images. Yeah. But with that being said, I think the only asshole in this story is the husband.

Get over yourself. It wasn't personal. Let your partner figure it out with the sibling. It really has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with you. The only reason you're mad is because maybe you wanted ... Yeah, literally. Maybe you wanted to have ...

Maybe you wanted to have ... Some of that shit, you felt entitled to that, if that was your partner's. It's honestly ... I mean, my thought is that it could have been literally Jesus himself getting married to the sister, and OP would still be like, hey, let's make this more official. It doesn't mean anything about the guy being a bad guy. That's just so ... Not at all.

It's just smart business. Yeah. And that's business. Going into business with friends, family, it's extremely difficult. I would have had a partnership agreement upfront right away. It's something that can come with so much drama and just like, you just got to hammer that shit out. So I don't know.

Top comment. I'm curious. This protects you and your sister if your marriage goes south, but what if your sister has kids and then dies? Is there a provision for her husband and kids to benefit from her portion of your partnerships? The children inherit her share of the house's under guardianship of a lawyer until they're of age. Love that.

Sounds like the most ideal practical solution, and husband will get over it. And if he doesn't, then I kind of think that's a little sus. Then they get a divorce because of that. It's just a little sus. Can you imagine? It's a little sus. It is sus. I agree.

I'm trying to think if I would feel, no, I really think that I would think it's reasonable if I was in the husband situation. Yeah. I mean, you'd think so. I don't see how you would feel entitled to something that you played no part in. Yeah. That's why Justin in his music business, he's like, sure, if that's what you wanted to prenup for, sure.

I would never take any portion of your business or anything like that. I had no part in that. Yeah. That's dumb. So, no, I think that's a very reasonable ask prenup wise. There's some crazy, there's some crazy like prenup stories that I did find though that are very like, I think it was a listener right in honestly that wrote in and it was like my aunt was getting married and her future husband wanted like certain things in a prenup.

And one of them was the fact that she couldn't stay away from home for more than two nights in a row. How is that legal? It wouldn't hold up in court. Yeah. But like, there's certain things that people try to get away with and it's like, what? That's so scary. Are you, is she a slave?

Is she a prisoner? That makes me think of that cult, Midsommar, I never watched it, but I saw the previous and that was enough. Movie was scary as shit. Oh, you watched that? It was. It was very. Are you a scary movie person?

No. I was actually just wondering that randomly a couple of days ago because I hate scary movies because, but I know, like I was thinking about Sabrina again, because I know we were talking about it not too long ago. And I was like, honestly, this time of year is so fun to watch like a movie like Sabrina, but now I'm scared of it. Dark movies freak me out. There's like another movie by the same director as Midsommar, I think, or maybe it's Hereditary,

but it's called like old and the commercials keep playing during football games or did. And it's like these two families or families, I don't know, go to a beach and they get trapped on the beach and they start aging rapidly. And so they age like rapidly, I think, as like they would in the real world. Oh, I think you've told me this before. So all of a sudden this girl is like looking down and she's like, daddy, and she's pregnant. Like the kids run around a corner age seven and they come back and they're like 20. And every time I watch this commercial, it makes me nauseous.

Like I can't do dark, dark stuff like that scary, no, but when I first started dating Justin and like even a little bit, I don't like dark stuff either or like scary movies, I should say. Like the third date we had or like the time we hung out where I finally realized like, oh, this is a date. He likes me. This isn't him wanting to make new friends. We went to the none scariest fucking movie.

Just so creepy. And then just to try to be cool, I was like watching scary movies for him, but I hate them. Yeah, no, I'm not into them either. But I love like, I mean, it's Halloween. I love the Halloweeny stuff. I love like, what is? Hocus pocus.

Yeah, hocus pocus. I need like kids scary. Such a vibe. Same. Yeah. That's why I want, I love, I really, really liked so many like aspects of the Sabrina series. Yeah. But there's just like a couple of episodes that I was like, oh, it's too dark, too dark

for me. Like I want to keep watching it because there's so many episodes I haven't seen and like tis the season, but I'm scared. I'm scared. Yeah, I would be too. So up next, moving on to inheritance replacement windows by Amsco windows are masterfully crafted right here in Utah at prices you can afford. Our windows combine energy efficiency, sturdy design, and great colors, including black

choose from several options, styles and colors to create the perfect fit with over 30 million units installed, Amsco windows is a time tested industry leader. For more information, visit Amsco windows.com request a quote and mention this ad and you'll receive 15% off Amsco windows.com. So this post was actually posted in the subreddit legal advice, which is a really, really cool subreddit. If you ever want to get like trapped in the weeds of like law and stuff like that. Always every day.

Yeah, it's good. So they put that there in California and it goes, grandmother gave my brother and me an equal share portfolio in the late nineties when we were kids brother sold his when they were worth a car. I left mine and now they're a substantial amount. Brother and his girlfriend want my half now when my brother was 16 and I was four, my grandmother set aside a share portfolio for us as soon as we were old enough, it was transferred into our own accounts and it was only four years later that my brother dipped heavily

into his and bought a new Honda. I knew about mine for much longer than he did before it became mine and watched it grow since I understood what it was. By the time I was given full control, it was already worth a ridiculous amount because a portion of it was invested in Apple and I'm torn on using the funds locked up as they are because dad drilled it into me to leave it to grow until I'm 40 something. I don't talk much with my brother. He's done some stupid things to the family over the years and I didn't really grow up

with him. So all I usually hear about his life comes through my dad. His new girlfriend works in law though and I've received a formal letter from both that the investments my grandmother made were designed to be for both of us to use, not just for me alone and his was only around 15,000. The number is right, but mine was only worth that at the time. He spent it too. They want half of the value of mine now and his girlfriend has informed me if I don't

give them access then the legal fees and fines would eat up my half and I'd be left with nothing. What a bitch! The dividends alone support a huge part of my life and they've saved me multiple times. If half of that disappeared, it set me back years. I know it sounds selfish, but I'm really used to having the extra income back me when I've wanted to move. I've lived in four states by my own choice and I want to move and take in more before

I settle down, if I ever do. How likely is it they'll win and leave me with nothing? As far as I know, there was no paperwork or will, just my grandmother's word. She set up my brother's accounts when he turned 19, but she gave them to my dad at the same time as my brother got his and dad transferred the whole lot to me six years ago. For my share, I have all the logins, the trading accounts, and bank accounts are in my name and the shares are all solely in my name too. Should I find my own lawyer and if I need one, what kind do I need?

I have an account and I've used for years, but this doesn't seem like an accounts problem, but a law one. Wow, that's so frustrating because it really sucks how it works like that, that these legal fees to protect yourself really fuck you. Yeah. Um, but I don't know, what do you think? Lawyer, ASAP. Yeah, but what do you think about this situation?

They're not entitled to anything. They're blowing smoke up our ass. So then how do you think that they're going to even be able to, like, why would she even need a lawyer? Because aren't they just kind of full of shit? I mean, if they, if they, if he was given the 15K and she was given the 15K and she just made something of it and he didn't. That's on him.

Yeah. He chose to cash out. Yeah. He could have sat on it, but he had a, a spending, you know, he was irresponsible as a young guy that saw 15K and it flashed in his eyes, new car. But that, so that, but that was the deal. So then how could they even, do they have anything? No.

That they could run with? So does she even need a lawyer? There's an update on this. Okay. So top comment. Okay. I'm a California lawyer. Here's my take on it solely from your facts.

Grandmother set up a trust with your dad as trustee. Father as trustee distributes title to both of you when you each reach a certain age. The trust and purpose of the trust your grandmother set up is now dissolved. Once you have received control title of your money, the trust was gone and the purpose for which grandmother set it up is complete. Whatever each of you did was each your responsibility. If he had taken the money out and won the lottery, he wouldn't have raced over and given you half of the proceeds, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Lastly, you have a statute of limitations defense. You are both in your mid twenties or older. I assume you're both in your thirties. Your brother likely missed any chance to sue you for damages. Really lastly, I'm not even sure what he can sue you for. There's no longer a trust.

Sleep well. He cannot take your share. They're bluffing. I work in probate and what they're trying to do is scare you in a settling, even though you don't owe him a penny. Yeah, of course. That's why I was saying that's bullshit because she's just like handed over. Otherwise, the legal fees are going to fuck you.

She is awful. PS, great job keeping the portfolio. I wish I had your dad's wisdom when I was a teenager. That is so awesome. I wonder how much it is. She doesn't say though, right? I mean, if it was an apple, that's a good call to keep it in there. Never mentioned ages, but if she got it when she was four, I'm just picturing if they are

close to 30. If you bought Apple 26 years ago, you're sitting on a shit ton of money. Shit ton. Because not only the shares were less than, they've now been split. Just stock market shit is insane to me. I want to like take a class on it. Me too. So for the update, good news update, and then they repeat the title.

I worked with my dad and got my own lawyer. I got the timeline of my shares wrong, but it comes out the same. What my brother and I inherited from my grandmother was originally part of my grandfather's portfolio. He was the money savvy one. My grandmother looked after those after he died and she personally set up my brother's accounts and gave him control of his part. She didn't do the same with mine before she died. I thought she had already set up the accounts for me and given control to my dad before

passing. Instead, the shares were in her will and she left everything she owned to my dad with instruction that what was $15,000 worth when my brother got his equivalent part would go to me when I was old enough to know how to take care of them. There was no trust. She just trusted my dad. My dad did the right thing and set up the accounts for me and gave me control six years ago.

My dad put some of his own shares in too as an extra leg up. That could have gone so fucking bad if the dad was greedy or bad with money. So bad. So amazing, amazing, amazing. Dad admitted to me he'd chewed out my brother last year when he came to him asking for money. And dad had supported him several times over the years and got to the point he'd had enough. When my brother found out I still had my investments because dad had used me as an example of how brother should have been using money.

That's how my brother found out I still had shares and they'd grown. Watcha wasn't even, he doesn't even have a girlfriend. He wrote that himself and pretended that it was his lawyer girlfriend. There's a twist. Really? You're kind of close. According to all that info, my lawyer tells me I'm in the clear. But it's not going to get to the point of finding that out in court as my brother's

girlfriend was only a legal secretary. Oh, okay. I say was because the firm she worked for apologized and informed my lawyer. She was terminated immediately. The letter I received from them had been edited to put her name in a position higher up than it should have been. And some of the contact information had been changed. You're kidding me.

Wow. Blow and smoke up her eyes. They're both, they're perfect for each other. They're both shady and they're shady. Super sus. They were perfect for each other. Con artists. Yeah.

Little scammers. Speaking of scammers, this is off topic, but did you know that people can buy fake Vax cards now? Yeah, it's a criminal felony. Oh, I was wondering. I didn't hear any of that part, but I was like. If you know anyone with a fake vaccination card, report them to the FBI. It's literally like, and if you have one, you better burn it.

It's like being 18 all over again. I know. Fake ID. God. I do too. Cause if you, if you get caught with a fake vaccine card, it's like, it's a felony. So you can no longer vote. You can no longer own a gun.

You can no longer work for any government agency. Wow. There's so much shit. So if you have one, throw it away. A week after she was fired, my brother visited me begging for money. His girlfriend is in serious debt and she took a chance on scamming cash from me and lost. I felt awful rejecting my own brother over and over.

And if he hadn't involved his girlfriend needing an amount well into five figures, I might have given him some. The next morning I found all my tires had been slashed. Screw him. I don't feel bad anymore. Wow. Okay. So how does he know where she lives?

Family. Okay. I guess that was a dumb question. You know where your love, where your brother lives. Why did I ask that? I honestly, I just like, I'm thinking about him as such a creep that I just. I know. Well, they don't talk much either by the sounds of what OP said.

Like they, she only hears about him really in passing from her dad. So I, it's not, you know, a completely illogical question. Yeah. I would move. I would change my name. I just think relatives like that, that's scary. Yeah. The rest of the comments in the previous thread made me realize I don't know nearly enough

about what I'm doing with the shares, and dividends, and money in general. A lot of the decisions I've made have been with my dad's help and his advice has paid off well so far, but not because I knew it would, but because I had no idea what I was doing and left it up to him. I've booked in to work with financial advisor to make the most of what I have. Thanks for all your comments. So very happy ending. This one, I read this one like when it first came out.

So it's a year old. And I read this one when it first came out, and I remembered it. And so I went to find it for this episode. There's an update. So I haven't read the update, but I remember the story. And when I read this story, I was so, so mad. So here we go. Replacement windows by Amsco windows are masterfully crafted right here in Utah at prices you can

afford. Amsco windows combine energy efficiency, sturdy design, and great colors, including black. Choose from several options, styles, and colors to create the perfect fit. With over 30 million units installed, Amsco windows is a time-tested industry leader. For more information, visit Amsco windows.com. Request a quote and mention this ad, and you'll receive 15% off, Amsco windows.com. How am I the asshole for being angry at my husband for spending my tummy tuck money?

My husband, 37, and I, 35, have been together for just over 11 years. We have three beautiful children. Before we were engaged, we talked about having babies. I said I always wanted to be a mom, but I will be getting the mommy makeover package after I'm done. This is a tummy tuck and possible breast lift. I was very clear that I would want us to start saving as soon as I was pregnant with the first baby.

First pregnancy hits, and it hits hard, and true to our promise, we start saving. After my first child was born, we found out my abdominal muscles had separated and needed to be repaired surgically. This is essentially a tummy tuck. Since giving birth to my first, I've experienced horrible back pain and back spasms due to the separation, but we wait and had two more babies. My youngest is now almost one year old, and I brought up the surgery to my husband. He asked me if I was sure I wanted the surgery.

I said, yes, I am very sure. He asked me why I want it, which I found insane since I have been talking about it for eight years straight. I told him, one, I look pregnant all of the time due to the separation, and I hate it. It makes me feel awful and sad, and two, the pain was getting unbearable, even with therapy. Well, he tells me I'm being very vain and that he doesn't think I should have it. He completely ignored the pain part. I start to get confused and ask to see the account where it's being saved.

Or like in parentheses, to clarify, we are both on this account, but it was never linked to my online banking. I saw the balance last month at 15K. He became silent and left the house. I was very, very confused, so I called up the bank. They told me the account had under 1K left. I burst into hysterical tears and called my husband. He answers and didn't say anything.

I unload on him about being betrayed by the person I trust the most in the world and ask where the hell the money went. He said he was under a lot of stress with the kids, parentheses. I am a stay-at-home mom and do everything. So he wanted to treat himself and bought a computer for his office. I told him for $15,000. Yeah. I told him not to come home and he hasn't yet.

The thing is, he is an excellent dad and husband and this is very out of the blue. It has made me so upset that I texted him and wanted a divorce since I seem to not matter. He texted me back saying no divorce, but it was his money anyways. This has damaged us to a level I never thought we could get to. My mother-in-law called me and told me to kick him out, but my own family, especially my mother, is saying she's very disappointed in me and thinks I am vain and shallow. What? I just want to look normal and play with my kids with no pain.

Am I the asshole? Fuck no. Fuck your mom. Fuck your husband. Literally, fuck your mom. I can't believe her mom did that. And the mother-in-law came in clutch though. Hell yeah.

Love a good mother-in-law. Hell yeah. I'm a supportive mother-in-law. I thought it doesn't like baby her son just because it's her son, like, oh, this is the dream. I'm a reasonable human. Dreams. Dreams.

Fuck. Yeah. I would think I would be in the same boat as her. I would be like a divorce. You don't respect me. I'm in pain constantly. I can't imagine what it's like living with separated abdominal muscles completely. Can you imagine having a rift and after three babies, your skin is stretched out.

Here, just so I'm really confused though, 15K computer, what, like, where did it go? We don't know. We don't know. There's some updates on this first one. I don't remember what they say, so let's, let's get into it. What? A computer, like attached to like a, well, some of those gaming computers, well, some of the gaming computers are shit ton of money, but like 15K, like, that is like one of the

computers that has like literally like the built-in seat and you're like in a cave. That's insane. I honestly think that I would want to be done, which is way easier said than done because they have three kids once one years old, but like that is so painful. I think what's really, like what she said, that is a betrayal. It is a betrayal. Not like, not just because of the pure fact of him spending money that they agreed on, but because he knew that that was so a part of what she wanted for eight years straight,

but she, she told him that before they were even married, like when they were in their engagement stage. Yeah. So it's like, if he didn't want that, like he, he could have been like, okay, I'm going to opt out. She let him know beforehand. She didn't like trick him and throw this on him. This is something that I definitely want, like I want a breast reduction lift now as

it is. So this is something like, if you can specify plastic surgery in your prenup, like this, this would be in my fucking prenup. Like I want to be able to spend joint money on a surgery if we have children. Like this is prenup worthy for me. Like she's talked about it consistently since prior to having kids. And especially because it's a, now it's a medical issue. It's a medical issue.

That's causing pain. Yeah. It's not just cosmetic anymore. Her quality of life is decreased. She cannot parent the way she wants to parent and play with her children. Everything in her life, every occupation, every activity is affected. What is the quality of life with that? Like as an OT, we look at occupations, which some people are like, Oh, I don't need an

OT. I have a job. But like, no, it's like activities that you do on a day to day basis. Every single occupation is impacted, sleep, sex, play. I'm sure cooking, everything, all of her day to day, her back hurts constantly. Fuck this dude. Oh, the comment I was going to point out though, that really, I forgot to use this. Yeah.

Big red flags. Big red flags. The comment that gives me like the biggest like, fuck this dude. He texted me back saying no divorce, but it was his money anyways. So he doesn't even look at the money as being hers. Like even though she's sacrificed working as a stay at home mom, saving them thousands, hundreds of thousands of dollars, he doesn't look at it like it's her money too. It's his money.

Makes me so mad. Disgusting. So edit to add, he said he thought I didn't want it anymore since I haven't talked about it in a few months. Okay. And he thought I'd never realize. What? And he has seen me struggle with the pain for years and has taken me to every therapy appointment.

Also, then that's even more reason. Yeah. Well, and like physical therapy for like- So he's saying he's such a star because he's been taking her to physical therapy and so he doesn't need to listen to her requests for the past eight years. But that's what he's saying. I don't know where he was going with it. And he has seen me struggle with the pain for years and has taken me to every therapy

appointment. It's almost like he's saying that as a way to like rectify what he did. That's what I'm saying. I've been there for you. I took you to all those therapies. That's the reason why you should realize that she wants to get surgery because she's in pain and you saw it firsthand. Disgusting.

Where is the empathy? So bad. Also, the money was transferred to his sole account. I have one, two, four, quote, fun money. We transfer equal amounts to each of us when we can. I cannot see the transaction after the transfer. Edit, read in the comments, only 30 minutes of this post being up has made me realize what an idiot I am.

Thank you for educating me on computers and prices. I guess that's it. Edit. He texted me, quote, I'm so sorry, honey. Wait, sorry. Can you go back to what's- Wait, why did she say this? So she makes the comment about the computer because basically I think, we haven't gotten

into the comments yet, but people in the comments must be like, ma'am, a new computer isn't $15,000. So kind of like our question, like 15K for a computer, what the fuck? So next edit, he texted me, quote, I'm so sorry, honey. I lost my mind for no reason at all. When I married you, I sat in sickness and in health and I broke that promise. The money is sitting in my account still and I will move it back tomorrow morning as soon as I can.

We talked about the recovery time for surgery and the time I needed to take off to watch the kids and run the house. It has made me panic a great deal. So I moved it thinking you wouldn't mind me spending it and we just save up again. I did it out of panic and frustration and did not expect you to find out so soon. I planned on returning it and telling you what I did and why. I understand if you want a divorce and to leave me behind. I am staying with Nathaniel tonight, sweetheart, rest and I will fix it all tomorrow.

I promise you, you will have the surgery you wanted. I am a selfish, stupid man and I hope you can forgive me. What that's amazing. Why doesn't every man like, what? I'm not. Where did that come from? I'm not happy with this. But he literally just like realized all of these things, like the quickest turnaround.

I feel like people that do stuff like what he did, like scared shitless, he's gonna say anything right now. He immediately found out and threatened divorce. He's scared shitless. He's reeling. He's just trying to say anything. Okay, but she did say, she's like, this is so unlike him. He is the best father and the best husband and she's like, and this just like destroyed

me. This was such a betrayal. And he said, he was like, you're right, sickness and health and like I fucked up. Yeah. But he didn't get rid of the money. He just moved it to his account and he was gonna move it back. But why did he lie to her then earlier and say you bought a computer? Why was he manipulating it like that?

He's a stupid fucking guy. I have problems with this apology. This one where he quotes, he says, quote, we talked about the recovery time for surgery and the time I needed to take off to watch the kids and run the house. It has made me panic a great deal. And so I moved it thinking you wouldn't mind me spending it and we just save up again. You're scared to be a dad. You're scared to be a partner.

You're scared to take a couple weeks off to run the house. When you read it that way. That's a red flag for me. You can't handle being a full-time parent like your wife is. You can't handle the same responsibilities she has, but yet, oh, it's not our money. It's your money. That's a red flag. Like, what are you panicking about?

That is weird. Also, if you have extra money, which maybe they don't because they saved up a long time for this surgery, but you could also hire a caregiver to come and help you with things. You could hire a nanny for a couple weeks. So this was a text message that he sent to her? Yeah. So OP adds on after the end of this. They go, for the first time in my relationship with this man, I don't believe a fucking word

he wrote. Oh, really? He always told me I had it easy not working. And now he's saying he can't handle a week in my shoes. I feel ice cold towards my husband and it is a sick feeling. My dad and aunt. Oh, so no wonder you had your opinion. I didn't remember this though.

Oh, really? I don't remember this. I really only remembered the title. I may be subconsciously I did, but reading that, I immediately picked that out. I guess I just thought it was a quick turnaround because I don't know how long this was panned out. So I thought it was him initially just panicking because he knew he did something wrong and so he tried to get defensive.

And then he was like, okay, the money's still there. I just moved it. I'm an idiot. I just freaked out. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. So I thought it was a quick turnaround, which then I'm like, okay, we have our moments of just being kind of like, I mean, again, I don't think it was okay for him to do that. But sometimes we can be our own worst enemies.

I've been a little sabotage lately. All these fucking planets in retrograde, all seven of them. So I feel it. I felt a little unhinged myself lately. So that's why I was like, well, maybe she said he was a great husband, great father. Lots of judgment. Yeah. And it was a quick turnaround.

Seeing that she's like, I don't believe a fucking word that he said, it's like, well, she knows him better than we do. I know. I just don't get why lie. He kind of specifies a wide eye lie about the computer, but he doesn't really say why he lied. Like, oh, you panicked. Okay, you panicked and moved the money, but why create this elaborate lie that you bought

a computer? Dude, this is like giving me- What was he really going to do with that money? This is giving me like Walt from Breaking Bad Vibes. And I started watching it and I started, I'm very early on, for the first time ever, watching Breaking Bad. I'm like the only person who has just now started watching it. I just started recently too.

Yeah. But I get so pissed off at how shitty of a husband he is, like he lies her constantly. Their entire relationship has become a huge lie. And I'm like, as endearing as this whole idea of him like saving himself for, I don't know, whatever. This makes me so, so sad. All he had to do was accept the money from Elliot. Literally.

I'm like, your ego is so fragile that you couldn't just like fucking suck it up. Literally. Ridiculous. But like, instead you're going to risk your life, your family's life, everyone around you's life. Like, I get the show, it's a show and it's fun. I know. But like, I was like, realistically, what the fuck you are a shit husband?

I know. I just, if my partner lied to me about like a serious medical diagnosis, I would be pissed. I cannot get into it. I'm like on, I think I finished two seasons of it and I'm on season three and I, I had a really, like I've really given it a solid try and I just can't get into it now. Well, I think I'm like taking a hiatus from it because I literally was in the midst of watching it when like me and my ex decided to like go like separate ways. So I'm like, we could take a break from that one.

Yeah. It's still a little fresh there. A little fresh. Maybe that's why we went separate ways. I was like, fuck you. You're just like, Walt, no, that didn't happen. So top comment on this one, wow, not the asshole, but are you sure he didn't mean that message? I mean, yeah, he was the fucking worst doing something like that to you, especially knowing

the pain and it was incredibly selfish and a little manipulative. But do you think you mentioned the divorce made him rethink everything and realize what a sucky person he was being? I don't know your husband and all I know of your lives is what you mentioned in this post. This might be something that divides you forever after knowing how selfish he was being and how far he was willing to go, not to have you take care of the kids on his own. I mean, there is no valid reason to make you go through that. I take care of the kids mostly and if he doesn't want to do it by himself, that's even more

of a reason to help you get this thing you've actually needed because he should realize you've had to do it mostly by yourself for years. He really should have just sat you down and talked to you about being scared of being the main daddy in the house because it can be intimidating. I've never had kids. I'm 18. However, I babysat and know how fucking far that it is from being a parent. But I still remember how much I was silently freaking out when I had to take care of three

kids for three days by myself. So moral of the story, your husband's an 18-year-old in a 38-year-old's body. Yeah. So the person goes, edit after reading your comments and others, yeah, I wouldn't trust him either. Basically disregard all of this post. That is super sketchy. I love when people say that to us because I don't usually look at the YouTube comments,

but sometimes I do and it's funny when someone says, this is this and they're like, actually, sorry, please disregard. I watched the rest of it. Take it all back. Fuck what I said. Yeah. I'm like, same. That's how I feel every single episode.

Next comment. This sounds so eerily familiar to what happened with my own ultimate divorce. Please tread so, so, so carefully. And with an utterly open mind, trust your gut. Do not let your heart take over and cloud your judgment. He just showed you who he is. Trust that and nothing else. As others have said, scrutinize the hell out of his spending.

I don't care if he suddenly magically has all that money back. As for copies of his private accounts and scrutinize all of it, if he won't give it to you, you walk. If he won't give it to you, I guarantee he's hiding something worse than a computer. I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. Believe me. I know how heart-wrenching, gut-punching and thoroughly devastating this is. Suffice it to say, I discovered my husband was never who he said he was.

He had hidden endless amounts of money and was using tens of thousands of dollars on the worst possible things. It happens too often. It's so crazy how that can happen. You think you know somebody so well and that they can just be really, really good at hiding things. I know. It's scary.

Terribly, terribly scary. I think like you truly don't know who people are. Well, it was interesting because as you know, there was somebody who I thought I trusted who I lived with and they did things that were not something that someone would trust, that you would trust would do. They stole all of your shit. Yeah. And then it made you feel crazy that it went missing.

Yeah. And honestly, it was a sickness like a kleptomaniac. Yeah. Truly. But it's weird when you think that you know somebody and then you find out this other side that you would have just, that you just didn't know. But there was also this part of me that I almost feel like you knew. Yeah.

I almost feel like I knew, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. Yeah. And I hid that part of me so much or I hid that from myself so much and so when I did find out, it's like even though it was surprising and shocking, it was also like this actually adds up. There was this like weird, there was something that just didn't, that wasn't, I don't even know what it was. I don't want to say there was like an emptiness, but there was like something missing where

I'm like, this actually makes sense. Like not even emptiness, but some like a little bit too surface level. It was just off. Something was off. Yeah. It wasn't right. It was too perfect to wear. Yeah.

Yeah. It was exactly like, it was like too perfect. I don't know. Just so weird. No. You got to trust your guts. With money and prenups and like all of this like discussions, like, yeah, we don't want to assume the worst in our partners.

Like no one does. You don't get married if you think the worst of someone or think they're capable of fucking you over it. Like obviously you wouldn't marry them if you truly thought terribly of them, but people can change. People can develop addictions and addictions can ruin lives and so always deal for the what if like always. So well, it's also reading too.

I know that this is something that's been said before, but I was reading the four agreements this morning and they talk about how nobody abuses anyone as much as we abuse ourselves. Like we are so critical on ourselves. We're so hard on ourselves. If we do something wrong and someone, you know, makes us feel bad, like if a husband is like, you know, you did this, I'm super upset about it. Like we are the ones that remember it, even when they're not punishing us in the moment. Like we remember it over and over again and we feel guilty.

And then it goes into talk about how we stay with people who abuse us just as much or less or a little bit less than we abuse ourselves. And the only time we fully will leave is if they start abusing us a little bit more than we abuse ourselves. And so that's yeah. And so that's why it's like, it's so important to like really find that self love because then you will let people treat you this way. And I was, I don't know.

I thought that was pretty, I yeah, it's powerful shit. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Gaining away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes.

We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit www.waytoquit.org developed by CDC. So for the update. Hi, everyone. Before I update, I just wanted to sincerely thank everyone who messaged me with support and advice. I cannot believe it and felt so understood, not alone.

People don't understand how isolating being a stay at home parent can really be, especially pandemic. Does it finish your sentence? Especially when you're used to working an office job with lots of co-workers, friends. Staying home plus the pandemic had me feeling a bit crazy, LOL. For the update, I got the money back the same day. It's sitting in my sole account ready to go. There we go.

Thank you to everyone who messaged me with the information about the procedure. It was so stinking helpful. I now have a realistic timeline set and realistic understanding about recovery. Now, as I was reading or replying to the comments, I was getting more and more engrossed in my anger. When my dad arrived, I think he saw I was turning absolutely rabid. He took my phone, turned it off, and told me to go take a minute and breathe. I sat for hours thinking about what everyone said and finally realized how out of character

this was and that something was deeply wrong. I went to sleep. Around 3 AM, I woke up, grabbed my phone, and told my husband to get his ass home. When he arrived, he walked in, straight for me, and hugged me. We hugged for a good five minutes. After that, he apologized and we both cried. When he finally gave his side of the story, I was dumbfounded. He said he took the money because, one, he was afraid that I was going to get seriously

injured and die during the surgery and be alone, two, that I would be way out of his league afterwards and leave him, three, that I'd see what a crappy husband and father he was when he had to run the household and that our kids would love him less. Oh my God. All in all, he had a big mental breakdown. Oh my God, I'm going to cry. That is like, I mean... I have no sympathy.

I don't know why. Why? I don't. I just think that, I mean, yeah, he's still an idiot, but like... Be honest with your partner. But he was and I feel like it's after he put her through hell and took the money. Yeah, but like, I feel, I mean, I don't know, I just, I think the fact that he admitted to all of these insecurities, that, that's big.

There are a lot of people that won't do that. To me, I'm like, and I'm still learning about it, but it almost feels, it almost, it's very insecure and like, yes, for him to admit these insecurities is very big, but it almost feels like weaponized incompetence to the point where he's like, I'm scared, I can't take care of our children and be a parent. It just feels very manipulative and it's like, you know how much pain she was in and like, it was just very selfish. All of it was like so selfish on his end.

I'm scared you'll leave me. I'm scared you'll die and then I'll have to be alone. I'm scared I can't take care of the kids and they'll hate me. It just feels so, it is very big of him and I'm giving him a lot of credit for like, finally opening up, but he should have opened up about this sooner and not manipulated the situation and it just feels very, it still feels emotionally manipulative to me. Yeah. I guess I'm like standing by the fact that she said it's so crazy for him because he

is such a good husband and he's such a good dad. And so that's why I'm like, if, if she didn't say that from the start, I probably would have more like question marks about it. But because she's like, I've been with him for 11 years and like, I've never seen the side of him. Then like him coming clean and being like, I have these built up insecurities and I freaked out and I fucked up. Yeah.

True. I'm very cranky today. Maybe that's why I'm being such a hard ass. I mean, who knows? I mean, we don't know these people. I've had a rough day you guys. No. But I want to believe that like, he's being, yeah, that he's realizing his wrongs and he's

owning up to them and trying to figure out how he can make them right and being honest about it. Yeah. But I mean, who knows? He might be a shitty guy. I don't fucking know. But I'm going to hope that he's not. I know.

That's where I'm at. I'm just mad at him for being such a liar. So this, this story did take us through a bit of a emotional rollercoaster. I know. Well, I'm glad like we have two very different takes on this one, which is like, it's good. Like it's, I think it's good to have two different perspectives and, uh, so she goes on to say, I understand where he was coming from, but I was and still am royally pissed off.

Yeah, of course. I told him if he needed surgery for his back one day, very possible and was in a lot of pain. How would he feel if I said he couldn't have it because of insert flimsy, ex selfish excuse that have nothing to do with him? Yeah. He didn't have an answer for that and just kept apologizing. I told him I would be contacting my old friends from work and looking for a job to make my

own money since what he earns is apparently his. Yeah. That comment would stick with me. I would be like, fuck you. Yeah. It's very disrespectful. Oh, so disrespectful. And degrading.

Yeah. Exactly. That's why I would be like, okay, you don't see this as an equal partnership, then I will go make my fucking money. We'll trade off taking care of the kids. Go fuck yourself. Yeah. He broke down in tears again after that, but I was too angry again to address it.

I told him to log into his banking right now, or I would never trust him again. We logged in and he printed out last year's worth of transactions. I recognized 90% of them. The rest was random, Amazon, Walmart, PlayStation, and so on purchases. I told him to log into his credit history profile. He only has our joint accounts and his sole account. My mind was put to ease. The next day I contacted my old firm and was surprised to find out my friend was the senior

manager of the department. I trained him. Oh my God. We chatted for a bit and he said, if I get my certification up to date by the end of the year, he would have a role for me by early, mid 2021. Oh, this is going to be such a happy story. I love it. I used to be a forensic accountant back in the day and loved my job.

I'm very excited about this possibility. After I told my husband, he was very sad. He told me he wants to get a post-snup where it says if we divorce, I would get more than 50% of all assets. Everything is in our joint names. He said he couldn't ever make it up to me, but he hopes that would give me the peace of mind to choose to go back to work or continue staying home. I'll have to think about it.

As a side note, my salary would be higher than his again and I am currently taking great joy in telling him all the things I can do with my money. Petty, I know, LOL, I'm working on it. We have a lot of work to do for our marriage, but I'm happy to report we aren't divorcing anytime soon. He is profoundly sorry and I'm slowly accepting it. I do regress here and there admittedly. We are signed up for couples therapy in a few weeks time.

I can't picture my life without a stupid face in it, so I'm hoping for the best. Thank you Reddit for all your support and love. Aww, I love that. There's more edits. Oh, shit. There's more. It's bad? I don't know.

I just see another update underneath. So there's, let's keep going. Satisfying edit. Forgot to mention that my mother showed up on the night we were fighting. To apparently scold me, I guess, but my dad opened the door and tore into her. I did not know this, but my mother has had a few procedures done. My aunt and dad told her off good and she left screaming like a banshee. We haven't spoken since and I think I'll be taking some space from her.

Yeah, what? Double standards. That is so sad. Criticizing someone else about plastic surgery when you've had some. And I don't understand why she'd freak out on her about that. That's not your body. So was she just mad because it was plastic surgery? That's what she was saying.

The mom called her vain. Right. But like, she also knows she's in pain. I don't know. That's weird. Update. Hi, all. It's been about a year since I posted on Am I the Asshole?

Oh, wow. A lot of people gave advice on therapy and that the shock would wear off and I would need it. Y'all were right. And I'm so thankful I listened about therapy. Update. I ended up getting that tummy tuck and muscle repair. For the recovery, my dad and my mother-in-law were at my side almost 24-7 for the five entire

weeks. I slept on a rear climber the entire time, so we barely spent time together. He really didn't do much for me or have any sympathy for the pain I was in. Weeks after recovery, I felt like a new person in no pain. I kept thinking how my husband tried to take that away from me due to his own insecurities. I went to therapy at night and realized I needed to not rely on him for a while. I heavily considered divorce. I wanted to talk about my feelings and how I felt so betrayed.

30 seconds into the conversation, he told me, quote, what's done is done. If you don't like it, let's divorce because I can't go through this again. I said, dot, dot, dot, all right. I felt completely calm. I felt nothing. I was done. Wow. We had a divorce lawyer within a week and we are officially separated.

We kept things very, very civil. We signed an agreement to 50-50 everything, no child support, no spousal support, nothing. We sold the house and split the earnings. He purchased a smaller but very nice house a few streets over. We work hard to keep our kids happy and I have talked strategies with my therapist. On our last day sorting the house, he wished me luck with job hunting and said he was surprised I didn't want more than 50%. He said I wouldn't have a hard time finding another man to take care of me.

I barely recognized him and it was scary. The thing is, I reached out to my good friend and got a job back in my old field, friends like accounting. It has some new twists and responsibilities that I actually ended up loving and I'm very good at. I actually can't be too specific due to my security clearance. The job is ridiculously grueling and not a lot of people want to do it or have the insight slash stamina to do it.

The point is, my salary is about three times my husband's and I in fact told him so on the spot. Just a little extra burn. She was like, I'm petty, I know. I also told him I planned on buying the biggest nicest house for sale in our neighborhood soon and was thrilled. I also informed him that no, I wouldn't have a hard time finding a better man. I guess he forgot who he married.

Thanks everyone. Thank you so much for the kind words and support. It means so much. I can't even describe it. That was a crazy roller coaster and you were, I mean, you were on target with him being a fucking asshole. Wait, sorry. You were on target with him being an asshole.

No, you don't want to say fucking? I felt like it was too much. I got to really back a little bit. I don't know. I think he, I think couples counseling can work. I think, I think if he would have been up front from the beginning about his insecurities, but even after the fact where she had the surgery and he didn't help at all. He let his mom.

Right. That's when I was like, oh shit. He didn't even help her and had like no sympathy for the pain when it's like, yeah, okay. She made that decision to have that surgery, but like the surgery is for her health and quality of life and happiness. And therefore equates into your health, life, quality of life, happiness, like all that fucking jazz. Like this is.

Yeah. And like obviously, I mean, her mother-in-law, her spoiled little bitch sons, like mom, was right by her side, like a saint and her dad. Such a saint, so amazing. At it, my mother-in-law and my dad are now married. You know, wouldn't be nice and you're still tied to your ex-husband though. Oh yeah. But that is sad because I really thought I was like, okay, like he's owning up to everything.

He's willing to work on it. And I get it. Like it was a huge betrayal for her. I'm sure that throughout the year, like her coming back to it was hard on him. But like, I mean, the fact that he was just like, well, like that type of stone wall robotic response and behavior is just like, I would feel the same way as her too. Like, okay. We're done.

And it was interesting too, where he was like, I'll give you more than 50%. So you can go to work, but like if you want to stay home, just know. Like, which is also like, that is very nice, but also kind of manipulative. It did feel like that too, especially because he was saying that one of his insecurities was that like, she's going to be all cute, like, I don't know, it almost seemed like he was like, stay at home. I thought that too. But then it was like, okay, I'm looking at the other way.

Well, the whole thing was he felt super bad for saying it's my money. So now he's making it clear that like, no, this is your money. It's even more your money. So that's all. I was like, okay, I'll take that. Nice gesture. As long as it was nice and not intended to manipulate her and like make her stay home. But I think like him just being like, they go to therapy.

When you're at their first session, 30 seconds into the conversation, he says, what's done is done. Yeah. If you don't like it, let's divorce. That's what therapy is for. That's so, that I, yeah. That is completely disregarding your partner's feelings, stonewalling, contempt. That is going to get you nowhere.

Like you're going to therapy to talk about the situation and problems. When you go to therapy, you're only going to get out of therapy, what you're willing to put in, what emotional work you're going to do, what you're willing to share and reflect on. So like, and yeah, and you're right, like that, that comment, what's done is done. So if you don't like it, then we'll move on. That is, the thing is, is that, okay, clearly the reason it's continuously being brought up is because it's not healed.

So what can we do to figure out a way to heal it? And so if you're going to say what's done is done and like be like, so shut the fuck up, like don't talk about it, then that is dismissing, that is showing that you don't care about healing that because there's a reason why it's brought up. It's not healed. So it's just like, if you don't care enough to work through and heal the issue, figure out the issue, figure out how you guys can like work on it, then yeah, it's like, there's no relationship there.

So unfair to your partner too. Yeah. I respect them to completely like invalidate their feelings and just like bury that when it was something that was very hurtful. Yeah. And I mean, I understand, I'm sure like if she was, who knows how much she was bringing it up. Maybe she was bringing it up in every single sentence throughout the entire year of that.

So you know. Petty comments, you know, as she admitted. Right. So maybe it was really hard on him, but like, I mean, I think they made the right decision for sure. Yeah. To separate at the end of that story. Yeah.

I agree. I'm, I just had bad vibes. Someone comments too. And I think this comment must have been after the first update, not the second one where they say, like they mentioned the divorce. And so someone goes, is it weird that I still don't totally believe him? And someone goes, I don't either, because the first thing he did when he was confronted was call her vein.

Yeah. That felt really weighted to me for some reason, stealing 14 K quote, because I was afraid for you. That's something I could even accept as an excuse, even if it were true, especially if the motherfucker who stole that 14 K called me vain for asking where the money for my medical care was. Yeah. And, and, and he told her that he thought he would have it fixed before she noticed.

Like my dude, how many lies have you quote fixed if you have a timeline on your wife's attention span? Like I might not go straight for the divorce button, but they would be moving out of my home for the foreseeable future. I wouldn't believe that bullshit or the tears he produced. So it goes, Oh no, dude is still lying. God relationships are fucking hard. So, so incredibly hard.

And you got to create a life with the right person. Like I think having, you know, kids with someone you got to be sure that shit, at least in my opinion, like I was noobs baby, I'm glad I'm here, but wrap it up guys. Use birth control unless you're like that phrase. You really want to do life with somebody. Okay. Am I the asshole for only paying for a portion of my son's college, even though we had money from his dead brother's college fund?

I female 58 will always be a mother to my twin sons, Thomas and Sam. In the summer after they graduated when they were 18, Thomas passed away. I can't even begin to explain how broken I was. At that point, Sam had already accepted an offer to go to an Ivy League school. My husband and I had about a hundred K each saved up for the boys, but Sam's school was so expensive that the money wouldn't cover it. Before Thomas passed, Sam was fine with taking out student loans to cover the rest. When we lost Thomas, less than two months after it happened, Sam asked if he could have

the hundred K that was set aside for Thomas. I lost it on him. I told him that it was Thomas's money and not his and it deserved to go to Thomas. This is where I might be the asshole because Sam could have used that money, but he didn't get a cent of it. To be fair, my husband and I didn't get a cent of it either. We donated it all to various charities against drunk driving in memory of Thomas. That was about 10 years ago.

Sam took out student loans, but he's so young and already a very successful lawyer. I believe he's paid off most of the loans by now, possibly all. If it matters at all, my husband and I contributed a significant amount, about 50 K, to his law school tuition as well. I thought we were past it, but the other day Sam brought up how unfair it was for me to refuse to give him Thomas's money. We had a tearful argument over it, and now I just don't know what to think. If I could do it again, I still don't think I would give the money to Sam.

Does that make me an asshole? Why can't she have just given some of it and then give the rest to charity? It's my thought. Yeah. I guess it depends on like, that was like my initial thought too. I'm like, well, how much did you have to take out in student loans because I know firsthand how burdensome they are, and it's a miserable weight hanging over your head. If his parents had the ability to help him, it's kind of crazy.

If he only needed to take out 50 K extra in student loans, like you said, give him 50 K, 50 K to charity. I could see how that would be hurtful for him. He's lost his twin. He's just like, this could help out and it's money that was put aside for him. If his twin was alive, I have a feeling, I guess I don't know how close they are, but I have a feeling he might want that to go to his brother. You know what I mean?

I think that's why it's kind of like, that is a really touchy subject, but like, it's not like the thing is, she didn't go and blow it on like some crazy fucking $400,000 purse. You know, like she, it was something that was in the name of her son who passed away. Yeah. And to like feel like she was helping other people prevent that, you know, so like, I don't think anyone's really an asshole, just a sticky situation. No. So I don't know.

I'm very torn on this one. The overall vote on it is asshole. Yeah. I mean, if anyone's going to be the asshole, I would say it was her, but like, I don't really think that she's an asshole. She's also mourning. And that's what she did to like make herself feel like. Better.

Yeah. So that's what I was going to point out. The comment, I told him that it was Thomas's money and not his and it deserved to go to Thomas. He's clearly still holding on to this idea that it's Thomas's money, even though Thomas is not there. Clearly going through it. A mom just lost her child.

Like that is unimaginable grief. No mother or father. Also how long after did he ask for the money? Was it right after? About two months. Oh, okay. Which yeah, might be considered early, but like he died right after they graduated high school and there's only three months, you know, sometimes even shorter before you go

from high school graduation to college, especially if they're in the States. But it makes sense that she was ultra like taken aback by it. Yeah. Yeah. So there's an edit. Some people are confused about the way I worded things. Here's a better explanation of the money. We had two separate accounts for the boys.

Each account had a hundred K in it. That's 100 K. Sorry. I'm pronouncing that weird. After Thomas passed, Sam still got the 100 K. He always knew he'd get. He just didn't get the additional 100 K from Thomas's account. We never took money away from Sam. Yeah.

We just didn't give him extra money that he wouldn't have had if Thomas had been alive. So top comment on this one. Comments kind of pop off too. You're the asshole. Although I'm sorry for your loss. Your living son is grieving too. His life was forever affected by his brother's loss. You could have supported him and made it easier by helping him financially and instead you

made it clear that his brother's memory is more of a priority to you. Surely, Thomas would have wanted that money to help his brother. Yeah. If I was your remaining child, I would have been so heartbroken. Yeah. Edit to all the people saying it's a ridiculous amount. This was not party money. It's not money the living brother is going to spend away on luxuries, cars, houses.

This is a college fund. The money goes and alleviates the stress of taking out loans. Yes. That means a lawyer. So he had to go to not just undergrad. A lot of school. Clearly. Yeah.

Not a school. A lot of money. Yeah. They go on just basically saying my judgment is based purely on the fact that their living son is hurting too and it will probably affect the rest of his life. Any kind of support and stress relief could help him in a better place and not taking out loans seems to be a really fair desire to have after losing your literal other half. Well, especially when it's right there.

You know? No. It sounds like they're wealthy enough. I definitely did not have $100,000 to the side for me. So it's like, it probably was just hard when it was like, it's right there. And like we said, Thomas would probably have wanted him to have that money. And yeah. Exactly.

And like, and I just, I think what a good thing would be is to like split it. You know? Like, I think that would have been the best solution. Yeah. I think she just like wanted to prove a point. Like this is Thomas's money. Yeah. Like she was hurting.

It was Thomas's money. What would he do with it? Yeah. You know? So I mean, what she did with it was a really kind and amazing thing to do. You know, she gave it to charities that were helping prevent other people to go through what she went through. Yeah.

So it's like, and whatever, what they all went through, not just her. No, I know. I just like, I think in the moment the way she said it, if it were me, I would have felt very disregarded. Yeah. I know more about my dead sibling than helping me, which is kind of what this comment or pointed out. Next comment goes, if I'm reading this right, they gave him $150,000 and they're an asshole

for not making it a quarter of a million, really? Which? They gave them 150. So they gave them the 100K and then 50K for law school, which yeah, it's a shit ton of money. It's a good point. But I think with that being said, like, obviously not everyone has that privilege. It's just because it was right there.

Yeah. To have that kind of money for your college fund, that's kind of otherworldly to me. I didn't have help with college at all. I took out all my loans clearly. So that's just unimaginable for me to have that assistance, but that's a certain level of privilege. So clearly they have money. So if they're putting 100K in each kid's college fund, you don't know if that's going

to Starbucks for them in the scheme of their life. What is 100K? Especially if they were willing to give them then 50K more. But we just don't know. But that is a good point. They did give him a lot of money. But I think it's more the principle. It was there and it was something that he probably thinks my brother would have wanted

me to have and that you're just like, nope, that's hard, but that is so crazy. What do they do? That is so much money to have saved up. My parents helped me with college, but that is so much money like what the fuck. Yeah. Well, and he's hurting and I can't imagine even going to freshman year after you just lost your brother a couple months ago. I would have needed a gap year or two.

So I look at the stress too where he's grieving, he's trying to be a freshman in college, which is already difficult enough, then taking out loans, potentially having to work to afford it. It's a lot to put on an 18 year old child. Yeah. A couple other top comments. I don't think they're assholes for not giving the money. It's the way they lashed out at their son that's so awful.

They worded it in such a bad manner. That's the asshole part. Someone goes, let me ask, if you were reeling from your son's death and the body wasn't cold and your other son asked for his money, would you feel happy slash elated or pretty pissed off that your sons, their brother's funds, were more important to the other twin? And someone replies to that and goes, I think it's unhealthy that she had an emotional attachment to the money, which is a tool to help the kids get through college debt free. If one child passed, I wouldn't hesitate to move that money to the others.

It's not like he asked for his clothes or his room or his bike or his car. It was cold, hard cash, much less emotion there. Yeah. I don't even see college savings as belonging to one kid necessarily. In my opinion, this is what the pot is. It's being split between the kids' situation. Money for education is a tool to help your kids get a leg up in life, not some trinket or monument.

There's a lot of comments on this one. So how is she going to resolve this with her son who's clearly still very hurt? Yeah. I think whole family should seek some therapy. She didn't do an edit or a follow up. I'm going to look at her comments now. So there's not really a lot of comments. There's one where she clarifies kind of the two separate accounts again, but there's

one that is different. So someone goes, info. If your son decided to change to a much cheaper and less pretentious college, and it was only for financial reasons, would you have supported this decision? Or would you have tried to convince him to stay at the Ivy League school? And OP goes, it's hypothetical, so we'll never truly know. But because Sam was getting ready to leave for college when Thomas passed, he already was planning to take out student loans.

It wasn't like I withheld money from him. He still got his 100K. He just didn't get Thomas's as well, because he was already planning to take out loans to cover what the 100K didn't cover. And I wanted Thomas's money to go to the charities. And someone like... Where's the husband thought? I know.

Someone goes, in your grief, you made a choice to support a charity in the name of your dead son instead of ensuring a better life for your living one. While I understand your choice, I can't say I agree with it, because your living son also experienced a great loss. But it could have been a wonderful gift from his dead brother to be able to go to school without debt while dealing with his grief. It could also have been split, a sizable donation to charity, and a great help to your son. Yeah.

Which is what they should have done. 100%. Realistically. And also, I mean, did she do her research on the charities? I just... So... That is a good point. There's just some that you just...

Yeah. That is a very, very, very good point you make. Someone basically commented that though, and they're like, honestly, you just donated 100K to the charity's CEO's salary. That's so sad. Like, sadly... Yeah. Like, if you look...

And this is what's really sad, I think, about nonprofits, or like, not sad, but I guess just kind of a flaw in the nonprofit world, is you can have a nonprofit company, but you can still have the CEO making millions. Yeah. Because that's their salary. That's so crazy. Like, it's not like a going off the average salary. It's like, they can name their salary, and because it's a nonprofit, their tax exempt,

like, that to me is just kind of fucked up. And like, if you look at a lot of the biggest nonprofits, like, the CEOs are getting millions and millions of dollars, millions, and they're supposed to be charities. How can you justify taking money for your own salary when it should be going to support those good causes? Like, it's kind of sick. Kind of sick. It's wild.

So that's all I have for the Reddit stories. And part two will be just listener write-ins. Are they spicy? They're... They're spicy. You wouldn't let me read them. No. You tagged me in it, so I was like, oh, cool.

No. You did it with me, and then it's like, literally, Lauren keeps scrolling. Don't read. Don't read, Lauren. You know how hard that was for me to not scroll when I saw that? Probably very difficult. Yeah. Did you scroll?

No, I didn't. Oh, I'm so proud of you. Well, I did one. I didn't even look at it, though. I did one, and then right when I realized that, I was like, wait a minute. She said not, Ryan. No. No, no, that's not even it.

Oh. When you said, Lauren keeps scrolling, I thought you meant scroll through the post. Oh, fuck. And so I did one, and I was like, oh, she means get the fuck out of here. Well, I'm glad you realized, because listener write-ins are going to bring the heat, too. Okay. Hell yeah. But until next time on this part, guys.

Until next time. Bye. Bye. Just a reminder, you guys, be sure to go check out Anna Louisa, A-N-A-L-U-I-S-A, to get 10% off using our code TooHot, and if you're watching on YouTube, it'll be linked in the description. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors, and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking.

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